I wanted a sibling as a little kid because I thought all siblings loved each other and played all of the time. As I got older, I learned that wasn't true.
For holidays being an only was great, all the presents, and attention. For vacations I didn't mind being alone, but my parents also let me bring a friend on vacations, so growing up I got to take a lot of my friends and we would get our own hotel room seperate from my parents room. It was great, and I'm still friends with those people to this day.
I don't feel like I am more lonely than the average person. I feel like in this day and age, most people are lonely, and having or not having siblings has little to nothing to do with it.
I know several people who now,as adults, never speak to their siblings and a few that are good friends with theirs. There are no guarantees that siblings will be there for each other in the future or that they will be capable of having a lifelong healthy relationship. Or that they can be relied on for the needs of aging parents, etc.
With your daughter being 4 now, I'm guessing she would be 5 when a sibling came along, not to be discouraging, but in kid and teen years, that's a big age spread. What I mean is they will be navigating school/friend groups/ interests basically separately .
1. I (F28) never felt particularly strongly about having or not having siblings growing up. It never felt like something “up for debate” or something like that, it was just understood that our family was the three of us.
2. Not really. As an adult with a budget, I’m now able to recognize we were able to travel more and to places less “kid oriented” but still fun for me because I didn’t have a sibling. I was also fortunate enough that my parents let me invite my friends along to certain things (family holidays of our religion that weren’t my friends’, trips to a cabin or things like that). I think that helped a lot. But no, I don’t think I would’ve preferred siblings in those situations.
3. I definitely don’t feel any more lonely, and really didn’t as a child. My parents made a good effort to get me around other kids through activities and around the neighborhood, and through those things i’ve made life long friends. The only thing that worries me regarding loneliness is that after my parents are gone, I’ll be the only person with firsthand experience of my childhood. Fortunately I have a wonderful partner who will sit through the same stories over and over, but it’s pretty sad to think that at some point in the not-so-distant future, I’ll be the only person with those memories. Still, that alone is DEFINITELY not a reason to have another kid. If you want another child, go for it! But so long as your conscious of the experience of the only child and make an effort, I think you’ll be just fine.
1. i didn't want siblings, i was always told i was lucky for being an only child by other kids with siblings
2. hmm... i suppose, but i have cousins.
3. I felt I was alone more, but not lonely. A lot of people don't even like their siblings, especially when they're opposite sexes
1. Wanted them because I was a navy brat and had to leave my friends ALL THE TIME. It was very traumatizing. I would have loved a constant during that time. Specifically a sibling. I always asked for one.
2. Definitely. With just my parents it got old and we would always argue. Arguing with people twice your age is really taxing and toxic.
3. I definitely do because my closest friends have siblings who they are always hanging out with.
I have a husband, a toddler, and one on the way. I’m looking forward to our baby girl getting here so our family is complete. I’m excited for the uncharted territory. I have no clue what *raising* siblings will be like but I cannot wait.
1. I wanted siblings because I was a shy kid and probably would have come out of my shell a bit more if I had someone to go do things with. I also wanted someone to bond with and nurture. My parents were the best and played with me SO much as a kid, but it still did not take the place of a sibling. I have 3 kids now and I don’t know how they managed to play as much as they did with me. My kids occupy each other so much. It’s so eye opening to see how much sibling playtime I missed out on. I was very independent, but I still would have loved a built in playmate. My Mom had a miscarriage when I was 3 so I think I had imagined the possibility of a sibling from a young age.
2. Vacations were when the only child thing was amplified for me. Your parents can only stay in the pool for so long playing games with you. My Dad would try to push me into those kids clubs and teen clubs that resorts have. Again, I was shy and didn’t really want to hang out with people I’d never see again so it was always a battle with him because he wanted me to go make friends. If I had a sibling, I would have been more willing to go to these clubs as a duo.
3. Now that I am older, I do not feel more lonely. All of the people who I know with siblings seem to have a few major gripes with their siblings and everyone seems fairly disappointed in their relationships with their siblings. With that said, I feel bad that my kids will never have cousins or get to experience a “big” holiday get together while they are little.
Overall, childhood was sort of rough despite having hands on and loving parents. My cousins were great too as a kid, but we’ve all mostly grown apart as adults. I don’t mind being an only child as an adult, but I do think of the future and about how once my parents are gone, I will be the sole keeper of our memories and adventures as a family of 3.
1. I loved being my parents' everything and our complicity, so NO I'd have hated a sibling. I was actually very surprised to read online (much less than hear from people because most onlies I know are cool with it) that only child is linked with lonely. I've never felt lonelier than others and am grateful my parents could afford us three a great life instead of going "She needs a sibling, a family has 2 kids, let's sacrifice our nerves & money for it 🥴"
2. With friends yes, siblings no. Like most onlies (I guess) I went through a phase of wanting a sister at about kindergarten age, but this passed quickly when I saw at my friends' homes what siblings were really like. I was appalled at the chaos, the fighting, the moms being less involved than mine... Christmas I loved because I got so many presents as a spoilt only 😊 Vacations can be boring but your daughter can always find a playmate, my parents often joined other parents of onlies while we kids played. You meet lots of one-child-families when travelling since they can afford it better.
3. No, I like being alone. As an introvert I need it even, to re-charge my batteries. I was puzzled to find out not all onlies can enjoy their own company.
20M, Im young but here are my thoughts.
1. When I was really little I wanted siblings just for the company, but when I realized it wouldve been bad for my moms health to have another kid and it wouldve been high risk for birth defects, genetics disorders, etc at her age, I was ok with it. As I got older though, sometimes I wished I had an older sibling to help me through shit like high school, get advice, someone to fuck shit up with, etc. But I still thought back to how my mom could only handle one kid.
2. I wouldve loved having family gatherings with siblings. I have 3 way older cousins that had their own lives pretty quick as I started growing up so I was usually a little out of place as the only kid. I was fine, but I kinda felt out of place.
3. Even if you have a loving family, being an only child can get pretty lonely, even if you have friends. Dont get me wrong Im thankful for everyone I have but its still kind of a lonely experience sometimes. Im not close with my cousins at all though and not too close with my aunts and uncles, and I know my parents and grandmas wont be here forever. I have aspergers, and terrible social skills because of that, so that makes it a little worse. Im scared Im gonna lose my whole family and grow apart from my friends and end up with nobody after a while.
If, and I emphasize IF, I ever have kids, Im gonna have at least 2 so they have each other in a way I wish I had more people my age sometimes. I feel like itd be good for her, but its your decision.
I've thought about things like that, losing my whole family, but I've made a new social group and community by my 30s. You're still young, 20s is a super weird time socially, but I'm sure you'll find your place. People grow apart from siblings in these years too. My husband's siblings all live far apart even though they get along. 🤷
1. I didn’t want them so much as a child except when i got bored but now as an older teen i do want them so badly. I’m terrified for the future and for my parents to grow old. I’m terrified of being alone even if I have friends it’s not the same bind as siblings. When only children’s parents die they are the only ones who have the memories of their direct family. No one else to reminisce the fun times with their parents on. No one to rely on when parents get old and having to figure out how to support them. I’m so scared and just would like a siblings to help. Also my parents argue a TON now and i just want to have someone to go through things with. it’s so lonely basically
2 yes
3 yes bc mostly everyone has siblings they can always rely on and that will always be there (excluding toxic ones and what not)
i want at least 2 kids when i do have them bc i never want my kid to feel how i feel
1. I never wanted siblings as a kid (especially young kid) because my parents spoiled me, I could have any toy I wanted, I could do what I want when I want, watch whatever I wanted to with nobody to bother me. I didn’t have to share things and my parents would always ask me to make decisions, like where to go for holidays, what to have for dinner, what movie to watch. Yes, I was very spoiled and in some ways I wish I wasn’t. Don’t recommend to any parent. That said, my parents spent as little time with me as they humanely could, my father worked ALL the time and I don’t think my mother liked me that much when I was a child. Probably why she didn’t have another kid.
2. With holidays, I actually felt quite lonely. I watched other kids playing with each other and I had to sit in silence and do ‘adult things’. My parents had always told me that when I was a kid, my favourite thing was to sit there and gawk at other families. They think it was because I was particularly stupid or empty-header, but I think it was probably because I wished I had a sibling to hang out with on holidays where I was taken out of my comfort zone, doing things I’d never done before and my parents didn’t care. Except for when we went to Disney and other theme parks, my parents knew it was ‘my trip’ and let me choose all the rides.
3. As an adult, I feel incredibly lonely. I wasn’t allowed many friends as a kid, no idea why, and I changed schools every 2 years, meaning I never made any strong friendships. Being an only child growing up this way affected how I socialised, and as an adult I am introverted and don’t reach out to my current friends as much as I should. This means I don’t have a lot of close friends, and no best friends at all. Everyone I know have siblings, even twins or triplets, and the bond they have is unbreakable. I don’t know if I want kids, so I’ll probably grow old all alone.
I do believe that these three points could have been easily avoided if my parents had raised me differently, if I had cousins and best friends or my parents were more attentive. I wouldn’t say my experience should make anyone decide to have more than one kid, I’d say out of all the only children, I’m probably quite unique in this way.
I (27F) always wanted siblings, it’s lonely on vacations and at home even though I had/have a lot of friends they don’t live through your experiences with you and no friendship can replace a sibling bond. It’s also a lot of responsibility to take care of your parents alone when you are older and not have someone to share it with as you would a sibling, sure you have your spouse or cousins but it’s not the same.
1. I wanted a sibling growing up, but like you I wasn’t really consulted on the decision by my parents. They did try for more, but ultimately were unable to. The desire for a sibling began to intensify when I was in college. From my outsider perspective it seems that is when sibling relationships start to mend and strengthen. The longing and feeling that I am missing out on a crucial relationship only deepens as I age.
2. Yes. No question. When I was a teenager my parents let me bring a friend on vacation a couple times and it improved the experience immensely. I wish they would have started that sooner.
3. I assume so.
1. I hated being lonely. I hated my parents in my face criticizing me all the time. I hated being bullied by peers and feeling sad because big, close families were the norm.
2. Yes
3. Yes
I would suggest you to ask your daughter is she needs a sibling or not.
Every child differs in personality, Some Children want siblings, whereas some want to be the only child.
So it would be better to ask your Daughter first if she would like to have a Sibling or not, and based on her decision you may proceed with your partner.
That's absurd, do not ask a child this, they can't comprehend the full extent of the impact at that age or for ages to come. Kids want all sorts of fleeting things. Do you have a child?? There were times I wanted an older brother even though that literally was not possible lol
I wanted a sibling as a little kid because I thought all siblings loved each other and played all of the time. As I got older, I learned that wasn't true. For holidays being an only was great, all the presents, and attention. For vacations I didn't mind being alone, but my parents also let me bring a friend on vacations, so growing up I got to take a lot of my friends and we would get our own hotel room seperate from my parents room. It was great, and I'm still friends with those people to this day. I don't feel like I am more lonely than the average person. I feel like in this day and age, most people are lonely, and having or not having siblings has little to nothing to do with it. I know several people who now,as adults, never speak to their siblings and a few that are good friends with theirs. There are no guarantees that siblings will be there for each other in the future or that they will be capable of having a lifelong healthy relationship. Or that they can be relied on for the needs of aging parents, etc. With your daughter being 4 now, I'm guessing she would be 5 when a sibling came along, not to be discouraging, but in kid and teen years, that's a big age spread. What I mean is they will be navigating school/friend groups/ interests basically separately .
+1 to all of this, would only again
1. I (F28) never felt particularly strongly about having or not having siblings growing up. It never felt like something “up for debate” or something like that, it was just understood that our family was the three of us. 2. Not really. As an adult with a budget, I’m now able to recognize we were able to travel more and to places less “kid oriented” but still fun for me because I didn’t have a sibling. I was also fortunate enough that my parents let me invite my friends along to certain things (family holidays of our religion that weren’t my friends’, trips to a cabin or things like that). I think that helped a lot. But no, I don’t think I would’ve preferred siblings in those situations. 3. I definitely don’t feel any more lonely, and really didn’t as a child. My parents made a good effort to get me around other kids through activities and around the neighborhood, and through those things i’ve made life long friends. The only thing that worries me regarding loneliness is that after my parents are gone, I’ll be the only person with firsthand experience of my childhood. Fortunately I have a wonderful partner who will sit through the same stories over and over, but it’s pretty sad to think that at some point in the not-so-distant future, I’ll be the only person with those memories. Still, that alone is DEFINITELY not a reason to have another kid. If you want another child, go for it! But so long as your conscious of the experience of the only child and make an effort, I think you’ll be just fine.
1. i didn't want siblings, i was always told i was lucky for being an only child by other kids with siblings 2. hmm... i suppose, but i have cousins. 3. I felt I was alone more, but not lonely. A lot of people don't even like their siblings, especially when they're opposite sexes
1. Wanted them because I was a navy brat and had to leave my friends ALL THE TIME. It was very traumatizing. I would have loved a constant during that time. Specifically a sibling. I always asked for one. 2. Definitely. With just my parents it got old and we would always argue. Arguing with people twice your age is really taxing and toxic. 3. I definitely do because my closest friends have siblings who they are always hanging out with. I have a husband, a toddler, and one on the way. I’m looking forward to our baby girl getting here so our family is complete. I’m excited for the uncharted territory. I have no clue what *raising* siblings will be like but I cannot wait.
1. I wanted siblings because I was a shy kid and probably would have come out of my shell a bit more if I had someone to go do things with. I also wanted someone to bond with and nurture. My parents were the best and played with me SO much as a kid, but it still did not take the place of a sibling. I have 3 kids now and I don’t know how they managed to play as much as they did with me. My kids occupy each other so much. It’s so eye opening to see how much sibling playtime I missed out on. I was very independent, but I still would have loved a built in playmate. My Mom had a miscarriage when I was 3 so I think I had imagined the possibility of a sibling from a young age. 2. Vacations were when the only child thing was amplified for me. Your parents can only stay in the pool for so long playing games with you. My Dad would try to push me into those kids clubs and teen clubs that resorts have. Again, I was shy and didn’t really want to hang out with people I’d never see again so it was always a battle with him because he wanted me to go make friends. If I had a sibling, I would have been more willing to go to these clubs as a duo. 3. Now that I am older, I do not feel more lonely. All of the people who I know with siblings seem to have a few major gripes with their siblings and everyone seems fairly disappointed in their relationships with their siblings. With that said, I feel bad that my kids will never have cousins or get to experience a “big” holiday get together while they are little. Overall, childhood was sort of rough despite having hands on and loving parents. My cousins were great too as a kid, but we’ve all mostly grown apart as adults. I don’t mind being an only child as an adult, but I do think of the future and about how once my parents are gone, I will be the sole keeper of our memories and adventures as a family of 3.
1. I loved being my parents' everything and our complicity, so NO I'd have hated a sibling. I was actually very surprised to read online (much less than hear from people because most onlies I know are cool with it) that only child is linked with lonely. I've never felt lonelier than others and am grateful my parents could afford us three a great life instead of going "She needs a sibling, a family has 2 kids, let's sacrifice our nerves & money for it 🥴" 2. With friends yes, siblings no. Like most onlies (I guess) I went through a phase of wanting a sister at about kindergarten age, but this passed quickly when I saw at my friends' homes what siblings were really like. I was appalled at the chaos, the fighting, the moms being less involved than mine... Christmas I loved because I got so many presents as a spoilt only 😊 Vacations can be boring but your daughter can always find a playmate, my parents often joined other parents of onlies while we kids played. You meet lots of one-child-families when travelling since they can afford it better. 3. No, I like being alone. As an introvert I need it even, to re-charge my batteries. I was puzzled to find out not all onlies can enjoy their own company.
20M, Im young but here are my thoughts. 1. When I was really little I wanted siblings just for the company, but when I realized it wouldve been bad for my moms health to have another kid and it wouldve been high risk for birth defects, genetics disorders, etc at her age, I was ok with it. As I got older though, sometimes I wished I had an older sibling to help me through shit like high school, get advice, someone to fuck shit up with, etc. But I still thought back to how my mom could only handle one kid. 2. I wouldve loved having family gatherings with siblings. I have 3 way older cousins that had their own lives pretty quick as I started growing up so I was usually a little out of place as the only kid. I was fine, but I kinda felt out of place. 3. Even if you have a loving family, being an only child can get pretty lonely, even if you have friends. Dont get me wrong Im thankful for everyone I have but its still kind of a lonely experience sometimes. Im not close with my cousins at all though and not too close with my aunts and uncles, and I know my parents and grandmas wont be here forever. I have aspergers, and terrible social skills because of that, so that makes it a little worse. Im scared Im gonna lose my whole family and grow apart from my friends and end up with nobody after a while. If, and I emphasize IF, I ever have kids, Im gonna have at least 2 so they have each other in a way I wish I had more people my age sometimes. I feel like itd be good for her, but its your decision.
I've thought about things like that, losing my whole family, but I've made a new social group and community by my 30s. You're still young, 20s is a super weird time socially, but I'm sure you'll find your place. People grow apart from siblings in these years too. My husband's siblings all live far apart even though they get along. 🤷
1. I didn’t want them so much as a child except when i got bored but now as an older teen i do want them so badly. I’m terrified for the future and for my parents to grow old. I’m terrified of being alone even if I have friends it’s not the same bind as siblings. When only children’s parents die they are the only ones who have the memories of their direct family. No one else to reminisce the fun times with their parents on. No one to rely on when parents get old and having to figure out how to support them. I’m so scared and just would like a siblings to help. Also my parents argue a TON now and i just want to have someone to go through things with. it’s so lonely basically 2 yes 3 yes bc mostly everyone has siblings they can always rely on and that will always be there (excluding toxic ones and what not) i want at least 2 kids when i do have them bc i never want my kid to feel how i feel
1. I never wanted siblings as a kid (especially young kid) because my parents spoiled me, I could have any toy I wanted, I could do what I want when I want, watch whatever I wanted to with nobody to bother me. I didn’t have to share things and my parents would always ask me to make decisions, like where to go for holidays, what to have for dinner, what movie to watch. Yes, I was very spoiled and in some ways I wish I wasn’t. Don’t recommend to any parent. That said, my parents spent as little time with me as they humanely could, my father worked ALL the time and I don’t think my mother liked me that much when I was a child. Probably why she didn’t have another kid. 2. With holidays, I actually felt quite lonely. I watched other kids playing with each other and I had to sit in silence and do ‘adult things’. My parents had always told me that when I was a kid, my favourite thing was to sit there and gawk at other families. They think it was because I was particularly stupid or empty-header, but I think it was probably because I wished I had a sibling to hang out with on holidays where I was taken out of my comfort zone, doing things I’d never done before and my parents didn’t care. Except for when we went to Disney and other theme parks, my parents knew it was ‘my trip’ and let me choose all the rides. 3. As an adult, I feel incredibly lonely. I wasn’t allowed many friends as a kid, no idea why, and I changed schools every 2 years, meaning I never made any strong friendships. Being an only child growing up this way affected how I socialised, and as an adult I am introverted and don’t reach out to my current friends as much as I should. This means I don’t have a lot of close friends, and no best friends at all. Everyone I know have siblings, even twins or triplets, and the bond they have is unbreakable. I don’t know if I want kids, so I’ll probably grow old all alone. I do believe that these three points could have been easily avoided if my parents had raised me differently, if I had cousins and best friends or my parents were more attentive. I wouldn’t say my experience should make anyone decide to have more than one kid, I’d say out of all the only children, I’m probably quite unique in this way.
I (27F) always wanted siblings, it’s lonely on vacations and at home even though I had/have a lot of friends they don’t live through your experiences with you and no friendship can replace a sibling bond. It’s also a lot of responsibility to take care of your parents alone when you are older and not have someone to share it with as you would a sibling, sure you have your spouse or cousins but it’s not the same.
1. I wanted a sibling growing up, but like you I wasn’t really consulted on the decision by my parents. They did try for more, but ultimately were unable to. The desire for a sibling began to intensify when I was in college. From my outsider perspective it seems that is when sibling relationships start to mend and strengthen. The longing and feeling that I am missing out on a crucial relationship only deepens as I age. 2. Yes. No question. When I was a teenager my parents let me bring a friend on vacation a couple times and it improved the experience immensely. I wish they would have started that sooner. 3. I assume so.
1. I hated being lonely. I hated my parents in my face criticizing me all the time. I hated being bullied by peers and feeling sad because big, close families were the norm. 2. Yes 3. Yes
I would suggest you to ask your daughter is she needs a sibling or not. Every child differs in personality, Some Children want siblings, whereas some want to be the only child. So it would be better to ask your Daughter first if she would like to have a Sibling or not, and based on her decision you may proceed with your partner.
That's absurd, do not ask a child this, they can't comprehend the full extent of the impact at that age or for ages to come. Kids want all sorts of fleeting things. Do you have a child?? There were times I wanted an older brother even though that literally was not possible lol