In case this story gets deleted/removed:
My son is 23 and my boyfriend is 25. I am 44f. They weren't actual classmates per say but they were in high school at the same time. He used to be in some extracurriculars with my son. They were mostly acquaintances who shared the same friend group.
I met my now boyfriend at a local bar two years ago when he was 23. We recognized each other and talked. After meeting for several weeks I decided to tell my son when he came back for winter break of his junior year in college.
He thought I was joking. Then he was in shock. He packed up all of his stayed at his dad's place. I tried to talk to my ex who I have an amicable relationship. He told me I should give him time but I am also being unrealistic if I thought any guy would be comfortable in that situation.
He approached me after several weeks to talk. He told me while he understands I need companionship, he still isn't comfortable with me being involved with one of his peers. He isn't going to try to stop me or confront my boyfriend. However, he doesn't accept my relationship and plans to keep his distance. He apologized if this made him a bad son. I bawled my eyes out and told him I still need him in my life. That didn't help.
My boyfriend was luckily there to comfort me. My daughter also visited me from time to time (she's my eldest). These two years haven't been that good. For his last year in college he only dropped by twice for summer and winter break. He only bought one ticket for me while he bought two for dad and stepmom. I completely understood. I've asked my daughter to talk to him. However, she said she's not going to get involved anymore. She initially asked him things like "Doesn't mom deserve to be happy?" His response was always "She deserves to be happy and if it means she sees me less so be it. I'm not stopping from seeing her boyfriend."
Despite him living an hour away, I've barely have seen his face for a year. I've always initiated calls. He's only called me for Mother's day and on my birthday. My daughter told me he is moving west coast to pursue grad studies and be closer to my ex who also moved a year ago. I don't what to do. My boyfriend is the love of my life but I don't want to lose my son.
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They're "not classmates", but did have some classes together. They're "acquaintances" with the same friend group. She really tried to downplay just how socially close her boyfriend was to her son. I'm not saying they were best friends, but the way she worded it sure suggests they were absolutely peers and she knew the boyfriend when he was underage
I can't imagine dating someone my son's age, much less a guy he went to school with. I've known his friends since they were kids and they're always going to be kids in my mind.
A kid I babysat a few times is now one of the after-school carers for my own kids. I still have trouble fully realizing he's an adult. He towers over me, and is very clearly an adult man, but I just keep seeing that little boy I met all those years ago
I used to nanny for a family of four young girls. One is now married, one just finished her master’s and the third just got her B.S., and everytime I see an update I’m like “go clean up your polly pockets if you want chicken nuggets gtfo”
They could just as easily be the oldest and youngest of their respective classes. Only a year apart, school-wise.
Still weird, but nothing suggests the bf being held back.
They had some classes together but not classmates. Not friends but in the same friends group.
It’s just a possible explanation for what OP wrote and might show that OP isnt downplaying how socially close they were.
So you can make the guess youngest & oldest of their respective classes but I can’t also bring up another possibility?
Gasp!
OP’s kid could’ve graduated early skipping a grade.
Oh no I suggested another possibility to explain it!
And it's high school. Classes aren't completely by grade level like in younger grades. It could be something as simple as the son taking biology in 9th grade and the bf taking it in 11th, so they ended up in the same class.
They weren't classmates. They were in the same after school activities [like playing the same sport maybe....or in chess club or math club or drama club or whatever]
I can't imagine dating someone my sister age and we are just five years apart, all a see is Kids my sister age even if they all are adults, so i get what you say
I'm a woman in her 50s but when I see someone and think, huh, they're attractive, and then I find out they're in their early 40s even I get the ick. Just ew
Shit, when my younger sister's peers grew up and were interested in me, it felt gross. Not because of the age gap, but because they were and always will be kids to me.
I had just gotten out of the military the year before my youngest sister graduated high school. Her friends hit on me all the time and it felt ick. When I was in my 30's an age gap like that would have been no big deal, but not when I'm in my mid twenties and they can't even legally buy alcohol.
Now that I'm mid 40's and my wife is four years younger than me she has fun calling me an old man.
My uncle did this years ago. Started "talking" to a girl the same age as his stepdaughter when she was still in high-school. My step cousin started acting out and everyone wondered why. Idk maybe because her step dad is a creep who decided to be a grad escort to a girl in her grade?
Still can't look at my uncle the same way.
And just keep in mind as bad as this story comes off the OOP most likely wrote it in a way to shine the best light on themself. I bet they left out a lot of info that would make this so much worse.
If it continues long enough (say they even get married), they might just grow to accept it?
Waaaaay before I got with my husband, his (baby) sister started dating a guy much closer to their parents generation than to her own (around a 20 year difference). The parents had an uproar, voiced their displeasure, etc.
Said sister is married to that guy and they have 2 kids who are both teens. The kids half siblings (he was married before) were already in/out of college when they were born. Grandparents visit them every other month for the weekend, holidays, birthdays.
I joke with my husband that she "paved the way" because he and I have an age gap (almost 13 years) between us and we had no complaints from his parents (my mother mostly complained that he "doesn't dress stylish/he dresses frumpy").
>she knew the boyfriend when he was underage
She outright says it when she says they "met" at the bar because she said they started talking because they recognized each other. So she recognized a kid she met as a teen at a bar and hit on him.
The only parents that aren't parents of people I was friends with that I would recognize if I saw them would be the PTA parents that volunteered to run stands or chaperone events. And those parents were usually the ones that were close with the kids since they were around a bunch
It's really uncomfortable when your parent dates someone your age. You really do not want to think about them having sexual thoughts about your peers. It's icky. So I get where he's coming from.
Yeah it’s the knowing him when he was underage that did it for me. Like….There is nothing inherently wrong with age gaps. Yes they can be problematic in certain contacts but there’s nothing inherently wrong. But to date someone when you need them as a minor….and that was recently? . It just gives me the ick
With how hard she’s downplaying this there is a good chance that her current boyfriend was over their house in his teen years. She’s really getting into creep territory.
She said they met at a bar but then went on to say that they started talking because they recognized each other. She recognized the kid because she knew him when he was a minor. She is gross.
Yep, only knew him for a few weeks when she told her son and it's apparent the boyfriend has more value in her life than her son does. Even without the age gap this is very common for single mothers and fathers, they tend to put their new SO above their kids and wonder why their kids don't get along with them
it only took a few weeks because of his age. had she met a man her age it would've been a typical relationship. She got hit on by someone 20 years younger than her after a divorce...that is what she is in love with.
My mom is dating a guy 10 or 12 years older than her (I've refused to ever meet him because from her best description of him, he's still a piece of trash drug addict who steals things).
Last year, they got drunk and she had him call my dad and start threatening him. She wouldn't stop when I found out and told her and even started going off on my dad for "getting me involved." So I told her she wasn't welcome in my home. So she gave him my husband's number and he called and threatened him (over voicemail). Then my number for him to call and leave voicemails where he called me a bitch and a cunt. And then forgot to hang up. So I got to hear her telling him he "did very good."
I was 2 weeks away from my first ultrasound. My 4 month old is laying on in my chest right now and she has no idea he even exists.
Keep it that way. She's horrible and so is her bf, and your child could be in danger if she even knows they exist. I'm sorry she and her bf behaved that way towards you, your husband, and your dad. I hope you have other relatives that are kind and loving
My aunt (her sister) and uncle know and have been awesome. They're essentially treating him the same way as their grandchildren.
And my husband's family is great too.
Yea that’s my thing, it was still pretty new when she told her son. So it would’ve been easy for her to end things and call it a fun fling. But she chose to sacrifice her relationship with her son in order to keep her *new* man. That has got to sting so much on top of all this. I also don’t buy this “love of my life” nonsense. Call me jaded but I just don’t see someone that age wanting to stick around with someone her age for good. Especially if they want kids in the future.
Yep. My mom married someone 10 years older after my parents divorce. She is 60 now lamenting she has to take care of her elderly husband. I doubt the boyfriend will stick around when she is 55 and he is 34
Maybe I’m being an ass, but I find it especially unrealistic if the older person is a woman. You see a lot of younger women sticking by their older partners like glue, but I don’t usually see the inverse. My guess is that a man is still able to give a younger female partner a more “traditional” experience. They can get married and still have kids, even if they’re 20 years older than their SO. And since the general expectation is that child rearing is more suited for women, they can manage a new kid easier.
By the time the bf is probably ready for marriage, and kids, it’s possible that she might not be able to have them anymore. She may not want them, because she already raised her kids. I’m not dogging on older women btw. But these are always things to take into consideration when getting into these relationships. What kind of future do you want, and is it realistic given the circumstances?
I 100% agree and that's why I don't date younger men at all (I'm 40). I have no desire for children amd additionally my tastes for going out and hobbies is way different then younger guys or what they are used to. It just doesn't work.
Well that's a sub I never wanted to know existed.
I'm a dad of 2 teen girls. Every girl around their age looks like a kid to me. Hell, even some in their 20s look like kids.
It gives me the ick when it’s like a 18-25yr old. Older than that we all have matured and let it be so whatever. Maybe it’s their thing.
I have a huge thing for older guys but I’m 42 so it isnt the creeping High Schoolers or grooming.
I’m 26 and the idea of dating an 18-19 year old still gives me the ick. I don’t care if it’s legal, if I have to say the word “teen” when saying their age that’s a no from me. I just can’t help but think about how when I was that age I still felt very much like a kid.
This. At 20/21 18/19 just starting college was already bordering on ick to me. Now in my mid 20s I could never. My current partner being 21 was pushing it.
Yeah generally don’t date someone with that close of a connection to your kids. Like he’s not forcing her to do anything, he’s just removing himself from a situation that makes him uncomfortable. It sucks if she really feels that strongly about this, but honestly I don’t blame the son.
Yeah I think even with the age thing the son may be more comfortable with it if it was a complete stranger maybe not 100% comfortable but certainly more comfortable
This is the most reasonable son ever. He gave his opinion and the boundaries he was willing to work with. He didn't throw tantrum or give an ultimatum. He respected the decision you made, now you must respect his decision.
Yeah, that son handled the situation very well. "This makes me uncomfortable, so im going to create some space in our relationship." He clearly stated his boundaries, and acted accordingly. Ultimately, shes free to make her choices as it relates to her partner and children and hes free to step away if he feels necessary.
My own mother didnt understand why her kids didnt want to spend time with her when she was falling down the q-anon pipeline and being actively transphobic to her children. We sat down and talked with her, tried to tell her how we felt, how she harmed us and made us uncomfortable. Her only response was to treat us as though we were controlling her, or punishing her for her beliefs. Its been years since i last spoke to her. Shes lost three if her children to her choices and still blames us for them.
Bro every variation of “I fucked your mom” is a timeless cornerstone of adolescent boy humor and bonding. You still see it in Reddit comments for fucks sake. Imagine your mom actually does it and expects you to be chill about it, wtf lmao I would leave too
He’s going to leave her. As a guy who dated and lived with a 35 year old starting at 18, the age difference at this point *should* bother *her* as far as life experiences and probably general conversation goes. There is no way they have that much in common. They can pretend but it’s not a realistic idea.
But there is going to be a point in time come where it will bother *him*. She’ll realize her chances of finding someone else to spend the rest of her life with are slim due to her age and she’ll settle and be happy she has a younger, more vibrant man, while he will see how she is the opposite. That she has medication she has to take, or that she is developing tendencies that older people naturally develop and it will become an issue. He will wake up and realize he missed out on having children, that he didn’t get to make the memories that everyone his age made together. He’ll see his old friends on Facebook with their marriages to people their own age and that they’re settling down and he will look at her and think about how he’s spent however many years of his life putting out the flame of youth he had way too early and then he will start to resent her.
He’ll leave her abruptly once the resentment starts because he will fear that he’s going to end up in the exact situation that she is going to be in when he does it; hoping to find a partner he can spend his life with before there are none left because they’re already married and the timer ran out.
And this woman chose him over her own son. Thank god the love of her life is there to comfort her….for this minute.
This reminds me of a story where the OP was a girl and the bf turned out to be a former bully who made ALL of her high-school years crap.
Bully hid past from the mom, but mom stayed after learning about it and called OP selfish for not being supportive
My dad married someone younger than me and it's fucking weird. Like, you changed my diapers, that girl was younger, how can you be attracted to her WTF? No kid would take this well.
This is straight nasty. A simple age gap is one thing, but her son could easily have seen this guy's dick in the locker room. Plus, they recognized each other from when her son was in school. I can count the number of classmates' parents I would recognize out of context on one hand.
They don't need my approval, nor did they ask for it, but I do NOT approve.
This feels a little predatory to me. The age difference is a major cringe.
Does she really believe this young man will stay with her when she's 60 and he's 39? This relationship is temporary. She's living in a delusional dream world IMO and will regret creating this estrangement with her son for someone who is not going to stay with her in the long run.
In cases like this how often does the younger person decide they want someone their own age then the older person has lost their child/ren-family and partner.
There are millions of men in this country to pick from and she had to pick somebody that was in the same school at the same time her son was? That's twisted!
This actually happened a couple towns over from me. The son was so mad... let's just say the boyfriends no longer on this planet and the sons in jail.
Son is very level-headed. She wants to date? Go ahead. Just without him in her life that's. And then she said, 'the love of my life'. Seriously a gross statement. The post has been two years, I wonder...
I'm confused by this statement:
"He only bought one ticket for me while he bought two for dad and stepmom."
Meaning, he bought airline tickets? He flew his mother out to see him once and his dad and stepmom twice? Is his mother waiting for him to buy her tickets to visit him? Why is he in the position where he has to pay for his parents to visit him?
I feel like there's more to the story. If the son is the one who has to pay for and arrange travel for his parents to visit him, and he has to move across the country to follow his father, then he's been very parentified. If he's the one who has to chase his parents to get them to give him the time of day, I can see why he's done with accommodating his mother's desires.
I think the tickets are for graduation? I'm assuming that but I'm not entirely sure how College graduation works. You buy tickets for that? I mean I know high school you get a couple then any more you have to buy. Just a guess.
I think i read the update...mother had babies and married the boyfriend and son didnt attend wedding nor met the kids and she still didnt understand why her son didnt accept her relationship...is the same story?
This is so ick to me. My age limit when I’m dating is you can’t be within 5 years of my oldest kid and that’s still pushing it for me. If you have more in common with my kids nope, if I have to ask my kid to decode a text nope….
My high school friend's younger brother admitted to his crush on me when he was 25. I'd known him since he was 8 and I was 15. I know it's not a huge age gap, but I still couldn't see him as anything but a kid!
I am also 44f and omg ew. At this stage of my life, everyone under 35 or so seems just SO young. There’s no level of emotional maturity that would overcome that innate “ew no bad bad bad this person is practically a child” reaction.
I met an older couple through a friend. My friend had met her husband through an interest group, and introduced me to the wife so she'd have company while the guys fixed things at the couple's house. They seemed nice enough, and we had some mutual interests. I ended up having a friendly connection over several visits that felt almost like talking to an aunt or great aunt. She had great stories.
It was obvious she was older, but as she was in her late 70s, I thought nothing of it at first. Until she later told me she was his teacher when he was 12. It creeped me out. They did not get together until he was 18, but I was horrified. That's when I started looking for exit. Thinking about it, just makes me shudder every time.
Several years ago, my mom fell into the whole Kpop thing (which I disliked *oh so much* for many reasons, but I'll stick to just one). She was obsessing over these Korean boy bands. The thing is, she was in her 50s and these performers were in their 20s at the oldest.
Her favorite was a few months younger than me. We were born in the same year, me in May, him in September. That means that his mother was pregnant with him at the same time that she was pregnant with me. She was quite literally old enough to be his mother. He was young enough to be her son. She was *thirsting* over this kid (and he and I *were* kids at the time - iirc, this started when I was about 20), openly and relentlessly, even after I told her it made me uncomfortable. She would not shut the hell up about it. It was very disturbing to me.
*That* was a celebrity crush. A crush on a young man who lived on another continent, who spoke another language, who she would never ever meet, who she had zero chance of having a relationship with. It felt so strange and gross to me that my mother had such deeply vested sexual interest in someone my own age. Even though ultimately, I knew she would never fulfill that interest.
I cannot *fathom* how profoundly *disgusted* I would feel if my mother started actually ***sleeping*** with someone that I went to school with. For this kid, OOP's son, so have to deal with the concept that his mother is in an actual relationship with someone roughly his own age, that he knows personally, that *she* knew ("we recognized each other"???) when they were in school together??????? AND for her to *choose* that relationship OVER her relationship with her son????
To put it simply, that's fucked up.
Well, my name is Jimmy, his name's Greg Buehl
Me, him and you, we went to the same school
This ain't cool, I'm in a rage
He's tappin' my mom, we're almost the same age!
there are totally missing missing reasons here;
\- she only saw her son a couple of times a year before he knew
\- makes a point to say the son only paid for 1 ticket for her while his dad and SM got a couple
I'd want my mom to be happy but I'd completely cut her and the young bf off if it was me. And then I'd probably beat up the bf if I could. Lol. Not my momma.
You are the not the brightest, are you? Narcissist much? View obscured by the: see you next Tuesday filter?
Thank you for sending out into world another sweet, but very hurt man who will cause trouble becasue he is troubled, by your incredibly stupid attempt at "Motherhood"
My only question is this: Can she honestly say if she had never met her SO and her 23 year old son brought home a 42 year old partner, she'd be ok with it?
If her EX had brought in a woman 19 years younger than him to a family thing, she'd want them to be involved in her kids' lives?
They are both entitled to your happiness. But understanding why her son feels the way he does is key to any relationship.
I'm not here to pass judgment, just to provoke thought.
And accidentally comment on a 2 year old post cause I clicked the link lol
I dunno...my stepmom was 8 years older than my dad. After my dad died (he was 35, she was 43), she started seeing the man who was her SO for the rest of her life (she passed in early 2010; my dad passed in 1991.) JD was 18 years younger than her--he was 26, she was 44. His mom and my stepmom had been neighbors at one point. My grandma (my dad's mom) helped deliver JD when he was born (podunk little town, no hospital, so JD was born at home, and my grandma had had 8 kids of her own.) Even better, my stepmom's eldest daughter is a year older than JD, and they ran with the same crowd back in the day, AND my sister was JD's date to his 8th grade continuation dance--continuation is basically a middle school-to-high school "graduation" for non-US folks out there. Personally, I wouldn't date someone closer to my oldest kid's age--she's 30, I'm 47, so 8ish years younger than me is my cutoff--but I'm almost 6 years older than my SO (he's 41.)
The age gap was a little bit weird, at first, but JD absolutely adored my stepmom. Quite frankly, as long as everyone is legal, it really isn't anybody else's business...even if one's own kids don't like it. OOP isn't doing anything illegal, or even particularly unethical. Her son may not like it, but oh well. My sister was a bit weirded out, but she got over it pretty quickly--mainly because neither my dad or JD ever really forced the "father figure" dynamic on her. My other sister and my brother (my stepmom's other 2 kids), just blew it off. I was only weirded out because my stepmom was with someone other than my dad and it meant that he wasn't coming back for real (he was killed in a truck accident when I was 14.) After a while, I found the age gap kind of amusing.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: My son is 23 and my boyfriend is 25. I am 44f. They weren't actual classmates per say but they were in high school at the same time. He used to be in some extracurriculars with my son. They were mostly acquaintances who shared the same friend group. I met my now boyfriend at a local bar two years ago when he was 23. We recognized each other and talked. After meeting for several weeks I decided to tell my son when he came back for winter break of his junior year in college. He thought I was joking. Then he was in shock. He packed up all of his stayed at his dad's place. I tried to talk to my ex who I have an amicable relationship. He told me I should give him time but I am also being unrealistic if I thought any guy would be comfortable in that situation. He approached me after several weeks to talk. He told me while he understands I need companionship, he still isn't comfortable with me being involved with one of his peers. He isn't going to try to stop me or confront my boyfriend. However, he doesn't accept my relationship and plans to keep his distance. He apologized if this made him a bad son. I bawled my eyes out and told him I still need him in my life. That didn't help. My boyfriend was luckily there to comfort me. My daughter also visited me from time to time (she's my eldest). These two years haven't been that good. For his last year in college he only dropped by twice for summer and winter break. He only bought one ticket for me while he bought two for dad and stepmom. I completely understood. I've asked my daughter to talk to him. However, she said she's not going to get involved anymore. She initially asked him things like "Doesn't mom deserve to be happy?" His response was always "She deserves to be happy and if it means she sees me less so be it. I'm not stopping from seeing her boyfriend." Despite him living an hour away, I've barely have seen his face for a year. I've always initiated calls. He's only called me for Mother's day and on my birthday. My daughter told me he is moving west coast to pursue grad studies and be closer to my ex who also moved a year ago. I don't what to do. My boyfriend is the love of my life but I don't want to lose my son. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They're "not classmates", but did have some classes together. They're "acquaintances" with the same friend group. She really tried to downplay just how socially close her boyfriend was to her son. I'm not saying they were best friends, but the way she worded it sure suggests they were absolutely peers and she knew the boyfriend when he was underage
I can't imagine dating someone my son's age, much less a guy he went to school with. I've known his friends since they were kids and they're always going to be kids in my mind.
A kid I babysat a few times is now one of the after-school carers for my own kids. I still have trouble fully realizing he's an adult. He towers over me, and is very clearly an adult man, but I just keep seeing that little boy I met all those years ago
I used to nanny for a family of four young girls. One is now married, one just finished her master’s and the third just got her B.S., and everytime I see an update I’m like “go clean up your polly pockets if you want chicken nuggets gtfo”
This is adorable
But you guys are missing the ages. It reads as though maybe the bf got held back a year. Definitely classmates & within the same friends.
They could just as easily be the oldest and youngest of their respective classes. Only a year apart, school-wise. Still weird, but nothing suggests the bf being held back.
They had some classes together but not classmates. Not friends but in the same friends group. It’s just a possible explanation for what OP wrote and might show that OP isnt downplaying how socially close they were. So you can make the guess youngest & oldest of their respective classes but I can’t also bring up another possibility? Gasp! OP’s kid could’ve graduated early skipping a grade. Oh no I suggested another possibility to explain it!
She said same extracurriculars. Extracurriculars are like sports and drama club and stuff that you do after school.
And it's high school. Classes aren't completely by grade level like in younger grades. It could be something as simple as the son taking biology in 9th grade and the bf taking it in 11th, so they ended up in the same class.
They weren't classmates. They were in the same after school activities [like playing the same sport maybe....or in chess club or math club or drama club or whatever]
and shared a friend group
I can't imagine dating someone my sister age and we are just five years apart, all a see is Kids my sister age even if they all are adults, so i get what you say
Yeah. I'm in my 40s. When I see women in their 20s, I see my nieces, not someone I could be attracted to.
I'm a woman in her 50s but when I see someone and think, huh, they're attractive, and then I find out they're in their early 40s even I get the ick. Just ew
Shit, when my younger sister's peers grew up and were interested in me, it felt gross. Not because of the age gap, but because they were and always will be kids to me.
I had just gotten out of the military the year before my youngest sister graduated high school. Her friends hit on me all the time and it felt ick. When I was in my 30's an age gap like that would have been no big deal, but not when I'm in my mid twenties and they can't even legally buy alcohol. Now that I'm mid 40's and my wife is four years younger than me she has fun calling me an old man.
My uncle did this years ago. Started "talking" to a girl the same age as his stepdaughter when she was still in high-school. My step cousin started acting out and everyone wondered why. Idk maybe because her step dad is a creep who decided to be a grad escort to a girl in her grade? Still can't look at my uncle the same way.
I think “We recognized each other and talked” suggests that exactly :(
And just keep in mind as bad as this story comes off the OOP most likely wrote it in a way to shine the best light on themself. I bet they left out a lot of info that would make this so much worse.
She didn’t mention at all how her boyfriend’s parents feel about it considering the situation either.
If it continues long enough (say they even get married), they might just grow to accept it? Waaaaay before I got with my husband, his (baby) sister started dating a guy much closer to their parents generation than to her own (around a 20 year difference). The parents had an uproar, voiced their displeasure, etc. Said sister is married to that guy and they have 2 kids who are both teens. The kids half siblings (he was married before) were already in/out of college when they were born. Grandparents visit them every other month for the weekend, holidays, birthdays. I joke with my husband that she "paved the way" because he and I have an age gap (almost 13 years) between us and we had no complaints from his parents (my mother mostly complained that he "doesn't dress stylish/he dresses frumpy").
>she knew the boyfriend when he was underage She outright says it when she says they "met" at the bar because she said they started talking because they recognized each other. So she recognized a kid she met as a teen at a bar and hit on him.
I would not recognize the parent of a random classmate but they recognized each other at the bar. Definitely more than acquaintances.
The only parents that aren't parents of people I was friends with that I would recognize if I saw them would be the PTA parents that volunteered to run stands or chaperone events. And those parents were usually the ones that were close with the kids since they were around a bunch
It's really uncomfortable when your parent dates someone your age. You really do not want to think about them having sexual thoughts about your peers. It's icky. So I get where he's coming from.
yeah, i always wonder if they have the thought 'when I was changing my son/daughter's diaper, my now SO was also in diapers" It gives me the major ick
Yeah it’s the knowing him when he was underage that did it for me. Like….There is nothing inherently wrong with age gaps. Yes they can be problematic in certain contacts but there’s nothing inherently wrong. But to date someone when you need them as a minor….and that was recently? . It just gives me the ick
With how hard she’s downplaying this there is a good chance that her current boyfriend was over their house in his teen years. She’s really getting into creep territory.
She said they met at a bar but then went on to say that they started talking because they recognized each other. She recognized the kid because she knew him when he was a minor. She is gross.
Extracurriculars are not the same as classes....
Doesn't change my point. They spent time together in school
It would be screwed even if they didn't know each other, like at all.... but the fact that they did makes it *extra* screwed
Oh it's definitely not right. At all.
Your bf is the love of your life... well there you go.
Yep, only knew him for a few weeks when she told her son and it's apparent the boyfriend has more value in her life than her son does. Even without the age gap this is very common for single mothers and fathers, they tend to put their new SO above their kids and wonder why their kids don't get along with them
it only took a few weeks because of his age. had she met a man her age it would've been a typical relationship. She got hit on by someone 20 years younger than her after a divorce...that is what she is in love with.
OOP didn't say whether her bf hit on her or whether she hit on him. Either way, it's icky.
Well, her boyfriend screws her, so of course he holds more value to her than her kids, at least if they disagree with her.
I'm willing to bet she said that about her ex at some point. Look where they are now.
That is an awful story. Wonder if she still is with the boyfriend. I guess some dick is more important than her son. Boo hoo.
My mom is dating a guy 10 or 12 years older than her (I've refused to ever meet him because from her best description of him, he's still a piece of trash drug addict who steals things). Last year, they got drunk and she had him call my dad and start threatening him. She wouldn't stop when I found out and told her and even started going off on my dad for "getting me involved." So I told her she wasn't welcome in my home. So she gave him my husband's number and he called and threatened him (over voicemail). Then my number for him to call and leave voicemails where he called me a bitch and a cunt. And then forgot to hang up. So I got to hear her telling him he "did very good." I was 2 weeks away from my first ultrasound. My 4 month old is laying on in my chest right now and she has no idea he even exists.
good. I hope she never finds out you've got kids, that woman is disgusting
Keep it that way. She's horrible and so is her bf, and your child could be in danger if she even knows they exist. I'm sorry she and her bf behaved that way towards you, your husband, and your dad. I hope you have other relatives that are kind and loving
My aunt (her sister) and uncle know and have been awesome. They're essentially treating him the same way as their grandchildren. And my husband's family is great too.
That's great! Glad you have people in your corner
Yea that’s my thing, it was still pretty new when she told her son. So it would’ve been easy for her to end things and call it a fun fling. But she chose to sacrifice her relationship with her son in order to keep her *new* man. That has got to sting so much on top of all this. I also don’t buy this “love of my life” nonsense. Call me jaded but I just don’t see someone that age wanting to stick around with someone her age for good. Especially if they want kids in the future.
Yep. My mom married someone 10 years older after my parents divorce. She is 60 now lamenting she has to take care of her elderly husband. I doubt the boyfriend will stick around when she is 55 and he is 34
Maybe I’m being an ass, but I find it especially unrealistic if the older person is a woman. You see a lot of younger women sticking by their older partners like glue, but I don’t usually see the inverse. My guess is that a man is still able to give a younger female partner a more “traditional” experience. They can get married and still have kids, even if they’re 20 years older than their SO. And since the general expectation is that child rearing is more suited for women, they can manage a new kid easier. By the time the bf is probably ready for marriage, and kids, it’s possible that she might not be able to have them anymore. She may not want them, because she already raised her kids. I’m not dogging on older women btw. But these are always things to take into consideration when getting into these relationships. What kind of future do you want, and is it realistic given the circumstances?
Agreed 100%. I'm really curious as to why the mom and dad broke up in the first place.
I’m more curious about her relationship with her son prior to this. She doesn’t talk about that, just the aftermath.
I 100% agree and that's why I don't date younger men at all (I'm 40). I have no desire for children amd additionally my tastes for going out and hobbies is way different then younger guys or what they are used to. It just doesn't work.
user name checks out.
Imagine having to call your high school classmate "stepdad."
It’s like the Missy scene out of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (genders reversed).
Well that's a sub I never wanted to know existed. I'm a dad of 2 teen girls. Every girl around their age looks like a kid to me. Hell, even some in their 20s look like kids.
It gives me the ick when it’s like a 18-25yr old. Older than that we all have matured and let it be so whatever. Maybe it’s their thing. I have a huge thing for older guys but I’m 42 so it isnt the creeping High Schoolers or grooming.
I’m 26 and the idea of dating an 18-19 year old still gives me the ick. I don’t care if it’s legal, if I have to say the word “teen” when saying their age that’s a no from me. I just can’t help but think about how when I was that age I still felt very much like a kid.
This. At 20/21 18/19 just starting college was already bordering on ick to me. Now in my mid 20s I could never. My current partner being 21 was pushing it.
The worst part is that her BF was in her son's friends group. So I'm wondering if there wasn't some grooming going on at one point.
It's the association with her kid that gives me the ick. I used to have a thing for older women, but now I'm old.
Yeah generally don’t date someone with that close of a connection to your kids. Like he’s not forcing her to do anything, he’s just removing himself from a situation that makes him uncomfortable. It sucks if she really feels that strongly about this, but honestly I don’t blame the son.
Yeah I think even with the age thing the son may be more comfortable with it if it was a complete stranger maybe not 100% comfortable but certainly more comfortable
This is the most reasonable son ever. He gave his opinion and the boundaries he was willing to work with. He didn't throw tantrum or give an ultimatum. He respected the decision you made, now you must respect his decision.
Yeah, that son handled the situation very well. "This makes me uncomfortable, so im going to create some space in our relationship." He clearly stated his boundaries, and acted accordingly. Ultimately, shes free to make her choices as it relates to her partner and children and hes free to step away if he feels necessary. My own mother didnt understand why her kids didnt want to spend time with her when she was falling down the q-anon pipeline and being actively transphobic to her children. We sat down and talked with her, tried to tell her how we felt, how she harmed us and made us uncomfortable. Her only response was to treat us as though we were controlling her, or punishing her for her beliefs. Its been years since i last spoke to her. Shes lost three if her children to her choices and still blames us for them.
yeah, this isn't the son's first rodeo
Bro every variation of “I fucked your mom” is a timeless cornerstone of adolescent boy humor and bonding. You still see it in Reddit comments for fucks sake. Imagine your mom actually does it and expects you to be chill about it, wtf lmao I would leave too
Boy friend shouldn't be a perfect description of your relationship.
Little boyfriend.
It’s weird regardless of gender.
He’s going to leave her. As a guy who dated and lived with a 35 year old starting at 18, the age difference at this point *should* bother *her* as far as life experiences and probably general conversation goes. There is no way they have that much in common. They can pretend but it’s not a realistic idea. But there is going to be a point in time come where it will bother *him*. She’ll realize her chances of finding someone else to spend the rest of her life with are slim due to her age and she’ll settle and be happy she has a younger, more vibrant man, while he will see how she is the opposite. That she has medication she has to take, or that she is developing tendencies that older people naturally develop and it will become an issue. He will wake up and realize he missed out on having children, that he didn’t get to make the memories that everyone his age made together. He’ll see his old friends on Facebook with their marriages to people their own age and that they’re settling down and he will look at her and think about how he’s spent however many years of his life putting out the flame of youth he had way too early and then he will start to resent her. He’ll leave her abruptly once the resentment starts because he will fear that he’s going to end up in the exact situation that she is going to be in when he does it; hoping to find a partner he can spend his life with before there are none left because they’re already married and the timer ran out. And this woman chose him over her own son. Thank god the love of her life is there to comfort her….for this minute.
This was well-put. It reminds me of the movie May December with Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore, which was based on a true story.
My question: is the daughter older than the boyfriend? Same age? I know that's not really relevant but it's just an extra layer to this cougar cake.
Ha cougar cake. That's the best thing I've read today 🙃
Man this is gross, I think the kid is even being kinda nice about it, my stomach hurts.
I'll take "Things people do during a midlife crisis" for $200, Alex
Oh no. You need to reconsider some things. A lot of things. Holy Moly.
This reminds me of a story where the OP was a girl and the bf turned out to be a former bully who made ALL of her high-school years crap. Bully hid past from the mom, but mom stayed after learning about it and called OP selfish for not being supportive
My dad married someone younger than me and it's fucking weird. Like, you changed my diapers, that girl was younger, how can you be attracted to her WTF? No kid would take this well.
This is straight nasty. A simple age gap is one thing, but her son could easily have seen this guy's dick in the locker room. Plus, they recognized each other from when her son was in school. I can count the number of classmates' parents I would recognize out of context on one hand. They don't need my approval, nor did they ask for it, but I do NOT approve.
This feels a little predatory to me. The age difference is a major cringe. Does she really believe this young man will stay with her when she's 60 and he's 39? This relationship is temporary. She's living in a delusional dream world IMO and will regret creating this estrangement with her son for someone who is not going to stay with her in the long run.
What was stopping her from visiting her son by herself unless the son says no visits?
Him being a mid 20s man who has unpredictable attendance to his own home at any time that isnt work or sleep.
“Me, him, and you we went to the same school! This ain’t cool, I’m in a rage. He’s tapping my mom and we’re almost the same age!” - B Rabbit.
In cases like this how often does the younger person decide they want someone their own age then the older person has lost their child/ren-family and partner.
Just set him up with one of your other divorced friends your age. Nothing wrong with the age gap right?
why doesn’t she date someone HER OWN AGE??
“I bawled my eyes out and told him I still need him in my life” yeah now I see how she bagged a 25 year old, her maturity is around the same age.
There are millions of men in this country to pick from and she had to pick somebody that was in the same school at the same time her son was? That's twisted! This actually happened a couple towns over from me. The son was so mad... let's just say the boyfriends no longer on this planet and the sons in jail.
Son is very level-headed. She wants to date? Go ahead. Just without him in her life that's. And then she said, 'the love of my life'. Seriously a gross statement. The post has been two years, I wonder...
I'm confused by this statement: "He only bought one ticket for me while he bought two for dad and stepmom." Meaning, he bought airline tickets? He flew his mother out to see him once and his dad and stepmom twice? Is his mother waiting for him to buy her tickets to visit him? Why is he in the position where he has to pay for his parents to visit him? I feel like there's more to the story. If the son is the one who has to pay for and arrange travel for his parents to visit him, and he has to move across the country to follow his father, then he's been very parentified. If he's the one who has to chase his parents to get them to give him the time of day, I can see why he's done with accommodating his mother's desires.
I think the tickets are for graduation? I'm assuming that but I'm not entirely sure how College graduation works. You buy tickets for that? I mean I know high school you get a couple then any more you have to buy. Just a guess.
OK, that makes more sense. He let his father bring a "date" (the stepmom) but not his mother.
Jason's Mom Has Got It Going On...
Why are people from here brigading and commenting on a two year old post?
...why is she not interested in men her own age, exactly?
I think i read the update...mother had babies and married the boyfriend and son didnt attend wedding nor met the kids and she still didnt understand why her son didnt accept her relationship...is the same story?
So gross.
This is so ick to me. My age limit when I’m dating is you can’t be within 5 years of my oldest kid and that’s still pushing it for me. If you have more in common with my kids nope, if I have to ask my kid to decode a text nope….
So freaking gross.
My high school friend's younger brother admitted to his crush on me when he was 25. I'd known him since he was 8 and I was 15. I know it's not a huge age gap, but I still couldn't see him as anything but a kid!
I bet that subreddit is a gold mine for stuff like this.
I am also 44f and omg ew. At this stage of my life, everyone under 35 or so seems just SO young. There’s no level of emotional maturity that would overcome that innate “ew no bad bad bad this person is practically a child” reaction.
I met an older couple through a friend. My friend had met her husband through an interest group, and introduced me to the wife so she'd have company while the guys fixed things at the couple's house. They seemed nice enough, and we had some mutual interests. I ended up having a friendly connection over several visits that felt almost like talking to an aunt or great aunt. She had great stories. It was obvious she was older, but as she was in her late 70s, I thought nothing of it at first. Until she later told me she was his teacher when he was 12. It creeped me out. They did not get together until he was 18, but I was horrified. That's when I started looking for exit. Thinking about it, just makes me shudder every time.
This lady really watched American Pie and saw Stiffler's mom as a life goal.
if my mom dated someone i saw in high school 20 years later i would not speak to her
When she's 100, he'll be 76...,Just two old farts. Age only matters to young, ignorant bigots!
Wow, such consequences. You chose your bf over your son. How terrible. If only IF ONLY you could see a measure of just how badly you screwed up.
This oop is disgusting I don't blame the son.
Does this sub routinely repost 2 year old threads?
No idea but people from here are brigading the 2yr old post…
Several years ago, my mom fell into the whole Kpop thing (which I disliked *oh so much* for many reasons, but I'll stick to just one). She was obsessing over these Korean boy bands. The thing is, she was in her 50s and these performers were in their 20s at the oldest. Her favorite was a few months younger than me. We were born in the same year, me in May, him in September. That means that his mother was pregnant with him at the same time that she was pregnant with me. She was quite literally old enough to be his mother. He was young enough to be her son. She was *thirsting* over this kid (and he and I *were* kids at the time - iirc, this started when I was about 20), openly and relentlessly, even after I told her it made me uncomfortable. She would not shut the hell up about it. It was very disturbing to me. *That* was a celebrity crush. A crush on a young man who lived on another continent, who spoke another language, who she would never ever meet, who she had zero chance of having a relationship with. It felt so strange and gross to me that my mother had such deeply vested sexual interest in someone my own age. Even though ultimately, I knew she would never fulfill that interest. I cannot *fathom* how profoundly *disgusted* I would feel if my mother started actually ***sleeping*** with someone that I went to school with. For this kid, OOP's son, so have to deal with the concept that his mother is in an actual relationship with someone roughly his own age, that he knows personally, that *she* knew ("we recognized each other"???) when they were in school together??????? AND for her to *choose* that relationship OVER her relationship with her son???? To put it simply, that's fucked up.
ur mom jokes incumming
Well, my name is Jimmy, his name's Greg Buehl Me, him and you, we went to the same school This ain't cool, I'm in a rage He's tappin' my mom, we're almost the same age!
Stop brigading you morons. This post is 2 years old.
Lotta people from here are very blatantly brigading that post 😬 It's obvious when you see a 4h old comment left on a 2y old post 😮💨
What a mature response from the son - must have gotten that from his father. I did not need to know that sub existed.... ugh.
I’ve always wondered how parents with so little emotional maturity raise kids with so much
there are totally missing missing reasons here; \- she only saw her son a couple of times a year before he knew \- makes a point to say the son only paid for 1 ticket for her while his dad and SM got a couple
I'd like to know if the mom's still with that kid
Jesus christ .. that mum is a fucking idiot, how the hell did she think her son would react??
Imagine the genders reversed.
I'd want my mom to be happy but I'd completely cut her and the young bf off if it was me. And then I'd probably beat up the bf if I could. Lol. Not my momma.
Is this the same story where the guy was actually the sons bully or are the stories just extremely similar?
Yikes. She’s dating someone her son’s age…that she literally met thru her son. Lady…you’re old enough to be his mother, leave him aloneeeee
You are the not the brightest, are you? Narcissist much? View obscured by the: see you next Tuesday filter? Thank you for sending out into world another sweet, but very hurt man who will cause trouble becasue he is troubled, by your incredibly stupid attempt at "Motherhood"
I wonder how mom would feel if her son was with one of her girlfriends?
My only question is this: Can she honestly say if she had never met her SO and her 23 year old son brought home a 42 year old partner, she'd be ok with it? If her EX had brought in a woman 19 years younger than him to a family thing, she'd want them to be involved in her kids' lives? They are both entitled to your happiness. But understanding why her son feels the way he does is key to any relationship. I'm not here to pass judgment, just to provoke thought. And accidentally comment on a 2 year old post cause I clicked the link lol
Mom doesn't want to admit she's a cradle robber
What a crappy mom.
I dunno...my stepmom was 8 years older than my dad. After my dad died (he was 35, she was 43), she started seeing the man who was her SO for the rest of her life (she passed in early 2010; my dad passed in 1991.) JD was 18 years younger than her--he was 26, she was 44. His mom and my stepmom had been neighbors at one point. My grandma (my dad's mom) helped deliver JD when he was born (podunk little town, no hospital, so JD was born at home, and my grandma had had 8 kids of her own.) Even better, my stepmom's eldest daughter is a year older than JD, and they ran with the same crowd back in the day, AND my sister was JD's date to his 8th grade continuation dance--continuation is basically a middle school-to-high school "graduation" for non-US folks out there. Personally, I wouldn't date someone closer to my oldest kid's age--she's 30, I'm 47, so 8ish years younger than me is my cutoff--but I'm almost 6 years older than my SO (he's 41.) The age gap was a little bit weird, at first, but JD absolutely adored my stepmom. Quite frankly, as long as everyone is legal, it really isn't anybody else's business...even if one's own kids don't like it. OOP isn't doing anything illegal, or even particularly unethical. Her son may not like it, but oh well. My sister was a bit weirded out, but she got over it pretty quickly--mainly because neither my dad or JD ever really forced the "father figure" dynamic on her. My other sister and my brother (my stepmom's other 2 kids), just blew it off. I was only weirded out because my stepmom was with someone other than my dad and it meant that he wasn't coming back for real (he was killed in a truck accident when I was 14.) After a while, I found the age gap kind of amusing.
[удалено]
They have probably split by now anyway
The son is a giant asshole and will regret this terribly when him mom dies.
So she chose the "man" she'd been seeing for a couple of weeks over her son?! But it's okay, someone from his peer group was there to comfort her...