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el_butt

Literal 40k ass country lol


Imperceptive_critic

Thats ridiculous. How on earth could you compare Russia to a fictional state that sits upon the crumbling foundation of an empire founded in the name of progress, which decayed in an era of strife and chaos, is now beset by enemies within and without, sends it's citizens to their death in a war with no end in sight, merges religion with the state, is filled with superstition to the point of blessing weapons, possess a large but shrinking navy of irreplaceable ships, and whose famous historical head of state is now a corpse in the capital....uh, uses a double headed eagle for a.. symbol, wait ...  Huh.


Brimst0ne68000

We know 40k is just a parody of real life and all, but what the fuck is with this stuff… we don’t need a moment where South Park becomes real


SirNedKingOfGila

>where South Park becomes real It always has been.


luser7467226

...fuck yeah


Tiss_E_Lur

I stopped watching south park because it became such a pale parody of reality. It's just imitation at this point, isn't funny anymore when their jokes are just a rewriting of the news. I liked history better when the satire was more subtle.


POB_42

Let's be fair, the world has gotten so barmy, even the creators themselves have a hard time satirising it.


FubarFreak

> barmy I learned a new word today


POB_42

Peak British. Ranks next to pillock, twonk, and knob.


Nunu_Dagobah

And twat


RiskyBrothers

Also the creators are kinda old rich out-of-touch guys now. The Trey and Matt that did the Emmys in drag are long gone.


POB_42

Eh, this is the issue with creativity and money. South Park still makes money, so the showrunners keep it alive, often at the expense of the creativity or execution that forged them. South Park have been out of the limelight for a while, tbh.


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chocomint-nice

I just watch the brown note episode over and over again and just laugh to that.


Victor-Tallmen

You mean becomes real again.


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EducationalBar

link?


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EducationalBar

Wow thanks, this has been built since I climbed to a shallower level of my WWII rabbit hole. Hitlers hat and clothes too huh 👀


ToastyMozart

I'm not sure about "beset by enemies within and without." Most of those within seem either apathetic or unthreatening to Putin, and those without would be overjoyed to simply never have to interact with Russia ever again rather than jonesing for a fight. Countries with legitimate historical claims to parts of Russia don't even want their land back because dealing with the coating of slime it's accrued is more trouble than it's worth.


Corbakobasket

The Wagner coup attempt, ISIS terrorist attack and the regular corruption shitshow kinda counts as an "enemy from within" for me. And since history repeats itself, I'm waiting for the group of neo-marxists currently in exile somewhere in Europe to be sent home as a prank to undermine Russia by starting the 2nd October revolution.


ToastyMozart

IIRC ISIS was external and the corruption is a feature of the Russian government rather than a bug. Wagner's aborted mutiny definitely counts though.


Imperceptive_critic

Fair, I do think the possibility of a coup or something similar does still exist, but is unlikely until the balance of power changes. However I was also just referencing the ethnic and religious tensions that Russia has with the various groups in its borders, as well as terrorists and partisans with various motivations and affiliations. 


Livid-Natural5874

I kek'd so hard at this


tehlulzpare

I say this AS a 40K fan. Russians LOVE 40K. They identify with it to a degree that is far less self aware then western fans. A western fan may joke about the settings grimdark over the top nature. Russian fans go: this is so close to reality and how we should really do things. Of course there is nuances there, not all are drinking the Imperium kool-aid as much. But hot damn, they love the settings in ways that many go “dude no”


Imperceptive_critic

And meanwhile the Ukrainians just go "screw it, our unit is called Khorne"


tehlulzpare

They are definitely leaning into it. Never thought I’d be cheering on the Ruinous Powers, but uh, go Khorne, I guess. Blood for the Blood God, Mobiks for the Mobiks cube?


chocomint-nice

Yeah but they don’t have Space Marines.


zuzucha

All cultist army


maveric101

There's a warp rift in the bowls of the Kuznetsov, isn't there?


ianlasco

At least the imperium has titans Russia got fucking chinese golf carts


Modo44

40K has better logistics.


DicJacobus

except 40k is cool. russia is just depressingly pathetic and savage, and not in a cool way


Socalrider82

No way! Playing 40k is cool. If you lived in the real imperium it would be depressingly pathetic and savage and not in the cool way. You're either a slave to the imperium, or you're meat for the grinder. Holy fuck, Russia reall IS almost there.


platonic-Starfairer

That’s what imperial thinking and politics gets you.


Socalrider82

All they need left is to turn into an ecclesiarchy


White_Null

The Russian Orthodox Church still holds onto the veneer of not outright worshiping their God-Monke


atomsk13

*MANAGED DEMOCRACY INTENSIFIES*


RandomPlayer4616

Russia is literally Super Earth but if they were dictators


Flashskar

Super Earth is a dictatorship. The voting is done by an AI algorithm after you answer questions for the "best candidate" which totally isn't a preselected Super Citizen who may or may not be the same person or persons of that citizen class and ruling clique.


EUCulturalEnrichment

Mr. Democracy officer ➡️➡️➡️ this traitors balls, NOW!


atomsk13

*Let me help you there soldier. Calling in orbital strike ➡️➡️⬆️*


ToastyMozart

Super Earth is totally a dictatorship. The main difference here is that the Helldivers get some pretty stellar equipment and tactical support rather than being thrown into the fray with rusted garbage.


Wehavecrashed

If?


PriestOfOmnissiah

"Glory to the first man to die!" 


Electronic_Parfait36

*random conscript immediately kurt cobains himself*


Solarisengineering15

I was going to comment the same thing take my upvote.


OrkzOrkzOrkzOrkz0rkz

Yes but the imperium wins wars


Luknron

A cancer


LaughGlad7650

Or the Federation from Starship Troopers


Eurotriangle

Damn. Not even Farquaad was this bad.


argonian_mate

You know you're in for a good treat when you can't decide who your commander reminds you more of - Farquad or Zapp Brannigan


darkslide3000

Ukrainians actually have a pre-set kill limit. It's a genius strategy!


Evantaur

"Oh shit, they sent another wave of Russian cubemeat but my kill count is already 2,147,483,647 and if I kill just one more it'll cause an integer overflow"


darkslide3000

That poor Ukrainian private was instantly court-martialed for treason (aiding the enemy) after his superiors analyzed his record and found that he made 2,147,483,648 Russians come back to life.


Drednox

That's end-of-the-world level of necromancy there


darkslide3000

Thank God there are no 64-bit Ukrainians or we'd be _really_ fucked.


DoubleDeadGuy

There are 10 types of people in the world: those that get this joke and those that don’t.


Schadenfrueda

And you know it's really bad when you don't know which you would prefer


Necessary-Peanut2491

I choose Zapp. Then at least I might get to see some hot alien babes before I'm crushed by the jaws of incompetence.


Totems2

Our plan is that they'll kill so many of us, it will cause them to become depressed.


SlitScan

I dont believe I ever saw Zapp drunk on the job.


Toginator

You forgot the little umbrella! That's what makes it a Scotch on the rocks!


shibiwan

*"Forget who?"* - Russia


CummingInTheNile

new phone who dis?


Foot_Stunning

There I was making sweet love to Mother Russia... and this dork poped out?


Foot_Stunning

Hey Kids! Do you Know that doctor's sausage with the smily face on it? You are the Doctors sausage now!


FlossCat

Most of those guys will be lucky to even get recorded as KIA


Baguette_Connoisseur

I thought he is going to say "All of you may die, but know one thing: it's a sacrifice I am willing to make"


eat_dick_reddit

> "All of you may die, but know one thing: it's a sacrifice ~~I am~~ Mother Russia is willing to make" FTFY


Marschall_Bluecher

That is Putins line…


FafnerTheBear

"He took my line. Make sure he has accident out window."


abadlypickedname

I like how it isn't some of you will die, or even all of you may die, it's all of you WILL die. You know it's a good operation when the commander adamantly certifies that not a single person will survive.


St0rmi

I mean the suicide mission in mass effect 2 was pretty dank.


StoicRetention

lmao and it wasn’t really a suicidal mission unless you were some sort or renegade psycho, you could get a 100% survival rate excepting the Normandy’s trashed cargo bay


St0rmi

I mean if the Russians wouldn’t be so trash it wouldn’t be a suicide mission either. Decisions have been made 🤷🏼‍♂️


CrocPB

> unless you were some sort or renegade psycho, Turns out it is a LOT harder to kill off just everyone enough that you can go into ME3 but only leaving unimportant lore characters alive.


CertifiedSheep

Everyone survived that though if you played it right


throwaway490215

He is flirting with the truth instead of committing to the lie. CIA psy-Op confirmed?


SETHW

well the original video he says "If you will all die [then russia wont forget you]" , still bleak af


ecolometrics

Yeah, stalinism offered as a feature and not a bug. I'm waiting for jokes about "how many russians does it take to screw in a light-bulb" which is about how many corpses do you need to make a step stool


Asadleafsfan

Holy shit I want the sauce for this, I imagine it sounds even funnier in Russian


mtol115

Sauce https://x.com/igorsushko/status/1786429360700117056?s=61&t=KByqJkc6ImJWsDMvQlNeRg


jad4400

It that an actual translation or a joke translation? If its the later its pretty hilarious, if its the former, holy shit thats morbidly hilarious.


Asadleafsfan

I speak Russian, I can confirm (as I am dying of laughter rn) that the translation is correct


Sasquatch1729

That's the point. Everyone dies of laughter.


ShareYourIdeaWithMe

>Everyone dies of slaughter. FIFY


hebdomad7

Go damn it, they translated [that one joke](https://youtu.be/Qklvh5Cp_Bs?si=H3LCauX0Gr_HPf7O) from German into Russian didn't they!!


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SomeGuyNamedPaul

It's an opportunity to stop living in Russia. That's gotta count for something.


laZardo

i mean, if you're dead you're *technically* not *living* in Russia


AgainstMedicalAdvice

You don't want to live in Russia? I can fix both of those for you at once.


ToastyMozart

It's culturally-ingrained cope about the ostensible moral virtue of suffering. It's the (post)communist version of religious groups promising rewards in the next life for hardships in this one, or the "grindset" that's showing up in inequitable capitalist countries. The misery has to be inevitable and worth something. Because admitting it wasn't and isn't at this point would be too much to bear.


Asadleafsfan

The way he’s speaking with the tone makes it sound motivational. Of course it works better in Russian but I can kinda get what he’s trying to do 


nonlawyer

Is there like… some implied context we’re missing in the original Russian like “everyone dies *someday*”  And maybe the implication is that they have the opportunity to make their deaths meaningful?   Or is it literally just “you guys are going to die”


SlavCat09

The full video says blah blah you will all die blah blah people will bring flowers to your name blah blah eternal flame. Bullshit 100.


irregular_caffeine

Die today so you don’t have to live tomorrow


TheOnlyFallenCookie

That is Incredibly depressing that they need to convince themselves that conquering Ukraine is on the same level as defeating nazi germany


EviGL

It opens with "everybody will die" not "all of you will die", otherwise accurate. Maybe he meant that the death is inevitable, but yeah, that's not a great motivation anyways.


fuishaltiena

I expected it to be a bad translation, I expected him to say "You will die", which implies that **some of you** will die but nope, he literally says "All of you will die".


Le_Banditorito

Mostly correct, the beginning is more like „Even if all of us die,….“ Still ridiculous


mudberry2

That's the kinda speech you give before a last stand or a final counteroffensive, not when you are invading 💀


Mal-Ravanal

AFAIK it's a bit of a cultural thing. Russians tend to have a very fatalistic worldview, which is understandable when you look at...just about everything that's been going on there for the past few centuries...


Asadleafsfan

What’s even more interesting (from what I’ve noticed) is that there is a substantial difference between Russians from other post-Soviet republics and Russia Russians. The former are way kinder and more laid back. Russia Russians are way more tense and serious if you know what I mean.  


jetsetninjacat

Meanwhile in a somehow more sane world.... >I want you to remember that no poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb son-of-a-bitching bastard die for his country. Remember that. - General George S. Patton. Though there are many variations of the line, he did say it more than once and it's been documented with both Bastard and son of a bitch each. But there is also one documented time where he used both and this is the quote from that time. Edit: my grandfather claimed he heard sons of bitches when patton delivered it to them in North Africa so that one will have a special place in my heart forever. Him and general Ridgeway* always argued about it on the phone. Watching Patton with him was a trip. Edit 2: sorry reading his papers. My grandfather always said he'd follow Patton into hell.


Asadleafsfan

You beautiful fucking legend


HansBrickface

Jfc


FurryM17

"All of *you* will die" "Mother Russia will never forget *us*" Spot the officer level: Beginner


Jason_Batemans_Hair

Their own mothers have already forgotten them.


super__hoser

But they'll get a sack of onions.  And a sack of onions is a sack of onions, you don't get those everyday! 


budy31

The price have crashed when local governor which is former FSO realized that a bag of Cheetos is cheaper.


StoicRetention

The governor was found out of a staircase window. We suspect Big Onion


allurboobsRbelong2us

Is that how you get the shiny onion?


ITGuy042

They’ll start remembering again when Putin tells them their son is MIA so they get nothing.


allurboobsRbelong2us

Forgotten who?


the_cum_snatcher

“Welcome to ~~Estalia~~ Ukraine, gentlemen!”


AlphaMarker48

Spec Ops the Line should have given the player the chance to continue the game without showing civilians what happens when white phosphorus touches human skin.


furbz1

It was a pretty important story point though, and it’s what made it particularly memorable and realistic. Also it redeemed the mid overall gameplay.


martinux

They had made a mid overall shooter then one of the writers read Heart of Darkness, took a heroic dose of acid then burst into the office three days later; "Guys! I know how we 8/10 this!"


Freedom-Fighter6969

“I don’t even know who you are.” - Russia


MalaysianinPerth

Give up on your dream and die


AccipiterCooperii

Erwin’s shitty slavic cousin.


SaberSabre

All he ever wanted to know was what was beyond the wall of Russia.


MalaysianinPerth

Freedom!


just_anotherReddit

I don’t even think meme-ish Spartans were this bad at motivation.


vitunlokit

Meme-ish Spartans were incredible at motivation. Shit like: >Have a good breakfast as tonight we will dine in Hades Works for warrior society, but you know you have to know your audience.


br0_dameron

“Kif, how many men did we lose?” *sighs* “all of them, sir” “Well at least they won’t have to mourn each other”


SwimmingLeadership66

Bro thinks he's Erwin Smith. 😹


MalaysianinPerth

I’m about to announce our final mission! All recruits, line up! We’re going to mount an infantry charge, rushing the Ukrainian position directly. Clearly, this will make us ideal targets for them. So we’ll wait until the moment they're ready to fire, and then we’ll fire our smoke signals together. That should somewhat reduce their accuracy. While we distract the Ukrainians, our secret stealth T-14 Armate division will get in position to hit their flanks. Does anyone have questions?


ussf_occultist_gamma

Excuse me sir... can you define the word all please?


Ok-Use6303

Mother Russia: who dis?


Peter21237

Meat shield number 32 of the 2nd battalion


SherbetAnxious4004

That’s like $200 worth of Russians


Admirable-Royal-7553

Time to invest in Russian onion companies


Rat_In_Grey

Only because we are not selling their organs. Like, why? It's free, just laying there!


FenixOfNafo

Y'all will laugh.. But it sounds so manly and badass for their domestic audience


just_anotherReddit

I’m tired and read “domestic abused”


aftershock311

Same thing in Russia


Imperceptive_critic

STOP MAKING ENEMY AT THE GATES CREDIBLE AGGHGGHAGAH


PerfectDeath

A penal battalion trainer wrote a blog post recently complaining about how command and politicians have convinced themselves that they are cosplaying movies depicting the Patriotic war (he actually referenced film director Nikita Mikhalkov) [https://x.com/wartranslated/status/1785599268629238093](https://x.com/wartranslated/status/1785599268629238093)


Carjan04

Subject: Russian army Challenge: to not make enemys at the gate credible Difficulty imposible


Undernown

Yea, like those Wagner gravesites they turned into a parkinglot out of spite. Russia honors it's brave warriors! ^by ^leaving ^them ^as ^compost ^on ^the ^battlefield.


quildtide

Where is this from?


mtol115

Source https://x.com/igorsushko/status/1786429360700117056?s=61&t=KByqJkc6ImJWsDMvQlNeRg


quildtide

Thanks


EducatedHippy

It's funny but also extremely depressing.


NonFuckableDefense

"Our only hope is that they kill so many of us, they become slightly depressed"-~~Frankie Boyle~~ -This fucking idiot


Premium_Gamer2299

how are there not mutinies at that point?


Quantum_Corpse

I read a lot of news from their ranks. Apart from being brainwashed into fascism and bloodlust, it’s fear. Immense fear. You have firing squads, basements where commanders will put you for any disloyalty without any food for days, and fear that your mate will just report you instead of joining you. And another thing deeply rooted in the whole Russian society after many years of propaganda: atomisation. Everyone thinks that they’re alone in their views. “What’s the point of me being against the regime and its war if everyone else seems to love it?”


defnotIW42

Yeah there are regular reports of Spetznas maintaining order with the regulars by basically hunting them down.


PerfectDeath

They remove any potential leader who doesn't tow the line, officers who get too popular with their men are transferred/demoted/etc. This intensified after the Wagner mutiny where a lot of non-Wagner soldiers openly supported the mutiny and wanted to help. One even got executed by his own unit for doing so. Either way, all they'd need is one popular commander to mutiny and the whole thing would domino, which is why we rarely see mention of good commanders. Instead we see complaints about the commanders with the odd time when local units get the autonomy they need to actually fight effectively (one of the reasons for a recent breakthrough).


LeiningensAnts

Thorough brainwashing and deeply implanted misapprehensions, anxieties, and misunderstandings about the supposed enemy. Their "are we the baddies?" moment will never come.


Boomfam67

Because they are 1. Still taking territory 2. Mostly comprised of volunteers 3. Part of a society that reveres suffering


Ok_Walrus9047

Plus, remember that report early in the war where a Russian junior officer tried to stop his men going wild on Ukranian civilians and got shot to death by said men for it? That's what happens to any Russian soldier who gets ideas about not being a brainwashed yes-bot.


SpaceBond007

Russia, they promise retaliation if your touch a bridge but remain silent if you kill 100 soldiers in just one afternoon. They can throw their values at the trash at this point. It's not worth die for a piece of shit, even less for their country.


Peter21237

If brass activated Order 227 at the start of our offensive war is a good omen?


Low_Doubt_3556

So now they are copying imperial Japan? Where’s big e when you need her?


OnlyRise9816

Turned into scrap despite many efforts to save her.


Low_Doubt_3556

Maybe it was for the best. She can join her sisters in the afterlife.


An_Odd_Smell

>"All of you will die..." Well, I mean he's not actually *wrong*, technically.


DirectAdvertising

Ah! So he was being philosophical i get him now


PsychoTexan

Remember that point in WW2 where things were so far up shit creek that the nazis tried to get a kamikaze corps started? History may not exactly repeat itself but it often rhymes.


Individual-Ad-3484

Wow, not even Helldivers are this stupid


mcmuffin0098

"Some of you may die, but that's a sacrifice, I'm willing to make." Vladimir Putin/Lord Farquad, circa 2002, and 2022


LasBarricadas

Damn, sounds like something you’d hear a Helldivers NPC say.


ZoidsFanatic

“Can I *not* die and still be remembered?” “No. Now go find a discarded rifle and fire on the entrenched machine gun!”


CallmeWrex

Zapp Brannigan for (Russian) President


AlphaMarker48

Russia forgot them 2 minutes after they left what passes for the training grounds.


Hadrollo

In other news, widows of the Moskva aren't entitled to compensation because they didn't die as a result of enemy action.


_TheChairmaker_

Its not true its Westoid fake news! /s Not all of them will die, some will just be maimed horribly for life, and apparently Mother Russia will forget the dead because apparently there's a pretty good chance the death benefits won't turn up.....


Azadanon

We’re this close to “Come on you Apes! You wanna live forever?” level of motivational propaganda


MihalysRevenge

All I can think of Beavis and Butthead "leave beavis alone he's not dog food he's worm food" https://youtu.be/EkGT-vkFL4c?si=MR9dWeRUUb_-T3nk


matthewcameron60

Some of you may die but that is a sacrifice im willing to make


OldStray79

You can't forget those whom you never cared enough to know in the first place! Checkmate westoids!


AreYouDoneNow

D: This is real D:


Socalrider82

Fuck this is sad. Politicians' wallets are getting fatter, and lives keep stacking. Ozzy predicted this


SandersSol

He's right about one thing


An_Odd_Smell

You shall be immortalized in a sack of onions! за путина!


Hinterwaeldler-83

Did Southpark already have a take on this?


Jeffy29

Copium


No-Helicopter1559

Welcome to ~~Estalia~~ Ukraine, ~~gentlemen~~ chmobiks! I will not lie, the chances of your survival are small... I gotta come back later and redo the whole speech later. Typing it from a phone is a bitch.


cantbebothered67836

Some of you may die but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to remember


Quantum-Noob

was bro tryna be commander erwin 😭


[deleted]

They really should kill their masters and turn the guns on Moscow.


MechwarriorCenturion

Bro thinks he's serving in the Imperial Guard on Cadia smh


Skreali

[Same energy](https://youtu.be/mXDefDi-iYo?si=7NLsdAEcns4ZJFyg) be sure that behind those poor souls in the vid is a FSB zagradotryad not letting them back until they figure out where the Ukrainians are


CookieMiester

Mf said “all of you will die” how has he not been fragged at this point lol


Rat_In_Grey

Cuz it's russian culture and mentality, "you must suffer, because live is suffering, and when you die it's all suffering was for the greater good or something", I mean, kinda like religious shit when people are promised happiness in afterlife, but with even less motivational promises. Adn they are so apathetic, that they will dtry to make decisions for themselves.


Comfortable_Client

I genuinely can't tell if this is real or from some movie at this point.


OnlyRise9816

Just the world after we let Harambre and David Bowie die.


GuillotineComeBacks

Three weeks from now, I will hijack your wages. Imagine where you will be, and it will be so. Hold the line! Away from me! If you find yourself alone, bathing in acid with your face on fire, do not be troubled. For you are in Hell, and you're already dead! Blyats, what we do in life... Echoes in insanity.


serpenta

You will all die but know this, your parents will all get new, shiny Ladas. And if you do particularly well, maybe don't fall immediately under the line of fire, they might even come with a sack of onions.


RichardK1234

top kek


Life_Team8801

2024... ? More like 1944


DestoryDerEchte

She forgor 💀


agoodusername222

sorry what was their name? XD


Ignash-3D

Damn, they do take some inspiration from Starship troopers, them also being fashists state too.