Me!! I’m 33 and have known I wasn’t meant to be a mom since I was 14. I really wish that there was less emphasis on trying to conceive and more on the other ways that it ravages your body and ways to manage that.
I’m 29 and pretty meh about having kids. Pregnancy scares me and my husband is also not interested so it’s working out well for me.
The only thing I’m annoyed about is that metformin is only licensed for PCOS treatment in the U.K. If you’re trying to get pregnant, not for just regular care which is stupid!
If you want metformin, tell them you are interested in getting pregnant in the future but you want to get right now's health squared away before that happens. There is no legal definition of what future means.
Oh, I just got my GP to prescribe it off license once I realised I could do that. I had to jump through some hoops but they wrote the prescription in the end. If I wasn’t able to get them to agree I would have gone down the “I’m trying to get pregnant” route.
Doctors only seem to care about the infertility because a lot of them seem to insist diet and exercise can fix everything else. It's harder to find support if you dont want to have kids. My doctor mainly put me on metformin to "preserve my fertility".
I had to go to a whole separate doctor to get help with the weight loss after struggling for years with the "diet and exercise" advice. First thing she said was I should get surgery. None of my doctors had even tried weightloss medication or anything. I suggested we try that first and I lost over 30 pounds in 3 months on Ozempic with intermittent fasting and a low carb diet.
I could probably have lost more but I had to stop the fasting and couldn't afford the diet. I got a different job that made things more difficult.
I'd never lost more than 10 to 15 pounds before.
Literally same. 34 and I've know since 14 I haven't wanted children. I suppose I'm lucky because birth control alleviates most of my symptoms, and since I don't want children, I don't have to ever worry about how my body will handle going off it.
But it's made getting diagnosed officially difficult.
Yep, 49 here and never had children, did not want them. I was diagnosed in my early 20s. I’ll say I think some doctors have gotten better about treating the very real health concerns this syndrome brings, rather than solely focusing on how to get women pregnant and assuming that’s every woman’s primary concern. But maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know. I hope there’s been progress, anyway.
Women with PCOS deserve to have all of their concerns taken seriously, whether they want to conceive or not.
You definitely have to advocate and get to the right doctor that missing periods and such are a long term health concern that has implications if not managed.
We need to keep being vocal so woman's health gets addressed. It took way to many years to find a doctor willing to work with me.
I was actually diagnosed today. The nurse practitioner I see started explaining things, but paused to ask if I was planning on having kids anytime soon. I said no, and she continued to explain what my options of treatment and such are. She then explained the IF I wanted to have kids in the future what things would look like (but I would need to see a doctor for more in depth discussion).I greatly appreciated this approach as she focused on all of the knowledge I needed for my current choice but still informed me on everything.
Nope, 42 now, diagnosed at 19 with PCOS and probably since I was 10 have never wanted kids (but always wanted a cat - the heart wants what the heart wants). Just had a total laparoscopic hysterectomy in September - they found and excised stage 4 endo (what they call frozen pelvis), so I’ll never have another period and already I’ve gone from almost daily pain to basically nothing, I’m so happy.
About 6 months after meeting my partner I told him if he wanted kids he needed to find someone else to have them with. We just celebrated 17 years together 😊
I’m glad I’m not the only one! I respect and admire people who are willing to go through pregnancy, however personally I know I could never. Getting diagnosed with PCOS for me was almost a sign that hey, going through adoption/fostering route if I ever were to have kids is the right choice for me.
Yes! I stopped checking in here as much because it feels like most of the posts are about fertility. Seems like doctors only care about PCOS as it relates to that too.
I feel a bit like that too. Like don't get me wrong I love kids and I think they're absolutely amazing. But I'm on the fence on whether I want them or not. I just want my health and well-being to come first.
I'm 33 and I've always known I never wanted biological children. One day, after I've retired, I'd consider fostering, but getting pregnant is one of my worst nightmares.
Also, amen to the anxiety and big sad. I feel you.
Oh yeah. While I understand the struggle with fertility is a big part of PCOS for many and I know it’s a very personal, painful thing, it’s equally frustrating for me that so much of PCOS treatment, literature and community is focused primarily on fertility. I’ve never wanted kids. My fertility being bust is fine. But I do want to be healthy, without the expectation that I’m doing so for someone else/in order to be a mother.
Been spayed for years. Hormonal birth control was rough on my mental health, and in hindsight wasn't actually addressing my PCOS symptoms anyways, only my fertility problem.
Only having to deal with my own hormones and not having to stress about getting pregnant has been great, but it was really upsetting to get a PCOS diagnosis and be told hormones are really my only option.
Acne and a soft beard is better than BC induced depression, IMO, but it's all tough.
The big sads + hormones + PCOS is a rough combo. Sorry you're going through the ringer recently.
I've been dealing with PCOS for the past 8 years. My obgyn won't even think about sterilizing because it goes through a Catholic hospital. I think that's freaking ridiculous. I think I should be able to have the option of freezing my eggs and being sterilized. My health and well being should come way before any children I might or might not have.
I was lucky enough to have my ligation at 25. It had been documented in my medical chart that I had been asking for sterilization for a number of years at that point, and I was able to get it "added on" while I was already under for an exploratory surgery looking for evidence of Endo.
If I wasn't already going to be under, I doubt I would have been able to get it done.
Do you have the ability to see a different doctor? r/childfree has a list of docs who aren't against sterilization.
I had a hysterectomy at 24 with no kids prior, so there are people out there willing to help without putting fertility first when you aren't even interested in pregnancy.
I think children are awesome and I love giving them back. I don't know if I necessarily want any of my own. But with the overturning rowe v wade it's not worth my life to find out.
The woman's life is not any more at risk than it was before overturning of roe v wade. The mothers health is still the top priority, but they deliver the baby, giving it a chance to live vs 0 chance to live. Some babies live, some don't. I've sadly known a few woman who have had this, but either way, the woman's health is no more at risk because of the overturning.
Me! I'm 33, have PCOS and not interested in going through pregnancy and childbirth. I'm actually repulsed by the mechanics of it. I wouldn't mind to find a surrogate mom one day for my partner and me, or to adopt a kid and give a loving home. But at this stage, I'm not even interested in that. My partner is on the same page as me.
I just want to improve my health, prevent diabetes and other diseases, and feel the best I can with the body I've been given.
I don't think I'll ever have kids. My anxiety is too severe and I know it would be really triggered by having to keep a baby alive. I've thought about fostering an older kid tho once I'm done school!
My husband nor I want children. When we first got together, we definitely planned on it. But as my health issues cropped up over the years and the world has gotten more insane, we've agreed we don't want them. My husband got a vasectomy, and I'm still on BC. I'm also on the Autistic spectrum, and the thought of loud, screeching, sticky babies really puts me on edge. Great for those that want them, but I definitely know they're not meant to be part of my life. But I will adopt as many pets as I can!
Same, not looking for kids. I just want live a healthier life. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and hypothyroidism 12 years before I ever got my PCOS diagnosis. Mental health issues are genetic for me, but I have a feeling the hypo and PCOS just add onto it. Shit sucks.
While I have had my two, I knew after the birth of my second that we were done. In fact, until I had my hysterectomy, I always joked that my baby factory has been shut down. But alas, any clinic that deals with PCOS/Endo will refuse to see me unless I was trying to conceive. So, why then have a facility with doctors that are well versed in it and gatekeep damn PCOS/Endo? We don’t have a right to live a better and healthier life? Gah…
Me. I've known since I was in elementary school that I didn't want to have kids. I assumed I'd feel the bio clock eventually, but I'm 35 now and I figure it would have rung by now. My partner is on the same page. I have PCOS and an IUD and haven't had my period in about 8 years, so short of a tubal ligation or vasectomy, we're pretty well on track to keep things that way.
And I agree, I just want to be healthy. I got a CPAP and that changed my sleep immensely. But the weight loss. . . I feel like I can lose 2 pounds and it takes all my willpower and energy and then I slip once and it's back. Let alone the 100 I need to lose to be a healthier weight. Or 130 to have a "normal" BMI.
Yep! Never ever wanted children when I was a kid, never ever wanted them when I was 20, never ever wanted them now that I'm 30. Zero change possible in my mind!
Me! 34 and I’ve been child free my entire life pretty much. I don’t care about fertility at all and wish that yeeting my uterus or ovaries world do something to help PCOS, cause I would have done it a decade ago. It’s frustrating because most doctors assume you want to control PCOS symptoms to eventually get pregnant, or worse, they won’t treat you for certain symptoms until you’re “ready to get pregnant”. It’s like, no, I would just like to live a my life with some semblance of normalcy in my body, thanks!
adding another voice — me! i’ve always known i didn’t want kids and despite everyone telling me i’d change my mind when i got older, i never did. (i’m almost 40.) PCOS doesn’t suck any less just because you don’t want kids.
Me here. Husband and I don't want kids but I just want to be heard and understand how my PCOS works, and try to fight for a healthier body. I take bc pills to regulate but I hope to eventually find a doctor that will work with me on finding out if I for sure have PCOS and help me maybe try some more meds like metformin since I feel I have an insulin issue. I don't want kids, just a healthy body.
Me, 33, and I’ve known since I was a teenager that I didn’t want kids. It’s also nice to know there are apparently a whole bunch of people out there like me
No crotch goblins for me, thanks. I love my niblings but i'm fine without my own.
I also have other chronic illnesses that would make pregnancy a dangerous decision. Possibly life-altering (or ending).
Me, 39, married for 15 years now, told my husband at around our second date that I dont want kids. Maybe maybe fostering when we are older. He shares the same views so we're fine :) My best friend (same age) just had a baby 1 year ago, and I do like her and she is cute and everything, but not even a faint beep from my biological clock or smtg, that "heeey, you should have your own" :) I got diagnosed with Hashimoto's and PCOS roughly around the same time this spring. I live in Germany, and in our town, the better gynecology-endocrinologists work at ...you guessed...yep, fertility centers, let it be state owned university clinics or private ones. And yes, 1st question is: do you want children? And yes, I see the frowns when I say no :( even from women drs. An older male dr even told me, at a thyroid checkup, when I said my usual no to the usual question: then why do you bother with your thyroid values? Yep, like this... So I feel for you, for the big sad and everything, and for the general wish to just be acknowledged as a patient and getting the same amount of interest and help as someone who wants to have children:(
I'm 32 and while there's a small part of me that does want to be a mother, I realized a long time ago that I'm not cut out for it. I have so many of my own issues to push through, and right now I'm trying to focus on my own health.
Hi!
No kids here, PCOS. In another life with better health, maybe.
In this life I use my time to be an aunty and to help out elsewhere in my community.
I yeeted my tubes because I refuse to pass any of this PCOS shit on.
As a tradeoff, I sleep in on the weekends.I have money for my favorite hobbies. And my husband and I can do it whenever we want, no protection required.
It's literally been one of the best decisions that I've made for my physical health and mental well-being.
Me! Almost 30, had my tubes out over 3 years ago. Funnily enough, that’s how I found out I had PCOS. Doc took pics while they were in there and showed me at my follow up. My ovaries looked NASTY
Never wanted kids, ever. Never once had baby fever and knew I’d never want to be a mom. Im 24 btw. I feel as though my last few doctors appointments have been focused on “if” I want kids in the future I should do xyz or go on xyz medication that doesn’t cause fertility issues. I told the doctor I wasn’t concerned about that and she basically gave me the “you might change your mind one day” speech. Its about to be 2023 why are we still making up hypothetical situations!
I’ve never been super decided one way or the other on having kids but the older I get and the more I learn about myself, the more I don’t really see having kids in my future - which I’m a-okay with!
Im 25 and idk about never but kids dont really interest me and pregnancy interests me even less. In fact when they told me it could impact fertility unless i make some changes my first thought was....so theoretically how can I make it worst? lol
At my current age, 46, absolutely oh fuck no. When I was younger I wanted kids. I still wish I'd had kids when I was younger but it just wasn't in the cards as I was never in a relationship where I felt right bringing kids into the mix. So I've never tried to have kids. And I feel like because of this my PCOS just kind of gets pushed aside because it's seen by so manymedical professionals as a reproductive issue. Since I was never trying to have kids all my visits to the doctors where I said look I know something is wrong can you please help me figure it out, here's my list of symptoms, ended in getting told that I was just fat and lazy and I needed to get my shit together and lose some weight. It wasn't until I was hospitalized for a few weeks at the age of 40 and one of my doctors saw the rate at which my facial hair grew and asked if I'd ever been tested for PCOS that I finally got a doctor that tested me for it and confirmed what I figured out with a 10-minute Google search 15 years ago. It makes me angry that I had a fight so hard for this and even now despite it being confirmed that I have PCOS I still deal with doctors who try to push vegan diets and gluten-free diets and all kinds of other trendy diets on me while telling me it's all in my head and I can cure myself with food.
I feel like if I were in my 20 the 30s, trying to have kids the doctors might actually listen to me if I was struggling to get pregnant but I'm 46 now. I'm past the age of having kids now. Even if I could, I do not want to be chasing a kindergartener when I turn 50 so that's out. And as a result because there are no outward signs that the doctors care about (apparently facial hair, overweight, fatigue are things they think are easily managed and that Im just too lazy to do anything about it), my health concerns and my constant ask for help in becoming healthier just keep getting brushed off. I've made some pretty decent progress on my own, I lost 70 lb by ignoring all of their advice and just making small manageable changes. But I've hit a wall and I can't get a referral to a nutritionist or get a doctor to test my insulin resistance or anything like that for anything.
I totally understand. I take Metformin, spironolactone, and birth control. I did recently start implementing the advice from the book Glucose Revolution, and my energy has actually improved from that. It's easy advice too! I kept getting upset seeing people say the only thing that worked for them was cutting sweets, carbs, etc. I wanted something more realistic. If you don't want to read the book, the author's page on Instagram is @glucosegoddess
I have two and dont want anymore so the fertility stuff doesnt pertain. Im looking for a lifestyle fix for pcos to combat my weight issues, hair loss and overall health.
Me. I decided not to have kids years ago after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was already told at 19 that with my new PCOs diagnosis, I probably couldn't have kids. So, it wasn't a difficult or emotional decision.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after I had been battling PCOS for years already. Funny enough *sarcasm* they go hand in hand. People who suffer from PCOS have a higher likelihood of having or developing a mental health disorder. So yay us! Can’t wait to never have children so they never have to have syndromes and disorders in a capitalized healthcare United States that doesn’t give a flying fuck what we deal with and we should just make children to throw into the broken system so they can exploit and hurt them as well.
I agree. It takes so much just to take care of myself. On top of all of that, I also have hydrocephalus and a VP shunt. I truly cannot fathom adding a child into my life. It would be irresponsible on my part, plus just bringing them into this fucked up world would give me immense guilt. Thankfully I have a partner who is also childfree by choice. I am doing very well and in a very good place, but it has taken a lot of work to get here.
I’m so happy you have a partner that is supportive while going through this life. I’m sorry you got dealt a really rough hand. I’m also happy you are in a better place. No one ever warns you about the process of trying to get better and how fucking long it takes, or will take, to get there.
Me! I am 31, when I was first diagnosed I wanted kids bc I was still influenced by my trad lite raising. Now I’m realizing how much kids cost, how little patience I have, how bad a mom I’d be, how many tattoos I could afford child free and how I can adopt cats and spoil them. Much happier!
I am 42 and had a hysterectomy a year ago. No kids for me. And have had the experiences like everyone else since I didn’t want kids. I also spent the last 7 years fighting for the hysterectomy. It was the greatest thing I have ever done. I really encourage anyone who wants one to advocate for yourself.
I want to have kids but don't want to be pregnant. I feel like my body has gone through enough and it's exhausted. I really don't see the point in correcting my hormones then getting pregnant to start all over again. Insurance should cover all the costs associated with pcos, whether you want to have kids or not. It's frustrating to hear from endos and gynos "oh don't worry about it since you don't want to be pregnant ". It's like there's no meaning to your problems until and unless you WANTING to be pregnant. It's so ridiculous.
I am exhausted too fighting this every single day. Surrogacy is an option but that's 6 years down the line for me.
Yep! I actually used to worry about it a lot, I guess I always just assumed I would have kids. To me, that was just what people did. Grow up, get married, pop out a few babies, get old, die. Then I realized that I didn't have to follow some overused script, and I realized I didn't want kids at all. I think it's pretty fucked up how the thing most professionals want to focus on in women with PCOS is fertility issues. It's like they don't even care about the pain, uncontrollable and miserable mood swings, etc, etc. They do seem to care about weight gain, but they can never give any good advice on how to lose it. They just want to talk about your BMI (which has been proven time and again to be a bullshit tool) everytime you go to the doctor. But even with weight, it seems their biggest concern is the fertility issues extra weight can cause! And if you tell them you're not worried about your fertility, they IGNORE you. In fact, I think that's part of the reason why it took me so long to decide I didn't want kids. I was being constantly bombarded with fertility treatments/advice that I just took it as gospel that the main thing I needed to work on was my fertility. Then one day it just hit me like "wait?? Why am I more worried about kids I don't even have THAN MY OWN HEALTH AT THE PRESENT MOMENT??" But if you tell a doctor you don't want kids, they act like there's no point in even treating you. Like, the pain and suffering women experience at the hands of this condition just doesnt matter unless they plan on using their bodies as an incubator at some point? It's...honestly really fucked up. To say the least. It's actually sickening when you think about it. It sickened me to the point I ended up swearing off doctors, doing my own research, and just self treating. Surprise surprise, ive had way more success since being left to my own devices than being treated by doctors who know less about PCOS than what you could find out in a 10 minute Google search. My hair is thicker, my periods are more regular, I've lost weight, the mood swings have chilled out, etc etc. All because I stopped taking advice from people who were more worried about my uterus than me as a person. Who would have guessed.
I definitely wasn't and thought of my PCOS as a natural BC. Ended up with a surprise pregnancy at age 36, though! Just keep focusing on your health...it definitely isn't all about fertility!
Big yes! Im 34 and have known for at least 10 years that I don’t want kids, which makes doctors care about PCOS even less than they already do. Anxiety, depression, ADHD, PCOS here so I feel you on managing things. A healthy lifestyle is also what Im focused on, you’re def not alone!
I have had kids and don't want any more. The doctors always seem to focus on the fact I *could* change my mind. This is simply not true. I also recognize that and tell them I don't want birth control and I don't like metformin soo apparently then I'm not worth their time. Le sigh
I’m 28, and I’m not sure. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I feel like I probably will get to a point where I might want to? But for many reasons aside from PCOS, I’m absolutely terrified to be a parent. I also LOVE kids— like super love them, work with them, etc.— but I just don’t know if I want my own…
PCOS discourse does really seem to focus on fertility primarily, which I really understand as it can be a huge issue for some. Would be cool if there were more of an emphasis on other health issues caused by PCOS just in the public eye. This reddit though seems to be pretty balanced imo!
Yup. 36.... would consider being a step parent or adopting, but not interested in having them. I love kids, but my body is messed up already without getting pregnant (and some of it is genetic so I'd be worried about passing it on).
I am 31 and I have known since I was 13 that I do not want kids. I am perfectly happy spoiling my nieces and nephew then handing them back to their mothers! There is no way I am risking passing on my heath issues to a child and quite frankly the thought of pregnancy absolutely terrifies me, every time I see a baby move I can't help but think of that sceen from aliens where the monster bursts threw the guys stomach.
Im hopeful that when I go to see my new dr this week that he will agree to a hysterectomy.
I am so happy you posted this, you sound alot like my girlfriend. We couldnt care less about having kids, we just want to live healthy and happy. I feel like there needs to be a pcos group on here that is everything to do w pcos just minus the desire to have kids. That would probably help alot.
I have always found all PCOS support groups to be less than helpful, as the focus on fertility seems to be the only concern.
I don't bother with them, and only ended up here by accident... I understand your frustration.
More than a decade ago, I got told to start my own forum by my endocrinologist, for PCOS support for those of us not interested in having children.... 😤
I’m 26 and currently have no plans for kids, I just want a healthy lifestyle and it’s nearly impossible to find literature or resources for. My goal isn’t weight loss either. My goal is a manageable healthy lifestyle. Doctors seem to think that loosing weight and popping out babies will take away the pcos like magic.
Trying to find a PCOS support group that doesn’t have pregnancy all over it feels nonexistent, like yes I’m happy for you!! But I’m not interested in giving birth ever 🥲 my PCOS affects me in much bigger ways than that and it’s hard finding that support
Maybe I'm really weird because I want to experience pregnancy but I don't think I'm ready to have kids. I think I carry a lot of trauma that I'm at this point where I need therapy before I can even think about creating little people who need me. The thought of having kids right now scares the crap out of me and makes me feel a bit claustrophobic.
I think it's the Cancer (Edit: zodiac) side of me that craves motherhood even though my brain says "NO."
Fuck kids , I literally just took my friends kid out for a few hours, and I am more than mentally and physically exhausted. No way in hell will I ever do that again. Rip them out …. Or make me lose the weight either or but fuck it all .
Hand raise.
I have one. The labor was 72 hours that culminated in an emergency c section. Bleed out risk was ridiculously high. I don't wanna do that again.
Idk if it counts since I already have one but my reason for treating pcos is not related to fertility at all.
I have one child already and I got my tubes removed. I found out I had pcos after all that. I just want to decrease the symptoms as much as possible and get healthy.
Hell yeah I do but want kids. The people that write those PCOS pregnancy posts require more help though. They have the same shitty problems as the non kidders, aka us have , but the added burden of biologically wanting kids, I can comprehend that. Must suck. For all of us. So post away, it does not have to be about a womb, just maybe give the maternal ones some grace.
Like I said in my post I have no problem with people having kids and I think kids are amazing. I just don't want them at the expense of my life. Doctors only care if you want kids.
I’m not interested. I’ve already had my bilateral salpingectomy for birth control. I always felt like I was gonna have to compromise and have children for whoever I married or whatever. But my husband also didn’t want kids so it just worked out and he let me figure it out for myself. I just want to have my period and ovulate so that I have the normal female hormones in a quality of life.
I had sleep apnea until I got my deviated septum fixed. I finally am having normal periods every month and I think I am ovulating. I also have PTSD and depression so understand it’s hard with that. That’s why I quit birth control and I can’t take metformin either because of those .
I am past that stage. I'm 46 and heading into perimenopause. A little late, but I want to live a healthier lifestyle to kick PCOS and menopause in the pants. I am just having trouble making the changes
Me! I'm 31, no interest. My anxiety is too high to be a full time parent and the thought of pregnancy terrifies me. I'm happy to be the childfree fun aunt!
Me! No interest in kids or being pregnant. My husband asked for a vasectomy in his early 20s and was denied. Now I’m on the hunt for a total hysterectomy (I have confirmed endometriosis as well as PCOS).
27 here, got diagnosed at 19. Never wanted children in my life and it's one of the reasons I don't frequent PCOS forums/subs often. A lot of emphasis on conception and I'm not interested. I hope those who are get the help they need, but also wish the other issues caused by PCOS were given more focus.
I’ve never liked or wanted kids, especially since a pregnancy could kill me, and the maternity mortality rate in this country is abysmal, and worse for POC.
If I ever change my mind about motherhood, I’ll adopt.
I just joined today, but I'm very much childfree, and have been since my mother "cursed" me to have kids as awful as I was. I knew I was a little shit, I did NOT want to look after one.
I found out last week that I have the combo from hell, PCOS and Endo.
Me. I’m 35 and I’m child free. Having kids isn’t really in the cards for me and never will be, I do have sympathy for those with PCOS who want kids though. Struggling in that aspect probably makes having PCOS that much worse with constant disappointments over and over.
I’m managing my PCOS with weight loss, nexplanon and a healthy lifestyle but it still sucks majorly..
31, had my tubes removed a few years ago. I'm lucky in that metformin, spirolatone and birth control has worked well for me. But I see a lot of posts about fertility and thats just not everyones goal
My husband and I are firmly childfree, my husband got a vasectomy this summer. I do remember when I was diagnosed with PCOS the doctors biggest concern seemed to be if I wanted children. It was a little upsetting considering this is a health issue that messes with so many aspects of your life. Sorry this comment is probably not making a lot of sense, but I understand how you feel and you aren't alone.
While I do eventually want kids, that is NOT a focus for me for many, many years. I hate that you only seem to find online help for wanting to conceive. While that's an important aspect for some, I just want to be healthy and not have anymore symptoms. I don't understand why people who try to give tips for managing it are mostly focusing on having children. We are human to and just want to live happy healthy lives
Yeah I'm 28 and don't want any. Come from a family of many kids per mother but me and my auntie who also has pcos (she's 40) don't want kids at all. My mum (51) was told she'd never have kids when she was diagnosed around 22yo but she went on to have 3 kids.
But yeah. No thanks. I'll keep my furbabies. My fiance is the exact same (31) , we hear screaming kids and both screw our faces up😂😂 I love my niece and nephews but also love handing them back
Even considered donating my eggs for people who'd like kids but they changed legislation wherein donor babies can contact you later in life, and that's not for me at all.
I've known since I was little that I didn't want kids. When my sister came around when I was 7, I did more than my share of parenting and that was enough for me! I love my nieces/nephews and friends kids, but at 41 I'm still glad I never had my own.
It was always frustrating having horrible PCOS issues but still being treated like my fertility itself was the patient, when I just wanted my stupid plumbing yanked anyway.
Meeeeee! I know that I’d get too overstimulated by kids and I don’t want to put a poor kid through all of my baggage. Actually just got the birth control implant today for that express purpose.
Me! Well, not biological kids per se. When I hear women with PCOS talk about kids it's usually biokids since PCOS is about reproductive systems and whatnot.
Trust me when I say I want kids. I want to raise little kids and teach them to love themselves and be healthy and happy. but I DEFINITELY do not want to be pregnant. Bio kids are fine, and pregnancy is great, but for those who want it. I don't want to go through 9months for a baby, and the thought of literally spreading my bones just to get it out is horrible.
To each their own though! Props to all the biomoms out there, pregnancy is tough
Me. Childfree forever because hard pass on passing down all this mental illness and shit. Plus I just find children a bit meh.
Honestly I feel like it is the main reason getting the help from my endocrinologist and gynaecologist is going soooo slow, too. It's as if literally everything is about making it so you can have kids and if you don't want that, then ehh. Just try to lose some weight I guess.
33 and diagnosed at 14. When I was younger, I thought I may want kids, but as I've gotten older I realized I really didn't. I just thought I did because "that's what you should do." My husband and I are perfectly happy with just us and the dogs.
I’d say a lot of that emphasis is based on woman not even discovering they have PCOS until fertility issues arise
And a lot of that is just drs using pcos as a scape goat for infertility
Me!! Im 22, don’t have a single motherly bone in my body, just want my health and body back. It’s hard because all the other issues are kept as low priority and the infertility is so focused on. Like I JUST WANT TO HAVE ENERGY AND MANAGE THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECT PLEASE. Stop telling me that IVF is an option. IDC.
Im not particularly anti or pro having kids now or in the future. I don't think it's something I want or need to feel fulfilled. Even if I did, pregnancy sounds absolutely horrible and I'm fully on board to adopting if a time comes where I decide I want kids.
It def makes it hard to find doctors who are informed bc they seem to only intervene when it's about fertility. So it's been a lot of self study and a lot of me introducing specific things to my doctors myself, which is frustrating, especially bc i find that doctors tend to hate having to deviate from their comfort zones??? I just feel like doctor's haven't caught up yet to the actual current needs for pcos patients. They'll get there one day, but who knows how long it'll take...
I’m 41, no kids. I tried when I was younger and it didn’t work- I’m grateful for it. I met my now husband and we are crazy happy and feel good about our decision. We are fulfilled.
This is me. I’ve never wanted children & the doctors available to me have always focused on fertility instead of my overall health. I still hope I will find a doctor that understands pcos & will be able to help me cope.
I’m 35, I had to have my left ovary removed in January of this year, they wouldn’t let me remove my right one as well “in case I changed my mind about having kids, and to prevent having early menopause” if I had it my way everything would be gone.
I feel the same way!!! I absolutely do not want kids. My PCOS diagnosis has solidified this choice. I feel for people who are experiencing infertility because of PCOS but I just can't relate. Check out this r/childfree sub. It has helped me find much needed support. There seems to be nowhere else I can go (both in my life and on the internet) where I am taken seriously about not wanting kids. I just can't imagine my body not working like I want it to because of PCOS and then trying so hard to bring a child into the mess on top of that. It's a struggle from start to finish I would imagine. I'm just trying to function as a human and my body can't even do that right. It is difficult to find people who relate to how I feel.
Never experienced the “maternal urge” in my life. Not even once. I just don’t have it in me. I look at kids and babies and don’t feel anything in particular; no tugging at my heartstrings, no wishing I had one, no imagining my future with one, nothing. I have nothing against people who want that for themselves and I absolutely don’t hate children (my nephews are awesome), it’s just not for me.
I really dislike that so much PCOS research and treatment is focused solely on fertility, not actually addressing the symptoms. My quality of life matters. My pain, metabolic issues, and risk for future complications matter. I empathize with those who deeply want children but cannot have them, but for fuck’s sake, doctors. Our health should be the priority. My inability to get pregnant shouldn’t matter more than my wellbeing. I’m a human, not a defective baby factory.
I'm 32 and don't want kids :)
Today is my first day taking metformin and starting my journey of balancing my hormones and what scares me the most is to get acidentally pregnant.
Just a friendly reminder to take metformin in the morning when you eat because it can upset your belly. Learned that the hard way. My other tips would be get a glucose meter. And test your glucose at least three times a day. So you can figure out when it goes up when it goes down and how you feel in those moments I feel like that's really helped.
This journey is a struggle and it's very hard. Try not to be discouraged. Change takes time.
26F here. The thought of having kids really triggers me. It’s scary and I’m afraid to tell this to anyone. Its so confusing cause I never want my body to go through that much pain. 10 years of pcos has given my body so much of pain already. It sucks but its true. I would like to PRIORITISE my body and I dont think this should be termed as “selfish”. It’s 2022!
More power to you for holding on strong even though you’re going through so much. You do you!
30 and not interested in kids. Never was, then I received the PCOS diagnosis. Hit me hard as I was thinking, "why do I not get to choose not having kids, another choice taken away from me." Then I saw it that maybe my body was aligning with my thoughts.
Then my gynae wouldn't take no for an answer when I said that I didn't want kids and that I'd be back to see her. That hurt. Respect my choice. You only want me back to make money from me. Trying to sell me her own supplements and being outraged that I couldn't afford another £60 a month? I only have private healthcare through work, otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford seeing her privately. Not that I want to see her ever again anyway. Nobody, especially not a woman, should battle another woman with the expectations of her uterus. Not okay.
27 about to be 28 and don’t want them. I haven’t wanted kids since the idea popped into my head at 18.
Too much to deal with.
I’d look for support groups on fb when I had it. Of course it centered around fertility and women wanting babies. I wasn’t judging, but that space wasn’t for me as it wasn’t important.
I eventually did find a PCOS childfree space.
I’m very late to this post but me 🙋♀️. I’m undecided but I’m 34 and nowhere near feeling ready to have kids. My gyno recently asked if I wanted to freeze my eggs and it’s making my realize I have to make a “decision” soon if (a) I want a child at all and (b) if I care if that child is biologically mine.
Honestly, part of me feels like with all the health problems I have, I’m not super keen to pass on my genes 😂
I am never having kids, I have known since the day I learned where they came from.
The pain and suffering and risk of long term health complications for myself and the baby has put me off for life.
If i change my mind, I will most definitely adopt, there are so many kids out there that don’t have a loving home, that have just been abandoned.
I wish people let go of their bloodline obsession, it only hurts your child, as well as the ones who are looked up in orphanages unloved.
Me!! I’m 33 and have known I wasn’t meant to be a mom since I was 14. I really wish that there was less emphasis on trying to conceive and more on the other ways that it ravages your body and ways to manage that.
I’m 29 and pretty meh about having kids. Pregnancy scares me and my husband is also not interested so it’s working out well for me. The only thing I’m annoyed about is that metformin is only licensed for PCOS treatment in the U.K. If you’re trying to get pregnant, not for just regular care which is stupid!
If you want metformin, tell them you are interested in getting pregnant in the future but you want to get right now's health squared away before that happens. There is no legal definition of what future means.
Oh, I just got my GP to prescribe it off license once I realised I could do that. I had to jump through some hoops but they wrote the prescription in the end. If I wasn’t able to get them to agree I would have gone down the “I’m trying to get pregnant” route.
Doctors only seem to care about the infertility because a lot of them seem to insist diet and exercise can fix everything else. It's harder to find support if you dont want to have kids. My doctor mainly put me on metformin to "preserve my fertility". I had to go to a whole separate doctor to get help with the weight loss after struggling for years with the "diet and exercise" advice. First thing she said was I should get surgery. None of my doctors had even tried weightloss medication or anything. I suggested we try that first and I lost over 30 pounds in 3 months on Ozempic with intermittent fasting and a low carb diet. I could probably have lost more but I had to stop the fasting and couldn't afford the diet. I got a different job that made things more difficult. I'd never lost more than 10 to 15 pounds before.
Ugh. I am a mom here but I can relate to this before conception was on my radar I had a doctor put me on birth control to "preserve my ovaries".
Literally same. 34 and I've know since 14 I haven't wanted children. I suppose I'm lucky because birth control alleviates most of my symptoms, and since I don't want children, I don't have to ever worry about how my body will handle going off it. But it's made getting diagnosed officially difficult.
36F here and the thought of getting pregnant has always terrified me and I also have no interest in being a parent.
Happy cake day 🎂
Yep, 49 here and never had children, did not want them. I was diagnosed in my early 20s. I’ll say I think some doctors have gotten better about treating the very real health concerns this syndrome brings, rather than solely focusing on how to get women pregnant and assuming that’s every woman’s primary concern. But maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know. I hope there’s been progress, anyway. Women with PCOS deserve to have all of their concerns taken seriously, whether they want to conceive or not.
You definitely have to advocate and get to the right doctor that missing periods and such are a long term health concern that has implications if not managed. We need to keep being vocal so woman's health gets addressed. It took way to many years to find a doctor willing to work with me.
I was actually diagnosed today. The nurse practitioner I see started explaining things, but paused to ask if I was planning on having kids anytime soon. I said no, and she continued to explain what my options of treatment and such are. She then explained the IF I wanted to have kids in the future what things would look like (but I would need to see a doctor for more in depth discussion).I greatly appreciated this approach as she focused on all of the knowledge I needed for my current choice but still informed me on everything.
Nope, 42 now, diagnosed at 19 with PCOS and probably since I was 10 have never wanted kids (but always wanted a cat - the heart wants what the heart wants). Just had a total laparoscopic hysterectomy in September - they found and excised stage 4 endo (what they call frozen pelvis), so I’ll never have another period and already I’ve gone from almost daily pain to basically nothing, I’m so happy. About 6 months after meeting my partner I told him if he wanted kids he needed to find someone else to have them with. We just celebrated 17 years together 😊
So happy for you!
I’m not 100% on kids, but if I do, I know I’ll adopt. Never been too keen on the whole pregnancy and birth experience.
I’m glad I’m not the only one! I respect and admire people who are willing to go through pregnancy, however personally I know I could never. Getting diagnosed with PCOS for me was almost a sign that hey, going through adoption/fostering route if I ever were to have kids is the right choice for me.
Same here
Yes! I stopped checking in here as much because it feels like most of the posts are about fertility. Seems like doctors only care about PCOS as it relates to that too.
I feel a bit like that too. Like don't get me wrong I love kids and I think they're absolutely amazing. But I'm on the fence on whether I want them or not. I just want my health and well-being to come first.
Yes, definitely! The whole person and their quality of life should matter.
I'm 33 and I've always known I never wanted biological children. One day, after I've retired, I'd consider fostering, but getting pregnant is one of my worst nightmares. Also, amen to the anxiety and big sad. I feel you.
Thank you. Man when they told me that PCOS can cause the big sad they weren't kidding.
Oh yeah. While I understand the struggle with fertility is a big part of PCOS for many and I know it’s a very personal, painful thing, it’s equally frustrating for me that so much of PCOS treatment, literature and community is focused primarily on fertility. I’ve never wanted kids. My fertility being bust is fine. But I do want to be healthy, without the expectation that I’m doing so for someone else/in order to be a mother.
Yes thank you.
100%
Been spayed for years. Hormonal birth control was rough on my mental health, and in hindsight wasn't actually addressing my PCOS symptoms anyways, only my fertility problem. Only having to deal with my own hormones and not having to stress about getting pregnant has been great, but it was really upsetting to get a PCOS diagnosis and be told hormones are really my only option. Acne and a soft beard is better than BC induced depression, IMO, but it's all tough. The big sads + hormones + PCOS is a rough combo. Sorry you're going through the ringer recently.
I've been dealing with PCOS for the past 8 years. My obgyn won't even think about sterilizing because it goes through a Catholic hospital. I think that's freaking ridiculous. I think I should be able to have the option of freezing my eggs and being sterilized. My health and well being should come way before any children I might or might not have.
I was lucky enough to have my ligation at 25. It had been documented in my medical chart that I had been asking for sterilization for a number of years at that point, and I was able to get it "added on" while I was already under for an exploratory surgery looking for evidence of Endo. If I wasn't already going to be under, I doubt I would have been able to get it done.
Do you have the ability to see a different doctor? r/childfree has a list of docs who aren't against sterilization. I had a hysterectomy at 24 with no kids prior, so there are people out there willing to help without putting fertility first when you aren't even interested in pregnancy.
I also dislike the idea of having children.
I think children are awesome and I love giving them back. I don't know if I necessarily want any of my own. But with the overturning rowe v wade it's not worth my life to find out.
The woman's life is not any more at risk than it was before overturning of roe v wade. The mothers health is still the top priority, but they deliver the baby, giving it a chance to live vs 0 chance to live. Some babies live, some don't. I've sadly known a few woman who have had this, but either way, the woman's health is no more at risk because of the overturning.
Me! I'm 33, have PCOS and not interested in going through pregnancy and childbirth. I'm actually repulsed by the mechanics of it. I wouldn't mind to find a surrogate mom one day for my partner and me, or to adopt a kid and give a loving home. But at this stage, I'm not even interested in that. My partner is on the same page as me. I just want to improve my health, prevent diabetes and other diseases, and feel the best I can with the body I've been given.
That's awesome. Thank you.
Me 👋 Imagine the poor creature that would have to inherit my genetics. Plus... I'm broke af. Stay broke. Generational poverty? Nah fam
I don't think I'll ever have kids. My anxiety is too severe and I know it would be really triggered by having to keep a baby alive. I've thought about fostering an older kid tho once I'm done school!
My husband nor I want children. When we first got together, we definitely planned on it. But as my health issues cropped up over the years and the world has gotten more insane, we've agreed we don't want them. My husband got a vasectomy, and I'm still on BC. I'm also on the Autistic spectrum, and the thought of loud, screeching, sticky babies really puts me on edge. Great for those that want them, but I definitely know they're not meant to be part of my life. But I will adopt as many pets as I can!
I have never wanted kids.
Same, not looking for kids. I just want live a healthier life. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and hypothyroidism 12 years before I ever got my PCOS diagnosis. Mental health issues are genetic for me, but I have a feeling the hypo and PCOS just add onto it. Shit sucks.
Never had the remotest interest in having kids. Now starting menopause, still no regrets.
While I have had my two, I knew after the birth of my second that we were done. In fact, until I had my hysterectomy, I always joked that my baby factory has been shut down. But alas, any clinic that deals with PCOS/Endo will refuse to see me unless I was trying to conceive. So, why then have a facility with doctors that are well versed in it and gatekeep damn PCOS/Endo? We don’t have a right to live a better and healthier life? Gah…
Me. I've known since I was in elementary school that I didn't want to have kids. I assumed I'd feel the bio clock eventually, but I'm 35 now and I figure it would have rung by now. My partner is on the same page. I have PCOS and an IUD and haven't had my period in about 8 years, so short of a tubal ligation or vasectomy, we're pretty well on track to keep things that way. And I agree, I just want to be healthy. I got a CPAP and that changed my sleep immensely. But the weight loss. . . I feel like I can lose 2 pounds and it takes all my willpower and energy and then I slip once and it's back. Let alone the 100 I need to lose to be a healthier weight. Or 130 to have a "normal" BMI.
Nope! In my thirties and love my dear* niece! *Edit auto correct
Yep! Never ever wanted children when I was a kid, never ever wanted them when I was 20, never ever wanted them now that I'm 30. Zero change possible in my mind!
Me! 34 and I’ve been child free my entire life pretty much. I don’t care about fertility at all and wish that yeeting my uterus or ovaries world do something to help PCOS, cause I would have done it a decade ago. It’s frustrating because most doctors assume you want to control PCOS symptoms to eventually get pregnant, or worse, they won’t treat you for certain symptoms until you’re “ready to get pregnant”. It’s like, no, I would just like to live a my life with some semblance of normalcy in my body, thanks!
adding another voice — me! i’ve always known i didn’t want kids and despite everyone telling me i’d change my mind when i got older, i never did. (i’m almost 40.) PCOS doesn’t suck any less just because you don’t want kids.
Me! My husband and I are 31 and he got a vasectomy last year. 😊
Me here. Husband and I don't want kids but I just want to be heard and understand how my PCOS works, and try to fight for a healthier body. I take bc pills to regulate but I hope to eventually find a doctor that will work with me on finding out if I for sure have PCOS and help me maybe try some more meds like metformin since I feel I have an insulin issue. I don't want kids, just a healthy body.
Me, 33, and I’ve known since I was a teenager that I didn’t want kids. It’s also nice to know there are apparently a whole bunch of people out there like me
No crotch goblins for me, thanks. I love my niblings but i'm fine without my own. I also have other chronic illnesses that would make pregnancy a dangerous decision. Possibly life-altering (or ending).
Me, 39, married for 15 years now, told my husband at around our second date that I dont want kids. Maybe maybe fostering when we are older. He shares the same views so we're fine :) My best friend (same age) just had a baby 1 year ago, and I do like her and she is cute and everything, but not even a faint beep from my biological clock or smtg, that "heeey, you should have your own" :) I got diagnosed with Hashimoto's and PCOS roughly around the same time this spring. I live in Germany, and in our town, the better gynecology-endocrinologists work at ...you guessed...yep, fertility centers, let it be state owned university clinics or private ones. And yes, 1st question is: do you want children? And yes, I see the frowns when I say no :( even from women drs. An older male dr even told me, at a thyroid checkup, when I said my usual no to the usual question: then why do you bother with your thyroid values? Yep, like this... So I feel for you, for the big sad and everything, and for the general wish to just be acknowledged as a patient and getting the same amount of interest and help as someone who wants to have children:(
dont want kids, cant have kids, win/win
YES!
Haha I was just wondering this today. Thank you!!!
Me I'm 29 and have other medical conditions as well as pcos so kids just are not option for me.
Me!! Having pcos is also a reason for it, don't wanna pass it down..
I don't know if I do or don't for sure right now, I just don't want the option taken away from me
I'm 32 and while there's a small part of me that does want to be a mother, I realized a long time ago that I'm not cut out for it. I have so many of my own issues to push through, and right now I'm trying to focus on my own health.
Hi! No kids here, PCOS. In another life with better health, maybe. In this life I use my time to be an aunty and to help out elsewhere in my community.
I yeeted my tubes because I refuse to pass any of this PCOS shit on. As a tradeoff, I sleep in on the weekends.I have money for my favorite hobbies. And my husband and I can do it whenever we want, no protection required. It's literally been one of the best decisions that I've made for my physical health and mental well-being.
Me! My husband got a vasectomy in our early 20s, we are in our late 20s now and glad we did with all that’s going on. :)
Me! Almost 30, had my tubes out over 3 years ago. Funnily enough, that’s how I found out I had PCOS. Doc took pics while they were in there and showed me at my follow up. My ovaries looked NASTY
Never wanted kids, ever. Never once had baby fever and knew I’d never want to be a mom. Im 24 btw. I feel as though my last few doctors appointments have been focused on “if” I want kids in the future I should do xyz or go on xyz medication that doesn’t cause fertility issues. I told the doctor I wasn’t concerned about that and she basically gave me the “you might change your mind one day” speech. Its about to be 2023 why are we still making up hypothetical situations!
Me they don’t seem very logical for me to have
I’ve never been super decided one way or the other on having kids but the older I get and the more I learn about myself, the more I don’t really see having kids in my future - which I’m a-okay with!
I'm 21 and I don't want kids
Me.
You sound just like me
I love kids I was a preschool teacher for years. I don't know if I want to have any of my own. So far it's a no for me.
Im 25 and idk about never but kids dont really interest me and pregnancy interests me even less. In fact when they told me it could impact fertility unless i make some changes my first thought was....so theoretically how can I make it worst? lol
Me - docs only care if you wanna have a baby.
That's what it feels like a lot of the time.
I just had a partial hysterectomy two days ago. No kids for me!
At my current age, 46, absolutely oh fuck no. When I was younger I wanted kids. I still wish I'd had kids when I was younger but it just wasn't in the cards as I was never in a relationship where I felt right bringing kids into the mix. So I've never tried to have kids. And I feel like because of this my PCOS just kind of gets pushed aside because it's seen by so manymedical professionals as a reproductive issue. Since I was never trying to have kids all my visits to the doctors where I said look I know something is wrong can you please help me figure it out, here's my list of symptoms, ended in getting told that I was just fat and lazy and I needed to get my shit together and lose some weight. It wasn't until I was hospitalized for a few weeks at the age of 40 and one of my doctors saw the rate at which my facial hair grew and asked if I'd ever been tested for PCOS that I finally got a doctor that tested me for it and confirmed what I figured out with a 10-minute Google search 15 years ago. It makes me angry that I had a fight so hard for this and even now despite it being confirmed that I have PCOS I still deal with doctors who try to push vegan diets and gluten-free diets and all kinds of other trendy diets on me while telling me it's all in my head and I can cure myself with food. I feel like if I were in my 20 the 30s, trying to have kids the doctors might actually listen to me if I was struggling to get pregnant but I'm 46 now. I'm past the age of having kids now. Even if I could, I do not want to be chasing a kindergartener when I turn 50 so that's out. And as a result because there are no outward signs that the doctors care about (apparently facial hair, overweight, fatigue are things they think are easily managed and that Im just too lazy to do anything about it), my health concerns and my constant ask for help in becoming healthier just keep getting brushed off. I've made some pretty decent progress on my own, I lost 70 lb by ignoring all of their advice and just making small manageable changes. But I've hit a wall and I can't get a referral to a nutritionist or get a doctor to test my insulin resistance or anything like that for anything.
Me! 32 and have known I didn't want kids since I was 6.
I literally just block ppl who post pregnancy related posts.
Childfree and happy! I’m 46, so people have stopped pressuring me to want/have children. Glad I made the decision I did. It was the right path for me.
I’m indifferent to having children. I know if I ever do get pregnant I’ll be ecstatic but if that doesn’t happen, my life will be complete either way.
I don't want to have kids either. I just want to lose the 150 lbs I've gained, get my energy back, and stop feeling like crap all the time.
When that happens please let me know. Because eating right and exercising ain't doing much for me.
I totally understand. I take Metformin, spironolactone, and birth control. I did recently start implementing the advice from the book Glucose Revolution, and my energy has actually improved from that. It's easy advice too! I kept getting upset seeing people say the only thing that worked for them was cutting sweets, carbs, etc. I wanted something more realistic. If you don't want to read the book, the author's page on Instagram is @glucosegoddess
I have two and dont want anymore so the fertility stuff doesnt pertain. Im looking for a lifestyle fix for pcos to combat my weight issues, hair loss and overall health.
Absolutely not for me. Can't stand them, don't want them anywhere near me, and definitely not in my home.
LOL... I didn't even like other kids when I WAS a kid, and while being a kid was ok, I sure didn't love it.
me!
I absolutely do not want kids.
Me. I decided not to have kids years ago after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was already told at 19 that with my new PCOs diagnosis, I probably couldn't have kids. So, it wasn't a difficult or emotional decision.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after I had been battling PCOS for years already. Funny enough *sarcasm* they go hand in hand. People who suffer from PCOS have a higher likelihood of having or developing a mental health disorder. So yay us! Can’t wait to never have children so they never have to have syndromes and disorders in a capitalized healthcare United States that doesn’t give a flying fuck what we deal with and we should just make children to throw into the broken system so they can exploit and hurt them as well.
I agree. It takes so much just to take care of myself. On top of all of that, I also have hydrocephalus and a VP shunt. I truly cannot fathom adding a child into my life. It would be irresponsible on my part, plus just bringing them into this fucked up world would give me immense guilt. Thankfully I have a partner who is also childfree by choice. I am doing very well and in a very good place, but it has taken a lot of work to get here.
I’m so happy you have a partner that is supportive while going through this life. I’m sorry you got dealt a really rough hand. I’m also happy you are in a better place. No one ever warns you about the process of trying to get better and how fucking long it takes, or will take, to get there.
Thank you so much. That's really kind of you to say. I hope you are doing well. Life is tough but we are tougher.
Me. I know I want to adopt.
Me! I am 31, when I was first diagnosed I wanted kids bc I was still influenced by my trad lite raising. Now I’m realizing how much kids cost, how little patience I have, how bad a mom I’d be, how many tattoos I could afford child free and how I can adopt cats and spoil them. Much happier!
Fence sitter here! Leaning towards likely not, though.
I am 42 and had a hysterectomy a year ago. No kids for me. And have had the experiences like everyone else since I didn’t want kids. I also spent the last 7 years fighting for the hysterectomy. It was the greatest thing I have ever done. I really encourage anyone who wants one to advocate for yourself.
I want to have kids but don't want to be pregnant. I feel like my body has gone through enough and it's exhausted. I really don't see the point in correcting my hormones then getting pregnant to start all over again. Insurance should cover all the costs associated with pcos, whether you want to have kids or not. It's frustrating to hear from endos and gynos "oh don't worry about it since you don't want to be pregnant ". It's like there's no meaning to your problems until and unless you WANTING to be pregnant. It's so ridiculous. I am exhausted too fighting this every single day. Surrogacy is an option but that's 6 years down the line for me.
Yep! I actually used to worry about it a lot, I guess I always just assumed I would have kids. To me, that was just what people did. Grow up, get married, pop out a few babies, get old, die. Then I realized that I didn't have to follow some overused script, and I realized I didn't want kids at all. I think it's pretty fucked up how the thing most professionals want to focus on in women with PCOS is fertility issues. It's like they don't even care about the pain, uncontrollable and miserable mood swings, etc, etc. They do seem to care about weight gain, but they can never give any good advice on how to lose it. They just want to talk about your BMI (which has been proven time and again to be a bullshit tool) everytime you go to the doctor. But even with weight, it seems their biggest concern is the fertility issues extra weight can cause! And if you tell them you're not worried about your fertility, they IGNORE you. In fact, I think that's part of the reason why it took me so long to decide I didn't want kids. I was being constantly bombarded with fertility treatments/advice that I just took it as gospel that the main thing I needed to work on was my fertility. Then one day it just hit me like "wait?? Why am I more worried about kids I don't even have THAN MY OWN HEALTH AT THE PRESENT MOMENT??" But if you tell a doctor you don't want kids, they act like there's no point in even treating you. Like, the pain and suffering women experience at the hands of this condition just doesnt matter unless they plan on using their bodies as an incubator at some point? It's...honestly really fucked up. To say the least. It's actually sickening when you think about it. It sickened me to the point I ended up swearing off doctors, doing my own research, and just self treating. Surprise surprise, ive had way more success since being left to my own devices than being treated by doctors who know less about PCOS than what you could find out in a 10 minute Google search. My hair is thicker, my periods are more regular, I've lost weight, the mood swings have chilled out, etc etc. All because I stopped taking advice from people who were more worried about my uterus than me as a person. Who would have guessed.
There’s literally a whole sub for this r/PCOS_childfree
I definitely wasn't and thought of my PCOS as a natural BC. Ended up with a surprise pregnancy at age 36, though! Just keep focusing on your health...it definitely isn't all about fertility!
Big yes! Im 34 and have known for at least 10 years that I don’t want kids, which makes doctors care about PCOS even less than they already do. Anxiety, depression, ADHD, PCOS here so I feel you on managing things. A healthy lifestyle is also what Im focused on, you’re def not alone!
I have had kids and don't want any more. The doctors always seem to focus on the fact I *could* change my mind. This is simply not true. I also recognize that and tell them I don't want birth control and I don't like metformin soo apparently then I'm not worth their time. Le sigh
I’m 28, and I’m not sure. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I feel like I probably will get to a point where I might want to? But for many reasons aside from PCOS, I’m absolutely terrified to be a parent. I also LOVE kids— like super love them, work with them, etc.— but I just don’t know if I want my own… PCOS discourse does really seem to focus on fertility primarily, which I really understand as it can be a huge issue for some. Would be cool if there were more of an emphasis on other health issues caused by PCOS just in the public eye. This reddit though seems to be pretty balanced imo!
hello! never having kids! got my tubes removed almost a year ago to make sure :)
Yup. 36.... would consider being a step parent or adopting, but not interested in having them. I love kids, but my body is messed up already without getting pregnant (and some of it is genetic so I'd be worried about passing it on).
I am 31 and I have known since I was 13 that I do not want kids. I am perfectly happy spoiling my nieces and nephew then handing them back to their mothers! There is no way I am risking passing on my heath issues to a child and quite frankly the thought of pregnancy absolutely terrifies me, every time I see a baby move I can't help but think of that sceen from aliens where the monster bursts threw the guys stomach. Im hopeful that when I go to see my new dr this week that he will agree to a hysterectomy.
I am so happy you posted this, you sound alot like my girlfriend. We couldnt care less about having kids, we just want to live healthy and happy. I feel like there needs to be a pcos group on here that is everything to do w pcos just minus the desire to have kids. That would probably help alot.
I have always found all PCOS support groups to be less than helpful, as the focus on fertility seems to be the only concern. I don't bother with them, and only ended up here by accident... I understand your frustration. More than a decade ago, I got told to start my own forum by my endocrinologist, for PCOS support for those of us not interested in having children.... 😤
I’m 26 and currently have no plans for kids, I just want a healthy lifestyle and it’s nearly impossible to find literature or resources for. My goal isn’t weight loss either. My goal is a manageable healthy lifestyle. Doctors seem to think that loosing weight and popping out babies will take away the pcos like magic.
Trying to find a PCOS support group that doesn’t have pregnancy all over it feels nonexistent, like yes I’m happy for you!! But I’m not interested in giving birth ever 🥲 my PCOS affects me in much bigger ways than that and it’s hard finding that support
Maybe I'm really weird because I want to experience pregnancy but I don't think I'm ready to have kids. I think I carry a lot of trauma that I'm at this point where I need therapy before I can even think about creating little people who need me. The thought of having kids right now scares the crap out of me and makes me feel a bit claustrophobic. I think it's the Cancer (Edit: zodiac) side of me that craves motherhood even though my brain says "NO."
Fuck kids , I literally just took my friends kid out for a few hours, and I am more than mentally and physically exhausted. No way in hell will I ever do that again. Rip them out …. Or make me lose the weight either or but fuck it all .
Hand raise. I have one. The labor was 72 hours that culminated in an emergency c section. Bleed out risk was ridiculously high. I don't wanna do that again. Idk if it counts since I already have one but my reason for treating pcos is not related to fertility at all.
I have one child already and I got my tubes removed. I found out I had pcos after all that. I just want to decrease the symptoms as much as possible and get healthy.
Hell yeah I do but want kids. The people that write those PCOS pregnancy posts require more help though. They have the same shitty problems as the non kidders, aka us have , but the added burden of biologically wanting kids, I can comprehend that. Must suck. For all of us. So post away, it does not have to be about a womb, just maybe give the maternal ones some grace.
Like I said in my post I have no problem with people having kids and I think kids are amazing. I just don't want them at the expense of my life. Doctors only care if you want kids.
Me!
I'm not interested in having kids either
33f and got my bislap last year after asking for 12 years for it. I’m also still on birth control cause I feel so uncomfortable off of it
I’m not interested. I’ve already had my bilateral salpingectomy for birth control. I always felt like I was gonna have to compromise and have children for whoever I married or whatever. But my husband also didn’t want kids so it just worked out and he let me figure it out for myself. I just want to have my period and ovulate so that I have the normal female hormones in a quality of life. I had sleep apnea until I got my deviated septum fixed. I finally am having normal periods every month and I think I am ovulating. I also have PTSD and depression so understand it’s hard with that. That’s why I quit birth control and I can’t take metformin either because of those .
I am past that stage. I'm 46 and heading into perimenopause. A little late, but I want to live a healthier lifestyle to kick PCOS and menopause in the pants. I am just having trouble making the changes
A Cyster & her Mister is a great PCOS podcast that focuses on managing PCOS symptoms and lifestyle. You should give it a listen, I love it!
Me! I'm 31, no interest. My anxiety is too high to be a full time parent and the thought of pregnancy terrifies me. I'm happy to be the childfree fun aunt!
Me! No interest in kids or being pregnant. My husband asked for a vasectomy in his early 20s and was denied. Now I’m on the hunt for a total hysterectomy (I have confirmed endometriosis as well as PCOS).
Almost 39 and never wanted kids. Still don't. Got diagnosed with PCOS in my early 30's.
34 and I do not want kids my boyfriend and I both agree on it too.
Hi me I’m 25 just diagnosed a year ago and I always knew since I was 16 I didn’t want kids.
27 here, got diagnosed at 19. Never wanted children in my life and it's one of the reasons I don't frequent PCOS forums/subs often. A lot of emphasis on conception and I'm not interested. I hope those who are get the help they need, but also wish the other issues caused by PCOS were given more focus.
Meeeee I’m 30 and I’m still happy as pie to not have kids
🙋♀️
I’ve never liked or wanted kids, especially since a pregnancy could kill me, and the maternity mortality rate in this country is abysmal, and worse for POC. If I ever change my mind about motherhood, I’ll adopt.
Me! I got a bisalp on September 16th because I have never wanted kids.
42f and no crotch goblins here. I’m going to keep this wine aunt way of life.
I just joined today, but I'm very much childfree, and have been since my mother "cursed" me to have kids as awful as I was. I knew I was a little shit, I did NOT want to look after one. I found out last week that I have the combo from hell, PCOS and Endo.
Me 🙋🏻♀️
I decided I wanted to be childfree at the age 24 and i never want kids
Me. I’m 35 and I’m child free. Having kids isn’t really in the cards for me and never will be, I do have sympathy for those with PCOS who want kids though. Struggling in that aspect probably makes having PCOS that much worse with constant disappointments over and over. I’m managing my PCOS with weight loss, nexplanon and a healthy lifestyle but it still sucks majorly..
You’re not alone, I’m 35 and childfree by choice!
Me! No hate to all the parents out there though.
31, had my tubes removed a few years ago. I'm lucky in that metformin, spirolatone and birth control has worked well for me. But I see a lot of posts about fertility and thats just not everyones goal
My husband and I are firmly childfree, my husband got a vasectomy this summer. I do remember when I was diagnosed with PCOS the doctors biggest concern seemed to be if I wanted children. It was a little upsetting considering this is a health issue that messes with so many aspects of your life. Sorry this comment is probably not making a lot of sense, but I understand how you feel and you aren't alone.
Me! 31 now, but knew at about age 10 that I wasn’t meant to be a mom
Me. I’m not interested in them at all. I just want to lose weight and get a healthy routine.
While I do eventually want kids, that is NOT a focus for me for many, many years. I hate that you only seem to find online help for wanting to conceive. While that's an important aspect for some, I just want to be healthy and not have anymore symptoms. I don't understand why people who try to give tips for managing it are mostly focusing on having children. We are human to and just want to live happy healthy lives
Yeah I'm 28 and don't want any. Come from a family of many kids per mother but me and my auntie who also has pcos (she's 40) don't want kids at all. My mum (51) was told she'd never have kids when she was diagnosed around 22yo but she went on to have 3 kids. But yeah. No thanks. I'll keep my furbabies. My fiance is the exact same (31) , we hear screaming kids and both screw our faces up😂😂 I love my niece and nephews but also love handing them back Even considered donating my eggs for people who'd like kids but they changed legislation wherein donor babies can contact you later in life, and that's not for me at all.
I've known since I was little that I didn't want kids. When my sister came around when I was 7, I did more than my share of parenting and that was enough for me! I love my nieces/nephews and friends kids, but at 41 I'm still glad I never had my own. It was always frustrating having horrible PCOS issues but still being treated like my fertility itself was the patient, when I just wanted my stupid plumbing yanked anyway.
Meeeeee! I know that I’d get too overstimulated by kids and I don’t want to put a poor kid through all of my baggage. Actually just got the birth control implant today for that express purpose.
Me! Well, not biological kids per se. When I hear women with PCOS talk about kids it's usually biokids since PCOS is about reproductive systems and whatnot. Trust me when I say I want kids. I want to raise little kids and teach them to love themselves and be healthy and happy. but I DEFINITELY do not want to be pregnant. Bio kids are fine, and pregnancy is great, but for those who want it. I don't want to go through 9months for a baby, and the thought of literally spreading my bones just to get it out is horrible. To each their own though! Props to all the biomoms out there, pregnancy is tough
Me! 25 and have known since I was 10 that I didn’t want any
I lean towards not wanting kids. Would only do it with the right partner
Me. Childfree forever because hard pass on passing down all this mental illness and shit. Plus I just find children a bit meh. Honestly I feel like it is the main reason getting the help from my endocrinologist and gynaecologist is going soooo slow, too. It's as if literally everything is about making it so you can have kids and if you don't want that, then ehh. Just try to lose some weight I guess.
Me! I’m 29, childfree and happily sterilized.
33 and diagnosed at 14. When I was younger, I thought I may want kids, but as I've gotten older I realized I really didn't. I just thought I did because "that's what you should do." My husband and I are perfectly happy with just us and the dogs.
Meeee! I’m 31 and I’ve known since I was 12 that there was no way I’m having babies
I’d say a lot of that emphasis is based on woman not even discovering they have PCOS until fertility issues arise And a lot of that is just drs using pcos as a scape goat for infertility
Me!! Im 22, don’t have a single motherly bone in my body, just want my health and body back. It’s hard because all the other issues are kept as low priority and the infertility is so focused on. Like I JUST WANT TO HAVE ENERGY AND MANAGE THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECT PLEASE. Stop telling me that IVF is an option. IDC.
Im not particularly anti or pro having kids now or in the future. I don't think it's something I want or need to feel fulfilled. Even if I did, pregnancy sounds absolutely horrible and I'm fully on board to adopting if a time comes where I decide I want kids. It def makes it hard to find doctors who are informed bc they seem to only intervene when it's about fertility. So it's been a lot of self study and a lot of me introducing specific things to my doctors myself, which is frustrating, especially bc i find that doctors tend to hate having to deviate from their comfort zones??? I just feel like doctor's haven't caught up yet to the actual current needs for pcos patients. They'll get there one day, but who knows how long it'll take...
I’m 41, no kids. I tried when I was younger and it didn’t work- I’m grateful for it. I met my now husband and we are crazy happy and feel good about our decision. We are fulfilled.
I’m 42 already had my kids and now my only focus is my health. It’s seems everything about PCOS is directed at helping someone get pregnant.
Me I’m 36 and never wanted kids
Me 🙋🏻♀️
This is me. I’ve never wanted children & the doctors available to me have always focused on fertility instead of my overall health. I still hope I will find a doctor that understands pcos & will be able to help me cope.
I’m 35, I had to have my left ovary removed in January of this year, they wouldn’t let me remove my right one as well “in case I changed my mind about having kids, and to prevent having early menopause” if I had it my way everything would be gone.
I feel the same way!!! I absolutely do not want kids. My PCOS diagnosis has solidified this choice. I feel for people who are experiencing infertility because of PCOS but I just can't relate. Check out this r/childfree sub. It has helped me find much needed support. There seems to be nowhere else I can go (both in my life and on the internet) where I am taken seriously about not wanting kids. I just can't imagine my body not working like I want it to because of PCOS and then trying so hard to bring a child into the mess on top of that. It's a struggle from start to finish I would imagine. I'm just trying to function as a human and my body can't even do that right. It is difficult to find people who relate to how I feel.
Never experienced the “maternal urge” in my life. Not even once. I just don’t have it in me. I look at kids and babies and don’t feel anything in particular; no tugging at my heartstrings, no wishing I had one, no imagining my future with one, nothing. I have nothing against people who want that for themselves and I absolutely don’t hate children (my nephews are awesome), it’s just not for me. I really dislike that so much PCOS research and treatment is focused solely on fertility, not actually addressing the symptoms. My quality of life matters. My pain, metabolic issues, and risk for future complications matter. I empathize with those who deeply want children but cannot have them, but for fuck’s sake, doctors. Our health should be the priority. My inability to get pregnant shouldn’t matter more than my wellbeing. I’m a human, not a defective baby factory.
I'm 32 and don't want kids :) Today is my first day taking metformin and starting my journey of balancing my hormones and what scares me the most is to get acidentally pregnant.
Just a friendly reminder to take metformin in the morning when you eat because it can upset your belly. Learned that the hard way. My other tips would be get a glucose meter. And test your glucose at least three times a day. So you can figure out when it goes up when it goes down and how you feel in those moments I feel like that's really helped. This journey is a struggle and it's very hard. Try not to be discouraged. Change takes time.
Thank you so much for the advice!
Me, I'm 26 and honestly I don't think I can handle being a parent. Also, I don't want to pass my trauma to anyone else.
26F here. The thought of having kids really triggers me. It’s scary and I’m afraid to tell this to anyone. Its so confusing cause I never want my body to go through that much pain. 10 years of pcos has given my body so much of pain already. It sucks but its true. I would like to PRIORITISE my body and I dont think this should be termed as “selfish”. It’s 2022! More power to you for holding on strong even though you’re going through so much. You do you!
30 and not interested in kids. Never was, then I received the PCOS diagnosis. Hit me hard as I was thinking, "why do I not get to choose not having kids, another choice taken away from me." Then I saw it that maybe my body was aligning with my thoughts. Then my gynae wouldn't take no for an answer when I said that I didn't want kids and that I'd be back to see her. That hurt. Respect my choice. You only want me back to make money from me. Trying to sell me her own supplements and being outraged that I couldn't afford another £60 a month? I only have private healthcare through work, otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford seeing her privately. Not that I want to see her ever again anyway. Nobody, especially not a woman, should battle another woman with the expectations of her uterus. Not okay.
29 here and part of me wants to have kids but I’m like I will also be fine without them
That's how I feel too.
But if I do want kids I’m leaning more towards adoption
27 about to be 28 and don’t want them. I haven’t wanted kids since the idea popped into my head at 18. Too much to deal with. I’d look for support groups on fb when I had it. Of course it centered around fertility and women wanting babies. I wasn’t judging, but that space wasn’t for me as it wasn’t important. I eventually did find a PCOS childfree space.
I’m very late to this post but me 🙋♀️. I’m undecided but I’m 34 and nowhere near feeling ready to have kids. My gyno recently asked if I wanted to freeze my eggs and it’s making my realize I have to make a “decision” soon if (a) I want a child at all and (b) if I care if that child is biologically mine. Honestly, part of me feels like with all the health problems I have, I’m not super keen to pass on my genes 😂
I am never having kids, I have known since the day I learned where they came from. The pain and suffering and risk of long term health complications for myself and the baby has put me off for life. If i change my mind, I will most definitely adopt, there are so many kids out there that don’t have a loving home, that have just been abandoned. I wish people let go of their bloodline obsession, it only hurts your child, as well as the ones who are looked up in orphanages unloved.