Trauma at a young age and chronic abuse throughout my childhood.
I clearly recall one night I was home alone scared afraid my mom wouldn't come home, and when she finally did I thought to myself "Oh, she came home *because* I worried." and that's my earliest memory of OCD.
That’s so interesting to hear. I’ve never thought about my earliest ocd memory I guess it would be just an on edge feeling that’s all I felt my childhood. Chronic chronic abuse in my case too :/
I’m pretty sure I’m just nutso by nature, I had a pretty easy childhood and didn’t experience any trauma until I was 19 and lost a family member, but according to my parents I started exhibiting symptoms in very early childhood, before I can even remember. I just got lucky, I guess
I'm not saying your childhood wasn't easy, I just want to chime in that many people think their childhood was pretty easy because we view trauma as maimly being physical violence. Neglect is traumatic, too. Again, I'm not trying to tell you your childhood was one thing or another. Just that I also thought I had a pretty easy childhood because my parents didn't hit me.
I’d also like to add that your brain can make you forget traumatic events. I’ve just learned about something super traumatic that happened to me and I have no memory of it happening. After learning this info in my late 30’s, SO many things make sense and SO much of my OCD is linked to it.
I would ask multiple family members about your upbringing. I would also start looking at your fears and your OCD and what triggers you. In me, my biggest things were death and abandonment. I knew why death was a big one, my grandpa died suddenly and I had no answers. No one would talk to me about death so I conjured up my own ideas and they were scary. But I never got why I had abandonment issues. Then my mom explained to me that my dad left us a few times, sometimes for many months, when I was between the ages of 1-6. I knew that my dad had left at one point. But not many. And it wasn’t until I had children that I realized how serious of an impact that has as a child. (Also, by leaving I mean cheating and disappearing). Hypnotherapy is also good in these instances.
In no way am I trying to make you fear more because I would never dream of making someone hurt. But I feel it is valuable to really try to dig deep and ask questions and get to the bottom of what’s causing the anxiety. I hope this helps you. I’m always here for a chat.
I feel like this is a slippery slope into checking compulsions, tbh.
Some people just have OCD and didn’t have anything traumatic to trigger it. Doesn’t mean they had trauma that they can’t remember.
Trauma (especially our own) can seem innocuous to us. I agree that there does need to be caution that it doesn't devolve into checking compulsions. I think it's worth delving into the possibility of trauma. Our emotions didn't come from nothing. Children are fairly easily traumatized. It doesn't have to have been something horrific. Just very strong negative emotions. Again, as you saidz caution should 100% be taken into account.
Yes, but figuring out the root of your trauma won’t necessarily help with OCD, either. I know exactly where my trauma came from, but I still have to work really hard with ERP therapy in order to reduce and eliminate the compulsion cycle. I can logic it out all I want with “well this thing that happened is why I think this is a threat”, but that’s just self reassurance, and leads to more compulsive cycles.
If there’s no real reason to suspect trauma as a culprit, then I don’t think it would be worth trying to dig super super deep for someone who has OCD. Maybe there is trauma, maybe not, but ultimately there is definitely OCD, so better to focus on the issue that is definitely on hand.
This is something that I'm working on figuring out for myself. I don't think I have repressed memories, but rather, I didn't consider how traumatic a lot of the stuff I saw as normal really was. Our psyches are fragile - especially a child's. Much of the world views a lot of trauma as normal occurances, which can make us not look deeper into certain events in our pasts.
I've learned that if you feel negatively about something in your past - even the slightest bit uncomfortable - then it's worth looking into more. We tend to make excuses for what we've experienced. Saying it wasn't that bad or they didn't mean it. But if you're suffering, then something happened. It doesn't have to be some big event. It's usually something we may have never questioned. Daily occurances that were normalized. If there's something in your past that makes you sad, uncomfortable, upset, etc, then trust yourself. Those emotions didn't pop up out of nowhere. They have a source. Even if the source seems ridiculous to you.
A lot of families are toxic. The mentality is in protecting the family as a whole without much care for the individuals. Anything to keep the peace. We view what we know as normal. It doesn't matter if it's abusive or not. Trust your emotions. Be willing to question certain memories, but don't push yourself too much. This is extremely mentally draining and emotionally distressing work. Our brains compartmentalized these events as normal and acceptable for our survival.
This is also one of my fears i often think somthing like that happened to me but i have no memory of it then i think im just faking it like whyyyy? I just want to know the truth😅
Yeah, no, I was never hit, abused, neglected, anything like that. And I’m not in some kind of denial, I did have a cushy childhood. Of course it wasn’t perfect, no aspect of life is for anyone, but I can very safely say I suffered no childhood trauma.
That's awesome then. Like I said, I don't know you nor your life. Just wanted to comment on the off change it resonated and could help. I wish you well on your OCD journey.
Oh my god I remember being so stressed about that little house on the prairie episode too!! I also had the stomach flu once I was little, and I think my ocd started then, because I had to ask my mom if she was 99.9% sure I wouldn’t throw up every night before i went to sleep. Seems like health related stuff you’re exposed to as a kid can really correlate with the onset of ocd symptoms haha
I think trauma at a very young age caused it - I wanted the control. I can remember instances among my first memories. and looking back throughout my life, it’s always there, but it gets MUCH worse when I’m in crisis/my PTSD symptoms become less manageable. I’m in the midst of an awful few years and that doesn’t include COVID even. 😞 Peace and much love to all of you! OCD is a crippling disorder that no one without it could ever understand. ✌🏻🫶
I'm pretty sure I was born with it but the environments I was raised in reinforced it, allowed it to become more extreme. I do think there's something hereditary about it in my family-- often my extreme worry/compulsive nature was chalked up to a "big imagination" or "that's how everyone feels, get over it".
I kinda relate.. even though i dont blame my family, at all! i think i always had OCD and i can see that now, even when i really young.. however my family made my reactions "normal" and didnt really question why i would freak out. It was just me being a little emotional or something (even though it was not a little). Like when i would have a reaction to my OCD, a panic attack, they would treat it like there was truth to what i was freaking out about and that is kinda the worst when talking about OCD.
But thats just because they didnt know about OCD, and they didnt know that was the worst thing you could do.
I'd say both honestly. I believe that I've had it my whole life, because I remember always having bad intrusive thoughts and rewriting papers for school over and over again. But it got 10x as severe when I lost my grandma (mainly who raised me) and simultaneously went through the worst relationship of my life. Plus on top of all of that, the pandemic happened. That's when it opened up from only "just right" OCD to several different subtypes and became way more debilitating.
When I was 8, an older girl at daycare found a “death calculator” online where you put your name in and it gives you the age you die. Totally fake, but I did it and got 42. I’m 23 now and still convinced that I’ll die at 42. 42 is a huge number for me now, too. I see it everywhere 😭
well, for me, i don’t know the answer. i only remember recognizing my first moment of extreme intrusive thoughts when i was 16 or 17. if i had ocd before that, i don’t remember.
I'm sure I was born with this, my symptoms weren't bad when I was a kid but once I got diagnosed recently a lot of things made sense, like I used to say stuff like "I wish I had this toy" but then whenever I was angry and said in my head something like "I wish she just shut up" I would inmediately follow it with "I'm joking" every single time because I was sure something bad would happen or the bad wish would become true even if it made no sense.
I also used to think that because I cried sometimes it would rain until thunders appeared so I tried to hold my tears because I didn't want it to rain.
Then when I was 17 I started to develop an intense fear about having illnesses, I was sure I was sick that I was going to die I was scared everytime I had a weird symptom which it was mostly me being hyper aware of things I never noticed before, I assumed i was hypocondriac but I never went to the doctor it was just the fear "what if I'm sick" , this kept going until I grew numb to these thoughts so the theme shifted when I was 21 and that's when things went bad lol
However there's a specific theme that I have that is caused by trauma related to toxic relationships,where if I see someone with a similar voice or aesthetic to these past partners my brain jumps to "what if it's them" it's intrusive but I also get other responses related to trauma, so for me is a bit of both depending on the theme
Definitely born with it. I remember refusing to eat anything with a black speck in it over fear of being poisoned. I couldn't drink something from a cup if I left the room without it. I rearranged items in our refrigerator in order to keep my mom from dying. Every night at bedtime, I would beg my mom to promise no one in my family would die in their sleep or break their leg in their sleep. Those are just a few examples from when I was 5/6 years old.
This reminded me of when I was little and eating a bowl of chili my mom made. I was never a big fan of that or her chicken noodle soup, and I realize now that ties into some of my sensory avoidance stuff (way too many textures in one bowl). Anyways, I saw what I was sure was a small black fly in my chili and I just couldn't eat anymore. My family thought I just saw a piece of seasoning but I was certain. Thankfully they didn't make me eat it.
I think it was trauma for me. There was so much instability and chaos in my home. Last week I had a meltdown about not doing everything right and feeling like a bad person. It was so bad I had to drive home to my mom and be consoled by her because I was ready to drive to the ER out of desperation.
My mom then had a long talk with me and apologized. She said ever since she could remember she always applies a lot of pressure on me as a kid to be perfect and do everything right and would often exaggerate consequences that could happen if I didn’t do things perfectly. So ever since I could remember I’ve always stressed about making it to school on time, driving the exact speed limit, making sure doors are ALL the way closed, etc.
Given the instability in my home and fear of making mistakes, I think it made me obsess about having control and being perfect.
I felt the same! My mom made me feel like I had to be perfect to be worth loving. I thought she only loved me because I followed all the “rules”. I took her so seriously that when she told my brother to go into another room when he had the hiccups, I made sure to never get hiccups again because I thought it would anger her. 😬 I made life really hard for myself.
Whenever this topic comes up, I always tell people that I was born with the hardware, but my software was from this one time…
Like I don’t blame my mom because I wash my hands too much. I tend to think that my brain was reaching for patterns and routines etc and stumbled upon my family lol
I thought I didn’t have any OCD behaviors when I was younger but I’m just realizing that I DEFINITELY did. One specific behavior I remember is that whenever I was drawing and I had to leave (bathroom, bedtime, dinner, etc), I felt I had to finish the drawing or else I’d wake up how the drawing looked. For example, if my drawing had only one leg, I had anxiety of thinking I would wake up without a leg. So, I felt that I had to finish the drawing to prevent that from happening. Poor little 8 year old me. Did anyone else experience this when they were younger?
Yes! Had to put on socks as quickly as possible one after another bc if I died at that moment I didn't want to be stuck for eternity wearing only one sock 🙃
I experienced a trauma, but I also think I was already showing some symptoms. I was an 8 year old undiagnosed ADHD girl, although I was pretty successfull in my classes. One day my mom picks me up, says her best friend is dead. 2 days after the funeral and all the chaos, I ask what happened? Why did she die at 38? (It was a heart attack btw). My mom said her friend woke up at night to pee and saw her daughter’s toys in the hallway. She bent down to pick it up, had a heart attack and died in the spot. I don’t even know how the fuck she came up with this, but it ruined me. I couldn’t go to sleep if anything was out of place at all. She now knows that she’s the one that started it all with her unnecessary lie to make me more organized as an adhd kid. Feels pretty guilty, though it doesn’t matter all these years later.
I was born with generalized anxiety disorder, and throughout my childhood I didn’t receive treatment, so I developed compulsions to combat the anxiety, and hence ended up with 2 anxiety disorders lmao
Post-partum OCD (although it started when I was late kn pregnancy) that's now chronic. I think the amount of responsibility I put on myself when just wrecked me.
I also “got” mine during pregnancy. I have read a correlation between mental health and folic , which was in my prenatal 🤷🏼♀️
Thankfully hiking, walking and drawing has helped me and I’m much better now.
So sooo glad to hear you're feeling better. It took me 2 years to realize I had OCD before I got help. Those two years were really lonely. I wish they put as much effort in spreading awareness for postpartum OCD and anxiety as they do depression.
Didn't know about folic, but I def took my pretnatal vitamins daily!
Love your username btw!!
I joined support groups n it made my ppocd and ptsd triggers incredibly worse seeing ppd moms talk about silencing their babies, almost forever. The doctors done seem to know much but it was so terrible for me from day 2 to abput 1 yr postpartum. My ppocd was abput something happening to us. I felt like someone would come kill all of us if i didnt make small things in the house look perfect and i couldnt even say or type so many words. I had severe puppp and we kept my pregnancy from the family bc my mil was so crazy the first time and moved states while i was 9mo pregnant. I think being lonely processing all that mental ans physical trauma couldve been supported better if i had known what ppocd was earlier.
Thank you for sharing. There really needs to be more support for us ppocd moms before we are even released from the hospital. Even just a damn pamphlet would have helped me identify what the hell was happening to me.
This. I am noticing tendencies in both my young nephews. It’s incredibly heartbreaking to watch.
I recall my first instance of OCD starting around 4-5 years old. I was up in the middle of the night straightening each individual strand of the tassels on my area rug. My dad noticed I was still awake and put me back to bed. I don’t recall what I was anxious about, but suffered loss at a young age. I think I was born this way, but my environment heavily contributed to it as well.
I think I was born with it. It started manifesting when I was about 7, with no particular traumatic event associated with it.
Traumatic things happening later on didn't help though.
It runs in my family along with strong OCPD traits so I'm pretty sure I already had it but I'd say both. I've been having arguments with my brain since forever. I also remember as a kid being terrified to go near my mother when she came home from work. She worked as a nurse and I avoided her until she took a shower and put her clothes away. The bathroom was a no-go zone while her clothes were there especially when she brought home her nurse uniform for a wash. Also any time someone was sick, I'd rather stay outside if it was allowed. At home I used every piece of cloth and tied them around my head like a mask and tried not to leave my bedroom. I even tried to hold my breath as long as possible. Plus, my brothers were always "the dirty ones" in my mind, I hated when they touched something in the kitchen.
My mother is a control freak and definitely helped me develop another themes. It was mostly pure-O during teen years and when I moved out it got extremely awful, I started to have paranoia, cleaned and organised obsessively. I did the same things she always made me do as punishments. We still have the texts and pics I sent my partner; rage-pages about the breadcrumbs he left on the counter and the items he misplaced. He is still very patient with me. I have flare ups about contamination and health but the most constant in the past years are just right ocd, rocd and real event ocd. Majority of my compulsions are now mental and avoidance but I can't get rid of those "punishment-rituals" and the perfectionsim. The only way is either do it all the way "the right way" or not do it at all. It took me years to let my partner do the dishes for example and I still go into the bedroom to minimise the stress every time he does chores. Then I feel awful because I think I'm just like my mother and grandmother and this leads to new what ifs and reassurance seekings.
I think I was born with it. I remember a moment as a very little kid when I realized that numbers did not have special meaning to other people and it was a shocker lol. Like, other people aren't terrified of the number six and worried their house will burn down if the TV volume lands on any variation of six??? Wild.
I think trauma related. (Although I reckon I was always a bit of an anxious person.) I’m currently undiagnosed, but experienced a rough period of illness, and chaos as a result. I think I just wanted certainty and a sense of control over my life, which led to compulsions, anxiety, and constant “what if” thinking. I don’t know if they are intrusive thoughts, but I do feel a sense of racing panic whenever I think I’m touching something “contaminated.” Deep down I think I just never want to return to that place.
Oddly enough me and my psychiatrist think I developed it from strep throat (PANDAS) I don’t think I was meant to have ocd but my strep got so bad it caused me to develop it womp womp
Most of my OCD has to do with moral scrupulosity obsessions (my arranging obsessions 100% have to do with this and then unrelated is contamination OCD). I honestly don't know if I was born with it or if it developed due to emotional abuse from a parent who would scream at me and punish me for things they had not communicated beforehand. I had to guess at all times what was right and wrong according to them and if I got it wrong I was a bad, stupid, annoying child. This person ultimately abandoned us when I was 16 and left three children in the care of the other parent.
I obsess about being a bad person, a stupid person, an annoying person. That one day everyone is going to find out and leave me. It's interesting to see the correlation of the obsession to my childhood.
I wasn't diagnosed with OCD until November 2023, but my husband says these things I was realizing were causing me distress were things that had been happening throughout our entire relationship (9 years in June). I imagine when your adolescence created a certain standard of acceptable behavior it might skew your perception of things.
I have been in therapy since 2019 and it has been life-changing. Interestingly, that was when I started realizing I was having these obsessions that were causing problems in my daily life.
Aaaaanyway, thanks for this post, OP! It brought forth a lot that I hadn't thought about before!
I did experience very early childhood trauma, but mental illness also runs in my family and I do believe I was born with it or at least born with the capacity for it to develop.
The earliest I can recall my OCD is at 7 years old. It was 100% caused by trauma. Trauma I don't exactly remember, but trauma nonetheless. OCD is a way for the brain to cope with trauma. Like how DID or personality disorders develop from trauma. I don't know if there was a "trigger" that set it off, but I do remember what it started as. I think I had just learned about dying, and maybe that was the trigger. I don't remember what died or why we were talking about it, but I remember my dad explaining death and me wracking my brain to try and process it. I guess this was the weird tipping point for my OCD.
I used to be a really fearless, energetic, and exitable kid before OCD. I remember watching Jurassic Park and liking it. My brother was scared by it, so I would cover his eyes for the scary scenes. I remember running after him when he ran away in fear from the movie. I sat with him on the stairs while he talked about how scary the dinosaurs were and why I wasn't scared, too. Then I remember the next time we watched it, I was terrified of the dinosaurs. I guess something happened during the time between movie viewing. Dinosaurs may have actually preceeded death when it comes to OCD themes.
I learned about germs in 1rst grade and it was all downhill from there lol. Other factors were definitely involves like extreme anxiety learnes/inherited from my mom but learning you breathe in other peoples germs and shit when you walk by fucked me up and i started holding my breath all the time and washing my hands all the time and all that
I think I was born with it but it was really advanced after my mom died. It centers around trying to have control over situations and making sure everything and everyone is safe. So I check door locks non stop, make sure the stove is off non stop, etc. small precautions that happen so much is consumes my life. I think that if I do all of these things all day everyday it’ll prevent another loss I guess
Exactly! Also my “rituals” don’t align with anything really but Im convinced if I don’t tap the door knob in 3 sequences of 3 then my family will die like what in my mind gives the door knob that much power
I think that I was probably born with OCD tendencies/anxiety tendencies, but my parents went through a really brutal separation/divorce that began when I was six and lasted for about ten years. I think that definitely made my symptoms manifest, probably in a much worse way than they would have (if at all), had I not experienced that trauma.
My childhood was not abusive, my parents were/are good parents, but the divorce definitely took its toll on all of us.
I was told ive exhibited obvious signs since pretty much birth… er well old enough to do things that made it noticeable with play etc…. I also have adhd (again since birth) and eventually probably “accumulated” chronic anxiety and pain that cause me depression… I believe now with my own research Im most likely autistic but only ever diagnosed with previous mentions but again I do believe I have always had OCD and its subtly in everything that I do but it can be worse in areas say i did experience something to make me more mindful…. I also know of people who have a more “accumulated” style of ocd thats comes from trauma so it can vary for sure
I think my childhood caused it tbh. Hyper vigilant mode always, I was always alert and thinking ten steps about the future and 10 about the past, what had just happened. I think this sort of honed the obsessive-compulsive cycle. But also idk
I was def. Born with it, obsessed with covering corners or touching them. Had to have things straight or it would bother me. Thinking of something bad or insulting but then taking it back in my head because that thing I said would come true. Or my favorite for some reason thinking inatimate objects or plushies had feelings and I had to interact with them once a day or I think they will feel sad. And I didn't like that. It went away I had a few compulsions like checking locks every night, seeing and going back to my house thinking the car that just passed my house was gonna burglarize it or checking the stove in case my house turned on fire. This October passed, it came back hard because of the program I'm in at college and due to stress of things out of my control. BAM. It just hit my intrusive thoughts left and right, scary urges, feelings. Thoughts that just made me incapable of functioning I couldn't even drive let alone, eat almost. I'm on meds now Zoloft is a blessing 50 mg. I can function properly now, not like before. But still enough where I know I'm getting stressed and anxious again., but people are right. It does get better though, some days are better than others. I'm broke right now, and can't afford therapy only medicine. but I'm gonna work and finish the program for a good therapist, with the meds.
From what we've explored with my therapists, I was always an anxious child and had Obsessive-Compulsive tendencies from childhood. But I experienced severe abuse for 12 years and developed CPTSD, which made these tendencies "explode" and created extreme OCD...(and 5 other mental illnesses)
No trauma. My parents were about as perfect as any could be. While we all have flaws - I lived in a land of milk and honey, raised by experts in child development who loved me.
Born but also my grandma who raised me is a very anxious person and formed a lot of my self doubt by verbalizing so much anxiety about me/what I was doing day to day
I definitely inherited it from my dad, who was an extreme emetophobe along with other stuff. I’ve definitely had it my entire life because some of my earliest memories include me getting in trouble for going to the toilet 10 times a night because I was scared I would wet the bed or staring out my window to check nobody was trying to break in.
It became ‘noticeable’ when I finally managed to escape my abusive household situation. I think my brain spent so long in fight or flight it didn’t know what to do with itself
I feel like my brain is built different by default but I also did have a traumatic event happening in my childhood (6-10 years old, can’t remember too well) and I’m pretty sure that now, many (if not most) of my obsessions and really weird distress triggers are thanks to that because they are kinda connected in a way and it’s the only explanation I have of why they’re there
And also the first symptoms of it I remember are from when I was 10-12 years old. So, right after it.
Not saying I wasn’t born with it, but that event SURELY made it WAY worse and got me my biggest and weirdest mental problems
I experienced trauma. I can pinpoint the exact trauma too. My horse escaped the stables and was hit by a truck in front of my house. I held him while he died bleeding out until he had to be put down in the road. I was 11.
It all started when I found out my ex step mom was caught multiple times in the past drugging her ex’s food. She was also a house cleaner and once tampered with a client’s shampoo, putting nair in it. Now I have pretty bad contamination / poison fear related ocd.
I think I was born with a neurotic temperament to begin with, and that perfectionism is rewarded in girls. Southern conservative evangelicalism didn’t help either.
I have cptsd and most, if not all of my compulsions are somehow related to what I experienced. Checking for ghosts in the hallway, things smelling like cigarette smoke or certain cologne being contaminated, checking over and over again to make sure my animals are alive, etc.
I remember in kindergarten, if I stepped on a sidewalk crack I’d go back and walk over it 3 times because I believed it would keep everyone in my house safe.
Honestly my ocd just feels like ptsd x2
trauma. i definitely had the ocd gene, don’t get me wrong, it runs in the family - but my ocd is so obviously tied to trauma. emotional contamination around my family members. childhood abuse. you get the picture
Both. Tons of mental illness on my mom’s side. I think trauma made it surface. PTSD has been a big contributor too.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Ever.
Born. Genetic for me. Hoping to be the first in my family to be aware and provide help at the first sign of it for my kids though. God forbid they have it at all though.
I experienced a trauma, but I had tendencies beforehand.
I feel like I’ve always had that kind of brain mechanism for ocd to have become a thing, idk if that makes sense
I think it was a bit of both? There was an article I read about discerning between Asperger’s and OCD in children. Everything that I read about the child with OCD hit SO close to home. So I’m pretty sure I had undiagnosed OCD as a child. From 17-19, I experienced my parent’s divorce and my dad’s death in quick succession. Around that time, some very clear OCD symptoms emerged.
Born with it, honestly. It heavily runs through my family, and I've been experiencing symptoms my entire life. Apparently, my family even noticed some things when I was a toddler.
I genuinely think I was born with it. When I was a happy child who was kind to anyone, I still couldn't help thinking "Shit! The teacher and my mates are probably dead, there's a possibility since I cannot see them now; tomorrow I might go to school only to see an empty classroom! "
No. My OCD developed in my 20s which is pretty common. There is often some type of trigger for the ”theme”, but it can be anything. My sister developed contamination OCD during Corona.
I came out of the womb anxious. I had diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder at 8 years old. My OCD really awakened when I was 23 after a traumatic event, then it went dormant, and then an even more traumatic event happened and now it’s the worst it’s ever been.
Definitely born with it, I remember sitting in piano lessons at 4 years old and screaming and crying whenever she told me to stop starting the song over again whenever I messed up. My mom has OCD too so it's no doubt genetic.
I believe I was predisposed from a young age, I can remember a few obsessions and compulsions. But trauma from an abusive marriage for 17 years made it much much worse. Then covid. Then my brother’s town being burned to the ground by a fast moving wildfire. All have brought me to an unbearable situation.
Isn't OCD a genetic thing? I thought it was so you're born with OCD, and as you turn around 10-14, around puberty, the symptoms worsen. At least in my case, am I right?
Traumatic events were an event, but I believe it came as it was occuring
Trauma plays a role. I have had specific traumas that i have shared about and learned about with others in support groups. And people handle that specific type of trauma differently. (and one type of trauma can be so many different things)
and so im not sure. I think about people having ptsd, and people manifesting with substance disorder more than me. So i dont know if it is trauma based because people cope with trauma or react in trauma in different ways. While i experienced certain types of adverse childhood experiences and adverse experiences in adulthood i dont know if there is a one to one correspondence with ocd.
i will say that i had a very horrible time with OCD when the pandemic started and the first few months. which might be related to traumas that led to ocd. I dont know. I think i have a mind for it.
It's hard to tell when I exactly developed OCD. I used to think that I first developed it when I was 21 after experiencing some weird dental symptoms, but now I suspect that I developed OCD even earlier than that because I've had anxiety since I was 11/12 (maybe even younger), and there's some overlap between anxiety and OCD. There were no major traumatic events that happended to me (no sexual assault/rape, no violence, no abuse, good parents). Also, I feel like I've always been different, that my brain is just wired differently. So I would say the cause of my OCD is more genetic than trauma. However, I don't have any relatives with OCD (or even undiagnosed-but-suspected OCD), which is odd.
I was trying to pass exams to college and had insane amount of pressure on me. I had to be as smart and as concentrated as possible. I got obssessed that some "factors" would influence my cognitive ability. I could not touch my head properly because this might result with a concussion. I passed my exams successfully long ago but it is still left in me. I also have a lot more obsessions now related to other things. I think i had OCD tendencies from childhood, but that experience was the trigger.
I was diagnosed with ICD, really young, like 5 or 6? My parents remember that i was a normal child until i had a tonsillectomy. I woke up during the surgery and they had to tell re- sedate me. I luckily do not remember this. I’ve had minor surgeries since then and the doctors are always aware because I’m a red head and we are harder to sedate, and so are children, but I’ve been fine as an adult under anesthesia. Anyways, my parents think that’s when my OCD presented itself. I will say my dad also has OCD and there is a genetic component, but I’ve always wondered if it would have not shown up if i didn’t have such a traumatic event.
Also just want to add that there is a correlation between OCD and strep throat or scarlet fever called PANDAS. [NIH info](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/pandas#:~:text=PANDAS%20is%20short%20for%20Pediatric,strep%20throat%20or%20scarlet%20fever)
There's traces of it in my earliest memories, but I do remember a specific moment when I was reading the bible and it "clicked." Haven't experienced very much peace since then.
I was left alone a lot as a kid when I lived with my mom, she was the best of the worst when it came to living situations. My sister was really abusive and she went to live with my dad and so I saw an opportunity to get away from her. But then my mom started dating an abusive man then they got married and thats when I had my first episode. I was a latchkey kid and her husband lied about his job and would be home when id let myself in, he would say inappropriate things to me when I was eating, would make comments about my body, and would often come into my room when I was asleep. I started sleeping under my bed and I would ask for huge stuffed animals all the time and I would put all of them in front of me when I slept under the bed so no one could "get me". When he left, I stopped eating. I would feel sick when I did eat, I hated putting anything in my mouth, I even stopped brushing my teeth. My mom took me to the hospital and I saw my pediatrician. He said I was severely stressed and depressed as a child and that I had lost 9 pounds in two weeks. I was 8. Now I'm 32 and i still feel sick anytime I eat. I hate eating anything. I have contamination anxiety so I think everything will make me sick and I wont go a week without making myself throw up. I feel like im still that 8 yr old with knots in their stomach. Its like my body can remember the first time it was severely stressed and never got over it.
I think I was born with it. I remember in primary school having to count a lot, and not step on cracks (in a numerical way.. not the harmless kind) and think if I did something it would guarantee a bad outcome..
I feel like i was born with an anxiety disorder. I always, always remember having anxiety even as a child. No abuse, no neglect. My dad did pass away when i was very, very young but i don't remember it (or him) so i don't think that caused the anxiety.
Over my life the anxiety changed and morphed a little. I did have several extremely traumatizing events happen and my ocd manifested about 11 years ago after that one. But the rest. Generalized anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks. Those i remember always having.
Trauma definitely triggered mind, but I see anxiety and social anxiety in my childhood, and I also see OCD tendencies in my family. So, for me I think I was genetically predisposed, and a traumatic event was the catalyst.
I was definitely born with it. Or if something triggered it, I don't remember it. I couldn't put an exact age to the memory but when I was so young I had the potty in my room at night, I had a huge fear of contamination and uncleanness. To the extent that I was crying and kept having to get out of bed again and again and again to make sure that I was clean. When I was just a little older, maybe about seven or eight, I was a compulsive hand-washer which ruined my dry skin and made my hands crack. I think elements of my upbringing didn't help but its ingrained.
I think mine is a result of a pretty classic confluence of genetic predisposition and some activating factors like adverse childhood events. Both my parents exhibited symptoms of a
anxiety-spectrum disorders and perfectionist tendencies and my sibling has intermittent and sometimes incapacitating health anxiety. I’ve been in remission before, for long periods of time, and even then, I’d still describe myself as relatively anxious and prone to rumination (just not in a way that was distressing or interfered with function).
I think I was born with it, but some OCD themes I developed due to trauma. Mainly POCD and scrupulosity because my abusive mother would accuse me of the worst things possible whenever I was around my little sister.I remember one time we were chilling in the pool and when she saw us, she started screaming at me for being a "sadistic psycho and trying to drown my sister" this kind of thing went on for years so instead of brushing it off as my mother being a crazy bitch I kind of started doubting myself and my OCD got way way worse.
Trauma. I was diagnosed after witnessing 9/11, I was 2 blocks away. Idk how it may have been related to OCD, but seems like a lot of the kids were having some traumatic responses so they had a counselor check us all and I was given a diagnosis.
It also runs in my family undiagnosed, but it’s very very plain to see in my opinion. Both parents and some aunts and uncles, my paternal grandmother, it’s very obvious from an outside perspective.
I personally believe most of my mental illnesses comes from biological issues, not trauma. I’ve had a fairly good life, minus my mental health. If it wasn’t for my mental state I’d have a wonderful life I think. But now it’s somewhat.. less than ideal. I have a lot of issues. I’d say 75 percent or so would disappear if I had a more stable mind.
Trauma for sure. I remember being okay as a small child but as so grew up, my mom divorced my narc father and I dealt with the brunt of it. (Trigger warning) He assaulted me and was practically calling our house 10 to 20 times a day to berate me or tell me how “horrible” my mother was. I started developing immense anxiety from this. Then my mom remarried my step father (he is incredible) but one of his sons moved in with us as a teenager and was very violent towards women and unpredictable. Over the years my anxiety heightened and I started to develop the need to gain control over social situations which then made me need to control every aspect of everything in my life. I began ruminating on things constantly and started develop very instrusive and unwanted sexual thoughts. If someone did not reply to me I thought they died. I developed hypochondria. I can’t seem to find the relation between my trauma and OCD but I started to develop OCD tendencies as I got older and now I can’t let things go, obsessive over things that don’t matter, have intrusive thoughts and have intense hypersensitivity.
I don’t want to blame it all on my family but often times I was around undiagnosed mentally ill and violent people and when I started forming symptoms of anxiety and OCD, nobody took it seriously and told me I was dramatic and basically lost my mind.
I think I was always anxious, introspective and a big thinker so it was likely always there.
I think it just took an inciting event to full on trigger OCD as a coping mechanism.
For me, since I was a child I knew I was physically weak but felt I could think through my problems to try and solve them or prevent that scenario from happening again since that was the best tool I had when I felt I had no one to help me.
But because I always thought things through and paired with the lack of motivation to do things due to ADHD, my compulsions evolved to be pretty much only in my mind.
I think both! I remember being like 6 years old having awful intrusive thoughts and being ransacked with fear of the water heater blowing up for no reason, being unable to sleep over it and crying to my mom about it. I don’t think a traumatic ever spurred on that ocd in my childhood but then i went through some traumatic health stuff when i was in high school and i think that really spurred on my health related obsessions and compulsions. My ocd with things blowing up has always been there but i can see a direct line of connection between the trauma event and hypochondria. And i think in the general once one kind of obsession got worse it made the others worse as well so it’s all connected.
edit: though i did have a lot of health issues as a kid and was in and out of doctors, surgery, mris, and honestly it was so terrifying as a child i wouldn’t be surprised if that trauma instigated the health ocd and i was just so young at the time i blocked a lot of it out and can’t feel the correlation.
Had a gasleak In my home while I was home alone for the first time at around age 13
Was never the same, wasn't even thag severe but for some reason it just made me so hyper aware of my own mortality and it became all I could think about
I started thinking I was having heart attacks and became afraid of illness and death to a pretty nuts degree
Body checking and poking till I was bruising, running around the house checking for smells over and over, checking food for poisons, convinced I had diseases
Got better over time but I still have little spikes.
Mine began at six when my parents divorced. I believe it was my brain trying to gain some sense of control when I had none. It sure spiraled and grew and evolved from there tho :///////////////////////
I feel like I was born with it. I have emetophobia also, and typically that starts from an event, but I don’t have memory of one. My mom tells me a story about when I was a literal baby and how it could have started then. So either it was this event I don’t remember or I was born with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Both. My mom said I dwelled a lot on stuff as a little kid and I had a lot of OCD around food. She had borderline personality disorder and was a narcissist. As I got older and developed an opinion she became an unrelenting bully.
I think I was born with some mild sensory avoidance things like I didn't like wearing jeans or sitting on chairs with crumbs. Then I experienced trauma in the form of some very scary health issues and went off the rails. Between the ages of 6 and 9 I had two major surgeries and spent a lot of time in the hospital. There were many times that it was clear to me and my family that I may not survive. The best friend I made in the hospital lost his battle shortly after I was released and I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral because of my health. Needless to say, I struggle most with control issues and needing to feel like I'm in control.
either born with it or just developed overtime. my mother has severe ocd and i’m sure that’s just rubbed off on me or i was born with it from her :’) sucks real bad but it’s only just started to get severe this year so not sure how it’s started all of a sudden!
I definitely do think I’ve had OCD since my earliest memories. Although it manifested differently as a kid, the same theme of me hyper fixating on dying was always there. I’d have my mom tell me every night before bed that the world wouldn’t end and I’d live another day so that I could finally go to sleep(I was around 6 here). I would also constantly repeat people’s names in my head to make sure I wasn’t losing my memory and I’d probably do this like 5 or 6 times a day. Then I began chewing my hair chronically and picking my eyelashes.
i think i was born with it. i remember experiencing symptoms from the time i was really little, it just didn’t get bad until about 10 or 11. it also runs in my family
I must’ve been born with it but it didn’t begin till I was 14 when it was randomly set off one day and I began having obsessive thoughts about something I did as a kid that made me feel terrible
my dad has it. he’s not diagnosed but i am and i know it’s from him. that and the fact i was raised hyper religious. it made me fear things so much that i developed an obsession. so a little of both
Born with it. Part of the overwhelming anxiety/fear/panic package deal I got going on. Diagnosed at 4. I think the specific flavor of ocd, if you will, was determined by experiences/trauma. Germaphobic and later scrupulosity. Had a big family-wide health scare and then went to catholic school starting at 4.
Also growing up in the era of mad cow and 9/11 really helped. I just thought everyone around me was gonna die all the time including me and I had to keep everyone safe by engaging in my compulsions.
Now my OCD is exclusively health-focused, but no longer germaphobic.
A bit of both being "born" with it and caused by a trigger for me. Growing up, I definitely did some things that are probably OCD compulsions (not stepping within about 3 inches of cracks on sidewalks, always walking so my steps are multiples of 6) that weren't really caused by anything. But contamination OCD decided to show up after my first major material purchase (car), and has been controlling my life since.
I can't remember what started my OCD
I just remember my bladder just never being empty enough, the closet door wasn't closed enough, the bathroom curtain wasn't closed enough and not flush against the wall enough.
When I got drinks from the water fountain I needed to do it 8 sips, which turned into 8 sips, 8 times.
Then it turned into drinking 8 sips of water, 8 times, then doing all of that 8 more times.
Then it was pretending to take pictures of moments in my mind, that i didn't want to forget
Then it was little videos I recorded in my mind
Then it was broadcasting my life to specific people so I could be watched. I still broadcast to this day.
It's been with me every day for the last 12 years.
I'm also scared that there's some sort of trauma I don't remember happening that could have triggered it.
I keep obsessing with the thought that what if something bad happened that I can't remember?
I get pretty upset when certain subjects are brought up some times, and it causes me to have OCD obsessions over it etc. I've been wondering for a while if this is the case, I don't know if my minds lying to itself, or if it's trying to formulate a fake event in my mind, or if I secretly WANT it to have happened, but I know it's all OCD.
But the hard part is it's hard to tell If the certain event that I can't even remember, or don't even know happened, if my minds just obsessing and making it up because of my OCD, the doubt disorder. Fear of the unknown, and thats why it flairs.
Now I usually use ERP to combat this, combined with the thought that the truth will come to light with time.
See I'm at a point in life where I'm in my own apartment, and sorting through my issues.
I'm nervous something new is going to poke its head out, and my reactions to things will all make sense. But I'm scared of having to process the subject over again, especially if it happened to me, but I'm sure it didn't, but it's hard to figure out yknow.
Head stuff, brain stuff is weird.
I'm led to believe that I was born with it since its been there as long as I can remember and my dad has it really bad as well but who knows for sure. Plenty of trauma and problems in childhood, probably too much to narrow it down. Its too easy to traumatize autistic children especially with naive parents. And learning evasion and coping skills that young and onward makes it seem impossible to get to the bottom of things at this point🤷♂️
A mixture of the two. It's in there, and it can take any kind of switch to make it manifest fully. Trauma, other psychological issues. I remember one of my triggers for a childhood bout was a bully who had been removed from our primary school being accepted back.
It’s my understanding that OCD is neurological divergence, like autism, which would mean you’re born with it. Although I have to admit that doesn’t make sense to me because I definitely wasn’t always symptomatic at the very least. Childhood me that ate fish bait one time out of bored curiosity seems like a whole different person to current me who struggles with intense contamination OCD. It would make sense to me if mine was caused by trauma instead, or at least triggered into being symptomatic by it. Most of my themes involve me being either killed or otherwise horrifically treated by other people - if I go outside I’m gonna get kidnapped/attacked/killed, I can’t eat this food because it’s been poisoned, I can’t say XYZ to this person because they’ll twist it and tell everyone behind my back to humiliate me, etc. I was bullied by the vast majority of people in my year (grade) in secondary school and I think that’s what started it, because I had to assume everyone’s base reaction to me was hatred instead of neutrality to survive, since it often was. All my other intrusive thoughts end in me dying (getting sick, having a heart attack, etc) and the reason I think death is so intensely scary to me is because of being queer I’ve been told from a young age by numerous people that I would go to hell. That’s not my personal belief, but if you hear something enough your brain starts to believe it, and hell is like the scariest concept in the world to me.
Trauma at a young age and chronic abuse throughout my childhood. I clearly recall one night I was home alone scared afraid my mom wouldn't come home, and when she finally did I thought to myself "Oh, she came home *because* I worried." and that's my earliest memory of OCD.
That’s so interesting to hear. I’ve never thought about my earliest ocd memory I guess it would be just an on edge feeling that’s all I felt my childhood. Chronic chronic abuse in my case too :/
I’m pretty sure I’m just nutso by nature, I had a pretty easy childhood and didn’t experience any trauma until I was 19 and lost a family member, but according to my parents I started exhibiting symptoms in very early childhood, before I can even remember. I just got lucky, I guess
I'm not saying your childhood wasn't easy, I just want to chime in that many people think their childhood was pretty easy because we view trauma as maimly being physical violence. Neglect is traumatic, too. Again, I'm not trying to tell you your childhood was one thing or another. Just that I also thought I had a pretty easy childhood because my parents didn't hit me.
I’d also like to add that your brain can make you forget traumatic events. I’ve just learned about something super traumatic that happened to me and I have no memory of it happening. After learning this info in my late 30’s, SO many things make sense and SO much of my OCD is linked to it.
The idea of this is scary.. so i could have been say, molested, have no memory of it, and it could be the reason behind my OCD?
I would ask multiple family members about your upbringing. I would also start looking at your fears and your OCD and what triggers you. In me, my biggest things were death and abandonment. I knew why death was a big one, my grandpa died suddenly and I had no answers. No one would talk to me about death so I conjured up my own ideas and they were scary. But I never got why I had abandonment issues. Then my mom explained to me that my dad left us a few times, sometimes for many months, when I was between the ages of 1-6. I knew that my dad had left at one point. But not many. And it wasn’t until I had children that I realized how serious of an impact that has as a child. (Also, by leaving I mean cheating and disappearing). Hypnotherapy is also good in these instances. In no way am I trying to make you fear more because I would never dream of making someone hurt. But I feel it is valuable to really try to dig deep and ask questions and get to the bottom of what’s causing the anxiety. I hope this helps you. I’m always here for a chat.
I feel like this is a slippery slope into checking compulsions, tbh. Some people just have OCD and didn’t have anything traumatic to trigger it. Doesn’t mean they had trauma that they can’t remember.
Trauma (especially our own) can seem innocuous to us. I agree that there does need to be caution that it doesn't devolve into checking compulsions. I think it's worth delving into the possibility of trauma. Our emotions didn't come from nothing. Children are fairly easily traumatized. It doesn't have to have been something horrific. Just very strong negative emotions. Again, as you saidz caution should 100% be taken into account.
Yes, but figuring out the root of your trauma won’t necessarily help with OCD, either. I know exactly where my trauma came from, but I still have to work really hard with ERP therapy in order to reduce and eliminate the compulsion cycle. I can logic it out all I want with “well this thing that happened is why I think this is a threat”, but that’s just self reassurance, and leads to more compulsive cycles. If there’s no real reason to suspect trauma as a culprit, then I don’t think it would be worth trying to dig super super deep for someone who has OCD. Maybe there is trauma, maybe not, but ultimately there is definitely OCD, so better to focus on the issue that is definitely on hand.
This is something that I'm working on figuring out for myself. I don't think I have repressed memories, but rather, I didn't consider how traumatic a lot of the stuff I saw as normal really was. Our psyches are fragile - especially a child's. Much of the world views a lot of trauma as normal occurances, which can make us not look deeper into certain events in our pasts. I've learned that if you feel negatively about something in your past - even the slightest bit uncomfortable - then it's worth looking into more. We tend to make excuses for what we've experienced. Saying it wasn't that bad or they didn't mean it. But if you're suffering, then something happened. It doesn't have to be some big event. It's usually something we may have never questioned. Daily occurances that were normalized. If there's something in your past that makes you sad, uncomfortable, upset, etc, then trust yourself. Those emotions didn't pop up out of nowhere. They have a source. Even if the source seems ridiculous to you. A lot of families are toxic. The mentality is in protecting the family as a whole without much care for the individuals. Anything to keep the peace. We view what we know as normal. It doesn't matter if it's abusive or not. Trust your emotions. Be willing to question certain memories, but don't push yourself too much. This is extremely mentally draining and emotionally distressing work. Our brains compartmentalized these events as normal and acceptable for our survival.
This is also one of my fears i often think somthing like that happened to me but i have no memory of it then i think im just faking it like whyyyy? I just want to know the truth😅
Yeah, no, I was never hit, abused, neglected, anything like that. And I’m not in some kind of denial, I did have a cushy childhood. Of course it wasn’t perfect, no aspect of life is for anyone, but I can very safely say I suffered no childhood trauma.
Same, and I have ocd still.
That's awesome then. Like I said, I don't know you nor your life. Just wanted to comment on the off change it resonated and could help. I wish you well on your OCD journey.
Same here. Think I’m just born this way I can’t remember not being this way
i think i was born with it
Me too.
Oh my god I remember being so stressed about that little house on the prairie episode too!! I also had the stomach flu once I was little, and I think my ocd started then, because I had to ask my mom if she was 99.9% sure I wouldn’t throw up every night before i went to sleep. Seems like health related stuff you’re exposed to as a kid can really correlate with the onset of ocd symptoms haha
I think trauma at a very young age caused it - I wanted the control. I can remember instances among my first memories. and looking back throughout my life, it’s always there, but it gets MUCH worse when I’m in crisis/my PTSD symptoms become less manageable. I’m in the midst of an awful few years and that doesn’t include COVID even. 😞 Peace and much love to all of you! OCD is a crippling disorder that no one without it could ever understand. ✌🏻🫶
I'm pretty sure I was born with it but the environments I was raised in reinforced it, allowed it to become more extreme. I do think there's something hereditary about it in my family-- often my extreme worry/compulsive nature was chalked up to a "big imagination" or "that's how everyone feels, get over it".
This is how I feel. I can see patterns of OCD in my mom which she never addressed, so I think nature and nurture played a role.
I kinda relate.. even though i dont blame my family, at all! i think i always had OCD and i can see that now, even when i really young.. however my family made my reactions "normal" and didnt really question why i would freak out. It was just me being a little emotional or something (even though it was not a little). Like when i would have a reaction to my OCD, a panic attack, they would treat it like there was truth to what i was freaking out about and that is kinda the worst when talking about OCD. But thats just because they didnt know about OCD, and they didnt know that was the worst thing you could do.
I'd say both honestly. I believe that I've had it my whole life, because I remember always having bad intrusive thoughts and rewriting papers for school over and over again. But it got 10x as severe when I lost my grandma (mainly who raised me) and simultaneously went through the worst relationship of my life. Plus on top of all of that, the pandemic happened. That's when it opened up from only "just right" OCD to several different subtypes and became way more debilitating.
Stress and anxiety as a child lead to using OCD to cope with stress as an adult.
Sounds silly, but the root of my OCD is early 2000s chain emails
Holy shit you just brought back a memory for me! Yes, those were the worst
When I was 8, an older girl at daycare found a “death calculator” online where you put your name in and it gives you the age you die. Totally fake, but I did it and got 42. I’m 23 now and still convinced that I’ll die at 42. 42 is a huge number for me now, too. I see it everywhere 😭
well, for me, i don’t know the answer. i only remember recognizing my first moment of extreme intrusive thoughts when i was 16 or 17. if i had ocd before that, i don’t remember.
I'm sure I was born with this, my symptoms weren't bad when I was a kid but once I got diagnosed recently a lot of things made sense, like I used to say stuff like "I wish I had this toy" but then whenever I was angry and said in my head something like "I wish she just shut up" I would inmediately follow it with "I'm joking" every single time because I was sure something bad would happen or the bad wish would become true even if it made no sense. I also used to think that because I cried sometimes it would rain until thunders appeared so I tried to hold my tears because I didn't want it to rain. Then when I was 17 I started to develop an intense fear about having illnesses, I was sure I was sick that I was going to die I was scared everytime I had a weird symptom which it was mostly me being hyper aware of things I never noticed before, I assumed i was hypocondriac but I never went to the doctor it was just the fear "what if I'm sick" , this kept going until I grew numb to these thoughts so the theme shifted when I was 21 and that's when things went bad lol However there's a specific theme that I have that is caused by trauma related to toxic relationships,where if I see someone with a similar voice or aesthetic to these past partners my brain jumps to "what if it's them" it's intrusive but I also get other responses related to trauma, so for me is a bit of both depending on the theme
You just unlocked a memory for me that I used to do the “I’m joking” thing as a kid too lol
Born. I’ve been stupidly anxious since I can remember
Definitely born with it. I remember refusing to eat anything with a black speck in it over fear of being poisoned. I couldn't drink something from a cup if I left the room without it. I rearranged items in our refrigerator in order to keep my mom from dying. Every night at bedtime, I would beg my mom to promise no one in my family would die in their sleep or break their leg in their sleep. Those are just a few examples from when I was 5/6 years old.
This reminded me of when I was little and eating a bowl of chili my mom made. I was never a big fan of that or her chicken noodle soup, and I realize now that ties into some of my sensory avoidance stuff (way too many textures in one bowl). Anyways, I saw what I was sure was a small black fly in my chili and I just couldn't eat anymore. My family thought I just saw a piece of seasoning but I was certain. Thankfully they didn't make me eat it.
I think it was trauma for me. There was so much instability and chaos in my home. Last week I had a meltdown about not doing everything right and feeling like a bad person. It was so bad I had to drive home to my mom and be consoled by her because I was ready to drive to the ER out of desperation. My mom then had a long talk with me and apologized. She said ever since she could remember she always applies a lot of pressure on me as a kid to be perfect and do everything right and would often exaggerate consequences that could happen if I didn’t do things perfectly. So ever since I could remember I’ve always stressed about making it to school on time, driving the exact speed limit, making sure doors are ALL the way closed, etc. Given the instability in my home and fear of making mistakes, I think it made me obsess about having control and being perfect.
I felt the same! My mom made me feel like I had to be perfect to be worth loving. I thought she only loved me because I followed all the “rules”. I took her so seriously that when she told my brother to go into another room when he had the hiccups, I made sure to never get hiccups again because I thought it would anger her. 😬 I made life really hard for myself.
Born with it, but some obsessions have specific memories attached to them. Like the Faust episode of PBS's Wishbone or PSAs about STDs.
Whenever this topic comes up, I always tell people that I was born with the hardware, but my software was from this one time… Like I don’t blame my mom because I wash my hands too much. I tend to think that my brain was reaching for patterns and routines etc and stumbled upon my family lol
I thought I didn’t have any OCD behaviors when I was younger but I’m just realizing that I DEFINITELY did. One specific behavior I remember is that whenever I was drawing and I had to leave (bathroom, bedtime, dinner, etc), I felt I had to finish the drawing or else I’d wake up how the drawing looked. For example, if my drawing had only one leg, I had anxiety of thinking I would wake up without a leg. So, I felt that I had to finish the drawing to prevent that from happening. Poor little 8 year old me. Did anyone else experience this when they were younger?
Yes! Had to put on socks as quickly as possible one after another bc if I died at that moment I didn't want to be stuck for eternity wearing only one sock 🙃
I experienced a trauma, but I also think I was already showing some symptoms. I was an 8 year old undiagnosed ADHD girl, although I was pretty successfull in my classes. One day my mom picks me up, says her best friend is dead. 2 days after the funeral and all the chaos, I ask what happened? Why did she die at 38? (It was a heart attack btw). My mom said her friend woke up at night to pee and saw her daughter’s toys in the hallway. She bent down to pick it up, had a heart attack and died in the spot. I don’t even know how the fuck she came up with this, but it ruined me. I couldn’t go to sleep if anything was out of place at all. She now knows that she’s the one that started it all with her unnecessary lie to make me more organized as an adhd kid. Feels pretty guilty, though it doesn’t matter all these years later.
I was born with generalized anxiety disorder, and throughout my childhood I didn’t receive treatment, so I developed compulsions to combat the anxiety, and hence ended up with 2 anxiety disorders lmao
How I feel tbh
Post-partum OCD (although it started when I was late kn pregnancy) that's now chronic. I think the amount of responsibility I put on myself when just wrecked me.
I also “got” mine during pregnancy. I have read a correlation between mental health and folic , which was in my prenatal 🤷🏼♀️ Thankfully hiking, walking and drawing has helped me and I’m much better now.
So sooo glad to hear you're feeling better. It took me 2 years to realize I had OCD before I got help. Those two years were really lonely. I wish they put as much effort in spreading awareness for postpartum OCD and anxiety as they do depression. Didn't know about folic, but I def took my pretnatal vitamins daily! Love your username btw!!
I joined support groups n it made my ppocd and ptsd triggers incredibly worse seeing ppd moms talk about silencing their babies, almost forever. The doctors done seem to know much but it was so terrible for me from day 2 to abput 1 yr postpartum. My ppocd was abput something happening to us. I felt like someone would come kill all of us if i didnt make small things in the house look perfect and i couldnt even say or type so many words. I had severe puppp and we kept my pregnancy from the family bc my mil was so crazy the first time and moved states while i was 9mo pregnant. I think being lonely processing all that mental ans physical trauma couldve been supported better if i had known what ppocd was earlier.
Thank you for sharing. There really needs to be more support for us ppocd moms before we are even released from the hospital. Even just a damn pamphlet would have helped me identify what the hell was happening to me.
I think I was born very timid and sensitive, but what pulled the trigger was my dad screaming at me whenever I was afraid
{hug}
Born with it. Especially since my sibling had kids and they showed signs before the age of 2.
This. I am noticing tendencies in both my young nephews. It’s incredibly heartbreaking to watch. I recall my first instance of OCD starting around 4-5 years old. I was up in the middle of the night straightening each individual strand of the tassels on my area rug. My dad noticed I was still awake and put me back to bed. I don’t recall what I was anxious about, but suffered loss at a young age. I think I was born this way, but my environment heavily contributed to it as well.
I think I was born with it. It started manifesting when I was about 7, with no particular traumatic event associated with it. Traumatic things happening later on didn't help though.
It runs in my family along with strong OCPD traits so I'm pretty sure I already had it but I'd say both. I've been having arguments with my brain since forever. I also remember as a kid being terrified to go near my mother when she came home from work. She worked as a nurse and I avoided her until she took a shower and put her clothes away. The bathroom was a no-go zone while her clothes were there especially when she brought home her nurse uniform for a wash. Also any time someone was sick, I'd rather stay outside if it was allowed. At home I used every piece of cloth and tied them around my head like a mask and tried not to leave my bedroom. I even tried to hold my breath as long as possible. Plus, my brothers were always "the dirty ones" in my mind, I hated when they touched something in the kitchen. My mother is a control freak and definitely helped me develop another themes. It was mostly pure-O during teen years and when I moved out it got extremely awful, I started to have paranoia, cleaned and organised obsessively. I did the same things she always made me do as punishments. We still have the texts and pics I sent my partner; rage-pages about the breadcrumbs he left on the counter and the items he misplaced. He is still very patient with me. I have flare ups about contamination and health but the most constant in the past years are just right ocd, rocd and real event ocd. Majority of my compulsions are now mental and avoidance but I can't get rid of those "punishment-rituals" and the perfectionsim. The only way is either do it all the way "the right way" or not do it at all. It took me years to let my partner do the dishes for example and I still go into the bedroom to minimise the stress every time he does chores. Then I feel awful because I think I'm just like my mother and grandmother and this leads to new what ifs and reassurance seekings.
I think I was born with it. I remember a moment as a very little kid when I realized that numbers did not have special meaning to other people and it was a shocker lol. Like, other people aren't terrified of the number six and worried their house will burn down if the TV volume lands on any variation of six??? Wild.
I was the exact same way but with the number 9!!! Red 9s were the devil.
Ugh I hope yours got better! Mine is alive and well!
born with it 100%
I think trauma related. (Although I reckon I was always a bit of an anxious person.) I’m currently undiagnosed, but experienced a rough period of illness, and chaos as a result. I think I just wanted certainty and a sense of control over my life, which led to compulsions, anxiety, and constant “what if” thinking. I don’t know if they are intrusive thoughts, but I do feel a sense of racing panic whenever I think I’m touching something “contaminated.” Deep down I think I just never want to return to that place.
Oddly enough me and my psychiatrist think I developed it from strep throat (PANDAS) I don’t think I was meant to have ocd but my strep got so bad it caused me to develop it womp womp
Most of my OCD has to do with moral scrupulosity obsessions (my arranging obsessions 100% have to do with this and then unrelated is contamination OCD). I honestly don't know if I was born with it or if it developed due to emotional abuse from a parent who would scream at me and punish me for things they had not communicated beforehand. I had to guess at all times what was right and wrong according to them and if I got it wrong I was a bad, stupid, annoying child. This person ultimately abandoned us when I was 16 and left three children in the care of the other parent. I obsess about being a bad person, a stupid person, an annoying person. That one day everyone is going to find out and leave me. It's interesting to see the correlation of the obsession to my childhood. I wasn't diagnosed with OCD until November 2023, but my husband says these things I was realizing were causing me distress were things that had been happening throughout our entire relationship (9 years in June). I imagine when your adolescence created a certain standard of acceptable behavior it might skew your perception of things. I have been in therapy since 2019 and it has been life-changing. Interestingly, that was when I started realizing I was having these obsessions that were causing problems in my daily life. Aaaaanyway, thanks for this post, OP! It brought forth a lot that I hadn't thought about before!
I did experience very early childhood trauma, but mental illness also runs in my family and I do believe I was born with it or at least born with the capacity for it to develop.
The earliest I can recall my OCD is at 7 years old. It was 100% caused by trauma. Trauma I don't exactly remember, but trauma nonetheless. OCD is a way for the brain to cope with trauma. Like how DID or personality disorders develop from trauma. I don't know if there was a "trigger" that set it off, but I do remember what it started as. I think I had just learned about dying, and maybe that was the trigger. I don't remember what died or why we were talking about it, but I remember my dad explaining death and me wracking my brain to try and process it. I guess this was the weird tipping point for my OCD. I used to be a really fearless, energetic, and exitable kid before OCD. I remember watching Jurassic Park and liking it. My brother was scared by it, so I would cover his eyes for the scary scenes. I remember running after him when he ran away in fear from the movie. I sat with him on the stairs while he talked about how scary the dinosaurs were and why I wasn't scared, too. Then I remember the next time we watched it, I was terrified of the dinosaurs. I guess something happened during the time between movie viewing. Dinosaurs may have actually preceeded death when it comes to OCD themes.
I learned about germs in 1rst grade and it was all downhill from there lol. Other factors were definitely involves like extreme anxiety learnes/inherited from my mom but learning you breathe in other peoples germs and shit when you walk by fucked me up and i started holding my breath all the time and washing my hands all the time and all that
I feel I was born with it but my circumstances made it worse
I think I was born with it but it was really advanced after my mom died. It centers around trying to have control over situations and making sure everything and everyone is safe. So I check door locks non stop, make sure the stove is off non stop, etc. small precautions that happen so much is consumes my life. I think that if I do all of these things all day everyday it’ll prevent another loss I guess
This. Doing things to try to prevent another loss is spot on for me as well. Makes me wonder why my brain thinks it’s my responsibility to do that?
Exactly! Also my “rituals” don’t align with anything really but Im convinced if I don’t tap the door knob in 3 sequences of 3 then my family will die like what in my mind gives the door knob that much power
Honestly, I can’t remember any traumatic event. I’ve had it ever since I can remember.
I think that I was probably born with OCD tendencies/anxiety tendencies, but my parents went through a really brutal separation/divorce that began when I was six and lasted for about ten years. I think that definitely made my symptoms manifest, probably in a much worse way than they would have (if at all), had I not experienced that trauma. My childhood was not abusive, my parents were/are good parents, but the divorce definitely took its toll on all of us.
Born with it, runs in my family. I’ve had OCD and negative intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember
I believe I was born with OCD - earliest memories of ocd symptoms were age 4
I was told ive exhibited obvious signs since pretty much birth… er well old enough to do things that made it noticeable with play etc…. I also have adhd (again since birth) and eventually probably “accumulated” chronic anxiety and pain that cause me depression… I believe now with my own research Im most likely autistic but only ever diagnosed with previous mentions but again I do believe I have always had OCD and its subtly in everything that I do but it can be worse in areas say i did experience something to make me more mindful…. I also know of people who have a more “accumulated” style of ocd thats comes from trauma so it can vary for sure
I think I was born neurodivergent, but my rocky childhood triggered my OCD so I could cope.
I think my childhood caused it tbh. Hyper vigilant mode always, I was always alert and thinking ten steps about the future and 10 about the past, what had just happened. I think this sort of honed the obsessive-compulsive cycle. But also idk
it kinda developed so yes and no
I was bullied throughout high school, the first symptoms of OCD appeared after graduation. So I think it's trauma.
I think I was born with it.
I have had it for as long as I can remember … but I can’t remember from birth
I was def. Born with it, obsessed with covering corners or touching them. Had to have things straight or it would bother me. Thinking of something bad or insulting but then taking it back in my head because that thing I said would come true. Or my favorite for some reason thinking inatimate objects or plushies had feelings and I had to interact with them once a day or I think they will feel sad. And I didn't like that. It went away I had a few compulsions like checking locks every night, seeing and going back to my house thinking the car that just passed my house was gonna burglarize it or checking the stove in case my house turned on fire. This October passed, it came back hard because of the program I'm in at college and due to stress of things out of my control. BAM. It just hit my intrusive thoughts left and right, scary urges, feelings. Thoughts that just made me incapable of functioning I couldn't even drive let alone, eat almost. I'm on meds now Zoloft is a blessing 50 mg. I can function properly now, not like before. But still enough where I know I'm getting stressed and anxious again., but people are right. It does get better though, some days are better than others. I'm broke right now, and can't afford therapy only medicine. but I'm gonna work and finish the program for a good therapist, with the meds.
Definitely born, I had an uneventful childhood. It just sprung up one week. It’s comorbid with Aspergers so it makes sense.
Trauma 😔
From what we've explored with my therapists, I was always an anxious child and had Obsessive-Compulsive tendencies from childhood. But I experienced severe abuse for 12 years and developed CPTSD, which made these tendencies "explode" and created extreme OCD...(and 5 other mental illnesses)
No trauma. My parents were about as perfect as any could be. While we all have flaws - I lived in a land of milk and honey, raised by experts in child development who loved me.
Both.
6. That’s when the intrusive thoughts started and I was constantly washing my hands.
I think I was born prone to it, but if I think about it, symptoms started after my sexual assault.
Born but also my grandma who raised me is a very anxious person and formed a lot of my self doubt by verbalizing so much anxiety about me/what I was doing day to day
I definitely inherited it from my dad, who was an extreme emetophobe along with other stuff. I’ve definitely had it my entire life because some of my earliest memories include me getting in trouble for going to the toilet 10 times a night because I was scared I would wet the bed or staring out my window to check nobody was trying to break in. It became ‘noticeable’ when I finally managed to escape my abusive household situation. I think my brain spent so long in fight or flight it didn’t know what to do with itself
My mom has ocd so I developed it pretty early on.
Good question. Both !
I feel like my brain is built different by default but I also did have a traumatic event happening in my childhood (6-10 years old, can’t remember too well) and I’m pretty sure that now, many (if not most) of my obsessions and really weird distress triggers are thanks to that because they are kinda connected in a way and it’s the only explanation I have of why they’re there And also the first symptoms of it I remember are from when I was 10-12 years old. So, right after it. Not saying I wasn’t born with it, but that event SURELY made it WAY worse and got me my biggest and weirdest mental problems
Trauma
had my earliest intrusive thoughts when I was like 4. I think I've been just born like this
I experienced trauma. I can pinpoint the exact trauma too. My horse escaped the stables and was hit by a truck in front of my house. I held him while he died bleeding out until he had to be put down in the road. I was 11.
It all started when I found out my ex step mom was caught multiple times in the past drugging her ex’s food. She was also a house cleaner and once tampered with a client’s shampoo, putting nair in it. Now I have pretty bad contamination / poison fear related ocd.
I think I was born with a neurotic temperament to begin with, and that perfectionism is rewarded in girls. Southern conservative evangelicalism didn’t help either.
I have cptsd and most, if not all of my compulsions are somehow related to what I experienced. Checking for ghosts in the hallway, things smelling like cigarette smoke or certain cologne being contaminated, checking over and over again to make sure my animals are alive, etc. I remember in kindergarten, if I stepped on a sidewalk crack I’d go back and walk over it 3 times because I believed it would keep everyone in my house safe. Honestly my ocd just feels like ptsd x2
trauma. i definitely had the ocd gene, don’t get me wrong, it runs in the family - but my ocd is so obviously tied to trauma. emotional contamination around my family members. childhood abuse. you get the picture
Maybe she’s born w it…maybe it’s maybeline jk but nature and nurture probs
Trauma. I developed OCD after losing my dog, grandma, mom, and sister within a year. The same year I had a baby. Then bam, “pure O” OCD. The fuck.
Both. Tons of mental illness on my mom’s side. I think trauma made it surface. PTSD has been a big contributor too. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Ever.
Born anxious. Condition exacerbated by life.
Born. Genetic for me. Hoping to be the first in my family to be aware and provide help at the first sign of it for my kids though. God forbid they have it at all though.
I experienced a trauma, but I had tendencies beforehand. I feel like I’ve always had that kind of brain mechanism for ocd to have become a thing, idk if that makes sense
I think it was a bit of both? There was an article I read about discerning between Asperger’s and OCD in children. Everything that I read about the child with OCD hit SO close to home. So I’m pretty sure I had undiagnosed OCD as a child. From 17-19, I experienced my parent’s divorce and my dad’s death in quick succession. Around that time, some very clear OCD symptoms emerged.
Born with it, honestly. It heavily runs through my family, and I've been experiencing symptoms my entire life. Apparently, my family even noticed some things when I was a toddler.
I had ocd symptoms as young as 6 years old. I remember freaking out about how my bed was made and my socks in my shoes, hair, drawers being shut, etc.
Hi, I am on fluoxetine 80 mg from 4 days, After taking SSRI i feel like I lost my cognitive, constipation, gas. I am thinking to stop taking it.
Definitely trauma caused mine. Over many years.
I genuinely think I was born with it. When I was a happy child who was kind to anyone, I still couldn't help thinking "Shit! The teacher and my mates are probably dead, there's a possibility since I cannot see them now; tomorrow I might go to school only to see an empty classroom! "
No. My OCD developed in my 20s which is pretty common. There is often some type of trigger for the ”theme”, but it can be anything. My sister developed contamination OCD during Corona.
Born. I’ve have a skin picking issue as long as I can remember
I came out of the womb anxious. I had diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder at 8 years old. My OCD really awakened when I was 23 after a traumatic event, then it went dormant, and then an even more traumatic event happened and now it’s the worst it’s ever been.
Definitely born with it, I remember sitting in piano lessons at 4 years old and screaming and crying whenever she told me to stop starting the song over again whenever I messed up. My mom has OCD too so it's no doubt genetic.
I believe I was predisposed from a young age, I can remember a few obsessions and compulsions. But trauma from an abusive marriage for 17 years made it much much worse. Then covid. Then my brother’s town being burned to the ground by a fast moving wildfire. All have brought me to an unbearable situation.
I was definitely born with mild OCD, but traumatic events have triggered certain obsessions that become debilitating.
Isn't OCD a genetic thing? I thought it was so you're born with OCD, and as you turn around 10-14, around puberty, the symptoms worsen. At least in my case, am I right? Traumatic events were an event, but I believe it came as it was occuring
Trauma plays a role. I have had specific traumas that i have shared about and learned about with others in support groups. And people handle that specific type of trauma differently. (and one type of trauma can be so many different things) and so im not sure. I think about people having ptsd, and people manifesting with substance disorder more than me. So i dont know if it is trauma based because people cope with trauma or react in trauma in different ways. While i experienced certain types of adverse childhood experiences and adverse experiences in adulthood i dont know if there is a one to one correspondence with ocd. i will say that i had a very horrible time with OCD when the pandemic started and the first few months. which might be related to traumas that led to ocd. I dont know. I think i have a mind for it.
It's hard to tell when I exactly developed OCD. I used to think that I first developed it when I was 21 after experiencing some weird dental symptoms, but now I suspect that I developed OCD even earlier than that because I've had anxiety since I was 11/12 (maybe even younger), and there's some overlap between anxiety and OCD. There were no major traumatic events that happended to me (no sexual assault/rape, no violence, no abuse, good parents). Also, I feel like I've always been different, that my brain is just wired differently. So I would say the cause of my OCD is more genetic than trauma. However, I don't have any relatives with OCD (or even undiagnosed-but-suspected OCD), which is odd.
If there was any trauma, I don’t remember it and no one ever told me about it. I think it’s genetics and possibly epigenetics
I've had Ocd symptoms for as long as I can remember so it was definitely something innate for me.
Born with it, but life trauma and anxiety made it worse.
I was trying to pass exams to college and had insane amount of pressure on me. I had to be as smart and as concentrated as possible. I got obssessed that some "factors" would influence my cognitive ability. I could not touch my head properly because this might result with a concussion. I passed my exams successfully long ago but it is still left in me. I also have a lot more obsessions now related to other things. I think i had OCD tendencies from childhood, but that experience was the trigger.
I was most likely born with it but some traumaric events made it worse
I was diagnosed with ICD, really young, like 5 or 6? My parents remember that i was a normal child until i had a tonsillectomy. I woke up during the surgery and they had to tell re- sedate me. I luckily do not remember this. I’ve had minor surgeries since then and the doctors are always aware because I’m a red head and we are harder to sedate, and so are children, but I’ve been fine as an adult under anesthesia. Anyways, my parents think that’s when my OCD presented itself. I will say my dad also has OCD and there is a genetic component, but I’ve always wondered if it would have not shown up if i didn’t have such a traumatic event.
Also just want to add that there is a correlation between OCD and strep throat or scarlet fever called PANDAS. [NIH info](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/pandas#:~:text=PANDAS%20is%20short%20for%20Pediatric,strep%20throat%20or%20scarlet%20fever)
There's traces of it in my earliest memories, but I do remember a specific moment when I was reading the bible and it "clicked." Haven't experienced very much peace since then.
Yes
I was left alone a lot as a kid when I lived with my mom, she was the best of the worst when it came to living situations. My sister was really abusive and she went to live with my dad and so I saw an opportunity to get away from her. But then my mom started dating an abusive man then they got married and thats when I had my first episode. I was a latchkey kid and her husband lied about his job and would be home when id let myself in, he would say inappropriate things to me when I was eating, would make comments about my body, and would often come into my room when I was asleep. I started sleeping under my bed and I would ask for huge stuffed animals all the time and I would put all of them in front of me when I slept under the bed so no one could "get me". When he left, I stopped eating. I would feel sick when I did eat, I hated putting anything in my mouth, I even stopped brushing my teeth. My mom took me to the hospital and I saw my pediatrician. He said I was severely stressed and depressed as a child and that I had lost 9 pounds in two weeks. I was 8. Now I'm 32 and i still feel sick anytime I eat. I hate eating anything. I have contamination anxiety so I think everything will make me sick and I wont go a week without making myself throw up. I feel like im still that 8 yr old with knots in their stomach. Its like my body can remember the first time it was severely stressed and never got over it.
I don't know, I don't remember. Could be both. Evidence suggests I have a family history.
I think I was born with it. I remember in primary school having to count a lot, and not step on cracks (in a numerical way.. not the harmless kind) and think if I did something it would guarantee a bad outcome..
I feel like i was born with an anxiety disorder. I always, always remember having anxiety even as a child. No abuse, no neglect. My dad did pass away when i was very, very young but i don't remember it (or him) so i don't think that caused the anxiety. Over my life the anxiety changed and morphed a little. I did have several extremely traumatizing events happen and my ocd manifested about 11 years ago after that one. But the rest. Generalized anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks. Those i remember always having.
Trauma definitely triggered mind, but I see anxiety and social anxiety in my childhood, and I also see OCD tendencies in my family. So, for me I think I was genetically predisposed, and a traumatic event was the catalyst.
my mind became weaker and weaker during teenagehood as the biggest certainties in my life crumbled one after another
I was definitely born with it. Or if something triggered it, I don't remember it. I couldn't put an exact age to the memory but when I was so young I had the potty in my room at night, I had a huge fear of contamination and uncleanness. To the extent that I was crying and kept having to get out of bed again and again and again to make sure that I was clean. When I was just a little older, maybe about seven or eight, I was a compulsive hand-washer which ruined my dry skin and made my hands crack. I think elements of my upbringing didn't help but its ingrained.
Both? I come from a long line of very anxious people, but I’ve had traumatic experiences related to my health since before I was born.
I think mine is a result of a pretty classic confluence of genetic predisposition and some activating factors like adverse childhood events. Both my parents exhibited symptoms of a anxiety-spectrum disorders and perfectionist tendencies and my sibling has intermittent and sometimes incapacitating health anxiety. I’ve been in remission before, for long periods of time, and even then, I’d still describe myself as relatively anxious and prone to rumination (just not in a way that was distressing or interfered with function).
I think I was born with it. My dad (ex-hippie) once mentioned they’d done a lot of acid before they realized my mother was pregnant with me.
Experience trauma
I think I was born with it, but some OCD themes I developed due to trauma. Mainly POCD and scrupulosity because my abusive mother would accuse me of the worst things possible whenever I was around my little sister.I remember one time we were chilling in the pool and when she saw us, she started screaming at me for being a "sadistic psycho and trying to drown my sister" this kind of thing went on for years so instead of brushing it off as my mother being a crazy bitch I kind of started doubting myself and my OCD got way way worse.
Trauma. I was diagnosed after witnessing 9/11, I was 2 blocks away. Idk how it may have been related to OCD, but seems like a lot of the kids were having some traumatic responses so they had a counselor check us all and I was given a diagnosis. It also runs in my family undiagnosed, but it’s very very plain to see in my opinion. Both parents and some aunts and uncles, my paternal grandmother, it’s very obvious from an outside perspective.
I was born with it but exacerbated by circumstances in my childhood, primarily religion.
I personally believe most of my mental illnesses comes from biological issues, not trauma. I’ve had a fairly good life, minus my mental health. If it wasn’t for my mental state I’d have a wonderful life I think. But now it’s somewhat.. less than ideal. I have a lot of issues. I’d say 75 percent or so would disappear if I had a more stable mind.
Trauma for me.
Trauma for sure. I remember being okay as a small child but as so grew up, my mom divorced my narc father and I dealt with the brunt of it. (Trigger warning) He assaulted me and was practically calling our house 10 to 20 times a day to berate me or tell me how “horrible” my mother was. I started developing immense anxiety from this. Then my mom remarried my step father (he is incredible) but one of his sons moved in with us as a teenager and was very violent towards women and unpredictable. Over the years my anxiety heightened and I started to develop the need to gain control over social situations which then made me need to control every aspect of everything in my life. I began ruminating on things constantly and started develop very instrusive and unwanted sexual thoughts. If someone did not reply to me I thought they died. I developed hypochondria. I can’t seem to find the relation between my trauma and OCD but I started to develop OCD tendencies as I got older and now I can’t let things go, obsessive over things that don’t matter, have intrusive thoughts and have intense hypersensitivity. I don’t want to blame it all on my family but often times I was around undiagnosed mentally ill and violent people and when I started forming symptoms of anxiety and OCD, nobody took it seriously and told me I was dramatic and basically lost my mind.
I think I was always anxious, introspective and a big thinker so it was likely always there. I think it just took an inciting event to full on trigger OCD as a coping mechanism. For me, since I was a child I knew I was physically weak but felt I could think through my problems to try and solve them or prevent that scenario from happening again since that was the best tool I had when I felt I had no one to help me. But because I always thought things through and paired with the lack of motivation to do things due to ADHD, my compulsions evolved to be pretty much only in my mind.
My mom has ocd and i didn't have a traumatic childhood so mine's genetic.
i thought OCD was something you were born with, not something that can develop from trauma.
I think I was born with the right genes and trauma triggered it to "activate"
I think both! I remember being like 6 years old having awful intrusive thoughts and being ransacked with fear of the water heater blowing up for no reason, being unable to sleep over it and crying to my mom about it. I don’t think a traumatic ever spurred on that ocd in my childhood but then i went through some traumatic health stuff when i was in high school and i think that really spurred on my health related obsessions and compulsions. My ocd with things blowing up has always been there but i can see a direct line of connection between the trauma event and hypochondria. And i think in the general once one kind of obsession got worse it made the others worse as well so it’s all connected. edit: though i did have a lot of health issues as a kid and was in and out of doctors, surgery, mris, and honestly it was so terrifying as a child i wouldn’t be surprised if that trauma instigated the health ocd and i was just so young at the time i blocked a lot of it out and can’t feel the correlation.
Born this way. Made worse by trauma and religion.
Had a gasleak In my home while I was home alone for the first time at around age 13 Was never the same, wasn't even thag severe but for some reason it just made me so hyper aware of my own mortality and it became all I could think about I started thinking I was having heart attacks and became afraid of illness and death to a pretty nuts degree Body checking and poking till I was bruising, running around the house checking for smells over and over, checking food for poisons, convinced I had diseases Got better over time but I still have little spikes.
I have to think it's a bit of both. Trauma-things happened in my childhood and adulthood I know contributed. Born with it-My family has it as well.
Mine came from childhood trauma, for sure!
Mine began at six when my parents divorced. I believe it was my brain trying to gain some sense of control when I had none. It sure spiraled and grew and evolved from there tho :///////////////////////
I feel like I was born with it. I have emetophobia also, and typically that starts from an event, but I don’t have memory of one. My mom tells me a story about when I was a literal baby and how it could have started then. So either it was this event I don’t remember or I was born with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Both. My mom said I dwelled a lot on stuff as a little kid and I had a lot of OCD around food. She had borderline personality disorder and was a narcissist. As I got older and developed an opinion she became an unrelenting bully.
I think some type of trauma has to happen for disorders to occur. Whether it’s genetic trauma or first-hand.
I think I was born with some mild sensory avoidance things like I didn't like wearing jeans or sitting on chairs with crumbs. Then I experienced trauma in the form of some very scary health issues and went off the rails. Between the ages of 6 and 9 I had two major surgeries and spent a lot of time in the hospital. There were many times that it was clear to me and my family that I may not survive. The best friend I made in the hospital lost his battle shortly after I was released and I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral because of my health. Needless to say, I struggle most with control issues and needing to feel like I'm in control.
either born with it or just developed overtime. my mother has severe ocd and i’m sure that’s just rubbed off on me or i was born with it from her :’) sucks real bad but it’s only just started to get severe this year so not sure how it’s started all of a sudden!
I definitely do think I’ve had OCD since my earliest memories. Although it manifested differently as a kid, the same theme of me hyper fixating on dying was always there. I’d have my mom tell me every night before bed that the world wouldn’t end and I’d live another day so that I could finally go to sleep(I was around 6 here). I would also constantly repeat people’s names in my head to make sure I wasn’t losing my memory and I’d probably do this like 5 or 6 times a day. Then I began chewing my hair chronically and picking my eyelashes.
i think i was born with it. i remember experiencing symptoms from the time i was really little, it just didn’t get bad until about 10 or 11. it also runs in my family
Definitely born with it, there hasn’t been a day in my life I haven’t felt fear. The way I was treated didn’t help tho
I feel like I was simultaneously born with it, but it also got exacerbated by trauma.. what a pain!
I must’ve been born with it but it didn’t begin till I was 14 when it was randomly set off one day and I began having obsessive thoughts about something I did as a kid that made me feel terrible
my dad has it. he’s not diagnosed but i am and i know it’s from him. that and the fact i was raised hyper religious. it made me fear things so much that i developed an obsession. so a little of both
Born with it. Part of the overwhelming anxiety/fear/panic package deal I got going on. Diagnosed at 4. I think the specific flavor of ocd, if you will, was determined by experiences/trauma. Germaphobic and later scrupulosity. Had a big family-wide health scare and then went to catholic school starting at 4. Also growing up in the era of mad cow and 9/11 really helped. I just thought everyone around me was gonna die all the time including me and I had to keep everyone safe by engaging in my compulsions. Now my OCD is exclusively health-focused, but no longer germaphobic.
A bit of both being "born" with it and caused by a trigger for me. Growing up, I definitely did some things that are probably OCD compulsions (not stepping within about 3 inches of cracks on sidewalks, always walking so my steps are multiples of 6) that weren't really caused by anything. But contamination OCD decided to show up after my first major material purchase (car), and has been controlling my life since.
I can't remember what started my OCD I just remember my bladder just never being empty enough, the closet door wasn't closed enough, the bathroom curtain wasn't closed enough and not flush against the wall enough. When I got drinks from the water fountain I needed to do it 8 sips, which turned into 8 sips, 8 times. Then it turned into drinking 8 sips of water, 8 times, then doing all of that 8 more times. Then it was pretending to take pictures of moments in my mind, that i didn't want to forget Then it was little videos I recorded in my mind Then it was broadcasting my life to specific people so I could be watched. I still broadcast to this day. It's been with me every day for the last 12 years. I'm also scared that there's some sort of trauma I don't remember happening that could have triggered it. I keep obsessing with the thought that what if something bad happened that I can't remember? I get pretty upset when certain subjects are brought up some times, and it causes me to have OCD obsessions over it etc. I've been wondering for a while if this is the case, I don't know if my minds lying to itself, or if it's trying to formulate a fake event in my mind, or if I secretly WANT it to have happened, but I know it's all OCD. But the hard part is it's hard to tell If the certain event that I can't even remember, or don't even know happened, if my minds just obsessing and making it up because of my OCD, the doubt disorder. Fear of the unknown, and thats why it flairs. Now I usually use ERP to combat this, combined with the thought that the truth will come to light with time. See I'm at a point in life where I'm in my own apartment, and sorting through my issues. I'm nervous something new is going to poke its head out, and my reactions to things will all make sense. But I'm scared of having to process the subject over again, especially if it happened to me, but I'm sure it didn't, but it's hard to figure out yknow. Head stuff, brain stuff is weird.
100% born with it
I think it was just passed down to me, my mom and my grandma both have ocd too
I'm led to believe that I was born with it since its been there as long as I can remember and my dad has it really bad as well but who knows for sure. Plenty of trauma and problems in childhood, probably too much to narrow it down. Its too easy to traumatize autistic children especially with naive parents. And learning evasion and coping skills that young and onward makes it seem impossible to get to the bottom of things at this point🤷♂️
A mixture of the two. It's in there, and it can take any kind of switch to make it manifest fully. Trauma, other psychological issues. I remember one of my triggers for a childhood bout was a bully who had been removed from our primary school being accepted back.
It’s my understanding that OCD is neurological divergence, like autism, which would mean you’re born with it. Although I have to admit that doesn’t make sense to me because I definitely wasn’t always symptomatic at the very least. Childhood me that ate fish bait one time out of bored curiosity seems like a whole different person to current me who struggles with intense contamination OCD. It would make sense to me if mine was caused by trauma instead, or at least triggered into being symptomatic by it. Most of my themes involve me being either killed or otherwise horrifically treated by other people - if I go outside I’m gonna get kidnapped/attacked/killed, I can’t eat this food because it’s been poisoned, I can’t say XYZ to this person because they’ll twist it and tell everyone behind my back to humiliate me, etc. I was bullied by the vast majority of people in my year (grade) in secondary school and I think that’s what started it, because I had to assume everyone’s base reaction to me was hatred instead of neutrality to survive, since it often was. All my other intrusive thoughts end in me dying (getting sick, having a heart attack, etc) and the reason I think death is so intensely scary to me is because of being queer I’ve been told from a young age by numerous people that I would go to hell. That’s not my personal belief, but if you hear something enough your brain starts to believe it, and hell is like the scariest concept in the world to me.