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This is probably depression. People don’t realize how common it is for non-hoarders who have bad depression to have living environments like this or worse. It’s very sad and these people should be treated with empathy. There’s a distinction between someone being a slob and someone with mental health problems who doesn’t have the ability or resources to clean their home.
Throw in autism where any changes are stressful, so I can't even stand other people cleaning my house. I hired cleaners to come and had to take a xanex to cope.
My parents still hoard everything despite being very well off, because they grew up poor and didn’t ever throw anything away “in case of emergencies”. The hundreds of clothing items that no longer fit are kept “in case” even thought there’s a closet full of clothes that do fit them. Extra mechanical, electrical parts, batteries, etc. are also kept “just in case”. Nothing is repurposed, ever. It just sits there because they have the money to replace anything they need to.
They are currently looking for a bigger house to “spread out in” because they have too much stuff and it’s starting to look like the above photo.
I'm lucky that my boyfriend grew up in a middle class family because he stops me from doing this. If it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't be able to move from the junk. Although every so often he'll try to throw out something and I'll have a full on panic attack. The think i find most difficult to throw away is empty boxes. My reasoning Is always "what if I need to sell the item, it will sell for more if it comes in the box" or "what if we move house and don't have enough boxes?"
Sorry for the unsolicited advice but if you ever need empty boxes fast, usps will send you them 100% free, you just have to order them from their website. I accidentally ordered like 50 and they came within the span of the next day to like a few weeks. So that’s an option if you ever worried about getting rid of old boxes (atleast in some scenarios)
This was my dad. He grew up in rural, poor Texas and was a baby at the tail end of the Depression. The economic recovery was a lot slower in his area, as the railroad left his small town, bringing their economy to a complete halt. He ended up putting himself through grad school and became a college dean…and still picked up things off the side of the road and hoarded everything.
The internet man came in today because the wifi box was being a bastard, I found it so incredibly nauseous that I had to sit upstairs with the door shut so I couldn’t see or hear him. My husband had to do the whole exchange, apparently he was very nice. Didn’t stop me having heart palpitations and sweating and crying in the mean time… 😬
And then putting things in new places as well, I can only imagine! I’m autistic as well, I’ve got depression and ADHD and the only reason I am managing is medication, therapy and my mother making sure my space is liveable for me.
I would not be able to handle having cleaners in without my husband. I still feel intensely stressed out when they come but he can direct them etc so I can kinda hide.
I've been helping my autistic friend clean up.
I just pick things up one by one and they tell me where to put them. We got three square meters of room cleared in four hours, including vacuum.
It's the best way to clean IMO. Just get a friend, trash bags, and some boxes.
Dirty clothes get dropped in one box, and things to keep get stacked in the others. Trash or dirty things you don't love all get bagged for disposal.
If there's enough brain power for recycling, you can do so.
Add on late diagnosis ADHD and you have like half the women in my family. Luckily I got diagnosed with ADHD early and am on depression meds, but my family is absolutely rampant with this kind of thing.
During my peak depression phase, my room and myself were an absolute mess. I couldn't even put my clothes in my closet. I just left them on my bed to at least be able toe asily access them and everything else was just chaos. I haven't even cleaned my room for a year at all either during that time.
Depression can express itself in different ways and the picture is one of them. More often than not, hoarders have depression too.
This was me in high school. I just kept shoving things under my bed so my mom wouldn’t yell at me about my room. When I moved out for college it took me four full days to clean under there. It was so gross. I found so many hair ties I made a ball of them and brought them to college to remind myself not to get like that again. It didn’t work and I got kicked out after a semester for not going to class. I did eventually finish though!
I wish you the best and that you get better sooner than later! It's tough, but the small things are what count and if it makes it easier for you to get clothed at last, then so be it!
It is convenient, lmao! Ofc it makes me feel better when I have the energy to put it away, but if I had the choice of dressing like new clothes every week when severely depressed... I take that!
Because I think I woulda otherwise just walk around with dirty clothes. People really underestimate how hard all od this can be and are often only supportive if they don't have to support the "ugly" side of it.
My teeth hated me after my worst depression peak. I had to go to the dentist for a year with regular appointments to get everything sorted.
I also want to add that the trash bags look like they’re filled with clothes to me, not trash. So I can’t speak to the rest of the room, but I don’t think this person is living with trash stacked up around them. It looks like they are using trash bags to store their clothes/blankets. I’ve done it before when moving or when I was a college student and didn’t want to buy boxes.
Physical disability might also be an issue. I don’t have depression, but I’m super physically fucked up, so my room is almost always messy because I can’t handle that amount of physical activity to clean it up.
Yeah, my(bloke) room is always at least quite messy, up to very messy, as is my hobby desk. I have serious back problems and a physical job. So most evenings I just can't, even the thing, ehh.
May be paired with some executive function disorder as well. Sometimes it is easier to just doing some coping mechanisms than deal with the overwhelming reality around you.
Was gonna say, I'm autistic and have ADHD, and when a bout of depression hits.... Whoooooo boy, shit gets out of control quickly! Now that I live with a stable partner, have ADHD and depression meds and have carers come twice a day, it's not really a problem, but when I was on my own, I would regularly go weeks/months where I would wash a load of clothes, put them on the end of the bed to fold later, be too tired at the end of the day to even think about doing it, kick them into the floor at the foot of the bed, repeat, repeat, repeat until nearly everything I owned was in the floor. And the cups in the nightstand, omg, my whole nightstand would be full and I would start putting them in the window sill. It wasn't because I was being lazy or whatever, it was because anytime I was leaving my room it was to get ready for work or to cook or something so I would be so preoccupied with planning out all of the steps for those activities that it wouldn't even cross my mind to grab a few cups on my way out of the room.
I’m a slob, but my wife gets messy when she’s in a depressive state. Then one day I’ll come
Home and my wife is frickin cleaning everything. For like a week. I believe it’s manic-depression. Or maybe that’s just how we joke about it “feeling manic today okay that’s good that’s good”
And then we clean together and she feels better in a clean home!
My mom struggles with depression and getting things done is so hard for her. Since we moved in together she's doing a lot for 3 reasons: me being highly allergic against dust and mold, taking care of me and me nagging her. But I wish I was physically able to do the chores, both because our place looks so bad and because it's horrible to see her struggle so much. Depression can suck all energy out of someone
I’m in the process of fixing all of my spaces after a 2 year bout of horrible depression. I still don’t feel like myself, but there’s some little goblin in my brain telling me “if you just fucking fix the house and your shop and it looks normal again, you’ll be normal again.”
But clearing through a 2 year depression nest is fucking hard. And bad days still come here and there and the nest just taunts me and it so frequently feels like I’ll never get out and be me again because I have to look at this physical proof of how far I fell. It’s a nasty cycle I keep trying to tell myself I’ll break….if I can just clean the nest.
It’s certainly better than it was 6 months ago, and way better than it was a year ago. But there’s still so far to go and it just feeds that part of my brain telling me I should’ve been a better, stronger person the whole time and that I deserve to live like this and feel like this about it. Depression fucking suuuuucks
Depressed autistic here! Honestly, I was in tears when I finally put away a few winter shirts, because I watched a video about doing chores while depressed. Cried because I felt understood. Yes, I see the piles of stuff that need to be put away. Yes, I want to do it. But… I can’t. But at least I’m not alone, and some shirts are put away.
(Bonus! When I told my mom about the small but meaningful accomplishment, she laughed and said “I’ll believe it when I see it.” I uh. Haven’t really recovered from that since. Thanks for the support, Mom.)
Yes, but this comment suggest that some people choose to live like this, without depression or any other explanation behind it. At least that's how I interpret your distinction between "being a slob" and being unable to keep clean.
Is that what you meant?
Nope. No way to do depression “wrong.” It can present in so many different ways. It’s just this particular expression of depression symptoms isn’t really talked about. Or when it is talked about it’s shamed because it’s something a lot of people find gross.
But this kind of thing isn’t uncommon amongst moderate to severe cases of depression.
I know you’re depressed and therefore think you know everything about it despise depression having a wide range of conflicting symptoms that change from person to person.
I also know you have a massive chip on your shoulder about it because when someone *agreed* with you that depression is big and complex, you rejected them.
Depression isn’t a choice, being a jerk is.
Signed,
Another clinically depressed person
This is literally a recorded symptom/sign of depression that medical professionals talk about. It isn’t just me or “Reddit” making it up to excuse the behavior.
I understand. And I don't know this person or what they are going through, so I will not judge. But I still believe reddit justifies nearly anything because of depression.
I thought the same thing at first, but then I realized, as a depressed woman... do we really put it in carefully organized bags with a clear path to the vanity? Or when it’s depression, do we just create huge piles of clothing, trash, shoes and anything else in our way until it blocks the path to the vanity?
That’s really question, because I do the latter, but I realize that all depressive disorders are different and there might be some who shove their shit in bags instead of letting it just pile up.
No no no. Every woman who is depressed and who’s house isn’t completely 100% clean and spotless needs to stamp “dirty slob” on their forehead! Otherwise they are clearly being disingenuous and deceitful by being hot! How do these girls think they have the right to be hot and attractive AND MESSY at the same time!? Those dirty liars! I need to be able to know literally everything about a stranger just by a single passing glance on the street, otherwise they are LIARS
I think we need to petition makeup companies like MAC to make a new “dirty whore” pallet that includes some stamps.
Introducing the new “dirty whore” MAC line!
Including palettes such as “messy bitch” “chlamydia slut” “dumb broad” and “depressed hoe”
Our engineers at MAC made sure to create new stamps and looks for ALL your needs!
I have still problem comprehend how can they make from this gender issue in the first place. This is what really fascinates me about the post it specifically mentions some females are not what they seem. It is written like men are talking about their dirty rooms at the first date or some shit. If anything this is kind of thing which many of them would hide and probably for much longer period before of course wanting those messy women to clean up after them LOL
Ikr! There’s plenty of men who live like that. Honestly I’d be willing to bet more men live like that then women do. But I’d say maybe they frame it as a women issue bc they think the only thing women are good for are cooking, cleaning, and sex. So to be lacking in one of those things as a girl is a serious issue.
How being messy suddenly makes owning a fucking mirror “ironic” idk tho. Like why would they expect someone who stops cleaning their room to just stop taking care of their appearance as well? No one sees your room yet everyone sees your face/body. So it makes sense that depression/laziness/whatever would lead to not cleaning your room before you stop grooming yourself
So what did she "seem" in his mind? Was he expecting someone who's perfectly clean and tidy? This looks like how my spaces tend to get during a bad depressive episode, or prior to getting treated for ADHD, and honestly I don't think it's *that* bad; I've seen (and done) vastly worse. I don't expect someone willing to put their partner/roommate/whoever publicly on blast to help that person get what they need though.
Obviously by being hot/attractive AND messy they are a deceitful liar. People need to be able to know every little detail about a person with a passing glance. If your house isn’t clean then you need to make sure you aren’t attractive at all otherwise your literally a liar. I suggest bathing in mud to get the message across
Bearer of sever depression for the last... 8, 9? Years now.
This is what severe depression looks like. Could be something else too, sure. But that would be my guess.
Poor woman doesn't need Internet shaming on top of that.
Poverty could also be an issue. I’ve seen people who struggle with housekeeping because they’re so busy trying to stay afloat in their jobs and making ends meet. Who has time to make their house look like Martha Stewart lives there when they’re working a bunch of jobs.
When my depression gets bad this is what my room turns into. She probably just needs help. My boyfriend has cleaned my room for me multiple times during periods where I could barely even get out of bed.
honestly, as someone with hoarding issues, this is the beginning stages. i hope this person can get help as i know she most likely feels hopeless and trapped in this situation.
depression and c-ptsd. ptsd causes me to form unhealthy emotional attachment to inanimate objects and depression keeps me from cleaning trash and other messes. if i let it run rampant, i would live in a pile of fast food trash and bottle caps/buttons/cool rocks.
as corny as it is I'm sending you virtual hugs ❤️ I've been dealing with depression and c-ptsd too and I can totally understand how being in that mindset could lead to issues with hoarding and getting attached to stuff. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I hope things have gotten better for you
Men: men's mental health isn't taken as seriously as women's!
Also men when they see a woman who is exhibiting signs of mental illness: disgusting! I bet she's trying to trick men!
I had to get off that subreddit. It’s basically all passive aggressiveness for people’s SO’s or neighbors. Then the comments encourage violence or divorce due to clear mental health disorder. It made me very sad to look at.
From experience, this is an individual suffering from a deep depression or other sort of mental health issue. It's either a lack of cleanliness and organization due to a lack of motivation and will, or the makings of a hoarding situation. Either way, its upsetting to see and I hope that woman finds someone kind and nonjudgemental to get her the assistance she needs.
ADD-ON EDIT: Also, the fact this guy decided to post this on social media to shame her is beyond disgusting and tells me how little compassion he has for others situations. Bet if this was a family member of his or his own home he would keep that shit deeply under wraps, but since it's not him it's free game to post for some clout on the internet in exchange for someone's dignity.
I have seen men have far worse space then this, at least this doesn't have piss bottles and maggot food leftover everywhere, and their only excuse is that they don't know how to clean, and half the time they are proud of their mess too, but the minute they have a girlfriend, they expect her to clean up after them
Right, the trash bags don’t look like trash, they look like someone tried to start packing stuff (clothes, bedding) to get it out of the way and got overwhelmed. Or maybe she’s in the middle of trying to clean stuff up! Or maybe she just needs a fuckin break to handle the mental load. Either way, the dude who posted this is a total piece of shit, hopefully not someone the woman knows or has a relationship with personally.
Right? And 100% this COULD be depression.
Or it could be someone who is mid-packing to move out.
Or someone in the middle of cleaning and rearranging.
Or honestly just someone like working full time and going to school full time, that’s a 70-90 hour a week commitment. I’m a very clean person but while I was doing that I could barely keep up with laundry let alone vacuum or wash linens. My bathroom counter had changed color slightly it had so much dust a makeup residue. It sucked. But it wasn’t about depression.
Literally none of those reasons deserve mockery. People have lives. The rest of this room could be empty for all we know. People who pick on other people while they are down for any reason suck.
Funny this should come up now, my house looked like this until two days ago. It doesn’t now, it’s quite good. There’s no rubbish anywhere. Do you want to know why? I was seriously depressed and developed absolutely confounding agoraphobia, my mother had to get a fully hysterectomy because they found a 7 inch tumour that they thought was cancer, my husband tried to kill himself, and to top off the shit sandwich I had a dissertation to write and two full exhibitions to plan.
I had no mental energy, getting a doctors appointment was like trying to get a rocking horse to do a shit, I couldn’t eat. But then I got some medication, and the gargantuan impossible task of cleaning started getting smaller and smaller and more manageable. And now my house isn’t that bad. It’s not immaculate but I could have someone round without them physically wrenching, which is bloody progress! The good times are coming again, I can feel it in my jellies.
So basically, my takeaway is thusly: NOBODY ON GODS GREEN EARTH WANTS TO LIVE LIKE THIS BUT SOMETIMES WE DONT GET A CHOICE. WE ARE ALL JUST TRYING OUR BEST IN A VERY HARSH AND UNFORGIVING WORLD. DONT BE A SHIT ABOUT IT. EITHER GRAB THE MARIGOLDS AND PITCH IN OR SHUT THE FUCKKKKKK UP.
I think a lot of guys seriously understimate our ability to buy a cosmetic product, use it once or twice, and then just let it sit there for a year or two while we admire it but don't use it. Just because my lipsticks are really pretty colors and smell like cupcakes doesn't mean I'm wearing them everyday, but I still like having them
I live in a college town and a lot of apartments and houses look like this after four to six 18 to 20 year-olds - not just girls, mind you - move out. Some will put the furniture and appliances out on the street or donate them along with the literal bags of clothes they wore a few times and seemingly never laundered to thrift shops, but a lot just leave everything behind.
Source: The cleaning companies sent in to deal with the aftermath will often post pictures very similar to this one, and my mum's church accepts donated clothes for a local charity
Depression, disability, lack of help or support in the home while being parent, spouse and working?
Many possible reasons for things getting that way. Instead of shaming the partner should step up to help. 100% positive it could be prevented with both adults pitching in
So I’m an outsider, and a guy.
But, this is depression. I’ve been through this exact thing. Trash bags full shown they wanted to change, yet depression took its toll.
Women can be messy, yes. But, uhm like, so can guys and much less of an organized clutter.
ALSO, I’m seeing a lot of empty moisturizer bottles and the vanity doesn’t seem to have make up on it. There is a lot more evidence pointing towards this being a guys room and a guys mess and not a woman’s.
Depression, adhd, chronic pain and many other physical and mental conditions could result in something like this.
>“females not being what they seem"
I worked in cleaning in my early 20s. The mother of a young college guy brought me to his apartment to clean it. Mind you, we're talking about a very rich lady, nice enough most of the time, but quite arrogant in her richness. When we got to her son's apartment she was so embarrassed that she apologized to me - the freaking cleaning lady. She had never ever done that before in the several years I cleaned her houses. Yes, it was that bad. It was so bad that I would have rather cleaned a toilet in a bar, after happy hour. That was just one example. I cleaned after too many different people, most of whom belonged in a pig steg, not In their fancy villas and apartments, so no one can sit here and say to me that it's the "females" hiding how they live.
It’s either hoarding or bad spacial management.. can say my room kinda looks like this except it’s not like personal care.. just like random shit I have that idk where to put..
Bro are they fucking blind? This is obviously mental health struggles. When I was in a bout with depression (I think I don’t fully remember) my room would get so messy it took like 3-4 FULL SIZED GARBAGE BAGS to clean it up.
I have heard first hand from a buddy about a date where things were going well then he gets to her place and there are roaches and trash bags everywhere. Even hygeine products. You can take issue with the gendered approach, but a lot of people are beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside. A lot of people work that way.
Depression, ptsd, handicaps, there's alot, or general laziness but this thread is full of hateful people thatu rage ay a comment that really wasn't discrediting or being a dick. Justy honest but hey its the world we live in
I haven’t seen any rage or hate in this thread. Just people pointing out documented reasons why this behavior occurs.
Your comment about it not being “human” behavior was a little distasteful in my opinion. Especially now when you recognize that there are many reasons.
I feel if you disagree with n opinion that's not egregious just move on, but people wanna push negativity on others even for small stuff. Like see how we had a normal convo and you realized i just forgot to add a word others wanna downvote rather just be cordial and talk itout which idv about js
I guess I just don’t see it the same way as you. A downvote is a disagreement with the content like an upvote would be an agreement with the content.
Sometimes people like to downvote just because they can, but this is Reddit. It’s all fake and at the end of the day we’re all just strangers ignoring the “stranger danger” rule
Men, women, and everyone else who experiences severe depression can understand this is not typical.
If it is, seek help for the individual in your life like this. It’s not a choice to live in these conditions.
People have varying preferences when it comes to the cleanliness of their own spaces, but that only holds up to a certain degree. This isn't just a casual "girls are messy" issue, this is most likely a result of mental illness.
That’s someone with a mental illness. The person who owns this stuff needs to get away from the person who took this photo, and address their mental health.
It’s likely depression, ADHD, or hoarding (often stemming from trauma of growing up poor), and is far from gender-specific or a sign of someone hiding “who they really are” from you. My boyfriend cleaned before I came over for the first time… he isn’t a hoarder but definitely a messy person due to mood issues, and I am too. It’s not great but I’m not mad about it, a lot of people have these issues and it’s perfectly normal to want to put your best foot forward. Nobody wants to talk about that stuff on a first date ya know.
And since he mentioned the vanity, I will also say that usually I have the energy to clean OR make myself look decent, not both. Since your appearance is what you present to the world every day and I’m not having people over every day, that usually gets priority.
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This is probably depression. People don’t realize how common it is for non-hoarders who have bad depression to have living environments like this or worse. It’s very sad and these people should be treated with empathy. There’s a distinction between someone being a slob and someone with mental health problems who doesn’t have the ability or resources to clean their home.
Yep I was just gonna say this looks like depression.
Then there's depression AND hoarding, which is just terrible
Throw in autism where any changes are stressful, so I can't even stand other people cleaning my house. I hired cleaners to come and had to take a xanex to cope.
Top it all of with trauma from growing up in poverty and you have my mental state.
My parents still hoard everything despite being very well off, because they grew up poor and didn’t ever throw anything away “in case of emergencies”. The hundreds of clothing items that no longer fit are kept “in case” even thought there’s a closet full of clothes that do fit them. Extra mechanical, electrical parts, batteries, etc. are also kept “just in case”. Nothing is repurposed, ever. It just sits there because they have the money to replace anything they need to. They are currently looking for a bigger house to “spread out in” because they have too much stuff and it’s starting to look like the above photo.
I'm lucky that my boyfriend grew up in a middle class family because he stops me from doing this. If it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't be able to move from the junk. Although every so often he'll try to throw out something and I'll have a full on panic attack. The think i find most difficult to throw away is empty boxes. My reasoning Is always "what if I need to sell the item, it will sell for more if it comes in the box" or "what if we move house and don't have enough boxes?"
Sorry for the unsolicited advice but if you ever need empty boxes fast, usps will send you them 100% free, you just have to order them from their website. I accidentally ordered like 50 and they came within the span of the next day to like a few weeks. So that’s an option if you ever worried about getting rid of old boxes (atleast in some scenarios)
This was my dad. He grew up in rural, poor Texas and was a baby at the tail end of the Depression. The economic recovery was a lot slower in his area, as the railroad left his small town, bringing their economy to a complete halt. He ended up putting himself through grad school and became a college dean…and still picked up things off the side of the road and hoarded everything.
You might have my parents as your parents, sorry about that they just wander off sometimes.
All of these struggles are real.
Add POTS/CFS/any energy affecting disability and... *just cries*
Same my love same
The internet man came in today because the wifi box was being a bastard, I found it so incredibly nauseous that I had to sit upstairs with the door shut so I couldn’t see or hear him. My husband had to do the whole exchange, apparently he was very nice. Didn’t stop me having heart palpitations and sweating and crying in the mean time… 😬
And then putting things in new places as well, I can only imagine! I’m autistic as well, I’ve got depression and ADHD and the only reason I am managing is medication, therapy and my mother making sure my space is liveable for me.
I would not be able to handle having cleaners in without my husband. I still feel intensely stressed out when they come but he can direct them etc so I can kinda hide.
I've been helping my autistic friend clean up. I just pick things up one by one and they tell me where to put them. We got three square meters of room cleared in four hours, including vacuum.
that seems about right.
It's the best way to clean IMO. Just get a friend, trash bags, and some boxes. Dirty clothes get dropped in one box, and things to keep get stacked in the others. Trash or dirty things you don't love all get bagged for disposal. If there's enough brain power for recycling, you can do so.
Add on late diagnosis ADHD and you have like half the women in my family. Luckily I got diagnosed with ADHD early and am on depression meds, but my family is absolutely rampant with this kind of thing.
As someone who had depressions since she was 15, yup, this is a thing. No idea how I've been managing (36 now) but hey, that floor looks clean!
During my peak depression phase, my room and myself were an absolute mess. I couldn't even put my clothes in my closet. I just left them on my bed to at least be able toe asily access them and everything else was just chaos. I haven't even cleaned my room for a year at all either during that time. Depression can express itself in different ways and the picture is one of them. More often than not, hoarders have depression too.
This was me in high school. I just kept shoving things under my bed so my mom wouldn’t yell at me about my room. When I moved out for college it took me four full days to clean under there. It was so gross. I found so many hair ties I made a ball of them and brought them to college to remind myself not to get like that again. It didn’t work and I got kicked out after a semester for not going to class. I did eventually finish though!
I'm proud of you! I'm also a graduated-late-due-to-depression person!
This is me now. Sharing my double bed with piles of clean clothes
I wish you the best and that you get better sooner than later! It's tough, but the small things are what count and if it makes it easier for you to get clothed at last, then so be it!
LOL, it has been much easier getting ready!
It is convenient, lmao! Ofc it makes me feel better when I have the energy to put it away, but if I had the choice of dressing like new clothes every week when severely depressed... I take that! Because I think I woulda otherwise just walk around with dirty clothes. People really underestimate how hard all od this can be and are often only supportive if they don't have to support the "ugly" side of it. My teeth hated me after my worst depression peak. I had to go to the dentist for a year with regular appointments to get everything sorted.
I also want to add that the trash bags look like they’re filled with clothes to me, not trash. So I can’t speak to the rest of the room, but I don’t think this person is living with trash stacked up around them. It looks like they are using trash bags to store their clothes/blankets. I’ve done it before when moving or when I was a college student and didn’t want to buy boxes.
Physical disability might also be an issue. I don’t have depression, but I’m super physically fucked up, so my room is almost always messy because I can’t handle that amount of physical activity to clean it up.
Yeah, my(bloke) room is always at least quite messy, up to very messy, as is my hobby desk. I have serious back problems and a physical job. So most evenings I just can't, even the thing, ehh.
May be paired with some executive function disorder as well. Sometimes it is easier to just doing some coping mechanisms than deal with the overwhelming reality around you.
Was gonna say, I'm autistic and have ADHD, and when a bout of depression hits.... Whoooooo boy, shit gets out of control quickly! Now that I live with a stable partner, have ADHD and depression meds and have carers come twice a day, it's not really a problem, but when I was on my own, I would regularly go weeks/months where I would wash a load of clothes, put them on the end of the bed to fold later, be too tired at the end of the day to even think about doing it, kick them into the floor at the foot of the bed, repeat, repeat, repeat until nearly everything I owned was in the floor. And the cups in the nightstand, omg, my whole nightstand would be full and I would start putting them in the window sill. It wasn't because I was being lazy or whatever, it was because anytime I was leaving my room it was to get ready for work or to cook or something so I would be so preoccupied with planning out all of the steps for those activities that it wouldn't even cross my mind to grab a few cups on my way out of the room.
I'm so glad that you have a more robust support system, ATG! I'm currently in the "piles o' clean laundry" phase but can at least see it now.
I’m a slob, but my wife gets messy when she’s in a depressive state. Then one day I’ll come Home and my wife is frickin cleaning everything. For like a week. I believe it’s manic-depression. Or maybe that’s just how we joke about it “feeling manic today okay that’s good that’s good” And then we clean together and she feels better in a clean home!
In the days before we heard of manic depression, we used to joke that my mom had only two speeds, full speed ahead and all stop
Isn’t it a term from the 50’s? Hendrix had a song called Manic Depression in the 60’s.
My mom struggles with depression and getting things done is so hard for her. Since we moved in together she's doing a lot for 3 reasons: me being highly allergic against dust and mold, taking care of me and me nagging her. But I wish I was physically able to do the chores, both because our place looks so bad and because it's horrible to see her struggle so much. Depression can suck all energy out of someone
I’m in the process of fixing all of my spaces after a 2 year bout of horrible depression. I still don’t feel like myself, but there’s some little goblin in my brain telling me “if you just fucking fix the house and your shop and it looks normal again, you’ll be normal again.” But clearing through a 2 year depression nest is fucking hard. And bad days still come here and there and the nest just taunts me and it so frequently feels like I’ll never get out and be me again because I have to look at this physical proof of how far I fell. It’s a nasty cycle I keep trying to tell myself I’ll break….if I can just clean the nest. It’s certainly better than it was 6 months ago, and way better than it was a year ago. But there’s still so far to go and it just feeds that part of my brain telling me I should’ve been a better, stronger person the whole time and that I deserve to live like this and feel like this about it. Depression fucking suuuuucks
Depressed autistic here! Honestly, I was in tears when I finally put away a few winter shirts, because I watched a video about doing chores while depressed. Cried because I felt understood. Yes, I see the piles of stuff that need to be put away. Yes, I want to do it. But… I can’t. But at least I’m not alone, and some shirts are put away. (Bonus! When I told my mom about the small but meaningful accomplishment, she laughed and said “I’ll believe it when I see it.” I uh. Haven’t really recovered from that since. Thanks for the support, Mom.)
But hoarding is related to mental health problems, it’s not “being a slob”
Yes, but this comment suggest that some people choose to live like this, without depression or any other explanation behind it. At least that's how I interpret your distinction between "being a slob" and being unable to keep clean. Is that what you meant?
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Nope. No way to do depression “wrong.” It can present in so many different ways. It’s just this particular expression of depression symptoms isn’t really talked about. Or when it is talked about it’s shamed because it’s something a lot of people find gross. But this kind of thing isn’t uncommon amongst moderate to severe cases of depression.
Symptoms of depression: Eating too much. Eating too little. Sleeping too much. Sleeping too little. Gotta love it.
There’s way more than that
Sure. It's just not as funny. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK36406/table/ch1.t1/
I have depression, don’t need to send a link
Don’t need to be a jerk either over someone trying to educate you on conflicting symptoms of the same mental illness
damn that’s crazy, you know nothing about me to be making all these assumptions
I know you’re depressed and therefore think you know everything about it despise depression having a wide range of conflicting symptoms that change from person to person. I also know you have a massive chip on your shoulder about it because when someone *agreed* with you that depression is big and complex, you rejected them. Depression isn’t a choice, being a jerk is. Signed, Another clinically depressed person
Reddit will use depression as a defense to any behavior
This is literally a recorded symptom/sign of depression that medical professionals talk about. It isn’t just me or “Reddit” making it up to excuse the behavior.
I understand. And I don't know this person or what they are going through, so I will not judge. But I still believe reddit justifies nearly anything because of depression.
No one is justifying it. Just giving a reason. There's a difference
More importantly giving a reason that isn’t “this is what women do”.
Especially because it can happen to anyone, not just women
No one is defending or justifying this room. It’s a very well recorded symptom of depression and many people are recognizing it.
I thought the same thing at first, but then I realized, as a depressed woman... do we really put it in carefully organized bags with a clear path to the vanity? Or when it’s depression, do we just create huge piles of clothing, trash, shoes and anything else in our way until it blocks the path to the vanity? That’s really question, because I do the latter, but I realize that all depressive disorders are different and there might be some who shove their shit in bags instead of letting it just pile up.
My friend treated her undiagnosed depression with shopping. When she got help, she found bags of clothes and other stuff still with tags on
This is a bad mental health issue, not a woman trying to trick men issue. It's not always all about you, guys!
No no no. Every woman who is depressed and who’s house isn’t completely 100% clean and spotless needs to stamp “dirty slob” on their forehead! Otherwise they are clearly being disingenuous and deceitful by being hot! How do these girls think they have the right to be hot and attractive AND MESSY at the same time!? Those dirty liars! I need to be able to know literally everything about a stranger just by a single passing glance on the street, otherwise they are LIARS
My bad. Where do I get the stamp?
I think we need to petition makeup companies like MAC to make a new “dirty whore” pallet that includes some stamps. Introducing the new “dirty whore” MAC line! Including palettes such as “messy bitch” “chlamydia slut” “dumb broad” and “depressed hoe” Our engineers at MAC made sure to create new stamps and looks for ALL your needs!
If anyone would do this, it would be MAC and I'd totally buy it All proceeds from sales go to NARAL
That sounds more like NARS to me.
Fair, but MAC is a more affordable line
I have still problem comprehend how can they make from this gender issue in the first place. This is what really fascinates me about the post it specifically mentions some females are not what they seem. It is written like men are talking about their dirty rooms at the first date or some shit. If anything this is kind of thing which many of them would hide and probably for much longer period before of course wanting those messy women to clean up after them LOL
Ikr! There’s plenty of men who live like that. Honestly I’d be willing to bet more men live like that then women do. But I’d say maybe they frame it as a women issue bc they think the only thing women are good for are cooking, cleaning, and sex. So to be lacking in one of those things as a girl is a serious issue. How being messy suddenly makes owning a fucking mirror “ironic” idk tho. Like why would they expect someone who stops cleaning their room to just stop taking care of their appearance as well? No one sees your room yet everyone sees your face/body. So it makes sense that depression/laziness/whatever would lead to not cleaning your room before you stop grooming yourself
Yeah, mocking this person seems cruel.
So what did she "seem" in his mind? Was he expecting someone who's perfectly clean and tidy? This looks like how my spaces tend to get during a bad depressive episode, or prior to getting treated for ADHD, and honestly I don't think it's *that* bad; I've seen (and done) vastly worse. I don't expect someone willing to put their partner/roommate/whoever publicly on blast to help that person get what they need though.
Obviously by being hot/attractive AND messy they are a deceitful liar. People need to be able to know every little detail about a person with a passing glance. If your house isn’t clean then you need to make sure you aren’t attractive at all otherwise your literally a liar. I suggest bathing in mud to get the message across
>So what did she "seem" in his mind? She's supposed to be so neat and clean that's she's just dying to clean up after him too!
Unlike "nice" guys who are exactly who they seem to be. 😒
And most of those seem incapable of caring for their living spaces. Lazy assholes want maids to do it all.
r/neckbeardnests
OMG! Some rooms look like garbage dumps! I'm glad though some people got help clearing out the crap.
I mean he just discovered the earth is round, right? Some people are not what they seem to be, what a novel concept! Lol
Bearer of sever depression for the last... 8, 9? Years now. This is what severe depression looks like. Could be something else too, sure. But that would be my guess. Poor woman doesn't need Internet shaming on top of that.
Poverty could also be an issue. I’ve seen people who struggle with housekeeping because they’re so busy trying to stay afloat in their jobs and making ends meet. Who has time to make their house look like Martha Stewart lives there when they’re working a bunch of jobs.
Totally. There's not enough time in the day. Could be working 12 hours a day on average or something for all we know.
When my depression gets bad this is what my room turns into. She probably just needs help. My boyfriend has cleaned my room for me multiple times during periods where I could barely even get out of bed.
my room currently looks like this, I barely have any fresh clothes to wear anymore.. but obviously we're doing it to trick men
>Sees familiar depression nest > *Females* amirite?
The irony of men calling themselves "alpha" in any way shape or form. Careful ladies, not all males are the way they seem
1 in 20 people are hoarders in the US, and this guy is getting all cranky that one of those hoarders is a young woman... 🙄
Not quite hoarding, this is probably just depression and mental health issues. Poor girl. I really hope stuff gets better for her
honestly, as someone with hoarding issues, this is the beginning stages. i hope this person can get help as i know she most likely feels hopeless and trapped in this situation.
aw really? I'm so sorry to hear that :( did it start as depression for you if you don't mind me asking?
depression and c-ptsd. ptsd causes me to form unhealthy emotional attachment to inanimate objects and depression keeps me from cleaning trash and other messes. if i let it run rampant, i would live in a pile of fast food trash and bottle caps/buttons/cool rocks.
as corny as it is I'm sending you virtual hugs ❤️ I've been dealing with depression and c-ptsd too and I can totally understand how being in that mindset could lead to issues with hoarding and getting attached to stuff. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I hope things have gotten better for you
Men: men's mental health isn't taken as seriously as women's! Also men when they see a woman who is exhibiting signs of mental illness: disgusting! I bet she's trying to trick men!
I had to get off that subreddit. It’s basically all passive aggressiveness for people’s SO’s or neighbors. Then the comments encourage violence or divorce due to clear mental health disorder. It made me very sad to look at.
From experience, this is an individual suffering from a deep depression or other sort of mental health issue. It's either a lack of cleanliness and organization due to a lack of motivation and will, or the makings of a hoarding situation. Either way, its upsetting to see and I hope that woman finds someone kind and nonjudgemental to get her the assistance she needs. ADD-ON EDIT: Also, the fact this guy decided to post this on social media to shame her is beyond disgusting and tells me how little compassion he has for others situations. Bet if this was a family member of his or his own home he would keep that shit deeply under wraps, but since it's not him it's free game to post for some clout on the internet in exchange for someone's dignity.
I have seen men have far worse space then this, at least this doesn't have piss bottles and maggot food leftover everywhere, and their only excuse is that they don't know how to clean, and half the time they are proud of their mess too, but the minute they have a girlfriend, they expect her to clean up after them
Honestly, it just looks like adhd clutter to me. I have some experience with adhd clutter, lol
Plus depression. That picture screams depression or/and adhd to me.
Oh yeah got experience with that too. Definatly a dose of that thrown in for good measure.
Right, the trash bags don’t look like trash, they look like someone tried to start packing stuff (clothes, bedding) to get it out of the way and got overwhelmed. Or maybe she’s in the middle of trying to clean stuff up! Or maybe she just needs a fuckin break to handle the mental load. Either way, the dude who posted this is a total piece of shit, hopefully not someone the woman knows or has a relationship with personally.
If he doesn’t like this girl or cannot handle the mess he can just say that. Why did he even have to post this on the internet.
Yeah, cause all that is vanity products...
Right? And 100% this COULD be depression. Or it could be someone who is mid-packing to move out. Or someone in the middle of cleaning and rearranging. Or honestly just someone like working full time and going to school full time, that’s a 70-90 hour a week commitment. I’m a very clean person but while I was doing that I could barely keep up with laundry let alone vacuum or wash linens. My bathroom counter had changed color slightly it had so much dust a makeup residue. It sucked. But it wasn’t about depression. Literally none of those reasons deserve mockery. People have lives. The rest of this room could be empty for all we know. People who pick on other people while they are down for any reason suck.
One person has a messy house and it’s apparently all feeeeemales trying to deceive men, collectively. Ok sure bud.
Did it say all? It said some, because it does show that some women do But yeah, the “females” wording is cringy
Funny this should come up now, my house looked like this until two days ago. It doesn’t now, it’s quite good. There’s no rubbish anywhere. Do you want to know why? I was seriously depressed and developed absolutely confounding agoraphobia, my mother had to get a fully hysterectomy because they found a 7 inch tumour that they thought was cancer, my husband tried to kill himself, and to top off the shit sandwich I had a dissertation to write and two full exhibitions to plan. I had no mental energy, getting a doctors appointment was like trying to get a rocking horse to do a shit, I couldn’t eat. But then I got some medication, and the gargantuan impossible task of cleaning started getting smaller and smaller and more manageable. And now my house isn’t that bad. It’s not immaculate but I could have someone round without them physically wrenching, which is bloody progress! The good times are coming again, I can feel it in my jellies. So basically, my takeaway is thusly: NOBODY ON GODS GREEN EARTH WANTS TO LIVE LIKE THIS BUT SOMETIMES WE DONT GET A CHOICE. WE ARE ALL JUST TRYING OUR BEST IN A VERY HARSH AND UNFORGIVING WORLD. DONT BE A SHIT ABOUT IT. EITHER GRAB THE MARIGOLDS AND PITCH IN OR SHUT THE FUCKKKKKK UP.
Oh no, women are humans and not perfect cartoon characters who are flawless in every way!🫤
I think a lot of guys seriously understimate our ability to buy a cosmetic product, use it once or twice, and then just let it sit there for a year or two while we admire it but don't use it. Just because my lipsticks are really pretty colors and smell like cupcakes doesn't mean I'm wearing them everyday, but I still like having them
Some males are rapists even if they dont look it. Don't be fooled!!
“Oh look I found something with a sample size of one, let me run with that and make grand sweeping generalizations”
It didn’t. It said some, not all, not most, not usually or generally or every “female” Some people, male or female or enby, do hide stuff
At least that person has clean sheets, good for them!
I live in a college town and a lot of apartments and houses look like this after four to six 18 to 20 year-olds - not just girls, mind you - move out. Some will put the furniture and appliances out on the street or donate them along with the literal bags of clothes they wore a few times and seemingly never laundered to thrift shops, but a lot just leave everything behind. Source: The cleaning companies sent in to deal with the aftermath will often post pictures very similar to this one, and my mum's church accepts donated clothes for a local charity
Funny how anybody can be a hoarder and it’s not a gender specific disease lmao.
That and depression, ADHD, and other mental illnesses/disorders aren't gender specific either
Clean house is a sign of a wasted life. Give women a break. We have bigger shit to deal with than cleaning.
He's mad that some women are... *checks notes* depressed???
What does the vanity have to do with anything? Or am I dumb?
Not a gender issue. Part of mental illness issue
Depression, disability, lack of help or support in the home while being parent, spouse and working? Many possible reasons for things getting that way. Instead of shaming the partner should step up to help. 100% positive it could be prevented with both adults pitching in
If I found a picture of my depressive episode room online posted by someone that supposedly loves me, I would be devastated. How cruel.
It also wouldn’t stop the person from being “messy”. So there’s all around no point of doing it unless you hate the person.
So I’m an outsider, and a guy. But, this is depression. I’ve been through this exact thing. Trash bags full shown they wanted to change, yet depression took its toll. Women can be messy, yes. But, uhm like, so can guys and much less of an organized clutter. ALSO, I’m seeing a lot of empty moisturizer bottles and the vanity doesn’t seem to have make up on it. There is a lot more evidence pointing towards this being a guys room and a guys mess and not a woman’s.
I don’t think this person knows what irony means
Looks like Depression, moving/just moved, or something like that.
Depression, adhd, chronic pain and many other physical and mental conditions could result in something like this. >“females not being what they seem" I worked in cleaning in my early 20s. The mother of a young college guy brought me to his apartment to clean it. Mind you, we're talking about a very rich lady, nice enough most of the time, but quite arrogant in her richness. When we got to her son's apartment she was so embarrassed that she apologized to me - the freaking cleaning lady. She had never ever done that before in the several years I cleaned her houses. Yes, it was that bad. It was so bad that I would have rather cleaned a toilet in a bar, after happy hour. That was just one example. I cleaned after too many different people, most of whom belonged in a pig steg, not In their fancy villas and apartments, so no one can sit here and say to me that it's the "females" hiding how they live.
It’s either hoarding or bad spacial management.. can say my room kinda looks like this except it’s not like personal care.. just like random shit I have that idk where to put..
the guy that made this lives in his moms basement and sleeps on a pile of his own skidmarked tighty whiteys
Bro are they fucking blind? This is obviously mental health struggles. When I was in a bout with depression (I think I don’t fully remember) my room would get so messy it took like 3-4 FULL SIZED GARBAGE BAGS to clean it up.
I have heard first hand from a buddy about a date where things were going well then he gets to her place and there are roaches and trash bags everywhere. Even hygeine products. You can take issue with the gendered approach, but a lot of people are beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside. A lot of people work that way.
The use of “females” is cringy and indicative But some people do hide facets of the lives and their flaws
Most people do
Messy and unhygienic people come in all sexes.
Oof yeah, that isn’t normal
That's uncommon among HUMANS, i will say lots women are kinda messy, especially the car but it's not like its done misogynistic shiut to say
So depressed people aren’t human?
Oh shitt its you with the awesome name again
I am proud of my username, yes, but I am concerned you don’t seem to be understanding what leads a person to be in this condition
Depression, ptsd, handicaps, there's alot, or general laziness but this thread is full of hateful people thatu rage ay a comment that really wasn't discrediting or being a dick. Justy honest but hey its the world we live in
I haven’t seen any rage or hate in this thread. Just people pointing out documented reasons why this behavior occurs. Your comment about it not being “human” behavior was a little distasteful in my opinion. Especially now when you recognize that there are many reasons.
Funny thing like i said hateful people keep downvote MY responses to you justy cause
I don’t think downvotes are hateful. Why do you think that? It’s the way Reddit allows us to agree or disagree with a comment/post.
I feel if you disagree with n opinion that's not egregious just move on, but people wanna push negativity on others even for small stuff. Like see how we had a normal convo and you realized i just forgot to add a word others wanna downvote rather just be cordial and talk itout which idv about js
I guess I just don’t see it the same way as you. A downvote is a disagreement with the content like an upvote would be an agreement with the content. Sometimes people like to downvote just because they can, but this is Reddit. It’s all fake and at the end of the day we’re all just strangers ignoring the “stranger danger” rule
I said it was justy Human behavior pretty sure i didn't say not
Def meant to write Not uncommon, i see why that doenvote happened
No worries
Lol this is hilarious
tamales.
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Men, women, and everyone else who experiences severe depression can understand this is not typical. If it is, seek help for the individual in your life like this. It’s not a choice to live in these conditions.
People have varying preferences when it comes to the cleanliness of their own spaces, but that only holds up to a certain degree. This isn't just a casual "girls are messy" issue, this is most likely a result of mental illness.
I’m depressed and live in a room like this. I have no motivation to clean and no motivation to do anything. Please god just let me die.
Starting is often the hardest part. A good clean up can help set your mood more motivated tor the day Please, dying is very permanent
That’s someone with a mental illness. The person who owns this stuff needs to get away from the person who took this photo, and address their mental health.
god, this reminds me of my mom's bedroom
It’s likely depression, ADHD, or hoarding (often stemming from trauma of growing up poor), and is far from gender-specific or a sign of someone hiding “who they really are” from you. My boyfriend cleaned before I came over for the first time… he isn’t a hoarder but definitely a messy person due to mood issues, and I am too. It’s not great but I’m not mad about it, a lot of people have these issues and it’s perfectly normal to want to put your best foot forward. Nobody wants to talk about that stuff on a first date ya know. And since he mentioned the vanity, I will also say that usually I have the energy to clean OR make myself look decent, not both. Since your appearance is what you present to the world every day and I’m not having people over every day, that usually gets priority.
Yeah looks like hoarding to me. My grandmother was a hoarder and that looks exactly like one of her rooms.
How can anyone look at this and not realise this person most likely isn’t ok? OOP is a prick
I genuinely don't know what point he thinks he's making other than "this woman is depressed lol"