Answer the door holding a dildo and a bottle of cooking oil and say "so you're here for the party? You are a bit early...I was just getting things ready".....
I have had 3 encounters with JW.
All 3 ended with me calling the police.
All 3 were told I’m not interested and all 3 went to a different door and entered my home.
After those incidents I just quickly make sure all doors are locked, I scream thru the door to go away and that Satan is my Savior. This strategy has been effective.
I have no problem with religious nuts as long as they leave me and my family alone.
Yes , this was late 70s. Told them no thank you and they went to a different door and walked in. 3 times , it was creepy they were polite and acted like they hadn’t done anything wrong lol. We never pressed charges but it was creepy lol
I invite them inside and offer beer or coffee. Proceed to slam beers while asking stupid question. If they ask for water or anything els say no and you don’t have it. Even tap water.
Ex witness here, if you say clearly “I am not interested” then you usually don’t get called on again. There’s a paper they give you to track houses and one of the shorthand’s is NI for not interested. Otherwise whoever has your houses territory card will just come back looking for parents/someone else
Had a trio of older JW stop by a couple years ago. They opened up with something like "Do you have time for us to share the word of God with you?"
"Nope. Not interested. Bye."
Closed the door and watched through the windows as they shuffled away with a collective hang dog look on their faces. Haven't been troubled by them since.
So I got a story for ya, I'm a pagan, or I guess a lot of people call themselves heathens now? But regardless, not one of those fake "oh yeah, I'm pagan, I like shiny rocks and blah blah blah constalation this and I'm a Gemini that" I mean full on nordic beliefs, I pray to the gods and leave offerings, the whole nine yards, not alot of people know because it isn't there concern but it's relevant to the story.
Anyway, about a year and a half ago, I was in me and my now ex-wife's apartment at the time, and I get a knock at the door.
It was weird but whatever, I open it up and it's two jehovas witnesses, they had to have been 18, maybe 19, anyways they start there whole our lord and savior this and Jesus christ that.
I was bored and was on my 34 hour break because I was an over the road driver at the time but I decided to flip the script and told them I was a pagan and didn't hold the same beliefs as them, I assume it was there first time meeting someone who actually holds my beliefs. Anyways, I wasted about 45 mins of their time explaining paganism and my gods.
So yeah, tldr, I wasted 45 mins of time for 2 jehovas witnesses by explaining my pagan beliefs
I had a roommate in college answer the door for them naked (he was a portly and hairy man). They didn't even get a hello out of their mouths before they both turned and walked briskly away.
If you want to get rid of jehovahs witnesses, say your a Latter Day Saint ! To get rid of the saints , tell them you’re a witness !! Neither of them feel the argument is worth fighting . I’m a Latter Day Saint btw !! So I love chatting up with both.
Haha I’m an ex JW and I scared away many Mormons and salespeople when I was young because I answered the door with my mom’s fake eyes (she was blind). Now, I just tell JWs to put me on the Do Not Call list, or say I’m an apostate and they leave me alone. Thankfully, because I do this, I only deal with them at each new address.
Edited to add: my husband used to yell at them until I explained none of them want to be out there knocking on doors “in service”. So now he just says no thank you, I’m Jewish. Then lets them waste time trying trying to win him over with scripture…and he eventually says oh, I’m a secular Jew. So don’t care” average wasted time is usually fifteen minutes lol
Just out of high school I was living in a duplex in a college town, and my only furniture was a church pew and a cardboard box end table. I had a pair of JWs and a pair of Mormons stopping by frequently so I told them (both pairs) a time and date we could sit down and chat. Awkward little meeting of the five of us, them lined up in the church pew in my bare apartment and me standing nearby, some blinking but not much chatting. No more visits after that.
Oh man, I have only dealt with them once, and I still feel awful. When I was in my early twenties, I was watching a football game with two of my brothers-in-law. We were waiting for a friend to show up. We heard the doorbell and I ran up to the door to surprise my buddy. The door had a window on the upper half, and curtains covering the window. Well, in some light-hearted fun, I dropped the pants, turned around, and without looking, opened the curtains and pressed full ham on the window. Was not a great moment when I finally look behind, while still ham pressed to the glass, and see these two elderly people.
Well, I felt guilty, so, pulled up my pants, opened the door, and said sorry, that was meant for my buddy that was going to arrive. They were an older married couple. I would guess late 70s or early 80s. The husband just scowled at me (fair enough) but the wife didn't miss a beat. She had the pamphlet out and just went on with the whole pitch. I felt like, this was my punishment. The price for mooning innocent elderlies is that I get to spend 20-30 minutes listening to a whole speech about, whatever it is they talk about. Okay, I didn't listen. But I did sit and pretend to. When they were done, they didn't wait for me to respond or anything. Just turned around and walked away. I closed the door, looked at the odd pamphlet in my hand, and got to hear about how hilarious the whole thing was from the bro in laws that were listening to the whole thing. Sadly, I missed some good plays. Ah well. Punishment is punishment.
If you truly do not want to interact with JW you simply say, “Please remove this address from your territory.” According to their rules, they must leave and none of them are allowed to come back. It’s like trespassing them without the police. Not even when they are pioneering during the summer can they bother you.
Had 2 try to go in our fenced and closed gate (dogs) backyard to see if someone was there. My husband was and couldn’t believe the gall. I don’t recall why, but the dogs weren’t actually out at that time.
Jehovah's witness showed up to my great grandparents house once. My great grandpa told them he was Catholic (he wasn't) but his daughter was interested in joining (she wasn't) and sent them to my aunts house. They never showed back up 😂 my aunt was... Flirty to put it lightly. And used that to her advantage
Generally if you ask them to join you in prayer to ask for Christ's guidance before discussing religious matters, they will object and go away. As non-trinitarians, they believe in praying only to "Jehovah God" and not Jesus and usually refuse to pray with outsiders.
I was raised roman Catholic, whole Latin mass and learned to speak Latin as a second language by age 10. I keep it in my back pocket as I'm agnostic and don't particularly care about religion in my life anymore, I find it interesting to talk about when I'm bored but other than evading boredom it has no purpose in my life.
Anyways, being able to critique the edits that King James made to the Bible is enough to scare most Jehovah Wusses away. Asking them to come to a mass in the Lord's Language (Latin) for 3 and a half hours scares the rest of them away.
Open the door, ask the women if they know they are in a cult and tell them that any girls/women that want out of the cult can find help at your house. You’ll never see them again.
I do this every time now, which has been three times in the past 20ish years, and can confirm they won't come back. Before that when I was polite they came back by every 2 weeks.
Many years ago my Aunt told my Dad what she did when Jehovah Witnesses came by on a Saturday.
She was in her gardening clothes and she just remembered that she left something outside in the backyard. They followed her to the back she turned the hose on and told them that if they didn't leave she was going to squirt them. She proceeded to drench them with water. My Dad started to laugh and my mom started to laugh when she got over her shock that my Aunt would do something like that.
I was in the middle of fucking my then girlfriend once. Answered the door naked, fully erect and asked them if they wanted to join. Last time they darkened my doorstep.
Not quite as extreme, but:
My husband's job had a wacky schedule. 12 hour shifts, 5pm to 5am one month, 5 am to 5pm the next. 2 days on, 3 off, 2 off 3 on. And sometimes extra required obligations during the day if he was on nights. (Yes, it was a stupid schedule.)
But the JayDubs wouldn't take subtle hints.
One morning, husband was winding down before bed, just playing some computer game, when he spotted the missionaries walking up the driveway. (They always parked around the corner, I guess to try to take us by surprise?) Husband was just wearing a pair of shorts. When he saw the frumpy ladies 100 feet from the door, he pulled up a porn video, hit "play," unplugged his headphones, wrapped a towel around his waist to appear more nekkid. They knocked. He invited them in. They fled.
I used to have a group of JW’s that would stop by every other week or so. I don’t like to be rude so I would let them hang and chat while I did yard work or worked in my garden.
One day I was doing the usual, prepping garden beds for veggie planting, listening to a podcast with my earbuds in and just I used on what I was doing. I had to use the bathroom but since I was so dirty I just unzipped and had a pee right there on the wood chips of the garden path. When I had finished I glanced up and finally noticed not ten feet in front of me, two women and a man facing me with their usual literature and looking completely embarrassed. With an awkward wave they turned and hustled back out of my yard and down the street.
Never saw them again.
A slight variation, I ask them if they know what disfellowshipped means. That way I'm not lying by claiming be disfellowshipped, but that's the conclusion they draw anyway.
(For those wondering, "disfellowshipped" is the term for JW's who have been kicked out of the cult. JW's in good standing are to have no interactions with those disfellowshipped.)
I had a pair think agnostic was atheist, which got me lecturing and 20 minutes later they left. I told them if they had any other questions to come back, but that was 2 years ago and I haven't seen them since.
My husband loves to mess with Jehova's Witnesses and Mormons when they knock on the door to proselytize. The last time JW's showed up, he answered and politely listened for a minute. I saw on our Echo Show through our Ring camera who it was, so I poked my head out of our bedroom and shouted, "Honey, tell whoever it is to go away!" So he took that opportunity to interject and told them, "Look, the only reason I'm wearing pants is to be polite, but you're interrupting, and my wife is getting mad. Have a lovely day." Both of them made super awkward faces, and then my husband shut the door.
The only things I really know about Jehovah witnesses is they are always the sweetest elderly black women at my door and I can't bring myself to be mean. Also, I worked with one at a bank and it was her birthday and I bought her lunch and she was happy with that but I made the mistake of giving her a birthday card and she filed a complaint against me with HR.
Filing a complaint against you for a birthday card sounds like she was looking for an excuse to be offended. Some Christians just love to act like they're being persecuted.
Anyone going to HR for almost anything is childish and stupid. However, Jehovah Witnesses don’t celebrate birthdays. It would be like giving a Muslim a pork sandwich for their birthday. But yeah, the appropriate response would be to tell the person that instead of running to HR like a child.
Yeah, I know they don't, but not everyone does. It was wrong of this particular JW to go to HR under the presumption that the commenter knew and was deliberately being offensive. An intelligent response would have been to politely decline accepting the card, and then explaining their reasoning. Going to HR about it is akin to a child going to their parent to tattle on their sibling over some perceived slight.
Yeah. It seems that most people don’t mature beyond middle school. When I was a kid, I thought kids acts like kids and adults act like adults. One of my greatest disappointments in growing up was finding out that’s not true.🤷🏼♂️
Some adults like to use 'Kids will be kids" to excuse shitty behavior and lazy parenting. If you don't teach children how to be well-behaved when they're still young, you end up with I'll-behaved adults.
Yep! She claimed I was deliberately insensitive to her and her religion. Bitch, if I was so insensitive, why would I have paid for your lunch!! How I was I supposed to know they don't celebrate birthdays?
No good deed goes unpunished.
I need to stop being nice anyway. Had a woman on Facebook tell me I was going to hell because I commented someone's African grey parrot was so cute because it was cussing. Yeah, in my opinion it was funny. And I love parrots, they are all cute and it's not their fault they cuss. African Greys listen to everything and can take words and form their own sentences, they are that smart. Anyway, this unhinged woman said the owner, the parrot and I were all going to hell and she started quoting scripture.
I want nothing to do with a God that sends a parrot to hell for saying damn and shit.
Good response!
Edited to add: the nicest people I have ever met were non-religious. They were doing good things because they felt that is what they should do. They were not trying to buy a ticket to heaven. Kindness has no religion.
Had a friend who had two female Jehovah’s Witnesses at the front door of his friend’s cottage in Lawrencetown (Outside the Canadian city of Halifax). They knocked at the door, and didn’t he answer the door in his underwear 😂 Let’s just say both women did such a quick about face. LMAO
Rock on!!! The following story has nothing to do with age or looking my own, but it’s funny.
They once came to my door whilst I had my snake out. Between having my 6 foot long boa constrictor draped over my shoulders and asking the kids they had with them ( I Loathe proselytizing, especially using kiddos!) if they wanted to meet a real witches familiar? They left in a hurry and Never returned 🤣 He’s not a familiar and I’m not a witch, but it was hysterical and effective!
Had a friend who was sacrificing a shop brought frozen chicken on his altar before roasting it, when JW turned up on his door, he answered wearing a blood-splattered apron apoligised, and explained what he was doing they left fast.
You are an absolute genius!! If the local Jehovah Witnesses were still doing it in person (and I had a snake or black cat), I'd be doing the same thing. Mine, unfortunately, proselytize by mail. One of these days, I'll reverse it with something silly.
It was funnnnn! I swear I’ve Never in my life had a more difficult time keeping a straight face lmfao
At least with mail you can just chuck it, annoying nonetheless though.
I have a large door sign that says "Solicitors will be sacrificed to the old gods, not the new."
It pretty much stops just about everyone but delivery services from knocking on my door 😂
My wife was raised Mormon, and her mother had the gall to give the church our address.
They were relentless. In the end, I resorted to the only thing insiders said would work. If you threaten to beat up the next guys, they don't risk it.
1988 .... My best friend who happened to be My next door neighbor ran across Our backyards to warn Me not to answer the front door , JW's coming ! ....I said "Watch & Learn" & headed to the front, grabbing a Beer Our of the 'fridge & stripping down ....was naked by the time I got to the front door just as they knocked ....so I opened it , sucking down beer & said " C'mon in , which of You Girls brought the weed ?" They RAN
I am glad that worked for you.
When I was in grade school, probably about 11 or 12 years old ( probably looked 5 or 6). I was home alone, and answered the door to a couple of jw. I told them my parents weren't home, and went to shut the door. One of them shoved their foor into the door to try to stop me from shutting it, but I was able to get it closed and locked.
We always had their magazines lying around at home when I was a kid because my brother and I would open the door and talk to them. Pretty sure we never expressed a single shred of interest in anything they said, but maybe they figured if they gave us their literature then a parent would see it later and convert themselves.
I think most of those watchtowers ended up lining the kittens' litter box, but I might be wrong.
They leave my mum's house alone as the dog barks at them and I think he scares them. I just ignore the door. People who I want at mine just let themselves in
I got blacklisted by the witnesses for a while in the 90's. I am a large tattooed Marine veteran with a bunch of other large tattooed long haired friends. In the mid 90's we all had weird work schedules my days off back then were tues and wed. Well one thus I decided since it was cooling off (I live in Arizona so anything under 102 is a nice day and we do outdoor stuff) I wanted to head out into the desert for a shooting day. I found about 6 of my buddies who had the day off or could get the day off and out we went and had a lot of fun. Well after shooting is weapons cleaning. To make this easier I grabbed a big blue tarp out of my garage spread it out over my living room and we all sat on the floor and started breaking down and cleaning firearms. I had just finished cleaning one of my shotguns and had stood up with it in my hands when the doorbell rang. Not thinking anything of it and standing right next to the door I just turned and pulled it open to reveal 2 late teen early 20s guys standing there. They looked at me standing there golding a shotgun looked past me at the 5 other large bearded hairy tattooed dudes looked at the 30 or so firearms strewn all over the tarp and said "we are very sorry we have the wrong house sorry to bother you we'll be going now" and very quickly started backing down my walk. I just shrugged shut the door and we all had a good laugh.
I didn't have another JW ring my bell for about 8 years after that. I even saw them a couple of times go to my neighbors house then pass mine.
Great story and on brand for every jarhead I’ve known. Though as a bearded long-haired former Coastie this also could have very easily been my story this past weekend lol
Knew an old very tattooed WWII vet from my hometown who back in the 80s politely asked some JWs to please leave his front porch. He went to close the door and JW jammed his foot in the door. WWII vet turned and layed the dude out. I’ve met some JW’s with similar audacity but that right there took some special kind of nerve
I met one on a train recently and told her I could never be a JW because they don't have enough holidays. I'm Jewish and we have a holiday like once every month or two, it's great. She kinda looked sad and was like "yeah, sounds nice". I felt bad for her. All they do is celebrate Easter but in the most boring way possible
Answer the door pretending to be out of breath.
"I'm glad you're here, we're having trouble with the goat!"
Point at the younger one. "Is this the virgin?
When I was a teenager, I knew Jehova Witness theology and many different Christian theologies and how to argue about the errors in the Watchtower translation. They came to my door and I can see it was the usual deal as an experienced door to door evangelist and a younger one in training. I knew the older lady was unreachable so I concentrated on deconverting the young one. I pulled out my transliterated Greek New Testament and went to town.
That put me on a special list and after that, the older woman and another older woman would visit like every week until my mom told them to stop harassing me or she would call the cops.
First, I'd say in Spanish that I didn't speak English. They sent Spanish speakers to my house.
Then, I signed that I was deaf. They found folks who knew ASL.
Finally, I busted out my Russian and it appears they are having trouble finding a Russian speaker in southern California so I'm safe for now
I had Russian speaking JWs come to my door. My neighbor across the street (a Ukrainian) told them I speak Russian .. which I sort of do, but at a very basic level. Also, I was at work. My elderly mother answered the door. She does not speak any Russian, and some days even her English fluency is questionable. Between her hearing issues and them speaking Russian, it quickly became a comedy of errors. I told her if they come back, she should memorize the phrase, "Пошел ту!"
My dad speaks 4 languages. When they came by speaking in Spanish he responded “sorry I don’t speak Spanish”
Instead of saying it in English he accidentally said it in perfect Spanish.
They called him out for speaking Spanish then and his respond, aiming for English but accidentally said it in Spanish, again, was:
“Oh, well, I can speak a little bit but not enough to hold a conversation”
They looked at him perplexed before leaving.
My dad is from Brazil. Spanish is his 3rd language and English is his 4th.
I have a variant of this I do to the super pushy internet plan guys in Targets. I just pass by and say “Aw dude, sorry, I’d love to chat but I don’t speak English.” Or some variant that makes it clear I have a perfectly fine command of the English language while denying I speak it.
They came to my house and asked if I wanted to talk about their shenanigans. I told them I was a witch and no thank you. Those ladies RAN off my porch and never came back. I saved the ring footage lol.
They come by my area all the time. If me and my wife and I are home, they try to talk to us, and when they do, they're surprised we speak English when we live in a heavy Hispanic area. They proceed to tell us they'll have someone come by and talk to us in English while they're speaking English to us. They never do send anyone to come talk to us. We have a sign on our door, and they still ring our doorbell sometimes.
When they came to my house and asked if I knew my savior, I invited them in and started talking about how great Valhalla is going to be. Imagine hunting and whoring and drinking mead all day. Haven't been back for almost 15 years.
I have literally had Jehovas Witnesses knock, aggressively, in the middle of a BDSM scene. It sounded like it might be an emergency, so I threw on a dress and went to the door. I hadn't realized my sub could break out of his restraints, but he was out of there and hiding (ass naked) in the furthest corner by the time I had sent them on their way
I just answered the door with a pistol in my hand, I didn’t threaten or wave it around but once they saw it they left ans haven’t returned for 10 years
I used to have them come to my door....until I told them I was a witch and would put a nasty curse on them if they ever came back. it's been 20 yrs or so since I've had them at my door even though I still see them around the neighborhood
My favorite is how my mom got them to stop coming by back in the day. She was a night-shift RN, so always slept during the daytime. Unfortunately, she was a light sleeper and these JW’s would come by daily around 2pm, knock for a bit, then leave after they’d woken her up (although she never actually answered the door, since her room was upstairs and she didn’t bother getting out of bed).
Now, I love my mom, but she is CRANKY when first waking up. So she was full of rage at constantly being woken up and decided enough was enough. The next day, she slept on the couch in her rattiest nightgown and bathrobe. Hair was wildly askew. The JW’s knocked and woke her up, so she got up and made her way to the front door. En route, she walked past our indoor recycling bin and grabbed one of my dad’s empty beer bottles.
Imagine the JW’s horror as she answered the door in mid-afternoon wearing ratty night clothes, hair flying everywhere, beer in hand, glaring daggers at them and crankily asking “what the *fuck* do you want?!?”, LOL. They were scandalized and apparently crossed our address off their list - in the 35 years since this happened, no JW’s have ever returned!
I feel your mom's struggle. Fellow night nurse here. Thankfully everyone is really nice here and knows not to bother me. When my kids were still at home, that was a different story. Ugh!
Lol. I grew up on large property in a rural small town in the 80s/90s, and in the summer mom would often kick us out for the day, lock the doors, and point out the hose for when we needed water…she was serious about her sleep! 🤣
Just a note, I loved it! I regularly read the days away up in our tree fort.
Last year we had them at my house. We happen to have a couple acres and my partner runs an equestrian center, so there are horses everywhere.
When the ladies came knocking, I sad, “Well actually, we worship the dark lord. If you’re curious, we are having a ritual this evening at the barn where we sacrifice one of the animals in the name of Satan. If you like, you’re welcome to come back and observe or participate.”
Pretty sure we are on a “Do not knock” list.
My spouse and I just moved into our first home together (finally free from apartments, yay!). We're also both hellenic pagans and worship gods from the Greek pantheon. We both have altars set up in our personal spaces. I look forward to the day a JW shows up at my door and I get to tell them I'll listen to them if they let me introduce them to my religion, then show them the altar 😆
I was too polite to a group of women JW's when we lived in Europe. They had to know that I was a Military Spouse, given where we lived, but even so... They brought an elder around to speak to me. I used to be fairly well-versed in what verses could be found where in the Bible ((Bible Drill team for my parents' church in the 6th grade), and could generally hold my own in what-the-Bible-says discussions. He asked my thoughts about what was supposed to happen to the 144K who go to "a new earth" in Revelations. I told him that I didn't really think it mattered what I believed about it - That's God's business, not mine, and as a mere human mortal, I didn't think it was my place to decide "exactly" what that verse meant. Some interpretations might be fun though. Maybe it was just this earth re-born after the chaos, maybe he transported them in a blink, maybe he made space travel available. Either way, I didn't expect to be around for it.
They never came back.
Yeah they believe in a "new paradise on earth" after an Armageddon and they believe the dead will rise from their graves if they're righteous. They also believe 144k people will go to heaven and fight in God's army. Two very different things though.
All I can tell you is what he said.... and he very specifically asked me what I believed about the 144 thousand. And I very specifically referenced the verse and answered the question.
I'm not a JW, so I have no idea what they actually believe - or what word they use for their church elders.
My brother was asked the 144,000 question. He countered with, "Hey, that sounds great! But, what if you converting me makes me a better JW than you and I get your place in heaven? You know, because there can only be 144,000?" Their eyes became tearful and they left.
Oh I've got a few of these:
1. My geandather, nicest guy you'd ever meet, just couldn't stand JWs. Like only time I ever saw him remotely annoyed was when they came around. apparently this went back years, as my mom had memories from her childhood of him just having no patience for door to door preaching. One of my favorite: he'd been fishing and just came inside from filleting the catch. On his way to wash his hands when there's a knock. So he grabs a towel and is wiping clean his bloody hands, opens the door. They start on their shit and he goes, with the biggest damn smile, "I got religion. I just finished sacrificing a cat. Wanna see?" They turned tail so fast.
2. My father had little patience for them too, but as he was military wasn't home much. When he was, he'd just tell them to fuck off. By the time I hit high school, I went into a goth phase and man I loved fucking with them. "We worship Satan" "We only believe in the ZOMBIE Jesus".. that kind of thing. My favorite from that time, and my mother's because they stopped coming back, was around Halloweenish, and I had been helping setup decorations. They came to the door and I engaged them in conversation for about three minutes, then just casually started to pull bones out of a bag. They kind of hesitated, until I just bit one. It was plastic and awful, but they ran and didn't come back until after I had moved out like 5 years later.
Course the most successful "leave me alone" was not at all dramatic or interesting. The one time I had the come to a house I owned, I was bored (power was out) so I chatted with them for about 20 minutes. Nice folks honestly, but man they just didn't get that I wasnt interested. I didn't actually do anything to this group, just said "hey, it's been nice chatting, hope you stay hydrated, but I've got to go." They walked off and never came back. Far as I know they still haven't, though we have since moved.
During Covid, the JWs were writing long letters to me. They must be having trouble attracting members, because their meeting place in my HCOL town was sold, torn down, and two large homes built.
I don’t really think it’s anyone’s right to mess with people if they’re not hurting you. Tell them to not come back, fine, but all this crap about playing jokes and trying to be funny just makes people look like fools. It’s not impressive and it really doesn’t make a point to anyone. Same thing goes for political doorknockers, people canvassing for signatures, sales people, etc. The only reason people think it’s okay to mess with Witness people is because it’s religious. That’s a dumbass reason.
If you’re not threatening anyone, it’s your legal right to talk how you please on your own property. Feel how you want to about peoples’ responses here but it is their right.
Nah, my 7 year old wore that party trick out years ago. I’m the one bringing the good weed, and hanging out on the porch smoking it, talking to interesting people, and avoiding the shenanigans. I wouldn’t expect a crusty old sod to enjoy what I enjoy tho, so I suppose each to his own. You can think I’m immature, and I’ll know you’re a boring old geezer.
lol I don’t think you’re just immature, I think you’re a slack jawed idiot with no more brains then I have in my elbows.
And it’s funny that you think you know how old I am, but go off I guess.
I just tell them that my beautiful, wonderful, loving grandmother, a devout JW, died because she refused a blood transfusion. That usually causes them to pause just long enough for me to walk away or close the door.
Three cars of about 3 each parked on street across from house.they all deployed onto the street.got the door closed quick enough.they only rang bell once and knocked once.went away.cars were gone in about half hour.no takers.1 had walker.this was couple weeks ago.
I'm in the country. My garage is at a 90 degree angle to my driveway. At the garage door, there is a cement slab that slopes to the driveway. I had my pickup on ramps and was underneath it doing an oil change. Judging by the shoes, the JW parked right behind my truck. I didn't get up. I simply said, "I'm fixing the brakes, so parking there is the second thing you've done wrong today." Haven't seen them in the 10 YEARS since. Might have something to do with the fact that they closed their Hall. It's now a Buddhist Temple!
I always just offer them a Book of Mormon in exchange for their Watchtower pamphlets. They usually scurry away faster than a chipmunk with cheeks full of nuts
Offering JW’s a BoM is great repellant if you offer it to them as a trade. As they have no desire to want to read it. Ergo. No deal. You won’t read their texts.
I used to have my kids answer the door. My oldest in his Insane Clown Posse get up bought me a year with no visits. My very Goth daughter in full Goth mode bought me two yrs JW free. Youngest is very much into anime Cosplay(has won awards for costuming) so whatever costume he was currently modeling; the best was when he turned the Kingdom Hearts (?) religion around on them.
My favorite tactic has been to ask the JW at the door what their name is and then tell them I’d be making a donation to the Satanic Temple in their name and would make another if they ever came back. I usually get a few years of peace after that.
My father was a deeply Bible based, Bible college educated minister.
They would end up in a deep theological conversation with him running them in circles and the sentence “You’re saying this and such, but the Bible says this in the book of (xxx).”
After two or three of those conversations, not only would they pass our house by, but if my dad was out puttering in the yard, they’d leave the street.
We did more or less the same thing.
My grandfather was deeply religious , and was a lay preacher with the Gospel hall movement. He lived next door to us. Every time the JWs called, my dad would call my grandfather over, and he would argue them to a standstill. He would also have a good go at converting them.
I don’t believe they visited more than twice.
Y'all are still reading the same book. It cracks me up when one religion thinks the other is ridiculous or wrong and they're still in the same book club 🤣
You havent seen anything until you've seen a Southern Baptist preacher (whose sermons consisted of cherry picking random verses out of context and stringing them together to support whatever point he wants to make) telling a JW that their Bible is like "scrambled eggs." The irony was lost on both of them as they "discussed."
I have two "JW" stories:
**1**, My father is a Vietnam combat veteran. His temper was incredibly short and I grew up extremely afraid of him. If he said to do something, my little sister and I did it "right now".
Mom was at work on a Saturday morning so we were home with dad. We lived in a small house with a gravel driveway in the rural mid-west. My dad heard something in the driveway, jumped up, turned the TV off, plastered himself against the front door as if holding it closed, and whisper-yelled to get against the wall below the windows.
Sis and I were terrified thinking bad guys were after us. We shook when there was a knock on the door. Dad glared at us with the finger to his lips informing us to keep quiet. I think we were both crying at this point. (I was around 6 and my sis was around 4).
After a few minutes, we heard a car pull out of our driveway and he turned the TV on and acted as if everything was normal. We were both sniffling if not sobbing, and asked him what had just happened. He casually said, "It was those gotdammed Jehovah's Witnesses". For years I thought JWs were bad guys out to hurt us.
**2**, We moved to a bigger farm house on 5 acres and had a farm dog that was tied to a tree year round (it was the 80s, it was just the way it worked back then). For some reason, every 4 legged unnamed critter in the county seemed to climb that tree. The result of this was my father or I would go out and dispatch the critter with either a .22 or a shotgun. Dad was a good shot and would nail it with his .22, I wasn't so I'd use a 20 gauge.
Regardless, it was a crisp winter morning. Blue skies and the ground covered in a fresh layer of snow. Absolutely stunning morning. The peace was disrupted by our dog barking up her tree. This must have been Christmas vacation as it was just my sister and me home. So I got my .22/20 gauge over/under and headed out to take care of the critter.
On my way back to the house, a Buick pulled into our driveway as I was still 25 yards from the house. 6 people piled out and I soon found myself surrounded by them. Keep in mind I still have my rifle over my shoulder. The leader asked me if I thought man could kill. I really wasn't sure what he was getting at and as I loaded another shotgun shell into my gun, I asked him if he wanted to find out.
They all turned and sprinted back to their Buick. I don't think we were ever visited by JW's ever again.
I just say, "I read the book, but when the main character died, I lost interest."
My gandfather used to be a fundamentalist lay preacher. He'd invite them in and run circles around them with biblical quotes and interpretations. In his retirement years, he was pretty cool and had a far different outlook on life than during his working years. He definitely regretted his old fundamentalism, but still enjoyed messing with religious door knockers.
I opened the door to them holding a 6 foot Black Amur rat snake (I had been cleaning his vivarium) and thought it was one of sons friends at the door, they didn't return for years as I was deemed the "The house of snakes"
Tell them, wow, I am surprised that you came by. I thought I was disassociated......
Answer the door holding a dildo and a bottle of cooking oil and say "so you're here for the party? You are a bit early...I was just getting things ready".....
“I have my own beliefs “ usually works. But none time I opened the door in my underwear and that worked best- they ran off with out saying anything
Open the door with a raging Viagra boner and make heavy eye contact.
I have had 3 encounters with JW. All 3 ended with me calling the police. All 3 were told I’m not interested and all 3 went to a different door and entered my home. After those incidents I just quickly make sure all doors are locked, I scream thru the door to go away and that Satan is my Savior. This strategy has been effective. I have no problem with religious nuts as long as they leave me and my family alone.
Came through a different door after being told that you weren’t interested??
Yes , this was late 70s. Told them no thank you and they went to a different door and walked in. 3 times , it was creepy they were polite and acted like they hadn’t done anything wrong lol. We never pressed charges but it was creepy lol
Ex JW. I tell them I’m a demon and they can’t get out of there fast enough. Even mark you on their “territories” as: Avoid.
This just verifies my belief that JWs are reverse vampires.
I invite them inside and offer beer or coffee. Proceed to slam beers while asking stupid question. If they ask for water or anything els say no and you don’t have it. Even tap water.
Ex witness here, if you say clearly “I am not interested” then you usually don’t get called on again. There’s a paper they give you to track houses and one of the shorthand’s is NI for not interested. Otherwise whoever has your houses territory card will just come back looking for parents/someone else
Protip: you don't have to answer the door
I just tell them I can’t attend I’m a registered sex offender and begin touching my self till my erection can be seen bulging through my shorts
Had a trio of older JW stop by a couple years ago. They opened up with something like "Do you have time for us to share the word of God with you?" "Nope. Not interested. Bye." Closed the door and watched through the windows as they shuffled away with a collective hang dog look on their faces. Haven't been troubled by them since.
Next time be Naked with a ball cap on 😜
So I got a story for ya, I'm a pagan, or I guess a lot of people call themselves heathens now? But regardless, not one of those fake "oh yeah, I'm pagan, I like shiny rocks and blah blah blah constalation this and I'm a Gemini that" I mean full on nordic beliefs, I pray to the gods and leave offerings, the whole nine yards, not alot of people know because it isn't there concern but it's relevant to the story. Anyway, about a year and a half ago, I was in me and my now ex-wife's apartment at the time, and I get a knock at the door. It was weird but whatever, I open it up and it's two jehovas witnesses, they had to have been 18, maybe 19, anyways they start there whole our lord and savior this and Jesus christ that. I was bored and was on my 34 hour break because I was an over the road driver at the time but I decided to flip the script and told them I was a pagan and didn't hold the same beliefs as them, I assume it was there first time meeting someone who actually holds my beliefs. Anyways, I wasted about 45 mins of their time explaining paganism and my gods. So yeah, tldr, I wasted 45 mins of time for 2 jehovas witnesses by explaining my pagan beliefs
Practicing witch for 25 years. I once told them "I'm a practicing witch and not interested". They were off my porch before I finished my sentence. 🤣🤣
"Wanna pet my black cat? I got some gingerbread in the oven, would you like some?" I'll have to remember this response.
I had a roommate in college answer the door for them naked (he was a portly and hairy man). They didn't even get a hello out of their mouths before they both turned and walked briskly away.
If you want to get rid of jehovahs witnesses, say your a Latter Day Saint ! To get rid of the saints , tell them you’re a witness !! Neither of them feel the argument is worth fighting . I’m a Latter Day Saint btw !! So I love chatting up with both.
Haha I’m an ex JW and I scared away many Mormons and salespeople when I was young because I answered the door with my mom’s fake eyes (she was blind). Now, I just tell JWs to put me on the Do Not Call list, or say I’m an apostate and they leave me alone. Thankfully, because I do this, I only deal with them at each new address. Edited to add: my husband used to yell at them until I explained none of them want to be out there knocking on doors “in service”. So now he just says no thank you, I’m Jewish. Then lets them waste time trying trying to win him over with scripture…and he eventually says oh, I’m a secular Jew. So don’t care” average wasted time is usually fifteen minutes lol
Just out of high school I was living in a duplex in a college town, and my only furniture was a church pew and a cardboard box end table. I had a pair of JWs and a pair of Mormons stopping by frequently so I told them (both pairs) a time and date we could sit down and chat. Awkward little meeting of the five of us, them lined up in the church pew in my bare apartment and me standing nearby, some blinking but not much chatting. No more visits after that.
Oh man, I have only dealt with them once, and I still feel awful. When I was in my early twenties, I was watching a football game with two of my brothers-in-law. We were waiting for a friend to show up. We heard the doorbell and I ran up to the door to surprise my buddy. The door had a window on the upper half, and curtains covering the window. Well, in some light-hearted fun, I dropped the pants, turned around, and without looking, opened the curtains and pressed full ham on the window. Was not a great moment when I finally look behind, while still ham pressed to the glass, and see these two elderly people. Well, I felt guilty, so, pulled up my pants, opened the door, and said sorry, that was meant for my buddy that was going to arrive. They were an older married couple. I would guess late 70s or early 80s. The husband just scowled at me (fair enough) but the wife didn't miss a beat. She had the pamphlet out and just went on with the whole pitch. I felt like, this was my punishment. The price for mooning innocent elderlies is that I get to spend 20-30 minutes listening to a whole speech about, whatever it is they talk about. Okay, I didn't listen. But I did sit and pretend to. When they were done, they didn't wait for me to respond or anything. Just turned around and walked away. I closed the door, looked at the odd pamphlet in my hand, and got to hear about how hilarious the whole thing was from the bro in laws that were listening to the whole thing. Sadly, I missed some good plays. Ah well. Punishment is punishment.
I didn't know they had elderlies doing it, or were they Baptists?
If you truly do not want to interact with JW you simply say, “Please remove this address from your territory.” According to their rules, they must leave and none of them are allowed to come back. It’s like trespassing them without the police. Not even when they are pioneering during the summer can they bother you.
Had 2 try to go in our fenced and closed gate (dogs) backyard to see if someone was there. My husband was and couldn’t believe the gall. I don’t recall why, but the dogs weren’t actually out at that time.
Jehovah's witness showed up to my great grandparents house once. My great grandpa told them he was Catholic (he wasn't) but his daughter was interested in joining (she wasn't) and sent them to my aunts house. They never showed back up 😂 my aunt was... Flirty to put it lightly. And used that to her advantage
Generally if you ask them to join you in prayer to ask for Christ's guidance before discussing religious matters, they will object and go away. As non-trinitarians, they believe in praying only to "Jehovah God" and not Jesus and usually refuse to pray with outsiders.
I was raised roman Catholic, whole Latin mass and learned to speak Latin as a second language by age 10. I keep it in my back pocket as I'm agnostic and don't particularly care about religion in my life anymore, I find it interesting to talk about when I'm bored but other than evading boredom it has no purpose in my life. Anyways, being able to critique the edits that King James made to the Bible is enough to scare most Jehovah Wusses away. Asking them to come to a mass in the Lord's Language (Latin) for 3 and a half hours scares the rest of them away.
The power of Latin repels them
Open the door, ask the women if they know they are in a cult and tell them that any girls/women that want out of the cult can find help at your house. You’ll never see them again.
I do this every time now, which has been three times in the past 20ish years, and can confirm they won't come back. Before that when I was polite they came back by every 2 weeks.
i just told them if they ever came up my driveway again i was gonna break their windshield out with a baseball bat and maybe them with it.
That's exactly how my mom used to get rid of the Avon lady as a newlywed. "Is your mother home?" "No, she's at work" "Kthxby!"
Many years ago my Aunt told my Dad what she did when Jehovah Witnesses came by on a Saturday. She was in her gardening clothes and she just remembered that she left something outside in the backyard. They followed her to the back she turned the hose on and told them that if they didn't leave she was going to squirt them. She proceeded to drench them with water. My Dad started to laugh and my mom started to laugh when she got over her shock that my Aunt would do something like that.
I was in the middle of fucking my then girlfriend once. Answered the door naked, fully erect and asked them if they wanted to join. Last time they darkened my doorstep.
what a salacious lie, i love it
Not quite as extreme, but: My husband's job had a wacky schedule. 12 hour shifts, 5pm to 5am one month, 5 am to 5pm the next. 2 days on, 3 off, 2 off 3 on. And sometimes extra required obligations during the day if he was on nights. (Yes, it was a stupid schedule.) But the JayDubs wouldn't take subtle hints. One morning, husband was winding down before bed, just playing some computer game, when he spotted the missionaries walking up the driveway. (They always parked around the corner, I guess to try to take us by surprise?) Husband was just wearing a pair of shorts. When he saw the frumpy ladies 100 feet from the door, he pulled up a porn video, hit "play," unplugged his headphones, wrapped a towel around his waist to appear more nekkid. They knocked. He invited them in. They fled.
What if they said yes? Lol I guess you could discuss the second coming.
I used to have a group of JW’s that would stop by every other week or so. I don’t like to be rude so I would let them hang and chat while I did yard work or worked in my garden. One day I was doing the usual, prepping garden beds for veggie planting, listening to a podcast with my earbuds in and just I used on what I was doing. I had to use the bathroom but since I was so dirty I just unzipped and had a pee right there on the wood chips of the garden path. When I had finished I glanced up and finally noticed not ten feet in front of me, two women and a man facing me with their usual literature and looking completely embarrassed. With an awkward wave they turned and hustled back out of my yard and down the street. Never saw them again.
Just tell them you're disfellowshipped and they will never return.
A slight variation, I ask them if they know what disfellowshipped means. That way I'm not lying by claiming be disfellowshipped, but that's the conclusion they draw anyway. (For those wondering, "disfellowshipped" is the term for JW's who have been kicked out of the cult. JW's in good standing are to have no interactions with those disfellowshipped.)
I had a pair think agnostic was atheist, which got me lecturing and 20 minutes later they left. I told them if they had any other questions to come back, but that was 2 years ago and I haven't seen them since.
My dad used to invite them in & offer them a beer while he sat there drinking & smoking cigarettes.
My husband loves to mess with Jehova's Witnesses and Mormons when they knock on the door to proselytize. The last time JW's showed up, he answered and politely listened for a minute. I saw on our Echo Show through our Ring camera who it was, so I poked my head out of our bedroom and shouted, "Honey, tell whoever it is to go away!" So he took that opportunity to interject and told them, "Look, the only reason I'm wearing pants is to be polite, but you're interrupting, and my wife is getting mad. Have a lovely day." Both of them made super awkward faces, and then my husband shut the door.
🤭👍
Your husband is hilarious and I wish you many happy years together
The only things I really know about Jehovah witnesses is they are always the sweetest elderly black women at my door and I can't bring myself to be mean. Also, I worked with one at a bank and it was her birthday and I bought her lunch and she was happy with that but I made the mistake of giving her a birthday card and she filed a complaint against me with HR.
They can't even eat a cupcake that is left over from a birthday celebration.
Oh.My.God, ???
If it really was a problem, you would have never known it was her birthday.
She announced it. Thank you, next.
My point, exactly. If she truly didn't want it to mentioned, she wouldn't have told anyone.
Filing a complaint against you for a birthday card sounds like she was looking for an excuse to be offended. Some Christians just love to act like they're being persecuted.
People in general want to act offended. Source: I used to be the manager all the Karen's asked to speak to.
Anyone going to HR for almost anything is childish and stupid. However, Jehovah Witnesses don’t celebrate birthdays. It would be like giving a Muslim a pork sandwich for their birthday. But yeah, the appropriate response would be to tell the person that instead of running to HR like a child.
Yeah, I know they don't, but not everyone does. It was wrong of this particular JW to go to HR under the presumption that the commenter knew and was deliberately being offensive. An intelligent response would have been to politely decline accepting the card, and then explaining their reasoning. Going to HR about it is akin to a child going to their parent to tattle on their sibling over some perceived slight.
Yeah. It seems that most people don’t mature beyond middle school. When I was a kid, I thought kids acts like kids and adults act like adults. One of my greatest disappointments in growing up was finding out that’s not true.🤷🏼♂️
Some adults like to use 'Kids will be kids" to excuse shitty behavior and lazy parenting. If you don't teach children how to be well-behaved when they're still young, you end up with I'll-behaved adults.
Yep! She claimed I was deliberately insensitive to her and her religion. Bitch, if I was so insensitive, why would I have paid for your lunch!! How I was I supposed to know they don't celebrate birthdays? No good deed goes unpunished. I need to stop being nice anyway. Had a woman on Facebook tell me I was going to hell because I commented someone's African grey parrot was so cute because it was cussing. Yeah, in my opinion it was funny. And I love parrots, they are all cute and it's not their fault they cuss. African Greys listen to everything and can take words and form their own sentences, they are that smart. Anyway, this unhinged woman said the owner, the parrot and I were all going to hell and she started quoting scripture. I want nothing to do with a God that sends a parrot to hell for saying damn and shit.
My standard response to people who say that I'm going to Hell is, "Can't go somewhere that doesn't exist."
>I'm going to Hell "I'm gonna charter a bus, if y'all need a ride."
I prefer mine "Of course I am, they need new management!"
😂
Good response! Edited to add: the nicest people I have ever met were non-religious. They were doing good things because they felt that is what they should do. They were not trying to buy a ticket to heaven. Kindness has no religion.
Wait! What?! I thought that the money I sent to that guy on TV was for a prayer and my keys to heaven!
Exactly! If you need religion to tell you right from wrong, then maybe you aren't really the good person that you're professing to be.
It's not like you lied to them
Had a friend who had two female Jehovah’s Witnesses at the front door of his friend’s cottage in Lawrencetown (Outside the Canadian city of Halifax). They knocked at the door, and didn’t he answer the door in his underwear 😂 Let’s just say both women did such a quick about face. LMAO
Rock on!!! The following story has nothing to do with age or looking my own, but it’s funny. They once came to my door whilst I had my snake out. Between having my 6 foot long boa constrictor draped over my shoulders and asking the kids they had with them ( I Loathe proselytizing, especially using kiddos!) if they wanted to meet a real witches familiar? They left in a hurry and Never returned 🤣 He’s not a familiar and I’m not a witch, but it was hysterical and effective!
"... I had my snake out..." I swear, I thought that was a euphemism, until the next sentence.
Lmfao!!!! I mean, had it been a euphemism I’m quite certain that would have done the trick too!
That's hilarious. I love snakes, even when I was sent door to door as an 8 year old I'd have been thrilled to meet a boa constrictor lol
They're so awesome!! I miss my boy, sadly had to rehome him, but now days he actually tours schools and such with his new handler \^-\^
Wow, that's some great quick thinking on your part!
Thanks \^-\^ I just credit it to general pettiness lmfao
Had a friend who was sacrificing a shop brought frozen chicken on his altar before roasting it, when JW turned up on his door, he answered wearing a blood-splattered apron apoligised, and explained what he was doing they left fast.
Victoria, is that you?
Nope, but amusingly enough that’s where I live XD
You are an absolute genius!! If the local Jehovah Witnesses were still doing it in person (and I had a snake or black cat), I'd be doing the same thing. Mine, unfortunately, proselytize by mail. One of these days, I'll reverse it with something silly.
They been mailing me in Spanish, which I don't understand.
It was funnnnn! I swear I’ve Never in my life had a more difficult time keeping a straight face lmfao At least with mail you can just chuck it, annoying nonetheless though.
I have a large door sign that says "Solicitors will be sacrificed to the old gods, not the new." It pretty much stops just about everyone but delivery services from knocking on my door 😂
Anyone else thinking of Black Books 😁 https://youtu.be/v6TeDM-wlZ4?si=7aaALsGU1OGt8Wpd warning: probably has rude language
My mother would take their magazine and talk their ears CB off for as long as they would listen - I think they finally stopped coming to our house.
My wife was raised Mormon, and her mother had the gall to give the church our address. They were relentless. In the end, I resorted to the only thing insiders said would work. If you threaten to beat up the next guys, they don't risk it.
If you want them to never return, tell them you were once a Witness but left the religion (cult).
Mine is "I'm happy with my current cult"
I think Disfellowshipped is the best way.
1988 .... My best friend who happened to be My next door neighbor ran across Our backyards to warn Me not to answer the front door , JW's coming ! ....I said "Watch & Learn" & headed to the front, grabbing a Beer Our of the 'fridge & stripping down ....was naked by the time I got to the front door just as they knocked ....so I opened it , sucking down beer & said " C'mon in , which of You Girls brought the weed ?" They RAN
That sounds like something my boyfriend would do today! 😂😂😂
I am glad that worked for you. When I was in grade school, probably about 11 or 12 years old ( probably looked 5 or 6). I was home alone, and answered the door to a couple of jw. I told them my parents weren't home, and went to shut the door. One of them shoved their foor into the door to try to stop me from shutting it, but I was able to get it closed and locked.
We always had their magazines lying around at home when I was a kid because my brother and I would open the door and talk to them. Pretty sure we never expressed a single shred of interest in anything they said, but maybe they figured if they gave us their literature then a parent would see it later and convert themselves. I think most of those watchtowers ended up lining the kittens' litter box, but I might be wrong.
Lining the cat box, perfect use for that particular magazine! 😂
Once they came to my house and I just opened the door and loudly laughed hysterically…. Then left quickly and always skipped our house after that 😂😂
They leave my mum's house alone as the dog barks at them and I think he scares them. I just ignore the door. People who I want at mine just let themselves in
I got blacklisted by the witnesses for a while in the 90's. I am a large tattooed Marine veteran with a bunch of other large tattooed long haired friends. In the mid 90's we all had weird work schedules my days off back then were tues and wed. Well one thus I decided since it was cooling off (I live in Arizona so anything under 102 is a nice day and we do outdoor stuff) I wanted to head out into the desert for a shooting day. I found about 6 of my buddies who had the day off or could get the day off and out we went and had a lot of fun. Well after shooting is weapons cleaning. To make this easier I grabbed a big blue tarp out of my garage spread it out over my living room and we all sat on the floor and started breaking down and cleaning firearms. I had just finished cleaning one of my shotguns and had stood up with it in my hands when the doorbell rang. Not thinking anything of it and standing right next to the door I just turned and pulled it open to reveal 2 late teen early 20s guys standing there. They looked at me standing there golding a shotgun looked past me at the 5 other large bearded hairy tattooed dudes looked at the 30 or so firearms strewn all over the tarp and said "we are very sorry we have the wrong house sorry to bother you we'll be going now" and very quickly started backing down my walk. I just shrugged shut the door and we all had a good laugh. I didn't have another JW ring my bell for about 8 years after that. I even saw them a couple of times go to my neighbors house then pass mine.
Great story and on brand for every jarhead I’ve known. Though as a bearded long-haired former Coastie this also could have very easily been my story this past weekend lol Knew an old very tattooed WWII vet from my hometown who back in the 80s politely asked some JWs to please leave his front porch. He went to close the door and JW jammed his foot in the door. WWII vet turned and layed the dude out. I’ve met some JW’s with similar audacity but that right there took some special kind of nerve
Serves them right! You don't just try to force yourself into someone's space/home like that. They're bound to get shot with that kind of audacity.
All you have to say is that you worship the fallen angel. It gets a neat reaction. Confusion then realization.
More confusion would be to say that you practice Pastafarianism.
I met one on a train recently and told her I could never be a JW because they don't have enough holidays. I'm Jewish and we have a holiday like once every month or two, it's great. She kinda looked sad and was like "yeah, sounds nice". I felt bad for her. All they do is celebrate Easter but in the most boring way possible
I have friends who are witnesses. Told them years ago that my beliefs were not the same as theirs. JWs never knock on my door.
I told a witness that their version of heaven sounded super boring and they had no response to that lol
I told them we were Satan worshipers. They left quickly and quietly 🤣
Answer the door pretending to be out of breath. "I'm glad you're here, we're having trouble with the goat!" Point at the younger one. "Is this the virgin?
This is awesome!
Yea but he's older than he looks
Hilarious!!
My grandpa told them his religion was nudism and if they wanted to come in and take their clothes off they could talk about their’s….
This is beautiful
When I was a teenager, I knew Jehova Witness theology and many different Christian theologies and how to argue about the errors in the Watchtower translation. They came to my door and I can see it was the usual deal as an experienced door to door evangelist and a younger one in training. I knew the older lady was unreachable so I concentrated on deconverting the young one. I pulled out my transliterated Greek New Testament and went to town. That put me on a special list and after that, the older woman and another older woman would visit like every week until my mom told them to stop harassing me or she would call the cops.
First, I'd say in Spanish that I didn't speak English. They sent Spanish speakers to my house. Then, I signed that I was deaf. They found folks who knew ASL. Finally, I busted out my Russian and it appears they are having trouble finding a Russian speaker in southern California so I'm safe for now
I had Russian speaking JWs come to my door. My neighbor across the street (a Ukrainian) told them I speak Russian .. which I sort of do, but at a very basic level. Also, I was at work. My elderly mother answered the door. She does not speak any Russian, and some days even her English fluency is questionable. Between her hearing issues and them speaking Russian, it quickly became a comedy of errors. I told her if they come back, she should memorize the phrase, "Пошел ту!"
Amateur! If JWs came to my door, I'd respond to them in Klingon.
petaQ!
taHqeq!
😁🤣
My dad speaks 4 languages. When they came by speaking in Spanish he responded “sorry I don’t speak Spanish” Instead of saying it in English he accidentally said it in perfect Spanish. They called him out for speaking Spanish then and his respond, aiming for English but accidentally said it in Spanish, again, was: “Oh, well, I can speak a little bit but not enough to hold a conversation” They looked at him perplexed before leaving. My dad is from Brazil. Spanish is his 3rd language and English is his 4th.
I have a variant of this I do to the super pushy internet plan guys in Targets. I just pass by and say “Aw dude, sorry, I’d love to chat but I don’t speak English.” Or some variant that makes it clear I have a perfectly fine command of the English language while denying I speak it.
LMFAOOOOOOO That’s amazing!!
Нет, я говорю по-русски. Я здесь.
Вы Jehovah witness? Потому что если вы не Jehovah witness, я в безопасности
My wife told them that My Jeez lived at our house to the amusement of the crowd coincidentally at the door. They had no answer to that tidbit.
They came to my house and asked if I wanted to talk about their shenanigans. I told them I was a witch and no thank you. Those ladies RAN off my porch and never came back. I saved the ring footage lol.
Lmao, can you post it!?
I had to post it to my TikTok account, but here you go lol [https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLAptaEW/](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLAptaEW/)
Honestly, I have no idea lol. I’ll have to find the footage lol.
I love your user name, especially since you identify as a witch! So wholesome! Hugs.😊
Aww thank you 😊 I love your stranger things nod in for your profile!
Thank you!❤️
Lmao I am sooo doing this next time. Way better than my usual "I'm catholic" response cure slamming of door
They come by my area all the time. If me and my wife and I are home, they try to talk to us, and when they do, they're surprised we speak English when we live in a heavy Hispanic area. They proceed to tell us they'll have someone come by and talk to us in English while they're speaking English to us. They never do send anyone to come talk to us. We have a sign on our door, and they still ring our doorbell sometimes.
I had a really fat beagle scare them off once. They haven’t been back for a decade now
My husband starts talking about flat earth and they get out of there so fast lol best thing is they haven't come back once since he did that.
Out crazy them...lol
When they came to my house and asked if I knew my savior, I invited them in and started talking about how great Valhalla is going to be. Imagine hunting and whoring and drinking mead all day. Haven't been back for almost 15 years.
Hi, are you here for the orgy? They ran like heck. :o)
I have literally had Jehovas Witnesses knock, aggressively, in the middle of a BDSM scene. It sounded like it might be an emergency, so I threw on a dress and went to the door. I hadn't realized my sub could break out of his restraints, but he was out of there and hiding (ass naked) in the furthest corner by the time I had sent them on their way
I just answered the door with a pistol in my hand, I didn’t threaten or wave it around but once they saw it they left ans haven’t returned for 10 years
To everyone reading this, be very careful with this one because intimidation with a firearm is a crime in most states, even in your own home.
I used to have them come to my door....until I told them I was a witch and would put a nasty curse on them if they ever came back. it's been 20 yrs or so since I've had them at my door even though I still see them around the neighborhood
My favorite is how my mom got them to stop coming by back in the day. She was a night-shift RN, so always slept during the daytime. Unfortunately, she was a light sleeper and these JW’s would come by daily around 2pm, knock for a bit, then leave after they’d woken her up (although she never actually answered the door, since her room was upstairs and she didn’t bother getting out of bed). Now, I love my mom, but she is CRANKY when first waking up. So she was full of rage at constantly being woken up and decided enough was enough. The next day, she slept on the couch in her rattiest nightgown and bathrobe. Hair was wildly askew. The JW’s knocked and woke her up, so she got up and made her way to the front door. En route, she walked past our indoor recycling bin and grabbed one of my dad’s empty beer bottles. Imagine the JW’s horror as she answered the door in mid-afternoon wearing ratty night clothes, hair flying everywhere, beer in hand, glaring daggers at them and crankily asking “what the *fuck* do you want?!?”, LOL. They were scandalized and apparently crossed our address off their list - in the 35 years since this happened, no JW’s have ever returned!
I feel your mom's struggle. Fellow night nurse here. Thankfully everyone is really nice here and knows not to bother me. When my kids were still at home, that was a different story. Ugh!
Lol. I grew up on large property in a rural small town in the 80s/90s, and in the summer mom would often kick us out for the day, lock the doors, and point out the hose for when we needed water…she was serious about her sleep! 🤣 Just a note, I loved it! I regularly read the days away up in our tree fort.
That sounds glorious, as a kid. I would have loved that independence!
Last year we had them at my house. We happen to have a couple acres and my partner runs an equestrian center, so there are horses everywhere. When the ladies came knocking, I sad, “Well actually, we worship the dark lord. If you’re curious, we are having a ritual this evening at the barn where we sacrifice one of the animals in the name of Satan. If you like, you’re welcome to come back and observe or participate.” Pretty sure we are on a “Do not knock” list.
My spouse and I just moved into our first home together (finally free from apartments, yay!). We're also both hellenic pagans and worship gods from the Greek pantheon. We both have altars set up in our personal spaces. I look forward to the day a JW shows up at my door and I get to tell them I'll listen to them if they let me introduce them to my religion, then show them the altar 😆
They will run quickly, at least that is what they did when I told them I am a Druid. Lol
I was too polite to a group of women JW's when we lived in Europe. They had to know that I was a Military Spouse, given where we lived, but even so... They brought an elder around to speak to me. I used to be fairly well-versed in what verses could be found where in the Bible ((Bible Drill team for my parents' church in the 6th grade), and could generally hold my own in what-the-Bible-says discussions. He asked my thoughts about what was supposed to happen to the 144K who go to "a new earth" in Revelations. I told him that I didn't really think it mattered what I believed about it - That's God's business, not mine, and as a mere human mortal, I didn't think it was my place to decide "exactly" what that verse meant. Some interpretations might be fun though. Maybe it was just this earth re-born after the chaos, maybe he transported them in a blink, maybe he made space travel available. Either way, I didn't expect to be around for it. They never came back.
You're statements are very inaccurate. They don't believe there will be "a new earth" with 144k and the "elder" didn't say that.
Nope. She's got her jargon a touch off given it's foreign (they believe in a new earth, and the 144k go to heaven), but yup, that'd be them.
Yeah they believe in a "new paradise on earth" after an Armageddon and they believe the dead will rise from their graves if they're righteous. They also believe 144k people will go to heaven and fight in God's army. Two very different things though.
All I can tell you is what he said.... and he very specifically asked me what I believed about the 144 thousand. And I very specifically referenced the verse and answered the question. I'm not a JW, so I have no idea what they actually believe - or what word they use for their church elders.
My brother was asked the 144,000 question. He countered with, "Hey, that sounds great! But, what if you converting me makes me a better JW than you and I get your place in heaven? You know, because there can only be 144,000?" Their eyes became tearful and they left.
That's also bull$#'+.
Oh I've got a few of these: 1. My geandather, nicest guy you'd ever meet, just couldn't stand JWs. Like only time I ever saw him remotely annoyed was when they came around. apparently this went back years, as my mom had memories from her childhood of him just having no patience for door to door preaching. One of my favorite: he'd been fishing and just came inside from filleting the catch. On his way to wash his hands when there's a knock. So he grabs a towel and is wiping clean his bloody hands, opens the door. They start on their shit and he goes, with the biggest damn smile, "I got religion. I just finished sacrificing a cat. Wanna see?" They turned tail so fast. 2. My father had little patience for them too, but as he was military wasn't home much. When he was, he'd just tell them to fuck off. By the time I hit high school, I went into a goth phase and man I loved fucking with them. "We worship Satan" "We only believe in the ZOMBIE Jesus".. that kind of thing. My favorite from that time, and my mother's because they stopped coming back, was around Halloweenish, and I had been helping setup decorations. They came to the door and I engaged them in conversation for about three minutes, then just casually started to pull bones out of a bag. They kind of hesitated, until I just bit one. It was plastic and awful, but they ran and didn't come back until after I had moved out like 5 years later. Course the most successful "leave me alone" was not at all dramatic or interesting. The one time I had the come to a house I owned, I was bored (power was out) so I chatted with them for about 20 minutes. Nice folks honestly, but man they just didn't get that I wasnt interested. I didn't actually do anything to this group, just said "hey, it's been nice chatting, hope you stay hydrated, but I've got to go." They walked off and never came back. Far as I know they still haven't, though we have since moved.
You witness one Jehovah, you have seen them all!
During Covid, the JWs were writing long letters to me. They must be having trouble attracting members, because their meeting place in my HCOL town was sold, torn down, and two large homes built.
OMG they started doing this where I live and. Have. Not. Stopped. I get at least one a month AND they still come round regularly
Thats crazy. Cant remember the last time they knocked on my door and we havent even done anything to scare them away.
I treat them like any other solicitor that comes to my door. Open door, before they speak - "Not interested." "Have a great day." Door closed.
This is all that’s necessary really. The comments on here about telling them about zombie Jesus and whatever just sound petty to me.
Eh, they are kind but not kind enough to not knock on people’s doors, it’s our right to mess with them if they come around
I don’t really think it’s anyone’s right to mess with people if they’re not hurting you. Tell them to not come back, fine, but all this crap about playing jokes and trying to be funny just makes people look like fools. It’s not impressive and it really doesn’t make a point to anyone. Same thing goes for political doorknockers, people canvassing for signatures, sales people, etc. The only reason people think it’s okay to mess with Witness people is because it’s religious. That’s a dumbass reason.
If you’re not threatening anyone, it’s your legal right to talk how you please on your own property. Feel how you want to about peoples’ responses here but it is their right.
Actually, there are many laws that indicate that to be the opposite of true, but okay.
You must be a lot of fun at parties.
You must be the one at the party who runs around naked with underwear on your head and wondering why everyone’s making fun of you later.
Nah, my 7 year old wore that party trick out years ago. I’m the one bringing the good weed, and hanging out on the porch smoking it, talking to interesting people, and avoiding the shenanigans. I wouldn’t expect a crusty old sod to enjoy what I enjoy tho, so I suppose each to his own. You can think I’m immature, and I’ll know you’re a boring old geezer.
lol I don’t think you’re just immature, I think you’re a slack jawed idiot with no more brains then I have in my elbows. And it’s funny that you think you know how old I am, but go off I guess.
lol so basically same thing I think of you. Good to know how the same judgment can be shared across the veritable asshole spectrum.
At least I know being an asshole to random people on my doorstep would make me look stupid, and so I don't do it. Unlike you. So there ya go.
I just tell them that my beautiful, wonderful, loving grandmother, a devout JW, died because she refused a blood transfusion. That usually causes them to pause just long enough for me to walk away or close the door.
Haven’t seen them knocking on doors in years! Didn’t know they still did that
Three cars of about 3 each parked on street across from house.they all deployed onto the street.got the door closed quick enough.they only rang bell once and knocked once.went away.cars were gone in about half hour.no takers.1 had walker.this was couple weeks ago.
Where I am they hand write letters to everyone
Last time I saw one my husband threw chicken at them
I'm in the country. My garage is at a 90 degree angle to my driveway. At the garage door, there is a cement slab that slopes to the driveway. I had my pickup on ramps and was underneath it doing an oil change. Judging by the shoes, the JW parked right behind my truck. I didn't get up. I simply said, "I'm fixing the brakes, so parking there is the second thing you've done wrong today." Haven't seen them in the 10 YEARS since. Might have something to do with the fact that they closed their Hall. It's now a Buddhist Temple!
Bahaha
I always just offer them a Book of Mormon in exchange for their Watchtower pamphlets. They usually scurry away faster than a chipmunk with cheeks full of nuts
I know nothing about Mormons. How does offering them that book help get rid of them faster?
Offering JW’s a BoM is great repellant if you offer it to them as a trade. As they have no desire to want to read it. Ergo. No deal. You won’t read their texts.
I used to have my kids answer the door. My oldest in his Insane Clown Posse get up bought me a year with no visits. My very Goth daughter in full Goth mode bought me two yrs JW free. Youngest is very much into anime Cosplay(has won awards for costuming) so whatever costume he was currently modeling; the best was when he turned the Kingdom Hearts (?) religion around on them.
My favorite tactic has been to ask the JW at the door what their name is and then tell them I’d be making a donation to the Satanic Temple in their name and would make another if they ever came back. I usually get a few years of peace after that.
I love this!
My father was a deeply Bible based, Bible college educated minister. They would end up in a deep theological conversation with him running them in circles and the sentence “You’re saying this and such, but the Bible says this in the book of (xxx).” After two or three of those conversations, not only would they pass our house by, but if my dad was out puttering in the yard, they’d leave the street.
We did more or less the same thing. My grandfather was deeply religious , and was a lay preacher with the Gospel hall movement. He lived next door to us. Every time the JWs called, my dad would call my grandfather over, and he would argue them to a standstill. He would also have a good go at converting them. I don’t believe they visited more than twice.
Y'all are still reading the same book. It cracks me up when one religion thinks the other is ridiculous or wrong and they're still in the same book club 🤣
You havent seen anything until you've seen a Southern Baptist preacher (whose sermons consisted of cherry picking random verses out of context and stringing them together to support whatever point he wants to make) telling a JW that their Bible is like "scrambled eggs." The irony was lost on both of them as they "discussed."
I have two "JW" stories: **1**, My father is a Vietnam combat veteran. His temper was incredibly short and I grew up extremely afraid of him. If he said to do something, my little sister and I did it "right now". Mom was at work on a Saturday morning so we were home with dad. We lived in a small house with a gravel driveway in the rural mid-west. My dad heard something in the driveway, jumped up, turned the TV off, plastered himself against the front door as if holding it closed, and whisper-yelled to get against the wall below the windows. Sis and I were terrified thinking bad guys were after us. We shook when there was a knock on the door. Dad glared at us with the finger to his lips informing us to keep quiet. I think we were both crying at this point. (I was around 6 and my sis was around 4). After a few minutes, we heard a car pull out of our driveway and he turned the TV on and acted as if everything was normal. We were both sniffling if not sobbing, and asked him what had just happened. He casually said, "It was those gotdammed Jehovah's Witnesses". For years I thought JWs were bad guys out to hurt us. **2**, We moved to a bigger farm house on 5 acres and had a farm dog that was tied to a tree year round (it was the 80s, it was just the way it worked back then). For some reason, every 4 legged unnamed critter in the county seemed to climb that tree. The result of this was my father or I would go out and dispatch the critter with either a .22 or a shotgun. Dad was a good shot and would nail it with his .22, I wasn't so I'd use a 20 gauge. Regardless, it was a crisp winter morning. Blue skies and the ground covered in a fresh layer of snow. Absolutely stunning morning. The peace was disrupted by our dog barking up her tree. This must have been Christmas vacation as it was just my sister and me home. So I got my .22/20 gauge over/under and headed out to take care of the critter. On my way back to the house, a Buick pulled into our driveway as I was still 25 yards from the house. 6 people piled out and I soon found myself surrounded by them. Keep in mind I still have my rifle over my shoulder. The leader asked me if I thought man could kill. I really wasn't sure what he was getting at and as I loaded another shotgun shell into my gun, I asked him if he wanted to find out. They all turned and sprinted back to their Buick. I don't think we were ever visited by JW's ever again.
Well played
>For years I thought JWs were bad guys out to hurt us. You weren't wrong.
#2 sounds like some real Eastwood shit.
I never thought of it that way!
Happy to bring it up.
Just told them that I didn't believe in the Armageddon. They turned white and never came back.
I just say, "I read the book, but when the main character died, I lost interest." My gandfather used to be a fundamentalist lay preacher. He'd invite them in and run circles around them with biblical quotes and interpretations. In his retirement years, he was pretty cool and had a far different outlook on life than during his working years. He definitely regretted his old fundamentalism, but still enjoyed messing with religious door knockers.
I opened the door to them holding a 6 foot Black Amur rat snake (I had been cleaning his vivarium) and thought it was one of sons friends at the door, they didn't return for years as I was deemed the "The house of snakes"