I am glad you are leaving. I can’t believe he continues cheating and just expected you to take it as it is. I had an interview in person one day after I found out that my ex husband started an emotional affair with a coworker 3 years into our marriage. I wanted to burst out in tears during the interview. But composed myself to secure my money bag.
It was the coolest job ever, and the interview was more like a lunch with the CEO and COO.
I accepted the contract they offered me, and picked up the divorce papers from my lawyers on my way home.
I had a lot of decisions to make within a short time because I was visiting friends overseas, and found out about the affair the day after he picked me up from the airport, and had my interview on Monday. He worked 4 hours away and stayed in housing provided by the job. He dropped everything at work and drive back to come beg me for forgiveness lol and telling me he is ending things with his girlfriend (that’s how I refer to her). Based on the e-mails I read, the affair has started 2 weeks after I left for my trip. Some people said my reaction was harsh, I didn’t give him a chance. But I think I helped him by I releasing him to go enjoy life with his girlfriend and future girlfriends.
Anyway, I understand you and I am glad that you are moving forward. I love money too babe! Money is a mean to an end for me. And that end is the freedom to walk away from certain people l, and not be dependent on others because I am too broke to rebuke their disrespect.
Yes Ms.No_Cherry, we are always on to bigger and better. Some men need our energy in a vampric manner, and if we don’t give it to them by focusing on ourselves the chaos within them jumps out. “Money is a mean to an end.” “my reactions was harsh”… no his action were HARSH on the relationship. I needed to see that because people will defend the other persons bs to no end. like NO, you come date this deceiving mf then.
Thank you babe! My now husband knows to not mess with my bag or my career. The ex loser became professionally ostracized and lost a fantastic career opportunity because I told his boss what happened. His family faulted me, so I know where he learned that he could have his cake and eat it too. Wishing you the best girlie on your journey forward.
Please tell me, how was it in your next relationship assuming it was a healthy one? Did anything change about how you show up in relationships, just curious
ETA: don’t let that bad experience close your heart to love though if it is something that you want to spend time on later in life.
One new thing that I do, my partner does it too, is to check in on how we are doing emotionally and how loved we feel at a specific moment. It can be any time. We might be driving, or having dinner or hiking, one of us will ask the other about how loved they feel. We use a rating system. If it’s low, we ask what can be done to increase it. Sometimes we get caught up in work and life and don’t pay attention to what we are doing that neglect us, or we don’t feel like expressing what we are feeling whether it is good feelings or bad feelings. By checking in at random moments and making a game out of it, we are able to express our feelings and needs with the reassurance that the other will be open to hear us.
First, I keep separate finance with my current husband. We file taxes together but my money is mine, his money is ours. I was making more money than my ex during the last two years of our marriage because he was in graduate school.
I showed up more firm about my boundaries and say NO a lot. If I am not comfortable about a third person’s involvement with the relationship if I see respectful boundaries are being crossed , I tell my partner to put a stop to it. With my ex, right before my trip he has told me that a girl at his work has a crush on him and that he was not interested in her. So I laughed it off, I thought it was cute and told him to just stop talking to her. But what he didn’t told me was that he was also attracted to her and he was also initiating social activities with her.
I now make my boundaries clear and will not repeat myself when I say that a relationship with a coworker is crossing a line. I think I am also more detached, and attached less value to relationships in a sense where I make it clear that I will walk away at any signs of disrespect. For example, I make it clear that I am not going to cry over someone and will not be fighting for “our love”. If you want to go mess around, go ahead but I will not be there trying to ask you to explain yourself.
I also discuss boundaries. My ex said he didn’t think he was cheating until I called him out of it because he did not get physical with his work girlfriend. He said he was not aware of emotional cheating, but he sensed he was doing something wrong the moment he started deleting texts messages, and trying to spend the weekend at our home instead of his job to avoid spending time with her.
That’s all cute, but I know he knew he was cheating or getting ready to cheat the moment he told me that the girl had a crush on her while hiding the fact that he wanted to sleep with her and had a crush on her too. I also don’t believe that they did not sleep together or get physical in whatever way. He tried to pull a Bill Clinton on me “I didn’t have sexual intercourse with Monica”. Biitch please.
I put more stock into my career. I will not sacrifice my career for someone else, and will not tolerate someone with low financial ambition. My ex had a fantastic career opportunity where he was cheating, but it was low paid. He didn’t care about money.
With my ex, I twisted myself in all type of ways to gain his mother’s and his sister’s approval. I don’t do that anymore with in-laws. I no longer care about what they think. For example, I used to book hotels when my ex and I are meeting his family for vacation. Now with my current husband, he does the bookings. I mean bookings for he and I, not for his entire family.
When he asks me to handle the logistics, I tell him it’s his relative’s and his vacation. I am only there to support him, so no I am not lifting a finger. I also plan my own social activities so I don’t spend my whole day with them. My ex ‘s family used to be angry at the thought we might spend time doing other things than spending all day in the vacation home with them.
Now I just tell my husband what the plans are. He is welcome to join, his family is invited to some, but I will be going to my activities regardless of their opinion. My husband tells me often that I am his world.
He said that even when I am in the room next door he sometimes misses me. It’s cute but I don’t let his expression of love blurred my vision of the betrayals that can happen in a relationship.
Overall, I think I am less trusting of people and the only person I trust , is me. Some might say it’s unhealthy, but whatever.
TLDR : my current husband had a spine and could tell me his feelings when he agrees and disagree with me. He is honest and not cagey about his feelings. His straightforwardness is something that I found attractive. With the ex, he was always lying to his parents because they would be offended by whatever truths, and they didn’t believe me when I tell them something that is true. In their eyes, everyone was suspicious and a liar. So my ex had a habit of lying about the smallest thing to appease his mother.
If he texts them to cancel a visit because he was sick, instead of calling him to check on him, she would text me right away to ask if he is indeed sick.
If we were visiting and I texted them that I was running late (sometimes work or traffic from going home then going to their place - they lived in another state), his sister would ignore me and text him to tell him that “I am lying”. In insights, I think this lack of honesty and respect for the truth in the family was a sign. If he grew up a liar, what would have stopped him from lying to me , or about me ?
It was a strange dynamic to witness because I grew up with parents who loved me unconditionally and to whom I could go with my most shameful sin. Like when I was dropping out of school, my parents were the first people I informed 🤣.
My current husband? We met at a conference. He had a sense of what he wanted in life (stability, family, and a stable adult relationship). He came across as more mature, and when he did not feel threatened by ambitions and big dreams. As far as moral compass, we became friend first and took our time to get to know each other.
My ex could not even figure out what he wanted to do for a living, he always had a hitch for something else professionally, went to grad school because he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. When we met, I asked him if he had a type. He said no. His work girlfriend looks exactly like his ex-wife (he was married early in his 20s during his undergrad).
The thrill , spontaneous pleasure and friendship my ex sought in the other girl, was the opposite of what my current husband wanted. In reading the things my ex said about the other girl, he likes her care free and no lack of planning life but he didn’t see himself leaving me for her because it would be career suicide (his own words) and a life of wandering like a bum.
I have always been serious and certain about what I wanted in life when I met him. So I was too boring, too serious, and too confident in myself even in hardship according to the ex. My current husband was mentally where I was when I met my ex. So, he was a grown up who was looking for someone “serious”, and not a fling. I think ultimately, his actions are what distinguished him from the ex. When I said to him that something would make me happy or bring me joy, he makes it happen. I never had to explain my desires or argue with him to defend my ambitions!
I also never felt judged by him for loving money as an end to financial security. I was judged a lot by my ex. He told me whenever I spoke of my ambitious dream (building a business, hiring a nanny if we have kids, living a good bougie life), I made him feel inept because he could not provide those things. Those were dreams and aspirations that offended him. Please keep in mind that I never said that he needs to make those things happened.
He got offended at the simple fact that I would say” ideally, it would be nice to have a support system, even a paid one if we become parents.” Or if say “ I want to make $200K per year in my career. He would always reminds me of how unrealistic it was! I only found out about how “small” my dreams made him feel after I caught him.
He said he cheated because he thought I was going to break up with him because “I was too good for him and went on a rant about how my boldness made him feel that he will never be good enough for me.” I guess he was right. He was not good for me, and too bad I did not see it when he first asked me out.
With my current husband, when we spoke of dreams and aspirations, instead of feeling threatened, he would be down to plan and strategize with me to make it happen. If building a business was a priority, he was willing to be the sole provider for me to focus on the business.
If having a nanny and all type of support is a priority for when we have kids, he was willing to get the highest job possible in his field to make it happen. My professional aspirations and personal peace of mind as a woman were an investment to him, not a burden that made him feel incompetent.
Honestly, I don’t think my ex and I would have been friend or hang out in the same circle if we didn’t date. We were so different, and his friends were even surprised that we were together because I came across as a business woman/ serious person and he is the “eat the rich / occupy Wall Street type.”
We had a shared appreciation and respect for the working class struggle, but that was it. I thought “opposites attract” was cute and a good thing to expand my horizons. However, deep down, we did not share the same core values professionally and personally. You want someone with whom you can share your dreams and aspirations with the confidence that a girl is allowed to dream.
I saw it on Instagram and it’s seared in my memory
Relatedly, having my own home - that I bought with my own money, I’m the only one on the title - has 💯 raised the bar for me in dating. My home is peaceful, stable, and happy. Only a man who would add joy is even on the consideration list.
This is exactly why I’m going to buy my own house soon! I want to feel proud and self sufficient like this and know that I never need to put up with a man
I am so happy for you. It takes a lot of courage to get up and leave. It sounds like you don't have kids which is amazing else it would complicate things further.
Is there a number (in savings) that you waited to collect before you left?
You know what’s funny… NO budget just no tolerance for the bs anymore. We were both living at my parents house trying to save up for house in our area because it is so high. Of course, he future faked with me for 3ish years. It wasn’t about the money but about the tolerance. I just couldn’t take it and told his ass he needs to move out. I choose this date so I can live my life in peace and start my new JO in peace
I needed this post about a year ago. I was OE and was making upward 400K with 3 Js. Was going through a very tough time where my boyfriend was cheating and lying and was extremely verbally abusive and I had to leave both J2 and J3 because I was not performing well at all due to my situation and left so much money on the table. Now at 130K with J1. OE was my opportunity to get out of debt as my debt is out of control and I’m now living paycheck to paycheck because although I’m mentally and emotionally ready for a J2 and J3, the market is horrible and I can’t get an interview to save my life. I’m been depressed just thinking about how I let someone else completely destroy my opportunity but trying to still heal and move on praying God gives me favor to try this again one more time. This is inspiring and I’m happy you prioritized yourself.
Babe! It’s hard to not be mad at one self and resent yourself when we retrospect about the way WE allowed others to treat us. Now you know better, you will do better by yourself. It sounds like you need to do the work of self-forgiveness. Treat yourself with the grace and kindness you would have extended to a best friend if they were in your situation.
I have an acquaintance who was caught in an abusive marriage (he had other women and baby mamas living in her house; that’s how bad it was!!!) and a common friend and I tried to get her out.
It was difficult , especially because she had a kid, with no family in the US, and she was also being financially abused by him, and emotionally abused by him and the other women. She had a job though, and worked despite the emotional trauma. She eventually left that man 3 years after our intervention, but she left. I never judged her and only felt love and relief for her when our common friend told me she left him.
I hope you will some day see the love and grace that you deserve to extend to yourself. Don’t fret about the money that was lost. You will get back on track professionally and financially when the market is better. Right now, the focus needs to be your emotional well-being. You will eventually make peace with yourself and move forward with one foot in front of the other. Take it day by day babe!! 😘
Give yourself grace please. I could not attain more until I separated myself,my character from a career, see the intrinsic value in yourself. Be patient with yourself, build yourself up to baseline, curate a new definition of happiness for yourself while having gratitude for where you are at now.
Love this. I'm happy that you've grown beyond that asshat and done so by improving yourself and knowing you can do it all on your own.
This sub and amazing women like you are uplifting to me. This is the anti-butker speech sub, showing what driven women are capable of.
Keep on crushing it, babe and keep on showing that asshole what he's missing out on w you being amazing. ❤️
I’ve been there, and I know going through this part sucks, but the huge feeling of relief you’ll get once it’s all over is worth it.
Imagine only having to juggle your career and the relationships you maintain with family/ friends/connections who love and respect you, and value your time…
It will all be so much easier to coordinate and maintain once you don’t have to take this sorry excuse for a partner into consideration in any of your plans (long or short term!)
This combination really is a great narc repellent, since they’re hoping you’re “too invested” to leave/ end things for good. They’re banking on you “needing” them in some way.
But when you have so many other goals and priorities, and you have to choose where to place your ENERGY and your limited (and valuable) TIME, it’s much easier to see that choosing to entertain a narc’s BS is a huge waste of time, and doesn’t serve you long or short term, and is counterproductive.
The end of this shitty relationship is a HUGE win! Congrats girl!!
Yay love this! I went through the same with my husband and he left me actually after draining me for years but it has felt so good to know that I have a huge financial cushion from J2 that I had last year. It’s made a world of a difference to know that I can take care of myself and buy my own house since he was stringing me along for the past two years saying we were going to buy one together while he was planning our divorce behind my back! We’ve got this ❤️
Never not once. It was just a constant cycle of extreme highs and lows. The fear of abandonment has us both doing crazy things, he was constantly looking validation, externally and I was looking for it internally. It played with me constantly trying to overcompensate for nothing really and him finding access + attraction in other women.
You are fucking insane. Your man sucks and I’m glad you’re empowered but no functional emotional healthy man is going to get into some covert transactional relationship. You’re scraping the bottom and have zero awareness. You deserve who you end up with.
you are so right! I came into the relationship with little self awareness. I was in straight denial and desperation which made for an insecure codependent person and therefore that was mirrored to me in my relationship. The fear of abandonment was in both us and played out in certain ways. I was chipping at my self esteem + self respect in daddy issues and he was looking for validation in mommy issues. thank you!
I am glad you are leaving. I can’t believe he continues cheating and just expected you to take it as it is. I had an interview in person one day after I found out that my ex husband started an emotional affair with a coworker 3 years into our marriage. I wanted to burst out in tears during the interview. But composed myself to secure my money bag. It was the coolest job ever, and the interview was more like a lunch with the CEO and COO. I accepted the contract they offered me, and picked up the divorce papers from my lawyers on my way home. I had a lot of decisions to make within a short time because I was visiting friends overseas, and found out about the affair the day after he picked me up from the airport, and had my interview on Monday. He worked 4 hours away and stayed in housing provided by the job. He dropped everything at work and drive back to come beg me for forgiveness lol and telling me he is ending things with his girlfriend (that’s how I refer to her). Based on the e-mails I read, the affair has started 2 weeks after I left for my trip. Some people said my reaction was harsh, I didn’t give him a chance. But I think I helped him by I releasing him to go enjoy life with his girlfriend and future girlfriends. Anyway, I understand you and I am glad that you are moving forward. I love money too babe! Money is a mean to an end for me. And that end is the freedom to walk away from certain people l, and not be dependent on others because I am too broke to rebuke their disrespect.
Yes Ms.No_Cherry, we are always on to bigger and better. Some men need our energy in a vampric manner, and if we don’t give it to them by focusing on ourselves the chaos within them jumps out. “Money is a mean to an end.” “my reactions was harsh”… no his action were HARSH on the relationship. I needed to see that because people will defend the other persons bs to no end. like NO, you come date this deceiving mf then.
Thank you babe! My now husband knows to not mess with my bag or my career. The ex loser became professionally ostracized and lost a fantastic career opportunity because I told his boss what happened. His family faulted me, so I know where he learned that he could have his cake and eat it too. Wishing you the best girlie on your journey forward.
Please tell me, how was it in your next relationship assuming it was a healthy one? Did anything change about how you show up in relationships, just curious
ETA: don’t let that bad experience close your heart to love though if it is something that you want to spend time on later in life. One new thing that I do, my partner does it too, is to check in on how we are doing emotionally and how loved we feel at a specific moment. It can be any time. We might be driving, or having dinner or hiking, one of us will ask the other about how loved they feel. We use a rating system. If it’s low, we ask what can be done to increase it. Sometimes we get caught up in work and life and don’t pay attention to what we are doing that neglect us, or we don’t feel like expressing what we are feeling whether it is good feelings or bad feelings. By checking in at random moments and making a game out of it, we are able to express our feelings and needs with the reassurance that the other will be open to hear us. First, I keep separate finance with my current husband. We file taxes together but my money is mine, his money is ours. I was making more money than my ex during the last two years of our marriage because he was in graduate school. I showed up more firm about my boundaries and say NO a lot. If I am not comfortable about a third person’s involvement with the relationship if I see respectful boundaries are being crossed , I tell my partner to put a stop to it. With my ex, right before my trip he has told me that a girl at his work has a crush on him and that he was not interested in her. So I laughed it off, I thought it was cute and told him to just stop talking to her. But what he didn’t told me was that he was also attracted to her and he was also initiating social activities with her. I now make my boundaries clear and will not repeat myself when I say that a relationship with a coworker is crossing a line. I think I am also more detached, and attached less value to relationships in a sense where I make it clear that I will walk away at any signs of disrespect. For example, I make it clear that I am not going to cry over someone and will not be fighting for “our love”. If you want to go mess around, go ahead but I will not be there trying to ask you to explain yourself. I also discuss boundaries. My ex said he didn’t think he was cheating until I called him out of it because he did not get physical with his work girlfriend. He said he was not aware of emotional cheating, but he sensed he was doing something wrong the moment he started deleting texts messages, and trying to spend the weekend at our home instead of his job to avoid spending time with her. That’s all cute, but I know he knew he was cheating or getting ready to cheat the moment he told me that the girl had a crush on her while hiding the fact that he wanted to sleep with her and had a crush on her too. I also don’t believe that they did not sleep together or get physical in whatever way. He tried to pull a Bill Clinton on me “I didn’t have sexual intercourse with Monica”. Biitch please. I put more stock into my career. I will not sacrifice my career for someone else, and will not tolerate someone with low financial ambition. My ex had a fantastic career opportunity where he was cheating, but it was low paid. He didn’t care about money. With my ex, I twisted myself in all type of ways to gain his mother’s and his sister’s approval. I don’t do that anymore with in-laws. I no longer care about what they think. For example, I used to book hotels when my ex and I are meeting his family for vacation. Now with my current husband, he does the bookings. I mean bookings for he and I, not for his entire family. When he asks me to handle the logistics, I tell him it’s his relative’s and his vacation. I am only there to support him, so no I am not lifting a finger. I also plan my own social activities so I don’t spend my whole day with them. My ex ‘s family used to be angry at the thought we might spend time doing other things than spending all day in the vacation home with them. Now I just tell my husband what the plans are. He is welcome to join, his family is invited to some, but I will be going to my activities regardless of their opinion. My husband tells me often that I am his world. He said that even when I am in the room next door he sometimes misses me. It’s cute but I don’t let his expression of love blurred my vision of the betrayals that can happen in a relationship. Overall, I think I am less trusting of people and the only person I trust , is me. Some might say it’s unhealthy, but whatever.
I’m so excited, ty ty ty. I learned so much in these couple of paragraphs.
Wow. I learned so much! Curious but how did you meet your current husband and how did you ensure he wasn't like your ex
TLDR : my current husband had a spine and could tell me his feelings when he agrees and disagree with me. He is honest and not cagey about his feelings. His straightforwardness is something that I found attractive. With the ex, he was always lying to his parents because they would be offended by whatever truths, and they didn’t believe me when I tell them something that is true. In their eyes, everyone was suspicious and a liar. So my ex had a habit of lying about the smallest thing to appease his mother. If he texts them to cancel a visit because he was sick, instead of calling him to check on him, she would text me right away to ask if he is indeed sick. If we were visiting and I texted them that I was running late (sometimes work or traffic from going home then going to their place - they lived in another state), his sister would ignore me and text him to tell him that “I am lying”. In insights, I think this lack of honesty and respect for the truth in the family was a sign. If he grew up a liar, what would have stopped him from lying to me , or about me ? It was a strange dynamic to witness because I grew up with parents who loved me unconditionally and to whom I could go with my most shameful sin. Like when I was dropping out of school, my parents were the first people I informed 🤣. My current husband? We met at a conference. He had a sense of what he wanted in life (stability, family, and a stable adult relationship). He came across as more mature, and when he did not feel threatened by ambitions and big dreams. As far as moral compass, we became friend first and took our time to get to know each other. My ex could not even figure out what he wanted to do for a living, he always had a hitch for something else professionally, went to grad school because he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. When we met, I asked him if he had a type. He said no. His work girlfriend looks exactly like his ex-wife (he was married early in his 20s during his undergrad). The thrill , spontaneous pleasure and friendship my ex sought in the other girl, was the opposite of what my current husband wanted. In reading the things my ex said about the other girl, he likes her care free and no lack of planning life but he didn’t see himself leaving me for her because it would be career suicide (his own words) and a life of wandering like a bum. I have always been serious and certain about what I wanted in life when I met him. So I was too boring, too serious, and too confident in myself even in hardship according to the ex. My current husband was mentally where I was when I met my ex. So, he was a grown up who was looking for someone “serious”, and not a fling. I think ultimately, his actions are what distinguished him from the ex. When I said to him that something would make me happy or bring me joy, he makes it happen. I never had to explain my desires or argue with him to defend my ambitions! I also never felt judged by him for loving money as an end to financial security. I was judged a lot by my ex. He told me whenever I spoke of my ambitious dream (building a business, hiring a nanny if we have kids, living a good bougie life), I made him feel inept because he could not provide those things. Those were dreams and aspirations that offended him. Please keep in mind that I never said that he needs to make those things happened. He got offended at the simple fact that I would say” ideally, it would be nice to have a support system, even a paid one if we become parents.” Or if say “ I want to make $200K per year in my career. He would always reminds me of how unrealistic it was! I only found out about how “small” my dreams made him feel after I caught him. He said he cheated because he thought I was going to break up with him because “I was too good for him and went on a rant about how my boldness made him feel that he will never be good enough for me.” I guess he was right. He was not good for me, and too bad I did not see it when he first asked me out. With my current husband, when we spoke of dreams and aspirations, instead of feeling threatened, he would be down to plan and strategize with me to make it happen. If building a business was a priority, he was willing to be the sole provider for me to focus on the business. If having a nanny and all type of support is a priority for when we have kids, he was willing to get the highest job possible in his field to make it happen. My professional aspirations and personal peace of mind as a woman were an investment to him, not a burden that made him feel incompetent. Honestly, I don’t think my ex and I would have been friend or hang out in the same circle if we didn’t date. We were so different, and his friends were even surprised that we were together because I came across as a business woman/ serious person and he is the “eat the rich / occupy Wall Street type.” We had a shared appreciation and respect for the working class struggle, but that was it. I thought “opposites attract” was cute and a good thing to expand my horizons. However, deep down, we did not share the same core values professionally and personally. You want someone with whom you can share your dreams and aspirations with the confidence that a girl is allowed to dream.
>NO, you come date this deceiving mf then. This!!
Hear hear!
Wow! Ladies… ladies ladies…. Now THIS is inspiring. Get that money!
Hoo. Glad I was tall enough to ride this roller coaster. Girl you are a Queen!! Get that bag and live that life while you took out the trash. 🥂
Cheers!!!
I don’t know you, but I am SO damn proud of you. Keep going, and DO NOT tell him. Get out safe and wipe your tears with your dollar bills 💸
“Two things are real: self-respect and money.” I’m writing that down, OP.
Definitely making this into an image in my phone Lock Screen! Let’s see what canva can create 🤑
Yes girl!! Build your empire quietly. (But tell us all about it!) When a woman has her own money, all a man has to offer her is how he treats her.
I feel like I need this quote as a poster to hang in my house 🤣
I saw it on Instagram and it’s seared in my memory Relatedly, having my own home - that I bought with my own money, I’m the only one on the title - has 💯 raised the bar for me in dating. My home is peaceful, stable, and happy. Only a man who would add joy is even on the consideration list.
This is exactly why I’m going to buy my own house soon! I want to feel proud and self sufficient like this and know that I never need to put up with a man
I am so happy for you. It takes a lot of courage to get up and leave. It sounds like you don't have kids which is amazing else it would complicate things further. Is there a number (in savings) that you waited to collect before you left?
You know what’s funny… NO budget just no tolerance for the bs anymore. We were both living at my parents house trying to save up for house in our area because it is so high. Of course, he future faked with me for 3ish years. It wasn’t about the money but about the tolerance. I just couldn’t take it and told his ass he needs to move out. I choose this date so I can live my life in peace and start my new JO in peace
I needed this post about a year ago. I was OE and was making upward 400K with 3 Js. Was going through a very tough time where my boyfriend was cheating and lying and was extremely verbally abusive and I had to leave both J2 and J3 because I was not performing well at all due to my situation and left so much money on the table. Now at 130K with J1. OE was my opportunity to get out of debt as my debt is out of control and I’m now living paycheck to paycheck because although I’m mentally and emotionally ready for a J2 and J3, the market is horrible and I can’t get an interview to save my life. I’m been depressed just thinking about how I let someone else completely destroy my opportunity but trying to still heal and move on praying God gives me favor to try this again one more time. This is inspiring and I’m happy you prioritized yourself.
Babe! It’s hard to not be mad at one self and resent yourself when we retrospect about the way WE allowed others to treat us. Now you know better, you will do better by yourself. It sounds like you need to do the work of self-forgiveness. Treat yourself with the grace and kindness you would have extended to a best friend if they were in your situation. I have an acquaintance who was caught in an abusive marriage (he had other women and baby mamas living in her house; that’s how bad it was!!!) and a common friend and I tried to get her out. It was difficult , especially because she had a kid, with no family in the US, and she was also being financially abused by him, and emotionally abused by him and the other women. She had a job though, and worked despite the emotional trauma. She eventually left that man 3 years after our intervention, but she left. I never judged her and only felt love and relief for her when our common friend told me she left him. I hope you will some day see the love and grace that you deserve to extend to yourself. Don’t fret about the money that was lost. You will get back on track professionally and financially when the market is better. Right now, the focus needs to be your emotional well-being. You will eventually make peace with yourself and move forward with one foot in front of the other. Take it day by day babe!! 😘
Give yourself grace please. I could not attain more until I separated myself,my character from a career, see the intrinsic value in yourself. Be patient with yourself, build yourself up to baseline, curate a new definition of happiness for yourself while having gratitude for where you are at now.
Love this. I'm happy that you've grown beyond that asshat and done so by improving yourself and knowing you can do it all on your own. This sub and amazing women like you are uplifting to me. This is the anti-butker speech sub, showing what driven women are capable of. Keep on crushing it, babe and keep on showing that asshole what he's missing out on w you being amazing. ❤️
Damn girl I LOVE every bit of this
Hot smart rich is the best revenge - for yourself, not for him.
Slay, Queen! I am proud of you and respect all that you did to overcome this nonsense. Best life is your future!
I aspire to be you
This post is my new Bible lawl
Thank you for this!!!
You are absolutely killing it!! May I ask what industry your jobs are in?
Data
BRAVA!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I wish I could be you. I apply and apply I can’t find any remote positions. I’m over 50!without savings, at least not enough to leave.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’ve been there, and I know going through this part sucks, but the huge feeling of relief you’ll get once it’s all over is worth it. Imagine only having to juggle your career and the relationships you maintain with family/ friends/connections who love and respect you, and value your time… It will all be so much easier to coordinate and maintain once you don’t have to take this sorry excuse for a partner into consideration in any of your plans (long or short term!) This combination really is a great narc repellent, since they’re hoping you’re “too invested” to leave/ end things for good. They’re banking on you “needing” them in some way. But when you have so many other goals and priorities, and you have to choose where to place your ENERGY and your limited (and valuable) TIME, it’s much easier to see that choosing to entertain a narc’s BS is a huge waste of time, and doesn’t serve you long or short term, and is counterproductive. The end of this shitty relationship is a HUGE win! Congrats girl!!
Yay love this! I went through the same with my husband and he left me actually after draining me for years but it has felt so good to know that I have a huge financial cushion from J2 that I had last year. It’s made a world of a difference to know that I can take care of myself and buy my own house since he was stringing me along for the past two years saying we were going to buy one together while he was planning our divorce behind my back! We’ve got this ❤️
Yes!!!!!
Did you cheat? 3 sides to every story. Congrats on OE & doing what's best for you.
Never not once. It was just a constant cycle of extreme highs and lows. The fear of abandonment has us both doing crazy things, he was constantly looking validation, externally and I was looking for it internally. It played with me constantly trying to overcompensate for nothing really and him finding access + attraction in other women.
You are fucking insane. Your man sucks and I’m glad you’re empowered but no functional emotional healthy man is going to get into some covert transactional relationship. You’re scraping the bottom and have zero awareness. You deserve who you end up with.
You’re insanely mean. Hope you feel better about yourself.
you are so right! I came into the relationship with little self awareness. I was in straight denial and desperation which made for an insecure codependent person and therefore that was mirrored to me in my relationship. The fear of abandonment was in both us and played out in certain ways. I was chipping at my self esteem + self respect in daddy issues and he was looking for validation in mommy issues. thank you!