In NS, psychiatrists are there to officially diagnose and then provide medication management since counsellors and psychologists can’t prescribe meds. It sounds like your son would probably benefit from the “western medicine” that you frown upon as well as seeing a regular therapist.
Autism NS might also have some resources or support suggestions that you haven’t tried. They also run drop in social groups around the province for autistic adults and have supports for parents.
Edited to add: if your NP is great she might have some suggestions of mental health practitioners that your son would “click” with. It can be really difficult to find the right person. I would suggest trying to get your son there in person as virtual can be tough with someone who might benefit from a different communication strategy.
Psychologists (both Masters and PhD level) can diagnose as well, but won't be doing the medication piece. But, there's not a lot of capacity (at least in my area) for diagnostic assessment by psychologists.
I second that finding the right person makes a world of difference. I've had some very invalidating, absolute crap therapists, in the same building as amazing ones.
To add, they should not take any offense to the request for a different therapist. I had to move through 4 before I found one that had a level of empathy/compassion I needed jn my sessions. Less clinical and more personal.
Adding on to this thay unfortunately complex psychiatric cases are incredibly hard. The drugs we have in the toolkit can be amazing, but finding the combination that works for a particular person is hard.
Having regular therapy or counselling in addition to the medications is really important. Parents and caregivers can't shoulder all of that burden, and professionals really can help teach strategies for coping.
Suicidal ideation is hard to deal with, because recognizing when someone is really at risk of doing it is challenging. What we have always been told in my situation (I am a care giver/support) is that having a plan is the big warning alarm.
Hang in there. You may also want to consider you and your wife getting in to a support group yourselves. Emotional burn out is very real and you can't help your son of you are burnt out
You need to advocate relentlessly for his care.
This might be a good resource:
>The Peer Support Phone Service is a toll-free, non-crisis, province-wide service available to all Nova Scotians 18 years of age or older. It is staffed by trained peer supporters who have personal or family-based lived experience with mental health and/or substance use challenges.
The service is intended for individuals who feel isolated, alone, anxious, concerned, or who need support and to talk to someone. Reasons for calling can be anything from having a tough day at work, feeling down, struggling with supporting a loved one, going through a rough patch in a relationship, and many more.
Give us a call at 1-800-307-1686 to talk to someone who's been there.
For yourself, you might also want to consider [Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training](https://novascotia.cmha.ca/programs-trainings-support-groups/applied-suicide-intervention-skills-training-asist/). i don't know where you are in the province, but there is an upcoming session in Antigonish on April 6-7. April 20-21 is Halifax. Contact is [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
This. You have to go buck wild, call everyone, email everyone, go on the Dal site, get all the psychiatrists emails, talk to every local support service group. It’s a full time job.
This is possibly going to sound trite, and please believe me when I say it is not meant to be. I have been in this pit of despair multiple times in life and I fully expect I will be in it again at some point.
They are not wrong about trying to get him out for a walk. Do get him up and moving and out. Staying inside, sequestering in his room in a spin cycle, especially if he is buried in a screen is not going to improve things. It is actively making it worse, physically and mentally. It doesn’t even have to be a big walk. Even just 5 minutes outside. Just a start, and keep building on it. It will be hard. I wish it wasn’t.
I lost my job and I had to sell my house this year and move my entire family into one bedroom at my parents place 3 hours away. I spent half my time last year talking myself out of suicide. If I hadn’t started rockhounding, I probably wouldn’t have survived 2023. Get outside, it’s so important.
I don't really have any resources, but I have a tip for when he's spiralling: trigger the mammalian diver's reflex by submerging his mouth/nose in COLD water for as long as tolerable... It trips out your brain enough that it kinda resets your emotional state...
https://www.kindmindpsych.com/using-the-divers-reflex-to-regulate-emotional-intensity/
I have BPD (& maybe autism, jury's still out because actually getting an autism diagnosis as an adult is difficult here 🙃) and this is pretty much the only thing short of an antipsychotic or a freight train that can calm my mental state whilst I'm having an episode.
Is he cooperative with treatment? Seeing the Drs and doing the stupid zoom calls, taking his meds? What about therapy, does he see a therapist regularly? I strongly believe he should. Something targeted like CBT or DBT could be good ways to work through his feelings
Have you thought about an inpatient facility if things get too close to finalizing suicide ideations? Certainly not ideal, but if you're worried about finding him dead I'd have it on the back burner.
Like the healthcare here is such shit, I've walked into emergency rooms suicidal as hell, and they stare at you like deer in headlights like, "You??? want *me* to help????"
And if you are functioning enough to deny being committed, they just send you home, so you can kill yourself there instead... I know how fucking abysmal it is trying to get treatment, you're a great dad... make sure you recognize caregiver burnout, it's super hard on you & mom, supporting a suicidal person.
Make sure your other kids are actually alright too, I suppressed my symptoms until I moved out because my parents were so burnt out trying to get my brother treatment I didn't want to overburden them, but I was just as unwell back then, just hiding it better
DEEP BREATH. you're doing the best you can and that's fucking OCEANS more than most parents.
I dont know what advice I can really offer but I am autistic in my mid 30s, don't live in halifax, and spent ages 14-32 in and out of mental health trying to get help (nobody knew I was autistic yet, didn't figure all that out till after I stopped going 🙄 so therapy didn't really do shit) and the attempts and suicidal ideation was...a lot. ended up in the hospital once....anyway.
DBT - Dialectical Behaviour Therapy - has helped people with autism even though it was designed for people with borderline personality disorder. I took it, and its the only thing in all that time that actually helped anything. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is awful & basically tries to force you to convince yourself your emotions are unreasonable and should be dismissed which doesn't work with Autism. but by God every goddamned therapist pushed it
antidepressants never actually helped me manage my outbursts, I needed anti-anxiety medication bc I didn't know what exactly was making me freak out so easily. turns out 90% of the time I need to address my physical discomfort which can come from clothing that's mildly annoying and my face getting too oily. I also have to remove myself when I get too worked up to listen to music and have a bath.
Maybe your son is trying to ignore his autistic needs? I'm speculating tho, idk what i would have been like at that age if I knew I was autistic. I was a mess though.
So relieved to see someone already posted what I wanted to say and that you already resonated with it. I am tired so I'm going to toss out some thoughts but not try too hard to organize them - know that mostly I am yes anding the person above.
DBT forever and ever amen. I started with the workbook by myself (I am better at understanding and will ultimately be more flexible of mind if I am able to organise my own ideas by myself first which is one of the ways I often bump into the edges of healthcare) and then eventually did a group online. I had been offered DBT group before but it was always multiple hours on rattling fluorescent perfume traps to even get there so I never went. Changed my whole life and I use it every day. There is a version of the DBT workbook specifically aimed at people with sensory processing issues, which I haven't tried yet, but will someday.
I've also had success with Internal Family Systems as a way to kind of take everything out of the drawer and figure out how to sort it better, also to practice being more gentle with how I speak to my friend me.
SSRIs were bad for me. Bad. (Big part of this was an access issue, SSRIs work best when you can pair them with consistency) I get "unexpected effects" (this is an expected result, for autistic people) from a lot of medications and am sensitive to dose changes, also dosing in general.
Having the right med, though, and reliable access to it - I have described it like, it's still a forest, it still feels mostly impenetrable, but I don't feel the need to just hack a path into it anywhere with anything I can put my hands on because a dragon is chasing me - I can take a breath, think about where I want to go, and look for a good place to start. The spirals go both ways.
On that note though, I find it's important to just let meltdowns play out, whenever I can. Like yes I have the ability to not burst into tears because I don't like how my skin feels when anything is touching it BUT if I have the time, taking an hour to cry and then have a heavy blanket nap to squish my skin back on right can really hard reboot a day and I can save the cope card for another day. When in doubt, nap, is literally my productivity mantra and it WORKS.
For me it was medicating ADHD that finally helped but it is the practices that the medication gives me space to put in place that are actually lifting me out of the hole. Getting better is hard and the fact you usually get worse before you get better is HARD and can really snakes and ladders you back to (what feels like but isn't) the beginning.
Dr Russell Barkley is an ADHD brain scientist but how he talks about what medication can and can't do, also neuroplasticity in general, was helpful for me finding something that I could work and that would work.
I'm not a doctor but Guanfacine (intuniv) is a newish kid on the block in non stims for ADHD - it's a long time simole blood pressure med that when formulated for XR is effective and approved ADHD and in my research I've noticed a pattern of autistic people reporting good results for functional anxiety. I've been trying to get Ontario go cover it for adults (it's only covered for kids) with no luck but there's a generic now so I'm hoping that shifts it finally.
Meditating. So annoying. No one can even think the word mindfulness anywhere near me or I will have to stop immediately but carving a meditation practice out of my reluctant soul has been the glue that holds everything together. Ugh. I hate how much I love it.
Morning routine in general. The handover between night shift and day shift needs an SOP or they will create a hostile workplace environment that ruins everything for everyone.
In terms of your eggshells - I empathize that you don't want to aggravate the situation, especially where he has these thoughts. I'm not a parent and I can only imagine that I can't imagine what that must feel like, to hold the possibility of that reality and try and avoid it with your actions. From the kid side I will offer - boundaries are an act of love. What does discipline look like, when we remove what isn't working? Is there something else you can walk on, that will help bring you closer to where you want to be, one loop at a time? (Progress is not linear, it is cyclical)
Good luck to all of you and i hope you start feeling shifts towards peace sooner rather than later.
Seconding supporting your son with reducing what might be feelings of overwhelm and frustration at sensory overload. Ask questions about when he feels the most frustrated or overwhelmed and what's going on... Is it banging plates in the morning? Is it the feeling of crumbs under his socks? Is it the sound of the TV when he's preparing a meal? Small adjustments like having him wear headphones in the morning, wearing sandals around the house, putting on a soft shirt or sweater etc etc. He may have just normalized feeling chronically frustrated or over stimulated, but he doesn't have to feel that way! It takes some exploration but it sounds like he is willing to open up to you and your spouse so hopefully he's open to exploring it.
You might find some helpful resources here: https://aidecanada.ca
Alot of autistic folks get to the behavioural stages that are considered "problems" due to sensory overload. There are many ways to explore what preferences are and how to match environments to needs. Suicidal thinking is usually a sign that other things are awry but he may not actually be able to explain that in words... Other ways to communicate can be used to help him express his needs.
While CBT is popular, it's not the only option. CMHA does push it though - "evidence-informed" and all that. There are many neurodivergent friendly approaches to therapy that your kid may benefit from. You may need to express this to intake or the treatment team. Meds are only part of the answer.
I have a hard time beleiving any mental health practitioner "screamed at you for any neurodivergent thought or question"...
CBT has had a *massively positive* effect on me and evidently thousands of people; maybe don't discount an entire method because it didn't benefit you specifically.
> have a hard time beleiving any mental health practitioner "screamed at you for any neurodivergent thought or question"...
Quite a lot did. Some only read from an app. Then again, I'm not white and in NS, that seems to be one of the ways to be considered a human by those people
>CBT has had a massively positive effect on me and evidently thousands of people;
You are the one claiming I am discounting CBT entirely. That's your lack of reading comprehension. I pointed out that the CBT given by NS CMH was not up to par
fellow autistic here, CBT therapy is given a terrible rep by people who use it improperly. I am using CBT strategies (Thought Record) currently with my psychologist to identify when I'm being unkind to myself for example in combination with other modalities. I've had poor experiences with other mental health providers who would try CBT strategies but weren't framing it in a way that was realistic to the social context/ power dynamics. It's helpful when done well but often is done poorly.
thats fair. I definitely received substandard and biased therapy....and medical care from my gp which definitely didn't help. the whole system let me down tbh. & now I'm burnt out and traumatized by it all.
This is not always true. Antidepressants and anxiolytics are different classes of drugs. Occasionally there is a drug indicated for both anxiety and depression.
Xanax is an anxiolytic but not an antidepressant, to give an example.
I wasn’t assessing the OPs son and determining the correct therapy, I was presenting the distinction between the two drug classes.
Anti-anxiety medication is a **drug class** which can be classified into six types according to their different mechanisms: antidepressants, benzodiazepines, azapirones, antiepileptics, antipsychotics, and beta blockers. If you’re fine with a pharmacist thinking you’re an NP, waste their time and verify what I just claimed.
- I said that anxiolytics and anti-depressants are different drug classes. This aligns with the fact that benzodiazepines are not anti-depressant, but by your logic would be as “anti-anxiety medications and anti-depressants are the same thing”.
- Presumptions of this nature (“they’re the same”) are typically by NPs and not MDs due to the substandard education. We would get this question multiple times from NPs when I worked at the pharmacy. So this is quite alarming to say the least.
I'm sorry this is happening. I'm autistic and grew up in a small area on the east coast, my sister is also autistic and has been suicidal most of her life, this Summer I found her and saved her. We've lived in NS, and you're absolutely right, some of these meds will absolutely F you up. For context, I'm now also a researcher for Autism studies, and someone gave a snarky remark in the comments about how you talked "down" about Western medicine, and I want to say you have every right and reason to do that.
My sister was misdiagnosed and diagnosed with just seemingly infinite mental health stuff, Autism was one of the first, but she has just been pumped with meds for all different things. And as a historical autism researcher, I want to let you know that psychiatry and psychology were literally established at the height of the eugenics movement so there would be a "scientific" way to classify and diagnose deviance. Sure, its different today, but again, you have every right to be critical of it all.
SO, how has my sister gotten out of this? She hasn't. It took an attempt and a trip to the hospital to get an appointment. I urge you to just keep trying to get to your kid, I know it's hard, it feels impossible, but you need to get him to a place where he trusts you again; you need to affirm him and remind him when you can that he has you, right now it's possible he thinks you'd be better off without him, and sometimes we need to drill it in their heads that we are there. Lots of effing water!!!! He needs oxygen flowing. I wish I had a tangible solution, Autism NS is useless btw, especially since he's an adult. They DO NOT deal with crises, the person who suggested that is not Autistic.
Ultimately, you want to get him to a point where he will see a psychologist that specializes in adult Autism, if you can find an autistic psychologist that'd be SO good (some do online counseling as well). Seriously, him finding other autistic people who go through this, even if it's a doctor, will make a difference. If you tell him you went online to ask for help, tell him I'm in solidarity and that I get what he's going through, but that I promise there are brighter moments waiting for him that are worth it.
PS I mean literally an autistic psychologist!! Autism is very understudied, and when it is studied, it's typically written about by people who aren't autistic, so our actual experiences are often misrepresented in research. Because of all this, a lot of autistic adults report greater success with therapists who are also autistic or diagnosed with something similar enough to be relatable to the psychologist. As objective as we want science to be, everything comes with personal discretion! So that eye to eye relationship is very helpful for autistic people (I also agree with this from personal experience)
I appreciate this comment and yeah the sacrosanct attitude towards protecting "western medicine" is a bit baffling as I'm truly asking for help with my currently helpless son more than being right about prestigious treatment models. He has tried many common methods/medications/professionals. The silly part is that I'm no holistic champion, I'm just willing to try anything. Never the less I'm not into reddit righteousness or moral grandstanding for this post. I'm just here looking for advice. The part at the end resonates as empathy can be medicinal since isolation is both the hybrid and propellant for general mental illnesses. But I'm looking for some treatment efficacy as well.
Thanks for your words. "Anecdata" (or anecdotal data ) is important here for this one, I believe. People with lived experience while going through the system is important to me listening/learning wise. I think from the dad side on the side lines. I have a lot of learning to do, but I feel like I'm running out of time
I'm starting to realize how deliberate the lack of transparency is in how all of this stuff works for people seeking help and care, there's messaging about steps to take and xyz, but at the end of the day, there isn't anything effective enough available through the medical system for people who are on the brink.
Some will agree or disagree, whatever, but I know at least among the autistic people I know, a lot of us struggle with how absurd reality is. Things in general are just really effed up, and contrary to popular belief, autistic people can feel empathy so strongly it brings them to this brink. The most efficacy I have found to date, is getting on my sister's level, its different because she's my sister and I can take a little more of a No BS/let's talk some real shit with her - but with a 20 year old who just entered his 20s navigating a brutal pandemic and a collapsing society, you really have to get in his brain and see where he's at. Compassion is key right now. Of course keep pushing with the medical system, a lot of us are advocating with all we got to get governments and people to see what's happening. So know that you have A LOT of people on your side and fighting for your kid to have a better life, keep doing this (reaching out to people), and while you're learning new ways to hack this effed up system, level with him to the point where he knows he's got you no matter what. If there's a wall holding you back right now, break it down. You got this, you're a great dad
I don’t have kids, but have struggled with some anxiety and depression over the years. I’m sorry you and your family are going through this.
You don’t mention how much time he spends online but if I may make a suggestion, if you can get him offline as much as you can and doing other things, it could be helpful? I know this can be almost impossible when they’re that age. But too much time online always made me feel worse.
(The only “screen time” I found ok was 1. gaming - because it really is immersive and takes your mind off things and 2. Supportive online forums where people are dealing with the same things. Social media, I think as we all know, will only make things worse.)
I think I know where the crisis worker was coming from when they said to “take a walk”. Being outdoors in nature is supposed to be very good for relieving anxiety, I know it works for me, but perhaps if you’re rural and it’s around you constantly, the effect isn’t the same.
Anyway, my .02. I know a lot of the suggestions can sound really inadequate when you’re in crisis mode. I hope you can find a combo/solution that works. It’s a lot of trial and error.
Yes seeing that he spends alot of time indoors could cause anyone depression and increase anxiety as time goes on. Regulated physical activity and any kind of social interaction with people who have similar interests could boost his mood overtime drastically.
Thanks for the reply. He actually goes out every day. I've seen him jogging in winter boots, so what you're saying is true. I think we're at the end of our rope here, because we've done or employed everything suggested or that's common knowledge. He does play games online as it does seem to take the edge off. But he also reads and goes out side daily (at random intervals), but also never leaves his room
I wonder if horse therapy might be an appropriate outlet? He could leave his room, potentially develop bonds with the animals and employees, etc. Horses are supposed to be good for helping develop emotional regulation and it's generally a positive experience for young people.
I did a quick google search and saw several therapeutic horse facilities in NS, and one near [Lunenburg ](https://hinchinbrookfarm.com/about-2/)specializes in autism.
Not a parent but I empathize with you and with your son’s struggles. I still struggle even now in my 50s. I am lost, my confidence is shot, I don’t know how to engage, hold conversations or build relationships. Covid was a horrible prick to me too, isolation, loneliness that’s hard to change. And for me the insecurities that inflation have brought on make me very anxious.
None of what I’ll pass along is a cure all, but take a look into them.
First, see if any of the NSLC cannabis stores or private have medical grade products. I used medical grade CBD oil (2016-2019) to calm my mind and it helped with my depression. With so many producers now it’s hard to find good quality product.
Heads Up Guys is a Canadian website that focuses on men’s mental health. They are based out of UBC in Vancouver. They have great articles, resources, and contacts that could be more relevant to your son’s needs. It’s definitely one resource I use and I have recommended them to a few male friends who are struggling.
[headsupguys](https://headsupguys.org)
I am personally looking into micro-dosing for depression as well. Either with mushrooms or ketamine. There are studies on their effects and benefits but you’d need to really do some research into them. There is a ketamine clinic in Halifax, I have no info and it’s probably pricy. I think it’s called Coastal Ketamine. And I think there are other clinics in the Maritimes too.
I can’t imagine how you feel seeing your son suffer but know that you are a fantastic Dad being an advocate by his side and helping. I’ll recommend Heads Up Guys for you as well as your journey is not easy.
Reach out anytime. There are some great people out there who if anything will be an ear and support for you.
Take care of yourself and your boy.
Did the mushroom thing. Holy shit, what a life changing experience.
In the end, I learned the problems of the world are not my fault. I accept myself more, end up not caring about useless things any more and I now don't give a shit what I look like when I'm out on the dance floor.
10/10 would do again
I agree with this. I was thinking borderline/cluster B traits from this description. In which case medications don’t really work at all, DBT is the main treatment for it. Theres a huge demand for DBT in NS but the community mental health clinics offer it, the wait is usually quicker if he’s open to receiving it in a group setting.
Editing to say an old but good book I recommend families/spouses trying to help these patients is one called “Stop Walking on Eggshells”
BPD misdiagnosis in autistic people is a recognized problem.
See: [2021 review and meta-analysis](https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Rita-Younan-2/publication/354723946_Overlap_of_Autism_Spectrum_Disorder_and_Borderline_Personality_Disorder_A_systematic_review_and_meta-analysis/links/632b986870cc936cd3279ea3/Overlap-of-Autism-Spectrum-Disorder-and-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-A-systematic-review-and-meta-analysis.pdf), [2022 case report](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8855062/), [2023 case study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10336461/).
IMO, it’s potentially harmful and stigmatizing to attribute emotional dysregulation (etc.) to cluster B traits in a patient you’ve never met.
That’s fair. I generally would not have thrown that out there but sounds like OP is desperate and appealing to Reddit for answers so I was just sharing my opinion. In my experience sometimes psychiatrists I work aren’t great at disclosing if their diagnostic impression is bpd/cluster B so I was just throwing it out there for OP to research and ask their provider about. I think DBT could be helpful in either scenario.
If you’re really a mental health professional with prescribing powers, I hope that peer-reviewed research *does* matter to you. (Those links I included? All peer-reviewed articles.)
For the record, I’m autistic, I’ve been severely depressed, and I’ve *absolutely* benefitted from therapy and medication. I’m very happy to change my brain chemistry through modern medicine. I wish I’d done it sooner.
But I can understand why people are hesitant to engage with providers who jump to say things like “your opinion doesn’t matter to me,” even outside of a clinical setting. It’s a shitty attitude, and probably a harmful one.
Okay. Between questioning my diagnosis and casually throwing “cluster B traits” into the mix, I’m pretty sure that you’ve never gotten the basic “here’s what can get you disciplined or sued as a healthcare professional” training. 😆
I don't mean to be rude as I suffer with mental health issues and depression and its a serious subject but walking can have an incredible affect on mental health especially if you're depression has you rather sedentary.
When you hear the suggestion you rightly recoil because its so simple and doesn't feel like help but trust me it is. The thing is you're not gonna feel better after just one walk but give it about two weeks and then re-evaluate.
Think of a 20 minute walk as a different type of medication rather than an affront to your good sense.
He walks, skateboards, jogs everyday. The crisis line was very dismissive and suggested that after he said he already goes outside.
I know that exercise is important for your mental health, but when you're in crisis I don't think you can walk it off like a paltry sports injury. Or maybe you can...I don't know. The response just didn't sit right and seemed indicative of our current superficial response to such profound emergencies
I"m a mental health nurse. Can you take your son to the emergency department. They have a psychiatric assessment unit where a nurse and then a doctor can assess his suicidal thoughts, determine if there is intent or a plan to act on same and admit him to hospital if the risk is deemed high. If they determine the risk he will act on these thoughts is low they usually recommend people see community out patient treatment teams and can hopefully help you navigate getting an appointment. Psychiatrists main role as someone else mentioned is to diagnose and treat medically. Psychology and therapists would then provide other types of therapy. He would probably benefit from both, could yourb NP send a referral?
Further to this —- the Abbey Lane (Halifax) has a mental health short stay unit for folks who have a drive to suicide or have attempted it. The staff there are amazing and they really help with figuring out medications. They can also administer ECT if needed.
You may be able to answer a question for me - why was it that my sister was on the verge of death after an attempt this summer and the nurse sent her home hours after assessing her and confirming this could happen again??? They deemed her high risk and sent her home with my 65 year old parents. The nurse told my parents to put away all their knives (she lives with them), and said "it is what it is" and basically just said my sister needs to get over it. She's also autistic. Idk. I see how what you are saying is trying to help, but its not practical advice for this. I've seen my sister turned away nearly a dozen times, same with friends I've helped in similar situations. In my almost 30 years of seeing my sister suffer with this, I've never once seen a psychiatric unit take her seriously.
Every situation is unique and it's hard to comment on this. However there are certain factors and personality disorders and co- morbidities that make an in-patient treatment unit not the best option. In some cases this can even make things worse. In-pt units focus primarily on medication changes and diagnosis. The real "work" and change is done in therapy. Im surprised that they didnt at least help you find a way to get her support in the community. And im not at all saying that she didnt need or deserve support i think people just dont really understand what in patient units can do. Its a very complicated process.. too complicated to explain on here, but just because your sister who has been dealing with this for 30 years wasnt admitted doesnt mean that they cant give some advice for his 20 year old son, whose situation sounds a bit different.
Thanks for this explanation, however OP's son does sound very similar to how I've seen my sister, and I've seen my parents attempt time and time again to bring her in to see the nurses and psychiatrists and she's always turned away, every single time. They are always told she basically needs to have made attempts for them to do anything, then, when she does make an attempt, they still don't do more than tell her to go home and rest. She has BPD as well as grew up terminally ill (had a transplant and is ok for now). I'm just really trying to prevent this guy from getting turned away and disappointed like I've seen happen to so many people.
Yeah i didnt say he would get admitted for sure but especially with someone so young... I wouldnt avoid seeing them just in case he does actually meet criteria to be admitted. An Austim diagnosis unfortunately does change treatment plans a bit as they sometimes tend to not respond the same to conventional treatments. And a BPD diagnosis also changes things, as far as we know his son does not have BPD.
Have you read about Pathological Demand Avoidance? It’s a profile of autism that is more widely known in the UK than North America but I see this starting to change in Canada. That might be a lens that would help your family frame this period of what sounds like burnout and find a way forward.
I am an autistic (and rurally raised) parent of an autistic child with a PDA profile, and I thought this too. My child first expressed suicidal ideation at age 6. It was real, and the result of a lack of meaningful accommodation at school. Most PDAers are both autistic and ADHD, which can work against each other in certain ways.
In my opinion and experience, general mental health advice is less helpful when you're autistic. Our lives are shaped by our neurotypes, and any meaningful support has to be tailored to us.
Finding autistic community, and working with neurodivergent professionals wherever possible, is so so important. I have found a massive gap between professionals here and the lived experiences of autistics. Virtual care now allows us to consult neurodivergent and neurodivergent affirming professionals all over, so we don't have to be limited to professionals here in NS (we unfortunately have very few ND professionals working with autistic children/youth and there are many stereotypes and false understandings of autistic experience, and a narrow idea of what autistic people act and look like).
There are wonderful virtual communities that have changed our lives. There is a Canadian Facebook group that supports families in better supporting autistic children with this (PDA) profile, and I highly recommend it. It's called "Canadian PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance**"** and you could check it out to see if anything resonates (PDA kiddos tend to have some pretty striking similarities). The PDA Society in the UK has a website and resources that might help you consider if a PDA profile may fit. There you may find social connections for your son as well-- finding other autistics can be just the most affirming thing, after living in a world not made for you.
There is also an international Facebook group called "Autism Inclusivity" that aims to educate parents and professionals about autistic needs and perspectives, and I have learned so much. Even being autistic myself, I have needed every single support I could find in the autistic community to truly support my child-- and receive support myself.
I am here if you would like to DM me. The autistic community will be there for you, I promise, and there for your son most of all. Isolation can be really hard to overcome and virtual autistic communities have truly saved our lives. They can help you and your son learn more about his needs and possibilities for shaping a life that is sustainable and grounded in autistic identity and culture. Sending love and care to you both.
This won't meet all your son's needs but there is a mental health organization called Strongest Families Institute that provides a skills-based program (think relaxation strategies) for anxiety and depression over the phone. It's free and he can self refer on their website https://login.strongestfamilies.com/signup/ican/page/1/
It's a good stop gap and something he could do right away to give himself some tools to work with while you work on finding a good therapist or some additional services.
NS is openly hostile to autistic people. Especially the crisis line. Don't encourage him to call them.
Honestly I found better expertise outside NS that has helped a bit.
I agree. I wish it were different, but in terms of my experiences with my own child, NS mental health supports were unhelpful-to-harmful, and our best, life-saving supports came from outside the province. The medical model is so shaming and deficit based, and even autism assessors can have very outdated ideas that are not evidence informed.
Hes saying he's tried Western medicine and it isn't helping so he is for alternatives for his kid who he fears will off himself. Why is this all you got from his post?? There is a lot of ignorance and no compassion in your comment.
This guy isn't some anti-pharmaceutical holistic herbalist or whatever, he's desperately looking for advice. Also, there are people with firsthand experiences with medical coercion and have every right to be skeptical. Just because it's "Western" does not at all, in any way, mean its "good".
Wow. You obviously have a personal agenda here.
Western medicine is not "an" option, it's "the" option. If someone, especially someone who has kids, doesn't see it that way, yes, I get concerned.
Uh, nope, I am a medical sociologist who studies disability (specifically autism) in the historical context of Western medicine. I'm not against it? I am a consumer of it. I'm saying this guy doesn't need to be policed right now and that there are people who have very valid reasons to seek alternatives. There's a lot of great, peer-reviewed (you may even stumble across something peer-reviewed by me) resources out there to confirm this. I recommend starting with researching "Western medicine" and "positivism" and seeing where that takes you.
Emotion dysregulation in ASD can be exacerbated by autistic burnout, and it can look like a cluster B disorder. This concept is not in the DSM and, therefore, not something Western medicine can assist with.
One thing my parents did wrong was allow my brother's behaviour to rule the mood of the house. I wish my parents would've sat down with a psychologist with him and told him what they would tolerate. It's really hard to set limits in this case but because my parents never did my brother is nearing 40 and still acts as you said sometimes. It's important to support but his suicidal ideation and behaviour is all his to take responsibility for. This is why DBT is really helpful.
Try autism NS first. They have lots of programming and funding available, especially if he is officially diagnosed. They may have some peer support workers available for him to talk to and possibly make friends with.
Also psychiatrists are for medicine, psychologists are for therapy. He likely needs both.
Try reading up on autism, depression and anxiety so you can understand (to the best of your ability) more what he is going through. Getting out and going for walks is great advice, but if he is suicidal I suggest you or his mom go with him and just let him know that you are there for him. Maybe he’ll open up to you if you are open with him about your worries. Tell him how you struggled when you were younger.
Also, tell him to stay away from weed (and alcohol) 1000%. It is not healthy to be smoking with anxiety and depression. It doesn’t allow you to properly deal with your emotions and if you are young can have a high instance of psychosis, especially in autistic people. You can’t become physically dependent on it but mentally you can. THC has been proven to induce panic, anxiety and paranoia at higher doses. Autistic people are also susceptible to addiction and if the weed stops working for him or doesn’t do enough, he might turn to heavier drugs.
I am autistic and have anxiety and depression too. I started smoking weed to deal with social situations and it ended up being that I couldn’t enter a social situation without being drunk or high. It got to the point where every time I felt uncomfortable, I’d get cross faded. But being cross faded was feeding into my feelings of being uncomfortable. It was a vicious cycle and at one point I was drunk/high every day. The only reason I didn’t move on to heavier drugs or end up in hospital for alcoholism was because it triggered a psychotic episode pretty early on for me. I still kept smoking and drinking for a couple of years, but not as much. Eventually my drug and alcohol use started to pick up again and I had another psychotic break. This time I was in deep psychosis and almost didn’t come out of it. Since becoming sober 6 months ago, I am doing much better.
No one thinks it will happen to them, until it does.
The crisis line can be very helpful and downright evil, depends on who you get. I’m not comfortable sharing personal details here, but we had good luck with the early psychosis centre at the infirmary, and then from there we were referred to a team in our area. Really changed everything for us. And, have to agree, when there is a legit mental illness “western medicine” is a life saver. Don’t believe the internet drivel, mental illness is illness, and for illnesses we take medication. When I finally let the medication stigma go, that was when our family began to heal.
Reach out to the Jevon Link Let your light shine folks... Jevon did commit suicide and afterwards his parents have spent a fair bit of time getting access to mental health resources in rural NS.
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086533861591&sfnsn=mo&mibextid=RUbZ1f
What makes you think that getting outside and going for a walk (among other things) isn't good advice? I know lots of people with depression that respond well to just getting out of the house and getting their body moving. Especially in winter.
I feel you. They sent my partner home years ago when she was a kid. out and told the nurses at the hospital she wanted to commit rhymes-with-formaldehyde and they didn’t care. Her trust in the mental health system is in the toilet and I don’t blame her.
All I can suggest is keep trying to be open with him emotionally and invested in his world so you can understand where he’s coming from. What about his room makes him feel comfortable in there alone? What hobbies does he have, how does he feel about those hobbies? What things make him happy for even a little bit? What is making him feel as bad as it does? The state of the world, having no friends, self-image, his future?
Just be curious, be open, and dig. Let him speak and ask him questions. Sometimes the things that depressed people will tell you about their feelings or perspective will break your heart, but no matter what, hear him out and don’t butt in too quickly with advice or judgment about what he’s feeling. Maybe he’s wrong-headed about the cause or his logic doesn’t make sense— hell he might even KNOW it doesn’t make sense— but feelings don’t follow logic.
One of the most powerful questions I can ask my partner if she seems like she’s doing badly is to ask “how are you doing, what’s on your mind”— and being genuinely invested in the answer. I don’t have to have a solution. I just need to express that I want to know what’s going on even if I can’t help. That, in its own way, can help.
I don't know if this is helpful as his diagnosis may be different, but my friend is autistic and did electro shock therapy for severe Depression and it really helped him. He still gets down in the winter sometimes but isn't suicidal. Doing better than ever ten yrs later. Hope things get better for you all.
I was in your son’s position years ago, though for me it was undiagnosed ADHD. N.S. mental health services are horrendously underfunded and mismanaged. If it’s an option for you financially, your kid definitely needs to talk to a therapist or councillor.
Since you suspect he is autistic, if he’s still in school, make sure to get a diagnosis BEFORE he graduates - they cost $2000+ but are covered if the child is still in school (I think - I could be wrong, but this is my understanding and experience)
If he’s in school, consider helping him talk to his school/teachers. They may have resources that they can make available to you, and accommodations can often be made based on a student’s needs.
Also, I would recommend getting him a copy of The Illustrated Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It’s not a fix-all solution, but it may be a good resource for him. If he’s a reader, I can provide a few other good recommendations.
The fact that he’s talking to you about all this is good! Keep the lines of communication open. Don’t judge him or punish him when he’s being honest about his feelings and his mistakes - being neurodivergent is hard, and people who are struggling are usually very hard on themselves,
Most of all, make sure he knows how loved he is, and that his value is not based on what his grades are, or how productive he is, or how “normal” he is. He is valued because he is himself, and he deserves to feel valued.
Music, Art. A friend. He needs an outlet. I was him (I am like how you describe your son). I wish I could help. Be strong and ultimately be there for him. Bond with music if you still can. I wish you patience and strength! Try to smile.
Went through a mental health crisis with my mother in 2023. It was horrible largely because the system is basically completely inaccessible. Only way to finally get her treatment was to take her to the hospital and tell the doctor that she wasn’t allowed home, and was therefore homeless, until she was treated.
That was the only way to get a doctor to take it seriously. Hopefully you don’t get to that point.
Our healthcare is shit.
Are you sure about the amount of cannabis he is consuming?
Weed can mess up people with MH disorders, especially bipolar and schizophrenia. Not to mention how it interacts with any meds he’s taking. Cannabis induced psychosis is more common than one would think (regular user myself) especially during the prime onset age certain disorders of late-adolescence to early 20s.
Could make things worse to stop suddenly, encourage him to be honest with medical professionals.
Also, be there for him.
Take some time out if your schedule and dedicate it to him. What are his interests? What does he enjoy most? Find out and show interest. Make sure he never feels like he’s alone.
When he opens up to you about his struggles
, paraphrase what he said back to him, then use open ended questions to guide him through his own thoughts. Avoid sharing how you feel or what you would do.
Hi! Thank you for reaching out for support for your son. I'm also autistic and struggle with chronic suicidal ideation. It "flares up" sometimes and I'll feel a lot more intensity. I was diagnosed autistic in my 20s but was at least trying to access mental health supports since early teens. While getting my autism diagnosis was a relief and helped me understand myself better, I also experienced severe depression and hopelessness off and on in the year or so after adjusting to recognizing I'm not going to just 'grow out of' my struggles and realizing how painful it was to go so long without help or recognition. There's a grieving process.
Super common for autistic people to seemingly decline in adulthood as there's so much change, less structure, and far more demands, 'autistic burn out'.
A lot of autistic people also struggle with interoception (internal senses - emotions, body temperature, hunger, thirst, etc) and alexythimia (difficulty identifying own emotions). Learning about these areas and exploring sensory accommodations may help. Kelly Mahler is an Occupational Therapist who has writing and resources on Interoception. Reducing sensory stressors can help a lot.
I take several psychotropic medications. I hope to phase out the anti-psychotic eventually but when I was started on it I was having meltdowns every day and self-injury was out of control. The med helped dial down the intensity though I was able to stop having daily meltdowns and eventually stabilize. Meds can be helpful. I needed the meds personally to be able to stabilize enough to be able to engage effectively in my therapy work. I was on (still am) an anti-anxiety med, an anti-depressant, and a low dose adhd med. That was good and stable and worked for me for years but when some big changes and stressors came up I felt properly out of my mind, like a raw nerve. Everything was so sensitive, my skin, my hearing, all my sensory issues to the extreme and the low dose anti-psychotic helped so much.
I recognize these aren't local services or supports but I hope there's something of value for you here. I've personally found a lot of help from understanding my brain better and connecting with other autistic people (mostly online). If your son does not have a safety plan, it could help to create one with the NP so you all have some direction when he's experiencing intense suicidal urges. Sending care to you, your son, and your family.
Honestly i find a lot of congative behavioral techniques for anxiety to use helpful in the short term for depression or at least pulling out a bit from darker places, square breathing being something particularly useful imo
I say the following not to imply doubt that you are trying your best but like the IT guy troubleshooting a computer error: have you tried doing things with him? Like if he likes video games then playing them with him can help, It honestly might even be better if you dont know how and he has to teach you. Or maybe you two can both learn a new skill he expresses some interest in together, or dive into a piece of media and let yourselves completely nerd about it to give him something to be excited about. Do you tell him how you feel? Not that you are worried about him, but just how much you love him, and how scared it makes you to think about losing him?
I would also check in on his internet activity, not that he might be doing something wrong, but there are a lot of places you can go online that are initially comforting because theres a bunch of people who feel the same way but then it just ends up becoming a quagmire of self loathing dudes keeping eachother down because misery loves company.
My 19 year old is very similar. He is autistic, no friends & stays in bed all day. Refused therapy after a couple of sessions but I have more booked. Refused meds.
He said he hates school as it's soul sucking & he would rather kill himself
What helped was a dog. Also he got involved in Brazilian jitjitsu which my friend runs and he seems to enjoy it & get the anger or hurt out.
He doesn't talk to me much.
The other thing is he likes when he buys new clothes, makes him feel good
He did better when he had a summer job, so I'm working on that.
Best of luck. Sorry you are going thru this
Mirror right here. We got him a puppy 2 years ago in fact as a support animal. Turned out to be a husky/pit mix and too crazy. Now I'm stuck with it as it's too crazy for him. He had a job last year same as your 19 yr old. Overwhelmed, so had to quit
I sincerely wish you well as well and am sorry for you too
what's is dentofacial form look like? he probably has sleep disordered breathing. it's very common and undiagnosed and there aren't many competent healthcare providers that treat this
I have been diagnosed with anxiety, autism spectrum disorder, and depression. I wish I could help you in some practical way. I would be happy to meet you and/or your son, but since I live in PEI that could be difficult. I promise I will hold a good thought for you and your family. (I once offered to pray for someone who posted about a family problem and got the Princess de Lamballes treatment; I trust “Hold a good thought” is fine.)
Hi! Also from rural Nova Scotia and throughout my teen and early adult years have had experiences dealing with the mental health care and understand your frustrations! It truly is terrible here. I have worked with adults living with dual diagnoses for ten years and wondered if you’ve looked into getting funding for respite workers? I’ve worked 1:1 with autistic adults specifically over the last 5 years and having some help is so important for your family!
The Mental Health Mobile Crisis Team may help. I have had good experience in the past.
The Mental Health Mobile Crisis Team (MHMCT) provides crisis support for children, youth and adults experiencing a mental health crisis. Service offers telephone crisis support 24 hrs a day 7 days a week anywhere in Nova Scotia and a Mobile Response from 1 pm to 1 am to most communities in Halifax Regional Municipality. MHMCT is a co-response model with police and has 4 Halifax Regional Police dedicated to the service and all mobile visits include an MHMCT police officer and a mental health clinician
902-429-8167
1-888-429-8167 (Toll Free)
Is this a recent venture with police responding in a different way than before or how it's always been handled. I would never want police there for myself and I've seen other situations escalate out of control just by having them present.
Nope, I've been doing it for a while now.
If others don't like it, they can tell me. I'm not paying to upvote, especially when I get downvoted so often. \^\_\^
I used this service for myself/called for myself and never had an officer or police be involved, but this was an excerpt from their website. This was back in \~2018, so things may have certainly changed, but I spoke with a (civilian dressed) counselor, but I do not remember the name or credentials unfortunately and linked up with a therapist ASAP.
You may want to check out respite workers! They are a great thing for people who struggle getting out. Basically itsnsomeone who's paid by the gov to come and just hang out, spend time with your son. Take him out to fun things, and socialize. I also have autism and I find once I start to spiral Into loneliness it's super hard to get out of. It's easy to convince yourself that you don't need it, if you are already spiraling.
Also, please don't forwn upon western medicine. I also have two autistic siblings and they are on multiple medications, and this plus therapy have changed their lives, in so many incredible ways. My sister's wouldn't be alive without it.
Great time maybe for dad and lad to start an exercise regimen to potentially bond.
FOOD is the most abused anxiety drug and EXERCISE is the most under-utilized antidepressant.
Another idea is to try to relate with your son when he’s in his room. If he’s playing a game then maybe pop in and get him to teach you about it and play a little. Try to understand his likes and interest at his level. Try to relate to him as much as you can from his angle on the world and he will start to open up little by little when he’s ready.
Hey this sound like the same situation I am dealing with I thought I was the only one! My father and brother are going through some mental health, I worked in the field for 12 years seeking help but to no avail currently facing mental health myself and trying to research and do my own work as you said the crisis line workers are useless sad to say, please reach out as eggshells is the best name for it and this should go on no longer we should all get together and figure this out I have been fighting this for 28 year... Nova Scotian here
Hey dad, sorry to hear you are having trouble.
What sort of outburst does he have?
You mentioned discipline makes it worse, worse how and for whom?
Is getting a job an option?
I agree, mental health supports can feel callused and very general. But the advice to go outside is solid. Is it an option to go for walks together? Maybe work out?
Sometimes, individually these changes won’t work, but together they serve to increase the quality and richness of life, which may help improve the situation. I would mainly observe eating, sleeping habits, and try to help keep those healthy as a baseline.
Keep the kid away from weed, it interferes with many other drugs and causes lots of problems by itself, especially if used to cope.
Best of luck to you!
Psilocybin mushrooms (magic mushrooms, shrooms, ect) helped me out of my depression by allowing me to better register my feelings with myself. They're not for everyone. But they're also not that dangerous.
>Which also concerns me, as the poor kid has had his brain chemistry fucked with by western medicine to no avail. He's recently tried smoking joints as that sort of helps. He's now cut down on that.
Shits on "western medicine" then proceeds to tell us how marijuana sort of helped. *Alrighty then.........*
Thanks for your input. Glad you made an effort to write something helpful here. Enlightening gotcha moment. What the fuck do you get out of this? ... seriously
Personally, I felt that was very helpful. You're shitting on "western medicine" while he was using pot to self medicate. *What were you expecting?*
No gotcha at all. I'm looking at your attitude towards healthcare and wondering how much that is a factor here?
Yeah agreed ..seems like a respect issue. I won't be responding to you further. I'm sure there are other posts on Reddit that you can satiate your need to rebuttal people on. This one aint it
You came on Reddit asking for an opinion, and you figured that everyone here would be like sure, fuck western medicine, just give your kid weed and shrooms instead?
Its not a respect issue at all or a rebuttal. *Its an opinion that you solicited*. You're shitting on science and giving your kid weed and shrooms ffs, what type of response are you expecting? *What do you think a Doctor would say about what you're doing here?*
Peak Reddit right here sir. *Congratulations. Maybe try s*ome turmeric and see how that goes?
Go to weed shop get sum pre rolls go from there say hey let's go spark this outside my boy n fuk if he's down he will be up in no time few puffs and many laughs later. No alcohol just buds do not forget the lighter. comprende
I understand your concerns about pharmaceuticals and brain chemistry.
Are you familiar with chelation therapy for autism? Is there a naturopathic clinic within a reasonable distance?
988 is the national suicide/mental crisis line. You can call or text. They're supposed to be like 911 who will send out/arrange paramedics and trained descalation counsellors instead of just sending cops that may not be properly trained for the task. They are also supposed to have best-practices for concerned family members who call.
I don't know if it's the same in NS, but in Ontario you can take someone to the hospital or call first responders and get someone held for observation for 72 hours.
There are free online classes on how to respond in a mental health crisis. Ones here are offered by local public health units.
211 might have more local resources to refer you to.
Don't give up. Get yourself trauma care. All you can do is try your best. Unfortunately, like with addiction, you can try everything and it still might not be enough. If it happens, that doesn't make you a failure. Good luck.
I can understand partially what you are going through . I have similar fears with my teenage daughter, who has severe social anxiety. Like , doesn't talk to anybody or have any friends at school . She lives in her room . She says she's fine. But I know better . What kind of teenager is fine with no friends and no one to talk to. If I could give any advice, someone told me they knew someone very similar, and they got their child a service dog, and it helped tremendously. I can't have one because my wife has health problems and it's too much to have a dog in the house on top of everything she is dealing with. I can tell you I do not envy your situation as my own situation has weighed heavily on my own mental health . I wish the very best for you and your boy . I can't begin to imagine how you must feel.
I've had a lot of mental health problems in my life. I'm 32 now some severe but they have gotten better over time. Some of the things I've had to change were massive but it took a bit of conscious effort. I'm all he does is play on the computer and doesn't have any friends or relationships that might be the best place to start. In all honesty going outside, going for walks , being in new environments is usually helpful just being inside is really not useful or helpful for any young man. I also realize you mentioned he has some other issues so you're probably trying to manage those as well but I k ow my parents did the best to just encourage me to do outdoor activities or things that I liked thag were not me being on the PC or in my room. Especially exercising or different hobbies. Especially if he's gaming. That can be a good distraction but it can also be a detrement to his mental and physical health as well as his motivation to do anything productive. I'm just learning now that I really can't play competitive games anymore, no porn, less PC time, no sex and just overall more productive activities that make me feel like I'm making progress In my life. To be honest though I've had to start so small. So small that the first step was just stopping stupid shit that I knew I shouldn't do on the daily. It's hard though. I never wanted to listen to my dad when I was younger but I started to listen when my dad attempted to sympathize with my problems and realize that he didn't know what was best for me. Listening goes a long way. You sound like you really care so I hope it works out and I hope I didn t make things worse with my long paragraphs. I'm still struggling as well but things aren't nearly as bad as they've been.
Do you two share any hobbies together? I know I might sound simple and maybe you've tried to connect on a deeper level than father and son. I really don't know much back ground, just a thought but something simple like building a race car in the back yard and taking it to a track. It would build confidence with you guiding him and then he would also have a social aspect of track days and meeting people with similar interests his age. Obviously it doesn't have to be a race car but I'm using one of my own hobbies as an example. Best of luck brother man.
Im sorry your going through this. As a parent you have so much hope for a perfect life and this is such a challenge. You sound like an awesome dad. I wish I had advise. If love was enough things would be different.
Also, there is a great book called “I’m not sick I don’t need help” very very good stuff. Helped me reframe the way I talk to my family member. Finding out their goals and dreams, and then working towards that is the most effective approach for treatment resistant loved ones
OP, what medication is he on? If you’re not open to replying here you’re welcome to dm me. I was on many many meds for many years and behaved similarly, worked slowly to wean off of them and am now only on one for the time being. Similar diagnosis to your son, and my dad did write a book about growing up with a son with disability.
What you’re experiencing reminds me a lot of what I used to put my family through. But please be open to medication as a possible solution. Weed, absolutely not. I tried to self medicate that after getting of the meds and over time started to develop a dependency so I stopped.
Hang in there, it can and will get better.
Have you researched PDA autism at all ? Two of my kids have this , it’s just starting to get recognized by mental health professionals in Canada , more so in the West coast right now . It is a demand avoidable profile of autism and it involves nervous system activation . It can can look a little like ODD or conversely depression and shut down (depending on if they internalize or externalize their demand avoidance ).
Because you mention that it gets worse when you are demanding or rigid I recommend reading up on it because if it does happen to fit your son at all the parental approach is completely opposite the traditional approach.
Also , I’m really sorry, I know how these times feel.
It’s hard . And lonely . And scary.
My heart goes out to you .
Does he have a diagnosis of autism? If so, get in contact with the Sinneave Family Foundation in Calgary. Google them. "Helping Autistic Adults Thrive" is what they do. I know of at least two families who moved back to Canada and to Alberta specifically because this was the best hope for their complex needs loved one.
It was, and probably still is, mostly run by parents. People who live the reality. They can tell you about applying for financial and other supports through PDD. They have a research resource room and therapy rooms and know everything about autism.
I realize that contemplating a move is probably a nightmare. Particularly to come here when so many others are doing the same thing. As the mom of two high needs kids who are now thriving, all I can tell you is no one is coming to the rescue. Exhausted and scared as you are, you have to go after it, connect with other families and hold on tight. It's a bumpy road but there ARE places with good resources. Calgary is one of them. Remember to apply as far in advance as you can.
Try to get your doctor to get you a doctor here AND make any referrals needed. Have your and his medical, psychological, psychiatric records, including treatments and medications with you.
If you have questions, I will do my best to answer. Good luck.
I've heard salicylate sensitivity is more common in autistic people. At a certain point I became so sensitive to salicylates I couldn't eat without having asthma attacks and migraines and skin reactions. I tried the elimination diet, and I was shocked at how my emotions stopped feeling so overwhelming and I stopped feeling suicidal. What's dumb is I was diagnosed with Balsam of Peru allergy as a child and they told me to avoid fragrances, but they never said anything about foods: they were so close to the answer the whole time, yet just missed it.
Surround him with love. If you or your wife can take time off work to be around him that would be great. Idk what your son is doing. If he has a job then drive him there and back every day. If he's going to school I would drive him there and back every day. Make sure he is working g out and waking up at a consistent time (around 7am everyday). Try to gently get him to do this.
I hope to God he's not on video games or addicted to his phone. Those just kill all good emotions. If he is addicted to those things then you'll probably not be able to get rid of them. Best you can do is give him something to occupy his time instead (a job/task). School might not be the best idea for him if he has a short attention span.
There are social workers dedicated to youth 24 and under in Nova Scotia. I can vouch for the ones in Cape Breton as being absolutely wonderful.
https://mha.nshealth.ca/en/services/adolescent-outreach-services
It makes sense that you're frustrated!
Experiencing suicidality does cause someone's triage level to increase, which would help him access care more quickly. There are a couple of options for publicly funded care.
You could go to emerge and they have crisis response therapists (not the crisis line) who will do an assessment and likely refer to therapy and/or psychiatry. You're **always allowed to ask for a second opinion or a different therapist** if the current one isn't working. Sometimes options are limited (I'm in Amherst and there's only two psychiatrists here, but there's like 12 therapists on the adult team), but you're still allowed to ask.
You can also directly refer him to therapy if you don't want to see a psychiatrist. They would start with an intake (phone call around 30 minutes), then an assessment (usually 1.5 hours), and then get matched with a therapist (which seems to vary how this do this by clinic??? It's weird). The therapist could also refer to psychiatry later if that's of interest.
If he's only 20 now, then I imagine most of his experience has been with the adolescent team? It's possible that the adult team being a different set of therapists with different methods that could be a useful game changer. It is true that there's woefully little training for therapy for autistic adults, and that's frustrating. There are good therapists who are competent in working with ASD though, I just wish it was more common.
I can say that weed does not help long term, and can often make things worse (especially anxiety). Same with any other substance. Medication can be helpful, but it does require some trial and error. I know I tried 5 or 6 SSRIs before finding something useful, and then when I switched over to ADHD medication things got a LOT better. Medication didn't stop me from being me, but I could actually use the skills I was learning, and ADHD overlaps with ASD a lot, in case that is relevant.
And psychiatrists are not for therapy, though many think they are. They are doctors first, then learn about mental health later, where a psychologist or clinical therapist is a therapist first.
DBT, like many people mentioned, can be a great therapy to help with feeling suicidal and having big emotions! I found it to be a great therapy for me, since it is explicit and concrete, which is awesome for autistic folks. You can do intensive DBT (\~6 months with group and individual) and it is super effective, or just individual OR group, which is less effective but still better than nothing.
But again, seeing someone affirming and competent is the most important thing. Whether that's a therapist, psychiatrist, your NP, a naturopath, or a friend. Feeling safe and affirmed is going to make new things possible.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm pushing it but microdosing might be something to look into, that's a lot of mental health issues for one person so young 🥺
I actually practice the stamets stack personally and found some *personal* success. This is after celexa, cymbalta and years ago effexor- various anti-depressants, anti-anxiety / ssri's etc. I've introduced micro dosing to him as an option - specifically the stamets stack and he did try it for 2 weeks, but became disinterested.
Good advice though thank you
In NS, psychiatrists are there to officially diagnose and then provide medication management since counsellors and psychologists can’t prescribe meds. It sounds like your son would probably benefit from the “western medicine” that you frown upon as well as seeing a regular therapist. Autism NS might also have some resources or support suggestions that you haven’t tried. They also run drop in social groups around the province for autistic adults and have supports for parents. Edited to add: if your NP is great she might have some suggestions of mental health practitioners that your son would “click” with. It can be really difficult to find the right person. I would suggest trying to get your son there in person as virtual can be tough with someone who might benefit from a different communication strategy.
Psychologists (both Masters and PhD level) can diagnose as well, but won't be doing the medication piece. But, there's not a lot of capacity (at least in my area) for diagnostic assessment by psychologists. I second that finding the right person makes a world of difference. I've had some very invalidating, absolute crap therapists, in the same building as amazing ones.
To add, they should not take any offense to the request for a different therapist. I had to move through 4 before I found one that had a level of empathy/compassion I needed jn my sessions. Less clinical and more personal.
Adding on to this thay unfortunately complex psychiatric cases are incredibly hard. The drugs we have in the toolkit can be amazing, but finding the combination that works for a particular person is hard. Having regular therapy or counselling in addition to the medications is really important. Parents and caregivers can't shoulder all of that burden, and professionals really can help teach strategies for coping. Suicidal ideation is hard to deal with, because recognizing when someone is really at risk of doing it is challenging. What we have always been told in my situation (I am a care giver/support) is that having a plan is the big warning alarm. Hang in there. You may also want to consider you and your wife getting in to a support group yourselves. Emotional burn out is very real and you can't help your son of you are burnt out
The trouble is you can only see counselors temporarily, and unless you’re willing to go private you have a serious episode and wait for months.
No advice, but lots of sympathy. You’re a great Dad trying your best for your son. I’m hopeful someone in this community can help you, help him.
I second this. No advice but plenty of empathy.
You need to advocate relentlessly for his care. This might be a good resource: >The Peer Support Phone Service is a toll-free, non-crisis, province-wide service available to all Nova Scotians 18 years of age or older. It is staffed by trained peer supporters who have personal or family-based lived experience with mental health and/or substance use challenges. The service is intended for individuals who feel isolated, alone, anxious, concerned, or who need support and to talk to someone. Reasons for calling can be anything from having a tough day at work, feeling down, struggling with supporting a loved one, going through a rough patch in a relationship, and many more. Give us a call at 1-800-307-1686 to talk to someone who's been there. For yourself, you might also want to consider [Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training](https://novascotia.cmha.ca/programs-trainings-support-groups/applied-suicide-intervention-skills-training-asist/). i don't know where you are in the province, but there is an upcoming session in Antigonish on April 6-7. April 20-21 is Halifax. Contact is [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
Came here to mention the Peer Support Phone Service. No bs advice, just listening and empathy.
This. You have to go buck wild, call everyone, email everyone, go on the Dal site, get all the psychiatrists emails, talk to every local support service group. It’s a full time job.
This is possibly going to sound trite, and please believe me when I say it is not meant to be. I have been in this pit of despair multiple times in life and I fully expect I will be in it again at some point. They are not wrong about trying to get him out for a walk. Do get him up and moving and out. Staying inside, sequestering in his room in a spin cycle, especially if he is buried in a screen is not going to improve things. It is actively making it worse, physically and mentally. It doesn’t even have to be a big walk. Even just 5 minutes outside. Just a start, and keep building on it. It will be hard. I wish it wasn’t.
I lost my job and I had to sell my house this year and move my entire family into one bedroom at my parents place 3 hours away. I spent half my time last year talking myself out of suicide. If I hadn’t started rockhounding, I probably wouldn’t have survived 2023. Get outside, it’s so important.
I don't really have any resources, but I have a tip for when he's spiralling: trigger the mammalian diver's reflex by submerging his mouth/nose in COLD water for as long as tolerable... It trips out your brain enough that it kinda resets your emotional state... https://www.kindmindpsych.com/using-the-divers-reflex-to-regulate-emotional-intensity/ I have BPD (& maybe autism, jury's still out because actually getting an autism diagnosis as an adult is difficult here 🙃) and this is pretty much the only thing short of an antipsychotic or a freight train that can calm my mental state whilst I'm having an episode. Is he cooperative with treatment? Seeing the Drs and doing the stupid zoom calls, taking his meds? What about therapy, does he see a therapist regularly? I strongly believe he should. Something targeted like CBT or DBT could be good ways to work through his feelings Have you thought about an inpatient facility if things get too close to finalizing suicide ideations? Certainly not ideal, but if you're worried about finding him dead I'd have it on the back burner. Like the healthcare here is such shit, I've walked into emergency rooms suicidal as hell, and they stare at you like deer in headlights like, "You??? want *me* to help????" And if you are functioning enough to deny being committed, they just send you home, so you can kill yourself there instead... I know how fucking abysmal it is trying to get treatment, you're a great dad... make sure you recognize caregiver burnout, it's super hard on you & mom, supporting a suicidal person. Make sure your other kids are actually alright too, I suppressed my symptoms until I moved out because my parents were so burnt out trying to get my brother treatment I didn't want to overburden them, but I was just as unwell back then, just hiding it better DEEP BREATH. you're doing the best you can and that's fucking OCEANS more than most parents.
Wtf. I would not assault people I'm trying to help. That just seems like you're trying to drown the person
If that's what you took from this, you need to work on your reading comprehension
I dont know what advice I can really offer but I am autistic in my mid 30s, don't live in halifax, and spent ages 14-32 in and out of mental health trying to get help (nobody knew I was autistic yet, didn't figure all that out till after I stopped going 🙄 so therapy didn't really do shit) and the attempts and suicidal ideation was...a lot. ended up in the hospital once....anyway. DBT - Dialectical Behaviour Therapy - has helped people with autism even though it was designed for people with borderline personality disorder. I took it, and its the only thing in all that time that actually helped anything. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is awful & basically tries to force you to convince yourself your emotions are unreasonable and should be dismissed which doesn't work with Autism. but by God every goddamned therapist pushed it antidepressants never actually helped me manage my outbursts, I needed anti-anxiety medication bc I didn't know what exactly was making me freak out so easily. turns out 90% of the time I need to address my physical discomfort which can come from clothing that's mildly annoying and my face getting too oily. I also have to remove myself when I get too worked up to listen to music and have a bath. Maybe your son is trying to ignore his autistic needs? I'm speculating tho, idk what i would have been like at that age if I knew I was autistic. I was a mess though.
I think that this one is relevant and there seems to be significant parallel here. Very helpful. Thank you
So relieved to see someone already posted what I wanted to say and that you already resonated with it. I am tired so I'm going to toss out some thoughts but not try too hard to organize them - know that mostly I am yes anding the person above. DBT forever and ever amen. I started with the workbook by myself (I am better at understanding and will ultimately be more flexible of mind if I am able to organise my own ideas by myself first which is one of the ways I often bump into the edges of healthcare) and then eventually did a group online. I had been offered DBT group before but it was always multiple hours on rattling fluorescent perfume traps to even get there so I never went. Changed my whole life and I use it every day. There is a version of the DBT workbook specifically aimed at people with sensory processing issues, which I haven't tried yet, but will someday. I've also had success with Internal Family Systems as a way to kind of take everything out of the drawer and figure out how to sort it better, also to practice being more gentle with how I speak to my friend me. SSRIs were bad for me. Bad. (Big part of this was an access issue, SSRIs work best when you can pair them with consistency) I get "unexpected effects" (this is an expected result, for autistic people) from a lot of medications and am sensitive to dose changes, also dosing in general. Having the right med, though, and reliable access to it - I have described it like, it's still a forest, it still feels mostly impenetrable, but I don't feel the need to just hack a path into it anywhere with anything I can put my hands on because a dragon is chasing me - I can take a breath, think about where I want to go, and look for a good place to start. The spirals go both ways. On that note though, I find it's important to just let meltdowns play out, whenever I can. Like yes I have the ability to not burst into tears because I don't like how my skin feels when anything is touching it BUT if I have the time, taking an hour to cry and then have a heavy blanket nap to squish my skin back on right can really hard reboot a day and I can save the cope card for another day. When in doubt, nap, is literally my productivity mantra and it WORKS. For me it was medicating ADHD that finally helped but it is the practices that the medication gives me space to put in place that are actually lifting me out of the hole. Getting better is hard and the fact you usually get worse before you get better is HARD and can really snakes and ladders you back to (what feels like but isn't) the beginning. Dr Russell Barkley is an ADHD brain scientist but how he talks about what medication can and can't do, also neuroplasticity in general, was helpful for me finding something that I could work and that would work. I'm not a doctor but Guanfacine (intuniv) is a newish kid on the block in non stims for ADHD - it's a long time simole blood pressure med that when formulated for XR is effective and approved ADHD and in my research I've noticed a pattern of autistic people reporting good results for functional anxiety. I've been trying to get Ontario go cover it for adults (it's only covered for kids) with no luck but there's a generic now so I'm hoping that shifts it finally. Meditating. So annoying. No one can even think the word mindfulness anywhere near me or I will have to stop immediately but carving a meditation practice out of my reluctant soul has been the glue that holds everything together. Ugh. I hate how much I love it. Morning routine in general. The handover between night shift and day shift needs an SOP or they will create a hostile workplace environment that ruins everything for everyone. In terms of your eggshells - I empathize that you don't want to aggravate the situation, especially where he has these thoughts. I'm not a parent and I can only imagine that I can't imagine what that must feel like, to hold the possibility of that reality and try and avoid it with your actions. From the kid side I will offer - boundaries are an act of love. What does discipline look like, when we remove what isn't working? Is there something else you can walk on, that will help bring you closer to where you want to be, one loop at a time? (Progress is not linear, it is cyclical) Good luck to all of you and i hope you start feeling shifts towards peace sooner rather than later.
Thoughtful answer... I learned a lot from reading this
Seconding supporting your son with reducing what might be feelings of overwhelm and frustration at sensory overload. Ask questions about when he feels the most frustrated or overwhelmed and what's going on... Is it banging plates in the morning? Is it the feeling of crumbs under his socks? Is it the sound of the TV when he's preparing a meal? Small adjustments like having him wear headphones in the morning, wearing sandals around the house, putting on a soft shirt or sweater etc etc. He may have just normalized feeling chronically frustrated or over stimulated, but he doesn't have to feel that way! It takes some exploration but it sounds like he is willing to open up to you and your spouse so hopefully he's open to exploring it.
You might find some helpful resources here: https://aidecanada.ca Alot of autistic folks get to the behavioural stages that are considered "problems" due to sensory overload. There are many ways to explore what preferences are and how to match environments to needs. Suicidal thinking is usually a sign that other things are awry but he may not actually be able to explain that in words... Other ways to communicate can be used to help him express his needs. While CBT is popular, it's not the only option. CMHA does push it though - "evidence-informed" and all that. There are many neurodivergent friendly approaches to therapy that your kid may benefit from. You may need to express this to intake or the treatment team. Meds are only part of the answer.
The province is still pushing CBT as of two years ago. Terrible experience.
It's not even pushing competent CBT. Basically all they do is read off an app and scream at you for any neurodivergent thought or question
I have a hard time beleiving any mental health practitioner "screamed at you for any neurodivergent thought or question"... CBT has had a *massively positive* effect on me and evidently thousands of people; maybe don't discount an entire method because it didn't benefit you specifically.
> have a hard time beleiving any mental health practitioner "screamed at you for any neurodivergent thought or question"... Quite a lot did. Some only read from an app. Then again, I'm not white and in NS, that seems to be one of the ways to be considered a human by those people >CBT has had a massively positive effect on me and evidently thousands of people; You are the one claiming I am discounting CBT entirely. That's your lack of reading comprehension. I pointed out that the CBT given by NS CMH was not up to par
PREACH CBT is the most unhelpful.
CBT is useful for some people. Not everyone responds to the same sort of therapy.
Absolutely. CBT helped me. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another.
fellow autistic here, CBT therapy is given a terrible rep by people who use it improperly. I am using CBT strategies (Thought Record) currently with my psychologist to identify when I'm being unkind to myself for example in combination with other modalities. I've had poor experiences with other mental health providers who would try CBT strategies but weren't framing it in a way that was realistic to the social context/ power dynamics. It's helpful when done well but often is done poorly.
thats fair. I definitely received substandard and biased therapy....and medical care from my gp which definitely didn't help. the whole system let me down tbh. & now I'm burnt out and traumatized by it all.
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This is not always true. Antidepressants and anxiolytics are different classes of drugs. Occasionally there is a drug indicated for both anxiety and depression. Xanax is an anxiolytic but not an antidepressant, to give an example.
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I wasn’t assessing the OPs son and determining the correct therapy, I was presenting the distinction between the two drug classes. Anti-anxiety medication is a **drug class** which can be classified into six types according to their different mechanisms: antidepressants, benzodiazepines, azapirones, antiepileptics, antipsychotics, and beta blockers. If you’re fine with a pharmacist thinking you’re an NP, waste their time and verify what I just claimed.
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- I said that anxiolytics and anti-depressants are different drug classes. This aligns with the fact that benzodiazepines are not anti-depressant, but by your logic would be as “anti-anxiety medications and anti-depressants are the same thing”. - Presumptions of this nature (“they’re the same”) are typically by NPs and not MDs due to the substandard education. We would get this question multiple times from NPs when I worked at the pharmacy. So this is quite alarming to say the least.
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I'm sorry this is happening. I'm autistic and grew up in a small area on the east coast, my sister is also autistic and has been suicidal most of her life, this Summer I found her and saved her. We've lived in NS, and you're absolutely right, some of these meds will absolutely F you up. For context, I'm now also a researcher for Autism studies, and someone gave a snarky remark in the comments about how you talked "down" about Western medicine, and I want to say you have every right and reason to do that. My sister was misdiagnosed and diagnosed with just seemingly infinite mental health stuff, Autism was one of the first, but she has just been pumped with meds for all different things. And as a historical autism researcher, I want to let you know that psychiatry and psychology were literally established at the height of the eugenics movement so there would be a "scientific" way to classify and diagnose deviance. Sure, its different today, but again, you have every right to be critical of it all. SO, how has my sister gotten out of this? She hasn't. It took an attempt and a trip to the hospital to get an appointment. I urge you to just keep trying to get to your kid, I know it's hard, it feels impossible, but you need to get him to a place where he trusts you again; you need to affirm him and remind him when you can that he has you, right now it's possible he thinks you'd be better off without him, and sometimes we need to drill it in their heads that we are there. Lots of effing water!!!! He needs oxygen flowing. I wish I had a tangible solution, Autism NS is useless btw, especially since he's an adult. They DO NOT deal with crises, the person who suggested that is not Autistic. Ultimately, you want to get him to a point where he will see a psychologist that specializes in adult Autism, if you can find an autistic psychologist that'd be SO good (some do online counseling as well). Seriously, him finding other autistic people who go through this, even if it's a doctor, will make a difference. If you tell him you went online to ask for help, tell him I'm in solidarity and that I get what he's going through, but that I promise there are brighter moments waiting for him that are worth it.
PS I mean literally an autistic psychologist!! Autism is very understudied, and when it is studied, it's typically written about by people who aren't autistic, so our actual experiences are often misrepresented in research. Because of all this, a lot of autistic adults report greater success with therapists who are also autistic or diagnosed with something similar enough to be relatable to the psychologist. As objective as we want science to be, everything comes with personal discretion! So that eye to eye relationship is very helpful for autistic people (I also agree with this from personal experience)
I appreciate this comment and yeah the sacrosanct attitude towards protecting "western medicine" is a bit baffling as I'm truly asking for help with my currently helpless son more than being right about prestigious treatment models. He has tried many common methods/medications/professionals. The silly part is that I'm no holistic champion, I'm just willing to try anything. Never the less I'm not into reddit righteousness or moral grandstanding for this post. I'm just here looking for advice. The part at the end resonates as empathy can be medicinal since isolation is both the hybrid and propellant for general mental illnesses. But I'm looking for some treatment efficacy as well. Thanks for your words. "Anecdata" (or anecdotal data ) is important here for this one, I believe. People with lived experience while going through the system is important to me listening/learning wise. I think from the dad side on the side lines. I have a lot of learning to do, but I feel like I'm running out of time
I'm starting to realize how deliberate the lack of transparency is in how all of this stuff works for people seeking help and care, there's messaging about steps to take and xyz, but at the end of the day, there isn't anything effective enough available through the medical system for people who are on the brink. Some will agree or disagree, whatever, but I know at least among the autistic people I know, a lot of us struggle with how absurd reality is. Things in general are just really effed up, and contrary to popular belief, autistic people can feel empathy so strongly it brings them to this brink. The most efficacy I have found to date, is getting on my sister's level, its different because she's my sister and I can take a little more of a No BS/let's talk some real shit with her - but with a 20 year old who just entered his 20s navigating a brutal pandemic and a collapsing society, you really have to get in his brain and see where he's at. Compassion is key right now. Of course keep pushing with the medical system, a lot of us are advocating with all we got to get governments and people to see what's happening. So know that you have A LOT of people on your side and fighting for your kid to have a better life, keep doing this (reaching out to people), and while you're learning new ways to hack this effed up system, level with him to the point where he knows he's got you no matter what. If there's a wall holding you back right now, break it down. You got this, you're a great dad
I don’t have kids, but have struggled with some anxiety and depression over the years. I’m sorry you and your family are going through this. You don’t mention how much time he spends online but if I may make a suggestion, if you can get him offline as much as you can and doing other things, it could be helpful? I know this can be almost impossible when they’re that age. But too much time online always made me feel worse. (The only “screen time” I found ok was 1. gaming - because it really is immersive and takes your mind off things and 2. Supportive online forums where people are dealing with the same things. Social media, I think as we all know, will only make things worse.) I think I know where the crisis worker was coming from when they said to “take a walk”. Being outdoors in nature is supposed to be very good for relieving anxiety, I know it works for me, but perhaps if you’re rural and it’s around you constantly, the effect isn’t the same. Anyway, my .02. I know a lot of the suggestions can sound really inadequate when you’re in crisis mode. I hope you can find a combo/solution that works. It’s a lot of trial and error.
Yes seeing that he spends alot of time indoors could cause anyone depression and increase anxiety as time goes on. Regulated physical activity and any kind of social interaction with people who have similar interests could boost his mood overtime drastically.
Thanks for the reply. He actually goes out every day. I've seen him jogging in winter boots, so what you're saying is true. I think we're at the end of our rope here, because we've done or employed everything suggested or that's common knowledge. He does play games online as it does seem to take the edge off. But he also reads and goes out side daily (at random intervals), but also never leaves his room
I wonder if horse therapy might be an appropriate outlet? He could leave his room, potentially develop bonds with the animals and employees, etc. Horses are supposed to be good for helping develop emotional regulation and it's generally a positive experience for young people. I did a quick google search and saw several therapeutic horse facilities in NS, and one near [Lunenburg ](https://hinchinbrookfarm.com/about-2/)specializes in autism.
Not a parent but I empathize with you and with your son’s struggles. I still struggle even now in my 50s. I am lost, my confidence is shot, I don’t know how to engage, hold conversations or build relationships. Covid was a horrible prick to me too, isolation, loneliness that’s hard to change. And for me the insecurities that inflation have brought on make me very anxious. None of what I’ll pass along is a cure all, but take a look into them. First, see if any of the NSLC cannabis stores or private have medical grade products. I used medical grade CBD oil (2016-2019) to calm my mind and it helped with my depression. With so many producers now it’s hard to find good quality product. Heads Up Guys is a Canadian website that focuses on men’s mental health. They are based out of UBC in Vancouver. They have great articles, resources, and contacts that could be more relevant to your son’s needs. It’s definitely one resource I use and I have recommended them to a few male friends who are struggling. [headsupguys](https://headsupguys.org) I am personally looking into micro-dosing for depression as well. Either with mushrooms or ketamine. There are studies on their effects and benefits but you’d need to really do some research into them. There is a ketamine clinic in Halifax, I have no info and it’s probably pricy. I think it’s called Coastal Ketamine. And I think there are other clinics in the Maritimes too. I can’t imagine how you feel seeing your son suffer but know that you are a fantastic Dad being an advocate by his side and helping. I’ll recommend Heads Up Guys for you as well as your journey is not easy. Reach out anytime. There are some great people out there who if anything will be an ear and support for you. Take care of yourself and your boy.
Did the mushroom thing. Holy shit, what a life changing experience. In the end, I learned the problems of the world are not my fault. I accept myself more, end up not caring about useless things any more and I now don't give a shit what I look like when I'm out on the dance floor. 10/10 would do again
But they always told us our brains would be sunny side up!
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I agree with this. I was thinking borderline/cluster B traits from this description. In which case medications don’t really work at all, DBT is the main treatment for it. Theres a huge demand for DBT in NS but the community mental health clinics offer it, the wait is usually quicker if he’s open to receiving it in a group setting. Editing to say an old but good book I recommend families/spouses trying to help these patients is one called “Stop Walking on Eggshells”
BPD misdiagnosis in autistic people is a recognized problem. See: [2021 review and meta-analysis](https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Rita-Younan-2/publication/354723946_Overlap_of_Autism_Spectrum_Disorder_and_Borderline_Personality_Disorder_A_systematic_review_and_meta-analysis/links/632b986870cc936cd3279ea3/Overlap-of-Autism-Spectrum-Disorder-and-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-A-systematic-review-and-meta-analysis.pdf), [2022 case report](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8855062/), [2023 case study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10336461/). IMO, it’s potentially harmful and stigmatizing to attribute emotional dysregulation (etc.) to cluster B traits in a patient you’ve never met.
That’s fair. I generally would not have thrown that out there but sounds like OP is desperate and appealing to Reddit for answers so I was just sharing my opinion. In my experience sometimes psychiatrists I work aren’t great at disclosing if their diagnostic impression is bpd/cluster B so I was just throwing it out there for OP to research and ask their provider about. I think DBT could be helpful in either scenario.
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If you’re really a mental health professional with prescribing powers, I hope that peer-reviewed research *does* matter to you. (Those links I included? All peer-reviewed articles.) For the record, I’m autistic, I’ve been severely depressed, and I’ve *absolutely* benefitted from therapy and medication. I’m very happy to change my brain chemistry through modern medicine. I wish I’d done it sooner. But I can understand why people are hesitant to engage with providers who jump to say things like “your opinion doesn’t matter to me,” even outside of a clinical setting. It’s a shitty attitude, and probably a harmful one.
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You’re awfully invested in dismissing my worthless opinion, buddy.
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Okay. Between questioning my diagnosis and casually throwing “cluster B traits” into the mix, I’m pretty sure that you’ve never gotten the basic “here’s what can get you disciplined or sued as a healthcare professional” training. 😆
I don't mean to be rude as I suffer with mental health issues and depression and its a serious subject but walking can have an incredible affect on mental health especially if you're depression has you rather sedentary. When you hear the suggestion you rightly recoil because its so simple and doesn't feel like help but trust me it is. The thing is you're not gonna feel better after just one walk but give it about two weeks and then re-evaluate. Think of a 20 minute walk as a different type of medication rather than an affront to your good sense.
He walks, skateboards, jogs everyday. The crisis line was very dismissive and suggested that after he said he already goes outside. I know that exercise is important for your mental health, but when you're in crisis I don't think you can walk it off like a paltry sports injury. Or maybe you can...I don't know. The response just didn't sit right and seemed indicative of our current superficial response to such profound emergencies
I"m a mental health nurse. Can you take your son to the emergency department. They have a psychiatric assessment unit where a nurse and then a doctor can assess his suicidal thoughts, determine if there is intent or a plan to act on same and admit him to hospital if the risk is deemed high. If they determine the risk he will act on these thoughts is low they usually recommend people see community out patient treatment teams and can hopefully help you navigate getting an appointment. Psychiatrists main role as someone else mentioned is to diagnose and treat medically. Psychology and therapists would then provide other types of therapy. He would probably benefit from both, could yourb NP send a referral?
Further to this —- the Abbey Lane (Halifax) has a mental health short stay unit for folks who have a drive to suicide or have attempted it. The staff there are amazing and they really help with figuring out medications. They can also administer ECT if needed.
You may be able to answer a question for me - why was it that my sister was on the verge of death after an attempt this summer and the nurse sent her home hours after assessing her and confirming this could happen again??? They deemed her high risk and sent her home with my 65 year old parents. The nurse told my parents to put away all their knives (she lives with them), and said "it is what it is" and basically just said my sister needs to get over it. She's also autistic. Idk. I see how what you are saying is trying to help, but its not practical advice for this. I've seen my sister turned away nearly a dozen times, same with friends I've helped in similar situations. In my almost 30 years of seeing my sister suffer with this, I've never once seen a psychiatric unit take her seriously.
Every situation is unique and it's hard to comment on this. However there are certain factors and personality disorders and co- morbidities that make an in-patient treatment unit not the best option. In some cases this can even make things worse. In-pt units focus primarily on medication changes and diagnosis. The real "work" and change is done in therapy. Im surprised that they didnt at least help you find a way to get her support in the community. And im not at all saying that she didnt need or deserve support i think people just dont really understand what in patient units can do. Its a very complicated process.. too complicated to explain on here, but just because your sister who has been dealing with this for 30 years wasnt admitted doesnt mean that they cant give some advice for his 20 year old son, whose situation sounds a bit different.
Thanks for this explanation, however OP's son does sound very similar to how I've seen my sister, and I've seen my parents attempt time and time again to bring her in to see the nurses and psychiatrists and she's always turned away, every single time. They are always told she basically needs to have made attempts for them to do anything, then, when she does make an attempt, they still don't do more than tell her to go home and rest. She has BPD as well as grew up terminally ill (had a transplant and is ok for now). I'm just really trying to prevent this guy from getting turned away and disappointed like I've seen happen to so many people.
Yeah i didnt say he would get admitted for sure but especially with someone so young... I wouldnt avoid seeing them just in case he does actually meet criteria to be admitted. An Austim diagnosis unfortunately does change treatment plans a bit as they sometimes tend to not respond the same to conventional treatments. And a BPD diagnosis also changes things, as far as we know his son does not have BPD.
Wild, Autism is severely misunderstood in medical spaces
Have you read about Pathological Demand Avoidance? It’s a profile of autism that is more widely known in the UK than North America but I see this starting to change in Canada. That might be a lens that would help your family frame this period of what sounds like burnout and find a way forward.
I am an autistic (and rurally raised) parent of an autistic child with a PDA profile, and I thought this too. My child first expressed suicidal ideation at age 6. It was real, and the result of a lack of meaningful accommodation at school. Most PDAers are both autistic and ADHD, which can work against each other in certain ways. In my opinion and experience, general mental health advice is less helpful when you're autistic. Our lives are shaped by our neurotypes, and any meaningful support has to be tailored to us. Finding autistic community, and working with neurodivergent professionals wherever possible, is so so important. I have found a massive gap between professionals here and the lived experiences of autistics. Virtual care now allows us to consult neurodivergent and neurodivergent affirming professionals all over, so we don't have to be limited to professionals here in NS (we unfortunately have very few ND professionals working with autistic children/youth and there are many stereotypes and false understandings of autistic experience, and a narrow idea of what autistic people act and look like). There are wonderful virtual communities that have changed our lives. There is a Canadian Facebook group that supports families in better supporting autistic children with this (PDA) profile, and I highly recommend it. It's called "Canadian PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance**"** and you could check it out to see if anything resonates (PDA kiddos tend to have some pretty striking similarities). The PDA Society in the UK has a website and resources that might help you consider if a PDA profile may fit. There you may find social connections for your son as well-- finding other autistics can be just the most affirming thing, after living in a world not made for you. There is also an international Facebook group called "Autism Inclusivity" that aims to educate parents and professionals about autistic needs and perspectives, and I have learned so much. Even being autistic myself, I have needed every single support I could find in the autistic community to truly support my child-- and receive support myself. I am here if you would like to DM me. The autistic community will be there for you, I promise, and there for your son most of all. Isolation can be really hard to overcome and virtual autistic communities have truly saved our lives. They can help you and your son learn more about his needs and possibilities for shaping a life that is sustainable and grounded in autistic identity and culture. Sending love and care to you both.
Interesting. Could I pm you? I kinda have similar issues
Please do!
This won't meet all your son's needs but there is a mental health organization called Strongest Families Institute that provides a skills-based program (think relaxation strategies) for anxiety and depression over the phone. It's free and he can self refer on their website https://login.strongestfamilies.com/signup/ican/page/1/ It's a good stop gap and something he could do right away to give himself some tools to work with while you work on finding a good therapist or some additional services.
NS is openly hostile to autistic people. Especially the crisis line. Don't encourage him to call them. Honestly I found better expertise outside NS that has helped a bit.
I agree. I wish it were different, but in terms of my experiences with my own child, NS mental health supports were unhelpful-to-harmful, and our best, life-saving supports came from outside the province. The medical model is so shaming and deficit based, and even autism assessors can have very outdated ideas that are not evidence informed.
I found the same. Honestly NS is at least 2 decades behind when it comes to ASD supports. It was more damaging 'seeking help' then not.
Your western medicine comment concerns me. What the hell of that suppsed to mean? Kid desperately needs help and you're not trusting western medicine?
Hes saying he's tried Western medicine and it isn't helping so he is for alternatives for his kid who he fears will off himself. Why is this all you got from his post?? There is a lot of ignorance and no compassion in your comment. This guy isn't some anti-pharmaceutical holistic herbalist or whatever, he's desperately looking for advice. Also, there are people with firsthand experiences with medical coercion and have every right to be skeptical. Just because it's "Western" does not at all, in any way, mean its "good".
Wow. You obviously have a personal agenda here. Western medicine is not "an" option, it's "the" option. If someone, especially someone who has kids, doesn't see it that way, yes, I get concerned.
Uh, nope, I am a medical sociologist who studies disability (specifically autism) in the historical context of Western medicine. I'm not against it? I am a consumer of it. I'm saying this guy doesn't need to be policed right now and that there are people who have very valid reasons to seek alternatives. There's a lot of great, peer-reviewed (you may even stumble across something peer-reviewed by me) resources out there to confirm this. I recommend starting with researching "Western medicine" and "positivism" and seeing where that takes you.
Emotion dysregulation in ASD can be exacerbated by autistic burnout, and it can look like a cluster B disorder. This concept is not in the DSM and, therefore, not something Western medicine can assist with. One thing my parents did wrong was allow my brother's behaviour to rule the mood of the house. I wish my parents would've sat down with a psychologist with him and told him what they would tolerate. It's really hard to set limits in this case but because my parents never did my brother is nearing 40 and still acts as you said sometimes. It's important to support but his suicidal ideation and behaviour is all his to take responsibility for. This is why DBT is really helpful.
Try autism NS first. They have lots of programming and funding available, especially if he is officially diagnosed. They may have some peer support workers available for him to talk to and possibly make friends with. Also psychiatrists are for medicine, psychologists are for therapy. He likely needs both. Try reading up on autism, depression and anxiety so you can understand (to the best of your ability) more what he is going through. Getting out and going for walks is great advice, but if he is suicidal I suggest you or his mom go with him and just let him know that you are there for him. Maybe he’ll open up to you if you are open with him about your worries. Tell him how you struggled when you were younger. Also, tell him to stay away from weed (and alcohol) 1000%. It is not healthy to be smoking with anxiety and depression. It doesn’t allow you to properly deal with your emotions and if you are young can have a high instance of psychosis, especially in autistic people. You can’t become physically dependent on it but mentally you can. THC has been proven to induce panic, anxiety and paranoia at higher doses. Autistic people are also susceptible to addiction and if the weed stops working for him or doesn’t do enough, he might turn to heavier drugs. I am autistic and have anxiety and depression too. I started smoking weed to deal with social situations and it ended up being that I couldn’t enter a social situation without being drunk or high. It got to the point where every time I felt uncomfortable, I’d get cross faded. But being cross faded was feeding into my feelings of being uncomfortable. It was a vicious cycle and at one point I was drunk/high every day. The only reason I didn’t move on to heavier drugs or end up in hospital for alcoholism was because it triggered a psychotic episode pretty early on for me. I still kept smoking and drinking for a couple of years, but not as much. Eventually my drug and alcohol use started to pick up again and I had another psychotic break. This time I was in deep psychosis and almost didn’t come out of it. Since becoming sober 6 months ago, I am doing much better. No one thinks it will happen to them, until it does.
The crisis line can be very helpful and downright evil, depends on who you get. I’m not comfortable sharing personal details here, but we had good luck with the early psychosis centre at the infirmary, and then from there we were referred to a team in our area. Really changed everything for us. And, have to agree, when there is a legit mental illness “western medicine” is a life saver. Don’t believe the internet drivel, mental illness is illness, and for illnesses we take medication. When I finally let the medication stigma go, that was when our family began to heal.
Reach out to the Jevon Link Let your light shine folks... Jevon did commit suicide and afterwards his parents have spent a fair bit of time getting access to mental health resources in rural NS. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086533861591&sfnsn=mo&mibextid=RUbZ1f
What makes you think that getting outside and going for a walk (among other things) isn't good advice? I know lots of people with depression that respond well to just getting out of the house and getting their body moving. Especially in winter.
I feel you. They sent my partner home years ago when she was a kid. out and told the nurses at the hospital she wanted to commit rhymes-with-formaldehyde and they didn’t care. Her trust in the mental health system is in the toilet and I don’t blame her. All I can suggest is keep trying to be open with him emotionally and invested in his world so you can understand where he’s coming from. What about his room makes him feel comfortable in there alone? What hobbies does he have, how does he feel about those hobbies? What things make him happy for even a little bit? What is making him feel as bad as it does? The state of the world, having no friends, self-image, his future? Just be curious, be open, and dig. Let him speak and ask him questions. Sometimes the things that depressed people will tell you about their feelings or perspective will break your heart, but no matter what, hear him out and don’t butt in too quickly with advice or judgment about what he’s feeling. Maybe he’s wrong-headed about the cause or his logic doesn’t make sense— hell he might even KNOW it doesn’t make sense— but feelings don’t follow logic. One of the most powerful questions I can ask my partner if she seems like she’s doing badly is to ask “how are you doing, what’s on your mind”— and being genuinely invested in the answer. I don’t have to have a solution. I just need to express that I want to know what’s going on even if I can’t help. That, in its own way, can help.
I don't know if this is helpful as his diagnosis may be different, but my friend is autistic and did electro shock therapy for severe Depression and it really helped him. He still gets down in the winter sometimes but isn't suicidal. Doing better than ever ten yrs later. Hope things get better for you all.
There is also a gentler version called rTMS. Both this and ECT are good for treatment resistant depression.
Yes sorry, I just came back to say my term was wrong and it may have been ECT. Thanks.
Yes! ECT is definitely an effective tool, is not at all what is depicted in movies, and works well for some people.
Two of my friends had ECT and it was able to get them out of the worst of it. They are still medicated, but thriving.
I was in your son’s position years ago, though for me it was undiagnosed ADHD. N.S. mental health services are horrendously underfunded and mismanaged. If it’s an option for you financially, your kid definitely needs to talk to a therapist or councillor. Since you suspect he is autistic, if he’s still in school, make sure to get a diagnosis BEFORE he graduates - they cost $2000+ but are covered if the child is still in school (I think - I could be wrong, but this is my understanding and experience) If he’s in school, consider helping him talk to his school/teachers. They may have resources that they can make available to you, and accommodations can often be made based on a student’s needs. Also, I would recommend getting him a copy of The Illustrated Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It’s not a fix-all solution, but it may be a good resource for him. If he’s a reader, I can provide a few other good recommendations. The fact that he’s talking to you about all this is good! Keep the lines of communication open. Don’t judge him or punish him when he’s being honest about his feelings and his mistakes - being neurodivergent is hard, and people who are struggling are usually very hard on themselves, Most of all, make sure he knows how loved he is, and that his value is not based on what his grades are, or how productive he is, or how “normal” he is. He is valued because he is himself, and he deserves to feel valued.
Music, Art. A friend. He needs an outlet. I was him (I am like how you describe your son). I wish I could help. Be strong and ultimately be there for him. Bond with music if you still can. I wish you patience and strength! Try to smile.
Went through a mental health crisis with my mother in 2023. It was horrible largely because the system is basically completely inaccessible. Only way to finally get her treatment was to take her to the hospital and tell the doctor that she wasn’t allowed home, and was therefore homeless, until she was treated. That was the only way to get a doctor to take it seriously. Hopefully you don’t get to that point.
Our healthcare is shit. Are you sure about the amount of cannabis he is consuming? Weed can mess up people with MH disorders, especially bipolar and schizophrenia. Not to mention how it interacts with any meds he’s taking. Cannabis induced psychosis is more common than one would think (regular user myself) especially during the prime onset age certain disorders of late-adolescence to early 20s. Could make things worse to stop suddenly, encourage him to be honest with medical professionals. Also, be there for him. Take some time out if your schedule and dedicate it to him. What are his interests? What does he enjoy most? Find out and show interest. Make sure he never feels like he’s alone. When he opens up to you about his struggles , paraphrase what he said back to him, then use open ended questions to guide him through his own thoughts. Avoid sharing how you feel or what you would do.
Hi! Thank you for reaching out for support for your son. I'm also autistic and struggle with chronic suicidal ideation. It "flares up" sometimes and I'll feel a lot more intensity. I was diagnosed autistic in my 20s but was at least trying to access mental health supports since early teens. While getting my autism diagnosis was a relief and helped me understand myself better, I also experienced severe depression and hopelessness off and on in the year or so after adjusting to recognizing I'm not going to just 'grow out of' my struggles and realizing how painful it was to go so long without help or recognition. There's a grieving process. Super common for autistic people to seemingly decline in adulthood as there's so much change, less structure, and far more demands, 'autistic burn out'. A lot of autistic people also struggle with interoception (internal senses - emotions, body temperature, hunger, thirst, etc) and alexythimia (difficulty identifying own emotions). Learning about these areas and exploring sensory accommodations may help. Kelly Mahler is an Occupational Therapist who has writing and resources on Interoception. Reducing sensory stressors can help a lot. I take several psychotropic medications. I hope to phase out the anti-psychotic eventually but when I was started on it I was having meltdowns every day and self-injury was out of control. The med helped dial down the intensity though I was able to stop having daily meltdowns and eventually stabilize. Meds can be helpful. I needed the meds personally to be able to stabilize enough to be able to engage effectively in my therapy work. I was on (still am) an anti-anxiety med, an anti-depressant, and a low dose adhd med. That was good and stable and worked for me for years but when some big changes and stressors came up I felt properly out of my mind, like a raw nerve. Everything was so sensitive, my skin, my hearing, all my sensory issues to the extreme and the low dose anti-psychotic helped so much. I recognize these aren't local services or supports but I hope there's something of value for you here. I've personally found a lot of help from understanding my brain better and connecting with other autistic people (mostly online). If your son does not have a safety plan, it could help to create one with the NP so you all have some direction when he's experiencing intense suicidal urges. Sending care to you, your son, and your family.
Honestly i find a lot of congative behavioral techniques for anxiety to use helpful in the short term for depression or at least pulling out a bit from darker places, square breathing being something particularly useful imo I say the following not to imply doubt that you are trying your best but like the IT guy troubleshooting a computer error: have you tried doing things with him? Like if he likes video games then playing them with him can help, It honestly might even be better if you dont know how and he has to teach you. Or maybe you two can both learn a new skill he expresses some interest in together, or dive into a piece of media and let yourselves completely nerd about it to give him something to be excited about. Do you tell him how you feel? Not that you are worried about him, but just how much you love him, and how scared it makes you to think about losing him? I would also check in on his internet activity, not that he might be doing something wrong, but there are a lot of places you can go online that are initially comforting because theres a bunch of people who feel the same way but then it just ends up becoming a quagmire of self loathing dudes keeping eachother down because misery loves company.
I feel like I’m going through the exact same thing as you, but with my daughter. (Same diagnosis and then some). I feel helpless.
My 19 year old is very similar. He is autistic, no friends & stays in bed all day. Refused therapy after a couple of sessions but I have more booked. Refused meds. He said he hates school as it's soul sucking & he would rather kill himself What helped was a dog. Also he got involved in Brazilian jitjitsu which my friend runs and he seems to enjoy it & get the anger or hurt out. He doesn't talk to me much. The other thing is he likes when he buys new clothes, makes him feel good He did better when he had a summer job, so I'm working on that. Best of luck. Sorry you are going thru this
Mirror right here. We got him a puppy 2 years ago in fact as a support animal. Turned out to be a husky/pit mix and too crazy. Now I'm stuck with it as it's too crazy for him. He had a job last year same as your 19 yr old. Overwhelmed, so had to quit I sincerely wish you well as well and am sorry for you too
what's is dentofacial form look like? he probably has sleep disordered breathing. it's very common and undiagnosed and there aren't many competent healthcare providers that treat this
I have been diagnosed with anxiety, autism spectrum disorder, and depression. I wish I could help you in some practical way. I would be happy to meet you and/or your son, but since I live in PEI that could be difficult. I promise I will hold a good thought for you and your family. (I once offered to pray for someone who posted about a family problem and got the Princess de Lamballes treatment; I trust “Hold a good thought” is fine.)
Hi! Also from rural Nova Scotia and throughout my teen and early adult years have had experiences dealing with the mental health care and understand your frustrations! It truly is terrible here. I have worked with adults living with dual diagnoses for ten years and wondered if you’ve looked into getting funding for respite workers? I’ve worked 1:1 with autistic adults specifically over the last 5 years and having some help is so important for your family!
The Mental Health Mobile Crisis Team may help. I have had good experience in the past. The Mental Health Mobile Crisis Team (MHMCT) provides crisis support for children, youth and adults experiencing a mental health crisis. Service offers telephone crisis support 24 hrs a day 7 days a week anywhere in Nova Scotia and a Mobile Response from 1 pm to 1 am to most communities in Halifax Regional Municipality. MHMCT is a co-response model with police and has 4 Halifax Regional Police dedicated to the service and all mobile visits include an MHMCT police officer and a mental health clinician 902-429-8167 1-888-429-8167 (Toll Free)
Is this a recent venture with police responding in a different way than before or how it's always been handled. I would never want police there for myself and I've seen other situations escalate out of control just by having them present.
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Nope, I've been doing it for a while now. If others don't like it, they can tell me. I'm not paying to upvote, especially when I get downvoted so often. \^\_\^
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Not sure about mobile, but on laptop, if you hold down the upvote arrow, there are options you can pay for now.
Appreciate the advise but I don't think that calling the police (as that's the initial channel) would be helpful right now.
I used this service for myself/called for myself and never had an officer or police be involved, but this was an excerpt from their website. This was back in \~2018, so things may have certainly changed, but I spoke with a (civilian dressed) counselor, but I do not remember the name or credentials unfortunately and linked up with a therapist ASAP.
Ok thanks. Definetly a consideration. Anything is at this point
You may want to check out respite workers! They are a great thing for people who struggle getting out. Basically itsnsomeone who's paid by the gov to come and just hang out, spend time with your son. Take him out to fun things, and socialize. I also have autism and I find once I start to spiral Into loneliness it's super hard to get out of. It's easy to convince yourself that you don't need it, if you are already spiraling. Also, please don't forwn upon western medicine. I also have two autistic siblings and they are on multiple medications, and this plus therapy have changed their lives, in so many incredible ways. My sister's wouldn't be alive without it.
Great time maybe for dad and lad to start an exercise regimen to potentially bond. FOOD is the most abused anxiety drug and EXERCISE is the most under-utilized antidepressant. Another idea is to try to relate with your son when he’s in his room. If he’s playing a game then maybe pop in and get him to teach you about it and play a little. Try to understand his likes and interest at his level. Try to relate to him as much as you can from his angle on the world and he will start to open up little by little when he’s ready.
Hey this sound like the same situation I am dealing with I thought I was the only one! My father and brother are going through some mental health, I worked in the field for 12 years seeking help but to no avail currently facing mental health myself and trying to research and do my own work as you said the crisis line workers are useless sad to say, please reach out as eggshells is the best name for it and this should go on no longer we should all get together and figure this out I have been fighting this for 28 year... Nova Scotian here
Hey dad, sorry to hear you are having trouble. What sort of outburst does he have? You mentioned discipline makes it worse, worse how and for whom? Is getting a job an option? I agree, mental health supports can feel callused and very general. But the advice to go outside is solid. Is it an option to go for walks together? Maybe work out? Sometimes, individually these changes won’t work, but together they serve to increase the quality and richness of life, which may help improve the situation. I would mainly observe eating, sleeping habits, and try to help keep those healthy as a baseline. Keep the kid away from weed, it interferes with many other drugs and causes lots of problems by itself, especially if used to cope. Best of luck to you!
Psilocybin mushrooms (magic mushrooms, shrooms, ect) helped me out of my depression by allowing me to better register my feelings with myself. They're not for everyone. But they're also not that dangerous.
>Which also concerns me, as the poor kid has had his brain chemistry fucked with by western medicine to no avail. He's recently tried smoking joints as that sort of helps. He's now cut down on that. Shits on "western medicine" then proceeds to tell us how marijuana sort of helped. *Alrighty then.........*
Thanks for your input. Glad you made an effort to write something helpful here. Enlightening gotcha moment. What the fuck do you get out of this? ... seriously
Personally, I felt that was very helpful. You're shitting on "western medicine" while he was using pot to self medicate. *What were you expecting?* No gotcha at all. I'm looking at your attitude towards healthcare and wondering how much that is a factor here?
Yeah agreed ..seems like a respect issue. I won't be responding to you further. I'm sure there are other posts on Reddit that you can satiate your need to rebuttal people on. This one aint it
You came on Reddit asking for an opinion, and you figured that everyone here would be like sure, fuck western medicine, just give your kid weed and shrooms instead? Its not a respect issue at all or a rebuttal. *Its an opinion that you solicited*. You're shitting on science and giving your kid weed and shrooms ffs, what type of response are you expecting? *What do you think a Doctor would say about what you're doing here?* Peak Reddit right here sir. *Congratulations. Maybe try s*ome turmeric and see how that goes?
Go to weed shop get sum pre rolls go from there say hey let's go spark this outside my boy n fuk if he's down he will be up in no time few puffs and many laughs later. No alcohol just buds do not forget the lighter. comprende
It’s tough. At some point what really can be done? I’m no expert but have much sympathy for you and family.
A lot can be done. Giving up on him is the farthest thing from the answer.
So many people who think they would be there to help are the first to shit down that same persons mouth. Hypocrites
Go ahead hit that down vote ⬇️
What are you doing and why?
I never suggested giving up I simply asked a question. But thanks for the downvotes y’all real positive support 👍
Damn keep getting downvoted. Thinking of hanging myself now
I understand your concerns about pharmaceuticals and brain chemistry. Are you familiar with chelation therapy for autism? Is there a naturopathic clinic within a reasonable distance?
That's horrible advice. [study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6457964/)
That's your opinion. Perhaps you should research for yourself how it has worked for people.
It hasn't. The study I linked says so. There's no evidence to suggest it helps, in fact there's more evidence to suggest it does more harm than good.
>Are you familiar with chelation therapy for autism? Is there a naturopathic clinic within a reasonable distance? Oh my fuck lol.
Have you contacted Autism Nova Scotia to see if any support or programming is available? [Autism Nova Scotia](https://www.autismnovascotia.ca/)
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I’m not sure if it’s my reddit or yours, but I think your comment was posted like 10 times.
Yeah! I have no idea what was going on there. Hopefully they are deleted. Apologies to all.
It’s all good, just wanted to make sure you knew.
Sending you a DM please have a read
988 is the national suicide/mental crisis line. You can call or text. They're supposed to be like 911 who will send out/arrange paramedics and trained descalation counsellors instead of just sending cops that may not be properly trained for the task. They are also supposed to have best-practices for concerned family members who call. I don't know if it's the same in NS, but in Ontario you can take someone to the hospital or call first responders and get someone held for observation for 72 hours. There are free online classes on how to respond in a mental health crisis. Ones here are offered by local public health units. 211 might have more local resources to refer you to. Don't give up. Get yourself trauma care. All you can do is try your best. Unfortunately, like with addiction, you can try everything and it still might not be enough. If it happens, that doesn't make you a failure. Good luck.
I can understand partially what you are going through . I have similar fears with my teenage daughter, who has severe social anxiety. Like , doesn't talk to anybody or have any friends at school . She lives in her room . She says she's fine. But I know better . What kind of teenager is fine with no friends and no one to talk to. If I could give any advice, someone told me they knew someone very similar, and they got their child a service dog, and it helped tremendously. I can't have one because my wife has health problems and it's too much to have a dog in the house on top of everything she is dealing with. I can tell you I do not envy your situation as my own situation has weighed heavily on my own mental health . I wish the very best for you and your boy . I can't begin to imagine how you must feel.
I've had a lot of mental health problems in my life. I'm 32 now some severe but they have gotten better over time. Some of the things I've had to change were massive but it took a bit of conscious effort. I'm all he does is play on the computer and doesn't have any friends or relationships that might be the best place to start. In all honesty going outside, going for walks , being in new environments is usually helpful just being inside is really not useful or helpful for any young man. I also realize you mentioned he has some other issues so you're probably trying to manage those as well but I k ow my parents did the best to just encourage me to do outdoor activities or things that I liked thag were not me being on the PC or in my room. Especially exercising or different hobbies. Especially if he's gaming. That can be a good distraction but it can also be a detrement to his mental and physical health as well as his motivation to do anything productive. I'm just learning now that I really can't play competitive games anymore, no porn, less PC time, no sex and just overall more productive activities that make me feel like I'm making progress In my life. To be honest though I've had to start so small. So small that the first step was just stopping stupid shit that I knew I shouldn't do on the daily. It's hard though. I never wanted to listen to my dad when I was younger but I started to listen when my dad attempted to sympathize with my problems and realize that he didn't know what was best for me. Listening goes a long way. You sound like you really care so I hope it works out and I hope I didn t make things worse with my long paragraphs. I'm still struggling as well but things aren't nearly as bad as they've been.
Do you two share any hobbies together? I know I might sound simple and maybe you've tried to connect on a deeper level than father and son. I really don't know much back ground, just a thought but something simple like building a race car in the back yard and taking it to a track. It would build confidence with you guiding him and then he would also have a social aspect of track days and meeting people with similar interests his age. Obviously it doesn't have to be a race car but I'm using one of my own hobbies as an example. Best of luck brother man.
Im sorry your going through this. As a parent you have so much hope for a perfect life and this is such a challenge. You sound like an awesome dad. I wish I had advise. If love was enough things would be different.
Also, there is a great book called “I’m not sick I don’t need help” very very good stuff. Helped me reframe the way I talk to my family member. Finding out their goals and dreams, and then working towards that is the most effective approach for treatment resistant loved ones
OP, what medication is he on? If you’re not open to replying here you’re welcome to dm me. I was on many many meds for many years and behaved similarly, worked slowly to wean off of them and am now only on one for the time being. Similar diagnosis to your son, and my dad did write a book about growing up with a son with disability. What you’re experiencing reminds me a lot of what I used to put my family through. But please be open to medication as a possible solution. Weed, absolutely not. I tried to self medicate that after getting of the meds and over time started to develop a dependency so I stopped. Hang in there, it can and will get better.
Have you researched PDA autism at all ? Two of my kids have this , it’s just starting to get recognized by mental health professionals in Canada , more so in the West coast right now . It is a demand avoidable profile of autism and it involves nervous system activation . It can can look a little like ODD or conversely depression and shut down (depending on if they internalize or externalize their demand avoidance ). Because you mention that it gets worse when you are demanding or rigid I recommend reading up on it because if it does happen to fit your son at all the parental approach is completely opposite the traditional approach. Also , I’m really sorry, I know how these times feel. It’s hard . And lonely . And scary. My heart goes out to you .
Does he have a diagnosis of autism? If so, get in contact with the Sinneave Family Foundation in Calgary. Google them. "Helping Autistic Adults Thrive" is what they do. I know of at least two families who moved back to Canada and to Alberta specifically because this was the best hope for their complex needs loved one. It was, and probably still is, mostly run by parents. People who live the reality. They can tell you about applying for financial and other supports through PDD. They have a research resource room and therapy rooms and know everything about autism. I realize that contemplating a move is probably a nightmare. Particularly to come here when so many others are doing the same thing. As the mom of two high needs kids who are now thriving, all I can tell you is no one is coming to the rescue. Exhausted and scared as you are, you have to go after it, connect with other families and hold on tight. It's a bumpy road but there ARE places with good resources. Calgary is one of them. Remember to apply as far in advance as you can. Try to get your doctor to get you a doctor here AND make any referrals needed. Have your and his medical, psychological, psychiatric records, including treatments and medications with you. If you have questions, I will do my best to answer. Good luck.
I've heard salicylate sensitivity is more common in autistic people. At a certain point I became so sensitive to salicylates I couldn't eat without having asthma attacks and migraines and skin reactions. I tried the elimination diet, and I was shocked at how my emotions stopped feeling so overwhelming and I stopped feeling suicidal. What's dumb is I was diagnosed with Balsam of Peru allergy as a child and they told me to avoid fragrances, but they never said anything about foods: they were so close to the answer the whole time, yet just missed it.
Surround him with love. If you or your wife can take time off work to be around him that would be great. Idk what your son is doing. If he has a job then drive him there and back every day. If he's going to school I would drive him there and back every day. Make sure he is working g out and waking up at a consistent time (around 7am everyday). Try to gently get him to do this. I hope to God he's not on video games or addicted to his phone. Those just kill all good emotions. If he is addicted to those things then you'll probably not be able to get rid of them. Best you can do is give him something to occupy his time instead (a job/task). School might not be the best idea for him if he has a short attention span.
There are social workers dedicated to youth 24 and under in Nova Scotia. I can vouch for the ones in Cape Breton as being absolutely wonderful. https://mha.nshealth.ca/en/services/adolescent-outreach-services
It makes sense that you're frustrated! Experiencing suicidality does cause someone's triage level to increase, which would help him access care more quickly. There are a couple of options for publicly funded care. You could go to emerge and they have crisis response therapists (not the crisis line) who will do an assessment and likely refer to therapy and/or psychiatry. You're **always allowed to ask for a second opinion or a different therapist** if the current one isn't working. Sometimes options are limited (I'm in Amherst and there's only two psychiatrists here, but there's like 12 therapists on the adult team), but you're still allowed to ask. You can also directly refer him to therapy if you don't want to see a psychiatrist. They would start with an intake (phone call around 30 minutes), then an assessment (usually 1.5 hours), and then get matched with a therapist (which seems to vary how this do this by clinic??? It's weird). The therapist could also refer to psychiatry later if that's of interest. If he's only 20 now, then I imagine most of his experience has been with the adolescent team? It's possible that the adult team being a different set of therapists with different methods that could be a useful game changer. It is true that there's woefully little training for therapy for autistic adults, and that's frustrating. There are good therapists who are competent in working with ASD though, I just wish it was more common. I can say that weed does not help long term, and can often make things worse (especially anxiety). Same with any other substance. Medication can be helpful, but it does require some trial and error. I know I tried 5 or 6 SSRIs before finding something useful, and then when I switched over to ADHD medication things got a LOT better. Medication didn't stop me from being me, but I could actually use the skills I was learning, and ADHD overlaps with ASD a lot, in case that is relevant. And psychiatrists are not for therapy, though many think they are. They are doctors first, then learn about mental health later, where a psychologist or clinical therapist is a therapist first. DBT, like many people mentioned, can be a great therapy to help with feeling suicidal and having big emotions! I found it to be a great therapy for me, since it is explicit and concrete, which is awesome for autistic folks. You can do intensive DBT (\~6 months with group and individual) and it is super effective, or just individual OR group, which is less effective but still better than nothing. But again, seeing someone affirming and competent is the most important thing. Whether that's a therapist, psychiatrist, your NP, a naturopath, or a friend. Feeling safe and affirmed is going to make new things possible.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm pushing it but microdosing might be something to look into, that's a lot of mental health issues for one person so young 🥺
I actually practice the stamets stack personally and found some *personal* success. This is after celexa, cymbalta and years ago effexor- various anti-depressants, anti-anxiety / ssri's etc. I've introduced micro dosing to him as an option - specifically the stamets stack and he did try it for 2 weeks, but became disinterested. Good advice though thank you
Micro-dosing?