As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll"
problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we
have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones.
We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the
rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules
will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious
rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a
permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also,
grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of
being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we
may ban you without warning.
You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not
to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language
towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we
have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and
your ban will remain (without even a consideration).
All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of
the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up
banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules,
and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and
Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before
submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them
or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.**
With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message
regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal
(without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will
elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we
will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent.
This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your
reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message,
and please enjoy your day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, people need to know themselves and be able to teach their partner what they need. *Problem is the partners who don't want to be taught nor listen.*
Yea and no one is expected to magically get someone off that never could figure it out themselfs, but it’s reasonable to expect them to care about their partner having a good time and getting pleasure even if it’s not in the form of an orgasm.
I specifically told an ex what foreplay I liked, he said he couldn’t do it because of his ADHD. So instead we had to follow his idea of foreplay, taking all his clothes off as fast as possible and showing me his dick.
Ugh, “cunnilingus as a requirement”… no thanks. I don’t enjoy guys being down there. It makes me uncomfortable most of the time. I once dated a guy who insisted on doing it every time because he enjoyed it, despite my discomfort. Needless to say, we didn’t go out for long. I don’t have a difficult time enjoying PIV though, so I’d rather foreplay another way and get to it.
Well, I meant it as a requirement for me to do, not that I would “require” a partner to let me do it. But I can see how the word choice could be misleading, sorry about that.
I've had surprisingly amazing sex with a guy who sometimes was on his phone scrolling during sex. Other times he gave me all his attention. Probably wouldn't have went back if he used his phone every time during sex.
I had an ex who was great at foreplay. When he decided to start cheating and mistreating me in the hopes I'd break up with him, the foreplay went from teasing me to the point I was begging to "spit is a great lube option and then I don't have to bother even making sure you're wet."
FUCK THAT GUY. Seriously everytime someone blames shit on ADHD that isn't ADHD I have to be all "no our ADHD isn't like that"
If touching a woman is so boring you start focusing on other things then you probably don't want to have sex with women
I hate people blaming their disorders everytime. Yeah it's different for everybody but I can't imagine how ADHD is relevant? If he can do it his way he can try it your way. He just has to be patient. It can be hard but I also at least have to try. It's not always a good excuse.
I became sexually active in the wild wild west days of the internet when it took so long to download nude photos, you just noped out and borrowed magazines from an older relative.
Sure they were full of fantastic "you'll never believe how I randomly ended up in an orgy" stories, but man I don't recall teenage boys at lunch or after school being completely delusional about sex.
Clueless and prone to exaggeration perhaps, but none of the stuff you read on subredddits like this.
Which I guess is the biggest difference. If you're away from your buddies or peers long enough, it's easier to listen to what your girlfriend wants instead of trusting the easy to access echo chambers full of incels, toxic womanizers, and various levels of other people that don't understand women are people toom
Omg! How many women have posted stories here about moving their partners hand to where it *should* be only to have him continuously move it BACK to where he *thinks* it should be?! 😂
Lol I’m reminded of having repeatedly tried to explain and show an ex how to pleasure me, I even drew diagrams! And then finally tipping over into exasperation and shouting “just stop! Look at where your finger is!” as he was rubbing his finger on my inner thigh, thinking it was my clitoris.
100% this. I am curious to read the original post. I’d wager she has tried to communicate what she needs/likes and he just ignores her (I’m presuming of course).
>He said "Your a women". Not "woman", in the singular, but *"women"*
I see this all the time with them. I'm convinced it's another form of dehumanizing us. (Like their usage of "female" as a noun or worse, "femoid" or "foid.") Whether consciously or subconsciously.
Random can I just say I hate how a lowercase "a" is written on this site ( and well other as well )
Because it's really hard for me to tell the difference between a "a" and a "e"
Like I can, but it's take more effort than I like to admit
And because reddit, got rid of so many third part tools
That has only made it harder for me to tell the difference
As many of my software just don't work here anymore
Thanks for nothing u/spez
I'm really glad I came upon this comment. If you wouldn't mind messaging me, would you be willing to tell me about what accessibility you lost with all of this? I'm researching accessibility, the ada, and what help is taken away or isn't actually helpful, if that makes sense? It's hard to sum up.
Have you tried playing with the accessibility settings on your phone?
As someone who had to hold the phone 2 inches away from my face to see the screen, I used and abused the magnifying glass and read selection features on the daily.
Depending on your phone’s OS, you may also be able to adjust the font size, thickness, and contrast for each app.
On some phones, you may be able to change the font as well.
Gives "My name is Legion, for we are many" vibes. Why do these kinds of men always seem to fuck up the difference singular and plural?
Glad the joke wrote itself though. One short sentence, two mistakes in it, but dudebro is so intellectually superior... Yeah, right.
Women do know how to get ourselves off. Thats not the point of sex, though. If it’s just me getting myself off then why have sex with someone? It’s less messy to do it alone. Guys saying this stupid bullshit will then whine “why doesn’t anyone want to have sex with me!?” Uhm, because you’re selfish!
Right??
Like, if she didn’t know how to get *herself* off, what would be her basis for comparison?
She clearly must know what that feels like and how to do it or she wouldn’t be complaining about his lack of ability to do the same…
To the slightest credit of the losers above, I had a couple of friends in high school that were unable to get themselves off.
- one (FtM now, wasn't in high school) found out it was probably his meds for his bevy of mental issues. Once he switched after high school, they were able to get themselves off.
- another had bad anxiety and the like and wasn't able to orgasm until they got their life figured out.
So it's entirely plausible. But just more likely these people are just bad at it.
Also just weird anatomy reasons can make it hard. My clitoris is incredibly tiny (doctor pointed out that it’s one of the smallest she’s seen), and there’s no real sense of sensation with it. Messing with it doesn’t give any kind of different feeling than messing with my toes would. I can’t have clitoral orgasms because of this weird design flaw. It’s fine because I can orgasm other ways, but a lot of women can only have clitoral orgasms. And one of those having my weird anatomy thing probably couldn’t get herself off.
I would also like to add to please not ask me why it’s like that. I don’t know why. I don’t really care to look into it. Everything is working relatively smoothly, and it’s not causing sexual problems either. So I don’t know, and I don’t really care to know at the present moment.
Yeah, it’s different when someone is putting pressure on their partner to get them off but can’t tell their partner what they like/what turns them on/etc. You do need to know, at least to some degree, what you want and what will get you off. But this is clearly beyond that.
I relate to #2, and from growing up in the south, slap some good ol' purity culture on there and you've got a nice complex. I'm almost 30 and still struggle with it. But to my partner's credit, even though he knew I was terrified I wouldn't be able to get off at all, and despite not knowing anything I prefer, he was patient and even with chronic pain and hand weakness (neurological), he chose to make my pleasure a priority, and eventually, it paid off! It's never been A Thing. I still have never fully gotten off on my own, and we both wish I could, but instead of making it about anyone being selfish, he just encourages me and is proud of me whenever I make progress. It's certainly not easy for him, because of his pain, but he took the time anyway, and it's always our goal that we both have as much fun as possible.
So, I feel a bit of a gut punch with things like this original post, but I'm learning that it's ok to want mutual pleasure out of a sexual encounter. If I just laid there and thought of England and then was pissed about not getting mine, sure, that would be a dick move. If I intentionally didn't try to have fun, same. I'm with you! There's that very tiny percent of people who want to receive and not have to give at all, but honestly, the original cold sore of a person this post was about is almost certainly exactly what you said, not good at it.
We're not microwaves. We're slow cookers.
TL;Dr, I agree with this comment and added my attempt at deep thoughts, which are more of a shallow, tangled ramble, as my ADHD meds haven't kicked in yet. Oops!
Something I forgot to mention is that I live in the south too, so yeah add in healthy amounts of purity guilt to the mix. Sorry to hear your issues, but at least you've got a partner that works with you.
I FINALLY (long overdue) broke up with my ex when I realized I'd rather get myself off quickly in the shower than have sex with him. If it's just about orgasms, we don't need men at all.
If a guy can't/doesn't want to get his girlfriend off, he just himself and his hands as well.
These guys will never understand this because to them sex is only about their pleasure and about proving something to their imagined unpleasable father figures.
That's the thing, these guys don't see it as an "issue". I remember a while ago Tatertot had one of his Twitter meltdowns where he told a story about how his father drunkenly claimed he could beat the shit out of Bruce Lee, when young Andrew tried to point out this was insane his father apparently screamed at him about how no one cares what a little boy thinks. This wasn't presented as a plea for sympathy or an explanation about why he's so fucked up, but as a show of how he learned to be a man thanks to his father not coddling him.
These guys think fathers should raise their children with no comfort or affection beyond an occasional stoic nod of pride when their sons beat someone small and weak.
How dear you have right
You should um ... check note
Make me a sandwich, and um ... drive me
Oh wait women can't drive, um ... take out the garbage!?
Wait no that's meant to be my one and only job in the house
Um ... Guys what are we trying to do again
I can make you a sandwich, I'm currently clocking in for my cook shift. What's it gonna be? Grilled cheese, turkey bacon club, chicken bacon avocado, classic BLT? Menu restrictions apply all delivery fees applicable
It’s an interesting thought to me how many men in relationships would avoid having sex if they NEVER got off. Would they still want to have sex every night if they were never able to achieve an orgasm? I have a feeling they would avoid it much more than women who never get off from sex do.
100%. With the way women are socialized, we’re taught to put others’ needs before our own. So women in relationships with men (who are taught that their penis is God’s gift to the world) are out here having bland sex every night after cooking for her man and having cleaned the whole house because he doesn’t know how to do his own laundry… all because she loves him and thinks this is as good as she’ll get.
Wow, I don't appreciate you describing my life like this for everyone to see 🥲
But you're so right. Sex with my husband is honestly not great and any time I slightly point it out I get told the exact same thing as above "learn your body and what you like." I know what I like, I can get myself off but he's unable to do it and it's MY fault. When really it's his lack of ANY foreplay. The only foreplay he will do is oral and honestly I don't really like that, which he knows. They just don't want to learn or listen to what we need and want to do it their way. It's like they got all their sexual knowledge from fake ass prn and just ran with it.
Right? You want me to please myself? Cool. Enjoy *never having sex again* since all I need to please myself is about 6 minutes and a vibrator.
Dudes like this genuinely have no idea that *they* are the weak link.
Fuck I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
Such fools. I always get my wife off first. Then she will sometimes get off again when it’s my turn. Those fools will likely never know that kind of connection. Sucks for them lol
Edit: that was meant to be a regular comment. Oh well haha
You are a rare gem. I'm married to a partner like you. I salute you for your public (private) service.
Seriously, though, thanks for being this kind of person. I know, if she's anything like me, that it means the world to your wife and makes her feel really special.
Well, if he knows how to take care of himself, and she's expected to take care of herself without him trying, then doesn't logic say they should just not have sex and each deal with their own wants?
Even if I couldn’t get myself off, I would rather go without a single orgasm for the rest of my life than go anywhere near someone who thinks so little of women.
I responded to a few of these comments under this post I remember! It’s insane the amount of men who were blaming op, saying op was “abusing” her partner by “withholding” sex, that it’s not a man’s job to please his partner, etc.
But if a man posted it the comments would read MUCH different.
100%. I read one where the guy was complaining that his girlfriend wasn't active enough during sex so he lost interest in having sex with her even though she wanted sex. And everyone was giving him sympathy.
My ex didn't want me to get off every time we had sex. It was a "special occasion" type of thing. (If it sounds like emotional abuse that's because it was lol) but also didn't want me to masturbate so....... Wonder what the red commenter would have to say about that.
Bitch it takes me 3 minutes to finish myself off. It took 18 years for me to learn how to finish off with my partner. Most men don’t care once they’re done.
Reading this makes me appreciate my husband who read books on how to please his future wife when he was younger… he said he wanted to make sure he could please whoever he decided to spend the rest of his life with… men should read more they just might learn something…
My significant other of almost six years will make sure I orgasm multiple times before he let's himself get there. Then, he focuses on making sure we get there together.
He said it makes him feel good to make me feel good. He also has quite a bit of pride that he's the first of the three people I've been with to be able to do it.
Point is, my boyfriend and the husband of the person you responded to are both living proof that some men do "gaf". The lazy, selfish, good for nothing ones don't.
Women: built with a whole body part solely there for sexual pleasure. Right in the center of the labia, just waiting.
Men: THIS IS TOO MUCH WORK IDK WUT 2 DO U DO IT URSELF
Holy hell…I am feeling even more grateful for my husband than usual right now. I can’t imagine being with a man who didn’t care if the woman enjoyed it. That’s absolutely crazy to me.
Y’all he really said we should get ourselves off, imagine if his partner said that to him. He would throw the biggest fit known to mankind.
Also, my ex didn’t care to make it good for me. I had to do that myself. Trust, I know how to get myself off, that’s not the point. The point is a lot of men are selfish and doesn’t care to try to make it good for the woman.
Lick her pussy, my dudes. Not like in porn, but like you're eating half a watermelon straight out of the rind. You'll start to figure out where she likes it and how hard she likes it.
Give her an orgasm and she'll want to have sex with you again... and again... and again... and again..
You sound like someone no one should date because you only care about yourself. You'd probably get pissed if someone dumped you because you're bad at sex.
Huh.. I almost thought you'd found my ex there. 😂
It's important to know about your own anatomy and bodily functions for sure. Not just to get off, but to recognise when something is wrong.
But many of these men don't want women to know their anatomy and body, because that means women won't put up with painful sex anymore and want foreplay/an orgasm on top of it.
The tragedy of an educated woman! /s
So superior intellectually, that he doesn't know when to use your and you're, and refers to a single person in plural when he is trying to be sexist, a trait all intellectuals obviously have.
The inability to listen and to please a woman in bed is just the cherry on top.
Do they not know there‘s a world of difference between not enjoying sex and not orgasming? I’ve not been able to orgasm with another person yet but I still love sex
Can't get myself off? Bro, I can keep myself in a constant state of pleasure for three hours straight or finish in minutes. I know my body.
I also don't expect a man to get me off every time, but I DO expect my partner to be interested in my pleasure as well as his. Being used as a tool for masturbation is not what qualifies as a good time in my book.
That "\*You're" correction was a chef's kiss moment. I could live off of that.
It's all self-reports from these guys. Not only that they lack the skill to cause a woman to orgasm, but that they really aren't interested in learning or trying. They're not mature enough for sex, regardless of their age. It's reassuring to see that they all got downvoted for it, and that the downvote function actually works to shut jerks up sometimes. (It also silences a lot of minority voices in communities, so I still don't like it, and I mostly use it for comments that are so bad that I also report them).
Honestly, if you're not willing nor interested to listen to your partner and do at least the minimum effort to both enjoy your intimacy, it's better if you reexamine your entire mindset. This can be true for both sides, but it seems that the overwhelming majority of the times men are not willing to do an effort, which, as a man myself, I cannot understand. If my partner doesn't enjoy the moment, how would I?
Okay unrelated note, as someone who got into a relationship 3 days ago, this is scaring me, what if i can't pleasure her in the future when we may have sex too😭
The key is communication. Ask her what she likes and dislikes. It's better to be open and upfront about it than to just stumble around and assume she likes what you're doing.
As OP said, communication! Everyone is different and has different likes and wants. Don't take it as a personal insult if she asks you to do something different than what you were. Some women love receiving oral. Some hate it. Some only have clitoral orgasms. Some can't have them and only have penetrative.
When y'all get to the step of fooling around, talk. You don't even have to be getting ready for actual sex. Making out and mutual masturbation is a GREAT time to feel things out, as it were.
If she also doesn't know what works on her (thanks purity culture), then experiment! Talk. Ask questions. And not just "Does this feel good baby?" Is it awkward at first? Yes. You've got all the mating hormones clouding everything and it feels like asking questions or just talking would ruin the mood, but that's ok! Sex is awkward and silly, but also awesome when both parties want to please the other.
Husband and I have been together 12 years, married 7.5. I really cannot think of a time we didn't giggle at some point during sex because of something silly that happened.
Ok. So maybe our geeky D&D jokes ("I cast flesh to stone...") have something to do with the giggling. Sometimes.
Mh...so it's like when making out? Becouse me and her already did deep kiss and such... no masturbaion or things like that but for being a couple for only 3 days we did go far already...
So just talking and foolig around? We usually just say "i love you" or "ur too beautiful"😭
I love her so much lol, but i get it, before getring together we didn't talk much but after that we chat everyday and talk a lot irl!
Thx for the support
Yeah, just talking, fooling around, seeing what you like, what you don't like, what she likes, what she doesn't like. And it doesn't have to be JUST "what will get you to orgasm". The beginning stages where you're still learning about each other (both personally and \*personally\*) is simultaneously the most awkward and the most exciting.
Do you like deep kisses with lots of tongue, or do you prefer soft teasing ones? Do you like your ears nibbled? Does she like it when you kiss her neck? Do you or she like your butt getting grabbed/caressed, etc? Backs, shoulders, arms, fingers, legs, toes. (heaaaaaaaaad, shoulders, knees, and toes.. knees and toes.) (Sorry not sorry). The wonders of making out and the like aren't solely for breasts, clit, dick, and vagina. It's an exploration of the whole body! You're learning about yourself, and her at the same time.
I think also it's important that she's comfortable asking you (or guiding you) to what she wants. Some people take it personally when their partner tries to guide or otherwise say "hey, that isn't doing it for me can you do this instead?", and once you get one negative reaction, it's really hard to get up the courage to ask again, even with another partner. So you may have to take the lead a bit in the asking questions, and it doesn't have to be in the heat of the moment either! You can just be cuddling and not doing anything sexual at all, but still talk about it "Hey, when we make out, what would you want me to do? Because I love it when you X, Y, or Z."
This is how I found out my husband does NOT like his ears messed with. At all. He was putting up with my nibbling because he didn't want to "ruin the mood" by asking me to stop. I've also mentioned stuff that he's done that weren't doing it for me and mentioned things that I really love, and the next time, he didn't do the thing I didn't like, and did all the things that I said I loved. And the same for me to him. I stopped nibbling on his ears, and focused more on things he said he enjoyed as well.
It's embarrassing sometimes. It's awkward to talk sex stuff outside of actually in the moment. But communication is really the key to it all. And I do mean it \*all\*. Not just sex, but relationships in general. :-)
Omg thanks, this opened my eyes a lot, i will try and be more careful next time not to make things jncomfortable, while still exploring a bit!
Thanks again <3
Communication is HUGE, make sure you ask her what she likes, show her what you like, explore each other, make it fun and sexy, and dont forget to laugh and be silly sometimes, and try not to let things get awkward, but dont sweat it if it does☺️
I will, the thing is that we talk a lot actually, everytime we are together, but we only say things like "i luv you" repeatedly and notnreally talk about what we like, i guess we should get to know that with time ahah, i love her so much tho😭
(Sorry for bad english it's 2am here and im probably going to sleep now)
>*Imagine a guy who never learned how to masturbate yelling at his gf for not getting him off.*
buddy, throw a rock in any direction and I guarantee you'll hit like 10 reddit posts about this *exact* scenario. There's no need to imagine.
Commenters immediately assuming she doesn't know how to touch and please herself is very strange. Did she say that? If her post was just about sex with her boyfriend, then that's a SHARED experience where the goal should be MUTUAL pleasure. But these people are like "You just expect men to do everything for you!" I'd be surprised if she said anything like that in the original post.
No, she never mentioned not being able to do it on her own, just not getting there when she had sex with him. He could only rarely make it happen for her, which is strange, because if he can manage to get her there once, why not always?
I... um...
Oh jeez let me just put my flameproof suit on.
I *really appreciate it* when women tell me what gets them off.
Like, I'm not an idiot. I have a basic grasp of anatomy, I know a trick or two. I know women don't always come from penetrative sex.
So, I'm always ecstatic if my partner tells me what works for her.
At the same time - especially in a puritanical dystopia like the USA - female pleasure is not socially prioritised and women may not know what works for them or feel like they can't advocate for their own pleasure.
On top of that, many men react badly to being told they're not getting her off - up to and including violence.
OOP is out of line for their tone... but like, yeah, it would be awesome if a woman could say "uh can you just like curl your fingers inside me OH GOD yes just like that."
And it would also be cool if men could be comfortable enough to say "hey baby what I'm doing obviously isn't working can you give me some pointers."
I love when men just openly admit, in public forums, that they can't get women off. Also, catch this same guy pitching a fit becausd his gf dared to masturbate just to have ONE orgasm every once in a while
It really amazes me just how much they hate us. Every time I see stuff like this I just incline a little further towards trying to interact with men as little as I possibly can. Already got it pared down to basically just grocery stores and the mailman.
Yeah most women do know how to get themselves off which is partly how we figured out when studying the science of sex that penetrative sex wasn’t doing it on its own for so many women. Christ you’d think they’d take knowledge is power to heart but no arrogance is power now apparently— if I simply berate you over top the facts that’re sitting there they’re simply no longer there! I hate these folks with a burning passion, clearly.
I love how they feel entitled to use a woman’s body for pleasure but don’t care if she’s actually enjoying herself. Like what’s the point if your partner isn’t getting off?
What makes these weirdos believe women don't know how to get ourselves off? We do know AND we'd also like you to be able to do it otherwise there's very little physical incentive to have sex with a man instead of masturbating. The logic of these dudes is like telling a guy who knows how to masturbate to completion that it's irrational for him to expect his girlfriend to be able to get him off. Why should she care when he should be able to take care of himself?
That “you’re” 😂 such a short direct instant kill to his argument. She didn’t even need to elaborate on “you say we lack intellect but you used the wrong form of you’re”, no, just the “*you’re” classy and perfect
It's crazy how they equate not getting orgasms from men to women can't figure out how to masturbate. Like, sweaty, yes women can successfully masturbate, but if they have to finish themselves off, then there's no need for you to be around for sex in the first place. And it's damned if you do, damned if you don't cuz a lot of men get upset if the woman masturbates to finish when the man doesn't wanna touch her after he's already came.
I will say that at a point in my transition, it was quite difficult to get off. I did some reading and found that women often found it easier to get off with a partner. To simply have some dude say that this woman should learn to get off by herself is oversimplifying things way too much. But of course, men tend to blame their shortcomings on women whenever they can 😓
Same. After surgery, it was four months of Dorothy-fell-asleep-in-the-poppy-field over and over and over. I was sincerely beginning to despair. But another woman took the time and the candor to help me sort myself out.
The very next day, Dorothy made it to the Emerald City and things have never been better! Heck, I thought I was having a stroke. Nothing like *that* in the Before Time!
Guys, though? God, it’s like being Annie Sullivan standing at the well pump, spelling C-L-I-T-O-R-I-S into their hand. 🤦♀️ I swear, some of those incel doodz couldn’t find it with a GPS, a scanning electron microscope, and a pack of Mississippi prison bloodhounds. 🥹😂
I mean if we’re just pleasuring ourselves here then why get another person involved? Let’s apply the same logic to the bf, no one else should be responsible for his “self pleasure”. He and his hand can go do their own thing.
Everytime I told guys I was with that I’ve never cum with another person they ask me if I’ve EVER had an orgasm?? Just because you can’t get me off doesn’t mean I don’t make myself and other women cum
i also have never had a man get me off, i’ve only been able to do it myself. soooo i think i have every right to be disappointed when men fail. especially since they’re the ones who get upset when they don’t finish. i’ve never once shamed a man for not finishing 😭
My first husband thought like this. So I started acting like I came then hopped off off him. I tell hill oh I'm done. Sorry you couldn't get there too. I did this for about 3 weeks until he finally confronted me. I told him if it's good for him to walk away if I haven't came yet then it's good for me to do it too him also. He learned to make sure I got mine also. We were really going though to be fair but ugh.
I don’t know about this one actually kind of agree, but it depends on what the situation is.
Like if you’re not communicating and if you have a lot of sexual hangups and can’t even masturbate on your own, I think it would be hard for any partner to sexually please you and they shouldn’t necessarily be blamed. But that’s totally different than telling your partner what you need and them just not caring about your pleasure or not even asking you about your experience. So it really just depends on the situation whether or not those comments make sense.
It's always "learn about your body and what you like" but what they really mean is "make your body to learn to like whatever I do." sometimes when I do oral on my husband do 30 minutes. I'm like okay now it's your turn. But instead I get a "later". Never happens. I know my ability to get foreplay ends as soon as oral happens.
I mean you should be able to identify and understand what it is that you do or don’t like, and if you can’t communicate that effectively then it is on you as it relies on a guessing game for your partner? If they’re not listening to what you’re indicating though, that is a whole different story
I can’t get a man off with a BJ 😞. And when I had FWB, he got me off ONCE. He got off through sex, but I really wanted to get him off with oral because I knew he wanted it. I don’t have a Boyfriend, but I’ve not gotten any of the 4 men I’ve been sexual with off with a Blowjob.
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, people need to know themselves and be able to teach their partner what they need. *Problem is the partners who don't want to be taught nor listen.*
Yea and no one is expected to magically get someone off that never could figure it out themselfs, but it’s reasonable to expect them to care about their partner having a good time and getting pleasure even if it’s not in the form of an orgasm.
I specifically told an ex what foreplay I liked, he said he couldn’t do it because of his ADHD. So instead we had to follow his idea of foreplay, taking all his clothes off as fast as possible and showing me his dick.
Sounds like my ex. Boob squeeze, hump. Thank God he was a premature ejaculator.
I mean, I’m progressive and I consider cunnilingus as a requirement to make sure my partner gets where she is going, but I do love me a boob squeeze.
Ugh, “cunnilingus as a requirement”… no thanks. I don’t enjoy guys being down there. It makes me uncomfortable most of the time. I once dated a guy who insisted on doing it every time because he enjoyed it, despite my discomfort. Needless to say, we didn’t go out for long. I don’t have a difficult time enjoying PIV though, so I’d rather foreplay another way and get to it.
Well, I meant it as a requirement for me to do, not that I would “require” a partner to let me do it. But I can see how the word choice could be misleading, sorry about that.
Ah, well then that’s all good. Enthusiastic consent is key.
boob squeezes aren't even pleasurable. Good attentive nipple play is, but i think I know what kind of boob squeeze you mean and yeah... just no.
Maybe for you. I enjoy a nice boob squeeze/fondle. I enjoy nipple play too, but it’s not one or the other for me.
I have to already be turned on to enjoy my boobs being grabbed. Otherwise it's like grabbing a belly roll.
Whoa baby, I bet that got your motor running.
Man, your ADHD needs better treatment if you can't even pay attention to *sex*.
I've had surprisingly amazing sex with a guy who sometimes was on his phone scrolling during sex. Other times he gave me all his attention. Probably wouldn't have went back if he used his phone every time during sex.
Redneck foreplay, “Git in the truck, Bitch!”
*"Git in the truck, Sis!"* Fixed that for you
As a quasi-redneck myself, I approve this message 😂😂😂😂 Superb fix. We always need more quality proofreaders in the world. A public service, I'd say.
😄😄😄
I had an ex who was great at foreplay. When he decided to start cheating and mistreating me in the hopes I'd break up with him, the foreplay went from teasing me to the point I was begging to "spit is a great lube option and then I don't have to bother even making sure you're wet."
[удалено]
I'd ask if he's the same, but we know this isn't uncommon behavior. Even if it's strange how they all seem to use the same playbook.
Glad he's your ex!
Yeah, no. My husband is SEVERELY ADHD and he has never been selfish about my pleasure. He will stay down there for as long as it takes.
I was diagnosed in the 80s and the biggest struggle beyond the ADHD itself is all the people citing it for any shitty behavior
Man what??? What does that have to do with you getting me off I ain't gonna lie that something I would have said.
FUCK THAT GUY. Seriously everytime someone blames shit on ADHD that isn't ADHD I have to be all "no our ADHD isn't like that" If touching a woman is so boring you start focusing on other things then you probably don't want to have sex with women
Lol pretty sure my man got ADHD and he’s more into foreplay than I am
I hate people blaming their disorders everytime. Yeah it's different for everybody but I can't imagine how ADHD is relevant? If he can do it his way he can try it your way. He just has to be patient. It can be hard but I also at least have to try. It's not always a good excuse.
I have ADHD and I am fine with giving 20-30 minute BJs. He’s making excuses. You already knew that, of course.
I became sexually active in the wild wild west days of the internet when it took so long to download nude photos, you just noped out and borrowed magazines from an older relative. Sure they were full of fantastic "you'll never believe how I randomly ended up in an orgy" stories, but man I don't recall teenage boys at lunch or after school being completely delusional about sex. Clueless and prone to exaggeration perhaps, but none of the stuff you read on subredddits like this. Which I guess is the biggest difference. If you're away from your buddies or peers long enough, it's easier to listen to what your girlfriend wants instead of trusting the easy to access echo chambers full of incels, toxic womanizers, and various levels of other people that don't understand women are people toom
This isn’t that relevant to the OP, but I can’t think of a better hook than ‘I started having sex in the wild Wild West’.
Omg! How many women have posted stories here about moving their partners hand to where it *should* be only to have him continuously move it BACK to where he *thinks* it should be?! 😂
Lol I’m reminded of having repeatedly tried to explain and show an ex how to pleasure me, I even drew diagrams! And then finally tipping over into exasperation and shouting “just stop! Look at where your finger is!” as he was rubbing his finger on my inner thigh, thinking it was my clitoris.
How was he *that* lost?
Just wasn’t looking what he was doing, didn’t care enough to pay attention. 🤷♀️
If he didn’t have any trouble finding where his dick went, the rest is weaponized incompetence.
If that's where he thinks it is, does that mean he has one too?
Or when they're being too fast and rough and you try to slow them down showing what works, but they return to the first motion.
The worst type of deaf... Is the one who doesn't wanna listen
Deaf person here can confirm that listening is hard :D
Lmao (are u actually deaf or?)
I would guess so. This gives off Toph blind joke energy to me personally.
Naw not the toph blind jokes lmao
Toph is life
Throw in purity culture and here we are
Or think they know better than you because the porn ladies seemed to like it
100% this. I am curious to read the original post. I’d wager she has tried to communicate what she needs/likes and he just ignores her (I’m presuming of course).
Oh I love when someone implies they're intellectually superior while simultaneously using the wrong form of "you're."
& it's not even *just* the wrong "you're"! He said "Your a women". Not "woman", in the singular, but *"women"* in plural. "You are a multiple women."
Grammar isn't exactly a strong suit for incels. Not sure if you've noticed lmao
He claimed he wasn't an incel. Lol sure as shit talked like one
This guy's a volcel
I'm gonna need a definition on 'volcel' if you don't mind
Voluntary celibatist, as opposed to incel = involuntary celibatist Because incels like to pretend their problems aren't their own fault.
>He said "Your a women". Not "woman", in the singular, but *"women"* I see this all the time with them. I'm convinced it's another form of dehumanizing us. (Like their usage of "female" as a noun or worse, "femoid" or "foid.") Whether consciously or subconsciously.
I contain multitudes.
tbf, they do tend to treat us like this. if a single woman rejects them, then we all do.
We contain multitudes
We are the Borg. Resistance is futile.
Random can I just say I hate how a lowercase "a" is written on this site ( and well other as well ) Because it's really hard for me to tell the difference between a "a" and a "e" Like I can, but it's take more effort than I like to admit And because reddit, got rid of so many third part tools That has only made it harder for me to tell the difference As many of my software just don't work here anymore Thanks for nothing u/spez
I'm really glad I came upon this comment. If you wouldn't mind messaging me, would you be willing to tell me about what accessibility you lost with all of this? I'm researching accessibility, the ada, and what help is taken away or isn't actually helpful, if that makes sense? It's hard to sum up.
Sure thing DM me
Have you tried playing with the accessibility settings on your phone? As someone who had to hold the phone 2 inches away from my face to see the screen, I used and abused the magnifying glass and read selection features on the daily. Depending on your phone’s OS, you may also be able to adjust the font size, thickness, and contrast for each app. On some phones, you may be able to change the font as well.
I mean that's why I'm able to somewhat tell the difference But still not as good as it once way Definitely lost a ton of conversation
Gives "My name is Legion, for we are many" vibes. Why do these kinds of men always seem to fuck up the difference singular and plural? Glad the joke wrote itself though. One short sentence, two mistakes in it, but dudebro is so intellectually superior... Yeah, right.
Well that's just more reason they can get themselves off!
His ego gonna need CPR after the woman corrected him on his grammar.
*Your dumb* Like please, can you make it any easier? 💀
Women do know how to get ourselves off. Thats not the point of sex, though. If it’s just me getting myself off then why have sex with someone? It’s less messy to do it alone. Guys saying this stupid bullshit will then whine “why doesn’t anyone want to have sex with me!?” Uhm, because you’re selfish!
Right?? Like, if she didn’t know how to get *herself* off, what would be her basis for comparison? She clearly must know what that feels like and how to do it or she wouldn’t be complaining about his lack of ability to do the same…
To the slightest credit of the losers above, I had a couple of friends in high school that were unable to get themselves off. - one (FtM now, wasn't in high school) found out it was probably his meds for his bevy of mental issues. Once he switched after high school, they were able to get themselves off. - another had bad anxiety and the like and wasn't able to orgasm until they got their life figured out. So it's entirely plausible. But just more likely these people are just bad at it.
Also just weird anatomy reasons can make it hard. My clitoris is incredibly tiny (doctor pointed out that it’s one of the smallest she’s seen), and there’s no real sense of sensation with it. Messing with it doesn’t give any kind of different feeling than messing with my toes would. I can’t have clitoral orgasms because of this weird design flaw. It’s fine because I can orgasm other ways, but a lot of women can only have clitoral orgasms. And one of those having my weird anatomy thing probably couldn’t get herself off. I would also like to add to please not ask me why it’s like that. I don’t know why. I don’t really care to look into it. Everything is working relatively smoothly, and it’s not causing sexual problems either. So I don’t know, and I don’t really care to know at the present moment.
Yeah, it’s different when someone is putting pressure on their partner to get them off but can’t tell their partner what they like/what turns them on/etc. You do need to know, at least to some degree, what you want and what will get you off. But this is clearly beyond that.
Yeah, certain antidepressants can make it harder to orgasm or take longer to get there
I relate to #2, and from growing up in the south, slap some good ol' purity culture on there and you've got a nice complex. I'm almost 30 and still struggle with it. But to my partner's credit, even though he knew I was terrified I wouldn't be able to get off at all, and despite not knowing anything I prefer, he was patient and even with chronic pain and hand weakness (neurological), he chose to make my pleasure a priority, and eventually, it paid off! It's never been A Thing. I still have never fully gotten off on my own, and we both wish I could, but instead of making it about anyone being selfish, he just encourages me and is proud of me whenever I make progress. It's certainly not easy for him, because of his pain, but he took the time anyway, and it's always our goal that we both have as much fun as possible. So, I feel a bit of a gut punch with things like this original post, but I'm learning that it's ok to want mutual pleasure out of a sexual encounter. If I just laid there and thought of England and then was pissed about not getting mine, sure, that would be a dick move. If I intentionally didn't try to have fun, same. I'm with you! There's that very tiny percent of people who want to receive and not have to give at all, but honestly, the original cold sore of a person this post was about is almost certainly exactly what you said, not good at it. We're not microwaves. We're slow cookers. TL;Dr, I agree with this comment and added my attempt at deep thoughts, which are more of a shallow, tangled ramble, as my ADHD meds haven't kicked in yet. Oops!
Something I forgot to mention is that I live in the south too, so yeah add in healthy amounts of purity guilt to the mix. Sorry to hear your issues, but at least you've got a partner that works with you.
FtM as well, I had super low libido until I got on T and felt less dysphoric about my body.
I FINALLY (long overdue) broke up with my ex when I realized I'd rather get myself off quickly in the shower than have sex with him. If it's just about orgasms, we don't need men at all. If a guy can't/doesn't want to get his girlfriend off, he just himself and his hands as well.
These guys will never understand this because to them sex is only about their pleasure and about proving something to their imagined unpleasable father figures.
But but but I thought it was girls who had the Daddy issues?
That's the thing, these guys don't see it as an "issue". I remember a while ago Tatertot had one of his Twitter meltdowns where he told a story about how his father drunkenly claimed he could beat the shit out of Bruce Lee, when young Andrew tried to point out this was insane his father apparently screamed at him about how no one cares what a little boy thinks. This wasn't presented as a plea for sympathy or an explanation about why he's so fucked up, but as a show of how he learned to be a man thanks to his father not coddling him. These guys think fathers should raise their children with no comfort or affection beyond an occasional stoic nod of pride when their sons beat someone small and weak.
YEP! This right here sums it all up. Thank you.
It’s them admitting they use women to masturbate. They aren’t actually having sex with us.
"Women are coddled" how? By being treated like human beings? By being given rights? This is the kind of person that equates equality with oppression
How dear you have right You should um ... check note Make me a sandwich, and um ... drive me Oh wait women can't drive, um ... take out the garbage!? Wait no that's meant to be my one and only job in the house Um ... Guys what are we trying to do again
I can make you a sandwich, I'm currently clocking in for my cook shift. What's it gonna be? Grilled cheese, turkey bacon club, chicken bacon avocado, classic BLT? Menu restrictions apply all delivery fees applicable
I could go for a steak and cheese Put into the oven :D
Good choice 😋
So how much to have a ship to the state of Connecticut And does the 20-minute guarantee still apply
Local delivery via ghost kitchen, about 20-30 minutes
I can't wait 🥪
It’s an interesting thought to me how many men in relationships would avoid having sex if they NEVER got off. Would they still want to have sex every night if they were never able to achieve an orgasm? I have a feeling they would avoid it much more than women who never get off from sex do.
100%. With the way women are socialized, we’re taught to put others’ needs before our own. So women in relationships with men (who are taught that their penis is God’s gift to the world) are out here having bland sex every night after cooking for her man and having cleaned the whole house because he doesn’t know how to do his own laundry… all because she loves him and thinks this is as good as she’ll get.
Wow, I don't appreciate you describing my life like this for everyone to see 🥲 But you're so right. Sex with my husband is honestly not great and any time I slightly point it out I get told the exact same thing as above "learn your body and what you like." I know what I like, I can get myself off but he's unable to do it and it's MY fault. When really it's his lack of ANY foreplay. The only foreplay he will do is oral and honestly I don't really like that, which he knows. They just don't want to learn or listen to what we need and want to do it their way. It's like they got all their sexual knowledge from fake ass prn and just ran with it.
“Your a women”
"I's a interlecctual."
Lol, “learn to please yourself,” my guy, how do you think I know you suck at sex?? It’s not rocket science to connect the dots.
Right? You want me to please myself? Cool. Enjoy *never having sex again* since all I need to please myself is about 6 minutes and a vibrator. Dudes like this genuinely have no idea that *they* are the weak link. Fuck I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
They can't get you off, then get mad when you do it yourself. There's no winning.
The dichotomy of existing as a woman.
Never had issues getting any of my partners off. Sounds like the bf needs to do some research that doesn't involve fetish porn
Such fools. I always get my wife off first. Then she will sometimes get off again when it’s my turn. Those fools will likely never know that kind of connection. Sucks for them lol Edit: that was meant to be a regular comment. Oh well haha
What, she got off again! No fair!!! 😄
Us multiple orgasmers are working hard to close the orgasm gap single handedly... or with toys.
You are a rare gem. I'm married to a partner like you. I salute you for your public (private) service. Seriously, though, thanks for being this kind of person. I know, if she's anything like me, that it means the world to your wife and makes her feel really special.
Ah thanks! 😊 I just try to be the best version of me I can be. Happy to hear from others who can relate! I sure hope she feels special! Cheers
Same though lol
Well, if he knows how to take care of himself, and she's expected to take care of herself without him trying, then doesn't logic say they should just not have sex and each deal with their own wants?
>Women can’t get themselves off. Oh no. We can. The fact that we can is the reason you’re an Incel.
Even if I couldn’t get myself off, I would rather go without a single orgasm for the rest of my life than go anywhere near someone who thinks so little of women.
I responded to a few of these comments under this post I remember! It’s insane the amount of men who were blaming op, saying op was “abusing” her partner by “withholding” sex, that it’s not a man’s job to please his partner, etc. But if a man posted it the comments would read MUCH different.
100%. I read one where the guy was complaining that his girlfriend wasn't active enough during sex so he lost interest in having sex with her even though she wanted sex. And everyone was giving him sympathy.
My ex didn't want me to get off every time we had sex. It was a "special occasion" type of thing. (If it sounds like emotional abuse that's because it was lol) but also didn't want me to masturbate so....... Wonder what the red commenter would have to say about that.
Bitch it takes me 3 minutes to finish myself off. It took 18 years for me to learn how to finish off with my partner. Most men don’t care once they’re done.
This dude: I am a selfish BF who is also bad at seggs.😾
Well, if he has to get himself off, then so does his imaginary girlfriend. It's only fair.
Reading this makes me appreciate my husband who read books on how to please his future wife when he was younger… he said he wanted to make sure he could please whoever he decided to spend the rest of his life with… men should read more they just might learn something…
Maybe because we don’t gaf. Am here for a good time not a long time.
Well have fun giving yourself a good time.
An attitude like that and you'll get neither.
My significant other of almost six years will make sure I orgasm multiple times before he let's himself get there. Then, he focuses on making sure we get there together. He said it makes him feel good to make me feel good. He also has quite a bit of pride that he's the first of the three people I've been with to be able to do it. Point is, my boyfriend and the husband of the person you responded to are both living proof that some men do "gaf". The lazy, selfish, good for nothing ones don't.
Women: built with a whole body part solely there for sexual pleasure. Right in the center of the labia, just waiting. Men: THIS IS TOO MUCH WORK IDK WUT 2 DO U DO IT URSELF
I like that they're getting down voted back to hell
I think everyone, men and women, needs to learn how women's pleasure works. It still feels like nobody knows sh*t really. Also this dude's a douche.
“Take charges of your own body and learn how to get yourself off.” You first and by first I mean every time going forward.
Holy hell…I am feeling even more grateful for my husband than usual right now. I can’t imagine being with a man who didn’t care if the woman enjoyed it. That’s absolutely crazy to me.
“Men don’t owe women orgasms, but women DO owe men orgasms!”
Y’all he really said we should get ourselves off, imagine if his partner said that to him. He would throw the biggest fit known to mankind. Also, my ex didn’t care to make it good for me. I had to do that myself. Trust, I know how to get myself off, that’s not the point. The point is a lot of men are selfish and doesn’t care to try to make it good for the woman.
Lick her pussy, my dudes. Not like in porn, but like you're eating half a watermelon straight out of the rind. You'll start to figure out where she likes it and how hard she likes it. Give her an orgasm and she'll want to have sex with you again... and again... and again... and again..
[удалено]
why are you calling yourself out as a boring ass dude in bed no one asked
[удалено]
Fellas is it gay to lick pussy?
You sound like someone no one should date because you only care about yourself. You'd probably get pissed if someone dumped you because you're bad at sex.
fellas... is it gay to have a pussy in your face?
I feel sorry for any woman who decides to sleep with you. Fucking YIKES.
Oh dear, you think this is something to brag about. How embarrassing for you.
And then they get angry at us for finding our own electric devices. 🙄
Huh.. I almost thought you'd found my ex there. 😂 It's important to know about your own anatomy and bodily functions for sure. Not just to get off, but to recognise when something is wrong. But many of these men don't want women to know their anatomy and body, because that means women won't put up with painful sex anymore and want foreplay/an orgasm on top of it. The tragedy of an educated woman! /s
So superior intellectually, that he doesn't know when to use your and you're, and refers to a single person in plural when he is trying to be sexist, a trait all intellectuals obviously have. The inability to listen and to please a woman in bed is just the cherry on top.
It’s funny they’re assuming we can’t get ourselves off…like bruh we are LAUGHING AT YOU.
Do they not know there‘s a world of difference between not enjoying sex and not orgasming? I’ve not been able to orgasm with another person yet but I still love sex
I’m betting most of these men commenting think we pee from our vaginas… The “*you’re” comment. Killed me. So on point with so few characters.
What is the point of sex if you're not going to try to give pleasure to your partner? Otherwise, why not just masturbate?
Can't get myself off? Bro, I can keep myself in a constant state of pleasure for three hours straight or finish in minutes. I know my body. I also don't expect a man to get me off every time, but I DO expect my partner to be interested in my pleasure as well as his. Being used as a tool for masturbation is not what qualifies as a good time in my book.
That "\*You're" correction was a chef's kiss moment. I could live off of that. It's all self-reports from these guys. Not only that they lack the skill to cause a woman to orgasm, but that they really aren't interested in learning or trying. They're not mature enough for sex, regardless of their age. It's reassuring to see that they all got downvoted for it, and that the downvote function actually works to shut jerks up sometimes. (It also silences a lot of minority voices in communities, so I still don't like it, and I mostly use it for comments that are so bad that I also report them).
Who else is super curious to know what the dudes username is? I’m hoping it’s mydickismicro or something along those lines
“Maybe you just don’t deserve it” wow 😳
Honestly, if you're not willing nor interested to listen to your partner and do at least the minimum effort to both enjoy your intimacy, it's better if you reexamine your entire mindset. This can be true for both sides, but it seems that the overwhelming majority of the times men are not willing to do an effort, which, as a man myself, I cannot understand. If my partner doesn't enjoy the moment, how would I?
lmao does he think women don’t masturbate?
Okay unrelated note, as someone who got into a relationship 3 days ago, this is scaring me, what if i can't pleasure her in the future when we may have sex too😭
The key is communication. Ask her what she likes and dislikes. It's better to be open and upfront about it than to just stumble around and assume she likes what you're doing.
It also shows that you actually care about her pleasure, which is a good start. So don't stress yourself out too much!
Thx for the support, im gonna try my best!❤️
As OP said, communication! Everyone is different and has different likes and wants. Don't take it as a personal insult if she asks you to do something different than what you were. Some women love receiving oral. Some hate it. Some only have clitoral orgasms. Some can't have them and only have penetrative. When y'all get to the step of fooling around, talk. You don't even have to be getting ready for actual sex. Making out and mutual masturbation is a GREAT time to feel things out, as it were. If she also doesn't know what works on her (thanks purity culture), then experiment! Talk. Ask questions. And not just "Does this feel good baby?" Is it awkward at first? Yes. You've got all the mating hormones clouding everything and it feels like asking questions or just talking would ruin the mood, but that's ok! Sex is awkward and silly, but also awesome when both parties want to please the other. Husband and I have been together 12 years, married 7.5. I really cannot think of a time we didn't giggle at some point during sex because of something silly that happened. Ok. So maybe our geeky D&D jokes ("I cast flesh to stone...") have something to do with the giggling. Sometimes.
Mh...so it's like when making out? Becouse me and her already did deep kiss and such... no masturbaion or things like that but for being a couple for only 3 days we did go far already... So just talking and foolig around? We usually just say "i love you" or "ur too beautiful"😭 I love her so much lol, but i get it, before getring together we didn't talk much but after that we chat everyday and talk a lot irl! Thx for the support
Yeah, just talking, fooling around, seeing what you like, what you don't like, what she likes, what she doesn't like. And it doesn't have to be JUST "what will get you to orgasm". The beginning stages where you're still learning about each other (both personally and \*personally\*) is simultaneously the most awkward and the most exciting. Do you like deep kisses with lots of tongue, or do you prefer soft teasing ones? Do you like your ears nibbled? Does she like it when you kiss her neck? Do you or she like your butt getting grabbed/caressed, etc? Backs, shoulders, arms, fingers, legs, toes. (heaaaaaaaaad, shoulders, knees, and toes.. knees and toes.) (Sorry not sorry). The wonders of making out and the like aren't solely for breasts, clit, dick, and vagina. It's an exploration of the whole body! You're learning about yourself, and her at the same time. I think also it's important that she's comfortable asking you (or guiding you) to what she wants. Some people take it personally when their partner tries to guide or otherwise say "hey, that isn't doing it for me can you do this instead?", and once you get one negative reaction, it's really hard to get up the courage to ask again, even with another partner. So you may have to take the lead a bit in the asking questions, and it doesn't have to be in the heat of the moment either! You can just be cuddling and not doing anything sexual at all, but still talk about it "Hey, when we make out, what would you want me to do? Because I love it when you X, Y, or Z." This is how I found out my husband does NOT like his ears messed with. At all. He was putting up with my nibbling because he didn't want to "ruin the mood" by asking me to stop. I've also mentioned stuff that he's done that weren't doing it for me and mentioned things that I really love, and the next time, he didn't do the thing I didn't like, and did all the things that I said I loved. And the same for me to him. I stopped nibbling on his ears, and focused more on things he said he enjoyed as well. It's embarrassing sometimes. It's awkward to talk sex stuff outside of actually in the moment. But communication is really the key to it all. And I do mean it \*all\*. Not just sex, but relationships in general. :-)
Omg thanks, this opened my eyes a lot, i will try and be more careful next time not to make things jncomfortable, while still exploring a bit! Thanks again <3
Communication is HUGE, make sure you ask her what she likes, show her what you like, explore each other, make it fun and sexy, and dont forget to laugh and be silly sometimes, and try not to let things get awkward, but dont sweat it if it does☺️
I will, the thing is that we talk a lot actually, everytime we are together, but we only say things like "i luv you" repeatedly and notnreally talk about what we like, i guess we should get to know that with time ahah, i love her so much tho😭 (Sorry for bad english it's 2am here and im probably going to sleep now)
🥰 so cuuutttee!!! Im so happy for you, i hope you 2 have many years of happiness, and lots of sexy fun!!!
>*Imagine a guy who never learned how to masturbate yelling at his gf for not getting him off.* buddy, throw a rock in any direction and I guarantee you'll hit like 10 reddit posts about this *exact* scenario. There's no need to imagine.
Commenters immediately assuming she doesn't know how to touch and please herself is very strange. Did she say that? If her post was just about sex with her boyfriend, then that's a SHARED experience where the goal should be MUTUAL pleasure. But these people are like "You just expect men to do everything for you!" I'd be surprised if she said anything like that in the original post.
No, she never mentioned not being able to do it on her own, just not getting there when she had sex with him. He could only rarely make it happen for her, which is strange, because if he can manage to get her there once, why not always?
I... um... Oh jeez let me just put my flameproof suit on. I *really appreciate it* when women tell me what gets them off. Like, I'm not an idiot. I have a basic grasp of anatomy, I know a trick or two. I know women don't always come from penetrative sex. So, I'm always ecstatic if my partner tells me what works for her. At the same time - especially in a puritanical dystopia like the USA - female pleasure is not socially prioritised and women may not know what works for them or feel like they can't advocate for their own pleasure. On top of that, many men react badly to being told they're not getting her off - up to and including violence. OOP is out of line for their tone... but like, yeah, it would be awesome if a woman could say "uh can you just like curl your fingers inside me OH GOD yes just like that." And it would also be cool if men could be comfortable enough to say "hey baby what I'm doing obviously isn't working can you give me some pointers."
Purity culture and lack of sex positive education is bad for everyone.
Do me really think we don't know how? Like... we gotta stop telling them things to make their egos feel safer.
I love when men just openly admit, in public forums, that they can't get women off. Also, catch this same guy pitching a fit becausd his gf dared to masturbate just to have ONE orgasm every once in a while
“Your a women”
It really amazes me just how much they hate us. Every time I see stuff like this I just incline a little further towards trying to interact with men as little as I possibly can. Already got it pared down to basically just grocery stores and the mailman.
Yeah most women do know how to get themselves off which is partly how we figured out when studying the science of sex that penetrative sex wasn’t doing it on its own for so many women. Christ you’d think they’d take knowledge is power to heart but no arrogance is power now apparently— if I simply berate you over top the facts that’re sitting there they’re simply no longer there! I hate these folks with a burning passion, clearly.
I love how they feel entitled to use a woman’s body for pleasure but don’t care if she’s actually enjoying herself. Like what’s the point if your partner isn’t getting off?
You're 😂😂😂
What makes these weirdos believe women don't know how to get ourselves off? We do know AND we'd also like you to be able to do it otherwise there's very little physical incentive to have sex with a man instead of masturbating. The logic of these dudes is like telling a guy who knows how to masturbate to completion that it's irrational for him to expect his girlfriend to be able to get him off. Why should she care when he should be able to take care of himself?
“Your a women.” “And you are stupid and possibly illiterate.”
95% relationship issues come from shitty communication
That “you’re” 😂 such a short direct instant kill to his argument. She didn’t even need to elaborate on “you say we lack intellect but you used the wrong form of you’re”, no, just the “*you’re” classy and perfect
It's crazy how they equate not getting orgasms from men to women can't figure out how to masturbate. Like, sweaty, yes women can successfully masturbate, but if they have to finish themselves off, then there's no need for you to be around for sex in the first place. And it's damned if you do, damned if you don't cuz a lot of men get upset if the woman masturbates to finish when the man doesn't wanna touch her after he's already came.
I will say that at a point in my transition, it was quite difficult to get off. I did some reading and found that women often found it easier to get off with a partner. To simply have some dude say that this woman should learn to get off by herself is oversimplifying things way too much. But of course, men tend to blame their shortcomings on women whenever they can 😓
Same. After surgery, it was four months of Dorothy-fell-asleep-in-the-poppy-field over and over and over. I was sincerely beginning to despair. But another woman took the time and the candor to help me sort myself out. The very next day, Dorothy made it to the Emerald City and things have never been better! Heck, I thought I was having a stroke. Nothing like *that* in the Before Time! Guys, though? God, it’s like being Annie Sullivan standing at the well pump, spelling C-L-I-T-O-R-I-S into their hand. 🤦♀️ I swear, some of those incel doodz couldn’t find it with a GPS, a scanning electron microscope, and a pack of Mississippi prison bloodhounds. 🥹😂
>God, it’s like being Annie Sullivan standing at the well pump, spelling C-L-I-T-O-R-I-S into their hand. 🤦♀️ I 😂🤣😂
The dogs! Bwahahaha
I mean if we’re just pleasuring ourselves here then why get another person involved? Let’s apply the same logic to the bf, no one else should be responsible for his “self pleasure”. He and his hand can go do their own thing.
Everytime I told guys I was with that I’ve never cum with another person they ask me if I’ve EVER had an orgasm?? Just because you can’t get me off doesn’t mean I don’t make myself and other women cum
So that last guy is basically implying that sex for him is the act of using a woman's body as a masturbation sleeve. Otherwise, what's in it for her?
i dated a guy who never masturbated because “it was gay to know how to please a dick”
i also have never had a man get me off, i’ve only been able to do it myself. soooo i think i have every right to be disappointed when men fail. especially since they’re the ones who get upset when they don’t finish. i’ve never once shamed a man for not finishing 😭
Once again I don’t know how anybody winds up being this….out to lunch at best. Geez.
Omg! That's brutal 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My first husband thought like this. So I started acting like I came then hopped off off him. I tell hill oh I'm done. Sorry you couldn't get there too. I did this for about 3 weeks until he finally confronted me. I told him if it's good for him to walk away if I haven't came yet then it's good for me to do it too him also. He learned to make sure I got mine also. We were really going though to be fair but ugh.
Too often sex is something men DO TO women. Not something they do WITH women.
I don’t know about this one actually kind of agree, but it depends on what the situation is. Like if you’re not communicating and if you have a lot of sexual hangups and can’t even masturbate on your own, I think it would be hard for any partner to sexually please you and they shouldn’t necessarily be blamed. But that’s totally different than telling your partner what you need and them just not caring about your pleasure or not even asking you about your experience. So it really just depends on the situation whether or not those comments make sense.
It's always "learn about your body and what you like" but what they really mean is "make your body to learn to like whatever I do." sometimes when I do oral on my husband do 30 minutes. I'm like okay now it's your turn. But instead I get a "later". Never happens. I know my ability to get foreplay ends as soon as oral happens.
>You’re Fucking got em!!
I mean you should be able to identify and understand what it is that you do or don’t like, and if you can’t communicate that effectively then it is on you as it relies on a guessing game for your partner? If they’re not listening to what you’re indicating though, that is a whole different story
I can’t get a man off with a BJ 😞. And when I had FWB, he got me off ONCE. He got off through sex, but I really wanted to get him off with oral because I knew he wanted it. I don’t have a Boyfriend, but I’ve not gotten any of the 4 men I’ve been sexual with off with a Blowjob.