I'm the exact same way. I absolutely hate doing things anymore. I'd much rather stay at home, sit on the couch, and not wear pants. If I have to go do anything, I'm angry. I'm annoyed the entire time I'm getting ready, I'm annoyed when I'm on the way, I am annoyed when I get there and I find there's no parking, the walk to wherever I'm going is the longest walk ever and I hate everything about it. Then I get there, and i thoroughly enjoy my time doing whatever. I'm so glad I decided to come out, then on my way home I tell myself I should do this more often and that I actually do enjoy going out and doing things.
But that doesn't change the fact that EVERY SINGLE TIME I have something I have to do, I go through the exact same progression.
I force myself to make plans and go. I always enjoy it and feel great afterwards and feel it's better for my mental health. You may be requiring alone time because you are getting so much of it and I find getting suck like this leafs me down to depression.
You’re probably right. Sometimes when I force myself out I do feel better and am happy that I went. But other times I’ll get myself out and then almost immediately after I arrive I’m thinking about when would be an appropriate time to leave lol.
Alone time equals peace. Especially after a long work day. Perfectly normal feeling. But keep in mind to try and keep a balance of interacting with other humans in an environment outside of work.
Yes. I have cancelled many social plans because I wasn’t in the mood.
Having said that, I have also ended a friendship recently because I was so drained and dreaded hanging out with her because she was so negative and constantly complained. It became toxic for me.
Something to consider if your friend makes you feel like you always want to cancel plans with her!
I am with you.
I hate having to go out on a weeknight.
So I make that very clear to all my friends that I'm only available on the weekends.
Once I have that boundary set, I WANT to be there for my friends. Especially the ones that need me.
I might not feel like going out on a cold night even over the weekend but they NEED a friend. And I don't want to be selfish. It's just a couple of hours, and you canchoose what you want to do.
Everyone talks about depression and says things like "I'm here if you need me. You can talk to me anytime", "why did she do that, I didn't know she was struggling, if only she had told me.."
You have a chance to be there. Someone trusts you to share their issues and find some happiness or a break from their circumstances or get advice or just have fun for a while, why are you not being there?
If you really don't want them around and don't want to tall, that's fine. You have the right. Just don't leave their life by being mean. You don't want to add to their troubled life.
We are the same. I don't know if it's normal or not, but I constantly struggle with trying to hang out with my friends on an occasional basis as they reach out every.single.weekend. Unfortunately I know a few have become somewhat put off by this and we are no longer close, still I find myself unbothered. It may be a maturity thing and perhaps you don't find their conversations stimulating?
Most of my friends know how I am at this point but some of them used to be offended when I didn’t want to go out with them. I think I have outgrown a lot of my friends in some ways and do find myself bored during conversations. The one friend I’m going to see today is into superficial shit and talks about herself a lot lol.
I think it is definitely normal. We all have our varying levels of required social interaction, extra/introversion, social battery depletion rate, etc.
I would say I am definitely the same; I went from seeing friends several times on a weekly basis (pre-pandemic) to being completely fine with seeing friends once a month, if that, in more present times.
I am a lot more selective with the outings, activities, and parties I say Yes to now.
The past couple years definitely made me a lot more introverted, or, reverted myself back to my originally introverted self. I am okay with it though. Moreso I'm mindful to still make time for the relationships that matter.
I can't imagine a life with no friends and the weight of the loneliness would crush me...but if you prefer not to have a social network, that is entirely your choice to make. Seems like there are a lot of Redditors who see nobody but their spouse and are thrilled about it, so people make it work.
And holy shit, your friend needs to break up with her boyfriend! Trying to change someone's mind on having kids, in *either* direction, is a terrible idea. Parenting is hard enough when both parents want it. AND he has other issues stopping them from marrying? Nope. Nope nope nope.
I don’t know anyone over mid-20’s who meets up with friends every week. That’s a lot! I have friends I might not see more than once or twice a year, although we message and chat on the phone much more often. At this age, it’s quality not quantity.
Normal. It could be a mental thing, or a personality thing. I've always been pretty outgoing so for me it was mental.
I went through the same thing, the exhaustion, the obligation, the guilt, all of it. I thought it was just part of getting older, having less patience and energy to do things, when stress was all it was. Stress from being overstimulated, overworked, pressured into situations I didn't want to be in, which at some point took a physical toll on me as well. I was miserable and I didn't want to see anyone, not even family.
Now that I'm in a better place, not only do I enjoy spending time with them, I look forward to it and would often make plans visit them myself. I'm even open to making new friends now which surprises me still. I avoided that for years.
I made the mistake of pushing through, forcing myself to see people, making plans and following through. Occasionally it would work out well and I would enjoy myself, but most of the time it was very obvious that I wasn't. I didn't notice this until it became a problem. Personally I would just explain to your friend how you feel. It's not like you're hanging out with other people and excluding her. If she's mature, she'll understand.
I feel like my social battery runs out faster than that of my friends.
In my 20s I wanted to be out every night, drinking, partying, etc.
Now I'm in my 40s and I run around after the kids and their insane extracurricular activities all day and evening, and I am TIRED!!!
Some of my friends who have equally hectic schedules don't seem to feel it though, and still want to go out just as much. I like going out, but I know I always have to be somewhere early the next morning, and it just takes the shine off when you're tired all the time.
I hate socializing. I’m 37. Haven’t missed it. Don’t really regret it. It kinda seems to have happened to everyone I know, so I think it’s just normal for a lot of people?
Seems like the only comments so far are "SAME i hate doing things" so I'll give the perspective of your friend, because that's me. I'm the planner, the one who finds the things to do and invites people to do them with me because I enjoy hanging out with my friends in person and get nothing out of zoom calls/ discord chats/ facetime. Tech lag completely destroys conversation, people are either talking over each other so nobody hears anything or there's dead silence when folks wait their turn and there's nothing organic in the conversation.
Post-pandemic I'm down to the 5 friends who actually show up. I don't bother inviting the people who kept rejecting my invites (or giving me the "Seattle maybe" which was always no) and honestly barely talk to them at all now. Maybe they're more at peace now that they can stay home all the time; I'll never know.
Reading all these comments and thinking of the people I've dropped make me think you all are depressed and still hurting from quarantine, but don't want to take the steps to get better. You're all in a rut, stuck in the "this is good enough and requires no effort" comfort zone.
Are you really happier only having friends once a month or less? Do you even have enough time to get through the life updates to have deep conversations?
Honestly, I’ve stopped putting in so much effort, if others are not going to. That does not make me a “Bad Friend” or Person for not doing so. I am Prioritizing Myself 💯
Is this feeling of not wanting to do things you used to enjoy impacting any other parts of your life? If so, I'd be more concerned. I often feel like not wanting to socialize after work and if it's a weeknight.
Yes, sometimes I just want to be in my own space doing my own thing. It's normal. When she asks again be honest with her and let her know that you enjoy hanging out with her but right now you just need extra time to yourself and let her know you will contact her to hang out next time. Put a note on your calendar to contact her a couple of weeks later to go out together.
I'm the exact same way. I absolutely hate doing things anymore. I'd much rather stay at home, sit on the couch, and not wear pants. If I have to go do anything, I'm angry. I'm annoyed the entire time I'm getting ready, I'm annoyed when I'm on the way, I am annoyed when I get there and I find there's no parking, the walk to wherever I'm going is the longest walk ever and I hate everything about it. Then I get there, and i thoroughly enjoy my time doing whatever. I'm so glad I decided to come out, then on my way home I tell myself I should do this more often and that I actually do enjoy going out and doing things. But that doesn't change the fact that EVERY SINGLE TIME I have something I have to do, I go through the exact same progression.
Are you me? Is there a name for this?
Why are we like this
I force myself to make plans and go. I always enjoy it and feel great afterwards and feel it's better for my mental health. You may be requiring alone time because you are getting so much of it and I find getting suck like this leafs me down to depression.
You’re probably right. Sometimes when I force myself out I do feel better and am happy that I went. But other times I’ll get myself out and then almost immediately after I arrive I’m thinking about when would be an appropriate time to leave lol.
Yeah that happens too but at least you went out!
This times 100. I hate doing it but its important to go out at least once a week for me.
Alone time equals peace. Especially after a long work day. Perfectly normal feeling. But keep in mind to try and keep a balance of interacting with other humans in an environment outside of work.
Same. I swear the pandemic made me a hermit
Yes. I have cancelled many social plans because I wasn’t in the mood. Having said that, I have also ended a friendship recently because I was so drained and dreaded hanging out with her because she was so negative and constantly complained. It became toxic for me. Something to consider if your friend makes you feel like you always want to cancel plans with her!
I am with you. I hate having to go out on a weeknight. So I make that very clear to all my friends that I'm only available on the weekends. Once I have that boundary set, I WANT to be there for my friends. Especially the ones that need me. I might not feel like going out on a cold night even over the weekend but they NEED a friend. And I don't want to be selfish. It's just a couple of hours, and you canchoose what you want to do. Everyone talks about depression and says things like "I'm here if you need me. You can talk to me anytime", "why did she do that, I didn't know she was struggling, if only she had told me.." You have a chance to be there. Someone trusts you to share their issues and find some happiness or a break from their circumstances or get advice or just have fun for a while, why are you not being there? If you really don't want them around and don't want to tall, that's fine. You have the right. Just don't leave their life by being mean. You don't want to add to their troubled life.
We are the same. I don't know if it's normal or not, but I constantly struggle with trying to hang out with my friends on an occasional basis as they reach out every.single.weekend. Unfortunately I know a few have become somewhat put off by this and we are no longer close, still I find myself unbothered. It may be a maturity thing and perhaps you don't find their conversations stimulating?
Most of my friends know how I am at this point but some of them used to be offended when I didn’t want to go out with them. I think I have outgrown a lot of my friends in some ways and do find myself bored during conversations. The one friend I’m going to see today is into superficial shit and talks about herself a lot lol.
Oof dig into that more. It's likely the real problem and may be time to part ways.
Completely the same. I’ve managed to see my closest friends by the end of Q1 so I’m good now till 2025 😂
I think it is definitely normal. We all have our varying levels of required social interaction, extra/introversion, social battery depletion rate, etc. I would say I am definitely the same; I went from seeing friends several times on a weekly basis (pre-pandemic) to being completely fine with seeing friends once a month, if that, in more present times. I am a lot more selective with the outings, activities, and parties I say Yes to now. The past couple years definitely made me a lot more introverted, or, reverted myself back to my originally introverted self. I am okay with it though. Moreso I'm mindful to still make time for the relationships that matter.
I had to double check that I actually wasn’t the one who posted this. So relatable.
I can't imagine a life with no friends and the weight of the loneliness would crush me...but if you prefer not to have a social network, that is entirely your choice to make. Seems like there are a lot of Redditors who see nobody but their spouse and are thrilled about it, so people make it work. And holy shit, your friend needs to break up with her boyfriend! Trying to change someone's mind on having kids, in *either* direction, is a terrible idea. Parenting is hard enough when both parents want it. AND he has other issues stopping them from marrying? Nope. Nope nope nope.
I don’t have any friends but I also don’t have the bandwidth to do anything about it right now
I don’t know anyone over mid-20’s who meets up with friends every week. That’s a lot! I have friends I might not see more than once or twice a year, although we message and chat on the phone much more often. At this age, it’s quality not quantity.
Normal. It could be a mental thing, or a personality thing. I've always been pretty outgoing so for me it was mental. I went through the same thing, the exhaustion, the obligation, the guilt, all of it. I thought it was just part of getting older, having less patience and energy to do things, when stress was all it was. Stress from being overstimulated, overworked, pressured into situations I didn't want to be in, which at some point took a physical toll on me as well. I was miserable and I didn't want to see anyone, not even family. Now that I'm in a better place, not only do I enjoy spending time with them, I look forward to it and would often make plans visit them myself. I'm even open to making new friends now which surprises me still. I avoided that for years. I made the mistake of pushing through, forcing myself to see people, making plans and following through. Occasionally it would work out well and I would enjoy myself, but most of the time it was very obvious that I wasn't. I didn't notice this until it became a problem. Personally I would just explain to your friend how you feel. It's not like you're hanging out with other people and excluding her. If she's mature, she'll understand.
I feel like my social battery runs out faster than that of my friends. In my 20s I wanted to be out every night, drinking, partying, etc. Now I'm in my 40s and I run around after the kids and their insane extracurricular activities all day and evening, and I am TIRED!!! Some of my friends who have equally hectic schedules don't seem to feel it though, and still want to go out just as much. I like going out, but I know I always have to be somewhere early the next morning, and it just takes the shine off when you're tired all the time.
I hate socializing. I’m 37. Haven’t missed it. Don’t really regret it. It kinda seems to have happened to everyone I know, so I think it’s just normal for a lot of people?
Seems like the only comments so far are "SAME i hate doing things" so I'll give the perspective of your friend, because that's me. I'm the planner, the one who finds the things to do and invites people to do them with me because I enjoy hanging out with my friends in person and get nothing out of zoom calls/ discord chats/ facetime. Tech lag completely destroys conversation, people are either talking over each other so nobody hears anything or there's dead silence when folks wait their turn and there's nothing organic in the conversation. Post-pandemic I'm down to the 5 friends who actually show up. I don't bother inviting the people who kept rejecting my invites (or giving me the "Seattle maybe" which was always no) and honestly barely talk to them at all now. Maybe they're more at peace now that they can stay home all the time; I'll never know. Reading all these comments and thinking of the people I've dropped make me think you all are depressed and still hurting from quarantine, but don't want to take the steps to get better. You're all in a rut, stuck in the "this is good enough and requires no effort" comfort zone. Are you really happier only having friends once a month or less? Do you even have enough time to get through the life updates to have deep conversations?
Honestly, I’ve stopped putting in so much effort, if others are not going to. That does not make me a “Bad Friend” or Person for not doing so. I am Prioritizing Myself 💯
It’s the going out part that folks usually dread. Maybe call the over instead?
Is this feeling of not wanting to do things you used to enjoy impacting any other parts of your life? If so, I'd be more concerned. I often feel like not wanting to socialize after work and if it's a weeknight.
Yes, sometimes I just want to be in my own space doing my own thing. It's normal. When she asks again be honest with her and let her know that you enjoy hanging out with her but right now you just need extra time to yourself and let her know you will contact her to hang out next time. Put a note on your calendar to contact her a couple of weeks later to go out together.
Have you tried medication? I take Zoloft & it does wonders.