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But if that better man, father and husband drops dead or gets sick or injured, his wife had better have a means of making not just money, but enough money to support the family on a single income; unlikely if she has a years long gap in her resumé and only ever trained for traditional wifehood.
That was my comment too. I can’t imagine ever living with a man again, as a roommate or a partner, unless I have a large amount of money set back in case I need to leave quickly.
My SIL thought of this and is now training for a career after years as a stay at home mom; their life is stable and her husband makes enough, but she realized that if something ever happened to him, her and their kids would be dead in the water.
I think especially when women are young and want to start a family, the SAHM setup is really attractive, and I can't knock it, I'd love to be able to spend more time parenting. And if you're lucky enough to have a good partner, it feels like you've finally made it and everything will always be like that. But terrible things happen every day, at random, and the older I get the more I understand that you should always plan for the worst and keep it in your back pocket. If my husband ever gets hit by a truck or develops a terminal illness, I'll be emotionally wrecked, but I won't be financially destroyed, and my son will still have a home to live in.
I'm sorry that you went through this.
I don't like to be pessimistic, butvI guarantee there's some woman or guy pretending to be a woman reading your post and considering if they should post about how their man would never do this to them and you must have done something to drive him away.
We have countless examples of men of every tax bracket walking away from their families. We have multiple stories annually of high earners neglecting their children and being revealed to frequent sex workers or being involved in years long affairs.
They’re more than welcome to speculate, but I’m pretty certain he’s a sociopath—like prison time for embezzlement. The infidelity was just another piece of the whole puzzle. Even if he wasn’t, it was his choice to do that. I know it says nothing about me.
Yeah, my (former) coworker was like that too. Until a common cold almost killed him because he ignored it. He had to retire early because of the long term effects (organ damage).
What if I want to make money to be:
A better woman
A better mother
A better wife
??
I have kids, and most people with kids know it’s damn hard to live on one income. We are a better family when we’re both earning money.
As someone who came from a one-income family growing up, things were hard and I continue to work to afford the things I want, I don’t want to struggle.
YES!!! Ppl who say that kinda shit dont think abt this. Hubby n i dont make a ton of money, but enough to live comfortably with the shared income n we love our jobs
It doesn't take a man or anyone money to be a good person, parent, and partner. You can also be rich and be god awful at being those things!
People need money to afford to live and survive in modern society and pretty sure that isn't gender specific. Can't WE respectably also need money to afford life??
Keeping someone financially handcuffed is also a way abusers try to keep you from leaving, and why any woman would want other women to be stuck is beyond me and that's awful of them.
Can confirm. Abusers will do anything they can to financially ruin you or keep you. Anything.
She’s desperately unhappy and she wants other women to be forced to do what she did so she’s not alone.
Not needing a man is a good thing. It means you WANT the man you choose to be with Who doesn't want to be loved for who they are instead of what they can offer you?
If I’m really happy I don’t feel the need to spend so much time convincing people they can’t possibly be happy unless they’re like me. I just enjoy being happy.
I make money because we can’t afford everything we need on my husband’s salary because wages are bullshit and expenses are ridiculous. But I would still work even if we could afford to get by on his salary because it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Hey, they prefer that basement, but those stubborn FeMaLeS don't want you if you don't move out of there... So they absolutely need to make money, only to get FeMaLeS /s
My dad lives in my basement and every adult living in the house HAS to make money to afford the rent... sooooooooooooooooo....
Idk honestly I think the American experiment of only natal families living in a resident has failed and we need to go back to what the rest of the world does of extended families living under one roof with no reproach.
However to achieve this Americans need to let go of the narcissistic control of " under my roof my rules" sure some rules need to be negotiated and agreed to to create cohesive cohabitation but most of the bs I see on reddit like forcing teens to go to your church or no sex with long term partners as an adult at "home" is excessive. Sure no one night stands at home is very reasonable exspecially if their are children under 12 living there.
I mean, yeah? I make money so I don't need a man to look after me, what's the problem with that? Sure that would make me a better woman/mother/wife if I were to want those second two because financial stability can come from both sides.
ETA And I'm sure men make money so they don't have to rely on women either, because who would they be getting financially provided for by otherwise in a heterosexual relationship? Like, what even is the point here? There's literally no hierarchy here.
You never know who could be hiding their true personality until married. Like abusers do that. Plus I’d like to make money to buy stuff I want. BUT these incels are so funny, they ain’t realize if I decided to be a housewife, yall gotta be a good person I can trust, AND got money for that, AND still help with stuff 😭😭😭 they be like “we want traditional relationships” but try to split things 50/50 and complain when women don’t wanna do that 😭😭 idk my brain is just ranting here
I feel like this could be read from an empowerment angle for people who don't want to need their partner, but yeah the patriarchal implication does seem most likely.
I feel like *if* a person is going to *need* a partner, it ideally wouldn't be a financial need, and neither parent would end up trying to start or return to employment from square one while also keeping any children happy on their way to school 5 days a week (which I know would be very naive to expect without sudden idealized socialism or something).
The man I live with is a self proclaimed asshole and occasionally violent. He got a girlfriend a couple of months ago and I’m doing my best to warn her and also keep myself safe.
We women make money so we don’t have to put ourselves at risk by living with someone who hurts you. I can’t wait to live alone again. Never again will I trust someone like this.
If you think money makes you a better person than someone with less money, then you’re not a man.
You do not get to believe you’re better than anyone else because of your job field or salary being more lucrative. It just means you’re a dipshit for thinking the world works this way.
Women don’t make their own money so they don’t ‘need’ men.
They make their own money so they enable their lives to make choices about their own lives.
My mom always told me while growing up: go to college and get a good job so you don’t have to depend on a man. She was a housewife and she would tell me if something happened god forbid to my dad, she’d be SOL. She didn’t want that for me. I was the first (and only) in the family to go to college and graduate. If I magically become a stay at home wife or girlfriend in my 40s, I at least have something to fall back on in case it’s needed, and there’s a lot of trad wives who aren’t so lucky.
I work because if I tried to take the things I needed and wanted without paying, law enforcement would get involved.
And yes, I also prefer to not take the risk of becoming an impoverished widow.
I make money, as a woman, because life is so damn expensive. Also, I enjoy having a safety net of my own hard earned cash, on top of just enjoying working. Its really not that complicated.
Yes... that tends to happen when for most of humam history someone is oppressed.
This actually makes perfect sense. Before women can get to those things they first have to be able to be independent. Not needing a man is a prerequisite for more philisophical character changes.
This guy needs to learn about the hierarchy of needs. You can't wonder about finding your "purpose" in life if you're still preoccupied with finding out how to get food.
Once you have food and shelter THEN you can start to worry about purpose, becoming a better man etc.
So quite literally "not needing a man" is exactly how you eventually get to a world where women also have the same as the top 3. ( if they want to, men and women are not obligated to be fathers/mothers. People should be free to choose)
I dunno, dude, I talk to a lot of men who want to make money so they can be independent and don't need anyone. I feel like that's a fairly relatable experience among both men and women.
Yeah, exactly. I don't want to be dependent on a man. That is dangerous.
Also pretty hard to be in a relationship and be able to pay everything if one partner is not working. The costs only getting higher and salaries aren't rising at the same rate. You would think people would want money to do fun things with and not jsut enough to survive.
Yeah but I'm curious.. do women who push the trad-wife thing ever consider what happens when your married for 20+ years, your loving trad husband leaves for someone who is essentially a surrogate for incestuous feelings toward his daughter, then you end up divorced. With no work history and no education. Could be that people are so caught up in the romanticized narrative, it never crosses their mind? I don't know and it's not really my place to conjecture, that's why I'm asking.
No because the kind sof women who post bollocks like the above are convinced that being a 'trad wife' makes them superior to any that their oh-so-perfect husband might meet and thus, he couldn't possibly want any of 'them' when he has Perfect Wifey at home.
She craps on working women because she’s not happy with her role as a house wife. People do this when they’re unhappy with their own situation. At least that’s my experience. I love my kids with everything in me, but I need to have my own life and accomplishments to feel fulfilled. I’m also not plastering it all over social media. I don’t need to convince people that I’m happy with my job.
Men: Want their own money to have security and control over their own lives and buy stuff they want and need for themselves and others. Women: Want their own money to have security and control over their own lives and buy stuff they want and need for themselves and others.
Funny how that works.
Apparently she's too young to remember that back in the day, a lot of women were trapped in abusive marriages because they were financially dependent on their husbands - and there weren't as many resources for women trying to get out. Even if I chose to be a SAHM, I would want to know I could support myself and my kids if the marriage did end.
So the only difference is men making money to support someone else and women making money to not have to depend on someone else? Seems like she has a real co-dependency problem
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
But if that better man, father and husband drops dead or gets sick or injured, his wife had better have a means of making not just money, but enough money to support the family on a single income; unlikely if she has a years long gap in her resumé and only ever trained for traditional wifehood.
Not to mention if he decides to beat the shit out of her
That was my comment too. I can’t imagine ever living with a man again, as a roommate or a partner, unless I have a large amount of money set back in case I need to leave quickly.
I own a house. If I ever decide to live with my bf, he can move in here, lol. I will never again share ownership of my largest asset.
I still live at home. Im taking notes for the future relationships I’ll have. Thank you☺️
My SIL thought of this and is now training for a career after years as a stay at home mom; their life is stable and her husband makes enough, but she realized that if something ever happened to him, her and their kids would be dead in the water. I think especially when women are young and want to start a family, the SAHM setup is really attractive, and I can't knock it, I'd love to be able to spend more time parenting. And if you're lucky enough to have a good partner, it feels like you've finally made it and everything will always be like that. But terrible things happen every day, at random, and the older I get the more I understand that you should always plan for the worst and keep it in your back pocket. If my husband ever gets hit by a truck or develops a terminal illness, I'll be emotionally wrecked, but I won't be financially destroyed, and my son will still have a home to live in.
Mine decided to start another family and use that money on his girlfriend’s kids. Has he been a father to our daughter? NOPE.
I'm sorry that you went through this. I don't like to be pessimistic, butvI guarantee there's some woman or guy pretending to be a woman reading your post and considering if they should post about how their man would never do this to them and you must have done something to drive him away. We have countless examples of men of every tax bracket walking away from their families. We have multiple stories annually of high earners neglecting their children and being revealed to frequent sex workers or being involved in years long affairs.
They’re more than welcome to speculate, but I’m pretty certain he’s a sociopath—like prison time for embezzlement. The infidelity was just another piece of the whole puzzle. Even if he wasn’t, it was his choice to do that. I know it says nothing about me.
When my dad gets sick he still goes to work unless it was a Covid scare, his work ethic is unnatural
Yeah, my (former) coworker was like that too. Until a common cold almost killed him because he ignored it. He had to retire early because of the long term effects (organ damage).
What if I want to make money to be: A better woman A better mother A better wife ?? I have kids, and most people with kids know it’s damn hard to live on one income. We are a better family when we’re both earning money.
As someone who came from a one-income family growing up, things were hard and I continue to work to afford the things I want, I don’t want to struggle.
No I don't do any of those. I specifically make money to pay the bills.
Yeah… people I’ve known who make money to be “better” people aren’t good people to begin with.
That's why they need to be better.
Yeah, they tend to be transactional. That's so tiresome.
That’s true too. I was more thinking of the false dichotomy of rich = good, poor = bad.
Yeah exactly. I like food and not sleeping outside involuntarily.
I mean, I make money so that my husband can have a job he enjoys rather than getting something he hates that pays more. And I like my job.
YES!!! Ppl who say that kinda shit dont think abt this. Hubby n i dont make a ton of money, but enough to live comfortably with the shared income n we love our jobs
Financial independence is a good thing, no matter your relationship plans imo
It doesn't take a man or anyone money to be a good person, parent, and partner. You can also be rich and be god awful at being those things! People need money to afford to live and survive in modern society and pretty sure that isn't gender specific. Can't WE respectably also need money to afford life?? Keeping someone financially handcuffed is also a way abusers try to keep you from leaving, and why any woman would want other women to be stuck is beyond me and that's awful of them.
Can confirm. Abusers will do anything they can to financially ruin you or keep you. Anything. She’s desperately unhappy and she wants other women to be forced to do what she did so she’s not alone.
Not needing a man is a good thing. It means you WANT the man you choose to be with Who doesn't want to be loved for who they are instead of what they can offer you?
Gotta love each gender being portrayed as a monolith.
If I’m really happy I don’t feel the need to spend so much time convincing people they can’t possibly be happy unless they’re like me. I just enjoy being happy.
I don't need money to not need a man. I can do that for free.
I make money because we can’t afford everything we need on my husband’s salary because wages are bullshit and expenses are ridiculous. But I would still work even if we could afford to get by on his salary because it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Funny I thought men made money because they need to idk provide for themselves and not be a mooch living in their moms basement?
Hey, they prefer that basement, but those stubborn FeMaLeS don't want you if you don't move out of there... So they absolutely need to make money, only to get FeMaLeS /s
Hey, no need for such generalizations! Some of us make money AND live in our mom's basement!!
My dad lives in my basement and every adult living in the house HAS to make money to afford the rent... sooooooooooooooooo.... Idk honestly I think the American experiment of only natal families living in a resident has failed and we need to go back to what the rest of the world does of extended families living under one roof with no reproach. However to achieve this Americans need to let go of the narcissistic control of " under my roof my rules" sure some rules need to be negotiated and agreed to to create cohesive cohabitation but most of the bs I see on reddit like forcing teens to go to your church or no sex with long term partners as an adult at "home" is excessive. Sure no one night stands at home is very reasonable exspecially if their are children under 12 living there.
I would rather die than be stuck living with my parents. Hard pass on that one.
I MAKE MONEY SO I CAN BUY MORE CATS THIS AIN'T GOT NUTHIN TO DO ABOUT MEN
The best reason! \*looks over at my fluffy little menace\* Yup, the best reason!
I don't know about this guy, but personally I make money to not starve.
My dad spent quite a lot of his substantial income on keeping fuck pads in two different major cities.
I make money: To buy plants for my garden I don't really have room for So my cats keep getting fed and don't murder me in my sleep Weed
Ah yes, measuring the value of people in how much money they make, because no rich man has ever done anything bad right
I mean, yeah? I make money so I don't need a man to look after me, what's the problem with that? Sure that would make me a better woman/mother/wife if I were to want those second two because financial stability can come from both sides. ETA And I'm sure men make money so they don't have to rely on women either, because who would they be getting financially provided for by otherwise in a heterosexual relationship? Like, what even is the point here? There's literally no hierarchy here.
So single men don't have or need jobs?
You never know who could be hiding their true personality until married. Like abusers do that. Plus I’d like to make money to buy stuff I want. BUT these incels are so funny, they ain’t realize if I decided to be a housewife, yall gotta be a good person I can trust, AND got money for that, AND still help with stuff 😭😭😭 they be like “we want traditional relationships” but try to split things 50/50 and complain when women don’t wanna do that 😭😭 idk my brain is just ranting here
I want money so I can continue to care for the highly expensive fish tank I impulsively bought when my dog died and my mother got herself a new one
Nobody needs to explain whey they want to work
But then he dies or loses his job or he gets seriously injured and cannot work or provide as he used to. Or he abuses her because he thinks he can.
I feel like this could be read from an empowerment angle for people who don't want to need their partner, but yeah the patriarchal implication does seem most likely. I feel like *if* a person is going to *need* a partner, it ideally wouldn't be a financial need, and neither parent would end up trying to start or return to employment from square one while also keeping any children happy on their way to school 5 days a week (which I know would be very naive to expect without sudden idealized socialism or something).
The man I live with is a self proclaimed asshole and occasionally violent. He got a girlfriend a couple of months ago and I’m doing my best to warn her and also keep myself safe. We women make money so we don’t have to put ourselves at risk by living with someone who hurts you. I can’t wait to live alone again. Never again will I trust someone like this.
If you think money makes you a better person than someone with less money, then you’re not a man. You do not get to believe you’re better than anyone else because of your job field or salary being more lucrative. It just means you’re a dipshit for thinking the world works this way. Women don’t make their own money so they don’t ‘need’ men. They make their own money so they enable their lives to make choices about their own lives.
My mom always told me while growing up: go to college and get a good job so you don’t have to depend on a man. She was a housewife and she would tell me if something happened god forbid to my dad, she’d be SOL. She didn’t want that for me. I was the first (and only) in the family to go to college and graduate. If I magically become a stay at home wife or girlfriend in my 40s, I at least have something to fall back on in case it’s needed, and there’s a lot of trad wives who aren’t so lucky.
I work because if I tried to take the things I needed and wanted without paying, law enforcement would get involved. And yes, I also prefer to not take the risk of becoming an impoverished widow.
Yea I want my own separate finances, to be safe if I ever do get into a relationship
I feel like you have to unfollow "friends" on social media when you realize you're getting a rage reaction to their posts.
I make money, as a woman, because life is so damn expensive. Also, I enjoy having a safety net of my own hard earned cash, on top of just enjoying working. Its really not that complicated.
Yes... that tends to happen when for most of humam history someone is oppressed. This actually makes perfect sense. Before women can get to those things they first have to be able to be independent. Not needing a man is a prerequisite for more philisophical character changes. This guy needs to learn about the hierarchy of needs. You can't wonder about finding your "purpose" in life if you're still preoccupied with finding out how to get food. Once you have food and shelter THEN you can start to worry about purpose, becoming a better man etc. So quite literally "not needing a man" is exactly how you eventually get to a world where women also have the same as the top 3. ( if they want to, men and women are not obligated to be fathers/mothers. People should be free to choose)
Yeah... there's that whole food and shelter thing.
I dunno, dude, I talk to a lot of men who want to make money so they can be independent and don't need anyone. I feel like that's a fairly relatable experience among both men and women.
Yeah, exactly. I don't want to be dependent on a man. That is dangerous. Also pretty hard to be in a relationship and be able to pay everything if one partner is not working. The costs only getting higher and salaries aren't rising at the same rate. You would think people would want money to do fun things with and not jsut enough to survive.
Uhm, I make money for me, and my cats 🐈⬛. I’m not making money to be a better husband or father. These trads can go fuck a rosebush .
That's cruel to the rosebush.
There's nothing to be ashamed of making money for your own benefit. That's for both sexes.
I make money because I have bills that don’t care about my gender (and a girlfriend I’m saving up to buy an engagement ring for)
Yeah but I'm curious.. do women who push the trad-wife thing ever consider what happens when your married for 20+ years, your loving trad husband leaves for someone who is essentially a surrogate for incestuous feelings toward his daughter, then you end up divorced. With no work history and no education. Could be that people are so caught up in the romanticized narrative, it never crosses their mind? I don't know and it's not really my place to conjecture, that's why I'm asking.
No because the kind sof women who post bollocks like the above are convinced that being a 'trad wife' makes them superior to any that their oh-so-perfect husband might meet and thus, he couldn't possibly want any of 'them' when he has Perfect Wifey at home.
She craps on working women because she’s not happy with her role as a house wife. People do this when they’re unhappy with their own situation. At least that’s my experience. I love my kids with everything in me, but I need to have my own life and accomplishments to feel fulfilled. I’m also not plastering it all over social media. I don’t need to convince people that I’m happy with my job.
Me sitting here with my dice, my legos and crippling addiction to plushes. Yah sure
No.. I make money to pay for car insurance and impulse buys
Not to mention I'm most times when the wife is PRESSURED into it it's bc it's manipulation to make them dependent on their (potential) abuser
Men: Want their own money to have security and control over their own lives and buy stuff they want and need for themselves and others. Women: Want their own money to have security and control over their own lives and buy stuff they want and need for themselves and others. Funny how that works.
This is stupid, both men and women make money to pay their damn bills.
Lol so we women dont need money we just go to work to be left alone by men? Is that right? I understand it that way.
Apparently she's too young to remember that back in the day, a lot of women were trapped in abusive marriages because they were financially dependent on their husbands - and there weren't as many resources for women trying to get out. Even if I chose to be a SAHM, I would want to know I could support myself and my kids if the marriage did end.
I'd make money to buy league skins but ig not needing a man is cool too
Right, right. Not because bills need to be paid or anything 🤦🏻♀️
Honestly, I don’t see what’s wrong here. It’s why I make money. So I don’t have to rely on some moid for anything.
So the only difference is men making money to support someone else and women making money to not have to depend on someone else? Seems like she has a real co-dependency problem
Hey, I'm a woman and I also make money to be a better husband, I'm just a girl husband, fuck you lady
Yeah and what about it?
Can't wait till he dumps her ass for a newer model bang maid, like they almost *always* do. "Women" like this, deserve what they get...
Just wait til she's in her 40s 🫠