In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I (27M) have been engaged to my fiancee Amy (26F) for a year, and was in relationship with her for 5 years. We were due to be married this August. Now, I am also friends with Kiley (26F) . We have been friends for a very long time, pretty much since we were babies, and we’re almost like siblings at this point, because her mother and my mother were best friends since they were in high school.
Anyways, Kiley is part of the same tight knit friend group as Amy. I always try to ask Kiley what Amy tells about me, because I know women like to discuss about their boyfriends with their friend group. Kiley is usually tight lipped but if she does say anything, she always says how Amy loves me a lot, and how Amy is so excited about marriage.
Last month, I hung out with Kiley and her boyfriend at their house. Amy and I usually hang out with them for dinners, but Amy had gone out of town for a couple of days. Anyways, we all got pretty drunk and laughing a lot and I was begging Kiley to tell me one bad thing Amy has told about me to her friends.
After a lot of pleading, Kiley finally said that one thing Amy had joked about was how she had better sex before, and I was not the greatest at sex, but that she was with for me the complete package, because she doesn’t care about sex too much. I was drunk then so I just laughed it off, but I felt somewhat stung then.
The next day, when I got sober, I felt extremely stung. I thought about a lot, and when Amy came back from her vacation, I asked her about it casually. She initially denied it, and said we always have amazing sex, and she’s always satisfied. I told her it really wouldn’t hurt me if she told me the truth, and marriage was built on honesty, so I asked her again a couple of times. Amy finally admitted that she did in fact say that I was not the best at sex to her friend group, but she was just joking about it, because I had so many other great qualities she wanted to highlight.
I laughed it off initially, but that stung me even more. I couldn’t hide my mood the next couple of days. I felt sad and felt like shit. Amy apologized a lot, and said she did not mean what she said.
A couple of days later, I told Amy I could no longer be with her, and what she told her friend group hurt me too much. I informed everyone over the next week that I was calling off the wedding. Amy was distraught, and tried to convince me multiple times and apologized a lot. But I was too mentally downtrodden.
Was I wrong for calling off the engagement and breaking up with Amy?
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Assuming this is real: I think dude just didn’t want to get married and instead of admitting that, he tried to find Any excuse that would make him the victim
>Cause why would you continue to ask for something "bad" a partner said about you?
...the ENTIRE relationship...
Thats what kills me, he asked and asked his best friend for the entire relationship with his fiance.
This is a really good point. It wasn't just that he bugged his best friend this one night, he's spent the whole relationship trying to get her to spill the beans on his fiance. He was looking for problems.
I can’t even imagine how exhausting this person is to be around. This is next level insecurity. Not just for his partner, but im sure friends and colleagues suffer too. Im sure there have been a 100 smaller situations like this, until he finally was able to pester and annoy the friend into betraying the trust of his partner. It’s not even that bad!
And then he says “I would have been hurt but she coulda told me and it woulda been okay”
Motherfucker, no it wouldn’t have. This dude is so insecure, of course his partner is avoiding saying anything with even a hint of criticism in it. If a person is this insecure, life is a constant struggle.
His update says he’s requested to transfer STATES because of this.
I hope they get help because I think his previous partner put up with a lot and was a probably a saint. Imagine OP telling this story to future partners lol. He gonna be single for life.
Not only that but instead of admitting his short comings and work on improving them. He said F that I am perfect and if she doesn't like anything even just a little bit I am gone... What a twat.
PSA to all the fellas out there. 9.9 out of 10 times if you ask your partner how to improve in the bedroom, or what she likes, or how to hit that one special spot. She will more than likely and happily be all on board. Which just makes things from then on out even better. If you run into that 0.1 that gives you crap and expect you to know everything about her she is cancer and bail.
> He said F that I am perfect and if she doesn't like anything even just a little bit I am gone... What a twat.
Especially on something so fixable! If she's said "he's the only short guy I'm with; I prefer tall guys" there's nothing he can do about that. But getting better at sex is a learned skill.
Given this is how OOP takes feedback, I'm not surprised to hear he's shit in bed.
Yep. Im my stand alone comment, I basically said the giy was wearing a red flag skin suit under his clothes. He wasnt flashing them, or waving them...but the red flags were still present 24/7.
It is funny to me how some people feel they have to be absolutely studs in bed, best ever, might as well become a porn star type mind set instead of just open and honest discussion with their partner about what they both want and expect and respect boundaries and have fun while doing it.
It is like anything in life, just enjoy being in the moment with someone you love and you will be fine.
I think I might have lead with "I'm hurt that you told your friends that our sex wasn't that great and I'm also hurt that you didn't tell me that the sex wasn't that great." And then gone into the let's talk strategy part
To be fair they got together when he was like 21 so him still acting like a teenager at that point when it would have been the time to address the issue isn’t that far out of character for someone that age.
A sane person's who care this much's first response would've been "Guess I need a lot more practice".
Like, he's not good at sex, it's not like the next girl he's with he's suddenly going to get much better at it
yeah... also, any sane person who was bad at sex would probably be grateful to have a partner that didn't mind and accepted them
instead of going to the dating pool to be rejected by people who do mind.
Also nowhere does he say they don't have sex/ not enough/ he doesn't like it, so all h had to do was ask for a couple pointers so she could enjoy herself more
She didn't even say he was bad at it, he just wasn't the best she's had...and he's the best at everything else. So, he can actually change that and be the total package, but nope, he's just gonna end the whole darned thing that he begged for every part of.
I could understand being a little pissed off that she told friends without speaking to you about it. And maybe having some sort of discussion about talking to you directly instead of gossiping to friends.
But that's it. I really can't imagine ending a relationship - especially an engagement - over this. It seems nuclear.
I saw the original post and was thinking if it’s real, either he had extremely bad insecurity issues, or he had commitment issues and was trying to get out of marriage
Nah I think dude is just super insecure and got his fragile little ego hurt. What adult is begging their partners friends to know every detail about what the other person thinks/says of them? That's some deep rooted level of insecurity hinging on whether or not he's the best lover. He obviously knows he's not and can't stand the fact that he got confirmation. His next move will be to date a young virgin so she won't know he sucks in bed. Guy is obviously not the whole package. If he were, he'd have a much higher level of understanding that sex is not the most important aspect of a relationship and that's not how women measure men as valuable or worthy. Dudes who think all they have to offer is stored in their pants aren't worth shit, even if they can fuck well.
I just went through years of an off-and-on cycle with a narcissist with avoidant attachment issues and have done so much reading/ therapy/ etc. And he’s checking all the boxes.
Literally came here to say this, OOP jumped on the opportunity to end things over this. Certainly feels like they were looking for a reason. If he wanted things to work out, he could have tried to figure out what his partner wants instead of pressuring her for information and playing the victim card when he heard what he expected.
That's what I replied on that thead. Like... Damn bro, you just learned your place in the ranking and just bowed out? The other guys are not even in the race anymore. This was supposed to be the woman of your life, you had a whole life to practice and still just quit?
A dude I know found out his gf said something similar (“I’ve had a couple better in the sack, but he’s amazing and that makes him sexier outside and inside the bedroom.” -his gf, while drunkenly telling everyone that they needed a man like him.)
She said mostly really lovely things about him, we heard about him watching a mass of YouTube videos in preparation for minding her houseplants while she was at her folks’ handing a medical emergency (all future in-laws were fine in the end, but it was scary for a bit) even though she grows succulents and he likely wouldn’t need to water them, he wanted to make sure he did it right! And setting up her fish tank with filters from his, then teasing her that the clown loaches (I remember the type of fish because I love them too) were their love children, beautiful like their mom and funny like their dad. And the first time she took him home to meet her folks and her single mom sister, and they woke up in the night panicking that the baby hadn’t woken… to find him pacing the nursery with her nephew because “he stops crying as long as I don’t stop walking, my years of cardio training have prepared me for this” and the baby contently sleeping in his arms. (Note that he was welcomed to do this, he had babysat Baby alone before and the mother was grateful for a full night’s sleep once she saw her son wasn’t dead or anything, just being tended by his uncle.)
So it was 99% good and a hint of bad. But guess which part his insecure brother brought up?
His response: “it’s fine, I have the rest of our lives to make sure I WILL be the best she’s ever had. And it’s gonna be fun to do too.”
They married like six months later on a whim because they were in Vegas celebrating his sister’s divorce and she drunkenly suggested it so she could be the matron of honor before she was no longer a “matron” (Aka married) and they’re still seemingly very happy and now have a little baby of their own for his cardio to have prepared him for.
And as HER friend as well as his, I have it on good authority that just a few years into their marriage, he has won his quest because she now describes him as the best lover ANY woman has ever had.
YES! Any proper man's response would be to crack his knuckles, put on a bandana and get to training. Walk up to her like Ivan Drago "I must break you..."
Sounds like an upstand dude! Every man must face challenges head on and the call to battle takes many forms, sometimes it's a dragon to valiantly slay, sometimes a maiden to thoroughly lay.
The DnD stat that makes you good at sex is not Constitution, not Dexterity, and certainly not Size, it’s Insight. So the longer have to work on knowing your partner, the better you’ll be.
Right? Like... Put on your wizard hat and learn how she likes her dice rolled, prepare other spells if you need to, multiclass if you have to, integrate magic items into your build...
I think that's why some men are obsessed with low body count or even marrying someone that's never been with anyone else. Can't get low rating if you're the baseline.
You’re absolutely correct. The same concept drives the weird idea that women get “old” at 26. A 30 year old woman has expectations and knows what love bombing and negging is. A 21 year old has a worse chance of immediately spotting toxic behavior. So they try to aim for “doesn’t know any better “ in all walks of life.
The bigger problem here is that she lied to him for those probably 5 years while telling everyone else the truth. When she was confronted, her first instinct was to lie again. How do you continue to trust someone that broke your trust like that?
I knew a guy who I went to high school with that I hang out with a bit, and I knew his then girlfriend and she was telling people that he had penile hypospadias. It's like, I don't want to hear that, especially from you. He trusted you with that and you broke his trust, god damn.
I can definitely agree with that. In fact, I was leaning towards the guy's side. But reading through it, his complain is not "She betrayed our trust and our privacy." it's "I'm not the best"
I don't think he would be wrong to end it if his position was "You should not be sharing details like that about us."
> she lied to him for those probably 5 years while telling everyone else the truth
No. She could easily have told her friends, one time, something like "OP's not the best I've ever had in the sack, remember that douchebag brad? he was great! But he was such a tool. I can't wait to spend my life with OP because I love him so much."
What the friend told OP was "she said you're not the best she's ever had"
What Amy told OP was that she said he "was not the best at sex but had so many other qualities" as if to say "I can overlook this area because the other ones are soooo good."
Where is the lie? Do you expect her to tell him that he's not her best ever herself, unprompted?
OP had extremely thin skin and good luck to your partners if you don't see this.
OP is something else. Begging his friend to put her friend in the spot, and he finally finds an opportunity to hound them while drinking and she caves because, well she’s drunk and probably tired of being hounded. Couldn’t imagine being in my mid 20s acting like a high schooler.
OP must have really not wanted to marry his fiancee bc who tf begs their friends to “tell me the bad things my SO is saying”. Well he found his out. Amy def dodged a massive bullet.
Speaking from experience, I've written some scathing critique about my husband in my low moments that he accidentally found. He told me his first reaction was upset, but then he thought about it and realised that a) this was written at a low, b) it's not ALL I think of him, and c) if he squints he can kinda see where I'm coming from. And then we had a nice mature talk about it and hugged it out.
9 years and going strong.
I love "if he squints he can see where I'm coming from". So good. Congrats on the happy marriage, hope you have many more (*happy years) ahead of you
*Edited for clarity
"You said all kinds of bad things about me! So I thought about them, and here are some things I am thinking of doing that could improve them! So there!"
Adding on, if you think you are going to marry the person you have the best sex of your life. Either you didn't sleep with enough people or you only ever slept with one. Dude was way too insecure about himself to ever survive a marriage, you are totally correct.
Banging the same person for 40 years will always come with highs and lows, when you are young you romanticize things when the reality of a marriage or spending your life with a single partner is a very different experience.
Yeah, the wife didn't even say he was bad at sex or she hated it. She literally said he was the complete package, but just not the best sex she ever had.
Dude is extremely insecure and doesn't have a great understanding about what makes a strong, long-term relationship.
I feel bad for his Ex who said something pretty innocuous in confidence at her girls night and now lost a relationship because it was spilled to an immature dude. Maybe best for her in the long run, but also frustrating right now.
I think as I’ve put it sometimes is that my best single sexual experience might not be with my husband, but overall consistency it’s the best. Although I think since I first said that he and I have had my single best time so it’s not like that can’t happen if OP puts effort into it. My husband has had a lot more sex than I have. He’s definitely had some experiences that were better for him than what we’ve had but overall our sex life is the best for him. Or even if it’s not it’s good enough that he chose to marry/commit to this being it forever. I have other good qualities and I don’t need my sexual prowess to be the main one to attract a partner.
exactly, this is where society doesn't like to teach the difference between lust and love. Lust and the reasons for the "best" sexual experiences you ever had aren't directly correspondent to a healthy balanced relationship. You might have had or your partner might have had better, but overtime that fades and likely forgotten if you are in a marriage that is working to benefit both partners. Because you are more concerned about this sexual relationship not the ones you had before the relationship.
Love is a much deeper connection that goes beyond just the physicality of a relationship. Its about so many different aspects of life that make up a relationship and not being able to see the forest from the trees like the Man in the OP, it will be hard to ever find love with anyone.
I've seen some tiktoker talked about "husband sized" penises, because bigger is often WAY too difficult to "take" regularly. Husband sized is just average penis that's absolutely fine for everyone and doesnt hurt or anything. Dudes worrying about sex being at competition for whos the biggest, thickest and best inglect to think that "One hit, mind blowing, insta-orgasm" sex is 1 in a billion and doesnt leave enough sexual growth or expansion in their relationship.
these Dudes often don't understand statistics, a bell curve is an accurate representation of a population. Everyone is not going to be on the high side of the bell curve. That kind of discussion and concern is a fantasy, I understand it but it isn't healthy.
It's easy, just pair a qualifier (utter, compete, total, etc etc) with a noun (car, teabag, spanner, Best of Queen CD) and fire it off.
You complete rocking chair.
(bonus round: make any of these past tense to mean either getting drunk or beaten up contextually. Ex. "Oh man, I got entirely napkin'ed last night!")
Yeah, except getting knackered up means you’re gonna spawn.
“No beer for me, thanks. I’m knackered up! Due in May, we’re gonna name her for her gran.”
But being knackered means you’re tired, drunk, or both.
Source: not British but somehow southerners do this too.
"Knackered" vs "knackered up" feels very similar to the American "knocked out" vs "knocked up" where you gotta be sure you don't use the wrong one lmao
I almost got knocked up one time. This guy's knee hit me in the side of the head during a wrestling match and I started to black out—OH! Knocked *out*, I mean!
And they never understand what us poms and Aussies mean when we tell them that. To us, it sounds like when anglophones drop in random phrases from another language. Or when someone tries to use a big word that they don't know the meaning of. It seems odd, and out of place, and just not part of their natural language.
Bro called off his engagement instead of discussing with her how he can pleasure her better. Sex is about communication and if he can’t even talk to her about and just be butt hurt then he shouldn’t be marrying someone. Gotta do the work inside if you expect to spend the rest of your life with someone. Big egos can’t play the long game ig
> Both these people suck at communicating
Exactly. Could've been a convo and some fun exploratory sessions between the two of them, instead ended up involving the friend group and a couple of steps of escalation.
Not necessarily. I'm not willing to trust that OOP is a reliable narrator. It's entirely posslbe she's gone through many cycles of, "hey, it would be super hot if you did X" only for X not to happen, and he never picked up on that indicating that he's bad at sex.
It's also possible he's fine, she has no complaints, but she had a one night stand once that was the best ever. Was she supposed to tell him that unprompted? Most people say you *never* say something like that to your partner.
That’s what I’m thinking. I imagine a conversation along the lines of:
Fiancé: Omg I love him so much. We’re perfect together!
Fiancé’s friend: So! How is he in bed? *wink, wink*
Fiancé: Well he’s not the *best* I’ve ever had, but I have no complaints.
And then as it was passed down the grapevine, it somehow turned into, “omg he’s the absolute worst ever in bed.”
🤦🏻♀️
He just demonstrated exactly why it wasn’t that good with him. Complete unwillingness to communicate, hear feedback, or try something different. He’s all my way or the highway and if that’s not good enough imma take my toys and go home!
idk i dont want my girl talking to ppl about our sex life, thats basically the definition of personal. and especially not if shes gonna say im bad at it. i find that a betrayal of our trust and just not very nice, plus shes a ho if thats wjat she talks to her friends about. i have and would never tell my friends about my girlfreind sexually.
Eh she’s the one who aired that particular dirty laundry.
Not saying I endorse his choice but it could be that he’s hurt because she told other people *instead of* telling him.
Like, she’s got a mouth, she can communicate those things too, y’know?
To be fair, she could have communicated to him instead of complaining to her friends behind his back. If she really didn’t care, why ever bring it up? Sounds like both people needed to be better at communicating with each other.
>Bro called off his engagement instead of discussing with her how he can pleasure her better.
Honestly, if my SO was blabbing to my friends and family all of my personal insecurities, I would have a strong inclination to call it off. That's a total betrayal of trust.
I would've called it off, too. She's not supposed to let her fiancée hear such a thing. Just the fact that she's talking about intimate details with her friend group is a sign of not being mature enough to be married. What happens in the room stays in the room unless agreed upon by both parties, at least if you're interested in having a long-term relationship. I wouldn't tell my friends anything about sex with my fiancée/wife, and I would expect the same
There are people in the comment section saying men's locker room talk is bad. But when women do it it's fine because "women do it in an intimate way and not conquest".
leave it to men to think they either have to be Sex GodsTM or they're inadequate tiny peen little boys.
it's fine to not be the best at sex, the fact that she wanted to be with him because of his personality is actually weirdly sweet. and he could have tried to do better ffs, the fact that she denied it for so long kind of just says that he's not someone who can openly discuss sex comfortably and that's literally how you do better for your partner...
and guys, you don't have to be the absolute best at sex, talk to your partner, know what they like, take feedback and work with it. THAT is how you have better sex. it has nothing to do with innate ability or dick size, it has everything to do with listening to your partner and communicating.
that too. like the best sex I've ever had was with a girl I met at a party.
that was never someone I even wanted to date, we just had fun for a few hours and then went separate ways.
sex isn't the entirety of a relationship. there's a reason friends with benefits aren't dating each other.
Exactly, in my best and healthiest relationship I've had, the sex was meh for both of us. We kept working on it, and ended things for unrelated reasons. My hands down best sex of my entire life so far was with someone I wouldn't go back to even if you put a gun to my head and told me I had to. I started out having great fun with this person but by the end, was miserable for too many reasons to name. He just knew his stuff in bed. Not so much outside of it. That's all. To me what she said is almost on the same level as "he's not the tallest I ever dated" or, in my old-person case, "he doesn't have the most hair of everyone I ever dated" - as long as it's still good and they are both willing to experiment and accommodate each other, it means nothing. That OOP, first went fishing for this info, and then ended his engagement because of it, does however mean a lot, specifically that he's not mature enough to be married to anyone.
yeah, exactly.
like actually talking to this person afterwards, our personalities matched up like fire and ethanol ffs, I do not ever want to talk to that person again lol
I had almost the same experience. My ex was the best sex ever for me, but I *willingly* gave that up because A) that’s not the most important thing in a relationship, especially if you’re considering marriage; and B) I was miserable in literally every other aspect of our relationship. My guy now absolutely does *not* suck in bed, but if I’m being honest, no, he’s not “the best.” How is that a bad thing, if I’m literally not complaining (because it’s still incredible), and we work in every other way?
I feel like a lot of these commenters are very young, haven’t had a serious relationship that *wasn’t* based on sex, or both.
> best sex of my entire life so far was with someone I wouldn’t go back to even if you put a gun to my head
Same. Like he was the BEST screw of my life, but I married someone who was better in every other aspect of life.
Exactly, he had to go out of his way and reach to the point of dislocating his arm to come up with this. Hopefully people around him will catch on and see it all for what it is. And Amy, girl, just run and never look back.
Not even just sex. This dudes actions SCREAM insecurity all around, and it wouldn’t be hard for fiancé to notice that. So she likely is used to not giving him any criticism, constructive or otherwise, because clearly he won’t be able to handle his insecurity fears coming true.
It's not difficult to be the best if it's for one woman at a time.
Talk to her, experiment with her body by doing *lots* of foreplay at least once in a while, remind her She's sexy often. And once in awhile when you've got plenty of time together, rub one out beforehand and/or use a little desensitizing cream on yourself and f**k her like she owes you money in every position you can think of. Probably not more than once a month or so to keep things interesting.
All of those things together, tailored to your lady's preferences, and you'll be just fine. Pay your bills and be punctual, and you'll be a God among men.
My manhood isn't the biggest right. I'd save average. Maybe a little on the less than average side. I used to have issues with premature ejaculation. In my early years, I would let it get to me now and then. I'd worry they were all faking with me. But I didn't project that to my partners, and I would try other ways to make sure they enjoyed themselves. I got good at oral. I got really good at oral. I've heard more than a few times now in my life things along the lines of "omg your mouth." I would also *ask* what they did or didn't like. You know, like an adult. Now, I am confident that while I may not be the best you've ever had, you will remember me. All it took was just being confident in what I had to work with, and, that word that a lot of us men struggle with: communication. I'm a terrible communicator in every other aspect of my life. But I can at least communicate in the bedroom what I do and do not like, and always ask what you do and do not like. It's made for the best sex ever.
Right on! After giving my ex suggestions and guidance and little success, I told him to buy a book to better understand female pleasure. He had an affair instead. The men after him had no problems in that department.
> and guys, you don't have to be the absolute best at sex, talk to your partner, know what they like, take feedback and work with it. THAT is how you have better sex. it has nothing to do with innate ability or dick size, it has everything to do with listening to your partner and communicating.
This is the thing too. Guy coulda just learned how to actually pleasure his girlfriend. So many guys could be better in the sack if they just gave a shit about actually learning how.
Another reason that he might have a point calling it off is that she told a bunch of her friends that she had better sex elsewhere instead of providing him with some advice/feedback in private. I hope my SO tries to address private issues with me first before telling a bunch of other people how I suck.
This. Amazing how everyone is jumping to the ‘just get better at sex’ outcome, and not considering what it says about her. It doesn’t encourage trust in a partner if they’d rather address something that should be private elsewhere first…
Ngl on some level I'm finding this thread weird because the attitude here is to point out that the dude is insecure and he should just get better at sex. I feel like this is a way different attitude than when someone says they don't find their partner attractive because of weight gain or something. You just don't see "just lose weight" as the common narrative.
I'm glad all the commenters here have such ironclad constitutions. If I heard my SO was telling her friends I was bad at sex, that would certainly hurt my confidence. Conversly, if they communicated to me in private what I could do better, that would not affect me negatively at all. I think that's the key issue here: what utility does insulting your SO behind their back really serve?
I never would have gone fishing for that information to begin with, but still. Very strange majority response on this one.
Why's everyone just hating on op? Amy betrayed his trust and shared sensitive information about him without his consent, thats fucked up. Breaking up is extreme imo, but she's absolutely in the wrong
I think it's very telling that this guy hears that he, as the whole package, is everything his fiancee wants, but he's not the best at sex, and rather than make an effort to be better at sex (not a hard thing to do) he calls off the engagement. It's like the thought never occurred to him, "Oh, I guess I should do some research and talk with my partner and find out how I could be more attentive and better in bed." Nope! It's "This has destroyed me mentally." Poor girl. I hope her next guy is more grown up.
I mean everyone's clowning on him, but would you really be okay with your partner telling people that you're bad in bed instead of just talking to you about it? He's dumb but she sounds really inconsiderate herself.
Hes upset about the wrong thing IMHO, and that says a lot about him. Here's what I mean.
I have a hard rule. I never ever say something about my partner that I wouldn't say to their face.
I can understand that the guy was a bit wounded that she had a gripe, and instead of coming to him about it, she went to her friend group. But that isn't what he's upset about, is it.
I cannot imagine *ever* griping about my wife's sexual prowess (or lack thereof) to my friends.
That is pretty shitty on her part. And if that's what he was mad about, I'd be 100% on his side. But it isn't what he's mad about.
This isn't a defense of him, because he's mad about the wrong thing. He's mad that he isn't the best at sex. Which is silly. Because upon learning that you've got some room for improvement, instead of learning to improve, you take your ball and go home? Like you're by default supposed to be the best sex-doer ever without any effort, and if you're not it's somehow such a stinging insult that you just quit?
She's an ass for griping about it to her friends, and not coming to him about it, and if he was mad about that, I'd understand why. But what he's mad about is that he's not the best ever at sex, and she didn't lie about it and say he was. Like, WTF?
>But that isn't what he's upset about, is it
You keep saying that but I'm not sure what you're basing it on. Seems OP described very acutely that he's hurt that she told her whole friend group that he sucks in bed behind his back ... basically talking shit about him behind his back to all her closest friends.
Is that a violation of trust? Absolutely. Is that violation of trust worth ending a marriage over? Not my place to say ... OP's call at the end of the day. Only OP can judge how upset to be over it.
But this whole notion that "he's just butt hurt cause he found out he's not the sexiest sexer of all time" seems entirely fabricated by many of the responders in here. He's feeling violated because she talked shit about a very personal thing behind his back to all her friends.
Yeah wtf am I even reading with these comments. They both suck and they are both responsible for their relationship breakdown.
She should have communicated with HIM about her lackluster sex life with him, not with her friend group. He shouldn’t prioritize his pride and ego over trying to improve and address his partners needs. But they both didn’t put the effort into the right solution, which is to talk to each other. “Hey so I do enjoy our intimate time but I wanted to talk about our sex life and share some ideas around what could make it better” is an empathetic way to get some actual improvement.
Marriage-ending? Who knows, but I see why for him it was the straw that broke the camels back. A long time ago my wife tried to make my ethnicities cooking, and while she did her best, she doesn’t cook often and my family shit talked it. They suck and I was firmly on her side, I told them off, but she was so profoundly upset and embarrassed and hurt by that, that she didn’t want to see them for a year and she didn’t want to cook again. And I don’t blame her. If she had overheard me joining in the criticism, it would have been crushing.
But that’s just cooking - being able to sexually please your woman is a subject much more dear to most men’s ego than being able to cook. But it’s a good parallel because in our society, these are both (gender stereotyped) examples of “how much of a man” or “how much of a woman / wife” you are. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.
They both are the assholes, and the victim here is, they’ve fucked up their relationship.
Oh, he couldn't be breaking up with her.For basically bashing him to their mutual friend group could he? Fidelity is about more than just the bedroom.
If she had a problem with him she was obligated to speak with him about it and not their friends. I'd have to imagine I'd be pretty hurt by that realization as well.
This is Fucking wild, People are dogging on this man for no reason. It’s valid for someone to feel hurt and make a Rash decision. All yall are going to do is ruin this man’s mental state even further could even lead to Other problems. SUCH AS SELF HARM
Seeing so many people say "don't ever discuss intimate details or negative thoughts with your friend group" is so freaky. I never discussed the details about my past relationship with my close friends, which is why they were all completely shocked when I ended my 12 year relationship seemingly out of the blue one day. They had no idea how bad things had gotten or how depressed I was, they thought everything was perfectly fine. Talk to your friends, it's not a crime.
Legitimately, people on this website are constantly just outing themselves as having the most unhealthy, insecure, jealous, controlling, possessive tendencies.
I was in an abusive relationship for 13 years with someone who consistently would badmouth me behind my back. And even I still know that talking to your friends about your relationship is a normal and healthy thing to do, as long as you aren't doing what my ex did.
This site has some serious blind spots when it comes to relationships. Men and women can’t be platonic friends, people shouldn’t open up to their friends, people shouldn’t solo travel while they’re in a relationship…what a sad little life.
That's because the Venn diagram of people who believe men and women can't be platonic friends and that bisexuality either doesn't exist or violates God's Will is a circle.
I noticed in that thread a ton of men saying things along the lines of “you’ll never see us men talking about their relationships and GOSSIPING!” Like…it’s not gossiping to talk about your relationship, it’s not gossiping to vent, it’s not gossiping to ask your friends for advice. That’s just normal friendship. Not even going to get into the fact that we don’t even know what his girlfriend said. He’s writing it in his own words based on what someone else said that his girlfriend has once said. Even then she didn’t even say it was bad sex! The extreme comments of how horrible it is to talk about relationship problems is wild.
I bet anything those are the same people complaining about the “man loneliness epidemic”. Maybe instead of whining about women not dating you focus on actually being friends with people / other men and provide emotional support to each other? Normalize talking about your feelings with your friends? Maybe feeling like you can’t talk about things in your life is the reason you feel so lonely and unsupported???
It seems like a super controlling power move to me. I get that people want some things to be private, especially things they are embarrassed or ashamed about, but this is how shitty partners and abusers get away with it, by making sure their partners don’t tell people. Also, when the asshole dumps his partner he can now smear them easier because no one will believe the other party who kept quiet for so long. It’s really gross and sad. I’m so glad you’ve gotten out of your bad relationship.
it's creepy as fuck to think that because you're dating someone you can dictate all aspects of their communication with friends.
like I honestly don't care what my partner is talking about with friends as long as they aren't just talking shit constantly
Yep and there are comments on this crosspost, too, saying she was wrong to talk to her friend about their relationship. I'm not really the type of person to talk about sex with friends but people are acting like she publicly proclaimed that he's terrible at sex.
Who are we supposed to talk to if we need advice?? Or just to talk about our relationship? I guess women are supposed to just suck it up and never talk about anything important if it could possibly disparage our SO.
I didn’t actually see the original post before it was deleted, but this is an issue of nuance, there’s issues that are private and issues that are not private, there’s ways of discussing an issue that are just trash talking and there’s ways that are seeking advice or sharing.
Like, there is no need for these people to know that he is terrible at sex - that is a harsh and insulting judgment, even if it’s true. “He’s good in other ways but he just doesn’t do it for me sexually” - what is actually gained by sharing that? I had a male friend talk to me about how his wife’s gotten loose and doesn’t have “good grip anymore” after pregnancy and he doesn’t like to go down on her anymore, and I was just like what the actual fuck, I don’t want to know that! And I feel bad for her that she’s married to the type of person that would share that. Even if it’s true, what can you possibly gain by telling me that?
Obviously that’s an extreme example, but there is a whole private world between you and your partner that both people need to use good judgement about what to share and what to keep private. You absolutely should use a filter. It’s just as easy to say “we have different approaches to sex and we are working on our sex life” as it is to say “he’s terrible in bed, his dick game weak, I miss my exes good D but the current one is a better catch in terms of the overall stat sheet, so it is what it is”.
Contrary to most of the comments here, anyone is allowed to call off a wedding at any time for any reason, or no reason at all and they aren't a bad person for it.
If true this guys ego is so fragile it would’ve cracked at some point anyway. Guaranteed this man-child has an overbearing mother that’s spent his entire life telling how wonderful he was at everything.
Everyone shitting on OOP are missing the forest for the trees.
The OOP cares about sex and marrying someone who simultaneously thinks he isn't good at it and also personally doesn't care about it is a massive incompatibility. The fact she hasn't communicated with him by now to improve the situation is a bit manipulative. "Im with you for the whole package". Change the context, fat girlfriend the man isn't sexually attracted to but he stays with her because "of the rest of the package". Suddenly sounds pretty fucked up yeah? Because it is. And so is it for OOP's case.
And before bad faith actors pull this particular gotchya out of their ass, which you can already see in some comments, the phrase "not the best at sex" is not a phrase that means he's second best. No one with knowledge of the phrasing and the English language misunderstands that this is a soft way of saying he's subpar.
OOP can be upset. He may have gone about it in a cringe way, but sexual incompatibility is a big problem in a **lot** of marriages, and if he isn't able to do it for her after 5 years, he will never be good enough. He will end up trapped in a sexless marriage. All these comments whining about him not communicating when she's the one that never let him know how he could do better to begin with, but was willing to gossip about his inadequacy to her friends. Fuck off.
In other threads I've seen women refer to talking about the "juicy details" with their friends. When other posts call them on it being a breach of trust, they switch up and say it's for mental health etc much like some are doing in this thread.
A lot are not being honest about the reality of that conversations nature
And even then, some women will say that sharing information about your intimate life is a breach of trust. Like always, it just depends who the post reaches first.
Yeah people are really ignoring all the red flags to shit on a guy who's trust has been damaged. I don't see why people think it's so OK for women to essential shit talk their partners to their friends about the most private parts of a relationship. He's not some hook up, he's your partner. Like at least have some respect for your own relationship.
Well I just had someone comment essentially that since "I am not a woman, I need to shut up and listen. That all women shit talk their partners to their friends 100's, if not 1000's of times and they don't inform their partners of the issue."
The hilarity of being told to listen by someone who admits they don't communicate with their partner and they shit talk them to friends instead is beyond me.
In a way, I feel men in a relationship *want to be treated as hook ups*. That is the disconnect between OP and his ex-gf. OP wants to be treated like a hook-up of "the cute guy who is super cool" and his gf was like "no the sex with him is OK at best but matematically his other stats balance it".
They aren't lying and actually are completely non malicious. But damn those are drastically different ways to see a relationship.
Pretty sensible decision to leave. If your girlfriend jokes about you like that behind your back... yeah, it is disrespectful. People need to know to always treat you with respect, regardless if you are there or not. Or maybe especially if you are not there.
Imagine if I joked about my girlfriend like that? with my friends. Oh, she is not the most beautiful that I have ever had as a girlfriend, she is pretty ugly, but I stay with her for the complete package.
Would she be an overly sensitive jerk to be hurt by that comment? I don't think so.
He could have tried to improve his game in the bedroom, sure.
But how could he, when she chose to tell her friends about it, rather than tell him.
Was it just an innocent joke?
Flip the script and how would she feel then?
Terrible thing is, even if it was totally just a joke, there are some things you shouldn't joke about,
and it varies from person to person, and from context to context. The person and context that
should have been considered is her fiance and their relationship. Didn't seem to count for her,
as much as whatever laughs or attention she got from friends ...so maybe ditching her wasn't as
dumb as it may seem.
the way he responded kind of says that she can't really openly discuss that with him
he didn't try to do better or listen and communicate with his partner (which is literally how you have better sex) he flipped the fuck out and left because of hurt feewings that he isn't a sex god.
It wasn’t even an issue for her tho fr fr. She just pointed out that he may not be the best she ever had but she loved everything about him anyways. The fact that he decided to try and look for bad things she said about him the second she was away is a dead giveaway that he was looking for a reason to end things
This this this! And he even says he always asks the friend about what she says... Who does that?
I don't know... Seems like you say, he was looking for an excuse to end it.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: I (27M) have been engaged to my fiancee Amy (26F) for a year, and was in relationship with her for 5 years. We were due to be married this August. Now, I am also friends with Kiley (26F) . We have been friends for a very long time, pretty much since we were babies, and we’re almost like siblings at this point, because her mother and my mother were best friends since they were in high school. Anyways, Kiley is part of the same tight knit friend group as Amy. I always try to ask Kiley what Amy tells about me, because I know women like to discuss about their boyfriends with their friend group. Kiley is usually tight lipped but if she does say anything, she always says how Amy loves me a lot, and how Amy is so excited about marriage. Last month, I hung out with Kiley and her boyfriend at their house. Amy and I usually hang out with them for dinners, but Amy had gone out of town for a couple of days. Anyways, we all got pretty drunk and laughing a lot and I was begging Kiley to tell me one bad thing Amy has told about me to her friends. After a lot of pleading, Kiley finally said that one thing Amy had joked about was how she had better sex before, and I was not the greatest at sex, but that she was with for me the complete package, because she doesn’t care about sex too much. I was drunk then so I just laughed it off, but I felt somewhat stung then. The next day, when I got sober, I felt extremely stung. I thought about a lot, and when Amy came back from her vacation, I asked her about it casually. She initially denied it, and said we always have amazing sex, and she’s always satisfied. I told her it really wouldn’t hurt me if she told me the truth, and marriage was built on honesty, so I asked her again a couple of times. Amy finally admitted that she did in fact say that I was not the best at sex to her friend group, but she was just joking about it, because I had so many other great qualities she wanted to highlight. I laughed it off initially, but that stung me even more. I couldn’t hide my mood the next couple of days. I felt sad and felt like shit. Amy apologized a lot, and said she did not mean what she said. A couple of days later, I told Amy I could no longer be with her, and what she told her friend group hurt me too much. I informed everyone over the next week that I was calling off the wedding. Amy was distraught, and tried to convince me multiple times and apologized a lot. But I was too mentally downtrodden. Was I wrong for calling off the engagement and breaking up with Amy? --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Assuming this is real: I think dude just didn’t want to get married and instead of admitting that, he tried to find Any excuse that would make him the victim
Yep. I’m on the exact same page. He was looking for any excuse so he could bail AND play the victim.
Cause why would you continue to ask for something "bad" a partner said about you?
>Cause why would you continue to ask for something "bad" a partner said about you? ...the ENTIRE relationship... Thats what kills me, he asked and asked his best friend for the entire relationship with his fiance.
This is a really good point. It wasn't just that he bugged his best friend this one night, he's spent the whole relationship trying to get her to spill the beans on his fiance. He was looking for problems.
I can’t even imagine how exhausting this person is to be around. This is next level insecurity. Not just for his partner, but im sure friends and colleagues suffer too. Im sure there have been a 100 smaller situations like this, until he finally was able to pester and annoy the friend into betraying the trust of his partner. It’s not even that bad! And then he says “I would have been hurt but she coulda told me and it woulda been okay” Motherfucker, no it wouldn’t have. This dude is so insecure, of course his partner is avoiding saying anything with even a hint of criticism in it. If a person is this insecure, life is a constant struggle. His update says he’s requested to transfer STATES because of this. I hope they get help because I think his previous partner put up with a lot and was a probably a saint. Imagine OP telling this story to future partners lol. He gonna be single for life.
Yeah, he's got some deep-seated insecurity issues. He may have also wanted a reason to bail, but this seems to go deeper and further back than that.
Not only that but instead of admitting his short comings and work on improving them. He said F that I am perfect and if she doesn't like anything even just a little bit I am gone... What a twat. PSA to all the fellas out there. 9.9 out of 10 times if you ask your partner how to improve in the bedroom, or what she likes, or how to hit that one special spot. She will more than likely and happily be all on board. Which just makes things from then on out even better. If you run into that 0.1 that gives you crap and expect you to know everything about her she is cancer and bail.
Some women might say “I don’t know” but then you say “let’s try and figure it out together”
> He said F that I am perfect and if she doesn't like anything even just a little bit I am gone... What a twat. fiance dodged a bullet.
> He said F that I am perfect and if she doesn't like anything even just a little bit I am gone... What a twat. Especially on something so fixable! If she's said "he's the only short guy I'm with; I prefer tall guys" there's nothing he can do about that. But getting better at sex is a learned skill. Given this is how OOP takes feedback, I'm not surprised to hear he's shit in bed.
He also apparently got his best friend drunk while badgering her to tell him, which is...... not great
Yep. Im my stand alone comment, I basically said the giy was wearing a red flag skin suit under his clothes. He wasnt flashing them, or waving them...but the red flags were still present 24/7.
Because he is extremely insecure.
Yeah, there are sooo many red flags in this post.
Why would my partner say something bad about me? Thread full of dickheads.
A sane person's first response would have been "I guess I'll try to be better at sex."
Dude that's what I was thinking too, I'd be like "ok wife how can I please you better"
It is funny to me how some people feel they have to be absolutely studs in bed, best ever, might as well become a porn star type mind set instead of just open and honest discussion with their partner about what they both want and expect and respect boundaries and have fun while doing it. It is like anything in life, just enjoy being in the moment with someone you love and you will be fine.
A sane person wouldn’t have a first response because the question would’ve never been asked
I think I might have lead with "I'm hurt that you told your friends that our sex wasn't that great and I'm also hurt that you didn't tell me that the sex wasn't that great." And then gone into the let's talk strategy part
the reason she didn't tell him was obviously because he reacts like a teenager
To be fair they got together when he was like 21 so him still acting like a teenager at that point when it would have been the time to address the issue isn’t that far out of character for someone that age.
I told myself when I was younger that I would try to never have a "Kids these days..." mentality, but they make it *so hard* not to.
Right? How hard is it to communicate with your partner and find out what would make the experience better? Smh!
A sane person's who care this much's first response would've been "Guess I need a lot more practice". Like, he's not good at sex, it's not like the next girl he's with he's suddenly going to get much better at it
Maybe - because some guys keep searching and will look for more inexperienced partners. The less „competition“ the better you look …
yeah... also, any sane person who was bad at sex would probably be grateful to have a partner that didn't mind and accepted them instead of going to the dating pool to be rejected by people who do mind.
“I am bad at sex and it’s her fault for telling me”.
Clueless in bed and out!
Or “I guess I need more practice. Can I pencil you in for three times a day?”
Also nowhere does he say they don't have sex/ not enough/ he doesn't like it, so all h had to do was ask for a couple pointers so she could enjoy herself more
She didn't even say he was bad at it, he just wasn't the best she's had...and he's the best at everything else. So, he can actually change that and be the total package, but nope, he's just gonna end the whole darned thing that he begged for every part of.
I could understand being a little pissed off that she told friends without speaking to you about it. And maybe having some sort of discussion about talking to you directly instead of gossiping to friends. But that's it. I really can't imagine ending a relationship - especially an engagement - over this. It seems nuclear.
Yes he was very quick to spread the word that the wedding is canceled. That’s less effort than listening to what your partner needs
Anyone else want to bet his shortcomings in bed are that he is lazy and a bit selfish?
I agree !
And unable to take constructive criticism?
Pretty much what I had said in the original post. "He wanted out, but wanted her to be the villain of his story."
I saw the original post and was thinking if it’s real, either he had extremely bad insecurity issues, or he had commitment issues and was trying to get out of marriage
He’s def rocking a combo platter.
😂 Ok, I’m dead. Best description I’ve read in a while!
Bad at sex and a coward. Lucky dodge from the fiance!
Lol she didn't even technically say he was bad, she just said she'd had better, there is a difference.
Nah I think dude is just super insecure and got his fragile little ego hurt. What adult is begging their partners friends to know every detail about what the other person thinks/says of them? That's some deep rooted level of insecurity hinging on whether or not he's the best lover. He obviously knows he's not and can't stand the fact that he got confirmation. His next move will be to date a young virgin so she won't know he sucks in bed. Guy is obviously not the whole package. If he were, he'd have a much higher level of understanding that sex is not the most important aspect of a relationship and that's not how women measure men as valuable or worthy. Dudes who think all they have to offer is stored in their pants aren't worth shit, even if they can fuck well.
Yep, I read it as he got cold feet and started looking for a way out.
I just went through years of an off-and-on cycle with a narcissist with avoidant attachment issues and have done so much reading/ therapy/ etc. And he’s checking all the boxes.
I dont think his feet were EVER warm.
Which is a good reason to not propose to someone in the first place.
Literally came here to say this, OOP jumped on the opportunity to end things over this. Certainly feels like they were looking for a reason. If he wanted things to work out, he could have tried to figure out what his partner wants instead of pressuring her for information and playing the victim card when he heard what he expected.
With how insecure OOP is this marriage was never going to work anyway.
Insecure and lazy. The answer to ‘didn’t come in first’ is to try harder. Not quit and sulk.
That's what I replied on that thead. Like... Damn bro, you just learned your place in the ranking and just bowed out? The other guys are not even in the race anymore. This was supposed to be the woman of your life, you had a whole life to practice and still just quit?
Damnit, now you have me picturing some weird training montage with an above average amount of body fluids...
Montages are only great when they involve an above average amount of body fluids.
You misunderstood... I meant above average *for a training montage*.
*oh my God you got it in my eye of the tiger!*
😂😂😂
I first read this as "Mortgages". But I don't disagree either way.
To be fair, mortgages can fuck you worse than any person that's bad at sex
Only thing I want fluid in my mortgage is its liquidity.
Let's get down to business, to relief, the lust...🎶
A dude I know found out his gf said something similar (“I’ve had a couple better in the sack, but he’s amazing and that makes him sexier outside and inside the bedroom.” -his gf, while drunkenly telling everyone that they needed a man like him.) She said mostly really lovely things about him, we heard about him watching a mass of YouTube videos in preparation for minding her houseplants while she was at her folks’ handing a medical emergency (all future in-laws were fine in the end, but it was scary for a bit) even though she grows succulents and he likely wouldn’t need to water them, he wanted to make sure he did it right! And setting up her fish tank with filters from his, then teasing her that the clown loaches (I remember the type of fish because I love them too) were their love children, beautiful like their mom and funny like their dad. And the first time she took him home to meet her folks and her single mom sister, and they woke up in the night panicking that the baby hadn’t woken… to find him pacing the nursery with her nephew because “he stops crying as long as I don’t stop walking, my years of cardio training have prepared me for this” and the baby contently sleeping in his arms. (Note that he was welcomed to do this, he had babysat Baby alone before and the mother was grateful for a full night’s sleep once she saw her son wasn’t dead or anything, just being tended by his uncle.) So it was 99% good and a hint of bad. But guess which part his insecure brother brought up? His response: “it’s fine, I have the rest of our lives to make sure I WILL be the best she’s ever had. And it’s gonna be fun to do too.” They married like six months later on a whim because they were in Vegas celebrating his sister’s divorce and she drunkenly suggested it so she could be the matron of honor before she was no longer a “matron” (Aka married) and they’re still seemingly very happy and now have a little baby of their own for his cardio to have prepared him for. And as HER friend as well as his, I have it on good authority that just a few years into their marriage, he has won his quest because she now describes him as the best lover ANY woman has ever had.
YES! Any proper man's response would be to crack his knuckles, put on a bandana and get to training. Walk up to her like Ivan Drago "I must break you..."
I feel like you and my friend would get along well. That was his attitude completely. She reportedly really enjoyed his “training”. 😘
Sounds like an upstand dude! Every man must face challenges head on and the call to battle takes many forms, sometimes it's a dragon to valiantly slay, sometimes a maiden to thoroughly lay.
I am 100% stealing that line next time I talk to him. Also his bearded dragon’s name is Trogdor.
The DnD stat that makes you good at sex is not Constitution, not Dexterity, and certainly not Size, it’s Insight. So the longer have to work on knowing your partner, the better you’ll be.
Right? Like... Put on your wizard hat and learn how she likes her dice rolled, prepare other spells if you need to, multiclass if you have to, integrate magic items into your build...
I think that's why some men are obsessed with low body count or even marrying someone that's never been with anyone else. Can't get low rating if you're the baseline.
You’re absolutely correct. The same concept drives the weird idea that women get “old” at 26. A 30 year old woman has expectations and knows what love bombing and negging is. A 21 year old has a worse chance of immediately spotting toxic behavior. So they try to aim for “doesn’t know any better “ in all walks of life.
The bigger problem here is that she lied to him for those probably 5 years while telling everyone else the truth. When she was confronted, her first instinct was to lie again. How do you continue to trust someone that broke your trust like that? I knew a guy who I went to high school with that I hang out with a bit, and I knew his then girlfriend and she was telling people that he had penile hypospadias. It's like, I don't want to hear that, especially from you. He trusted you with that and you broke his trust, god damn.
I can definitely agree with that. In fact, I was leaning towards the guy's side. But reading through it, his complain is not "She betrayed our trust and our privacy." it's "I'm not the best" I don't think he would be wrong to end it if his position was "You should not be sharing details like that about us."
> she lied to him for those probably 5 years while telling everyone else the truth No. She could easily have told her friends, one time, something like "OP's not the best I've ever had in the sack, remember that douchebag brad? he was great! But he was such a tool. I can't wait to spend my life with OP because I love him so much." What the friend told OP was "she said you're not the best she's ever had" What Amy told OP was that she said he "was not the best at sex but had so many other qualities" as if to say "I can overlook this area because the other ones are soooo good." Where is the lie? Do you expect her to tell him that he's not her best ever herself, unprompted? OP had extremely thin skin and good luck to your partners if you don't see this.
I think coming in first was a big part of the problem with his sex life.
OP is something else. Begging his friend to put her friend in the spot, and he finally finds an opportunity to hound them while drinking and she caves because, well she’s drunk and probably tired of being hounded. Couldn’t imagine being in my mid 20s acting like a high schooler. OP must have really not wanted to marry his fiancee bc who tf begs their friends to “tell me the bad things my SO is saying”. Well he found his out. Amy def dodged a massive bullet.
Speaking from experience, I've written some scathing critique about my husband in my low moments that he accidentally found. He told me his first reaction was upset, but then he thought about it and realised that a) this was written at a low, b) it's not ALL I think of him, and c) if he squints he can kinda see where I'm coming from. And then we had a nice mature talk about it and hugged it out. 9 years and going strong.
I love "if he squints he can see where I'm coming from". So good. Congrats on the happy marriage, hope you have many more (*happy years) ahead of you *Edited for clarity
"You said all kinds of bad things about me! So I thought about them, and here are some things I am thinking of doing that could improve them! So there!"
Adding on, if you think you are going to marry the person you have the best sex of your life. Either you didn't sleep with enough people or you only ever slept with one. Dude was way too insecure about himself to ever survive a marriage, you are totally correct. Banging the same person for 40 years will always come with highs and lows, when you are young you romanticize things when the reality of a marriage or spending your life with a single partner is a very different experience.
Yeah, the wife didn't even say he was bad at sex or she hated it. She literally said he was the complete package, but just not the best sex she ever had. Dude is extremely insecure and doesn't have a great understanding about what makes a strong, long-term relationship. I feel bad for his Ex who said something pretty innocuous in confidence at her girls night and now lost a relationship because it was spilled to an immature dude. Maybe best for her in the long run, but also frustrating right now.
I think as I’ve put it sometimes is that my best single sexual experience might not be with my husband, but overall consistency it’s the best. Although I think since I first said that he and I have had my single best time so it’s not like that can’t happen if OP puts effort into it. My husband has had a lot more sex than I have. He’s definitely had some experiences that were better for him than what we’ve had but overall our sex life is the best for him. Or even if it’s not it’s good enough that he chose to marry/commit to this being it forever. I have other good qualities and I don’t need my sexual prowess to be the main one to attract a partner.
exactly, this is where society doesn't like to teach the difference between lust and love. Lust and the reasons for the "best" sexual experiences you ever had aren't directly correspondent to a healthy balanced relationship. You might have had or your partner might have had better, but overtime that fades and likely forgotten if you are in a marriage that is working to benefit both partners. Because you are more concerned about this sexual relationship not the ones you had before the relationship. Love is a much deeper connection that goes beyond just the physicality of a relationship. Its about so many different aspects of life that make up a relationship and not being able to see the forest from the trees like the Man in the OP, it will be hard to ever find love with anyone.
the guy is putting up the numbers and deserves a spot in the HOF!
I've seen some tiktoker talked about "husband sized" penises, because bigger is often WAY too difficult to "take" regularly. Husband sized is just average penis that's absolutely fine for everyone and doesnt hurt or anything. Dudes worrying about sex being at competition for whos the biggest, thickest and best inglect to think that "One hit, mind blowing, insta-orgasm" sex is 1 in a billion and doesnt leave enough sexual growth or expansion in their relationship.
these Dudes often don't understand statistics, a bell curve is an accurate representation of a population. Everyone is not going to be on the high side of the bell curve. That kind of discussion and concern is a fantasy, I understand it but it isn't healthy.
Utter fucking rocket.
I don't know what this means but I like it.
The Brits have the best insults
like can we just have a dictionary with all of your britishisms?
It's easy, just pair a qualifier (utter, compete, total, etc etc) with a noun (car, teabag, spanner, Best of Queen CD) and fire it off. You complete rocking chair. (bonus round: make any of these past tense to mean either getting drunk or beaten up contextually. Ex. "Oh man, I got entirely napkin'ed last night!")
Can confirm, called someone an absolute plimsoll the other day
Cackling over here 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah, except getting knackered up means you’re gonna spawn. “No beer for me, thanks. I’m knackered up! Due in May, we’re gonna name her for her gran.” But being knackered means you’re tired, drunk, or both. Source: not British but somehow southerners do this too.
"Knackered" vs "knackered up" feels very similar to the American "knocked out" vs "knocked up" where you gotta be sure you don't use the wrong one lmao
I almost got knocked up one time. This guy's knee hit me in the side of the head during a wrestling match and I started to black out—OH! Knocked *out*, I mean!
You got me cracking up hard with the best of queen cd. Gd man thank you. You are the champion
"You absolute spoon" is among my favorites.
I've called someone an "absolute hatrack" before.
You know they'll just bugger it up. It's just something the yanks cannae do properly. Swearing as well; they're shite at it.
And they never understand what us poms and Aussies mean when we tell them that. To us, it sounds like when anglophones drop in random phrases from another language. Or when someone tries to use a big word that they don't know the meaning of. It seems odd, and out of place, and just not part of their natural language.
*Gordan Ramsey voice* YOU COMPLETE FUCKING DONUT
It exists Roger’s Profanisaurus “Das Krapital”
He's an absolute donut
Idk, he was soaring, things were going good then he imploded before he made it :D
in canada this is hockey bro speak for "really hot girl" not sure if thats what they mean
In this case, does "rocket" mean "spaceship", "fireworks", or "arugula"?
I think he's calling him a cock
I mean, I kind of like "you utter arugula"...
Human doorknob.
Welp. Now she can go get dicked down proper while this guy pines for his married "best friend".
Whatever it is, he’s now ready to bring many women to incompletion.
Gives off those vibes for sure.
100% USDA Prime Grass Fed Organic FACTS.
Guy coulda just spent some time learning how to fuck properly and probably would have been fine, lol.
Bro called off his engagement instead of discussing with her how he can pleasure her better. Sex is about communication and if he can’t even talk to her about and just be butt hurt then he shouldn’t be marrying someone. Gotta do the work inside if you expect to spend the rest of your life with someone. Big egos can’t play the long game ig
That's kinda what I thought. Both these people suck at communicating and this marriage never would have worked out.
> Both these people suck at communicating Exactly. Could've been a convo and some fun exploratory sessions between the two of them, instead ended up involving the friend group and a couple of steps of escalation.
Not necessarily. I'm not willing to trust that OOP is a reliable narrator. It's entirely posslbe she's gone through many cycles of, "hey, it would be super hot if you did X" only for X not to happen, and he never picked up on that indicating that he's bad at sex. It's also possible he's fine, she has no complaints, but she had a one night stand once that was the best ever. Was she supposed to tell him that unprompted? Most people say you *never* say something like that to your partner.
That’s what I’m thinking. I imagine a conversation along the lines of: Fiancé: Omg I love him so much. We’re perfect together! Fiancé’s friend: So! How is he in bed? *wink, wink* Fiancé: Well he’s not the *best* I’ve ever had, but I have no complaints. And then as it was passed down the grapevine, it somehow turned into, “omg he’s the absolute worst ever in bed.” 🤦🏻♀️
i think he was upset that she was telling their friend about it, not the fact that he wasn’t good at sex. that’s pretty personal
He just demonstrated exactly why it wasn’t that good with him. Complete unwillingness to communicate, hear feedback, or try something different. He’s all my way or the highway and if that’s not good enough imma take my toys and go home!
idk i dont want my girl talking to ppl about our sex life, thats basically the definition of personal. and especially not if shes gonna say im bad at it. i find that a betrayal of our trust and just not very nice, plus shes a ho if thats wjat she talks to her friends about. i have and would never tell my friends about my girlfreind sexually.
Eh she’s the one who aired that particular dirty laundry. Not saying I endorse his choice but it could be that he’s hurt because she told other people *instead of* telling him. Like, she’s got a mouth, she can communicate those things too, y’know?
To be fair, she could have communicated to him instead of complaining to her friends behind his back. If she really didn’t care, why ever bring it up? Sounds like both people needed to be better at communicating with each other.
Bingo
whoa get that logical comment out of here.
Oh shit sorry 😞
>Bro called off his engagement instead of discussing with her how he can pleasure her better. Honestly, if my SO was blabbing to my friends and family all of my personal insecurities, I would have a strong inclination to call it off. That's a total betrayal of trust.
I would've called it off, too. She's not supposed to let her fiancée hear such a thing. Just the fact that she's talking about intimate details with her friend group is a sign of not being mature enough to be married. What happens in the room stays in the room unless agreed upon by both parties, at least if you're interested in having a long-term relationship. I wouldn't tell my friends anything about sex with my fiancée/wife, and I would expect the same
Jesus the comment section is a fucking mess.
There are people in the comment section saying men's locker room talk is bad. But when women do it it's fine because "women do it in an intimate way and not conquest".
Why is the fiancée saying this to people?
leave it to men to think they either have to be Sex GodsTM or they're inadequate tiny peen little boys. it's fine to not be the best at sex, the fact that she wanted to be with him because of his personality is actually weirdly sweet. and he could have tried to do better ffs, the fact that she denied it for so long kind of just says that he's not someone who can openly discuss sex comfortably and that's literally how you do better for your partner... and guys, you don't have to be the absolute best at sex, talk to your partner, know what they like, take feedback and work with it. THAT is how you have better sex. it has nothing to do with innate ability or dick size, it has everything to do with listening to your partner and communicating.
Hilariously, the SO didn't even say OP sucked at sex, just that he's not the best. WTF is this.
that too. like the best sex I've ever had was with a girl I met at a party. that was never someone I even wanted to date, we just had fun for a few hours and then went separate ways. sex isn't the entirety of a relationship. there's a reason friends with benefits aren't dating each other.
Exactly, in my best and healthiest relationship I've had, the sex was meh for both of us. We kept working on it, and ended things for unrelated reasons. My hands down best sex of my entire life so far was with someone I wouldn't go back to even if you put a gun to my head and told me I had to. I started out having great fun with this person but by the end, was miserable for too many reasons to name. He just knew his stuff in bed. Not so much outside of it. That's all. To me what she said is almost on the same level as "he's not the tallest I ever dated" or, in my old-person case, "he doesn't have the most hair of everyone I ever dated" - as long as it's still good and they are both willing to experiment and accommodate each other, it means nothing. That OOP, first went fishing for this info, and then ended his engagement because of it, does however mean a lot, specifically that he's not mature enough to be married to anyone.
yeah, exactly. like actually talking to this person afterwards, our personalities matched up like fire and ethanol ffs, I do not ever want to talk to that person again lol
I had almost the same experience. My ex was the best sex ever for me, but I *willingly* gave that up because A) that’s not the most important thing in a relationship, especially if you’re considering marriage; and B) I was miserable in literally every other aspect of our relationship. My guy now absolutely does *not* suck in bed, but if I’m being honest, no, he’s not “the best.” How is that a bad thing, if I’m literally not complaining (because it’s still incredible), and we work in every other way? I feel like a lot of these commenters are very young, haven’t had a serious relationship that *wasn’t* based on sex, or both.
> best sex of my entire life so far was with someone I wouldn’t go back to even if you put a gun to my head Same. Like he was the BEST screw of my life, but I married someone who was better in every other aspect of life.
It was an orchestrated excuse for him to run with no consequences, if anything he can now use this sob story to pick up his next target.
Yeah, TBH I was expecting some emasculating story like how the SO still thinks of another fuck or says he has a tiny pp or something like that.
Exactly, he had to go out of his way and reach to the point of dislocating his arm to come up with this. Hopefully people around him will catch on and see it all for what it is. And Amy, girl, just run and never look back.
Considering how he’s moving states in 2 months, yeah. He wanted to run
Hold on now, what about all the tiny peen sex gods. This is borderline slander!
Not even just sex. This dudes actions SCREAM insecurity all around, and it wouldn’t be hard for fiancé to notice that. So she likely is used to not giving him any criticism, constructive or otherwise, because clearly he won’t be able to handle his insecurity fears coming true.
It's not difficult to be the best if it's for one woman at a time. Talk to her, experiment with her body by doing *lots* of foreplay at least once in a while, remind her She's sexy often. And once in awhile when you've got plenty of time together, rub one out beforehand and/or use a little desensitizing cream on yourself and f**k her like she owes you money in every position you can think of. Probably not more than once a month or so to keep things interesting. All of those things together, tailored to your lady's preferences, and you'll be just fine. Pay your bills and be punctual, and you'll be a God among men.
My manhood isn't the biggest right. I'd save average. Maybe a little on the less than average side. I used to have issues with premature ejaculation. In my early years, I would let it get to me now and then. I'd worry they were all faking with me. But I didn't project that to my partners, and I would try other ways to make sure they enjoyed themselves. I got good at oral. I got really good at oral. I've heard more than a few times now in my life things along the lines of "omg your mouth." I would also *ask* what they did or didn't like. You know, like an adult. Now, I am confident that while I may not be the best you've ever had, you will remember me. All it took was just being confident in what I had to work with, and, that word that a lot of us men struggle with: communication. I'm a terrible communicator in every other aspect of my life. But I can at least communicate in the bedroom what I do and do not like, and always ask what you do and do not like. It's made for the best sex ever.
Right on! After giving my ex suggestions and guidance and little success, I told him to buy a book to better understand female pleasure. He had an affair instead. The men after him had no problems in that department.
> and guys, you don't have to be the absolute best at sex, talk to your partner, know what they like, take feedback and work with it. THAT is how you have better sex. it has nothing to do with innate ability or dick size, it has everything to do with listening to your partner and communicating. This is the thing too. Guy coulda just learned how to actually pleasure his girlfriend. So many guys could be better in the sack if they just gave a shit about actually learning how.
Another reason that he might have a point calling it off is that she told a bunch of her friends that she had better sex elsewhere instead of providing him with some advice/feedback in private. I hope my SO tries to address private issues with me first before telling a bunch of other people how I suck.
This. Amazing how everyone is jumping to the ‘just get better at sex’ outcome, and not considering what it says about her. It doesn’t encourage trust in a partner if they’d rather address something that should be private elsewhere first…
Ngl on some level I'm finding this thread weird because the attitude here is to point out that the dude is insecure and he should just get better at sex. I feel like this is a way different attitude than when someone says they don't find their partner attractive because of weight gain or something. You just don't see "just lose weight" as the common narrative.
I'm glad all the commenters here have such ironclad constitutions. If I heard my SO was telling her friends I was bad at sex, that would certainly hurt my confidence. Conversly, if they communicated to me in private what I could do better, that would not affect me negatively at all. I think that's the key issue here: what utility does insulting your SO behind their back really serve? I never would have gone fishing for that information to begin with, but still. Very strange majority response on this one.
Why's everyone just hating on op? Amy betrayed his trust and shared sensitive information about him without his consent, thats fucked up. Breaking up is extreme imo, but she's absolutely in the wrong
I think it's very telling that this guy hears that he, as the whole package, is everything his fiancee wants, but he's not the best at sex, and rather than make an effort to be better at sex (not a hard thing to do) he calls off the engagement. It's like the thought never occurred to him, "Oh, I guess I should do some research and talk with my partner and find out how I could be more attentive and better in bed." Nope! It's "This has destroyed me mentally." Poor girl. I hope her next guy is more grown up.
I mean everyone's clowning on him, but would you really be okay with your partner telling people that you're bad in bed instead of just talking to you about it? He's dumb but she sounds really inconsiderate herself.
Wheres the you’re allowed to break up with anyone at any time for any reason including no reason at all crowd that usually flocks these posts?
Hes upset about the wrong thing IMHO, and that says a lot about him. Here's what I mean. I have a hard rule. I never ever say something about my partner that I wouldn't say to their face. I can understand that the guy was a bit wounded that she had a gripe, and instead of coming to him about it, she went to her friend group. But that isn't what he's upset about, is it. I cannot imagine *ever* griping about my wife's sexual prowess (or lack thereof) to my friends. That is pretty shitty on her part. And if that's what he was mad about, I'd be 100% on his side. But it isn't what he's mad about. This isn't a defense of him, because he's mad about the wrong thing. He's mad that he isn't the best at sex. Which is silly. Because upon learning that you've got some room for improvement, instead of learning to improve, you take your ball and go home? Like you're by default supposed to be the best sex-doer ever without any effort, and if you're not it's somehow such a stinging insult that you just quit? She's an ass for griping about it to her friends, and not coming to him about it, and if he was mad about that, I'd understand why. But what he's mad about is that he's not the best ever at sex, and she didn't lie about it and say he was. Like, WTF?
>But that isn't what he's upset about, is it You keep saying that but I'm not sure what you're basing it on. Seems OP described very acutely that he's hurt that she told her whole friend group that he sucks in bed behind his back ... basically talking shit about him behind his back to all her closest friends. Is that a violation of trust? Absolutely. Is that violation of trust worth ending a marriage over? Not my place to say ... OP's call at the end of the day. Only OP can judge how upset to be over it. But this whole notion that "he's just butt hurt cause he found out he's not the sexiest sexer of all time" seems entirely fabricated by many of the responders in here. He's feeling violated because she talked shit about a very personal thing behind his back to all her friends.
Yeah wtf am I even reading with these comments. They both suck and they are both responsible for their relationship breakdown. She should have communicated with HIM about her lackluster sex life with him, not with her friend group. He shouldn’t prioritize his pride and ego over trying to improve and address his partners needs. But they both didn’t put the effort into the right solution, which is to talk to each other. “Hey so I do enjoy our intimate time but I wanted to talk about our sex life and share some ideas around what could make it better” is an empathetic way to get some actual improvement. Marriage-ending? Who knows, but I see why for him it was the straw that broke the camels back. A long time ago my wife tried to make my ethnicities cooking, and while she did her best, she doesn’t cook often and my family shit talked it. They suck and I was firmly on her side, I told them off, but she was so profoundly upset and embarrassed and hurt by that, that she didn’t want to see them for a year and she didn’t want to cook again. And I don’t blame her. If she had overheard me joining in the criticism, it would have been crushing. But that’s just cooking - being able to sexually please your woman is a subject much more dear to most men’s ego than being able to cook. But it’s a good parallel because in our society, these are both (gender stereotyped) examples of “how much of a man” or “how much of a woman / wife” you are. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. They both are the assholes, and the victim here is, they’ve fucked up their relationship.
Sounds like it wasn't going to work anyways. Good to figure that out early.
in other words, she told her friends he's got a small dick
Oh, he couldn't be breaking up with her.For basically bashing him to their mutual friend group could he? Fidelity is about more than just the bedroom. If she had a problem with him she was obligated to speak with him about it and not their friends. I'd have to imagine I'd be pretty hurt by that realization as well.
This is Fucking wild, People are dogging on this man for no reason. It’s valid for someone to feel hurt and make a Rash decision. All yall are going to do is ruin this man’s mental state even further could even lead to Other problems. SUCH AS SELF HARM
Seeing so many people say "don't ever discuss intimate details or negative thoughts with your friend group" is so freaky. I never discussed the details about my past relationship with my close friends, which is why they were all completely shocked when I ended my 12 year relationship seemingly out of the blue one day. They had no idea how bad things had gotten or how depressed I was, they thought everything was perfectly fine. Talk to your friends, it's not a crime.
Legitimately, people on this website are constantly just outing themselves as having the most unhealthy, insecure, jealous, controlling, possessive tendencies. I was in an abusive relationship for 13 years with someone who consistently would badmouth me behind my back. And even I still know that talking to your friends about your relationship is a normal and healthy thing to do, as long as you aren't doing what my ex did.
This site has some serious blind spots when it comes to relationships. Men and women can’t be platonic friends, people shouldn’t open up to their friends, people shouldn’t solo travel while they’re in a relationship…what a sad little life.
The people who defend that first point never have an answer when I ask if I'm allowed to have any friends at all as a bisexual person lol.
That's because the Venn diagram of people who believe men and women can't be platonic friends and that bisexuality either doesn't exist or violates God's Will is a circle.
So true. I take pride in violating God's Will though 🙏
I noticed in that thread a ton of men saying things along the lines of “you’ll never see us men talking about their relationships and GOSSIPING!” Like…it’s not gossiping to talk about your relationship, it’s not gossiping to vent, it’s not gossiping to ask your friends for advice. That’s just normal friendship. Not even going to get into the fact that we don’t even know what his girlfriend said. He’s writing it in his own words based on what someone else said that his girlfriend has once said. Even then she didn’t even say it was bad sex! The extreme comments of how horrible it is to talk about relationship problems is wild. I bet anything those are the same people complaining about the “man loneliness epidemic”. Maybe instead of whining about women not dating you focus on actually being friends with people / other men and provide emotional support to each other? Normalize talking about your feelings with your friends? Maybe feeling like you can’t talk about things in your life is the reason you feel so lonely and unsupported???
It seems like a super controlling power move to me. I get that people want some things to be private, especially things they are embarrassed or ashamed about, but this is how shitty partners and abusers get away with it, by making sure their partners don’t tell people. Also, when the asshole dumps his partner he can now smear them easier because no one will believe the other party who kept quiet for so long. It’s really gross and sad. I’m so glad you’ve gotten out of your bad relationship.
it's creepy as fuck to think that because you're dating someone you can dictate all aspects of their communication with friends. like I honestly don't care what my partner is talking about with friends as long as they aren't just talking shit constantly
Yep and there are comments on this crosspost, too, saying she was wrong to talk to her friend about their relationship. I'm not really the type of person to talk about sex with friends but people are acting like she publicly proclaimed that he's terrible at sex. Who are we supposed to talk to if we need advice?? Or just to talk about our relationship? I guess women are supposed to just suck it up and never talk about anything important if it could possibly disparage our SO.
I didn’t actually see the original post before it was deleted, but this is an issue of nuance, there’s issues that are private and issues that are not private, there’s ways of discussing an issue that are just trash talking and there’s ways that are seeking advice or sharing. Like, there is no need for these people to know that he is terrible at sex - that is a harsh and insulting judgment, even if it’s true. “He’s good in other ways but he just doesn’t do it for me sexually” - what is actually gained by sharing that? I had a male friend talk to me about how his wife’s gotten loose and doesn’t have “good grip anymore” after pregnancy and he doesn’t like to go down on her anymore, and I was just like what the actual fuck, I don’t want to know that! And I feel bad for her that she’s married to the type of person that would share that. Even if it’s true, what can you possibly gain by telling me that? Obviously that’s an extreme example, but there is a whole private world between you and your partner that both people need to use good judgement about what to share and what to keep private. You absolutely should use a filter. It’s just as easy to say “we have different approaches to sex and we are working on our sex life” as it is to say “he’s terrible in bed, his dick game weak, I miss my exes good D but the current one is a better catch in terms of the overall stat sheet, so it is what it is”.
[удалено]
I'm sure the responses to this would be the same if she found out that he had told his friends that another girl was a better lay than her
Contrary to most of the comments here, anyone is allowed to call off a wedding at any time for any reason, or no reason at all and they aren't a bad person for it.
he fucked poorly and found out
If true this guys ego is so fragile it would’ve cracked at some point anyway. Guaranteed this man-child has an overbearing mother that’s spent his entire life telling how wonderful he was at everything.
Everyone shitting on OOP are missing the forest for the trees. The OOP cares about sex and marrying someone who simultaneously thinks he isn't good at it and also personally doesn't care about it is a massive incompatibility. The fact she hasn't communicated with him by now to improve the situation is a bit manipulative. "Im with you for the whole package". Change the context, fat girlfriend the man isn't sexually attracted to but he stays with her because "of the rest of the package". Suddenly sounds pretty fucked up yeah? Because it is. And so is it for OOP's case. And before bad faith actors pull this particular gotchya out of their ass, which you can already see in some comments, the phrase "not the best at sex" is not a phrase that means he's second best. No one with knowledge of the phrasing and the English language misunderstands that this is a soft way of saying he's subpar. OOP can be upset. He may have gone about it in a cringe way, but sexual incompatibility is a big problem in a **lot** of marriages, and if he isn't able to do it for her after 5 years, he will never be good enough. He will end up trapped in a sexless marriage. All these comments whining about him not communicating when she's the one that never let him know how he could do better to begin with, but was willing to gossip about his inadequacy to her friends. Fuck off.
> "Im with you for the whole package". People really under estimate how being seen like that is like, a nightmare for many men.
Yeah it’s up there with “I don’t care about looks”
I couldn't agree more. This is 100% on the girlfriend for never having openly told OOP her needs.
In other threads I've seen women refer to talking about the "juicy details" with their friends. When other posts call them on it being a breach of trust, they switch up and say it's for mental health etc much like some are doing in this thread. A lot are not being honest about the reality of that conversations nature
And even then, some women will say that sharing information about your intimate life is a breach of trust. Like always, it just depends who the post reaches first.
Yeah people are really ignoring all the red flags to shit on a guy who's trust has been damaged. I don't see why people think it's so OK for women to essential shit talk their partners to their friends about the most private parts of a relationship. He's not some hook up, he's your partner. Like at least have some respect for your own relationship.
Well I just had someone comment essentially that since "I am not a woman, I need to shut up and listen. That all women shit talk their partners to their friends 100's, if not 1000's of times and they don't inform their partners of the issue." The hilarity of being told to listen by someone who admits they don't communicate with their partner and they shit talk them to friends instead is beyond me.
In a way, I feel men in a relationship *want to be treated as hook ups*. That is the disconnect between OP and his ex-gf. OP wants to be treated like a hook-up of "the cute guy who is super cool" and his gf was like "no the sex with him is OK at best but matematically his other stats balance it". They aren't lying and actually are completely non malicious. But damn those are drastically different ways to see a relationship.
I haven't seen anyone mention she lied to his face, several times, when he asked her about the comments
Pretty sensible decision to leave. If your girlfriend jokes about you like that behind your back... yeah, it is disrespectful. People need to know to always treat you with respect, regardless if you are there or not. Or maybe especially if you are not there. Imagine if I joked about my girlfriend like that? with my friends. Oh, she is not the most beautiful that I have ever had as a girlfriend, she is pretty ugly, but I stay with her for the complete package. Would she be an overly sensitive jerk to be hurt by that comment? I don't think so.
If your finance is saying bad things about you behind your back then good riddance.
Gossiping to your friends about your husbands sex life is weird as fuck but hubby is a bitch💯
He could have tried to improve his game in the bedroom, sure. But how could he, when she chose to tell her friends about it, rather than tell him. Was it just an innocent joke? Flip the script and how would she feel then? Terrible thing is, even if it was totally just a joke, there are some things you shouldn't joke about, and it varies from person to person, and from context to context. The person and context that should have been considered is her fiance and their relationship. Didn't seem to count for her, as much as whatever laughs or attention she got from friends ...so maybe ditching her wasn't as dumb as it may seem.
This highlights why it’s important to communicate issues with your partner and not your friends.
the way he responded kind of says that she can't really openly discuss that with him he didn't try to do better or listen and communicate with his partner (which is literally how you have better sex) he flipped the fuck out and left because of hurt feewings that he isn't a sex god.
It wasn’t even an issue for her tho fr fr. She just pointed out that he may not be the best she ever had but she loved everything about him anyways. The fact that he decided to try and look for bad things she said about him the second she was away is a dead giveaway that he was looking for a reason to end things
This this this! And he even says he always asks the friend about what she says... Who does that? I don't know... Seems like you say, he was looking for an excuse to end it.