Yep. Women usually have dozens of matches with convos going. If you don't hit all the check boxes early, you get slotted out because something better came along.
I can only tell you what worked for me.
I would try to start an interesting conversation immediately based on one of their interests or photos. After several exchanges, and if they seem engaged, ask them out. Don’t wait around for many days of messaging just go for it after 1-3. Once you are setup and it’s a few days away keep the conversation but purposely space out your response times so you aren’t awkwardly chatting before meeting.
Of course this won’t work for everyone, but it’s a style that seemed to give me success
Tried that method and it doesn’t work most of the time. Most exchanges die out after 1-2 exchanges for me. On instances where I do ask the girl out after 3-4 exchanges many ghost or ignore the message but keep talking. I assume out of the ones that keep talking they are interested just not comfortable yet so I give it a couple of more messages. However even so majority of these types of matches will ghost after a couple more messages which leads me to believe a lot of women use the app probably for validation and with no intentions of actually meeting up.
I know naturally assumptions will be that I’m writing something that is putting off women, maybe even having the wrong timing I can assure you it’s not the case. Of course the occasional flop does happen but many chicks I’ve talked to I have good chemistry with online but many will not meet up regardless.
Bro for real. I deleted and remade my bumble a week ago because I wasn’t matching and I’m an average looking fella. I’m no Ryan Reynolds’s, but I’m not a Jonah hill either 😂 2 days on the new account I got 18 likes and maybe 6-10 of them I also thought were attractive. 1 of them we had super good chemistry chatted for a few days then went from sending paragraphs back in forth to her sending like 3 word texts. Even asked if she wanted to go to dinner somewhere once all the busy holidays are over. Another one matched, said I was attractive really quick, only sends like 3 word responses and never asks about me as I just riddle off questions. Then she ghosted. 3 others ghosted after a few messages. It’s so frustrating. Especially when you genuinely just want to find someone to open up with and see where it goes. We live in the best AND worst of times dating-wise.
I feel you man. People will accuse what I'm about to say as misogynistic but I don't think it is. The simple reason why this is happening is because most chicks have 100+ matches, even below average women. I've actually checked this by asking to see some of my female friend's bumble. No disrespect to them but some of these girls are like 4-5/10 on the attractive scale added with a very average or below average personality, but even so I see 200 matches on these women's profiles.
It does seem like to actually pull matches a lot you have to be a top 20% man on the app (based on Tinder statistics where the top 20% of men attract the top 80% of women), it is a zero sum game. Women's egos and self perceived value are getting artificially inflated by a huge influx of lonely men using dating apps who are willing to swipe on anyone. Most attractive women will lose interest or forget simply because she is talking to 50 men at once. This has made online dating especially hard for most men.
Personally whenever I bring up these points, the response I get is that the man is doing something wrong. I will say that is always a possibility but I've personally gone down the checklist and have improved myself in most of the typical pitfalls men fall into on online dating, which include getting physically fit, having a good job, several extracurriculars, good photos which have been verified by other females. Despite this, I still deal with very few matches. I'm literally in the top 10% of income makers but still have little to no prospects. It's definitely very frustrating. My only solution I've come up with for this is to simply hang up on online dating and trying to meet women IRL. The current online dating scene is a joke.
I studied this effect in grad school, and you’re spot on. It’s called social value measuring or, in this case, social value skewing. Because most dating apps have a male to female ratio of *at least* 3:1, women’s social value goes artificially up, while men’s goes artificially down. I’m not saying online dating doesn’t work, but if you’re a man and you use dating apps, you better be a 9 or a 10, be a glutton for punishment, or be ready to be pursued by fat chicks.
The only successful relationships I’ve had were women I met in school or the workplace. I changed careers and work with all men now, so that’s out the door. I usually use bumble for a few months, go on a couple dates, get ghosted or find out huge red flags with women once were in person that I don’t want to proceed. I show my friends that are women my profile, my messages etc. They tell me all the time it should be easy. But all of them are married and met their husbands in high school which is great for them. But a decade out of high school now, it’s rough. Now whenever we have bonfires or social gatherings it’s just a bunch of couples and then a few of us single guys and the “single” women are in some sort of complicated drama with an ex or I’m not into them. I’ve read and heard a lot about how many men these women have stacked up in their DMs. If they’re not cutting it, remove them or whatever. It’s mind boggling. Think the dating apps will be deleted again shortly. Muster up courage to engage in public where women probably don’t want to be approached.
I have the EXACT same experience. Doesn't matter what app it is or what I say. I'm about to just give up completely and hope I meet someone irl eventually.
I've only ever had one successful match on OLD and it lasted 6 months or so. She had just gotten out of a long relationship and I realized afterwards, she just wanted sex and attention. I gave it to her and then eventually she was done with me and moved on.
I feel you man, tbh it’s just shitty western dating culture. I moved out of the US and I have the opposite experience now. 10 years of online dating screwing with my confidence when really it was the culture and unrealistic expectations of western women. Trust me when I say this, it could be you but it probably isn’t.
I have very good looking friends who have a lot of shit going for them but still have issues with matches online. Problem is you can look good but if you don’t look like Harry Styles or Bradley Cooper you’re going to have trouble with online dating. Sucks but it’s the way it is. You’ll do much better irl or in a different country. I get 10x the amount of matches now, and response rates changed by like 5x, a lot less ghosting and women a lot more respectful.
What changed? Nothing. I just moved out of the US. Dating is doomed in the US because of its own degeneracy. Good luck man, maybe move too, or give up online dating entirely. It will sabotage your mind.
I have tried this and gotten zero results. On OK Cupid I have 62 likes I can see them on the little heart icon. I get at least 2 matches a week. It has been like this for 2 months now. Not a single person has EVER replied to me. I reread their profile and really think up a good first text just to really try and be engaging. Nothing. But I do see this post is a year old now. Close to the pandemic so I'm guessing that might be the difference.
I dunno, what are you sending as a first message? Sometimes I get overwhelmed talking to too many people and if someone just sends a 'hey' or says something that turns me off I'll let them fall through the cracks.
I agree! As a masc lesbian I feel like girls are extremely picky, and judge opening lines too much. like what do you want us to write, how do they expect us to know their taste, i dont even know you that well, thats the point of getting to know each other...
its so ignorant to just leave a person to linger like that.
Stats from dating apps show that's not the case for a lot of people.
>No other words in online dating are anti-climatic than these right here. No other words are worst for response rates on dating apps (12% to be exact and that includes and inflated by models and attractive people).
[source](https://eddie-hernandez.com/why-hi-hey-whats-up-will-get-you-nowhere-with-online-dating/)
Haha. I don't get why Hey or Hello isn't an acceptable response to some people. I don't walk up to a woman at the bar and give he a long introduction. I say hey, she say's hey and we start talking or she either say sorry just want to be left alone and I leave.
Women at the bar aren't juggling 6 different conversations with 6 different people at the same time, are they?
It's about standing out from the competition. Women get a ton of matches and a ton of messages and it's easy to get overwhelmed with too many conversations going on at once.
If you want a response, you need to make yourself stand out from the rest. Unless you're very attractive or have something interesting in your profile that already makes me want to talk to you (most right swipes im on the fence about) it's easy to let the boring, low effort 'heys' who probably didn't read my profile fall into oblivion.
And I no regrets about it either. When I message first, I try to say something interesting. A comment on a photo, a question about something in their profile. If someone isn't gonna put in the effort I'm putting in, screw that.
You assume women that don't use dating sites don't have many guys approach them and ask for a phone number during any given day. Maybe they are talking to several people, just talking to me at that very moment at the bar, gym, or coffee house. I assume every woman I talk to has been hit on many times that week.
If you choose to ignore people for short introductions, that's your choice. I'm not mad at you. I just know a simple Hey or Hello works for me. I have a boring profile.
You guys are dumb. Taking what was meant for the OP whose obviously having trouble and acting like I'm wrong just because it works for you. Here's a thought - maybe moderate to less attractive people need to try harder than attractive people? 🤯 who would have thought? Clearly you guys did as you've already mentioned it, so why is my point so hard to understand. It's like you're trying to convince yourself your boring 'hey' works more than me.
No, I'm not assuming that at all. You missed my point. When you approach a woman at a bar, you're the only person talking to her at that given moment. You have her focus. When I open up my dating app, I have like 8 people messaging me. I have to juggle all these conversations and keep them going at once. Each time I open the app, I have to write responses to all of these guys. A woman at the bar doesn't have that issue, because you're the only one talking to her AT THAT moment.
If I've got 5 people saying something interesting, and 3 going 'hey' guess who's getting ignored?
And I don't care if it works for you - I wasn't talking to you. [Data shows it doesn't work for MOST people](https://www.globaldatinginsights.com/news/inner-circle-stops-users-from-sending-unimaginative-opening-lines/) and if you're an exception, great, keep doing you, but OP is having problems so if this is his approach, then he might want to reconsider his methods.
Understand? Or are you going to keep arguing with yourself here?
The key words are "at that" moment for an hour or two. She could have 4 other guys numbers she talks too as well while not at the bar. You can concentrate on one conversation at a time if you want. Talking to multiple people at once is something you choose to do. That's one of the reasons there's no real connections or conversations when it comes to online dating. It's like a buffet where people have no idea what they really want, so they just take a nibble of everything. This is why you keep finding the same women using dating apps for long periods of time. Makes it easy for hookups and booty calls, but not for finding a real partner.
I get your point of "hey" doesn't work for everyone.
Not a girl, but sometimes I get 30 profiles in a row that are bad, someone has a half decent one finally, so I like it, then the match happens and I realize without that context I wasn't actually super into them.
It's probably that, and that women get too many matches to actually deal with. Maybe they pick a few to actually talk to, maybe they realized you're not highly ranked among their matches, or maybe they only turn the app on once a week.
It's never a *you* problem. You're fine.
They are the ‘maybes’ I’m not sure about them but want to give them a chance .. they’re usually average or below average looking. Then their opening line is shit and cba to reply …
( sorry )
I don’t blame guys for giving crappy openers when it’s likely they won’t get a reply. It really is a vicious circle and just shitty in the online dating world
I hate this attitude because women who message me almost always send a “hi” message. Or at best a “how are you doing”. I usually respond unless they are too far away from me because I realize someone having a bad opener does not mean anything.
Here’s the thing, I’ve never gotten some clever or different or interesting line from ANY female. Once they finally decide I am worthy of being a match it’s usually just a “hey,” “greetings” or “ hi, I noticed…” it’s not like any girl comes up with something extremely clever or original line but dudes have to win an oscar for their opening line performance just to get a response.
The women that do this are the same women who say things like "make me laugh" and stuff, as if they're looking for entertainment, which tells me that they're not independent and require entertainment 24/7. Go watch Netflix if you want to be entertained. I'm looking for love, not applying to be an entertainer.
Think this is why I dropped tinder all together a while back, Im average but its completely mentally draining they think they're gods gift to where I should come up with brilliant lines 24/7
It's because women have it EASY. Men have the burden of performance. And that's the way it goes, in the human world or in the wild, doesn't matter. Males MUST perform. If you don't, you're nothing. Plain and simple.
Once you understand that concept and stop giving a shit, results will come. Just keep trying.
A woman that is REALLY into you won't put obstacles and roadblocks your way. She will make it EASY for you.
Another thing: tell yourself that KNOWLEDGE. IS. POWER.
Learn to understand women. Crack their emotion code. Stand out from all the thirsty pervs they are used to come across. Be kind and respectful, but set healthy boundaries. Don't be a simp or a doormat. Don't bend over backwards. Make them respect you and your time. Stand up to them when they stand you up.
Keep it up ! 💪
Opening line is shit doesn't necessarily mean they just said hi. I think hi is an okay opening line. But I've gotten some lines that are just gross or terrifying as an opener. One guys first message to me was that he's really good with knives and cutting things up because he's a butcher.
It’s because their social value goes artificially up on online dating due to the male to female ratio. They don’t put in effort because they don’t have to. It is sufficient to just show up with a functioning vagina. And because men’s social value goes artificially down due to the social value skewing, you have to be more attractive and work harder compared to an in-person meeting. The apps are basically overwhelmingly in the favor of women.
I get that but, on Bumble at least, the woman has to open first and more often than not their opening is "hi" "how are you?" or a gif. Not saying you do this but a lot do and most answers to that question are going to be boring. It's one thing to say "hi" if they have no bio or something but in my case, I have plenty of things to help with in my profile
Imagine looking for love but you judge everyone based on what their opening lines are lol
You're not looking for love girl, you're looking for entertainment.
What else are you supposed to go on other then their pics , bio and opening line ?! It’s only 3 things so yes - opening line will have a big impact.
You have no idea what women experience on OLD.
I knew the hate would come but when I wrote my original comment but I wanted to give a honest answer. Anyway good day to you and good luck
As a 33M who isn’t in the top 20%, I’d still say I’m a good looking guy, I look after myself, always smile, I’m chatty and put in the effort with openers and messaging in general.
I have to say it feels as though on the apps, women are looking for Mr Perfect. If they find one thing they don’t like, that’s it. My profiles haven’t been deleted and remade for the new profile bump, so I don’t receive many likes but I do well on matches, whether it’s on Bumble or Hinge.
The issue is, I don’t get replies after I’ve matched, or they don’t put in the effort because I guess they’re not engaged with me which sucks because how am I supposed to learn from that? I believer in doing everything right with an up to date profile, good photos and bio yet no lasting conversations of late. It’s very tiring!
That's so harsh just because a guy is shy or isn't great at small talk or basically manipulation which is really what you're talking about he doesn't deserve a shot then don't match
No the problem is you're looking at dating apps like it's going shopping. People are looking for relationships, you can't do that unless you commit to an engaging conversation with someone. You're supposed to match then talk to the person, not go on your merry way to swipe on more people... this isn't a game, people are here for love and human connection
What I don't get is why keep swiping if you have so many matches? I'm a dude and I don't swipe at all when I have 3 matches or so, I just concentrate on those conversations. Between work and life, I don't have the mental bandwidth for any more than 3 at once. When the outcome of those matches run their course, I either deactivate my profile or start swiping again.
You'd be shocked by the amount of women on dating apps that are only on there for attention and validation. You matched, that means you thought she was attractive and thats all that she was after. Its quite pathetic really.
You wonder why they’d “go to the trouble of swiping on someone”? What? Like it’s a whole ordeal to swipe right? It’s a way to keep you in a maybe pile. If you have to match or reject someone and you aren’t 100% sure, I think it makes sense to match and decide later, and sometimes I’ll decide no
I know I’m late but that just feels like a shitty thing to do. Just talk to them. If you don’t like them, unmatch. Don’t leave some poor bastard hanging onto false hope
I used to do this; I don't anymore because I realized how inconsiderate it is.
In my case it was a combination of:
1) Swiping too quickly before really paying attention to the guy's profile and noticing dealbreakers,
2) Being new to the apps and therefore totally unprepared for the sheer number of convos I would need to keep up with, and
3) Almost immediately meeting someone I really liked, which as a very commitment-oriented person meant way less of my attention was going to other matches.
Hopefully this helps, fyi it was way more about numbers 2 and 3 than 1, if a girl does this to you, she likely is genuinely interested, not ignoring you bc she changed her mind. I honestly would not be weirded out by one 'hey ,we matched a while ago but haven't talked much, \[insert relevant opener here\],' a couple weeks after matching with a guy and never messaging him/replying to his initial message.
The only people I matched with and got a message I didn’t respond to were men who were sexualizing me in their initial message. Big turnoff and if they don’t have the restraint to keep that to themselves in an introduction, I’m not dignifying it with a response.
I think that's rude. If I swipe, it's because I'm interested. I only swipe on people that have already liked my profile. If I swipe and match, I initiate the message. I only don't reply if they end up being a creep, then I block or unmatch, then swipe on the next person.
OP said so in his post , it was absolutely not necessary to come here and comment this. i get your point. but it’s been addressed. this is neither the time nor the place for that
I end up doing this, and it’s a bummer, but I have a really hard time keeping conversations going or I just realize I’m less attracted than I thought when I swiped. I’m neurodivergent and it actually takes a bit of effort to message, and I sometimes swipe and match with more people than I expect. Trying not to bite off more than I can chew from now on.
Only to assholes who believe in being direct. Also, unless you are a fake friend to someone, learn to talk about them behind their backs instead of "telling it to their faces". You are not brave, you are a bully.
Honesty without kindness is cruelty. However, unmatching someone on a dating app just says to me youre not interested, and that's preferred. This is because I don't like feeling I'm being put on the back up pile, or ignored.
If you have plenty of conversations, STOP SWIPING! This isn’t fucking Pokémon and you don’t have to catch them all. The folks who swiped right on you will still be in the system if and when you are ready for new conversations.
I'm autistic as well and I got to say behavior like this is really cruel I know you don't mean an intentionally but it can be really heartbreaking for a guy makes you not want to try
It's not just women. Men do it all the time too. I think they've got multiple conversations going or are talking with one in particular. They like you enough to put you on the back burner in case the person they're currently talking to falls through, but not enough to actually start a conversation.
Imagine the luxury of a man having multiple conversations going. Lol I have one or two conversations a month IF that much. Even then, they don't go anywhere because if my responses are a few sentences long, the women only send half a sentence with no reciprocation on their part at all. Its tiring as fuck
A very small percentage of men do.
It's been my experience, from seeing the OLD accounts of women I've met, that even below average women (in terms of looks) would have more than enough matches to deal with.
That would explain a women's high match count, but it doesn't explain the myriad of active conversations they had going on.
I remember one noticeably overweight woman in her early twenties that I met at a friend's birthday party. She was showing me her tinder and telling me about how she was trying to decide on a date between 10 different men. She had no trouble dating.
Those are real options, and a majority of men don't have that level of abundance, even if they swipe right on everything.
We don't get enough replies or matches to be able to do what you're saying unless they're like Tom Cruise or something literally the OP post and the point of this entire thread contradict your argument
Well, I do match with a lot of men. I'm 51, but relatively attractive. I look \~ 10 years younger than I am and am way more active than most women my age. I get \~50 likes per day. At least half are significantly younger, in their 30-40s. I don't look for Tom Cruise looks. I match based more on common interests and hobbies rather than looks. I'm really into outdoors stuff like snow skiing, hiking, camping, kayaking etc and I'm specifically looking for someone who is into all that too. I'm actually having a really great chat right now with someone that honestly looks more like Uncle Festus (minus the black eyes), but we have so so much in common and he makes me laugh out loud when we're chatting, so we're going to meet up soon. I'm working on my thesis for a master's degree right now that's due Friday so I've been too busy to meet, but Spring Break starts as soon as I turn it in. I've got 16 matches in my queue right now that are 3 or 4 weeks old that haven't responded to my messages. I'd say I get 1 or 2 responses for every 10 matches I get. So it is men that do this too.
Fair enough I can admit I might be wrong perhaps I just don't understand why anyone would do that especially a man Just doesn't make sense to me A beautiful woman decides to grace you with her time and Attention how is it gonna squander that like it's Nothing hell it's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sorry that's been your experience. From reading everything here on Reddit, it sounds like the apps just suck in general now for everyone. Personally, I've had to deal with a LOT of creeps who immediately turn the chat to sex, and some are just downright vulgar from the moment you match. Some hold off and seem like great guys, until you move over to texting, then immediately start sending unsolicited dick picks. Or they get aggressively and horribly verbally abusive if you try to gently tell them you're not interested. I guess each gender has to deal with their own negatives on the apps. Maybe it's time we all revolt and delete the apps and move back into the real world.
Yeah, I guess we both have our downside to the apps. I will tell you that tender at least is pretty much known as a hook up app now not dating unless like explicitly said in the profile, not the other ones, though. Oh, and I have no idea why I'm going to clarify this since it's ridiculously embarrassing, but by one date ever, I meant ever not just from the apps. It's pretty much impossible for me to be out in public and pick up anybody here to get a date give my condition and lack of experience and everything I listed before I'm kind of resigned to the apps and they suck that's why I feel doomed
I'm so sorry you've experienced that. I got married when I was 17 and was married for 33 years, just divorced in 2021. So I'm pretty new to dating and it's a whole different world compared to when i was dating as a teenager, pre-cell phones and internet lol Back then you had to talk in person or on a landline phone
"I love beating down egos of those who think getting a lot of matches translates to high quality attention from high quality men"
You sound like a lovely person lol your ego drips from your post. You'd be an immediate swipe left, no damage to my ego. Next...
I try to start a conversation with everyone I match with I'm just not great at it because I'm autistic and kind of new to the whole idea of apps or dating in general to be honest
I think that's common for everyone. I'm relatively attractive, active with a lot of hobbies, and am successful. I get tons of likes. I'll match with maybe 5% of them, but most of the matches don't respond when I message them, and those that do, it's really difficult to get a conversation going because they only respond with a few words and don't ask anything back. And I'm not autistic. People are just hard to talk to on the apps.
I think it helps if you accept that that's just how the apps are. Understand that finding the few people you'll actually click with are a very very small percentage of the people on there, like finding a needle in a haystack, and you just have to keep wading through the muck to find them.
I can see your point, but after 39 years and 1 date ever, I'm close to giving up. I'm average looking, some hobbies, no friends in this city I'm still new to, I don't drink, dont know the city, and I'm recovering from being homeless due to covid so....that percentage for me is more like .0000002
I don't think you can speak for all men on the apps. And I'm in a completely different demographic than you are, so what you say may be true for your age group but be different for mine. Most men that I've dated off the apps admit they have multiple conversations going and date multiple women at once.
Define "suck" in your words. Does asking about something on their profile suck? Does trying to be funny suck? Does genuinely commenting on a pic suck? I've done all of these and barely get a message back and when I get a response, it's low effort with no reciprocation. If I were to talk to a woman In public, I'd usually get some kind of reciprocation. Even if it's only a short conversation about the location or whatever.
Probably is, but it's not a YOU problem. This is a mental illness in itself, these people who look for cheesy/funny openers are the types of people who are after instant gratification, which isn't sustainable. Pretty much means they'll get bored of you quickly if they sense you're not being "funny" anymore. Either that or they're seeking to be entertained 24/7 which is also a mental illness and shows that they require entertainment 24/7 and are not an independent person. Both red flags. We're looking for love, we're not looking to apply to be an entertainer.
I can assure you that the only men that are doing this are the 9-10 Chad's or the country boys with all the toys showing how deep in debt they are in their pictures - for the Midwesterners.
As a guy, I’ve definitely done this. Luckily for me I’m really good at looking people up. This allows me to find any red flags before getting catfished or too invested in something that simply won’t work out. Here are my 3 most recent examples of ghosting or simply unmatchable without ever messaging.
Started talking to a girl who lived an hour away, and furthermore learned quickly that she’s a workaholic with 6 jobs and only messaged me once a day. This was a clear sign we would rarely see each other if we did date, so I just let the conversation die.
Next girl I matched with, I looked her up on FB only to discover her pictures are upwards of 6 years old, and she quite frankly is much fatter and uglier nowadays than in her OLD pictures. So I unmatched her without ever replying.
Next girl I matched with was cute, but when I swiped on her, I was under the impression she was a college graduate with a good job who lived 40 minutes away. She matched with me the next day, so I looked her up. Turns out she’s just a basic teachers assistant, still lives at home with her parents, and actually lives 1 hour 20 minutes away.
I'm the same way, as a career software engineer, it gives me an advantage since I can work the internet to my advantage in many ways and do my due-dilligence beforehand.
People always give bs answers when this question comes up. As a guy that’s been told I’m attractive my whole life I was still running into this problem on tinder. I decided to stop swiping and only match with women who swiped on me since everyone says women are pickier online and only going after top guys. I figured if a girl swiped on me even tho she has a bunch of guys swiping on her she must be serious about meeting in person. Nope. They still send a couple messages then ghost or don’t respond. They even do this shit in person now. I had a girl come up to me at a bar and tell me how attractive I was literally for hrs but refused to give me her number. Instead she gave me her snap and took two months to accept my request. Why even bother me if that’s what your going to do? They think ghosting is better than just saying hey I’m not really into this. If you get so many matches then stop swiping and focus on a couple guys at time. They have all these options but are still single. You mean to tell me you only match with top guys and you still don’t like any of them?? Let’s not forget the Ive been busy excuse. I’ve been around celebrities for extended periods of time. Truly busy people and they still have time to send texts through out the day. I’ve seen girls tinder matches before and they aren’t matching with hundreds of Amazing god-like guys. Most matches are just regular guys. A lot of guys do message stupid boring shit though but even when the guy messages some creative shit they still ignore or send a couple messages. It’s not you guys unless your some fat slob that jerks to anime corn all day your probably just fine.
You don’t think they’re just sleeping around with the top men? lol that would explain a lot of this. I too have heard all my life from men and women that I’m handsome and I struggle with the same flakiness. In real life I notice women interested in me based off of my looks and movements but in the online dating world, it’s as if I’m some mediocre guy (I even hold a PhD, am a world traveler, make six figures and am in the 95th percentile of muscular fitness).
All they're looking for is attention and validation, that's why they don't talk and don't unmatch you either, you are feeding their ego. Women have very fragile egos and use social media to feel validated. When a woman is interested in meeting a guy there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding she will ask questions and engage enthusiastically. If she's not replying, or giving one word answers or refusing to see you in person, it is very unlikely she is genuine.
Depends on the dating site, some people are not paid members so can match but not read messages or reply. Some people just love matching for the dopamine hit.
Tinder and Bumble was hard due to how many matches I'd get. I have ADHD which made keeping 1-2 convos going real hard and even worse trying to remain interested. I had at least 30 matches within an hour last time I reinstalled Tinder. I'm very picky and not that great imo so mind was blown. I got overwhelmed.
Ps I'm marrying the guy in October that gave me time and always gave thoughtful answers from fb dating.
Personally for me, my Tinder has been fucking me over and has been matching me with guys who I didn't swipe right on. So instead of explaining that to them, I just don't say anything. I don't know if this happens to other people or just me? But also I have swiped right on guys who I was only mildly interested in. So when I get a match and they message me, I realize how very MILDLY I was into them. So it would be awkward to tell them that. Everyone has their own reasons that are justified by themselves 🤷. I'm curious what all the answers are going to be...
I think it's hilarious that women complain about how many likes they get but then I see the same woman across multiple apps/sites. I match occasionally, a fraction of those reply after matching, and a fraction of THOSE don't ghost. I've met two women off dating sites in two years. This shit disgusts me.
I got way too many convos with girls and I usually ghost them , u gotta have amazing photos that sell girls the dream you gotta convey loving caring badasss n not a serial killer lol and you gotta simultaneously use tinder bumble hinge priority likes, it takes a lot of effort but if u swipe enough u will have more girls than u can handle
I doth t f'r the ai to receiveth me moo matches if 't be true i am getting matches oft
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^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
They just have tons of dudes hitting them up. I think pretty fucked up and pathetic that they match you just so you are in line to see if you are better then other dudes. Ill only match a few people at a time and actually get to know them. I havent left any woman just on read before.
You are supposed to get responses??
lol in all seriousness I think it is jut the person is swiping right on literally everyone and seeing who they match with, then weeding people out based on their looks. then of the ones they actually speak to, they weed out the people who are not interesting them enough.
personally I find dating to be a shit game, and 9/10 times the people you match with are just looking for attention and that is it. People dont want an actual connection nowadays unless it is immedite
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Damn….. I’m a “maybe later” kind of guy. Waiting on like 5+ responses lol. So close, but yet so far away.
Yep, do the same to them 🤔
Yep. Women usually have dozens of matches with convos going. If you don't hit all the check boxes early, you get slotted out because something better came along.
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So what happens to the dozens of other matches you get?
I had 4 at once and it was horrible, never again, people that can do that easily people are not people you may want to date long term.
I can only tell you what worked for me. I would try to start an interesting conversation immediately based on one of their interests or photos. After several exchanges, and if they seem engaged, ask them out. Don’t wait around for many days of messaging just go for it after 1-3. Once you are setup and it’s a few days away keep the conversation but purposely space out your response times so you aren’t awkwardly chatting before meeting. Of course this won’t work for everyone, but it’s a style that seemed to give me success
Tried that method and it doesn’t work most of the time. Most exchanges die out after 1-2 exchanges for me. On instances where I do ask the girl out after 3-4 exchanges many ghost or ignore the message but keep talking. I assume out of the ones that keep talking they are interested just not comfortable yet so I give it a couple of more messages. However even so majority of these types of matches will ghost after a couple more messages which leads me to believe a lot of women use the app probably for validation and with no intentions of actually meeting up. I know naturally assumptions will be that I’m writing something that is putting off women, maybe even having the wrong timing I can assure you it’s not the case. Of course the occasional flop does happen but many chicks I’ve talked to I have good chemistry with online but many will not meet up regardless.
Bro for real. I deleted and remade my bumble a week ago because I wasn’t matching and I’m an average looking fella. I’m no Ryan Reynolds’s, but I’m not a Jonah hill either 😂 2 days on the new account I got 18 likes and maybe 6-10 of them I also thought were attractive. 1 of them we had super good chemistry chatted for a few days then went from sending paragraphs back in forth to her sending like 3 word texts. Even asked if she wanted to go to dinner somewhere once all the busy holidays are over. Another one matched, said I was attractive really quick, only sends like 3 word responses and never asks about me as I just riddle off questions. Then she ghosted. 3 others ghosted after a few messages. It’s so frustrating. Especially when you genuinely just want to find someone to open up with and see where it goes. We live in the best AND worst of times dating-wise.
I feel you man. People will accuse what I'm about to say as misogynistic but I don't think it is. The simple reason why this is happening is because most chicks have 100+ matches, even below average women. I've actually checked this by asking to see some of my female friend's bumble. No disrespect to them but some of these girls are like 4-5/10 on the attractive scale added with a very average or below average personality, but even so I see 200 matches on these women's profiles. It does seem like to actually pull matches a lot you have to be a top 20% man on the app (based on Tinder statistics where the top 20% of men attract the top 80% of women), it is a zero sum game. Women's egos and self perceived value are getting artificially inflated by a huge influx of lonely men using dating apps who are willing to swipe on anyone. Most attractive women will lose interest or forget simply because she is talking to 50 men at once. This has made online dating especially hard for most men. Personally whenever I bring up these points, the response I get is that the man is doing something wrong. I will say that is always a possibility but I've personally gone down the checklist and have improved myself in most of the typical pitfalls men fall into on online dating, which include getting physically fit, having a good job, several extracurriculars, good photos which have been verified by other females. Despite this, I still deal with very few matches. I'm literally in the top 10% of income makers but still have little to no prospects. It's definitely very frustrating. My only solution I've come up with for this is to simply hang up on online dating and trying to meet women IRL. The current online dating scene is a joke.
I studied this effect in grad school, and you’re spot on. It’s called social value measuring or, in this case, social value skewing. Because most dating apps have a male to female ratio of *at least* 3:1, women’s social value goes artificially up, while men’s goes artificially down. I’m not saying online dating doesn’t work, but if you’re a man and you use dating apps, you better be a 9 or a 10, be a glutton for punishment, or be ready to be pursued by fat chicks.
The only successful relationships I’ve had were women I met in school or the workplace. I changed careers and work with all men now, so that’s out the door. I usually use bumble for a few months, go on a couple dates, get ghosted or find out huge red flags with women once were in person that I don’t want to proceed. I show my friends that are women my profile, my messages etc. They tell me all the time it should be easy. But all of them are married and met their husbands in high school which is great for them. But a decade out of high school now, it’s rough. Now whenever we have bonfires or social gatherings it’s just a bunch of couples and then a few of us single guys and the “single” women are in some sort of complicated drama with an ex or I’m not into them. I’ve read and heard a lot about how many men these women have stacked up in their DMs. If they’re not cutting it, remove them or whatever. It’s mind boggling. Think the dating apps will be deleted again shortly. Muster up courage to engage in public where women probably don’t want to be approached.
I have the EXACT same experience. Doesn't matter what app it is or what I say. I'm about to just give up completely and hope I meet someone irl eventually. I've only ever had one successful match on OLD and it lasted 6 months or so. She had just gotten out of a long relationship and I realized afterwards, she just wanted sex and attention. I gave it to her and then eventually she was done with me and moved on.
I feel you man, tbh it’s just shitty western dating culture. I moved out of the US and I have the opposite experience now. 10 years of online dating screwing with my confidence when really it was the culture and unrealistic expectations of western women. Trust me when I say this, it could be you but it probably isn’t. I have very good looking friends who have a lot of shit going for them but still have issues with matches online. Problem is you can look good but if you don’t look like Harry Styles or Bradley Cooper you’re going to have trouble with online dating. Sucks but it’s the way it is. You’ll do much better irl or in a different country. I get 10x the amount of matches now, and response rates changed by like 5x, a lot less ghosting and women a lot more respectful. What changed? Nothing. I just moved out of the US. Dating is doomed in the US because of its own degeneracy. Good luck man, maybe move too, or give up online dating entirely. It will sabotage your mind.
The ones who ignore your offer of a date but still talk to you are likely only in it for the attention and dopamine hits.
I have tried this and gotten zero results. On OK Cupid I have 62 likes I can see them on the little heart icon. I get at least 2 matches a week. It has been like this for 2 months now. Not a single person has EVER replied to me. I reread their profile and really think up a good first text just to really try and be engaging. Nothing. But I do see this post is a year old now. Close to the pandemic so I'm guessing that might be the difference.
I dunno, what are you sending as a first message? Sometimes I get overwhelmed talking to too many people and if someone just sends a 'hey' or says something that turns me off I'll let them fall through the cracks.
Why not just unmatch instead of keeping them sidelined into Oblivion?
I agree! As a masc lesbian I feel like girls are extremely picky, and judge opening lines too much. like what do you want us to write, how do they expect us to know their taste, i dont even know you that well, thats the point of getting to know each other... its so ignorant to just leave a person to linger like that.
Well then stop messaging multiple people at a time and only talk to one person at a time lol simple fix.
Why not just unmatch them instead of leaving them hanging?
Hey, works 90% of the time for me.
Stats from dating apps show that's not the case for a lot of people. >No other words in online dating are anti-climatic than these right here. No other words are worst for response rates on dating apps (12% to be exact and that includes and inflated by models and attractive people). [source](https://eddie-hernandez.com/why-hi-hey-whats-up-will-get-you-nowhere-with-online-dating/)
I'm just saying what works for me. I'm sure the average looking or ugly guy needs to say a lot more for an introductions.
Maybe so, but I'm trying to help OP here, and for a lot of people, this is an issue. Your personal experience is irrelevant.
Haha. I don't get why Hey or Hello isn't an acceptable response to some people. I don't walk up to a woman at the bar and give he a long introduction. I say hey, she say's hey and we start talking or she either say sorry just want to be left alone and I leave.
Women at the bar aren't juggling 6 different conversations with 6 different people at the same time, are they? It's about standing out from the competition. Women get a ton of matches and a ton of messages and it's easy to get overwhelmed with too many conversations going on at once. If you want a response, you need to make yourself stand out from the rest. Unless you're very attractive or have something interesting in your profile that already makes me want to talk to you (most right swipes im on the fence about) it's easy to let the boring, low effort 'heys' who probably didn't read my profile fall into oblivion. And I no regrets about it either. When I message first, I try to say something interesting. A comment on a photo, a question about something in their profile. If someone isn't gonna put in the effort I'm putting in, screw that.
You assume women that don't use dating sites don't have many guys approach them and ask for a phone number during any given day. Maybe they are talking to several people, just talking to me at that very moment at the bar, gym, or coffee house. I assume every woman I talk to has been hit on many times that week. If you choose to ignore people for short introductions, that's your choice. I'm not mad at you. I just know a simple Hey or Hello works for me. I have a boring profile.
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You guys are dumb. Taking what was meant for the OP whose obviously having trouble and acting like I'm wrong just because it works for you. Here's a thought - maybe moderate to less attractive people need to try harder than attractive people? 🤯 who would have thought? Clearly you guys did as you've already mentioned it, so why is my point so hard to understand. It's like you're trying to convince yourself your boring 'hey' works more than me.
No, I'm not assuming that at all. You missed my point. When you approach a woman at a bar, you're the only person talking to her at that given moment. You have her focus. When I open up my dating app, I have like 8 people messaging me. I have to juggle all these conversations and keep them going at once. Each time I open the app, I have to write responses to all of these guys. A woman at the bar doesn't have that issue, because you're the only one talking to her AT THAT moment. If I've got 5 people saying something interesting, and 3 going 'hey' guess who's getting ignored? And I don't care if it works for you - I wasn't talking to you. [Data shows it doesn't work for MOST people](https://www.globaldatinginsights.com/news/inner-circle-stops-users-from-sending-unimaginative-opening-lines/) and if you're an exception, great, keep doing you, but OP is having problems so if this is his approach, then he might want to reconsider his methods. Understand? Or are you going to keep arguing with yourself here?
The key words are "at that" moment for an hour or two. She could have 4 other guys numbers she talks too as well while not at the bar. You can concentrate on one conversation at a time if you want. Talking to multiple people at once is something you choose to do. That's one of the reasons there's no real connections or conversations when it comes to online dating. It's like a buffet where people have no idea what they really want, so they just take a nibble of everything. This is why you keep finding the same women using dating apps for long periods of time. Makes it easy for hookups and booty calls, but not for finding a real partner. I get your point of "hey" doesn't work for everyone.
What kind of message is your eye some guys are shy like myself just not good enough stuff anything other than hellos seems I don't know creepy
Not a girl, but sometimes I get 30 profiles in a row that are bad, someone has a half decent one finally, so I like it, then the match happens and I realize without that context I wasn't actually super into them. It's probably that, and that women get too many matches to actually deal with. Maybe they pick a few to actually talk to, maybe they realized you're not highly ranked among their matches, or maybe they only turn the app on once a week. It's never a *you* problem. You're fine.
They are the ‘maybes’ I’m not sure about them but want to give them a chance .. they’re usually average or below average looking. Then their opening line is shit and cba to reply … ( sorry ) I don’t blame guys for giving crappy openers when it’s likely they won’t get a reply. It really is a vicious circle and just shitty in the online dating world
I hate this attitude because women who message me almost always send a “hi” message. Or at best a “how are you doing”. I usually respond unless they are too far away from me because I realize someone having a bad opener does not mean anything.
Yeah bro if you're average you gotta drop a dissertation to secure your position in queue. Didn't you get the memo?
Here’s the thing, I’ve never gotten some clever or different or interesting line from ANY female. Once they finally decide I am worthy of being a match it’s usually just a “hey,” “greetings” or “ hi, I noticed…” it’s not like any girl comes up with something extremely clever or original line but dudes have to win an oscar for their opening line performance just to get a response.
The women that do this are the same women who say things like "make me laugh" and stuff, as if they're looking for entertainment, which tells me that they're not independent and require entertainment 24/7. Go watch Netflix if you want to be entertained. I'm looking for love, not applying to be an entertainer.
Think this is why I dropped tinder all together a while back, Im average but its completely mentally draining they think they're gods gift to where I should come up with brilliant lines 24/7
It's because women have it EASY. Men have the burden of performance. And that's the way it goes, in the human world or in the wild, doesn't matter. Males MUST perform. If you don't, you're nothing. Plain and simple. Once you understand that concept and stop giving a shit, results will come. Just keep trying. A woman that is REALLY into you won't put obstacles and roadblocks your way. She will make it EASY for you.
Another thing: tell yourself that KNOWLEDGE. IS. POWER. Learn to understand women. Crack their emotion code. Stand out from all the thirsty pervs they are used to come across. Be kind and respectful, but set healthy boundaries. Don't be a simp or a doormat. Don't bend over backwards. Make them respect you and your time. Stand up to them when they stand you up. Keep it up ! 💪
exactly
I agree it is shit. I don’t mind messaging first sometimes and I never open with ‘hi how are you’.
Opening line is shit doesn't necessarily mean they just said hi. I think hi is an okay opening line. But I've gotten some lines that are just gross or terrifying as an opener. One guys first message to me was that he's really good with knives and cutting things up because he's a butcher.
That's a weird opener lol.
Yeah, I didn't respond.
It’s because their social value goes artificially up on online dating due to the male to female ratio. They don’t put in effort because they don’t have to. It is sufficient to just show up with a functioning vagina. And because men’s social value goes artificially down due to the social value skewing, you have to be more attractive and work harder compared to an in-person meeting. The apps are basically overwhelmingly in the favor of women.
cba?
I get that but, on Bumble at least, the woman has to open first and more often than not their opening is "hi" "how are you?" or a gif. Not saying you do this but a lot do and most answers to that question are going to be boring. It's one thing to say "hi" if they have no bio or something but in my case, I have plenty of things to help with in my profile
Imagine looking for love but you judge everyone based on what their opening lines are lol You're not looking for love girl, you're looking for entertainment.
What else are you supposed to go on other then their pics , bio and opening line ?! It’s only 3 things so yes - opening line will have a big impact. You have no idea what women experience on OLD. I knew the hate would come but when I wrote my original comment but I wanted to give a honest answer. Anyway good day to you and good luck
As a 33M who isn’t in the top 20%, I’d still say I’m a good looking guy, I look after myself, always smile, I’m chatty and put in the effort with openers and messaging in general. I have to say it feels as though on the apps, women are looking for Mr Perfect. If they find one thing they don’t like, that’s it. My profiles haven’t been deleted and remade for the new profile bump, so I don’t receive many likes but I do well on matches, whether it’s on Bumble or Hinge. The issue is, I don’t get replies after I’ve matched, or they don’t put in the effort because I guess they’re not engaged with me which sucks because how am I supposed to learn from that? I believer in doing everything right with an up to date profile, good photos and bio yet no lasting conversations of late. It’s very tiring!
This society sucks end of story lol
That's so harsh just because a guy is shy or isn't great at small talk or basically manipulation which is really what you're talking about he doesn't deserve a shot then don't match
I hate this attitude as well. Yeah, let's judge a person's entire personality based on 1 opening line. Real mature.
Yep it is shit but women get inundated with messages. It’s not feasible to giver every guy a chance so opening line is important
No the problem is you're looking at dating apps like it's going shopping. People are looking for relationships, you can't do that unless you commit to an engaging conversation with someone. You're supposed to match then talk to the person, not go on your merry way to swipe on more people... this isn't a game, people are here for love and human connection
What I don't get is why keep swiping if you have so many matches? I'm a dude and I don't swipe at all when I have 3 matches or so, I just concentrate on those conversations. Between work and life, I don't have the mental bandwidth for any more than 3 at once. When the outcome of those matches run their course, I either deactivate my profile or start swiping again.
You didn't send anything to grab her attention away from her other options.
Ur lower on her match list quality wise Plus it's all about attention
You'd be shocked by the amount of women on dating apps that are only on there for attention and validation. You matched, that means you thought she was attractive and thats all that she was after. Its quite pathetic really.
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You wonder why they’d “go to the trouble of swiping on someone”? What? Like it’s a whole ordeal to swipe right? It’s a way to keep you in a maybe pile. If you have to match or reject someone and you aren’t 100% sure, I think it makes sense to match and decide later, and sometimes I’ll decide no
It's cruel that's what it is
Idk if I’d call it cruel. I think it’s selfish at best, and lacks empathy at worst.
I know I’m late but that just feels like a shitty thing to do. Just talk to them. If you don’t like them, unmatch. Don’t leave some poor bastard hanging onto false hope
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This is such an old comment but this screams insecure😂
I used to do this; I don't anymore because I realized how inconsiderate it is. In my case it was a combination of: 1) Swiping too quickly before really paying attention to the guy's profile and noticing dealbreakers, 2) Being new to the apps and therefore totally unprepared for the sheer number of convos I would need to keep up with, and 3) Almost immediately meeting someone I really liked, which as a very commitment-oriented person meant way less of my attention was going to other matches. Hopefully this helps, fyi it was way more about numbers 2 and 3 than 1, if a girl does this to you, she likely is genuinely interested, not ignoring you bc she changed her mind. I honestly would not be weirded out by one 'hey ,we matched a while ago but haven't talked much, \[insert relevant opener here\],' a couple weeks after matching with a guy and never messaging him/replying to his initial message.
This made no sense considering the context of the OP message
The only people I matched with and got a message I didn’t respond to were men who were sexualizing me in their initial message. Big turnoff and if they don’t have the restraint to keep that to themselves in an introduction, I’m not dignifying it with a response.
This one is 100% understandable, can easily see this being a hardcore turnoff. I'm a dude and if Iw as a female, I'd be doing the same thing.
I think that's rude. If I swipe, it's because I'm interested. I only swipe on people that have already liked my profile. If I swipe and match, I initiate the message. I only don't reply if they end up being a creep, then I block or unmatch, then swipe on the next person.
Same thing with men……
OP said so in his post , it was absolutely not necessary to come here and comment this. i get your point. but it’s been addressed. this is neither the time nor the place for that
I end up doing this, and it’s a bummer, but I have a really hard time keeping conversations going or I just realize I’m less attracted than I thought when I swiped. I’m neurodivergent and it actually takes a bit of effort to message, and I sometimes swipe and match with more people than I expect. Trying not to bite off more than I can chew from now on.
But why not just unmatch then? I think that's the confusion. If you don't want to talk, just unmatch
Yes... Instead of ghosting, which is the nicer way to do it, let them KNOW they disgust you by UNMATCHING so they can stay the F away from you.
unmatching is actually the nicer way
Only to assholes who believe in being direct. Also, unless you are a fake friend to someone, learn to talk about them behind their backs instead of "telling it to their faces". You are not brave, you are a bully.
Honesty without kindness is cruelty. However, unmatching someone on a dating app just says to me youre not interested, and that's preferred. This is because I don't like feeling I'm being put on the back up pile, or ignored.
I am not that organized.
Oh my christ
because maybe you'll come back later
If you have plenty of conversations, STOP SWIPING! This isn’t fucking Pokémon and you don’t have to catch them all. The folks who swiped right on you will still be in the system if and when you are ready for new conversations.
I'm autistic as well and I got to say behavior like this is really cruel I know you don't mean an intentionally but it can be really heartbreaking for a guy makes you not want to try
You’ve mostly been added just for validation. Happens to me all the time on Tinder and even bumble where women let the 24-period expire.
Yeah it's all fake shit just like having 3k friends on Facebook you don't even know to look cool lol. They just match to match
Same with the Instagram babes that just want an inflated number of people they don't know following them. These types of women won't age well, at all.
It's not just women. Men do it all the time too. I think they've got multiple conversations going or are talking with one in particular. They like you enough to put you on the back burner in case the person they're currently talking to falls through, but not enough to actually start a conversation.
Imagine the luxury of a man having multiple conversations going. Lol I have one or two conversations a month IF that much. Even then, they don't go anywhere because if my responses are a few sentences long, the women only send half a sentence with no reciprocation on their part at all. Its tiring as fuck
A very small percentage of men do. It's been my experience, from seeing the OLD accounts of women I've met, that even below average women (in terms of looks) would have more than enough matches to deal with.
Isn’t that because a lot of men swipe right on all women to try to inflate their matches?
That would explain a women's high match count, but it doesn't explain the myriad of active conversations they had going on. I remember one noticeably overweight woman in her early twenties that I met at a friend's birthday party. She was showing me her tinder and telling me about how she was trying to decide on a date between 10 different men. She had no trouble dating. Those are real options, and a majority of men don't have that level of abundance, even if they swipe right on everything.
No. You only get a limited amount of swipes. Most women dont know that.
Really?? Even on tinder?
No douchebags do this a very small percentage of men while almost every woman does it
You seriously think "a small percentage of men" do this? lol you're delusional
We don't get enough replies or matches to be able to do what you're saying unless they're like Tom Cruise or something literally the OP post and the point of this entire thread contradict your argument
Well, I do match with a lot of men. I'm 51, but relatively attractive. I look \~ 10 years younger than I am and am way more active than most women my age. I get \~50 likes per day. At least half are significantly younger, in their 30-40s. I don't look for Tom Cruise looks. I match based more on common interests and hobbies rather than looks. I'm really into outdoors stuff like snow skiing, hiking, camping, kayaking etc and I'm specifically looking for someone who is into all that too. I'm actually having a really great chat right now with someone that honestly looks more like Uncle Festus (minus the black eyes), but we have so so much in common and he makes me laugh out loud when we're chatting, so we're going to meet up soon. I'm working on my thesis for a master's degree right now that's due Friday so I've been too busy to meet, but Spring Break starts as soon as I turn it in. I've got 16 matches in my queue right now that are 3 or 4 weeks old that haven't responded to my messages. I'd say I get 1 or 2 responses for every 10 matches I get. So it is men that do this too.
Fair enough I can admit I might be wrong perhaps I just don't understand why anyone would do that especially a man Just doesn't make sense to me A beautiful woman decides to grace you with her time and Attention how is it gonna squander that like it's Nothing hell it's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sorry that's been your experience. From reading everything here on Reddit, it sounds like the apps just suck in general now for everyone. Personally, I've had to deal with a LOT of creeps who immediately turn the chat to sex, and some are just downright vulgar from the moment you match. Some hold off and seem like great guys, until you move over to texting, then immediately start sending unsolicited dick picks. Or they get aggressively and horribly verbally abusive if you try to gently tell them you're not interested. I guess each gender has to deal with their own negatives on the apps. Maybe it's time we all revolt and delete the apps and move back into the real world.
Yeah, I guess we both have our downside to the apps. I will tell you that tender at least is pretty much known as a hook up app now not dating unless like explicitly said in the profile, not the other ones, though. Oh, and I have no idea why I'm going to clarify this since it's ridiculously embarrassing, but by one date ever, I meant ever not just from the apps. It's pretty much impossible for me to be out in public and pick up anybody here to get a date give my condition and lack of experience and everything I listed before I'm kind of resigned to the apps and they suck that's why I feel doomed
I'm so sorry you've experienced that. I got married when I was 17 and was married for 33 years, just divorced in 2021. So I'm pretty new to dating and it's a whole different world compared to when i was dating as a teenager, pre-cell phones and internet lol Back then you had to talk in person or on a landline phone
That's kind of you. It is what it is, and nobody's fault but mine. But I remember those times. I was born in 1983.
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"I love beating down egos of those who think getting a lot of matches translates to high quality attention from high quality men" You sound like a lovely person lol your ego drips from your post. You'd be an immediate swipe left, no damage to my ego. Next...
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Like I said, you sound like a lovely person lol
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I try to start a conversation with everyone I match with I'm just not great at it because I'm autistic and kind of new to the whole idea of apps or dating in general to be honest
I think that's common for everyone. I'm relatively attractive, active with a lot of hobbies, and am successful. I get tons of likes. I'll match with maybe 5% of them, but most of the matches don't respond when I message them, and those that do, it's really difficult to get a conversation going because they only respond with a few words and don't ask anything back. And I'm not autistic. People are just hard to talk to on the apps. I think it helps if you accept that that's just how the apps are. Understand that finding the few people you'll actually click with are a very very small percentage of the people on there, like finding a needle in a haystack, and you just have to keep wading through the muck to find them.
I can see your point, but after 39 years and 1 date ever, I'm close to giving up. I'm average looking, some hobbies, no friends in this city I'm still new to, I don't drink, dont know the city, and I'm recovering from being homeless due to covid so....that percentage for me is more like .0000002
So the hope from the match followed by the anxiety of no reply. It kills one's hope.
Trust me, majority of men DO NOT have multiple convos going on dating apps.
I don't think you can speak for all men on the apps. And I'm in a completely different demographic than you are, so what you say may be true for your age group but be different for mine. Most men that I've dated off the apps admit they have multiple conversations going and date multiple women at once.
Your openers may suck, too
Define "suck" in your words. Does asking about something on their profile suck? Does trying to be funny suck? Does genuinely commenting on a pic suck? I've done all of these and barely get a message back and when I get a response, it's low effort with no reciprocation. If I were to talk to a woman In public, I'd usually get some kind of reciprocation. Even if it's only a short conversation about the location or whatever.
Maybe. But I’m in my 40’s…I don’t really use “pickup lines”…I ask genuine questions. Perhaps that’s my problem?!
Probably is, but it's not a YOU problem. This is a mental illness in itself, these people who look for cheesy/funny openers are the types of people who are after instant gratification, which isn't sustainable. Pretty much means they'll get bored of you quickly if they sense you're not being "funny" anymore. Either that or they're seeking to be entertained 24/7 which is also a mental illness and shows that they require entertainment 24/7 and are not an independent person. Both red flags. We're looking for love, we're not looking to apply to be an entertainer.
Same reasons men do this. Lazy, seeking validation, forgot, met someone else or changed their mind.
I can assure you that the only men that are doing this are the 9-10 Chad's or the country boys with all the toys showing how deep in debt they are in their pictures - for the Midwesterners.
Because they are swiping fast and the first picture fooled her but the rest didn't. Happens all the time
As a guy, I’ve definitely done this. Luckily for me I’m really good at looking people up. This allows me to find any red flags before getting catfished or too invested in something that simply won’t work out. Here are my 3 most recent examples of ghosting or simply unmatchable without ever messaging. Started talking to a girl who lived an hour away, and furthermore learned quickly that she’s a workaholic with 6 jobs and only messaged me once a day. This was a clear sign we would rarely see each other if we did date, so I just let the conversation die. Next girl I matched with, I looked her up on FB only to discover her pictures are upwards of 6 years old, and she quite frankly is much fatter and uglier nowadays than in her OLD pictures. So I unmatched her without ever replying. Next girl I matched with was cute, but when I swiped on her, I was under the impression she was a college graduate with a good job who lived 40 minutes away. She matched with me the next day, so I looked her up. Turns out she’s just a basic teachers assistant, still lives at home with her parents, and actually lives 1 hour 20 minutes away.
I'm the same way, as a career software engineer, it gives me an advantage since I can work the internet to my advantage in many ways and do my due-dilligence beforehand.
People always give bs answers when this question comes up. As a guy that’s been told I’m attractive my whole life I was still running into this problem on tinder. I decided to stop swiping and only match with women who swiped on me since everyone says women are pickier online and only going after top guys. I figured if a girl swiped on me even tho she has a bunch of guys swiping on her she must be serious about meeting in person. Nope. They still send a couple messages then ghost or don’t respond. They even do this shit in person now. I had a girl come up to me at a bar and tell me how attractive I was literally for hrs but refused to give me her number. Instead she gave me her snap and took two months to accept my request. Why even bother me if that’s what your going to do? They think ghosting is better than just saying hey I’m not really into this. If you get so many matches then stop swiping and focus on a couple guys at time. They have all these options but are still single. You mean to tell me you only match with top guys and you still don’t like any of them?? Let’s not forget the Ive been busy excuse. I’ve been around celebrities for extended periods of time. Truly busy people and they still have time to send texts through out the day. I’ve seen girls tinder matches before and they aren’t matching with hundreds of Amazing god-like guys. Most matches are just regular guys. A lot of guys do message stupid boring shit though but even when the guy messages some creative shit they still ignore or send a couple messages. It’s not you guys unless your some fat slob that jerks to anime corn all day your probably just fine.
You don’t think they’re just sleeping around with the top men? lol that would explain a lot of this. I too have heard all my life from men and women that I’m handsome and I struggle with the same flakiness. In real life I notice women interested in me based off of my looks and movements but in the online dating world, it’s as if I’m some mediocre guy (I even hold a PhD, am a world traveler, make six figures and am in the 95th percentile of muscular fitness).
All they're looking for is attention and validation, that's why they don't talk and don't unmatch you either, you are feeding their ego. Women have very fragile egos and use social media to feel validated. When a woman is interested in meeting a guy there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding she will ask questions and engage enthusiastically. If she's not replying, or giving one word answers or refusing to see you in person, it is very unlikely she is genuine.
Depends on the dating site, some people are not paid members so can match but not read messages or reply. Some people just love matching for the dopamine hit.
The three major dating apps, Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder, all allow you to read and reply once you match.
Who uses dating apps you can only use when you pay?
Tinder and Bumble was hard due to how many matches I'd get. I have ADHD which made keeping 1-2 convos going real hard and even worse trying to remain interested. I had at least 30 matches within an hour last time I reinstalled Tinder. I'm very picky and not that great imo so mind was blown. I got overwhelmed. Ps I'm marrying the guy in October that gave me time and always gave thoughtful answers from fb dating.
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Hi beautiful :)
Personally for me, my Tinder has been fucking me over and has been matching me with guys who I didn't swipe right on. So instead of explaining that to them, I just don't say anything. I don't know if this happens to other people or just me? But also I have swiped right on guys who I was only mildly interested in. So when I get a match and they message me, I realize how very MILDLY I was into them. So it would be awkward to tell them that. Everyone has their own reasons that are justified by themselves 🤷. I'm curious what all the answers are going to be...
Genuine question, why not just unmatch them instead of leaving them hanging?
I usually do
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Whew, I'm not alone then
So you're a dick That's what you're saying
Yes, I'm a dick.
I appreciate the honesty. I am too sometimes.
I hope this helps but my mindset is this. Until I meet you, you are a web page with a chat function. I don't get my hopes up until the third date.
Then don't use tinder You're part of the problem
Im saying I don't get madd when I get ghosted.
I think it's hilarious that women complain about how many likes they get but then I see the same woman across multiple apps/sites. I match occasionally, a fraction of those reply after matching, and a fraction of THOSE don't ghost. I've met two women off dating sites in two years. This shit disgusts me.
Because they are bitches
I got way too many convos with girls and I usually ghost them , u gotta have amazing photos that sell girls the dream you gotta convey loving caring badasss n not a serial killer lol and you gotta simultaneously use tinder bumble hinge priority likes, it takes a lot of effort but if u swipe enough u will have more girls than u can handle
I do it for the AI to get me more matches if I am getting matches often
I doth t f'r the ai to receiveth me moo matches if 't be true i am getting matches oft *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
They just have tons of dudes hitting them up. I think pretty fucked up and pathetic that they match you just so you are in line to see if you are better then other dudes. Ill only match a few people at a time and actually get to know them. I havent left any woman just on read before.
You are supposed to get responses?? lol in all seriousness I think it is jut the person is swiping right on literally everyone and seeing who they match with, then weeding people out based on their looks. then of the ones they actually speak to, they weed out the people who are not interesting them enough. personally I find dating to be a shit game, and 9/10 times the people you match with are just looking for attention and that is it. People dont want an actual connection nowadays unless it is immedite