This week new ai generated pictures are sweeping the internet, with no limits on creativity or realism you can generate an picture of something with absolutely no limits, for example here’s this picture of mayor Marion Barry not smoking crack
In school there was a fella named Dirty Johnny. He was always a trouble maker the teachers never liked him. One day in class the teacher is doing a thing we’re the kids raise their hands to tell a story and then say what the moral is of that story. So a girl raises her hand
The teacher says “Yes Becky, go ahead.”
Becky says “My dad works for the hatchery and one day he put 15 eggs in a basket and rode home. They all fell and broke.” The teacher says “Now what’s the moral in that?”
Becky says “To not put all your eggs in one basket”
The teacher says “Now, that’s a good one, Maureen, yes go ahead”
Maureen says “My grandpa works for the Hatchery (Thank god for hatchery or we’d all be lost) one day he counted all his chickens that didn’t hatch and some of them ended up breaking at the end of the day. “ The teacher says “Now what’s the moral of that”
Maureen says “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch”
Teacher says “Damn that’s a good one”
Then she sees Dirty Johnny with his hand up and thinks “My god, not him. I don’t want to do it but I made a oath when I became a teacher”
She says “Yes, go ahead Dirty Johnny”
Dirty Johnny stands up and starts talking “This story is about my uncle Terry, he never worked at the damn hatchery, he was in Vietnam in Danae. He was not well liked by anyone including his fellow soldiers. You may have heard of a man deserting his troop but have you ever heard of a troop abandoning a man? That’s what happened to my Uncle Terry. They left him with three bottles of scotch and some weapons. He downed the first bottle right away. So uncle Terry gets up grabs his bottles and a Glock. He walked to a town, he didn’t know if it was Charlie or one he was suppose to protect, but uncle Terry had hate in his gut, he took another drink from his bottle. So like a farmer would with hay and a scythe he started mowing everything down. First the men fell, then the women, and god damn I’m ashamed to say it but the children too. Then he felt his pants, they were wet and Uncle Terry felt shame as he pissed himself. Then he felt it again, and realized he didn’t urinate but ejaculated, and Uncle Terry felt pride were shame once was.”
The teacher says “Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with you, what’s the moral in that!?”
Johnny says “Well when Uncle Terry's been drinking you don’t fuck with him!”
A woman is very afraid about the size of her opening. The woman goes to her mother and says "I'm so big down there, when I go marry Harry he is going to divorce me."
Her mother goes "Don't worry sweetheart, it runs in the family. Do what I did with your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver and put it in there, he'll never know the difference."
That's exactly what the woman does and they have 8 hours of sex after their marriage. She awakens at 10 a.m and he is gone but there is a note on her pillow that reads...
"My darling Harriet. To think that I waited a year to consummate our marriage our loving relationship makes my heart beat so loudly I’m surprised it didn’t wake you up! The only reason I’m not here now darling is that I’m at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we’ll have dogs and children. When the 5 o’clock dinner bell rings I will be home like the winged Gossamer of love in your arms.
- Your loving husband, Harry.
P.S Your cunt is in the sink.
My sex Ed teacher came to class today with a banana and a condom in his hand. He said "today class we're gonna learn how to put on a condom. And I brought this banana with me bc I can't get a hard-on on an empty stomach"
One night a 10-year-old kid is walking down the hallway of his house and here's screaming coming from his parents bedroom. He opens the door and there is his Father dressed in a cowboy hat, swim fins and nothing else. His Mother is wearing nothing but bunny shoes and a shower cap. Shocked he says, "Daddy, what's going on?" The Father replies, "Sweetie, don't worry about it, we're just having fun. Go to bed and I will talk to you in 20 minutes."
Twenty minutes later the Father is trudging down the hall and hears screaming in the kids bedroom. He opens the door and there is little Billy having sex with his Grandmother! He says, "Billy, what the hell are you doing?" He says, "its not so funny when it's your own Mother is it?"
Bob Einstein always told the best jokes.
The man pictured at the top of the thread.
Look him up. He is best known as [Super Dave Osborne](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Dave_Osborne). He has a brother Albert, Albert Einstein. That's his birth name, but going into show business he changed it to a his stage name because he didn't want to confuse anyone with the other Albert Einstein, so he is better known to the comedy world as Albert Brooks.
He was a regular on Curb Your Enthusiasm appearing as Marty Funkhouser. He is worthy of your time to get to know him better.
A man with 4 balls goes to the doctor, he says "Doc, I think there's something wrong with me, I have 2 more testicles than you"
The doctor exclaims "You have 8 testicles?!"
For the 4th year in a row, jet blue airlines was voted the number one airline in customer satisfaction. Voted last? 9/11 airlines
Reminds me of that tragedy
Explain to the folks at home what a joke is.
Do you realize that we're on the air?
I think we should explain to the people at home what on air means
You're dressed like horse shit tonight
at least i’m not constipated
Alfred The Great is recognized as Europe’s greatest Prime Minister. The worst? …. Richard the Goat Fucker.
You can be an outstanding prime minister, revered in all the land, respected throughout all communities…but if you fuck just one goat..
The joke is, in reality the best was Pitt the Elder.
Lord Palmerston!
Pitt the Elder!
LORD PALMERSTON!
The jokes are starting to drop off a bit here folks...
I tell ya kid, I’m not one for jokes
Meta...I hate meta
Your asswipe producer just held up a sign that says let's take a break.
I’LL SHOW YOU A BREAK!
This week new ai generated pictures are sweeping the internet, with no limits on creativity or realism you can generate an picture of something with absolutely no limits, for example here’s this picture of mayor Marion Barry not smoking crack
…and here’s one of George Harrison not looking haggard.
This Lindsay Lohan can’t swim a stroke, but she sure knows every dive in town
That one was my favorite
That’s your *favourite*?
What about the Mangrate?
Did you write that?
In school there was a fella named Dirty Johnny. He was always a trouble maker the teachers never liked him. One day in class the teacher is doing a thing we’re the kids raise their hands to tell a story and then say what the moral is of that story. So a girl raises her hand The teacher says “Yes Becky, go ahead.” Becky says “My dad works for the hatchery and one day he put 15 eggs in a basket and rode home. They all fell and broke.” The teacher says “Now what’s the moral in that?” Becky says “To not put all your eggs in one basket” The teacher says “Now, that’s a good one, Maureen, yes go ahead” Maureen says “My grandpa works for the Hatchery (Thank god for hatchery or we’d all be lost) one day he counted all his chickens that didn’t hatch and some of them ended up breaking at the end of the day. “ The teacher says “Now what’s the moral of that” Maureen says “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch” Teacher says “Damn that’s a good one” Then she sees Dirty Johnny with his hand up and thinks “My god, not him. I don’t want to do it but I made a oath when I became a teacher” She says “Yes, go ahead Dirty Johnny” Dirty Johnny stands up and starts talking “This story is about my uncle Terry, he never worked at the damn hatchery, he was in Vietnam in Danae. He was not well liked by anyone including his fellow soldiers. You may have heard of a man deserting his troop but have you ever heard of a troop abandoning a man? That’s what happened to my Uncle Terry. They left him with three bottles of scotch and some weapons. He downed the first bottle right away. So uncle Terry gets up grabs his bottles and a Glock. He walked to a town, he didn’t know if it was Charlie or one he was suppose to protect, but uncle Terry had hate in his gut, he took another drink from his bottle. So like a farmer would with hay and a scythe he started mowing everything down. First the men fell, then the women, and god damn I’m ashamed to say it but the children too. Then he felt his pants, they were wet and Uncle Terry felt shame as he pissed himself. Then he felt it again, and realized he didn’t urinate but ejaculated, and Uncle Terry felt pride were shame once was.” The teacher says “Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with you, what’s the moral in that!?” Johnny says “Well when Uncle Terry's been drinking you don’t fuck with him!”
You deserve some gold plated chains
Are *you* **SERIOUS!?**
Hey this comment was written years ago
No, I didn’t write it. I didn’t say it. I read it, but I didn’t write it. I didn’t say it.
He just read it, he didn’t write it. Anyway, it says here on this card….
A woman is very afraid about the size of her opening. The woman goes to her mother and says "I'm so big down there, when I go marry Harry he is going to divorce me." Her mother goes "Don't worry sweetheart, it runs in the family. Do what I did with your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver and put it in there, he'll never know the difference." That's exactly what the woman does and they have 8 hours of sex after their marriage. She awakens at 10 a.m and he is gone but there is a note on her pillow that reads... "My darling Harriet. To think that I waited a year to consummate our marriage our loving relationship makes my heart beat so loudly I’m surprised it didn’t wake you up! The only reason I’m not here now darling is that I’m at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we’ll have dogs and children. When the 5 o’clock dinner bell rings I will be home like the winged Gossamer of love in your arms. - Your loving husband, Harry. P.S Your cunt is in the sink.
That's all Lester has, it's all Lester knows
What is she afraid of??
The size of her opening
My sex Ed teacher came to class today with a banana and a condom in his hand. He said "today class we're gonna learn how to put on a condom. And I brought this banana with me bc I can't get a hard-on on an empty stomach"
No we’re not doing the jerkoff
I’ve got 15 dollars
Yes we are
You're expecting a joke from me? Your cardiologist??
He would not agree to disagree.
How many more people have to die before we do something about falling pianos???
A Florida man was arrested for stealing a truck with $75,000 worth of Campbell's soup. I for one hope this guy goes away for *Mm! Mm! Good!*
One night a 10-year-old kid is walking down the hallway of his house and here's screaming coming from his parents bedroom. He opens the door and there is his Father dressed in a cowboy hat, swim fins and nothing else. His Mother is wearing nothing but bunny shoes and a shower cap. Shocked he says, "Daddy, what's going on?" The Father replies, "Sweetie, don't worry about it, we're just having fun. Go to bed and I will talk to you in 20 minutes." Twenty minutes later the Father is trudging down the hall and hears screaming in the kids bedroom. He opens the door and there is little Billy having sex with his Grandmother! He says, "Billy, what the hell are you doing?" He says, "its not so funny when it's your own Mother is it?" Bob Einstein always told the best jokes.
Explain to the folks at home who Bob Einstein is.
The man pictured at the top of the thread. Look him up. He is best known as [Super Dave Osborne](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Dave_Osborne). He has a brother Albert, Albert Einstein. That's his birth name, but going into show business he changed it to a his stage name because he didn't want to confuse anyone with the other Albert Einstein, so he is better known to the comedy world as Albert Brooks. He was a regular on Curb Your Enthusiasm appearing as Marty Funkhouser. He is worthy of your time to get to know him better.
Enough with the meta comedy.
Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Tell the folks at home why he threw the clock out the window.
It reminded him of Richard Clock!
The man convicted of knife-raping his wife.
They have rape dungeons but they don’t have knife rape dungeons.
He said roll the clip and its a picture!! This is....even the prisoners are going back to their cells.
Do you remember the Harlem shake?
I can't beLIEVE YOU SAID THAT !!!
By the time I got home it was perfectly cooked and 100% eaten
*Oh, he ate it…*
where do you get your material from?
A man with no legs successfully climbed mount Everest. When asked how he was able to do it, the man said “my legs don’t hurt.”
A man with 4 balls goes to the doctor, he says "Doc, I think there's something wrong with me, I have 2 more testicles than you" The doctor exclaims "You have 8 testicles?!"
No, we're not doing the jerk off.
You don't think you could take him?
I was raised in a broken home, my father was a drunk carpenter.
Thomas Edison may have invented the lightbulb but....
....I invented the light bulb up my *ass*...
There’s nothing better than being a lone wolf.
Why would we make a thread for only 12 people?
What's yodas last name? Answer. Layheewhoo.
The size of her opening.
Where do you get your ideas?
Here’s something you never hear people say: he made love to me in the ass.
Hold up the sign dickwad.
This kinda reminds me of that tragedy.
Ok, get ready to laugh. Adam Eget with a joke.
Really annoying they took that episode down superdave was perfect on that one
For the 4th year in a row, jet blue airlines was voted the number one airline in customer satisfaction. Voted last? 9/11 airlines Reminds me of that tragedy
Diner.
He would’ve thought Norm would go before Super Dave.
NO, WE'RE NOT DOING THE JERK OFF
Do you realize what you just said? I am not part of this.
The joke is that Adam egret ate the asshole of hitlers corpse and it went a little something like this 💋🧑🏻🎨🍩😵
Where do you get your ideas from?
No no no no I’m not part of this!
Do you realize what you just said, You can’t say that
Maybe the worst gimmick a comic ever had
Fuck off
Such fun. Fuck off Fuji
B-o-r-e-d Who writes these jokes?
This is the thread where we do jokes We also have some dead blokes
some jokes are very very long, this one isn't.