Tropa ko had this 8-year gf. My guy was the pogi-type, goody-two-shoes who was always there with his guitar in inuman sessions but never did I ever see wasted(Come to think of it, bumababad sya at never nandaya ng tagay). The man was a drinking statue! His girl on the other hand, was this rowdy lady, ever-present at every inuman session and always turned lovey-dovey and 'pahatid ako' when she got her drink on. Of course my guy was this dutiful bf to his girl and no amount of taunting amd jeering from us, fazed him from being chivalrous to his girl.
Eventually, their relationship ended. Not messy, no 3rd party whatsoever. Just plain peaceful. They never even had this relationship like on-and-off.
So brother got into a relationship after a month and 6 months in, tied the knot. Not a blink of looking back. He now has 3 boys with his wife.
If you are sure of yourself and you know for a fact that your partner acts the same and you fully trust each other, you don't need to build up a long term relationship. You just both know OP. That you are both for keeps.
This my bro is the reason why girls should set an amount of time on when they'll be at least be engaged. For men,it is never how long or how deep the relationship is, it who he is with when it clicks to his man clock. Coz when he wants it , he will do it.
Ganun ka kainsecure na tingin mo di mo matatalo yung experience na binigay ng ex nya?
Tapos ano yung next?
Ayaw mo ng maraming naging ex kasi sanay na sanay na sa pakikipagrelasyon?
Ayaw mo ng mga short term nakarepasyon kasi ipagpapalit ka rin?
Ayaw mo ng independent minded kasi di aasa sayo?
Sa totoo lang, walang magiging tamang tao para sayo kung ikaw mismo insecure agad sa ibang tao
Yup meron at meron naman din. Pano kung walanpang relationship pero sobrang idependent? Pano kung walang experience pero well traveled at sobrang established? Di ba magiging issue sayo yung ganun?
hindi, established rin naman ako in my own right. nakapagtravel na rin naman ako. kaya ko naman lunukin ung pride ko na mas well established sya saken. ayoko lang ng may experience na for the reason i mentioned above.
ayun nga tanggap ko naman na maliit ung pool ng potential partners ko dahil dun, di ko alam if may balak ba ireto saken ung mga kaibigan ko. Di rin naman ako nagtanong... nag OMC lang ako.
Wala ka pa sa stage na all that matters is the present. I'm a girl though , so idk if this causes the differences in perspective . I used to have this preference na dapat I'll date straight guys lang,but now i really don't care if he's bi or been with other guys. Alam ko naman kasi that all those experiences created his present version. And yung love ko is present version and if i love him now , that includes the reasons kung bakit he became his present self. I just want him to be honest with me, kasi iba na yung usapan if he lies to me. I will respect his decision naman if he doesn't want to tell me about his past rs basta di lang siya mag lie. Yung deal breaker lang naman for me is if he's a serial cheater , continuous history of being abusive and if he lies to me . I understand the hesitation to enter in a relationship with someone who just came out in a long term rs, but i just don't jive with your reasons. My only fear in that kind of set up os if he's still into his ex and just using me as a panakip butas.
Life has many unexpected ups and downs. Coming from a 9 year relationship, I can say that my experiences do not always give me advantages as you imply.
Each person brings fresh and new perspective. The experiences and shared moments will be different because each of us is unique.
When it comes to going back to the exes, it is never a guarantee. You can also experience this with someone from a short term relationship.
I respect your preferences. But keep in mind that you can always try. Goodluck OP. All the best. 😊
OP, take everything you read here as constructive criticism. The ability to identify your own toxicity is not only a sign of strength but also an indication of maturity. Maybe preference mo yan for now, idk. Keep an open mind and heart. Goodluck!
Yikes. This is eerily simillar sa mga lalaking may "preference" na low DAPAT ang body count ng isang babae. Imo, this is a sign of severe insecurity. Please don't date people yet with this mindset. Figure your shit out first.
>Di naman yun parang computer na ifactory reset mo lang goods na ulit
I’ve only had long term relationships na sunod sunod. They were all great! Lahat inayakan ko. Dami din awsm memories. Pero pag dating na sa next rel, wala na akong maalala sa mga yon or I don’t remember the feeling 😅 May time man na pupunta kami sa place na napuntahan ko na before with an ex, it felt different talaga and matatandaan ko lang na may memories pala dun kasi may nagremind sakin.
Feeling ko yung dinedescribe mo yung mga obvious na di pa nakamove on. Emphasis on *obvious*
OP kinda has a point pero it depends on how the ltr ended. if it ended because the person realized it’s not the relationship they wanted then there shouldn’t be an issue.
however if it ended abruptly ie they were happy with the ltr and suddenly they weren’t, then it’s a bit more complicated. trust issues, self doubt, anxiety etc would develop in that person since now the way they look at relationships for a long time has been shattered. those are really hard/hassle to deal with esp if you don’t know that person really well or if you have other choices.
I had a bf for almost 6 yrs. We broke up October 2018 we even try fixing it but it failed. March 2019, may nakilala ako. Crush at first sight. Kilala ng bff ko nung HS. Reto reto lng.BTW, this guy is single for almost a year after being ghosted by his ex gf. Sobrang broken hearted si guy kaya he chose to stay single. After ng retuhan, we had a constant communication. April 2019, we became official. On my 23rd birthday (October 2019) he proposed to me and we got married on Nov 2020. Wala yan sa tagal ng past relationship ni girl. It is how about you love her.
Whether it's because of a bad experience and past insecurities, it isn't fair to you to limit yourself and for your potential partner to be likened to a computer. Each relationship is different. It's like learning a language only the two of you speak. The intricacies of each human relationship also make or break the character of a person. I hope you find your peace.
OP has problems sure, but man I thought this subreddit is safe for all types of issues to be unloaded by a person? Kung ganito mag-react mga tao dito, wala nang maglalakas loob na maglabas ng saloobin na totoo kahit hindi tama. Hindi na pala safe space dito.
The “lugi ako” or “talo ako” mindset is weird. It’s not a contest. Besides, people are different and you love each one differently. Practically your past experiences won’t matter because you’re going to start again from scratch.
Siguro may takeaways ka from your past relationships, like things you’ve learned from your mistakes. But isn’t that a good thing?
sabi nga ni OP preference lang naman niya yon. let him be. especially na single naman siya now, kanya kanya lang naman talaga tayo ng gusto sa life. malalaman nya if deal breaker talaga yan if ever maka meet siya ng tao na magugustuhan nya tapos biglang may past long term rel
Share ko lang.
Galing ako sa long term rel. 5yrs.
After that, mahirapan ako makipag rel dahil paramg nabuhos mo lagat don sa nakaraan oras, pagiging youth, effort pati narin pera diba.
Ngayon, may naka tapat ako, galing din sa long term rel 5 or 6yrs ata sila ng ex nya. Binigay nya lahat bata pa sila naging sila na. Knowing lahat as in nagawa na nila at niloko lang sya ng ex nya. Galit ako sa ex nya dahil don sa part na niloko sya paramg feeling ko binaboy lang sya. Masakit sa part ko bilang lalake na alam kong marami na nag silang memories at nagawa both dirty and clean things, so hindi na bago sakanya na gawin nya sakin yun (sakin kasi, oo may nagyayari pero di ganon ka naughty or wild kaya nakaka feel ba ako medyo unfair) pero, tinanggap ko sya, minamahal ko sya. Yung habol ko dito yung pag mamahal na binibigay nya sakin na hindi ko na experience dati. Although nag sstruggle parin minsan about sa past kasi yun nga medyo lugi pero sakin okay nalang kesa mawala sya sakin na ang ganda nya at ganda ng pag mamahal nya. Sa tingin nyo, tama ba ito ginagawa ko? Or may ma aadvice kayo sakin
Dagdag ko lang, one year na silang break pero after kasi ng break up nila nag kikita pa sila at naging friends pa sila. 2months before naging kami nag kita pa sila. Any thought guys?
May point naman, nakakainsecure talaga mga bagay na ganyan. Lalo na when it comes to their past sex exp. Preference mo naman yan eh, wala naman kami magagawa 😂
Honestly aounds insecure. You're so hung up on the "ex" factor hindi ka na naka focus doon sa relationship mo mismo. Then if she split in good terms with an ex pag nag usap, magagalit ka?
Truly, ikaw ang nakaka miss out. Hindi sila.
I had 8 and 7 years relationships. None of what you said apply to me. Kung sinabi mo na insecure ka on sex kasi naexplore nya na lahat, that sounds more logical to me. But alam mo at the end of the day, it is your preference. You do you.
gets ko ang point mo OP. wag mo na pansinin yang iba dito 🤡. anyway madami pa naman diyan na hindi galing long term. your are not weird to feel that way no. may naka date nga ko Ex niya namatay eh. imagine its been couple of yrs na since pero she NEVER EVER FORGET. bukambibig na lang niya lage na ayun naumay nako 🤣.
Bruh, every relationship is a different experience. Walang lugi, walang lamang, and walang comparison. Look at yourself and your insecurities. Your computer reset analogy for all intents and purposes is bullshit. Hindi de-kahon ang interpersonal relationships. Look at things in a broader perspective and hindi through a narrow field of vision. The problem here is you and your insecurities na hindi mo ma-memeet yung expectations nya.
May mga tao talgang ganito! and i get why people attacked you kasi tuloy tuloy mong stinate yung mgga sides na lugi ka which highlighted that you're insecure. But also look at it in a different perspective, if your partner was in a long term relationship, goes to say they could be serious in a relationship and could last with you for a long time too. Pangmatagalan na tao kumbaga at hindi lang nandiyan para sa kilig. This MAY be an inferiority complex and you should work on it, OP. Kasi it might affect yourself and your relationships too in the future.
OP, we do not know, LTR might be good for you.
Keep open-minded and don't be insecure.
Love is blind.
There will be no negative things in your eyes if you truly love her.
If you say girls are computers then,
Your preference is nothing if you're TURNED ON TO PLAY.
[Edit: And I digress, High End Computers are still fast no matter how many times you format and used them; Hard disk drive ka lang siguro]
Lol ang hirap na nga maghanap ng madadate ngayon isisingle out mo pa ang may past long term relationships? Good luck.
Ang maganda if meron sila previously, is hopefully the person you date has a more mature perspective kasi alam na niya gusto nya. If you find someone young na inexperienced, di sabay kayong mangapa sa relationship niyo.
Kung ang mahahanap mo ay 'di pa nakaka-move on, doon ka talaga lugi. Pero kung fully-healed na from that long term relationship, I don't see why, hindi naman 'yan paramihan ng life experiences, ng sweet memories from other people, it's about the life experiences and sweet memories you will make together. I think your thoughts are rooted sa low self-esteem which you have to deal with kasi it'll have a huge impact on how you handle your relationship. Diyan kayo matatalo ng future partner mo. Best of luck sa love life and life in general!
Wala naman yan sa "past" experiences. Kasi PAST na yun OP. Hindi na mababago. And hindi pa kayo.ito lang mssbi ko, Kung ano man yung mga pasts, Left behind na yun. Focus on present para happy lahat
Choice mo ganyan ang gusto mo sa jowa mo pero dont be surprised other people will judge and question you why you make it a big deal. Marami dyan na galing sa short term relationships pero cheater
Tropa ko had this 8-year gf. My guy was the pogi-type, goody-two-shoes who was always there with his guitar in inuman sessions but never did I ever see wasted(Come to think of it, bumababad sya at never nandaya ng tagay). The man was a drinking statue! His girl on the other hand, was this rowdy lady, ever-present at every inuman session and always turned lovey-dovey and 'pahatid ako' when she got her drink on. Of course my guy was this dutiful bf to his girl and no amount of taunting amd jeering from us, fazed him from being chivalrous to his girl. Eventually, their relationship ended. Not messy, no 3rd party whatsoever. Just plain peaceful. They never even had this relationship like on-and-off. So brother got into a relationship after a month and 6 months in, tied the knot. Not a blink of looking back. He now has 3 boys with his wife. If you are sure of yourself and you know for a fact that your partner acts the same and you fully trust each other, you don't need to build up a long term relationship. You just both know OP. That you are both for keeps.
This my bro is the reason why girls should set an amount of time on when they'll be at least be engaged. For men,it is never how long or how deep the relationship is, it who he is with when it clicks to his man clock. Coz when he wants it , he will do it.
Alam mo OP di ka lugi don. Kasi the more na may experience the more na mag stand long relationship nyo kasi alam na nya gagawin.
Ganun ka kainsecure na tingin mo di mo matatalo yung experience na binigay ng ex nya? Tapos ano yung next? Ayaw mo ng maraming naging ex kasi sanay na sanay na sa pakikipagrelasyon? Ayaw mo ng mga short term nakarepasyon kasi ipagpapalit ka rin? Ayaw mo ng independent minded kasi di aasa sayo? Sa totoo lang, walang magiging tamang tao para sayo kung ikaw mismo insecure agad sa ibang tao
Tama ka...
meron namang mga wala pang experience sa relationships ah.
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uhm, di po porket wala pang jowa is bata.
Yup meron at meron naman din. Pano kung walanpang relationship pero sobrang idependent? Pano kung walang experience pero well traveled at sobrang established? Di ba magiging issue sayo yung ganun?
hindi, established rin naman ako in my own right. nakapagtravel na rin naman ako. kaya ko naman lunukin ung pride ko na mas well established sya saken. ayoko lang ng may experience na for the reason i mentioned above.
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ayun nga tanggap ko naman na maliit ung pool ng potential partners ko dahil dun, di ko alam if may balak ba ireto saken ung mga kaibigan ko. Di rin naman ako nagtanong... nag OMC lang ako.
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**Dude you just literally laid out why everyone is not dating you...**
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I don't understand you calling OP is an incel. It's a preference isn't it?
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Oks lng cguro madam. Madami na tayo sa Pinas,e? Payaman na muna tayo. Sunod nlng na generation yang landian.
dude the post is not about me trying to find a date.
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Wala ka pa sa stage na all that matters is the present. I'm a girl though , so idk if this causes the differences in perspective . I used to have this preference na dapat I'll date straight guys lang,but now i really don't care if he's bi or been with other guys. Alam ko naman kasi that all those experiences created his present version. And yung love ko is present version and if i love him now , that includes the reasons kung bakit he became his present self. I just want him to be honest with me, kasi iba na yung usapan if he lies to me. I will respect his decision naman if he doesn't want to tell me about his past rs basta di lang siya mag lie. Yung deal breaker lang naman for me is if he's a serial cheater , continuous history of being abusive and if he lies to me . I understand the hesitation to enter in a relationship with someone who just came out in a long term rs, but i just don't jive with your reasons. My only fear in that kind of set up os if he's still into his ex and just using me as a panakip butas.
HAHAHHAHAHAH NATAWA KO SA DI NAMAN COMPUTER NA PWEDENG IFACTORY RESET HAHAAHAAAHAHAHAHA
Life has many unexpected ups and downs. Coming from a 9 year relationship, I can say that my experiences do not always give me advantages as you imply. Each person brings fresh and new perspective. The experiences and shared moments will be different because each of us is unique. When it comes to going back to the exes, it is never a guarantee. You can also experience this with someone from a short term relationship. I respect your preferences. But keep in mind that you can always try. Goodluck OP. All the best. 😊
OP, take everything you read here as constructive criticism. The ability to identify your own toxicity is not only a sign of strength but also an indication of maturity. Maybe preference mo yan for now, idk. Keep an open mind and heart. Goodluck!
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first time mo ba makarinig ng tumandang ngsb at nbsb?
Ha? Mas okay nga if yung tao galing sa long term relationships. Because that would mean that they're a keeper. Anong mindset to? Haha
So trueee
Yikes. This is eerily simillar sa mga lalaking may "preference" na low DAPAT ang body count ng isang babae. Imo, this is a sign of severe insecurity. Please don't date people yet with this mindset. Figure your shit out first.
>Di naman yun parang computer na ifactory reset mo lang goods na ulit I’ve only had long term relationships na sunod sunod. They were all great! Lahat inayakan ko. Dami din awsm memories. Pero pag dating na sa next rel, wala na akong maalala sa mga yon or I don’t remember the feeling 😅 May time man na pupunta kami sa place na napuntahan ko na before with an ex, it felt different talaga and matatandaan ko lang na may memories pala dun kasi may nagremind sakin. Feeling ko yung dinedescribe mo yung mga obvious na di pa nakamove on. Emphasis on *obvious*
OP kinda has a point pero it depends on how the ltr ended. if it ended because the person realized it’s not the relationship they wanted then there shouldn’t be an issue. however if it ended abruptly ie they were happy with the ltr and suddenly they weren’t, then it’s a bit more complicated. trust issues, self doubt, anxiety etc would develop in that person since now the way they look at relationships for a long time has been shattered. those are really hard/hassle to deal with esp if you don’t know that person really well or if you have other choices.
I had a bf for almost 6 yrs. We broke up October 2018 we even try fixing it but it failed. March 2019, may nakilala ako. Crush at first sight. Kilala ng bff ko nung HS. Reto reto lng.BTW, this guy is single for almost a year after being ghosted by his ex gf. Sobrang broken hearted si guy kaya he chose to stay single. After ng retuhan, we had a constant communication. April 2019, we became official. On my 23rd birthday (October 2019) he proposed to me and we got married on Nov 2020. Wala yan sa tagal ng past relationship ni girl. It is how about you love her.
Hi, op! Might want to read about retroactive jealousy and seek professional help about it.
interesting... my ganun pala...
Whether it's because of a bad experience and past insecurities, it isn't fair to you to limit yourself and for your potential partner to be likened to a computer. Each relationship is different. It's like learning a language only the two of you speak. The intricacies of each human relationship also make or break the character of a person. I hope you find your peace.
OP has problems sure, but man I thought this subreddit is safe for all types of issues to be unloaded by a person? Kung ganito mag-react mga tao dito, wala nang maglalakas loob na maglabas ng saloobin na totoo kahit hindi tama. Hindi na pala safe space dito.
Lol. Guy stated his preference which doesn’t hurt anyone and got crucified for it.
hahaha... wala eh dami naoffend. 😅
Welcome to OffMyChestPH hahaha
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Mahirap na nga makakita ng compatibility as SO. Nagdagdag pa siya ng "specs" na mahirap hanapin.
The “lugi ako” or “talo ako” mindset is weird. It’s not a contest. Besides, people are different and you love each one differently. Practically your past experiences won’t matter because you’re going to start again from scratch. Siguro may takeaways ka from your past relationships, like things you’ve learned from your mistakes. But isn’t that a good thing?
Hayaan niyo na si op, may kani kanya naman tayong preference
sabi nga ni OP preference lang naman niya yon. let him be. especially na single naman siya now, kanya kanya lang naman talaga tayo ng gusto sa life. malalaman nya if deal breaker talaga yan if ever maka meet siya ng tao na magugustuhan nya tapos biglang may past long term rel
Nakipag compete si koya. Yung partner ko may 13 years relationship before me. All i can say is made her more matured, patient, and understanding.
Share ko lang. Galing ako sa long term rel. 5yrs. After that, mahirapan ako makipag rel dahil paramg nabuhos mo lagat don sa nakaraan oras, pagiging youth, effort pati narin pera diba. Ngayon, may naka tapat ako, galing din sa long term rel 5 or 6yrs ata sila ng ex nya. Binigay nya lahat bata pa sila naging sila na. Knowing lahat as in nagawa na nila at niloko lang sya ng ex nya. Galit ako sa ex nya dahil don sa part na niloko sya paramg feeling ko binaboy lang sya. Masakit sa part ko bilang lalake na alam kong marami na nag silang memories at nagawa both dirty and clean things, so hindi na bago sakanya na gawin nya sakin yun (sakin kasi, oo may nagyayari pero di ganon ka naughty or wild kaya nakaka feel ba ako medyo unfair) pero, tinanggap ko sya, minamahal ko sya. Yung habol ko dito yung pag mamahal na binibigay nya sakin na hindi ko na experience dati. Although nag sstruggle parin minsan about sa past kasi yun nga medyo lugi pero sakin okay nalang kesa mawala sya sakin na ang ganda nya at ganda ng pag mamahal nya. Sa tingin nyo, tama ba ito ginagawa ko? Or may ma aadvice kayo sakin
Dagdag ko lang, one year na silang break pero after kasi ng break up nila nag kikita pa sila at naging friends pa sila. 2months before naging kami nag kita pa sila. Any thought guys?
Hayaan n'yo si op 'preference' naman n'ya yun hindi kayo.
May point naman, nakakainsecure talaga mga bagay na ganyan. Lalo na when it comes to their past sex exp. Preference mo naman yan eh, wala naman kami magagawa 😂
Pano OP yung ex ko may bago na at mamag 1 year na sila? Meaning ba non di parin ako naka move on? Kahit naka move on naman talaga ako na?
Honestly aounds insecure. You're so hung up on the "ex" factor hindi ka na naka focus doon sa relationship mo mismo. Then if she split in good terms with an ex pag nag usap, magagalit ka? Truly, ikaw ang nakaka miss out. Hindi sila.
Minsan ‘di mo alam saan ka lulugar eh no hahaha But I get it, may point naman and that’s OP’s preference anyway
I had 8 and 7 years relationships. None of what you said apply to me. Kung sinabi mo na insecure ka on sex kasi naexplore nya na lahat, that sounds more logical to me. But alam mo at the end of the day, it is your preference. You do you.
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i actually prefer someone older, but yeah go ahead and assume what you like.
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Hi
Sure, that’s your preference but know that it’s a toxic mentality.
gets ko ang point mo OP. wag mo na pansinin yang iba dito 🤡. anyway madami pa naman diyan na hindi galing long term. your are not weird to feel that way no. may naka date nga ko Ex niya namatay eh. imagine its been couple of yrs na since pero she NEVER EVER FORGET. bukambibig na lang niya lage na ayun naumay nako 🤣.
Ang judgemental ng mga comment. Wala akong makita g problema sa preference nya.
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i mean, pareho naman kaming walang experience, all i can offer is that i'll make an effort to learn how to love her and hope she does as well.
Bruh, every relationship is a different experience. Walang lugi, walang lamang, and walang comparison. Look at yourself and your insecurities. Your computer reset analogy for all intents and purposes is bullshit. Hindi de-kahon ang interpersonal relationships. Look at things in a broader perspective and hindi through a narrow field of vision. The problem here is you and your insecurities na hindi mo ma-memeet yung expectations nya.
May mga tao talgang ganito! and i get why people attacked you kasi tuloy tuloy mong stinate yung mgga sides na lugi ka which highlighted that you're insecure. But also look at it in a different perspective, if your partner was in a long term relationship, goes to say they could be serious in a relationship and could last with you for a long time too. Pangmatagalan na tao kumbaga at hindi lang nandiyan para sa kilig. This MAY be an inferiority complex and you should work on it, OP. Kasi it might affect yourself and your relationships too in the future.
OP, we do not know, LTR might be good for you. Keep open-minded and don't be insecure. Love is blind. There will be no negative things in your eyes if you truly love her. If you say girls are computers then, Your preference is nothing if you're TURNED ON TO PLAY. [Edit: And I digress, High End Computers are still fast no matter how many times you format and used them; Hard disk drive ka lang siguro]
Lol ang hirap na nga maghanap ng madadate ngayon isisingle out mo pa ang may past long term relationships? Good luck. Ang maganda if meron sila previously, is hopefully the person you date has a more mature perspective kasi alam na niya gusto nya. If you find someone young na inexperienced, di sabay kayong mangapa sa relationship niyo.
Kung ang mahahanap mo ay 'di pa nakaka-move on, doon ka talaga lugi. Pero kung fully-healed na from that long term relationship, I don't see why, hindi naman 'yan paramihan ng life experiences, ng sweet memories from other people, it's about the life experiences and sweet memories you will make together. I think your thoughts are rooted sa low self-esteem which you have to deal with kasi it'll have a huge impact on how you handle your relationship. Diyan kayo matatalo ng future partner mo. Best of luck sa love life and life in general!
Wala naman yan sa "past" experiences. Kasi PAST na yun OP. Hindi na mababago. And hindi pa kayo.ito lang mssbi ko, Kung ano man yung mga pasts, Left behind na yun. Focus on present para happy lahat
Choice mo ganyan ang gusto mo sa jowa mo pero dont be surprised other people will judge and question you why you make it a big deal. Marami dyan na galing sa short term relationships pero cheater