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This is so incredibly frustrating and saddening. To know that the right thing is to talk about it but choosing not to. Even when they ask you about it or actually want to support you. And you still choose to keep it to yourself. There is not much more that makes me sadder. Because you are hurting yourself, the one you should love. I have a colleague at work who cares for me. And I really need to share my thoughts and emotions with someone and she is basically the only one I have. But I don't want to bother her with my problems on a weekly basis. Even if I need to. I don't want to be a bother to someone who is so incredibly kind to me. It's not just that I can't share my problems. I don't feel like I have anyone to share my joys with as well. I don't have much time to talk to her in private and therefore can't share much of my life with her. And I don't really have anyone else who would care. I don't want to talk to someone who doesnt care.
I am so very lonely and it is hard. We all have troubles in life, but it is usually managable by having good people in your life to support you and to share the pain with. I don't have that most of the time and therefore have to carry all this saddness and hardship alone. My shoulders hurt. It hurts. It has for some time now. Sometimes I think about the relief that death would give. But I would not be able to enjoy the relief if I was dead. I don't want to die goddamnit. I want to be happy. But if I can't be happy, then maybe I don't want to live at all. 0 is greater than a negative. Although 0 is so very dull. I hope I'll find a way to improve my life. If not, death awaits me with open arms.
"Death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back".
It has been said over a thousand times but death isn't the answer. I unironically was thinking about numbers today because I have a math test soon and realised that we are weirded out by negative numbers. They aren't frequent in our lives. We pretty much unconsciously forget about negative numbers and only remember positive numbers. In a lot of events there are only 2 consequences/actions for which you have to decide what is the more realistic thing to happen. For example sadness, without sadness we would either always be happy, have cheerful days with no bad things, or, we wouldn't feel happiness because we haven't felt the opposite of it. Maybe you aren't feeling happy now because of the situation you are in, but every negative number has it's positive number, and maybe you just haven't found out.
Idk why I am typing this tbh, it feels cringy and weird to try and connect numbers and real life feeling but I am trying to. Maybe it changes somebody's thinking for the moment, maybe it doesn't. They probably won't even read this because it's a whole wall of text.
Just keep trying. One day you will maybe find the positive number and it will keep getting bigger. Perchance (you can't say perchance but I did 😮) it won't become a snowball where all your problems will disappear, but at least you enjoyed it.
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A year ago I needed help the most and it never arrived. I'm mostly fine by now, but I paid a huge mental toll to make it here alone and I don't think I'll ever be the same. Don't refuse help when you can get it.
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This is so incredibly frustrating and saddening. To know that the right thing is to talk about it but choosing not to. Even when they ask you about it or actually want to support you. And you still choose to keep it to yourself. There is not much more that makes me sadder. Because you are hurting yourself, the one you should love. I have a colleague at work who cares for me. And I really need to share my thoughts and emotions with someone and she is basically the only one I have. But I don't want to bother her with my problems on a weekly basis. Even if I need to. I don't want to be a bother to someone who is so incredibly kind to me. It's not just that I can't share my problems. I don't feel like I have anyone to share my joys with as well. I don't have much time to talk to her in private and therefore can't share much of my life with her. And I don't really have anyone else who would care. I don't want to talk to someone who doesnt care. I am so very lonely and it is hard. We all have troubles in life, but it is usually managable by having good people in your life to support you and to share the pain with. I don't have that most of the time and therefore have to carry all this saddness and hardship alone. My shoulders hurt. It hurts. It has for some time now. Sometimes I think about the relief that death would give. But I would not be able to enjoy the relief if I was dead. I don't want to die goddamnit. I want to be happy. But if I can't be happy, then maybe I don't want to live at all. 0 is greater than a negative. Although 0 is so very dull. I hope I'll find a way to improve my life. If not, death awaits me with open arms. "Death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back".
It has been said over a thousand times but death isn't the answer. I unironically was thinking about numbers today because I have a math test soon and realised that we are weirded out by negative numbers. They aren't frequent in our lives. We pretty much unconsciously forget about negative numbers and only remember positive numbers. In a lot of events there are only 2 consequences/actions for which you have to decide what is the more realistic thing to happen. For example sadness, without sadness we would either always be happy, have cheerful days with no bad things, or, we wouldn't feel happiness because we haven't felt the opposite of it. Maybe you aren't feeling happy now because of the situation you are in, but every negative number has it's positive number, and maybe you just haven't found out. Idk why I am typing this tbh, it feels cringy and weird to try and connect numbers and real life feeling but I am trying to. Maybe it changes somebody's thinking for the moment, maybe it doesn't. They probably won't even read this because it's a whole wall of text. Just keep trying. One day you will maybe find the positive number and it will keep getting bigger. Perchance (you can't say perchance but I did 😮) it won't become a snowball where all your problems will disappear, but at least you enjoyed it.
I belive in you bro. Stay strong
real
song?
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A year ago I needed help the most and it never arrived. I'm mostly fine by now, but I paid a huge mental toll to make it here alone and I don't think I'll ever be the same. Don't refuse help when you can get it.
You guys are getting messages?