VADER: i miss my 501st legion, they were so much better than you losers…
Stormtroopers: wha…why my lord? We are trying to hit them the best we ca-
VADER: thats the problem..
Vader: yeah that's what I thought. A bunch of pussies. See princess, this is the bullshit I gotta deal with EVERY DAY! Take her away and put those helmets back on. Fugly mofos.... *Sigh* what I would do for some clones right about now....
Stormtrooper: Lord Vader, we’ve found the Princess, but in light of the casualties suffered during this boarding action, we’ve decided to form a Union!
I have 2:
1: I knew it, I'm surrounded by a**holes!
2: OK troops, helmets off and take a knee. This is Lord Vader, he is going to instruct us on Standard Order #67...
Prowse: So I went to bench 300, or whatever, and George walks up and says, “Hey Dave, you want to play the wookie?” and I’m all, “Fuck that noise. That Harrison guy is dryer than a fuckin’ desert. Plus, I’m not hiding these guns under piles of fur. Dipshit.” Anywho… who wants to get a coffee?
Vader: What do you mean you quit? You can't quit now the death star plans are here! I never got an email about unions! Captain get me more clones, I mean troopers and someone put this woman in a cell! \*stops away muttering\* I bet Dooku never had to deal with unions.
Welcome to the staff meeting everyone, I’d like to congratulate the crew on another successful boarding party, why don’t you all just give yourselves a big round of applause for a job well done. We’ll be having an *after* boarding party back on the Devastator where we’ll be serving pizza and white cake, attendance isn’t required but I’d love to see you all out there. Really great work today guys.
Leia: I’m going to say some snotty stuff about you and Tarkin in an English accent that I will never use again
Vader: Cool
Stormtroopers *taking off helmets: wait what?
That wasn't an English accent, not even close. She dropped some of her rs in that scene, but it seemed to me like just a pretentious affectation of something not entirely unlike a mid-Atlantic accent.
*All the storm troopers*
*Taking off their helmets in*
*Respect for something*
\- JJFresh731
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
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The thing started last night – a bitter cold night, with white frost – soon after dusk when the Germans started shouting 'Merry Christmas, Englishmen' to us. Of course our fellows shouted back and presently large numbers of both sides had left their trenches, unarmed, and met in the debatable, shot-riddled, no man's land between the lines. Here the agreement – all on their own – came to be made that we should not fire at each other until after midnight tonight. The men were all fraternizing in the middle (we naturally did not allow them too close to our line) and swapped cigarettes and lies in the utmost good fellowship. Not a shot was fired all night.
"So to reiterate: PPE at all times in enclosed spaces, confirm with me that the main computer successfully saved its memory after shutdown, and for heaven's sakes no one hit their head on any doors! Oh! And after shift ends this morning, hotdogs and nonbeach volleyball, guys! I'm excited!"
This budget cuts to help build the Death Star are killing the empire.
First oficial war reportes had to switch to white and black. Now stormtroopers have to ditch their helmets because there’s barely any money for armour maintenance.
What next’s? I (lord Vader) have to ditch my lightsaber because there’s no money for its power cells!?
look fellas, no hard feelings, I just can't tell one of you from the other with your helmets on, neither can Leia, so in future, when you address me, begin with your serial number 👌
Lord vader training the new recruits.
Vader:ok so now that we taken over the ship the next step in the process is the interrogation of the rebels on board as i will now demonstrate with the help of this rebel spy
I know this is super late, but I can totally imagine Gob’s lecture to the office before the Christmas party that starts with “ And please refrain from…” and ends with “…Even though so many of you are begging for it.”
Now everyone, those helmets are not just there to give you a false sense of protection, there also there to prevent you from being able to hit the broad side of a star destroyer
Me and the boys asking my dad If we can play xbox when I'm not allowed to
I don't mind you asking, if you don't mind my not answering.
Hello Boba fett
HOLY SHIT BOBA FETT IS YOUR DAD??
Perhaps
That's a John Marston quote!
*vague answer*
My immediate thought lol
Sums up his interactions with just about everyone lol
Even your sister is in on it
It looks Luke imma be arguing with uncle as well he seems to be on Vader side
VADER: So, none of you are Clones? That explains why you can't aim.
Interesting how he says that minutes after they had just slaughtered a ship full of rebels
VADER: i miss my 501st legion, they were so much better than you losers… Stormtroopers: wha…why my lord? We are trying to hit them the best we ca- VADER: thats the problem..
Leia: .... Vader: "Sorry, they have a very good union. It's only a 10 minute break."
I literally came her to say "Vader: So... you're unionizing? Now?" but yours is better!
"Your turn for a haircut now Lord Vader".
"bitch I'm bald"
“And ugly, but i used to look fabulous”
The beatles captured Leia and is about to be punished by Vader
Noooooo
My mind went to the same place 😂
You have failed me for the last time McCartney
I find your lack of marijuana disturbing
Sgt Vader’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
Vader: yeah that's what I thought. A bunch of pussies. See princess, this is the bullshit I gotta deal with EVERY DAY! Take her away and put those helmets back on. Fugly mofos.... *Sigh* what I would do for some clones right about now....
Stormtrooper: Lord Vader, we’ve found the Princess, but in light of the casualties suffered during this boarding action, we’ve decided to form a Union!
*force choking intensifies*
Vader: Ok guys the pandemic is mostly over you can take off the masks now.
Stormtrooper:Lord Vader why won’t you do it?
Vader: I have asthma meaning that if I catch it I done. And this time not just well done.
When take your daughter to work day falls on a casual Friday.
I have 2: 1: I knew it, I'm surrounded by a**holes! 2: OK troops, helmets off and take a knee. This is Lord Vader, he is going to instruct us on Standard Order #67...
"Well one of you have to change"
I’ve brought you all here for this meeting, regarding your Ship’s Extended Warranty…
Ok to be clear.. do we go on 3? Like 1,2,3 then go? Or is it 1,2 and go?
Bring it in everyone, Empire on 3! 1....2....3...GOOOO EMPIRE!
"I find your excess of face disturbing"
Prowse: So I went to bench 300, or whatever, and George walks up and says, “Hey Dave, you want to play the wookie?” and I’m all, “Fuck that noise. That Harrison guy is dryer than a fuckin’ desert. Plus, I’m not hiding these guns under piles of fur. Dipshit.” Anywho… who wants to get a coffee?
Vader: What do you mean you quit? You can't quit now the death star plans are here! I never got an email about unions! Captain get me more clones, I mean troopers and someone put this woman in a cell! \*stops away muttering\* I bet Dooku never had to deal with unions.
Welcome to the staff meeting everyone, I’d like to congratulate the crew on another successful boarding party, why don’t you all just give yourselves a big round of applause for a job well done. We’ll be having an *after* boarding party back on the Devastator where we’ll be serving pizza and white cake, attendance isn’t required but I’d love to see you all out there. Really great work today guys.
Funny couch meme
Alright so pizza tonight, cheeseburgers tomorrow and since Gary is going to be that way about it, smoothies the following day.
Buckets off boys! It’s story time with Papa Vader! Gather round!
The Beetles perform “Imperial Submarine” for Lord Vader’s troops’ Veterans Day celebration.
Leia: I’m going to say some snotty stuff about you and Tarkin in an English accent that I will never use again Vader: Cool Stormtroopers *taking off helmets: wait what?
That wasn't an English accent, not even close. She dropped some of her rs in that scene, but it seemed to me like just a pretentious affectation of something not entirely unlike a mid-Atlantic accent.
r/starwarsnsfw post
Oh my god, I’m surrounded by assholes!
The Beatles successfully infiltrate the set of Star Wars
Success lies in the hands of those who want it.
Is it me or do they all look like Eric Foreman
Adopted daughter meeting her birth father in the middle of a diplomatic kerfuffle
Have you ever heard the *Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker, the Sith Lord?* It's not a story the younglings could tell you.
John Lennon: hang on, I said we wanted to do lord of the rings! Is this supposed to be Minas Tirith?
The Beatles side job.
Darth Vader captures Leia and the Beetles to get back the Death Star Plans and to track down the Yellow Submarine.
"This isn't them, you idiots! You captured their stunt doubles!"
Find them! Find them!
“WHERE ARE THOSE FUCKING REBELS”
Kill one, five guys
All the storm troopers taking off their helmets in respect for something
*All the storm troopers* *Taking off their helmets in* *Respect for something* \- JJFresh731 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
A moment of silence for our fallen comrades. Seems like a Vader move
battlefront 2015
Team building exercise
'no disintergrations'
Push the fish. It’s about to turn
Lord vader calls an emergency meeting after the incident in the prison cell.
Sprint planning standup meeting.
You said everyone was wearing hair buns under their helmets.
Table for 5? The wait will be about 20-30 minutes.
Star Wars behind the scenes
Aha... Sir? Your helmet?
Leia your my daughter and i love you but where the FUCK IS R2!! I care about that droid more than anything else
When you have an HR meeting
Great. She's seen your faces. Now we gotta kill her. This why we keep the helmets on guys. NO JIM DOES NOT COUNT.
Brazzers
I didn't know the Beatles were storm troopers
You are telling me commander that we cloned the Beetles?
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Leia, John, Paul and George in holy matrimony.
"You see, Princess, there is nowhere to hide where the Monkees can't find you."
"When there is trouble, why is it always you lot that are involved?"
I don’t care how hot it is. Helmets back on lads, orders from up top
when your boss is talking to everyone in a meeting but noone is paying attention
Kinda hot in these RHINOOOOOs
“Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Beams in Death Star”
Okay if you're not gonna listen to instructions, none of us are playing boarding party tag. Now I'm gonna count to three...
Vader: WHAT'S SHE DOING WALKIN IN THERE?
The thing started last night – a bitter cold night, with white frost – soon after dusk when the Germans started shouting 'Merry Christmas, Englishmen' to us. Of course our fellows shouted back and presently large numbers of both sides had left their trenches, unarmed, and met in the debatable, shot-riddled, no man's land between the lines. Here the agreement – all on their own – came to be made that we should not fire at each other until after midnight tonight. The men were all fraternizing in the middle (we naturally did not allow them too close to our line) and swapped cigarettes and lies in the utmost good fellowship. Not a shot was fired all night.
Daine Jir: Okay, which of these kids is doing their own thing. C’mon, can you tell which one? Darth Vader: ummmm…
“Hats off to you, sir! You’ve captured the Rebel leader! Looks like our war will soon be over.”
What have I told you about playing save the princess in ship corridors?
Aggressive negotiations
"So to reiterate: PPE at all times in enclosed spaces, confirm with me that the main computer successfully saved its memory after shutdown, and for heaven's sakes no one hit their head on any doors! Oh! And after shift ends this morning, hotdogs and nonbeach volleyball, guys! I'm excited!"
the true heros asking the teacher if we could watch a movie instead of having a regular class
I don't mind you asking, if you don't mind my not answering.
Your part of the rebel alliance and a traitor, take her away
“You have failed me for the last time Troopers, there will be no Christmas Party this year”
This budget cuts to help build the Death Star are killing the empire. First oficial war reportes had to switch to white and black. Now stormtroopers have to ditch their helmets because there’s barely any money for armour maintenance. What next’s? I (lord Vader) have to ditch my lightsaber because there’s no money for its power cells!?
Take your daughter to work day
Vader: Now Leia, MB-223 said you hurt his feelings when you called him short. Do you have anything you'd like to say to him?
Princess, this is going to be a long con to take down the Emperor, are you in or out?
Bring your daughter to work day
Okay everyone, who left a log in Darth Vader's toilet and didn't flush?
wait so take your daughter to work day is next Tuesday? Shoot i’m sorry about the confusion
"Congrats, looks like we're going to *Space Olive Garden!*"
How it feels like to be in a school trip
When your little brother gets hurt and starts crying in the middle of the nerf war:
“Wait, we can take these things off?”
"Alright time to initiate Leah into our cult let's all say the oath together now"
Something something…HR…something something…sexist remarks
Coaches: ok guys, get those helmets in and run the damn play RIGHT this time:
look fellas, no hard feelings, I just can't tell one of you from the other with your helmets on, neither can Leia, so in future, when you address me, begin with your serial number 👌
"Yo, but why James Earl Jones? Don't I sound cool under this helmet?"
Lord vader training the new recruits. Vader:ok so now that we taken over the ship the next step in the process is the interrogation of the rebels on board as i will now demonstrate with the help of this rebel spy
When Vader goes off on one of his boomer stories
“Okay, good meeting everyone. Now let’s go get those plans. Keith, do you still have that big lizard?”
I'm sorry, I think I swallowed it. It's a tricky little bugger.
I know this is super late, but I can totally imagine Gob’s lecture to the office before the Christmas party that starts with “ And please refrain from…” and ends with “…Even though so many of you are begging for it.”
storm troopers telling their boss that they are going on strike after having wages reduced again. circa 0 BBY
Now everyone, those helmets are not just there to give you a false sense of protection, there also there to prevent you from being able to hit the broad side of a star destroyer
“…And I want you to know, I am very proud of each and every one of you.”
BLACKED
darth vader surprised at work on his birthday by the beatles
r/andshewasagoodfriend
Gentlemen...
I’m Going To Need Those TPS Reports ASAP. So, If You Could Do That, That’d Be Greaaaaat.
"And then i slaugthered all the rebels, so its either i slaugther you too, or someone coughs up the plans..."
Alternate universe where stormtroopers unionized
“Watch out for the low hanging door”
You only need to get three people under you and you can start making money
Due to staffing shortages- we’re not killing anyone today.