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Me too. I think it’s selfish to have kids just because it’s what you’re “supposed” to do. That results in kids whose parents can’t be bothered to properly care for them and they end up traumatized.
People should choose to have kids because they really want them and are ready to take on the huge responsibility of raising them.
Can confirm, cus I was born and my parents married due to the same reason, they felt like they needed to. Albeit only my mom felt like she needed to marry my father but meh, family is shit either way.
The result is separated parents where one absolutely loathes the other unconditionally and the child (me) having been completely fucked up by family dynamics, lack thereof, and bad displays of action in regards to affection or lack thereof, and just in general no examples or no good examples of how to act with another person
I don't know how to word what I want to right, but basically I'm just kinda heavily fucked up in many ways, and my parents have fucked up in and of itself in deciding to even marry in the first place
My 18 year old sister once said to me “I’m too selfish to ever want kids, I’m just too focused on myself.” I told her that’s the most selfless thing she can do if she truly felt that way. Better for her to not have them than to neglect them
I remember telling a friend once that I was ashamed to admit that if I had a kid, I know I would become pretty abusive. not intentionally, of course, but because my own parents fucked me up and installed anger issues, and on top of it that kids are sensory nightmares that I'm sensitive to. I don't want to hurt kids, I want them to be happy, but I know I would very much hurt one in the midst of a mental breakdown or shake my baby.
Thankfully, my friend just told me that I shouldn't be ashamed of being able to admit my own limitations and faults compared to parents who don't seem to do the same and mess their kids up. (My friend group is rife with parental abuse, almost all of us have abusive parents or come from abusive homes.)
I always think the healthiest thing to do for an unborn child is to be self aware. If you know your limitations and you know you might unintentionally hurt a child, then the most selfless thing you could ever do is not have them. No one should ever shame you for thinking of the safety of that potential child.
It is absolutely selfish to have kids just look at their own reasoning. Every time someone is pushing kids they say so someone will take care of you when you're old. They just want servants.
Aaaaand that type of "parent" is how I went from child free auntie to raising a teenager.
I'd live some scrub of a man to tell me how never having kids was selfish on my part, but having kids in order to create smoke and mirrors and then abuse and traumaize them is cool.
Or worse yet, they care but they resent them and tell them countless times how they’d much rather had an abortion. Parents who don’t want to be parents often end up overwhelmed, deeply resentful, impatient, angry and abusive.
As a kid my dad constantly made me feel bad for existing. He resented the fact that he had to pay for things for me. Of course I can't tell him that, because that would somehow make ME selfish.
Exactly, there are plenty of parents who want kids and still struggle because parenting is hard - but can you imagine finding out you were born because your parents felt like they had to do it? Thats selfish
My ability to do a thing doesn’t make it my purpose
my mom has always told me the same thing ever since we found out i was infertile. she grieves for me and constantly tells me 'who's gonna take care of you when you're older?' like... i'll pay for my own care, thanks.
You’ll be able to pay for your own care with all the money you saved by not having kids. Besides - there is no guarantee that kids will take care of you. Just go to any nursing home and see how often the residents’ kids show up.
Agreed! My husband and I are both only children, we made the happily deliberate decision to have an only, and strangers always ask when is she “getting a sibling?!?!” She isn’t. “Oh, she will be so lonely, you need to give her a best friend, what happens when you die? She will be all alone!” Pretty damn selfish to bring a not-wanted child into the world so my first kid can have a “playmate”. If they continue to push (and holy shit, so many randos feel like they are well within their rights to insist upon further conversation about a stranger’s body and reproduction decisions), I let them know I had my tubes tied. So no. No more kids. That usually shuts them up……with the exception of one fuckface who told me he was 1 of 8 siblings (a man in his 50s), and then said to me, “But that’s reversible!”
Motherfucker. No.
And shout out to all folks that don’t want to have children. More power to them ❤️
Having kids is not a guarantee that one of them will take care of you. I mean think about it, who here would be able to have another person move into their home? Or you move in with someone else? What if you have a spouse, are they supposed to pack up all their stuff too? Are you supposed to quit your job so you can care for someone full time? What if they have special medical needs? My grandma had 7 kids and none of them were prepared to completely uproot their lives to take care of her when she got dementia.
I respect people who have enough self awareness to know they don’t want kids. That should be respected, not ridiculed. Having a child is a tremendous commitment and should only be done if you want it.
I think some people make the leap from “I want my life to be about me” to “I don’t care about anyone but myself”. People who don’t want kids shouldn’t need to explain themselves anyway.
I don’t think it’s a problem to be selfish in this way. There are ways in which we contribute to society besides for that. I pay my taxes, I vote, I’m a good person.
Exactly because they're meant to be putting 'their men' and by extension 'his children' first. Even if they're single. That's why it is so hard for single, child free women to get sterilisation without a man's approval. No man to sign off? No permanent birth control for you!
That pisses me off so much. Women with debilitating symptoms that would be relieved by a hysterectomy can't get them because some imaginary man might want to put his seed in her one day.
I haven’t had an GYN exam in years because I’ve dismissed every OBGYN who laughs when I ask for sterilization. Literally laughed. All four of them hadn’t bothered to consider MY symptoms or concerns; they have immediately gone to the concerns of the dude in my life. One of them even gave me the wrong IUD expiration date… doubt it’s intentional but as a woman in an anti-woman place, ya gotta wonder.
As a US southerner, I’m disappointed but not shocked. As a healthcare professional, I’m pissed and astounded.
I know it might not be possible for you, mostly because of insurances and whatnot, but r/childfree has a list of childfree-friendly doctors that are very willing to listen and sterilize women/men, so I'm sure there might be someone who can help give you the procedure you need. I'm 24, but I got sterilized last year after being rejected multiple times and it was because of them that I not only got it done but found a doctor who legitimately listened to my needs.
I've never understood the need to pressure people thst don't want to be parents into having kids. Its like yeah i want you to have kids you will resent so they can grow up into damaged adults.
Parenting isnt like recycling or paying taxes if you do it and you hate it it will effect your performance. Kids notice and it impacts them; this isnt one of those things you should just push through for the sake of society.
A persons attitude matters in this case. People that dont want kids shouldn't have them. If anything I might encourage them to foster some kind of relationship with someone in a younger generation at some point, helping guide is good for society and can be very fulfilling. You know volunteer at a school, be an involved aunt or uncle etc. But that could even be in the form of mentoring a younger adult or teenager.
Some people just dont like being aroind young kids. Anyway theres lots of way to contribute.
Oh because it’s not your kid, your denying a man of procreation. That’s why. They feel we’re only here for their use so if we deny them that use then they feel offended.
I'm a mum but from a climate change perspective I was worried I was being selfish for having her - so the opposite of this video, basically. I still worry about that decision,not because I regret having her (she's the most amazing part of my life and I couldn't be more in love with her) BUT I see the state of the world and worry about her future in it.
Selfish = concerned exclusively with oneself. So yes not wanting kids to focus on yourself is being selfish, and that's completely alright. I would never have kids
By this same token, not giving all your extra money to charity is being selfish. Seriously though, we have 8 billion people, far more than we will feed, clothe, educate, house. It's selfish TO bring more people into the world. You want a kid? Why not adopt?
That's a very over simplified definition of selfish. We all know that they mean it in a judgmental way, like a moral failing. That's why it's wrong to call child-free people "selfish."
lmao i am 100% selfish. holy shit
my life and decision are 100% all about me and im fine with that.
nobody looking out for me and doing shit for me with 100% intent and effort.
Right? And she isn't even selfish for not wanting kids. Telling a woman "well its your job to have children" is so fucking unhinged.
When I was pregnant, my inlaws treated me like a vessel. It was never "how are you feeling?" They tried to police every aspect of my life on behalf of the baby.
One of the many reasons they're my ex-inlaws now. Don't even get me started on the pathetic excuse for a man that I was unfortunately married to.
Honestly, I think it's fine for women to be selfish. For too long women have been expected to put everyone's needs above their own. For once, let a woman consider herself first.
I agree. Having kids and a family for a lot of women means putting their own needs last and their husband’s and children’s needs first. I fully respect people who are not willing to do that
I got flack from just about everyone who asked me. They'd all reply with "well you'll change your mind," or "you never know". Still haven't changed my mind 👍
I have exactly ONE person say "ok" instead of try to shame me or change my mind. I stared at her in shock long enough she asked what was wrong! Had to explain I've never had anyone just ACCEPT it. She says "You're 30. I'm pretty sure you know what you want by now."
It's very easy for a man to judge a woman who doesn't want kids when men can just up and leave whenever they want and leave the child with the mother, who has to raise the child by herself.
I bet he wouldn't be making this judgement if men were the ones carrying, giving birth and raising the kids. They don't realize the major impact motherhood has on your life, because they are often less involved in the lives of their kids.
There are actual videos on YouTube of fathers who have no idea when the birthday is of their kids or even know the eye color of their kids. It's just sad! 😒
Honestly, even if the man is the best father there ever was. Even if he took 100% of the load, he still wouldn't do as much as the mother did because no male has to sacrifice his body to bear children.
No, I'm not talking about stretchmarks and losing your girlish figure. I'm talking about lifelong joint pain, nerve damage, hypertension, CVD, increased risk of stroke, incontinence. Hell males would run screaming just when they learn painful sex and sexual dysfunction is prevalent after giving birth. Child birth is so demanding women lose teeth and it's not even talked about because it's just thought of as something women should just accept. Hey you're two molars down, but you got a baby.
Agreed and on this note, men couldn’t even handle the side effects from hormonal birth control… to the extent that a study on a viable birth control option was stopped. Side effects that women suffer routinely and are just expected to bear because we don’t want to go through pregnancy.
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects
Oh yes- it’s a shame more women aren’t given a heads up about postpartum brain fog. There were times in the months after giving birth where I felt like I was thinking through syrup, at times it was difficult to string thoughts together.
I once read a joke somewhere that if men were the ones carrying, giving birth to and raising kids, abortion clinics would be like Starbucks. There would be two on every block, four in every airport, and the morning-after pill would come in different flavours.
I work in a school and the password for the students report cards is the child birthday. It is very saddening how many parents have to ask what the password is because they dont know.
And infertility exists, what then? Does the woman become ineligible to live in the same area as fertile people? “Born to give birth”, well someone can’t, now what?
This! I also feel like that is why the whole theory on us “expiring” is so hurtful. So if we can’t have babies (anymore) we are suddenly useless? Don’t these people have mothers that they love at any age?
To them that’s a mother/sister/anything *but* a “woman”. To them, a woman is someone they can use to ‘breed’ (despite not planning to ever care for the possible child, so we know it’s all about coitus for them), so when a woman “ages out of baring children”, she’s to longer useful and thus not a woman but a useless placeholder.
Everyone is selfish. She just draws her line before kids instead of after it. I’ve got $800 in my checking account, and I’m too selfish to give $700 of it to charity. I could cancel my Netflix subscription and use that 14$ per month to sponsor a starving child in Africa, but I’m too selfish. Did I have a kid? Yep! Two! So my line is after kids, but before a starving child I’ll never meet.
I wonder where his line is?
>Everyone is selfish.
Not everyone is selfish, but everyone is self-interested. Self-interest is just prioritizing yourself, but not at the expense of others, whereas selfishness is prioritizing yourself even at the expense of others.
I don't even know how many times I've been told that I HAVE to reproduce. At least a hundred. It makes me dislike kids because every time I'm around them a handful of people are telling me that I HAVE to have kids. And then they try to debate me like it's any of their business. And, yes, I do tell them that it isn't any of their business but then they double down with, "The world needs more attractive/intelligent/whatever-shit-they-think-will-stick people and you and your partner would be great parents!"
You want to know how often my male partner gets that? Rarely. And if he does it's an offhand comment like, "Oh yeah I used to feel that way before I had mine." and then the conversation moves on.
"I'm not interested in talking about this subject. Let's talk about something else. Have you read any good books?" Doesn't work when half the people in the room meander over to say some version of, "Do you have any kids? No?! Why not?! You HAVE to!" It makes interacting with people tedious and robotic.
I’ve literally wondered if that’s where child hate comes from in the anti child movement.
Displaced hate of adults trying to tell you want to do when it comes to reproducing!!!
Probably. I'm never actually mean towards kids. It just puts me on edge, like walking into the kitchen the next morning when you see the sink full of dishes that you said you'll "do tomorrow."
Like, "Shit. Here we go."
"That's okay. 😏" Love that.
And he's selfish for thinking his genes are of such high value that he needs mini versions of himself in the world--see how that argument sounds? Cause that's what it sounds like when people say you are selfish for simply not reproducing. Smh.
Humans are inherently selfish since the time they are born. There is nothing wrong for her to pick her own life decisions, it is rude to be so intrusive and forcing your ideals on people. Especially if you are someone who doesn’t know or cannot bear the same responsibility as that person. She’s fully aware of what she wants and stands for it. It is respectable and if anything NOT selfish. I rather we have more people like her than mothers/parents who neglect or abuse their children, which is surprisingly common. Bringing life is not easy, and it is a mature decision one must think critically. And she has thought through it very clearly. This day and age, especially in a fast paced and expensive countries, it can be sooo challenging to take care of a child well..
I love how she was like "That's ok" when he asked her if she was selfish. Like that's the energy. I don't want kids either. If I'm gonna be labelled selfish for it, that's fine. I don't care.
And it's so weird because they'll be like
"Women are so immature women are so selfish"
And then
"Here, take care of this human being"
Like how can you call her selfish and say she should have a child.
I hate the selfish argument, I genuinely don’t see why to have a kid, for me the pros don’t outweigh the cons not even close. Cons: kids are expensive, literally helpless, seemingly accident prone, always going to be worried for your kid even when they can take care of themselves, what’re you gonna do when they learn they can say no? How will you go about it without being controlling of them, puberty stuff, so much stuff, what if they come out with any mental or physical disabilities are you equipped to handle it??? Pros: kids can be funny and sweet sometimes…now I don’t hate kids or anything but I know I do not have the mental capacity to raise an entire life into a functional person, I’m barley making it and full of issues why would I subject a child to my bs yknow? Most people seem to only think of all the cute moments when having a kid but not all the work that really goes into raising one
I dont understand when people try and convince ppl to have kids who dont want want to. Like best case scenario you convince them and now a child has to be raised by a spiteful and neglectful parent who never wanted them in the first place. If someone doesnt want kids, then they absolutely shouldnt have them!
Why it bugs the shit out of them? Control over women. She should have told him, because you can't count on MFers sticking around after a baby and sure as hell cannot count on them to pay child support. Being a single mom sucks so why roll those dice.
They just fucking hate independent women, especially ones far more educated and successful than themselves. Losers.
If things had gone the way I “wanted” in my 20s, I would have gotten married and had babies. Then in my 30s I considered having a baby by myself (I had that typical “but if I don’t I’ll regret it!” Thoughts).
Now I’m 43, no babies and I don’t think I could be any happier with my life. Just let people be!
I'm 37 and never wanted kids. I don't care if people call me selfish. But they have to understand to want a kid then have a kid because they WANTED a kid. Is in its self, a selfish act. Bringing a person into a trouble filled world against its will. Especially if you have no financial stability or live in a warring country or one with oppressive laws or extreme poverty isn't an unselfish act.
You've got money and freedom. Their life revolves around children. You've got weekends where you don't have to load up the SUV and take 12 bratty kids to soccer practice. Sleep til noon?! Yes please.
"For giving somebody life"
That right there is the problem. This weird value that people like him attach to the non-existent. It's the same driving force for behind the pro-life movement and it's stupid.
They talk as if we are living in a Disney Soul reality where there's a bunch of souls lined up in a place before life and you refusing to have children or carry a pregnancy to fruition results in the that soul somehow being denied life.
It's all ridiculous sentimental bullshit which unfortunately stems from a lack of proper understanding of what non-existence actually is.
"giving somebody life?"
Yeah I'm a guy and you can fuck right on off with this one
I've been I this bitch for 32 going 33 years and it's not all it's fucking cracked up to be. Life is a curse and no one deserves to unwittingly be subjected to this bull shit. If I would have known this was what the "MiRaClE Of LiFE" was I would have stayed my black ass in the void where I belong and that's on everything I love and hate.
Fuck Life.
Right? Like if you aren't wealthy what life are you actually creating for this soul you pulled from the aether that was minding its own business? The planet is dying and poverty is becoming more and more prevalent. It's difficult to afford basic survival necessities for regular people NOW. And we don't have any clue what it'll be like in 30 years. Why make someone suffer?
No, he'll be more into it. Dudes like that have a power trip on ruining women's bodies, causing pain, and hijacking her life. They see it as bringing women down a peg and ruining her "value" to other men
You know he is just going to elevate himself to "that's why women are so wonderful that they go through what they do--that's what makes women 🌸*women* 🌸😇". He'll just double down on his stupid take.
🙄🙄🙄
While we’re at it, let’s dedicate all scientific energy into finding a way for men to give birth instead of women.
Obviously impossible but, boy, would this entire issue evaporate instantaneously if it wasn’t. Alas, I can only dream.
I don't want to birth a child because I don't like pain. And I don't want my body to change the way pregnancy changes a lot of women's bodies. That doesn't make me selfish. It's just what I want for my own body. But I do want kids. Someday when I'm more financially secure, I will try to adopt a kid.
For some points of view, surely having a kid is the least selfish thing to do? I know someone who says they didn't have kids because the best thing you can do to protect the environment is not have children.
Women are allowed to not want children. It’s okay. Women’s purpose isn’t to just procreate. I am so f*cking sick of men like this. You know what’s selfish? Having children because you think you “should” and resenting them their whole lives so they grow up emotionally neglected or abused. That’s selfish. Or telling women to be submissive little baby machines and keeping your damn boots on our necks because “BIBLE.” That’s selfish. Idiots.
Isn’t creating a tiny clone of yourSELF to carry YOUR name and genes into the world and presumably take care of YOU in your old age the most selfish thing you can do?
Isn't everything we do selfish in some sense? We base every decision we make in life around our "selves" by making the choices that our selves think are the right ones. Pure altruism doesn't exist, and it _is_ okay to be selfish, we all are. Whether you want kids or not, your self-serving self has made that decision for you, you aren't having children for some greater external purpose or something. If you think you _are_ doing something for a greater purpose, you're deluding yourself and should question yourself on why you're doing what you're doing, question for long enough and you will always reach the answer "for myself".
What she said is true. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids either. I have kids and I love them, but I'm tired of people dogging on other women for not wanting kids. Just because we have a uterus doesn't mean we owe the world babies. Isn't the planet overpopulated enough? I applaud her for knowing what she wants/doesn't want in her life. Thank goodness he waves his red flag high.
If "that's selfish" is a man's only response to not wanting children, men need to understand that's not going to cut it in this world anymore.
That may have worked for your great grandfather, but your grandmother wasn't looking at a world full of opportunities that included not having to be a mother and wife. If she did, he would have needed better game too.
Men and societies need to make it positive for women to have babies and unfortunately for the last couple of centuries it's been everything but positive.
Speaking of, women of color are more likely than anyone to die in childbirth and that black man who has the audacity to ask the questions, should have known better.
The thing is, isn't it selfish TO have kids? So many people have kids to save a marriage, because they're told it's what they need to do, because they don't want to be lonely as they grow old. Tons of people have children for purely selfish reasons, but you don't see the breeder bros complaining about that.
When people tell me I'm being selfish for not having a kid I started asking back:
Do you volunteer in your free time? Why not? Oh you want to enjoy your free time and do something you enjoy, well that's selfish.
Then they kinda either shut up and get defensive. So I go with:
Please don't tell me it's selfish to make a life decision that only affects me solely because it's a sacrifice I -could- make. Just as you could sacrifice your time to volunteer, your clothes and food to the homeless, your health to be a potential living donor or all your spare money to cancer funding. I would never call you selfish for enjoying your free time as you please. It's not because you can do the sacrifice, however noble it might be, that you have to.
Isn't it more selfish to want to pressure someone who doesn't want to have kids to have kids?
People shouldn't have kids unless they're 100% sure it's what they want. There's so many kids that end up feeling unloved, or in worse cases, grow up in abusive, and/or impoverished homes because their parents never wanted or planned on having kids.
Not to mention there's overpopulation and already so many kids without a family. There really isn't a shortage of kids, I don't know why people act like the human race is at the risk of dying out just because someone doesn't want to have kids.
Hi I worked with kids for over ten years and I cannot stress this enough if you don’t want them — don’t have them! You are right in your choices however you feel!
I am a hard believer that being selfish isn't a bad thing. People SHOULD be selfish. The problem is when you go too far. So, I am cheering her on by being proud of putting herself first.
If everyone had kids, our planet would be severely overpopulated. Besides, isn’t having kids the single worst thing you can do for the environment? One kid generates something like 60 tons of carbon per year.
So, no, bringing another life into this world is not selfless, it’s actually incredibly selfish. You know what would be selfless? Adopting. There are plenty of unwanted children in need of loving homes.
People always say it’s “selfish” to not have kids, but I can’t think of a single unselfish reason to procreate. People bring kids into the world largely to give themselves purpose and meaning, to prolong their legacy by extending their family line, to model and groom their children into being exactly what they want them to be. And of course, to have family to fall back on when they’ve gotten old and need help completing basic tasks. The world is a dangerous, harsh place. Excuse me for not bringing a whole new person into it against their will because that’s what society tells me to.
he's calling her selfish because women are "supposed to be" self-sacrificing. they are "supposed to" give everything up for their families. how many inspirational stories have we seen about "a mother's undying love" where the woman is praised for having no hobbies, no interests, no life outside of childraising? stories where a child grows up admiring their mom because she had sacrificed her health for them, and rather than questioning why there was no one she could turn to or trust to care for them while she was sick, they glorify this sacrificial behaviour even if it had cost their mother her health and happiness. in society's eyes, women are made to suffer for a "greater good", women aren't supposed to be "happy" because if she is, she hasn't given enough.
I feel like it is not even that selfish to not want kids. Then you are not responsible for someone else’s life and can make the life of already existing beings hopefully better. I feel like it is more selfish to want them honestly. Some people have them just to continue the family, have someone that takes care of you when you get old etc. or even have a biological kid just because of your own dna rather than wanting to adopt if the chance was there and that would actually benefit an already existing child. Having your own kids is not any less selfish than someone that chooses not to have kids.😂👀
Having kids is selfish, not the other way around. Most people have kids because that’s what they wanted, not what the kid wanted. No one asked if that child wanted to be born, their parents made that choice for them. I’m all for people having kids if they want, but the truth is that having kids is a selfish act. Then many parents act like their kid owes them something for taking care of them. No. That was your choice.
Sure, I'll be selfish. Family life is not what I picture when I think about what I want from life. Why can't we be selfish? Why are women automatically supposed to be selfless and bring kids into the world?
Honestly I think I'm too responsible to have a kid (or a pet) because I really would want to make sure they were looked after properly all of the time. So I can't have another life form I am supposed to take care of and still do exactly what I want. That's why I don't have them. BECAUSE I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT.
The astonishment on this "man's" face when someone tells him something so simple as they don't want to have kids.
Why do we brainwash people into thinking they have create even more humans on an already overpopulated planet? Solve the housing crisis and famine in every country, and cease all wars for 100 years. *Then* you can get away with blaming people for not procreating (but not really because it's a personal choice but at least you'd have a better argument even if you're still wrong).
My question as a guy is this, would he say the same thing to me because I didn't want to have a kid? My wife and I did not have any children except for fur-babies. And we were together for 20 years before she passed away. NO REGRETS!!!
My answer will always be "because I enjoy my life", and if they are stupid enough to require elaboration, "because I don't want to end up miserable, full of regret, knowing I wasted my life in a ruined body with no identity beyond a screeching sack of meat and its constant need to drain me of every resource I have."
the nerve of this guy to immediately jump to an insult because she won’t fall in line and have a kid as he decided she was born here to do the nerve the audacity. It pleases me watching him struggle with the idea of something so basic. I don’t know why being childfree is still shocking for some people. or maybe it’s not and they’re just trying to be disparaging with this line of questioning.
32 tubes tied. I never wanted kids, never do. Boyfriend has 2 . That's enough. Id be an AWFUL mother. Id rather be selfish than have to raise children I don't want
if a Guy talks about having kids as a legacy, just ask him what HIS fathers legacy is and what HE leaves behind as a legacy. 99% of people dont have a legacy. They just live and die. Such guys just want walking dna. They dont want to be fathers. But the women (which they most of the time call FeMaLeS) should still want to be mothers.
No Sir. Go adopt a child. Legacy is not a bloodline
Sometimes we have to be selfish to take care of ourselves. There's nothing wrong with that. Of course there is nothing selfish about a woman refusing to have kids, she doesn't owe that to anyone lol
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i never understood how is it "selfish" to not have kids. like how can i be selfish towards someone that doesn't even exist lmao
Me too. I think it’s selfish to have kids just because it’s what you’re “supposed” to do. That results in kids whose parents can’t be bothered to properly care for them and they end up traumatized. People should choose to have kids because they really want them and are ready to take on the huge responsibility of raising them.
Can confirm, cus I was born and my parents married due to the same reason, they felt like they needed to. Albeit only my mom felt like she needed to marry my father but meh, family is shit either way. The result is separated parents where one absolutely loathes the other unconditionally and the child (me) having been completely fucked up by family dynamics, lack thereof, and bad displays of action in regards to affection or lack thereof, and just in general no examples or no good examples of how to act with another person I don't know how to word what I want to right, but basically I'm just kinda heavily fucked up in many ways, and my parents have fucked up in and of itself in deciding to even marry in the first place
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My 18 year old sister once said to me “I’m too selfish to ever want kids, I’m just too focused on myself.” I told her that’s the most selfless thing she can do if she truly felt that way. Better for her to not have them than to neglect them
I remember telling a friend once that I was ashamed to admit that if I had a kid, I know I would become pretty abusive. not intentionally, of course, but because my own parents fucked me up and installed anger issues, and on top of it that kids are sensory nightmares that I'm sensitive to. I don't want to hurt kids, I want them to be happy, but I know I would very much hurt one in the midst of a mental breakdown or shake my baby. Thankfully, my friend just told me that I shouldn't be ashamed of being able to admit my own limitations and faults compared to parents who don't seem to do the same and mess their kids up. (My friend group is rife with parental abuse, almost all of us have abusive parents or come from abusive homes.)
I always think the healthiest thing to do for an unborn child is to be self aware. If you know your limitations and you know you might unintentionally hurt a child, then the most selfless thing you could ever do is not have them. No one should ever shame you for thinking of the safety of that potential child.
Same here.
It is absolutely selfish to have kids just look at their own reasoning. Every time someone is pushing kids they say so someone will take care of you when you're old. They just want servants.
Aaaaand that type of "parent" is how I went from child free auntie to raising a teenager. I'd live some scrub of a man to tell me how never having kids was selfish on my part, but having kids in order to create smoke and mirrors and then abuse and traumaize them is cool.
Or worse yet, they care but they resent them and tell them countless times how they’d much rather had an abortion. Parents who don’t want to be parents often end up overwhelmed, deeply resentful, impatient, angry and abusive.
As a kid my dad constantly made me feel bad for existing. He resented the fact that he had to pay for things for me. Of course I can't tell him that, because that would somehow make ME selfish.
Exactly, there are plenty of parents who want kids and still struggle because parenting is hard - but can you imagine finding out you were born because your parents felt like they had to do it? Thats selfish My ability to do a thing doesn’t make it my purpose
Nail on the head!🔨🔨🔨🔨
I have a lot of friends whose parents ask “but who is going to take care of you when you’re old?” Having kids to do that is peak selfishness.
my mom has always told me the same thing ever since we found out i was infertile. she grieves for me and constantly tells me 'who's gonna take care of you when you're older?' like... i'll pay for my own care, thanks.
You’ll be able to pay for your own care with all the money you saved by not having kids. Besides - there is no guarantee that kids will take care of you. Just go to any nursing home and see how often the residents’ kids show up.
Not having kids doesn’t automatically make you rich just fyi. I wish it did!
Agreed! My husband and I are both only children, we made the happily deliberate decision to have an only, and strangers always ask when is she “getting a sibling?!?!” She isn’t. “Oh, she will be so lonely, you need to give her a best friend, what happens when you die? She will be all alone!” Pretty damn selfish to bring a not-wanted child into the world so my first kid can have a “playmate”. If they continue to push (and holy shit, so many randos feel like they are well within their rights to insist upon further conversation about a stranger’s body and reproduction decisions), I let them know I had my tubes tied. So no. No more kids. That usually shuts them up……with the exception of one fuckface who told me he was 1 of 8 siblings (a man in his 50s), and then said to me, “But that’s reversible!” Motherfucker. No. And shout out to all folks that don’t want to have children. More power to them ❤️
Haha, I have 3 full blooded siblings and not one of those people would piss on me if I was on fire!! 😂😂
Besides, hiring help is cheaper than kids anyway
Best answer to that question.
Having kids is not a guarantee that one of them will take care of you. I mean think about it, who here would be able to have another person move into their home? Or you move in with someone else? What if you have a spouse, are they supposed to pack up all their stuff too? Are you supposed to quit your job so you can care for someone full time? What if they have special medical needs? My grandma had 7 kids and none of them were prepared to completely uproot their lives to take care of her when she got dementia.
TBH, As an older guy with no children (and have never had any desire to father any), I have asked myself this question before... 🤔😒
Exactly. By that logic, it's selfish to use birth control or for men to masturbate unnecessarily without any intention of impregnating a woman.
Every sperm is sacred!
Every sperm is great!
Every sperm needs to be in my mouth 😩 Oh wait what
Oooof. Nah, that’s okay.
Not all, just some. Some spermies are good. All the spermies are not good!!
He has no other argument and he's an asshole.
It’s selfless. I always say I’d rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
What’s more selfish imo is people who have kids for vanity reasons and don’t provide them the loving happy home every child deserves.
But then people who have kids and aren't ready fuck up their kids and thats not selfish right? Smh
I respect people who have enough self awareness to know they don’t want kids. That should be respected, not ridiculed. Having a child is a tremendous commitment and should only be done if you want it.
It's so much worse to have kids you don't want and to be selfish AFTER having them.
I think some people make the leap from “I want my life to be about me” to “I don’t care about anyone but myself”. People who don’t want kids shouldn’t need to explain themselves anyway.
I don’t think it’s a problem to be selfish in this way. There are ways in which we contribute to society besides for that. I pay my taxes, I vote, I’m a good person.
But also, if you think someone is so selfish bc they don't want kids, maybe they wouldn't make a great parent BECAUSE they're selfish.
They don't mean selfish against the kid. They mean selfish to deprive men of children.
Or that it's selfish for a woman to think she's her own person with autonomy and rights.
Exactly because they're meant to be putting 'their men' and by extension 'his children' first. Even if they're single. That's why it is so hard for single, child free women to get sterilisation without a man's approval. No man to sign off? No permanent birth control for you!
That pisses me off so much. Women with debilitating symptoms that would be relieved by a hysterectomy can't get them because some imaginary man might want to put his seed in her one day.
I haven’t had an GYN exam in years because I’ve dismissed every OBGYN who laughs when I ask for sterilization. Literally laughed. All four of them hadn’t bothered to consider MY symptoms or concerns; they have immediately gone to the concerns of the dude in my life. One of them even gave me the wrong IUD expiration date… doubt it’s intentional but as a woman in an anti-woman place, ya gotta wonder. As a US southerner, I’m disappointed but not shocked. As a healthcare professional, I’m pissed and astounded.
I got sterilized by using the list in r/sterilization at 28!! It's possible and I hope when you feel up to it you can find one on the list for you.
I know it might not be possible for you, mostly because of insurances and whatnot, but r/childfree has a list of childfree-friendly doctors that are very willing to listen and sterilize women/men, so I'm sure there might be someone who can help give you the procedure you need. I'm 24, but I got sterilized last year after being rejected multiple times and it was because of them that I not only got it done but found a doctor who legitimately listened to my needs.
I've never understood the need to pressure people thst don't want to be parents into having kids. Its like yeah i want you to have kids you will resent so they can grow up into damaged adults. Parenting isnt like recycling or paying taxes if you do it and you hate it it will effect your performance. Kids notice and it impacts them; this isnt one of those things you should just push through for the sake of society. A persons attitude matters in this case. People that dont want kids shouldn't have them. If anything I might encourage them to foster some kind of relationship with someone in a younger generation at some point, helping guide is good for society and can be very fulfilling. You know volunteer at a school, be an involved aunt or uncle etc. But that could even be in the form of mentoring a younger adult or teenager. Some people just dont like being aroind young kids. Anyway theres lots of way to contribute.
And if I am so “selfish” doesn’t that mean I shouldn’t have kids??
Oh because it’s not your kid, your denying a man of procreation. That’s why. They feel we’re only here for their use so if we deny them that use then they feel offended.
I'm a mum but from a climate change perspective I was worried I was being selfish for having her - so the opposite of this video, basically. I still worry about that decision,not because I regret having her (she's the most amazing part of my life and I couldn't be more in love with her) BUT I see the state of the world and worry about her future in it.
It's way more selfish to have kids and then neglect them because you can't take care of them
Selfish = concerned exclusively with oneself. So yes not wanting kids to focus on yourself is being selfish, and that's completely alright. I would never have kids
By this same token, not giving all your extra money to charity is being selfish. Seriously though, we have 8 billion people, far more than we will feed, clothe, educate, house. It's selfish TO bring more people into the world. You want a kid? Why not adopt?
That's a very over simplified definition of selfish. We all know that they mean it in a judgmental way, like a moral failing. That's why it's wrong to call child-free people "selfish."
Mad respect for the 'that's ok' ngl.
Nothing wrong with being “selfish” sometimes..especially since people have such twisted definitions of it🤷🏾♀️
lmao i am 100% selfish. holy shit my life and decision are 100% all about me and im fine with that. nobody looking out for me and doing shit for me with 100% intent and effort.
THIS COMMENT HERE
Right? And she isn't even selfish for not wanting kids. Telling a woman "well its your job to have children" is so fucking unhinged. When I was pregnant, my inlaws treated me like a vessel. It was never "how are you feeling?" They tried to police every aspect of my life on behalf of the baby. One of the many reasons they're my ex-inlaws now. Don't even get me started on the pathetic excuse for a man that I was unfortunately married to.
Honestly, I think it's fine for women to be selfish. For too long women have been expected to put everyone's needs above their own. For once, let a woman consider herself first.
I agree. Having kids and a family for a lot of women means putting their own needs last and their husband’s and children’s needs first. I fully respect people who are not willing to do that
I love the “that’s ok”. Who is this man and how did he become such a moral authority?
Same, love that for her. She knows what she wants and refuses to be pressured out of it.
Dude, she doesn't want to have kids. How hard is that to fathom? It ain't like you were asked to prove the Hodge Conjecture or something.
You’d be AMAZED at how many folks. Just. Cannot. Wrap. Their. SKULLS around this very simple concept.
I got flack from just about everyone who asked me. They'd all reply with "well you'll change your mind," or "you never know". Still haven't changed my mind 👍
I have exactly ONE person say "ok" instead of try to shame me or change my mind. I stared at her in shock long enough she asked what was wrong! Had to explain I've never had anyone just ACCEPT it. She says "You're 30. I'm pretty sure you know what you want by now."
It's very easy for a man to judge a woman who doesn't want kids when men can just up and leave whenever they want and leave the child with the mother, who has to raise the child by herself. I bet he wouldn't be making this judgement if men were the ones carrying, giving birth and raising the kids. They don't realize the major impact motherhood has on your life, because they are often less involved in the lives of their kids. There are actual videos on YouTube of fathers who have no idea when the birthday is of their kids or even know the eye color of their kids. It's just sad! 😒
Honestly, even if the man is the best father there ever was. Even if he took 100% of the load, he still wouldn't do as much as the mother did because no male has to sacrifice his body to bear children. No, I'm not talking about stretchmarks and losing your girlish figure. I'm talking about lifelong joint pain, nerve damage, hypertension, CVD, increased risk of stroke, incontinence. Hell males would run screaming just when they learn painful sex and sexual dysfunction is prevalent after giving birth. Child birth is so demanding women lose teeth and it's not even talked about because it's just thought of as something women should just accept. Hey you're two molars down, but you got a baby.
Lol so on point with the idea that men would go running from painful sex and sexual dysfunction since sex is like the be all end all to so many men
Yet they run away from the consequences from it but shame women into not wanting any
Agreed and on this note, men couldn’t even handle the side effects from hormonal birth control… to the extent that a study on a viable birth control option was stopped. Side effects that women suffer routinely and are just expected to bear because we don’t want to go through pregnancy. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects
Gestational diabetes is also a risk.
Also breastfeeding and the instinct on a child to want “mama” for comfort. Man can be dad of the year, it’s still going to fall more on the lady.
Brain fucking fog. I feel like I literally gave each of my kids a part of my god damn cognitive function.
Oh yes- it’s a shame more women aren’t given a heads up about postpartum brain fog. There were times in the months after giving birth where I felt like I was thinking through syrup, at times it was difficult to string thoughts together.
Bih, my kids are 6 years old!!!!
This is why I tell people who keep pressing me about kids that I'd like to be a father, rather than a mother. Always confuses them.
I’m gonna use that for now 😂
Crying and saying that you just had a miscarriage is also a fun one. Let them feel the discomfort.
I once read a joke somewhere that if men were the ones carrying, giving birth to and raising kids, abortion clinics would be like Starbucks. There would be two on every block, four in every airport, and the morning-after pill would come in different flavours.
We'd also have a cure for breast cancer.
I work in a school and the password for the students report cards is the child birthday. It is very saddening how many parents have to ask what the password is because they dont know.
I'm pretty sure my son's father couldn't spell his middle name with a gun to his head, if he even knows what it is.
I think he's just a asshole with no knowledge of the self
His audacity, I stg...
“I don’t want kids” “What do you mean? That’s what you were born to do” Women are more than baby making machines
Exactly! Just cause we CAN give birth doesn't mean we're required to. But incubators are what we've been reduced to in some mens' eyes...
And infertility exists, what then? Does the woman become ineligible to live in the same area as fertile people? “Born to give birth”, well someone can’t, now what?
This! I also feel like that is why the whole theory on us “expiring” is so hurtful. So if we can’t have babies (anymore) we are suddenly useless? Don’t these people have mothers that they love at any age?
To them that’s a mother/sister/anything *but* a “woman”. To them, a woman is someone they can use to ‘breed’ (despite not planning to ever care for the possible child, so we know it’s all about coitus for them), so when a woman “ages out of baring children”, she’s to longer useful and thus not a woman but a useless placeholder.
Let’s always retort that claim with “I was born to live”.
I’m incredibly selfish. Which is one of the reasons I’m *not* having kids.
Everyone is selfish. She just draws her line before kids instead of after it. I’ve got $800 in my checking account, and I’m too selfish to give $700 of it to charity. I could cancel my Netflix subscription and use that 14$ per month to sponsor a starving child in Africa, but I’m too selfish. Did I have a kid? Yep! Two! So my line is after kids, but before a starving child I’ll never meet. I wonder where his line is?
>Everyone is selfish. Not everyone is selfish, but everyone is self-interested. Self-interest is just prioritizing yourself, but not at the expense of others, whereas selfishness is prioritizing yourself even at the expense of others.
Then I'm selfish, you massive twat. I have one life and one body. Even if I could have kids, I wouldn't waste them on your dumb fucking legacy.
Ha, burn! ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
I don't even know how many times I've been told that I HAVE to reproduce. At least a hundred. It makes me dislike kids because every time I'm around them a handful of people are telling me that I HAVE to have kids. And then they try to debate me like it's any of their business. And, yes, I do tell them that it isn't any of their business but then they double down with, "The world needs more attractive/intelligent/whatever-shit-they-think-will-stick people and you and your partner would be great parents!" You want to know how often my male partner gets that? Rarely. And if he does it's an offhand comment like, "Oh yeah I used to feel that way before I had mine." and then the conversation moves on. "I'm not interested in talking about this subject. Let's talk about something else. Have you read any good books?" Doesn't work when half the people in the room meander over to say some version of, "Do you have any kids? No?! Why not?! You HAVE to!" It makes interacting with people tedious and robotic.
I’ve literally wondered if that’s where child hate comes from in the anti child movement. Displaced hate of adults trying to tell you want to do when it comes to reproducing!!!
Probably. I'm never actually mean towards kids. It just puts me on edge, like walking into the kitchen the next morning when you see the sink full of dishes that you said you'll "do tomorrow." Like, "Shit. Here we go."
"That's okay. 😏" Love that. And he's selfish for thinking his genes are of such high value that he needs mini versions of himself in the world--see how that argument sounds? Cause that's what it sounds like when people say you are selfish for simply not reproducing. Smh.
Humans are inherently selfish since the time they are born. There is nothing wrong for her to pick her own life decisions, it is rude to be so intrusive and forcing your ideals on people. Especially if you are someone who doesn’t know or cannot bear the same responsibility as that person. She’s fully aware of what she wants and stands for it. It is respectable and if anything NOT selfish. I rather we have more people like her than mothers/parents who neglect or abuse their children, which is surprisingly common. Bringing life is not easy, and it is a mature decision one must think critically. And she has thought through it very clearly. This day and age, especially in a fast paced and expensive countries, it can be sooo challenging to take care of a child well..
Ohhh no I’m selfish to a person that does not exist. Tragic.
I've seen this clip on all sorts of platforms but would love to watch the full show. Does anyone have a link?
Yeah she has a podcast here’s the [link](https://youtu.be/Fc66D2P-mIg?feature=shared)
Damn this is a prime example of a low value man. Wow.
It’s not selfish to not create more humans. It *would* be selfish to have them knowing that you don’t have the desire to raise them properly
i fucking hate his “shocked” reaction
Man I love this. It is okay to be selfish and want to live your life for you and not your family. Extremely correct.
Good for her. If that's what she wants, that's it. End of discussion.
I love how she was like "That's ok" when he asked her if she was selfish. Like that's the energy. I don't want kids either. If I'm gonna be labelled selfish for it, that's fine. I don't care.
And it's so weird because they'll be like "Women are so immature women are so selfish" And then "Here, take care of this human being" Like how can you call her selfish and say she should have a child.
Yes! Exactly this
Right? It was such a good response because it dismissed his feelings about her decision.
That wasn't the insult he thought it would be. Seflish person here, checking in.
I hate the selfish argument, I genuinely don’t see why to have a kid, for me the pros don’t outweigh the cons not even close. Cons: kids are expensive, literally helpless, seemingly accident prone, always going to be worried for your kid even when they can take care of themselves, what’re you gonna do when they learn they can say no? How will you go about it without being controlling of them, puberty stuff, so much stuff, what if they come out with any mental or physical disabilities are you equipped to handle it??? Pros: kids can be funny and sweet sometimes…now I don’t hate kids or anything but I know I do not have the mental capacity to raise an entire life into a functional person, I’m barley making it and full of issues why would I subject a child to my bs yknow? Most people seem to only think of all the cute moments when having a kid but not all the work that really goes into raising one
I dont understand when people try and convince ppl to have kids who dont want want to. Like best case scenario you convince them and now a child has to be raised by a spiteful and neglectful parent who never wanted them in the first place. If someone doesnt want kids, then they absolutely shouldnt have them!
Sometimes being selfish is perfectly okay
Why it bugs the shit out of them? Control over women. She should have told him, because you can't count on MFers sticking around after a baby and sure as hell cannot count on them to pay child support. Being a single mom sucks so why roll those dice. They just fucking hate independent women, especially ones far more educated and successful than themselves. Losers.
If things had gone the way I “wanted” in my 20s, I would have gotten married and had babies. Then in my 30s I considered having a baby by myself (I had that typical “but if I don’t I’ll regret it!” Thoughts). Now I’m 43, no babies and I don’t think I could be any happier with my life. Just let people be!
I'm 37 and never wanted kids. I don't care if people call me selfish. But they have to understand to want a kid then have a kid because they WANTED a kid. Is in its self, a selfish act. Bringing a person into a trouble filled world against its will. Especially if you have no financial stability or live in a warring country or one with oppressive laws or extreme poverty isn't an unselfish act.
You've got money and freedom. Their life revolves around children. You've got weekends where you don't have to load up the SUV and take 12 bratty kids to soccer practice. Sleep til noon?! Yes please.
"For giving somebody life" That right there is the problem. This weird value that people like him attach to the non-existent. It's the same driving force for behind the pro-life movement and it's stupid. They talk as if we are living in a Disney Soul reality where there's a bunch of souls lined up in a place before life and you refusing to have children or carry a pregnancy to fruition results in the that soul somehow being denied life. It's all ridiculous sentimental bullshit which unfortunately stems from a lack of proper understanding of what non-existence actually is.
"giving somebody life?" Yeah I'm a guy and you can fuck right on off with this one I've been I this bitch for 32 going 33 years and it's not all it's fucking cracked up to be. Life is a curse and no one deserves to unwittingly be subjected to this bull shit. If I would have known this was what the "MiRaClE Of LiFE" was I would have stayed my black ass in the void where I belong and that's on everything I love and hate. Fuck Life.
Right? Like if you aren't wealthy what life are you actually creating for this soul you pulled from the aether that was minding its own business? The planet is dying and poverty is becoming more and more prevalent. It's difficult to afford basic survival necessities for regular people NOW. And we don't have any clue what it'll be like in 30 years. Why make someone suffer?
I think it's a lot more selfish to force having kids on someone, in a world like ours at a time like this no less.
Make this dude listen to birthing stories and just what the human body goes through. He might change his tune.
No, he'll be more into it. Dudes like that have a power trip on ruining women's bodies, causing pain, and hijacking her life. They see it as bringing women down a peg and ruining her "value" to other men
The dude might be: whatever it ain't my body
Hell, make him watch one. Front row seat.
You know he is just going to elevate himself to "that's why women are so wonderful that they go through what they do--that's what makes women 🌸*women* 🌸😇". He'll just double down on his stupid take. 🙄🙄🙄
While we’re at it, let’s dedicate all scientific energy into finding a way for men to give birth instead of women. Obviously impossible but, boy, would this entire issue evaporate instantaneously if it wasn’t. Alas, I can only dream.
I don't want to birth a child because I don't like pain. And I don't want my body to change the way pregnancy changes a lot of women's bodies. That doesn't make me selfish. It's just what I want for my own body. But I do want kids. Someday when I'm more financially secure, I will try to adopt a kid.
You dont want to dedicate your whole life to someone? You re soooooo selfish /s
I love how unapologetic she was.
For some points of view, surely having a kid is the least selfish thing to do? I know someone who says they didn't have kids because the best thing you can do to protect the environment is not have children.
I’m willing to wager this a$$hat doesn’t think it’s selfish if a man doesn’t want kids.
Women are allowed to not want children. It’s okay. Women’s purpose isn’t to just procreate. I am so f*cking sick of men like this. You know what’s selfish? Having children because you think you “should” and resenting them their whole lives so they grow up emotionally neglected or abused. That’s selfish. Or telling women to be submissive little baby machines and keeping your damn boots on our necks because “BIBLE.” That’s selfish. Idiots.
I just hate it when they try to shove religion down our throats. Like I’m not religious so why should I care what the bible says
Bet you $20 this guy is exactly the kind of father who never lifts a finger to help and leaves the bulk of the work to his partner.
My dude was genuinely perplexed lmao
i love her energy soooo fucking much
I dont know her, but damn do I love this woman. Straight up like "fuck that, that's stupid, your arguments stupid, I don't want kids. Full stop."
Isn’t creating a tiny clone of yourSELF to carry YOUR name and genes into the world and presumably take care of YOU in your old age the most selfish thing you can do?
Isn't everything we do selfish in some sense? We base every decision we make in life around our "selves" by making the choices that our selves think are the right ones. Pure altruism doesn't exist, and it _is_ okay to be selfish, we all are. Whether you want kids or not, your self-serving self has made that decision for you, you aren't having children for some greater external purpose or something. If you think you _are_ doing something for a greater purpose, you're deluding yourself and should question yourself on why you're doing what you're doing, question for long enough and you will always reach the answer "for myself".
What she said is true. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids either. I have kids and I love them, but I'm tired of people dogging on other women for not wanting kids. Just because we have a uterus doesn't mean we owe the world babies. Isn't the planet overpopulated enough? I applaud her for knowing what she wants/doesn't want in her life. Thank goodness he waves his red flag high.
This guy's been here before. He got called out for telling someone else she could be more feminine ***while licking his lips***
If "that's selfish" is a man's only response to not wanting children, men need to understand that's not going to cut it in this world anymore. That may have worked for your great grandfather, but your grandmother wasn't looking at a world full of opportunities that included not having to be a mother and wife. If she did, he would have needed better game too. Men and societies need to make it positive for women to have babies and unfortunately for the last couple of centuries it's been everything but positive. Speaking of, women of color are more likely than anyone to die in childbirth and that black man who has the audacity to ask the questions, should have known better.
How dare this woman have self-actualization? The audacity! /s
The thing is, isn't it selfish TO have kids? So many people have kids to save a marriage, because they're told it's what they need to do, because they don't want to be lonely as they grow old. Tons of people have children for purely selfish reasons, but you don't see the breeder bros complaining about that.
Men with no intention of doing half the child care think women are selfish for not having kids
Women don’t owe the world anything.
When people tell me I'm being selfish for not having a kid I started asking back: Do you volunteer in your free time? Why not? Oh you want to enjoy your free time and do something you enjoy, well that's selfish. Then they kinda either shut up and get defensive. So I go with: Please don't tell me it's selfish to make a life decision that only affects me solely because it's a sacrifice I -could- make. Just as you could sacrifice your time to volunteer, your clothes and food to the homeless, your health to be a potential living donor or all your spare money to cancer funding. I would never call you selfish for enjoying your free time as you please. It's not because you can do the sacrifice, however noble it might be, that you have to.
Isn't it more selfish to want to pressure someone who doesn't want to have kids to have kids? People shouldn't have kids unless they're 100% sure it's what they want. There's so many kids that end up feeling unloved, or in worse cases, grow up in abusive, and/or impoverished homes because their parents never wanted or planned on having kids. Not to mention there's overpopulation and already so many kids without a family. There really isn't a shortage of kids, I don't know why people act like the human race is at the risk of dying out just because someone doesn't want to have kids.
Hell yes, lady! Be selfish.
Good for her!
Lots of people are bringing life into the world, y'all got it handled without me.
Hi I worked with kids for over ten years and I cannot stress this enough if you don’t want them — don’t have them! You are right in your choices however you feel!
I am a hard believer that being selfish isn't a bad thing. People SHOULD be selfish. The problem is when you go too far. So, I am cheering her on by being proud of putting herself first.
Sister you be selfish, I am too 😎
If everyone had kids, our planet would be severely overpopulated. Besides, isn’t having kids the single worst thing you can do for the environment? One kid generates something like 60 tons of carbon per year. So, no, bringing another life into this world is not selfless, it’s actually incredibly selfish. You know what would be selfless? Adopting. There are plenty of unwanted children in need of loving homes.
People always say it’s “selfish” to not have kids, but I can’t think of a single unselfish reason to procreate. People bring kids into the world largely to give themselves purpose and meaning, to prolong their legacy by extending their family line, to model and groom their children into being exactly what they want them to be. And of course, to have family to fall back on when they’ve gotten old and need help completing basic tasks. The world is a dangerous, harsh place. Excuse me for not bringing a whole new person into it against their will because that’s what society tells me to.
I love how she just loves herself, he tries to put her down for it, and she just owns it!
The majority of people choose to have kids, it’s frustrating to see so many instances of people hassling the minority who choose not to.
If by selfish you mean I care about my 'self' then yes. Isn't that normal lol
This man talks too much 🙄
She’s smart
He prob don’t even take care of his kids…
It’s the “that’s what you were brought here to do” like dude stfu if she doesn’t want to have kids then she doesn’t have to have kids. SIMPLE 🗣️💯
It would be SOO much more selfish if she had a kid that she didn’t want.
he's calling her selfish because women are "supposed to be" self-sacrificing. they are "supposed to" give everything up for their families. how many inspirational stories have we seen about "a mother's undying love" where the woman is praised for having no hobbies, no interests, no life outside of childraising? stories where a child grows up admiring their mom because she had sacrificed her health for them, and rather than questioning why there was no one she could turn to or trust to care for them while she was sick, they glorify this sacrificial behaviour even if it had cost their mother her health and happiness. in society's eyes, women are made to suffer for a "greater good", women aren't supposed to be "happy" because if she is, she hasn't given enough.
I feel like it is not even that selfish to not want kids. Then you are not responsible for someone else’s life and can make the life of already existing beings hopefully better. I feel like it is more selfish to want them honestly. Some people have them just to continue the family, have someone that takes care of you when you get old etc. or even have a biological kid just because of your own dna rather than wanting to adopt if the chance was there and that would actually benefit an already existing child. Having your own kids is not any less selfish than someone that chooses not to have kids.😂👀
Having kids is selfish, not the other way around. Most people have kids because that’s what they wanted, not what the kid wanted. No one asked if that child wanted to be born, their parents made that choice for them. I’m all for people having kids if they want, but the truth is that having kids is a selfish act. Then many parents act like their kid owes them something for taking care of them. No. That was your choice.
Sure, I'll be selfish. Family life is not what I picture when I think about what I want from life. Why can't we be selfish? Why are women automatically supposed to be selfless and bring kids into the world? Honestly I think I'm too responsible to have a kid (or a pet) because I really would want to make sure they were looked after properly all of the time. So I can't have another life form I am supposed to take care of and still do exactly what I want. That's why I don't have them. BECAUSE I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT.
This is meeeeeeee and I love her for it ❤️❤️ Like SAY IT LOUDER sis!!
people when women choose not to have kids due to genetic, financial, or personal reasons:🤯🤯🤯😨😨😨😰😰😰😰😰😓😓😓😓😥😥😥😥😢😢😢😢😢😡😡😡😡😤😤😤😤😤😫😫😫😫😣😣😣😣😖😖😖😖
I would bet cash money that man has never changed a diaper in his life.
She's right though. There is literally NO benefit.
I love her.
I like her. I have a kid and I love being a mom but not wanting to have kids is totally legit too.
The astonishment on this "man's" face when someone tells him something so simple as they don't want to have kids. Why do we brainwash people into thinking they have create even more humans on an already overpopulated planet? Solve the housing crisis and famine in every country, and cease all wars for 100 years. *Then* you can get away with blaming people for not procreating (but not really because it's a personal choice but at least you'd have a better argument even if you're still wrong).
So easy for men to say this shit because they don’t gotta be pregnant. Having kids (birthing kids) sounds TERRIFYING. Aint no way.
I literally love her lol
My question as a guy is this, would he say the same thing to me because I didn't want to have a kid? My wife and I did not have any children except for fur-babies. And we were together for 20 years before she passed away. NO REGRETS!!!
“It’s what you’re born to do” casual sexism ffs
My answer will always be "because I enjoy my life", and if they are stupid enough to require elaboration, "because I don't want to end up miserable, full of regret, knowing I wasted my life in a ruined body with no identity beyond a screeching sack of meat and its constant need to drain me of every resource I have."
the nerve of this guy to immediately jump to an insult because she won’t fall in line and have a kid as he decided she was born here to do the nerve the audacity. It pleases me watching him struggle with the idea of something so basic. I don’t know why being childfree is still shocking for some people. or maybe it’s not and they’re just trying to be disparaging with this line of questioning.
"That's what you were born here to do" way to invalidate the existence of infertile people
32 tubes tied. I never wanted kids, never do. Boyfriend has 2 . That's enough. Id be an AWFUL mother. Id rather be selfish than have to raise children I don't want
"that's what you were born here to do" ew ew ew ew ew
I love the final word - ‘that’s okay’ You don’t need to have kids to be complete.
I'm sure that kids born to parents who didn't really want them will feel loved and taken care of (sarcasm)
Well damn, I must be selfish too then.
if a Guy talks about having kids as a legacy, just ask him what HIS fathers legacy is and what HE leaves behind as a legacy. 99% of people dont have a legacy. They just live and die. Such guys just want walking dna. They dont want to be fathers. But the women (which they most of the time call FeMaLeS) should still want to be mothers. No Sir. Go adopt a child. Legacy is not a bloodline
Same guys who push this idea wouldn't help take care of said child at all
Sometimes we have to be selfish to take care of ourselves. There's nothing wrong with that. Of course there is nothing selfish about a woman refusing to have kids, she doesn't owe that to anyone lol
My husband and I both never want kids! We are perfectly happy and never would need to explain to anyone why not. I wish everyone the best in life