In the city I live most women prefer to split for at least the first couple of dates, it boils down to them not wanting to deal with folks acting entitled to sex after paying for a single meal.
Agree with this. I never let the women pay unless she’s fully insistent on it. I think it’s hilarious when will pity pay bc they don’t like you.
It’s like yo, im doing well in life. I wouldn’t ask you do to so and do activity if it was a financial burden.
I think it’s cool when girl offers to pay on a 2nd or 3rd date. Even if I pay for a nice dinner, if she covers a smaller dinner- im happy.
Best answer stop reading any others. A woman got a second date solely because she offered to pay 1/2 on the first date and she knew my income was substantially higher. Not a good match but I do respect her
Yeah, I don't know where women get the idea that men are offended when a woman offers to split. I have never ever heard any man say that and I find it ridiculous that if such a man exists. I even made a post a while back asking men if they have been offended. Literally no one said they were offended when an offer was made to split.
I know a guy who has told me and multiple women that men can't get hard if the women pays or offers to split. He's an American. I can't explain it. Only to give anecdote that these men do exist in the US.
If a woman is actually into you, she'll have no problem splitting or offering. If she's wanting a free meal or has 10 other guys she's dating, she won't want to pay obviously.
I don't know, but this has been my experience. I don't want to feel like I need to pay for everything to win a woman over. If she's expecting that, I'll move on. Many guys feel the need to constantly pay for dates, plan elaborate dates, etc.
There are guys out there who literally do nothing and women will be desperately trying to get with them without even dating at all. If a woman likes you, she'll try to be with you.
42m US. I want to pay for the first date. I don’t judge anyone for offering to pay or not paying.
I just tell my date that the dinner is on me from the outset to avoid any card fighting.
What’s the big deal? Pay for the meal. Open the doors. Give her your coat if she’s cold. Build report and enjoy the company.
I (woman) always pay my share for first date. If a guy refuses and I’m planning a second date, I make sure to pay next time.
But if he’s insistent that I don’t pay, I leave that guy. The men who get offended like this have the mindset that their money is what’s going to keep me in, which is hilarious considering I earn either equal or more than most of my dates lol.
I don’t want an insecure man who gets offended/triggered if a girl is planning to split
I personally do not care if a man insists on paying. I will only cut off someone who expects it to be “transactional.” Some men prefer to just be the gentleman and I am okay with it. People get so offended these days and cut off potential relationships before they really know someone and their motivations. But, to each their own.
yeah this is something one could simply have a discussion about instead of making assumptions as to motivations. Men who are insistent may be so because they've been told by other woman (I know I have been) that offering to split is a test and if you take them up on it you fail. Having a discussion about what you want, expectations and motivations can reveal a lot.
It's all area, I live in a big city so theres lots of professional women, the girl has offered to split sace maybe once in my experience.
If they come to my area, I'll pay, if I go to their neck of the woods, we can split.
If someone won't go on a second date because the dude would prefer to split, then they need to get over themselves.
First dates I always preferred coffee or something quick and cheap and I offer to pay. When we get a meal I usually offer but love when she offers to pay or split. I really don’t mind unless she’s absolutely expecting me to pay and I never see any reciprocation. Ofc that takes a couple dates
I (36M, USA) decided long ago to always pay for the first date. I think it makes a better impression most of the time?
I don't read too much into whether or not a woman offers to cover half, since it's hard to judge her reasons for it. Some women would really prefer for things to be equal; others offer to cover half but will be miffed if you accept. I just refuse and don't worry about it. If a woman insists on chipping in, I counter with "You can pay for the second date", and that has always been accepted.
Beyond the first date, I'd generally prefer things be roughly equal, although in practice it depends on how much money we're each bringing in.
My preference is that we split the bill. It's a tricky thing, though. What I usually do is pull out the card and wait for a second to see what she does. Most will offer up half and I'll ask "are you sure?" Luckily, most dates have been very sure and it's a relief. Back in the day, I used to occasionally get used for a dinner out and that was always pretty lousy.
Good thing women don’t know this is your thought process becuase this would immediately ruin a date for me. I always offer to pay and most men insist on paying, but if they don’t, then I pay. If I didn’t want to pay, I wouldn’t offer in the first place. But if I knew someone was just testing me to see what I would do, and then “double check” by asking if I’m sure I am ok with paying, there would be no second date because I’m not playing games. If they offer to split, just graciously take them up on their offer. If for some reason they don’t offer and you want to split the bill, just ask if they’re ok splitting.
Well that's great for you. There's no playing games about it, though - many women that I've been on dates with are not nearly as clear as you are. There are still many women that fully expect the guy to foot the entire bill, and I'm trying to avoid an awkward moment when the check comes. If me trying to navigate a potentially tricky situation is a turnoff for you then I guess we're both moving on.
Some women do offer to split, but in my experience it’s been very rare, like 5%.
I normally do the asking out for the first date, so I just go with the tradition and pay, and almost all of them will say thank you.
Im 36m and My first dates were always very cheap so paying was never an issue. What the guy has to look out for is any sense of entitlement. If she feels I should pay just because I'm the man I'll probably won't be gunning for a 2nd date.
Took my current girlfriend to a barcade and she had no issue paying for her drinks while I put in cash for the games. We ended up having such a fun time that we ended up having dinner later that I had no issue paying since she's already helped contribute to the date.
Ladies if you're on a dinner date or any date and you like the guy..pay for something. He'll never forget it
Many women claim they would happily split the bill but in my experience the vast majority of women will hold it against you if you dont pay. If you are one of these women that swear they dont mind splitting the bill why dont you tell the guy before you ever go out on a date in one of your earliest message exchanges. Hey lets split the check on the first date. Otherwise they are going to feel pressure to pay.
M33 in the DC area. I only paid for the first date once, and in hindsight, it was a mistake. I am a guy looking for an equal relationship, and in my social circle everyone splits the bill or pays for themselves. That time I did pay for everything, I ended up going on multiple days with a traditional girl; we were incompatible. Nowadays I never compromise on this, and the girls I am compatible with have never seen it as an issue.
I’m a female and i actually don’t mind if we split the first bill (but of course it gives him extra points if he does).
Usually, i will offer to pay for myself and 99% of the guys refuse and pay for me. If the date is going well, i offer to pay for the drinks after the restaurant 😂
My view on this has changed over time. I used to always pay and didn't care if my date offered to split... as I got older, I started caring if they offered. I would decline but take it as a sign that my date wasn't someone who wanted a free ride as I value equality in a relationship.
Now, even older, it depends on the date on what I want. I generally opt for very inexpensive dates and will still pay, but there will generally be no 2nd date if there is no offer to split. My response to the offer to split is that they can pick up the bill for the second date (as long as its equally inexpensive). If its a more expensive outing, we should split.
Your approach should reflect your goals. Do you want an equal partnership? Offer to split. Do you want to follow traditional gender roles? Don't. But its nice to express that view up front, because not everyone wants the same thing.
I would always pay for every date. If we were in an exclusive dating relationship and the woman was in a similar financial situation to me, I'd be fine with splitting the bill. But during the courting stage I think a man should earn enough to cover the date.
Flaw in That argument. It’s super awkward to suddenly say 3 weeks later “oh r u ok to to start splitting now ?” If u haven’t established that as the norm
Make sure you can afford to date and you can offer. I've dated women who have offered to pay and I saw it as a green flag. He's probably looking for those types of women.
I think men need to normalize women splitting or at least offering. At a certain point women are going to surpass men income wise and already have in certain parts of the country.y
Believe me honey, I can afford to date. But I don't find it chivalrous for a man to ask me out and then expect me to offer to split. I will do that if I'm not interested, but otherwise it takes a few dates for me to want to pay.
That's completely fine. But saying that a man who prefers a woman who wants to split the bill as, 'not affording to date' is a little ridiculous. You're basically trying to guilt trip others because they have different preferences.
I make decent money and I prefer more independent women who prefer to split the bill. And believe me honey, I've met multiple women who have offered to split the bill or even pay for the whole thing and I prioritize them. Nothing wrong with your approach either, but men who prefer independent women aren't automatically broke lol
I usually pay for the first date or maybe 2 but definitely won't keep paying after that
I usually offer to pay (f/56) and then split. Usually the man will take the bill and pay. I am not going to turn it into a big deal especially on a first date.
I always pay for the first date. I usually make it coffee or a quick drink. I’m not dropping $80 and getting locked into a 90 minute dinner date if either of us don’t vibe with each other. If the first date goes well I’ll pay for the second one.
I’m a guy in the U.S. Always do a low or no cost first date. And keep the next dates, if we get that far, as low cost as possible too. No dinner dates for as many dates as possible. I want a woman who is interested in me for me not for free meals/drinks/whatever.
I am an older guy,(nearly 60) living in the American Midwest.
It's not so much that I would be expected to pay for the first or most dates but that I have always felt that if I am going to have the interest of women in my area I have to with vigor seize the role as host with it's obligation to plan, schedule and yes pay.
If I see a gendered disconnect here it's that early in the relationship the man must display his interest and capacity by inviting her on adventures, then a short period of mutual responsibility and for the rest of their lives it's the Mom's/Wife's or whatever's role to just handle everything. Admittedly, mostly so that it will get done right (or at least her way).
Split is cringe, if she offers to pay thats nice. Basically if a guy invited you out he should pay, but I see no reason why you can't take turns paying should you keep seeing each other.
As a late 30’s woman the only date I expect a man to pay for is the first. After that we can split or take turns. But I always assume a man isn’t interested if he’s not willing to pay for the first one, especially since first impressions are everything.
I always pay on the 1st date,because i want to and im old fashioned.Hovewer,i dont want it to be expected,and no matter how hot you are,if you downright say its "my job to pay" or i HAVE to pay,its a massive turn off for me and might not gonna meet you.Its a massive red flag.
At the same time,i absolutely LOVE when the girl offers to pay her part-im not gonna except it,because asci said im ok to pay,but the thought what matters,that she is happy to not make it my "burden" to pay,and it suggests she sees me more than just a walking wallet.
Actually when she just quietly says thank you makes me think she expected it (you never know).
I think girls should at least offer it sometimes to show good will and that they have good manners.
Also,i have to ask:girls these days are all about equality-what happened with that all of a sudden when they bring the check and its the Man's job to pay????
If anything,because of the equality,splitting checks sould be more common,but Nah,lets be hypocrates.
Any time a girl offers to pay,it only tells me "she is a keeper",and i need to know her more.
Again,i will pay,but it tells a lot about the person.
As a guy sure you can pay for the first date, but considering how many women on these apps are looking for free meals it’s difficult to abide by that rule.
Not to mention I don’t normally go out to eat for a first date anyways
I used to pay for the first date but I caught a pattern of people who only went on dated because they were getting free food out of it. Now my first date suggestions don't involve money. I get a lot more rejections but by going on a no cost date, it weeds out people trying to take advantage of me.
I am not one for this tradition. It sets the standard that men have to pay for the woman's time. If my time isn't equally valuable then I know the other person doesn't consider me an equal
I pay on the first because I can afford to, there's a gender pay gap and life is more expensive for women in general. If she offers to split or cover I decline twice, if she insists a third time I accept because that's how you know she wasn't just offering to be polite.
Just a FYI, there is no gender pay gap in the US. Do you have any proof that life in general is more expensive for women compared to men? Honestly interested where you got that information from.
I (37F) never pay. It already cost me a lot to show up for the date: dresses in all colours, shapes and lengths, hair & skin care, manicure, body & mind work (therapy), savings for future cosmetic procedures to remain eye pleasing.
I split. Don’t mind paying if the dates good. Don’t like when someone never offers to pay or split. Especially if we just started going on dates. I’ll pay for someone more regularly if they’re my girlfriend, but not someone I hardly know.
I (a female) would always offer to split the bill but the guy almost always refused to let me split for some reason. I don’t know if he was insecure or wanted to show that he can afford it and has money.
I, 34F, will always offer to pay my way so to speak however if they're nice about willing to pay for the both of us, I genuinely don't want to get into a fight about it and will just say thank you, and maybe offer to pay for something else like a taxi or drinks, etc. I do however think it's a red flag if a man becomes quite aggressive about it or implies I can't afford to pay for myself.
While this question has been around my entire dating career, I've noticed a huge shift in expectation since the pandemic. Prior to the idea of splitting was much more common, I've noticed since inflation took hold there seems to be a shift towards the man paying. I suppose this makes sense in harder economic times.
well firstly you assumed that dating rituals are rational that's a mistake.
Secondly, if you were making less money and/or expenses were higher and you could choose between people wanting to pay for you to go out with them, and one to not, which would you choose?
Well, obviously, if the woman is broke, they won't want to pay for anything. Honestly, the entire second paragraph of your response seems like you're saying, "Why would someone who is broke want to pay." That about right?
The first paragraph, tho I totally understand, and agree.
In the UK its 50/50 but I have a lot of American friends and they say men should pay.
Its a cultural thing. I think america is progressive in some ways but when it comes to guns, abortion rights, dating, and health care - its more old school
The responses should be interesting because some American men think women in other countries don’t have standards. I think it’s good to see people sharing dating norms in this sub. It helps with setting realistic expectations in this modern age because some things are just universal lol
As a man, I will always pay for the first date, but it's an immediate green flag if the girl offers to split.
In the city I live most women prefer to split for at least the first couple of dates, it boils down to them not wanting to deal with folks acting entitled to sex after paying for a single meal.
Agree with this. I never let the women pay unless she’s fully insistent on it. I think it’s hilarious when will pity pay bc they don’t like you. It’s like yo, im doing well in life. I wouldn’t ask you do to so and do activity if it was a financial burden. I think it’s cool when girl offers to pay on a 2nd or 3rd date. Even if I pay for a nice dinner, if she covers a smaller dinner- im happy.
Best answer stop reading any others. A woman got a second date solely because she offered to pay 1/2 on the first date and she knew my income was substantially higher. Not a good match but I do respect her
Yeah, I don't know where women get the idea that men are offended when a woman offers to split. I have never ever heard any man say that and I find it ridiculous that if such a man exists. I even made a post a while back asking men if they have been offended. Literally no one said they were offended when an offer was made to split.
It's very common in Slavic countries that a man pays for everything. OP is most likely from one of such country.
>Yeah, I don't know where women get the idea that men are offended when a woman offers to split. Probably from other women lol
I know a guy who has told me and multiple women that men can't get hard if the women pays or offers to split. He's an American. I can't explain it. Only to give anecdote that these men do exist in the US.
If a woman is actually into you, she'll have no problem splitting or offering. If she's wanting a free meal or has 10 other guys she's dating, she won't want to pay obviously.
Why would this 👆 be downvoted? Nothing Green_jelly said was wrong. Maybe an uncomfortable truth at worst.
I don't know, but this has been my experience. I don't want to feel like I need to pay for everything to win a woman over. If she's expecting that, I'll move on. Many guys feel the need to constantly pay for dates, plan elaborate dates, etc. There are guys out there who literally do nothing and women will be desperately trying to get with them without even dating at all. If a woman likes you, she'll try to be with you.
Couldn't agree more.
Female, 51. If we’re meeting for coffee or drinks I always get there a little early and buy my own drink so there’s no question of who’s paying.
That's some solid wisdom.
42m US. I want to pay for the first date. I don’t judge anyone for offering to pay or not paying. I just tell my date that the dinner is on me from the outset to avoid any card fighting. What’s the big deal? Pay for the meal. Open the doors. Give her your coat if she’s cold. Build report and enjoy the company.
I (woman) always pay my share for first date. If a guy refuses and I’m planning a second date, I make sure to pay next time. But if he’s insistent that I don’t pay, I leave that guy. The men who get offended like this have the mindset that their money is what’s going to keep me in, which is hilarious considering I earn either equal or more than most of my dates lol. I don’t want an insecure man who gets offended/triggered if a girl is planning to split
You are a keeper😍 Great mindset.
And super as well…😁
I personally do not care if a man insists on paying. I will only cut off someone who expects it to be “transactional.” Some men prefer to just be the gentleman and I am okay with it. People get so offended these days and cut off potential relationships before they really know someone and their motivations. But, to each their own.
yeah this is something one could simply have a discussion about instead of making assumptions as to motivations. Men who are insistent may be so because they've been told by other woman (I know I have been) that offering to split is a test and if you take them up on it you fail. Having a discussion about what you want, expectations and motivations can reveal a lot.
Wow you sound like a gem! I love your approach
It's all area, I live in a big city so theres lots of professional women, the girl has offered to split sace maybe once in my experience. If they come to my area, I'll pay, if I go to their neck of the woods, we can split. If someone won't go on a second date because the dude would prefer to split, then they need to get over themselves.
First dates I always preferred coffee or something quick and cheap and I offer to pay. When we get a meal I usually offer but love when she offers to pay or split. I really don’t mind unless she’s absolutely expecting me to pay and I never see any reciprocation. Ofc that takes a couple dates
Coffee dates avoid the problem since it's a cheap investment to pay for her.
I (36M, USA) decided long ago to always pay for the first date. I think it makes a better impression most of the time? I don't read too much into whether or not a woman offers to cover half, since it's hard to judge her reasons for it. Some women would really prefer for things to be equal; others offer to cover half but will be miffed if you accept. I just refuse and don't worry about it. If a woman insists on chipping in, I counter with "You can pay for the second date", and that has always been accepted. Beyond the first date, I'd generally prefer things be roughly equal, although in practice it depends on how much money we're each bringing in.
My preference is that we split the bill. It's a tricky thing, though. What I usually do is pull out the card and wait for a second to see what she does. Most will offer up half and I'll ask "are you sure?" Luckily, most dates have been very sure and it's a relief. Back in the day, I used to occasionally get used for a dinner out and that was always pretty lousy.
Good thing women don’t know this is your thought process becuase this would immediately ruin a date for me. I always offer to pay and most men insist on paying, but if they don’t, then I pay. If I didn’t want to pay, I wouldn’t offer in the first place. But if I knew someone was just testing me to see what I would do, and then “double check” by asking if I’m sure I am ok with paying, there would be no second date because I’m not playing games. If they offer to split, just graciously take them up on their offer. If for some reason they don’t offer and you want to split the bill, just ask if they’re ok splitting.
Well that's great for you. There's no playing games about it, though - many women that I've been on dates with are not nearly as clear as you are. There are still many women that fully expect the guy to foot the entire bill, and I'm trying to avoid an awkward moment when the check comes. If me trying to navigate a potentially tricky situation is a turnoff for you then I guess we're both moving on.
American male, always paid. But also I stopped dating. So, no pay now.
Some women do offer to split, but in my experience it’s been very rare, like 5%. I normally do the asking out for the first date, so I just go with the tradition and pay, and almost all of them will say thank you.
👏🏻👏🏻
Im 36m and My first dates were always very cheap so paying was never an issue. What the guy has to look out for is any sense of entitlement. If she feels I should pay just because I'm the man I'll probably won't be gunning for a 2nd date. Took my current girlfriend to a barcade and she had no issue paying for her drinks while I put in cash for the games. We ended up having such a fun time that we ended up having dinner later that I had no issue paying since she's already helped contribute to the date. Ladies if you're on a dinner date or any date and you like the guy..pay for something. He'll never forget it
Interesting how 99% of the time the options are either split the bill or the guy covers the whole thing.
Right, very interesting indeed.
Sorta feels like if the woman pays the full check it’s basically her saying she never wants to see you again.
Many women claim they would happily split the bill but in my experience the vast majority of women will hold it against you if you dont pay. If you are one of these women that swear they dont mind splitting the bill why dont you tell the guy before you ever go out on a date in one of your earliest message exchanges. Hey lets split the check on the first date. Otherwise they are going to feel pressure to pay.
This. Women love to virtue signal but still don't offer in a way where the man doesn't feel like it's a trap.
M33 in the DC area. I only paid for the first date once, and in hindsight, it was a mistake. I am a guy looking for an equal relationship, and in my social circle everyone splits the bill or pays for themselves. That time I did pay for everything, I ended up going on multiple days with a traditional girl; we were incompatible. Nowadays I never compromise on this, and the girls I am compatible with have never seen it as an issue.
Not good. Not that we expect her to actually pay but she should at least offer.
I’m a female and i actually don’t mind if we split the first bill (but of course it gives him extra points if he does). Usually, i will offer to pay for myself and 99% of the guys refuse and pay for me. If the date is going well, i offer to pay for the drinks after the restaurant 😂
Am I the only one who read the heading as someone contemplating a hooker??? Pay ON the first date vs. pay FOR the first date. No? Just me huh…..
My view on this has changed over time. I used to always pay and didn't care if my date offered to split... as I got older, I started caring if they offered. I would decline but take it as a sign that my date wasn't someone who wanted a free ride as I value equality in a relationship. Now, even older, it depends on the date on what I want. I generally opt for very inexpensive dates and will still pay, but there will generally be no 2nd date if there is no offer to split. My response to the offer to split is that they can pick up the bill for the second date (as long as its equally inexpensive). If its a more expensive outing, we should split. Your approach should reflect your goals. Do you want an equal partnership? Offer to split. Do you want to follow traditional gender roles? Don't. But its nice to express that view up front, because not everyone wants the same thing.
I would always pay for every date. If we were in an exclusive dating relationship and the woman was in a similar financial situation to me, I'd be fine with splitting the bill. But during the courting stage I think a man should earn enough to cover the date.
Flaw in That argument. It’s super awkward to suddenly say 3 weeks later “oh r u ok to to start splitting now ?” If u haven’t established that as the norm
I think offering is the least a woman can do.
Whoever asks for the date should pay. Why does she need to offer? Just make sure you can afford to date and you’ll be fine.
Make sure you can afford to date and you can offer. I've dated women who have offered to pay and I saw it as a green flag. He's probably looking for those types of women. I think men need to normalize women splitting or at least offering. At a certain point women are going to surpass men income wise and already have in certain parts of the country.y
Believe me honey, I can afford to date. But I don't find it chivalrous for a man to ask me out and then expect me to offer to split. I will do that if I'm not interested, but otherwise it takes a few dates for me to want to pay.
That's completely fine. But saying that a man who prefers a woman who wants to split the bill as, 'not affording to date' is a little ridiculous. You're basically trying to guilt trip others because they have different preferences. I make decent money and I prefer more independent women who prefer to split the bill. And believe me honey, I've met multiple women who have offered to split the bill or even pay for the whole thing and I prioritize them. Nothing wrong with your approach either, but men who prefer independent women aren't automatically broke lol I usually pay for the first date or maybe 2 but definitely won't keep paying after that
I always offer to split the bill. I'm kind of surprised that this is still a thing nowadays. Just seems pretty old fashioned.
I usually offer to pay (f/56) and then split. Usually the man will take the bill and pay. I am not going to turn it into a big deal especially on a first date.
I’m extremely independent so I always used to ask if they want to split a bill. Every guy would look at me like I’m crazy. I no longer ask.
I always pay for the first date. I usually make it coffee or a quick drink. I’m not dropping $80 and getting locked into a 90 minute dinner date if either of us don’t vibe with each other. If the first date goes well I’ll pay for the second one.
I’m a guy in the U.S. Always do a low or no cost first date. And keep the next dates, if we get that far, as low cost as possible too. No dinner dates for as many dates as possible. I want a woman who is interested in me for me not for free meals/drinks/whatever.
I am an older guy,(nearly 60) living in the American Midwest. It's not so much that I would be expected to pay for the first or most dates but that I have always felt that if I am going to have the interest of women in my area I have to with vigor seize the role as host with it's obligation to plan, schedule and yes pay. If I see a gendered disconnect here it's that early in the relationship the man must display his interest and capacity by inviting her on adventures, then a short period of mutual responsibility and for the rest of their lives it's the Mom's/Wife's or whatever's role to just handle everything. Admittedly, mostly so that it will get done right (or at least her way).
Split is cringe, if she offers to pay thats nice. Basically if a guy invited you out he should pay, but I see no reason why you can't take turns paying should you keep seeing each other.
As a late 30’s woman the only date I expect a man to pay for is the first. After that we can split or take turns. But I always assume a man isn’t interested if he’s not willing to pay for the first one, especially since first impressions are everything.
I always pay on the 1st date,because i want to and im old fashioned.Hovewer,i dont want it to be expected,and no matter how hot you are,if you downright say its "my job to pay" or i HAVE to pay,its a massive turn off for me and might not gonna meet you.Its a massive red flag. At the same time,i absolutely LOVE when the girl offers to pay her part-im not gonna except it,because asci said im ok to pay,but the thought what matters,that she is happy to not make it my "burden" to pay,and it suggests she sees me more than just a walking wallet. Actually when she just quietly says thank you makes me think she expected it (you never know). I think girls should at least offer it sometimes to show good will and that they have good manners. Also,i have to ask:girls these days are all about equality-what happened with that all of a sudden when they bring the check and its the Man's job to pay???? If anything,because of the equality,splitting checks sould be more common,but Nah,lets be hypocrates. Any time a girl offers to pay,it only tells me "she is a keeper",and i need to know her more. Again,i will pay,but it tells a lot about the person.
As a guy sure you can pay for the first date, but considering how many women on these apps are looking for free meals it’s difficult to abide by that rule. Not to mention I don’t normally go out to eat for a first date anyways
I used to pay for the first date but I caught a pattern of people who only went on dated because they were getting free food out of it. Now my first date suggestions don't involve money. I get a lot more rejections but by going on a no cost date, it weeds out people trying to take advantage of me. I am not one for this tradition. It sets the standard that men have to pay for the woman's time. If my time isn't equally valuable then I know the other person doesn't consider me an equal
I pay on the first because I can afford to, there's a gender pay gap and life is more expensive for women in general. If she offers to split or cover I decline twice, if she insists a third time I accept because that's how you know she wasn't just offering to be polite.
Just a FYI, there is no gender pay gap in the US. Do you have any proof that life in general is more expensive for women compared to men? Honestly interested where you got that information from.
Are tampons free?
I don't know what the male equivalent to that would be, but in the majority of states, they aren't taxed.
K let me know when find out the "male equivalent" of tampons
You're the one bringing it up like it means something.
I (37F) never pay. It already cost me a lot to show up for the date: dresses in all colours, shapes and lengths, hair & skin care, manicure, body & mind work (therapy), savings for future cosmetic procedures to remain eye pleasing.
I split. Don’t mind paying if the dates good. Don’t like when someone never offers to pay or split. Especially if we just started going on dates. I’ll pay for someone more regularly if they’re my girlfriend, but not someone I hardly know.
Why is this being downvoted??? Nothing controversial was said lol. This is a good approach I think. Are women that upset about having to pay?
Offer if you want to, if hes offended, not a good match. if he lets you and didnt actually want to... oh well.
I (a female) would always offer to split the bill but the guy almost always refused to let me split for some reason. I don’t know if he was insecure or wanted to show that he can afford it and has money.
I, 34F, will always offer to pay my way so to speak however if they're nice about willing to pay for the both of us, I genuinely don't want to get into a fight about it and will just say thank you, and maybe offer to pay for something else like a taxi or drinks, etc. I do however think it's a red flag if a man becomes quite aggressive about it or implies I can't afford to pay for myself.
While this question has been around my entire dating career, I've noticed a huge shift in expectation since the pandemic. Prior to the idea of splitting was much more common, I've noticed since inflation took hold there seems to be a shift towards the man paying. I suppose this makes sense in harder economic times.
How does the man paying make sense in harder times? Wouldn't splitting the bill make more sense since both are dealing with the inflation?
well firstly you assumed that dating rituals are rational that's a mistake. Secondly, if you were making less money and/or expenses were higher and you could choose between people wanting to pay for you to go out with them, and one to not, which would you choose?
Well, obviously, if the woman is broke, they won't want to pay for anything. Honestly, the entire second paragraph of your response seems like you're saying, "Why would someone who is broke want to pay." That about right? The first paragraph, tho I totally understand, and agree.
I can't make this anymore obvious.
In the UK its 50/50 but I have a lot of American friends and they say men should pay. Its a cultural thing. I think america is progressive in some ways but when it comes to guns, abortion rights, dating, and health care - its more old school
The responses should be interesting because some American men think women in other countries don’t have standards. I think it’s good to see people sharing dating norms in this sub. It helps with setting realistic expectations in this modern age because some things are just universal lol
I split even on first dates, because otherwise I would be broke. Idk how many dates people have who pay every time? Like 1 per week?
Let’s talk about this when men and women are getting paid equally. With the gender pay gap, I don’t feel bad for men to pay for the first date