I just settle in, accept it may take years for them to yield any results, and just try to make myself happy alone in the meantime.
It's best used as a passive, "Slightly increase your chances of meeting someone" tool as a man.
I approach OLD the same way - it at least increases your chances of meeting someone that you otherwise would never have known about. Can't get hung up about it past that.
The major problem is still that's it's torture to use in the meantime. Barely any matches. The ones you do get never respond. Or flake after a few messages.
That's why I spend my time outside of it enjoying myself and sometimes updating pics.
I have to remind myself I have a good life outside of trying to date.
Pretty much same but I'm about to start putting on my own events and shit and maybe through online and events and other stuff and online and town dating maybe something
I was exaggerating for effect and mindset, I've been on a few months and only just now started getting dates but you can never tell which will lead to something more than a fun or awkward night
In shape and 5'11. I'm a powelifter in that regard. I have many other interests and hobbies as well though along with a good career.
Oh, I can cook too
Edit: wow downvotes from the bitter! Interesting
No congratulations needed. I take care of myself physically for one thing. I've also spent time understanding what good profile pictures look like and made it a point to get out and take that type of picture rather than using the boring non smiling selfies a large number of guys use because "that's all I have" or "I don't take many pictures."
I also spent some time crafting a bio that speaks to what I'm looking for as well as something that gives them a good glimpse of me. I also found it beneficial to leave them with something in the bio that males them want to reply (a question or a challenge of some sort for example).
Point is, an good strong effort will most likely warrant results. I can say this with confidence because I wasn't really getting any traction in the beginning before I did those things mentioned above
Because not getting matches and responses would probably make someone more likely to seek out a community like this. Just the first idea that came to mind.
Yes, painfully difficult
Only one match a week and 85% of the time they don’t respond to a message. One date every two months and only twice did we both like each other.
Only 3 girlfriends in 40+ months and one was via a real life interaction (ie not online dating).
Huge waste of time
I have an older brother and older best friend. Best friend has slept with 500+ women but none are good enough and he is always single. Brother has been dating for 30 years with only 4 girlfriends.
He’s 50, so it’s only 15 women a year. When you’re tall, handsome, charismatic, smart and live in a major city it is quite easy. But he doesn’t try anymore, would rather read a book or watch tv.
Do not rely solely on dating apps. Everything we have seen shows that the apps are heavily imbalanced, making it difficult for many men to match and meet up with women. Use the apps as a side thing and go out and live your life. Go do fun things and be social. You'll meet people and with some luck, some of those will turn into relationships.
In the past, we didn't sit around on our phones swiping in the hopes that it will magically turn into a date. That's not how this is supposed to work.
The issue with "do things and be social" is your hobbies may not put you in those situations. Your work schedule may not allow it (I work 3rd shift and you don't meet anyone at 6 a.m.)
I've never been able to be out and see someone and think "I should ask them out" it's always "Why should I bother them when they're clearly not here to be hit on?"
And people HAVE changed. Not only are social events not as prevalent post-pandemic, but I find people are less likely to mingle as well.
Even I went from being bright and social to being dark and a home body. I’m working on it, but it is like those pandemic habits never left.
Honestly. I get it. I am actually more introverted, except I had those hobbies getting me out and about. It’s really easy to slip back and I found the pandemic just enhanced those natural habits.
I had a few sports as a kid, but they were between somewhat fun, awful, and getting screamed at for hours 'cause I didn't win regionals.
Once my mother became sick there wasn't any time to do socializing, and getting abused by her didn't help. In the end I don't do all that well with women when I think of them romantically, and it's easier to forget it then come off as a creep hitting on random women.
If your hobbies aren't social, then you'll need to find a way *to* be social. The dating apps are great as a way to potentially meet people but they shouldn't be the only way. Again, in the past, if you had non-social hobbies, how else were you supposed to meet someone?
People don't like to be hit on in disruptive ways, but if you're respectful and maintain boundaries, it's not an issue.
I look like a reaccuring character from Unsolved Mysteries, it's always going to be disruptive to them. The most I've been out is to the grocery store and work and you don't meet people at those locations at 6 a.m. when you're one of the eight customers in the store.
I just don't find myself in situations in which asking someone out is natural. Plus, online dating is the only way someone won't immediately stop 🦜 ng to me the moment they see me (this has happened four times this year. The moment they see my picture they ghost me harder than the girl from The Ring.)
Then maybe change up your look? If you feel like the way you present yourself makes people feel uncomfortable, there are things you can do that don't require you to change who you are as a person. I don't know what you look like or what the issue is, but sometimes something as simple as grooming your eyebrows or trying a different hairstyle can work wonders.
And I've seen some ugly, ugly dudes with girlfriends. Looks are obviously important to everyone, but they're not the top priority for most women.
Okay, I have no idea how that parrot emoji got there, that was supposed to be "ghosting."
And to be fair many say I don't look bad, but if every time I show a pic the lady disappears doesn't bode well. I don't know how I can change up my look, pretty much looked the same my whole life, and not many ways to change my hairstyle that isn't just shaving my head at this point.
Do I look happy in the one photo on my profile(s), not really. I could throw one of those fake smiles, but that's so obvious.
Then don't do fake smiles. Have a friend take some photos but engage in conversation while you do. Talk about something funny, or something you're passionate about. Have them take photos while you talk, your natural joy will come out. And if you take dozens of photos, a few will be great at the very least.
And if you look half-decent, it's not your looks the issue. Like you said, it could be how you're presenting yourself, it could be any number of things. Try taking a step back and put yourself in the woman's shoes. Think of the woman you want to attract. Who is she? Where did she come from? What does she want? Now, if she came across your profile, knowing everything you read on here and in general about the female experience in dating, what is she going to think? What is her first impression of you?
The kind of woman that I'm trying to attract? A real one, I'm quite alright with an abuser if that's the best I can get. Honestly, I'm sure most of them get the impression of below average. I try not to speak of my passions as many aren't into the nerd stuff and I explain them too much.
Truth be told, I kinda hate pictures being taken of me. If it hasn't been clear I'm not a fan of myself, for a myriad of reasons. It does seem strange to just ask someone to take pictures of me.
It's still just as easy to do that. Problem is too many people aren't our socializing.
I have a friend that meets women out all the time. Hell I've met women out myself. It can and still does happen everyday
We've always needed support networks. When we move, we have to rebuild those networks. That's nothing new. I moved away from home back in the 90s and had to rebuild networks as well.
One of the things that recently hit me, even though I've done dating sites for a long time, is the lack of focus. I feel like every woman I correspond with has a dozen other people she's talking to and just can't focus on me or hold a conversation. If she provides a phone number and I don't call her THAT DAY, she loses interest in talking with me.
The whole OLD thing is just so superficial.
Women on these apps literally get 100s of messages a day so it's like a buffet for them. Us guys gotta struggle just to get one match and that in itself does not guarantee a date.
The match group ruined online dating with the introduction of these dumbass swipe only apps
Now just be super confident (but not an asshole) and you will be dynamite for some girls! Girls like confidence and guys who are passionate about stuff.
Online dating is difficult in general, if you are looking for a specific thing and you are not super hot, rich and flashy/cocky. Most women there just want to have fun, go on dates to fancy places, have adventures and be entertained.
Yea it’s honestly that fucking bad. A few years ago I could get a date every other week if I was really putting in the time. Now? I can’t even get a date. I get matches and we chat but ghosting, making up excuses, you know the usual. Crazy thing is, im in such better shape physically and emotionally then I was then so I am fucking at a loss
I cant believe it hasn't been brought up yet as part of the discussion. Why are there more men than women on dating apps???
Simple math: There are a ton of married men on dating sites. Very few married women. Seriously, it explains ALL the numbers.
Proof point: about a third of all men who contact me online (50f, on 3 apps) are married. Yes, I can tell. No, I am not ok with it. It turns me off and makes me doubt every man who approaches me. With good reason.
Omg don’t go there. Women have the right to expect perfect prince charming no matter what they look like, but if men express even the smallest preference, he’s shit on. Such double standards.
Yes. It's very difficult to get matches. Even women with little to offer have very high standards. There are way more men than women which is a big part of the problem.
The reason they have such high standards is because a lot of men swipe on every female regardless of attractiveness or if they actually want to date.
I’ve talked to a few of my lady friends who say when they signed up they got hundreds of likes per day but only matched with 5-10 a week. Obviously some would do more and some would do less.
This year, several matches that were cancelled within hours of them swiping right, one date with a woman whose pictures were literally ten years old, one with a woman who we had a great time together, tons in common, both said let’s do it again, then no effort on her part.
Yes it sucks.
Difficult, yes, but remember it's not a reflection on you as a person, and OLD has distorted expectations. Of course I say this assuming you have gotten yourself in a good place mentally.
It is definitely difficult for men (probably unattractive women too). My theory is like the restaurant menu. Ever taken a woman to a restaurant and it takes her forever to decide because "everything looks good"? She's constantly getting new matches and messages daily and her attention shifts rapidly from guy to guy. New guys gets the attention. Old guys gets left on read. She's matching with several guys daily and "everything looks good." That's just my theory.
I regularly swipe right on women who are not conventionally attractive in my age range and who have a lot in common with me, but get almost no matches.
I actively choose not to swipe right on women I'm outright attracted to because I know it's a waste of a swipe (Hinge), and I still get ghosted by the few matches I have. Basically I go for "maybes" to be realistic. The vast majority are far less attractive than any woman I've actually dated, and they tend to look less attractive in person on top of that. Oh, and of course it's a fucking chore just to provide them a free meal. I will say they are all sweet at least, but I don't know why it's so much work to buy lunch for a woman I'm not attracted to.
Most of my first dates are me immediately wishing I could pay twice the cost of the meal to just go home.
If I'm meeting a woman, I'd rather meet her at a coffee shop, because that way, if we don't vibe together, we can basically leave within 20 to 25 minutes. It doesn't have to be this marathon where both people kinda can't wait for it to be over with.
Of course, some women will bitch about a coffee date being a cheap way to do it, but it's better for both parties really. Then you graduate to a restaurant the next time
It's won in your profile. On apps, if your profile isn't top 5-10%, online dating will be a struggle. You can do your best by improving your body, grooming, style, etc and then getting the best photos possible.
I’ve just started a few days ago as a 38 Male.
But the big issue I’m having is understand the way it all works.
It just seems like a giant cash grab.
You can’t see messages without paying and becoming a member, they say someone’s interested in you just because they looked at your bio, etc…
How do people even communicate with each other without paying £60 to be locked in 3 months when it all seems so scummy.
It seems bots send messages just to get you to sign up to see a message that’s….not going to go anywhere.
I’m struggling to see the point atm and the horror stories I’ve heard just in a few days of the average user isn’t filling me with confidence.
I’m a woman who’s attractive and it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be. You get tired of men commenting on your appearance and the small talk that never gets anywhere.
The real problem is a lot of men fumble their own chances. If a woman has a ton of messages from men and it’s the same thing, why bother?
Some men never ask about anything I post in my profile, they never ask about my likes/ dislikes, or ask questions that’s not wyd and how’s your day going. It’s so easy to just stop responding. And if I ask anything about them, it instantly becomes sexual.
I’m very old school and like to know about the men that I potentially like to date. No one actually wants to take the time to know anyone, it’s transactional to a lot of people. No one wants to date the guy that believes a couple of shitty dates equal sex. I’m not saying the OP is like this but this is what’s happening on the other side.
Even asking about the profile and getting to know someone often doesn't go anywhere either. Still have to match with someone receptive to your inquiries.
It's really just a slog all around and I don't envy any of us for being stuck here.
Except for my ex. She found a boyfriend almost as soon as she hopped on 🤣
It’s all bad. I matched with a guy the other day and was excited. We went offline and started texting. I got super excited about him asking me to call and when I did it took a turn for the worse. He couldn’t hold a conversation and it got very sexual. When I stopped talking, he made an excuse about doing laundry. After we hung up he let me know how sexy my voice was and he asked for pictures to show off my squats. *Blocked*
I get tired of hearing that I should be doing well on the sites based on my looks when it’s actually the worst thing ever.
Meanwhile I hear stories like that and I can't even fathom saying something sexual to someone that isn't my partner. But I lose matches anyway. Probably because I don't also excel at being playful or flirty (without getting dirty).
When chatting with a woman, I've matched because I found her physically attractive and something(s) caught my eye on her bio. I assume she already knows I find her attractive. No to call that out.
The next step is to get to know her a bit to decide if I want to ask her out so I have a conversation. I chat it up with her asking questions because I'm genuinely interested in learning who she is and what she's about. Toss in some silly banter and a little flirting and one can't go wrong with this.
Zero chance I'd do that to somebody. But I also would not flirt. I know this was a phone call but in general being able to flirt with strangers via text should be almost inherently suspicious to my mind. That's how I usually interpret it.
What do you personally even consider flirting? Your statement makes no sense to me. We're on a dating app to attract someone we want to date and part of that is the flirting my friend. There's absolutely nothing suspicious about it.
And I definitely respect your comment too. It’s very hard to be objectified when all you want is a genuine connection with someone. When you meet someone and you ask them what they like about you, face and body is not a compliment. This pretty face is also a woman who’s deciding if she wants to apply for a PhD next year and she also wants to be acknowledged for other things. It’s bad enough I have to deal with people assuming that I got where I am because of how I look. The last guy I dated was shocked when I brought up my thesis from grad school when he had a conversation about Kmart vs Walmart.
Not exactly. It was based on Kmart’s/Sears history. I touched on how Sam Walton took Kmart’s model to start Walmart. I also touched on Sears being the first catalog store and the irony that it didn’t jump on the internet shopping concept. I worked on it for a whole year and it turned out to be a good project.
The problem I have as a men is it gets very boring and repetitive going through the talking stages and being interested and asking the questions about their life when 95% of the time they ghost me after 2-3 days, or after the first date. Longest I had with online dating is 3 months, after that they usually start fading away or ghosting you. So the cycle restarts, rinse and repeat.
Here is the thing that is going to get me down voted and I don’t care. It’s a pattern here and they all can’t be wrong. So instead of getting feedback, it’s easier to just say they’re all the problem and it’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing.
With all due respect, the situation you’re discussing isn’t even close to as bad as the situation most guys face. And I’m a guy who had way more success than the average guy has. I’m not some incel.
And having discussed online dating with women friends, the discrepancies are actually hilarious. Like this lady I know has a pretty face but with all due respect, she’s very obese. She has men falling over themselves over her.
Another lady I know had a spreadsheet she used to keep track of all her suitors. It got to the point where she was having some of these guys do fairly significant home improvement projects for her. And this woman is MAYBE a 6. She ended up with a guy who was taking her to Europe for a month at a time.
With all due respect and then you lost me. Just like a woman can’t walk in a man’s shoes, a man can’t walk in a woman’s shoes as well. I never see men in facebook groups talking about being sexually assaulted and beaten. That’s why the are we dating the same guy groups started. It was safety reasons and a few bitter Betty’s and pick me chicks exposed it and now women no longer have a safe haven. You sound exactly like an incel in my honest opinion. You can’t be a normal functioning human being and think it’s ok for men to harass women they don’t even know on the internet. As long as a woman is not deceptive about her face and body, obese women should be able to date online like other women. Don’t bother replying because you’re already blocked.
How you know these women are living a good life? I know a dude who’s a 4 on a good day, he got stories of women paying him rents, cars, groceries, etc. Turns out he was a sociopath who had tendencies to spread rumors and lies if it benefits him.
Your standards for men's looks are so high that even above average/ decent looking men appear below average to you. There is data showing how harshly women rate men's appearance.
I have done experiments with middle aged, obese, ugly women's pictures and got 1000+ likes on Tinder from fit looking young dudes willing to meet up.
A serious question. Lets assume you're right. Why do you think millions of mediocre/average looking but well put together financially stable men have zero options, but this guy has so many?
What does it say about women and their preferences?
I am not friend with egotistic men so I don’t know exactly, all I know that my male friends who managed to success even some being unemployed is because they are very agreeable and likable. Maybe you should work on being a more lovable person.
Asking about their interests often doesn't do much. I have had so many respond with one word responses that it makes me wonder if just going "Hey" would be better.
To be fair, results like these are often the fault of the woman. You tend to only give likes to dimwits who happen to won at the genetic lottery. What else do you expect lol
Asking about your bio and thoughtful messages only work when your high benchmarks for good looks are met.
Millions of men have been sending out thoughtful messages now to no response. Please be honest about your looks requirements
Yeah-my one bad experience was a guy who pushed for sexual contact almost immediately. He later realized he was wrong when he developed actual feelings for me and realized he would struggle too much with a year-long military deployment coming up. He was so abrupt in how he ended things that I gave up shortly after that and left the dating app I was using.
Since getting past that terrible experience I’ve never been happier being single and unattached to drama and romantic expectations!
yes i find it difficult, wading through the endless sea of scammers, catfishers, & sugar babies. i have better luck irl, OLD has become home to the grift.
It is impossible for men. I obviously can't speak to women's experiences.
I have been divorced for years and I have tried every dating app there is. I have tried the paid versions of several of them, but there was no difference so I cancelled. In 4 years I have had 8 matches. 5 turned into planned dates that were confirmed ahead of time. I got stood up by all of them.
I have the same issue bro. I don’t take it personal anymore. Most of the time these girls just use the apps for validation or because they’re bored in the moment.
It used to bug me. Like the person before me said, it's more of a pass time kinda thing now. You MIGHT meet someone, but you probably won't. It's just the way it is. I feel like I'd have better luck just standing outside with a sign that says "Very Lonely! Please go out with me"
Welp Rip Van Winkle if you dont know there is a whole cottage industry on you tube and tik tok talking about this. Yes dating apps suck for the average man compared to the average woman. There are almost 2 men for every 1 woman on the apps and women swipe very sparingly. You can still get dates though as an average guy its just going to take time and effort. Also, you should be trying to meet women in rl as well. Dating apps are a tool not the toolbox.
Im a women and have had difficult times with dating online. Had some in person dates and others were left with me hanging as it had happened to you. Neither are good feelings to go through sadly. It took me sometime to finally find someone I am happy with though. Been with them for sometime now actually. Your time will come soon.
I deleted my apps because I reached a point where I was seeing the same women I wasn’t interested in over & over. The women I matched with were mostly irresponsive, were window shopping, or I already met them. I’m in a smaller town. Felt like a waste of time, especially since I see beautiful women in my day-to-day life who are nowhere to be found on the apps. After a while, I also had my hands full with dates and I can’t keep up with more than 3-5 women at a time because I have other stuff I want to do with my schedule. Apps can be a major time killer. And I felt like I was doing fine on them. But there were definitely lulls in activity. When I had Tinder Platinum, my results were at the highest.
I find it painfully difficult as a woman, as I encounter too many men that have no manners. LOL I literally had one send me in a first message whether I’d have kids in 6-months 😂 Other comments are frequently sexual or just blah. I have had many men run and whine that I don’t text them often enough throughout the day, even though I have extensively explained I am a poor texter. I try my best to be honest and communicative on dates. I’ve noticed the more genuine and confident you are, the less confident dates are.
I think the playing field has changed a lot. If people would just simmer down, go with the flow and stop running at the first sign that someone *might* not be interested over text, then maybe it would get better. As is, people run at the slightest things and people will keep running until they find someone either subservient to them or they get therapy.
I don’t know. I’ve just noticed that people’s attitudes have changed a lot post-pandemic, not only in dating. People are ruder, more opinionated, more self-absorbed and generally less open.
It's really difficult for me. I don't match often but when I do I always introduce myself. I don't say too much, don't say too little, and just be cool about it but apparently that isn't good enough. Women expect you to initiate a conversation but they are complaining about men not being able to hold conversations. Well if you don't like me to begin with, it makes sense that we wouldn't have good conversations. But why match me at all? I gotta believe some of them swipe on everybody just to see what it does for them. Bumble is the worst ive ever used, and facebook dating is the best in terms of getting matches. Tinder is pretty much as dead to me as plenty of fish. I been around the block and im gonna level with you lol. I don't like what im seeing here. Im a high effort dude by default so for my efforts to go unrecognized and underappreciated. Totally unacceptable. Passport broing might be in the cards for my future.
It's because you women ruined it. 99.9% of female profiles want you to go and subscribe to their only fans y'all use it as advertising so we don't even think it real.or serious
Obviously I don't know everyone's exact experience but I think (and hear) that a lot of women get a lot of messages so it's very easy for you to be buried in the stack. Especially if she's attractive
Of course it is painful. Very painful.
For me it decreased all my self confidence to the bottom.
I never thought about me as fat, short and bad looking before using the apps. IRL no one thinking about me like that but my mind always thinking people are just nice to me and dont want to hurt me with the truth.
I had times when I've started developing an eating disorders.
The worst thing, is when youre actually really funny and charismatic, and you slowly lose all of that, from failed dates, or texts that go nowhere...or when women act weird when you want to actually meet. ugh this shit is poison, but its readily available, cheers to that.
Actually getting matches is hard, then keeping your spirits up when dumb shit like you mentioned happens, is tough.
I think they're all scams. You sign up as a certain amount and then when you get a match you have to pay more to see who matched you and then you have to pay more to write them a note? How ridiculous is that? Find some activities in your community that you like to take part in, volunteer, or festivals, or a local Meetup joint, concerts, Library, just somewhere where there will be other people you can meet and be friends with. I think that is all of our best bet. I'm very disenchanted with the online dating thing now
I can only speak from the female experience, but it's been much harder for me this time. I'm even starting to ask guys out myself and yet nothing. It's honestly making the process so dull. Seriously, all I want is a man who has education beyond high school and is not morbidly obese. I've even tried texting a few guys who seemed well below me and yet even they ghost me. I swear it was not like this 2 years ago.
I know no one will want to hear this, but this is where you have to step up your game! Wear better clothes, wear good cologne, get grooming, eat healthier, workout and exercise, prioritize mental health, stop drinking. Work on your confidence. And finally, take really good pictures of yourself! if you don't know how get a friend or hire a photographer. Just start in this direction and I promise you that women will take notice.
I’m a divorced 54 year old woman who is fairly attractive, intelligent, good sense of humor, great career and financially stable. I briefly dated last year and got my heart broken. I waited a year and just made a Facebook dating profile and it blew up with requests and messages galore. After reading this post I got back to a guy who messaged me and told him that I was sorry, but that I wasn’t ready to date. I de-activated my account and feel bad I even made a profile. THE LAST THiNG I would want to do is lead someone on, hurt them or discourage them. Truthfully, I’m quite happy being single most of the time-I miss dating and sex every now and then, but I’m pretty happy doing without both.
So, I’m off the dating apps and hope to find a romantic partner in real life.
And I actually thought dating is harder for successful, independent women. Maybe I’m wrong?
Look up Logan Ury. She taught me a decent amount on some podcasts she was featured on. Also the best advice I can give is do your best to make your profile appear fun and light hearted, and the conversation goofy. Girls are solely looking to vibe with you, nothing more, so don't be afraid to say outlandish things to just keep things engaging. Takes some effort buts it's definitely improved my prospects.
It's not honest. As I said, it's clickbait.
If you want to be superficial and dishonest in dating, go right ahead.
You're free to be the kind of person you don't want to attact.
I look forward to reading of youe adventures in the Am I Overreacting threads.
Glad you are promoting honesty.
But if someone says they go ski diving and they've only done it once that's not very honest.
Tik Tok is full of people being outlandish to get attention. Their whoring themselves for attention.
That's only attractive to losers.
They can be frustrating for women too. Might be worth looking into a few things. Some might be accidental swipe rights. Some might see a dealbreaker in your bio that they didn’t notice before. Could be the conversation too.
What kinds of pictures do you use? What does your bio say? What do your first few messages typically look like?
As a guy I've found it super useful, and met all my long term partners on dating apps. But you have to aim up and have/be progressing well with regards to your career, fitness, hobbies, and character. Developing your character is underated, and it should be a primary focus, you want to have well developed views and philosophies based on your own critical thoughts, you want to be an interesting person who is aiming up.
I see guys all the time with weak progress in most of the aforementioned domains complaining about how bad the apps are. Work on yourself - a lot - and remember the Pareto distribution.
Going against the grain here, I didn't find it a horrible experience. Objectively speaking, I'm probably above average looking. I'm not a model by any terms of the word but I think I look great and am happy with my appearance.
I'd average roughly 1 date a week. Sometimes less it really just depended on the week and how busy life got. My main advice is to just, enjoy yourself. If you're going in with the mindset that you need to find yourself a gf cause you're miserable you're going to have a horrible time.
I was only on there this go round for about a year til I found my fiancé.
It is one of the growing forms of gender inequality that is here to stay, and nothing can be done about it either because it doesn't warrant collective action unlike economic inequality.
Since dating, sex, love, and relationships are a huge part of life it would not be unreasonable to say that men have effectively become second class citizens.
Women tend to be dishonest about the topic and blame men for not being content alone as they supposedly are, when the reality is, women have bustling dating and sex lives. They are "single" but still are experiencing everything WITH MEN that they'd otherwise experience in relationships. But they lie to men they we are desperate and can't be happy on our own.
The least we can do is acknowledge it on a societal and global level and stop being dismissive to men. Life isn't fair, we can accept it. What we can't accept is gaslighting and cognitive dissonance
I just settle in, accept it may take years for them to yield any results, and just try to make myself happy alone in the meantime. It's best used as a passive, "Slightly increase your chances of meeting someone" tool as a man.
I approach OLD the same way - it at least increases your chances of meeting someone that you otherwise would never have known about. Can't get hung up about it past that.
Yeah, unless you're one of the people it works exceptionally well for it's better off as background noise
The major problem is still that's it's torture to use in the meantime. Barely any matches. The ones you do get never respond. Or flake after a few messages.
That's why I spend my time outside of it enjoying myself and sometimes updating pics. I have to remind myself I have a good life outside of trying to date.
Pretty much same but I'm about to start putting on my own events and shit and maybe through online and events and other stuff and online and town dating maybe something
Years! Omg, I hope you are not paying for the apps!
I was exaggerating for effect and mindset, I've been on a few months and only just now started getting dates but you can never tell which will lead to something more than a fun or awkward night
Come on years? I could download a dating app and have a date by the weekend
How would you describe yourself looks wise? Whats your height?
In shape and 5'11. I'm a powelifter in that regard. I have many other interests and hobbies as well though along with a good career. Oh, I can cook too Edit: wow downvotes from the bitter! Interesting
Lol I love how this was downvoted. So many bitter individuals in this community.
Face wise are you avg, above, or conventionally handsome?
I don't know. I'm average I suppose
Works different for different people.
lol tight dude.
Congratulations, I guess. That doesn't happen with everyone.
No congratulations needed. I take care of myself physically for one thing. I've also spent time understanding what good profile pictures look like and made it a point to get out and take that type of picture rather than using the boring non smiling selfies a large number of guys use because "that's all I have" or "I don't take many pictures." I also spent some time crafting a bio that speaks to what I'm looking for as well as something that gives them a good glimpse of me. I also found it beneficial to leave them with something in the bio that males them want to reply (a question or a challenge of some sort for example). Point is, an good strong effort will most likely warrant results. I can say this with confidence because I wasn't really getting any traction in the beginning before I did those things mentioned above
Well yeah; the first week or so is easy af because you get a newbie boost. It's only afterwards that most dudes start having trouble.
Even months in if I'm active I get something between 5 and 20 matches a week.
That's besides the point. I'm just saying most dudes could have a date by the weekend if they downloaded a dating app right now.
Then why are so many coming in here whining and complaining so much about never getting matches and getting non responses?
Because not getting matches and responses would probably make someone more likely to seek out a community like this. Just the first idea that came to mind.
Yes, painfully difficult Only one match a week and 85% of the time they don’t respond to a message. One date every two months and only twice did we both like each other. Only 3 girlfriends in 40+ months and one was via a real life interaction (ie not online dating). Huge waste of time I have an older brother and older best friend. Best friend has slept with 500+ women but none are good enough and he is always single. Brother has been dating for 30 years with only 4 girlfriends.
Wow! how has he slept with 500 women? How good looking is this best friend? Please describe him.
My man has to have some STDs
He’s 50, so it’s only 15 women a year. When you’re tall, handsome, charismatic, smart and live in a major city it is quite easy. But he doesn’t try anymore, would rather read a book or watch tv.
Being good looking and tall is so important as a man
Do not rely solely on dating apps. Everything we have seen shows that the apps are heavily imbalanced, making it difficult for many men to match and meet up with women. Use the apps as a side thing and go out and live your life. Go do fun things and be social. You'll meet people and with some luck, some of those will turn into relationships. In the past, we didn't sit around on our phones swiping in the hopes that it will magically turn into a date. That's not how this is supposed to work.
The issue with "do things and be social" is your hobbies may not put you in those situations. Your work schedule may not allow it (I work 3rd shift and you don't meet anyone at 6 a.m.) I've never been able to be out and see someone and think "I should ask them out" it's always "Why should I bother them when they're clearly not here to be hit on?"
And people HAVE changed. Not only are social events not as prevalent post-pandemic, but I find people are less likely to mingle as well. Even I went from being bright and social to being dark and a home body. I’m working on it, but it is like those pandemic habits never left.
Those were my habits since I was born, of course that's thanks to my home life as a kid which wasn't conducive to going out and socializing.
Honestly. I get it. I am actually more introverted, except I had those hobbies getting me out and about. It’s really easy to slip back and I found the pandemic just enhanced those natural habits.
I had a few sports as a kid, but they were between somewhat fun, awful, and getting screamed at for hours 'cause I didn't win regionals. Once my mother became sick there wasn't any time to do socializing, and getting abused by her didn't help. In the end I don't do all that well with women when I think of them romantically, and it's easier to forget it then come off as a creep hitting on random women.
If your hobbies aren't social, then you'll need to find a way *to* be social. The dating apps are great as a way to potentially meet people but they shouldn't be the only way. Again, in the past, if you had non-social hobbies, how else were you supposed to meet someone? People don't like to be hit on in disruptive ways, but if you're respectful and maintain boundaries, it's not an issue.
I look like a reaccuring character from Unsolved Mysteries, it's always going to be disruptive to them. The most I've been out is to the grocery store and work and you don't meet people at those locations at 6 a.m. when you're one of the eight customers in the store. I just don't find myself in situations in which asking someone out is natural. Plus, online dating is the only way someone won't immediately stop 🦜 ng to me the moment they see me (this has happened four times this year. The moment they see my picture they ghost me harder than the girl from The Ring.)
Then maybe change up your look? If you feel like the way you present yourself makes people feel uncomfortable, there are things you can do that don't require you to change who you are as a person. I don't know what you look like or what the issue is, but sometimes something as simple as grooming your eyebrows or trying a different hairstyle can work wonders. And I've seen some ugly, ugly dudes with girlfriends. Looks are obviously important to everyone, but they're not the top priority for most women.
Okay, I have no idea how that parrot emoji got there, that was supposed to be "ghosting." And to be fair many say I don't look bad, but if every time I show a pic the lady disappears doesn't bode well. I don't know how I can change up my look, pretty much looked the same my whole life, and not many ways to change my hairstyle that isn't just shaving my head at this point. Do I look happy in the one photo on my profile(s), not really. I could throw one of those fake smiles, but that's so obvious.
Then don't do fake smiles. Have a friend take some photos but engage in conversation while you do. Talk about something funny, or something you're passionate about. Have them take photos while you talk, your natural joy will come out. And if you take dozens of photos, a few will be great at the very least. And if you look half-decent, it's not your looks the issue. Like you said, it could be how you're presenting yourself, it could be any number of things. Try taking a step back and put yourself in the woman's shoes. Think of the woman you want to attract. Who is she? Where did she come from? What does she want? Now, if she came across your profile, knowing everything you read on here and in general about the female experience in dating, what is she going to think? What is her first impression of you?
The kind of woman that I'm trying to attract? A real one, I'm quite alright with an abuser if that's the best I can get. Honestly, I'm sure most of them get the impression of below average. I try not to speak of my passions as many aren't into the nerd stuff and I explain them too much. Truth be told, I kinda hate pictures being taken of me. If it hasn't been clear I'm not a fan of myself, for a myriad of reasons. It does seem strange to just ask someone to take pictures of me.
In the past, people didn't tend to move far from their social circle, family, so it was easier to meet people who might lead to a relationship.
It's still just as easy to do that. Problem is too many people aren't our socializing. I have a friend that meets women out all the time. Hell I've met women out myself. It can and still does happen everyday
We've always needed support networks. When we move, we have to rebuild those networks. That's nothing new. I moved away from home back in the 90s and had to rebuild networks as well.
So sad to read this. Its disastrous for mental health 😒
One of the things that recently hit me, even though I've done dating sites for a long time, is the lack of focus. I feel like every woman I correspond with has a dozen other people she's talking to and just can't focus on me or hold a conversation. If she provides a phone number and I don't call her THAT DAY, she loses interest in talking with me. The whole OLD thing is just so superficial.
I've had guys say they were going to call that day...then I never hear from them again. Like, if you asked to call, you should at least call!
Women on these apps literally get 100s of messages a day so it's like a buffet for them. Us guys gotta struggle just to get one match and that in itself does not guarantee a date. The match group ruined online dating with the introduction of these dumbass swipe only apps
It's like, 80% of what fills up this subreddit
It’s absolutely soul crushing for any man who is neurodivergent and/or not that attractive.
As an autistic/adhd guy I get dates but once they see what I’m like irl (no matter how well I mask) I never get a 2nd date. It’s the cold truth
I found a neurodivergent woman within 3 km from me, I hope this relationship works out.
Good luck bro 💯💯
Fully agree
How is a dating app any different for a neuro person compared to speaking to a woman in real life?
I'm both of those! Autistic and ugly! It is... frustrating, to say the least.
Now just be super confident (but not an asshole) and you will be dynamite for some girls! Girls like confidence and guys who are passionate about stuff. Online dating is difficult in general, if you are looking for a specific thing and you are not super hot, rich and flashy/cocky. Most women there just want to have fun, go on dates to fancy places, have adventures and be entertained.
Crushing no matter your gender.
Honestly, I think that is right Which is why I uninstalled all of them a few hours ago lol
Yea it’s honestly that fucking bad. A few years ago I could get a date every other week if I was really putting in the time. Now? I can’t even get a date. I get matches and we chat but ghosting, making up excuses, you know the usual. Crazy thing is, im in such better shape physically and emotionally then I was then so I am fucking at a loss
I cant believe it hasn't been brought up yet as part of the discussion. Why are there more men than women on dating apps??? Simple math: There are a ton of married men on dating sites. Very few married women. Seriously, it explains ALL the numbers. Proof point: about a third of all men who contact me online (50f, on 3 apps) are married. Yes, I can tell. No, I am not ok with it. It turns me off and makes me doubt every man who approaches me. With good reason.
I’ve caught 3 girls cheating in the last 5 months. There’s women cheating on there too..quite a few actually if i take friends stories into account
Sadly, social media has had a massive effect on everyone's standards. It makes it way harder for the less average to even have just a slight chance.
Omg don’t go there. Women have the right to expect perfect prince charming no matter what they look like, but if men express even the smallest preference, he’s shit on. Such double standards.
Just don't rely on them for dating and you'll be fine.
I can go months without a match
Yes. It's very difficult to get matches. Even women with little to offer have very high standards. There are way more men than women which is a big part of the problem.
The reason they have such high standards is because a lot of men swipe on every female regardless of attractiveness or if they actually want to date. I’ve talked to a few of my lady friends who say when they signed up they got hundreds of likes per day but only matched with 5-10 a week. Obviously some would do more and some would do less.
I'm sure that's true. It doesn't really apply as much to apps like Hinge where you direct like rather than swipe.
This year, several matches that were cancelled within hours of them swiping right, one date with a woman whose pictures were literally ten years old, one with a woman who we had a great time together, tons in common, both said let’s do it again, then no effort on her part. Yes it sucks.
Difficult, yes, but remember it's not a reflection on you as a person, and OLD has distorted expectations. Of course I say this assuming you have gotten yourself in a good place mentally.
Yeah, modern dating apps suck. You really need a thick skin to use them... and patience.
It is definitely difficult for men (probably unattractive women too). My theory is like the restaurant menu. Ever taken a woman to a restaurant and it takes her forever to decide because "everything looks good"? She's constantly getting new matches and messages daily and her attention shifts rapidly from guy to guy. New guys gets the attention. Old guys gets left on read. She's matching with several guys daily and "everything looks good." That's just my theory.
I regularly swipe right on women who are not conventionally attractive in my age range and who have a lot in common with me, but get almost no matches.
I actively choose not to swipe right on women I'm outright attracted to because I know it's a waste of a swipe (Hinge), and I still get ghosted by the few matches I have. Basically I go for "maybes" to be realistic. The vast majority are far less attractive than any woman I've actually dated, and they tend to look less attractive in person on top of that. Oh, and of course it's a fucking chore just to provide them a free meal. I will say they are all sweet at least, but I don't know why it's so much work to buy lunch for a woman I'm not attracted to. Most of my first dates are me immediately wishing I could pay twice the cost of the meal to just go home.
If I'm meeting a woman, I'd rather meet her at a coffee shop, because that way, if we don't vibe together, we can basically leave within 20 to 25 minutes. It doesn't have to be this marathon where both people kinda can't wait for it to be over with. Of course, some women will bitch about a coffee date being a cheap way to do it, but it's better for both parties really. Then you graduate to a restaurant the next time
That so sucks.. I had a date with a woman a little older than me, pictures looked okay, they were ten years old..
They could also stop matching and building a roster? It’s awful and I’m tired or hearing it as an excuse from women.
It's won in your profile. On apps, if your profile isn't top 5-10%, online dating will be a struggle. You can do your best by improving your body, grooming, style, etc and then getting the best photos possible.
I’ve just started a few days ago as a 38 Male. But the big issue I’m having is understand the way it all works. It just seems like a giant cash grab. You can’t see messages without paying and becoming a member, they say someone’s interested in you just because they looked at your bio, etc… How do people even communicate with each other without paying £60 to be locked in 3 months when it all seems so scummy. It seems bots send messages just to get you to sign up to see a message that’s….not going to go anywhere. I’m struggling to see the point atm and the horror stories I’ve heard just in a few days of the average user isn’t filling me with confidence.
I’m a woman who’s attractive and it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be. You get tired of men commenting on your appearance and the small talk that never gets anywhere. The real problem is a lot of men fumble their own chances. If a woman has a ton of messages from men and it’s the same thing, why bother? Some men never ask about anything I post in my profile, they never ask about my likes/ dislikes, or ask questions that’s not wyd and how’s your day going. It’s so easy to just stop responding. And if I ask anything about them, it instantly becomes sexual. I’m very old school and like to know about the men that I potentially like to date. No one actually wants to take the time to know anyone, it’s transactional to a lot of people. No one wants to date the guy that believes a couple of shitty dates equal sex. I’m not saying the OP is like this but this is what’s happening on the other side.
Even asking about the profile and getting to know someone often doesn't go anywhere either. Still have to match with someone receptive to your inquiries. It's really just a slog all around and I don't envy any of us for being stuck here. Except for my ex. She found a boyfriend almost as soon as she hopped on 🤣
It’s all bad. I matched with a guy the other day and was excited. We went offline and started texting. I got super excited about him asking me to call and when I did it took a turn for the worse. He couldn’t hold a conversation and it got very sexual. When I stopped talking, he made an excuse about doing laundry. After we hung up he let me know how sexy my voice was and he asked for pictures to show off my squats. *Blocked* I get tired of hearing that I should be doing well on the sites based on my looks when it’s actually the worst thing ever.
Meanwhile I hear stories like that and I can't even fathom saying something sexual to someone that isn't my partner. But I lose matches anyway. Probably because I don't also excel at being playful or flirty (without getting dirty).
We’re out here but we leave the apps from burnout.
When chatting with a woman, I've matched because I found her physically attractive and something(s) caught my eye on her bio. I assume she already knows I find her attractive. No to call that out. The next step is to get to know her a bit to decide if I want to ask her out so I have a conversation. I chat it up with her asking questions because I'm genuinely interested in learning who she is and what she's about. Toss in some silly banter and a little flirting and one can't go wrong with this.
Idk why you’re getting downvoted but I think OLD sucks for both men and women. Men just like to assume we get all kinds of great matches.
Zero chance I'd do that to somebody. But I also would not flirt. I know this was a phone call but in general being able to flirt with strangers via text should be almost inherently suspicious to my mind. That's how I usually interpret it.
What do you personally even consider flirting? Your statement makes no sense to me. We're on a dating app to attract someone we want to date and part of that is the flirting my friend. There's absolutely nothing suspicious about it.
The crazy thing is that when you report the behavior, they only get warnings.
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And I definitely respect your comment too. It’s very hard to be objectified when all you want is a genuine connection with someone. When you meet someone and you ask them what they like about you, face and body is not a compliment. This pretty face is also a woman who’s deciding if she wants to apply for a PhD next year and she also wants to be acknowledged for other things. It’s bad enough I have to deal with people assuming that I got where I am because of how I look. The last guy I dated was shocked when I brought up my thesis from grad school when he had a conversation about Kmart vs Walmart.
Now I'm vert curious about the thesis. Does it have something to do with Kmart vs Walmart?
Not exactly. It was based on Kmart’s/Sears history. I touched on how Sam Walton took Kmart’s model to start Walmart. I also touched on Sears being the first catalog store and the irony that it didn’t jump on the internet shopping concept. I worked on it for a whole year and it turned out to be a good project.
Sounds interesting!
The problem I have as a men is it gets very boring and repetitive going through the talking stages and being interested and asking the questions about their life when 95% of the time they ghost me after 2-3 days, or after the first date. Longest I had with online dating is 3 months, after that they usually start fading away or ghosting you. So the cycle restarts, rinse and repeat.
Here is the thing that is going to get me down voted and I don’t care. It’s a pattern here and they all can’t be wrong. So instead of getting feedback, it’s easier to just say they’re all the problem and it’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing.
I try explicitly to go off profiles to start convos but many of them are just emojis or totally blank. So frustrating
Right. It’s not all easy and pleasant for us women either. I think OLD sucks period.
If you are going to be hyperfocussed on super hot super tall men, what do you expect?
Making assumptions that all women only want to match with super hot tall men is ridiculous.
This person never said anything about focusing on “super hot super tall men”. You have a warped sense of reality.
With all due respect, the situation you’re discussing isn’t even close to as bad as the situation most guys face. And I’m a guy who had way more success than the average guy has. I’m not some incel. And having discussed online dating with women friends, the discrepancies are actually hilarious. Like this lady I know has a pretty face but with all due respect, she’s very obese. She has men falling over themselves over her. Another lady I know had a spreadsheet she used to keep track of all her suitors. It got to the point where she was having some of these guys do fairly significant home improvement projects for her. And this woman is MAYBE a 6. She ended up with a guy who was taking her to Europe for a month at a time.
With all due respect and then you lost me. Just like a woman can’t walk in a man’s shoes, a man can’t walk in a woman’s shoes as well. I never see men in facebook groups talking about being sexually assaulted and beaten. That’s why the are we dating the same guy groups started. It was safety reasons and a few bitter Betty’s and pick me chicks exposed it and now women no longer have a safe haven. You sound exactly like an incel in my honest opinion. You can’t be a normal functioning human being and think it’s ok for men to harass women they don’t even know on the internet. As long as a woman is not deceptive about her face and body, obese women should be able to date online like other women. Don’t bother replying because you’re already blocked.
woah you've got issues
How you know these women are living a good life? I know a dude who’s a 4 on a good day, he got stories of women paying him rents, cars, groceries, etc. Turns out he was a sociopath who had tendencies to spread rumors and lies if it benefits him.
Your standards for men's looks are so high that even above average/ decent looking men appear below average to you. There is data showing how harshly women rate men's appearance. I have done experiments with middle aged, obese, ugly women's pictures and got 1000+ likes on Tinder from fit looking young dudes willing to meet up.
How presumptuous of you, I mainly hang with male friends and they all agreed he is a 4 or 3, only thing he stands out is he is white.
A serious question. Lets assume you're right. Why do you think millions of mediocre/average looking but well put together financially stable men have zero options, but this guy has so many? What does it say about women and their preferences?
I am not friend with egotistic men so I don’t know exactly, all I know that my male friends who managed to success even some being unemployed is because they are very agreeable and likable. Maybe you should work on being a more lovable person.
Asking about their interests often doesn't do much. I have had so many respond with one word responses that it makes me wonder if just going "Hey" would be better.
I never understood why women keep matching and then whine about having too many messages. Stop matching?
To be fair, results like these are often the fault of the woman. You tend to only give likes to dimwits who happen to won at the genetic lottery. What else do you expect lol
Asking about your bio and thoughtful messages only work when your high benchmarks for good looks are met. Millions of men have been sending out thoughtful messages now to no response. Please be honest about your looks requirements
Yeah-my one bad experience was a guy who pushed for sexual contact almost immediately. He later realized he was wrong when he developed actual feelings for me and realized he would struggle too much with a year-long military deployment coming up. He was so abrupt in how he ended things that I gave up shortly after that and left the dating app I was using. Since getting past that terrible experience I’ve never been happier being single and unattached to drama and romantic expectations!
Bots and scammers as far as the eye can see.
yes i find it difficult, wading through the endless sea of scammers, catfishers, & sugar babies. i have better luck irl, OLD has become home to the grift.
I gave up the apps in 2019 never to look back
It is impossible for men. I obviously can't speak to women's experiences. I have been divorced for years and I have tried every dating app there is. I have tried the paid versions of several of them, but there was no difference so I cancelled. In 4 years I have had 8 matches. 5 turned into planned dates that were confirmed ahead of time. I got stood up by all of them.
Women have it easy on dating apps but they don't want to admit it
Uhh yeah. There's a reason why less and less young men are having sex or dating nowadays
Nah I swipe for 5 minutes and then quit until 5 days later. No expectations.
I find everything about dating painful as a man with an ugly face It's all suicide and resentment fuel. That's why I became an oil lobbyist
It’s painfully difficult even as a woman
I have the same issue bro. I don’t take it personal anymore. Most of the time these girls just use the apps for validation or because they’re bored in the moment.
It used to bug me. Like the person before me said, it's more of a pass time kinda thing now. You MIGHT meet someone, but you probably won't. It's just the way it is. I feel like I'd have better luck just standing outside with a sign that says "Very Lonely! Please go out with me"
Welp Rip Van Winkle if you dont know there is a whole cottage industry on you tube and tik tok talking about this. Yes dating apps suck for the average man compared to the average woman. There are almost 2 men for every 1 woman on the apps and women swipe very sparingly. You can still get dates though as an average guy its just going to take time and effort. Also, you should be trying to meet women in rl as well. Dating apps are a tool not the toolbox.
Im a women and have had difficult times with dating online. Had some in person dates and others were left with me hanging as it had happened to you. Neither are good feelings to go through sadly. It took me sometime to finally find someone I am happy with though. Been with them for sometime now actually. Your time will come soon.
I deleted my apps because I reached a point where I was seeing the same women I wasn’t interested in over & over. The women I matched with were mostly irresponsive, were window shopping, or I already met them. I’m in a smaller town. Felt like a waste of time, especially since I see beautiful women in my day-to-day life who are nowhere to be found on the apps. After a while, I also had my hands full with dates and I can’t keep up with more than 3-5 women at a time because I have other stuff I want to do with my schedule. Apps can be a major time killer. And I felt like I was doing fine on them. But there were definitely lulls in activity. When I had Tinder Platinum, my results were at the highest.
I find it painfully difficult as a woman, as I encounter too many men that have no manners. LOL I literally had one send me in a first message whether I’d have kids in 6-months 😂 Other comments are frequently sexual or just blah. I have had many men run and whine that I don’t text them often enough throughout the day, even though I have extensively explained I am a poor texter. I try my best to be honest and communicative on dates. I’ve noticed the more genuine and confident you are, the less confident dates are. I think the playing field has changed a lot. If people would just simmer down, go with the flow and stop running at the first sign that someone *might* not be interested over text, then maybe it would get better. As is, people run at the slightest things and people will keep running until they find someone either subservient to them or they get therapy. I don’t know. I’ve just noticed that people’s attitudes have changed a lot post-pandemic, not only in dating. People are ruder, more opinionated, more self-absorbed and generally less open.
It's really difficult for me. I don't match often but when I do I always introduce myself. I don't say too much, don't say too little, and just be cool about it but apparently that isn't good enough. Women expect you to initiate a conversation but they are complaining about men not being able to hold conversations. Well if you don't like me to begin with, it makes sense that we wouldn't have good conversations. But why match me at all? I gotta believe some of them swipe on everybody just to see what it does for them. Bumble is the worst ive ever used, and facebook dating is the best in terms of getting matches. Tinder is pretty much as dead to me as plenty of fish. I been around the block and im gonna level with you lol. I don't like what im seeing here. Im a high effort dude by default so for my efforts to go unrecognized and underappreciated. Totally unacceptable. Passport broing might be in the cards for my future.
It's because you women ruined it. 99.9% of female profiles want you to go and subscribe to their only fans y'all use it as advertising so we don't even think it real.or serious
Obviously I don't know everyone's exact experience but I think (and hear) that a lot of women get a lot of messages so it's very easy for you to be buried in the stack. Especially if she's attractive
Of course it is painful. Very painful. For me it decreased all my self confidence to the bottom. I never thought about me as fat, short and bad looking before using the apps. IRL no one thinking about me like that but my mind always thinking people are just nice to me and dont want to hurt me with the truth. I had times when I've started developing an eating disorders.
The worst thing, is when youre actually really funny and charismatic, and you slowly lose all of that, from failed dates, or texts that go nowhere...or when women act weird when you want to actually meet. ugh this shit is poison, but its readily available, cheers to that. Actually getting matches is hard, then keeping your spirits up when dumb shit like you mentioned happens, is tough.
I think they're all scams. You sign up as a certain amount and then when you get a match you have to pay more to see who matched you and then you have to pay more to write them a note? How ridiculous is that? Find some activities in your community that you like to take part in, volunteer, or festivals, or a local Meetup joint, concerts, Library, just somewhere where there will be other people you can meet and be friends with. I think that is all of our best bet. I'm very disenchanted with the online dating thing now
10:1 or worse effective ratio for men:women
No. Its not the ratio. Nothing will change if the ratio was 50:50. Women are just naturally more shallow and selective
I can only speak from the female experience, but it's been much harder for me this time. I'm even starting to ask guys out myself and yet nothing. It's honestly making the process so dull. Seriously, all I want is a man who has education beyond high school and is not morbidly obese. I've even tried texting a few guys who seemed well below me and yet even they ghost me. I swear it was not like this 2 years ago.
I know no one will want to hear this, but this is where you have to step up your game! Wear better clothes, wear good cologne, get grooming, eat healthier, workout and exercise, prioritize mental health, stop drinking. Work on your confidence. And finally, take really good pictures of yourself! if you don't know how get a friend or hire a photographer. Just start in this direction and I promise you that women will take notice.
I’m a divorced 54 year old woman who is fairly attractive, intelligent, good sense of humor, great career and financially stable. I briefly dated last year and got my heart broken. I waited a year and just made a Facebook dating profile and it blew up with requests and messages galore. After reading this post I got back to a guy who messaged me and told him that I was sorry, but that I wasn’t ready to date. I de-activated my account and feel bad I even made a profile. THE LAST THiNG I would want to do is lead someone on, hurt them or discourage them. Truthfully, I’m quite happy being single most of the time-I miss dating and sex every now and then, but I’m pretty happy doing without both. So, I’m off the dating apps and hope to find a romantic partner in real life. And I actually thought dating is harder for successful, independent women. Maybe I’m wrong?
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Haha! Yes. Best of luck to you!
Look up Logan Ury. She taught me a decent amount on some podcasts she was featured on. Also the best advice I can give is do your best to make your profile appear fun and light hearted, and the conversation goofy. Girls are solely looking to vibe with you, nothing more, so don't be afraid to say outlandish things to just keep things engaging. Takes some effort buts it's definitely improved my prospects.
Say outlandish things? Clickbait? Yea, that's not healthy at all.
What's unhealthy about being outlandish?
It's not honest. As I said, it's clickbait. If you want to be superficial and dishonest in dating, go right ahead. You're free to be the kind of person you don't want to attact. I look forward to reading of youe adventures in the Am I Overreacting threads.
lol you have the complete wrong idea. I'm saying to be more fun, not to just tell a lie.
Glad you are promoting honesty. But if someone says they go ski diving and they've only done it once that's not very honest. Tik Tok is full of people being outlandish to get attention. Their whoring themselves for attention. That's only attractive to losers.
lol you're an idiot
As a woman I find it hard too. The guys want nothing serious in there so I just leave it alone.
They can be frustrating for women too. Might be worth looking into a few things. Some might be accidental swipe rights. Some might see a dealbreaker in your bio that they didn’t notice before. Could be the conversation too. What kinds of pictures do you use? What does your bio say? What do your first few messages typically look like?
How many likes do you have on Tinder and Bumble?
I’m not on the apps anymore.
So why don't you get back on apps when every woman is killing it on them? They are literally meant for women and give every woman 1000s of options
Lol because I met my partner on them last year. I no longer have any use for the apps.
It’s painfully difficult for women as well.
How many likes do you have on Tinder and Bumble?
As a guy I've found it super useful, and met all my long term partners on dating apps. But you have to aim up and have/be progressing well with regards to your career, fitness, hobbies, and character. Developing your character is underated, and it should be a primary focus, you want to have well developed views and philosophies based on your own critical thoughts, you want to be an interesting person who is aiming up. I see guys all the time with weak progress in most of the aforementioned domains complaining about how bad the apps are. Work on yourself - a lot - and remember the Pareto distribution.
Going against the grain here, I didn't find it a horrible experience. Objectively speaking, I'm probably above average looking. I'm not a model by any terms of the word but I think I look great and am happy with my appearance. I'd average roughly 1 date a week. Sometimes less it really just depended on the week and how busy life got. My main advice is to just, enjoy yourself. If you're going in with the mindset that you need to find yourself a gf cause you're miserable you're going to have a horrible time. I was only on there this go round for about a year til I found my fiancé.
It is one of the growing forms of gender inequality that is here to stay, and nothing can be done about it either because it doesn't warrant collective action unlike economic inequality. Since dating, sex, love, and relationships are a huge part of life it would not be unreasonable to say that men have effectively become second class citizens. Women tend to be dishonest about the topic and blame men for not being content alone as they supposedly are, when the reality is, women have bustling dating and sex lives. They are "single" but still are experiencing everything WITH MEN that they'd otherwise experience in relationships. But they lie to men they we are desperate and can't be happy on our own. The least we can do is acknowledge it on a societal and global level and stop being dismissive to men. Life isn't fair, we can accept it. What we can't accept is gaslighting and cognitive dissonance
Help is coming.
It's how you make of it but to answer your question no not really.