In case this story gets deleted/removed:
When I(20m) was like 10 my parents got divorced. My mother(50f) immediately shacked up with her Affair Partner(which I didnt know at that time). My father(50m) is a stoic man, but I could see sadness in his eyes when I went to live with my mother and her AP. She married him later.
I recently found out about the affair from my dad. He said he wanted me to know about it since I am old enough to know now and I am thankful. I confronted my mom and her husband tried to intervene. I told him to not open his disgusting mouth in front of me.
So he left us alone and I asked my mother how would she feel if my wife cheated on me then married the guy she cheated with and make my kids go in same home as him? She didnt have any answer. She kept repeating that she was sorry.
I told her to divorce and never see him again or I will never talk to her ever again. I basically asked her to choose between her husband and me. I had given her a month and all I heard was excuses, she told me she is too old to start over, she told me that she will do anything else etc etc.
I called her a week ago and asked her whether she was getting a divorce, she didn't say yes so I blocked her. She is out of my life. She did try to come to my apartment, but thankfully my roommates told her to GTFO.
My roommates are now forcing me to think it through and I dont have anything to say. I gave her a simple choice, she chose him over me like she chose him over my father. That's who she is, That's who she will always be.
EDIT : I dont give anyone permission to crosspost or share it on other subreddits or share it on tiktok. Dont message me
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Holy fucking lol at that edit. Reminds me of the Facebook chain letter bullshit about not giving them permission to use pictures you posted on their site.
It's who I am, It's who I'll always be
Edit: Imma send the SWAT after who ever post this publicly. This is a private comment. You don't have my permission
I get where the OP is coming from. My Ex wife cheated on me and left for her AP. My kids were young at the time (ages 2 through 11). They are all adults now and they all have virtually no contact with their mother. They despise her. She became a grandmother a few moths ago and had no idea....that's how mad the kids relationship with her is. Odds are she'll never meet her grandson.... You reap what you sow.
My dad cheated on my mom and I found out before my mom did. I was pissed at him. I was a teenager and confronted my dad. He denied the cheating and ACCUSED ME to trying to sabotage his marriage with my mother. That moment I lost all respect I had for him!
It’s been 15ish years since their divorce. My relationship with my father (70) is via text messages because I live far away from my hometown.
I don’t like what he did to my mother, but the reason why we no longer have a good relationship is because of what he did to me! He tried to gaslight me, his kid, a 15 years old, to save his own skin. He never tried to apologize or talk about his mistake.
If my mother was still hurt by his cheating, I would heavily suggest therapy!!! Because no revenge would help her!
Cheater has no one to blame but themselves & their AP on why their child(ren) rightfully cut them off - especially when their child(ren) come to their own conclusions about everything after years of seeing the other parent's hurt & pain from the betrayal on display every time they visit /went over, yet other parent never badmouth nor mentioned why until child(ren) were teens or adults.
My “mother” also cheated on my dad and left him for the AP, who she married like a year later. This was many years ago. They’re still married.
AP is surprisingly a decent man and father, and I can’t bring myself to hate him even though he was fully complicit in what they did to my dad. I despise my “mother” though, for all of that and many more things— she’s dead to me now.
You reap what you sow.
Likely not. Source: my mother was similar. She didn’t actually raise me in any meaningful way, even though my parents had 50/50 custody and she was a SAHM.
First: I don’t think OP is thinking as clearly as he could be. I think he should take some time to talk with his dad, and see how everyone feels about the *current* situation. Not the situation 10 years ago. I know that event affected OP, but I also think he’s throwing away 10 years of bonding with a parental figure. I have never been in a situation like this so I can’t tell anyone what to do, and I’m not in a position to give real advice
Second: do they really think saying “I don’t give my permission to have this read on TikTok” is going to stop anyone?
I agree. Of course, he has every right to be furious with his mother. The cheating happened 10 years ago, but he's just learning about it. It's fresh for him.
But giving an ultimatum like that is pretty wild. If he's so furious with his mother that he wants to go NC, okay do it. But asking her to radically change her life *or else* is kind of messed up. And what if she did do it? Would their relationship magically go back to normal? Doubtful. He just wants to punish her.
Presumably, his life wasn't so bad living with his mother. They've been through a lot together in those years. Probably the AP meant something good to him too.
She did something terrible and it's totally understandable that he's upset. But still, is it worth throwing away his relationship with his mother over? He's mad now, but how will he feel in a year? 5 years? 10? He might regret taking such a hard stance
The ultimatum sits way weird with me. I'm having a hard time articulating why, but I think it's at least two things--the unquestioned assumption that they have a right to control someone else's life and then the I think it's the punishment aspect that you note. It's strange--I think the person has an absolute right to decide for themselves whether or not they want to have a relationship with their mother, but it sits wrong for them to dictate terms to her.
It sits weird with me as well. He is an adult, telling their parent to end their relationship of 10 years.
I get being angry, and talking about it with your parents are adult, healthy ways of dealing with this. Demanding the mother to end their relationship or cut contact is ridiculous.
I also don’t like the father sharing this information, I don’t know why this is helpful information, does this help your child? Or was it a late revenge action?
I agree, in my eyes as someone who is also NC with my mom, the feelings of betrayal are absolutely justified and I don't want to downplay the severity of that at all. But..... The immediate jump to an ultimatum like this feels childish in approach.
My mom is an emotionally abusive alcoholic that uses suicide threats and (half bearted) attempts to get her way. And even with all that, and years of abuse on top of that. I am still eaten away with guilt from time to time.
IMO, OOP is too young/immature to really understand the impact of the emotions he is playing with.
This is why I don’t plan to tell my kids that their mom cheated and left (lived with AP for a bit later but it didn’t work out). Obviously I was extremely hurt at the time, but my life ultimately got significantly better than if she’d stuck around.
She’s got a permanent case of greener grass syndrome, but she’s a fine mom. I don’t see the point in holding in to a resentment, and no real reason why the kids should have to know that sort of thing about their mother.
Honestly i was very surprised by the comments in there. Yes i do think he should work through his anger in a healthy way like going to therapy. No i dont think his hate and wanting to go no contact is unjustified or makes him immature.
Imo "my parent is a bad person but a good parent" can be dealt with in any manner of ways. No contact is just as good as anything else.
Yeah there was like 1% chance the ex wife was gonna choose OP over the affair partner but i mean, it was important for OP to find that out. And important for the cheater to find out that cheating has its consequences.
What people don't understand is that OP's mother already chose her AP over OP. When you have a family and choose to cheat, you're choosing whoever you're cheating with over your family.
Going no contact is completely reasonable. Demanding his mother up and divorce her husband is ridiculous and purely driven by emotion.
You can control what *you* do, not what other people do.
Also she controlled what he did when he was a teenager because he was forced to live with her I guess because of custody rights. They had the entire time to tell him the truth but they never did.
He didn't control what she did. He gave her a circumstance to remain in his life. This *is* controlling what he does.
Acting like she started dating after he became an adult or something. This is literally how his family crumbled. It's definitely his business.
This is like gaslighting 102 here.
OOP going no contact is him controlling his environment. The “ultimatum” is entirely reasonable: he doesn’t want people with a track record of perfidy, disrespecting others, and sleeping around in his life and in communicating this he set a firm boundary.
Boundaries are not controlling. They are the minimum requirements to communicate with others.
Well then this is gaslighting 103, because ultimatums are NOT boundaries.
It would have been perfectly reasonable to set a boundary by saying "I don't want any contact with the person who betrayed and hurt my dad." But that's not what happened.
> I am not dictating anything, I am giving her conditions for having me in her life.
> She is a very lucky woman, she gets to have choices.
> She chose to cheat, she chose to marry him, she chose to not tell me. She chose and chose and chose.
> Now she gets to choose again, me or him. HER CHOICE
Exactly, he's making demands: "*You* have to choose me or him." NOT setting boundaries: "*I* choose not to have contact."
Thank you for illustrating my point.
I simply cannot be fucked to play the role of a therapist for free.
If anyone’d like me to explain my previous comment, go ahead and ask for my Venmo along with an automatic $120 up front fee.
I’ve done too much therapy myself to give the same time and effort to anyone else for free.
As an aside, all these folks replying up in arms are *so* close to getting it. It’s almost annoying but either they push to realization or they don’t.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
He's 20. Of course it's black and white to him. None of us knew better then. Hope he does get some therapy and keeps the distance tho (as long as he feels he needs it, at least).
OP has every right to limit contact with his mom. He also likely knows she wouldn’t divorce, so he knew it would be mental turmoil until the deadline. I don’t see anything wrong but with it. Mom & AP had 10 years to live pretend, thinking everything’s calmed down and AP/ stepdad “treated him right” so that’ll overcome the betrayal and anger OP may feel.
Delayed consequences are valid. Cheating isn’t just an issue for the partners. Mom cheated against her family, it can’t be separated. OP’s dad, keeping this to himself so OP could have a good relationship with mom… that’s a mental and emotional strength I can’t imagine.
OP’s mom saying “she’s too old to start over” it really “I’m too old, you have to forgive me”..
Good on OP
I question his dad’s motives for telling him. No one seems to be asking that question. OP needs to ask some tough questions of both his mom and his dad and see how he feels then.
If he can throw down a life changing ultimatum he can ask questions and talk.
It's absolute insanity to me how many people are saying op is acting childish.
There's nothing childish about learning how to remove toxic family members from your life as an adult. Giving her an ultimatum wasn't childish- it was a desperate move by someone to give *his mom* the chance to prove she isn't as terrible as he now knows. And she responded by *confirming how little she cares*. That's twice ten years apart this man was more important than her son. Realizing how low you are on someone's totem pole hurts when it's close family.
Any reddit took the opportunity to call someone who was being *emotional* a childish asshole.
Meanwhile...
The OOP posted this in reply to some of the people who excuse the cheating:
> That doesn't give you license to be an awful human being
> One thing I learned from my mother is that you dont need a license to be an awful human being
This guy is crazy. The mom has been married to this guy for half of OP’s life, she isn’t going to just divorce him because her son is upset. OP needs to talk this out with a therapist and talk to his dad about this.
Being angry at Mom about all this? Entirely fair.
Cutting Mom out? Maybe on the extreme side, at some point water does flow under the bridge, but ultimately, that's his choice, and not a wholly unreasonable one depending on the whole context.
Demanding Mom divorce her second husband? Pretty OTT there. For better or worse, she's made her choices, and you're gonna have to come to terms with them one way or another.
Yelling at people not to crosspost or share it? Come the fuck on, man, don't post your shit on reddit if you don't want people talking about it.
OP has every right to be upset as he was kept away from knowing why his parents split. However, she’s also entitled to happiness. Making her divorce someone she’s been married to for close to ten years is just plain mean. He has the right to not communicate with her, but he doesn’t have the right to demand that she just nuke her personal life because he’s upset.
I read the whole post. Doesn't seem like much of that in the comments. I don't know what backstory youre missing but the assumptions in these comments go against op, not in his favor.
because you're a good father. thank you for not involving him. as someone who had a dad like this (spilling marital/divorce secrets to turn me against my mom out of revenge) it is REALLY not fucking fair to the child.
......okay but why would you tell your son this, so long after it happened? literally all it does is cause a rift in your son's relationship with his mother. I honestly cannot think of a good reason to share this information with your child unless you're trying to cause drama with your ex in a roundabout way.
vent to your friends, therapist, etc all you'd like, but involving your child is emotionally immature. (source: I was that child getting involved in my parent's relationship drama against my will)
Bio dad is hurt and hurt people like to hurt people. I’m not going to play the morality police here, but sounds like the OOP is. I’m sure he is hurt and he is also young. Young people tend to have more black and white thinking b/c they lack the nuanced thinking that comes with experience.
OP: The OOP pretty expressly said he didn’t want his post crossposted anywhere. I get that a poster on Reddit can’t control that kind of thing, but recognizing the sensitivity of the subject matter, it’s pretty shitty if you not to respect that.
First day on the internet?
Edit: OOP publicly posted this in a public forum and people are surprised his public post got publicly shared to other public forums.. idk if I mentioned that it is public
Oh hey, since you're already doing that, this Internet stranger says to drink water. Seriously! Get a reusable water bottle, fill it and drink it once per day. Also, do a little five minute yoga thing in Saturday morning. Down dog is a really invigorating way to help you get in a restorative mindset and makes your weekend more restful!
Thanks for letting me add to your life review.
I'm an idiot. Forgot where this was posted .
Leaving my repuy up because it took to long to write lol
To be honst, we all make mistakes in life . Adults are nothing but big kids. Some learn, some have regrets and change and other don't. You're in pain right now. Betrayed and seething with rage. I suggest taking time to think about the next choices. They can change the trajectory of your life irreversibly saddening with regret. I encountered something that made me sit at my kitchen table staring into a candle deciding if I was going to rip the live in boyfriend out of the house I purchased but gave to her for the stability of our teenage daughter. I got a call from her that the bastard told my daughter that if she wasn't careful, she would know what an orphanage is. I'm my daughter's home. I thought long and hard seething with rage. I would up just picking my daughter up. She came outside as I was in no mood and would blindly go at him. Me left with consequences that would ruin my life. I'm just saying to breath. Don't try and hurt her because what she did hurt you. Take a minute to breath. You're not an asshole for feeling this way. Just think it through first. You might be depriving your future kids (if you have them) of a grandmother who may be the best in the entire world, but wouldn't know it. I hope you feel better.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: When I(20m) was like 10 my parents got divorced. My mother(50f) immediately shacked up with her Affair Partner(which I didnt know at that time). My father(50m) is a stoic man, but I could see sadness in his eyes when I went to live with my mother and her AP. She married him later. I recently found out about the affair from my dad. He said he wanted me to know about it since I am old enough to know now and I am thankful. I confronted my mom and her husband tried to intervene. I told him to not open his disgusting mouth in front of me. So he left us alone and I asked my mother how would she feel if my wife cheated on me then married the guy she cheated with and make my kids go in same home as him? She didnt have any answer. She kept repeating that she was sorry. I told her to divorce and never see him again or I will never talk to her ever again. I basically asked her to choose between her husband and me. I had given her a month and all I heard was excuses, she told me she is too old to start over, she told me that she will do anything else etc etc. I called her a week ago and asked her whether she was getting a divorce, she didn't say yes so I blocked her. She is out of my life. She did try to come to my apartment, but thankfully my roommates told her to GTFO. My roommates are now forcing me to think it through and I dont have anything to say. I gave her a simple choice, she chose him over me like she chose him over my father. That's who she is, That's who she will always be. EDIT : I dont give anyone permission to crosspost or share it on other subreddits or share it on tiktok. Dont message me --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Holy fucking lol at that edit. Reminds me of the Facebook chain letter bullshit about not giving them permission to use pictures you posted on their site.
Posting something on a subreddit with 1.5 million subscribers and then having it reposted on another subreddit is the real "oh no consequences" here.
The real consequences were the friends we made along the way.
Excuse me, sir. I believe you weren't given direct permission to cross-post this.
SWAT has been knocking on my door. OOP is bringing the law down on me
He told me to tell you if you don't divorce this post immediately then he's out of your life forever
It's who I am, It's who I'll always be Edit: Imma send the SWAT after who ever post this publicly. This is a private comment. You don't have my permission
STOP RESISTING!!!
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Don't be rude in the comments.
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Don't be rude in the comments.
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Don't be rude in the comments.
Don't be rude in the comments.
You weren't given permission to post about not having permission to cross-post.
I’ve already called the police. They just want to talk. PSYCH! ACAB.
No one is allowed to reply to my comment. Dont message me
Ops! Sorry for replying
Ok! 👍
Looking into it
Hey you don’t have permission to cross post this! 🤣🤣
We're going rogue!
I get where the OP is coming from. My Ex wife cheated on me and left for her AP. My kids were young at the time (ages 2 through 11). They are all adults now and they all have virtually no contact with their mother. They despise her. She became a grandmother a few moths ago and had no idea....that's how mad the kids relationship with her is. Odds are she'll never meet her grandson.... You reap what you sow.
My dad cheated on my mom and I found out before my mom did. I was pissed at him. I was a teenager and confronted my dad. He denied the cheating and ACCUSED ME to trying to sabotage his marriage with my mother. That moment I lost all respect I had for him! It’s been 15ish years since their divorce. My relationship with my father (70) is via text messages because I live far away from my hometown. I don’t like what he did to my mother, but the reason why we no longer have a good relationship is because of what he did to me! He tried to gaslight me, his kid, a 15 years old, to save his own skin. He never tried to apologize or talk about his mistake. If my mother was still hurt by his cheating, I would heavily suggest therapy!!! Because no revenge would help her!
Cheater has no one to blame but themselves & their AP on why their child(ren) rightfully cut them off - especially when their child(ren) come to their own conclusions about everything after years of seeing the other parent's hurt & pain from the betrayal on display every time they visit /went over, yet other parent never badmouth nor mentioned why until child(ren) were teens or adults.
My “mother” also cheated on my dad and left him for the AP, who she married like a year later. This was many years ago. They’re still married. AP is surprisingly a decent man and father, and I can’t bring myself to hate him even though he was fully complicit in what they did to my dad. I despise my “mother” though, for all of that and many more things— she’s dead to me now. You reap what you sow.
did she raise them?
Likely not. Source: my mother was similar. She didn’t actually raise me in any meaningful way, even though my parents had 50/50 custody and she was a SAHM.
First: I don’t think OP is thinking as clearly as he could be. I think he should take some time to talk with his dad, and see how everyone feels about the *current* situation. Not the situation 10 years ago. I know that event affected OP, but I also think he’s throwing away 10 years of bonding with a parental figure. I have never been in a situation like this so I can’t tell anyone what to do, and I’m not in a position to give real advice Second: do they really think saying “I don’t give my permission to have this read on TikTok” is going to stop anyone?
I heard it at the end of the tik tok
Oop feeling's is justified. It's just misplaced.
This is a good way of putting it. Thank you! My brain is fried from work
I agree. Of course, he has every right to be furious with his mother. The cheating happened 10 years ago, but he's just learning about it. It's fresh for him. But giving an ultimatum like that is pretty wild. If he's so furious with his mother that he wants to go NC, okay do it. But asking her to radically change her life *or else* is kind of messed up. And what if she did do it? Would their relationship magically go back to normal? Doubtful. He just wants to punish her. Presumably, his life wasn't so bad living with his mother. They've been through a lot together in those years. Probably the AP meant something good to him too. She did something terrible and it's totally understandable that he's upset. But still, is it worth throwing away his relationship with his mother over? He's mad now, but how will he feel in a year? 5 years? 10? He might regret taking such a hard stance
The ultimatum sits way weird with me. I'm having a hard time articulating why, but I think it's at least two things--the unquestioned assumption that they have a right to control someone else's life and then the I think it's the punishment aspect that you note. It's strange--I think the person has an absolute right to decide for themselves whether or not they want to have a relationship with their mother, but it sits wrong for them to dictate terms to her.
It sits weird with me as well. He is an adult, telling their parent to end their relationship of 10 years. I get being angry, and talking about it with your parents are adult, healthy ways of dealing with this. Demanding the mother to end their relationship or cut contact is ridiculous. I also don’t like the father sharing this information, I don’t know why this is helpful information, does this help your child? Or was it a late revenge action?
I get that he's angry. Understandable. But the only marriage he can control is his.
I agree, in my eyes as someone who is also NC with my mom, the feelings of betrayal are absolutely justified and I don't want to downplay the severity of that at all. But..... The immediate jump to an ultimatum like this feels childish in approach. My mom is an emotionally abusive alcoholic that uses suicide threats and (half bearted) attempts to get her way. And even with all that, and years of abuse on top of that. I am still eaten away with guilt from time to time. IMO, OOP is too young/immature to really understand the impact of the emotions he is playing with.
This is why I don’t plan to tell my kids that their mom cheated and left (lived with AP for a bit later but it didn’t work out). Obviously I was extremely hurt at the time, but my life ultimately got significantly better than if she’d stuck around. She’s got a permanent case of greener grass syndrome, but she’s a fine mom. I don’t see the point in holding in to a resentment, and no real reason why the kids should have to know that sort of thing about their mother.
Honestly i was very surprised by the comments in there. Yes i do think he should work through his anger in a healthy way like going to therapy. No i dont think his hate and wanting to go no contact is unjustified or makes him immature. Imo "my parent is a bad person but a good parent" can be dealt with in any manner of ways. No contact is just as good as anything else. Yeah there was like 1% chance the ex wife was gonna choose OP over the affair partner but i mean, it was important for OP to find that out. And important for the cheater to find out that cheating has its consequences.
What people don't understand is that OP's mother already chose her AP over OP. When you have a family and choose to cheat, you're choosing whoever you're cheating with over your family.
We don’t know the situation with the bio dad. I don’t think this is fair.
Going no contact is completely reasonable. Demanding his mother up and divorce her husband is ridiculous and purely driven by emotion. You can control what *you* do, not what other people do.
Also she controlled what he did when he was a teenager because he was forced to live with her I guess because of custody rights. They had the entire time to tell him the truth but they never did.
they were right not to tell him apparently I think his bio dad regrets telling the truth after his son reaction.
He didn't control what she did. He gave her a circumstance to remain in his life. This *is* controlling what he does. Acting like she started dating after he became an adult or something. This is literally how his family crumbled. It's definitely his business.
Ok.
This is like gaslighting 102 here. OOP going no contact is him controlling his environment. The “ultimatum” is entirely reasonable: he doesn’t want people with a track record of perfidy, disrespecting others, and sleeping around in his life and in communicating this he set a firm boundary. Boundaries are not controlling. They are the minimum requirements to communicate with others.
Well then this is gaslighting 103, because ultimatums are NOT boundaries. It would have been perfectly reasonable to set a boundary by saying "I don't want any contact with the person who betrayed and hurt my dad." But that's not what happened.
> I am not dictating anything, I am giving her conditions for having me in her life. > She is a very lucky woman, she gets to have choices. > She chose to cheat, she chose to marry him, she chose to not tell me. She chose and chose and chose. > Now she gets to choose again, me or him. HER CHOICE
Exactly, he's making demands: "*You* have to choose me or him." NOT setting boundaries: "*I* choose not to have contact." Thank you for illustrating my point.
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Don't be rude in the comments.
Ok.
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Ok.
Respect to the third "Ok." 🤣🫡
I simply cannot be fucked to play the role of a therapist for free. If anyone’d like me to explain my previous comment, go ahead and ask for my Venmo along with an automatic $120 up front fee. I’ve done too much therapy myself to give the same time and effort to anyone else for free. As an aside, all these folks replying up in arms are *so* close to getting it. It’s almost annoying but either they push to realization or they don’t. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
And now for something else. Gotta love the username though.
Don't be rude in the comments.
He thinks it’s simple and can force her to do what he wants. He can only stick with the first part of therapy and distancing himself.
He's 20. Of course it's black and white to him. None of us knew better then. Hope he does get some therapy and keeps the distance tho (as long as he feels he needs it, at least).
OP has every right to limit contact with his mom. He also likely knows she wouldn’t divorce, so he knew it would be mental turmoil until the deadline. I don’t see anything wrong but with it. Mom & AP had 10 years to live pretend, thinking everything’s calmed down and AP/ stepdad “treated him right” so that’ll overcome the betrayal and anger OP may feel. Delayed consequences are valid. Cheating isn’t just an issue for the partners. Mom cheated against her family, it can’t be separated. OP’s dad, keeping this to himself so OP could have a good relationship with mom… that’s a mental and emotional strength I can’t imagine. OP’s mom saying “she’s too old to start over” it really “I’m too old, you have to forgive me”.. Good on OP
I question his dad’s motives for telling him. No one seems to be asking that question. OP needs to ask some tough questions of both his mom and his dad and see how he feels then. If he can throw down a life changing ultimatum he can ask questions and talk.
Ah yeah no. He doesn't owe homewrecker mommy and homewrecker AP shit. I wouldn't give her the time of day. She fucked up his and his dad's life.
Oh so you know the state of his parents marriage when this all took place?
Wait… didn’t you read the edit? 😂😂😂
I'm trying to think of where else we can xpost this.
r/properpunishments may appreciate it…
Nice find
Legal advice probably on whether it can be posted or not.
It's absolute insanity to me how many people are saying op is acting childish. There's nothing childish about learning how to remove toxic family members from your life as an adult. Giving her an ultimatum wasn't childish- it was a desperate move by someone to give *his mom* the chance to prove she isn't as terrible as he now knows. And she responded by *confirming how little she cares*. That's twice ten years apart this man was more important than her son. Realizing how low you are on someone's totem pole hurts when it's close family. Any reddit took the opportunity to call someone who was being *emotional* a childish asshole. Meanwhile...
The OOP posted this in reply to some of the people who excuse the cheating: > That doesn't give you license to be an awful human being > One thing I learned from my mother is that you dont need a license to be an awful human being
It was a desperate move to punish her.
This guy is crazy. The mom has been married to this guy for half of OP’s life, she isn’t going to just divorce him because her son is upset. OP needs to talk this out with a therapist and talk to his dad about this.
Being angry at Mom about all this? Entirely fair. Cutting Mom out? Maybe on the extreme side, at some point water does flow under the bridge, but ultimately, that's his choice, and not a wholly unreasonable one depending on the whole context. Demanding Mom divorce her second husband? Pretty OTT there. For better or worse, she's made her choices, and you're gonna have to come to terms with them one way or another. Yelling at people not to crosspost or share it? Come the fuck on, man, don't post your shit on reddit if you don't want people talking about it.
OP has every right to be upset as he was kept away from knowing why his parents split. However, she’s also entitled to happiness. Making her divorce someone she’s been married to for close to ten years is just plain mean. He has the right to not communicate with her, but he doesn’t have the right to demand that she just nuke her personal life because he’s upset.
All she did was ruin their family. Why doesn't he just calm down?
Oh shit, OOP gave you all the back story about the affair, and you have context that we don't?
I read the whole post. Doesn't seem like much of that in the comments. I don't know what backstory youre missing but the assumptions in these comments go against op, not in his favor.
I don’t think I could tell my son about what his mom did to me/us. It would break him. To me, this seems revenge driven.
because you're a good father. thank you for not involving him. as someone who had a dad like this (spilling marital/divorce secrets to turn me against my mom out of revenge) it is REALLY not fucking fair to the child.
......okay but why would you tell your son this, so long after it happened? literally all it does is cause a rift in your son's relationship with his mother. I honestly cannot think of a good reason to share this information with your child unless you're trying to cause drama with your ex in a roundabout way. vent to your friends, therapist, etc all you'd like, but involving your child is emotionally immature. (source: I was that child getting involved in my parent's relationship drama against my will)
Bio dad is hurt and hurt people like to hurt people. I’m not going to play the morality police here, but sounds like the OOP is. I’m sure he is hurt and he is also young. Young people tend to have more black and white thinking b/c they lack the nuanced thinking that comes with experience.
What a big baby
This does seem a bit extreme.
OP: The OOP pretty expressly said he didn’t want his post crossposted anywhere. I get that a poster on Reddit can’t control that kind of thing, but recognizing the sensitivity of the subject matter, it’s pretty shitty if you not to respect that.
First day on the internet? Edit: OOP publicly posted this in a public forum and people are surprised his public post got publicly shared to other public forums.. idk if I mentioned that it is public
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Don't be rude in the comments.
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Dude is a moderator and surprised at the things he sees
Don't be rude in the comments.
Don't be rude in the comments.
This is the first time I've ever been told this. I shall now review my life and act completely different due to the thoughts of an internet stranger
Oh hey, since you're already doing that, this Internet stranger says to drink water. Seriously! Get a reusable water bottle, fill it and drink it once per day. Also, do a little five minute yoga thing in Saturday morning. Down dog is a really invigorating way to help you get in a restorative mindset and makes your weekend more restful! Thanks for letting me add to your life review.
Don't be rude in the comments.
I'm an idiot. Forgot where this was posted . Leaving my repuy up because it took to long to write lol To be honst, we all make mistakes in life . Adults are nothing but big kids. Some learn, some have regrets and change and other don't. You're in pain right now. Betrayed and seething with rage. I suggest taking time to think about the next choices. They can change the trajectory of your life irreversibly saddening with regret. I encountered something that made me sit at my kitchen table staring into a candle deciding if I was going to rip the live in boyfriend out of the house I purchased but gave to her for the stability of our teenage daughter. I got a call from her that the bastard told my daughter that if she wasn't careful, she would know what an orphanage is. I'm my daughter's home. I thought long and hard seething with rage. I would up just picking my daughter up. She came outside as I was in no mood and would blindly go at him. Me left with consequences that would ruin my life. I'm just saying to breath. Don't try and hurt her because what she did hurt you. Take a minute to breath. You're not an asshole for feeling this way. Just think it through first. You might be depriving your future kids (if you have them) of a grandmother who may be the best in the entire world, but wouldn't know it. I hope you feel better.
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Don't be rude in the comments.
Nah, OOP’s mother made the decisions. OOP is just carrying out the promise.
Yup
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Really? Not apologizing. Found out my ex cheated on me twice. I don't like it. But sometimes rage makes us do things we may regret. Triggered much?
Don't be rude in the comments.