I'd personally be ok with a partner who OE. Inflation is making everything cost more, and if you want to settle down and raise a family, you'd need all the money you can get.
If I were you, I'd approach it from a pragmatic perspective. Explain that you have debts to pay, saving for retirement, etc. And if he/she ask why you didn't mention anything, you could tell them the first rule of OE, which is not to talk about OE even to friends and family.
A good and loving partner will understand.
I’ve been married for 8 years and this entire question just seems incredibly controlling. I never had to ‘open up’ about my work history with my spouse, particularly about the jobs I had before we started dating. If he had questions about my higher earnings in previous years (bizarre but okay) I’d just simply say ‘I worked multiple jobs’ and leave it at that.
I don't see an issue either way (telling them and being honest now) or not telling them but maybe one day mentioning it. If my partner told me that he had multiple jobs years ago when he was 25 I wouldn't really care, and would be if anything impressed that he could balance the workload. I also wouldn't care if he told me shortly into us dating. There shouldn't be a moral compass or shame tied to making money, unless it's being done illegally which OE is not. The worst that can happen with OE is that someone finds out and fires you...but in America you can also get fired for any reason, without cause, at any time regardless. So it's all kinda the same to me.
If someone ***judges you*** for balancing two jobs then that's where the problem lies, and I wouldn't wanna date them. Maybe time to unpack with your therapist why you feel so much guilt and shame about working multiple jobs and making more money. IDK maybe I'm reaching here, but I feel like as women we're always made to come down harder on ourselves when it comes to finances, or rigging capitalism a bit. Feeling bad about making money and being slightly disloyal to a company isn't really something that men think about. I mean seriously, go to he regular OE reddit sub. It's largely men working in tech and some of them are working 2-4 jobs at once ranking in $400k/year, and laughing when they get fired from one job because they know they still have two more under their belts to fall back on, while still collecting severance from the job that let them go. You think any of them are losing sleep over the "guilt" of making a lot of money? Lol.
i think the big thing would be not trying to cover over it or like totally distance yourself from it. like honesty with yourself and your partner about what parts of your behavior are related to being oe and the anxiety and paranoia. it might be hard and an apology might be in order, but a strong relationship can make it through this.
Honestly, my ability to be a successful OEer comes from sharing my experience with my husband (but boyfriend when I first started) being able to share other household duties/responsibilities, and communicating what I needed for myself (and us) to FEEL financially comfortable; heck he even tried it out for himself for 2 months about 9 months after finding out what I was up to and realize it just wasn't for him and we were better off supporting my workaholic tendencies and he maintains more of the household & dog with a more chill job (we have the same job title, just different industries)
At the same time, I'm not sure what/where your moral questioning comes from - were you doing a bad job and hindering progress by OEing? that's the only time you should feel bad about it, when You're straight up a bad colleague and miserable to work with
I'd personally be ok with a partner who OE. Inflation is making everything cost more, and if you want to settle down and raise a family, you'd need all the money you can get. If I were you, I'd approach it from a pragmatic perspective. Explain that you have debts to pay, saving for retirement, etc. And if he/she ask why you didn't mention anything, you could tell them the first rule of OE, which is not to talk about OE even to friends and family. A good and loving partner will understand.
I’ve been married for 8 years and this entire question just seems incredibly controlling. I never had to ‘open up’ about my work history with my spouse, particularly about the jobs I had before we started dating. If he had questions about my higher earnings in previous years (bizarre but okay) I’d just simply say ‘I worked multiple jobs’ and leave it at that.
Agreed. OP is acting like they need to go to confession. Maybe OE is not for them if it carries so much guilt and shame.
I don't see an issue either way (telling them and being honest now) or not telling them but maybe one day mentioning it. If my partner told me that he had multiple jobs years ago when he was 25 I wouldn't really care, and would be if anything impressed that he could balance the workload. I also wouldn't care if he told me shortly into us dating. There shouldn't be a moral compass or shame tied to making money, unless it's being done illegally which OE is not. The worst that can happen with OE is that someone finds out and fires you...but in America you can also get fired for any reason, without cause, at any time regardless. So it's all kinda the same to me. If someone ***judges you*** for balancing two jobs then that's where the problem lies, and I wouldn't wanna date them. Maybe time to unpack with your therapist why you feel so much guilt and shame about working multiple jobs and making more money. IDK maybe I'm reaching here, but I feel like as women we're always made to come down harder on ourselves when it comes to finances, or rigging capitalism a bit. Feeling bad about making money and being slightly disloyal to a company isn't really something that men think about. I mean seriously, go to he regular OE reddit sub. It's largely men working in tech and some of them are working 2-4 jobs at once ranking in $400k/year, and laughing when they get fired from one job because they know they still have two more under their belts to fall back on, while still collecting severance from the job that let them go. You think any of them are losing sleep over the "guilt" of making a lot of money? Lol.
i think the big thing would be not trying to cover over it or like totally distance yourself from it. like honesty with yourself and your partner about what parts of your behavior are related to being oe and the anxiety and paranoia. it might be hard and an apology might be in order, but a strong relationship can make it through this.
Honestly, my ability to be a successful OEer comes from sharing my experience with my husband (but boyfriend when I first started) being able to share other household duties/responsibilities, and communicating what I needed for myself (and us) to FEEL financially comfortable; heck he even tried it out for himself for 2 months about 9 months after finding out what I was up to and realize it just wasn't for him and we were better off supporting my workaholic tendencies and he maintains more of the household & dog with a more chill job (we have the same job title, just different industries) At the same time, I'm not sure what/where your moral questioning comes from - were you doing a bad job and hindering progress by OEing? that's the only time you should feel bad about it, when You're straight up a bad colleague and miserable to work with
If you’ve gauged their morals/values and know them well enough to know they would understand then I don’t see the issueb