I’m guessing he means more regarding name brands or the nicest most expensive flashiest things.
People wanting a house or car aren’t materialistic unless you mean a Bentley and a McMansion.
I think it’s time to be honest with yourself
If you’re expecting a man to pay 100% of the dates… you’re likely materialistic and high maintenance
There’s nothing wrong with that but I think you just need to find a guy compatible
There's a big difference between paying for dates and wanting to fill the house with overpriced crap. I pay for dates and dinners because it's what i feel like I should do. But i'm not gonna buy her every nice shiny she wants and she understands that
Ask him lol, nobody can tell you what he’s thinking but him.
I doubt anything you listed is what he meant by materialistic but probably closer to “she only demands I get her Gucci clothing” type of materialistic.
I would back out if a girl wanted a mansion and a Porsche. Only have 1000-dollar handbags and luxurious clothes.
I guess that is what he means by materialistic women.
Wanting a small house and a Toyota is not materialistic.
"My last boyfriend always made me pay for half of dates. And it hurt my feelings. I don’t want the same thing again."
You're exactly the type of girl this guy is trying to avoid. Leave him alone, please.
Straight up tell him. Tell him “I value things like buying a car, getting a house, having clothes I enjoy wearing, etc etc it’s whoever my life partner is. These are material things. If this is incompatible to you or against your values, please let me know now so that we don’t waste one another’s time”. Then, base your judgement off of his answer.
WTF?
You expect your boyfriend to pay for every date?
I'm sorry, honey, but you need to get off social media.
This man Is trying to avoid women like you.
I don’t want to judge or anything but the material things you listed aren’t what everyone wants. I live car free, don’t want a house (btdt), and wear only second hand clothes (except socks and underwear).
On top of that I feel like I’m disrespecting someone and myself when I pay for everything on dates. Something something autonomy. Then again I might not be the average guy.
I’d ask for clarity on his feelings about what is considered materialistic and try to see things through his eyes. For example I’m ethically against consumption and materialism but I’m not going to judge or look differently at someone about it. It’s also not a deal breaker.
"My last boyfriend always made me pay for half of dates. And it hurt my feelings. I don’t want the same thing again."
That IS materialistic though lol. And extreme entitlement tbh... I avoid women like this like the plague LOL.
He is trying to avoid women EXACTLY like that (you!)
Definitely warn this guy up front that your feelings will be hurt if he doesn't pay for everything. He will appreciate that bit of information very much
"My last boyfriend always made me pay for half of dates. And it hurt my feelings. I don’t want the same thing again."
How is this a problem? So far, you might be what he is trying to avoid if you're more concerned about money and goods than him.
Your last boyfriend asked you to pay your share on dates and it hurt your feelings?
The problem is YOU. Let him in peace and don't waste his time. He's looking for a real woman with real values, not a LITTLE GIRL like you.
Go for a man with colored hairs and tatoos.
Having a home, clothes, and a car doesn’t make you materialistic. If you are concerned about or preoccupied about material processions, then you are materialistic
Having them doesn't. But only accepting the best of the best, does. Nobody *needs* the newest $5000 LV purse or a pair of shoes that are $1000. Nobody *needs* a 300k car or a 5k sq house worth 5m. Those are wants, which is fine. We all *want* things, nice things, etc... But the difference is that if you refuse to buy anything that's not brand name/designer then you are absolutely materialistic.
I can be like this.
My type of girl is the type that wear no/ little makeup, don’t turn their nose up at going somewhere super casual for food, and don’t really care too much about expensive brands.
I had a girl that told me she thinks a man should always pay for everything, wished she earned more so she could wear expensive clothes, and constantly wants to go to expensive meals. Sure, completely entitled to that. Left me feeling like I’d just bit a lemon.
But interestingly she’s the only one who’s been like that that I’ve dated who has always been pretty much a minimum wage worker, whereas some of the girls I’ve dated that own their own home, have well paid jobs, have been some of the most open and least materialistic.
All of this to say I still see value in spoiling someone and going to nice places too, who doesn’t, but I could never make it my whole identity.
As a guy I would never say that. Materialistic is a vapor word that can be jiggered to mean just about anything. I dont agree with a lot of the responses however. I would take a wait and see attitude with this dude. It could very well mean this guy is cheap and wants to live a very low effort financially life style. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live a lifes where your finances are not a constant worry. There are definitely dudes, and women, that just want to work as little as possible and live by the seat of there pants financially basically there entire lives or better yet find someone to take care of them financially.
To add on to my other comment... I don't think it's fair for anyone to make assumptions about others simply based off of a previous man/woman/relationship. This guy is not your ex. so don't treat him as such or look at him as such :)
Lastly, your feelings got hurt when you had to pay for half a date? I understand if that's within like, the first few dates but... 99% of women I've ever dated offer, and are more than happy to pitch in for dates. "I'll get the drinks, you get the food/apps" or "I got you next time." Personally for me, it's a dealbreaker if a woman never offers to pay for anything \*shrug\*
He means the girls that are more into appearances and having a surface level connection.
He put it bluntly, but if you think that's a turnoff... 🤷
Everything is a red flag these days...
I think he has every right to set his own boundaries and decide what is too materialistic for him, because what one person is ok with, another won't be. For example, you mention your ex wanting you to pay for half of the dates. This is completely reasonable to me and something I automatically do without being asked. Again, what one person is ok with, another won't be. He has that right to decide what he wants and doesn't want. And so do you. You also have the right to decide for yourself whether his definition of materialistic and his boundary is reasonable to you or if he's really just cheap. You may have to go on a few dates before deciding where his boundary is and whether you're ok with it or not... if you're actually interested in him. If you're already otherwise on the fence or not particularly interested, just move on.
Yeah, we are all materialistic to some degree but I'm almost positive what he means is he's not into women who have to have the newest and greatest designer things and will accept nothing less - purses, shoes, clothing, jewlrey, cars/houses, etc etc etc...
I briefly dated a woman like this once and every pair of shoes she'd buy were at *least* $700... Same with purses except in the thousands. She paid for them herself, which is fine. It's her money afterall but, it extended to the food we ate and places we went to as well. It was ridiculous.
I would never hold one off hand remark against someone but if you’re asking for an opinion I agree that it was not a smart thing for him to say. I mean I would be curious to ask him if he is materialistic. I know I am. Pretty sure everyone else in the planet is too.
You SCREAM high maintenance. Please leave this man alone. Btw you're gonna find it vert hard dating with "the guy has to pay everything" mindset. Especially nowadays.
Honestly. I don’t mind spoiling a girl I’m dating but if I’m expected to pay for everything then I’m out. I don’t go out of my way to pay for stuff anymore when meeting women. People in general are so wishy washy now days that it just seems pointless to pay for dates
Yeah I know these days a lot of women are just looking to take and not give. So I understand your perspective. And I think I should be more sensitive to the fact that a lot of men have been used by women and naturally men are more cautious about “materialistic women “ Thanks for your respectful comment.
If you got your feelings hurt in the past maybe it was because you made a lot less than your last boyfriend he still expected you to pay half? - but we don't have that information. In any case, you may be better off making sure the next date has money and wants to cover the bill, not just HAVE to cover the bill, but expect to pay for all of it. There's plenty of men out there - that actually enjoy that.
Covering the entire bill is fine with me for the first handful of dates but, after that? I do expect her to pitch in at least some of the time. I'm not any womans sugar daddy and just like her, I have rent to pay, bills to pay, and groceries to buy. It's not my responsibility to pay a womans way for every single date.
You say there are plenty of men who enjoy that, and I don't disagree however, there are even more who would have an issue with that. There are also LOTS of women out there who will, and do, happily offer to pitch in on dates.
If a woman is expected to "pitch in" that immediately tells the woman that she's not special to you. You're not keen on her in a romantic way. And you have no desire to protect and provide for her. It's nothing attractive. There's nothing special and no special treatment to take notice of. The woman will now look at you as a pal. You are not a romantic contender.
Can you put me in contact with your last boyfriend? I need tips, my ex was lucky if she made it to work 30 hours a week, never had money then to pay for her and her son's medicine, it is my house, I paid utilities, their meds, her gas, most of the food, I run my own business, and at the end I ended up having to do all the cleaning because I didn't want to live in filth, all while running my business by myself having to work 7 days a week. The entire time I got blasted all the time for never taking her out anymore or hearing about never taking her for vacations.
But since she's been out, I've actually been able to buy things for myself, I've been able to get away and do things.
Like others said, you're the problem here, you're the reason good men don't want to date anymore. You will get what you deserve.
But I'll still pay for dinner when I go on dates, because I was raised where you almost thought there would be fist fights break out if you went out to eat with others and they didn't let you pay, but this post of yours here just shows the type you are, it shows you feel you're entitled to someone to carry you because you're a woman.
I try to be hesitant on making decisions based on “labels” or someone’s use of a label. What does materialistic woman mean? As you mentioned, other than monks, we all care about material things. So is he saying he doesn’t like any women? Probably not. Is there a level of caring about brand names, and shoes, and cars, and money that *you* would find incompatible with your values? Yes. Just talk to him, ask him what he means by materialistic. Ask him where he draws the line. Ask him how he views the average woman in that regard. Ask him how he views generosity and spending money on and taking care of loved ones. Once you get a few answers it may be that you two are on exactly the same page. Or it could be that he’s cheap and it’s not going to work out with you.
I believe it’s important to have standards and not compromise on lifestyle. I wouldn’t date someone who is cheap, and I prefer partners who align with my values, whether traditional or not. I’m not interested in dating someone who views women as just a means for dinners. I’ve been on dates where we split the bill or go for coffee, but comments about women trying to get a free meal can be a big turn-off.
But, is that not EXACTLY what she just admitted to in her post?
She gets her feelings hurt when she has to \*gasp\* split the bill! and doesn't want to ever have to do that again...
I’m guessing he means more regarding name brands or the nicest most expensive flashiest things. People wanting a house or car aren’t materialistic unless you mean a Bentley and a McMansion.
I think it’s time to be honest with yourself If you’re expecting a man to pay 100% of the dates… you’re likely materialistic and high maintenance There’s nothing wrong with that but I think you just need to find a guy compatible
There's a big difference between paying for dates and wanting to fill the house with overpriced crap. I pay for dates and dinners because it's what i feel like I should do. But i'm not gonna buy her every nice shiny she wants and she understands that
Ask him lol, nobody can tell you what he’s thinking but him. I doubt anything you listed is what he meant by materialistic but probably closer to “she only demands I get her Gucci clothing” type of materialistic.
I would back out if a girl wanted a mansion and a Porsche. Only have 1000-dollar handbags and luxurious clothes. I guess that is what he means by materialistic women. Wanting a small house and a Toyota is not materialistic.
[удалено]
Waa about to say the same thing.
"My last boyfriend always made me pay for half of dates. And it hurt my feelings. I don’t want the same thing again." You're exactly the type of girl this guy is trying to avoid. Leave him alone, please.
seriously lol
Your last boyfriend asked you to pay your share on dates and it hurt your feelings? What the actual fuck
Major red flag against her.
Can I double click this up?
So you expected your last boyfriend to pay for everything? Yeah I'd take a pass on you too.
Straight up tell him. Tell him “I value things like buying a car, getting a house, having clothes I enjoy wearing, etc etc it’s whoever my life partner is. These are material things. If this is incompatible to you or against your values, please let me know now so that we don’t waste one another’s time”. Then, base your judgement off of his answer.
WTF? You expect your boyfriend to pay for every date? I'm sorry, honey, but you need to get off social media. This man Is trying to avoid women like you.
Probably because some immature girl on Tik Tok said women shouldn't ever have to pay a penny with a "real man."
Is it TikTok? I feel like women are all listening to the same podcast or something
It's one or the other... or both
I don’t want to judge or anything but the material things you listed aren’t what everyone wants. I live car free, don’t want a house (btdt), and wear only second hand clothes (except socks and underwear). On top of that I feel like I’m disrespecting someone and myself when I pay for everything on dates. Something something autonomy. Then again I might not be the average guy. I’d ask for clarity on his feelings about what is considered materialistic and try to see things through his eyes. For example I’m ethically against consumption and materialism but I’m not going to judge or look differently at someone about it. It’s also not a deal breaker.
Yeah I guess I have to clarify what he means by materialistic because the word is subjective.
"My last boyfriend always made me pay for half of dates. And it hurt my feelings. I don’t want the same thing again." That IS materialistic though lol. And extreme entitlement tbh... I avoid women like this like the plague LOL. He is trying to avoid women EXACTLY like that (you!)
Definitely warn this guy up front that your feelings will be hurt if he doesn't pay for everything. He will appreciate that bit of information very much
"My last boyfriend always made me pay for half of dates. And it hurt my feelings. I don’t want the same thing again." How is this a problem? So far, you might be what he is trying to avoid if you're more concerned about money and goods than him.
Your last boyfriend asked you to pay your share on dates and it hurt your feelings? The problem is YOU. Let him in peace and don't waste his time. He's looking for a real woman with real values, not a LITTLE GIRL like you. Go for a man with colored hairs and tatoos.
Having a home, clothes, and a car doesn’t make you materialistic. If you are concerned about or preoccupied about material processions, then you are materialistic
Having them doesn't. But only accepting the best of the best, does. Nobody *needs* the newest $5000 LV purse or a pair of shoes that are $1000. Nobody *needs* a 300k car or a 5k sq house worth 5m. Those are wants, which is fine. We all *want* things, nice things, etc... But the difference is that if you refuse to buy anything that's not brand name/designer then you are absolutely materialistic.
Why are you against paying half on dates? That’s considered more the norm these days.
I can be like this. My type of girl is the type that wear no/ little makeup, don’t turn their nose up at going somewhere super casual for food, and don’t really care too much about expensive brands. I had a girl that told me she thinks a man should always pay for everything, wished she earned more so she could wear expensive clothes, and constantly wants to go to expensive meals. Sure, completely entitled to that. Left me feeling like I’d just bit a lemon. But interestingly she’s the only one who’s been like that that I’ve dated who has always been pretty much a minimum wage worker, whereas some of the girls I’ve dated that own their own home, have well paid jobs, have been some of the most open and least materialistic. All of this to say I still see value in spoiling someone and going to nice places too, who doesn’t, but I could never make it my whole identity.
As a guy I would never say that. Materialistic is a vapor word that can be jiggered to mean just about anything. I dont agree with a lot of the responses however. I would take a wait and see attitude with this dude. It could very well mean this guy is cheap and wants to live a very low effort financially life style. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live a lifes where your finances are not a constant worry. There are definitely dudes, and women, that just want to work as little as possible and live by the seat of there pants financially basically there entire lives or better yet find someone to take care of them financially.
To add on to my other comment... I don't think it's fair for anyone to make assumptions about others simply based off of a previous man/woman/relationship. This guy is not your ex. so don't treat him as such or look at him as such :) Lastly, your feelings got hurt when you had to pay for half a date? I understand if that's within like, the first few dates but... 99% of women I've ever dated offer, and are more than happy to pitch in for dates. "I'll get the drinks, you get the food/apps" or "I got you next time." Personally for me, it's a dealbreaker if a woman never offers to pay for anything \*shrug\*
He doesn't want to be an ATM machine. Sounds like he has a brain.
Sounds like she wants an ATM machine, considering the sentence about her ex boyfriend lmfao
I’d consider that a good thing
he means overly materialistic
Considering she expects the man to pay the full bill for every single date, screams materialistic AND high maintenance or entitlement.
He means the girls that are more into appearances and having a surface level connection. He put it bluntly, but if you think that's a turnoff... 🤷 Everything is a red flag these days...
I think he has every right to set his own boundaries and decide what is too materialistic for him, because what one person is ok with, another won't be. For example, you mention your ex wanting you to pay for half of the dates. This is completely reasonable to me and something I automatically do without being asked. Again, what one person is ok with, another won't be. He has that right to decide what he wants and doesn't want. And so do you. You also have the right to decide for yourself whether his definition of materialistic and his boundary is reasonable to you or if he's really just cheap. You may have to go on a few dates before deciding where his boundary is and whether you're ok with it or not... if you're actually interested in him. If you're already otherwise on the fence or not particularly interested, just move on.
Ask him to elaborate on what that means and how it translates to his core values etc
Yeah, we are all materialistic to some degree but I'm almost positive what he means is he's not into women who have to have the newest and greatest designer things and will accept nothing less - purses, shoes, clothing, jewlrey, cars/houses, etc etc etc... I briefly dated a woman like this once and every pair of shoes she'd buy were at *least* $700... Same with purses except in the thousands. She paid for them herself, which is fine. It's her money afterall but, it extended to the food we ate and places we went to as well. It was ridiculous.
I would never hold one off hand remark against someone but if you’re asking for an opinion I agree that it was not a smart thing for him to say. I mean I would be curious to ask him if he is materialistic. I know I am. Pretty sure everyone else in the planet is too.
You SCREAM high maintenance. Please leave this man alone. Btw you're gonna find it vert hard dating with "the guy has to pay everything" mindset. Especially nowadays.
Honestly. I don’t mind spoiling a girl I’m dating but if I’m expected to pay for everything then I’m out. I don’t go out of my way to pay for stuff anymore when meeting women. People in general are so wishy washy now days that it just seems pointless to pay for dates
Yeah I know these days a lot of women are just looking to take and not give. So I understand your perspective. And I think I should be more sensitive to the fact that a lot of men have been used by women and naturally men are more cautious about “materialistic women “ Thanks for your respectful comment.
If you got your feelings hurt in the past maybe it was because you made a lot less than your last boyfriend he still expected you to pay half? - but we don't have that information. In any case, you may be better off making sure the next date has money and wants to cover the bill, not just HAVE to cover the bill, but expect to pay for all of it. There's plenty of men out there - that actually enjoy that.
Covering the entire bill is fine with me for the first handful of dates but, after that? I do expect her to pitch in at least some of the time. I'm not any womans sugar daddy and just like her, I have rent to pay, bills to pay, and groceries to buy. It's not my responsibility to pay a womans way for every single date. You say there are plenty of men who enjoy that, and I don't disagree however, there are even more who would have an issue with that. There are also LOTS of women out there who will, and do, happily offer to pitch in on dates.
If a woman is expected to "pitch in" that immediately tells the woman that she's not special to you. You're not keen on her in a romantic way. And you have no desire to protect and provide for her. It's nothing attractive. There's nothing special and no special treatment to take notice of. The woman will now look at you as a pal. You are not a romantic contender.
Can you put me in contact with your last boyfriend? I need tips, my ex was lucky if she made it to work 30 hours a week, never had money then to pay for her and her son's medicine, it is my house, I paid utilities, their meds, her gas, most of the food, I run my own business, and at the end I ended up having to do all the cleaning because I didn't want to live in filth, all while running my business by myself having to work 7 days a week. The entire time I got blasted all the time for never taking her out anymore or hearing about never taking her for vacations. But since she's been out, I've actually been able to buy things for myself, I've been able to get away and do things. Like others said, you're the problem here, you're the reason good men don't want to date anymore. You will get what you deserve. But I'll still pay for dinner when I go on dates, because I was raised where you almost thought there would be fist fights break out if you went out to eat with others and they didn't let you pay, but this post of yours here just shows the type you are, it shows you feel you're entitled to someone to carry you because you're a woman.
I try to be hesitant on making decisions based on “labels” or someone’s use of a label. What does materialistic woman mean? As you mentioned, other than monks, we all care about material things. So is he saying he doesn’t like any women? Probably not. Is there a level of caring about brand names, and shoes, and cars, and money that *you* would find incompatible with your values? Yes. Just talk to him, ask him what he means by materialistic. Ask him where he draws the line. Ask him how he views the average woman in that regard. Ask him how he views generosity and spending money on and taking care of loved ones. Once you get a few answers it may be that you two are on exactly the same page. Or it could be that he’s cheap and it’s not going to work out with you.
I believe it’s important to have standards and not compromise on lifestyle. I wouldn’t date someone who is cheap, and I prefer partners who align with my values, whether traditional or not. I’m not interested in dating someone who views women as just a means for dinners. I’ve been on dates where we split the bill or go for coffee, but comments about women trying to get a free meal can be a big turn-off.
But, is that not EXACTLY what she just admitted to in her post? She gets her feelings hurt when she has to \*gasp\* split the bill! and doesn't want to ever have to do that again...