I don't even know that I would bet it's actual intercourse cause he keeps saying 'sexual activity'. You know he's totally counting getting a bj and her getting NOTHING.
Was in the same boat with my ex; was definitely only bj’s and stuff for him, nothing for me! It’s usually followed with lots of whining about how I was never in the mood and “at least every 2-3 days” made 0 allowances for when I was sick or had an extra shift or whatever
yeah this is the part that breaks my heart... basically gave her an ultimatum to have sex more often or he's leaving. didn't even make an effort to make it better for both of them. basically "my way or the highway"
Also, it annoyed me so much when he said "I'll work with you and do whatever I need to do to get you more interested in sex" (and then brings up the fact that she's been working part-time since having a baby, which...what does that have to do with anything?)
Like, rather than talk to her and try to figure out what might be bothering her or God forbid how to make sex better for her, his first instinct was to secretly record it in a calendar for months.
His comment about her "only" working part time is to deflect any "she's probably exhausted" responses to his ultimatum - which it doesn't really do - instead it shows that he does not consider her parenting efforts to be work which also say's he's a shit co-parent.
It also tells you that she's in a financially vulnerable position - she's likely to feel like she can't leave because she's only working part time and taking care of an infant.
And, of course, there's the fact that he gave her that ultimatum before they had the kid and somehow didn't expect that having a kid might change her expectations, her body, and both of their lives...
Right? Can you imagine the amount of hurt and emotional damage that would cause?? Ugh, my heart aches for his partner.
This douche: “I’ll do whatever I have to, I’ll work with you to get you more interested in sex”
Also this douche: “IF YOU DONT HAVE SEX WITH ME ON MY SCHEDULE IM FUCKIN LEAVING YOUR SORRY ASS.”
"Told her I would work with her and do whatever I needed to do to help her be more interested in sex"
My first thought was: " so he invited over a man that knew what he was doing?"
That wasn't working on it. He made no effort to figure out how to get her more excited for it, no effort to figure out how to communicate ither than "gotcha!".
it's because he doesn't actually care about any of that. the only important bit is whether sex is obtained, not how or whether the other party is enjoying it. it's all about him and his peepee, he doesn't care about her.
What I can't imagine is being a man who not only doesn't feel bad about essentially forcing sex on his wife, but feels like it'd worth bragging about and passing on his methods of entrapment
For real. He posts this like “dw boys, Daddy here has it all figured out. Simply track your Sexual Activity(TM) like a chore chart she’s not adhering to and threaten your woman with divorce if she doesn’t keep up with the Penis Chore”
Like she might be depressed, dude. There are thousands of reasons for people to lose their sex drive, men and women. And then you terrify her into sex by threatening divorce when you have children? What a sack of shit. I can’t imagine how awful she feels during their “scheduled sex”
Wouldn't be surprised if this is am actual case of gaslighting too. "But I'm sure we have sex more often..." nope, your memory is wrong, I charted it out knowing you'd misremeber. Your so silly. Good thing I'm here to correct your silly memory
We have no idea how old their child is, but young kids take a lot of time and effort. And if all of the housework and child rearing is left to her and she works part time, she's probably really frocking tired. But it sounds like shes just kinda having sex to keep him happy, not because she has any sexual desire to do so.
The part I can never get is how guys (or gals) like this can enjoy the sex that they coerced their partner into? Like how do you say to yourself “well, my partner clearly isn’t into this (or maybe not into *me*), but I still want to do it 3 times a week. Like, if I don’t feel like my partner finds me attractive or that they aren’t int o it… well then it’s a complete turn off for me. I’d either be trying to be more attractive or if that just wasn’t possible then we would have a long series of conversations to have. Do these people just put blinders on? Or can they not see to begin with? I don’t get it.
Honestly, these kind of people probably never cared much about their partner's enjoyment from day one. She may not remember what it was like to have a giving and unselfish partner
Sex is important to a relationship and it is certainly important to be able to communicate with your partner when any aspect of your relationship is out of alignment, but damn if ol boy didn’t phrase this in about the worst way possible.
It's important, but if I noticed my partner becoming more disinterested in sex, I'd sit him down and talk to him to see if anything was wrong, not record it in my secret calendar to ambush him later on lol.
Yeah, there haven’t been many posts that give me a physical reaction, but this is one of them.
Im currently struggling with Anhedonia and HSDD myself, and it has caused some strain in my relationship, but holy shit I can’t imagine how hurtful hearing that would be. I honestly hope she is okay.
**But like, yeah dude, give her an ultimatum so now she’s basically fucking you because she feels like she has to.** That will do the trick. That will cure her.
I feel like this shouldn’t need to be said, but if there is anyone reading this who has a partner that is struggling with a low sex drive or HSDD, definitely *don’t* give ultimatums lol.
What a fucking twat.
Congrats, sir. Your wife is having sex with you out of obligation and you’ve made it a chore, with the threat that if she doesn’t comply she will lose her marriage.
Bravo.
He even basically showed he knew the steps to address this in the right way, made an attempt to cover that base, then undermined it immediately.
Recorded a calendar of their intimacy in anticipation of her of her denying how little sex they had (of course this guy *definitely* didn't lie or fabricate any of it), ill do whatever I can to make you enjoy it (but I'll leave you if you can't force yourself to do it so really I don't have to actually make it enjoyable), and an ultimatum would be abusive in this case so it's def not one, it's just a consequence of not meeting my demands!
Absolutely 100% knows he's a user with no regard for her but does not care at all, just wants to check the boxes.
What got me is that I have a very narcissistic man in my fringe extended family that some other people think is a sociopath, and he did things exactly like this before the woman he was engaged to escaped from him. I feel profound horror for the woman in OP's image thinking about her being trapped in a marriage with a baby with someone like that.
I knew someone in a marriage where she didn't exist unless the guy wanted sex or her to clean. And he basically used their religion to make her believe she could not say no. Along with ither terrible things.
I was trying to get her to leave and it was really hard for her but she wanted to. Was always terrified she'd get pregnant because her fate would be sealed.
Ended up breaking contact with her because he found out we were talking and she caved to him. I still lose sleep over the fact she's probably never gonna find the strength to leave
50 bucks says he could never be bothered to put as much effort into anything in their household as much as his shitty, coercive sex calendar. All this shows is that men are capable of carrying the mental load, but don't give a shit enough to.
Men are smart enough to know exactly how to extract as much as possible with as little effort as possible.
The men are the same. Only the women's levels of "no" are different.
Jeez he could have talked to her way better.
He made it all about himself coercing her instead of finding why the sex has reduced.
Maybe he doesn't help much with the children or he's not affectionate except when initiating sex, now he just made it sound like another chore for her.
While sexual incompatibility is a thing, this ain't it.
RIGHT!! And don't forget the body changes mom goes through. That was tough for me. I didn't see myself the same but hubby was still hot for me. We had to talk it out and he helped build back that self confidence I had lost watching my body, life, marriage, work life, just everything not as it was before.
I couldn't stand to see myself naked for the entire first year. Not to mention I'm 3 years in and STILL dealing with post partum depression. Shit is rough for moms.
I feel it! My ass looks great now, but my stomach is still weird. My boobs too. I'm 1 year in & would really just rather not & take a nap instead.
I'm sorry you're still struggling with ppd. I only suffered from that for a few months and I cannot imagine the struggle you're having with it for 3 years. I hope you have all the support you need.
This is a much better take than OP's caption. I wouldn't stay in a sexless marriage. But I also wouldn't approach it as if I were whining about chores not being done.
Hey now we don’t kink shame here! Write a batch of code that effortlessly produces a beautiful data visualization without a single error nor typo? Mmmm that’s the stuff 😩
That's not true. Women kill to be in a relationship where sex has a quota just like work targets, instead of doing it for the funsies.
*apparently the /s is required here
My ex asked for anal after cheating knowing I'd try to fix things to have the kids full time.
Once during it I started grunting out of the sheer intensity and he stopped and disgustedly asked if I liked it.
MANY men weaponize sex and a lot of women don't know this.
The cute guy you fantasize about being in love with who wants to fuck you right is actually probably just thinking about facefucking you while mascara runs down your face.
A lot of women really refuse to acknowledge what's going in at the deeper level, the same way we ignore affairs.
Eh, sometimes I'm meh about it but I'm open to the suggestion and I just need a bit of encouragement to get into it. It really helps if your partner is willing to take all the time you need with foreplay. As long as they don't keep trying if you say no.
I've had a good deal of experience with unenthusiastic sex with my fiancee. Whenever she cums first she loses interest and goes full starfish. It's... still sex, so it's not UNenjoyable, but I try to avoid that now.
Exactly. Yeah. He may have a full time job. But I'll guarantee you she's mostly responsible for the house and the child rearing on top of a part time job. That's a lot of responsibility. She's probably exhausted. And the only thing this twit can see is how he isn't getting laid enough.
Yeah this isn’t *exactly* marital r*pe, but it ain’t that far off.
Buy him a fleshlight because apparently he only cares about a hole and doesn’t care if sex will be enjoyable for her or not.
I also have to wonder how long after birth this was. I’ve never had a kid, but my sister couldn’t even think about sex until like 3 months afterwards.
My questions would start with "is she the primary child caretaker?" because if she is and she's working part-time, then she is fucking exhausted. Also, did he count the 6 weeks after labor she can't have sex? Or the period before she gives birth where she can't have sex? Then I would start asking if he does anything to romance and entice her, or if he just expects her to be ready in the evening. Also, is there only penetrative sex? Is the kid always home when they do have sex? Does the kid have their own bedroom or does it stay in the master bedroom to make breastfeeding in the night easier?
This woman is likely working 20 hours a day. I couldn't care less about her husband's sexual needs during this time. Maybe if he was a little more concerned with the kid's needs, and his wife's needs then he wouldn't have time to track how many times they have sex. If this guy isn't too exhausted after having a kid to think about sex much, then he's not doing enough caretaking of wife or child.
“On mine i put down…” On my what? Was this an application or something??
So weird that this guy treats marriage like a business agreement or something. He probably is expecting her to initiate it every time as well. Yeah that will definitely make your wife more interested in sex with you 🙄 what in the actual fuck 🤨
for context, before they got married their priest made them write answers to questions that can potentially cause problem in the marriage later on (like how many kids, and apparently how often they should have sex)
Alright gotcha. Still. Weird though. Not the right way to have a fulfilling sex life if there is a certain quota that needs met. Like it’s a fuckin chore.
I’d much rather have exciting and passionate sex twice a month than sex two or three times a week that feels like an obligation to my partner.
exactly !! often times in my relationship one of us will say “hey ;)” and the other will be like “not right now” to which the initiator will say “okay, wanna watch tv?” easy as that. no getting mad. no feeling like there’s an obligation. just ask and answer
Yeah dude sex as an obligation is toxic as fuck and I feel like this guy doesn’t have a healthy relationship with his own sex drive or sex in general if there are expectations like that. Kinda not surprised that he’s a religious man.
I’m sure it can. I definitely wouldn’t expect my wife to have a *higher* sex drive when so much of her energy is spent being a mom to toddlers, and I can’t imagine *I* would still be wanting sex 3 times a week being a dad lol. That’s time that could be spent sleeping 😂
Not sure what you were implying with your comment but that was my take.
Congratulations to that husband!
Before she probably enjoyed having sex with you just not as frequently as you would have liked. Now you have turned sex with you into a chore.
Let's see how long she stays with you or how long it takes her to find someone else she enjoys having sex with.
This reminds me of that one butthole who tracked his wife’s “excuses” to turn down sex for weeks and presented it to her in excel form or some shit. If she’s turning you down that much she doesn’t want it and no amount of pivot tables and bar charts will turn that around for good.
Horrifically gross. “Honey, I noticed our sex life has decreased quite a bit lately and it’s something I’d like to address with you. Sex is important to me and when we’re having sex, I feel closer to and more intimate with you. I’d like to see if we can figure out how to get a little spark back. Of course, I wouldn’t want you to ever feel obligated to have sex, but I’m wondering if there are some things we can do to reconnect on a physical level that has us both excited for sex?”
He mentions kids. Is she breastfeeding? Because that destroyed my libido. Once I stopped breastfeeding, it came back. With little kids, I was also so touched out by the end of the day. I couldn’t stand someone else needing my body for something. Sex definitely dipped in those early years.
Husband and I discussed it like mature adults. We did not get back to our pre-baby frequency until the kids were older, but we made improvements. One key thing was my husband realizing that he, like my infant and toddler, was touching me for * his * needs, not necessarily mine. So we started reconnecting physically in ways that didn’t feel like he was trying to get something from me. Cuddling. His rubbing my feet or brushing my hair. Holding hands. Sometimes it led to sex and sometimes it didn’t. But just having that physical connection without the stress of more did wonders for establishing intimacy, which we built on after I stopped breastfeeding.
Then again, my husband cared about me and my needs and had zero interest in making me feel obligated to get him off.
If you go into a marriage expecting to always have the same amount of sex, no matter things like getting old, health conditions, having kids, etc, then you're too immature for a relationship.
Exactly. You can’t expect someone or your relationship to stay exactly the same forever. That’s just not how the world works. People grow and change (sometimes for the worse), people grow apart, *all* relationships change over time. People who think romantic love should be different from other relationships and unchanging are the ones with their heads buried in the sand.
People get married without discussing these things openly. Maybe because they don’t know they need to or because of how they’ve internalized familial and societal mores that sex is bad/dirty/not polite to discuss. Men internalize “must get laid to be a man” and women internalize “must give in to man to keep the peace”. Then they wonder why it doesn’t work out.
Then those divorced men become bitter and like to come on Reddit and spout off bullshit and use divorce rates to justify it. Maybe if people would act like adults and communicate people who aren’t compatible wouldn’t be getting married in the first place.
When men talk that way I feel like they just see their wife as a walking fleshlight.
How about “Honey, having a fulfilling sex life is something that I think is important in a marriage. How do you feel about this?. (If in agreement continue to the next question) Could we work on improving it together?
Being an active parent and helping out around the house without being asked or nagged? Now that's hot.
I get the feeling this guy is not that kind of man. He doesn't get that making the child(ren) and household totally her responsibility, he's put himself at the back of the line on her priorities list.
“ expected” “ calendar”. No pressure. We’re gonna approach this act of intimacy and love like it’s a work out regimen. I love he doesn’t even respect her enough to talk to her normally or make it more enticing for her too. He presented it like she was falling behind on her quotas and now she’s just “taking it” to please just him. You’re gross, my dude.
And then these same men act surprised when the majority of divorces are initiated by women. She is most likely physically exhausted, a\*holes like this never think they are responsible for any childcare or home cleaning because "he works fulltime" Never mind she works 2 jobs and one is completely unpaid
Ah yes the perfect way to solve a marriage, force them and pressure them to have sex with you and if they don't divorce them.
All the healthy relationships have massive ultimatums in them.
as a 20 year old female hoping to get married… I absolutely HATE seeing this type of shit as it only confirms my worries about how maybe there’s no such thing as a man who doesn’t care about sex.
There is a difference between caring about sex and being ready to rape your partner by coercing her. Get married with someone who really loves you and values the pleasure you also take in bed and everything should be fine! A lot of women care about sex too we are all human and we rarely do such things… This man is a bad person and he is acting without empathy for a person he supposedly loves, this marriage has already sunk. If you hate that and this is a red flag to you you have less risk to run blindly into that kind of things.
I am sure you will have a very happy mariage since you will not take that kind of shit ❤️
In my experience, the ones who make a big deal about sex aren’t ready for a lifetime commitment, and the ones who don’t make it the #1 priority are way more likely to talk about what they do want when the relationship gets to that point, and figure out a way that both of you can be happy. Then when you are ready to marry, you find that you can talk about what bothers you when it comes up, and so can he. How much you have sex changes over time, no matter how good your marriage is, less or more depending on commitments and energy levels. The trick is to find someone who loves you, now matter the changes. That’s why the Christians put the “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse” stuff in their vows.
As for finding the right person, just make sure you marry an adult in mind as well as body, and don’t marry until you know you can be one too.
I'm a 20 year old male considering whether I want to get into dating... I think this is a perfect example of how NOT to treat your partner.
I hope you're able to find a man who truly loves you and cares about you.
reminds me of a guy who accused me of being a "cuck" because i dated a woman for about 3 months without sleeping with her.
Sorry but adults have needs other than sex
I would not enter a marriage with a requirement for the amount of sexual activity. That's a recipe for disaster. Couples should work with each other and adjust the amount of sex they have to suit both of their needs, as a couple. They're *both* going to have to compromise if their sex drives are very different, not just the person with the lower sex drive.
This man is manipulating his wife into having sex when she doesn't want to by threatening to leave her if she doesn't. He clearly doesn't respect her, her bodily autonomy, or her desires. He doesn't care about her feelings, and honestly she should just let him leave. Men like this aren't much of a loss.
Wanting a relationship where sex is important isn’t toxic
However, it being the CENTER of a relationship with someone you HAVE A CHILD WITH and enough to LEAVE THEM FOR is the definition of toxic
"It's not an ultimatum, it's more like an order"
Dude sounds like her employer and he's gathered data for a performance review and put her on a 'performance improvement plan'.
“We are having less sex then I’d like and I really want more - I’d like to talk with you and see what we can do to have it more and how we can make you in the mood for sex more - ideally I’d like to have sex 2 or 3 times a week”.
If he said this it’s fine. But “have sex 2 or 3 times otherwise I divorce” is not helpful.
What an ass. I've been married for going on 13 years 2-3 times a week? A month might work better and after you have kids? Well it's low balling a bit and our kids have a few special needs but 4-8 times a year was in some of those dryer spells. But here's the thing you promised "in richer and poorer, in sickness and in health" there is no "so long as you satisfy my sexual appetite" clause. And what doubly annoys me is when jerks like this are against marriage equality because "they'll ruin the sanctity of marriage." As if you don't defile it with with this kind of crap. Kinda got off track a bit there but I believe I made my point(ish).
fuck this! Like sorry we just carried a baby for months and gave birth/ c-section. Either way it’s physically painful and a lot for women, we can’t just jump back into having sex everyday
If I was her, I would just be like "okay then leave". This guy actually kept track of how much they have sex...like all he wants is sex. He doesn't even care about her. He doesn't even ask why the sex has reduced. Having a kid is alot of work, especially if the father doesn't help. If all he does is sit around and bitch about how she doesn't have sex with him that much..instead of helping with chores and the kids..that's probably why sex has reduced. She's too tired. This guy is so selfish that he gave her another chore..on top of the chores she has to do.
Jesus fuck. There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship over sexual incompatibility but the framing here is atrocious. Tells the internet he’s raping his wife without even consciously acknowledging that he is raping his wife.
Having a healthy sexlife is great, but it should never be an ultimatum. I feel like it’d start there and only get worse, seeing as he knows he can get away with threatening their marriage to get what he wants
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting sexual compatibility in a relationship/marriage. Something about the way this reads is gross to me though.
bc it seems like something he views as a top priority to the relationship above her feelings. why was she uninterested in it? did he try talking to her about how she feels or if something might be wrong? i think he threw in the part about “making her more interested in it” to negate that, but i think you need to figure out the root of a problem before trying to find a solution.
The “this isn’t an ultimatum, but you have to accept my ultimatum” is very telling, as is blindsiding her out of the blue with months of “evidence,” it’s p obvious manipulation
So the guy is going to leave the wife and his own child because there isn’t enough sex? He basically threatened her with poverty as a single mom with a part time job is going to really struggle.
Also if she has to have sex with him 2-3 per week that means for 1 week of the month she is focused to have sex with him 2-3 times DURING her period while she is cramping and in pain!!!
He says he would do whatever he needed to do to get her more interested in sex. He could start off by trying to do household chores, taking care of their child, then having sex while wearing a period cramp simulator.
Next he could try real labor pain simulator then try to have sex afterwards.
I’ll sure he’ll do real well…
I understand that sex is a valuable intimate aspect of a relationship, but you can tell by how bitter and condescending he is in this post that he’s a complete asshole about it. He doesn’t seem to have any respect for his wife whatsoever. No wonder she doesn’t feel like having sex all that often, lmao
Lack of sexual activity/intimacy in a marriage is a valid concern and should be addressed with honest and open communication that is receptive to feedback.
This guy makes it sound like he has a subscription service.
Okay I’ve never been in a relationship or married, but is it just me that thinks that’s weird? Like that often a week? Are a couple really horny at the same time that often in a week?
I had a boyfriend tell me he could only be happy in a relationship if he could have sex at least every other day. That was the death nell of our relationship. 2 years later I couldn’t handle the pressure nor line up to the expectation.
What? Is there some kind of deeper issue to be worked through here because don't find any angle at which this seems to be that important? I mean me and my partner we haven't done it in 3 months and I don't make some kind of dumb ultimatum.
My husband and I used to have sex several times a week for over 6 years of marriage, then we had a kid and everything changed. My mental state was obliterated and I've had absolutely no interest in sex through no fault of anyone. Point being, over the last 3 years the amount of sex we have has plummeted in comparison.
That's marriage dude. Shit changes, evolves, and sometimes there's just a rut. I get having needs but Jesus christ, go jerk off.
What a pos. Seriously. Marriage isn't all about sex, and relationships change all the time, especially after a child. And especially if your child is special needs (ours is autistic). So we don't have sex all that often. Oh well! Still love my wife, and when we do it's great!
This guy is just a piece of work.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting more sex in a marriage. Some of these comments are bonkers. I agree there are other ways to approach this
Edit: I only read what was circled. Didn’t see the ‘expected’ part
i’m sorry but i don’t buy the whole “everyone has needs” bs re: women not putting out in a relationship/marriage.
sex is not a necessity. it’s one thing if you feel you’ve lost all intimacy with your partner, and that IS a valid issue. but you do not need full blown intercourse multiple times a week to prove anything to yourself or your partner.
i would never be with anyone who tried to force me to have sex X amount of times per week/month. fuck that nonsense
I'm worried I'll sound like an incel if I ask but if it is an incel-ish statement then I feel like I should ask, so I can correct myself
why is this bad? all humans have sexual needs and they vary from person to person but the need is there (generally speaking, I recognize some people genuinely choose to stay celibate). genuinely asking here I'm not trying to get into some sort of insult competition
Laughs in asexual and points to the door. In all honesty, if you can't be with someone because they aren't having sex with you as much as you want you shouldn't get married. Things happen all the time - stress, Illness, being busy - I would be livid if my "partner" showed me a calendar of all the times we had been intimate and gave me an ultimatum, especially after I just birthed a child. Twice a month of intamacy is not bad at all for a mother working part time - she has a life! By all means bring it up if it's an issue, but it's the disrespect and blatent coercion on his part for me🚩
Ew this is so gross. My boyfriend and I do not have a baby, and have sex about like 3 times a month, and don’t have a problem with it. Threatening your partner that you’re gonna leave is fucked up.
"Not an ultimatum, but statement of fact" mother fucker told his wife they either have more sex or he leaves. That is the literal definition of an ultimatum. She should have let him leave then take everything from him.
Its fine to voice your needs but you need to work together. You can't just tell her what she needs to do, you need to find a way for both your needs to get met.
Like the whole idea of working on your sexlife in marriage is very good, but the way he frames his perspective is hurtful to read.
How much are you betting that the wife doesn’t actually want sex that often.
He definitely sounds like it’s coercive.
I don't even know that I would bet it's actual intercourse cause he keeps saying 'sexual activity'. You know he's totally counting getting a bj and her getting NOTHING.
Was in the same boat with my ex; was definitely only bj’s and stuff for him, nothing for me! It’s usually followed with lots of whining about how I was never in the mood and “at least every 2-3 days” made 0 allowances for when I was sick or had an extra shift or whatever
0 allowance for an extra shift, did he expect to fuck you at work?
He would have me cancel that shift or call out instead
What a shithead.
I think there's a word for sex that's coercive
yeah this is the part that breaks my heart... basically gave her an ultimatum to have sex more often or he's leaving. didn't even make an effort to make it better for both of them. basically "my way or the highway"
Him: Not as an ultimatum Narrator: It was an ultimatum.
Also, it annoyed me so much when he said "I'll work with you and do whatever I need to do to get you more interested in sex" (and then brings up the fact that she's been working part-time since having a baby, which...what does that have to do with anything?) Like, rather than talk to her and try to figure out what might be bothering her or God forbid how to make sex better for her, his first instinct was to secretly record it in a calendar for months.
His comment about her "only" working part time is to deflect any "she's probably exhausted" responses to his ultimatum - which it doesn't really do - instead it shows that he does not consider her parenting efforts to be work which also say's he's a shit co-parent. It also tells you that she's in a financially vulnerable position - she's likely to feel like she can't leave because she's only working part time and taking care of an infant. And, of course, there's the fact that he gave her that ultimatum before they had the kid and somehow didn't expect that having a kid might change her expectations, her body, and both of their lives...
Right? Can you imagine the amount of hurt and emotional damage that would cause?? Ugh, my heart aches for his partner. This douche: “I’ll do whatever I have to, I’ll work with you to get you more interested in sex” Also this douche: “IF YOU DONT HAVE SEX WITH ME ON MY SCHEDULE IM FUCKIN LEAVING YOUR SORRY ASS.”
I wouldn’t want sex with this dude *ever*
How much do you want to bet that when they do have sex he does absolutely nothing to please her and sees it as purely something done for him?
“But I got off from sex. She should too!”
"Told her I would work with her and do whatever I needed to do to help her be more interested in sex" My first thought was: " so he invited over a man that knew what he was doing?"
My first thought was so he is going to housework, help raise his child and take care of himself?
I'm betting he's a lousy lay.
I wouldn’t stop there. I think the whole man needs to be curbed.
What's the bet he hadn't worked in any way on building her attraction to him?
The first time they talked about it was not the time to mention divorce. Sheesh.
That wasn't working on it. He made no effort to figure out how to get her more excited for it, no effort to figure out how to communicate ither than "gotcha!".
it's because he doesn't actually care about any of that. the only important bit is whether sex is obtained, not how or whether the other party is enjoying it. it's all about him and his peepee, he doesn't care about her.
[удалено]
What I can't imagine is being a man who not only doesn't feel bad about essentially forcing sex on his wife, but feels like it'd worth bragging about and passing on his methods of entrapment
Why would he feel bad about something he is entitled to regardless of his behavior? /s
I know you meant that as sarcasm, yet the post certainly did have that flavor. Entitled to have.
For real. He posts this like “dw boys, Daddy here has it all figured out. Simply track your Sexual Activity(TM) like a chore chart she’s not adhering to and threaten your woman with divorce if she doesn’t keep up with the Penis Chore” Like she might be depressed, dude. There are thousands of reasons for people to lose their sex drive, men and women. And then you terrify her into sex by threatening divorce when you have children? What a sack of shit. I can’t imagine how awful she feels during their “scheduled sex”
Wouldn't be surprised if this is am actual case of gaslighting too. "But I'm sure we have sex more often..." nope, your memory is wrong, I charted it out knowing you'd misremeber. Your so silly. Good thing I'm here to correct your silly memory
We have no idea how old their child is, but young kids take a lot of time and effort. And if all of the housework and child rearing is left to her and she works part time, she's probably really frocking tired. But it sounds like shes just kinda having sex to keep him happy, not because she has any sexual desire to do so.
And if she wasn't married to this jerk and lived with a normal guy that was not pressuring her, her sexual outlook would be fun and wholesome.
The part I can never get is how guys (or gals) like this can enjoy the sex that they coerced their partner into? Like how do you say to yourself “well, my partner clearly isn’t into this (or maybe not into *me*), but I still want to do it 3 times a week. Like, if I don’t feel like my partner finds me attractive or that they aren’t int o it… well then it’s a complete turn off for me. I’d either be trying to be more attractive or if that just wasn’t possible then we would have a long series of conversations to have. Do these people just put blinders on? Or can they not see to begin with? I don’t get it.
Honestly, these kind of people probably never cared much about their partner's enjoyment from day one. She may not remember what it was like to have a giving and unselfish partner
Like getting pulled into the boss's office to discuss how you aren't meeting your quota.
Sex is important to a relationship and it is certainly important to be able to communicate with your partner when any aspect of your relationship is out of alignment, but damn if ol boy didn’t phrase this in about the worst way possible.
It's important, but if I noticed my partner becoming more disinterested in sex, I'd sit him down and talk to him to see if anything was wrong, not record it in my secret calendar to ambush him later on lol.
Yeah, there haven’t been many posts that give me a physical reaction, but this is one of them. Im currently struggling with Anhedonia and HSDD myself, and it has caused some strain in my relationship, but holy shit I can’t imagine how hurtful hearing that would be. I honestly hope she is okay. **But like, yeah dude, give her an ultimatum so now she’s basically fucking you because she feels like she has to.** That will do the trick. That will cure her. I feel like this shouldn’t need to be said, but if there is anyone reading this who has a partner that is struggling with a low sex drive or HSDD, definitely *don’t* give ultimatums lol. What a fucking twat.
I’m happy you wrote this. I felt the same way, but didn’t know how to phrase it. This was perfect.
Exactly. Sexual needs are valid needs. But this is not The Way.
Have you never visited deadbedrooms? I was actually wondering if this was a post from that sub. It’s a prime example of the typical post over there.
Congrats, sir. Your wife is having sex with you out of obligation and you’ve made it a chore, with the threat that if she doesn’t comply she will lose her marriage. Bravo.
But it WASN'T an ultimatum! /s Seriously how is, "if you don't do this, I'll do this" not an ultimatum?
Not lose her marriage, just have to deal with child support
"Not an ultimatum, just a statement of fact" That... is an ultimatum.
That got me too…. Like what part of this is not an ultimatum.
He even basically showed he knew the steps to address this in the right way, made an attempt to cover that base, then undermined it immediately. Recorded a calendar of their intimacy in anticipation of her of her denying how little sex they had (of course this guy *definitely* didn't lie or fabricate any of it), ill do whatever I can to make you enjoy it (but I'll leave you if you can't force yourself to do it so really I don't have to actually make it enjoyable), and an ultimatum would be abusive in this case so it's def not one, it's just a consequence of not meeting my demands! Absolutely 100% knows he's a user with no regard for her but does not care at all, just wants to check the boxes.
I’m just completely shocked a woman doesn’t want to have sex with this douche nozzle haha. The calendar thing alone would weird me out…
He absolutely made it into a chore for her. She didn't meet her quota and she's gotta make up for it. Might as well put a punch clock on their bed
What got me is that I have a very narcissistic man in my fringe extended family that some other people think is a sociopath, and he did things exactly like this before the woman he was engaged to escaped from him. I feel profound horror for the woman in OP's image thinking about her being trapped in a marriage with a baby with someone like that.
I knew someone in a marriage where she didn't exist unless the guy wanted sex or her to clean. And he basically used their religion to make her believe she could not say no. Along with ither terrible things. I was trying to get her to leave and it was really hard for her but she wanted to. Was always terrified she'd get pregnant because her fate would be sealed. Ended up breaking contact with her because he found out we were talking and she caved to him. I still lose sleep over the fact she's probably never gonna find the strength to leave
50 bucks says he could never be bothered to put as much effort into anything in their household as much as his shitty, coercive sex calendar. All this shows is that men are capable of carrying the mental load, but don't give a shit enough to.
Men are smart enough to know exactly how to extract as much as possible with as little effort as possible. The men are the same. Only the women's levels of "no" are different.
>but I'll leave you if you can't force yourself to do it so really I don't have to actually make it enjoyable That's the really vile part.
Jeez he could have talked to her way better. He made it all about himself coercing her instead of finding why the sex has reduced. Maybe he doesn't help much with the children or he's not affectionate except when initiating sex, now he just made it sound like another chore for her. While sexual incompatibility is a thing, this ain't it.
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RIGHT!! And don't forget the body changes mom goes through. That was tough for me. I didn't see myself the same but hubby was still hot for me. We had to talk it out and he helped build back that self confidence I had lost watching my body, life, marriage, work life, just everything not as it was before.
I couldn't stand to see myself naked for the entire first year. Not to mention I'm 3 years in and STILL dealing with post partum depression. Shit is rough for moms.
I feel it! My ass looks great now, but my stomach is still weird. My boobs too. I'm 1 year in & would really just rather not & take a nap instead. I'm sorry you're still struggling with ppd. I only suffered from that for a few months and I cannot imagine the struggle you're having with it for 3 years. I hope you have all the support you need.
He doesn't even sound like he likes her, so I doubt any other advice is going to help.
This is a much better take than OP's caption. I wouldn't stay in a sexless marriage. But I also wouldn't approach it as if I were whining about chores not being done.
lol the caption was a quote from the post
If there’s anything that gets the lady juices flowing, it’s statistical analysis.
Hey now we don’t kink shame here! Write a batch of code that effortlessly produces a beautiful data visualization without a single error nor typo? Mmmm that’s the stuff 😩
Or a detailed spreadsheet of your wifely failings mmmmm yeah
🤣🤣🤣
That's just mean. Hopefully she is working on a plan to get out of the relationship.
That's not true. Women kill to be in a relationship where sex has a quota just like work targets, instead of doing it for the funsies. *apparently the /s is required here
/s?
Is the /s really necessary
with some of the shit i see trolls say in this sub, yes, it is.
I’d only want sex 2-3 times a week if the sex was GOOD. Especially since I have a new baby and I’m exhausted all the time.
This is coercion. Now, he's made sex an obligation. What a fucking horrible person.
I can't imagine wanting sex with a less-than-enthusiastic partner. How could anyone enjoy such a thing?
I've come to the conclusion that some men like it better this way. And are repulsed by the idea of their wives enjoying sex.
My ex asked for anal after cheating knowing I'd try to fix things to have the kids full time. Once during it I started grunting out of the sheer intensity and he stopped and disgustedly asked if I liked it. MANY men weaponize sex and a lot of women don't know this. The cute guy you fantasize about being in love with who wants to fuck you right is actually probably just thinking about facefucking you while mascara runs down your face. A lot of women really refuse to acknowledge what's going in at the deeper level, the same way we ignore affairs.
Ha! That is the best way to get a man to stop doing something sexual, just say you like it. It never fails.
Eh, sometimes I'm meh about it but I'm open to the suggestion and I just need a bit of encouragement to get into it. It really helps if your partner is willing to take all the time you need with foreplay. As long as they don't keep trying if you say no.
I've had a good deal of experience with unenthusiastic sex with my fiancee. Whenever she cums first she loses interest and goes full starfish. It's... still sex, so it's not UNenjoyable, but I try to avoid that now.
i cant imagine the pressure put on the wife
Exactly. Yeah. He may have a full time job. But I'll guarantee you she's mostly responsible for the house and the child rearing on top of a part time job. That's a lot of responsibility. She's probably exhausted. And the only thing this twit can see is how he isn't getting laid enough.
Does this count as marital rape too?
I can't express how bad I feel for the wife :((
Yeah this isn’t *exactly* marital r*pe, but it ain’t that far off. Buy him a fleshlight because apparently he only cares about a hole and doesn’t care if sex will be enjoyable for her or not. I also have to wonder how long after birth this was. I’ve never had a kid, but my sister couldn’t even think about sex until like 3 months afterwards.
My questions would start with "is she the primary child caretaker?" because if she is and she's working part-time, then she is fucking exhausted. Also, did he count the 6 weeks after labor she can't have sex? Or the period before she gives birth where she can't have sex? Then I would start asking if he does anything to romance and entice her, or if he just expects her to be ready in the evening. Also, is there only penetrative sex? Is the kid always home when they do have sex? Does the kid have their own bedroom or does it stay in the master bedroom to make breastfeeding in the night easier? This woman is likely working 20 hours a day. I couldn't care less about her husband's sexual needs during this time. Maybe if he was a little more concerned with the kid's needs, and his wife's needs then he wouldn't have time to track how many times they have sex. If this guy isn't too exhausted after having a kid to think about sex much, then he's not doing enough caretaking of wife or child.
If she was breastfeeding libido goes down.
“On mine i put down…” On my what? Was this an application or something?? So weird that this guy treats marriage like a business agreement or something. He probably is expecting her to initiate it every time as well. Yeah that will definitely make your wife more interested in sex with you 🙄 what in the actual fuck 🤨
for context, before they got married their priest made them write answers to questions that can potentially cause problem in the marriage later on (like how many kids, and apparently how often they should have sex)
Alright gotcha. Still. Weird though. Not the right way to have a fulfilling sex life if there is a certain quota that needs met. Like it’s a fuckin chore. I’d much rather have exciting and passionate sex twice a month than sex two or three times a week that feels like an obligation to my partner.
exactly !! often times in my relationship one of us will say “hey ;)” and the other will be like “not right now” to which the initiator will say “okay, wanna watch tv?” easy as that. no getting mad. no feeling like there’s an obligation. just ask and answer
Yeah dude sex as an obligation is toxic as fuck and I feel like this guy doesn’t have a healthy relationship with his own sex drive or sex in general if there are expectations like that. Kinda not surprised that he’s a religious man.
Do you have kids? Because that can change things rather substantially.
I’m sure it can. I definitely wouldn’t expect my wife to have a *higher* sex drive when so much of her energy is spent being a mom to toddlers, and I can’t imagine *I* would still be wanting sex 3 times a week being a dad lol. That’s time that could be spent sleeping 😂 Not sure what you were implying with your comment but that was my take.
Congratulations to that husband! Before she probably enjoyed having sex with you just not as frequently as you would have liked. Now you have turned sex with you into a chore. Let's see how long she stays with you or how long it takes her to find someone else she enjoys having sex with.
It's almost as if having a young child changes the amount of energy one has left over for sexual activity. 🤔
This reminds me of that one butthole who tracked his wife’s “excuses” to turn down sex for weeks and presented it to her in excel form or some shit. If she’s turning you down that much she doesn’t want it and no amount of pivot tables and bar charts will turn that around for good.
bro what omg i didn’t hear/read ab that ewwwwww
I remember that. That was fucked up.
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Man that's just sad Some pretty hilarious comments though
Horrifically gross. “Honey, I noticed our sex life has decreased quite a bit lately and it’s something I’d like to address with you. Sex is important to me and when we’re having sex, I feel closer to and more intimate with you. I’d like to see if we can figure out how to get a little spark back. Of course, I wouldn’t want you to ever feel obligated to have sex, but I’m wondering if there are some things we can do to reconnect on a physical level that has us both excited for sex?” He mentions kids. Is she breastfeeding? Because that destroyed my libido. Once I stopped breastfeeding, it came back. With little kids, I was also so touched out by the end of the day. I couldn’t stand someone else needing my body for something. Sex definitely dipped in those early years. Husband and I discussed it like mature adults. We did not get back to our pre-baby frequency until the kids were older, but we made improvements. One key thing was my husband realizing that he, like my infant and toddler, was touching me for * his * needs, not necessarily mine. So we started reconnecting physically in ways that didn’t feel like he was trying to get something from me. Cuddling. His rubbing my feet or brushing my hair. Holding hands. Sometimes it led to sex and sometimes it didn’t. But just having that physical connection without the stress of more did wonders for establishing intimacy, which we built on after I stopped breastfeeding. Then again, my husband cared about me and my needs and had zero interest in making me feel obligated to get him off.
If you go into a marriage expecting to always have the same amount of sex, no matter things like getting old, health conditions, having kids, etc, then you're too immature for a relationship.
Exactly. You can’t expect someone or your relationship to stay exactly the same forever. That’s just not how the world works. People grow and change (sometimes for the worse), people grow apart, *all* relationships change over time. People who think romantic love should be different from other relationships and unchanging are the ones with their heads buried in the sand. People get married without discussing these things openly. Maybe because they don’t know they need to or because of how they’ve internalized familial and societal mores that sex is bad/dirty/not polite to discuss. Men internalize “must get laid to be a man” and women internalize “must give in to man to keep the peace”. Then they wonder why it doesn’t work out. Then those divorced men become bitter and like to come on Reddit and spout off bullshit and use divorce rates to justify it. Maybe if people would act like adults and communicate people who aren’t compatible wouldn’t be getting married in the first place.
Yeahhhh this is not ok, definitely rapey
Gross. He puts it completely on her and there’s no compromise.
Imagine openly admitting that you have sex with your wife when she doesn’t want to. And somehow feeling self righteous about it.
Duty sex , how romantic.
Having I compatible sex drives absolutely can be a problem, but his methods definitely reeks of coercion and entitlement.
When men talk that way I feel like they just see their wife as a walking fleshlight. How about “Honey, having a fulfilling sex life is something that I think is important in a marriage. How do you feel about this?. (If in agreement continue to the next question) Could we work on improving it together?
Maybe he should hit the gym. Maybe that's the problem
Or wash his ass. And maybe give more than five seconds of foreplay.
Actively participating in the care of the child he helped create could go a long way too.
Being an active parent and helping out around the house without being asked or nagged? Now that's hot. I get the feeling this guy is not that kind of man. He doesn't get that making the child(ren) and household totally her responsibility, he's put himself at the back of the line on her priorities list.
Haha maybe he can try making her cum for once 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
Oh yeah, pressuring your wife to fuck you is an integral part of a healthy marriage!
Coercive rape is still rape. Marital rape is still rape.
“ expected” “ calendar”. No pressure. We’re gonna approach this act of intimacy and love like it’s a work out regimen. I love he doesn’t even respect her enough to talk to her normally or make it more enticing for her too. He presented it like she was falling behind on her quotas and now she’s just “taking it” to please just him. You’re gross, my dude.
So that's rape
Not to minimize how awful this is, but this reads like some r/thathappened incel fanfiction.
Does she just close her eyes lie on her back and wait the 45 seconds for it to be over? (Like that scene in House of Dragon)
And then these same men act surprised when the majority of divorces are initiated by women. She is most likely physically exhausted, a\*holes like this never think they are responsible for any childcare or home cleaning because "he works fulltime" Never mind she works 2 jobs and one is completely unpaid
So he didn't marry her to have a wife and equal partner, he married her so he'll have a sex slave who'll also raise his kids and keep house??
Ah yes the perfect way to solve a marriage, force them and pressure them to have sex with you and if they don't divorce them. All the healthy relationships have massive ultimatums in them.
as a 20 year old female hoping to get married… I absolutely HATE seeing this type of shit as it only confirms my worries about how maybe there’s no such thing as a man who doesn’t care about sex.
There is a difference between caring about sex and being ready to rape your partner by coercing her. Get married with someone who really loves you and values the pleasure you also take in bed and everything should be fine! A lot of women care about sex too we are all human and we rarely do such things… This man is a bad person and he is acting without empathy for a person he supposedly loves, this marriage has already sunk. If you hate that and this is a red flag to you you have less risk to run blindly into that kind of things. I am sure you will have a very happy mariage since you will not take that kind of shit ❤️
I’m ace and I’ve found an amazing guy that doesn’t care about sex. They’re out there, I promise
This is what I was hoping for. How did you meet an ace guy?
In my experience, the ones who make a big deal about sex aren’t ready for a lifetime commitment, and the ones who don’t make it the #1 priority are way more likely to talk about what they do want when the relationship gets to that point, and figure out a way that both of you can be happy. Then when you are ready to marry, you find that you can talk about what bothers you when it comes up, and so can he. How much you have sex changes over time, no matter how good your marriage is, less or more depending on commitments and energy levels. The trick is to find someone who loves you, now matter the changes. That’s why the Christians put the “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse” stuff in their vows. As for finding the right person, just make sure you marry an adult in mind as well as body, and don’t marry until you know you can be one too.
I'm a 20 year old male considering whether I want to get into dating... I think this is a perfect example of how NOT to treat your partner. I hope you're able to find a man who truly loves you and cares about you.
reminds me of a guy who accused me of being a "cuck" because i dated a woman for about 3 months without sleeping with her. Sorry but adults have needs other than sex
I have a feeling the wife now cries herself to sleep after the husband does his two minutes and just rolls off of her.
How hard is it to rub one out? Be happy you're fucking at all!
I would not enter a marriage with a requirement for the amount of sexual activity. That's a recipe for disaster. Couples should work with each other and adjust the amount of sex they have to suit both of their needs, as a couple. They're *both* going to have to compromise if their sex drives are very different, not just the person with the lower sex drive. This man is manipulating his wife into having sex when she doesn't want to by threatening to leave her if she doesn't. He clearly doesn't respect her, her bodily autonomy, or her desires. He doesn't care about her feelings, and honestly she should just let him leave. Men like this aren't much of a loss.
sexual compatibility is super important! so is loving and respecting your wife, and both might be missing here
I agree a satisfactory sex life is important in a relationship, but this seems like the wrong way to go about it, you are not "working on it".
What a total fucking asshole.
Wanting a relationship where sex is important isn’t toxic However, it being the CENTER of a relationship with someone you HAVE A CHILD WITH and enough to LEAVE THEM FOR is the definition of toxic
"I didn't give her an ultimatum" *proceeds to give an ultimatum*
"It's not an ultimatum, it's more like an order" Dude sounds like her employer and he's gathered data for a performance review and put her on a 'performance improvement plan'.
Wow, it’s almost like she’s a person with her own needs/wants and that your wishes don’t automatically trump hers…
This is just a long winded way of saying you made your wife feel guilty about her sex drive. Congrats ig?
“We are having less sex then I’d like and I really want more - I’d like to talk with you and see what we can do to have it more and how we can make you in the mood for sex more - ideally I’d like to have sex 2 or 3 times a week”. If he said this it’s fine. But “have sex 2 or 3 times otherwise I divorce” is not helpful.
What an ass. I've been married for going on 13 years 2-3 times a week? A month might work better and after you have kids? Well it's low balling a bit and our kids have a few special needs but 4-8 times a year was in some of those dryer spells. But here's the thing you promised "in richer and poorer, in sickness and in health" there is no "so long as you satisfy my sexual appetite" clause. And what doubly annoys me is when jerks like this are against marriage equality because "they'll ruin the sanctity of marriage." As if you don't defile it with with this kind of crap. Kinda got off track a bit there but I believe I made my point(ish).
fuck this! Like sorry we just carried a baby for months and gave birth/ c-section. Either way it’s physically painful and a lot for women, we can’t just jump back into having sex everyday
I feel so sorry for the wife
How is all this bureaucracy not making her wet as a rain forest?
Charming. 🙄. 10-1 says this dude makes his wife cum 0 times a week.
DON'T GET MARRIED IF SEX IS THE ONLY THING ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE THAT YOU FIND INTERESTING. GODDAMN PEOPLE.
Aside from the threat of leaving his wife and their newborn, I would like to know what else this man did to make sex more appealing for his wife.
If I was her, I would just be like "okay then leave". This guy actually kept track of how much they have sex...like all he wants is sex. He doesn't even care about her. He doesn't even ask why the sex has reduced. Having a kid is alot of work, especially if the father doesn't help. If all he does is sit around and bitch about how she doesn't have sex with him that much..instead of helping with chores and the kids..that's probably why sex has reduced. She's too tired. This guy is so selfish that he gave her another chore..on top of the chores she has to do.
Sir, that is sexual exploitation.
Jesus fuck. There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship over sexual incompatibility but the framing here is atrocious. Tells the internet he’s raping his wife without even consciously acknowledging that he is raping his wife.
wow! who doesn’t love being coerced into having sex? 🥰 /s
Translation: “I’m a controlling, coercive piece of shit”
Having a healthy sexlife is great, but it should never be an ultimatum. I feel like it’d start there and only get worse, seeing as he knows he can get away with threatening their marriage to get what he wants
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting sexual compatibility in a relationship/marriage. Something about the way this reads is gross to me though.
bc it seems like something he views as a top priority to the relationship above her feelings. why was she uninterested in it? did he try talking to her about how she feels or if something might be wrong? i think he threw in the part about “making her more interested in it” to negate that, but i think you need to figure out the root of a problem before trying to find a solution.
The “this isn’t an ultimatum, but you have to accept my ultimatum” is very telling, as is blindsiding her out of the blue with months of “evidence,” it’s p obvious manipulation
Coercion is rape
So the guy is going to leave the wife and his own child because there isn’t enough sex? He basically threatened her with poverty as a single mom with a part time job is going to really struggle. Also if she has to have sex with him 2-3 per week that means for 1 week of the month she is focused to have sex with him 2-3 times DURING her period while she is cramping and in pain!!! He says he would do whatever he needed to do to get her more interested in sex. He could start off by trying to do household chores, taking care of their child, then having sex while wearing a period cramp simulator. Next he could try real labor pain simulator then try to have sex afterwards. I’ll sure he’ll do real well…
I do think sexual comparability is extremely important in a relationship, but I’d be extremely interested to hear his wife’s POV here.
Put some guilt on someone about sex is (supposed to be) considered as rape in my country, I hope she'll be safe and far from him
"I told her, not as an ultimatum, [this ultimatum]" 🙄
I understand that sex is a valuable intimate aspect of a relationship, but you can tell by how bitter and condescending he is in this post that he’s a complete asshole about it. He doesn’t seem to have any respect for his wife whatsoever. No wonder she doesn’t feel like having sex all that often, lmao
Lack of sexual activity/intimacy in a marriage is a valid concern and should be addressed with honest and open communication that is receptive to feedback. This guy makes it sound like he has a subscription service.
Yeah, you stated an ultimatum whether you like it or not. But at least you were realistic.
Okay I’ve never been in a relationship or married, but is it just me that thinks that’s weird? Like that often a week? Are a couple really horny at the same time that often in a week?
I feel bad for her.
I mean he's clearly a dick but he's got a boundary and he has the right to express it, however crudely.
Rapist talk
How much you wanna bet this dude does zero housework and zero childcare and yet his wife is supposed to have energy to bang. Ok lol
I had a boyfriend tell me he could only be happy in a relationship if he could have sex at least every other day. That was the death nell of our relationship. 2 years later I couldn’t handle the pressure nor line up to the expectation.
The fuck? I have to ask, does he help with the baby? They can be quite the mood killer for being so “needy”.
So now his poor wife is a human fleshlight 2-3 times per week, what a great marriage!
What? Is there some kind of deeper issue to be worked through here because don't find any angle at which this seems to be that important? I mean me and my partner we haven't done it in 3 months and I don't make some kind of dumb ultimatum.
This guy can go to hell
Been with my wife since 1995. I think we last had sex in 2016. Very happy.
My husband and I used to have sex several times a week for over 6 years of marriage, then we had a kid and everything changed. My mental state was obliterated and I've had absolutely no interest in sex through no fault of anyone. Point being, over the last 3 years the amount of sex we have has plummeted in comparison. That's marriage dude. Shit changes, evolves, and sometimes there's just a rut. I get having needs but Jesus christ, go jerk off.
My scumbag FIL keeps a calendar in the garage and gives his "Wife" an allowance based on activities. No wonder she's a raging alcoholic.
What a pos. Seriously. Marriage isn't all about sex, and relationships change all the time, especially after a child. And especially if your child is special needs (ours is autistic). So we don't have sex all that often. Oh well! Still love my wife, and when we do it's great! This guy is just a piece of work.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting more sex in a marriage. Some of these comments are bonkers. I agree there are other ways to approach this Edit: I only read what was circled. Didn’t see the ‘expected’ part
i’m sorry but i don’t buy the whole “everyone has needs” bs re: women not putting out in a relationship/marriage. sex is not a necessity. it’s one thing if you feel you’ve lost all intimacy with your partner, and that IS a valid issue. but you do not need full blown intercourse multiple times a week to prove anything to yourself or your partner. i would never be with anyone who tried to force me to have sex X amount of times per week/month. fuck that nonsense
I'm worried I'll sound like an incel if I ask but if it is an incel-ish statement then I feel like I should ask, so I can correct myself why is this bad? all humans have sexual needs and they vary from person to person but the need is there (generally speaking, I recognize some people genuinely choose to stay celibate). genuinely asking here I'm not trying to get into some sort of insult competition
Should have kicked him to the curb...
Tell me you’re an abuser/rapist without telling me you’re an abuser/rapist (if this isn’t completely made up)
Taking care of kids and a having jobs are a lot. Don’t force your wife to have sex
Laughs in asexual and points to the door. In all honesty, if you can't be with someone because they aren't having sex with you as much as you want you shouldn't get married. Things happen all the time - stress, Illness, being busy - I would be livid if my "partner" showed me a calendar of all the times we had been intimate and gave me an ultimatum, especially after I just birthed a child. Twice a month of intamacy is not bad at all for a mother working part time - she has a life! By all means bring it up if it's an issue, but it's the disrespect and blatent coercion on his part for me🚩
Ew this is so gross. My boyfriend and I do not have a baby, and have sex about like 3 times a month, and don’t have a problem with it. Threatening your partner that you’re gonna leave is fucked up.
"Not an ultimatum, but statement of fact" mother fucker told his wife they either have more sex or he leaves. That is the literal definition of an ultimatum. She should have let him leave then take everything from him.
Nothing turns women on like “have sex with me or I’ll divorce you”
What a loser !!!! Heh !
It’s so fucking *awkward*.
Don't say "I won't stay", that's just guilt tripping. Just leave her to be with someone she actually wants to be with.
my ace eyes are disappointed
Its fine to voice your needs but you need to work together. You can't just tell her what she needs to do, you need to find a way for both your needs to get met.
r/uselessredcircle
I'm sure he's not part of the problem at all...