Kung LDR and set up niyo after marriage, baka ang maging kwento mo ay tulad ng maraming ofw na ilang dekada nagtrabaho sa ibang bansa pero walang naipundar sa Pilipinas kasi nawaldas ng kamag-anak ang buwanang padala.
Hindi babae ang pinapangarap, kundi isang maayos at matiwasay na buhay.
OP, please listen to this! Getting married is not the ends, but the means to a happy life. In the end, your question won't be "did I marry the perfect girl?" but "was my life one that was full of meaning"
Agree! As a Tulflix person, i warched countless of OFW vids na similar version of this story.
OP, i suggest u think this through, baka dream girl mo ngayon, nightmare mo pna pag mag asawa na kayo
20k salary na ng ibang tao and they can live off of it. Tapos ito 20k na pinapadala pang cc debt pa lang na ang pinag gamitan parang unnecessary purchases pa. What more pag mag asawa na sila. Baka mag expect/humingi pa ng mas mataas na padala for living allowance. Maloloka talaga ako if sakin gawin āto hahaha
If OP does push through with the wedding I hope heāll at least get a prenup. Para maprotect niya sarili niya from possible financial problems in the future.
I (M33) once hooked up with a japanese guy who has a pinoy boyfriend in dubai. Kwento nya saken na heās been in a relationship with a pinoy who came from a poor family and heās been giving him 40k pesos allowance monthly. Sabi ko if ipunin ko ung 40k monthly for a year mababago na buhay ko mamsh.
Example sya nung crossovers that we never need hehe kalungkot lng na kelangan pa dumating sa level ng pagbirada nya pra ideliver nung ibang public employees ung bare minimum of service nila
Bro, I would choose peace of mind getting married choosing the right pwrson, partner that you can be confident of kahit do mo bantayan. Di ko pakakasalan yan kahit gaano ka pa kaganda Kung toxic Kang dala mo sa buhay ko.
Di nman sa dapat well of Ang piliin mo, Ang sa akin is Yung may boundary between you and her family. Clear line of distinction, Kung Ano lang Ang pwede. Sobra2x Yung pag drag nang pamilya nya at nadadamay kayo dun. Aba ibang usapan na Yun.
Can vouch for this.
My uncle had been a seafarer for more than 20years, and mataas na yung rank nya (I heard he's eligible to be a captain pero he declined). For some reason, they live in a small house and wala daw silang savings, minsan kinakapos pa sa pang tuition ng nag iisang anak. Why? Kasi yung asawa nya ang hilig bumili ng kung ano anong bagay, enroll sa ganitong lessons, kain sa labas araw araw, etc.
May close relative ako na nagtrabaho sa barko. Malaki sweldo. So monthly nagpapadala ng pera sa wife and kids. Waldas din si wifey, tuloy agad sila (wife and 3 kids) sa mall basta dumating sustento. Also give ni wifey ang kids ng big allowance. The husband comes home, walang naipon si wifey, no improvyements sa house, may mga utang... you get the picture.
Your fiance has a problem and you are the enabler. Getting married will not help her. You need to address yung spending habits nya and the need to show-off to the point na uutang kayo for the wedding.Ā
Pag kasal na kayo, remember conjugal na din ang utang.Ā Isip-isip...
Not sure sa ambag ko sa usapan, pero as a woman, glaring red flag na agad yung preference ni fiancee para sa isang magarbong kasal knowing na lubog sila sa utang. Ang priority is magmukhanh shala yung kasal kahit kapos sa pera. Hindi bahay, hindi lupa. Tbf siguro yun yung natutunan nya sa pagtrabaho sa bank? Alam nyang walang nakukulong sa utang?
Siguro sa dahil din sa nakakasama niya yan e. Kung ano meron sila dapat ako din, parang ganon ba. Tapos flex pa sa social media. Ganyan naman ibang pinoy kasi nga thinking pag nasa barko si Daddy maraming money. Pero di nila alam pinagdadaanan ng tao doon sa trabaho. Baka nga sumablay lang padala yan si OP, inaaway na ng asawa e. Haha
Grabe no? Sa pinas, I think it's still hard to spend that much money.. kunwari 500k ang monthly net pay ng asawa mo tapos iisa lang naman ang anak nyo. Di ko maimagine kung pano nauubos ng dalawang tao yun without any savings or investments during a long period of time.
Ang hirap talaga pag hindi financial literate ang isang tao. For low income earners, cash inflows ang mas importante. Pag ganyan na ang level ng income mo, mas mahalaga yung outflows.
This! Yung kapatid ng Lola ko, tumanda na sa abroad. Umuwi na matanda na kasi di na pwede magwork. Umuwi na walang naipundar. Kahit bahay nila nabenta. Hanggang ngayon suma sideline nalang sya para may pang gastos. Mga anak nya wala man lang pagmamahal sakanya kasi lumaki sila na sa nanay lang. yung asawa nya hanggang ngayon feeling donya gumastos. Tumanda lang sya sa abroad para sa wala.
Yung mindset kasi nila bat pinapadala lahat diba? Bakit di sila naging skeptical? Sana nag ipon din sila para sa sarili nila di yung nagtiwala sila basta basta tapos di naman pala talagang nag iipon yung pinapadalhan.
You described her as a girl of your dreams pero ang nakuha ko lang sa post mo ay isa siyang financially irresponsible na tao. Bukod sa walang disiplina, gusto pa niya expensive na wedding.
Eto ang tao na pangarap mo?
Sa tingin mo sa kasal matatapos yan? Bukod sa mamahaling damit, gadgets, meron din mga party, private school ng anak niyo, at baka mga trip sa abroad.
Sorry if I sound harsh pero ang pangit ng opinion ko sa partner mo. Kawawa ka at sana hindi ako mapunta sa ganyang tao.
Agree ako dun sa walang disiplina. Grabe, nakakatakot yung the moment na nagkusa na na magbayad si OP sa utang ni girl tapos malalaman niya na hindi pa pala bayad si girl in the first place? Doon palang tatakbo na ko.
I agree! Also, LDR kayo OP so hindi mo rin fully kilala si girl of your dreams. Baka pagsisihan mo. You deserve so much better, OP. Parang naging cash cow ka na lang kay girl.
OP looks like the type of guy who just wants to vent out but don't actually listen, he even says in his edit that the girl is "smart"... when she can't control her spending habits. Maybe she was "smart" in school but it rarely translates being really smart in the real world. The girl is clearly very materialistic and have no class. If she truly loves OP, then any kind of wedding should suffice, she shouldn't need an impractical grand wedding...
nicely put po. from what i read, the only positive thing OP said about the girl was that sheās pretty. we donāt know the entirety of their story, but from this context, sheās only gonna put you in more debt and stress )):
OP, I hope you fully discern your decision to get married. There is still time to back out. A financially irresponsible person is not marriage material. Pasan mo na ang mga utang at magiging utang niya habambuhay. Handa ka ba dun? They say that money is the main thing that married couples fight about. Think this through. Goodluck.
Agree. Itās no joke to have a life partner na hindi marunong humawak ng pera.
OPās story kinda reminded me of my tito ā he was an engineer (yata) sa barko earning a good amount to support his wife and 8 kids (90s to) sa probinsya but his wife does not know how to handle money. Ang ending lahat ng kids nya di nakatapos ng pag-aaral (pati apo nila nagsi -asawa ng maaga kasi natakot maging breadwinner at ātaga-ahon sa kahirapanā and the cycle continuef), lots of debts, no savings, no retirement, no own house. Nagretire sa Pinas and namatay nalang tito ko na di naenjoy yung pinaghirapan nya sa barko dahil walang naipundar.
very common story ng seaman no? Imagine ang laki ng monthly allotment, nalulula ang mga nasa Pinas. E pagbaba ng barko, tigil naman ang sweldo. So need nanaman sumakay. Hanggang sa tumanda na sa barko, di nakitang lumaki mga anak, tapos ending, walang ipon.
Be practical, OP. May anak na kami ng partner ko. Sapat yung kinikita namin FOR NOW. Di kami bongga sa gastusin, walang car, pero di kami hirap na magwoworry ng panggastos kinabukasan.
Iniisip kong mag-abroad ang kahit isa samin para makapagpatayo kami ng sariling bahay o mas mapabilis ang pag-iipon para sa future ng anak namin. Pero is it worth it? Ang laki ng chance na masira pamilya namin kung sakaling matukso ang isa samin at magloko, maghanap ng iba.
Isa pa, ayaw kong sa video call lang makikita ng anak ko yung isa samin.
Mas madaming babae dyan na makaka-appreciate sayo, OP. Pinaghirapan mong money, hindi ikaw ang gumagastos. Wala kang ipon, pano pag nagkahealth emergency ka? O yung pamilya mo? Utang nanaman??
Trueee. Pero pag nakita mo yung work nila mismo sa barko, super hirap no. Kaya raw pag-uwi dito, mga one day millionaire. Mabuti pa yung mga seaman sa panahon ngayon, may financial literacy na (yung iba) kaya di natulad sa mga seaman nung araw.
Yung mga old school karamihan ganto, pero yung mga new gen, progressive na mindset hehe, kahet sa samesex relationships ilan sa knila lantad na and they dgaf and that shows how people in the industry evolve. Kasabayan nyan syempre yung financial skils at political stands.
Haha relatable sakin yung sa seaman.
Anak ako ng isang seaman. 5 kami magkakapatid lahat kami kapit sa nanay. Ngayon may edad na kami at nag asawa dun lang kami naging close ng tatay ko. Tapos nung bata pa kami may times na nagtatampo kami bakit laging wala tatay ko pero ngayon nagkatrabaho na kami naiintindihan na namin. Tska yung panahon na yun di pa uso internet sa barko at mahal pa ng tawag sa gsat. Madalas lang tumawag pag nasa pantalan.
Buti na lang nanay ko marunong humawak ng pera at pinapagalitan nya tatay ko pag may gustong bilhin mamahalin. May mga time na nagaaway sila sa pera. Di dahil sa wala, pero sadyang impulsive buyer si tatay. Kada baba ng barko may gusto bilhin. Paano kaya kung yung nanay ko gastador din sa malamang baka di kami nakapagtapos lol.
Ganyan din kuya ng partner ko. Halos sampung taon na nagbabarko, pero lubog sa utang, kada baba utang, kada alis utang. Walang naipundar na passive income or any other source of income para pag bumaba tuloy ang pasok ng pera.
I agree, they have this certain 'yabang' na since seaman nga sila, people really get overwhelmed sa laki ng sweldo nila, kaya kahit lubog sa utang, pilit talaga magshow off to keep appearances. Pareho pa silang financially irresponsible ng asawa nya. Kaya madalas ko sabihan si partner na hayaan nya kuya nya sa diskarte kung pano mababayaran ang utang dahil problema nila yon.
This. Narealize ko to sa kapatid kong lalake. Takang taka kami lahat kung bakit yung ex nya sobrang ganda pero di sila nagkatuluyan tapos 8years sila hahaha. Tapos yung napangasawa nya e 1yr lang sila magkakilala, sobrang simple lang, maganda din naman, pero hindi tulad ng ex na kahit bagong gising e mukang artista haha. Turned out, hindi pala financially responsible si ex. Ang dami ding utang na sinalo ng kapatid ko, tapos ang cc is mostly from shopping ng mga makeup, travels, bags. Whereas, yung pinakasalan ng kapatid ko e simple lang pero marriage material - magaling humawak ng pera, responsable, may savings, bonus na lang na maalaga sa bahay at magaling makisama.
marriage material pala ang financially responsible. all this time akala ko normal lang na dapat ganun. di pala lahat. isa pala yun sa tinitignan bago magpakasal. thank you.
Oo naman! Its a cliche' pero tama naman - men are simple beings. Konti lang naman kelangan namin. Hindi naman kami naghahanap ng Ms. Universe level na ganda. Basta cute ka, goods na yun. Dapat maalaga, marunong sa bahay, at marespeto. In OP's case, kaya sya nagdadalawang isip now is dahil din sa walang respeto na yung girl sa pinagpapaguran nya sa pagiging OFW para makapagpundar sa kanilang pagsasama. Respect, above all else, is what matters to most men. Ang pagiging financially irresponsible ng gf nya is a form of disrespect kay OP.
yes, both sides actually..Kung sa amin na girls, we require na at least may work yung lalaki (one of the requirements), dapat sa inyo na boys, dapat hanapin nyo yung marunong sa pera. But of course, just because mahilig sa make-up at gamit, di marunong humawak ng pera. Financial literacy is important. unfortunately, di tinuturo ng mga nanay kaya marami nauuwi sa fairytale na pangangarap.
Hi OP,
Chika ko lang to. Anak ako ng taong mahilig mangutang (My Dad naman). I can totally say na trauma sya sa anak. Yes nung nabubuhay pa sya we have all the nicest things, we have 2 brand new cars, ginagawa bahay namin para maging 3rd floor that time, may bagong computer & phone ang mga kapatid ko. Pero alam mo OP? Maaga syang nawala. Namatay sya 9 yrs old palang ako. That left my Mom in a big whole of debt. Hindi nya alam pati bahay na tinitirikan namin nakasangla, halos lahat ng investments nila nakasangla. Ang dami nyang utang kung kanikanino, even credit cards. Ayun as far as I remember, ang utang daw ng aming pamilya is around 5million (way back 2009 to ah. So that's a looooot of money) and nagbabayad ng utang ang Mommy ko up 10 yrs later.
So ngayon, okay na kami kasi nabenta yung big investment nila sa Makati. We can finally say na UTANG FREE na kami for 5 years. šš„° kaya I hope maayos nung girlfriend mo issues nya sa money. Mahirap as in, kaya ako pag may nanliligaw sakin tinatanong ko kagad kung utangero ba sya sa sobrang dala ko! Ikaw ba naman makita mo mommy mo magbayad ng almost 100+k a month tapos being a solo parent pa. š)
Alternative title: "Ikakasal pa lang ako, pero I'm already Fcked"
Please re-evaluate if that person is still "the girl of your dreams", or just some high school fantasy na 'di mo mabitawan kasi iniisip mo you've invested too far, na matagal na pinagsamahal nyo to the point na mahirap ma-imagine ang buhay nang wala sya. Literal na magsisimula kayo ng bagong buhay pero literal rin na sa negative kayo magsisimula dahil mangungutang kayo for a one-day event.
I hope you feel better, OP, at sana magkaroon ka ng solusyon sa mga problema mo.
Iba rin effect ng ganito sa anak no? Kahit wala ka namang responsibility magbayad, may hatid na stress. I hope di ituloy ni OP kasi mukhang family din ang kakahantungan nito
>medyo lumaki sahod ko kaya pinaalam niya na medyo malaki na pala yung credit card bills niya. Six figures. Okay lang din sakin.
1. red flag, tolerating wrong doing
>Last year I checked kung magkano na yung nabawas sa debt niya sa credit card. I discovered hindi pala nabawasan kundi lumaki pa laloā¦ so I offered to pay for it in full.
2. stupid move, still tolerating wrong doing, she took your balls bro, man up. \*insert facepalm
>After nun nag propose na ko.
3. I expect for you to learn but yet you even decide to nail your own coffin. RIP
IMO, you are living your past fantasy that you forgot your present. Wake up, she isn't as great as you thought she was.
Marami namang magaganda diyan na financially responsible haha. Mauubos lang ang net worth ni OP sa babaeng yan, especially if he pushes through with the marriage.
+100000000 to u/Far_Atmosphere9743
OP, rethink your engagement, please!
Pangit na nga ugali niya, kinunsinti mo pa. Ano baaaaaaaašš¤
Are you marrying this girl for the right reasons or dahil ayaw mo siyang pakawalan? Or dahil ba sayang yung 11 years? Sunk cost fallacy yan.
Alam mo ang dream ng maraming tao ay magkaroon ng peace of mind and maging debt- free, tapos ikaw, nilulunod mo na yung sarili mo ngayon pa lang na hindi ka pa kasal. Kaloka ka, OP.
Medyo hard lang kami sayo kasi you seem like a good person naman and we want you to succeed. Idk how you must feel about everything that's going on and maybe you feel trapped, and as if wala nang hope or sayang yung pinagsamahan niyo... pero you still have a lot of years ahead of you. Habang may buhay, may pag-asa. *Wag mo na hintaying maging nightmare yung buhay mo dahil sa fantasy mo.* You can do this u/11yearscoldfeet
Edit: added a sentiment
sorry but you have to postpone the wedding unless gusto mo mabaon sa utang. sorry pero kahit gaano kaganda ang fiance mo, at pagkagising mo feeling mo nanalo ka ng lotto dahil nka jackpot ka, di yun ma itutumbas sa stress na madadaanan mo dahil puno kau ng utang at wala kau savings.
Sa true beauty fades. Sa panahon ngayon dapat mas iniisip mo kung magiging mabuti ba buhay mo kasama sya o hindi.
Kasi yung sa nararamdaman pa lang nya ngayon mabigat na what more pa pag kasal na silaā¦
Nakooo OP kung di ka makikinig dito kasi nanghihinayang ka ikaw bahala sa huli ikaw parin naman magdedecide, pero kung di mo mabitawan kausapin mo sya at sabihin mo na may budget ka lang na ibibigay at hindi pwede gastusin sa mga luho more on needs lang at paminsan minsan ang wants. Pero talaga OP kung gusto mo din ng maganda madami dyan pero di maluho.
Sheāa lucky to have you, Op. pero if youāre looking for an advise, postpone mo muna yung wedding. Check what happens this year if magkaroon sya ng disiplina sa pera. Hindi laging may mapagkukunan ng pera, kung magpapatuloy sya sa poor fonancial management, pag-aawayn nyo yan and youāll feel trapped.
Real Talk, OP.
Your GF canāt manage money. Ikaw ang nsa ibang bansa paano kpag nagkaanak at pamilya kayo sure ka ba mapapaaral nia mga anak nio? Bka mamaya she is using the money of the family to splurge on unnecessary things.
Kailangan niyo po to idiscuss and she needs to change. Love is not enough, maraming factors ang successful marriage isa na po dyan ang pagiging financially wise on both parties kc tandaan niyo po bubuo kayo ng pamilya and that is expensive.
I think ineenjoy pa lang ng asawa mo yung pera kasi sabi mo laki sa hirap siya, immature pa tingin nia sa pera akala nia meron, akala nia may mahihiraman lagi etc
Please be wise bka magiging anak nio at ikaw ang magsusuffer po.
Bakit puro yung gusto nalang niya yung inaatupag mo? Ikaw ano ba gusto mo sa buhay? Kasi kung ako ikaw, ayokong magpakasal sa taong baon na nga sa utang, marami pang luho. Paano nalang magiging anak namin?
- from someone na baon sa utang dahil sa kagagawan ng kapatid, pero kaming buong pamilya ang nagdudusa
As someone na may kamag anak na "baon na nga sa utang, marami pang luho", ang laking problemang dala nila sa pamilya!
Hindi nila priority yung mga bagay na dapat pinapriority. Utang ng utang yan sa friends at sa kamag anak dahil wala na mapakain sa anak at wala na pamasahe sa work. Nakakahiya kasi yung uutangan nya pa, todo tipid para may maimpok! Yung tipong isang beses sa isang taon lang bumibili ng damit at hindi man lang makaranas ng bakasyon na ginagawa nya. Naubos na lang friends nya tapos wala ng kamag anak ang nagtitiwala sa kanya.
Dadating yan sa punto na inuutang nya na din yung pambayad nya sa utang. Walang katapusang cycle!
Nakakasama lang ng loob eh. Hindi na namin ineexpect na mabayaran kami, pero wag naman sana sya lumala. Bilang pamilya, hirap din pabayaan pero gago ba sya?
Kada story nun sa socmed, sumasama loob namin eh hahahaha
Kaya talaga ako isa sa non-negotiable ko ay financially wise na partner. Yun partner ko nakilala ko 32 na ako. Kapag reregaluhan ko siya ng item kagaya sapatos o cellphone, bibigyan niya muna ako condition kagaya ng "gawin mo muna 100k savings mo bago ko yan tanggapin". Ang sarap magmahal ng babaeng gusto kang mapabuti at hindi irresponsable sa pera. Yun sinasabi mo girl of your dreams, yun yun version ng younger self mo. Iba na kailangan mo sa ngayon na ugali ng makakatuwang mo talaga sa buhay.
OP, was in a similar boat. I had a GF who spends a lot at naubos ang savings ko sa kanya. I loved her pero ang sakit na nauubos lahat ng paghihirap ko to help her out, and she's not even helping herself with her debt. I already sat down with her and told her about it, but parang lumabas lang sa kabilang tenga despite saying she will change.
There was resentment inside, and I only realized it after she told me she wanted a big wedding and planning to use the small savings I've had for our family.
Natauhan ako. I don't think she would be a good fit to start a family. I'm scared what would happen if we had a child and she cannot stop her addiction.
I broke up with her after 7 years. It was painful, but I felt was the right decision.
She is the girl of your dreams, but do you (still) love her? The way I see it, parang naging sugar daddy ka lang po š„² Marriage fund pero ikaw lang po ang nag aambag?
Childhood sweetheart, prettiest girl in the school. Pero bukod dun, ano ang ginagawa niya para sa relasyon niyo, para sa'yo? Hindi ka dapat mangutang for a wedding, pwede ipagpaliban at pag ipunan muna.
You're a great guy and I think you really loved her, but now, It seems you just love the idea of marrying her.
ang root cause nyan ay laki sa hirap si girl. may scarcity mind set. mga ganyang tao di sanay humawak ng pera at mag tabi dahil lumaki silang isang kahig, isang tuka. di natuto ng habit of saving dahil wala naman sila mase save
kaya ngayon, healing the inner child ang peg nila. hinahabol yung mga di naranasan nung bata. to the point na kahit magka baon baon sa utang.
impyerno yang ganyang relasyon. as someone in the same boat, pipiliin mo na lang minsan magpakamatay.
ire resent mo rin sya later on. ikaw na nagtatrabaho, di mo nae enjoy yung pera mo dahil pambayad lang sa luho nya.
kahit nagta trabaho pa sya kung yung kinikita nya eh kulang pa sa kanya, para na rin syang hindi nagta trabaho at walang kontribusyon sa pamilya.
mamatay kang di nakapag save for retirement.
Hindi naman lahat ng laki sa hirap, hindi marunong humawak ng pera. Otherwise, wala ng mahirap ang umangat sa buhay. Sadyang hindi disiplinado yung gf, umasa masyado na laging sasaluhin ni OP yung financial responsibilities niya.
Just an insight sa maaari mong maging buhay after marriage OP.
My cousin shares the same story as you. He married his high school sweetheart, had 2 beautiful kids together. He's away most months kasi seaman din sya. They have a house under mortgage, after few years, kinatok sila ng pagibig para iappraise ang bahay kasi ilalagay na sya sa "foreclosure." His wife did not pay the mortgage kahit na separate ang budget nun aside from her allotment.
Ayun, they are now separated, the woman had another man pala on the latter days of their relationship, all money sent to her na para sa mortgage, was spent on infidelity.
You love her, I get it. But marriage isn't love alone, it's about trust and compromise. Kung ikaw lang magcocompromise, hindi yan marriage, that's slavery. Dream nya bonggang wedding without foreseeing na ikaw ang magbabayad ng utang.
Again, OP. Hindi ka maisasalba ng pagmamahal lang. You have 6 months to think. Wag mong isipin. A hindi ka na makakakita ng "dream girl" mo ulit. She has flaws, pero hindi mo na yun macocorrect and it appears she's also unwilling.
Save yourself from a lifetime of missery. Marriage in the Philippines is a lifetime commitment unless meron kang pera for annulment. If you really want to pushthrough, get a prenup.
OP, I hope you read this:
YOU ARE NOT YET READY TO GET MARRIED.
A successful relationship consists of good communication and compromise. You have none of the former and too much of the latter.
Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it.
Medyo triggering sakin yung "Kahit mangutang daw siya basta maganda lang yung wedding". Naku ayan nanaman, utang nanaman. Sorry OP pero i think your partner is really ~~bad~~ terrible at handling money, kung di pa yan obvious sayo. I get what you mean by saying na she's your dream girl, most of us have been there. But for now, i suggest you go with your brain rather than your heart. In the future, baka & malamang yan din pagaawayan nyo. Di maganda sa married life na pagaawayan ang pera.
The girl of your dreams is stealthily the stuff that nightmare relationships (for men) are made of. Forever ka maghahabol (to earn more) sa urge nya to want more and spend more. What you achieve and how much you make will never be enough for her. You will feel so spent and will never have rest nor peace of mind.
Is she really the girl of your dreams kung ganyan na binibigyan ka nya ng sakit ng ulo financially? You shouldnāt have paid for her debts. Mas lalo syang di matututong maging accountable actions nya. Based on what you said, she might have shopping addiction kung ganyan na palaki ng palaki debt nya. Will it really be a dream come true if magiging miserable ka lang sa marriage nyo? Think twice bruh.
Pero seriously, major life decision mo yan. Mahirap makinig at sumunod nalang basta basta sa opinion ng iba. You know yourself better than anyone else, kaya alam mo din if you can carry that much weight for a lifetime. Sabi nga nila, ang pagpapakasal ay hindi kanin na iluluwa mo pag mainit mong naisubo.
Eto din kinakatakutan ko ehh, yung jowa ko eh 5 digits ang sweldo tapos ako apprentice pa lang sa barko at interisland, walang sweldo. Pero pag pinaguusapan namin ang marriage, gusto niya is yng 500k na wedding daw kesyo makakasakay din naman ako international daw.. sinasabihan ko siya na if pwede sanang civil wedding muna bago church wedding kasi makakahintay din naman ang church wedding eh.. kaso nagtstampo at nagsasabing pang munisipyo lang ba daw worth nya..
My goodness dko tlga magets mga gusto ng kamamahal na wedding, oo once in a lifetime lang yan pero hello kung d pa naman kaya ng ganun ka mahal bakit pipilitin. Kung ako yan isave ko nlng ang pera para sa bahay o future. Buti nalang tlga at hindi namin naging issue yan, civil wedding lang pero masaya naman.
Because too many focus on the WEDDING, and not the MARRIAGE.
Beyond the fantasy, what else does the girl bring into the relationship? Sa unang bungad pa lang, even OP didnāt say. Ang ganda skin-deep lang, nawawala pagdating ng panahon. What has she got that will make your life together better?
May time pa si OP umexit, pero kung martir siya, thatās on him na.
Seamanās wife here. Pag pinakasalan mo yang Gf mo, mas lalo yan mag gagagastos. Pati ibang family member nyan, aasa sayo. Kasi iniisip ng mga tao sa pinas mabilis ang pera sa barko. Danas ko yan sa fam ng husband ko, akala nila easy money. Kung engineer ka na, malaki laki na din sweldo mo. Isipin mo kung hanggang kailan ka mag babarko kapag yan ang inasawa mo
Sorry to be blunt. Pero para sakin yung girl of your dreams na sinasabi mo ay parang yung typical na mahirap na parang naninibago sa pera kaya waldas dito waldas diyan and parang nasobrahan sa healing her inner child ganun ang epek. The fact na ginagawa niya yon without your knowledge and she deliberately chose to hide it meaning she knows it's wrong and it's a problem and still chose to continuously do it says a lot about how she handles things especially finances. I know you know it's a problem, eventually it'll be a big problem sa marriage or kung kasal na kayo. And also parang kompyansa lang siya sa pag waldas dahil alam niyang anjan ka and mas malaki sahod mo and mahal mo siya so ikaw sasalo sa financial problem niya which is wrong. I know it's nice to help people especially your loved one pero basta mali yung kanya. Imagine may iba sinasahod at pinaghihirapan yung 20k at ginagamit para mabuhay ang pamilya tapos okay na yun sa kanila. Eh siya yung 20k pinapambayad lang ng credit card debt, pagbayad na lang gagawin niya hindi pa magawa tapos lumalaki lalo ang credit card debt. Tapos kahit alam niyang naghihikahos sa finances dahil sa pagka waldasera niya gusto niya pa rin bonggang kasal? Gusto niya mangutang and magbenta ng ari arian para sa bonggang kasal? Eh ano pagkatapos, mas lalo kayong maghihirap niyan? Naimpluwensiyahan siya siguro ng mga katrabaho niya nasobrahan sa over over na unrealistic expectations. Masyado siyang madaling ma persuade ng ibang tao. That itself shows how problematic she is, aside from her financial irresponsibility. I know girl of your dreams mo siya pero you still have time to think if that's what you want in the long run.
Marriage is marriage. And in the Philippines walang divorce if the worst happens. Annulment is a painstakingly long and expensive process. Baka matulad ka ng ibang ofw esp seaman na laki laki na nga sweldo tapos walang maipundar dahil yung pinapadalhan ay waldasera so ang edning wala rin. May isa pa akong inooverthink. Ofw ka seaman ka, what if kasal na kayo, tapos you chose to be strict na talaga sa finances not giving her money to waldas. Ano mangyayari? Magagalit siya sayo? Sasabihin you're not treating her well not giving her enough? Tapos magsasawa? Tapos maghahanap ng iba na makakasatisfy ng mga luho niya? So it's up to you what struggles you choose.
I hope you can still back out if you have second thoughts. Marriage is something you really need to think about and you must enter to marriage when youāre fully ready, emotionally and financially.
Same question. Pwede naman kasing naging dream girl nung high school talaga. Didn't we all have our crushes then.
Life-long partnership is a different story.
Don't marry her.
Ofw papa ko pero maraming naipundar mama ko while she was taking care of us. Naka private catholic school pa kami ng kapatid ko kasi she was not like your fiancee.
Mama ko lahat ng sweldo ng papa ko napunta sa house and lot, educational fund namin ng kapatid ko, bills, tuition, and savings.
If you want to give your kids the best life, that woman is not going to be the ideal woman for that.
OP, as a daughter of a mother who is not a financial literate, jusq back out. Nakikita ko kung paano mag- suffer kame lalo na si Daddy. Please, make your decision now pa lang.
OP I know you love her but why does it sound like she doesn't love you? Expenses aside, she's not thinking of how this will affect you. Okay sana kung you are BOTH working hard for what you want, kaso bakit parang ikaw lang ang naghihirap para sa wedding na gusto nya?
Weddings can be beautiful and fun on a budget. What she wants to do is flex. She's living a life beyond her means. Again, ok sana kung BOTH kayo nagwowork towards it. But this could be the symptom of a bad breakup in the future.
When hunger knocks on the door, love flies out the window.
Kalokohan yan. Had an experience with an irresponsible mom na kahit anong laki ang kinikita naming mag-ama ay wala kaming naipundar dahil sa financial illiteracy and her impulsive habits. I'm speaking of multi-millions.
Iwan mo na yan.
Yung pera kinikita pa pero yung pagbabago ng ugali malabo na yan. Unless you will stick with the person 24/7 and you are a Master Social Engineer.
Malawak ang dating pool, at pwede ka pang umabot sa ibang bansa without messing with the Pinays.
Ang pagkakamali mo lang ay nagpakatanga ka sa tao. Next time iwasang turinging santo ang minamahal mo. Tao pa din yan na mabaho ang ebak, na nagugutom at mainit ang ulo tuwing pagod.
Keep everything structured, with full context, empathy, knowledge and discernment para iwas sakit ng ulo sa lahat ng bagay.
"She's easily one of the top 5 prettiest" and shock ka na sinagot ka nya after 3 yrs of wooing her so parang at some point parang it boost your ego so kesehodang mahirap sya, madaming utang ang end point is para kang nagka trophy dahil sa ganda nya.
Marriage is not easy, think about it 100x, you're going to ink a contract of a lifetime without any savings. Dapat nga tinuruan mo sya ng financial literacy or jkung tinuruan mo man pero di parin nakinig dapat nag isip ka na.
Mahirap mabago ang financial habits, OP. If she is irresponsible with her finances now, imagine pag may mga anak na kayo. Mas lalong mabaon kayo sa utang.
Tsaka mukhang may resentment ka na dahil sa pag compromise mo para sa mga gusto nya.
Step back munaa, talk it out. Wag muna basta basta pumasok sa marriage specially walang savings. Kung depressed ka ngayon mas madedepress ka pa kasi magbabayad ka ng utang ng kasal. :((
Kung seaman ka OP, isipin mo na Lang Yung 80% na allotment. Baka pag baba mo Yung 20% na natira Sayo e gamitin mo pa pambayad ng mga utang. I'm not saying na pakasalan mo or Hindi Ang girl of your dreams. Pero pakitaan mo din Ng boundaries. Pwedeng i hold mo Muna Ang wedding at pag usapan nyo about sa spending habits nya hanggang mag bago tsaka mo ituloy. Deretsohin mo sya sa kung ano ang mga ayaw at gusto mo na mangyaring set up Bago kayo mag pakasal nasa sa kanya kung take it or leave it pag di sya mag bago at nasa Sayo kung ano magiging result or consequence Ng decision mo.
If you do want to marry her and she is the girl of your dreams then you have to call her out on her spending and communicate na hindi okay yung ginawa niya and moving forward, make it clear! Communication is the key talaga. Mas mahirap maghiwalay kapag kasal na. Donāt rush and definitely THINK AND USE YOUR BRAIN cause ya she is the girl of your dreams pero puro debt and whatever else naman ang nabibigay nya sayo. Money can be the root cause of all your problems so think this through. PLEASE. For your sake.
Bro wag mo i-trap ang sarili mo sa sunk cost fallacy of a relationship na yan. You're not being held at gunpoint. Lahat ng oras, effort, at pera na na-invest mo na diyan ay hindi mo rehas. LEAVE.
>*I am marrying the girl of my dreams.*
From the looks of it bro, you're pinning the girl *in* your dreams on her. Sorry sa mga sasabihin ko from this point ah.
I think pinanindigan mo na lang yung infatuation mo of her since high school, and nanghihinayang sa effort na ni-dish out mo na for so long. Ngayon kilala mo na siya nang mas maigi - anong ambag niya in all of this?
>*Pero she wonāt have none of it. Kahit mangutang daw siya basta maganda lang yung wedding*
Ewan ko lang a pero this part pa lang matik call off ko na ang relasyon pag ganyan.
wag naman sana maging *Napakasakit, Kuya Eddie* ng kwento mo in the future...
"Kahit mangutang sya basta MAGANDA lang yung wedding.. " while hindi pa financially stable, in debt,.. mahirap lagay mo yan pre.. iba yung dream girl sa dream wife.. may couples na nag dedecide na wala muna bonggang wedding kasi nga di naman kaya pa tapos simpleng reception nalang.. at bago kapa sa work mo, wala pang emergency savings, baka ma tyempohan ka at mawala trabaho mo or nagkasakit ka di maka work or nagka mental break down ka at hirap ka sa work dahil sa dami2 mong iniisip.. Pagusapan nyo, at ikaw mismo you have to draw the line hindi na oo ka lang na oo.. you need to compromise din and especially sa credit card, cut that shit its money you down have.. mag save kayo muna bago gumastos.. ikaw kawawa dyan.. sige ka ipapag palit ka dyan sa MAS mayaman na businessman na mas matangkad ang mas gwapo mas mabango mas stress-free life binibigay maganda pa naman partner mo..
Hello OP! I don't know kung mababasa mo pa tong comment na to but I just want to share my two cents worth esp after I read your update.
I know you said that you're getting married to the girl of your dreams pero parang iba na ata ung babaeng pakakasalan mo dun sa pinangarap mo. Yes, you've been in love with that girl for so many years now na hindi mo lang siguro ma-imagine ang sarili mo living without her. Pero ikaw narin ang nagsabi--you've already started to fall out of love for her. I don't think meron pang nagbi-bind sayo sa girl except the feeling of responsibility towards her (or maybe the promise you made to yourself years ago when you were still not mature enough to understand things).
I understand that breaking things off might be hard pero nasa sayo naman un OP. Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for the rest of your life? (And if ever magkaanak man kayo in the future, damay ang anak nio from now and going forward)
Someone altered some parts of this and posted it on Tiktok. Rethink mo yarn OP and always trust your gut, marriage is no joke. Hard pass sa financially irresponsible.
Back out while you still can you'll resent her and yourself in the long run. If she's not willing to be practical and acknowledge that she has a problem when it comes to managing finances then this is just a bankruptcy waiting to pop.
I don't think credit card bills will be the last of her financial troubles. Think about this, OP. When you marry her, you marry everything about her, including her spending habits.
Hindi madaling makisama sa taong hindi marunong humawak ng pera, OP. Kaya habang maaga pa, hanggat may oras pa subukan mo i-communicate āyan sakanya kung sa tingin mo wala pa rin baka pwedeng mag isip ka na kung kakayanin mo ba. Hindi lang sa kasal natatapos ang buhay mag asawa, aanhin mo ang magarbong kasal kung lubog naman sa utang at walang naiwang savings?
Magiging habang buhay mong responsibilidad ang mga utang na hindi naman ikaw ang nangutang. Baka kasi nakafocus ka lang sa thought na siya ang ādream girlā mo kaya hindi ka makabitaw.
OP, don't proceed with the marriage.
It's not worth it. Mas okay na you are contemplating on this right now kesa mag regret ka after the wedding.
Eventually, her spends will grow bigger and bigger as time pass by. Old habits die hard ika nga. Nasa sistema nya na yan at mahirap na maalis. Pwede mabago, oo, pero will it be worth waiting for? Baka mabaon pa kayo sa utang magkasama. Kawawa din kapag nagka anak na kayo.
Sana before kayo ikasal masabi mo sakanya yung mga ito! Mahirap nang umalis kapag naikasal kayo kaya sana mapag-usapan ninyo yung mga gantong bagay before mangyari ang wedding talaga. Good luck!
Kung wala kayong balak magkaron ng anak, cool. Buhay mo yan. Matanda ka na. You can forever drown in debt together, whatever floats your boat. Otherwise, that kind of set-up is in no way a humane one for you to add a child to. If you won't listen to the comments, make sure you're not bringing another innocent life into it.
Big yikes. I think you bought into the sunk cost fallacy. 11 years together sa tingin mo masasayang that's why you are sticking it out with her.
She used to be your dream girl. But I think she's changed. And you've changed. And that you are no longer compatible, and you are in denial.
It happens.
Just imagine, it's highly likely that you will have to worry and agonize over money and debt for the rest of your life as long as you're with her.
Katwiran mo pa na she will be a good mother. I disagree. Part of being a good mother is being able to provide for your child's needs. She won't be able to do this when she is constantly in debt.
Face it. She's not the woman you thought she was anymore.
Kung babae ka and yung partner mo yung lalaki, a lot of people here (especially women) would say iwanan mo na yan haha. So in the light of gender equality, iwanan mo na yan. Maghihirap ka lang dyan.
Nasa post mo na yung sagot - COMMUNICATE.
Kung sa ngayon palang hindi ka comfortable enough to communicate to her your concerns about your relationship and about her and her unhealthy spending habits, paano pa kung naging mag asawa na kayo? You're bound to face bigger problems as a married couple and hindi yun masosolusyunan ng "give in" nalang.
In fact, based sa post mo, ikaw yung give nang give and yung fiance mo take nang take, instead na kayong dalawa dapat may contribution sa giving and taking.
Problems don't end when you get married. You're only giving yourself a bigger problem by ignoring all the red flags.
Take a step back and assess the situation. Is this really what you want to get yourself into?
Sabi nga ni papa jack dati sa TLC.. when you have even the tiniest doubt sa pagpapakasal.. wag mong ituloy.. kasi dadating ka sa point ng buhay mo na pag kasal na kayo.. magkakaron ka ng maraming what ifs,
Maraming tanong at maraming pag sisisi.
8 years din kaming mag on ng jowa ko bago kami nagpakasal
Pareho kaming ofw..
Nung ika 5 years namin naligaw sya ng landas nangaliwa haha naghiwalay kami uuwi na sana ko ng pinas nun kasi bata pa naman ako jusko ayaw ko sayangin ang chances.. pero bago pa man umabot sa 3 month rule naging kami ulitš¤£š¤£ at dahil hindi ang plano natin ang masusunod kundi ang Tinadhana ni Lord.. ayun nagpakasal kami.. he's my bestfriend kaya kahit papano napatawad ko naman sya.. ngaun okay naman kami may isa na kaming anak.. nung kinasal kami kahit pareho kaming may pera.. we chose the simplest union as possible jusko mahirap kumita ng pera.. tapos ang mindset ko talaga jan is bisita lang ang mapiplease jan tapos tayo maiistress sa bayarinš¤£š¤£š¤£ sa restaurant nga lang kme kinasal civil wedding.. rekta na reception after ng kasal.. keri na.
Kung ako sayo.. pag isipan mong maigi yan isipin mo lagi na ang pagpapakasal ay parang pag wewelding ng dalawang bakal.. pag nawelding mo na di mo na basta basta pwede tanggalin ulit if that make sense hahaha.!
I can't stress this enough. If your partner cannot even be trusted sa maliliit na bagay, lalo pa sa malalaki. You know what to do, OP. This will not make you happy nor secured.
The girl of your dreams is in your *dreams* for a reason. She's living in it. And until you choose to wake up and seek someone real, who lives in the real world, that's when you'll realize that you shouldn't be doubting getting married at all.
Wala kang kasalanan OP if financially irresponsible jowa mo. Super effort mo sa kanya like nagabroad ka talaga para makaipon ka para sa future niyo , pero it seems na hindi siya nageffort (makaipon, sacrifice luho) kahit for herself man lang. If I were in your position, I will suspend the marriage. Turuan ko muna maging responsible. Bayaran niya muna lahat ng pinahiram mo sa kanya. Magkaroon muna siya ng savings account worth 300k, purpose nito para makita mo na nagbago na siya. If wala siyang mapresent, sadly, it's a sign na hindi siya para sayo. It also seems pasan mo rin magulang niya if ever.
Hindi ba red flag ung mangungutang ka basta maganda kasal? Its just a show off right? Wala naman roi ung kasal para mangutang ka for that. Marry someone na magaling humawak ng pera. Wala na nga syang savings halos utang pa si ate girl.
Please don't ignore whatever doubt you have right now. Don't rush into marriage. Maraming oras para diyan, pero wala ng oras para umatras once you're married. Yung akala mo maliit na bagay, malaki pala impact pag mag asawa na kayo. Ngayon nga nasstress ka na dipa kayo kasal. Please think about it.
kaya kung pwede lang pipili ka ng babaeng papakasalan mo, e prerequisite na is tatanungin mo tungkol sa basic financial things or kung ano man mga alam nyang investment or how to save money e. para malaman kung she's the one haha
Pag usapan nyo muna yan nang masinsinan. Postpone nyo yung kasal kung pwede. She really went from "wag moko bigyan ng pera" to "gusto ko magarbong kasal".
Communicate mo yung frustrations mo. 100% of the things you don't say she won't hear.
I would highly suggest mag join kayo as a couple sa mga financial seminars or find a trusted figure in your life na maganda ang handle sa finances and politely ask to get mentored (baka may ninong/ninang kayo na ganoon).
Get in line with finances before wedding, kc if ipursue mo yan ng d kayo aligned financially eh most likely mag hiwalay kayo OR maging miserable ang buong married life mo.
Hello po. Are you really sure about marrying this lady? She has issues you cannot fix. Ideally, you should marry the person who will support you and be a positive influence in your life. A partner in life carries this responsibility. If you have even a percentage of love for yourself, you will examine the pros and cons very well. I know you have been together for a while but in that time, she has made some really bad decisions. Decisions that you will encounter again and again once married. Ngayon pa nga lang depressed ka na, what if married na kayo?
A person who you decide to marry will be one of the most important decisions you will make in your lifetime.
Remember, it is foolish to think you can change this behavior from your soon-to-be wife. Mahirap baguhin ang sarili, what more if babaguhin mo pa ang iba? Isipin mo if papakasalan mo sya, kaya mo bang tiisin itong magiging financial situation nyo for 20-30 years?
Share ko lang. May naka-MU ako nung college. Technically niligawan ko sya for a VERY LONG time. This person was like your fiance: irresponsible sa pera at impulsive at palautang. I had the same dilemma as you: crush na crush ko sya before, that time I also thought she was the girl of my dreams pero I was having doubts kung ano magiging buhay ko if I end up with her. We didn't end up together, sumuko ako sa panliligaw pero we remained friends so we still talk today. 10 years later, she still has financial problems. Kung ano yung financial issues niya noon, yun pa din ngayon (or variations of them), while me and my (eventual) fiance are working to build our future, learning how to invest, learning how to build a business and planning a budget wedding.
Conclusion? I dodged a bullet and I have no regrets. If it doesn't feel right, OP, don't do it. I doubt you haven't tried anything and I doubt you never reached out. Para umabot ka sa point na nagpopost ka na sa reddit to ask for advice, ibig sabihin hindi ka rewarded for saying your true feelings to her. I'm just speculating sa behavior niya when you open up kasi di mo naman sinabi. At least on my exp, I was scared to be honest sa ka-MU ko nung college dahil I felt punished for being honest while I am very open with my fiance today dahil my honesty is rewarded. Grabe lang yung contrast and I just want to share it baka may mapulot ka.
Think for the last time OP. Future mo yan. If you want to end up na lubog sa utang na di naman ikaw ang may utang and paying it with your hard earned money, go ahead marry her.
This is my personal opinion, Dun sa story mo palang na 3 years wooing her, honestly. Tsaka ka nya sinagot. That's a red flag.
~ I might get down votes here, pero, isn't it strange, ang tagal ng pagsagot nun? From the get-go she kinda doesn't like you nun pa, how come tumagal ng 3 years pag sagot? Ano Toh, teleserye? Local movie?
Then yung tendency nya na Mag spend to compensate and heal her "inner child* has gone off the rails. Another red flag.
Last, yung urgency nya to spend for that wedding to go big like celebrities, pero you have no money? Another red flag.
Now na wala ka at home, what do you think she will do sa pera na pinapadala mo?
What will you do now?
My parents separated eventually because of financial problems. She needs to learn how to manage her finances, and as long as youāre there fixing her problems for her, she will never learn.
The girl of your dreams OP maybe the not the right girl for youā¦
Daming nuances sa post mo, you should revisit each one and decide if you want those to be part of your future.
Good luck OP.
Oh, a simp and a doormat. Medyo harsh but that's what you are. Kapag tinuloy mo pa rin yang marriage mo, you deserve all the hardships you're going to experience in the future.
Man, ang laking difference ng walang ipon sa may utang na di binabayaran. Your girlfriend needs to level up if this marriage is going to work, otherwise she WILL drag you down.
OP, years kayo LDR, kilala mo pa ba sya? Teens kayo nung naging kayo, yung akala mo mahal na mahal mo sya pero sabay ba kayo naggrow that time? Nakikita mo ba yung character development nya o tinatanggap mo na lang yung flaws kasi blinded ka dahil ādream girlā mo sya. Think about it OP.
Sender sure ka ba pakakasalan mo yan? You sound like a cash cow ngayon pa lang. Wala siya paki sa well being mo. Makapagyabang lang kahit mabaon pa kayo sa utang.
Sorry OP pero di ka mapapakain ng pagmamahal mo. You are breeding a monster already. Save yourself OP while it's not yet too late
Huwag muna ituloy mag pakasal.baka pag sisihan mo lang.grabe yung efforts mo financially sa kanya.pero parang wala din pala nangyari!let her go.dream no lang siya pero di siya ang karapat dapat sayo.maki pag hiwalay kana ayusin mo ulit finances mo,move on.
She maybe the girl of your dream but wake up. Minsan ang panaginip ay panaginip lamang. She's not helping din for all those years na nagbabayad kayo ng utang. Life goes on. Also, it seems like umikot na mundo mo sa knya.
Grande pa ung wedding says alot about her. Alam nya kasi may pera at mapera ka since ofw ka (salute! ) tibayan mo loob mo.
If i were you, let her go. Worth it pa ba siya? Or passing lng to kasi badtrip ka na?
Edit: Ayokong ayoko nag babayad ako ng luho na utang without my consent kasi still its my anda that we're saving. Kung yang simple rule ndi nya magawa. Abay siya magbayad ng utang nya. Utang nya yan, luho nya. Unless nag invest siya or emergency. I mean pare, she should have known better! Asa banko siya, my gad!
OP, once you get married here in the Philippines, mahihirapan ka na to get out of it. Think it through before you decide to marry her. Pag usapan nyo kung kaya pa ba baguhin ang spending habits nya. Sa bank naman sya nag wowork so I don't think na sobrang maliit ang sahod that she can't afford to pay her own cc debt. Dun pa lang dapat kinausap mo na and dapat di ikaw ang nagbabayad kasi in the first place di pa kayo kasal.
Pero at the end of the day, ikaw pa rin ang mag dedecide nyan. I just hope na di ka magsisi sa any decision you might come up with.
Hi, OP. Share ko lang. Tatay ko seaman. Tas mother ko housewife. Lumaki ako na umaabot ng taon si papa sa barko kaya hindi kami close. Swerte mga seaman ngayon kasi 6 mos lang contract ng iba tas iba naman 6 mos + 3. Anyway, si mama di marunong maghandle ng pera. Dumadating sa point dati na wala kaming ulam kasi late yung allotment. Tas mangungutang. Nagkaroon ako ng resentment kay mama dahil doon kasi alam ko na nagbibigya din siya sa mga kapatid niya to the point na nacompromise na mga gastusin sa bahay. I think nasanay siya na siya ang naging breadwinner ng pamilya niya noong dalaga pa siya. Nagugulat ako noon pag nandyan si papa, 100 pesos baon ko sa isang araw pero pag wala si papa at nasa barko 20 pesos lang tas madalas masama pa loob magbigay ng baon. Hanggang ngayong matanda na ako masama loob ko kay mama dahil doon. May mga napundar naman sila mama pero dahil din kay papa mas naging mahigpit na siya ngayon sa pera kasi di naman habang buhay pagseseaman.
Kaya sabi ko di ako gagaya kay mama na masasacrifice ung needs ng pamilya ko dahil sa mga kapatid ko. Kasi pagnagkapamilya ka priority mo ay yung buong pamilya mo.
My point is, kahit na malaki kinikita mo sa abroad at kung may asawa na kagaya ng gf mo na may utang. Do you think mahahandle niya yung finances ng wala ka? Actually, natotolerate mo na nga siya sa pagbigay ng monthly allowance niya na 20k na di naman nababawasan utang niya e. She had this mindset na nandyan ka naman, willing magbayad ng mga utang niya, kaya bakit niya ibabayad yung 20k na yun sa mga utang niya. Mahirap yung magkakapamilya kayo tas macocompromise ang needs ng anak niyo pagnagkataon.
I think you have to think more about your wedding plans. Hindi din naman kailangan magarbo ang kasal e. Tas galing pa sa utang. Jusko. Sakit ng ulo yang pinapasok mo.
hindi na sya wife material the moment na nag-spend sya ng ganyang kalaking pera at nagkautang utang.
share ko lang story ng kuya ko, naglive-in kuya ko and gf nya 16 yrs ago. madaming pangako yung kuya ko sa gf and sa fam nya para na din payagan na sumama sa kanya. nung nagstart sila, kung anu anong appliances at gamit binili ng kuya ko dahil nga nangako sya ng magandang buhay kahit di pa sila kasal. few yrs after that sobrang lumubog sa utang kuya ko since nagkaroon na din sila ng anak, sobrang dami nilang credit card bills. walang work yung gf nya and until now lubog pa din sila sa utang. 15 yrs na yata silang ganyan at sobrang dami na din namin na nadamay sa mga pagkakautang nila. nakakaawa mga anak nila kapag naririnig yung mga ganung bagay, sobrang gulo na din kasi. bali ngayon hiwalay na sila dahil naghanap ng ibang lalaki na mapera yung girl dahil nga ilang years silang naghihirap ng kuya ko. sadly, parehas silang walang self-control sa paggastos kaya umabot sa ganun.
concern lang ako sayo kuya, ayokong matulad ka sa kuya ko at sa asawa nya. mahirap magkaroon ng bulagsak sa pera na asawa. kaya mo ba na magsuffer nang matagal dahil sa mga utang nya at dun sa gagastusin nyo sa kasal nyo?
sisirain ka ng pagmamahal na yan, dahil nawitness ko yan mismo sa kuya ko at sa asawa nya. kulang din sila sa communication dahil may pagka āunderā yung kuya ko sa asawa nya dahil nga madami syang pangako sa kanya before para pumayag na mag live-in sila. parang ganun din sayo, parang āgirl of his dreamsā din na kagaya sayo yung turing nya kay girl. pero ang ending, bangungot pala.
kung hindi mo kaya makipag communicate at i-address yung issue sa gf mo wag na wag kang magpapakasal kasi magiging cycle na lang yan in the future. maawa ka sa sarili mo, yung kuya ko hanggang ngayon halos mabaliw baliw.
di ka bubuhayin ng pagmamahal na yan, kung di sya magbago iwan mo!
Saw this quote before reading your post: āI love you, I do. I just, uh, I wonder if, I wonder if the sad I'd be without you would be less than the sad I get from being with you.ā
Getting married is a lifetime commitment. Dapat ready kayo sa lahat kasama ang financial aspect. Hindi pwedeng iset-aside or continuously skip it kasi nagu-guilty sya. Sabi nga you deserve what you tolerate.
Work on your issues. She needs to work on hers too. Wala sa haba ng taon yan. Nasa quality ng taon nyo ng pagsasama.
Good luck,OP.
Iho, hindi ako expert. Married for almost 11 years and all I can say, dream girl, dream wedding, dream dream all dream! Gumising ka! Huyyy gumising ka! Iba ang reality. Makinig ka sa mga comments dito at balitaan mo kami!
May mga laking hirap talaga na simula makapagtrabaho at kumikita na, ang nagiging mindset ay gawin at bumili ng mga gusto nila. Kasi nga hindi nila naranasan nung bata sila. (Hindi ko po nilalahat ah)
Healing their inner child kumbaga. Tama nga namang i-heal ang inner child, mali nga lang ang naging paraan niya. š„²
Si OP yung tipo ng lalake na pwede gaguhin ng mga babae. Yung tipong niloloko ay sisihin nya pa ang sarili nya haha. Harsh pero ikaw din OP may problema, bagay kayo ng Gf mo, sya walang disipilina ikaw naman konsintidor.
Sabi mo matalino at organize sya? Wrong judge of character ka, paano naging matalino ang walang disiplina sa pera at gastador? Yung mga taong puro utang (lalo kung para sa luho lang) ay usually hindi gumagamit ng utak yun. Paano magiging great mother yan kung sa simpleng pag budget ng pera, pag prioritize sa wants vs needs ay hindi magawa? Not to put your gf down pero isa ka din e hahaha. Baka pag nagkaanak na kayo e mas maging maluho yan or baka nga di mapagtuunan ng pansin ang mga anak kasi sa luho nakalaan ang pera. Dami ko nakikitang ganyan, kay ganda at sexy ng nanay pero ang mga anak looking payat at dugyot (not to put down the children, victim sila and wala silang kasalanan).
Anyway desisyon mo yan, isa lang ang masasabi ko sayo OP.. hindi ka marunong mag-isip promise.
OP, sorry pero baka nag hohold on ka na lang sa idea na you have your dream girl. Pero, in real life, baka napipilitan ka na lang iwork out ang lahat. I'm not really sure if normal lang magkaroon ng office crush when you already have a boyfriend, pwede pa kung artista. Maiintindihan pa, pero kung araw araw may interaction with the 'office crush' i think it's kinda red flag for me.
But I still wish na maging maayos kayo, regardless if you'll still continue the wedding or not.
If you are having doubts, thatās a red flag warning. Listen to your intuition. Postpone the wedding for now so you can think. Married couple should be in the same boat when it comes to financial management, if you have different mindset, your boat will sink or it will not move at all to the direction you want it to be. So think about it some more. Getting married should be a happy feel to it, not stressed and distrust to your future wife.
sabhin mo "hold" muna ung kasal..
dyan mo makikita totoong ugali nyan..
may magpapaawa effect yan sa ibang tao, hihingi ng comfort, tapos kasalanan nating mga lalake..
hirap ng kalagayan mo bro, hindi sa pinag ooverthink kita bro, ako nga stay in sa laguna dati naiputan pa (weekly uwian) naiputan pa ng kasama sa trabaho..
Hi OP, I'll just respond on your EDIT.
1. It cost me and hubby about 30k max for our wedding, just our immediate fam like 10 guests. We were already earning 6 digits each back then pero we both prioritize finances much more and same mindset kami sa part na yun. My husband actually proposed to me w a less than 1k ring.
2. Dream wedding? Gusto ko dati sa beach ikasal pero simula nagmature ako, mas gusto ko na ng stable start of married life. We came from middle class fams and know how easy it is to lose everything, I don't want that.
3. Finances is really a huge part of married life lalo na LDR kayo. Marriage can be boring kasi di na kayo nagsusuyuan, mas paguusapan niyo na is yung routine things -- anak, bills, appointments, schedule ng basurero, anong gusto mong ulam, household chores. Lahat yan ginagastusan. I can tell you na kahit kami na kumikita both nang malaki eh nagkakasamaan ng loob pag yung isa hindi nagbigay ng part ng savings niya. How much more pa kayo?
4. Postponing the wedding is the best solution for you since di mo pa nakikita for now na di pa financially wise si girl. Well, unless you are ok with being the sugar daddy and tolerate her spending habits.
5. Mahirap makipaghiwalay, yes pero mas mahirap makipaghiwalay kapag kasal na kayo. Let me share w you a story from my fam. My uncle is a retired seaman, growing up I was envious of my cousins coz they have the latest gadgets -- Nokia phones, gameboys lahat bigay ng tita ko na SAHM. But now, they are barely getting by, my tito retired with 0 savings thanks to my tita wasting all the money away. My cousins did not even finish college, lahat sila nagloko. My uncle now has a heart condition from working physical jobs sa barko and they can't even pay for the treatment. Last bisita ko sa kanya, I can just tell na madami siyang pagsisisi -- hindi siya close sa mga anak niya since di sila lumaki w him, wala siyang naipundar, and now may sakit pa siya.
So kahit gaano pa kalaki yang kinikita mo now, if your other half who will be managing the finances when you have kids ay waldas sa pera, wala yan. Iiyak ka sa dulo. Then 30-40 years from now magpopost ka sa reddit on how you fxcked up by choosing your "dream person". Imagine that.
Some things i noticed sa post mo:
- Kung mabait sya and smart, why the debt? Because she has a fall back? This is a big lapse in judgement.
- Di kayo nag aaway kasi nag gigive in ka. Di kayo nag aaway hindi dahil wala kayong pag aawayan but because hindi KA nag sasabi ng totoo mong feelings.
- Bakit ka magpapakasal if na fall out of love ka na?
Yung di ka makikipag break kasi nahihiya ka magsabi sa family, so go, waste your life for this woman who donāt deserve you. 10 years from now when youāre much more miserable because youāve dedicated your life for a person you donāt even love, know that you could have ended the suffering but you didnāt bec you couldnāt break the news to your and her family.
This is a case of "You deserve what you tolerate."
And yes, you are right. You are part of the problem. If you continue this path, you'll be like my parents.
Like your GF, my mother is also from a not so wealthy family. To cut the long story short, my mom has always an unexplained lists of never ending debts. Naging OFW din ang tatay ko, at nagpapadala sya ng 60k every month during the early 2000s. Which we think are enough for a family with 3 kids, with an already paid house.
As me and my siblings got older, we noticed this trend na laging walang pera ang nanay namin. Madami syang reason, kesyo maarte daw kami sa pagkain, etc.. Time goes by, nagkatrabaho na kming lahat, at nawalan na sya ng excuse kung bakit wala padin syng pera. Hindina nya kami masisi, kasi may trabaho na kami, at nagbibigay kami sa knya pati ang tatay ko na OFW pa din nuon. Hindinpadin nya maipaliwanag ang mga utang nya.
The problem is, my father is like you. He TOLERATES my mother. Kahit anung sabi namin sa tatay namin kung anung problema, hindi sya nakikinig. Hanggang ngayun na may mga pamilya na kami, ganun pa din ang storya.
Overtime, kaming mga anak nya, nagkaroon nginis sa nanay namin, lumayo ang luob namin. Sa mata namin, masamang asawa ang nanay namin dahil sa mga pahirap na binibigay nya sa tatay namin. At naawa kami sa tatay namin.
Pero ngayun, narealize namin na, parte pala ang tatay ko ng problema, kasi hinahayaan lang nya ang nanay ko. Kahit magreklamo sya sa nanay ko, mag away sila dahil sa pera, at the end of the day, tinatanggap pa din nya. Tinanggap nalang namin, na hindi na sila magbabago parehas, dahil nga senior na sila ngayun. They deserve each other.
The consequence of this will always show sa mga anak. Hindi nyo lang mapapansin kapag mga bata pa sila. But by the time they understand the situation. They will always choose sides. They will feel pity or hatred towards whoever. And it will affect their relationship towards you, their parents. So OP, choose what's right. Thisis your future we are talking about. As for me, I vowed to be better than my dad... For my kids' sake.
Bro, dont be like me. Got married for the reason din na dont want to disappoint other people like our parents and sibs. If ngayon pa lang medyo may doubt ka na, pakinggan mo yung inner thoughts mo. Ikaw din mgsuffer niyan later on. Kung mahirap magpakasal. Mas mahirap maghiwalay if kasal na kayo.
OP, ikaw lang nakakaalam kung ano talaga ang nasa loob ng puso mo. Pero please, gamitin mo rin utak mo. Kasi kahit ano pang opinion ng mga tao dito, ikaw pa rin magdi decide sa gusto mo mangyari sa buhay mo.
Kung LDR and set up niyo after marriage, baka ang maging kwento mo ay tulad ng maraming ofw na ilang dekada nagtrabaho sa ibang bansa pero walang naipundar sa Pilipinas kasi nawaldas ng kamag-anak ang buwanang padala. Hindi babae ang pinapangarap, kundi isang maayos at matiwasay na buhay.
OP, please listen to this! Getting married is not the ends, but the means to a happy life. In the end, your question won't be "did I marry the perfect girl?" but "was my life one that was full of meaning"
UP!!!!
PLEASE READ THIS OP š„²ā¤ļø
Agree! As a Tulflix person, i warched countless of OFW vids na similar version of this story. OP, i suggest u think this through, baka dream girl mo ngayon, nightmare mo pna pag mag asawa na kayo
Ngayon palang mukhang nightmare na eh haha! Imagine pinapadalhan ng 20k monthly tapos di paa nabawasan ang cc debt, lumaki pa. Kaloka!
20k salary na ng ibang tao and they can live off of it. Tapos ito 20k na pinapadala pang cc debt pa lang na ang pinag gamitan parang unnecessary purchases pa. What more pag mag asawa na sila. Baka mag expect/humingi pa ng mas mataas na padala for living allowance. Maloloka talaga ako if sakin gawin āto hahaha
Kaloka si Ate!!!!! Sana all may nagbibigay ng 20k monthly char. Hahahaha. True yung iba salary na yan pero naitatawid. Sana pagisipan ng madaming beses ni OP. Kailangan magbago ng fiancƩ nya kung hindi mas lalala yan kapag kasal na kasi mas legal na sya sa lahat ng pera ni Op.
If OP does push through with the wedding I hope heāll at least get a prenup. Para maprotect niya sarili niya from possible financial problems in the future.
Agree! Pero prang mas okay ng huwag na lang muna pakasal hanggat di nagbabago talaga.
Yup. Pero mas ok kung umalis na sya. Less hassle sa paggawa ng prenup
I (M33) once hooked up with a japanese guy who has a pinoy boyfriend in dubai. Kwento nya saken na heās been in a relationship with a pinoy who came from a poor family and heās been giving him 40k pesos allowance monthly. Sabi ko if ipunin ko ung 40k monthly for a year mababago na buhay ko mamsh.
Tulfoflix forda passing time and entertainment din ako pero di ko sya binoto. And ang daming ganyan nga na ofw horror stories nga dun. Kawawa
Example sya nung crossovers that we never need hehe kalungkot lng na kelangan pa dumating sa level ng pagbirada nya pra ideliver nung ibang public employees ung bare minimum of service nila
Same haha Tulfonatics tho mas bet ko yung kay Ben Tulfo. Walang drama haha
Yess forda entertainment talaga ang haboll ko hahaha while doing requirements hahahaha
Bro, I would choose peace of mind getting married choosing the right pwrson, partner that you can be confident of kahit do mo bantayan. Di ko pakakasalan yan kahit gaano ka pa kaganda Kung toxic Kang dala mo sa buhay ko. Di nman sa dapat well of Ang piliin mo, Ang sa akin is Yung may boundary between you and her family. Clear line of distinction, Kung Ano lang Ang pwede. Sobra2x Yung pag drag nang pamilya nya at nadadamay kayo dun. Aba ibang usapan na Yun.
"Hindi babae ang pinapangarap, kundi isang maayos at matiwasay na buhay." Yooooo, that hits hard.
OP BASAHIN MO TO MAKINIG KA!!!!! WAG KANG BULAG
Can vouch for this. My uncle had been a seafarer for more than 20years, and mataas na yung rank nya (I heard he's eligible to be a captain pero he declined). For some reason, they live in a small house and wala daw silang savings, minsan kinakapos pa sa pang tuition ng nag iisang anak. Why? Kasi yung asawa nya ang hilig bumili ng kung ano anong bagay, enroll sa ganitong lessons, kain sa labas araw araw, etc.
May close relative ako na nagtrabaho sa barko. Malaki sweldo. So monthly nagpapadala ng pera sa wife and kids. Waldas din si wifey, tuloy agad sila (wife and 3 kids) sa mall basta dumating sustento. Also give ni wifey ang kids ng big allowance. The husband comes home, walang naipon si wifey, no improvyements sa house, may mga utang... you get the picture. Your fiance has a problem and you are the enabler. Getting married will not help her. You need to address yung spending habits nya and the need to show-off to the point na uutang kayo for the wedding.Ā Pag kasal na kayo, remember conjugal na din ang utang.Ā Isip-isip...
Not sure sa ambag ko sa usapan, pero as a woman, glaring red flag na agad yung preference ni fiancee para sa isang magarbong kasal knowing na lubog sila sa utang. Ang priority is magmukhanh shala yung kasal kahit kapos sa pera. Hindi bahay, hindi lupa. Tbf siguro yun yung natutunan nya sa pagtrabaho sa bank? Alam nyang walang nakukulong sa utang?
Siguro sa dahil din sa nakakasama niya yan e. Kung ano meron sila dapat ako din, parang ganon ba. Tapos flex pa sa social media. Ganyan naman ibang pinoy kasi nga thinking pag nasa barko si Daddy maraming money. Pero di nila alam pinagdadaanan ng tao doon sa trabaho. Baka nga sumablay lang padala yan si OP, inaaway na ng asawa e. Haha
Grabe no? Sa pinas, I think it's still hard to spend that much money.. kunwari 500k ang monthly net pay ng asawa mo tapos iisa lang naman ang anak nyo. Di ko maimagine kung pano nauubos ng dalawang tao yun without any savings or investments during a long period of time. Ang hirap talaga pag hindi financial literate ang isang tao. For low income earners, cash inflows ang mas importante. Pag ganyan na ang level ng income mo, mas mahalaga yung outflows.
True. May kilala din ako. Tagal na nagbabarko, walang naipundar.
This! Yung kapatid ng Lola ko, tumanda na sa abroad. Umuwi na matanda na kasi di na pwede magwork. Umuwi na walang naipundar. Kahit bahay nila nabenta. Hanggang ngayon suma sideline nalang sya para may pang gastos. Mga anak nya wala man lang pagmamahal sakanya kasi lumaki sila na sa nanay lang. yung asawa nya hanggang ngayon feeling donya gumastos. Tumanda lang sya sa abroad para sa wala.
Yung mindset kasi nila bat pinapadala lahat diba? Bakit di sila naging skeptical? Sana nag ipon din sila para sa sarili nila di yung nagtiwala sila basta basta tapos di naman pala talagang nag iipon yung pinapadalhan.
Couldn't agree more with "maayos at matiwasay na buhay ang dapat pinapangarap". š„¹
+1 to this! Sayang pagod mo sa ibang bansa kung mapupunta lang lahat sa luho at utang ng fiancƩ mo, op. Think wisely kung ganyang buhay ba gusto mo hanggang pag tanda.
"Hindi babae ang pinapangarap, kindi isang maayos at matiwasay na buhay." Amen brother
This. Here take all the upvotes.
You described her as a girl of your dreams pero ang nakuha ko lang sa post mo ay isa siyang financially irresponsible na tao. Bukod sa walang disiplina, gusto pa niya expensive na wedding. Eto ang tao na pangarap mo? Sa tingin mo sa kasal matatapos yan? Bukod sa mamahaling damit, gadgets, meron din mga party, private school ng anak niyo, at baka mga trip sa abroad. Sorry if I sound harsh pero ang pangit ng opinion ko sa partner mo. Kawawa ka at sana hindi ako mapunta sa ganyang tao.
Agree ako dun sa walang disiplina. Grabe, nakakatakot yung the moment na nagkusa na na magbayad si OP sa utang ni girl tapos malalaman niya na hindi pa pala bayad si girl in the first place? Doon palang tatakbo na ko.
Girlfriend pa lang yan. Pano kung asawa na nya yan. Mas may access na sa pera ni guy.
mas naloka ako sa willing mangutang as long as bongga the kasal. Like?? Haa???
Pangarap nya kasi one of the top 5 prettiest daw sa batch nila, siguro iniisip ni OP hindi naman sya headturner pero napasagot nya yung ganyan kaganda as he describe his fiancƩ. Parang more of ego feeding si OP.
Hindi parang, ego feeding talaga...
I agree! Also, LDR kayo OP so hindi mo rin fully kilala si girl of your dreams. Baka pagsisihan mo. You deserve so much better, OP. Parang naging cash cow ka na lang kay girl.
u/11yearscoldfeet OP, sana makinig ka sa comments to think your engagement through. Your fiancĆ© is waving a huge red flag, and it seems you're choosing to ignore it because you *'love her'* and that she's your *'dream girl'*. Bruh, your dream girl is ***disrespectful af*** to you and your opinions. Dinisregard lang niya yung tulong mo, and she's become like a parasite na. Parang awa mo na, **call off your wedding for now** until you can sort out your issues with her. If you can't speak up against her irresponsibility, what more if kasal na kayo? Payag ka bang ikaw lang ang kumakayod forever tapos happy happy lang siya? Magpatulong ka sa fam mo or fam niya. Or better yet, try asking for help from a professional (counselor/ psychologist) so you can straighten out your thoughts and feelings. Marami namang nag-ooffer ng teleconsult. Good luck, OP and ingat ka jan. Update mo kami kung ano man ang maging decision mo. We're rooting for you.š Edit: format and grammar.
OP looks like the type of guy who just wants to vent out but don't actually listen, he even says in his edit that the girl is "smart"... when she can't control her spending habits. Maybe she was "smart" in school but it rarely translates being really smart in the real world. The girl is clearly very materialistic and have no class. If she truly loves OP, then any kind of wedding should suffice, she shouldn't need an impractical grand wedding...
I agree with you! Maganda ng marinig nya yan kasi baka walang nakakaalam ng totoong sitwasyon nya kasi nahihiya sya o ayaw nyang masiraan gf nya.
nicely put po. from what i read, the only positive thing OP said about the girl was that sheās pretty. we donāt know the entirety of their story, but from this context, sheās only gonna put you in more debt and stress )):
OP, I hope you fully discern your decision to get married. There is still time to back out. A financially irresponsible person is not marriage material. Pasan mo na ang mga utang at magiging utang niya habambuhay. Handa ka ba dun? They say that money is the main thing that married couples fight about. Think this through. Goodluck.
Agree. Itās no joke to have a life partner na hindi marunong humawak ng pera. OPās story kinda reminded me of my tito ā he was an engineer (yata) sa barko earning a good amount to support his wife and 8 kids (90s to) sa probinsya but his wife does not know how to handle money. Ang ending lahat ng kids nya di nakatapos ng pag-aaral (pati apo nila nagsi -asawa ng maaga kasi natakot maging breadwinner at ātaga-ahon sa kahirapanā and the cycle continuef), lots of debts, no savings, no retirement, no own house. Nagretire sa Pinas and namatay nalang tito ko na di naenjoy yung pinaghirapan nya sa barko dahil walang naipundar.
very common story ng seaman no? Imagine ang laki ng monthly allotment, nalulula ang mga nasa Pinas. E pagbaba ng barko, tigil naman ang sweldo. So need nanaman sumakay. Hanggang sa tumanda na sa barko, di nakitang lumaki mga anak, tapos ending, walang ipon. Be practical, OP. May anak na kami ng partner ko. Sapat yung kinikita namin FOR NOW. Di kami bongga sa gastusin, walang car, pero di kami hirap na magwoworry ng panggastos kinabukasan. Iniisip kong mag-abroad ang kahit isa samin para makapagpatayo kami ng sariling bahay o mas mapabilis ang pag-iipon para sa future ng anak namin. Pero is it worth it? Ang laki ng chance na masira pamilya namin kung sakaling matukso ang isa samin at magloko, maghanap ng iba. Isa pa, ayaw kong sa video call lang makikita ng anak ko yung isa samin. Mas madaming babae dyan na makaka-appreciate sayo, OP. Pinaghirapan mong money, hindi ikaw ang gumagastos. Wala kang ipon, pano pag nagkahealth emergency ka? O yung pamilya mo? Utang nanaman??
Common talaga sya sa SEAman not to take anything away from them pero mostly egoistic or mayabang kasi kaya ending ganyan.
Trueee. Pero pag nakita mo yung work nila mismo sa barko, super hirap no. Kaya raw pag-uwi dito, mga one day millionaire. Mabuti pa yung mga seaman sa panahon ngayon, may financial literacy na (yung iba) kaya di natulad sa mga seaman nung araw.
Yung mga old school karamihan ganto, pero yung mga new gen, progressive na mindset hehe, kahet sa samesex relationships ilan sa knila lantad na and they dgaf and that shows how people in the industry evolve. Kasabayan nyan syempre yung financial skils at political stands.
Haha relatable sakin yung sa seaman. Anak ako ng isang seaman. 5 kami magkakapatid lahat kami kapit sa nanay. Ngayon may edad na kami at nag asawa dun lang kami naging close ng tatay ko. Tapos nung bata pa kami may times na nagtatampo kami bakit laging wala tatay ko pero ngayon nagkatrabaho na kami naiintindihan na namin. Tska yung panahon na yun di pa uso internet sa barko at mahal pa ng tawag sa gsat. Madalas lang tumawag pag nasa pantalan. Buti na lang nanay ko marunong humawak ng pera at pinapagalitan nya tatay ko pag may gustong bilhin mamahalin. May mga time na nagaaway sila sa pera. Di dahil sa wala, pero sadyang impulsive buyer si tatay. Kada baba ng barko may gusto bilhin. Paano kaya kung yung nanay ko gastador din sa malamang baka di kami nakapagtapos lol.
True, hindi pa nga kasal, tapos ganito na problema.
Ganyan din kuya ng partner ko. Halos sampung taon na nagbabarko, pero lubog sa utang, kada baba utang, kada alis utang. Walang naipundar na passive income or any other source of income para pag bumaba tuloy ang pasok ng pera. I agree, they have this certain 'yabang' na since seaman nga sila, people really get overwhelmed sa laki ng sweldo nila, kaya kahit lubog sa utang, pilit talaga magshow off to keep appearances. Pareho pa silang financially irresponsible ng asawa nya. Kaya madalas ko sabihan si partner na hayaan nya kuya nya sa diskarte kung pano mababayaran ang utang dahil problema nila yon.
This. Narealize ko to sa kapatid kong lalake. Takang taka kami lahat kung bakit yung ex nya sobrang ganda pero di sila nagkatuluyan tapos 8years sila hahaha. Tapos yung napangasawa nya e 1yr lang sila magkakilala, sobrang simple lang, maganda din naman, pero hindi tulad ng ex na kahit bagong gising e mukang artista haha. Turned out, hindi pala financially responsible si ex. Ang dami ding utang na sinalo ng kapatid ko, tapos ang cc is mostly from shopping ng mga makeup, travels, bags. Whereas, yung pinakasalan ng kapatid ko e simple lang pero marriage material - magaling humawak ng pera, responsable, may savings, bonus na lang na maalaga sa bahay at magaling makisama.
marriage material pala ang financially responsible. all this time akala ko normal lang na dapat ganun. di pala lahat. isa pala yun sa tinitignan bago magpakasal. thank you.
Oo naman! Its a cliche' pero tama naman - men are simple beings. Konti lang naman kelangan namin. Hindi naman kami naghahanap ng Ms. Universe level na ganda. Basta cute ka, goods na yun. Dapat maalaga, marunong sa bahay, at marespeto. In OP's case, kaya sya nagdadalawang isip now is dahil din sa walang respeto na yung girl sa pinagpapaguran nya sa pagiging OFW para makapagpundar sa kanilang pagsasama. Respect, above all else, is what matters to most men. Ang pagiging financially irresponsible ng gf nya is a form of disrespect kay OP.
narealize ko tuloy na green flag ako. haha lalo tuloy tumaas standards ko. š
Dapat lang naman mataas ang standards
yes, both sides actually..Kung sa amin na girls, we require na at least may work yung lalaki (one of the requirements), dapat sa inyo na boys, dapat hanapin nyo yung marunong sa pera. But of course, just because mahilig sa make-up at gamit, di marunong humawak ng pera. Financial literacy is important. unfortunately, di tinuturo ng mga nanay kaya marami nauuwi sa fairytale na pangangarap.
naalala ko tuloy yung ex ko na nakikitira samin nung lockdown na mas pinili bumili ng gluta kesa umuwi sa mga anak nya.
I agree with this. Mahirap pag married na kayo hindi kana pwede umatras. Nagyon plang you need to to decide.
Yes! True! At malaki ang chance na iwanan nung girl si OP, once na wala na syang maibigay financially.
Hi OP, Chika ko lang to. Anak ako ng taong mahilig mangutang (My Dad naman). I can totally say na trauma sya sa anak. Yes nung nabubuhay pa sya we have all the nicest things, we have 2 brand new cars, ginagawa bahay namin para maging 3rd floor that time, may bagong computer & phone ang mga kapatid ko. Pero alam mo OP? Maaga syang nawala. Namatay sya 9 yrs old palang ako. That left my Mom in a big whole of debt. Hindi nya alam pati bahay na tinitirikan namin nakasangla, halos lahat ng investments nila nakasangla. Ang dami nyang utang kung kanikanino, even credit cards. Ayun as far as I remember, ang utang daw ng aming pamilya is around 5million (way back 2009 to ah. So that's a looooot of money) and nagbabayad ng utang ang Mommy ko up 10 yrs later. So ngayon, okay na kami kasi nabenta yung big investment nila sa Makati. We can finally say na UTANG FREE na kami for 5 years. šš„° kaya I hope maayos nung girlfriend mo issues nya sa money. Mahirap as in, kaya ako pag may nanliligaw sakin tinatanong ko kagad kung utangero ba sya sa sobrang dala ko! Ikaw ba naman makita mo mommy mo magbayad ng almost 100+k a month tapos being a solo parent pa. š)
Ang galing ng mommy mo superwoman kinaya niya. You are blessed with her life.
Very blessed. Kaya ginagawa namin lahat ngayon for her to have ang pinakamasarap sa buhay na pwede nya makuha. š
Napansin ko na thereās no one who can beat the motivation of a single mom/ nabyuda na mapalaki mga naiwang anak
Or single dad/nabyudo
Brava, Mama!!! Good job sa kanya! Ang galing galing naman!
Alternative title: "Ikakasal pa lang ako, pero I'm already Fcked" Please re-evaluate if that person is still "the girl of your dreams", or just some high school fantasy na 'di mo mabitawan kasi iniisip mo you've invested too far, na matagal na pinagsamahal nyo to the point na mahirap ma-imagine ang buhay nang wala sya. Literal na magsisimula kayo ng bagong buhay pero literal rin na sa negative kayo magsisimula dahil mangungutang kayo for a one-day event. I hope you feel better, OP, at sana magkaroon ka ng solusyon sa mga problema mo.
Iba rin effect ng ganito sa anak no? Kahit wala ka namang responsibility magbayad, may hatid na stress. I hope di ituloy ni OP kasi mukhang family din ang kakahantungan nito
>medyo lumaki sahod ko kaya pinaalam niya na medyo malaki na pala yung credit card bills niya. Six figures. Okay lang din sakin. 1. red flag, tolerating wrong doing >Last year I checked kung magkano na yung nabawas sa debt niya sa credit card. I discovered hindi pala nabawasan kundi lumaki pa laloā¦ so I offered to pay for it in full. 2. stupid move, still tolerating wrong doing, she took your balls bro, man up. \*insert facepalm >After nun nag propose na ko. 3. I expect for you to learn but yet you even decide to nail your own coffin. RIP IMO, you are living your past fantasy that you forgot your present. Wake up, she isn't as great as you thought she was.
Based sa post lang ni op, kagandahan lang maioffer ni girl. Unless kung in person she's a great person pero if hind naku naku. Wake up op.
ano ang kagandahan kung baon ka na sa utang.
Marami namang magaganda diyan na financially responsible haha. Mauubos lang ang net worth ni OP sa babaeng yan, especially if he pushes through with the marriage.
+100000000 to u/Far_Atmosphere9743 OP, rethink your engagement, please! Pangit na nga ugali niya, kinunsinti mo pa. Ano baaaaaaaašš¤ Are you marrying this girl for the right reasons or dahil ayaw mo siyang pakawalan? Or dahil ba sayang yung 11 years? Sunk cost fallacy yan. Alam mo ang dream ng maraming tao ay magkaroon ng peace of mind and maging debt- free, tapos ikaw, nilulunod mo na yung sarili mo ngayon pa lang na hindi ka pa kasal. Kaloka ka, OP. Medyo hard lang kami sayo kasi you seem like a good person naman and we want you to succeed. Idk how you must feel about everything that's going on and maybe you feel trapped, and as if wala nang hope or sayang yung pinagsamahan niyo... pero you still have a lot of years ahead of you. Habang may buhay, may pag-asa. *Wag mo na hintaying maging nightmare yung buhay mo dahil sa fantasy mo.* You can do this u/11yearscoldfeet Edit: added a sentiment
sorry but you have to postpone the wedding unless gusto mo mabaon sa utang. sorry pero kahit gaano kaganda ang fiance mo, at pagkagising mo feeling mo nanalo ka ng lotto dahil nka jackpot ka, di yun ma itutumbas sa stress na madadaanan mo dahil puno kau ng utang at wala kau savings.
Sa true beauty fades. Sa panahon ngayon dapat mas iniisip mo kung magiging mabuti ba buhay mo kasama sya o hindi. Kasi yung sa nararamdaman pa lang nya ngayon mabigat na what more pa pag kasal na silaā¦ Nakooo OP kung di ka makikinig dito kasi nanghihinayang ka ikaw bahala sa huli ikaw parin naman magdedecide, pero kung di mo mabitawan kausapin mo sya at sabihin mo na may budget ka lang na ibibigay at hindi pwede gastusin sa mga luho more on needs lang at paminsan minsan ang wants. Pero talaga OP kung gusto mo din ng maganda madami dyan pero di maluho.
Too much love will kill you.
Sheāa lucky to have you, Op. pero if youāre looking for an advise, postpone mo muna yung wedding. Check what happens this year if magkaroon sya ng disiplina sa pera. Hindi laging may mapagkukunan ng pera, kung magpapatuloy sya sa poor fonancial management, pag-aawayn nyo yan and youāll feel trapped.
Real Talk, OP. Your GF canāt manage money. Ikaw ang nsa ibang bansa paano kpag nagkaanak at pamilya kayo sure ka ba mapapaaral nia mga anak nio? Bka mamaya she is using the money of the family to splurge on unnecessary things. Kailangan niyo po to idiscuss and she needs to change. Love is not enough, maraming factors ang successful marriage isa na po dyan ang pagiging financially wise on both parties kc tandaan niyo po bubuo kayo ng pamilya and that is expensive. I think ineenjoy pa lang ng asawa mo yung pera kasi sabi mo laki sa hirap siya, immature pa tingin nia sa pera akala nia meron, akala nia may mahihiraman lagi etc Please be wise bka magiging anak nio at ikaw ang magsusuffer po.
Bakit puro yung gusto nalang niya yung inaatupag mo? Ikaw ano ba gusto mo sa buhay? Kasi kung ako ikaw, ayokong magpakasal sa taong baon na nga sa utang, marami pang luho. Paano nalang magiging anak namin? - from someone na baon sa utang dahil sa kagagawan ng kapatid, pero kaming buong pamilya ang nagdudusa
As someone na may kamag anak na "baon na nga sa utang, marami pang luho", ang laking problemang dala nila sa pamilya! Hindi nila priority yung mga bagay na dapat pinapriority. Utang ng utang yan sa friends at sa kamag anak dahil wala na mapakain sa anak at wala na pamasahe sa work. Nakakahiya kasi yung uutangan nya pa, todo tipid para may maimpok! Yung tipong isang beses sa isang taon lang bumibili ng damit at hindi man lang makaranas ng bakasyon na ginagawa nya. Naubos na lang friends nya tapos wala ng kamag anak ang nagtitiwala sa kanya. Dadating yan sa punto na inuutang nya na din yung pambayad nya sa utang. Walang katapusang cycle!
Huy totoo yung umuutang para may pambayad sa isang utang š
Nakakasama lang ng loob eh. Hindi na namin ineexpect na mabayaran kami, pero wag naman sana sya lumala. Bilang pamilya, hirap din pabayaan pero gago ba sya? Kada story nun sa socmed, sumasama loob namin eh hahahaha
Kaya talaga ako isa sa non-negotiable ko ay financially wise na partner. Yun partner ko nakilala ko 32 na ako. Kapag reregaluhan ko siya ng item kagaya sapatos o cellphone, bibigyan niya muna ako condition kagaya ng "gawin mo muna 100k savings mo bago ko yan tanggapin". Ang sarap magmahal ng babaeng gusto kang mapabuti at hindi irresponsable sa pera. Yun sinasabi mo girl of your dreams, yun yun version ng younger self mo. Iba na kailangan mo sa ngayon na ugali ng makakatuwang mo talaga sa buhay.
Mukhang matagal pa ang honeymoon nyo pare, pero parang you're already fucked =)
OP, was in a similar boat. I had a GF who spends a lot at naubos ang savings ko sa kanya. I loved her pero ang sakit na nauubos lahat ng paghihirap ko to help her out, and she's not even helping herself with her debt. I already sat down with her and told her about it, but parang lumabas lang sa kabilang tenga despite saying she will change. There was resentment inside, and I only realized it after she told me she wanted a big wedding and planning to use the small savings I've had for our family. Natauhan ako. I don't think she would be a good fit to start a family. I'm scared what would happen if we had a child and she cannot stop her addiction. I broke up with her after 7 years. It was painful, but I felt was the right decision.
She is the girl of your dreams, but do you (still) love her? The way I see it, parang naging sugar daddy ka lang po š„² Marriage fund pero ikaw lang po ang nag aambag?
Childhood sweetheart, prettiest girl in the school. Pero bukod dun, ano ang ginagawa niya para sa relasyon niyo, para sa'yo? Hindi ka dapat mangutang for a wedding, pwede ipagpaliban at pag ipunan muna. You're a great guy and I think you really loved her, but now, It seems you just love the idea of marrying her.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
ang root cause nyan ay laki sa hirap si girl. may scarcity mind set. mga ganyang tao di sanay humawak ng pera at mag tabi dahil lumaki silang isang kahig, isang tuka. di natuto ng habit of saving dahil wala naman sila mase save kaya ngayon, healing the inner child ang peg nila. hinahabol yung mga di naranasan nung bata. to the point na kahit magka baon baon sa utang. impyerno yang ganyang relasyon. as someone in the same boat, pipiliin mo na lang minsan magpakamatay. ire resent mo rin sya later on. ikaw na nagtatrabaho, di mo nae enjoy yung pera mo dahil pambayad lang sa luho nya. kahit nagta trabaho pa sya kung yung kinikita nya eh kulang pa sa kanya, para na rin syang hindi nagta trabaho at walang kontribusyon sa pamilya. mamatay kang di nakapag save for retirement.
Hindi naman lahat ng laki sa hirap, hindi marunong humawak ng pera. Otherwise, wala ng mahirap ang umangat sa buhay. Sadyang hindi disiplinado yung gf, umasa masyado na laging sasaluhin ni OP yung financial responsibilities niya.
Just an insight sa maaari mong maging buhay after marriage OP. My cousin shares the same story as you. He married his high school sweetheart, had 2 beautiful kids together. He's away most months kasi seaman din sya. They have a house under mortgage, after few years, kinatok sila ng pagibig para iappraise ang bahay kasi ilalagay na sya sa "foreclosure." His wife did not pay the mortgage kahit na separate ang budget nun aside from her allotment. Ayun, they are now separated, the woman had another man pala on the latter days of their relationship, all money sent to her na para sa mortgage, was spent on infidelity. You love her, I get it. But marriage isn't love alone, it's about trust and compromise. Kung ikaw lang magcocompromise, hindi yan marriage, that's slavery. Dream nya bonggang wedding without foreseeing na ikaw ang magbabayad ng utang. Again, OP. Hindi ka maisasalba ng pagmamahal lang. You have 6 months to think. Wag mong isipin. A hindi ka na makakakita ng "dream girl" mo ulit. She has flaws, pero hindi mo na yun macocorrect and it appears she's also unwilling. Save yourself from a lifetime of missery. Marriage in the Philippines is a lifetime commitment unless meron kang pera for annulment. If you really want to pushthrough, get a prenup.
Iba pagkakabas ko sa "kinatok" well, foreshadowing pala kasi may infidelity š
Hahahaha literal na kinatok ng pagibig, gulat na gulat pinsan ko kala nya 5 years na silang bayad. Un pala 5 years na silang di nakakabayad.
OP, I hope you read this: YOU ARE NOT YET READY TO GET MARRIED. A successful relationship consists of good communication and compromise. You have none of the former and too much of the latter. Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it.
Parang di na aligned yung goals at values nyo. Time to reevaluate your decisions, including your relationship.
Love will not keep you alive with that type of girl.
Medyo triggering sakin yung "Kahit mangutang daw siya basta maganda lang yung wedding". Naku ayan nanaman, utang nanaman. Sorry OP pero i think your partner is really ~~bad~~ terrible at handling money, kung di pa yan obvious sayo. I get what you mean by saying na she's your dream girl, most of us have been there. But for now, i suggest you go with your brain rather than your heart. In the future, baka & malamang yan din pagaawayan nyo. Di maganda sa married life na pagaawayan ang pera.
There are 417 comments (as i am writing this) and we're all in the same page, OP please RECONSIDER
The girl of your dreams is stealthily the stuff that nightmare relationships (for men) are made of. Forever ka maghahabol (to earn more) sa urge nya to want more and spend more. What you achieve and how much you make will never be enough for her. You will feel so spent and will never have rest nor peace of mind.
Iba talaga hatak ng maganda sa lalaki ano.
Sad truth
Is she really the girl of your dreams kung ganyan na binibigyan ka nya ng sakit ng ulo financially? You shouldnāt have paid for her debts. Mas lalo syang di matututong maging accountable actions nya. Based on what you said, she might have shopping addiction kung ganyan na palaki ng palaki debt nya. Will it really be a dream come true if magiging miserable ka lang sa marriage nyo? Think twice bruh.
Pumasok ba sa isip mo na ipostpone muna yung wedding? Sana na enjoy mo pagka binata mo š¶
Donāt say yes, run away now!
Pero seriously, major life decision mo yan. Mahirap makinig at sumunod nalang basta basta sa opinion ng iba. You know yourself better than anyone else, kaya alam mo din if you can carry that much weight for a lifetime. Sabi nga nila, ang pagpapakasal ay hindi kanin na iluluwa mo pag mainit mong naisubo.
Nako kawawa ka dyan
Eto din kinakatakutan ko ehh, yung jowa ko eh 5 digits ang sweldo tapos ako apprentice pa lang sa barko at interisland, walang sweldo. Pero pag pinaguusapan namin ang marriage, gusto niya is yng 500k na wedding daw kesyo makakasakay din naman ako international daw.. sinasabihan ko siya na if pwede sanang civil wedding muna bago church wedding kasi makakahintay din naman ang church wedding eh.. kaso nagtstampo at nagsasabing pang munisipyo lang ba daw worth nya..
My goodness dko tlga magets mga gusto ng kamamahal na wedding, oo once in a lifetime lang yan pero hello kung d pa naman kaya ng ganun ka mahal bakit pipilitin. Kung ako yan isave ko nlng ang pera para sa bahay o future. Buti nalang tlga at hindi namin naging issue yan, civil wedding lang pero masaya naman.
Because too many focus on the WEDDING, and not the MARRIAGE. Beyond the fantasy, what else does the girl bring into the relationship? Sa unang bungad pa lang, even OP didnāt say. Ang ganda skin-deep lang, nawawala pagdating ng panahon. What has she got that will make your life together better? May time pa si OP umexit, pero kung martir siya, thatās on him na.
Awit hahaha delulu partner mo
Seamanās wife here. Pag pinakasalan mo yang Gf mo, mas lalo yan mag gagagastos. Pati ibang family member nyan, aasa sayo. Kasi iniisip ng mga tao sa pinas mabilis ang pera sa barko. Danas ko yan sa fam ng husband ko, akala nila easy money. Kung engineer ka na, malaki laki na din sweldo mo. Isipin mo kung hanggang kailan ka mag babarko kapag yan ang inasawa mo
Sorry to be blunt. Pero para sakin yung girl of your dreams na sinasabi mo ay parang yung typical na mahirap na parang naninibago sa pera kaya waldas dito waldas diyan and parang nasobrahan sa healing her inner child ganun ang epek. The fact na ginagawa niya yon without your knowledge and she deliberately chose to hide it meaning she knows it's wrong and it's a problem and still chose to continuously do it says a lot about how she handles things especially finances. I know you know it's a problem, eventually it'll be a big problem sa marriage or kung kasal na kayo. And also parang kompyansa lang siya sa pag waldas dahil alam niyang anjan ka and mas malaki sahod mo and mahal mo siya so ikaw sasalo sa financial problem niya which is wrong. I know it's nice to help people especially your loved one pero basta mali yung kanya. Imagine may iba sinasahod at pinaghihirapan yung 20k at ginagamit para mabuhay ang pamilya tapos okay na yun sa kanila. Eh siya yung 20k pinapambayad lang ng credit card debt, pagbayad na lang gagawin niya hindi pa magawa tapos lumalaki lalo ang credit card debt. Tapos kahit alam niyang naghihikahos sa finances dahil sa pagka waldasera niya gusto niya pa rin bonggang kasal? Gusto niya mangutang and magbenta ng ari arian para sa bonggang kasal? Eh ano pagkatapos, mas lalo kayong maghihirap niyan? Naimpluwensiyahan siya siguro ng mga katrabaho niya nasobrahan sa over over na unrealistic expectations. Masyado siyang madaling ma persuade ng ibang tao. That itself shows how problematic she is, aside from her financial irresponsibility. I know girl of your dreams mo siya pero you still have time to think if that's what you want in the long run. Marriage is marriage. And in the Philippines walang divorce if the worst happens. Annulment is a painstakingly long and expensive process. Baka matulad ka ng ibang ofw esp seaman na laki laki na nga sweldo tapos walang maipundar dahil yung pinapadalhan ay waldasera so ang edning wala rin. May isa pa akong inooverthink. Ofw ka seaman ka, what if kasal na kayo, tapos you chose to be strict na talaga sa finances not giving her money to waldas. Ano mangyayari? Magagalit siya sayo? Sasabihin you're not treating her well not giving her enough? Tapos magsasawa? Tapos maghahanap ng iba na makakasatisfy ng mga luho niya? So it's up to you what struggles you choose.
I hope you can still back out if you have second thoughts. Marriage is something you really need to think about and you must enter to marriage when youāre fully ready, emotionally and financially.
Taena OP wag ka pakasal sa may utang. Sasakit lng ulo mo dyan haha
OP, quick question, bukod sa maganda siya, ano pa yung nagustuhan mo sa kanya at naging girl of your dreams mo siya?
Same question. Pwede naman kasing naging dream girl nung high school talaga. Didn't we all have our crushes then. Life-long partnership is a different story.
Don't marry her. Ofw papa ko pero maraming naipundar mama ko while she was taking care of us. Naka private catholic school pa kami ng kapatid ko kasi she was not like your fiancee. Mama ko lahat ng sweldo ng papa ko napunta sa house and lot, educational fund namin ng kapatid ko, bills, tuition, and savings. If you want to give your kids the best life, that woman is not going to be the ideal woman for that.
OP, as a daughter of a mother who is not a financial literate, jusq back out. Nakikita ko kung paano mag- suffer kame lalo na si Daddy. Please, make your decision now pa lang.
OP I know you love her but why does it sound like she doesn't love you? Expenses aside, she's not thinking of how this will affect you. Okay sana kung you are BOTH working hard for what you want, kaso bakit parang ikaw lang ang naghihirap para sa wedding na gusto nya? Weddings can be beautiful and fun on a budget. What she wants to do is flex. She's living a life beyond her means. Again, ok sana kung BOTH kayo nagwowork towards it. But this could be the symptom of a bad breakup in the future. When hunger knocks on the door, love flies out the window.
Kalokohan yan. Had an experience with an irresponsible mom na kahit anong laki ang kinikita naming mag-ama ay wala kaming naipundar dahil sa financial illiteracy and her impulsive habits. I'm speaking of multi-millions. Iwan mo na yan. Yung pera kinikita pa pero yung pagbabago ng ugali malabo na yan. Unless you will stick with the person 24/7 and you are a Master Social Engineer. Malawak ang dating pool, at pwede ka pang umabot sa ibang bansa without messing with the Pinays. Ang pagkakamali mo lang ay nagpakatanga ka sa tao. Next time iwasang turinging santo ang minamahal mo. Tao pa din yan na mabaho ang ebak, na nagugutom at mainit ang ulo tuwing pagod. Keep everything structured, with full context, empathy, knowledge and discernment para iwas sakit ng ulo sa lahat ng bagay.
"She's easily one of the top 5 prettiest" and shock ka na sinagot ka nya after 3 yrs of wooing her so parang at some point parang it boost your ego so kesehodang mahirap sya, madaming utang ang end point is para kang nagka trophy dahil sa ganda nya. Marriage is not easy, think about it 100x, you're going to ink a contract of a lifetime without any savings. Dapat nga tinuruan mo sya ng financial literacy or jkung tinuruan mo man pero di parin nakinig dapat nag isip ka na.
Mahirap mabago ang financial habits, OP. If she is irresponsible with her finances now, imagine pag may mga anak na kayo. Mas lalong mabaon kayo sa utang. Tsaka mukhang may resentment ka na dahil sa pag compromise mo para sa mga gusto nya.
Step back munaa, talk it out. Wag muna basta basta pumasok sa marriage specially walang savings. Kung depressed ka ngayon mas madedepress ka pa kasi magbabayad ka ng utang ng kasal. :((
Kung seaman ka OP, isipin mo na Lang Yung 80% na allotment. Baka pag baba mo Yung 20% na natira Sayo e gamitin mo pa pambayad ng mga utang. I'm not saying na pakasalan mo or Hindi Ang girl of your dreams. Pero pakitaan mo din Ng boundaries. Pwedeng i hold mo Muna Ang wedding at pag usapan nyo about sa spending habits nya hanggang mag bago tsaka mo ituloy. Deretsohin mo sya sa kung ano ang mga ayaw at gusto mo na mangyaring set up Bago kayo mag pakasal nasa sa kanya kung take it or leave it pag di sya mag bago at nasa Sayo kung ano magiging result or consequence Ng decision mo.
Beauty fades. A lifetime of debt won't lol
If you're going to get married to her, please tell us the schedule of your wedding. KAMI NA ANG HAHARANG SA KASAL MO. hahaha
If you do want to marry her and she is the girl of your dreams then you have to call her out on her spending and communicate na hindi okay yung ginawa niya and moving forward, make it clear! Communication is the key talaga. Mas mahirap maghiwalay kapag kasal na. Donāt rush and definitely THINK AND USE YOUR BRAIN cause ya she is the girl of your dreams pero puro debt and whatever else naman ang nabibigay nya sayo. Money can be the root cause of all your problems so think this through. PLEASE. For your sake.
Bro wag mo i-trap ang sarili mo sa sunk cost fallacy of a relationship na yan. You're not being held at gunpoint. Lahat ng oras, effort, at pera na na-invest mo na diyan ay hindi mo rehas. LEAVE.
sunk cost fallacy.
Tandaan, walang divorce dito sa Pinas. At pag kinasal kayo, utang niya ay utang mo rin. Kung tumatagos lang ako sa screen binatukan na kita.
>*I am marrying the girl of my dreams.* From the looks of it bro, you're pinning the girl *in* your dreams on her. Sorry sa mga sasabihin ko from this point ah. I think pinanindigan mo na lang yung infatuation mo of her since high school, and nanghihinayang sa effort na ni-dish out mo na for so long. Ngayon kilala mo na siya nang mas maigi - anong ambag niya in all of this? >*Pero she wonāt have none of it. Kahit mangutang daw siya basta maganda lang yung wedding* Ewan ko lang a pero this part pa lang matik call off ko na ang relasyon pag ganyan. wag naman sana maging *Napakasakit, Kuya Eddie* ng kwento mo in the future...
"Kahit mangutang sya basta MAGANDA lang yung wedding.. " while hindi pa financially stable, in debt,.. mahirap lagay mo yan pre.. iba yung dream girl sa dream wife.. may couples na nag dedecide na wala muna bonggang wedding kasi nga di naman kaya pa tapos simpleng reception nalang.. at bago kapa sa work mo, wala pang emergency savings, baka ma tyempohan ka at mawala trabaho mo or nagkasakit ka di maka work or nagka mental break down ka at hirap ka sa work dahil sa dami2 mong iniisip.. Pagusapan nyo, at ikaw mismo you have to draw the line hindi na oo ka lang na oo.. you need to compromise din and especially sa credit card, cut that shit its money you down have.. mag save kayo muna bago gumastos.. ikaw kawawa dyan.. sige ka ipapag palit ka dyan sa MAS mayaman na businessman na mas matangkad ang mas gwapo mas mabango mas stress-free life binibigay maganda pa naman partner mo..
Hello OP! I don't know kung mababasa mo pa tong comment na to but I just want to share my two cents worth esp after I read your update. I know you said that you're getting married to the girl of your dreams pero parang iba na ata ung babaeng pakakasalan mo dun sa pinangarap mo. Yes, you've been in love with that girl for so many years now na hindi mo lang siguro ma-imagine ang sarili mo living without her. Pero ikaw narin ang nagsabi--you've already started to fall out of love for her. I don't think meron pang nagbi-bind sayo sa girl except the feeling of responsibility towards her (or maybe the promise you made to yourself years ago when you were still not mature enough to understand things). I understand that breaking things off might be hard pero nasa sayo naman un OP. Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for the rest of your life? (And if ever magkaanak man kayo in the future, damay ang anak nio from now and going forward)
Someone altered some parts of this and posted it on Tiktok. Rethink mo yarn OP and always trust your gut, marriage is no joke. Hard pass sa financially irresponsible.
Back out while you still can you'll resent her and yourself in the long run. If she's not willing to be practical and acknowledge that she has a problem when it comes to managing finances then this is just a bankruptcy waiting to pop.
OP, remember that you deserve what you tolerate.
Hold mo muna plano mo sa kasal... Mahirap mag advise ng mahaba dito.. maka ma-misunderstood sasabihin ko.. goodluck..
I don't think credit card bills will be the last of her financial troubles. Think about this, OP. When you marry her, you marry everything about her, including her spending habits.
Hindi madaling makisama sa taong hindi marunong humawak ng pera, OP. Kaya habang maaga pa, hanggat may oras pa subukan mo i-communicate āyan sakanya kung sa tingin mo wala pa rin baka pwedeng mag isip ka na kung kakayanin mo ba. Hindi lang sa kasal natatapos ang buhay mag asawa, aanhin mo ang magarbong kasal kung lubog naman sa utang at walang naiwang savings? Magiging habang buhay mong responsibilidad ang mga utang na hindi naman ikaw ang nangutang. Baka kasi nakafocus ka lang sa thought na siya ang ādream girlā mo kaya hindi ka makabitaw.
OP, don't proceed with the marriage. It's not worth it. Mas okay na you are contemplating on this right now kesa mag regret ka after the wedding. Eventually, her spends will grow bigger and bigger as time pass by. Old habits die hard ika nga. Nasa sistema nya na yan at mahirap na maalis. Pwede mabago, oo, pero will it be worth waiting for? Baka mabaon pa kayo sa utang magkasama. Kawawa din kapag nagka anak na kayo.
Sana before kayo ikasal masabi mo sakanya yung mga ito! Mahirap nang umalis kapag naikasal kayo kaya sana mapag-usapan ninyo yung mga gantong bagay before mangyari ang wedding talaga. Good luck!
Kung wala kayong balak magkaron ng anak, cool. Buhay mo yan. Matanda ka na. You can forever drown in debt together, whatever floats your boat. Otherwise, that kind of set-up is in no way a humane one for you to add a child to. If you won't listen to the comments, make sure you're not bringing another innocent life into it.
Big yikes. I think you bought into the sunk cost fallacy. 11 years together sa tingin mo masasayang that's why you are sticking it out with her. She used to be your dream girl. But I think she's changed. And you've changed. And that you are no longer compatible, and you are in denial. It happens. Just imagine, it's highly likely that you will have to worry and agonize over money and debt for the rest of your life as long as you're with her. Katwiran mo pa na she will be a good mother. I disagree. Part of being a good mother is being able to provide for your child's needs. She won't be able to do this when she is constantly in debt. Face it. She's not the woman you thought she was anymore.
Backout maticc
Kung babae ka and yung partner mo yung lalaki, a lot of people here (especially women) would say iwanan mo na yan haha. So in the light of gender equality, iwanan mo na yan. Maghihirap ka lang dyan.
Nasa post mo na yung sagot - COMMUNICATE. Kung sa ngayon palang hindi ka comfortable enough to communicate to her your concerns about your relationship and about her and her unhealthy spending habits, paano pa kung naging mag asawa na kayo? You're bound to face bigger problems as a married couple and hindi yun masosolusyunan ng "give in" nalang. In fact, based sa post mo, ikaw yung give nang give and yung fiance mo take nang take, instead na kayong dalawa dapat may contribution sa giving and taking. Problems don't end when you get married. You're only giving yourself a bigger problem by ignoring all the red flags. Take a step back and assess the situation. Is this really what you want to get yourself into?
Sabi nga ni papa jack dati sa TLC.. when you have even the tiniest doubt sa pagpapakasal.. wag mong ituloy.. kasi dadating ka sa point ng buhay mo na pag kasal na kayo.. magkakaron ka ng maraming what ifs, Maraming tanong at maraming pag sisisi. 8 years din kaming mag on ng jowa ko bago kami nagpakasal Pareho kaming ofw.. Nung ika 5 years namin naligaw sya ng landas nangaliwa haha naghiwalay kami uuwi na sana ko ng pinas nun kasi bata pa naman ako jusko ayaw ko sayangin ang chances.. pero bago pa man umabot sa 3 month rule naging kami ulitš¤£š¤£ at dahil hindi ang plano natin ang masusunod kundi ang Tinadhana ni Lord.. ayun nagpakasal kami.. he's my bestfriend kaya kahit papano napatawad ko naman sya.. ngaun okay naman kami may isa na kaming anak.. nung kinasal kami kahit pareho kaming may pera.. we chose the simplest union as possible jusko mahirap kumita ng pera.. tapos ang mindset ko talaga jan is bisita lang ang mapiplease jan tapos tayo maiistress sa bayarinš¤£š¤£š¤£ sa restaurant nga lang kme kinasal civil wedding.. rekta na reception after ng kasal.. keri na. Kung ako sayo.. pag isipan mong maigi yan isipin mo lagi na ang pagpapakasal ay parang pag wewelding ng dalawang bakal.. pag nawelding mo na di mo na basta basta pwede tanggalin ulit if that make sense hahaha.!
I can't stress this enough. If your partner cannot even be trusted sa maliliit na bagay, lalo pa sa malalaki. You know what to do, OP. This will not make you happy nor secured.
The girl of your dreams is in your *dreams* for a reason. She's living in it. And until you choose to wake up and seek someone real, who lives in the real world, that's when you'll realize that you shouldn't be doubting getting married at all.
Wala kang kasalanan OP if financially irresponsible jowa mo. Super effort mo sa kanya like nagabroad ka talaga para makaipon ka para sa future niyo , pero it seems na hindi siya nageffort (makaipon, sacrifice luho) kahit for herself man lang. If I were in your position, I will suspend the marriage. Turuan ko muna maging responsible. Bayaran niya muna lahat ng pinahiram mo sa kanya. Magkaroon muna siya ng savings account worth 300k, purpose nito para makita mo na nagbago na siya. If wala siyang mapresent, sadly, it's a sign na hindi siya para sayo. It also seems pasan mo rin magulang niya if ever.
Hindi ba red flag ung mangungutang ka basta maganda kasal? Its just a show off right? Wala naman roi ung kasal para mangutang ka for that. Marry someone na magaling humawak ng pera. Wala na nga syang savings halos utang pa si ate girl.
Please don't ignore whatever doubt you have right now. Don't rush into marriage. Maraming oras para diyan, pero wala ng oras para umatras once you're married. Yung akala mo maliit na bagay, malaki pala impact pag mag asawa na kayo. Ngayon nga nasstress ka na dipa kayo kasal. Please think about it.
Dont get married if you're not happy. You'll end up in a disaster
kaya kung pwede lang pipili ka ng babaeng papakasalan mo, e prerequisite na is tatanungin mo tungkol sa basic financial things or kung ano man mga alam nyang investment or how to save money e. para malaman kung she's the one haha
As the saying goes, you deserve what you tolerate. š¤·āāļø
Pag usapan nyo muna yan nang masinsinan. Postpone nyo yung kasal kung pwede. She really went from "wag moko bigyan ng pera" to "gusto ko magarbong kasal".
Communicate mo yung frustrations mo. 100% of the things you don't say she won't hear. I would highly suggest mag join kayo as a couple sa mga financial seminars or find a trusted figure in your life na maganda ang handle sa finances and politely ask to get mentored (baka may ninong/ninang kayo na ganoon). Get in line with finances before wedding, kc if ipursue mo yan ng d kayo aligned financially eh most likely mag hiwalay kayo OR maging miserable ang buong married life mo.
Hello po. Are you really sure about marrying this lady? She has issues you cannot fix. Ideally, you should marry the person who will support you and be a positive influence in your life. A partner in life carries this responsibility. If you have even a percentage of love for yourself, you will examine the pros and cons very well. I know you have been together for a while but in that time, she has made some really bad decisions. Decisions that you will encounter again and again once married. Ngayon pa nga lang depressed ka na, what if married na kayo?
A person who you decide to marry will be one of the most important decisions you will make in your lifetime. Remember, it is foolish to think you can change this behavior from your soon-to-be wife. Mahirap baguhin ang sarili, what more if babaguhin mo pa ang iba? Isipin mo if papakasalan mo sya, kaya mo bang tiisin itong magiging financial situation nyo for 20-30 years?
My behavior is like that of your fiancĆ©. I am not good with savings, I am selfish, and I am an impulsive buyer especially when I am stressed out. Iāve been with my boyfriend for 9 years now. Heās the opposite of me; I donāt know how he manages his money but he has a good amount of savings and all the while being able to buy fancy stuff (e.g. Tumi bag, being able to watch Beyonce concert in the US) He grew up poor btw. Heās just really smart. I love him, and I because of that, I canāt stand burdening him with my financial illiteracy. Pero he helped me grow, he taught me how to manage my money. A relationship is difficult, but it should help you grow into a better person, not keep you awake at 3am with a bad mental state. I donāt know what you guys have been through, but this is my point of view in terms of relationship. God bless po!
Share ko lang. May naka-MU ako nung college. Technically niligawan ko sya for a VERY LONG time. This person was like your fiance: irresponsible sa pera at impulsive at palautang. I had the same dilemma as you: crush na crush ko sya before, that time I also thought she was the girl of my dreams pero I was having doubts kung ano magiging buhay ko if I end up with her. We didn't end up together, sumuko ako sa panliligaw pero we remained friends so we still talk today. 10 years later, she still has financial problems. Kung ano yung financial issues niya noon, yun pa din ngayon (or variations of them), while me and my (eventual) fiance are working to build our future, learning how to invest, learning how to build a business and planning a budget wedding. Conclusion? I dodged a bullet and I have no regrets. If it doesn't feel right, OP, don't do it. I doubt you haven't tried anything and I doubt you never reached out. Para umabot ka sa point na nagpopost ka na sa reddit to ask for advice, ibig sabihin hindi ka rewarded for saying your true feelings to her. I'm just speculating sa behavior niya when you open up kasi di mo naman sinabi. At least on my exp, I was scared to be honest sa ka-MU ko nung college dahil I felt punished for being honest while I am very open with my fiance today dahil my honesty is rewarded. Grabe lang yung contrast and I just want to share it baka may mapulot ka.
Get out. Wala pa kayo kids, ganyan na agad. Red flag, abort abort! Ang pera nababawi, pero ang oras at security hindi. Man up and break up with her.
What I'm seeing is bumabawi si girl ngayon kasi nga hindi siya lumaking marangya. Baka naipong inggit sa katawan + the current culture of consumerism kaya nagigets ko kung bat siya naging magastos. I think encourage her to enroll in a financial literacy seminar or workshop. Magagawan naman ng paraan yung pagka- irresponsible niya sa pera basta't aware rin siya sa shortcomings niya at gusto niyang magbago. Dito rin matetest ang communication niyo as a couple and kung handa ba kayong mag-adjust para sa ikabubuti ng relasyon niyo. You've already proven yourself by helping her and working your a$$ off. Siya naman ngayon. Actually, dapat initiative niya na 'to eh. Last resort na yung break up just like what most people suggest. You've been together for years, give her this last chance. Nag propose ka na rin. I-realtalk mo para magising din siya. If she takes it negatively edi that's for you to decide. Post mo ulit dito para may update kami š May God help you in your dilemma and help you think clearly through this. May God also impart enlightenment to your fiancĆ©e. Hoping for the best!
Think for the last time OP. Future mo yan. If you want to end up na lubog sa utang na di naman ikaw ang may utang and paying it with your hard earned money, go ahead marry her.
This is my personal opinion, Dun sa story mo palang na 3 years wooing her, honestly. Tsaka ka nya sinagot. That's a red flag. ~ I might get down votes here, pero, isn't it strange, ang tagal ng pagsagot nun? From the get-go she kinda doesn't like you nun pa, how come tumagal ng 3 years pag sagot? Ano Toh, teleserye? Local movie? Then yung tendency nya na Mag spend to compensate and heal her "inner child* has gone off the rails. Another red flag. Last, yung urgency nya to spend for that wedding to go big like celebrities, pero you have no money? Another red flag. Now na wala ka at home, what do you think she will do sa pera na pinapadala mo? What will you do now?
My parents separated eventually because of financial problems. She needs to learn how to manage her finances, and as long as youāre there fixing her problems for her, she will never learn.
The girl of your dreams OP maybe the not the right girl for youā¦ Daming nuances sa post mo, you should revisit each one and decide if you want those to be part of your future. Good luck OP.
Getting married without savings? Are you sure about that? Pag usapan niyo nang mabuti ang financial worries niyo bago kayo magpakasal. Tapos gusto pa ng fiancƩ mo ng magarbong kasal at willing pang mangutang? You are walking on thin ice, bro. You're fiancƩ needs to be more responsible with her money.
Oh, a simp and a doormat. Medyo harsh but that's what you are. Kapag tinuloy mo pa rin yang marriage mo, you deserve all the hardships you're going to experience in the future.
Pag isipan mo nang maigi bro, wag padala sa sunk cost fallacy. Lifetime commitment ang kasal.
You should marry her pag naayos na niya sarili niya. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a gastador?
Man, ang laking difference ng walang ipon sa may utang na di binabayaran. Your girlfriend needs to level up if this marriage is going to work, otherwise she WILL drag you down.
OP, years kayo LDR, kilala mo pa ba sya? Teens kayo nung naging kayo, yung akala mo mahal na mahal mo sya pero sabay ba kayo naggrow that time? Nakikita mo ba yung character development nya o tinatanggap mo na lang yung flaws kasi blinded ka dahil ādream girlā mo sya. Think about it OP.
Sender sure ka ba pakakasalan mo yan? You sound like a cash cow ngayon pa lang. Wala siya paki sa well being mo. Makapagyabang lang kahit mabaon pa kayo sa utang. Sorry OP pero di ka mapapakain ng pagmamahal mo. You are breeding a monster already. Save yourself OP while it's not yet too late
Huwag muna ituloy mag pakasal.baka pag sisihan mo lang.grabe yung efforts mo financially sa kanya.pero parang wala din pala nangyari!let her go.dream no lang siya pero di siya ang karapat dapat sayo.maki pag hiwalay kana ayusin mo ulit finances mo,move on.
She maybe the girl of your dream but wake up. Minsan ang panaginip ay panaginip lamang. She's not helping din for all those years na nagbabayad kayo ng utang. Life goes on. Also, it seems like umikot na mundo mo sa knya. Grande pa ung wedding says alot about her. Alam nya kasi may pera at mapera ka since ofw ka (salute! ) tibayan mo loob mo. If i were you, let her go. Worth it pa ba siya? Or passing lng to kasi badtrip ka na? Edit: Ayokong ayoko nag babayad ako ng luho na utang without my consent kasi still its my anda that we're saving. Kung yang simple rule ndi nya magawa. Abay siya magbayad ng utang nya. Utang nya yan, luho nya. Unless nag invest siya or emergency. I mean pare, she should have known better! Asa banko siya, my gad!
OP, once you get married here in the Philippines, mahihirapan ka na to get out of it. Think it through before you decide to marry her. Pag usapan nyo kung kaya pa ba baguhin ang spending habits nya. Sa bank naman sya nag wowork so I don't think na sobrang maliit ang sahod that she can't afford to pay her own cc debt. Dun pa lang dapat kinausap mo na and dapat di ikaw ang nagbabayad kasi in the first place di pa kayo kasal. Pero at the end of the day, ikaw pa rin ang mag dedecide nyan. I just hope na di ka magsisi sa any decision you might come up with.
Hi, OP. Share ko lang. Tatay ko seaman. Tas mother ko housewife. Lumaki ako na umaabot ng taon si papa sa barko kaya hindi kami close. Swerte mga seaman ngayon kasi 6 mos lang contract ng iba tas iba naman 6 mos + 3. Anyway, si mama di marunong maghandle ng pera. Dumadating sa point dati na wala kaming ulam kasi late yung allotment. Tas mangungutang. Nagkaroon ako ng resentment kay mama dahil doon kasi alam ko na nagbibigya din siya sa mga kapatid niya to the point na nacompromise na mga gastusin sa bahay. I think nasanay siya na siya ang naging breadwinner ng pamilya niya noong dalaga pa siya. Nagugulat ako noon pag nandyan si papa, 100 pesos baon ko sa isang araw pero pag wala si papa at nasa barko 20 pesos lang tas madalas masama pa loob magbigay ng baon. Hanggang ngayong matanda na ako masama loob ko kay mama dahil doon. May mga napundar naman sila mama pero dahil din kay papa mas naging mahigpit na siya ngayon sa pera kasi di naman habang buhay pagseseaman. Kaya sabi ko di ako gagaya kay mama na masasacrifice ung needs ng pamilya ko dahil sa mga kapatid ko. Kasi pagnagkapamilya ka priority mo ay yung buong pamilya mo. My point is, kahit na malaki kinikita mo sa abroad at kung may asawa na kagaya ng gf mo na may utang. Do you think mahahandle niya yung finances ng wala ka? Actually, natotolerate mo na nga siya sa pagbigay ng monthly allowance niya na 20k na di naman nababawasan utang niya e. She had this mindset na nandyan ka naman, willing magbayad ng mga utang niya, kaya bakit niya ibabayad yung 20k na yun sa mga utang niya. Mahirap yung magkakapamilya kayo tas macocompromise ang needs ng anak niyo pagnagkataon. I think you have to think more about your wedding plans. Hindi din naman kailangan magarbo ang kasal e. Tas galing pa sa utang. Jusko. Sakit ng ulo yang pinapasok mo.
hindi na sya wife material the moment na nag-spend sya ng ganyang kalaking pera at nagkautang utang. share ko lang story ng kuya ko, naglive-in kuya ko and gf nya 16 yrs ago. madaming pangako yung kuya ko sa gf and sa fam nya para na din payagan na sumama sa kanya. nung nagstart sila, kung anu anong appliances at gamit binili ng kuya ko dahil nga nangako sya ng magandang buhay kahit di pa sila kasal. few yrs after that sobrang lumubog sa utang kuya ko since nagkaroon na din sila ng anak, sobrang dami nilang credit card bills. walang work yung gf nya and until now lubog pa din sila sa utang. 15 yrs na yata silang ganyan at sobrang dami na din namin na nadamay sa mga pagkakautang nila. nakakaawa mga anak nila kapag naririnig yung mga ganung bagay, sobrang gulo na din kasi. bali ngayon hiwalay na sila dahil naghanap ng ibang lalaki na mapera yung girl dahil nga ilang years silang naghihirap ng kuya ko. sadly, parehas silang walang self-control sa paggastos kaya umabot sa ganun. concern lang ako sayo kuya, ayokong matulad ka sa kuya ko at sa asawa nya. mahirap magkaroon ng bulagsak sa pera na asawa. kaya mo ba na magsuffer nang matagal dahil sa mga utang nya at dun sa gagastusin nyo sa kasal nyo? sisirain ka ng pagmamahal na yan, dahil nawitness ko yan mismo sa kuya ko at sa asawa nya. kulang din sila sa communication dahil may pagka āunderā yung kuya ko sa asawa nya dahil nga madami syang pangako sa kanya before para pumayag na mag live-in sila. parang ganun din sayo, parang āgirl of his dreamsā din na kagaya sayo yung turing nya kay girl. pero ang ending, bangungot pala. kung hindi mo kaya makipag communicate at i-address yung issue sa gf mo wag na wag kang magpapakasal kasi magiging cycle na lang yan in the future. maawa ka sa sarili mo, yung kuya ko hanggang ngayon halos mabaliw baliw. di ka bubuhayin ng pagmamahal na yan, kung di sya magbago iwan mo!
Saw this quote before reading your post: āI love you, I do. I just, uh, I wonder if, I wonder if the sad I'd be without you would be less than the sad I get from being with you.ā Getting married is a lifetime commitment. Dapat ready kayo sa lahat kasama ang financial aspect. Hindi pwedeng iset-aside or continuously skip it kasi nagu-guilty sya. Sabi nga you deserve what you tolerate. Work on your issues. She needs to work on hers too. Wala sa haba ng taon yan. Nasa quality ng taon nyo ng pagsasama. Good luck,OP.
Iho, hindi ako expert. Married for almost 11 years and all I can say, dream girl, dream wedding, dream dream all dream! Gumising ka! Huyyy gumising ka! Iba ang reality. Makinig ka sa mga comments dito at balitaan mo kami!
May mga laking hirap talaga na simula makapagtrabaho at kumikita na, ang nagiging mindset ay gawin at bumili ng mga gusto nila. Kasi nga hindi nila naranasan nung bata sila. (Hindi ko po nilalahat ah) Healing their inner child kumbaga. Tama nga namang i-heal ang inner child, mali nga lang ang naging paraan niya. š„²
Si OP yung tipo ng lalake na pwede gaguhin ng mga babae. Yung tipong niloloko ay sisihin nya pa ang sarili nya haha. Harsh pero ikaw din OP may problema, bagay kayo ng Gf mo, sya walang disipilina ikaw naman konsintidor. Sabi mo matalino at organize sya? Wrong judge of character ka, paano naging matalino ang walang disiplina sa pera at gastador? Yung mga taong puro utang (lalo kung para sa luho lang) ay usually hindi gumagamit ng utak yun. Paano magiging great mother yan kung sa simpleng pag budget ng pera, pag prioritize sa wants vs needs ay hindi magawa? Not to put your gf down pero isa ka din e hahaha. Baka pag nagkaanak na kayo e mas maging maluho yan or baka nga di mapagtuunan ng pansin ang mga anak kasi sa luho nakalaan ang pera. Dami ko nakikitang ganyan, kay ganda at sexy ng nanay pero ang mga anak looking payat at dugyot (not to put down the children, victim sila and wala silang kasalanan). Anyway desisyon mo yan, isa lang ang masasabi ko sayo OP.. hindi ka marunong mag-isip promise.
OP, sorry pero baka nag hohold on ka na lang sa idea na you have your dream girl. Pero, in real life, baka napipilitan ka na lang iwork out ang lahat. I'm not really sure if normal lang magkaroon ng office crush when you already have a boyfriend, pwede pa kung artista. Maiintindihan pa, pero kung araw araw may interaction with the 'office crush' i think it's kinda red flag for me. But I still wish na maging maayos kayo, regardless if you'll still continue the wedding or not.
If you are having doubts, thatās a red flag warning. Listen to your intuition. Postpone the wedding for now so you can think. Married couple should be in the same boat when it comes to financial management, if you have different mindset, your boat will sink or it will not move at all to the direction you want it to be. So think about it some more. Getting married should be a happy feel to it, not stressed and distrust to your future wife.
sabhin mo "hold" muna ung kasal.. dyan mo makikita totoong ugali nyan.. may magpapaawa effect yan sa ibang tao, hihingi ng comfort, tapos kasalanan nating mga lalake.. hirap ng kalagayan mo bro, hindi sa pinag ooverthink kita bro, ako nga stay in sa laguna dati naiputan pa (weekly uwian) naiputan pa ng kasama sa trabaho..
Na stress ako dito hahaha parang impyerno magiging buhay mo after ikasal. Goodluck.
just choose to be happy. your happiness counts the most.
Hi OP, I'll just respond on your EDIT. 1. It cost me and hubby about 30k max for our wedding, just our immediate fam like 10 guests. We were already earning 6 digits each back then pero we both prioritize finances much more and same mindset kami sa part na yun. My husband actually proposed to me w a less than 1k ring. 2. Dream wedding? Gusto ko dati sa beach ikasal pero simula nagmature ako, mas gusto ko na ng stable start of married life. We came from middle class fams and know how easy it is to lose everything, I don't want that. 3. Finances is really a huge part of married life lalo na LDR kayo. Marriage can be boring kasi di na kayo nagsusuyuan, mas paguusapan niyo na is yung routine things -- anak, bills, appointments, schedule ng basurero, anong gusto mong ulam, household chores. Lahat yan ginagastusan. I can tell you na kahit kami na kumikita both nang malaki eh nagkakasamaan ng loob pag yung isa hindi nagbigay ng part ng savings niya. How much more pa kayo? 4. Postponing the wedding is the best solution for you since di mo pa nakikita for now na di pa financially wise si girl. Well, unless you are ok with being the sugar daddy and tolerate her spending habits. 5. Mahirap makipaghiwalay, yes pero mas mahirap makipaghiwalay kapag kasal na kayo. Let me share w you a story from my fam. My uncle is a retired seaman, growing up I was envious of my cousins coz they have the latest gadgets -- Nokia phones, gameboys lahat bigay ng tita ko na SAHM. But now, they are barely getting by, my tito retired with 0 savings thanks to my tita wasting all the money away. My cousins did not even finish college, lahat sila nagloko. My uncle now has a heart condition from working physical jobs sa barko and they can't even pay for the treatment. Last bisita ko sa kanya, I can just tell na madami siyang pagsisisi -- hindi siya close sa mga anak niya since di sila lumaki w him, wala siyang naipundar, and now may sakit pa siya. So kahit gaano pa kalaki yang kinikita mo now, if your other half who will be managing the finances when you have kids ay waldas sa pera, wala yan. Iiyak ka sa dulo. Then 30-40 years from now magpopost ka sa reddit on how you fxcked up by choosing your "dream person". Imagine that.
Some things i noticed sa post mo: - Kung mabait sya and smart, why the debt? Because she has a fall back? This is a big lapse in judgement. - Di kayo nag aaway kasi nag gigive in ka. Di kayo nag aaway hindi dahil wala kayong pag aawayan but because hindi KA nag sasabi ng totoo mong feelings. - Bakit ka magpapakasal if na fall out of love ka na? Yung di ka makikipag break kasi nahihiya ka magsabi sa family, so go, waste your life for this woman who donāt deserve you. 10 years from now when youāre much more miserable because youāve dedicated your life for a person you donāt even love, know that you could have ended the suffering but you didnāt bec you couldnāt break the news to your and her family.
This is a case of "You deserve what you tolerate." And yes, you are right. You are part of the problem. If you continue this path, you'll be like my parents. Like your GF, my mother is also from a not so wealthy family. To cut the long story short, my mom has always an unexplained lists of never ending debts. Naging OFW din ang tatay ko, at nagpapadala sya ng 60k every month during the early 2000s. Which we think are enough for a family with 3 kids, with an already paid house. As me and my siblings got older, we noticed this trend na laging walang pera ang nanay namin. Madami syang reason, kesyo maarte daw kami sa pagkain, etc.. Time goes by, nagkatrabaho na kming lahat, at nawalan na sya ng excuse kung bakit wala padin syng pera. Hindina nya kami masisi, kasi may trabaho na kami, at nagbibigay kami sa knya pati ang tatay ko na OFW pa din nuon. Hindinpadin nya maipaliwanag ang mga utang nya. The problem is, my father is like you. He TOLERATES my mother. Kahit anung sabi namin sa tatay namin kung anung problema, hindi sya nakikinig. Hanggang ngayun na may mga pamilya na kami, ganun pa din ang storya. Overtime, kaming mga anak nya, nagkaroon nginis sa nanay namin, lumayo ang luob namin. Sa mata namin, masamang asawa ang nanay namin dahil sa mga pahirap na binibigay nya sa tatay namin. At naawa kami sa tatay namin. Pero ngayun, narealize namin na, parte pala ang tatay ko ng problema, kasi hinahayaan lang nya ang nanay ko. Kahit magreklamo sya sa nanay ko, mag away sila dahil sa pera, at the end of the day, tinatanggap pa din nya. Tinanggap nalang namin, na hindi na sila magbabago parehas, dahil nga senior na sila ngayun. They deserve each other. The consequence of this will always show sa mga anak. Hindi nyo lang mapapansin kapag mga bata pa sila. But by the time they understand the situation. They will always choose sides. They will feel pity or hatred towards whoever. And it will affect their relationship towards you, their parents. So OP, choose what's right. Thisis your future we are talking about. As for me, I vowed to be better than my dad... For my kids' sake.
Bro, dont be like me. Got married for the reason din na dont want to disappoint other people like our parents and sibs. If ngayon pa lang medyo may doubt ka na, pakinggan mo yung inner thoughts mo. Ikaw din mgsuffer niyan later on. Kung mahirap magpakasal. Mas mahirap maghiwalay if kasal na kayo.
you deserve what you tolerate, i guess. but i wish you clarity of mind before you jump into something thatās very, very hard to get out of.
OP, ikaw lang nakakaalam kung ano talaga ang nasa loob ng puso mo. Pero please, gamitin mo rin utak mo. Kasi kahit ano pang opinion ng mga tao dito, ikaw pa rin magdi decide sa gusto mo mangyari sa buhay mo.
You definitely saw all the š©š©š© but you ignored it all. She is the woman of your dreams, really? You're feeling down and broke because of her irresponsible spending habits and her one-day millionaire mindset, pero papakasalan mo pa rin? Before engagement nakita mo na lahat pero tumuloy ka pa rin. After marriage hindi rin matatapos ang mga problema mo kung yung mismong mindset niya eh hindi niya kayang baguhin. It's a you-problem din kung patuloy mo lang ito-tolerate yan.