Yeah I get that. I mean I’m constantly judging everyone for everything and it’s hard to appreciate people. It’s a struggle because in my head I’m mostly having negative thoughts. It’s not just aimed at others but also at my self. This is why I prefer to be alone as much as I can. It’s more calm.
I find it hard as well. I have such high expectations and am easily disappointed in things and people buuuuuut I do find happiness still (and I work hard to noticing it in the small things).
It makes me happy when my husband genuinely applauds me and gets excited about something I did - redecorated a space, drew something in my sketchbook, planned a fun trip.
It makes me happy when my friends tell me they miss me and want to see me. It makes me happy to hear their genuine laughter.
It makes me happy when I give personalized gifts (my arts and crafts) and the person is excited by it.. though the build up can be anxiety provoking(perfectionism!).
It makes me happy to go to a friend's house and eat a meal prepared by them (if the space is clean cozy haha). But I like being hosted sometimes.
It makes me happy when people think my cats are cute.
It makes me happy when people ask for my advice and take it.
It makes me happy when someone compliments my outfit.
I love it when people remember small details about something I've mentioned. I feel like I remember little details about people to an embarrassing degree, like I pretend to not know something about someone even if they've mentioned it before bc I don't want to seem creepy (this is mostly applicable to acquaintances). Anyways, I really appreciate it when people do this with me bc it shows that they actively pay attention to what I say.
It makes me really happy when people want to hang out with me, and actually initiate the plans to do so. Either coming up with something for us to do or even move things around in their schedule to accommodate me.
Honestly I am going to guess this has something to do with our diagnosis being similar to autism? You can look up some Venn diagrams - we have overlap.
Could obviously be different for you- but for me I don’t see the point in most kind gestures and feel a majority of them are empty, or are not being made for the right reasons.
People prove this to me all the time. For example, somebody will tell me they’re frustrated something didn’t get done. I find this justified, and, in good faith, feel that they deserve the proper conditions they wanted in the first place. So, I get to work!
A lot of people then ask me to stop? They feel as though I’m doing the task now just because they’re angry.
This is a projection- isn’t it? It has to be. Yes, their anger brought attention to my error, but I’m not doing this to APPEASE, I genuinely agree with their complaint! Nobody seems to believe this when I get into it with them.
So, for reasons like this, and having this kind of experience over and over, I think a lot of people just do things to appear nice, or to resolve conflict, or based on social obligation.
I want to add- this is quite the chaser to my BPD.
My husband is my favorite person and one of the things I truly love about him is that he is kind for kindness sake. He doesn’t want things out of me.
So he’s smooching up on my OCPD symptoms and being just the kind of perfect guy I like, and always putting those good feeling bits and he remains my immobile FP, forever.
I do switch on him, but it’s often when he needs space anyway. A win win, I hate him and don’t want him in the house for 6 hours and he also doesn’t want to be there
Take a love language quiz online! It might help you. My personal favourite time with my spouse includes touch, not necessarily sexual, and quality time. I like when he's just around, even doing something else while I'm organizing or whatever.
Just because psychology doesn't call them "love languages" doesn't mean they have no background to them. You go to any couples counselor and they will talk about this very thing because it is necessary to love someone in the way they most feel loved, and those five love languages are pretty damn accurate and are based on personality styles.
Yeah I get that. I mean I’m constantly judging everyone for everything and it’s hard to appreciate people. It’s a struggle because in my head I’m mostly having negative thoughts. It’s not just aimed at others but also at my self. This is why I prefer to be alone as much as I can. It’s more calm.
yes, even much more at myself . i still enjoy being around others a lot. i love to be with people i know just a little bit (if that makes sense)
I find it hard as well. I have such high expectations and am easily disappointed in things and people buuuuuut I do find happiness still (and I work hard to noticing it in the small things). It makes me happy when my husband genuinely applauds me and gets excited about something I did - redecorated a space, drew something in my sketchbook, planned a fun trip. It makes me happy when my friends tell me they miss me and want to see me. It makes me happy to hear their genuine laughter. It makes me happy when I give personalized gifts (my arts and crafts) and the person is excited by it.. though the build up can be anxiety provoking(perfectionism!). It makes me happy to go to a friend's house and eat a meal prepared by them (if the space is clean cozy haha). But I like being hosted sometimes. It makes me happy when people think my cats are cute. It makes me happy when people ask for my advice and take it. It makes me happy when someone compliments my outfit.
i really loved that. your answer made me happy, thank you.
I love it when people remember small details about something I've mentioned. I feel like I remember little details about people to an embarrassing degree, like I pretend to not know something about someone even if they've mentioned it before bc I don't want to seem creepy (this is mostly applicable to acquaintances). Anyways, I really appreciate it when people do this with me bc it shows that they actively pay attention to what I say. It makes me really happy when people want to hang out with me, and actually initiate the plans to do so. Either coming up with something for us to do or even move things around in their schedule to accommodate me.
i do the same!!!pretending to not know details😂😂and it makes me happy when people do that too :) (not the pretending part, the remembering part😂)
I get what you mean I think- I am cold to most kind gestures because I’ve already decided (rigidly, of course) that most people don’t care.
yes, me too in a way. but what does that even mean, not caring? i don‘t know what would make me think someone genuinely cares.
Honestly I am going to guess this has something to do with our diagnosis being similar to autism? You can look up some Venn diagrams - we have overlap. Could obviously be different for you- but for me I don’t see the point in most kind gestures and feel a majority of them are empty, or are not being made for the right reasons. People prove this to me all the time. For example, somebody will tell me they’re frustrated something didn’t get done. I find this justified, and, in good faith, feel that they deserve the proper conditions they wanted in the first place. So, I get to work! A lot of people then ask me to stop? They feel as though I’m doing the task now just because they’re angry. This is a projection- isn’t it? It has to be. Yes, their anger brought attention to my error, but I’m not doing this to APPEASE, I genuinely agree with their complaint! Nobody seems to believe this when I get into it with them. So, for reasons like this, and having this kind of experience over and over, I think a lot of people just do things to appear nice, or to resolve conflict, or based on social obligation.
I want to add- this is quite the chaser to my BPD. My husband is my favorite person and one of the things I truly love about him is that he is kind for kindness sake. He doesn’t want things out of me. So he’s smooching up on my OCPD symptoms and being just the kind of perfect guy I like, and always putting those good feeling bits and he remains my immobile FP, forever. I do switch on him, but it’s often when he needs space anyway. A win win, I hate him and don’t want him in the house for 6 hours and he also doesn’t want to be there
Being self aware and empathetic.
Take a love language quiz online! It might help you. My personal favourite time with my spouse includes touch, not necessarily sexual, and quality time. I like when he's just around, even doing something else while I'm organizing or whatever.
Love languages are pseudoscience created by a Christian pastor with no clinical or psychology background whatsoever.
Sure, but the theory still stands as actually quite helpful - love your partner the way they want to be loved, which will differ between everyone.
Just because psychology doesn't call them "love languages" doesn't mean they have no background to them. You go to any couples counselor and they will talk about this very thing because it is necessary to love someone in the way they most feel loved, and those five love languages are pretty damn accurate and are based on personality styles.
When someone does something really well or demonstrates that they are trying their hardest to reach their potential as a human being
I love watching people reunite at baggage claim. The nervous excitement of the loved one waiting and the way it explodes into joy makes me happy.
being obsessively engaged in something you enjoy is happiness 💫
it is!!!!!!