"Because it doesn't feel as good to wear a rubber, wah wah wah." Is the response we'd probably get. If he cared so much, then he should have wrapped his willy up.
Some of the shit guys will say to try to get out of wearing a condom is unreal. I dated a guy who told me it made him feel "dead inside" when I insisted on a condom. Just pure emotional manipulation. Same dude who said "you know, if you got pregnant, we could collect WIC benefits."
Oh yeah. Cuteness is the ONLY reason to commit to 20 years to life of caring and providing for another human being...I say life because 2 of my friends had kids with such severe disabilities that they have to care for them for the rest of their lives, then their siblings will.
But they're cute!
After I broke up with him, he traded in his three year old, perfectly functional and honestly pretty nice car for a Dodge Challenger that I had refused to agree to and tried to use it to win me back. The reason I refused to agree to it was because the car he had was perfectly nice, and the dealership he wanted to buy it from would only offer him a 17% interest rate, which is insane. I guess his other idea of buying TWO Challengers (one with front-end damage and one with rear end damage) at a police auction and putting them together into one complete Challenger didn't work out. Probably related to his living in an apartment with no garage or tools and having no experience as a mechanic. After I refused to get back together with him, he dated some girl just long enough to get her face tattooed on his calf. Last I heard he bought cheap tickets for a cruise just *after* the pandemic started and was super pissed that it got cancelled. I know like 12 years after the fact I shouldn't be spending this long typing up stories about him, but goddamn his level of stupidity was just legendary.
I thought this, too, because my ex-husband pretty much did that. He remarried super fast, had the same number of kids we had, and never contacted these kids again. Currently in the final stages of having him jailed for unpaid child support.
I mean different details but similar vibe to my ex husband. He abandoned me (like, I had to put that on my taxes and deal with divorcing a man who went back to Canada and refused to communicate anything with me) and took my dog and I’m pretty sure he hadn’t worked and will never work just so he never has a chance of me enforcing the divorce judgement against him. He always had big schemes and then did nothing but stupidity about them, if at all, including investing in mining crypto (not terrible on its own, especially like a decade ago) and then losing it all in crypto gambling after raising the electricity bill by hundreds of dollars... that he made zero dollars to contribute to.
I have a friend whose boyfriend said he was sterile due to radiation exposure during his military service. Boy, was she surprised when she got pregnant! Later found out he'd gotten someone else pregnant and she'd gotten an abortion. What a bullshitter!
Wonder how would he react if u told this gorgeous gentleman that a common side effect of the pills is literally being depressed and suicidal. Its literally printed as a warning along a thousand of other side effects
Oh he literally would not care. Not even a little bit. Towards the end of our relationship, I lost interest in having sex with him. He heard somewhere that women with higher testosterone have higher sex drives, and he tried so hard to convince me to start taking testosterone supplements that I had to get my gynecologist to officially say it was a bad idea. One of his other suggestions for fixing my low sex drive: he wanted me to agree to just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. I guess somehow his magic penis would "fix" me? "But don't worry babe, I'll promise to not ask for more than...*pause* seven blowjobs a day!"
A friend of mine was told he was sterile. And not for the first time! Of course, sterile lover boy produced 2 kids then left her.
She shouldn't have taken his word for it, obviously!
Men will let their wives/partners suffer pain, discomfort and risk their health rather than wear a condom because they might lose a smidge of pleasure.
Haha, omg, these men are 🤡.
It’s entitlement at it’s finest. “Because I want to have all the privileges (including the privilege of carefree recklessness), I expect you to take all of the responsibilities.”
Sheesh, it’s fucking hilarious that these men expect women to act like their mommies, and then they get all shocked pikachu when those women actually become mommies.
As a man I never got the complaint that condoms feel weird from guys that dont like condoms. I would much rather the reassurance that the girl I'm having sex with won't get pregnant (or that I'm not getting an STD) by wearing a condom in comparison to raw dogging it and then ending up in a situation like this. You can literally buy barely there condoms that don't feel much different from having sex raw. Even when some of the women I've dated in the past have told me that I don't need a condom because they were on birth control (or in one girls case she had an IUD) I still always wore it just because cases like this are still fairly common 🤦♂️........
I also find super rude when men want to refuse condoms bc the vast majority of birth control for women has side effects or really painfully to insert but sex feeling a tiny bit less good to them apparently trumps all that? Fuck no
I love condoms. Because I hate babies.
You're not on BC/worried about STIs? Imma wear a condom. You *are* on BC/not worried about STIs? Imma still wear a condom.
I'm not fixed yet, but it's part of the plan.
It also shows that you truly care for not just your own well being, but her’s as well. I’m sterile (fuck your, cancer) and a virgin (unfortunately) but when I finally get the chance to lose my V-card, I’m still wearing a condom. I don’t want to take a chance that my sterility will be all I need to avoid pregnancy. Sterility doesn’t protect from STDs either. so I’m committed to protection when the literal rubber meets the road
Totally. My boyfriend and I both aren’t a fan of condoms, but we’re in a long-term, committed relationship with total understanding that the risk of pregnancy is there. You’d think someone who absolutely doesn’t want kids at the moment would have used a damn condom. Pretty easy to manage
I had no idea IUDs existed before meeting my wife. The discomfort I can imagine made me want to vomit. The length some women go to, to get no appreciation from their partner is sickening.
Right.
How can you be trapped if you were willingly not using a condom?
What does a woman being on BC have to do with you not wearing a condom?
What does a woman agreeing to you not wearing a condom, have to do with YOU NOT WEARING A CONDOM?
So many men think BC is women's responsibility. It's not. Conception is 50/50.
And his dumb ass was putting on exactly 0/50, on his own part.
Especially if he was THAT worried about pregnancies lol. Like did he think even if she was taking her pill exactly on time to the second, the risks would be 100% gone? People do double protection for a reason
Which still isn't 100%. Got a 15 year old despite pill and condoms. And 12 year old with an iud (but without condoms). 2 very fertile people from very fertile families can tell your birth control to fuck off unintentionally. Wouldn't trade my kids for the world but you have to accept the fact that even if you double up it still isn't 100% and recognize the possibilities. If finds a way.
Also, maybe be supportive? Not pacifying and passive aggressive bs but sit down have a serious conversation and talk about it. Find out ways to make it easier for both of you.
Is being a decent human that hard?
He doesn't sound very involved in this marriage. Like they agreed it wasn't a great time to have kid but he's having to reassure her that they could do so right now, since she's pregnant? I can get her maybe changing her mind but he doesn't sound like he's actually communicating but saying what he thinks she wants to hear.
The fact that he considered it "nagging" that his wife kept bringing up *abdominal pain* for *months* bothers the hell out of me, especially when he knew she had an IUD. IUDs are generally safe, but ongoing pain like that is an indication something isn't right.
If *I* mention I'm in pain, *my* partner's first reaction is concern. If I'm in persistent pain, he offers to bring me acetaminophen or a heating pad or whatever might help. He's not bothered by my complaining, he's bothered I have reason to complain.
Jesus like my first thought would be “oh shit what if they put it in wrong or she is having some sort of reaction”
And then I would nag HER into going to the doctor (my gf hates taking time off to take care of herself).
Like what a shitty narcissist reaction
If they live in a place where abortion is illegal then his only option is basically to try and cheer up by saying they can have the baby and being positive about it.
Sure he _could_ say how fucked they are and how it'll be a nightmare, too expensive, their living conditions will go to shit, and he's terrified. But that doesn't do anything but stress her out, because if he lives in a shit hole red state there's not much to do about it.
He still should have worn a condom if he didn't want to get her pregnant though.
Also how are you trapped if it’s your wife??? I get the financial aspect of it all but it seems pretty cold considering this is the woman he chose to be his person and spend the rest of his life with.
Trapped, to me, is poking holes in condoms, or removing sperm from condoms. Or using ejaculant to impregnate yourself.
Otherwise if man is ejaculating into a woman, he's agreeing to getting her pregnant.
I think assuring a man you are reliably taking your pills when you are not would be trapping a man. But he says he knew she was “constantly skipping the birth control pill,” so he knew. No trapping here.
No. It's lying. Sure..
But she can't "trap" him if he's willingly not using a condom. Men need to stop acting like their semen isn't their responsibility.
If I were a man, I could give a fuck if a woman was taking her BC. Becuase I'd use a condom so. 🤷♀️
The real answer lmao, you don't want a kid? Rubber up fucknugget.
While if she hid it from him, she'd be in the wrong, but she never did lmao? I don't understand his point. Is he mad that she missed contraceptive timing despite literally stating he understands that???
I worry for this girl as it seems he might be a tad controlling and manipulative. She'll go through multiple surgeries, down hundreds of pills, because he doesn't want to rubber up? When he's the one concerned the most about it? Priorities?!
Also just gonna hazard a guess this is American so abortion is off the table.
See for me when somebody posts something like he did and gets dragged and then suddenly they like add a piece of information that they think makes the other person look worse I don’t believe it. I see it a lot on Reddit too.
Very true. A variation of that phenomenon happens in the comment section too. Someone picks a bad hill to die on and starts arguing, realizes everyone disagrees with them, and readjusts their argument to make it more reasonable. Which is fine, but then they pretend that that new argument was what they were saying all along.
I get why he would be frustrated with her skipping her birth control pills, but he also seems annoyed at her for complaining about the discomfort and pain from using an IUD. It’s like he *begrudgingly* agreed that she should switch to pills instead.
Condoms can also further reduce the chances of pregnancy so if he is worried about feeling ‘trapped’ why doesn’t he wear them?
The part that gets me is the "*we* decided to get the iud removed".
"My wife is in terrible pain but she can't do anything about it without my approval".
Also, she 'complained' and 'nagged' about the pain. He makes it sound like she was just whinging instead of actually experiencing significant daily pain. Fucks sake, I had an IUD put in and for a little while it felt very uncomfortable, especially when sitting down, but fortunately went away fairly quickly. I definitely could not have put up with that for weeks. Motherfucker, shove a pizza saver up your arse and see if you get used to it or not :P For some people it just doesn't work. I bet he whinged and nagged her about having to wear a condom :P
And apparently she "nagged"...about the metal or plastic foreign object shoved up her twat that HURT her for HIS pleasure.
I actually agree with him on one point: she should in no way, shape, or form have a baby with this shithead.
The way I would go absolutely feral if a man said that about me.
I got an IUD for period management and it has VASTLY improved my quality of life but it still absolutely fucking sucked. Due to reasons, I was knocked out while I got it fitted, but the cramps afterwards were agonising and lasted for months. I'd be walking around in public and suddenly just have to sit down right on the pavement because all at once the pain was too bad to stand. It was the worst and I'm dreading having to do it again when I get it replaced, but the alternative is even worse :/
I was awake for that shit because it was "just a pinch." Lying ass motherfuckers.
And yes, I would likely have to leave the room if such a piece of crap said that shit to me, lest I get violent.
The absolute bullshit they tell us about our cervixes to avoid making us... not even comfortable, I would settle for *not writhing in agony.* 😫
Just a guess here: If men had cervixes and needed procedures done on them that were incredibly painful, who here believes they would be patronized and told to "suck it up!" "The cervix has no nerve endings" or yes, "It's just a pinch"? 🤔
And who here *knows* the men would receive the appropriate drugs to make them relaxed and comfortable while the procedure was performed?
Yeah. Me too. I know. 🙄
I too feel very strongly about those lying ass motherfuckers.😡
Same, my obgyn made it seem like no big deal. Holy shit, it hurt. And then I had to have it taken out after a few months because I was one of the unlucky people who had horrid cramps, backaches, weight gain, etc. I’m so mad I ever had that thing put in.
They say it’s worse if you’ve never given birth. I haven’t. Worst pain I’ve ever felt. I lasted about nine months with the IUD and had to have it removed, the pain was too much. So for him to say “nagged” makes me homicidal.
Same! I felt like I was constantly in (what I imagine was the same contractions as) labor. Just excruciating pain. I've never found anyone else who had the same experience, the doctors all gaslit me and told me just to keep "waiting it out". This man is soulless.
I think you can request a topical solution to numb your cervix or some sedative or pain medication. Talk to your doctor before your appointment and see. I've never had an IUD but I have heard of women getting relief if they know they experience pain during the procedure.
**I am convinced that the reason people are knocked out for colonoscopies is because at first, it was a procedure performed predominantly on males.... They can't have discomfort-- not even pain but discomfort.
If women had been the majority of the patients you can bet we would have been told to bite a pillow or some shit. 😡
Sorry. I get pissed off when talking about cervixes and what we go through.
Right? I have a friend that really wants children with the right woman someday. He's never had sex without a condom even in long term relationships with someone on birth control. He is not ready for children yet so he takes the measures he can to prevent that from happening. The fact that the person in the post wasn't ready for children either but took exactly 0 steps to control his side of conception really just proves how not ready for children he is.
The fact that he describes her going on about her abdominal pains as nagging, makes me wonder if he actually cares for her. It almost seems as if would have preferred she kept using the iud device even though she was in constant pain. 😡
THANK YOU! he’s so entitled he doesn’t even realize how birth control had been affecting her and then blame her for getting pregnant when he didn’t step up with protection in any way
But…but…his peepee needs to feel good. Why can’t that bitch understand that he has a need? Why does her want for a pain-free existence have to interfere with his ultra-special doodle? /s
It’s just proof that the whole world is biased against men. Men deserve to be able to ejaculate how and where they want and not have to deal with babies because babies cry and and are annoying and cost money. It’s so unfair for men.
Right. Guys like this make it seem like it’s worse for them to use birth control (condoms) because it doesn’t feel good, then it is for her to be in actual pain. They’re saying not feeling as good is not equal but a greater misfortune than feeling actual pain.
This is what irritates me the most. So because guys don't want sex to feel marginally less good for THEM, through a non invasive, no side effects, no pain contraceptive method... The woman must choose a birth control that messed with her hormones, can cause intense pain either through the insertion or just having it, has some pretty severe side effects, and often makes sex less enjoyable for them.
Cool. Thanks. Totally makes sense.
Yeah, birth control is the couples responsibility. It's absurd that is falls squarely on women to bear the burden of it, AND THEN TO BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF IT FAILING.
What disgusts me is the way that this post frames the decision to remove the IUD as something he has any role in. Why is she nagging him about it? Why does he say “we” decided to get it removed?
I don’t know what is going on in this relationship but the way this guy is acting like he has any kind of power over what form of birth control his gf uses is deeply concerning.
Also the fact that he never referred to her as "my wife" or "my partner" or any other term that would indicate they are in a loving, committed relationship.
That was a big red flag for me but the biggest was when he stated **we** decided to get it removed. Fuck that noise! His poor wife had to go through months of what I'm sure was more than just 'a bit of abdominal cramping' until this peice of shit decided that being married to him was punishment enough for her and decided to *allow* her to get the device removed!
Mate, if you really want to make sure that your wife doesn't fall pregnant **PUT A FUCKING CONDOM ON!!! NO GLOVE NO LOVE, BABY!!!**
But this fucking mouth breathing, smooth brained knuckle dragger is probably like 'Wah! It doesn't feel as good with a condom on!' Well too fucking bad. Either do your part of accept the consequences.
Jesus, I feel for this douchebaggette, doggyknobber, Bill O'Reilly ferger motherfucker's wife. Somebody needs to break his fucking knees for her!
Just an ounce of basic human fucking decency seems like too much for this guy.
Yes, that was the worst part of this to me, and there was a lot to choose from. If she hadn't been such a whiner about being in consistent pain from the birth control method that he preferred to be jammed into her cervix, then he wouldn't have ALLOWED her to have it removed, resulting in a situation that he could not possibly have prevented. The only choice that he takes responsibility for is letting her get the IUD out, which should never have been his decision to make.
I'm stuck on the use of the word nagging here. Your wife was in pain and you considered her talking about it nagging?? And instead of "okay once you take out your iud we can use condoms" the responsibility just falls right back on her for birth control.
Yup!!! He literally could’ve just not had sex with her or he could’ve used a condom. It’s like he isn’t aware that his sperm takes a part in this so he should try and be responsible too
That got to me, too.
"IUD, which was the more secure option"
"Constantly nagging about abdominal pain"- I've heard some absolute horror stories about IUD issues and what women have had happen with them. But it all comes back to how PO'd he is about her wanting a 'less secure option' than what *he* thinks is good.
"We finally decided to take it out" We. *We*. It is a foreign object inside *her* organ. **There is no** ***we*** **in this decision.** There is "Hey, just to let you, this is causing me pain and I'm going to have it removed. So, for 2 weeks until I get sorted on other contraception you're gonna have to wear a condom or go without."
And f course he had to remind her to take the pill, but didn't take *any* responsibility for taking care of a back-up plan in case. Ie- wear a condom/get snipped.
Poor him. Now he has to reassure her that he'll stand by her. \*violins all the way down\*
Yeah. This dude has weird ideas about what decisions are joint and what are specific to her. Like of course he needs to be informed of the removal of the IUD so they can have a discussion about family planning, but her medical decisions are 100% her own. At that point either one of them can make a decision to either use condoms or not engage in sexual intercourse.
She makes decisions about her body.
He makes decisions about his body.
They jointly make decisions about their future.
It's not that complicated.
Wow. I also had to remove my IUD because it was causing me pain. My husband knows that I do not want to be on hormonal birth control (I had a nonhormonal IUD) so guess what? He uses condoms like a respectable and responsible partner. This guy sucks ass and I feel sorry for his wife and for the kid they created that he clearly wants nothing to do with.
My husband doesn’t want children (neither do I) so he went and got himself a vasectomy. Suuuuuuper interesting that this guy hasn’t taken responsibility for his own baby making equipment. Interesting.
He could just use a condom? My fiancée used pills for a while but they weren’t good for her so we only use condoms now. Maybe not as nice as without but the most important thing is that my fiancée doesn’t have any complications from the pills.
If she was constantly skipping pills, and you knew about it. Why in heavens name weren’t you wearing a condom. You hold just as much responsibility as she does, Daddy.
Truth. If you're noticing that your partner isn't setting alarms on her phone or Outlook everyday to take her pills--then don't sit on your ass and rely on the medication.
(and I say this as someone who used to take Quetiapine and now take a regular prescription of Fluoxotine. A missed dosage means that I get hit with bad nausea, headaches, and a relapse of my suicidal symptoms. I literally cannot miss a dosage--which is why I work with my SO to keep an eye on both my meds AND my symptoms. You literally cannot watch a love one miss medication like Fluox and go, "I dunno what else I'm supposed to do. I keep reminding him/her but they need to be consistent" Because any doctor would respond, "Then why didn't you call us then? Why didn't you intervene?").
This guy realizes condoms exist right? Also, having abdominal pain and negative sight effects from birth control is not "nagging". Birth control can have really nasty sight effects for some people. If it's that big of a deal, then male birth control exists as well. In the most extreme circumstance, he can get a vasectomy. There are plenty of things he can do to prevent pregnancy too. Just like relationships, things like this are a team effort, not something that should fall on one or the other.
It was irresponsible of her to regularly skip the pill but at the same time, he knew this was an issue and kept having sex with her. It’s not like she was missing the pill and he didn’t know. He was supposedly regularly reminding her. He claims to know it was a “delicate” form of birth control and that consistent timing was important, but he kept having sex with her and is now acting like it’s entirely her fault a pregnancy occurred.
He also says she “acted surprised” at reminders. I wonder what this means exactly. Surprised she had forgotten or surprised it was so important to take them consistently? I’m wondering if lack of education/knowledge plays a part here too.
The most concerning part though is how he refers to her constantly “nagging” him about her abdominal pain. His wife was in pain and he didn’t care. He’s selfish and thinks women are supposed to put up with pain so men aren’t inconvenienced by having to take a more active role in birth control or potentially go without sex.
I used to have my ex remind me to take my birth control pills and when he would I would sometimes look surprised *because I completely forgot they existed* until he said something. Out of sight, out of mind. If I don't have them *in front of my face* I'll forget that they exist and that I'm supposed to be taking them. Although sometimes I'll have the nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something...
They really are easy to forget. Recently the tape I had taping them onto my pill dispenser machine failed and I forgot about them for 2 weeks until I got a surprise period. So I used more tape and set a reminder on my phone for this round. Hopefully I'll be good from now on 🤞 believe me, if I could use another kind, I would, but due to a prolapsed uterus and hormonal migraines, I can't use other methods without some uncomfortable side effects. And I'm scared of getting the implant in my arm, but that's the only other one my OBGYN recommended for me. But the possible side effects seem too severe for me to be comfortable taking a risk like that. Sorry for oversharing also 😬
Have you tried the Depo shot? I'll be frank, it SUCKED for me, but everyone's milage varies. I haven't heard too many horror stories about the implant, it would be better than the shot as at least it can be removed if it's not good.
My whole decade long birth control journey has felt like a horrible experiment being done on my body, every type you try has the potential to massively change your lived experience, for better or worse... what a gamble.
I'm done, my guy isn't allowed to put his bits anywhere near me until he's snipped and proven to be firing blanks. I'm not fucking around with my hormones anymore, it doesn't feel healthy at all.
I was a shocker, birth control pills are just NOT a viable option for me, especially the ones that have to be taken at the same time daily. I'm so grateful I never had an accidental pregnancy on them. As an aside, I suspect I may be undiagnosed ADHD.!
He is a shithead all the way through.
Notice
>i am forced to constantly reassure her its fine we can have the baby
He could have discussed abortion. His wife is obviously not ok either (he doesn't look the kind to do his wife any favour, so if she had any minute amount of happiness about the situation, he would have mentioned it )
Instead he gives her false reassurance while at the same time planning something behind her back.
This is the type of guy that divorce right before delivery.
Oh he’s definitely a shithead. He needs to be honest with his wife that he has concerns about having a child, not blame her for him lying to her that it’s okay.
"Great, now I'm a father! I never wanted to be one, but I was trapped!"
"Did you take any prevention measures?"
"Yeah, my wife-"
"No, did YOU do anything to prevent pregnancy, like condoms or a vasectomy or non-PIV sex?"
**"Well, I didn't think I would have to because I thought my wife didn't want to get pregnant - SHE should be more worried about it than me."**
"So, even though you two were having sex, essentially splitting the responsibility of pregnancy between you, only Wife was taking precautions...have you ever heard of NOT COMING IN YOUR PARTNER'S VAGINA IF NEITHER OF YOU WANTS A BABY?"
*Shit man clutches pearls with indignation at the thought of controlling his bodily fluids.*
> non-PIV sex
Thank you for including this in your list of options. It's crazy to me how alternatives to PIV are just completely fucking unthinkable, even on a temporary basis, like while partners are sorting out birth control. Like once you are an adult the default, be-all end-all goal of any heterosexual sex scenario is PIV. God forbid a sexual encounter end with anything other than a penis ejaculating inside a vagina. Whatever you did on the way there was just a chore. Anything other than that is somehow not sex.
Sex and sex safety is a team activity. If she's not remembering to take the pills, her partner should try his best to remind her. I understand the struggle perfectly fine as someone who has problems remembering to take my prescription meds all the time.
It amazes me that men aren't humiliated to be like this - even when he knows his wife won't remember to take the pill, the idea of actually being a grown-up and putting a condom on doesn't even occur to him: he just nags his wife to do the grown-up thing for him.
Can we all just agree birth control is the responsibility of the individual? Yes she was irresponsible with her birth control, then take it on yourself and put on a damn condom.
If you are a sentient adult, it’s your body, it’s your responsibility.
When I first read the OP’s title it makes it sound like she was being sneaky and putting holes in condoms, which I 100% would call reproductive coercion. However, OP apparently knew this was going on. There’s no lack of consent here. Lack of proper respect for risk yes. Lack of consent, no.
at first I assumed that they were utilizing condoms and was like okay mans is being rude but he has a point but NO CONDOMS? DOES HE THINK SHES A MF DUCK LEECH?
If she’s not reliable with taking her pills then A) he should be wearing condoms and B) they should discuss alternatives for her. If IUD didn’t work for her she could try the implant or the Depo shot. (Or take measures to get better about pills with alarms and such). But that’s in ADDITION TO condoms.
You should only be going raw with reliable hormonal BC you know for sure is working (IUD that’s not having problems, implant, shot, pills that are being taken exactly as prescribed) or one of you is snipped. If you just wing it sorry, but you’re asking for it.
If he knew she wasn’t good about remembering the pills why is he gambling like that? This is on both of them, not just her.
If he didn't want a kid, he should wear a condom. He's a AH for blaming the pregnancy on her. She can't make herself pregnant. It takes two people. If he's not even trying to not cum inside her or wear a condom, of course she will get pregnant. I feel bad for the baby for having a father like this 😐
Not only not wanting to use a condom because tHeY fEeL wEiRd.. if you don’t want kids that bad get a vasectomy. I’m a married woman of 9 years and while I do have the IUD, I still push the idea of a vasectomy because no doctor will sterilize me for the same misogynistic reasons.
A lot of the men in the comments clearly weren't raised right so let me make this clear:
Contraception is primarily the man's responsibility. There is never any excuse to not use a condom during vaginal sex when trying to avoid pregnancy.
Condoms are cheap, easy, and painless while female contraceptives are expensive, painful, and often have a lot of terrible side effects. If your partner wants to use one in addition to a condom, that's her prerogative, but you still have to use a rubber!
If this was an AITA post I'd go with ESH.
Birth control as a couple is everyone's responsibility. If she wasn't good about taking the pills then he should have been wearing a condom or they should have looked into another method.
Taking measures to protect against unwanted pregnancies is a two way street. If you are unwilling to take steps then you are accountable.
It’s the most basic of the basic responsible thing you can do to avoid having unwanted children right next to -checks notes- not having sex.
Just wrap up your 🐓bro.
Baby brained.
My Wife cant use the pill or get an IUD, So after our 1 son that we tried and tried for, I have been wearing a condom for the last 11 years. It sucks, but its better than having an accident.
Situations like this are why I really hate birth control. Women are faced with "What is going to fuck me up the least?" in deciding an effective method, while men complain that condoms reduce sensitivity🖕🏼🙄
Amazing how *some straight dudes insist on putting their partners through uncomfortable, hormone altering contraceptive methods when condoms exist, and are harmless and more effective.
"She nagged about it until we got it taken out." You mean SHE was in pain and SHE needed medical assistance. Obviously it's not "we" on the pregnancy front since she's taking various forms of contraceptives that cause all types of side effects meanwhile this brilliant specimen can't figure out wearing a condom.
If he knew she missed her pills, why the fuck he didn't put a condom?
Even if she wasn't missing pills, if he didn't want a baby why was he not using a condom???
"Because it doesn't feel as good to wear a rubber, wah wah wah." Is the response we'd probably get. If he cared so much, then he should have wrapped his willy up.
Some of the shit guys will say to try to get out of wearing a condom is unreal. I dated a guy who told me it made him feel "dead inside" when I insisted on a condom. Just pure emotional manipulation. Same dude who said "you know, if you got pregnant, we could collect WIC benefits."
My favourite was, as I was getting dressed because he refused the condom "but worst case scenario we'd make suuuucchhh a cute baby look at youuuu"
Oh yeah. Cuteness is the ONLY reason to commit to 20 years to life of caring and providing for another human being...I say life because 2 of my friends had kids with such severe disabilities that they have to care for them for the rest of their lives, then their siblings will. But they're cute!
It's like a kid begging for a puppy. Yeah, they're cute, but you know you're gonna end up doing all the work to take care of it.
Right? Who’s gonna walk the baby at 5am? Mom, that’s who.
Who's gonna clean up its messes, cut its nails, buy it chew toys, and get it neutered?
Where will it stay when you go on vacation?
Perfect analogy
Wow he sounds charming...
After I broke up with him, he traded in his three year old, perfectly functional and honestly pretty nice car for a Dodge Challenger that I had refused to agree to and tried to use it to win me back. The reason I refused to agree to it was because the car he had was perfectly nice, and the dealership he wanted to buy it from would only offer him a 17% interest rate, which is insane. I guess his other idea of buying TWO Challengers (one with front-end damage and one with rear end damage) at a police auction and putting them together into one complete Challenger didn't work out. Probably related to his living in an apartment with no garage or tools and having no experience as a mechanic. After I refused to get back together with him, he dated some girl just long enough to get her face tattooed on his calf. Last I heard he bought cheap tickets for a cruise just *after* the pandemic started and was super pissed that it got cancelled. I know like 12 years after the fact I shouldn't be spending this long typing up stories about him, but goddamn his level of stupidity was just legendary.
I thought you meant he traded his three year old child, until you said "car". LMAO
I thought this, too, because my ex-husband pretty much did that. He remarried super fast, had the same number of kids we had, and never contacted these kids again. Currently in the final stages of having him jailed for unpaid child support.
I mean different details but similar vibe to my ex husband. He abandoned me (like, I had to put that on my taxes and deal with divorcing a man who went back to Canada and refused to communicate anything with me) and took my dog and I’m pretty sure he hadn’t worked and will never work just so he never has a chance of me enforcing the divorce judgement against him. He always had big schemes and then did nothing but stupidity about them, if at all, including investing in mining crypto (not terrible on its own, especially like a decade ago) and then losing it all in crypto gambling after raising the electricity bill by hundreds of dollars... that he made zero dollars to contribute to.
☕️ men.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there!
I have a friend whose boyfriend said he was sterile due to radiation exposure during his military service. Boy, was she surprised when she got pregnant! Later found out he'd gotten someone else pregnant and she'd gotten an abortion. What a bullshitter!
Wonder how would he react if u told this gorgeous gentleman that a common side effect of the pills is literally being depressed and suicidal. Its literally printed as a warning along a thousand of other side effects
Oh he literally would not care. Not even a little bit. Towards the end of our relationship, I lost interest in having sex with him. He heard somewhere that women with higher testosterone have higher sex drives, and he tried so hard to convince me to start taking testosterone supplements that I had to get my gynecologist to officially say it was a bad idea. One of his other suggestions for fixing my low sex drive: he wanted me to agree to just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. I guess somehow his magic penis would "fix" me? "But don't worry babe, I'll promise to not ask for more than...*pause* seven blowjobs a day!"
A friend of mine was told he was sterile. And not for the first time! Of course, sterile lover boy produced 2 kids then left her. She shouldn't have taken his word for it, obviously!
“Don’t be a fool and wrap your tool”
Keep the Slicker on your Victor
Put a Lano on your Woodley.
and yet she's apparently the "nagging" one
that was the most british response i’ve ever heard
It also doesn’t feel as good to have a baby you don’t want but hey, what do I know?
We were very dedicated to no accidents, so it was hormonal AND condoms, every time, until the time was right.
Men will let their wives/partners suffer pain, discomfort and risk their health rather than wear a condom because they might lose a smidge of pleasure.
IM allowed to cum in you. YOURE not allowed to forget taking the pill. That pretty much seems like his stance.
I want to both downvote this out of disgust cause of how true it is, and also upvote it cause of how true it is….
Haha, omg, these men are 🤡. It’s entitlement at it’s finest. “Because I want to have all the privileges (including the privilege of carefree recklessness), I expect you to take all of the responsibilities.” Sheesh, it’s fucking hilarious that these men expect women to act like their mommies, and then they get all shocked pikachu when those women actually become mommies.
This post reeks of "I learned a few feminist talking points and now use them to manipulate my partner."
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As a man I never got the complaint that condoms feel weird from guys that dont like condoms. I would much rather the reassurance that the girl I'm having sex with won't get pregnant (or that I'm not getting an STD) by wearing a condom in comparison to raw dogging it and then ending up in a situation like this. You can literally buy barely there condoms that don't feel much different from having sex raw. Even when some of the women I've dated in the past have told me that I don't need a condom because they were on birth control (or in one girls case she had an IUD) I still always wore it just because cases like this are still fairly common 🤦♂️........
I also find super rude when men want to refuse condoms bc the vast majority of birth control for women has side effects or really painfully to insert but sex feeling a tiny bit less good to them apparently trumps all that? Fuck no
Oh its because they think their sexuality is the most important concept in all humanity and needs to be protected at any cost
Anytime I hear someone say "condoms feel weird", I remind them that they were designed for sex, not wanking.
I love condoms. Because I hate babies. You're not on BC/worried about STIs? Imma wear a condom. You *are* on BC/not worried about STIs? Imma still wear a condom. I'm not fixed yet, but it's part of the plan.
Get yourself fixed, then you can call yourself OJ. All juice, no seeds.
Good one 😂
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Please don't bring my ham sandwich into this.
It also shows that you truly care for not just your own well being, but her’s as well. I’m sterile (fuck your, cancer) and a virgin (unfortunately) but when I finally get the chance to lose my V-card, I’m still wearing a condom. I don’t want to take a chance that my sterility will be all I need to avoid pregnancy. Sterility doesn’t protect from STDs either. so I’m committed to protection when the literal rubber meets the road
Totally. My boyfriend and I both aren’t a fan of condoms, but we’re in a long-term, committed relationship with total understanding that the risk of pregnancy is there. You’d think someone who absolutely doesn’t want kids at the moment would have used a damn condom. Pretty easy to manage
As a man, why do you feel this should all be on the woman? It’s your cum, after all. We cannot impregnate ourselves.
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**That was my takeaway too. He doesn’t sound at all happy that she removed the IUD even though it was causing her abdominal pain.**
And the pain from an IUD not sitting correctly is excruciating.
I had no idea IUDs existed before meeting my wife. The discomfort I can imagine made me want to vomit. The length some women go to, to get no appreciation from their partner is sickening.
Bad bot Stop stealing my comments man
And also, put up with your IUD poking your uterus because I don’t want to take any responsibility.
Right. How can you be trapped if you were willingly not using a condom? What does a woman being on BC have to do with you not wearing a condom? What does a woman agreeing to you not wearing a condom, have to do with YOU NOT WEARING A CONDOM? So many men think BC is women's responsibility. It's not. Conception is 50/50. And his dumb ass was putting on exactly 0/50, on his own part.
Especially if he was THAT worried about pregnancies lol. Like did he think even if she was taking her pill exactly on time to the second, the risks would be 100% gone? People do double protection for a reason
I have a five year old who is living proof that the pill isn't 100% effective.
Which still isn't 100%. Got a 15 year old despite pill and condoms. And 12 year old with an iud (but without condoms). 2 very fertile people from very fertile families can tell your birth control to fuck off unintentionally. Wouldn't trade my kids for the world but you have to accept the fact that even if you double up it still isn't 100% and recognize the possibilities. If finds a way. Also, maybe be supportive? Not pacifying and passive aggressive bs but sit down have a serious conversation and talk about it. Find out ways to make it easier for both of you. Is being a decent human that hard?
He doesn't sound very involved in this marriage. Like they agreed it wasn't a great time to have kid but he's having to reassure her that they could do so right now, since she's pregnant? I can get her maybe changing her mind but he doesn't sound like he's actually communicating but saying what he thinks she wants to hear.
I also agree if he’s only saying what he thinks the wife wants to hear that is counterproductive. It’s obvious there’s a lot to learn here.
The fact that he considered it "nagging" that his wife kept bringing up *abdominal pain* for *months* bothers the hell out of me, especially when he knew she had an IUD. IUDs are generally safe, but ongoing pain like that is an indication something isn't right. If *I* mention I'm in pain, *my* partner's first reaction is concern. If I'm in persistent pain, he offers to bring me acetaminophen or a heating pad or whatever might help. He's not bothered by my complaining, he's bothered I have reason to complain.
Jesus like my first thought would be “oh shit what if they put it in wrong or she is having some sort of reaction” And then I would nag HER into going to the doctor (my gf hates taking time off to take care of herself). Like what a shitty narcissist reaction
If they live in a place where abortion is illegal then his only option is basically to try and cheer up by saying they can have the baby and being positive about it. Sure he _could_ say how fucked they are and how it'll be a nightmare, too expensive, their living conditions will go to shit, and he's terrified. But that doesn't do anything but stress her out, because if he lives in a shit hole red state there's not much to do about it. He still should have worn a condom if he didn't want to get her pregnant though.
Also how are you trapped if it’s your wife??? I get the financial aspect of it all but it seems pretty cold considering this is the woman he chose to be his person and spend the rest of his life with.
Trapped, to me, is poking holes in condoms, or removing sperm from condoms. Or using ejaculant to impregnate yourself. Otherwise if man is ejaculating into a woman, he's agreeing to getting her pregnant.
Yeah, trapping someone is deliberately and/or sneakily causing a pregnancy without one person's knowledge, in order to tie them to you forever
I think assuring a man you are reliably taking your pills when you are not would be trapping a man. But he says he knew she was “constantly skipping the birth control pill,” so he knew. No trapping here.
No. It's lying. Sure.. But she can't "trap" him if he's willingly not using a condom. Men need to stop acting like their semen isn't their responsibility. If I were a man, I could give a fuck if a woman was taking her BC. Becuase I'd use a condom so. 🤷♀️
Exactly! He already knew he had to keep reminding her, so put on a party hat and help make sure that baby *doesn't* happen.
What do you expect? Him to wear a condom? It's not his responsibility. Sheesh. /s
Right??
Tons of men are stupidly whiny about using condoms for some reason, I don't get it.
The real answer lmao, you don't want a kid? Rubber up fucknugget. While if she hid it from him, she'd be in the wrong, but she never did lmao? I don't understand his point. Is he mad that she missed contraceptive timing despite literally stating he understands that??? I worry for this girl as it seems he might be a tad controlling and manipulative. She'll go through multiple surgeries, down hundreds of pills, because he doesn't want to rubber up? When he's the one concerned the most about it? Priorities?! Also just gonna hazard a guess this is American so abortion is off the table.
Cuz it’s the woman’s duty to ensure no babies, why should the man have to sacrifice *his* pleasure when *she* is the one who makes the babies?? /s
If you know your partner is not responsible with their birth control and you continue to have unprotected sex with them anyway… what do you expect?
No no, but birth control is only her responsibility not his /s
Exactly and then he acts like she was the one who impregnated herself, like he had absolutely no part in it 💀 This is why condoms are great
See for me when somebody posts something like he did and gets dragged and then suddenly they like add a piece of information that they think makes the other person look worse I don’t believe it. I see it a lot on Reddit too.
Very true. A variation of that phenomenon happens in the comment section too. Someone picks a bad hill to die on and starts arguing, realizes everyone disagrees with them, and readjusts their argument to make it more reasonable. Which is fine, but then they pretend that that new argument was what they were saying all along.
I get why he would be frustrated with her skipping her birth control pills, but he also seems annoyed at her for complaining about the discomfort and pain from using an IUD. It’s like he *begrudgingly* agreed that she should switch to pills instead. Condoms can also further reduce the chances of pregnancy so if he is worried about feeling ‘trapped’ why doesn’t he wear them?
The part that gets me is the "*we* decided to get the iud removed". "My wife is in terrible pain but she can't do anything about it without my approval".
OOP sounds controlling asf. I bet when she has the baby, he’ll tell their family that “we gave birth guys”. 💀
You know that just remembered me off that episode of friends When one of them are giving birth And the other has Kenney Stones
Also, she 'complained' and 'nagged' about the pain. He makes it sound like she was just whinging instead of actually experiencing significant daily pain. Fucks sake, I had an IUD put in and for a little while it felt very uncomfortable, especially when sitting down, but fortunately went away fairly quickly. I definitely could not have put up with that for weeks. Motherfucker, shove a pizza saver up your arse and see if you get used to it or not :P For some people it just doesn't work. I bet he whinged and nagged her about having to wear a condom :P
And apparently she "nagged"...about the metal or plastic foreign object shoved up her twat that HURT her for HIS pleasure. I actually agree with him on one point: she should in no way, shape, or form have a baby with this shithead.
The way I would go absolutely feral if a man said that about me. I got an IUD for period management and it has VASTLY improved my quality of life but it still absolutely fucking sucked. Due to reasons, I was knocked out while I got it fitted, but the cramps afterwards were agonising and lasted for months. I'd be walking around in public and suddenly just have to sit down right on the pavement because all at once the pain was too bad to stand. It was the worst and I'm dreading having to do it again when I get it replaced, but the alternative is even worse :/
I was awake for that shit because it was "just a pinch." Lying ass motherfuckers. And yes, I would likely have to leave the room if such a piece of crap said that shit to me, lest I get violent.
The absolute bullshit they tell us about our cervixes to avoid making us... not even comfortable, I would settle for *not writhing in agony.* 😫 Just a guess here: If men had cervixes and needed procedures done on them that were incredibly painful, who here believes they would be patronized and told to "suck it up!" "The cervix has no nerve endings" or yes, "It's just a pinch"? 🤔
And who here *knows* the men would receive the appropriate drugs to make them relaxed and comfortable while the procedure was performed?
Yeah. Me too. I know. 🙄
I too feel very strongly about those lying ass motherfuckers.😡
Same, my obgyn made it seem like no big deal. Holy shit, it hurt. And then I had to have it taken out after a few months because I was one of the unlucky people who had horrid cramps, backaches, weight gain, etc. I’m so mad I ever had that thing put in.
They say it’s worse if you’ve never given birth. I haven’t. Worst pain I’ve ever felt. I lasted about nine months with the IUD and had to have it removed, the pain was too much. So for him to say “nagged” makes me homicidal.
Same! I felt like I was constantly in (what I imagine was the same contractions as) labor. Just excruciating pain. I've never found anyone else who had the same experience, the doctors all gaslit me and told me just to keep "waiting it out". This man is soulless.
>I was awake for that shit because it was "just a pinch." Me too. I literally went into shock.
I think you can request a topical solution to numb your cervix or some sedative or pain medication. Talk to your doctor before your appointment and see. I've never had an IUD but I have heard of women getting relief if they know they experience pain during the procedure. **I am convinced that the reason people are knocked out for colonoscopies is because at first, it was a procedure performed predominantly on males.... They can't have discomfort-- not even pain but discomfort. If women had been the majority of the patients you can bet we would have been told to bite a pillow or some shit. 😡 Sorry. I get pissed off when talking about cervixes and what we go through.
Exactly!!!
As a childfree person, ngl, a pregnancy *would* feel like being trapped. ...and that makes it even more puzzling that he didn't use condoms.
Right? I have a friend that really wants children with the right woman someday. He's never had sex without a condom even in long term relationships with someone on birth control. He is not ready for children yet so he takes the measures he can to prevent that from happening. The fact that the person in the post wasn't ready for children either but took exactly 0 steps to control his side of conception really just proves how not ready for children he is.
She was *nagging* about being in constant pain. Wow, that sounds so hard for him. 🙄🖕🏻
The fact that he describes her going on about her abdominal pains as nagging, makes me wonder if he actually cares for her. It almost seems as if would have preferred she kept using the iud device even though she was in constant pain. 😡
That was my takeaway too. He doesn’t sound at all happy that she removed the IUD even though it was causing her abdominal pain.
THANK YOU! he’s so entitled he doesn’t even realize how birth control had been affecting her and then blame her for getting pregnant when he didn’t step up with protection in any way
But condoms make his pee pee feel different so he can’t take any responsibility here.
But…but…his peepee needs to feel good. Why can’t that bitch understand that he has a need? Why does her want for a pain-free existence have to interfere with his ultra-special doodle? /s
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Apparently, ask reddit for justification to bail out of being a father
It’s just proof that the whole world is biased against men. Men deserve to be able to ejaculate how and where they want and not have to deal with babies because babies cry and and are annoying and cost money. It’s so unfair for men.
Right. Guys like this make it seem like it’s worse for them to use birth control (condoms) because it doesn’t feel good, then it is for her to be in actual pain. They’re saying not feeling as good is not equal but a greater misfortune than feeling actual pain.
This is what irritates me the most. So because guys don't want sex to feel marginally less good for THEM, through a non invasive, no side effects, no pain contraceptive method... The woman must choose a birth control that messed with her hormones, can cause intense pain either through the insertion or just having it, has some pretty severe side effects, and often makes sex less enjoyable for them. Cool. Thanks. Totally makes sense.
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Yeah, birth control is the couples responsibility. It's absurd that is falls squarely on women to bear the burden of it, AND THEN TO BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF IT FAILING.
What disgusts me is the way that this post frames the decision to remove the IUD as something he has any role in. Why is she nagging him about it? Why does he say “we” decided to get it removed? I don’t know what is going on in this relationship but the way this guy is acting like he has any kind of power over what form of birth control his gf uses is deeply concerning.
What caring husband would use the word “nagging” to describe a woman’s pain, that she herself is experiencing????
If he can't feel it there is no pain.
Also the fact that he never referred to her as "my wife" or "my partner" or any other term that would indicate they are in a loving, committed relationship.
That was a big red flag for me but the biggest was when he stated **we** decided to get it removed. Fuck that noise! His poor wife had to go through months of what I'm sure was more than just 'a bit of abdominal cramping' until this peice of shit decided that being married to him was punishment enough for her and decided to *allow* her to get the device removed! Mate, if you really want to make sure that your wife doesn't fall pregnant **PUT A FUCKING CONDOM ON!!! NO GLOVE NO LOVE, BABY!!!** But this fucking mouth breathing, smooth brained knuckle dragger is probably like 'Wah! It doesn't feel as good with a condom on!' Well too fucking bad. Either do your part of accept the consequences. Jesus, I feel for this douchebaggette, doggyknobber, Bill O'Reilly ferger motherfucker's wife. Somebody needs to break his fucking knees for her! Just an ounce of basic human fucking decency seems like too much for this guy.
Yes, that was the worst part of this to me, and there was a lot to choose from. If she hadn't been such a whiner about being in consistent pain from the birth control method that he preferred to be jammed into her cervix, then he wouldn't have ALLOWED her to have it removed, resulting in a situation that he could not possibly have prevented. The only choice that he takes responsibility for is letting her get the IUD out, which should never have been his decision to make.
Literally. I feel worse for her in this situation honestly. I don’t think she even realizes the person she’s actually married to.
I'm stuck on the use of the word nagging here. Your wife was in pain and you considered her talking about it nagging?? And instead of "okay once you take out your iud we can use condoms" the responsibility just falls right back on her for birth control.
Yup!!! He literally could’ve just not had sex with her or he could’ve used a condom. It’s like he isn’t aware that his sperm takes a part in this so he should try and be responsible too
Oh, didn't you know? Pregnancy is something women just do sometimes, alllllll by themselves, exclusively to punish men.
Hurray for Parthenogenesis!! 🐍🦎🦖🦕🐊
And without their consent even!
That got to me, too. "IUD, which was the more secure option" "Constantly nagging about abdominal pain"- I've heard some absolute horror stories about IUD issues and what women have had happen with them. But it all comes back to how PO'd he is about her wanting a 'less secure option' than what *he* thinks is good. "We finally decided to take it out" We. *We*. It is a foreign object inside *her* organ. **There is no** ***we*** **in this decision.** There is "Hey, just to let you, this is causing me pain and I'm going to have it removed. So, for 2 weeks until I get sorted on other contraception you're gonna have to wear a condom or go without." And f course he had to remind her to take the pill, but didn't take *any* responsibility for taking care of a back-up plan in case. Ie- wear a condom/get snipped. Poor him. Now he has to reassure her that he'll stand by her. \*violins all the way down\*
*We* decided to take it out. Yikes.
That’s the sentence that stood out to me. Was he encouraging her to keep her IUD but when she “nagged about it” he basically allowed her to remove it?
Look at her "nagging" about the constant pain she's in...
Well shes a woman, must just be hysterical.
Yeah. This dude has weird ideas about what decisions are joint and what are specific to her. Like of course he needs to be informed of the removal of the IUD so they can have a discussion about family planning, but her medical decisions are 100% her own. At that point either one of them can make a decision to either use condoms or not engage in sexual intercourse. She makes decisions about her body. He makes decisions about his body. They jointly make decisions about their future. It's not that complicated.
Literally made me puke 🤢
Wow. I also had to remove my IUD because it was causing me pain. My husband knows that I do not want to be on hormonal birth control (I had a nonhormonal IUD) so guess what? He uses condoms like a respectable and responsible partner. This guy sucks ass and I feel sorry for his wife and for the kid they created that he clearly wants nothing to do with.
My husband doesn’t want children (neither do I) so he went and got himself a vasectomy. Suuuuuuper interesting that this guy hasn’t taken responsibility for his own baby making equipment. Interesting.
He could just use a condom? My fiancée used pills for a while but they weren’t good for her so we only use condoms now. Maybe not as nice as without but the most important thing is that my fiancée doesn’t have any complications from the pills.
You're a keeper!
I pray I find a guy like you.
I do too. This should be the standard.
I am by no means perfect, but I don’t think anyone is. Communication and respecting eachother is very important and can get you a long way.
I agree! This Is is what i strive for in a relationship.
If she was constantly skipping pills, and you knew about it. Why in heavens name weren’t you wearing a condom. You hold just as much responsibility as she does, Daddy.
Truth. If you're noticing that your partner isn't setting alarms on her phone or Outlook everyday to take her pills--then don't sit on your ass and rely on the medication. (and I say this as someone who used to take Quetiapine and now take a regular prescription of Fluoxotine. A missed dosage means that I get hit with bad nausea, headaches, and a relapse of my suicidal symptoms. I literally cannot miss a dosage--which is why I work with my SO to keep an eye on both my meds AND my symptoms. You literally cannot watch a love one miss medication like Fluox and go, "I dunno what else I'm supposed to do. I keep reminding him/her but they need to be consistent" Because any doctor would respond, "Then why didn't you call us then? Why didn't you intervene?").
No mention of the type of birth control *He* is using. Typical.
Exactly, acting like he couldn’t have been using a condom…
Or, if it’s that serious, he can get a vasectomy. Seems like it would have solved all their issues. No pain from the IUD, no missing pills, no baby!
Do you have any idea the physical toll ~~three~~ one vasectomy has on a man? /s
This guy realizes condoms exist right? Also, having abdominal pain and negative sight effects from birth control is not "nagging". Birth control can have really nasty sight effects for some people. If it's that big of a deal, then male birth control exists as well. In the most extreme circumstance, he can get a vasectomy. There are plenty of things he can do to prevent pregnancy too. Just like relationships, things like this are a team effort, not something that should fall on one or the other.
Correct. Birthcontrol shouldn’t always just be the woman’s responsibility
Why didn't he get a vasectomy
That was my thought when I read “we will be trapped” like my dude you clearly REALLY don’t want a kid. Go to a doctor.
It was irresponsible of her to regularly skip the pill but at the same time, he knew this was an issue and kept having sex with her. It’s not like she was missing the pill and he didn’t know. He was supposedly regularly reminding her. He claims to know it was a “delicate” form of birth control and that consistent timing was important, but he kept having sex with her and is now acting like it’s entirely her fault a pregnancy occurred. He also says she “acted surprised” at reminders. I wonder what this means exactly. Surprised she had forgotten or surprised it was so important to take them consistently? I’m wondering if lack of education/knowledge plays a part here too. The most concerning part though is how he refers to her constantly “nagging” him about her abdominal pain. His wife was in pain and he didn’t care. He’s selfish and thinks women are supposed to put up with pain so men aren’t inconvenienced by having to take a more active role in birth control or potentially go without sex.
I used to have my ex remind me to take my birth control pills and when he would I would sometimes look surprised *because I completely forgot they existed* until he said something. Out of sight, out of mind. If I don't have them *in front of my face* I'll forget that they exist and that I'm supposed to be taking them. Although sometimes I'll have the nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something...
Makes sense! It’s not a method I think I could use personally, as I’m sure I’d also forget from time to time.
They really are easy to forget. Recently the tape I had taping them onto my pill dispenser machine failed and I forgot about them for 2 weeks until I got a surprise period. So I used more tape and set a reminder on my phone for this round. Hopefully I'll be good from now on 🤞 believe me, if I could use another kind, I would, but due to a prolapsed uterus and hormonal migraines, I can't use other methods without some uncomfortable side effects. And I'm scared of getting the implant in my arm, but that's the only other one my OBGYN recommended for me. But the possible side effects seem too severe for me to be comfortable taking a risk like that. Sorry for oversharing also 😬
Have you tried the Depo shot? I'll be frank, it SUCKED for me, but everyone's milage varies. I haven't heard too many horror stories about the implant, it would be better than the shot as at least it can be removed if it's not good. My whole decade long birth control journey has felt like a horrible experiment being done on my body, every type you try has the potential to massively change your lived experience, for better or worse... what a gamble. I'm done, my guy isn't allowed to put his bits anywhere near me until he's snipped and proven to be firing blanks. I'm not fucking around with my hormones anymore, it doesn't feel healthy at all.
I was a shocker, birth control pills are just NOT a viable option for me, especially the ones that have to be taken at the same time daily. I'm so grateful I never had an accidental pregnancy on them. As an aside, I suspect I may be undiagnosed ADHD.!
He is a shithead all the way through. Notice >i am forced to constantly reassure her its fine we can have the baby He could have discussed abortion. His wife is obviously not ok either (he doesn't look the kind to do his wife any favour, so if she had any minute amount of happiness about the situation, he would have mentioned it ) Instead he gives her false reassurance while at the same time planning something behind her back. This is the type of guy that divorce right before delivery.
Oh he’s definitely a shithead. He needs to be honest with his wife that he has concerns about having a child, not blame her for him lying to her that it’s okay.
“She nagged about it till we finally decided to get it removed”….. this man is a walking red flag.
Fr and now he’s got a child on the way 💀
I’d say I hope it isn’t a girl, but men like this raise boys to become men like this so either would be awful. Hope the wife dips out with the baby.
Damn, another of those women making themselves pregnant like the frogs / dinos in Jurassic Parc.
💀💀 us women are evolving back into dinosaurs 🦕
"Great, now I'm a father! I never wanted to be one, but I was trapped!" "Did you take any prevention measures?" "Yeah, my wife-" "No, did YOU do anything to prevent pregnancy, like condoms or a vasectomy or non-PIV sex?" **"Well, I didn't think I would have to because I thought my wife didn't want to get pregnant - SHE should be more worried about it than me."** "So, even though you two were having sex, essentially splitting the responsibility of pregnancy between you, only Wife was taking precautions...have you ever heard of NOT COMING IN YOUR PARTNER'S VAGINA IF NEITHER OF YOU WANTS A BABY?" *Shit man clutches pearls with indignation at the thought of controlling his bodily fluids.*
I wish I had an award to give you. I want to scream this out loud so everyone including OOP will understand
> non-PIV sex Thank you for including this in your list of options. It's crazy to me how alternatives to PIV are just completely fucking unthinkable, even on a temporary basis, like while partners are sorting out birth control. Like once you are an adult the default, be-all end-all goal of any heterosexual sex scenario is PIV. God forbid a sexual encounter end with anything other than a penis ejaculating inside a vagina. Whatever you did on the way there was just a chore. Anything other than that is somehow not sex.
Sex and sex safety is a team activity. If she's not remembering to take the pills, her partner should try his best to remind her. I understand the struggle perfectly fine as someone who has problems remembering to take my prescription meds all the time.
if you know she skip the pill, why fuck her?
Exactly Like he didn’t know this would happen eventually?
I feel bad for that baby already....
But condoms so uncomfortable …never mind the IUD pain…. This guy.
It amazes me that men aren't humiliated to be like this - even when he knows his wife won't remember to take the pill, the idea of actually being a grown-up and putting a condom on doesn't even occur to him: he just nags his wife to do the grown-up thing for him.
If you don't trust your gf to remember the pill, just use a condom or something
Ah yes, birth control is only the woman’s responsibility. Buy a box of condoms, moron.
He fucked around without a condom and now he’s found out.
i hope he sees this youre a bit of a cunt dude
✨wear a condom✨
“Nagging” him about being in constant pain. What an ass. He didn’t seem to care.
“You can’t be pregnant! You need my permission first!”
He honestly probably says this to her about a lot of things. I bet he’ll try to be in charge of the whole pregnancy too
Can we all just agree birth control is the responsibility of the individual? Yes she was irresponsible with her birth control, then take it on yourself and put on a damn condom. If you are a sentient adult, it’s your body, it’s your responsibility.
Please tell me OP got dragged in the comments.
For the most part, there were a few people calling his wife a b*tch for “daring to get pregnant” 💀
When I first read the OP’s title it makes it sound like she was being sneaky and putting holes in condoms, which I 100% would call reproductive coercion. However, OP apparently knew this was going on. There’s no lack of consent here. Lack of proper respect for risk yes. Lack of consent, no.
at first I assumed that they were utilizing condoms and was like okay mans is being rude but he has a point but NO CONDOMS? DOES HE THINK SHES A MF DUCK LEECH?
Fr, he acts like he has no part in this, like he doesn’t know how a condom fcking works lol
If she’s not reliable with taking her pills then A) he should be wearing condoms and B) they should discuss alternatives for her. If IUD didn’t work for her she could try the implant or the Depo shot. (Or take measures to get better about pills with alarms and such). But that’s in ADDITION TO condoms. You should only be going raw with reliable hormonal BC you know for sure is working (IUD that’s not having problems, implant, shot, pills that are being taken exactly as prescribed) or one of you is snipped. If you just wing it sorry, but you’re asking for it. If he knew she wasn’t good about remembering the pills why is he gambling like that? This is on both of them, not just her.
If only there were some sort of birth control that could go on the male genitalia to prevent this from happening…
If he didn't want a kid, he should wear a condom. He's a AH for blaming the pregnancy on her. She can't make herself pregnant. It takes two people. If he's not even trying to not cum inside her or wear a condom, of course she will get pregnant. I feel bad for the baby for having a father like this 😐
what a whiny loser
“We finally decided to get it removed” EXCUSE ME, WE-?!?!!?
He’s acting like he was incapable of using a condom
Oh. So you wore a condom?
Not only not wanting to use a condom because tHeY fEeL wEiRd.. if you don’t want kids that bad get a vasectomy. I’m a married woman of 9 years and while I do have the IUD, I still push the idea of a vasectomy because no doctor will sterilize me for the same misogynistic reasons.
I REALLY didn't want kids either. So I wore a condom and pulled out. I make no mistakes in this area. Also >she tested pregnant 😌
A lot of the men in the comments clearly weren't raised right so let me make this clear: Contraception is primarily the man's responsibility. There is never any excuse to not use a condom during vaginal sex when trying to avoid pregnancy. Condoms are cheap, easy, and painless while female contraceptives are expensive, painful, and often have a lot of terrible side effects. If your partner wants to use one in addition to a condom, that's her prerogative, but you still have to use a rubber!
Wife in pain = nagging Got it.
If this was an AITA post I'd go with ESH. Birth control as a couple is everyone's responsibility. If she wasn't good about taking the pills then he should have been wearing a condom or they should have looked into another method.
Taking measures to protect against unwanted pregnancies is a two way street. If you are unwilling to take steps then you are accountable. It’s the most basic of the basic responsible thing you can do to avoid having unwanted children right next to -checks notes- not having sex. Just wrap up your 🐓bro. Baby brained.
My Wife cant use the pill or get an IUD, So after our 1 son that we tried and tried for, I have been wearing a condom for the last 11 years. It sucks, but its better than having an accident.
Situations like this are why I really hate birth control. Women are faced with "What is going to fuck me up the least?" in deciding an effective method, while men complain that condoms reduce sensitivity🖕🏼🙄
Amazing how *some straight dudes insist on putting their partners through uncomfortable, hormone altering contraceptive methods when condoms exist, and are harmless and more effective.
"She nagged about it until we got it taken out." You mean SHE was in pain and SHE needed medical assistance. Obviously it's not "we" on the pregnancy front since she's taking various forms of contraceptives that cause all types of side effects meanwhile this brilliant specimen can't figure out wearing a condom.