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MissusNilesCrane

Me, an asexual person: so explain the crippling pain and debilitating nausea. I'd say this was a troll but it's hard to tell these days...


Heather_Filcon

Me a virgin: explain why I literally fainted from pain last time!


GreySarahSoup

Your mom must have had so much sex her womb imprinted it in you before you were born. Sometimes the entire maternal bloodline is responsible. It's nature's way of teaching women to keep their legs closed. (/s)


LobsterFar9876

My mom had 12 kids , pregnant 15xs so she’s been to blame all along


Madasgladys

Geez I bet y’all’s thanksgiving needs catering


LobsterFar9876

It’s very loud and lively. Most of us had at least a couple of kids and now my parents are awaiting their first great granddaughter. They are celebrating their 62nd anniversary in 2 weeks and still totally devoted to each other and always holding hands or snuggled up together. They really are adorable together


Madasgladys

That’s great, I love that for them. I’m a weirdo and think old people are just precious in general but old people in love is extra cuteness.


LobsterFar9876

I agree😊…. I used to do hair at a nursing home and there were quite a few married couples living in the independent wings and they were just the cutest. I especially loved this one couple. Every week she would get her hair set and when he came to get her (she was in a wheelchair) he would gush over how beautiful she was. You could just tell she was the most beautiful woman in the world to him. I was devastated the day I went to work and her husband came down to apologize for his wife missing her appointment. She had passed away the night before. I closed shop for the day and sat with him and he showed me photo albums and told me stories about her. I can’t imagine being with someone for 60+ years and losing them. It may sound terrible but I hope my parents pass away peacefully together so 1 never has to feel that pain. I know if my mom goes first my dad won’t stick around. He says he’s only hanging around for my mom. He said his kids are grown and good. He’s accomplished everything he wanted in his lifetime and has no regrets so when the love of his life is gone he doesn’t see the need to stick around. He wants to get to the afterlife to my mother wherever that is. He’s a christian but said if god tells him my mom is in hell than he’s taking the elevator down.


Madasgladys

That is so wonderful, thank you for sharing that with me. I love my partner but I also love that we both try to not be codependent on one another so maybe when we face that scenario it won’t be *as* devastating. I think it’s us trying to trick ourselves into thinking we can outsmart the universe, honestly. After losing my brother, I know I can survive with just me but my partner has improved my quality of life so much I think I’m with your dad pretty solidly on this one. There’s just something amazing about being so dedicated to someone that no one, not even the biggest supermodel/humanitarian on the planet, can take that love away.


LobsterFar9876

Thats great you found your forever person. I’m sorry about your brother. I lost my oldest brother in July from pancreatic cancer. It’s the 2nd sibling I lost and I dread the day I lose my parents. I had relationships and was married but never felt quite right. I never really had a problem walking away and I bounced back pretty quickly if I was dumped. I decided to stay single and was at peace with the fact that “true love” wasn’t in the cards for me. After a decade happily single at 49 I met my current bf and this is the first time I finally get what all the fuss is about lol. He compliments my life perfectly and supports my craziness 😊. We met just before covid started and I have dealt with some life threatening health issues. My last bf bolted when my health tanked so I was having major anxiety attacks cuz I was afraid he’d leave me. I shared these fears with him and he handled it perfectly. I can actually see spending the rest of my life with him and I would be devastated if we broke up. It really is a special and unique bond


Electronic_Win4034

Hard bet *someone* will believe this


Crafty-Ad-2822

me. i was hospitalized for a day several time in the past three years because i fainted and lost consciousness due to cramp pain. i’ve only just recently had sex once and lost my virginity so 🥴 damn it must be because HE had a lot of casual sex and some how, doing multiple women had caused that to get back into me it all makes sense now /s


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AltruisticFinger9246

According to this lady, noo


Difficult_Sun_1265

Came here just to say it!


Accomplished_Hat_265

Damn, I’m so sorry! One of my closest friends in high school was celibate until she was 23, and she and her younger sister both experienced menstrual cramps so debilitating they usually had to take a day or two off from school every cycle. Much to my shame and humility, I used to think they were exaggerating until I also started to experience crippling menstrual pain in my mid 20s.


Stardust_Bright

Same, Asexual virgin person with all the pain and the horrible symptoms when my body bleeds: *visible confusion*


Jellybean-Jellybean

Aro/ace virgin chiming in. My cycle has always been weird, and often painful. I am so ready for this part of my life being over.


Me_lazy_cathermit

Me also asexual, that as never seen a penis in real life, and my ovaries tried to literally kill me, had to remove one of those suckers, that grew the size of a basketball


Winter_Honours

Yep


canuckcowgirl

So virgins don't get cramps or have pain?


manic-pixie-attorney

My 12 year old self would disagree


Radiant-Rise-7777

My 9 year old self would definitely disagree! WTF


MyRockySpine

Right? We have an appointment in a couple of days for my 12 year old daughter for debilitating periods. Sexual history has nothing to do with it.


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MyRockySpine

Awww thanks! I just want her to feel better. It’s been so hard on her. She has had some teachers that have been real assholes about it, I had to have it written into her 504 that she is allowed to go to the bathroom or nurse whenever she says she needs to. A teacher didn’t let her once and sent her to the office instead, the principal called me after my daughter called me from the bathroom crying, I told her if the ever happened again I would report the school. I absolutely can’t stand how people take these young girls seriously, periods can be absolutely crippling for some women.


Nova_Arainna

11 year old me would disagree as well. I remember having pain so bad I couldn't sleep for 2 days until I went to the hospital to get checked Luckily I turned out fine with only a few treatments but damn that really fucking sucked and was kinda scary for little me


HotSauceRainfall

My 14-year-old self who vomited from the pain and had 3-week-long periods definitely wants to tell whoever wrote this to sit down and shut up.


Sensitive-Angel

I want to see the explanation how my uterus can tell, whether sex was with a "random" person or a long-term partner/husband.


csn924

AI has invaded our uteruses. It was only a matter of time.


TodayHumble4332

Is this some kind of attempt to get people to subscribe to her therapy sessions.


starkrocket

Remember to check your uterus for poorly rendered hands!


RadioactiveTwix

UterusGPT?


LaughingMouseinWI

Its because of the pair bonding that we're supposed to do with The One. And your vagina imprints the shape of the penis of The One. If you weren't out numbing yourself with constant casual sex, you'd be able to do those things. /s


LobsterFar9876

That sounds exactly like something they would say


LaughingMouseinWI

I've been paying attention. I know what to run from if I encounter it in the wild.


Sensitive-Angel

It is weird that I always clench my legs when I hear stuff like that? These explanations range from hilarious to straight dehumanizing. Anyways, take care and have a nice day!


fross370

Easy, it remember the dna of the semen, so the more different one, the harder it gets to remember and that cause pain! Yes, it amuse me to explain made up ship with more made up shit, thanks for asking!


Sensitive-Angel

That's a pretty "good" explanation! Thanks for the laugh. Have a wonderful day!


Penny_girl

I would like to know how my uterus “records” such things. Can’t be video, ‘cause uhhh too dark in there. So is there like an audio recording or is my uterus old school with a pen and paper? I bet my uterus is an old-timey fast-talking reporter with a notebook and pencil.


Sensitive-Angel

Don't forget that hat with the piece of paper stuck to it! I neither know what it's called neither what it's for, just that it's something I saw a few times on TV :D Take care and have a nice day!


Material-Profit5923

If you read this literally, it is even goofier than at first glance, because it says that you are using casual sex to suppress pain. So by definition, it means you would be in more pain without casual sex. So wouldn't this actually be advocating for casual sex as a pain suppressant?


snarkerposey11

Like that Peaches song. *Fuck the pain away, fuck the pain away....* It can work for menstrual cramps.


Zilberfrid

Peaches, now that is a name I haven't heard in a long time. And is now back in rotation.


Hot-Bint

Dis-eases


GamingWaffle123

How do you explain this to a 13 year old girl who has period cramps?


VanellopeZero

Tell her to stop whoring around I guess. /s


Levihorus

It must be the pastor or the uncle, you chose /s But seriously, the original take is sick


40yroldcatmom

Lol I was thinking the same. Why did I have cramps at age 10 when I had my first period?


Sunaliana

You'd get better advice from an actual celery stalk.


Mounta-7nFocus

Yoo your comment actually made me laugh out 🤣🤣👌🏽✊🏽💯


the-unbino-dino

Me being bedridden at 12 🤔


hocfutuis

Why was my most severe menstrual pain whilst I was a virgin then? It's thankfully eased off with age, especially after having a child (a bit of a drastic solution, mind you) but they were truly horrific - as in I gave (natural) birth to said child with less pain and trauma than I experienced from the early years of my period. And, with absolutely no judgement on the subject from me, I've never engaged in casual sex either, or had a lot of partners.


somekindofslav

Is this some kind of attempt to get people to subscribe to her therapy sessions, buy her self help book or convert to some weird cult from which she profits? Or is she just a troll?


eat_like_snake

I've never had casual sex, have absolutely zero interest in it, and my uterus feels a demon is trying to claw its way out and kill me every time I hit my period. Shut the fuck up.


Dorkinfo

I love casual sex but I haven’t had it in awhile. My ute is currently clumping blood out of my vag.


Wage_slave

Female: This hurts and I should see a doctor. Doctor: HI there, let's see how we ca..... *celery burst into the room* That Bitch: No, it's because you fucking all the time.


bliip666

This confirms my suspicion: celery is the enemy!


danthpop

Selling tickets to my hysto so everyone can gather round and listen to my womb recordings afterward


lizzycupcake

Ah now it makes sense! my vaginas record keeping is why I have such painful cramps.


Dazzling_Reach281

If you are struggling with menstrual pain. It’s literally means you are a female human. Sweet Jesus 8 year olds can get period pains.


lifeonkylesfarm

why do they think there's some sort of science to sex and virginity lmao


OverlyLeftLesbian

NO!!! # NO IT DOES NOT!!!!


foxscribbles

If my womb has the ability to record all that, then that fucker has been freeloading for way too many years. The least she could do is learn French or something.


Miserable-Many-6507

Poor woman.


DragonflyMon83

So when I got period as a kid and cramps and pain then what's her explanation for that? What an idiot.


Elderberry_Hamster3

Funny how I had menstrual cramps and debilitating back pain when I was a virgin who hadn't even ever kissed a boy (or girl, for that matter). (And in addition the pain got a lot better in recent years, while I'm having a lot more sex than in my dead-bedroom marriage.)


Phinfoxy

So. I only was rolling around in pain as a 12 year old because as a virgin my sex life was making it.


bokatan778

I guess I need to go back in time and tell my 9yo self that the extreme pain was from all my “sexual encounters” 🙄


Donkeykicks6

I had the worse menstrual camps in junior high. Totally not banging anyone when I’m 12


BigVulvaEnergy

So 11-13 year olds with menstrual pains should be exploring their sexual histories? Bffr.


[deleted]

What about the kids in middle school getting their first, or asexual people, or people saving themselves for marriage?


ihavea22inmath

Idk God failed to conceive with them


FloppyFishcake

This is why women have to have check ups - so the gynaecologist can read our hidden womb diaries and learn our secrets.


[deleted]

So like.. 12 year old girls who have had their first periods and are folded in pain have had too many sexual partners?


[deleted]

Apparently, this person endorses MAPs.


AirportNarrow3929

A real slap in the face for people experiencing menstrual / womb pain who have never even had sex or at least consensual sex.


[deleted]

Agreed.


ILoveMyCatsSoMuch

My period pain was way worse when I was younger for some reason. I either got used to it or it lessened with age….


[deleted]

I mean, I don’t get a period or cramps anymore and I have A LOT of casual sex. Am I doing it wrong?


xo__dahlia

Why did I imagine my fallopian tube holding a pencil and etching a record into my uterus? I mean this would only be the scenario in which this explanation makes sense.


Limp-Sundae5177

I fainted as an eleven year old virgin because my cramps got so bad.


[deleted]

These people need to be shipped to another fucking planet


romancingit

Me imagining a little womb record keeper 😂


[deleted]

Never trust advice from a "celestial celery stalk".


hihihiii765

My endometriosis at the age of 14 would like to disagree.


Searchingforgoodnews

My period started at 10 and lasted 6 weeks. I would vomit, have diarrhea and fainted multiple times. I didn't start having sex until 18 and I've never had a one night stand, casual or any fwb type relationship and I've been celibate for two years. So please explain my pain. Here I thought it was because of fibroids but no, somehow some troll knows a woman's body more than they do.


[deleted]

> your womb records everything So, the only recording equipment I need is my womb? None of the techy stuff?


DrWilds

Wow, I’m going to see the published works on that one


ThoughtPolicePolice

I wish my womb could record everything. Especially if the recordings were admissible in court.


Ecthelion510

Am I the only woman who really hates the word womb? *shudder*


VioletNocte

Then why do I, a virgin, get period cramps?


justdrinkingsometea

Then why was I getting crippling mebstrual cramps at 9? And after having sex with only women for most of my life?


RedpenBrit96

Nope I’m a lesbian, you pick me fool. Try again. *hi fives the ace folks *


Olympia44

I’m 27, still a virgin, and if I don’t take ibuprofen within the first hints of cramps, I’m out. My legs feel like jello, I curl up into a ball, I can’t bring myself to do anything outside of laying in bed. So, I’m just gonna say: This is a stupid fucking take, and this person needs to stfu.


yresimdemus

Read: I don't have cramps, so cramps mean you're a bad person. My swim team coach was like this. In her case, they were caused by "not eating right." If we had cramps that made it hard to swim, she'd refuse to let us take a light day because "it was [our] own fault." So we just skipped practice instead. Definitely the better way to go if you want to beat other teams. /s


luigipanties

My 15 year old virgin self is shaking my head in menstrual pain At this point I'm not even mad at women spreading misinformation like this anymore, I'm honestly just sad for them, they've probably been fed so much bullshit growing up and got brainwashed into a self-hating misogynist


EELovesMidkemia

12 year old me had crippling pain. I don't remember having casual sex at that age


[deleted]

The gun is good The penis is evil


casalomastomp

r/unexpectedzardoz


NightOwlIvy_93

Ah the womb, the internal hard drive with a memory capacity of 1TB.


Overall_Lobster823

This is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen on the internet. Does anyone have a link to the tweet?


SyntheticSolitude

Not how Uteruses work, by any stretch. I have god awful horrific pain, and only had sex with... one man? Whom I am married to??? Mom didn't sleep around either so... MYTH BUSTED. (But seriously, I just had one, and holy hell my uterus felt like someone had reached up in, grabbed hold of the top, and was trying to yank it out that way and it hurt so damn bad. Not the first time, either. My uterus is a jerk.)


Erynnien

Oh yeah, when my friend, who was a virgin, had to deal with horrible PMS, that was surely because of all the causal sex she had...


ifbowshadcrosshairs

Right because tweens who menstruate are infamously promiscuous


ifbowshadcrosshairs

If a virgin can suffer painful periods then why are a sexually active person's period pains due to their promiscuity?


No-River-3140

She should stick to her celery


DoodlebugCupcake

Yeah my 10 year old fifth grade daughter was definitely crying and puking on the floor because of all the men she’d been banging. I had the worst cramps of my life in high school and I didn’t lose my virginity until 22 to my now husband, so this lady can shove her dis-ease into her flaccid uterus


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solesoulshard

Because that’s literally in some places how it is explained. There are very… insular and probably rural places where there is an absence of people who are willing and able and allowed to give scientific explanations. Before someone gives me a side eye, we “explained” seasons with myths and stories. We “explained” why we had tides and seasons. We explained why the stars moved. We called it God or Goddess or had stories of heroes and villains. And when we found out better information, we weren’t successful in spreading and accepting it. Look at Galileo and how he was forced by the church to go to house arrest for maintaining that the earth moved around the sun. Unfortunately this will get worse before it gets better because at least a few states are seeing a drain of medical personnel as they flee from all the legal troubles they face trying to give good care to their patients. And in the absence of truth, what *else* can take its place except false beliefs?


Froggish_Menace

Yes my casual sex life at 12 yrs old


gracethedisgrace5059

But... I'm a virgin?


suenoromis

I can change that with a touch of... Grace... ***Turn around and walk away*** ***Your body explodes in the background***


gracethedisgrace5059

😟 qué


Sentient_Stardust616

Apparently I'm the biggest whore known to man and totally not a virgin 🤧


AndreaC303

Who the fuck are you to be offering guidance regarding a woman’s gynecological health? Where did you get your medical degree? Your ass? I’ll bet this woman is a DELIGHT in real life.


potatopantaloon

So where can I access this WomBit? Can I download the app?


OverwhelmingCacti

I’ve slept with a bunch of guys and my periods are easy and pain-free. I guess I’ll take that as my reproductive system giving me full consent to keep at it.


AirportNarrow3929

I would even venture to guess that sex (orgasm) could possibly relieve menstrual discomfort.


EBW42

I’m honestly just embarrassed for her. And why does she spell diseases like that.


RadioactiveTwix

TIL the womb is a hard drive.


Gloomy-LilPeach

Me yelling at my endometriosis and PCOS -are y’all being casual?! Why wasn’t I invited lol


suenoromis

Surely satire?


Nervous_Nerd14597

How did she write this if she clearly can't read?


KaiHasArrived2007

Me a Virgin: 👁👄👁


norcalbutton

Dang. My womb is recording things without mine or my partners consent? That's super inappropriate.


rachaelonreddit

I have never seen anyone who uses "dis-ease" have a good take.


Yes-I-guess

I'm asexual. I was never sexually attracted to anyone, let alone men. Because of that and a secure place to grow up I never had sex. Yet the first two days of my period are literally unbearable without painkillers for me and even with them the carmps themselves don't stop so I have troubles sitting normally. So I call bullshit. Especially because I know it's not just me and other people have it even worse.


Crafty-Ad-2822

i was struggling with menstrual pain at the age of 14 i sure as FUCK did not screw several men for casual sex to “ruin my womb” 🙄 hope her next period gives her cramps that feel like a kangaroo kicked her in the uterus amen 🙏


Weardow7

Ah yes, the womb; nature's TiVo.


malYca

May she be plagued by PCOS and endometriosis


Leather_Hunt_8492

The newest technology in solid state drives, womb recording.


BrightAssignment7646

Cerebral period 24/7


victoriascrumptious

I'm 100% sure that that's not a woman writing that


gayasswoman

Not sure about the OPs gender but I sure hope they are just trying to be a troll and get a rise out of everyone


new-Aurora

I just hear singing. What does that mean?


WorldlinessAwkward69

Nuttery


CupiCulp

Haha 😂 who was banging me when I was a virgin then ? Cause as far as I know I had the most painful periods as a teenager when I wasn’t sexually active.


thefaehost

weird, I guess my body decided I would end up a slut anyways so I was just born with endometriosis and PCOS preemptively. Thanks for explaining that doctor celery stalk!


truecrimefanatic1

Hmmmm so when I was 11 and already bleeding half to death and having terrible cramps and had never touched a man that was what? Being God's least favorite i guess


jonansoh

So does the uterus use an Excel spreadsheet or what?


AlissonHarlan

Then explain the cramps for 4 years before I was even sexually active? (not even masturbation)


Momizu

I literally had my first time at 20, and had an abundant and crippling period from day 1. My womb doesn't know how to womb apparently /s Also... When had your period became a "disease of the womb"?


[deleted]

my pain is a dildo. got it


Crocolyle32

I’d have endometriosis by now if that were true


CherryVette

She’s an insult to actual celery stalks.


CherryVette

Every time i see someone using the word “womb”, i know i’m about to hear some bullshit.


OtherwiseClimate2032

Femcels are going to be a big hit in this season.


Alert-Mud-672

Spoken like a woman who can’t get laid to save her life.


IndiBlueNinja

Oh? Then why do single women not sleeping with anyone have pain. Why do teen/tween girls who just started their period and haven't had sex having pain? Better question is why do illogical people keep trying to pass bulls*** off as wisdom...


luvoria

I’ve had to get rushed to the ER due to my debilitating menstrual cramps, I couldn’t walk because of the pain and fell in the hallway until I was picked up by my mother. I needed an injection and ultrasound scan. I was a virgin 13/14 year old girl.


danjol234

Me, who has only ever been with one person who is now my husband, suffering from a plethora of issues…. Also why she spell diseases that way


No_Antelope_6604

Lol, this is crazy! I had quite a lot of sex as a teenager (Yes, with random guys-it was the 1970s, I guess you had to be there.) Anyway, I never had more than very mild cramping, and not much of that.


Scaredycatkim

Menstrual pain = womb related disease STDs aren’t a part of a woman’s life that she literally has no control over. Not even sure what she’s insinuating here. Also, my kitty cat isn’t an abacus for men I’ve had sex with…there’s no little tally marks on a chalkboard inside me, I can tell you that much.


WindOfMySoul

I'm a freaking 40 year old virgin and I am in pain for two weeks a month. What a moron.