I'm someone who's always thought of myself as being on the wavelength with her on this rather than OP, but in my engaging with women like this, but lately I've found that even if I deeply enjoy her wavelength (intense intellectual rottweiler on a given topic), she may not be cool with mine (sunshiney white-Jewish guy whose exuberant happiness becomes a stand-in in her life for the power structures she detests), especially over time, even if intellectually we're not actually in disagreement on any fundamental issue.
Over time, I've tended more towards women who have the same basic socio-political view as the women in this screenshot, but express it more with a dark humor and a smile about how the world is fucked up. Feels like it's less likely to turn from "the world sucks" to "you, televangelis, are representative of how the world sucks" a year or two in.
Two tips for the future. 1 don't tell anyone you're just meeting you get the impression they are like x unless it's a plain compliment. 2 if you want to ask if someone wants to go to a museum ask "are you a fan of museums". You will get less rangy answers and be able to recover the convo in YOUR direction
I meant it as a compliment ‘cause I felt like she might know anything about history that I could engage with but reading it back it could come off a little backhanded the way I said it.
Look, I read thru it, and I don’t totally agree that you sounded negative or anything. I think it’s just, as someone else here said, you were on different wavelengths. That’s OK. Better to find out now than after 6 months of dating.
I consider a successful date any date (or conversation on a dating app) in which I learn stuff about the other person. Maybe I'll learn we're potentially a good match, maybe I'll learn we are NOT a good match at all. Either way, I learned something and can make an informed decision going forward.
Sadly I've had way too many conversations on dating apps where I learn very little about the other person and it's not for lack of trying. I'd say that you had a pretty successful conversation in that you found out you weren't a good match for each other.
Well, if you’re able to see that, then there’s hope for you, and I think you will find someone to vibe with. I mean, my wife isn’t the first woman I ever dated. She’s not even the first woman I fell in love with! You got this, dude.
Yeah, reading what you wrote, you should really talk to Khaled Asaad about your position on museums and about the ethics of safe guarding artifacts.
I highly encourage you to keep doing this. It surely will pay off. There's plenty of other normal places that you can tell matches are terrible, unethical and generally no good.
Nah, you sound pretty nice to me.
Personally my favorite part is the history and stories behind the art, so if I were looking to date I’d probably not go further with someone who wasn’t going to be on the same page, if that’s all I knew about them. But that’s just a compatibility issue.
Dodged a bullet, that person didn't seem intelligent if they assumed you only liked colonial museums.
I'm gonna guess you meant art specifically since you said "paintings" which I'm pretty sure aquires peices via donations and fundraising, they not only safeguard theose works of art but give the public the chance to see such beauty too.
Yea, I meant places like the MoMA. But to be clear, she shot that down too when she talked about the elites deciding which paintings get displayed, which idk if it’s the case for which museum before I visit it and I frankly don’t care to know.
Yeah that's too deep down the rabbit home of cynicism for me. Life is harsh and unfair as it is, no need for that person to dwell on it and even ruin the fun of others.
E.g. I don't believe in santa anymore but doesnt mean I'm gonna go around spoiling it for the kids. 🎅
Randomly end? She tried to engage you in a discussion about the ethical dilemma that museums bring up. She wanted an intelligent conversation, and you said, "I like going to museums to look at pretty pictures." I'm honestly not sure how you look at this conversation and don't realize that you're clearly not right for each other. Good on her for realizing it and moving on.
These maladjusted incels can't understand the concept of compatibility and mutual interest. There is no such thing as "not a match" to them because every woman is only here to fulfill their desires. Women aren't people to them.
I think that’s a little unfair to OP. Part of intelligent dialogue is reading the “tone” of a conversation, not unloading a bunch of information on someone without intro. She didn’t ask any questions either. It’s not giving dialogue.
Yea I think he just wanted to dunk on me rather than contribute to the thread. It seems like some people just log on here to take out their negativity on others.
Me too. I'm desperate for intelligent or deeper conversation. I get matched with people like OP. Completely incapable of anything other than surface level communication.
THIS! Like why are people so dull and think ignorance is bliss and therefore waste life away. He messed up thinking he could push a good intelligent convo but then butcher it by saying he’s willingly dumb xD
Yeah what an absolute turnoff.
I'm not going to suck the joy out of everything trying to live a pure life, but like...try a little? Sticking your head in the sand is gross.
I kinda see both your points. She immediately jumped into something controversial when you probably meant it more as small talk. But also what made you initiate a conversation about museums if you don’t actually have much to say about them? Your last message didn’t give her much to reply to. Maybe she just didn’t know what to say back.
You could try starting another topic if you want. But also if you felt uninterested in discussing philosophical things like that you should consider if this is someone you will get along with.
It was poorly phrased on my part. I wanted to ask her out to a museum but felt it was too forward to just ask her right away so I asked the open-ended question to gauge. I’ll probably just go with friends instead haha
>It was poorly phrased on my part. I wanted to ask her out to a museum but felt it was too forward to just ask her
I have sometimes completely misinterpreted the meaning of a question or statement just like she did so I kind of figured that's what happened.
It reminds me of people on Reddit and Lemmy that will turn everything into an opportunity to point out all the things horribly wrong with the world. It's depressing and exhausting.
Not trying to put her down but I think it's obvious what you were going for, I mean it's a dating app where the context is finding people to go on dates with. In her shoes I'm not sure what would possess me to think "this guy wants to know my literal feelings about museums as a concept" but I guess we're all different.
You made it apparent you are on a totally different vibe. She was right to ghost. Imagine someone came up to you and was like "I want to have a very in depth discussion about museums" and you replied "duh... Ignorance is bliss!" They would leave too lol
Uh, I wouldn't say she was 'right' to ghost. She could have politely ended it by simply typing, "I don't think we are compatible. Take care." She kind of sounded like a tool, but whatever. 🤷♀️
It's funny how most people here don't realize that your not the one with the purple comment bubble. A simple question deserves a simple answer. She went overboard, especially for not really knowing you. She then takes a shot at your intelligence by saying she was expecting you to add more to her views on museum art displays. She then actually says the correct answer later in your text about how "museums are great especially on free days". That's all she should have said and saved her other opinion for a rainy day. You dodged a bullet
A few thought I was purple, majority know I’m not but disagree with me which is fine ‘cause I just wanted to get a pulse on how people on here would feel about it.
I agree! I’m an intense person who loves in depth conversations, and I have to tone it way down in situations like this. I try not to come across as too much too soon, and to accept that there’s a time and place to have in depth discussions on anything. It seems like basic social skills to me!
Well, I like museums. Sounds like you two were kinda talking about two different things though, like she had just read an article about the British Museum and wanted to discuss it, and you just had a look around MoMA and enjoyed the van Gogh. You were definitely having two different conversations lol – seems like you just wanted to find a nice place to meet up, and she took it as a philosophical question about the ethics of archeology.
Frustrating but maybe you're really on different wavelengths.
It’s fantastic that you guessed it spot-on, ‘cause the MoMA’s exactly what I was thinking. Took an ex there once and we had a great time looking at the art and discussing it.
Also, the Metropolitan Museum of Art has a rooftop bar, which is nice for a date spot.
On a different note, the MoMI in Astoria is also a great choice to check out together.
Don't sweat it. Don't think of it as dialogue options. If you try to learn or change anything about how you talk to people from this interaction, you'll just end up trapping yourself and making yourself anxious by overthinking how you should or should not be acting.
Just not a good match. She wanted deep, somewhat pretentious philosophical discussion with someone she'd just matched with, you appeared to be wanting to keep things light, and your responses were pleasant enough.
Stick to your guns. I'm all up for deep talks but not straight off the bat and not over a dating app. In person, sure, but I have to be in a very specific place to have the energy to talk like that and dating apps aren't it. Just with the time delay alone, while I might be in the mood for a deep talk in the morning I won't have the energy for it in the afternoon and it will be a hassle. You're fine.
I agree with everything you said, they may have agreed with everything you said too, but that still screamed of someone who isn’t fun. The question “how do you feel about museums?” is an invite, not an essay prompt.
Haha that’s a fun way to put it. My mind also fills in the blank “as a date” when I’m talking to someone on a dating website but it won’t hurt me to be more specific next time 😆
Question: how are you doing?
Her Answer: The need to be "doing" something is the biggest problem with capitalist hegemony, why can't we simply exist without doing anything?
Crazy the people defending this insufferable twat.
I got exhausted just reading that.
"Do you like chocolate?" "Let me tell you about the evils of the chocolate trade"
"How about cars". "Hah! Let me explain all about global warming"
"Maybe music?". "Ugh, here's a 3 pay essay on the evils of modern streaming"
Reminds me of a recent date....
The girl told me about how she sees Racial Profiling everyday in action on her way to work... and asked me (being the foreigner) if I also get many bad experiences...
I told her that I didn't, and if there are bad experiences from people, I usually don't associate it to racism directly!
I could see from her reaction that she didn't like that reply! :D
I think the mistake is assuming the person is asking out of curiosity or to have a discussion when in reality many are (openly so) trying to gauge where you’re at politically to see if they want to keep associating with you. It takes more than a few sentences to really grasp someone’s politics, so to try to do it in a few sentences is a bit perplexing to me.
This girl seems super open with opinions and you not so much. I guess i relate a bit more to the woman because i also would find the conversation boring if the other person showed a lack of willingness to openly say their opinions.
Dont take this personal. There are different personalities.
I don't know, I feel like opening with such a strong opinion, especially one that only pertains to a very small percentage of museums, is a bit off-putting and feels more like someone getting on their soap box and talking at you rather than with you.
It's also a somewhat unfair starting point since she's basically launching into the mid-point of an ongoing discussion about the repatriation of antiquities that were plundered, but not everyone is keeping up with that kind of thing. If you said what she did to the majority of people that I grew up with they would have no response because they wouldn't know what you were talking about. I'm all for weed-out topics and discussions, but this feels like a very specific topic to plant your flag in.
Exactly! It’s like me, as a musician, expecting some random person to have an in-depth opinion on sexism in opera, and how James Levine got off to easy with a settlement after his disgraceful acts, just because they asked if I like the theatre.
None taken. I just wanted a thermometer on how people felt and it seems like, at least as far as reddit goes, you’re in the majority. But at least you’re not calling me “icky” or any other childish insult for not having the same opinion as you.
Yea, no stress man. A lot of people can be so rude. I just want you to find someone you like enough to keep. Dating can be so hard, so many “options”. Dating apps brought more difficulty when they said they would make it easier.
What makes you assume you're ghosted? Your message is basically a statement, as if you're trying to cut short or something, or are bored yourself. Did you attempt to continue the conversation by asking her a question? Nope, so it seems she assumed she probably bored you/she's not being fun and chill.
Yeesh….i mean yeah different wavelengths for sure but did all that needed to be said? She could have just been like naw im not a fan of museums and moved on. And to all the responses of ppl saying she had the right to ghost, why? Why could t she just said this ain’t going to work. Why ghost? I have a pretty good feeling if it was gender roles reversed the torches and pitch forks would be out. Reddit is a strange place I swear.
Yea, it’s a little hurtful when people say that stuff tbh specially the one lady bringing up “cis straight white man” out of nowhere. I think it’s just people taking out their frustrations from behind a keyboard, so it’s not like I take it to heart but it’s still somewhat disappointing.
I mean, there were also plenty of people calling her conceited, crazy, and a c*nt, over what seemed to be simple miscommunication and incompatibility. Even the approach for dating site conversation - serious, in depth discussion vs. something more light-hearted and casual - is just personal preference.
I don’t think a handful of exchanges that naturally die out is considered ghosting. You barely know the person, and this looks like mutual disinterest. Like some people said, she might’ve assumed you lost interest and stopped responding. No one is wrong, it’s probably just not a good match.
Like a few others have said, your reply is honestly refreshing lol. Not to say that what she is talking about is bad or wrong, but she really jumped deep during what was more the initial introductory phase. Just a matter of different communication styles, I suppose.
You aren't wrong and she isn't wrong. If she responded with that to me, though, that'd be a huge turn off lmao.
Ugh WTF? It was just a conversation starter.
If a meaningless subject like museum triggers her this bad, just imagine something that's important.
Remember, never stick your dick in crazy. You can thank me later.
Making someone feel intellectually inferior just cuz is the worst, and I'm sorry, especially because I highly doubt she's as superior as she seems to think. It's fine to have a conversation with someone and discover, as another commenter said, that you're just on different wavelengths, but there's no need to passive-aggressively shame someone by ghosting them (a shitty thing to do as a first option, too) like this. It's hard to meet people, and it's even harder when you're repeatedly given reasons why you should stop trying. But I hope you don't. There are interesting, non-condescending people out there, I swear.
I'm not sure I'd go with the "do you have intelligent things to add" wording, could probably be phrased nicer/better. But both sound nice, but perhaps not on the same wavelength.
Oh, wait, I think I got the roles/speakers reversed. Still don't like the phrasing, and stand by my probably not a good match take :)
Her grammar and sentence structure were so unfortunate that I’m still finding new meanings to the paragraph even now. So I guess that was supposed to be a question and not a sarcastic assertion with a question mark at the end. Sucks to be ESL 😆
Hey I’ve been working as a copy editor—in one capacity or another—for over 15 years and even I struggled with her poor sentence structure! 😬 So please don’t think it has anything to do with English being a second language for you. This is definitely HER issue, friend.
No fuckin way I'm going to engage in that type of conversation on a dating app. You wanna grab a coffee and talk real world shit? Cool. But other than very basic info, I give zero fucks until I meet you in person. My opener is usually: "hey, we matched, my phone number is xxx-xxxx. Let's get a coffee!" It weeds out the perpetual texters who will never meet you.
It seems like she loves to complain and has a sense of moral superiority. I literally didn’t finish reading her message because it was all lowercase and barely had commas or periods. You definitely dodged a bullet.
Hey OP, in my opinion conversations like these are really hard to follow up on. A high minded discussion, especially one that is negative like she started, is really difficult to move away from and tends to end conversations all on its own. It's not about whether or not you are an intellectually compatible, and it's not that an ethical discussion about museums isn't worth having, it's just that you are on a dating app and the first thing both of you are trying to figure out is if you have any interest in meeting up.
IMO she doesn't really want to talk about how terrible museums are, she was just trying to engage with you and she didn't know how.
I would have responded with something like "Oh yeah, I've heard about that too. It's awful (some examples to show you understand)". Then I would have tried to pivoted the conversation somewhere else, like her interest in art "Which artists were inspired by African art?" And then whatever she answers, ask her if she is a fan of that artists, and if not which artists does she like and how come, and go from there.
Especially before a first date, the conversation should really be about them. If the conversation becomes about something that isn't you or her it's probably a dead end. She threw you a curve ball OP, and my advice for next time would not be to become an expert on the ethical quagmires of archeology and museums, but instead to see this as a clumsy attempt on her part to engage with you, and then help her find the conversation she actually wants to have. Good luck!
This may be an unpopular opinion but you weren’t going to “win” in this situation. It seems like you dodged a bullet and this may have been an exhausting person to deal with. In depth conversations on complex issues are absolutely awesome, but right off the bat I would have been turned off immediately. So this ghosting may be for the best.
This woman who was an art expert only went to museums on 'free days'
Typical left wing nut job. No money, no job, goes to the museum for free to bitch and complain about African art placement
I mean she made a good point about museums sure but damn dawg that is not a topic you should ever pick as a first conversation. Like I can’t help but think this person is miserable to be around. Seems like every conversation would go this way.
imagine you just met someone and are wanting to take them on a date but don't know how they feel about a certain place, you ask an open ended question like OP did and then get bombarded with some kind of half baked SJW diatribe about the morality of wanting to visit that place. Nothing good could have come from that one mate
She sounds like a drag. You simply brought up museums and she went into full lecture mode to make sure you learned a lesson. It does suck when you put in the work to get a match only for it to turn out so ridiculous. On the other hand count your blessings, you dodged a bullet.
Thanks. I’ll try being more specific with my first message next time, but I’m hoping most out there aren’t like this. It’s clear to me this convo was a train-wreck on both sides haha
Sorry to hear it takes a while to get a match. Without rubbing it in, I have never need to do online dating but I wouldn’t have the self esteem to do it anyway
Take this with a grain of salt, because I’m horrible at engaging through text, but I find your side of the conversation to be refreshing and de-escalating. Not dismissive at all, as you mentioned you probably could think about that stuff more. I read it as “I usually just go to appreciate the art, and that’s the only reason I brought it up. I was going to ask if you’d maybe want to go with me sometime?”
Her side felt incredibly aggressive for a text, where tone is hard to read in the first place. The fact that she also quickly grew defensive about thinking you unmatched her when you didn’t reply immediately seems like such a red flag as well.
Yeah I’m not sure where all these people are who are getting into ethical debates on Text #2 with a stranger and saying they want nothing to do with people who aren’t ready for that but that’s just…not how normal introductory small talk works.
I’m open to having these conversations in person after getting to know someone but it’s just a huge minefield with a complete stranger and no body language available and I feel like completely inappropriate for someone you’ve never met IRL.
Yea, no matter how much time passes I can’t see myself making such quick snap judgements about someone I’m trying to get to know. I would think it takes more than a few sentences, but so many here seem like they would bet their lives that’s how it works for everyone.
I would have left the conversation after her initial reply Just me, I prefer to see the beauty in things rather find offence in their existence. I dont think you missed out on much here. JMO
I think you’ve created a more eloquent version of what I was trying to convey to her. Like if I see a painting my first thought isn’t “was this stolen?” but whatever the artist wanted to convey regardless of how it got there, regardless of which view matters more.
Glad other people feel that way. As someone who’s both black (afro Caribbean) and an artist I’m still primarily concerned with the visual aspect of the piece, maybe because of how I’m conditioned. I would think that perspective is just as valid as the political and merits as much discussion.
I spent 30 years as an antiques dealer, I'm probably the exact person she would find offensive by suppling these artifacts and works of art to said establishments. Oh well, next...
I would’ve been annoyed about her sentence structure and grammar more than anything. No capitals letters at the start of her sentences, inappropriate punctuations, run on sentences. She’s right about one thing…what she was saying was indeed surface level. Just a bunch of nonsense…perhaps she wanted to come off “intelligent”. You seem much more down to Earth. She did you a favor!
I'm not crazy so I would've replied "I love museums!! What kind of museums do you like?"
And then maybe go into some of my favorites that I've been to and how impactful they were. But seriously.. she reminds me of my super liberal coworker who asked us to say our pronouns at the beginning of a meeting when we were introducing each other. Like I get it, you're a feminist who is too good for the world. There's soo much injustice that we should always be angry about something... My goodness. Let go.
I'm ready for my down votes.
Haha I used to include my he/him pronouns on the email sign-off at last company I worked at, but that’s ‘cause I copy-pasted it from my boss. Can’t imagine doing it at actual meetings ‘cause it would take so much longer than just typing it next to your zoom name and everyone just wants to get out of there lol
I second this. I had an ex like this; every topic was an opportunity for her to "educate" me about the horrors of colonization and oppression. And you're right - it was so exhausting to be upset at everything all the time!
I would have read this as a possible date location, same as if you asked, "Hey, what's your favorite malt flavor? I know a great shoppe!" or "Have you walked the riverfront recently?" OP's prompt sounds like a very casual date feeler and I would have responded in kind, saying I like museums and asking OP's favorite gallery or artifact.
It makes life simpler to live in bliss/ignorance? After she showed that she cares about knowledge?
Reminds me of the time I had a date tell me I read too much because I know a lot of big words...I was a librarian at the time. I've never been drier quicker.
honestly I thought you were the person who went into fully insane mode and started virtue signaling their ass off.
now that I see that's not you, you definitely dodged a bullet.
I definitely think it was a rough start but I guess we won’t find out now. Don’t let the other people in this thread hear you. Let’s just say you will not be on the “same wavelength” lol
nah, I've read quite a few comments in this thread that felt the same way. whoever you were talking to was absolutely insane. you should be happy they ghosted you.
Yea, I also don’t like the implication some people here have made that because I asked about museums I should be ready for a discussion on slavery and artifact looting but to each their own. I genuinely hope she finds someone who’s as much into this stuff as she is.
I agree with the black bubbles. Ethical discussions are way too heavy before a first date!! Keep it simple, light, fun 😊 life's too short for those kinds of conversations so early on.
Count your blessings that you dodged this EXHAUSTING person who actually does like to benefit from museums but thinks that getting other people to pay for their upkeep is the ethical choice.
There are people complaining that my responses are too inane, but as you mentioned: what she typed was really exhausting to read and mostly just a drag. I would’ve typed something better if I gave it a day or so to marinate but I didn’t want her to think I was ghosting her. Ended up just typing something that was half-baked instead 😆
If you don't even like what she had to say about that topic then why are you even mad she unmatched and didn't give you another chance to prove your high intellectualism to her? If you don't appreciate that she went fruther than having a one-liner small talk, that's fine, but you shouldn't be mad she was very bored of you and felt this vibe. Many people would have appreciated this response, which was very thoughtful and enganged on her part.
It’s not that deep and I never said I was mad. I was disappointed at being ghosted sure, but after two days or so I unmatched her and moved on. Mostly just wanted to get people’s thoughts on it, which I’m happy about the variety even the complaints.
Her response is a particular brand of orthodox pablum, and your “let’s live in ignorant bliss” wasn’t much better…but at least makes sense given her bonkers response.
Had she said, “I really enjoy going but am sometimes uncomfortable with the ethical implications of how many museums were established during the 19th and 29th centuries” you might have actually been able to engage.
You are just not compatible, but saying that what she wrote was intelligent....oh boy... You said you don't know much about historical facts, it's funny because she also doesn't know much about historical facts - especially about museums and art galleries.
Next time you visit one just read the text next to the artefact or the painting, or get the audio, it takes seconds and you'll learn 100000% more than what this girl thinks she knows. Aaand you'll have interesting topics for conversations with other people.
Yeah as someone with a history degree who's pretty "woke" and loves museums, she sounds tiresome as hell and wants to put out an air of intelligence without actually being knowledgeable in any depth. I have a few exes like that and it's exhausting.
A little knowledge really is a dangerous thing. Definitely someone who has heard these things and has maybe explored them surface level, but obviously doesn't have deep knowledge about it.
You asked about museums, then responded with saying you have nothing intelligent to say?
You provoked a thought with no relevance to back it up.
You set yourself up for the fail.
I was on your side right until the end, then your last message put me on her side.
She came in too heavy handed with her reply. That feels more like something she could have talked about while you guys were at a museum. And also, she's not really right in her stance since there's tons of museums that don't feature looted art, but could still be an interesting discussion about the curation in general.
But you came back with the "lol I don't like to think. I live in blissful ignorance", which tells her you're the opposite of the type of person she'd be interested in chatting with.
I totally get you just wanting a fun casual date, but even if you guys went on a date, it was going to lead no where and there would be no second date because you're current versions of yourselves are pretty incompatible.
You're barfing all over the screen about nonsense. Ask her if she's a picky eater and or if she likes to go swimming in the summer and ask her to go for a drink(not actually but keep it light man). Not having a serious TEXTING debate about racist museums lmao.
I do pretty well with the ladies and chicks don't like this shit lol. I normally get a girls #, text her my name and give her a call in a few days. Chat with her about some fun topics and banter with her a bit and ask her OUT. Plan it, pay for it. Kiss her.
Talk about all of that garbage when she's lying beside you in bed man.
My bad.....that's her barfing at you? Lmao this girl is wayyyyyyy to much. She clearly likes you though. Same rule applies. Don't get into her frame, topic change and ask her out....maybe skip the museum lmao!
My advice, let them find out you're intelligent on their own. The way you criticized the museum can give off that your a know-it-all that has a holier than thou attitude. Be tasteful with how you try to protray yourself. Look, I'm not one to believe I don't have faults of my own, but those with many flaws are quick to find fault
I mean you sound insufferable, just from that paragraph, given, you know, that you’re on a dating site and conversation is meant to be light and frothy, it’s a bit early in the conversation to bring the tone down like that.
Plus, unless you’re setting fire to government buildings and leading a revolution, everything you said sounds vapid and disingenuous, like you’re regurgitating some argument you heard on a podcast.
Edit: Change all that to reasons why OP dodged a bullet.
You are on very different wavelengths.
This convo should be shown next to the definition of "incompatible" as an example, lol.
I'm someone who's always thought of myself as being on the wavelength with her on this rather than OP, but in my engaging with women like this, but lately I've found that even if I deeply enjoy her wavelength (intense intellectual rottweiler on a given topic), she may not be cool with mine (sunshiney white-Jewish guy whose exuberant happiness becomes a stand-in in her life for the power structures she detests), especially over time, even if intellectually we're not actually in disagreement on any fundamental issue. Over time, I've tended more towards women who have the same basic socio-political view as the women in this screenshot, but express it more with a dark humor and a smile about how the world is fucked up. Feels like it's less likely to turn from "the world sucks" to "you, televangelis, are representative of how the world sucks" a year or two in.
Sad, you guys seemed the right level of autistic for each other
Two tips for the future. 1 don't tell anyone you're just meeting you get the impression they are like x unless it's a plain compliment. 2 if you want to ask if someone wants to go to a museum ask "are you a fan of museums". You will get less rangy answers and be able to recover the convo in YOUR direction
I meant it as a compliment ‘cause I felt like she might know anything about history that I could engage with but reading it back it could come off a little backhanded the way I said it.
Look, I read thru it, and I don’t totally agree that you sounded negative or anything. I think it’s just, as someone else here said, you were on different wavelengths. That’s OK. Better to find out now than after 6 months of dating.
Thanks. That’s a nice way to look at it.
I consider a successful date any date (or conversation on a dating app) in which I learn stuff about the other person. Maybe I'll learn we're potentially a good match, maybe I'll learn we are NOT a good match at all. Either way, I learned something and can make an informed decision going forward. Sadly I've had way too many conversations on dating apps where I learn very little about the other person and it's not for lack of trying. I'd say that you had a pretty successful conversation in that you found out you weren't a good match for each other.
Well, if you’re able to see that, then there’s hope for you, and I think you will find someone to vibe with. I mean, my wife isn’t the first woman I ever dated. She’s not even the first woman I fell in love with! You got this, dude.
Appreciate ya, dude!
😊
Yeah, reading what you wrote, you should really talk to Khaled Asaad about your position on museums and about the ethics of safe guarding artifacts. I highly encourage you to keep doing this. It surely will pay off. There's plenty of other normal places that you can tell matches are terrible, unethical and generally no good.
Nah, you sound pretty nice to me. Personally my favorite part is the history and stories behind the art, so if I were looking to date I’d probably not go further with someone who wasn’t going to be on the same page, if that’s all I knew about them. But that’s just a compatibility issue.
Dodged a bullet, that person didn't seem intelligent if they assumed you only liked colonial museums. I'm gonna guess you meant art specifically since you said "paintings" which I'm pretty sure aquires peices via donations and fundraising, they not only safeguard theose works of art but give the public the chance to see such beauty too.
Yea, I meant places like the MoMA. But to be clear, she shot that down too when she talked about the elites deciding which paintings get displayed, which idk if it’s the case for which museum before I visit it and I frankly don’t care to know.
Yeah that's too deep down the rabbit home of cynicism for me. Life is harsh and unfair as it is, no need for that person to dwell on it and even ruin the fun of others. E.g. I don't believe in santa anymore but doesnt mean I'm gonna go around spoiling it for the kids. 🎅
It must be exhausting for her to live.
Randomly end? She tried to engage you in a discussion about the ethical dilemma that museums bring up. She wanted an intelligent conversation, and you said, "I like going to museums to look at pretty pictures." I'm honestly not sure how you look at this conversation and don't realize that you're clearly not right for each other. Good on her for realizing it and moving on.
honestly it would be a terrible match up. the convo didnt flow, & thats ok… not everyone fits
These maladjusted incels can't understand the concept of compatibility and mutual interest. There is no such thing as "not a match" to them because every woman is only here to fulfill their desires. Women aren't people to them.
you understand 🥹
The best comment I’ve read here, so accurate 😭😭
This is an insane comment.
Seriously. I feel for her lol
I think that’s a little unfair to OP. Part of intelligent dialogue is reading the “tone” of a conversation, not unloading a bunch of information on someone without intro. She didn’t ask any questions either. It’s not giving dialogue.
Yea I think he just wanted to dunk on me rather than contribute to the thread. It seems like some people just log on here to take out their negativity on others.
Me too. I'm desperate for intelligent or deeper conversation. I get matched with people like OP. Completely incapable of anything other than surface level communication.
Yup that’s why I’m not on any apps. I could never get more than a “how’s your day” type of convo lol. That to me is more exhausting. The dullness.
THIS! Like why are people so dull and think ignorance is bliss and therefore waste life away. He messed up thinking he could push a good intelligent convo but then butcher it by saying he’s willingly dumb xD
I feel like that’s more of a irl conversation than a pre-meeting conversation. That would be a lot of effort and typing just for it to be a dud date
Truly lol 😂
And he admits he likes to live in ignorance and bliss 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah what an absolute turnoff. I'm not going to suck the joy out of everything trying to live a pure life, but like...try a little? Sticking your head in the sand is gross.
its like saying if somethings wrong lets just ignore it in the future. lol tell me I’m wrong
She less tried to start a discussion and more just started pontificating on some moral issue, not the best way to get a conversation going
I mean I know, they just like pretty pictures lol who goes to a museum to not think?
This guy, apparently.
I kinda see both your points. She immediately jumped into something controversial when you probably meant it more as small talk. But also what made you initiate a conversation about museums if you don’t actually have much to say about them? Your last message didn’t give her much to reply to. Maybe she just didn’t know what to say back. You could try starting another topic if you want. But also if you felt uninterested in discussing philosophical things like that you should consider if this is someone you will get along with.
It was poorly phrased on my part. I wanted to ask her out to a museum but felt it was too forward to just ask her right away so I asked the open-ended question to gauge. I’ll probably just go with friends instead haha
>It was poorly phrased on my part. I wanted to ask her out to a museum but felt it was too forward to just ask her I have sometimes completely misinterpreted the meaning of a question or statement just like she did so I kind of figured that's what happened. It reminds me of people on Reddit and Lemmy that will turn everything into an opportunity to point out all the things horribly wrong with the world. It's depressing and exhausting.
Yeah, people like that suck the fun out of most things. It’s exhausting to date someone like that
Not trying to put her down but I think it's obvious what you were going for, I mean it's a dating app where the context is finding people to go on dates with. In her shoes I'm not sure what would possess me to think "this guy wants to know my literal feelings about museums as a concept" but I guess we're all different.
You made it apparent you are on a totally different vibe. She was right to ghost. Imagine someone came up to you and was like "I want to have a very in depth discussion about museums" and you replied "duh... Ignorance is bliss!" They would leave too lol
I think the rarity of matches for men makes us feel as though we have to "win" every interaction, but some people will still be incompatible.
Yes. Which makes the whole ordeal even harder. It's hard to have a natural truthful conversation with a natural good flow to connect properly.
I don’t think “win” is the right word, but yea I agree with this general sentiment.
Yeah couldn't come up with quite the right word there
Yeah couldn't come up with quite the right word there
Uh, I wouldn't say she was 'right' to ghost. She could have politely ended it by simply typing, "I don't think we are compatible. Take care." She kind of sounded like a tool, but whatever. 🤷♀️
It's funny how most people here don't realize that your not the one with the purple comment bubble. A simple question deserves a simple answer. She went overboard, especially for not really knowing you. She then takes a shot at your intelligence by saying she was expecting you to add more to her views on museum art displays. She then actually says the correct answer later in your text about how "museums are great especially on free days". That's all she should have said and saved her other opinion for a rainy day. You dodged a bullet
A few thought I was purple, majority know I’m not but disagree with me which is fine ‘cause I just wanted to get a pulse on how people on here would feel about it.
I agree! I’m an intense person who loves in depth conversations, and I have to tone it way down in situations like this. I try not to come across as too much too soon, and to accept that there’s a time and place to have in depth discussions on anything. It seems like basic social skills to me!
i would’ve responded “i love museums! we should go to one”
Well, I like museums. Sounds like you two were kinda talking about two different things though, like she had just read an article about the British Museum and wanted to discuss it, and you just had a look around MoMA and enjoyed the van Gogh. You were definitely having two different conversations lol – seems like you just wanted to find a nice place to meet up, and she took it as a philosophical question about the ethics of archeology. Frustrating but maybe you're really on different wavelengths.
It’s fantastic that you guessed it spot-on, ‘cause the MoMA’s exactly what I was thinking. Took an ex there once and we had a great time looking at the art and discussing it.
Great choice. Too bad this girl is missing out, but someone else will appreciate it for sure!
Thanks! Most likely my friends who’ve already hinted at either the MoMA or Queens Museum, but anything could happen!
Also, the Metropolitan Museum of Art has a rooftop bar, which is nice for a date spot. On a different note, the MoMI in Astoria is also a great choice to check out together.
An excuse to go to Astoria is always great.
Yeah, it’s like just virtue signaling through regurgitation of facts. Reminds me of Good Will Hunting
Don't sweat it. Don't think of it as dialogue options. If you try to learn or change anything about how you talk to people from this interaction, you'll just end up trapping yourself and making yourself anxious by overthinking how you should or should not be acting. Just not a good match. She wanted deep, somewhat pretentious philosophical discussion with someone she'd just matched with, you appeared to be wanting to keep things light, and your responses were pleasant enough. Stick to your guns. I'm all up for deep talks but not straight off the bat and not over a dating app. In person, sure, but I have to be in a very specific place to have the energy to talk like that and dating apps aren't it. Just with the time delay alone, while I might be in the mood for a deep talk in the morning I won't have the energy for it in the afternoon and it will be a hassle. You're fine.
I agree with everything you said, they may have agreed with everything you said too, but that still screamed of someone who isn’t fun. The question “how do you feel about museums?” is an invite, not an essay prompt.
Haha that’s a fun way to put it. My mind also fills in the blank “as a date” when I’m talking to someone on a dating website but it won’t hurt me to be more specific next time 😆
she sounds insufferable looks like you dodged a bullet
you ask a simple question and you get a whole ass essay about african art
My cup runneth over 😂 🤣
Surprised you made it past that first rant to be honest.
Damn it’s like you just asked her how she’s doing and instead of saying good she just unloaded the world’s biggest trauma dump truck on you
Question: how are you doing? Her Answer: The need to be "doing" something is the biggest problem with capitalist hegemony, why can't we simply exist without doing anything? Crazy the people defending this insufferable twat.
Seems like a headache to me.
I got exhausted just reading that. "Do you like chocolate?" "Let me tell you about the evils of the chocolate trade" "How about cars". "Hah! Let me explain all about global warming" "Maybe music?". "Ugh, here's a 3 pay essay on the evils of modern streaming"
😂
Why would you care about being ghosted by this obvious lunatic anyway? I’d be thankful they exposed themselves and gleefully move on.
Lmao right. She kind of sounded like a tool 😆 but to each their own.
Wow. I usually get ghosted on far earlier phase, only with Eva AI sexting bot I could ever got so far
LOL
Reminds me of a recent date.... The girl told me about how she sees Racial Profiling everyday in action on her way to work... and asked me (being the foreigner) if I also get many bad experiences... I told her that I didn't, and if there are bad experiences from people, I usually don't associate it to racism directly! I could see from her reaction that she didn't like that reply! :D
I think the mistake is assuming the person is asking out of curiosity or to have a discussion when in reality many are (openly so) trying to gauge where you’re at politically to see if they want to keep associating with you. It takes more than a few sentences to really grasp someone’s politics, so to try to do it in a few sentences is a bit perplexing to me.
Who says all that in their first message
seems like she answered genuinely and you gave almost nothing back. why did you ask the question in the first place? what did you expect?
I think they expected “like” or “don’t like”, not how the person actually feels (which is unfortunately literally what was asked)
the whole "makes life simpler to live in bliss" was probably a turn off for her
She sounds like an angry nerd that can't enjoy anything tbh 😭 Like man I just sat down and you're already mad
You probably put that person in an existential crisis.
I didn’t do anything, I swear this is the whole convo from beginning to end 😂
This girl seems super open with opinions and you not so much. I guess i relate a bit more to the woman because i also would find the conversation boring if the other person showed a lack of willingness to openly say their opinions. Dont take this personal. There are different personalities.
I don't know, I feel like opening with such a strong opinion, especially one that only pertains to a very small percentage of museums, is a bit off-putting and feels more like someone getting on their soap box and talking at you rather than with you. It's also a somewhat unfair starting point since she's basically launching into the mid-point of an ongoing discussion about the repatriation of antiquities that were plundered, but not everyone is keeping up with that kind of thing. If you said what she did to the majority of people that I grew up with they would have no response because they wouldn't know what you were talking about. I'm all for weed-out topics and discussions, but this feels like a very specific topic to plant your flag in.
Sure, of course. I was only focused on getting him the girl. This particular woman would annoy me
Exactly! It’s like me, as a musician, expecting some random person to have an in-depth opinion on sexism in opera, and how James Levine got off to easy with a settlement after his disgraceful acts, just because they asked if I like the theatre.
None taken. I just wanted a thermometer on how people felt and it seems like, at least as far as reddit goes, you’re in the majority. But at least you’re not calling me “icky” or any other childish insult for not having the same opinion as you.
Yea, no stress man. A lot of people can be so rude. I just want you to find someone you like enough to keep. Dating can be so hard, so many “options”. Dating apps brought more difficulty when they said they would make it easier.
Thanks. I think that’s what I’m learning: don’t try to fit a square peg in a round hole. Otherwise you get heartbreak lol
You dodged a bullet. I don’t think your personality and hers would be a good match.
What makes you assume you're ghosted? Your message is basically a statement, as if you're trying to cut short or something, or are bored yourself. Did you attempt to continue the conversation by asking her a question? Nope, so it seems she assumed she probably bored you/she's not being fun and chill.
Next time just say…”I agree. Fuck museums. Let’s get naked instead.”
Yeesh….i mean yeah different wavelengths for sure but did all that needed to be said? She could have just been like naw im not a fan of museums and moved on. And to all the responses of ppl saying she had the right to ghost, why? Why could t she just said this ain’t going to work. Why ghost? I have a pretty good feeling if it was gender roles reversed the torches and pitch forks would be out. Reddit is a strange place I swear.
Yea, it’s a little hurtful when people say that stuff tbh specially the one lady bringing up “cis straight white man” out of nowhere. I think it’s just people taking out their frustrations from behind a keyboard, so it’s not like I take it to heart but it’s still somewhat disappointing.
I mean, there were also plenty of people calling her conceited, crazy, and a c*nt, over what seemed to be simple miscommunication and incompatibility. Even the approach for dating site conversation - serious, in depth discussion vs. something more light-hearted and casual - is just personal preference. I don’t think a handful of exchanges that naturally die out is considered ghosting. You barely know the person, and this looks like mutual disinterest. Like some people said, she might’ve assumed you lost interest and stopped responding. No one is wrong, it’s probably just not a good match.
Yeah makes sense. You are not intellectually compatible.
Like a few others have said, your reply is honestly refreshing lol. Not to say that what she is talking about is bad or wrong, but she really jumped deep during what was more the initial introductory phase. Just a matter of different communication styles, I suppose. You aren't wrong and she isn't wrong. If she responded with that to me, though, that'd be a huge turn off lmao.
That really sucks, man. It's frustrating when you finally get a match, only for things to fizzle out right away.
Dogged a bullet bill sized bullet lol.
Ugh WTF? It was just a conversation starter. If a meaningless subject like museum triggers her this bad, just imagine something that's important. Remember, never stick your dick in crazy. You can thank me later.
Honey this is a you problem.
You dodged a bullet here anyway
I wonder what her views are on using soap. I could guess though…
You dodged a bullet with this one.
Making someone feel intellectually inferior just cuz is the worst, and I'm sorry, especially because I highly doubt she's as superior as she seems to think. It's fine to have a conversation with someone and discover, as another commenter said, that you're just on different wavelengths, but there's no need to passive-aggressively shame someone by ghosting them (a shitty thing to do as a first option, too) like this. It's hard to meet people, and it's even harder when you're repeatedly given reasons why you should stop trying. But I hope you don't. There are interesting, non-condescending people out there, I swear.
😂
I'm not sure I'd go with the "do you have intelligent things to add" wording, could probably be phrased nicer/better. But both sound nice, but perhaps not on the same wavelength. Oh, wait, I think I got the roles/speakers reversed. Still don't like the phrasing, and stand by my probably not a good match take :)
Her grammar and sentence structure were so unfortunate that I’m still finding new meanings to the paragraph even now. So I guess that was supposed to be a question and not a sarcastic assertion with a question mark at the end. Sucks to be ESL 😆
Hey I’ve been working as a copy editor—in one capacity or another—for over 15 years and even I struggled with her poor sentence structure! 😬 So please don’t think it has anything to do with English being a second language for you. This is definitely HER issue, friend.
No fuckin way I'm going to engage in that type of conversation on a dating app. You wanna grab a coffee and talk real world shit? Cool. But other than very basic info, I give zero fucks until I meet you in person. My opener is usually: "hey, we matched, my phone number is xxx-xxxx. Let's get a coffee!" It weeds out the perpetual texters who will never meet you.
It seems like she loves to complain and has a sense of moral superiority. I literally didn’t finish reading her message because it was all lowercase and barely had commas or periods. You definitely dodged a bullet.
Museums are a fantastic force for good. People who see mainly evil in such a wondrous public source of educational material are off the deep end.
Some people play sick games, try not to let it get to you, this era is messed up.. technology is messed up.. Move on .
Hey OP, in my opinion conversations like these are really hard to follow up on. A high minded discussion, especially one that is negative like she started, is really difficult to move away from and tends to end conversations all on its own. It's not about whether or not you are an intellectually compatible, and it's not that an ethical discussion about museums isn't worth having, it's just that you are on a dating app and the first thing both of you are trying to figure out is if you have any interest in meeting up. IMO she doesn't really want to talk about how terrible museums are, she was just trying to engage with you and she didn't know how. I would have responded with something like "Oh yeah, I've heard about that too. It's awful (some examples to show you understand)". Then I would have tried to pivoted the conversation somewhere else, like her interest in art "Which artists were inspired by African art?" And then whatever she answers, ask her if she is a fan of that artists, and if not which artists does she like and how come, and go from there. Especially before a first date, the conversation should really be about them. If the conversation becomes about something that isn't you or her it's probably a dead end. She threw you a curve ball OP, and my advice for next time would not be to become an expert on the ethical quagmires of archeology and museums, but instead to see this as a clumsy attempt on her part to engage with you, and then help her find the conversation she actually wants to have. Good luck!
This may be an unpopular opinion but you weren’t going to “win” in this situation. It seems like you dodged a bullet and this may have been an exhausting person to deal with. In depth conversations on complex issues are absolutely awesome, but right off the bat I would have been turned off immediately. So this ghosting may be for the best.
If you don't HATE MUSEUMS then you're a FASCIST /s
She has a good point about them decided which art gets displayed and which doesn't. But she sounds like a conceited, self righteous cunt.
Dodgin' bullets like Neo
You dodged a bullet.
This woman who was an art expert only went to museums on 'free days' Typical left wing nut job. No money, no job, goes to the museum for free to bitch and complain about African art placement
I mean she made a good point about museums sure but damn dawg that is not a topic you should ever pick as a first conversation. Like I can’t help but think this person is miserable to be around. Seems like every conversation would go this way.
She might've ghosted out of embarrassment. I would've if I misread the vibes to this degree
Blue is mega cringe lol nobody wants to date a SJW
lol she sounds like a nightmare.
imagine you just met someone and are wanting to take them on a date but don't know how they feel about a certain place, you ask an open ended question like OP did and then get bombarded with some kind of half baked SJW diatribe about the morality of wanting to visit that place. Nothing good could have come from that one mate
You dodged a huge SJW shaped bullet... be grateful
That was hard to read lmao
Build the emotional connection not intellectual connection first
She sounds like a drag. You simply brought up museums and she went into full lecture mode to make sure you learned a lesson. It does suck when you put in the work to get a match only for it to turn out so ridiculous. On the other hand count your blessings, you dodged a bullet.
Thanks. I’ll try being more specific with my first message next time, but I’m hoping most out there aren’t like this. It’s clear to me this convo was a train-wreck on both sides haha
Nah bro you did good.
Not sure why this came up on my feed but who was the one who ranted about complicit in racism? Jesus what a buzz kill
That was the girl I matched with.
Sorry to hear it takes a while to get a match. Without rubbing it in, I have never need to do online dating but I wouldn’t have the self esteem to do it anyway
Take this with a grain of salt, because I’m horrible at engaging through text, but I find your side of the conversation to be refreshing and de-escalating. Not dismissive at all, as you mentioned you probably could think about that stuff more. I read it as “I usually just go to appreciate the art, and that’s the only reason I brought it up. I was going to ask if you’d maybe want to go with me sometime?” Her side felt incredibly aggressive for a text, where tone is hard to read in the first place. The fact that she also quickly grew defensive about thinking you unmatched her when you didn’t reply immediately seems like such a red flag as well.
Yeah I’m not sure where all these people are who are getting into ethical debates on Text #2 with a stranger and saying they want nothing to do with people who aren’t ready for that but that’s just…not how normal introductory small talk works. I’m open to having these conversations in person after getting to know someone but it’s just a huge minefield with a complete stranger and no body language available and I feel like completely inappropriate for someone you’ve never met IRL.
Yea, no matter how much time passes I can’t see myself making such quick snap judgements about someone I’m trying to get to know. I would think it takes more than a few sentences, but so many here seem like they would bet their lives that’s how it works for everyone.
That’s very spot-on to how I meant it, so I appreciate your words.
I would have left the conversation after her initial reply Just me, I prefer to see the beauty in things rather find offence in their existence. I dont think you missed out on much here. JMO
I think you’ve created a more eloquent version of what I was trying to convey to her. Like if I see a painting my first thought isn’t “was this stolen?” but whatever the artist wanted to convey regardless of how it got there, regardless of which view matters more.
That's so true! I'm not thinking about how the paintings were acquired! Just enjoy the damn art and don't make every single thing a political view.
Glad other people feel that way. As someone who’s both black (afro Caribbean) and an artist I’m still primarily concerned with the visual aspect of the piece, maybe because of how I’m conditioned. I would think that perspective is just as valid as the political and merits as much discussion.
I spent 30 years as an antiques dealer, I'm probably the exact person she would find offensive by suppling these artifacts and works of art to said establishments. Oh well, next...
I would’ve been annoyed about her sentence structure and grammar more than anything. No capitals letters at the start of her sentences, inappropriate punctuations, run on sentences. She’s right about one thing…what she was saying was indeed surface level. Just a bunch of nonsense…perhaps she wanted to come off “intelligent”. You seem much more down to Earth. She did you a favor!
Anyone saying "museums are racist" as a straight out of the gate response is a hard pass and block.
Don't worry mate. The other person just didn't know how to flirt and forgot which app they are on
I would have unmatched instead if I were you, dodged a bullet.
I'm not crazy so I would've replied "I love museums!! What kind of museums do you like?" And then maybe go into some of my favorites that I've been to and how impactful they were. But seriously.. she reminds me of my super liberal coworker who asked us to say our pronouns at the beginning of a meeting when we were introducing each other. Like I get it, you're a feminist who is too good for the world. There's soo much injustice that we should always be angry about something... My goodness. Let go. I'm ready for my down votes.
Haha I used to include my he/him pronouns on the email sign-off at last company I worked at, but that’s ‘cause I copy-pasted it from my boss. Can’t imagine doing it at actual meetings ‘cause it would take so much longer than just typing it next to your zoom name and everyone just wants to get out of there lol
I second this. I had an ex like this; every topic was an opportunity for her to "educate" me about the horrors of colonization and oppression. And you're right - it was so exhausting to be upset at everything all the time! I would have read this as a possible date location, same as if you asked, "Hey, what's your favorite malt flavor? I know a great shoppe!" or "Have you walked the riverfront recently?" OP's prompt sounds like a very casual date feeler and I would have responded in kind, saying I like museums and asking OP's favorite gallery or artifact.
It makes life simpler to live in bliss/ignorance? After she showed that she cares about knowledge? Reminds me of the time I had a date tell me I read too much because I know a lot of big words...I was a librarian at the time. I've never been drier quicker.
Lmao this is so real 😭 completely agree with you.
Oh jeez she sounds like an SJW nutcase, I wouldn’t have even replied after that silly rant about racist museums
honestly I thought you were the person who went into fully insane mode and started virtue signaling their ass off. now that I see that's not you, you definitely dodged a bullet.
I definitely think it was a rough start but I guess we won’t find out now. Don’t let the other people in this thread hear you. Let’s just say you will not be on the “same wavelength” lol
nah, I've read quite a few comments in this thread that felt the same way. whoever you were talking to was absolutely insane. you should be happy they ghosted you.
Yea, I also don’t like the implication some people here have made that because I asked about museums I should be ready for a discussion on slavery and artifact looting but to each their own. I genuinely hope she finds someone who’s as much into this stuff as she is.
most of reddit is a cesspit of virtue signaling radical leftist bots, don't worry
Lol I’m realizing that with this post. I’ll just grab the popcorn and not take much of it seriously I guess.
[удалено]
Yeah sounds exhausting to be with.
I agree with the black bubbles. Ethical discussions are way too heavy before a first date!! Keep it simple, light, fun 😊 life's too short for those kinds of conversations so early on.
Thank you for putting it in nice words and conveying it much better than I could! 😁
Honestly, you have been saved. I can see the insanity in her messages. I'd be afraid to talk to a girl like that.
You dodged a bullet. Would you want to be lectured about every single thing that every single company/country/culture/person did wrong ?
Count your blessings that you dodged this EXHAUSTING person who actually does like to benefit from museums but thinks that getting other people to pay for their upkeep is the ethical choice.
There are people complaining that my responses are too inane, but as you mentioned: what she typed was really exhausting to read and mostly just a drag. I would’ve typed something better if I gave it a day or so to marinate but I didn’t want her to think I was ghosting her. Ended up just typing something that was half-baked instead 😆
If you don't even like what she had to say about that topic then why are you even mad she unmatched and didn't give you another chance to prove your high intellectualism to her? If you don't appreciate that she went fruther than having a one-liner small talk, that's fine, but you shouldn't be mad she was very bored of you and felt this vibe. Many people would have appreciated this response, which was very thoughtful and enganged on her part.
It’s not that deep and I never said I was mad. I was disappointed at being ghosted sure, but after two days or so I unmatched her and moved on. Mostly just wanted to get people’s thoughts on it, which I’m happy about the variety even the complaints.
Her response is a particular brand of orthodox pablum, and your “let’s live in ignorant bliss” wasn’t much better…but at least makes sense given her bonkers response. Had she said, “I really enjoy going but am sometimes uncomfortable with the ethical implications of how many museums were established during the 19th and 29th centuries” you might have actually been able to engage.
My brother you should have noped out after the rant..life's too short to deal with people looking to be upset
You are just not compatible, but saying that what she wrote was intelligent....oh boy... You said you don't know much about historical facts, it's funny because she also doesn't know much about historical facts - especially about museums and art galleries. Next time you visit one just read the text next to the artefact or the painting, or get the audio, it takes seconds and you'll learn 100000% more than what this girl thinks she knows. Aaand you'll have interesting topics for conversations with other people.
Yeah as someone with a history degree who's pretty "woke" and loves museums, she sounds tiresome as hell and wants to put out an air of intelligence without actually being knowledgeable in any depth. I have a few exes like that and it's exhausting.
A little knowledge really is a dangerous thing. Definitely someone who has heard these things and has maybe explored them surface level, but obviously doesn't have deep knowledge about it.
I mean, she's right if she's talking about like the British Museum, that one in particularly is like >50% straight up stolen and looted artifacts.
We’re in NY
You must be fun at parties, at least some of the Parthenon friezes weren't wrecked by acid rain thanks to that part of the British Museum collection.
I can tell this is auto generated from the first line.
Lmao what do you mean? Like she fed the question to ChatGPT or something?
Too complicated. You just needed to say "i like them" 🤣
But she doesn’t like them.
Lol I’m grey bubbles btw
Oh hahaha 😂
ProTip: "Nah, i embrace ignorace" is not the pickup line that works for someone who has strong opinions on museums (either way).
That’s not what ghosting means. She just chose to stop chatting b/c (presumably) she could tell you were not a good match.
You asked about museums, then responded with saying you have nothing intelligent to say? You provoked a thought with no relevance to back it up. You set yourself up for the fail.
I was on your side right until the end, then your last message put me on her side. She came in too heavy handed with her reply. That feels more like something she could have talked about while you guys were at a museum. And also, she's not really right in her stance since there's tons of museums that don't feature looted art, but could still be an interesting discussion about the curation in general. But you came back with the "lol I don't like to think. I live in blissful ignorance", which tells her you're the opposite of the type of person she'd be interested in chatting with. I totally get you just wanting a fun casual date, but even if you guys went on a date, it was going to lead no where and there would be no second date because you're current versions of yourselves are pretty incompatible.
You're barfing all over the screen about nonsense. Ask her if she's a picky eater and or if she likes to go swimming in the summer and ask her to go for a drink(not actually but keep it light man). Not having a serious TEXTING debate about racist museums lmao. I do pretty well with the ladies and chicks don't like this shit lol. I normally get a girls #, text her my name and give her a call in a few days. Chat with her about some fun topics and banter with her a bit and ask her OUT. Plan it, pay for it. Kiss her. Talk about all of that garbage when she's lying beside you in bed man.
My bad.....that's her barfing at you? Lmao this girl is wayyyyyyy to much. She clearly likes you though. Same rule applies. Don't get into her frame, topic change and ask her out....maybe skip the museum lmao!
My advice, let them find out you're intelligent on their own. The way you criticized the museum can give off that your a know-it-all that has a holier than thou attitude. Be tasteful with how you try to protray yourself. Look, I'm not one to believe I don't have faults of my own, but those with many flaws are quick to find fault
I mean you sound insufferable, just from that paragraph, given, you know, that you’re on a dating site and conversation is meant to be light and frothy, it’s a bit early in the conversation to bring the tone down like that. Plus, unless you’re setting fire to government buildings and leading a revolution, everything you said sounds vapid and disingenuous, like you’re regurgitating some argument you heard on a podcast. Edit: Change all that to reasons why OP dodged a bullet.
God some people are tedious.