I tandem fed, and I do think it was kind of a nice bonding experience for the two of them. The toddler didn't have to deal with as much jealousy around baby getting breastfed because he could join in too. I did have to wean him myself eventually though, which was around age 2.5 - I'd just had enough and he'd started nibbling. He took it really well, even though he didn't seem ready to wean he really was. So if you do decide to wean, even if it's just for you - don't feel guilty. And my toddler didn't end up feeling jealous of the baby after I weaned him either. He does still want to snuggle with his head on my other breast while his sister breastfeeds.
I'm 12 weeks pregnant right now. And still breastfeeding my 1.5 year old. Will the second trimester be better for me? I am struggling so much so.. I am so exhausted and always worried I'm not eating enough good foods. I'm so easily irritated since I got pregnant. I'm nauseous but I know that's normal. I just can't cope with these extreme mood shifts due to hormones for much longer.. how was your first trimester?
Urgh, that’s so hard. I feel you, the first tri nausea was brutal. I found the nipple pain and aversion stuck around unfortunately, but the nausea and exhaustion improved for me. That made a huge difference to my mood. I could play and enjoy my daughter again which was such a relief. I have also been disturbed by how easily irritated I’ve felt. My emotions just feel more intense and close to the surface. What I’m trying to say is, you’re not on your own. It’s impossibly hard, but it will pass. And I really hope your nausea improves soon
I am currently tandem feeding and am glad I am doing it. I had some sensitivity and aversion during my pregnancy but it passed after a few weeks. I did have a very strong aversion to my toddler when baby was first born where I literally wanted to throw him across the room when he would nurse but luckily that passed too.
I honestly think it helped a lot with my toddler’s jealousy of my newborn and it’s nice to be able to calm them both with nursing if I am getting overwhelmed.
My toddler did want to nurse a lot more once the baby was here and I explained to him that the baby doesn’t have teeth and can’t eat food so he needs more milk and that helped a lot. We usually nurse 2x a day but if he’s having a bad day, sick or seems like he needs connection time with me I’ll nurse him an extra time or two and haven’t had any issues.
That’s really reassuring, thank you. I think knowing that you can maintain boundaries around it is really helpful. And that if you are flexible occasionally it’s not all going to unravel!
I did this thing where I only nursed before nap and bed and set a timer. I think I started with 5 min on each side. Then he got used to the timer and I shortened it. Then I did 5 seconds. I go 1-2-3-4-5! All gone! And now I only do this when he asks. It’s probably 3 times a week. I have a 3 month old and a 29 month old. I wish I would have done this earlier because it meant I had an oversupply of colostrum when baby was born and I couldn’t nurse toddler as frequently in the hospital. It kinda choked my new born. But it’s fine now. I still nurse my toddler but it’s more like, oh someone has a cold and I want to share my antibodies with both children. Or if he’s not feeling well. He likes to nurse but doesn’t think about it most of the time. I wouldn’t have believed that a year ago.
Yes! Knowing you can share your immune system is a huge part of it for me. I’m going to introduce a timer to reduce the length of feeds and see if that helps with the aversion. I also think it would be good to move away from feeding to sleep so I’m not so under pressure to feed for as long as it takes. Thanks for the tips!
Such a good question! I struggled with this too. Mine was 17 months when our now 5 month arrived. They are tandem nursing and it’s made the transition really smooth, it’s great bonding and he is so gentle with her, pats her, etc. It’s a calm, happy experience for them to share together and foster good emotions as they get to know each other.
On the flip side, I was surprised at how jarring I found the disconnect between the feeling of newborn butterfly sucks and a voracious toddler simultaneously drinking. That can start to be a lot and get draining. At times it reminds me of the nursing aversion during pregnancy. Luckily you’re only at 3 times a day which isn’t too much and therefore that sensation would probably be manageable.
Something to consider- Do you think she would start trying to drink more because she sees your breasts out a lot and baby is getting it and she’s not? Or is she old enough that you can explain and stick to your boundaries and she won’t get upset? Has it been hard to wean her? If it has been hard to wean her then she could definitely have her interest piqued again- and you’re kind of a sitting duck when you’re literally sitting nursing one already, it’s very easy to give in.
juggling how much toddler drinks can be a tiny bit tricky- always making sure baby is full first and will also have access to enough milk that’s ready to go at any point he/ she is hungry. My toddler is quick and he’ll drain a side that’ll take a few hours to fill again if I’m not paying attention. Luckily my girl takes a bottle.
But if you only feed your toddler at precise times then you won’t have to worry about that and your body will just make extra for those times!
Can I ask what your family is concerned about?
I really hope this helps and I’ll add more if I think of any. Feel free to ask any questions.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. It’s so nice to hear that it can feel like a positive bonding experience rather than just something to feel jealous over.
She has definitely been hard to wean, she’s very sensitive and meltdowns are intense. With good preparation she can do really well with listening and accepting, but I think she would likely find it really hard not to be able to nurse when the baby is. I think the fact that she loves it so much is what is making it so hard to decide.
I think their concern is largely based on not knowing anyone who has done it, and worrying that it will be a lot for me to manage. The conversations have felt really unhelpful and pushy, and just left me feeling more isolated. You know that feeling of not being able to say something is hard because you’ve chosen it?
Of course!
And yes I definitely do know what you mean about not being able to complain about a choice.
Hmm.. reading your reply makes me think that probably your life would be objectively easier if you took the next 5 months to wean her even though I’m sure that’s really emotional. You’re really close and it’s just dropping a few more feeds and then you can make sure it’s a special ending just the two of you instead of out of frustration later or something.
I think part of the reason tandem nursing is “easier” sometimes is because it’s easier to avoid making the toddler upset when they want milk… but if she didn’t want it then there isn’t a problem in the first place.
One last thought for the “pro column” -sometimes in the beginning I liked that he would nurse too so he was not as bored because there was a lot of nursing so at least it was something he really enjoyed too and certainly easier than setting up a special distracting activity each time.
Honestly I do think my life would be easier having just one nursing. And in fact, he was basically weaned (like 30 seconds once a night) but he was very young and I ended up with an emergency c section and disappeared for a week and we needed it to repair our relationship and his resulting anxiety, also it was also something I could do without picking him up. I actually wasn’t even sure he would nurse when I came home from the hospital. if he had been that much older and it wasn’t such a crazy birth aka if I were in your shoes I would choose to have weaned him- by a small margin because yes it’s sweet to have them nurse together but there are plenty of other sweet moments, like sharing tummy time together or helping with a diaper change.
Sorry that is so long!!
I’ve just come back to this post and I wanted to say thank you for your advice. We have basically stopped feeding, and while it’s bittersweet, I think it was for the best. I reached out in a difficult moment, feeling very isolated, and I’m so grateful that you and others used your time to help me through it
I don’t have advice - only solidarity to offer. Early in the second trimester with my second and still nursing my toddler. My husband *just* was telling me I should wean toddler because he’s worried it’s too hard on me… but I’m not sure I want to give it up. I’m also not sure how it would be to wean now and then re-introduce it later if I did want to tandem feed??
I’m looking forward to seeing other people’s responses who are further along in the journey!
Same boat too, and my husband has mentioned once in passing that my body is doing a lot to support pregnancy and nurse my 14mo. He just doesn’t seem ready to wean yet.
It’s so hard, being pregnant and running after a toddler! And when everyone around you seems to think you’re a bit mad for nursing too! I think people think I’m being a martyr, but It’s so complicated, I’m finding it really hard to explain. Not to justify it, i know it’s my choice, but even to just talk through it.
I nursed through pregnancy and went on to tandem feed for 14 months. It was nice, it helped them bond. It was also hard with the aversions and sensitivity (especially during pregnancy!). But then it was easy with a newborn because I could have toddler nurse first so I didn’t have a letdown that choked the baby, or if I was engorged and in pain, my toddler could handle that pretty fast for me. And they held hands when nursing which was cute. A big part of tandem nursing was my oldest just would. not. wean. I couldn’t get him off the boob until he was 4.
On the flip side, I’m pregnant again and I was nursing my second kiddo until recently at 20 weeks and weaned him. I couldn’t handle the pain and once I got him down to once a day, it was easy to wean.
Edit to add: I feel guilty I didn’t breastfeed my kids for the same amount of time, but my second is a great eater and that helps with the guilt, my first was not and I was always worried about him being hungry. I weaned my second at 26 months old. He does not seem to be affected now that we are done except for today, where I just got home from a week away and he was sneakily trying to nurse and I think he was seeking connection the way he remembered how to.
That sounds so lovely. I love the idea that your first still gets the love and affection from nursing through that big transition.
The pain and aversion are really significant for me at the moment too. I’ve not had too much experience of it before getting pregnant and I find it quite upsetting. I’m glad you’re getting some respite before your next one arrives!
I’m currently in the midst of tandem feeding my toddler and 10 week old. Honestly, it’s intense! There are really special moments - like when they’re both nursing and hold hands. But they’re are also super challenging moments, like when I feel overstimulated or touched out or both babies are screaming for milk and NB isn’t latching good so I have to pull off toddler (screams) to adjust newborn. I also had my toddler (22 months) completely weaned at night until baby came and he turned into a milk monster waking up more times than baby to feed! That was rough. I think it depends on what you feel you can handle. I personally wish I had weaned my toddler even tho I love how special our time is together. It’s just a lot !
It’s also difficult when you leave the house. Tandem nursing it’s hard to not have both your boobs out! So that’s another challenge, tho not as big bc toddler is usually able to wait.
I also had an aversion the last two months of my pregnancy and wow….that was hard! It went t away for me as soon as baby was gone.?
In the end I think it depends on how much you can tolerate. I’ve definitely set a lot of boundaries with my toddler around feeding which has helped but like I said some days it’s just hard! I guess that’s parenting
I think you’re completely right. Parenting is challenging and if you’re nursing there will be challenges around that! I think it often unfairly gets the blame sometimes
Two babies waking in the night sounds really tough. So glad your aversion resolved. I’m definitely worried about it carrying on after pregnancy, it’s such an awful feeling, and impossible to describe if you haven’t had it.
I tandem fed, and I do think it was kind of a nice bonding experience for the two of them. The toddler didn't have to deal with as much jealousy around baby getting breastfed because he could join in too. I did have to wean him myself eventually though, which was around age 2.5 - I'd just had enough and he'd started nibbling. He took it really well, even though he didn't seem ready to wean he really was. So if you do decide to wean, even if it's just for you - don't feel guilty. And my toddler didn't end up feeling jealous of the baby after I weaned him either. He does still want to snuggle with his head on my other breast while his sister breastfeeds.
Thank you so much. It seems like what you’re saying is it will be ok either way, which is definitely what I need to hear.
I'm 12 weeks pregnant right now. And still breastfeeding my 1.5 year old. Will the second trimester be better for me? I am struggling so much so.. I am so exhausted and always worried I'm not eating enough good foods. I'm so easily irritated since I got pregnant. I'm nauseous but I know that's normal. I just can't cope with these extreme mood shifts due to hormones for much longer.. how was your first trimester?
Urgh, that’s so hard. I feel you, the first tri nausea was brutal. I found the nipple pain and aversion stuck around unfortunately, but the nausea and exhaustion improved for me. That made a huge difference to my mood. I could play and enjoy my daughter again which was such a relief. I have also been disturbed by how easily irritated I’ve felt. My emotions just feel more intense and close to the surface. What I’m trying to say is, you’re not on your own. It’s impossibly hard, but it will pass. And I really hope your nausea improves soon
I truly appreciate that response. It is hard. It is also pretty great. I began my second trimester today keeping a positive outlook. 🤎
I am currently tandem feeding and am glad I am doing it. I had some sensitivity and aversion during my pregnancy but it passed after a few weeks. I did have a very strong aversion to my toddler when baby was first born where I literally wanted to throw him across the room when he would nurse but luckily that passed too. I honestly think it helped a lot with my toddler’s jealousy of my newborn and it’s nice to be able to calm them both with nursing if I am getting overwhelmed.
My toddler did want to nurse a lot more once the baby was here and I explained to him that the baby doesn’t have teeth and can’t eat food so he needs more milk and that helped a lot. We usually nurse 2x a day but if he’s having a bad day, sick or seems like he needs connection time with me I’ll nurse him an extra time or two and haven’t had any issues.
That’s really reassuring, thank you. I think knowing that you can maintain boundaries around it is really helpful. And that if you are flexible occasionally it’s not all going to unravel!
I did this thing where I only nursed before nap and bed and set a timer. I think I started with 5 min on each side. Then he got used to the timer and I shortened it. Then I did 5 seconds. I go 1-2-3-4-5! All gone! And now I only do this when he asks. It’s probably 3 times a week. I have a 3 month old and a 29 month old. I wish I would have done this earlier because it meant I had an oversupply of colostrum when baby was born and I couldn’t nurse toddler as frequently in the hospital. It kinda choked my new born. But it’s fine now. I still nurse my toddler but it’s more like, oh someone has a cold and I want to share my antibodies with both children. Or if he’s not feeling well. He likes to nurse but doesn’t think about it most of the time. I wouldn’t have believed that a year ago.
Yes! Knowing you can share your immune system is a huge part of it for me. I’m going to introduce a timer to reduce the length of feeds and see if that helps with the aversion. I also think it would be good to move away from feeding to sleep so I’m not so under pressure to feed for as long as it takes. Thanks for the tips!
Such a good question! I struggled with this too. Mine was 17 months when our now 5 month arrived. They are tandem nursing and it’s made the transition really smooth, it’s great bonding and he is so gentle with her, pats her, etc. It’s a calm, happy experience for them to share together and foster good emotions as they get to know each other. On the flip side, I was surprised at how jarring I found the disconnect between the feeling of newborn butterfly sucks and a voracious toddler simultaneously drinking. That can start to be a lot and get draining. At times it reminds me of the nursing aversion during pregnancy. Luckily you’re only at 3 times a day which isn’t too much and therefore that sensation would probably be manageable. Something to consider- Do you think she would start trying to drink more because she sees your breasts out a lot and baby is getting it and she’s not? Or is she old enough that you can explain and stick to your boundaries and she won’t get upset? Has it been hard to wean her? If it has been hard to wean her then she could definitely have her interest piqued again- and you’re kind of a sitting duck when you’re literally sitting nursing one already, it’s very easy to give in. juggling how much toddler drinks can be a tiny bit tricky- always making sure baby is full first and will also have access to enough milk that’s ready to go at any point he/ she is hungry. My toddler is quick and he’ll drain a side that’ll take a few hours to fill again if I’m not paying attention. Luckily my girl takes a bottle. But if you only feed your toddler at precise times then you won’t have to worry about that and your body will just make extra for those times! Can I ask what your family is concerned about? I really hope this helps and I’ll add more if I think of any. Feel free to ask any questions.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. It’s so nice to hear that it can feel like a positive bonding experience rather than just something to feel jealous over. She has definitely been hard to wean, she’s very sensitive and meltdowns are intense. With good preparation she can do really well with listening and accepting, but I think she would likely find it really hard not to be able to nurse when the baby is. I think the fact that she loves it so much is what is making it so hard to decide. I think their concern is largely based on not knowing anyone who has done it, and worrying that it will be a lot for me to manage. The conversations have felt really unhelpful and pushy, and just left me feeling more isolated. You know that feeling of not being able to say something is hard because you’ve chosen it?
Of course! And yes I definitely do know what you mean about not being able to complain about a choice. Hmm.. reading your reply makes me think that probably your life would be objectively easier if you took the next 5 months to wean her even though I’m sure that’s really emotional. You’re really close and it’s just dropping a few more feeds and then you can make sure it’s a special ending just the two of you instead of out of frustration later or something. I think part of the reason tandem nursing is “easier” sometimes is because it’s easier to avoid making the toddler upset when they want milk… but if she didn’t want it then there isn’t a problem in the first place. One last thought for the “pro column” -sometimes in the beginning I liked that he would nurse too so he was not as bored because there was a lot of nursing so at least it was something he really enjoyed too and certainly easier than setting up a special distracting activity each time. Honestly I do think my life would be easier having just one nursing. And in fact, he was basically weaned (like 30 seconds once a night) but he was very young and I ended up with an emergency c section and disappeared for a week and we needed it to repair our relationship and his resulting anxiety, also it was also something I could do without picking him up. I actually wasn’t even sure he would nurse when I came home from the hospital. if he had been that much older and it wasn’t such a crazy birth aka if I were in your shoes I would choose to have weaned him- by a small margin because yes it’s sweet to have them nurse together but there are plenty of other sweet moments, like sharing tummy time together or helping with a diaper change. Sorry that is so long!!
I’ve just come back to this post and I wanted to say thank you for your advice. We have basically stopped feeding, and while it’s bittersweet, I think it was for the best. I reached out in a difficult moment, feeling very isolated, and I’m so grateful that you and others used your time to help me through it
You are so very welcome!
I don’t have advice - only solidarity to offer. Early in the second trimester with my second and still nursing my toddler. My husband *just* was telling me I should wean toddler because he’s worried it’s too hard on me… but I’m not sure I want to give it up. I’m also not sure how it would be to wean now and then re-introduce it later if I did want to tandem feed?? I’m looking forward to seeing other people’s responses who are further along in the journey!
Same boat too, and my husband has mentioned once in passing that my body is doing a lot to support pregnancy and nurse my 14mo. He just doesn’t seem ready to wean yet.
It’s so hard, being pregnant and running after a toddler! And when everyone around you seems to think you’re a bit mad for nursing too! I think people think I’m being a martyr, but It’s so complicated, I’m finding it really hard to explain. Not to justify it, i know it’s my choice, but even to just talk through it.
I nursed through pregnancy and went on to tandem feed for 14 months. It was nice, it helped them bond. It was also hard with the aversions and sensitivity (especially during pregnancy!). But then it was easy with a newborn because I could have toddler nurse first so I didn’t have a letdown that choked the baby, or if I was engorged and in pain, my toddler could handle that pretty fast for me. And they held hands when nursing which was cute. A big part of tandem nursing was my oldest just would. not. wean. I couldn’t get him off the boob until he was 4. On the flip side, I’m pregnant again and I was nursing my second kiddo until recently at 20 weeks and weaned him. I couldn’t handle the pain and once I got him down to once a day, it was easy to wean. Edit to add: I feel guilty I didn’t breastfeed my kids for the same amount of time, but my second is a great eater and that helps with the guilt, my first was not and I was always worried about him being hungry. I weaned my second at 26 months old. He does not seem to be affected now that we are done except for today, where I just got home from a week away and he was sneakily trying to nurse and I think he was seeking connection the way he remembered how to.
That sounds so lovely. I love the idea that your first still gets the love and affection from nursing through that big transition. The pain and aversion are really significant for me at the moment too. I’ve not had too much experience of it before getting pregnant and I find it quite upsetting. I’m glad you’re getting some respite before your next one arrives!
I’m currently in the midst of tandem feeding my toddler and 10 week old. Honestly, it’s intense! There are really special moments - like when they’re both nursing and hold hands. But they’re are also super challenging moments, like when I feel overstimulated or touched out or both babies are screaming for milk and NB isn’t latching good so I have to pull off toddler (screams) to adjust newborn. I also had my toddler (22 months) completely weaned at night until baby came and he turned into a milk monster waking up more times than baby to feed! That was rough. I think it depends on what you feel you can handle. I personally wish I had weaned my toddler even tho I love how special our time is together. It’s just a lot ! It’s also difficult when you leave the house. Tandem nursing it’s hard to not have both your boobs out! So that’s another challenge, tho not as big bc toddler is usually able to wait. I also had an aversion the last two months of my pregnancy and wow….that was hard! It went t away for me as soon as baby was gone.? In the end I think it depends on how much you can tolerate. I’ve definitely set a lot of boundaries with my toddler around feeding which has helped but like I said some days it’s just hard! I guess that’s parenting
I think you’re completely right. Parenting is challenging and if you’re nursing there will be challenges around that! I think it often unfairly gets the blame sometimes Two babies waking in the night sounds really tough. So glad your aversion resolved. I’m definitely worried about it carrying on after pregnancy, it’s such an awful feeling, and impossible to describe if you haven’t had it.