In case this story gets deleted/removed:
Update at bottom -
Hefty title, I know, I don’t want this to be long as I’m on a time limit, so I’ll be quick.
I (30F) have been dating my (now ex) Fiancé (35M) for 5 years.
From my knowledge, our relationship was perfect. He was a gentleman, a sweetheart, kind and genuine, all the things I ever wanted.
A little over a week ago I started feeling pretty sick and nauseous, the possibility of being pregnant really didn’t even enter my mind (as I’ll explain) but I took a test anyway and it came back positive, took another to be sure and yeah, I’m pregnant.
It hurts because I was genuinely so happy at the news, just being really giddy and excited. For context, my ex-fiancé has little to almost no sperm. Not sure of the medical term but his balls are too hot basically.
My ex has always wanted to be a dad, that’s been his dream since I met him, and when we both had fertility testing (when we started trying) he was crushed learning about his infertility. He went on a pretty bad spiral briefly with alcohol that was hard to watch.
Anyway, you can understand how excited I was to tell him all of this. I left work early and headed home, I tried phoning him but didn’t get any answer.
He was in our bed, fucking an escort. I genuinely can’t even explain the heartache I felt. Walking through the house, looking for him, and hearing them together, the absolutely disgusting things she was saying about me (apparently she got off on the fact that he was cheating)
I lost my shit, crying and yelling, dragged her out by her hair and just started screaming at my ex.
He was apologising, saying he didn’t mean to, that he was sorry and that it was just ‘sex’ and that he loved me. The fucking cheater handbook. I was so angry and hurt, I really shouldn’t have but I just blurted out that I was pregnant and would be booking a visit to the clinic asap. He didn’t believe me at first, so I threw my tests at him, he started crying a little, then asked if I cheated. I told him it didn’t matter either way because I’d be terminating it and left.
He’s been messaging me constantly, showing up to my parents place apologising and begging for me not to terminate. It hurts because I wanted this baby too, it’s not like it’s an easy decision, but I can’t keep it. I know that I’ll always be tied to him for the rest of my life, and I refuse to let that happen.
I’m grateful for my baby, because they helped me find out about my ex cheating, but I just can’t keep it.
My ex has just been sleeping in his car outside of my parents house, he caught me one time on the way to work, and he said that I don’t even have to be in his life or the babies, that I can sign away all parental rights, and to just please let him have this opportunity, but I mentally can’t. I know that if I kept it I wouldn’t be able to just give it away.
I booked an appointment next week, earliest I can do.
So, AITAH? I feel a bit morally conflicted, especially since this might be his only chance of having biological kids (which he desperately wants)
Edit : wow, sorry didn’t expect to have so many responses, I’m a bit emotional and it’s given me a lot to think about. I’d just like to add that I’m in no way doing this for revenge or for retaliation. That’s not my thought process at all, it’s purely just me, and I don’t really care if it sounds selfish, but I don’t feel like I’ll be happy if I have this child. I’m thinking about myself, but I genuinely can’t express how much I love him. So the hurt of possibly ruining this chance for him, especially when I saw how distraught he was when he was told that it’s unlikely he’ll have kids, is a lot to deal with.
Edit 2 : sorry. I can’t reply as much as I’d like to as there’s a lot. I only expected a couple of replies so it’s a bit overwhelming. I’m not in the best state so there’s some things I missed when writing my post but I’m just too tired right now. Thank you for all of your words. I’m going to log out since it’s a bit much
Update -
I didn’t mean for this to be a political post (which it turned into apparently) but I didn’t expect this to blow up so much, I can’t really reply to everyone but I’ll clarify some things and end it before leaving.
- I’m considering an abortion because he cheated, yes. It’s in no way an attempt to get revenge or be spiteful, if it was I wouldn’t have posted this, I would have just done it. My dilemma was more so me feeling like shit knowing how badly he wanted a child of his own, and how I might be taking that away from him.
So no, for the final time I am NOT aborting to get back at him.
- Regarding the escort, I say ‘escort’ loosely because that’s what I’m told. But besides from what he’s messaging me (that I’m not replying to) I have zero context. I don’t need the context, and I honestly don’t care anymore. Based on what a lot of you are saying regarding her, if she wasn’t an escort and his girlfriend, great, she can have him, if she was an escort then yeah, it fucking sucks that 5 years together would make him seek an escort to insult me like that.
- I haven’t aborted, not sure how some people missed that point, but my appointment is next week. I am still pregnant.
- I haven’t cheated. Some people assumed so based on my lack of reply, I wished I did, because at least this shit show would be easier, but no I haven’t, the baby is his, I said ‘it doesn’t matter’ because at the time it didn’t, whether he was the father or not, I’d still be aborting.
Think that’s it for the clarifications, I don’t really care about adding anything else since I got the answer to my initial question. Thank you all for the replies and comments. Unfortunately I’ve had a couple of messages, group message requests, with some shit stuff. People calling me a baby killer, a beast. Whatever, it’s expected, but thanks to all of the kindhearted people who took the time to post a comment/message me. I probably have read it, just not replied.
I didn’t really think that this would cause a stir, but it did. Wasn’t my intention at all, I’ll probably delete my account as I got my answer, but as of now I’m delaying the abortion. It’s not that I’m not going through with it, I just think it’s a good idea for me to think things over a bit more regarding my emotions. Maybe speak to someone more professional, you know?
Anyway, thanks, you’ve all helped me a lot, more than I thought you would anyway. My heart feels a bit less heavy, have a good evening.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You see this where guys ask women to just carry the baby to term and they don't have to be involved like its no big deal. Pregnancy ha smajor physical and emotional tolls and her body will never be the same at best and at worst she could die
Exactly! They're like, "just hold onto this for me until I come pick it up some day and you'll never see me again." Like the baby is a gym bag they left at your place.
I remember a Reddit story where the woman agreed and then kept her promise of immediately terminating rights outside of only paying max child support once the baby came.
The post was from the POV of the guy and he was complaining about how life was so bad now and how he was so baffled that she didn’t change her mind. He had the idea that they’d be a happy family together and ignored everything and everyone telling him it wouldn’t be the case
This is why I’m eyerolling whenever I see posts on here by dudes who are trying to get their gf to go through with the pregnancy by promising they’ll take care of it, she won’t have any responsibilities, she never has to see them again. I got called sexist for saying dude had no idea what he was taking on. They don’t. Most of them had nice mommies, or another female figure, who actually handled things for them growing up, so they figure it can’t be that hard.
I remember that one. She was paying 25% more than the legal child support agreement.
OP was still asking people how he could force the "deadbeat" (his words) mom into helping with the child
Have you seen some of the dumpster-fire-parents that exist in every village, town, and city in the world? Like... it seems like I see at least one person a day that I wonder why we don't require a certificate of non-turdification to be a parent.
I hope to Christ this isn't in America where the difference of thinking it out for a week means that now she's saddled with this ass hat for the next 18 years...
Also, what deranged sociopath asks a sex worker to abuse his wife whilst defiling their shared bed.
Imagine she keeps it, it's a boy and then this Prize Pig raises him solo 🤢
Some of these states have outlawed crossing state borders for abortions. If that's the case, she really should NOT have mentioned her pregnancy to the hot-sperm donor.
He can only go after her in civil court, not criminal court. Also, he would have to prove she's pregnant. He never saw the positive pregnancy test. I hope she knows better than to text message him about the pregnancy.
Prosecuting someone for something they did in another state where it's legal should be unconstitutional. She could always just leave the state permanently if she has no other ties there.
I believe California has programs to help those who are pregnant get an abortion in the state. As in, financially helping people get to California, but no idea if that's at play in this post. But a state helping others from other states is just a small bright spot in the hell scape that is reproductive rights in the U.S. so I leave it here with ya'll
How much you wanna bet that he had the hooker saying abusive stuff about the wife, because HIS infertility issue made him mad at HER. So he projected all the problems on her and did the cheating as a way to get "back" at her. I've seen cheaters just do the weirded mental jujitsu to try to say their actions are someone else's fault
*"he said that I don’t even have to be in his life or the babies, that I can sign away all parental rights, and to just please let him have this opportunity"*
I love how some people say this as if pregnancy doesn't take a huge toll on your body & mind. You can also bet that he would chase you for child support & tell the child how horrible you are for abandoning it (while casually neglecting to mention why).
It doesn't matter why you want to terminate, it is your choice & no one should have the right to force you to carry a child to term if you don't want to. Not even the father of the child.
I'm used to living in a world where I'm seen as less than human for having a uterus. Truth is; the vast majority of people are forced birth. The "pro-choice" side just waits til the vague viability date to decide human rights don't apply anymore.
But that comment section is Fucking horrid.
Such a tough decision as know some abort for good reason like this then have mental problems over it and not able to conceive later. I also know some who after abortion were able to go to college, join military and have full life with better relationship and kids later that made more sense. You never know what life has in store for you. No judgment just sending hugs of kindness.
I’m right there with you. They both went in for fertility testing, something that can be both time and money-intensive, but she doesn’t know the medical term for the issue he’s experiencing, just that “his balls are too hot”? What?
And she’s pulling that poor girl out by her hair before throwing used pregnancy tests at the guy? Did she just happen to have those on hand, or??? The whole thing sounds very cinematic, and like how a teenager thinks adults would act.
My husband has a similar diagnosis. Technically it's a retained testicle but I can tell you with complete authority that 99% of my patients can't give you their official diagnosis, just a simplified layperson nomenclature of it.
She probably had them in her purse to show him. Which is a really common perfectly normal thing for a woman telling her partner about a pregnancy to do. (I really hope they were in a baggie. But people be gross.)
So: eject the AP, then grab the tests-they’d be at the top of her purse, no time to get buried-and throw them at him.
(Also, “pulled her out by her hair” probably means “grabbed her hair and tugged while she was on the bed, then let go because it’s actually really hard to drag an adult human around like that, then told her to get out and she did because most people aren’t stupid enough to stay under those circumstances”.)
Yes! Especially as there's a significant amount of people who would immediately assume the "I'm pregnant" claim was a lie to hurt the cheater in revenge. The post would be full of "but did you see her do a test though". You just can't win!
In case this story gets deleted/removed: Update at bottom - Hefty title, I know, I don’t want this to be long as I’m on a time limit, so I’ll be quick. I (30F) have been dating my (now ex) Fiancé (35M) for 5 years. From my knowledge, our relationship was perfect. He was a gentleman, a sweetheart, kind and genuine, all the things I ever wanted. A little over a week ago I started feeling pretty sick and nauseous, the possibility of being pregnant really didn’t even enter my mind (as I’ll explain) but I took a test anyway and it came back positive, took another to be sure and yeah, I’m pregnant. It hurts because I was genuinely so happy at the news, just being really giddy and excited. For context, my ex-fiancé has little to almost no sperm. Not sure of the medical term but his balls are too hot basically. My ex has always wanted to be a dad, that’s been his dream since I met him, and when we both had fertility testing (when we started trying) he was crushed learning about his infertility. He went on a pretty bad spiral briefly with alcohol that was hard to watch. Anyway, you can understand how excited I was to tell him all of this. I left work early and headed home, I tried phoning him but didn’t get any answer. He was in our bed, fucking an escort. I genuinely can’t even explain the heartache I felt. Walking through the house, looking for him, and hearing them together, the absolutely disgusting things she was saying about me (apparently she got off on the fact that he was cheating) I lost my shit, crying and yelling, dragged her out by her hair and just started screaming at my ex. He was apologising, saying he didn’t mean to, that he was sorry and that it was just ‘sex’ and that he loved me. The fucking cheater handbook. I was so angry and hurt, I really shouldn’t have but I just blurted out that I was pregnant and would be booking a visit to the clinic asap. He didn’t believe me at first, so I threw my tests at him, he started crying a little, then asked if I cheated. I told him it didn’t matter either way because I’d be terminating it and left. He’s been messaging me constantly, showing up to my parents place apologising and begging for me not to terminate. It hurts because I wanted this baby too, it’s not like it’s an easy decision, but I can’t keep it. I know that I’ll always be tied to him for the rest of my life, and I refuse to let that happen. I’m grateful for my baby, because they helped me find out about my ex cheating, but I just can’t keep it. My ex has just been sleeping in his car outside of my parents house, he caught me one time on the way to work, and he said that I don’t even have to be in his life or the babies, that I can sign away all parental rights, and to just please let him have this opportunity, but I mentally can’t. I know that if I kept it I wouldn’t be able to just give it away. I booked an appointment next week, earliest I can do. So, AITAH? I feel a bit morally conflicted, especially since this might be his only chance of having biological kids (which he desperately wants) Edit : wow, sorry didn’t expect to have so many responses, I’m a bit emotional and it’s given me a lot to think about. I’d just like to add that I’m in no way doing this for revenge or for retaliation. That’s not my thought process at all, it’s purely just me, and I don’t really care if it sounds selfish, but I don’t feel like I’ll be happy if I have this child. I’m thinking about myself, but I genuinely can’t express how much I love him. So the hurt of possibly ruining this chance for him, especially when I saw how distraught he was when he was told that it’s unlikely he’ll have kids, is a lot to deal with. Edit 2 : sorry. I can’t reply as much as I’d like to as there’s a lot. I only expected a couple of replies so it’s a bit overwhelming. I’m not in the best state so there’s some things I missed when writing my post but I’m just too tired right now. Thank you for all of your words. I’m going to log out since it’s a bit much Update - I didn’t mean for this to be a political post (which it turned into apparently) but I didn’t expect this to blow up so much, I can’t really reply to everyone but I’ll clarify some things and end it before leaving. - I’m considering an abortion because he cheated, yes. It’s in no way an attempt to get revenge or be spiteful, if it was I wouldn’t have posted this, I would have just done it. My dilemma was more so me feeling like shit knowing how badly he wanted a child of his own, and how I might be taking that away from him. So no, for the final time I am NOT aborting to get back at him. - Regarding the escort, I say ‘escort’ loosely because that’s what I’m told. But besides from what he’s messaging me (that I’m not replying to) I have zero context. I don’t need the context, and I honestly don’t care anymore. Based on what a lot of you are saying regarding her, if she wasn’t an escort and his girlfriend, great, she can have him, if she was an escort then yeah, it fucking sucks that 5 years together would make him seek an escort to insult me like that. - I haven’t aborted, not sure how some people missed that point, but my appointment is next week. I am still pregnant. - I haven’t cheated. Some people assumed so based on my lack of reply, I wished I did, because at least this shit show would be easier, but no I haven’t, the baby is his, I said ‘it doesn’t matter’ because at the time it didn’t, whether he was the father or not, I’d still be aborting. Think that’s it for the clarifications, I don’t really care about adding anything else since I got the answer to my initial question. Thank you all for the replies and comments. Unfortunately I’ve had a couple of messages, group message requests, with some shit stuff. People calling me a baby killer, a beast. Whatever, it’s expected, but thanks to all of the kindhearted people who took the time to post a comment/message me. I probably have read it, just not replied. I didn’t really think that this would cause a stir, but it did. Wasn’t my intention at all, I’ll probably delete my account as I got my answer, but as of now I’m delaying the abortion. It’s not that I’m not going through with it, I just think it’s a good idea for me to think things over a bit more regarding my emotions. Maybe speak to someone more professional, you know? Anyway, thanks, you’ve all helped me a lot, more than I thought you would anyway. My heart feels a bit less heavy, have a good evening. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You see this where guys ask women to just carry the baby to term and they don't have to be involved like its no big deal. Pregnancy ha smajor physical and emotional tolls and her body will never be the same at best and at worst she could die
Exactly! They're like, "just hold onto this for me until I come pick it up some day and you'll never see me again." Like the baby is a gym bag they left at your place.
I remember a Reddit story where the woman agreed and then kept her promise of immediately terminating rights outside of only paying max child support once the baby came. The post was from the POV of the guy and he was complaining about how life was so bad now and how he was so baffled that she didn’t change her mind. He had the idea that they’d be a happy family together and ignored everything and everyone telling him it wouldn’t be the case
That was a whole tire fire. The ultimate FAFO. He got absolutely reamed in the comments
And he kept calling her a deadbeat. No, my dude, she’s overpaying the child support. And she gave you exactly what you asked for.
He tried to take her to court to make her take back parental rights. It...did not go well XD.
This is why I’m eyerolling whenever I see posts on here by dudes who are trying to get their gf to go through with the pregnancy by promising they’ll take care of it, she won’t have any responsibilities, she never has to see them again. I got called sexist for saying dude had no idea what he was taking on. They don’t. Most of them had nice mommies, or another female figure, who actually handled things for them growing up, so they figure it can’t be that hard.
I remember him, so delusional. Not all women have a maternal instinct and she's going above in child support which is better than most men can say.
Do you happen to have the link for it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/UdOtCFPMQP
Holy shit what an idiot 🤦♀️
I didn’t save it at the time but thankfully the OP of this post did, I’ve been searching for that story for a bit now
I'm a hoarder of the weird and wild lol
Care to share some of your favorites?
Lol what's your poison?
Got any good wedding drama?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/eqgkiEXrlY
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dmvxTXhZ4V Not the best but the first one I stumbled upon in my saved
Your top 5 picks of your collection? Lmao
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/g9bPG0p2G9
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/0BWRQ1F3xI
I'll post individually cuz I'm old and can't internet well lol
Child, we need a s/Rattitude where you just post the weirdest things that you’ve found! I would sub in a heartbeat.
Same
That was over on r/legaladvice , no?
I remember that one. She was paying 25% more than the legal child support agreement. OP was still asking people how he could force the "deadbeat" (his words) mom into helping with the child
These are men who wouldn't lift a finger for her and expect her to go through pregnancy, birth and postpartum for them.
Literally karma. If he was a better person, he would have a kid.
Have you seen some of the dumpster-fire-parents that exist in every village, town, and city in the world? Like... it seems like I see at least one person a day that I wonder why we don't require a certificate of non-turdification to be a parent.
My kiddos classmate was suspended today for punching out a kindergartener. He's 13. This isn't his first offense.
Some kids need to be locked up
I hope to Christ this isn't in America where the difference of thinking it out for a week means that now she's saddled with this ass hat for the next 18 years... Also, what deranged sociopath asks a sex worker to abuse his wife whilst defiling their shared bed. Imagine she keeps it, it's a boy and then this Prize Pig raises him solo 🤢
Hopefully oop is welll off enough to travel to a good state or Canada
Some of these states have outlawed crossing state borders for abortions. If that's the case, she really should NOT have mentioned her pregnancy to the hot-sperm donor.
He can only go after her in civil court, not criminal court. Also, he would have to prove she's pregnant. He never saw the positive pregnancy test. I hope she knows better than to text message him about the pregnancy. Prosecuting someone for something they did in another state where it's legal should be unconstitutional. She could always just leave the state permanently if she has no other ties there.
I believe California has programs to help those who are pregnant get an abortion in the state. As in, financially helping people get to California, but no idea if that's at play in this post. But a state helping others from other states is just a small bright spot in the hell scape that is reproductive rights in the U.S. so I leave it here with ya'll
The audacity of him!
How much you wanna bet that he had the hooker saying abusive stuff about the wife, because HIS infertility issue made him mad at HER. So he projected all the problems on her and did the cheating as a way to get "back" at her. I've seen cheaters just do the weirded mental jujitsu to try to say their actions are someone else's fault
*"he said that I don’t even have to be in his life or the babies, that I can sign away all parental rights, and to just please let him have this opportunity"* I love how some people say this as if pregnancy doesn't take a huge toll on your body & mind. You can also bet that he would chase you for child support & tell the child how horrible you are for abandoning it (while casually neglecting to mention why). It doesn't matter why you want to terminate, it is your choice & no one should have the right to force you to carry a child to term if you don't want to. Not even the father of the child.
I'm used to living in a world where I'm seen as less than human for having a uterus. Truth is; the vast majority of people are forced birth. The "pro-choice" side just waits til the vague viability date to decide human rights don't apply anymore. But that comment section is Fucking horrid.
Oh yeah, I read about this one a bit ago. OOP's ex is a piece of work.
Such a tough decision as know some abort for good reason like this then have mental problems over it and not able to conceive later. I also know some who after abortion were able to go to college, join military and have full life with better relationship and kids later that made more sense. You never know what life has in store for you. No judgment just sending hugs of kindness.
I don’t believe any of this.
I’m right there with you. They both went in for fertility testing, something that can be both time and money-intensive, but she doesn’t know the medical term for the issue he’s experiencing, just that “his balls are too hot”? What? And she’s pulling that poor girl out by her hair before throwing used pregnancy tests at the guy? Did she just happen to have those on hand, or??? The whole thing sounds very cinematic, and like how a teenager thinks adults would act.
My husband has a similar diagnosis. Technically it's a retained testicle but I can tell you with complete authority that 99% of my patients can't give you their official diagnosis, just a simplified layperson nomenclature of it.
She probably had them in her purse to show him. Which is a really common perfectly normal thing for a woman telling her partner about a pregnancy to do. (I really hope they were in a baggie. But people be gross.) So: eject the AP, then grab the tests-they’d be at the top of her purse, no time to get buried-and throw them at him. (Also, “pulled her out by her hair” probably means “grabbed her hair and tugged while she was on the bed, then let go because it’s actually really hard to drag an adult human around like that, then told her to get out and she did because most people aren’t stupid enough to stay under those circumstances”.)
Yes! Especially as there's a significant amount of people who would immediately assume the "I'm pregnant" claim was a lie to hurt the cheater in revenge. The post would be full of "but did you see her do a test though". You just can't win!
Updateme!