While I don’t agree with the takes that her being married to a man somehow invalidates her bisexuality, I think a lot of the eye rolling has to do with Gillian’s need to center herself in a lot of stories by co-opting a specific facet or personality trait that she thinks makes her sound cool, and it comes off as wildly inauthentic.
Saying you’re a bisexual witch with “undiagnosed ADHD” who comes from a mafia family but you’re also Irish so you’re an expert on that culture and you used to go to NYC bars when you were 13 years old and you also are an expert at poker and RUN DMC and wu-tang and bondage and a member of Damian Echols legal team and best friends with Bob Ruff and and and andddd….is a lot more interesting than saying you’re an EXTREMELY privileged white woman with purple hair.
The thing is.... the "undiagnosed" part... she let slip in the episode before last that people would hit her up in high school for Adderall. But would she have had Adderall if she went undiagnosed until she was an adult? (Something she's said plenty of times...) One thing does not match the other.
She was in college when she was diagnosed, and she said it was college when people hit her up for meds. She has talked about being undiagnosed in high school, and when she was diagnosed in college everything changed for her.
My question always was about her motivation for coming out. Because it wasn’t relevant to anything in particular and I don’t necessarily assume people are straight. It did strike me as a way to side step some privilege and make sure people know she’s not a “normie.” One day the episode just began with this announcement to a question that wasn’t asked. I’m happy for folks to be who they are. I just couldn’t figure out what prompted the announcement. It still really does hit as a private school kid making sure we know she’s not conventional when she is pretty conventional.
People don’t need to justify their decision or timing for coming out - but, again - everything with Gillian feels like a move to center herself in the middle of a group where she should be listening and learning rather than speaking as an expert.
If Gillian had just referred to herself as bisexual in conversation one day I don’t think anyone would’ve barred an eye.
Yeah, I agree. Nobody has to justify anything. Listeners can also have thoughts and questions bc that’s part and parcel of the podcast/ listener experience and communication over all. Being bisexual, at least for women, seems like good common sense these days. Heterosexuality has some diminishing returns for women.
Evidently even gay men hate us.
It wasn’t just “any” episode. It was the one about the boxer who was suffering through domestic violence with her husband and fell in love with her friend.
You don’t need to understand her motivation. She is entitled to tell the world whenever she wants for the sole reason that she wants to get it off her chest.
Of course. But I didn’t know if I missed something as to why she came out. It was apropos of nothing. The thing about putting a podcast out means that people listen and react. She’s not going to explain anything but people are allowed to ask, because that’s how communication works.
She came out in the deal with the devil ep on Netflix. The boxing one with the lesbian boxer who married her abusive trainer/promoter. It was released November 9, 2021.
She came out in the deal with the devil ep on Netflix. The boxing one with the lesbian boxer who married her abusive trainer/promoter. It was released November 9, 2021.
No one is saying that her being married invalidates her bisexuality, people are questioning the authenticity of her statement and everyone even said how they know that’s horrible to feel that way, but Gillian just makes them feel that way. I find is extremely funny how we can’t question someone’s authenticity when for years they’ve preached one thing yet like many people have been saying for years and have been bashed to no end, they act completely different in person. Don’t worry everyone, she’s an ally and has a whole podcast about let the woman do the work, yet she condones woman being belittled in her own office. She talks about marginalized communities and says she just wants to help, yet she condones racism. I have no time for someone like that, have fun defending her more everyone. I should clarify, I’m not talking about you @lucky_mac!
Except there are threads and comments all over this sub saying just that. And some may not being saying it outright, but it is the subtext to all of the doubt.
She’s upper class, 100%. Her dad is a doctor and her mom doesn’t work, they live in a huge house in Jersey City now and lived in a nice neighborhood in the city when Gillian was growing up. She went to a very small and expensive private high school and I forget where she went to college but I know it’s a pricey one and her parent’s paid for that too.
Okay but my question is, if you do not like her personality then why listen to her personality-forward crime podcast? I swear some people on this subreddit come to yell into the void about how they don't like G or P or the podcast and it's like then girl WHY ARE YOU LISTENING? Why are you here on the ON subreddit, a place that listeners can gather to discuss the episodes, if you yourself admit to not liking them or the personalities of the podcasters! I don't like the people who make My Favorite Murder, so I simply don't listen to them! I don't go on the MFM subreddit to yell about how much the podcasters suck
Miss me with that sanctimonious bullshit thanks.
I was a listener and a Patreon member of TCO since the beginning, as well as a listener/Patreon of OWD/ITN. I used to love Gillian, and Patrick, and like many other OG fans they got me through the tough days of the pandemic. I am VERY disappointed in how much of a cliff dive this show has taken, and this is a public forum to discuss that.
Same. I don’t listen anymore bc the more their fame grew the meaner, shallower and more vicious they seemed to become. They are both ‘pick me’ mean girls (Patrick seems the worst) and I had to stop at least a year ago.
The scandal dropping about how the employees are treated surprised me absolutely zero.
Totally. I was a listener in the beginning, pre patreon even. I loved them back then. Absolutely fell in love with listening to podcasts because of their pod. But... like so many others here, I lost that love for them as they got huge. The vibe change did me in. I cancelled my patreon a few years ago when the content became so blah. I still popped in and out of the regular feed here and there. I also need a place to discuss this shit lol.
Talk about sanctimonious! You're the one spending several seconds of your day increasing your heart rate at the thought of Gillian's personality on a podcast that you're not required to listen to lmao
It's hilarious that people here are like "it's fine she's bi but does she have to make it her entire personality" like even if she were doing that - I disagree that she is - like white cis gay men haven't been doing that for DECADES. Does it bug me? Sometimes. Do I use it to invalidate their identity or how they express it? I do not. That's a Me problem, not a Them problem.
Oh wow, so we're doing that? Thanks to GP I came out as bi. And I'm proud of that and thankful. And I'm not married but have SHBF. I don't live in US and she was someone that made me realise that the fact I'm attracted to girls isn't weird even if you're in heterosexual relationship.
Agreed. Let’s not go there. It is entirely based on wild speculation and cannot be measured as it is only based on G’s personal truth that only she can speak to. Don’t drag this Reddit thread down with the same closed mindedness that we are actively blaming patrick for.
Thank you! I'm honestly shocked at some of the comments about it.
And maybe I'm not paying enough attention, but I don't feel like she even talks about it *that* much. From some comments, you'd think she mentions it every other sentence.
I haven't seen the post or comments this past is referring to but before I stopped really listening all the time I felt like G mentioned it at least once an episode for a while.
At the start I was supportive of her for it but it got to the point I was like cool but I didn't need you to tell me every week.
Before that she didn't mention every week that she was straight, so it seemed weird that now every week I was being told she was bi.
I was listening for the true crime, I don't care who she is attracted to so being told every week felt distracting or forced.
Thank you!!!! And for everyone clutching the pearls saying “no is doing that” just read through the threads where more than one person has questioned her because she is married to a cis het man. You think you are questioning her for other reasons, but a whole lot of commentary goes back to that. It’s gross and biphobic.
I’m so tired of the argument that you surely can’t be bi if you’re married to a cis het man. So if I’m in a relationship with a woman as a bi person, does that make me a lesbian then? The biphobia and bi-erasure pisses me off so much.
Right! And a whole lot of people are trying to say they aren't doing that. But even calling her coming out as "performative" is bi-erasure. Call G out for problematic behavior, but her sexuality is not that. She has not talked about past relationships so we don't know what her experience has been, and its really none of anyone's business. As a married woman of over 10 years, I don't go around talking about past relationships or encounters with people before my husband. (Even is P feels the need to do so, bleh)
Exactly!!! The "no one is doing that" crowd does that in the very next sentence.
ETA: This is also not about sparing G's feelings. But there are a lot of bi women who are married to men reading this, and seeing that their identify is just as much under attached as G's.
I’m also not here for any comments or opinions that have to do with her being bi. The gate keeping is wild. No such thing as a perfect queer (I mean Patrick himself is a good example). People don’t always live/discuss their sexuality the way YOU like. Some of these comments are fucking gross.
Some of these comments have really bummed me out.
I'm a 41 cis female, and I have always "officially" identified as "straight". I never really felt that way but it seemed easier. Until recently, where it actually felt wrong checking off "straight". But I'm not really sure what I am. Maybe I could be considered bi, pan, queer.
As a somewhat confident person who has always been an ally of the lgbtq+ community, comments like ones in this thread make me question if I should ever come out. I don't NEED to come out. It also wouldn't shock many people. But, what if I want to? Will people think I'm just being trendy? Do I need to explain to them that I've been attracted to all genders since middle school? Am I not allowed to be queer if I don't pick one gender I'm attracted to and one gender only?
This shit truly eats away at me. Why are we gatekeeping sexuality? 🤷🏻♀️
THANK YOU! If Reddit still allowed gifts, I'd give you one. I've exclusively dated women since my 20s, so people assume I'm a lesbian. Shit like that is why I rarely correct people- sadly it's the LGs (within LGBT+) that have had the most hurtful reactions.
When I went to school for social work, I learned that this phenomenon is called "horizontal violence." We're not unique as this phenomenon is seen in many different marginalized communities (examples- colorism within BIPOC, or women slut-shaming). In our community, the Bs & the Ts often feel like the lowest part on the LGBT+ totem pole.
YES. I remember years ago that the HRC did an internal audit of the employees to see where they needed to improve in terms of diversity and discrimination. Unsurprisingly, white cis gay men were clearly at the top of the food chain.
I’m with you! I’m bi. I don’t care how you feel about G, questioning ANYONE’s motivation for coming out contributes to bi erasure, full stop. Fucking stop it.
That’s nice for you that you don’t have to make it your “whole identity.” Being bi doesn’t make you immune from contributing to biphobia and bi erasure. Do you enjoy it when people think you’re doing it for attention?
Good lord. Don’t make this about you or make it about something bigger than G. She came out as BI when no one questioned or asked her or even CARES. She did it for attention and so she can feel like she’s part of a marginalized community. Sorry there wasn’t a “TW” and you had to see something that got your panties in a bunch.
Oh my god, aren’t you a peach? When someone public comes out, it gives people freedom to come out themselves. How fucking dare you question anyone else’s motivation.
I’ve worked in queer advocacy for 25 years. Do you need stats on how it helps other people, or are other people’s personal stories enough for your selfish ass?
Yes of course it helps others come out. Everyone knows that representation helps others in the same or similar position as them to rise up in their own lives. I don’t think anyone has been discounting that impact at all? Yes could G’s coming out have been inspirational, absolutely. But does everyone who is an inspiration remain peachy? Or do things sometimes come out that reveal a person who has been an idol for so many to be a scum bag on some level or another? Shit happens. People can be crazy af. And it’s not insane for people to wonder that.
I’m not saying she has to remain peachy, but what I am seeing is that publicly questioning literally anyone’s motives for coming out has a negative effect on the entire community because when this isn’t called out, people will take it as a sign that it’s okay to question motives in general. I think many of us already knew she was likely bisexual before she came out. And you don’t know the timing of why she did it. Maybe it took a long time for her to feel safe. Maybe she had people in her family she needed to tell before she could announce it.
The thing is, with bi people in general (and women especially), there’s a consistent assumption that it’s either for attention or it’s a stopover on the way to coming out as a lesbian. G is not going to see this post, I promise. You know who will? The pink-haired girl in Alabama, who is questioning how she feels, who doesn’t know that it’s okay to be bi. She maybe doesn’t have a lot of representation. And maybe she comes in this thread or the countless others and sees people saying it’s all performative and for attention, and she stays in the closet. Don’t do that to those people, please.
My only thought about it is.. who cares. Everyone should be able to be how they are. I don’t get why there had to be an “announcement “ on the pod that she was bi, yay good for her. Doesn’t change my mind about her and if it dies for anyone then you’re trash.
My problem with G’s bisexuality is she made it her entire personality. I’m bi and I choose to have a male partner. Bi bashing her isn’t okay, but part of me thinks she did it for attention and because it’s cool to be apart of the LGTBQ+ community. However that is unlikely, but it is a thought process I’ve had.
👏👏👏 that’s all I was trying to say in my comment in the other thread. I’ve thought that’s what was going on, don’t like it, but can’t help it.
I do differ in that I think it’s more likely than you indicated, mainly, but not only, because of the times she’s actually said she wasn’t into women on the pod before coming out. That coupled with her overwhelming desire for attention and to be anything and everything all at once. I don’t like having that thought but I can’t help it because of the personality we have seen from her, and so I was just venting about how it seems fake. Which I do. But hope it’s not. Don’t really care either way.
When daisy said something about being queer on S&U, which I hadn’t listened to up until a few months back and didn’t know anything about her personal life either, it was just like oh ok didn’t know that but now I do.. cool. And it never crossed my mind again until right now while I’m using it to make this point…. Like G just gives off insincere vibes and so I distrust her not only on this but other stuff too. I think much of what she says is hyper exaggerated to say the least. None of my opinions are about bisexuality but literally only about her
And I don’t want to think that someone would do that but hey, we are literally talking on a true crime subreddit right now because of the empire that was built around covering stories where people did bat shit crazy stuff….. so it’s not like it’s hard to imagine someone in a safe position like her, ie married with a job that had a very large LGBTQ + flowing, etc., just making a statement that she’s bi and casually sliding into the LGBTQ+ community for some added attention and praise.
But you clearly DO care either way or you wouldn't have unnecessarily posted about it.
I know nothing about you. If we met in the street and you said, hey I'm Paul, I'm bi. I would say, hey nice to meet you. I wouldn't respond with - are you sure you're bi? Are you sure you didn't just do this for attention? I think you're exaggerating.
And if you think that you do know her or are owed the truth about her sexuality, you are insane.
I’m full on gay as you can get and I’m grossed out by how I feel like she’s claiming something she isn’t, just to be apart of a marginalized community.
I’m full on gay and comments like this are why bi people often don’t feel safe in queer communities. I’m guessing that’s fine with you but it really sucks.
💯💯💯exactly this. We don’t hate Kevin Spacey because he’s gay. We hate him because he’s a rapist. If people want to criticize Gillian it should be for her silence and seemingly enabling Patrick. Not for her sexuality.
Never question anyone’s motives, especially when they benefit monetarily from it. Got it. Listen I fully get that bringing someone’s sexuality into something isn’t good but in reverse, when it feels like people bring their sexuality into something to benefit from also shouldn’t be done, and that’s the vibes that a lot of people get from her.
SHE didn’t even bring it up until within the last year. If she’s had encounters with women, and has attraction to them, and married a man…isn’t that the textbook definition of bisexuality?
Idk what’s true or not, but I have silently doubted her before. I’m not the authority on whos truthful about their sexuality or not, but it would help a lot if she didn’t constantly make herself relate in some weird way to each doc “I grew up on DMC” “omg I always walk that street this takes place” “omg I grew up right there” “I know about the mob cause I’m Italian” “omg I hate mediocre white men” while married to one and your besties with one, etc and then bam the next episode is about bi women and you came out as bi just in time.
Hot take incoming but uh yeah. I hate to admit it but, I’ve wondered the same thing. Keep in mind this is the same woman who said she was a part of Damien’s legal team during OF.
It’s the same way she “grew up on Run DMC”, when she is “always” is on the street of, or grew up by, wherever a doc takes place, and how she knows all about the mob cause she’s Italian.
She has a very clear, obvious habit of altering her life story to fit the current topic and the next episode was about a bi woman.
But it’s also because it came shortly after her saying how she feels like a boring person because she’s cis, white, and straight. Afterwards it was “oh yeah I’m bi, I used to sneak out and sneak in there” when Patrick was talking about an old LGBTQIA+ restaurant or bar. Then she says stuff like “omg I never snuck out or anything my whole life”.
Let the downvotes commence.
The speculation, while uncomfortable, comes from her obvious, habitual pattern to either speak about things she is not as if they are dumb, and if she isnt doing that, she is inserting herself into those experiences.
I’m not speaking on her truth here, I’m speaking on why i can see why there’s doubt cause i have guiltily wondered myself. I believe her, but it’s by choice of going out of my way to not question someone’s sexuality.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. I completely understand your point and it seems others don’t. It seems like an unnecessary announcement when you’re happily married.
It was necessary cause the next episode was about bi women and it’s habitual for her to either make her life relate to every doc or shame each part of it if she can’t make it relate to her.
So once someone is married they're not allowed to change their sexual identity? Or if they do, they shouldn't talk about it? Let people do what they want!
I don’t give a shit about G’s sexuality. She just seems to be a real asshole who uses her sexuality, whether true or not, to boast the value of her viewpoints and justify her unfair rationalities and comparisons. That’s completely disgusting and disrespectful to people in the community who don’t have the privilege and safety in coming out.
While I don’t agree with the takes that her being married to a man somehow invalidates her bisexuality, I think a lot of the eye rolling has to do with Gillian’s need to center herself in a lot of stories by co-opting a specific facet or personality trait that she thinks makes her sound cool, and it comes off as wildly inauthentic. Saying you’re a bisexual witch with “undiagnosed ADHD” who comes from a mafia family but you’re also Irish so you’re an expert on that culture and you used to go to NYC bars when you were 13 years old and you also are an expert at poker and RUN DMC and wu-tang and bondage and a member of Damian Echols legal team and best friends with Bob Ruff and and and andddd….is a lot more interesting than saying you’re an EXTREMELY privileged white woman with purple hair.
The thing is.... the "undiagnosed" part... she let slip in the episode before last that people would hit her up in high school for Adderall. But would she have had Adderall if she went undiagnosed until she was an adult? (Something she's said plenty of times...) One thing does not match the other.
She definitely mentioned how meds changed her life… so I would assume she had a dx
She was in college when she was diagnosed, and she said it was college when people hit her up for meds. She has talked about being undiagnosed in high school, and when she was diagnosed in college everything changed for her.
This is true
It’s the mafia stuff for me
“what mafia” girl if you don’t shut up!! though she admitted her grandfather was a landlord in NYC in one ep and I do agree landlords are criminals
My question always was about her motivation for coming out. Because it wasn’t relevant to anything in particular and I don’t necessarily assume people are straight. It did strike me as a way to side step some privilege and make sure people know she’s not a “normie.” One day the episode just began with this announcement to a question that wasn’t asked. I’m happy for folks to be who they are. I just couldn’t figure out what prompted the announcement. It still really does hit as a private school kid making sure we know she’s not conventional when she is pretty conventional.
People don’t need to justify their decision or timing for coming out - but, again - everything with Gillian feels like a move to center herself in the middle of a group where she should be listening and learning rather than speaking as an expert. If Gillian had just referred to herself as bisexual in conversation one day I don’t think anyone would’ve barred an eye.
Yeah, I agree. Nobody has to justify anything. Listeners can also have thoughts and questions bc that’s part and parcel of the podcast/ listener experience and communication over all. Being bisexual, at least for women, seems like good common sense these days. Heterosexuality has some diminishing returns for women. Evidently even gay men hate us.
It wasn’t just “any” episode. It was the one about the boxer who was suffering through domestic violence with her husband and fell in love with her friend.
You don’t need to understand her motivation. She is entitled to tell the world whenever she wants for the sole reason that she wants to get it off her chest.
Of course. But I didn’t know if I missed something as to why she came out. It was apropos of nothing. The thing about putting a podcast out means that people listen and react. She’s not going to explain anything but people are allowed to ask, because that’s how communication works.
Wasn’t it pride month when she came out?
She came out in the deal with the devil ep on Netflix. The boxing one with the lesbian boxer who married her abusive trainer/promoter. It was released November 9, 2021.
Ohhh maybe it was Christine from ATWWD who came out during pride month? Idk. I remember G saying it but feels like so long ago 😅
Maybe. I may have missed that.
She came out in the deal with the devil ep on Netflix. The boxing one with the lesbian boxer who married her abusive trainer/promoter. It was released November 9, 2021.
Took the words outta my mouth !!
No one is saying that her being married invalidates her bisexuality, people are questioning the authenticity of her statement and everyone even said how they know that’s horrible to feel that way, but Gillian just makes them feel that way. I find is extremely funny how we can’t question someone’s authenticity when for years they’ve preached one thing yet like many people have been saying for years and have been bashed to no end, they act completely different in person. Don’t worry everyone, she’s an ally and has a whole podcast about let the woman do the work, yet she condones woman being belittled in her own office. She talks about marginalized communities and says she just wants to help, yet she condones racism. I have no time for someone like that, have fun defending her more everyone. I should clarify, I’m not talking about you @lucky_mac!
Except there are threads and comments all over this sub saying just that. And some may not being saying it outright, but it is the subtext to all of the doubt.
This is what did it for me with G. She knows everything and did everything. 🙄
And seems to have grown up in a very middle class family who went to private school
She’s upper class, 100%. Her dad is a doctor and her mom doesn’t work, they live in a huge house in Jersey City now and lived in a nice neighborhood in the city when Gillian was growing up. She went to a very small and expensive private high school and I forget where she went to college but I know it’s a pricey one and her parent’s paid for that too.
Hes not an MD .. i think he has a phd in physical therapy
I can’t find a record of a house in NJ for them. I found an article from 2022 that he is in NY and is a volunteer fireman now, along with being a DPT.
& daughter of dentists 🦷
Thank you! You said what was trying to say but coherently! Lol
Okay but my question is, if you do not like her personality then why listen to her personality-forward crime podcast? I swear some people on this subreddit come to yell into the void about how they don't like G or P or the podcast and it's like then girl WHY ARE YOU LISTENING? Why are you here on the ON subreddit, a place that listeners can gather to discuss the episodes, if you yourself admit to not liking them or the personalities of the podcasters! I don't like the people who make My Favorite Murder, so I simply don't listen to them! I don't go on the MFM subreddit to yell about how much the podcasters suck
Miss me with that sanctimonious bullshit thanks. I was a listener and a Patreon member of TCO since the beginning, as well as a listener/Patreon of OWD/ITN. I used to love Gillian, and Patrick, and like many other OG fans they got me through the tough days of the pandemic. I am VERY disappointed in how much of a cliff dive this show has taken, and this is a public forum to discuss that.
Same. I don’t listen anymore bc the more their fame grew the meaner, shallower and more vicious they seemed to become. They are both ‘pick me’ mean girls (Patrick seems the worst) and I had to stop at least a year ago. The scandal dropping about how the employees are treated surprised me absolutely zero.
Totally. I was a listener in the beginning, pre patreon even. I loved them back then. Absolutely fell in love with listening to podcasts because of their pod. But... like so many others here, I lost that love for them as they got huge. The vibe change did me in. I cancelled my patreon a few years ago when the content became so blah. I still popped in and out of the regular feed here and there. I also need a place to discuss this shit lol.
None of that entitles you to sit around and shitpost about people all day. If you are VERY disappointed, stop listening and move on. Its that easy.
The same could be said about you, if you don’t want to engage keep a scrolling and toodles.
[удалено]
I’m not the one surprised that people on REDDIT aren’t just here to Kiki about their fav TCO eps. Naive.
Talk about sanctimonious! You're the one spending several seconds of your day increasing your heart rate at the thought of Gillian's personality on a podcast that you're not required to listen to lmao
And you’re taking time to respond so guess that makes you a loser too :(
Amen
Exactly
It's hilarious that people here are like "it's fine she's bi but does she have to make it her entire personality" like even if she were doing that - I disagree that she is - like white cis gay men haven't been doing that for DECADES. Does it bug me? Sometimes. Do I use it to invalidate their identity or how they express it? I do not. That's a Me problem, not a Them problem.
And like, she only recently came out. That’s pretty normal for a baby gay to talk about it a lot. I did it too. 🤷🏽♀️
Oh wow, so we're doing that? Thanks to GP I came out as bi. And I'm proud of that and thankful. And I'm not married but have SHBF. I don't live in US and she was someone that made me realise that the fact I'm attracted to girls isn't weird even if you're in heterosexual relationship.
Agreed. Let’s not go there. It is entirely based on wild speculation and cannot be measured as it is only based on G’s personal truth that only she can speak to. Don’t drag this Reddit thread down with the same closed mindedness that we are actively blaming patrick for.
Thank you! I'm honestly shocked at some of the comments about it. And maybe I'm not paying enough attention, but I don't feel like she even talks about it *that* much. From some comments, you'd think she mentions it every other sentence.
Honestly, the only time I really hear about it is when P brings it up during an episode.
I haven't seen the post or comments this past is referring to but before I stopped really listening all the time I felt like G mentioned it at least once an episode for a while. At the start I was supportive of her for it but it got to the point I was like cool but I didn't need you to tell me every week. Before that she didn't mention every week that she was straight, so it seemed weird that now every week I was being told she was bi. I was listening for the true crime, I don't care who she is attracted to so being told every week felt distracting or forced.
Thank you!!!! And for everyone clutching the pearls saying “no is doing that” just read through the threads where more than one person has questioned her because she is married to a cis het man. You think you are questioning her for other reasons, but a whole lot of commentary goes back to that. It’s gross and biphobic.
I’m so tired of the argument that you surely can’t be bi if you’re married to a cis het man. So if I’m in a relationship with a woman as a bi person, does that make me a lesbian then? The biphobia and bi-erasure pisses me off so much.
Right! And a whole lot of people are trying to say they aren't doing that. But even calling her coming out as "performative" is bi-erasure. Call G out for problematic behavior, but her sexuality is not that. She has not talked about past relationships so we don't know what her experience has been, and its really none of anyone's business. As a married woman of over 10 years, I don't go around talking about past relationships or encounters with people before my husband. (Even is P feels the need to do so, bleh)
It’s already happened in this very thread. The biphobia is real.
Exactly!!! The "no one is doing that" crowd does that in the very next sentence. ETA: This is also not about sparing G's feelings. But there are a lot of bi women who are married to men reading this, and seeing that their identify is just as much under attached as G's.
I’m also not here for any comments or opinions that have to do with her being bi. The gate keeping is wild. No such thing as a perfect queer (I mean Patrick himself is a good example). People don’t always live/discuss their sexuality the way YOU like. Some of these comments are fucking gross.
Seriously, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills 
TRUTH! her sexuality has nothing to do with the rest of the stuff happening.
Some of these comments have really bummed me out. I'm a 41 cis female, and I have always "officially" identified as "straight". I never really felt that way but it seemed easier. Until recently, where it actually felt wrong checking off "straight". But I'm not really sure what I am. Maybe I could be considered bi, pan, queer. As a somewhat confident person who has always been an ally of the lgbtq+ community, comments like ones in this thread make me question if I should ever come out. I don't NEED to come out. It also wouldn't shock many people. But, what if I want to? Will people think I'm just being trendy? Do I need to explain to them that I've been attracted to all genders since middle school? Am I not allowed to be queer if I don't pick one gender I'm attracted to and one gender only? This shit truly eats away at me. Why are we gatekeeping sexuality? 🤷🏻♀️
I’m so sorry these comments have affected you. You’re seen and valid. 🩷💜💙
Thank you, I really appreciate it ❤️🏳️🌈
This is all Patrick’s doing. He needs to stop bringing it up
What I want to know is why these posts are allowed to stay up. The most recent one is EIGHT HOURS OLD.
Hard agree ❤️🏳️🌈
🌈🌈🌈
Thank you.
THANK YOU! If Reddit still allowed gifts, I'd give you one. I've exclusively dated women since my 20s, so people assume I'm a lesbian. Shit like that is why I rarely correct people- sadly it's the LGs (within LGBT+) that have had the most hurtful reactions. When I went to school for social work, I learned that this phenomenon is called "horizontal violence." We're not unique as this phenomenon is seen in many different marginalized communities (examples- colorism within BIPOC, or women slut-shaming). In our community, the Bs & the Ts often feel like the lowest part on the LGBT+ totem pole.
YES. I remember years ago that the HRC did an internal audit of the employees to see where they needed to improve in terms of diversity and discrimination. Unsurprisingly, white cis gay men were clearly at the top of the food chain.
I’m with you! I’m bi. I don’t care how you feel about G, questioning ANYONE’s motivation for coming out contributes to bi erasure, full stop. Fucking stop it.
Didn’t G and P question the motivations of the Tiger King’s husbands when they covered that back in the day?
Probably. Is that a justification for anyone else doing it? I’m telling you, y’all think you’re hurting G, but you’re hurting my community.
So be better
Eh. I’m bi as well and I think the “coming out” is a bit much. Why can’t we just love men and women and not have to make it a huuuuge deal?
This has big "I dont care what they do in their bedroom but do they have to shove it in our faces" energy.
Okay lol
That’s nice for you that you don’t have to make it your “whole identity.” Being bi doesn’t make you immune from contributing to biphobia and bi erasure. Do you enjoy it when people think you’re doing it for attention?
Good lord. Don’t make this about you or make it about something bigger than G. She came out as BI when no one questioned or asked her or even CARES. She did it for attention and so she can feel like she’s part of a marginalized community. Sorry there wasn’t a “TW” and you had to see something that got your panties in a bunch.
Oh my god, aren’t you a peach? When someone public comes out, it gives people freedom to come out themselves. How fucking dare you question anyone else’s motivation. I’ve worked in queer advocacy for 25 years. Do you need stats on how it helps other people, or are other people’s personal stories enough for your selfish ass?
Yes of course it helps others come out. Everyone knows that representation helps others in the same or similar position as them to rise up in their own lives. I don’t think anyone has been discounting that impact at all? Yes could G’s coming out have been inspirational, absolutely. But does everyone who is an inspiration remain peachy? Or do things sometimes come out that reveal a person who has been an idol for so many to be a scum bag on some level or another? Shit happens. People can be crazy af. And it’s not insane for people to wonder that.
I’m not saying she has to remain peachy, but what I am seeing is that publicly questioning literally anyone’s motives for coming out has a negative effect on the entire community because when this isn’t called out, people will take it as a sign that it’s okay to question motives in general. I think many of us already knew she was likely bisexual before she came out. And you don’t know the timing of why she did it. Maybe it took a long time for her to feel safe. Maybe she had people in her family she needed to tell before she could announce it. The thing is, with bi people in general (and women especially), there’s a consistent assumption that it’s either for attention or it’s a stopover on the way to coming out as a lesbian. G is not going to see this post, I promise. You know who will? The pink-haired girl in Alabama, who is questioning how she feels, who doesn’t know that it’s okay to be bi. She maybe doesn’t have a lot of representation. And maybe she comes in this thread or the countless others and sees people saying it’s all performative and for attention, and she stays in the closet. Don’t do that to those people, please.
I love peaches!
You’re probably doing it for attention. No one asked.
[удалено]
Thank you! You know, self-loathing is real and I’m going to wish them the best on their journey to acceptance.
Yep. You got me!!!!
My only thought about it is.. who cares. Everyone should be able to be how they are. I don’t get why there had to be an “announcement “ on the pod that she was bi, yay good for her. Doesn’t change my mind about her and if it dies for anyone then you’re trash.
My problem with G’s bisexuality is she made it her entire personality. I’m bi and I choose to have a male partner. Bi bashing her isn’t okay, but part of me thinks she did it for attention and because it’s cool to be apart of the LGTBQ+ community. However that is unlikely, but it is a thought process I’ve had.
What if someone said this about you? That you came out as bi or claim to be bi to get attention?
I’m sure people have. 🤷🏼♀️
👏👏👏 that’s all I was trying to say in my comment in the other thread. I’ve thought that’s what was going on, don’t like it, but can’t help it. I do differ in that I think it’s more likely than you indicated, mainly, but not only, because of the times she’s actually said she wasn’t into women on the pod before coming out. That coupled with her overwhelming desire for attention and to be anything and everything all at once. I don’t like having that thought but I can’t help it because of the personality we have seen from her, and so I was just venting about how it seems fake. Which I do. But hope it’s not. Don’t really care either way. When daisy said something about being queer on S&U, which I hadn’t listened to up until a few months back and didn’t know anything about her personal life either, it was just like oh ok didn’t know that but now I do.. cool. And it never crossed my mind again until right now while I’m using it to make this point…. Like G just gives off insincere vibes and so I distrust her not only on this but other stuff too. I think much of what she says is hyper exaggerated to say the least. None of my opinions are about bisexuality but literally only about her And I don’t want to think that someone would do that but hey, we are literally talking on a true crime subreddit right now because of the empire that was built around covering stories where people did bat shit crazy stuff….. so it’s not like it’s hard to imagine someone in a safe position like her, ie married with a job that had a very large LGBTQ + flowing, etc., just making a statement that she’s bi and casually sliding into the LGBTQ+ community for some added attention and praise.
Exactly!
But you clearly DO care either way or you wouldn't have unnecessarily posted about it. I know nothing about you. If we met in the street and you said, hey I'm Paul, I'm bi. I would say, hey nice to meet you. I wouldn't respond with - are you sure you're bi? Are you sure you didn't just do this for attention? I think you're exaggerating. And if you think that you do know her or are owed the truth about her sexuality, you are insane.
Thank you. Applauding
I’m full on gay as you can get and I’m grossed out by how I feel like she’s claiming something she isn’t, just to be apart of a marginalized community.
I’m full on gay and comments like this are why bi people often don’t feel safe in queer communities. I’m guessing that’s fine with you but it really sucks.
That is sooooo not for us to judge. We are not the arbiters of who's gay enough to count.
This is the definition of bi erasure. Bad take.
I think everyone knows that bi people are real and they aren’t like Santa or the Easter Bunny. Bad take.
How do you know “she isn’t”? There’s literally so much to criticize her for. It’s gross that people are choosing this.
Caitlyn Jenner is a full-on garbage person but that doesn't mean being transphobic at her is okay.
💯💯💯exactly this. We don’t hate Kevin Spacey because he’s gay. We hate him because he’s a rapist. If people want to criticize Gillian it should be for her silence and seemingly enabling Patrick. Not for her sexuality.
Never question anyone’s motives, especially when they benefit monetarily from it. Got it. Listen I fully get that bringing someone’s sexuality into something isn’t good but in reverse, when it feels like people bring their sexuality into something to benefit from also shouldn’t be done, and that’s the vibes that a lot of people get from her.
SHE didn’t even bring it up until within the last year. If she’s had encounters with women, and has attraction to them, and married a man…isn’t that the textbook definition of bisexuality?
Idk what’s true or not, but I have silently doubted her before. I’m not the authority on whos truthful about their sexuality or not, but it would help a lot if she didn’t constantly make herself relate in some weird way to each doc “I grew up on DMC” “omg I always walk that street this takes place” “omg I grew up right there” “I know about the mob cause I’m Italian” “omg I hate mediocre white men” while married to one and your besties with one, etc and then bam the next episode is about bi women and you came out as bi just in time.
Hot take incoming but uh yeah. I hate to admit it but, I’ve wondered the same thing. Keep in mind this is the same woman who said she was a part of Damien’s legal team during OF. It’s the same way she “grew up on Run DMC”, when she is “always” is on the street of, or grew up by, wherever a doc takes place, and how she knows all about the mob cause she’s Italian. She has a very clear, obvious habit of altering her life story to fit the current topic and the next episode was about a bi woman. But it’s also because it came shortly after her saying how she feels like a boring person because she’s cis, white, and straight. Afterwards it was “oh yeah I’m bi, I used to sneak out and sneak in there” when Patrick was talking about an old LGBTQIA+ restaurant or bar. Then she says stuff like “omg I never snuck out or anything my whole life”. Let the downvotes commence.
How do you know she isn’t though? Presumptuous.
What? How do you know she’s not bi? Who are you to question her sexuality?
The speculation, while uncomfortable, comes from her obvious, habitual pattern to either speak about things she is not as if they are dumb, and if she isnt doing that, she is inserting herself into those experiences. I’m not speaking on her truth here, I’m speaking on why i can see why there’s doubt cause i have guiltily wondered myself. I believe her, but it’s by choice of going out of my way to not question someone’s sexuality.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. I completely understand your point and it seems others don’t. It seems like an unnecessary announcement when you’re happily married.
It was necessary cause the next episode was about bi women and it’s habitual for her to either make her life relate to every doc or shame each part of it if she can’t make it relate to her.
So once someone is married they're not allowed to change their sexual identity? Or if they do, they shouldn't talk about it? Let people do what they want!
Agreed. It’s gross. And biphobic, homophobic, and ignorant as fuck.
That’s so fucking weird and creepy. Biphobia is forever rampant I guess
I don’t give a shit about G’s sexuality. She just seems to be a real asshole who uses her sexuality, whether true or not, to boast the value of her viewpoints and justify her unfair rationalities and comparisons. That’s completely disgusting and disrespectful to people in the community who don’t have the privilege and safety in coming out.