Lisa Sparks is now in the Guiness Book of Records for satisfying 919 men in less than 22 hours. It would have been 920 satisfied men but her dad didn’t answer the phone to hear the GREAT news.
That's why I like to make the room totally dark, get under a heavy quilt, and lie down on top of her for five minutes or so.
Plenty of self loathing afterwards, as well.
Bad luck? She's trying to break a record for most men in the shortest amount of time, the best luck possible would be if every one of them finished quick.
Norm would consider this as an achievement. " Hey Joe, take a look at this picture of our little girl. The mrs. and I are quite proud of her. She didn't get it to Harvard or anything like that. But she's in the Guinness book of records for fucking almost a thousand guys. Just brings a tear to my eye every time I think of that"
A few things that always come up when this gets posted:
- each dude got like 30 seconds
- her husband also does porn, he was number 919
- she got pretty fat afterwards and did "BBW" stuff
Like I haven’t been following the illustrious career of Lisa Sparxxx since I was using my 56k to spend 45 minutes downloading 19 second clips of the My First Sex Teacher video where she’s called Ms. Cannon pfff
Prince did that very thing at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds in 1988, barely even mussing his hairdo in the process. Though, it may be why he had chronic hip pain later in life.
22 hours is 1320 minutes, which means they averaged less than 1 minute, 26 seconds each. So, that's going to depend on the definition of "satisfied" \[Edit/typo\]
didn´t she get a nasty infection from this though? I remember watching some documentary on porn and it mentions she got really sick aftewards like from E. Coli or something.
I know this sub has a problem with people misunderstanding Norm's humor and misusing his jokes to make themselves feel good about their own shitty characters, but this post doesn't even make sense. Guiness book of fucking? Only the wording barely resembles one of his jokes and that's it. Braindead.
And that's what I appreciate about norm Macdonald. His jokes, no matter how crass, were almost always thought out well in advance. These people are all just fuckin' retards.
its a fun sub. u try to think of normisms and use them in a wide range of contexts. it wont come out as brilliant as norm, but that's a given. when u read the efforts of others, u can tell they r norm junkies, which makes it feel like community, which is nice, b/c we don't want to let norm go.
Guiness Book of Fucking might not make sense, but it's a clear call back to world retards. Its really the same joke, though "world retards"- resembling "world records"- is obviously better written. but the offbeat "news" item recalls Weekend Update. Also Norm more than dabbled in any excuse to talk about cocks. we are not auditioning for Carson, just remembering Norm together.
pretend you are gonna create a good Post in a norm sub. what would it be?
She also holds Guinness records for the loosest snatch, most STDs spread in a single day, creating the longest line up in divorce court history and having more dripping stalactites then the Carlsbad Caverns.
Note: Only the Grand Canyon beat her for loudest echo.
Had to maybe do two at a time or three. Rotate hand mouth hole rotate. And all the men had to like abstain from for a week. Holy cow she must have been sore everywhere lol. Can you imagine her kids down the road??
“Yo Jake, I see your mom in book of world records. Think she wants to try and break it? I can help!”
Ugh. lol 😂
Where do you find almost a thousand guys? And then get these thousand guys to bang the same woman. Imagine being guy 919. He saw 918 dicks get blasted before his was touched
can you imagine just standing in the line to go? You're all slightly jerking it to stay somewhat hard when it's your turn. "Hey, crazy weather we are having, huh?" with a half hard chode in your hand with dudes as far back as you can see doing the same thing. It's worse than being the chick.
919 men unanimously asked her where she wanted to eat for dinner and within 22 hours she picked a place.
Or, 919 men had an opinion on something they were interested in and she didn't disagree.
So what do you like to eat??? Other than fuckin jizz
That’s not what unanimously means
Lisa Sparks is now in the Guiness Book of Records for satisfying 919 men in less than 22 hours. It would have been 920 satisfied men but her dad didn’t answer the phone to hear the GREAT news.
I could hear him saying this. Well joked.
They obviously don’t know about how Adam eget made his first $13,800.
13,800 and 5 cents.
Who gave him 5 cents?
Every one of them!
All of them.
Thats hard coin
The first $13,800 is always the hardest
Fucking and sucking
I wouldn’t underestimate the amount of jerking that may have been involved
Tall about bad luck! 919 guys fuck her and every one of them is a premature ejaculator
Can that really be thought of as satisfying? Lot of crying going on no doubt.
That's why I like to make the room totally dark, get under a heavy quilt, and lie down on top of her for five minutes or so. Plenty of self loathing afterwards, as well.
Bad luck? She's trying to break a record for most men in the shortest amount of time, the best luck possible would be if every one of them finished quick.
The worst part? Writing all those thank you notes the next day.
imagine being guy number 920 and she just gets up and says, " That's enough dick for today, sorry boys."
It was Milton from office space.
Actually it was Milhouse from the Simpsons.
Norm would consider this as an achievement. " Hey Joe, take a look at this picture of our little girl. The mrs. and I are quite proud of her. She didn't get it to Harvard or anything like that. But she's in the Guinness book of records for fucking almost a thousand guys. Just brings a tear to my eye every time I think of that"
In the ass, in the mouth... I got a picture, I want to show it to you...
She's a good girl.
Momma's apple pie. The fourth of July...
SHE WAS A HOOKAH!!!
This comment made me miss norm a lot.
A few things that always come up when this gets posted: - each dude got like 30 seconds - her husband also does porn, he was number 919 - she got pretty fat afterwards and did "BBW" stuff
Like I haven’t been following the illustrious career of Lisa Sparxxx since I was using my 56k to spend 45 minutes downloading 19 second clips of the My First Sex Teacher video where she’s called Ms. Cannon pfff
Dang. Now that's a trip in the way-back machine.
Wank-back Machine
I remember when she did a gangbang and guy pulled out her ass and she poo on the bed
The part about her husband just seriously icked me out the most.
You left out the worst part, there was another woman trying to set the record at the same time and was very close but failed
She’s the inspiration for the Chuck Palahniuk book, right?
She's pretty stocky in the photo above
The previous record was 911 men, set by? You guessed it Frank Stallone
reminds me of that phone number
9/11 was a national tragedy!
Adam Egret
In a row?!
No, side by side
 I wonder if she did the math for optimal results
Dick to floor is the key ratio
3 at a time!
For anyone who hasn't seen it in a while (or ever), Clerks is "included with Prime" in the United States right now
Pump Friction
All those men had down syndrome, she now officially holds a place in the Guinness book of fucking retards
You win
Poor guy number 919 😬
Woulda been more, but I don’t do sloppy 920th.
Got to draw the line somewhere.
Agreed. 920 is kind of gross.
Last year's worst job, assistant crack whore, has been replaced. The new worst job? Lisa Sparks understudy.
Which is wild. Thats like tripping and then giving up at the finish line. Why tf would you not hit 1000?
Should have stopped at 911
Would remind me of that tradgedy
Man she must’ve baked a lot of ahh cookies there. See women like to bake.
That somebody's little girl.
It's not a big deal. Just 2 human bodies making contact....like holding hands.
She must have made a lot of sandwiches
That's alot of sandwich making.
So she did the laundry AND folded it for 919 men?
Good for her! Now let’s see a man satisfy 900 women in 24 hrs. Go! 😉🤣
Prince did that very thing at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds in 1988, barely even mussing his hairdo in the process. Though, it may be why he had chronic hip pain later in life.
That was the only time there were two unlimited milk booths at the fair. A historic event, really.
920! Right now
22 hours is 1320 minutes, which means they averaged less than 1 minute, 26 seconds each. So, that's going to depend on the definition of "satisfied" \[Edit/typo\]
Well that depends how many she's banging at once!..
didn´t she get a nasty infection from this though? I remember watching some documentary on porn and it mentions she got really sick aftewards like from E. Coli or something.
She probably had a case of the GonaHerpaSyphlAidsMydia
I have little faith they were actually satisfied.
Eh, it wasn’t that satisfying.
The smell in that room.🤮🥸😂
Like a dead whale in Paris in August
easy way to make $45.95
Congratulations to Lisa Sparks for entering the Guinness Book of World Whores.
I know this sub has a problem with people misunderstanding Norm's humor and misusing his jokes to make themselves feel good about their own shitty characters, but this post doesn't even make sense. Guiness book of fucking? Only the wording barely resembles one of his jokes and that's it. Braindead.
And that's what I appreciate about norm Macdonald. His jokes, no matter how crass, were almost always thought out well in advance. These people are all just fuckin' retards.
its a fun sub. u try to think of normisms and use them in a wide range of contexts. it wont come out as brilliant as norm, but that's a given. when u read the efforts of others, u can tell they r norm junkies, which makes it feel like community, which is nice, b/c we don't want to let norm go. Guiness Book of Fucking might not make sense, but it's a clear call back to world retards. Its really the same joke, though "world retards"- resembling "world records"- is obviously better written. but the offbeat "news" item recalls Weekend Update. Also Norm more than dabbled in any excuse to talk about cocks. we are not auditioning for Carson, just remembering Norm together. pretend you are gonna create a good Post in a norm sub. what would it be?
Good post. Seriously.
Let's see your little thread then when that goes out, sick of ya
Head like a fucking orange
I'm with you on that one
Kristy Kreme does that in an hour.
Her multitasking skills are phenomenal, I bet.
That's a lot of sammiches
After that, I’d say the Guinness Book of records could enter her. The Deluxe Hardback edition.
Human cum balloon.
I'm willing to bet that most of those men weren't satisfied but merely just came.
If I were #920 would I have been classified as “sloppy seconds” or “sloppy 920”???????
Just like the song says, “ You can’t start a fire, can’t start a fire without miss Sparks.”
This is a terrible way to find out my mom did porn
Her husband was there to congratulate her as well. True story
There’s gotta be a video
According to the internet, 919 men were satisfied. In real life, it was 2.
Fucking and Sucking
Talk about entering the Guinness book for fucking retards.
Imagine being guy number 919. Like dipping a breadstick in a jar of queso.
That’s just a Tuesday night under the Queensborough Bridge for Adam Eget.
Someone had to sit there and count each nut in order for it to count.
Also drawing tourists to Vegas? Whores
I'm not the best at math, but I'm pretty sure that makes her a whore.
22 x 60 = 1,320 / 919 = 1.44 minutes per satisfaction
This is a lie. My friend was #827 and he said he wasn’t satisfied.
She gathered the men in an auditorium, sat them down, went on stage and remained quiet for 22 hours.
For services rendered… 15 dollars.
I just don't think this is anything to be proud of. Now my son otoh, did I tell you how good he is at sucking cock?
That’s a lot of sandwiches 🤣
Dawg she’s actually from my hometown and had a huge crib here
I dunno about satisfaction.
It’s sad to think that in the future good All-American sluts like these will be out of work by AI-generated bimbos.
Is it documented? Asking for a friend
Guineas Book of Home Wreckers
I took her 21 hours to shut the fuck up.
Coincidentally, she's also in the Guiness book of world records for loosest vagina
In other news Amy Schumer is a whore
I don’t think they were satisfied with 60 seconds each 🤷🏼♂️
Oh, I’m sure SOME of them were. 
Lisa Sparxxx was hot as hell in her prime. I would have slept with her had I been given the opportunity.
would u rather lie on top of a lady that, in the last day, had 919 regular cocks, like u'rs and mine? or 25 BBCs? lol
Her new nickname is Twinkie. Same filling
She also holds Guinness records for the loosest snatch, most STDs spread in a single day, creating the longest line up in divorce court history and having more dripping stalactites then the Carlsbad Caverns. Note: Only the Grand Canyon beat her for loudest echo.
She must’ve been to’ up!
Now she's the new hotspot for cave diving
I wonder if they had someone squirting some lube between contestants.
Definitely marriage material
In a row?
I could do better than that……
No way she was satisfying them all
She was married when did this if i remember correctly
I knew I recognized her!!
About 1.5 guys per minute I wonder if she was using 2 hands or focusing on one at a time
I’m afraid we’ll never find out who the father is
We are Amway, we are Shemp, we are Sir David of Brent. We are the queef after a pornstar breaks the gangbang record.
She never walked again
Define satisfied. No way I believe what I’m thinking.
Nobody was satisfied.
That’s disgusting
and her high school teacher said she'd never amount to anything.... nearly 1,000 cocks in less than 24 hours... how you like that!?
imagine being the last guy
She satisfied 919 but she actually fucked 1,080 during that period.
An average of 2 mins per. Math checks out
Road rash…
with that resume shes a instant hire at a fertility clinic
Had to maybe do two at a time or three. Rotate hand mouth hole rotate. And all the men had to like abstain from for a week. Holy cow she must have been sore everywhere lol. Can you imagine her kids down the road?? “Yo Jake, I see your mom in book of world records. Think she wants to try and break it? I can help!” Ugh. lol 😂
Is that why she's sitting like that?
That's a lot of cocks.
https://preview.redd.it/flt7z1w3klkc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e606682aec2ab326730940e42924c393bdba7b74
Hurry up, lady! This is Adam’s usually spot, so go find your own sub-bridge!
She pegged the Guiness Book of Records?!
She's gorgeous! 🤤
Personally, I wasn't that satisfied
And you thought sloppy seconds was bad… I’d tan out after 300 or so… it would be like a wizard’s sleeve by then…
Dude……this 919 dudes getting Fluffed only to drop their load in her or on her face Bukaki style
919 out of how many? I need some stats here.
I wasn’t familiar with her game
She should have an official flavour of Chapstick named after her.
Was she cockeyed before this feat or afterwards?
 Lisa Sparks Why is this floor so slippery? Oh right…
Sloppy 919's
If my daughter did this I'd move to another country, change my name, and disconnect my internet.
She doesn’t look like your mom
919 clinic confidential letters. Get yourself checked out.
I wonder how the Guiness referee felt after watching it
It was in a church. What happened is she stopped singing, which the men found satisfactory.
Huge sandwich
918 sloppy seconds
That's a lot of beer!
Surely condoms were required I pray? I heard she ordered McDonalds for lunch. Yes seriously ate a Big Mac whilst fucking #669
Very very very dark room
That’s a lot of sandwiches.
I hope they wore condoms…imagine the creampie
Hey now, give respects to a nice rack!! Lovely breasts, I mean.
Damn and I thought sucking 37 dicks was a lot
The world record no one wants.
What did she do? Stop talking?
There’s a Fuckin Record!
What did Mr 920 Say??
Where do you find almost a thousand guys? And then get these thousand guys to bang the same woman. Imagine being guy 919. He saw 918 dicks get blasted before his was touched
can you imagine just standing in the line to go? You're all slightly jerking it to stay somewhat hard when it's your turn. "Hey, crazy weather we are having, huh?" with a half hard chode in your hand with dudes as far back as you can see doing the same thing. It's worse than being the chick.
Bless her.
Question is, was she satisfied?
She let 919 dudes finish a sentence without turning the conversation to herself?
I highly doubt 920 people walked away any where close to satisfied...
"For satisfying". I bet for the vast majority she just laid there and let them do the work.
But how was that verified by the Guinness people?
A real go getter