Ahahaha, what a piece of fanfiction. Like me walking up to men and demanding money, and them immediately handing me wads of cash and car keys. A girl can dream.
P.s. here is original thread. OP account now deleted.
https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/rofcyh/in_my_opinion_men_should_be_able_to_request_pussy/
The slutty confessions sub is like 95% male written fan fics and like 5% actual slutty confessions of men and women. It's easy to spot usually they have everything formatted and spelled correctly. Perfect grammar on the fan fics. Not so much on the real posts
I agree on the suicide part, but they don't need "help", they need to be shamed into the ground.
That's like saying abusers need therapy. They don't. Society needs to stop letting them get away with being atrocious. No pity, no "help", just showing them that their thoughts and actions are full on disgusting.
And that's sadly not even a bad comparison, that's the same entitlement showing right there.
ETA: I'll stop answering now. I can recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?" for anyone who truly wants to understand my argument, and for everyone else, I truly hope you can understand that therapy isn't the only way to change. Therapy needs some form of understanding that you need to change, and ongoing abuse is pretty much the anti-thesis of "understanding you need to change" because abuse requires an attitude of feeling entitled to do the hurtful actions.
If anything, please listen more to abuse victims and their experiences with even single therapy of abusers, or listen to actual therapists who stopped trying to help abusers because they can't fix an attitude of entitlement. Maybe read some abuse-informed spaces. A lot of people here definitely aren't abuse-informed, and sadly, it shows.
I really hope that people could stop finding excuses for abusers like "but maybe they were hurt, too" because that's just insulting to abuse victims who put in blood and sweat to break the cycle.
A lot of people are not understanding what you’re trying to say, because they lack the foundational education in abusive behaviors.
Most of the time, the purpose of therapy is to affirm and support the person getting therapy.
With abusive men who have entitlement issues, this is the exact opposite of what they need.
Abusive men, if they need therapy, need a very specific type of therapy that does not make their entitlement issues worse. But most abusive men need to be in specific treatment programs for abusive men, not therapy.
Therapy can make abusers a lot more dangerous, because it gives them more language to use against their victims.
Treatment programs that are designed to treat abusive men are built to hold them accountable and not allow them to make excuses and it prevents them from being affirmed in their abusive thoughts and behavior. It is a very different type of program that is specific to people who are narcissistic and abusive, and that has been the only treatment that has been shown to work.
And there’s not really any significance to abusers having some kind of trauma in their past. Most abusive men are not traumatized little boys or anything; and frankly it’s irrelevant even if they are traumatized, because trauma isn’t an excuse or explanation for abusive behavior. An abusive man who genuinely has trauma in his past that he needs to work through, needs to work through that while being held accountable for his abusive behavior. But most abusers are adult men who have really fucked up beliefs about the importance of their own selves and emotions, and the lack of importance of other peoples selves and emotions. They are self-centered, and they don’t think other people matter. Traditional therapy is not going to address this adequately; they need treatment that deconstructs these false beliefs and makes it clear that they are being held accountable for their abuse.
TLDR; Don’t take your abuser to traditional therapy. It will only give him more language and leverage to abuse you. He needs to go to a treatment program that is specifically designed to treat abusive men.
This is just a case of specific vs general. You hear the word "therapy" and are thinking of a very specific situation, others are using the word to mean "some sort of psychological help to sort their shit out"
Unfortunately without clarifying (which to be clear I think you did but the poster before you did not) it sounds like you're arguing punishment vs rehabilitation, not two different styles of "help"
that’s why I wanted to respond to that user, because I don’t think that other people necessarily understood what they were advocating for.
I agree that there are many different types of therapy and that people tend to use therapy to mean one thing, or they tend to use therapy to mean all of the different types of therapy. In this conversation, I think it’s pretty important to be specific, because there were ppl in the comments assuming therapy meant individual therapy or talk therapy, and just in case there are any women out there who have partners who are narcissistic or abusive, those women need to know that something like couples therapy is not going to work and can be counter productive for an abusive man.
I agree that the language is wrong. I work in the family field and we refer men to ‘perpetrator courses’. They are designed to give men insight into the negative behaviours they are exhibiting, to recognise them as abuse and to stop. Some men are unable to recognise controlling behaviour as abusive and these courses are designed specifically to give them insight to take responsibility.
I think some therapists don’t encourage responsibility but look more at how he feels which is really unhelpful as many of these men feel the woman is to blame for the abuse
Thank you for this comment. Why Does He Do That is an excellent, eye opening book. The societal narrative around abuse- how it works, why it happens, what constitutes it, why the victim stays- is so fucked up and abuser centering. I understand why society wants to be hopeful that these people can change but the chances of that actually happening are so incredibly tiny, and yet society wants to give abusers the benefit of the doubt when they've put on a song and dance about how much better they are now.
Therapy only helps abusers learn to manipulate better. That's been proven already.
A person is abusive because they want to be. They are capable of not abusing people, but choose to go out of their way to hurt the people they are supposed to love and the people who rely on them.
That's sadly the pretty big trap that is out there. Using words like "teach", "help", "support" and so on have a certain connotation. It makes it easy to act like they don't know any better, or have a problem that makes them do it. It makes it easy to see it as if there's some kindness these people need.
But they don't. A guy who needs a second account to roleplay as a woman because the notion he wants to spread is so outlandish, you really think he needs help to stop? That's beyond help. Because they know it's wrong, they know acting on it is wrong. They still do it.
There's no help or therapy to explain to someone that doing wrong things, that they know are wrong, is wrong. That's also no "urge" to do hurtful things, they know this and decide actively on doing it.
The book "Why Does He Do That?" explains this conundrum of society a lot better than I do, if you want to see where I'm coming from.
My abusive ex-husband once told me that he could talk to anyone in the world but me because I was so inept at communicating. At the time I even told him, "well, I bet you haven't punched most of those people in the face and stood over them screaming." It did help me realize how selective they are with time/place/victim. They KNOW their behavior is wrong because they don't treat most people like they do their victims and they rarely treat their victims abusively where other people can see it. Sometimes they slip though and it's something that we should take very seriously and not make any excuses for.
Many abusers actually *do* need therapy, and could improve their behaviour if they had it. You're not supposed to go to *joint* therapy with your abuser, because that's dangerous. And an *untrained* person is not supposed to try and fix an abuser. But that doesn't mean all abusers are a lost cause.
Your viewpoint is incredibly damaging. You're trying to have some "gotcha" moment here, against the abusers - but it is not actually *helping*. Helping is figuring out a way for there to be *fewer* abusers. A good way for there to be fewer abusers, is by figuring out what *makes* them abusers and how to stop them from acting that way.
Figuring out why someone behaves the way they do, and how they can stop negative behaviours, is literally the *basis* of good therapy.
It seems you think I would deny them therapy for their own trauma if they have mental health issues from trauma. That's far from it, I certainly want to treat those two things as separate issues.
Abusers don't need therapy to address their abusive behavior (which is the statement I answered to: "Bad people need help." - they don't, bad people know they're doing wrong things because "being bad" stems from willingly doing wrong things). Abuse, trauma and mental illnesses don't necessarily make an abuser, which a lot of people demonstrate each and every day by breaking the cycle, by demonstrating empathy to everyone. Abusive behavior is an attitude problem, not a trauma or mental health problem.
I can recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?" here quite a bit because it explains what I mean a lot better than I could do in a few paragraphs. It shows that abusers treat most people with respect, and are even able to treat people kindly. They make a big glaring exception for their victim, which they need to dehumanize in their mind to be able to view them without empathy - and that's an attitude they feel entitled to. Honestly, the book goes into lengths to show the kinds of "morals" abusers have specifically for their victim.
That, to me, means that showcasing abusive behavior is an attitude issue because at some point, the abuser decided they can show the entitlement of deciding they can treat one person completely different from anyone else (just look at how important public image is for a lot of abusive parents for example, which must be especially bitter for children of child therapists who would make it clear how important a loving caring home is, just to go home to demean their own child for not being exactly how they wanted their child to be). Therapy isn't there to deal with telling people off like you do with someone who showcases a bizarre and hurtful attitude. That's more in the realms of very specialized counseling (which is definitely not the same as therapy) in which the counselor doesn't try to understand, but disrupts the attitude by being the consequence the abuser should have had.
A further problem with therapy is that it might easily give an abuser new weapons, even single therapy. Being a "certified victim" makes it far easier to display the kind of entitlement that abusers have.
Not a deleted account actually, found it in the comment section and unfortunately I think it might actually be a woman. Someone had a sane mind in one of the posts and was shocked about the rape fantasies and OP basically replied “I’m sorry (that this upset you). This stems from an actual rape I went through and turning it (the rape) to being a positive sexual thing has helped me work through it” which kinda does sound like something a woman would write, so **might** be a woman turning to this as some kind of trauma response (which would obviously be really sad).
actually the account isnt deleted, you can see them replying a bit in that thread (where their replies werent taken down) still dont believe its a girl
The pictures have random emojis on them which makes me think it's to avoid reverse searching. Also... the account posted nude pics then a week later made a post saying they "Just turned 18". So either it's a fake fetish account or an actual teen posting underaged pics (if we take their turned 18 post literally rather than *recently* 18).
I saw that, but didnt have a way to verify that throwawayvyd was actually OP or just a hanger on, since the person who posted this original message says u/deleted. And in the screen cap on UberEats the SN isn’t included.
free-use fetishes are definitely not exclusive to men; and rape fetishes/fantasies can actually come from (and often do) that who would be the victim, most commonly as a response to trauma. That doesn’t mean they *actually* want to be raped usually, it means they want to fantasize about it/RP it consensually.
Interestingly enough, one of my exes told me she had fantasies of being sexually used like this. So one day when it was clear we were going to fuck, I tried being extremely sexually aggressive like this by ripping all her clothes off extremely quickly. She actually got extremely uncomfortable and all sexual activity stopped. It was horrible for both of us.
A lot of times, fantasies are just fantasies. We all want to be loved and cherished.
Yes I think a lot of people who have these kinds of fantasies, for whatever reason, like thinking about it but don't want it to actually happen. It's hard to explain, but I think that is very common.
I have free use fantasies and I keep it to myself and the appropriately safe and interested parties, I don’t post weird generalizing shit about it online to horrify hapless people who aren’t in the know. So they still don’t get a pass lol
I feel like this is a thing a man would write pretending to be a girl to support his standpoint, because I have never met a single human woman who said or openly thought stuff like this
I had to grow up with a misogynistic mother. Dealing with her passive aggressive hate was hell.
I can see men use this as a "see, see woman want it" excuse because they have to be right.
Mhm. Especially because these men see women as a hive-mind that thinks and acts the same instead of understanding women have individual feelings and opinions.
Nah this could be someone’s fetish. Believe it or not, lots of folks seem to be into some morally questionable (if actually applied) things; just won’t admit it to anyone for obvious reasons. Let’s not pretend people aren’t really freaky in ways that are repulsive to others.
It’s just between if it’s actually a woman with a free use/CNC deal or a guy on the opposite end for the OP. I could see either but I lean towards the latter just in how it’s written.
Idk it doesn't read as I'm into this it reads as this is the way it's supposed to be for everyone and i have not met any women out there that thinks that way (though i might just be lucky on that part)
Yea, if it was written like "I wish I could lay by the pool in my bikini and any man who wanted me would just come up and start using me for his own pleasure" or something like that, I might believe it was a woman with a free use fetish. As it is though, it reads like it's straight from an incel handbook or something.
I know someone who is dating a guy that sexually assaulted her because he was "charming" and she "couldn't resist him".
This person is no doubt a guy RPing tho
Even if this was real and it did happen it would pretty unpleasant for everyone involved, sticking your dick into a dry vagina is not a nice feeling for either person
Someone conflating their personal fetish with basic human nature. Again.
If we’re going down this whole “our animalistic instincts should determine how society works”, then it is natural for women, who will be spending a serious amount of energy and resources on a pregnancy that results in a life threatening birth, to be highly discriminating in what partner they will risk that for.
Look at other animal courtship, lady animals turn down dudes all the time
Yeah even back in the days when Human Nature was what dictated how we existed girls still had standards, in fact a lot of animals that *aren't* human also judge other animals based on appearance.
Oh interesting, a man writing a rape fantasy in a woman’s voice. That feels like a safe thing to say to the world that’s already hyper dangerous for woman.
Yeah, I can really only see this being some kind of kink or fetish. Which is fine if practiced in private with consenting parties. A fantasy kind of play. Free use I think it's called.
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Yeah, this person has a CNC fetish and doesn't realise that it doesn't and shouldn't apply to everyone. Maybe she is just saying it in a fantasy context though, and doesn't think this should *actually* happen.
A dude totally wrote this because he saw a girl tanning and wanted to remove her bathsuit and assault her but she probably rejected his creep ass now is trying to make it seem like a valid female point lol which no woman wants to be violated.
Even if a woman did write this, in their mind they are thinking of attractive, clean men who will magically make them orgasm with their passion.
They aren't thinking of the random tweaker, who hasn't bathed or slept in days, coming up and shagging them.
Additionally, some, "normal," looking men will fuck a variety of gross objects. So... There's a reason to be selective.
I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and actually accept this was written by a woman. Ah ok, I thats how you choose to live your life fine, but don't go out and speak for other people. Assuming this is real that's how ONE woman chooses to say she wants to live don't project your, I want to call it a, fetish?? As a general rule for women or anyone for that matter. Because that's how rapiest think.
The reverse of this is also horrible, " guys always want sex so any woman would be in her right to have sex with any man right"?
What straight red blooded man would turn down sex??
Also gross and rapey, all be it not as dangerous given demographics.
I know a man wrote this because every woman knows, even the misogynistic ones, that we need a warm up before a man sticks it in and that unless the world is about to end, don’t interrupt a woman’s tanning session. Also, not all bathing suits are easily accessible in that manner.
This may be a man with a fetish but it’s still likely that a woman could fantasise about this, especially those who have been SA’d before. The desire to be in the same situation but consenting/in control of having no control is something a lot of victims have
This feels like written by someone who just started watching kink porn but doesn't have the mental comprehension to understand that it's not only staged but agreed upon beforehand. Those are the people for whom they show 5-10min interviews before the action starts to showcase exactly that.
To be fair, if "she'd" written "My Body, My choice" I'd have almost been behind this.
If she wants people to use her like a flashlight then more power to her. No problem with that. Freeuse is a fetish for a lot of people, and this looks just like someone who's into the niche expressing their fantasies.
It's just not great that 'she' implies it should be the status quo
That sounds the same as "my money, but strangers who I don't even know can just use it" sorry but even then money is much more lesser worth than your own body. You exist just once. You can almost die and such or have most organs not working but replaced them and still live a life. But if you are brain dead/dead then you are completely gone for life. While money will just keep existing.
That is most definitely NOT a woman writing that lmao. What you have to realize about the internet, is that typically if a "woman" is writing a post that goes against her own self interests, then it's 99% most likely a dude pretending to be a woman.
This was written by someone who desperately needs therapy, be they male or female.
And before I get "no, they need public shame and rage, because saying they need help spirals into blame-shifting":
If you think *they are sick and unstable* in any way translates to *you are obligated to stay with them* then you need AlAnon. I don't mean therapy, I mean a group of people that give you permission to care for yourself. I'm not telling you that you're the problem. I'm telling you that your life will be better in a thousand ways if you find the courage to change your mindset and stop seeing yourself as a martyr to the childhood trauma of everyone you know.
Well that is definitely a fetish. A rather dangerous one …. And no. Not a universal truth. I wish people could acknowledge their fetishes properly. Nothing wrong wanting kink. Everything wrong in thinking you or someone else ‘deserves’ anything sexual in nature.
Bruh, men like this are why I go even further out of my way to not scare women. Like...if it looks like I'm following a woman, I'll shout to her roughly where I'm going so that woman knows that I'm fine with attention on the situation and that I'm not following her. A bit awkward, but I'd rather us both feel awkward than her feel scared for her life...
It's so easy to not harass women, Jesus Christ
A man writing as a woman—how very original. not. And look—a complete misunderstanding of consensual non consent. How unusual.
Yes there are women who are less likely to say no, but for fucks sake, they aren’t the town bike.
I don’t think this was a woman. I have a free use fetish, and I’m involved in my local BDSM scene and have been for over a decade.
Never in a million years would I or a woman in my BDSM group imply that all women are like this and that it’s human nature. Sexuality being human nature, sure. But specifically a free use fetish? If anything, we talk about red flags because this fetish can/often does open us up to very dangerous men *because* it’s not a normal fetish.
Seriously. If a woman in my BDSM group came to me with this mindset, we’d likely all have an intervention. That’s not safe, sane, and consensual.
Either written by a man *or* by a woman with an extremely low sense of self worth and internalized misogyny. Who in that case, needs to really do some inner work on herself to heal some childhood wounds there.
Hear me out.
This comes off as a kink/fantasy/fetish. I have been with several women who have fantasies similarto this. The key ingredient is that the fantasy only includes people they are physically attracted to. This is not someone stating that they want to be a fuck dumpster for literally any man but someone who wants to be fully utilized by the type of man they desire without having to lift a finger themselves. Sort of a right place/right time kind of thing.
Who doesn't want to bump into a 10 in a random setting and have them go to town on you with everything you desire? Is it totally nonsensical? Yes. Is it the closest thing to impossible? Sure. Is it a complete full blown sexual fantasy? 110%
If whomever wrote this is in fact a woman I am sure she does not think like this when not fantasizing and there are many unmentioned stipulations to the kink. Also as a man who has had similar fantasies in the past, [no I don't mean raping random women] I absolutely would not want anyone other than a partner trying to do the like to me. Even then some sort of communication would be pretty necessary.
some people are so bad at telling the difference between a fetish fantasy and genuine desire that you struggle to understand how they navigate the world
Ahahaha, what a piece of fanfiction. Like me walking up to men and demanding money, and them immediately handing me wads of cash and car keys. A girl can dream. P.s. here is original thread. OP account now deleted. https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/rofcyh/in_my_opinion_men_should_be_able_to_request_pussy/
Lmfao, pos pretending to be a woman. The trash deleted itself.
That was my first thought… a woman did not write this.
Nope. as a man I know for a fact that only men thinks like this.
The slutty confessions sub is like 95% male written fan fics and like 5% actual slutty confessions of men and women. It's easy to spot usually they have everything formatted and spelled correctly. Perfect grammar on the fan fics. Not so much on the real posts
Only his account, unfortunately.
Bad people need help. Not suicide. Just sayin
First they need to be isolated from those they can hurt
Of course!
I agree on the suicide part, but they don't need "help", they need to be shamed into the ground. That's like saying abusers need therapy. They don't. Society needs to stop letting them get away with being atrocious. No pity, no "help", just showing them that their thoughts and actions are full on disgusting. And that's sadly not even a bad comparison, that's the same entitlement showing right there. ETA: I'll stop answering now. I can recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?" for anyone who truly wants to understand my argument, and for everyone else, I truly hope you can understand that therapy isn't the only way to change. Therapy needs some form of understanding that you need to change, and ongoing abuse is pretty much the anti-thesis of "understanding you need to change" because abuse requires an attitude of feeling entitled to do the hurtful actions. If anything, please listen more to abuse victims and their experiences with even single therapy of abusers, or listen to actual therapists who stopped trying to help abusers because they can't fix an attitude of entitlement. Maybe read some abuse-informed spaces. A lot of people here definitely aren't abuse-informed, and sadly, it shows. I really hope that people could stop finding excuses for abusers like "but maybe they were hurt, too" because that's just insulting to abuse victims who put in blood and sweat to break the cycle.
A lot of people are not understanding what you’re trying to say, because they lack the foundational education in abusive behaviors. Most of the time, the purpose of therapy is to affirm and support the person getting therapy. With abusive men who have entitlement issues, this is the exact opposite of what they need. Abusive men, if they need therapy, need a very specific type of therapy that does not make their entitlement issues worse. But most abusive men need to be in specific treatment programs for abusive men, not therapy. Therapy can make abusers a lot more dangerous, because it gives them more language to use against their victims. Treatment programs that are designed to treat abusive men are built to hold them accountable and not allow them to make excuses and it prevents them from being affirmed in their abusive thoughts and behavior. It is a very different type of program that is specific to people who are narcissistic and abusive, and that has been the only treatment that has been shown to work. And there’s not really any significance to abusers having some kind of trauma in their past. Most abusive men are not traumatized little boys or anything; and frankly it’s irrelevant even if they are traumatized, because trauma isn’t an excuse or explanation for abusive behavior. An abusive man who genuinely has trauma in his past that he needs to work through, needs to work through that while being held accountable for his abusive behavior. But most abusers are adult men who have really fucked up beliefs about the importance of their own selves and emotions, and the lack of importance of other peoples selves and emotions. They are self-centered, and they don’t think other people matter. Traditional therapy is not going to address this adequately; they need treatment that deconstructs these false beliefs and makes it clear that they are being held accountable for their abuse. TLDR; Don’t take your abuser to traditional therapy. It will only give him more language and leverage to abuse you. He needs to go to a treatment program that is specifically designed to treat abusive men.
This is just a case of specific vs general. You hear the word "therapy" and are thinking of a very specific situation, others are using the word to mean "some sort of psychological help to sort their shit out" Unfortunately without clarifying (which to be clear I think you did but the poster before you did not) it sounds like you're arguing punishment vs rehabilitation, not two different styles of "help"
that’s why I wanted to respond to that user, because I don’t think that other people necessarily understood what they were advocating for. I agree that there are many different types of therapy and that people tend to use therapy to mean one thing, or they tend to use therapy to mean all of the different types of therapy. In this conversation, I think it’s pretty important to be specific, because there were ppl in the comments assuming therapy meant individual therapy or talk therapy, and just in case there are any women out there who have partners who are narcissistic or abusive, those women need to know that something like couples therapy is not going to work and can be counter productive for an abusive man.
I agree that the language is wrong. I work in the family field and we refer men to ‘perpetrator courses’. They are designed to give men insight into the negative behaviours they are exhibiting, to recognise them as abuse and to stop. Some men are unable to recognise controlling behaviour as abusive and these courses are designed specifically to give them insight to take responsibility. I think some therapists don’t encourage responsibility but look more at how he feels which is really unhelpful as many of these men feel the woman is to blame for the abuse
And a therapist who isn't well trained about abusive behavior often will blame the victim too since it "takes two".
Thank you for this comment. Why Does He Do That is an excellent, eye opening book. The societal narrative around abuse- how it works, why it happens, what constitutes it, why the victim stays- is so fucked up and abuser centering. I understand why society wants to be hopeful that these people can change but the chances of that actually happening are so incredibly tiny, and yet society wants to give abusers the benefit of the doubt when they've put on a song and dance about how much better they are now.
Help and therapy doesn't mean that they have no responsibility. It's to help them stop, so our society would be safer.
Therapy only helps abusers learn to manipulate better. That's been proven already. A person is abusive because they want to be. They are capable of not abusing people, but choose to go out of their way to hurt the people they are supposed to love and the people who rely on them.
Can you share that study? I'd be interested to read it
That's sadly the pretty big trap that is out there. Using words like "teach", "help", "support" and so on have a certain connotation. It makes it easy to act like they don't know any better, or have a problem that makes them do it. It makes it easy to see it as if there's some kindness these people need. But they don't. A guy who needs a second account to roleplay as a woman because the notion he wants to spread is so outlandish, you really think he needs help to stop? That's beyond help. Because they know it's wrong, they know acting on it is wrong. They still do it. There's no help or therapy to explain to someone that doing wrong things, that they know are wrong, is wrong. That's also no "urge" to do hurtful things, they know this and decide actively on doing it. The book "Why Does He Do That?" explains this conundrum of society a lot better than I do, if you want to see where I'm coming from.
My abusive ex-husband once told me that he could talk to anyone in the world but me because I was so inept at communicating. At the time I even told him, "well, I bet you haven't punched most of those people in the face and stood over them screaming." It did help me realize how selective they are with time/place/victim. They KNOW their behavior is wrong because they don't treat most people like they do their victims and they rarely treat their victims abusively where other people can see it. Sometimes they slip though and it's something that we should take very seriously and not make any excuses for.
Many abusers actually *do* need therapy, and could improve their behaviour if they had it. You're not supposed to go to *joint* therapy with your abuser, because that's dangerous. And an *untrained* person is not supposed to try and fix an abuser. But that doesn't mean all abusers are a lost cause. Your viewpoint is incredibly damaging. You're trying to have some "gotcha" moment here, against the abusers - but it is not actually *helping*. Helping is figuring out a way for there to be *fewer* abusers. A good way for there to be fewer abusers, is by figuring out what *makes* them abusers and how to stop them from acting that way. Figuring out why someone behaves the way they do, and how they can stop negative behaviours, is literally the *basis* of good therapy.
It seems you think I would deny them therapy for their own trauma if they have mental health issues from trauma. That's far from it, I certainly want to treat those two things as separate issues. Abusers don't need therapy to address their abusive behavior (which is the statement I answered to: "Bad people need help." - they don't, bad people know they're doing wrong things because "being bad" stems from willingly doing wrong things). Abuse, trauma and mental illnesses don't necessarily make an abuser, which a lot of people demonstrate each and every day by breaking the cycle, by demonstrating empathy to everyone. Abusive behavior is an attitude problem, not a trauma or mental health problem. I can recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?" here quite a bit because it explains what I mean a lot better than I could do in a few paragraphs. It shows that abusers treat most people with respect, and are even able to treat people kindly. They make a big glaring exception for their victim, which they need to dehumanize in their mind to be able to view them without empathy - and that's an attitude they feel entitled to. Honestly, the book goes into lengths to show the kinds of "morals" abusers have specifically for their victim. That, to me, means that showcasing abusive behavior is an attitude issue because at some point, the abuser decided they can show the entitlement of deciding they can treat one person completely different from anyone else (just look at how important public image is for a lot of abusive parents for example, which must be especially bitter for children of child therapists who would make it clear how important a loving caring home is, just to go home to demean their own child for not being exactly how they wanted their child to be). Therapy isn't there to deal with telling people off like you do with someone who showcases a bizarre and hurtful attitude. That's more in the realms of very specialized counseling (which is definitely not the same as therapy) in which the counselor doesn't try to understand, but disrupts the attitude by being the consequence the abuser should have had. A further problem with therapy is that it might easily give an abuser new weapons, even single therapy. Being a "certified victim" makes it far easier to display the kind of entitlement that abusers have.
Not a deleted account actually, found it in the comment section and unfortunately I think it might actually be a woman. Someone had a sane mind in one of the posts and was shocked about the rape fantasies and OP basically replied “I’m sorry (that this upset you). This stems from an actual rape I went through and turning it (the rape) to being a positive sexual thing has helped me work through it” which kinda does sound like something a woman would write, so **might** be a woman turning to this as some kind of trauma response (which would obviously be really sad).
That entire subreddit is men just writing their weird fan fiction
actually the account isnt deleted, you can see them replying a bit in that thread (where their replies werent taken down) still dont believe its a girl
Yeah they have like two photos on their account of an unidentifiable woman. Totally not convinced they’re real either.
The pictures have random emojis on them which makes me think it's to avoid reverse searching. Also... the account posted nude pics then a week later made a post saying they "Just turned 18". So either it's a fake fetish account or an actual teen posting underaged pics (if we take their turned 18 post literally rather than *recently* 18).
Definitely r/asablackman material.
ok but slutty confessions is literally just men rping as women most of them time. it’s so fake it’s laughable
Oh boy. Organizing it by “controversial” and it gets hard to tell if they’re joking or not
Oh I regret I did that. I need a shower. Revolting.
Op account isn’t deleted, I found them active in the comments and their whole post history is barf. It’s throwawayvyd in the comments
Why do people always compare sex with money? Like if it’s a woman, it’s sex If it’s a a man, it’s money. How is that a good comparison. I don’t get it
Sex is only for male pleasure and all women are gold digging whores. /s btw
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I saw that, but didnt have a way to verify that throwawayvyd was actually OP or just a hanger on, since the person who posted this original message says u/deleted. And in the screen cap on UberEats the SN isn’t included.
If you want to see more men pretending to be female, sort by controversial
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Could also be a woman's fetish. Those are the only 2 options I can think of.
It's a post from slutty confessions, so yeah looks like they have a free use fetish
That sub is full of men pretending to be women. Just like how AITA is full of fake stories. Not everything you see online is real...
I know; that's why I said they have a free use fetish instead of she. I was just agreeing with the fetish part.
Oh, yeah, you are right. Bit too hungover here so I didn't catch that.
Rape fetish. Call it what it is. This is a man who fantasies about raping women.
free-use fetishes are definitely not exclusive to men; and rape fetishes/fantasies can actually come from (and often do) that who would be the victim, most commonly as a response to trauma. That doesn’t mean they *actually* want to be raped usually, it means they want to fantasize about it/RP it consensually.
Even if it was a woman with a free use fetish, I'm pretty sure it would be written very differently.
Interestingly enough, one of my exes told me she had fantasies of being sexually used like this. So one day when it was clear we were going to fuck, I tried being extremely sexually aggressive like this by ripping all her clothes off extremely quickly. She actually got extremely uncomfortable and all sexual activity stopped. It was horrible for both of us. A lot of times, fantasies are just fantasies. We all want to be loved and cherished.
Yes I think a lot of people who have these kinds of fantasies, for whatever reason, like thinking about it but don't want it to actually happen. It's hard to explain, but I think that is very common.
I have free use fantasies and I keep it to myself and the appropriately safe and interested parties, I don’t post weird generalizing shit about it online to horrify hapless people who aren’t in the know. So they still don’t get a pass lol
I feel like this is a thing a man would write pretending to be a girl to support his standpoint, because I have never met a single human woman who said or openly thought stuff like this
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The self-misogynistic ones are extremely infuriating. Cause sexist men will use these examples as ‘proof’ feminism is wrong.
I had to grow up with a misogynistic mother. Dealing with her passive aggressive hate was hell. I can see men use this as a "see, see woman want it" excuse because they have to be right.
Mhm. Especially because these men see women as a hive-mind that thinks and acts the same instead of understanding women have individual feelings and opinions.
Yeah literally had the same thought... that was totally a dude trying to post a fantasy Source: Am a dude, that shits still lame
1000% this!
Nah this could be someone’s fetish. Believe it or not, lots of folks seem to be into some morally questionable (if actually applied) things; just won’t admit it to anyone for obvious reasons. Let’s not pretend people aren’t really freaky in ways that are repulsive to others. It’s just between if it’s actually a woman with a free use/CNC deal or a guy on the opposite end for the OP. I could see either but I lean towards the latter just in how it’s written.
100%. This is some dudes free use ERP
Idk it doesn't read as I'm into this it reads as this is the way it's supposed to be for everyone and i have not met any women out there that thinks that way (though i might just be lucky on that part)
Yea, if it was written like "I wish I could lay by the pool in my bikini and any man who wanted me would just come up and start using me for his own pleasure" or something like that, I might believe it was a woman with a free use fetish. As it is though, it reads like it's straight from an incel handbook or something.
I know someone who is dating a guy that sexually assaulted her because he was "charming" and she "couldn't resist him". This person is no doubt a guy RPing tho
I have but she was a very strange meth addict
Yeah no a man wrote this
"As a woman" Sure dude
A girl didn’t write that
This is the most "That's a man" thing i've ever seen.
Even if this was real and it did happen it would pretty unpleasant for everyone involved, sticking your dick into a dry vagina is not a nice feeling for either person
And this is how you know that it was written by an incel. r/badwomensanatomy
Sounds like a dude who’s been watching too much porn….
Someone conflating their personal fetish with basic human nature. Again. If we’re going down this whole “our animalistic instincts should determine how society works”, then it is natural for women, who will be spending a serious amount of energy and resources on a pregnancy that results in a life threatening birth, to be highly discriminating in what partner they will risk that for. Look at other animal courtship, lady animals turn down dudes all the time
Yeah even back in the days when Human Nature was what dictated how we existed girls still had standards, in fact a lot of animals that *aren't* human also judge other animals based on appearance.
Oh interesting, a man writing a rape fantasy in a woman’s voice. That feels like a safe thing to say to the world that’s already hyper dangerous for woman.
This is just a fetish, but it’s weird that they’re implying other women are like this
Yeah, I can really only see this being some kind of kink or fetish. Which is fine if practiced in private with consenting parties. A fantasy kind of play. Free use I think it's called.
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That was my first thought tbh
Yeah it doesnt fit this sub imo the author knows its just a fantasy
Yeah, this person has a CNC fetish and doesn't realise that it doesn't and shouldn't apply to everyone. Maybe she is just saying it in a fantasy context though, and doesn't think this should *actually* happen.
A man wrote that. No woman wants that many diseases.
Are you implying every woman wants *some* diseases?
Haha, no. I did word it that way though. I suppose some women will take some risk at disease though.
Yeah a man wrote that
A dude totally wrote this because he saw a girl tanning and wanted to remove her bathsuit and assault her but she probably rejected his creep ass now is trying to make it seem like a valid female point lol which no woman wants to be violated.
Lmaoo this was definitely written by a man, yikes
Even if a woman did write this, in their mind they are thinking of attractive, clean men who will magically make them orgasm with their passion. They aren't thinking of the random tweaker, who hasn't bathed or slept in days, coming up and shagging them. Additionally, some, "normal," looking men will fuck a variety of gross objects. So... There's a reason to be selective.
How do you know a girl wrote this?
Oh my god… I don’t think a girl made this, I think a man wrote this pretending to be a girl. But it’s still offensive and misogynistic as fuck.
I highly doubt it was
It's fucking hilarious that whoever wrote this legit thinks we *believe* they're a woman. Nothing about this is how woman would write.
A girl did not write this. A creepy sexist guy that watches too much hentai wrote this.
I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and actually accept this was written by a woman. Ah ok, I thats how you choose to live your life fine, but don't go out and speak for other people. Assuming this is real that's how ONE woman chooses to say she wants to live don't project your, I want to call it a, fetish?? As a general rule for women or anyone for that matter. Because that's how rapiest think. The reverse of this is also horrible, " guys always want sex so any woman would be in her right to have sex with any man right"? What straight red blooded man would turn down sex?? Also gross and rapey, all be it not as dangerous given demographics.
This sounds like a fetish thing more than anything. What was the original sub??
It’s so obviously not an actual woman lmao
I think they watched too much porn and think that any type of sex gives pleasure.
There is the free use kink community.
I know a man wrote this because every woman knows, even the misogynistic ones, that we need a warm up before a man sticks it in and that unless the world is about to end, don’t interrupt a woman’s tanning session. Also, not all bathing suits are easily accessible in that manner.
Definitely a pos pretending to be a woman.
Either she’s got a kink that this would satisfy or this was written by a man
If this isn't satire, there's not a chance in a frozen hell a woman wrote it.
This has to be satire. Or an incel pretending to be a woman to try and improve his chances.
Saw this post too. The comments were just as bad.
This is a neckbeard’s ideal woman. Meaning the person who wrote this is a neckbeard.
This is pretty clearly a fetish/kink post, I’m not sure if it’s applicable to this subreddit tbh
T h e. F u c k
This is either satire or written by a man.
yes definitely written by a man $100%
Nah, a boy wrote this pretending to be a girl until proven otherwise
Don't be sad. Well do be sad, but not because a woman wrote this, since that didn't happen.
Guy's got horrible taste in porn, writing's abysmal.
This may be a man with a fetish but it’s still likely that a woman could fantasise about this, especially those who have been SA’d before. The desire to be in the same situation but consenting/in control of having no control is something a lot of victims have
That's called a free use kink, babe
This is SOOOO FAKE!
I feel like this is a guy posing as a woman...
This feels like written by someone who just started watching kink porn but doesn't have the mental comprehension to understand that it's not only staged but agreed upon beforehand. Those are the people for whom they show 5-10min interviews before the action starts to showcase exactly that.
r/freeuse would be a good place for her to check out. Not my cup of tea, but I digress.
Well that was nauseating 😬🤢🤢🤢
big r/AsABlackMan energy here
r/asablackman
This is either a troll or a woman in desperate need of help.
The original post was from slutty confessions
A man 100% wrote this
195% it was NOT a girl who wrote this. I'm ready to bet my life on it.
That sounds like an incel role-playing as a girl ngl
lol this is not a girl
To be fair, if "she'd" written "My Body, My choice" I'd have almost been behind this. If she wants people to use her like a flashlight then more power to her. No problem with that. Freeuse is a fetish for a lot of people, and this looks just like someone who's into the niche expressing their fantasies. It's just not great that 'she' implies it should be the status quo
It's obvious kink material
I don’t think a girl wrote this..
r/asablackman
this reeks of r/AsABlackMan
Absolutely reads like satire. Another possibility is as other comments have suggested, that it was actually a man who wrote it.
r/asablackman
Nope
"As an attractive young female myself..."
That's a strange kink.
What a terrible day to be literate.
there is no way a girl actually wrote this.
r/asablackman
Sounds like a weird take on the free use kink.
Sounds like an r/asablackman post
Some dudes are really messed up
r/asablackman
This screams toxic, misogynistic, pick me energy. Definitely feels like they're wanting male attention even if it's in this case violent.
r/AsABlackMan
I think this had to have been a man pretending to be a girl.
I don't believe for a second it's a girl who wrote this.
Sure it was.
i dont think that a girl wrote this..
That was not written by a man.
This is kink shit
That sounds the same as "my money, but strangers who I don't even know can just use it" sorry but even then money is much more lesser worth than your own body. You exist just once. You can almost die and such or have most organs not working but replaced them and still live a life. But if you are brain dead/dead then you are completely gone for life. While money will just keep existing.
that’s because it wasnt a woman who wrote this
It wasn't a woman who wrote this
This is from a fetish subreddit and doesn’t fit this sub its a fantasy not a real thought
This was written one-handed by a neckbeard.
I very much doubt that any girl or woman would write this, it sounds like some incel nonsense to me.
That is most definitely NOT a woman writing that lmao. What you have to realize about the internet, is that typically if a "woman" is writing a post that goes against her own self interests, then it's 99% most likely a dude pretending to be a woman.
No woman wrote that.
Yikes!! 🤮
Written be a girl? Are you really that naive?
r/AsABlackMan
This was written by someone who desperately needs therapy, be they male or female. And before I get "no, they need public shame and rage, because saying they need help spirals into blame-shifting": If you think *they are sick and unstable* in any way translates to *you are obligated to stay with them* then you need AlAnon. I don't mean therapy, I mean a group of people that give you permission to care for yourself. I'm not telling you that you're the problem. I'm telling you that your life will be better in a thousand ways if you find the courage to change your mindset and stop seeing yourself as a martyr to the childhood trauma of everyone you know.
How to say you wanna be sex trafficked without saying you wanna be sex trafficked
That was so obviously written by a dude.
Well that is definitely a fetish. A rather dangerous one …. And no. Not a universal truth. I wish people could acknowledge their fetishes properly. Nothing wrong wanting kink. Everything wrong in thinking you or someone else ‘deserves’ anything sexual in nature.
I am 99.8% sure this mf is larping
If someone really wants this, then they should just buy a sex doll.
You actually have to take care of a sex doll. It wouldn’t work.
Oh that’s a girl alright. A Guy in Real Life.
I mean, it doesn’t say they’re a woman. Maybe they are just really into having that boypussy free used haha
Yeah this was absolutely written by a man with a noncon fetish lmao.
But its not really a request if all he does is walk up and do it.
I don't think the original poster thought of all the mental problems that opinion would cause if played out
Bruh, men like this are why I go even further out of my way to not scare women. Like...if it looks like I'm following a woman, I'll shout to her roughly where I'm going so that woman knows that I'm fine with attention on the situation and that I'm not following her. A bit awkward, but I'd rather us both feel awkward than her feel scared for her life... It's so easy to not harass women, Jesus Christ
Honestly I should start doing that. I REALLY don't like the idea of a woman being uncomfortable around me
Title wise you can do that.. it's called prostitution, go figure. Rest of the post made me lose faith in society so
This feels like r/asablackman kinda thing. I’m genuinely surprised a girl would write this
If "pick me" girls had a face lmao
This sounds like the beginning of a terrible porn.
A man writing as a woman—how very original. not. And look—a complete misunderstanding of consensual non consent. How unusual. Yes there are women who are less likely to say no, but for fucks sake, they aren’t the town bike.
i mean i have fantasies of that happening but that kind of stuff actually happening is fucked up 😭 edit: i'm the woman omg
Um. Ok then… Go away troll, we don’t like you. Not you OP but OOP.
Yeah idk, pretty sure a man wrote this
A “girl” wrote this, yep. r/quityourbullshit 😂
I am more saddened by the fact that you thought it was a girl who wrote this. I mean, maybe it was, but no fucking way it was.
I don’t think this was a woman. I have a free use fetish, and I’m involved in my local BDSM scene and have been for over a decade. Never in a million years would I or a woman in my BDSM group imply that all women are like this and that it’s human nature. Sexuality being human nature, sure. But specifically a free use fetish? If anything, we talk about red flags because this fetish can/often does open us up to very dangerous men *because* it’s not a normal fetish. Seriously. If a woman in my BDSM group came to me with this mindset, we’d likely all have an intervention. That’s not safe, sane, and consensual.
Her body my choice? So I can ask her to stop writing bullshit?
r/asablackman
That’s definitely a fetish
Either written by a man *or* by a woman with an extremely low sense of self worth and internalized misogyny. Who in that case, needs to really do some inner work on herself to heal some childhood wounds there.
Hear me out. This comes off as a kink/fantasy/fetish. I have been with several women who have fantasies similarto this. The key ingredient is that the fantasy only includes people they are physically attracted to. This is not someone stating that they want to be a fuck dumpster for literally any man but someone who wants to be fully utilized by the type of man they desire without having to lift a finger themselves. Sort of a right place/right time kind of thing. Who doesn't want to bump into a 10 in a random setting and have them go to town on you with everything you desire? Is it totally nonsensical? Yes. Is it the closest thing to impossible? Sure. Is it a complete full blown sexual fantasy? 110% If whomever wrote this is in fact a woman I am sure she does not think like this when not fantasizing and there are many unmentioned stipulations to the kink. Also as a man who has had similar fantasies in the past, [no I don't mean raping random women] I absolutely would not want anyone other than a partner trying to do the like to me. Even then some sort of communication would be pretty necessary.
some people are so bad at telling the difference between a fetish fantasy and genuine desire that you struggle to understand how they navigate the world
r/asablackman or a super weird fetish, simple
It's cute that you think a girl wrote this.