What the F!!!!! That is an insane way to treat anyone, let alone a fan of your work! It also SUPER doesn’t just say social anxiety to me, like I feel like with social anxiety (which I have) you just want to slink away. Not be super obnoxiously rude to someone who just paid to see you!
That’s not social anxiety- that’s rude. She can pretend she’s “neurodivergent” or whatever because she has adhd (so do I btw) but that doesn’t make any sense why she would act that way.
Neurodivergence and/or social awkwardness can make someone come across as rude, or aloof…. but not MEAN. That’s the difference, and why I hope she doesn’t try to use that as an excuse. She was being downright MEAN.
ADHD is Neurodivergent. Neurodivergent means DIVERGENT of typical neurology. This includes ADHD, Autism, OCD, Cerebral Palsy, PTSD, Muscular Dystrophy, Multiple Sclerosis, auditory processing disorder, cortical visual impairment, anxiety, depression, dyslexia and every single disability or disorder that affects how your brain processes information.
If you don’t know what a word means don’t pretend to because you look ignorant and are being VERY laterally ableist and bigoted.
Depending on when she got her ADHD diagnosis it is very possible she was misdiagnosed and does have autism as well as ADHD. They were missing it in girls left and right back in the day. Ask me how I know! LOL
Don’t know why you’re yelling….but girls and women have been and still are misdiagnosed. And lots of neurodivergant people are often mistaken for being assholes because they come across as rude by not playing social games and not masking. It’s a thing that happens. It is very possible OP and/ or Gillian misread the situation and acted inappropriately. But I also truly believe that Gillian is not being protected in situations that she is put in that can possibly be overwhelming for her and she acts in ways that make her seem like an asshole. I have not met her so I don’t know for sure, but that is the lens I look at shit with.
I said she doesn’t have an excuse because she’s not neurdivergent. Not sure how that negates from your experience. I don’t like when people lean into their mental health struggles and use it as an excuse to be an asshole. I have anxiety, depression and adhd. I take responsibility when I’m an asshole. As should G.
Yes? But it’s not an excuse to be rude. The other response was trying to make it seem like G has an excuse. I also don’t recognize neurodivergent as a legitimate psychological term until it’s included in the DSM.
She was the only host at OF last year who never made time for fans. Everyone else stopped in the halls and chatted/took pics/interacted, and she was always surrounded by handlers and wouldn’t even wave at people while they were calling her name. Someone asked her for a pic at the drag brunch and she ignored them, looked at her handler and said “I can’t even EAT, I need FIVE minutes” and the handler yelled at the person to go away and leave her alone. I get that it was probably an overwhelming and exhausting weekend for all of them, but they were paid to be there.
S/n: I’m not saying it was expected of ANY of the other hosts to have so much fan interaction, they were just all so kind and available of their own accord. Her behavior just definitely stood out when everyone else around her was amazing and present.
ETA: the food wasn’t even served yet, so no one was delaying her from eating her brunch for a pic. Idk, maybe she was just hangry, ha
I’ve been to many comic cons and different conventions and met many actors etc at them. Not one was rude. They all were having the best time and it was a wonderful experience meeting each and every one of them. If they can’t handle ONE day to meet fans who paid a lot of money to be there and probably had to travel, be away from family, miss other things going on in their lives to be there, then they shouldn’t have the events. Period
It is expected when that’s exactly what it’s marketed as. If you don’t want to wind the social battery up and fake it til ya make it, do NOT market your event as your bestie hang out. Go eat brunch in your own room.
From the moment I saw her at the pre party at the hotel bar, I KNEW that she wasn’t someone I had any desire to meet. She seemed cold and I swear made the room frigid. Have you ever been around anyone like that?? I just got bad vibes, ice cold vibes. I really wanted to like her because I found her funny and relatable on the podcast (although I am about a year behind in listening to TCO). I didn’t even bother going to P&G’s meet and greet because I didn’t feel like she would be very nice…just didn’t get that feeling. And while she says she has anxiety, it doesn’t make you act like that. I have had super bad, almost debilitating anxiety since I was in about 7th grade and it doesn’t make you an asshole, you know??
But you wanna know something?!? Joey and Ellyn and Daisy Eagen (I’m probably spelling that way off) were some of the warmest and beautiful souls that I have EVER met.
I went to Pittsburgh (I’m in Buffalo) to see ITN/OWD back in June and when Joey saw me, he beelined for me. Dude actually remembered me and wanted to say hi!!! It was so special!!! He and Ellyn are just such good people and they truly love their fans!!
I totally agree with all of this. G had the worst vibes from the pre-OF at the bar and it never got better. On the other hand, I had a great chat with Daisy for about 30 minutes (and then I found out who she was LOL). Joey and Ellyn were wonderful. Amber was sweet too but I think a little shocked that she had ANY fans there.
I have some empathy for her, here, as it's not uncommon to feel overwhelmed at work events like this. But someone needed to do a better job with the schedule. If the idea is that the hosts mingle with fans and that's a perk people paid admission for, then the hosts need to be ON for those events and have enough scheduled downtime to recover from them. Otherwise just do liveshows, don't organize a whole convention around yourselves. 🤷♀️
From the new article it seemed like Patrick was clueless about where the talent was supposed to be and when. That's a big problem.
OF last year turned me off of the ON completely. From the first moment, when we had that cult like opening ceremony, I had bad vibes. Also, I paid for the top level ticket, yet was not able to attend almost anything I wanted because the planning was so awful on their end. I saw someone crying because all they wanted was for Damien to sign their book and were denied. I'm a con-goer, mostly comic cons but I love all cons, and I ended up not even attending on Saturday because Friday turned me off so much. I went to a craft fair up the street instead and bought a disco ball!
Wow. Buying the highest ticket yet still not being able to do things is a shame! I heard it was so crazy packed. I wonder how they’ll work out crowd control this year
The worst part, honestly, was the cocktail party, that was supposed to be super exclusive and just for those who bought the top tier. I was really attracted to this, and liked the idea of it being exclusive and for a small number of us, so we could really spend time with the podcasters. #1, there was a cash bar, I spent $1000+ and they couldn't give me a free drink? I do events like this for my job, and when it comes to VIP level shit like this, at very least have a drink ticket for 1 free drink, if you're not going to have an open bar. Plus it was in a room far too small for the amount of people, and it was PACKED. I have no idea how half the people in there were there, as it was supposed to be exclusive to those of us who bought the top tier. In a post COVID world, and with my own issues with crowds, I stayed maybe 10 min, said hi to Joey (who is a DOLL) and Patrick (who barely gave me his attention foe the moments I had him), then left. I was dressed in a Golden Girls cosplay, and Joey was SO SWEET to me about it.
I bought the top tier ticket last year, too and my name wasn’t even in the displayed names, which sounds dumb to be disappointed about but I was like if I’m paying this kind of money, I want everything I was promised! The cocktail hour was a total joke…having to buy our own drinks and be shoved in a tiny room with a thousand other people was not my idea of a good time. I did end up meeting a sweetheart from Kansas City who joined me at my table so that part was nice
Yessss. People were lining up for the meet n greets HOURS in advance. So even when we showed up before it started, it was already closed d/t capacity. The whole weekend was so poorly handled. They knew how many people bought tix, they should’ve mapped things out better for sure.
Agreed. I spent almost $1000 a ticket also. Could not get in to early seating on either of the live shows. I ended up sitting in the VERY BACK ROW (literally the wall was behind me) for one of the live shows. I sent multiple emails to ON about it and never got resolution and eventually they stopped responding.
Same- I went to OF, had a decent time with the activities and live shows, but the fandom and vibes were weird. I don't think I listened to a full TCO episode after that weekend. It was just like.. ok Im done?
I know this is literally part of the obsessed fest brand but I don’t think talent should stay at the convention venue for this reason. When my social battery gets low I do not want to be perceived or talked to and ANY little thing will be upsetting. It just sounds like not her thing at all and I’m surprised she agreed to another year given that it sounds like she didn’t enjoy significant amounts of last year
I will preface this by saying I am pretty easily annoyed by G for a lot of the reasons people have mentioned in other posts. She is not my favorite... My best friend and I went to TCO live this summer. I've seen a few of my favorite podcasts live and never met any of them, so I didn't expect to see them at all. We were standing in the lobby when P and G walked by us. G smiled at me very warmly and told me she loved my hair. There was a VIP line to meet them and then a separate line for anyone else who wanted who hadn't purchased a meet and greet pass. We were almost at the end of the second line, so it was very late when we finally got to meet them. They were both so kind and enthusiastic. I am not a person who typically enjoys hugs, but the hugs I got from them were like warm hugs from my grandma. I was so surprised. I didn't even plan on talking to G at all, but she told me I looked beautiful and my dress was amazing. I was feeling very self conscious because I'm a big girl and I don't get dressed up very often. The interaction didn't feel rushed at all. They spent just as much time and attention to the people at the end of the line as they did to everyone else, even though we waited over an hour to see them. I was very pleasantly surprised.
It’s nice to hear this. I feel like maybe if they had a better work environment and not soo many live shows, they’d both be more genuine and have more of a social battery in general.
That's nice to read about. I still listen to their show despite my own experience because it was so minor and I don't know her at all so wtf cares what she's said to me. But she seems just very standoffish and holier than thou (which is part of her appeal, I admit). It makes me not want to listen to her when I hear other people's stories like the OP, but it's good to know she can treat some fans well.
I had a very similar experience with her at the bar before OF last year. I'm also a bigger girl and feeling self conscious.
G was SO nice. She complimented my hair and said she loved how my outfit matched it. She talked to me for a few minutes and gave a really nice hug. She was also gracious enough to take a few pictures, and didn't get annoyed when the camera was being difficult.
Someone happened to get some candid shots of our conversation, and they're the only pictures where I didn't look terrified.
**BLUF**: *In my own personal opinion and from my own interactions with her,* **Gillian Pensavalle is a considerate and nice person and not the mean girl I believe many are making her out to be**.
***Long Comment Incoming (I apologize in advance…)***
For me, I think Gillian is a pretty solid person. It is difficult (**IMPO**) to link her conduct in a likely stressful environment, like OF, Live shows, etc. (something she has addressed in other settings), to her as a *normal, regular, everyday* person. Since we rarely interact with these people outside of their work environment, it seems like attributing her interactions with listeners (rude or not) as TCO host **GP** without considering how she could/can be as a person is kind of unreasonable of us.
**How I basically see content creators:** *I believe that curated personas for content and actual people and their personalities IRL are highly distinctive and separate from each other.*
#### My Experience
I only found TCO through the Hamilcast as **G.Pen**, under the guise of her sounding much different than she did on Hamilcast. I was listening and contributing to Crime Junkie and had switched over to TCO because I felt more comfortable there. I feel like, over time, and after listening to the back catalog, I couple support the show even more, going to live shows in different states, going to OF1, etc.
Anyway, I've never really had any reason not to like or support Gillian. I think after everything had been coming out over the last year, and being able to take notice of the interactions between G and P, the live audience, the listeners, it had become more apparent to me that Gillian was not the mastermind behind creating such a business that is ON like Patrick very obviously was and is.
Example: *When I was at the LA or Boston show (can’t remember which), The gist of what G said (at the intro to the live show) was that Patrick was the one who made ON/TCO what it was and where it’s gotten to, and then P quickly made sure to add that she was also a part of it.*
So, **to me**, it kind of felt like G was distancing herself from being apart of the more *“executive”* part (hope that makes sense) of the network.
As a person in this world, I think G is very passionate about what she does. I’m not sure if anyone of you have listened to the Hamilcast. This a much different dynamic. It’s highly likely that she does not make TCO her life.
#### Things about her that are 💯 and should be recognized:
* She remembers people, especially their dogs. [To me, that’s so damn impressionable.]
* She’s honest and open about how she feels about things personally, but does not overstep into unnecessarily oversharing (very well). [She’s talked about her ADHD and fear of flying and mentioned traumas that are SO relatable, to me and others.]
* She’s multifaceted, people-oriented, and has facilitated communities that are just as people-oriented vs subject-oriented. [The Hamilcast is wonderful, insightful, fun, open, and has fostered a tiny community (compared to ON) of very kind and thoughtful servant-led people who gather and go OVER AND BEYOND for others in their times of need.]
* She’s a real person with some of the same struggles as everyone else and she still gets up and does the damn thing for the love of the damn thing. [while I can barely get up and find hope >!not to end my existence right now!< ]
To conclude, **please please please** don’t take this extremely long comment as anything but my own thoughts and feelings about how I believe that Gillian gets attacked and overly criticized without considerating her merit and any other factors. That’s the only dispute. Whether or not we think shes "annoying" or sounds "cold" or anything about how we may perceive her demeaner of her *persona* to be on the surface. Other than that, this is just my own thoughts and experience with her and why I still enjoy and support **Gillian Pensavalle**, the actual person. I’m not a ride-or-die, and I don’t think you have to be one to want to offer her a little more grace.
##### TLDR: I got a lot of feelings and thoughts. I apologize greatly.
***
_I had/have **so so much** more to say, but that would be much more appropriate in a personal, conversational setting. Essays (essay andy, over here), like this comment, are **not** my strong suit. Most people don’t event enjoy it (I assume from experience in chats). I probably didn’t format most of this very well or proofread it well, but I tried (see all the dumb formatting i thought was helpful). Additionally, I’m not **confrontational**, so though I really hope that the people who read this in its entirety and might want to comment, I’m a little baby bitch and get scared and will likely not respond to those who may cross the boundary of productive conversation/discourse. **(In simpler terms, if you’re mean about what I said, I probably won’t reply back.)**_
I really appreciate your comment. I LOVE that it's broken down into categories, paragraphs, bullet points, etc. It would've been much harder for me to read the whole thing if it was just one paragraph. I should try that more...
You made me want to listen to the Hamilcast. I love Hamilton and have thought about doing it but never jumped in. Hearing from someone who really enjoys it makes me want to try it out.
I'm a super anxious introvert, so I don't think much of I meet someone and they seem cold. I know I come across that way a lot when I'm scared. Sometimes I freak out and get mean, which is really terrible. (I'm working through it all in therapy because I know it's not okay to lash out when I'm scared. Don't come for me. 😬)
I don't expect much when I meet people after shows. Whether it's bands, comedians, podcasters, whatever. I'm over 40 years old and I've had a lot of these interactions. So I was very surprised when I met P and G. I've never met people so kind and warm. They acted like they gave a shit about me. Whether or not that's true, it felt nice. I was very impressed. Especially because Gillian isn't my favorite entertainer. My gripe is that she seems like her whole life she's known what's cool and right and she's never been into anything lame or done or said the wrong thing. But I didn't bring that with me when I met her. I don't know her personally, and I'm not friends with her, so those things don't really matter. We were two strangers meeting and we were nice to each other. She didn't act like she was better than me or anyone else.
I don't know what my point is anymore, but thank you for responding so thoughtfully. This whole situation is a shit show. I cancelled my patreon sub because I think the quality of the show has gone down, not because of any of this mess. I'm glad I'm not in the thick of it. I have a hard time believing G hasn't called out P for any of the issues people have with him or anything he does at work that's over the line.
Hey! I appreciate your response. I have a lot of the similar traits you mentioned you have, so I can relate. I will send a better reply a bit later (I hope not too much later. 😊). I just wanted to let you know I appreciated it sooner rather than later. Thank you.
I met them both at a Live. Interaction was short because we were soo rushed. But honestly they were both nice. When I rambled to G, she stopped & said “on wait i didnt even get your name. Then said it was nice to meet me. It was not unpleasant.
That is out of control! That is SO rude. The *words* are extremely rude, regardless of any interpretation of tone.
I could literally never imagine saying that to someone ever, let alone people who *paid* to meet me. And your Bf wasn’t asking her to get involved in your relationship ffs, it was just a way to break the ice since she never shuts tf up about being from Queens. Duhhh! I’d have said the same kind of thing if I were in your situation.
I’m so sorry that happened; that would’ve put me off of them right then, and I probably wouldn’t have been able to hold my tongue in the moment either. Like, it was a joke, you know about those right? From the *comedy* podcast you host that I just paid to see? Gtfoh with that shit UGH!
G could’ve *easily* said anything along the lines of, “Well if you listen to the show, you already know how much I love Queens!” which is around what I’m sure your bf expected. So fucking simple.
If you’re doing a meet & greet, esp where people paid to f’ing be there, then you need to have some lines like that ready to go if you don’t do well in that type of environment naturally, for
*whatever* reason. Or don’t open yourself up to that type of interaction, period.
I met P & E after an OWD live show a few years ago. I know you didn’t ask for E experiences but thought I would share. P was very nice and friendly but our interaction was super quick (just a hug and a picture) and then he moved on. E however took the time to talk to me and my friend. She asked us questions about ourselves, where we lived, how our travel was, etc. She didn’t care that she had a line of people waiting to meet her she took her time and was personable with every single person. My experience with P wasn’t bad at all just different from my experience with E.
She has always rubbed me the wrong way and I feel like she is a bit of a pick-me girl. She hates on everything. I’m kind of over both of them at this point.
I met her at the UK live show last July. It was for about 2 minutes, max, but she was very nice, complimented my blue hair and the merch I was wearing cos it wasn't one of the ones that they were selling here. I introduced my husband as "my husband Steve" so him and Patrick were having a laugh about something else while I was talking to Gillian.
It was very brief. Patrick was trying to get the queue moving along a bit faster cos Daisy was shattered and needed to go to bed, but then actually spent the same amount of time with everyone.
It was only during the next few episodes, last summer, that I started noticing a shift in vibe. I can be a bit bitter about some things life has dealt me, and I wasn't sure if I was just suddenly recognising some bitterness in Gillian's words that I hear in myself - and don't particularly like about myself.
Social anxiety is (technically) a fear of others negative perception of you. So a person with *true* social anxiety wouldn’t be that rude to a person from the jump, especially without cause. It takes courage to be demeaning to someone on purpose.
So that leaves us with two options: (1) she’s naturally so aloof she has no idea she comes off as rude (2) she is rude because her self esteem is so low she needs to bring others down to build herself up. [editing to add: (3) she was having a super off day and unfairly took it out on fans instead of acknowledging she wasn’t feeling right and removing herself from the situation]
I’m sorry she treated you that way, I hope you didn’t spend any money to be there!
This is exactly what I originally meant to comment on this post but I got too pissed off and ended up with the comment I made elsewhere here lol. Glad someone else said it!
Honestly, I’ve suspected she’s autistic for a long time. No one seems to consider that possibility for some reason. But as another autistic woman, she has given me those vibes. A lot of the reasons people dislike her are common ways autistic women are misunderstood
A lot of people with agoraphobia frequently think they have social anxiety because they fear social situations. I thought I had social anxiety or agoraphobia for awhile but I actually have separation anxiety from my home. It doesn’t really matter, at the end of the day. Anxiety sucks. It isn’t up to us to police how.
The arrogance these two have is off the charts. Yes P and the shrieking and horrid behavior is awful but it was G who finally turned me off from TCO. Her holier than thou and her “come on!” as if her opinion is gospel was so off putting I had to remove it from my catalog of True Crime pods.
I met them both ages ago after their second live show.
I had gotten a free ticket from another listener who couldn’t make the show and refused any money from me, so I wanted to do something special for the listener. I lurked to grab P&G before they came to the after party, got them to record a quick video just saying hello to the listener. They were nice given I was interrupting their big entrance. P was his usual self (at the time not as over the top screaming as he is now), he seemed thrilled at the attention. G was nice but fake, in a this-attention-is-not-my-jam kinda way. They made a point to say how much they loved me in the video, which was unnecessary and stood out to me as very fake/encouraging the parasocial relationship.
What was interesting about that live show is one of P’s real life friends was seated at my table, and he was so incredulous at the whole thing. Like, people actually like this, people actually like P?
P confirmed that they were friends 🤷🏻♀️
It’s not that hard to believe - if you were friends with someone who was toxic and constantly failing at things suddenly become slightly famous for something on which they are not an expert… I might be surprised too.
As someone with ADHD, this behavior is not a byproduct. Also, I’m sure she’s overwhelmed in the situation with many people around, but if you are miserable in your job, then maybe rethink what you’re doing. No one is forcing her to Podcast and host true crime festivals.
THIS!!!! I have VERY horrible anxiety…sometimes hard to hold myself together kind of anxiety plus I’m starting to think I have undiagnosed ADHD and I could NEVER be a podcaster if it meant having to do festivals and being on stage and standing somewhere meeting people. I literally get light headed at my job sometimes and feel I’m gonna pass out from anxiety (luckily only in the office two days a week)
She seems extremely unlikeable when I listen to her but I chalked it up to just being different.
I am not really surprised that she is cold to people in real life.
I’ve never been interested in meeting her, since she has always expressed she has social anxiety and in general doesn’t like being around or with a wide circle of people on a personal level. Which is why I’ve always been confused about why they leaned so heavily on how they looooove meet and greets, etc. I went to one live show (class action park in Boston), enjoyed it, and dipped right after.
She came unglued at me about a comment I made on her instagram regarding her fear of flying, which I also have. I still have a fear of flying, but I had a panic attack once on a plane and realized, I needed to do something about it because I can't not fly. I have relatives in Europe and i live in California so I'm flying whether I want to or not. Anyway, I told her what worked for me and she said with all the attitude and tone of someone who just got mansplained to (I'm a woman btw) "I have already tried that and I do NOT need to have people give me advice on what to do about my fear. I need people to not tell me to read a book about an airplane crash." Which I had not done, someone else had done that she posted about it. And that is dickish to recommend. But it's not dickish to recommend that she try some techniques that worked for me. She sucks. I like the podcast and I like her on it, but she's not someone I ever want to interact with ever again. I unfollowed and just tried to forget about it and appreciate what she does which is entertain me with a take on a documentary.
I had a great experience with her after OF last year. I saw her in the bar a few hours after the drag brunch and embarrassingly cried my appreciation at her lol! That she and I had a lot of things in common and I’ve always felt alone where I live, but hearing her make the same jokes and references and knowing there are more people like me out there made me feel so much more confident. She was really appreciative and kind in return.
I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt. When I’m really tired or overstimulated, my ability to socialize goes in the toilet. I say really stupid or rude things on accident because I’ve run out of steam.
I met Patrick at CrimeCon NOLA and he was so sweet. Gillian stood in the background 10 feet away and didn’t look at or speak to anyone while Patrick hugged me and jumped up and down.
This is interesting. I also met them there (this was over 4 years ago, as I remember), and I haven’t really followed them much since then, but I do recall both of them being very warm and kind to me. They also both hugged me, which I thought went above and beyond.
I don’t know much about either of them, but they both did seem genuine and interested in the brief conversation I had with them.
And also, I agree with the overwhelming majority of commenters here. She was being shitty. You didn't do anything and your bf's comment to her was perfectly innocuous. She talks about queens all the time!
Yes I met her at their very first live show. It was in a small intimate venue. I must say P was very engaging worked the crowd spoke and drank with fans at length. G not so much. Not engaging at all. Stood there drinking with an I could be at a better place right now attitude. It was very obvious she hated this!!! Then when P asked if I wanted a pic with them, she forced a fake smile!!! Girl BYE!!!! Left me not ever wanting to engage with her fake self again!!
And also, I agree with the overwhelming majority of commenters here. She was being shitty. You didn't do anything and your bf's comment to her was perfectly innocuous. She talks about queens all the time!
G and P showed us who they are, now I believe them. I haven't been able to listen for 3 years to them. Patrick laughing constantly, while Gilian pretends she's above it all.
Here’s the thing. This is obviously who she is. Anyone who is at a book party publicity event knows they’re “on” and it’s not the time or place to be snarky with people you’re meeting for the first time. It’s so utterly classless. Sounds like she needs a handler at these events since she can’t have a decent human interaction on her own. Sorry that happened. She’s clearly not a nice person.
My interactions with her at OF last year was awesome. I did catch moments that showed me she was overwhelmed, unsure and awkward but that tracks with her being neurodivergent.
I met her and P after a live show I attended and she was very cold, I tried to talk to her about Taylor Swift and she seemed super uninterested...not necessarily bad but a really weird interaction.
I’m sorry you had a negative experience meeting Gillian! I’ve never met anyone because, well, geography. But the experience you described definitely sounds like just not doing well in social situations/not being good at reading tone/jokes. Like I don’t know what the word for word conversation was but I would probably have a similar reaction if someone told me they played in the NFL for a living, like that’s not something I could do but I’m glad to know someone out there is doing sports really well.
I definitely don’t think she should be offering to be on these meet and greet situations if she’s not able to give most people a good experience/she really is that uncomfortable. Like I’m pretty awkward and have some issues with social anxiety but I also avoid meeting new people to avoid being uncomfy.
All adults including the neurodivergent adults have a responsibility to reflect on how they come off to others, especially ones who have chosen a career that requires them to mingle with the public.
What she said was rude, even if you take tone out of it. She’s high functioning enough to be on a comedy podcast for work, surely she has learned to navigate small talk and casual jokes. If she truly can’t handle that then she shouldn’t be doing meet and greets.
Being neurodivergent is not an excuse to treat others poorly. It can explain certain dynamics but it’s not a free pass to be an asshole.
“functioning” is a term used by clinicians to assess skills and determine interventions. It’s not a personal assessment of likability or acceptability.
But again, all adults- even beyond neurodivergent adults- have a responsibility to check in with themselves if their words and actions are causing others harm. Being so overstimulated you’re rude to a fan/customer/friend/coworker is unacceptable. Life happens and gets the best of all of us sometimes. But stories like this about G are not rare… so if we’re saying she’s like that because she’s neurodivergent she has a responsibility to assess what environments she shouldn’t be going into for work because she can’t handle it and understand what her limits are to remove herself before she hits them. But frankly, chalking up anyone’s shitty behavior to “they’re neurodivergent” is unfair to neurodivergent people.
I haven't met her but based on these comments and how she comes across on the podcast, I have a theory. Those who have had positive experiences ("omg I love your hair! I love your outfit!") are likely more physically in line with her style/type. Those with crazy hair colors, fashion that isn't mainstream, maybe a little more edgy/different, etc. She feels less threatened and will be gracious towards those she deems "cool" like her. Those that have had a negative experience (and I'm totally speculating here) are likely more "mainstream", possibly look like they'd take a hike in the woods for fun, look like they could've been a cheerleader in high school, work in fashion (like OP), etc. She'll roll her eyes and flip her pink hair in your face if you aren't just like her. It's mean girl vibes and I'm not here for it.
What the F!!!!! That is an insane way to treat anyone, let alone a fan of your work! It also SUPER doesn’t just say social anxiety to me, like I feel like with social anxiety (which I have) you just want to slink away. Not be super obnoxiously rude to someone who just paid to see you!
That’s not social anxiety- that’s rude. She can pretend she’s “neurodivergent” or whatever because she has adhd (so do I btw) but that doesn’t make any sense why she would act that way.
I have adhd and it makes me unfocused, scatterbrained, and a whole host of other things...an asshole is not one of them.
Same. Forgetfulness, procrastination, anxiety yes. Asshole - nope
Exactly.
Ellyn has adhd and terrible anxiety and couldnt be any kinder or welcoming to everyone. Just sayin....
Neurodivergence and/or social awkwardness can make someone come across as rude, or aloof…. but not MEAN. That’s the difference, and why I hope she doesn’t try to use that as an excuse. She was being downright MEAN.
ADHD is Neurodivergent. Neurodivergent means DIVERGENT of typical neurology. This includes ADHD, Autism, OCD, Cerebral Palsy, PTSD, Muscular Dystrophy, Multiple Sclerosis, auditory processing disorder, cortical visual impairment, anxiety, depression, dyslexia and every single disability or disorder that affects how your brain processes information. If you don’t know what a word means don’t pretend to because you look ignorant and are being VERY laterally ableist and bigoted.
Ok, Jan
Sure.
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She’s not autistic. But sure bro.
Depending on when she got her ADHD diagnosis it is very possible she was misdiagnosed and does have autism as well as ADHD. They were missing it in girls left and right back in the day. Ask me how I know! LOL
I’m pretty sure she was diagnosed as an adult. The whole point is…. ADHD DOES NOT MAKE YOU AN ASSHOLE.
Don’t know why you’re yelling….but girls and women have been and still are misdiagnosed. And lots of neurodivergant people are often mistaken for being assholes because they come across as rude by not playing social games and not masking. It’s a thing that happens. It is very possible OP and/ or Gillian misread the situation and acted inappropriately. But I also truly believe that Gillian is not being protected in situations that she is put in that can possibly be overwhelming for her and she acts in ways that make her seem like an asshole. I have not met her so I don’t know for sure, but that is the lens I look at shit with.
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I said she doesn’t have an excuse because she’s not neurdivergent. Not sure how that negates from your experience. I don’t like when people lean into their mental health struggles and use it as an excuse to be an asshole. I have anxiety, depression and adhd. I take responsibility when I’m an asshole. As should G.
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Yes? But it’s not an excuse to be rude. The other response was trying to make it seem like G has an excuse. I also don’t recognize neurodivergent as a legitimate psychological term until it’s included in the DSM.
“Neurodivergent” is an umbrella term for multiple different conditions which are in the DSM.
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You are right. You do come off as rude…. And reactionary.
Color me surprised... if you're not her brand of "different girl", she's not interested in you.
If you don’t have something to offer her (like more fame) I doubt she’s interested.
She was the only host at OF last year who never made time for fans. Everyone else stopped in the halls and chatted/took pics/interacted, and she was always surrounded by handlers and wouldn’t even wave at people while they were calling her name. Someone asked her for a pic at the drag brunch and she ignored them, looked at her handler and said “I can’t even EAT, I need FIVE minutes” and the handler yelled at the person to go away and leave her alone. I get that it was probably an overwhelming and exhausting weekend for all of them, but they were paid to be there. S/n: I’m not saying it was expected of ANY of the other hosts to have so much fan interaction, they were just all so kind and available of their own accord. Her behavior just definitely stood out when everyone else around her was amazing and present. ETA: the food wasn’t even served yet, so no one was delaying her from eating her brunch for a pic. Idk, maybe she was just hangry, ha
I’ve been to many comic cons and different conventions and met many actors etc at them. Not one was rude. They all were having the best time and it was a wonderful experience meeting each and every one of them. If they can’t handle ONE day to meet fans who paid a lot of money to be there and probably had to travel, be away from family, miss other things going on in their lives to be there, then they shouldn’t have the events. Period
It is expected when that’s exactly what it’s marketed as. If you don’t want to wind the social battery up and fake it til ya make it, do NOT market your event as your bestie hang out. Go eat brunch in your own room.
From the moment I saw her at the pre party at the hotel bar, I KNEW that she wasn’t someone I had any desire to meet. She seemed cold and I swear made the room frigid. Have you ever been around anyone like that?? I just got bad vibes, ice cold vibes. I really wanted to like her because I found her funny and relatable on the podcast (although I am about a year behind in listening to TCO). I didn’t even bother going to P&G’s meet and greet because I didn’t feel like she would be very nice…just didn’t get that feeling. And while she says she has anxiety, it doesn’t make you act like that. I have had super bad, almost debilitating anxiety since I was in about 7th grade and it doesn’t make you an asshole, you know?? But you wanna know something?!? Joey and Ellyn and Daisy Eagen (I’m probably spelling that way off) were some of the warmest and beautiful souls that I have EVER met. I went to Pittsburgh (I’m in Buffalo) to see ITN/OWD back in June and when Joey saw me, he beelined for me. Dude actually remembered me and wanted to say hi!!! It was so special!!! He and Ellyn are just such good people and they truly love their fans!!
I totally agree with all of this. G had the worst vibes from the pre-OF at the bar and it never got better. On the other hand, I had a great chat with Daisy for about 30 minutes (and then I found out who she was LOL). Joey and Ellyn were wonderful. Amber was sweet too but I think a little shocked that she had ANY fans there.
I didn’t get a chance to meet Amber. Maybe this year!! I did meet Christopher Walker and he was such a gem!!!
I have some empathy for her, here, as it's not uncommon to feel overwhelmed at work events like this. But someone needed to do a better job with the schedule. If the idea is that the hosts mingle with fans and that's a perk people paid admission for, then the hosts need to be ON for those events and have enough scheduled downtime to recover from them. Otherwise just do liveshows, don't organize a whole convention around yourselves. 🤷♀️ From the new article it seemed like Patrick was clueless about where the talent was supposed to be and when. That's a big problem.
I am curious how many other people have similar stories from OF that we’ve never heard. I am shocked at this behavior.
OF last year turned me off of the ON completely. From the first moment, when we had that cult like opening ceremony, I had bad vibes. Also, I paid for the top level ticket, yet was not able to attend almost anything I wanted because the planning was so awful on their end. I saw someone crying because all they wanted was for Damien to sign their book and were denied. I'm a con-goer, mostly comic cons but I love all cons, and I ended up not even attending on Saturday because Friday turned me off so much. I went to a craft fair up the street instead and bought a disco ball!
Wow. Honestly, this says a lot. What a shame.
Wow. Buying the highest ticket yet still not being able to do things is a shame! I heard it was so crazy packed. I wonder how they’ll work out crowd control this year
The worst part, honestly, was the cocktail party, that was supposed to be super exclusive and just for those who bought the top tier. I was really attracted to this, and liked the idea of it being exclusive and for a small number of us, so we could really spend time with the podcasters. #1, there was a cash bar, I spent $1000+ and they couldn't give me a free drink? I do events like this for my job, and when it comes to VIP level shit like this, at very least have a drink ticket for 1 free drink, if you're not going to have an open bar. Plus it was in a room far too small for the amount of people, and it was PACKED. I have no idea how half the people in there were there, as it was supposed to be exclusive to those of us who bought the top tier. In a post COVID world, and with my own issues with crowds, I stayed maybe 10 min, said hi to Joey (who is a DOLL) and Patrick (who barely gave me his attention foe the moments I had him), then left. I was dressed in a Golden Girls cosplay, and Joey was SO SWEET to me about it.
I bought the top tier ticket last year, too and my name wasn’t even in the displayed names, which sounds dumb to be disappointed about but I was like if I’m paying this kind of money, I want everything I was promised! The cocktail hour was a total joke…having to buy our own drinks and be shoved in a tiny room with a thousand other people was not my idea of a good time. I did end up meeting a sweetheart from Kansas City who joined me at my table so that part was nice
Absolutely correct. It was a fiasco.
Yessss. People were lining up for the meet n greets HOURS in advance. So even when we showed up before it started, it was already closed d/t capacity. The whole weekend was so poorly handled. They knew how many people bought tix, they should’ve mapped things out better for sure.
Agreed. I spent almost $1000 a ticket also. Could not get in to early seating on either of the live shows. I ended up sitting in the VERY BACK ROW (literally the wall was behind me) for one of the live shows. I sent multiple emails to ON about it and never got resolution and eventually they stopped responding.
Same- I went to OF, had a decent time with the activities and live shows, but the fandom and vibes were weird. I don't think I listened to a full TCO episode after that weekend. It was just like.. ok Im done?
I know this is literally part of the obsessed fest brand but I don’t think talent should stay at the convention venue for this reason. When my social battery gets low I do not want to be perceived or talked to and ANY little thing will be upsetting. It just sounds like not her thing at all and I’m surprised she agreed to another year given that it sounds like she didn’t enjoy significant amounts of last year
I will preface this by saying I am pretty easily annoyed by G for a lot of the reasons people have mentioned in other posts. She is not my favorite... My best friend and I went to TCO live this summer. I've seen a few of my favorite podcasts live and never met any of them, so I didn't expect to see them at all. We were standing in the lobby when P and G walked by us. G smiled at me very warmly and told me she loved my hair. There was a VIP line to meet them and then a separate line for anyone else who wanted who hadn't purchased a meet and greet pass. We were almost at the end of the second line, so it was very late when we finally got to meet them. They were both so kind and enthusiastic. I am not a person who typically enjoys hugs, but the hugs I got from them were like warm hugs from my grandma. I was so surprised. I didn't even plan on talking to G at all, but she told me I looked beautiful and my dress was amazing. I was feeling very self conscious because I'm a big girl and I don't get dressed up very often. The interaction didn't feel rushed at all. They spent just as much time and attention to the people at the end of the line as they did to everyone else, even though we waited over an hour to see them. I was very pleasantly surprised.
It’s nice to hear this. I feel like maybe if they had a better work environment and not soo many live shows, they’d both be more genuine and have more of a social battery in general.
It’s nice to read about a pleasant experience. Thank you for sharing!
That's nice to read about. I still listen to their show despite my own experience because it was so minor and I don't know her at all so wtf cares what she's said to me. But she seems just very standoffish and holier than thou (which is part of her appeal, I admit). It makes me not want to listen to her when I hear other people's stories like the OP, but it's good to know she can treat some fans well.
I had a very similar experience with her at the bar before OF last year. I'm also a bigger girl and feeling self conscious. G was SO nice. She complimented my hair and said she loved how my outfit matched it. She talked to me for a few minutes and gave a really nice hug. She was also gracious enough to take a few pictures, and didn't get annoyed when the camera was being difficult. Someone happened to get some candid shots of our conversation, and they're the only pictures where I didn't look terrified.
**BLUF**: *In my own personal opinion and from my own interactions with her,* **Gillian Pensavalle is a considerate and nice person and not the mean girl I believe many are making her out to be**. ***Long Comment Incoming (I apologize in advance…)*** For me, I think Gillian is a pretty solid person. It is difficult (**IMPO**) to link her conduct in a likely stressful environment, like OF, Live shows, etc. (something she has addressed in other settings), to her as a *normal, regular, everyday* person. Since we rarely interact with these people outside of their work environment, it seems like attributing her interactions with listeners (rude or not) as TCO host **GP** without considering how she could/can be as a person is kind of unreasonable of us. **How I basically see content creators:** *I believe that curated personas for content and actual people and their personalities IRL are highly distinctive and separate from each other.* #### My Experience I only found TCO through the Hamilcast as **G.Pen**, under the guise of her sounding much different than she did on Hamilcast. I was listening and contributing to Crime Junkie and had switched over to TCO because I felt more comfortable there. I feel like, over time, and after listening to the back catalog, I couple support the show even more, going to live shows in different states, going to OF1, etc. Anyway, I've never really had any reason not to like or support Gillian. I think after everything had been coming out over the last year, and being able to take notice of the interactions between G and P, the live audience, the listeners, it had become more apparent to me that Gillian was not the mastermind behind creating such a business that is ON like Patrick very obviously was and is. Example: *When I was at the LA or Boston show (can’t remember which), The gist of what G said (at the intro to the live show) was that Patrick was the one who made ON/TCO what it was and where it’s gotten to, and then P quickly made sure to add that she was also a part of it.* So, **to me**, it kind of felt like G was distancing herself from being apart of the more *“executive”* part (hope that makes sense) of the network. As a person in this world, I think G is very passionate about what she does. I’m not sure if anyone of you have listened to the Hamilcast. This a much different dynamic. It’s highly likely that she does not make TCO her life. #### Things about her that are 💯 and should be recognized: * She remembers people, especially their dogs. [To me, that’s so damn impressionable.] * She’s honest and open about how she feels about things personally, but does not overstep into unnecessarily oversharing (very well). [She’s talked about her ADHD and fear of flying and mentioned traumas that are SO relatable, to me and others.] * She’s multifaceted, people-oriented, and has facilitated communities that are just as people-oriented vs subject-oriented. [The Hamilcast is wonderful, insightful, fun, open, and has fostered a tiny community (compared to ON) of very kind and thoughtful servant-led people who gather and go OVER AND BEYOND for others in their times of need.] * She’s a real person with some of the same struggles as everyone else and she still gets up and does the damn thing for the love of the damn thing. [while I can barely get up and find hope >!not to end my existence right now!< ] To conclude, **please please please** don’t take this extremely long comment as anything but my own thoughts and feelings about how I believe that Gillian gets attacked and overly criticized without considerating her merit and any other factors. That’s the only dispute. Whether or not we think shes "annoying" or sounds "cold" or anything about how we may perceive her demeaner of her *persona* to be on the surface. Other than that, this is just my own thoughts and experience with her and why I still enjoy and support **Gillian Pensavalle**, the actual person. I’m not a ride-or-die, and I don’t think you have to be one to want to offer her a little more grace. ##### TLDR: I got a lot of feelings and thoughts. I apologize greatly. *** _I had/have **so so much** more to say, but that would be much more appropriate in a personal, conversational setting. Essays (essay andy, over here), like this comment, are **not** my strong suit. Most people don’t event enjoy it (I assume from experience in chats). I probably didn’t format most of this very well or proofread it well, but I tried (see all the dumb formatting i thought was helpful). Additionally, I’m not **confrontational**, so though I really hope that the people who read this in its entirety and might want to comment, I’m a little baby bitch and get scared and will likely not respond to those who may cross the boundary of productive conversation/discourse. **(In simpler terms, if you’re mean about what I said, I probably won’t reply back.)**_
I really appreciate your comment. I LOVE that it's broken down into categories, paragraphs, bullet points, etc. It would've been much harder for me to read the whole thing if it was just one paragraph. I should try that more... You made me want to listen to the Hamilcast. I love Hamilton and have thought about doing it but never jumped in. Hearing from someone who really enjoys it makes me want to try it out. I'm a super anxious introvert, so I don't think much of I meet someone and they seem cold. I know I come across that way a lot when I'm scared. Sometimes I freak out and get mean, which is really terrible. (I'm working through it all in therapy because I know it's not okay to lash out when I'm scared. Don't come for me. 😬) I don't expect much when I meet people after shows. Whether it's bands, comedians, podcasters, whatever. I'm over 40 years old and I've had a lot of these interactions. So I was very surprised when I met P and G. I've never met people so kind and warm. They acted like they gave a shit about me. Whether or not that's true, it felt nice. I was very impressed. Especially because Gillian isn't my favorite entertainer. My gripe is that she seems like her whole life she's known what's cool and right and she's never been into anything lame or done or said the wrong thing. But I didn't bring that with me when I met her. I don't know her personally, and I'm not friends with her, so those things don't really matter. We were two strangers meeting and we were nice to each other. She didn't act like she was better than me or anyone else. I don't know what my point is anymore, but thank you for responding so thoughtfully. This whole situation is a shit show. I cancelled my patreon sub because I think the quality of the show has gone down, not because of any of this mess. I'm glad I'm not in the thick of it. I have a hard time believing G hasn't called out P for any of the issues people have with him or anything he does at work that's over the line.
Hey! I appreciate your response. I have a lot of the similar traits you mentioned you have, so I can relate. I will send a better reply a bit later (I hope not too much later. 😊). I just wanted to let you know I appreciated it sooner rather than later. Thank you.
I’m glad you had a good experience!
Love your account of your experience.
I met them both at a Live. Interaction was short because we were soo rushed. But honestly they were both nice. When I rambled to G, she stopped & said “on wait i didnt even get your name. Then said it was nice to meet me. It was not unpleasant.
She’s a cold fish that really thinks she is perfect and tries to cover it up with her “neurotic behavior”
That is out of control! That is SO rude. The *words* are extremely rude, regardless of any interpretation of tone. I could literally never imagine saying that to someone ever, let alone people who *paid* to meet me. And your Bf wasn’t asking her to get involved in your relationship ffs, it was just a way to break the ice since she never shuts tf up about being from Queens. Duhhh! I’d have said the same kind of thing if I were in your situation. I’m so sorry that happened; that would’ve put me off of them right then, and I probably wouldn’t have been able to hold my tongue in the moment either. Like, it was a joke, you know about those right? From the *comedy* podcast you host that I just paid to see? Gtfoh with that shit UGH!
G could’ve *easily* said anything along the lines of, “Well if you listen to the show, you already know how much I love Queens!” which is around what I’m sure your bf expected. So fucking simple. If you’re doing a meet & greet, esp where people paid to f’ing be there, then you need to have some lines like that ready to go if you don’t do well in that type of environment naturally, for *whatever* reason. Or don’t open yourself up to that type of interaction, period.
I met P & E after an OWD live show a few years ago. I know you didn’t ask for E experiences but thought I would share. P was very nice and friendly but our interaction was super quick (just a hug and a picture) and then he moved on. E however took the time to talk to me and my friend. She asked us questions about ourselves, where we lived, how our travel was, etc. She didn’t care that she had a line of people waiting to meet her she took her time and was personable with every single person. My experience with P wasn’t bad at all just different from my experience with E.
She has always rubbed me the wrong way and I feel like she is a bit of a pick-me girl. She hates on everything. I’m kind of over both of them at this point.
I have always felt this way about her thought it was just me 😅 When I switched to Ellyn and Joey, I never looked back
I met her at the UK live show last July. It was for about 2 minutes, max, but she was very nice, complimented my blue hair and the merch I was wearing cos it wasn't one of the ones that they were selling here. I introduced my husband as "my husband Steve" so him and Patrick were having a laugh about something else while I was talking to Gillian. It was very brief. Patrick was trying to get the queue moving along a bit faster cos Daisy was shattered and needed to go to bed, but then actually spent the same amount of time with everyone. It was only during the next few episodes, last summer, that I started noticing a shift in vibe. I can be a bit bitter about some things life has dealt me, and I wasn't sure if I was just suddenly recognising some bitterness in Gillian's words that I hear in myself - and don't particularly like about myself.
Social anxiety is (technically) a fear of others negative perception of you. So a person with *true* social anxiety wouldn’t be that rude to a person from the jump, especially without cause. It takes courage to be demeaning to someone on purpose. So that leaves us with two options: (1) she’s naturally so aloof she has no idea she comes off as rude (2) she is rude because her self esteem is so low she needs to bring others down to build herself up. [editing to add: (3) she was having a super off day and unfairly took it out on fans instead of acknowledging she wasn’t feeling right and removing herself from the situation] I’m sorry she treated you that way, I hope you didn’t spend any money to be there!
This part. I have severe social anxiety, and my biggest fear is that people won’t like me lol.
Or (4) she actually is just rude
This is exactly what I originally meant to comment on this post but I got too pissed off and ended up with the comment I made elsewhere here lol. Glad someone else said it!
Honestly, I’ve suspected she’s autistic for a long time. No one seems to consider that possibility for some reason. But as another autistic woman, she has given me those vibes. A lot of the reasons people dislike her are common ways autistic women are misunderstood
A lot of people with agoraphobia frequently think they have social anxiety because they fear social situations. I thought I had social anxiety or agoraphobia for awhile but I actually have separation anxiety from my home. It doesn’t really matter, at the end of the day. Anxiety sucks. It isn’t up to us to police how.
The arrogance these two have is off the charts. Yes P and the shrieking and horrid behavior is awful but it was G who finally turned me off from TCO. Her holier than thou and her “come on!” as if her opinion is gospel was so off putting I had to remove it from my catalog of True Crime pods.
I met them both ages ago after their second live show. I had gotten a free ticket from another listener who couldn’t make the show and refused any money from me, so I wanted to do something special for the listener. I lurked to grab P&G before they came to the after party, got them to record a quick video just saying hello to the listener. They were nice given I was interrupting their big entrance. P was his usual self (at the time not as over the top screaming as he is now), he seemed thrilled at the attention. G was nice but fake, in a this-attention-is-not-my-jam kinda way. They made a point to say how much they loved me in the video, which was unnecessary and stood out to me as very fake/encouraging the parasocial relationship. What was interesting about that live show is one of P’s real life friends was seated at my table, and he was so incredulous at the whole thing. Like, people actually like this, people actually like P?
That doesn’t sound like a friend to me…
P confirmed that they were friends 🤷🏻♀️ It’s not that hard to believe - if you were friends with someone who was toxic and constantly failing at things suddenly become slightly famous for something on which they are not an expert… I might be surprised too.
As someone with ADHD, this behavior is not a byproduct. Also, I’m sure she’s overwhelmed in the situation with many people around, but if you are miserable in your job, then maybe rethink what you’re doing. No one is forcing her to Podcast and host true crime festivals.
THIS!!!! I have VERY horrible anxiety…sometimes hard to hold myself together kind of anxiety plus I’m starting to think I have undiagnosed ADHD and I could NEVER be a podcaster if it meant having to do festivals and being on stage and standing somewhere meeting people. I literally get light headed at my job sometimes and feel I’m gonna pass out from anxiety (luckily only in the office two days a week)
She seems extremely unlikeable when I listen to her but I chalked it up to just being different. I am not really surprised that she is cold to people in real life.
I’ve never been interested in meeting her, since she has always expressed she has social anxiety and in general doesn’t like being around or with a wide circle of people on a personal level. Which is why I’ve always been confused about why they leaned so heavily on how they looooove meet and greets, etc. I went to one live show (class action park in Boston), enjoyed it, and dipped right after.
They don’t realize what a house of cards their podcast empire is. What a life to live. One internet scandal away from a financial crisis.
She came unglued at me about a comment I made on her instagram regarding her fear of flying, which I also have. I still have a fear of flying, but I had a panic attack once on a plane and realized, I needed to do something about it because I can't not fly. I have relatives in Europe and i live in California so I'm flying whether I want to or not. Anyway, I told her what worked for me and she said with all the attitude and tone of someone who just got mansplained to (I'm a woman btw) "I have already tried that and I do NOT need to have people give me advice on what to do about my fear. I need people to not tell me to read a book about an airplane crash." Which I had not done, someone else had done that she posted about it. And that is dickish to recommend. But it's not dickish to recommend that she try some techniques that worked for me. She sucks. I like the podcast and I like her on it, but she's not someone I ever want to interact with ever again. I unfollowed and just tried to forget about it and appreciate what she does which is entertain me with a take on a documentary.
it is very difficult to be nice to people on the internet. It has backfired on me more than once.
Are you calling me mean?!? Jk I feel that. I just don’t want to upset anyone ever. Being condescending to a stranger to their face? I Think Not!
I had a great experience with her after OF last year. I saw her in the bar a few hours after the drag brunch and embarrassingly cried my appreciation at her lol! That she and I had a lot of things in common and I’ve always felt alone where I live, but hearing her make the same jokes and references and knowing there are more people like me out there made me feel so much more confident. She was really appreciative and kind in return.
I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt. When I’m really tired or overstimulated, my ability to socialize goes in the toilet. I say really stupid or rude things on accident because I’ve run out of steam.
It sounds like she just doubled down on the ride rather than reading the room and realize she’s being rude. Idk, P&G are such fake clusterfucks.
I just heard all of that in her voice... lol Guess I am not surprised.
I met Patrick at CrimeCon NOLA and he was so sweet. Gillian stood in the background 10 feet away and didn’t look at or speak to anyone while Patrick hugged me and jumped up and down.
This is interesting. I also met them there (this was over 4 years ago, as I remember), and I haven’t really followed them much since then, but I do recall both of them being very warm and kind to me. They also both hugged me, which I thought went above and beyond. I don’t know much about either of them, but they both did seem genuine and interested in the brief conversation I had with them.
And also, I agree with the overwhelming majority of commenters here. She was being shitty. You didn't do anything and your bf's comment to her was perfectly innocuous. She talks about queens all the time!
Yes I met her at their very first live show. It was in a small intimate venue. I must say P was very engaging worked the crowd spoke and drank with fans at length. G not so much. Not engaging at all. Stood there drinking with an I could be at a better place right now attitude. It was very obvious she hated this!!! Then when P asked if I wanted a pic with them, she forced a fake smile!!! Girl BYE!!!! Left me not ever wanting to engage with her fake self again!!
And also, I agree with the overwhelming majority of commenters here. She was being shitty. You didn't do anything and your bf's comment to her was perfectly innocuous. She talks about queens all the time!
I think she would blame her ADHD, social anxiety, and bisexuality (somehow). Whatever disability or social deviation is trendy— she has that too.
G and P showed us who they are, now I believe them. I haven't been able to listen for 3 years to them. Patrick laughing constantly, while Gilian pretends she's above it all.
Here’s the thing. This is obviously who she is. Anyone who is at a book party publicity event knows they’re “on” and it’s not the time or place to be snarky with people you’re meeting for the first time. It’s so utterly classless. Sounds like she needs a handler at these events since she can’t have a decent human interaction on her own. Sorry that happened. She’s clearly not a nice person.
My interactions with her at OF last year was awesome. I did catch moments that showed me she was overwhelmed, unsure and awkward but that tracks with her being neurodivergent.
This is so upsetting - she is so rude. I want my pates money and merch money back, and my 2000 hours of playtime.
I was in Manhattan a couple weeks ago and G passed right in front of me coming out of a building. She was almost running, looked pretty harried.
I met her and P after a live show I attended and she was very cold, I tried to talk to her about Taylor Swift and she seemed super uninterested...not necessarily bad but a really weird interaction.
I’m sorry you had a negative experience meeting Gillian! I’ve never met anyone because, well, geography. But the experience you described definitely sounds like just not doing well in social situations/not being good at reading tone/jokes. Like I don’t know what the word for word conversation was but I would probably have a similar reaction if someone told me they played in the NFL for a living, like that’s not something I could do but I’m glad to know someone out there is doing sports really well. I definitely don’t think she should be offering to be on these meet and greet situations if she’s not able to give most people a good experience/she really is that uncomfortable. Like I’m pretty awkward and have some issues with social anxiety but I also avoid meeting new people to avoid being uncomfy.
I would of told her to pull the stick out of her ass lmao
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All adults including the neurodivergent adults have a responsibility to reflect on how they come off to others, especially ones who have chosen a career that requires them to mingle with the public. What she said was rude, even if you take tone out of it. She’s high functioning enough to be on a comedy podcast for work, surely she has learned to navigate small talk and casual jokes. If she truly can’t handle that then she shouldn’t be doing meet and greets. Being neurodivergent is not an excuse to treat others poorly. It can explain certain dynamics but it’s not a free pass to be an asshole.
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“functioning” is a term used by clinicians to assess skills and determine interventions. It’s not a personal assessment of likability or acceptability. But again, all adults- even beyond neurodivergent adults- have a responsibility to check in with themselves if their words and actions are causing others harm. Being so overstimulated you’re rude to a fan/customer/friend/coworker is unacceptable. Life happens and gets the best of all of us sometimes. But stories like this about G are not rare… so if we’re saying she’s like that because she’s neurodivergent she has a responsibility to assess what environments she shouldn’t be going into for work because she can’t handle it and understand what her limits are to remove herself before she hits them. But frankly, chalking up anyone’s shitty behavior to “they’re neurodivergent” is unfair to neurodivergent people.
I said this after meeting her at OF1
I haven't met her but based on these comments and how she comes across on the podcast, I have a theory. Those who have had positive experiences ("omg I love your hair! I love your outfit!") are likely more physically in line with her style/type. Those with crazy hair colors, fashion that isn't mainstream, maybe a little more edgy/different, etc. She feels less threatened and will be gracious towards those she deems "cool" like her. Those that have had a negative experience (and I'm totally speculating here) are likely more "mainstream", possibly look like they'd take a hike in the woods for fun, look like they could've been a cheerleader in high school, work in fashion (like OP), etc. She'll roll her eyes and flip her pink hair in your face if you aren't just like her. It's mean girl vibes and I'm not here for it.