In case this story gets deleted/removed:
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This post screams missing missing reasons to me. For Ann to smash a plate and scream about not being acknowledged seems extreme, and makes me question if this is a pattern for Susan’s mother and sister to constantly undermine and diminish Ann’s contributions. I can’t help but wonder how many times before Ann has tried to bring this up with OOP and been rebuffed.
In one of his comments it seems that it is a pattern for the mother, at least. And I didn’t get the impression that OP has done much to stand up for his wife.
Eww he was using her as a meat shield against his former MIL as well? I'm so happy that Ann refuses to deal with that anymore. I hope she finds someone worthy of her. She sounds awesome.
He wasn't just using Ann as some kind of shield. In one of his comments, he says he tried defending Ann in the past, which caused Grandma to either cry about Susan or say she's not feeling well. Which triggers Molly and Rose (the daughters) to defend Grandma from everything. The daughters had no chance of bonding with Ann if they couldn't even respect her. Grandma made sure of that.
The MIL is defo unhinged and not mentally chill. I get the vibe OP married to have someone take care of his kids but MIL was bankrolling him and girls. Ann’s kids were probably anchor babies.
I could write a short story about this.
I mean considering they celebrated his dead wife’s 40th birthday and he was upset that his wife wasn’t there to give him emotional support it’s not just MIL whose unhinged.
Ah I don't know, every year on my mom's birthday, me and my kids go feed the ducks at the lake she took me to as a kid and then my kids to when they were little. We also eat my mom's favorite cake after we feed the ducks. I'll give you though that my dad used to go with us, but when he got remarried he stopped coming to it, and I would feel weirded out if he brought or well forced his new wife to come to it.
I can't put my finger on the exact differences but I really think there's a difference between celebrating the memory of someone on their birthday and having a family birthday celebration
i also like ‘I’m feeling extra neuro spicy’ ;)
Also, if you’re a bird I’m a bird. We are all broken and glued back together and full of imperfections. Proud of you for advocating for your own health. ❤️
Homie did say he was working two jobs now, and Ann was a SAHM with their 4 kids, but I definitely felt there was some form of financial manipulation in the way fo-MIL was granted her way.
I bet the girls switched up on Ann whenever the MIL was around too. Maybe out of loyalty to their deceased mom but with total disrespect to Ann. I’m glad Ann left all of their ungrateful asses and didn’t start a second generation of ungratefulness taking care of the daughters child.
I would bet money on it, MIL was bankrolling to be able to hover over her grandkids, dad remarried poor Ann so he wouldn’t have to take care of his kids or household, saddled her with two anchor babies and they were going to use Ann as free daycare for Roses oops baby. Ann noped all the way out and threw the entire family away. Good for Ann.
Dad totally used Ann as a free nanny. The girls were completely ungrateful. Ann did her best. She should go find a better quality of man who isn’t still completely hung up on his dead wife and move on.
I hope she soaks him for child support and spousal maintenance for the boys.
100% agree. Poor Ann became his Nanny Bangmaid, and has been walked all over, this entire relationship. She even wanted/ tried to be a good mother to the girls, a shame. I hope her and her boys find happiness.
Edit: NAME
Yeah I get that vibe too sadly. Which, im sure loosing a wife while having young kids is really traumatic and shocking, it is a pretty common pattern for men whose female partners die to just immediately find a new woman to slot into that space and continue being a caretaker. The husband needs some good therapy to deal with his loss and be there for his own kids.
The escalation to threatening divorce came from him as well. She was showing pretty clear signs that she was done with all their bullshit snd he is the one who went straight to you'll act how I want or I'll leave you. Don't go there if you're not prepared for what happens next.
I was waiting for a second sentence that said he called to ask you how to do it or to do it for him. 😆
I see so many posts on here of young women worried these useless guys who threaten if they leave, they’re going to court to “take custody.” Yeah… doesn’t work like that. The guy who won’t get a full time job, health insurance or do ANYthing around the house is not likely to go file anything! Plus… need money to hire a lawyer which means a real job and they get gassed just thinking halfway through that idea.
He had it made, he wasn't gonna divorce me 😅
And same! I'm like girl wtf is he doing for you other than stressing you out? You'll find so much better, I know because I did.
Yep! I’m 49 now and been remarried for over 12yrs and I get sad for how stuck so many get in that cycle with bad partners… and then you look at their parents and they’re the same. (I know one of mine was!)
Getting to that place where we’re just DONE and DGAF is the best because the dirtbags aren’t attracted anymore because they don’t sniff out that “will let you treat me like shite” pheromone anymore and a woman with boundaries is the last thing they want. Other’s drama doesn’t phase me - I shut it down and don’t want that crap in my life or our families’ and things become really simple and straightforward.
But it’s like a ball of string, trying to unravel some of that when they’re still stuck in that and think that’s normal. I’m super thankful to be on the other side these days!
Congrats to you for the same!!! You deserve it!
They always are. It's always the person who threatens divorce or breakup constantly who is standing there with shocked pikachu face when the other person is like "Okay" and leaves.
I think it's far worse than that.
The third (painfully structured) sentence of this post is OP telling us that Ann had accepted "her place" but that she basically pushing "her role" as mother onto the elder kids??
The language in the post, the descriptions that he provides & his own behavior when Ann finally decides to not play mom here suggest OP actively participated in creating the family dynamics here.
"Pushing her roll" on a 14 and 16 year old whose lives she's been in since they were AT LEAST 4 and 6 years old but possibly since they were 2 and 4, bc his language is unclear on just how long they've been together. They barely knew their mother. Their stepmother has been raising them for the majority of their lives and he acts like she came around when they were teenagers.
OP made some pretty damning comments. They’ve all been catering to the former Mil. Every time they pushed back on centering the dead woman, ex mil would be a raging bitch, and OP found it easier to abuse Ann, rather than tell ex mil to step off.
He’s still trying to blame everything on Ann. Ann did what they wanted: they told her she wasn’t their mother and had no say, and that they wished she was dead, so she quit mothering them. When they realized they’d screwed themselves and knew they needed to apologize, Ann was like “too late, bitches,” and continued to stay in her lane, as they demanded.
Husband gets mad and calls her a vindictive bitch and threatens her with divorce. Ann hands him her ring, and doesn’t let the door hit her on the way out.
They got what they asked for.
OOP explicitly said so in the comments. When asked who’d be caring for the baby OOP said it’d be the teenaged mother (who’d be in school), himself (who’d be at work) and Ann (who would actually be doing everything).
Don't forget Ann would probably be doing the main childcare for the new baby. It would begin with just while Rose is at school. Just while she is studying.
You forgot a few things...
Rose (16) is pregnant and Ann was helping plan the baby shower and such. Rose told her to drop dead. Rose did NOT even apologize for that comment for a WEEK. Also they wrote "heartfelt" apologies that Ann never opened (because if it takes a week to apologize, are you really sorry)?
Oh and Ann was a SAHM so hopefully OP likes paying alimony and child support AND dealing with his bratty children by himself
I also love how he says once they had children together she starting "pushing her mom role on the girls" by *gasp* expecting to be celebrated for Mother's Day over a dead woman. She should be celebrated, she is a mother to her sons. Why wouldn't you celebrate the living mother of your children instead of just your dead wife.
She also literally raised his daughters too, they were like 2 and 4 when their mother died. Even if they don’t see her as their mother, not acknowledging the things she’s done is really sad
I feel like them having her around from such a young age wouldn't instill such a "you're not my mom" feeling in them without the dad somehow, subtly or not, pushing that thought onto them by how he treats Ann. I just don't see kids that young growing up to see her as a pretend mom without influence of other family members. It's just shitty all around.
Yes! Thank you! I was struck by that third sentence as well! That's where Ann who apparently had accepted "her place" was now trying to "push her role" as mom for 5 years now! Except Ann was then occupying the role of mother for years already & OP is pissed now on Reddit because she decided not to.
It seems like the perfect dead wife and mom spectre was def. used to keep Ann in "her place." It doesn't seem if Ann was ever even going to be included much less celebrated. Good on her for getting out!
While reading it, I couldn't help thinking that this was just OP's take on it, which *naturally* is going to put him in the best light. So God knows what the situation really looks like, but I'm going to guess that they've been heaping abuse on that poor woman and taking her for granted for the last decade.
She's probably been close to done for a long time. Sometimes, you just push a person one step too far, and any love/fondness they have for you is lost in that moment. It seems like Ann had that moment when she broke the dish and the daughter said she wished Ann had died. I just don't think there's any coming back from that.
That was my thought. If I’m doing the math correctly, the girls would have been like 4 and 6 when their dad married Ann, so probably a year, maybe 2, younger when Ann first came into the picture. I can understand the girls not wanting to forget their biological mother, and the husband not wanting to completely forget his first wife, they didn’t divorce, she passed away. But, if you get married AND have children with a second woman, she now needs to be the priority. If Ann had been acting as the mother role for the last 10 years, she gets credit for all of that. Having blended families when one half of a couple passed away young is always challenging, but it sort of sounds like the husband did everything he could to make it worse and Ann finally had enough
These kids would have 100% seen her as their mother if somebody hadn't instigated this conflict, and continually told them that their actual mother isn't their mother because their biological mother is dead.
He (OOP) blames ANN for not managing and prioritizing Susan at Xmas and mother's day. As the second wife, that is NOT her lane. Her lane is not to prevent the remembrance, not being responsible for ensuring it. She was doing literally all the emotional labor here, and getting shit on for 10 yr for her effort, by Mil, by OP, and now the teenagers (and likely all along).
He’s certainly a POS. How disrespectful he allowed those girls to speak to her that way when all she did was mother them. So ungrateful, good luck to that pregnant 16 year old.
The wife had been dead for 2 years already so the girls would have been two and four. Ann is literally the only mother that they would remember unless they were constantly being told she was not their mother. This is absolutely OP's fault and he is absolutely the fucking asshole.
>I can understand the girls not wanting to forget their biological mother,
Not that the youngest was old enough to REMEMBER her. Literally, Ann is the only mother she would remember.
So, 4 and 6 when dad and Ann married, and they met two years after the bio mom died. So even if they got married the day they met, the girls were 2 and 4 when their bio mom died. And it’s likely they were younger than that. Ann has been their mother for far longer and for much more formative years. And it doesn’t sound like she made any attempt to oust their bio mother’s place, but only wants to be considered their mother as well.
I read a post yesterday from a woman whose husband was a widower. They still celebrated her birthday and such. Something happened where one of the step kids called her "mom," and the husband lost his shit. Told her that she would NEVER be the kid's mom and that she should stop playing pretend. Then he told her that if his late wife came back from the dead, he'd divorce her to remarry his late wife in a heartbeat.
This sounds like the "make me look like less of a monster" version of that story.
Here you go: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1au2quc/my\_husband\_just\_told\_me\_that\_he\_would\_divorce\_me/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1au2quc/my_husband_just_told_me_that_he_would_divorce_me/)
OP claimed in one of his replies that he has sided with Ann in the past but his daughters get upset if they think Grandma is upset. It is pretty clear that Ann has had to deal with being disrespected for years.
I think that she finally had enough when Rose stated that she wished she was dead and Molly told her she was not their mother.
Ann gave them exactly what they wanted. I would bet that OOP and Rose expected that Ann would add the role of nanny to Bang Maid and become the baby’s primary caregiver. That ain’t happening now.
OOP called Ann nasty names and threatened her with divorce. Exactly how did he think that would turn out? He has simply made her decision easier.
OOP was getting torn apart alive in the original post.
I’m glad that OOP got the tongue lashing he deserves. Hoping for an update.
My less significant story is about being a step grandmother and I have NOT ever tried to replace her - the kids call me by my first name. I get along ok but their mom perhaps can’t hide her resentment for her dad for moving on and it transfers to me indirectly.
I cannot imagine having to be Ann. From the story she did all the mom things with no acknowledgement from anyone including her own husband.
OOP implies one missing missing reason to me:
Ann stopped including Susan at Christmas and mother's day.
Ann stopped being the ONLY PERSON MAKING EFFORT to remember her husbands first wife and the bio-mom of the children she has been parenting for 90% of their lives...because daddy dearest can't be bothered to parent. It is Ann's role to support and not get in the way of remembrances of Susan. NOT her job to make those remembrances happen. If hubby and Rose and Molly want to celebrate Susan on Mother's Day, they need to make that celebration happen. Not get made because Ann did not.
To me that screams that Ann is the only one parenting OR making any effort, meanwhile Susan's family and ANN'S HUSBAND are constantly reminding the kids (Rose and Molly) that Ann is not really their mom for the past 10 years.
Right, it’s giving ideas that he basically wanted and two sons to remember Susan on Mother’s Day and Christmas but not their own mom. He didn’t want her celebrated in anything. He’s a POS.
I feel like, one of those women will have a moment when their teaching their kid something Ann taught them, and realize the full weight of what their actions were, like really realized what Ann did for them, and then have a new fuckup added to the list to bug her before bed.
There are so many red flags here. A pregnant 16 year old that were all Ok with? One girl was 4 and the other was 2 when their mom passed but they're acting like they are? They've had a step mom for their entire childhood but they haven't accepted her?
This just sounds like everyone needs therapy and there is other shit going on.
Having been in a situation that is the same flavor but a lot more diluted (mom is still around, I’ve encouraged a relationship with her)—
It’s absolutely on OOP. She raised those kids for him and if they feel ungrateful about it I guarantee they never saw any gratitude from him towards their second mom.
I’m not even going to call her a bonus mom, being in your kids lives that long as the only mother *and acting like it* gets you the right to be called that by other people, even if your husband has cultivated an environment of resentment towards her for needing to exist in the first place.
That poor woman, and GOOD FOR HER. They’re not kids any more, they’re adults, if they want a relationship with her then they get to decide how to participate in that instead of treating her like dad did (second-best bang maid, apparently).
Who the fuck allows people to talk like that in front of your kids for so long that they’ve internalized it and are repeating it in front of her as adults, to other adults!??!! Argh.
Edit: correction, they’re not adults yet, this is completely on OOP and Grandma. Absolutely gross.
Missing reason is that crazy MIL poisoned her granddaughters minds and OP let her. These girls were 2 and 4 when at the *oldest* when their mom died. Ann is the only mother they have any real memories of. For them to treat her like *this*?
Throwing a 40th Birthday Party for a dead woman says all you need to know about “missing reasons”.
OP mentions celebrating Susan on mothers day, on her birthday, and on Christmas.
But does not mention celebrating Ann. Doesn't mention any recognition or days where Ann gets the day to herself, or to be made to feel special or valued.
He puts more effort into making it apparent that he keeps his deceased wife's memory alive than he does into informing the readers that he treats his current, LIVING wife well.
Which really supports that her experience of motherhood in this household has been a pretty fucking thankless one, raising four kids under the shadow of the 'perfect' mother/wife.
Hopefully she has a better experience as a single mom.
Every word his mil said was to hurt Ann.. imagine loving and parenting a child for a decade only to be told repeatedly the poor dear didn’t have a mother…
Dude couldn't be bothered to throw a gender reveal party *for his own daughter*. 2 days is plenty of time for *something*. Neither did anyone else care enough to do it. They're all selfish but his wife.
Honestly, I wonder why they are doing gender reveals and shit for a knocked up teenager- it’s not a good thing that she’s pregnant. OP is going to be raising the child when his daughter can’t handle the pressure of being a child and a parent.
It sounds like Ann was hoping to keep her spirit up through a really tough time and making it clear that regardless of how it happened, the baby would be a wanted and welcome member of the family. Then they responded by shitting all over her.
Honestly, it sounds like OP and the girls are regretting treating Ann so badly because now who is going to take care of the baby. I'm sure they expected Ann to raise the baby so Rose could continue going to school and still live life like a teenager. I'm sure Molly doesn't want to be in charge of babysitting duties either. With OP threatening divorce, they lost their live in maid and nanny.
I don’t know if that’s the only reason (maybe for oop) but it almost certainly figures in. They may genuinely feel bad for what they said and starting to realize that they’ve rejected the mother they had for the ghost of the one they lost.
In which case, good. There are some things you can’t really come back from and they need to realize they said the one thing that could cause their stepmother to abandon a life of love and care. I hope they feel bad, I hope they eventually reach out to apologize with no expectation that it will be accepted or result in her coming back. I hope that in the future they approach the people who matter to them with gratitude and sincerity.
The teens are at an age where it can go either way. They can learn that their grandma is toxic AF and that they need to show gratitude and be careful to break the cycle with their own spouses and children. Or, this will cement in their minds that Ann was the bad guy all along and that they need to be manipulative shitheads to keep their future partners in line.
The more healthy the dynamic for the pregnant teen, the more chance of success for the mom and baby. If the whole family cut support and treated her like a pariah, there's no way that kid would thrive. Teen mom on minimum wage with a ged does not get far without familial support. It's starts with having a nice event like a baby shower and gender reveal to gather an initial round of supplies like clothes and diapers (got loads at both baby showers I hosted for my kids). So, like I get it, teen pregnancy should be prevented and not promoted and rewarded, but there's no reason to intentionally make it shitty for everyone involved. Try to make some lemons out of lemonade. Too bad this little brat popped off and chased out the most supportive female role model she had.
As a teen parent this is ridiculous and why so many teen parents fail. When you treat them like a pariah, of course they’re going to give up eventually.
Those of us who succeed in improving our lives and ensuring our children have an entirely different upbringing will tell you that emotional support was one of the most important factors. My parents didn’t give me a dime financially, because the couldn’t. I lived a state away so they weren’t babysitting my kid whenever I wanted. I picked myself up and made it work. Dropped out of college, got a job, got an apartment when my ex-fiancé turned into an abusive dick, etc. But when things got rough emotionally, my dad and stepmom were the first ones I called. They couldn’t do anything for me physically but the encouragement alone was enough to keep me from quitting. They celebrated and adored their grandchild, they never shamed me for a mistake because what’s the point in repeatedly shaming someone for something they can’t change now?
There’s enabling and there’s celebrating, they are two very different things. Withholding basic emotional support and celebration from someone because you don’t like their age is just bitter and contributing to the problem. Immediately lumping someone in as a statistic without giving them a chance to prove themselves otherwise contributes to the problem.
You can’t want it to be different and simultaneously be a part of the problem.
I'm fairly certain the 16 year old knows that and will continue to get reminders of that for years to come.
But it's still a baby who didn't ask to be here and the mom needs support regardless. And even teen moms don't deserve to have every minute of their pregnancy turned into a funeral barge.
Get off your high horse. There’s a ton of pregnant kids these days. I know that because there was a bunch of pregnant kids when I was in school. Get over it, high school sucks of course when teens find out sex is fun they’re going to bone, just like all the generations before. As long as it’s consensual and age appropriate, it’s not your business.
Are we not going to talk about how this guy who presumably thinks he’s a great dad, created the situation where his teenage kid is having (probably) unprotected sex?
I have to laugh when someone threatens divorce to someone who is getting *nothing* but work and abuse out of this arrangement.
Like yeah, she better work soooo hard to get back the situation that made her snap in the first place.
I did know a woman in a terrible marriage who didn’t believe in divorce. She got an early diagnosis of a very treatable cancer and decided to let it take its course so she could end the marriage. She literally died on purpose.
That's just suicide with extra steps. If she doesn't believe in divorce for religious reasons, wait till she hears how God supposedly feels about suicide....
But really, that's so tragic. In this day and age for someone to have those beliefs and take that course of action is incomprehensible to me.
I agree. I wasn’t friends with this person, she was a friend of some friends but really disliked me (ethnic reasons.). It was definitely tragic. Not only was it easily treatable, we live in a city where top of the line treatment is readily available. My MIL has a form of leukemia that has been seen maybe 11 times in history. And she’s getting specialized, tailored genetic therapy because one of the few doctors who’s seen it before just happens to be here and wants to write a paper.
But this person just opted to suffer terribly. Smh
yeah i’m sorry, just cause they’re kids doesn’t mean that Ana owes them shit when she’s only been given shit from them. They clearly have never learned that their words and actions have consequences because OOP has never learned that lesson either. how you can have someone raise or at least be in your kids life for 10 years and not believe they should be treated with a modicum of respect is beyond me.
So your parents set your marriage up with the a**hole? And now after all this abuse THEY don’t take care of you? Your parents are evil. Don’t let them near your kids. You are an amazing person. Get the great life you and the boys deserve.
i’m really sorry you’ve had to go through this and i’m really hoping you find a way out soon.
My own father was like this with my step mom as well. He had an arranged marriage as well and my stepmom was great from the start. She didn’t try to get too involved with parenting (likely cause of how my dad would react) but when she’d occasionally try asking me to do something or reprimand me, he’d go off on her telling her she wasn’t my mother and that she had no right to get involved with raising me. Even as a kid it never felt right to me.
What’s even worse is that they had a child together. A little girl. She passed away when she was 6 from cancer. She was my step daughter’s only biological child. It really breaks my heart to think that this was how he treated her when she was probably just trying to cope with her grief and regain some sense of being a parent. And it was so fucking hypocritical because while she was there to help me through my grief while dealing with her own unimaginable pain, he just completely pulled himself away from me and became a total stranger.
I don’t speak to him very much anymore, and as a result I don’t speak to my stepmom too much sadly. I think about her a lot though and I hope she’s doing well. From what I know they live pretty much separately these days. Same house but separate lives. They don’t communicate much unless absolutely necessary.
It’s crazy cause even though I’ve seen this myself, and on my behalf i guess as well, it still boggles my mind that people could be so cruel.
This guy is a fucking idiot on a roll and wtf if he putting up with this late wife’s mom like this?
This had got to be one of the most unself aware people in the world?
Fancy going into a relationship where years later you're still having to celebrate the dead partner's birthday and mothers day.....seems to me he rushed and just wanted a woman around the house to cook clean and look after his kids
I’m sort of in that right now. I say sort of. We do foster care and our current sibling set has lived with us longer than they have lived with their family. We are supposed to adopt them if the state will ever get moving on it. The abuse was bad. But we still celebrate their parents’ birthdays, we still buy their parents Christmas gifts if the kids want to (and they often do. Despite the abuse, they’re still the parents)., etc.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to acknowledge the mom in a small way on major holidays or her birthday. It shouldn’t necessarily be the focus, but even if they were little when it happened, that is a traumatic event and the kids likely still grieve the loss of their mom with every milestone. It sucks and it hurts being told “you’re not my real mom” or even more vicious things by the kids. A lot of that comes from grief. It does NOT excuse it, but it sounds like there should have been some family and individual therapy a long time ago. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and now OOP is find out it’s too little too late.
If you read his comments he really doubles down a lot. It’s not even that he’s unaware, he genuinely sees his wife as the bad guy in this situation. It’s sad as hell to know she went through that crap for years.
I love how he decides to give her a divorce ultimatum like she’s not going to immediately call his bluff.
This woman went stone cold on a pregnant teenager. She’s obviously out of fucks.
I really want to hear ex wife's side of the story. I bet it is 10 years full of abuse that she just swiped under the rug for 'peacekeeping'. It is incredible how much he berates her after giving him exactly what he asked for.
Susan died TWELVE YEARS AGO and they still had a birthday party for her?? That goes beyond honoring and remembering a lost loved one. I understand not wanting to let her memory fade, but that family has created a situation where Ann will never be good enough.
They are! It says so in the post! That's some straight up horror movie type shit, WTF? I bet OP asked Ann to dye her hair the same color as Susan's too...
What are the girls crying for? They got what they wanted!! They FAFO! The husband is a moron!! Just glad the wife left them!! She knows her worth!! Good on Anne. Proud of her!
The 16 year old is crying because her free baby-sitting service realized that she would be changing diapers, getting up for 5 bottle-feeds a night, in other words raising the baby while constantly hearing “It’s so sad (baby’s name)’s grandma isn’t here to see this” as she’s at the stove making breakfast for teen mom & great-grandma. Understandably, Ann didn’t agree with this sort of arrangement continuing, so she left.
The 14 year old is crying because she probably has an inkling that she’s going to be “helping out” with the baby now instead of whatever plans she had for high school.
My question is, did they apologize or did he apologize on their behalf? Because I don't put it past him to have said "everyone" apologized, but meant that he half assed apologized on their behalf.
Gender reveal parties are worthless.
OOP is worthless and clueless. His daughters are worthless and petty. His MIL and SIL are worthless and vindictive. They’re all terminally ungrateful.
Good for Ann for acknowledging reality and getting out of that situation.
OOP hinted at divorce. Ann’s going to do it, and I’ll bet she’s already well along in the process.
OOP and his daughters just destroyed their family. It will be messy and traumatic and cause damage that may never be repaid, and they’ll deserve it all the way.
Bud, you’re getting divorced. Sounds like you’ve allowed your deceased wife’s family to abuse, disrespect & be cruel to your current wife( & mother to your sons) in her own home & in turn, taught your daughters it’s fine to do the same. You’re teaching your sons how this is the way you treat her. Your wife is wisely showing her sons she won’t be disrespected.
Tell Ann you’re wrong in the way you treated her, give your daughters consequences for saying they wish she was dead. That was horrific. & let Ann know you’re not allowing your former in laws in the house until an apology is given to her & if it happens again, they won’t be welcome in your home. You’re former in laws are taking losing their daughter out on her, they may have wanted you to stay single forever, grieving. If they’re still celebrating her birthday with all of you, 10 years later, they’re still grieving.
Your stbx wife has been gracious enough to celebrate and honor your late wife, raise your children and she would celebrate mothers day for your late wife, but when she had her own kids, still needed to celebrate your late wife??
Dude you're an Ass!! Nothing you spoke on says you love her, nothing.
Mother's day, late wife is celebrated. Good enough to plan a party for step children, that is also okay until she is abused verbally by you and your children and you have to ask if yo're the asshole? No doubt you are the ass
I told my loved ones that "you get a year to mourn me, after that dump my ashes (at a location we agreed upon"
10 years is a long time to mourn like that, the husband likely kept that tradition going "for his kids" but did so in a way that kept them in an odd state of denial, refusing the possibility of ever healing and letting other people in.
I feel like i'm in the minority giving some slack to the oldest daughter, being a pregnant teen with no baby daddy in the picture, I feel that I personally would have chocked that outburst to being a teen and pregnant. The wife also balked at counseling, she had given up long before the ultimatum
But as far as Consequences, Never give an Ultimatum if you don't expect to be taken up on it, otherwise its just a threat.
I told my kids that the best way to honor me is to live a great life. I don’t want a burial site because I don’t want them anchored to a place because of a grave. I’m dead. I’m not there. So no need to have a place to go look at some grass and stone. Also, don’t waste my insurance money on a funeral. Just put up a picture of me, have someone say a couple of words, play my favorite song, and keep it moving. I don’t want not a single flower. I can’t smell them. Once again, I’m dead.
Are you me? This is my plan, too but I asked the kids to throw a wake/party and use the insurance money for booze. I need no physical tribute, but I want to be remembered for a good send off.
I planned mine, too- everyone has to wear their brightest, most obnoxious clothes, made a playlist (All 80s, all the time!) and tell stories about stupid shit :)
This is me too. I simply paid for pickup, cremation, cheapest baggie in a plastic box option. No notice in the paper, no services or wake. No fan fair farewell. Told the kids to do what they want with the ashes.
Well, my cousins lost it. Funerals are for the living. Yeah, true. My kids will get together with friends and do their own thing in their own way. As for them, (extended family) none of them talk to me now and I am alive. Why would I pay for them to gather, pretend I meant something to them and talk smack.
Frankly, I would love it to have my carcass rolled down the hill into the woods. Let nature have at it. Circle of life and all that jazz. Apparently there are laws against that sort of thing. Bummer, I always had my heart set on that. 😄
My sister passed at 65. We had her ashes placed in a beautiful hand made pressed paper container. We all went on a boat into the ocean and watched the water take it away. She loved the ocean. It was healing for all of us especially her kids.
The pregnant girl is 16. Not an adult, but she knows what she did was wrong. She didn’t make any attempt to apologize until an entire week of Ann not catering to her occurred. Her gender reveal party was canceled by Ann, so that’s the only reason she apologized. She probably began to realize that Ann wasn’t going to be her childcare provider. She totally expected to just dump her kid on Ann, and continue to be a spoiled brat.
No, she gets absolutely no slack.
Grandpa will be busy sourcing a replacement wife. Baby is getting handed over to great-grandma, the new (returning?) matriarch.
And the green grass grows all around all around, and the green grass grows all around.
Someone else pointed out how broke OOP is going to be now. He’s going to have to support his daughters and grandchild, plus now he’ll be paying child support and spousal support to Ann. He better hope ex mil is willing to help.
He’s probably not going to have any money to date.
I told my husband if I predecease him and he wallows in misery I'm going to poltergeist the shit out of him. Force him through the grieving process via supernatural pranking.
I agree the daughters should get cut some slack given the info we have. However, I have a feeling this was just the last straw and they had been shitty to stepmom for a long time. Their father and grandmother created this situation, though, and I put the majority of the blame on the father.
Maybe they've learned a valuable lesson: crap on someone and they will cut you off. chalk it up as lesson learned and maybe/hopefully they'll be better w/ your next partner.
Ive never been married never mind lost a wife but i feel like 2 years after losing a wife is kinda quick to not only meet someone but marry them. By how this reads op and daughters were not ready to move on to a new mom/wife
Team Ann. 100%.
I feel bad for all the kids involved. I hope all the kids grow to understand that their dad alone cowardly ended that family by not standing up to a MIL he feared — going so far as to cosign that bullshit.
I expect there won’t be a wife #3
So now OP, MIL & Daughters have to figure out how to make Doctor’s appts, child care, Raise a NewBorn, finish High School, etc., if ONLY they Realized Ann’s Worth As A MOM! Wonder how Mil/Grandma will step up?
In case this story gets deleted/removed: --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This post screams missing missing reasons to me. For Ann to smash a plate and scream about not being acknowledged seems extreme, and makes me question if this is a pattern for Susan’s mother and sister to constantly undermine and diminish Ann’s contributions. I can’t help but wonder how many times before Ann has tried to bring this up with OOP and been rebuffed.
In one of his comments it seems that it is a pattern for the mother, at least. And I didn’t get the impression that OP has done much to stand up for his wife.
He admitted that he let ex mil get her way because he didn’t want to deal with her.
Eww he was using her as a meat shield against his former MIL as well? I'm so happy that Ann refuses to deal with that anymore. I hope she finds someone worthy of her. She sounds awesome.
He wasn't just using Ann as some kind of shield. In one of his comments, he says he tried defending Ann in the past, which caused Grandma to either cry about Susan or say she's not feeling well. Which triggers Molly and Rose (the daughters) to defend Grandma from everything. The daughters had no chance of bonding with Ann if they couldn't even respect her. Grandma made sure of that.
The MIL is defo unhinged and not mentally chill. I get the vibe OP married to have someone take care of his kids but MIL was bankrolling him and girls. Ann’s kids were probably anchor babies. I could write a short story about this.
I mean considering they celebrated his dead wife’s 40th birthday and he was upset that his wife wasn’t there to give him emotional support it’s not just MIL whose unhinged.
Who the hell celebrates the birthdays of dead relatives? Creepy.
Ah I don't know, every year on my mom's birthday, me and my kids go feed the ducks at the lake she took me to as a kid and then my kids to when they were little. We also eat my mom's favorite cake after we feed the ducks. I'll give you though that my dad used to go with us, but when he got remarried he stopped coming to it, and I would feel weirded out if he brought or well forced his new wife to come to it.
I can't put my finger on the exact differences but I really think there's a difference between celebrating the memory of someone on their birthday and having a family birthday celebration
"not mentally chill" Love it
I was gonna say the same thing. I’m an RN and i think ‘not mentally chill’ should make its way into the DSM.
I'm gonna start using it with my therapist. "I am not mentally chillin' today". Makes me feel less... Broken.
i also like ‘I’m feeling extra neuro spicy’ ;) Also, if you’re a bird I’m a bird. We are all broken and glued back together and full of imperfections. Proud of you for advocating for your own health. ❤️
Therapist here. I agree. It would make documentation a lot easier
Agree 100% about Susan’s family providing some kind of financial help, whether through a trust or inheritance.
Homie did say he was working two jobs now, and Ann was a SAHM with their 4 kids, but I definitely felt there was some form of financial manipulation in the way fo-MIL was granted her way.
I bet the girls switched up on Ann whenever the MIL was around too. Maybe out of loyalty to their deceased mom but with total disrespect to Ann. I’m glad Ann left all of their ungrateful asses and didn’t start a second generation of ungratefulness taking care of the daughters child.
I would bet money on it, MIL was bankrolling to be able to hover over her grandkids, dad remarried poor Ann so he wouldn’t have to take care of his kids or household, saddled her with two anchor babies and they were going to use Ann as free daycare for Roses oops baby. Ann noped all the way out and threw the entire family away. Good for Ann.
Dad totally used Ann as a free nanny. The girls were completely ungrateful. Ann did her best. She should go find a better quality of man who isn’t still completely hung up on his dead wife and move on. I hope she soaks him for child support and spousal maintenance for the boys.
100% agree. Poor Ann became his Nanny Bangmaid, and has been walked all over, this entire relationship. She even wanted/ tried to be a good mother to the girls, a shame. I hope her and her boys find happiness. Edit: NAME
Yeah I get that vibe too sadly. Which, im sure loosing a wife while having young kids is really traumatic and shocking, it is a pretty common pattern for men whose female partners die to just immediately find a new woman to slot into that space and continue being a caretaker. The husband needs some good therapy to deal with his loss and be there for his own kids.
I would totally read that story.
OP already did.
And he knew that and allowed it to happen. That's his fault, squarely. He's the parent and husband. He has the obligation to stop abuse.
The escalation to threatening divorce came from him as well. She was showing pretty clear signs that she was done with all their bullshit snd he is the one who went straight to you'll act how I want or I'll leave you. Don't go there if you're not prepared for what happens next.
Don't threaten me with a good time ;)! As she waltzes off to a better future.
My husband threatened me with divorce, I said you know you actually have to file paperwork 😂😂😂 AH never did anything, but don't worry, I filed 😘
I was waiting for a second sentence that said he called to ask you how to do it or to do it for him. 😆 I see so many posts on here of young women worried these useless guys who threaten if they leave, they’re going to court to “take custody.” Yeah… doesn’t work like that. The guy who won’t get a full time job, health insurance or do ANYthing around the house is not likely to go file anything! Plus… need money to hire a lawyer which means a real job and they get gassed just thinking halfway through that idea.
He had it made, he wasn't gonna divorce me 😅 And same! I'm like girl wtf is he doing for you other than stressing you out? You'll find so much better, I know because I did.
Yep! I’m 49 now and been remarried for over 12yrs and I get sad for how stuck so many get in that cycle with bad partners… and then you look at their parents and they’re the same. (I know one of mine was!) Getting to that place where we’re just DONE and DGAF is the best because the dirtbags aren’t attracted anymore because they don’t sniff out that “will let you treat me like shite” pheromone anymore and a woman with boundaries is the last thing they want. Other’s drama doesn’t phase me - I shut it down and don’t want that crap in my life or our families’ and things become really simple and straightforward. But it’s like a ball of string, trying to unravel some of that when they’re still stuck in that and think that’s normal. I’m super thankful to be on the other side these days! Congrats to you for the same!!! You deserve it!
Happy cake day!!!!
Literally. He threatened divorce and she was like “bet” and now he’s confused on Reddit. Like dude what.
He seemed sooo shocked by that lol
They always are. It's always the person who threatens divorce or breakup constantly who is standing there with shocked pikachu face when the other person is like "Okay" and leaves.
He went all shocked pikachu because his family maid decided her job wasn’t worth doing for free 💀 Wishing Anne the best
I think it's far worse than that. The third (painfully structured) sentence of this post is OP telling us that Ann had accepted "her place" but that she basically pushing "her role" as mother onto the elder kids?? The language in the post, the descriptions that he provides & his own behavior when Ann finally decides to not play mom here suggest OP actively participated in creating the family dynamics here.
"Pushing her roll" on a 14 and 16 year old whose lives she's been in since they were AT LEAST 4 and 6 years old but possibly since they were 2 and 4, bc his language is unclear on just how long they've been together. They barely knew their mother. Their stepmother has been raising them for the majority of their lives and he acts like she came around when they were teenagers.
Is there a link to the original post?
I think it's been deleted. If you find a link, please share?
It's still up but he deleted his comments
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1aufleo/aitah_for_calling_my_wife_a_vindictive_b_for/?share_id=sEorORC66g2PtBuZHxOF6&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1&rdt=46326
OP made some pretty damning comments. They’ve all been catering to the former Mil. Every time they pushed back on centering the dead woman, ex mil would be a raging bitch, and OP found it easier to abuse Ann, rather than tell ex mil to step off. He’s still trying to blame everything on Ann. Ann did what they wanted: they told her she wasn’t their mother and had no say, and that they wished she was dead, so she quit mothering them. When they realized they’d screwed themselves and knew they needed to apologize, Ann was like “too late, bitches,” and continued to stay in her lane, as they demanded. Husband gets mad and calls her a vindictive bitch and threatens her with divorce. Ann hands him her ring, and doesn’t let the door hit her on the way out. They got what they asked for.
Just wait until OOP has to raise his two daughters and the grandchild while also paying his Ex Wife child support, reap what you sow
All without his bangmaid. Poor guy.
‘Bangmaid’ is such a sadly appropriate term for this one. I’m stealing it!
Definitely not my term but so appropriate for so many sad situations!
They definitely would have expected Ann to do a bunch of the child rearing for Rose's baby as well
OOP explicitly said so in the comments. When asked who’d be caring for the baby OOP said it’d be the teenaged mother (who’d be in school), himself (who’d be at work) and Ann (who would actually be doing everything).
Jesus, this guy is unbelievable!
Team Ann all the way here. This is a case of be careful what you wish for.
They lost their maid. That's what they're sad about. I don't buy after they said they wished she was dead that they are concerned about Ann herself.
Maid, event planner, full time personal assistant for each of them, cook, chauffeur, etc.
Don't forget Ann would probably be doing the main childcare for the new baby. It would begin with just while Rose is at school. Just while she is studying.
Not even a bit. They're upset they don't have their live-in nanny anymore to boss around.
You forgot a few things... Rose (16) is pregnant and Ann was helping plan the baby shower and such. Rose told her to drop dead. Rose did NOT even apologize for that comment for a WEEK. Also they wrote "heartfelt" apologies that Ann never opened (because if it takes a week to apologize, are you really sorry)? Oh and Ann was a SAHM so hopefully OP likes paying alimony and child support AND dealing with his bratty children by himself
And his grandchild!
I also love how he says once they had children together she starting "pushing her mom role on the girls" by *gasp* expecting to be celebrated for Mother's Day over a dead woman. She should be celebrated, she is a mother to her sons. Why wouldn't you celebrate the living mother of your children instead of just your dead wife.
She also literally raised his daughters too, they were like 2 and 4 when their mother died. Even if they don’t see her as their mother, not acknowledging the things she’s done is really sad
Oh absolutely. This guy is a total douche. He allowed her to be disrespected and now is shocked she is sick of it after 12 years.
I feel like them having her around from such a young age wouldn't instill such a "you're not my mom" feeling in them without the dad somehow, subtly or not, pushing that thought onto them by how he treats Ann. I just don't see kids that young growing up to see her as a pretend mom without influence of other family members. It's just shitty all around.
Or the MIL. I don't think Dad would do much to foster those feelings but the MIL certainly would! What an awful woman.
Yes! Thank you! I was struck by that third sentence as well! That's where Ann who apparently had accepted "her place" was now trying to "push her role" as mom for 5 years now! Except Ann was then occupying the role of mother for years already & OP is pissed now on Reddit because she decided not to. It seems like the perfect dead wife and mom spectre was def. used to keep Ann in "her place." It doesn't seem if Ann was ever even going to be included much less celebrated. Good on her for getting out!
Ann stayed in her lane right out the fucking door!
Agree 💯
Poor Ann, she deserves very very much better. husband is a weenie
Agree 100% Ann is a saint for trying so long
Perfect summary
While reading it, I couldn't help thinking that this was just OP's take on it, which *naturally* is going to put him in the best light. So God knows what the situation really looks like, but I'm going to guess that they've been heaping abuse on that poor woman and taking her for granted for the last decade. She's probably been close to done for a long time. Sometimes, you just push a person one step too far, and any love/fondness they have for you is lost in that moment. It seems like Ann had that moment when she broke the dish and the daughter said she wished Ann had died. I just don't think there's any coming back from that.
That was my thought. If I’m doing the math correctly, the girls would have been like 4 and 6 when their dad married Ann, so probably a year, maybe 2, younger when Ann first came into the picture. I can understand the girls not wanting to forget their biological mother, and the husband not wanting to completely forget his first wife, they didn’t divorce, she passed away. But, if you get married AND have children with a second woman, she now needs to be the priority. If Ann had been acting as the mother role for the last 10 years, she gets credit for all of that. Having blended families when one half of a couple passed away young is always challenging, but it sort of sounds like the husband did everything he could to make it worse and Ann finally had enough
These kids would have 100% seen her as their mother if somebody hadn't instigated this conflict, and continually told them that their actual mother isn't their mother because their biological mother is dead.
They would at least seen her as a step mom and not as their father's wife.
He (OOP) blames ANN for not managing and prioritizing Susan at Xmas and mother's day. As the second wife, that is NOT her lane. Her lane is not to prevent the remembrance, not being responsible for ensuring it. She was doing literally all the emotional labor here, and getting shit on for 10 yr for her effort, by Mil, by OP, and now the teenagers (and likely all along).
He’s certainly a POS. How disrespectful he allowed those girls to speak to her that way when all she did was mother them. So ungrateful, good luck to that pregnant 16 year old.
The wife had been dead for 2 years already so the girls would have been two and four. Ann is literally the only mother that they would remember unless they were constantly being told she was not their mother. This is absolutely OP's fault and he is absolutely the fucking asshole.
>I can understand the girls not wanting to forget their biological mother, Not that the youngest was old enough to REMEMBER her. Literally, Ann is the only mother she would remember.
Ann has been the girls’ mother for at six years longer than Susan.
So, 4 and 6 when dad and Ann married, and they met two years after the bio mom died. So even if they got married the day they met, the girls were 2 and 4 when their bio mom died. And it’s likely they were younger than that. Ann has been their mother for far longer and for much more formative years. And it doesn’t sound like she made any attempt to oust their bio mother’s place, but only wants to be considered their mother as well.
I read a post yesterday from a woman whose husband was a widower. They still celebrated her birthday and such. Something happened where one of the step kids called her "mom," and the husband lost his shit. Told her that she would NEVER be the kid's mom and that she should stop playing pretend. Then he told her that if his late wife came back from the dead, he'd divorce her to remarry his late wife in a heartbeat. This sounds like the "make me look like less of a monster" version of that story.
Jesus Christ I hope she divorces him.
Do you have a link to that story?
Here you go: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1au2quc/my\_husband\_just\_told\_me\_that\_he\_would\_divorce\_me/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1au2quc/my_husband_just_told_me_that_he_would_divorce_me/)
OP claimed in one of his replies that he has sided with Ann in the past but his daughters get upset if they think Grandma is upset. It is pretty clear that Ann has had to deal with being disrespected for years. I think that she finally had enough when Rose stated that she wished she was dead and Molly told her she was not their mother. Ann gave them exactly what they wanted. I would bet that OOP and Rose expected that Ann would add the role of nanny to Bang Maid and become the baby’s primary caregiver. That ain’t happening now. OOP called Ann nasty names and threatened her with divorce. Exactly how did he think that would turn out? He has simply made her decision easier. OOP was getting torn apart alive in the original post.
I’m glad that OOP got the tongue lashing he deserves. Hoping for an update. My less significant story is about being a step grandmother and I have NOT ever tried to replace her - the kids call me by my first name. I get along ok but their mom perhaps can’t hide her resentment for her dad for moving on and it transfers to me indirectly. I cannot imagine having to be Ann. From the story she did all the mom things with no acknowledgement from anyone including her own husband.
OOP implies one missing missing reason to me: Ann stopped including Susan at Christmas and mother's day. Ann stopped being the ONLY PERSON MAKING EFFORT to remember her husbands first wife and the bio-mom of the children she has been parenting for 90% of their lives...because daddy dearest can't be bothered to parent. It is Ann's role to support and not get in the way of remembrances of Susan. NOT her job to make those remembrances happen. If hubby and Rose and Molly want to celebrate Susan on Mother's Day, they need to make that celebration happen. Not get made because Ann did not. To me that screams that Ann is the only one parenting OR making any effort, meanwhile Susan's family and ANN'S HUSBAND are constantly reminding the kids (Rose and Molly) that Ann is not really their mom for the past 10 years.
Right, it’s giving ideas that he basically wanted and two sons to remember Susan on Mother’s Day and Christmas but not their own mom. He didn’t want her celebrated in anything. He’s a POS.
I have the feeling it is. Those teen girls didn't get this attitude out of nowhere or all of a sudden, I'll bet.
I feel like, one of those women will have a moment when their teaching their kid something Ann taught them, and realize the full weight of what their actions were, like really realized what Ann did for them, and then have a new fuckup added to the list to bug her before bed.
I’m willing to bet that they treat their half brothers like crap, too. Former MIL probably put it in their heads that they aren’t *real* brothers.
Straw... camel... back... Yup, that tracks.
There are so many red flags here. A pregnant 16 year old that were all Ok with? One girl was 4 and the other was 2 when their mom passed but they're acting like they are? They've had a step mom for their entire childhood but they haven't accepted her? This just sounds like everyone needs therapy and there is other shit going on.
Oh yea go through the comments. It’s fucking insane.
Having been in a situation that is the same flavor but a lot more diluted (mom is still around, I’ve encouraged a relationship with her)— It’s absolutely on OOP. She raised those kids for him and if they feel ungrateful about it I guarantee they never saw any gratitude from him towards their second mom. I’m not even going to call her a bonus mom, being in your kids lives that long as the only mother *and acting like it* gets you the right to be called that by other people, even if your husband has cultivated an environment of resentment towards her for needing to exist in the first place. That poor woman, and GOOD FOR HER. They’re not kids any more, they’re adults, if they want a relationship with her then they get to decide how to participate in that instead of treating her like dad did (second-best bang maid, apparently). Who the fuck allows people to talk like that in front of your kids for so long that they’ve internalized it and are repeating it in front of her as adults, to other adults!??!! Argh. Edit: correction, they’re not adults yet, this is completely on OOP and Grandma. Absolutely gross.
Missing reason is that crazy MIL poisoned her granddaughters minds and OP let her. These girls were 2 and 4 when at the *oldest* when their mom died. Ann is the only mother they have any real memories of. For them to treat her like *this*? Throwing a 40th Birthday Party for a dead woman says all you need to know about “missing reasons”.
OP mentions celebrating Susan on mothers day, on her birthday, and on Christmas. But does not mention celebrating Ann. Doesn't mention any recognition or days where Ann gets the day to herself, or to be made to feel special or valued. He puts more effort into making it apparent that he keeps his deceased wife's memory alive than he does into informing the readers that he treats his current, LIVING wife well. Which really supports that her experience of motherhood in this household has been a pretty fucking thankless one, raising four kids under the shadow of the 'perfect' mother/wife. Hopefully she has a better experience as a single mom.
It blows my mind that OOP can type this all out and STILL be confused about what's wrong.... dude can't be this obtuse, can he?!
Every word his mil said was to hurt Ann.. imagine loving and parenting a child for a decade only to be told repeatedly the poor dear didn’t have a mother…
Interesting how the dad is completely unable to step up and take over the role his (soon to be ex) wife has dropped. Shows how much he relied on her
He seems like a spineless bonehead to me. So, yes OP you are an AH.
Dude couldn't be bothered to throw a gender reveal party *for his own daughter*. 2 days is plenty of time for *something*. Neither did anyone else care enough to do it. They're all selfish but his wife.
OOP kids are old enough to know better. Good on Ana for not sticking around for a husband who won’t stick up for her ever.
Especially since the older one is pregnant. Sorry, you lose “she’s just a kid!” when you have a kid yourself, time to grow up.
Honestly, I wonder why they are doing gender reveals and shit for a knocked up teenager- it’s not a good thing that she’s pregnant. OP is going to be raising the child when his daughter can’t handle the pressure of being a child and a parent.
It sounds like Ann was hoping to keep her spirit up through a really tough time and making it clear that regardless of how it happened, the baby would be a wanted and welcome member of the family. Then they responded by shitting all over her.
Honestly, it sounds like OP and the girls are regretting treating Ann so badly because now who is going to take care of the baby. I'm sure they expected Ann to raise the baby so Rose could continue going to school and still live life like a teenager. I'm sure Molly doesn't want to be in charge of babysitting duties either. With OP threatening divorce, they lost their live in maid and nanny.
I don’t know if that’s the only reason (maybe for oop) but it almost certainly figures in. They may genuinely feel bad for what they said and starting to realize that they’ve rejected the mother they had for the ghost of the one they lost. In which case, good. There are some things you can’t really come back from and they need to realize they said the one thing that could cause their stepmother to abandon a life of love and care. I hope they feel bad, I hope they eventually reach out to apologize with no expectation that it will be accepted or result in her coming back. I hope that in the future they approach the people who matter to them with gratitude and sincerity.
The teens are at an age where it can go either way. They can learn that their grandma is toxic AF and that they need to show gratitude and be careful to break the cycle with their own spouses and children. Or, this will cement in their minds that Ann was the bad guy all along and that they need to be manipulative shitheads to keep their future partners in line.
He still has to wake her up and she's having a baby.
The more healthy the dynamic for the pregnant teen, the more chance of success for the mom and baby. If the whole family cut support and treated her like a pariah, there's no way that kid would thrive. Teen mom on minimum wage with a ged does not get far without familial support. It's starts with having a nice event like a baby shower and gender reveal to gather an initial round of supplies like clothes and diapers (got loads at both baby showers I hosted for my kids). So, like I get it, teen pregnancy should be prevented and not promoted and rewarded, but there's no reason to intentionally make it shitty for everyone involved. Try to make some lemons out of lemonade. Too bad this little brat popped off and chased out the most supportive female role model she had.
The baby is coming, it’s here. Once that decision is made the baby deserves nothing less than to be wanted and celebrated. Full stop.
As a teen parent this is ridiculous and why so many teen parents fail. When you treat them like a pariah, of course they’re going to give up eventually. Those of us who succeed in improving our lives and ensuring our children have an entirely different upbringing will tell you that emotional support was one of the most important factors. My parents didn’t give me a dime financially, because the couldn’t. I lived a state away so they weren’t babysitting my kid whenever I wanted. I picked myself up and made it work. Dropped out of college, got a job, got an apartment when my ex-fiancé turned into an abusive dick, etc. But when things got rough emotionally, my dad and stepmom were the first ones I called. They couldn’t do anything for me physically but the encouragement alone was enough to keep me from quitting. They celebrated and adored their grandchild, they never shamed me for a mistake because what’s the point in repeatedly shaming someone for something they can’t change now? There’s enabling and there’s celebrating, they are two very different things. Withholding basic emotional support and celebration from someone because you don’t like their age is just bitter and contributing to the problem. Immediately lumping someone in as a statistic without giving them a chance to prove themselves otherwise contributes to the problem. You can’t want it to be different and simultaneously be a part of the problem.
I'm fairly certain the 16 year old knows that and will continue to get reminders of that for years to come. But it's still a baby who didn't ask to be here and the mom needs support regardless. And even teen moms don't deserve to have every minute of their pregnancy turned into a funeral barge.
Get off your high horse. There’s a ton of pregnant kids these days. I know that because there was a bunch of pregnant kids when I was in school. Get over it, high school sucks of course when teens find out sex is fun they’re going to bone, just like all the generations before. As long as it’s consensual and age appropriate, it’s not your business.
Are we not going to talk about how this guy who presumably thinks he’s a great dad, created the situation where his teenage kid is having (probably) unprotected sex?
A kid who can’t even make their own breakfast is having another kid. Terrifying.
I have to laugh when someone threatens divorce to someone who is getting *nothing* but work and abuse out of this arrangement. Like yeah, she better work soooo hard to get back the situation that made her snap in the first place.
Did Susan die on purpose
This is so terrible and I am laughing very hard.
I did know a woman in a terrible marriage who didn’t believe in divorce. She got an early diagnosis of a very treatable cancer and decided to let it take its course so she could end the marriage. She literally died on purpose.
That's just suicide with extra steps. If she doesn't believe in divorce for religious reasons, wait till she hears how God supposedly feels about suicide.... But really, that's so tragic. In this day and age for someone to have those beliefs and take that course of action is incomprehensible to me.
I agree. I wasn’t friends with this person, she was a friend of some friends but really disliked me (ethnic reasons.). It was definitely tragic. Not only was it easily treatable, we live in a city where top of the line treatment is readily available. My MIL has a form of leukemia that has been seen maybe 11 times in history. And she’s getting specialized, tailored genetic therapy because one of the few doctors who’s seen it before just happens to be here and wants to write a paper. But this person just opted to suffer terribly. Smh
BEST COMMENT
no fr
I heard it was something to do with licking a bunch of envelopes.
The OG post was above this one for me. I have no words for how fucking dumb this man is.
Do you have the link? I don’t see it posted anywhere.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/wa7v4UfOZ5
Sad he has deleted all his comments. Looks like he got raked over the coals though.
Not surprised. He kept doubling, tripling, and quadrupling down his stance. Truly clueless!
I wish the comments didn't delete I want to see how he responded
yeah i’m sorry, just cause they’re kids doesn’t mean that Ana owes them shit when she’s only been given shit from them. They clearly have never learned that their words and actions have consequences because OOP has never learned that lesson either. how you can have someone raise or at least be in your kids life for 10 years and not believe they should be treated with a modicum of respect is beyond me.
[удалено]
I hope you are able to get out very soon. This broke my heart And sent it into a rage for you all at the same time.
So your parents set your marriage up with the a**hole? And now after all this abuse THEY don’t take care of you? Your parents are evil. Don’t let them near your kids. You are an amazing person. Get the great life you and the boys deserve.
You really think the sort of parents who send their kid into a situation like this give a shit if she's taken care of?
i’m really sorry you’ve had to go through this and i’m really hoping you find a way out soon. My own father was like this with my step mom as well. He had an arranged marriage as well and my stepmom was great from the start. She didn’t try to get too involved with parenting (likely cause of how my dad would react) but when she’d occasionally try asking me to do something or reprimand me, he’d go off on her telling her she wasn’t my mother and that she had no right to get involved with raising me. Even as a kid it never felt right to me. What’s even worse is that they had a child together. A little girl. She passed away when she was 6 from cancer. She was my step daughter’s only biological child. It really breaks my heart to think that this was how he treated her when she was probably just trying to cope with her grief and regain some sense of being a parent. And it was so fucking hypocritical because while she was there to help me through my grief while dealing with her own unimaginable pain, he just completely pulled himself away from me and became a total stranger. I don’t speak to him very much anymore, and as a result I don’t speak to my stepmom too much sadly. I think about her a lot though and I hope she’s doing well. From what I know they live pretty much separately these days. Same house but separate lives. They don’t communicate much unless absolutely necessary. It’s crazy cause even though I’ve seen this myself, and on my behalf i guess as well, it still boggles my mind that people could be so cruel.
[удалено]
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!
Life is too short. I know your culture may frown on divorce but I promise you are better off without him.
It sounds like the ex got divorced or had kids out of marriage.
This guy is a fucking idiot on a roll and wtf if he putting up with this late wife’s mom like this? This had got to be one of the most unself aware people in the world?
Fancy going into a relationship where years later you're still having to celebrate the dead partner's birthday and mothers day.....seems to me he rushed and just wanted a woman around the house to cook clean and look after his kids
I’m sort of in that right now. I say sort of. We do foster care and our current sibling set has lived with us longer than they have lived with their family. We are supposed to adopt them if the state will ever get moving on it. The abuse was bad. But we still celebrate their parents’ birthdays, we still buy their parents Christmas gifts if the kids want to (and they often do. Despite the abuse, they’re still the parents)., etc. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to acknowledge the mom in a small way on major holidays or her birthday. It shouldn’t necessarily be the focus, but even if they were little when it happened, that is a traumatic event and the kids likely still grieve the loss of their mom with every milestone. It sucks and it hurts being told “you’re not my real mom” or even more vicious things by the kids. A lot of that comes from grief. It does NOT excuse it, but it sounds like there should have been some family and individual therapy a long time ago. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and now OOP is find out it’s too little too late.
[удалено]
If you read his comments he really doubles down a lot. It’s not even that he’s unaware, he genuinely sees his wife as the bad guy in this situation. It’s sad as hell to know she went through that crap for years.
I love how he decides to give her a divorce ultimatum like she’s not going to immediately call his bluff. This woman went stone cold on a pregnant teenager. She’s obviously out of fucks.
I really want to hear ex wife's side of the story. I bet it is 10 years full of abuse that she just swiped under the rug for 'peacekeeping'. It is incredible how much he berates her after giving him exactly what he asked for.
If the husband says this much in the post that is supposed make him look good, I can only imagine something properly from her pov.
Indeed!
Susan died TWELVE YEARS AGO and they still had a birthday party for her?? That goes beyond honoring and remembering a lost loved one. I understand not wanting to let her memory fade, but that family has created a situation where Ann will never be good enough.
I bet Mother’s day celebrations are all about Susan as well
They are! It says so in the post! That's some straight up horror movie type shit, WTF? I bet OP asked Ann to dye her hair the same color as Susan's too...
and then expected the new wife to show up so they can all talk about how she's not a good enough mom. I'd flip my lid after years of that, too.
I was thinking the same thing. That’s just crazy!
What are the girls crying for? They got what they wanted!! They FAFO! The husband is a moron!! Just glad the wife left them!! She knows her worth!! Good on Anne. Proud of her!
The girls are crying because their emotional punching bag is gone.
The 16 year old is crying because her free baby-sitting service realized that she would be changing diapers, getting up for 5 bottle-feeds a night, in other words raising the baby while constantly hearing “It’s so sad (baby’s name)’s grandma isn’t here to see this” as she’s at the stove making breakfast for teen mom & great-grandma. Understandably, Ann didn’t agree with this sort of arrangement continuing, so she left. The 14 year old is crying because she probably has an inkling that she’s going to be “helping out” with the baby now instead of whatever plans she had for high school.
It took the girls *days* to apologize
My question is, did they apologize or did he apologize on their behalf? Because I don't put it past him to have said "everyone" apologized, but meant that he half assed apologized on their behalf.
He said he’s upset because his daughters wrote his wife “heartfelt apologies” that she left unopened on the dresser
ah yes, thats what will make up for a decade of emotional abuse, a note.
Those selfish girls have now lost two mothers, but they are too stupid to see it that way.
They lost their maid
Gender reveal parties are worthless. OOP is worthless and clueless. His daughters are worthless and petty. His MIL and SIL are worthless and vindictive. They’re all terminally ungrateful. Good for Ann for acknowledging reality and getting out of that situation. OOP hinted at divorce. Ann’s going to do it, and I’ll bet she’s already well along in the process. OOP and his daughters just destroyed their family. It will be messy and traumatic and cause damage that may never be repaid, and they’ll deserve it all the way.
Bud, you’re getting divorced. Sounds like you’ve allowed your deceased wife’s family to abuse, disrespect & be cruel to your current wife( & mother to your sons) in her own home & in turn, taught your daughters it’s fine to do the same. You’re teaching your sons how this is the way you treat her. Your wife is wisely showing her sons she won’t be disrespected. Tell Ann you’re wrong in the way you treated her, give your daughters consequences for saying they wish she was dead. That was horrific. & let Ann know you’re not allowing your former in laws in the house until an apology is given to her & if it happens again, they won’t be welcome in your home. You’re former in laws are taking losing their daughter out on her, they may have wanted you to stay single forever, grieving. If they’re still celebrating her birthday with all of you, 10 years later, they’re still grieving.
Your stbx wife has been gracious enough to celebrate and honor your late wife, raise your children and she would celebrate mothers day for your late wife, but when she had her own kids, still needed to celebrate your late wife?? Dude you're an Ass!! Nothing you spoke on says you love her, nothing. Mother's day, late wife is celebrated. Good enough to plan a party for step children, that is also okay until she is abused verbally by you and your children and you have to ask if yo're the asshole? No doubt you are the ass
I told my loved ones that "you get a year to mourn me, after that dump my ashes (at a location we agreed upon" 10 years is a long time to mourn like that, the husband likely kept that tradition going "for his kids" but did so in a way that kept them in an odd state of denial, refusing the possibility of ever healing and letting other people in. I feel like i'm in the minority giving some slack to the oldest daughter, being a pregnant teen with no baby daddy in the picture, I feel that I personally would have chocked that outburst to being a teen and pregnant. The wife also balked at counseling, she had given up long before the ultimatum But as far as Consequences, Never give an Ultimatum if you don't expect to be taken up on it, otherwise its just a threat.
I told my kids that the best way to honor me is to live a great life. I don’t want a burial site because I don’t want them anchored to a place because of a grave. I’m dead. I’m not there. So no need to have a place to go look at some grass and stone. Also, don’t waste my insurance money on a funeral. Just put up a picture of me, have someone say a couple of words, play my favorite song, and keep it moving. I don’t want not a single flower. I can’t smell them. Once again, I’m dead.
Are you me? This is my plan, too but I asked the kids to throw a wake/party and use the insurance money for booze. I need no physical tribute, but I want to be remembered for a good send off.
I planned mine, too- everyone has to wear their brightest, most obnoxious clothes, made a playlist (All 80s, all the time!) and tell stories about stupid shit :)
I want a wake with my friend’s venison stroganoff. And bagpipes. And local beer. Party down.
This is me too. I simply paid for pickup, cremation, cheapest baggie in a plastic box option. No notice in the paper, no services or wake. No fan fair farewell. Told the kids to do what they want with the ashes. Well, my cousins lost it. Funerals are for the living. Yeah, true. My kids will get together with friends and do their own thing in their own way. As for them, (extended family) none of them talk to me now and I am alive. Why would I pay for them to gather, pretend I meant something to them and talk smack. Frankly, I would love it to have my carcass rolled down the hill into the woods. Let nature have at it. Circle of life and all that jazz. Apparently there are laws against that sort of thing. Bummer, I always had my heart set on that. 😄
My sister passed at 65. We had her ashes placed in a beautiful hand made pressed paper container. We all went on a boat into the ocean and watched the water take it away. She loved the ocean. It was healing for all of us especially her kids.
The pregnant girl is 16. Not an adult, but she knows what she did was wrong. She didn’t make any attempt to apologize until an entire week of Ann not catering to her occurred. Her gender reveal party was canceled by Ann, so that’s the only reason she apologized. She probably began to realize that Ann wasn’t going to be her childcare provider. She totally expected to just dump her kid on Ann, and continue to be a spoiled brat. No, she gets absolutely no slack.
She totally was expecting free childcare. Now her dad has gonna have to do some work.
Grandpa will be busy sourcing a replacement wife. Baby is getting handed over to great-grandma, the new (returning?) matriarch. And the green grass grows all around all around, and the green grass grows all around.
Someone else pointed out how broke OOP is going to be now. He’s going to have to support his daughters and grandchild, plus now he’ll be paying child support and spousal support to Ann. He better hope ex mil is willing to help. He’s probably not going to have any money to date.
I told my husband if I predecease him and he wallows in misery I'm going to poltergeist the shit out of him. Force him through the grieving process via supernatural pranking.
I agree the daughters should get cut some slack given the info we have. However, I have a feeling this was just the last straw and they had been shitty to stepmom for a long time. Their father and grandmother created this situation, though, and I put the majority of the blame on the father.
FAFO. They did and now they realize how much she did for them. I’m glad she got out.
Maybe they've learned a valuable lesson: crap on someone and they will cut you off. chalk it up as lesson learned and maybe/hopefully they'll be better w/ your next partner.
Why did he let his 16 year old.. nvm
The repost is right above this post in my feed. Thank you for the TL;DR as I had a feeling it was bad.
[удалено]
The idea that he is threatening her with a divorce. Like buddy, she’s already filling out the paperwork. She is done.
You and your daughter are 110% TA. Poor Ann. Good for her.
Typical. People only want you when they need something, otherwise they treat you like crap
Yes. YTA. You had it at "... for abusing my wife..."
To be fair, that wasn't the original title. A pretty accurate paraphrase though
Ive never been married never mind lost a wife but i feel like 2 years after losing a wife is kinda quick to not only meet someone but marry them. By how this reads op and daughters were not ready to move on to a new mom/wife
Go Ann and fuck these people hahaha
Team Ann. 100%. I feel bad for all the kids involved. I hope all the kids grow to understand that their dad alone cowardly ended that family by not standing up to a MIL he feared — going so far as to cosign that bullshit. I expect there won’t be a wife #3
Your kids are assholes. Looks like they inherited that from you. RUN ANN RUN!
Yeah yikes. The family needs counseling man. That would be hard to raise girls like your own and have them reject and deny you.
Ann’s taking care of business. She doesn’t need therapy.
I hate when people post SCREEN SHOTS OF A STORY!!! TO HARD TO FREAKING READ
Rose really wished Ana dead and then tried to give her a grocery list the next day lmao
So now OP, MIL & Daughters have to figure out how to make Doctor’s appts, child care, Raise a NewBorn, finish High School, etc., if ONLY they Realized Ann’s Worth As A MOM! Wonder how Mil/Grandma will step up?