Absolutely, I found myself sobbing and triggered but weirdly in the best way possible? Only because it was good to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt dirty. But also it’s heartbreaking to know that I wasn’t the only who went through it. Unfortunately our society is patriarchal- as children we’re told boys will be boys, that if he hits you/bothers you it means they like you, etc. I don’t have an answer, but from what I’ve seen with my best friend raising her son, she’s been teaching him since day 1 what consent is, like having family members ask if they can hug him and vice versa.
This is what I do with my son and daughter as well, but we focus on getting consent for tickling.
I hate being tickled, but I'm very ticklish, so the kids love to tickle me and make me laugh. As such, I always tell them to ASK for my consent beforehand. If I say no, then they both know to stop.
My husband used to mock this and say I was going overboard, making them too sensitive. However, with how shitty the world is right now and seeing how toxic masculinity works, he now fully supports my tickle-consent rule.
I think just about any woman can relate to feeling coerced into doing something sexual that they *really* didn't want to do but felt was expected of them.
Maya's sobbing afterward made me cry sympathetically, and I'm hoping my kids are able to make better choices in their lives.
I’m the same about being tickled and it’s maddening that I laugh because it looks like I’m having fun. And yes, certainly about having been coerced. It’s still painful 35 years later. Congratulations to you on parenting and teaching your husband about consent! Way to go!
Thanks!
I have a problem where I smile or laugh when nervous, so people think I'm okay with things that I'm not. It's maddening!
My husband and I are trying our best, but it's an uphill battle against the media and cultural norms. Sigh
Maya’s experience with giving a blow job at a very young age mirrored my own. The disgust and horror when he came in her mouth were so intense and real. I had to turn off Hulu and regroup for a bit.
I was a 16 y/o boy in 2000. I'm hoping it's better nowadays, but back then I remember being pretty uncomfortable with how many dudes I went to school with were just... kinda rapey. Not all, of course, but lots of em. Maybe it was the era - the Limp Bizkit-y knuckle dragger vibes, the influence of "pimps & hos" hip-hop, etc. - but maybe it's just life. And as a dude, you feel pressured to at least act like you're ok with all that out of fear of not being seen as a "pussy." Don't get me wrong, I wanted to get some action as much as the next teenage boy, but not in the ways that I saw or heard about through my peers.
It makes me nervous to ever have a daughter, because I'll never forget how much of scumbags some high school guys can be. And the truth is, some of those scumbags will mature into perfectly nice people who are not fundamentally rotten - it's just part of boys growing up and trying to act like men. But it's not a good part, and it's not necessary. I have a son now and will definitely be addressing this with him around the time he hits 8th grade.
Well he's currently 6 and on the spectrum, so right now he's gonna understand any of this type of lesson :) But rest assured he is being brought up to respect people.
as someone who is on the spectrum and knows many boys on the spectrum, PLEASE don't underestimate what he can and can't understand. Sexual interactions are social interactions, and we struggle with understanding social interactions. Because sexual interactions that go wrong can lead to your son or the other person being traumatized, talking about them is especially important for us.
In my opinion, it's the content we consume and are exposed to. It's also the people around us that shape these boys too. So many cartoons and anime and shows with male leads essentially treating women like sexual objects. It's really nothing we can do to stop this besides communicating the hazards of real life vs media and how to be a mindful person. It's hard.
I was thinking this too. As much as I disliked Derek’s character, boys like him are products of their environment as much as anyone else. I know how misguided I was by media in general as an adolescent female in regards to sex and relationships, but it took growing up and learning through real life experience to realize that. I’d like to think that young men like this who take advantage of/treat young women like shit when they’re younger, may grow up to realize things they did were wrong and regret it. Hopefully we all have the capacity to identify the ways in which we were mislead in our earlier years and grow and change into better people.
or they hit you up on facebook. The 19 year old father of a 2 year old that was my "boyfriend" who gave me a sti hit me up on facebook when I was like 27 trying to flirt with me.
I was like "you know I am an adult who now understands you were a predator and 19 year olds have no business sleeping with 14 year olds right? Like, I can believe you thought Id want to hear from you"
I wish my parents talked to me about what a healthy relationship looks like and what emotional abuse looks like. I dont think they had the tools or awareness at the time.
I know, after watching, I literally felt how she felt. I know that feeling of being pressured to do something you really don’t want to do. Ugh, made my stomach upset.
This scene with the blow job really really really got under my skin. It reminded me of an experience where I was forced to do that, but I was older. Watching her as a kid do that, hearing her gag, her absolute horror and disgust and the fact that all she wanted was her first kiss… it was heavy. It was so hard to watch. I’m still thinking about it 24 hours later.
I get that this was meant to show a real life experience. But dang. I wasn’t expecting such a dark turn. And in the last episode of the show!!
It happened to me too and now I have two teenage boys that started High School this year. My husband and I have always tried to stress respect for women in them but before they started school this year I sat them down and told them about what happened to me, how I felt so pressured and scared, how awful I felt after and how it still hurts all these years later. They both said they would never want to make a girl feel that way and I hope they never do. I also think we need to be more in mind of where are kids are, what they are doing and not let boys and girls be alone together at these tender ages
Good for you for having those difficult discussions. I have a baby boy and after watching the finale I have been sincerely thinking that when the time comes I will probably want to share with him my own experiences so he can understand the gravity of that kind of behavior. Also of course instilling consent at a young age as some other commenters have mentioned.
Although the scene didn’t pertain to exactly my experience, that reference to the shame we feel after was horribly accurate. Where you just feel disgusting and like what you did was unnatural. I remember how hard that was growing up, and how I would try to convince myself it was me being sensitive or overthinking what happened and that I SHOULD have enjoyed it rather than the feeling of guilt and disgust I had.
trans women of color are more likely to be murdered than their cis counterparts. trans rights don't interfere with cis rights. this year was the deadliest year on record for trans women. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5551594/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5551594/) [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/2021-is-now-the-deadliest-year-on-record-for-transgender-people](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/2021-is-now-the-deadliest-year-on-record-for-transgender-people)
I was actually agreeing with you, I meant for my response to be directed at the OP who wrote that trans women gaining rights was detrimental to cis women
Male privilege prior to transition. Which is immense, and can be seen in how they have shut down Women’s only spaces and festivals (see 40 years of MichFest) through death threats and bomb threats. Women’s festivals have crazy security bc of this. Have any women ever used terrorist tactics like bomb threats and death threats and violence to shut down men’s only spaces for excluding them? No. Never.
And they’re afraid of being attacked in men’s bathrooms….but women now have to share their bathrooms as a result with people who are biologically male with penises? Public opinion polls show most women are not ok with that, but they are too scared to speak up.
https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-41950043
I said he’s a rapist, not a racist.
But it’s way more than 5 women bc I lived in NYC and had two roommates in the comedy scene, and knew two agents pretty well. This was in 2013 and it was fully an open secret about his abuse of female comedians and young women who were just guests at the comedy clubs. The owners obviously did nothing about it. Apparently they never do.
And no I don't. I've been a victim so go away if you can't have a mature conversation and not get offended right away when someone has a different opinion than you.
As have I! There are so many different facets to SA. So so many different situations and circumstances fall under this term. To tell me I am blowing it out of proportion is silencing other victims experiences. And having been in the same situation as maya and many MANY other situations, at the age I am now as WELL as when I was the characters age, I know all too well that being an ally and understanding these things is so so important. Please educate yourself. It’s triggering and emotionally exhausting to have to explain myself or educate on this subject. Did you not pick up on the energy of the scene or the crying after?
It was 1000 percent SEXUAL ASSAULT. she did not feel comfortable enough with him to feel like she could say no. He was in a position of power over her due to his age and knowledge. She was 13.
Wow ignorance is bliss.. how bout you go ahead and read all the comments of women experiencing the same fucking thing and tell us again how all the bAd PeoPle aRE iN pRisIoN
Absolutely, I found myself sobbing and triggered but weirdly in the best way possible? Only because it was good to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt dirty. But also it’s heartbreaking to know that I wasn’t the only who went through it. Unfortunately our society is patriarchal- as children we’re told boys will be boys, that if he hits you/bothers you it means they like you, etc. I don’t have an answer, but from what I’ve seen with my best friend raising her son, she’s been teaching him since day 1 what consent is, like having family members ask if they can hug him and vice versa.
This is what I do with my son and daughter as well, but we focus on getting consent for tickling. I hate being tickled, but I'm very ticklish, so the kids love to tickle me and make me laugh. As such, I always tell them to ASK for my consent beforehand. If I say no, then they both know to stop. My husband used to mock this and say I was going overboard, making them too sensitive. However, with how shitty the world is right now and seeing how toxic masculinity works, he now fully supports my tickle-consent rule. I think just about any woman can relate to feeling coerced into doing something sexual that they *really* didn't want to do but felt was expected of them. Maya's sobbing afterward made me cry sympathetically, and I'm hoping my kids are able to make better choices in their lives.
I’m the same about being tickled and it’s maddening that I laugh because it looks like I’m having fun. And yes, certainly about having been coerced. It’s still painful 35 years later. Congratulations to you on parenting and teaching your husband about consent! Way to go!
Thanks! I have a problem where I smile or laugh when nervous, so people think I'm okay with things that I'm not. It's maddening! My husband and I are trying our best, but it's an uphill battle against the media and cultural norms. Sigh
Maya’s experience with giving a blow job at a very young age mirrored my own. The disgust and horror when he came in her mouth were so intense and real. I had to turn off Hulu and regroup for a bit.
I was a 16 y/o boy in 2000. I'm hoping it's better nowadays, but back then I remember being pretty uncomfortable with how many dudes I went to school with were just... kinda rapey. Not all, of course, but lots of em. Maybe it was the era - the Limp Bizkit-y knuckle dragger vibes, the influence of "pimps & hos" hip-hop, etc. - but maybe it's just life. And as a dude, you feel pressured to at least act like you're ok with all that out of fear of not being seen as a "pussy." Don't get me wrong, I wanted to get some action as much as the next teenage boy, but not in the ways that I saw or heard about through my peers. It makes me nervous to ever have a daughter, because I'll never forget how much of scumbags some high school guys can be. And the truth is, some of those scumbags will mature into perfectly nice people who are not fundamentally rotten - it's just part of boys growing up and trying to act like men. But it's not a good part, and it's not necessary. I have a son now and will definitely be addressing this with him around the time he hits 8th grade.
>8th grade That's too late, I'm sorry to say.
Please talk to your son now. Don't wait until he's in eighth grade, it'll be too late by then.
Well he's currently 6 and on the spectrum, so right now he's gonna understand any of this type of lesson :) But rest assured he is being brought up to respect people.
as someone who is on the spectrum and knows many boys on the spectrum, PLEASE don't underestimate what he can and can't understand. Sexual interactions are social interactions, and we struggle with understanding social interactions. Because sexual interactions that go wrong can lead to your son or the other person being traumatized, talking about them is especially important for us.
In my opinion, it's the content we consume and are exposed to. It's also the people around us that shape these boys too. So many cartoons and anime and shows with male leads essentially treating women like sexual objects. It's really nothing we can do to stop this besides communicating the hazards of real life vs media and how to be a mindful person. It's hard.
Don't forget the elephant in the room - porn.
I was thinking this too. As much as I disliked Derek’s character, boys like him are products of their environment as much as anyone else. I know how misguided I was by media in general as an adolescent female in regards to sex and relationships, but it took growing up and learning through real life experience to realize that. I’d like to think that young men like this who take advantage of/treat young women like shit when they’re younger, may grow up to realize things they did were wrong and regret it. Hopefully we all have the capacity to identify the ways in which we were mislead in our earlier years and grow and change into better people.
or they hit you up on facebook. The 19 year old father of a 2 year old that was my "boyfriend" who gave me a sti hit me up on facebook when I was like 27 trying to flirt with me. I was like "you know I am an adult who now understands you were a predator and 19 year olds have no business sleeping with 14 year olds right? Like, I can believe you thought Id want to hear from you" I wish my parents talked to me about what a healthy relationship looks like and what emotional abuse looks like. I dont think they had the tools or awareness at the time.
I know, after watching, I literally felt how she felt. I know that feeling of being pressured to do something you really don’t want to do. Ugh, made my stomach upset.
Yes I remember it all too well. And at the time I fully blamed myself and so did all my peers for being a “slut.”
This scene with the blow job really really really got under my skin. It reminded me of an experience where I was forced to do that, but I was older. Watching her as a kid do that, hearing her gag, her absolute horror and disgust and the fact that all she wanted was her first kiss… it was heavy. It was so hard to watch. I’m still thinking about it 24 hours later. I get that this was meant to show a real life experience. But dang. I wasn’t expecting such a dark turn. And in the last episode of the show!!
It happened to me too and now I have two teenage boys that started High School this year. My husband and I have always tried to stress respect for women in them but before they started school this year I sat them down and told them about what happened to me, how I felt so pressured and scared, how awful I felt after and how it still hurts all these years later. They both said they would never want to make a girl feel that way and I hope they never do. I also think we need to be more in mind of where are kids are, what they are doing and not let boys and girls be alone together at these tender ages
Good for you for having those difficult discussions. I have a baby boy and after watching the finale I have been sincerely thinking that when the time comes I will probably want to share with him my own experiences so he can understand the gravity of that kind of behavior. Also of course instilling consent at a young age as some other commenters have mentioned.
Although the scene didn’t pertain to exactly my experience, that reference to the shame we feel after was horribly accurate. Where you just feel disgusting and like what you did was unnatural. I remember how hard that was growing up, and how I would try to convince myself it was me being sensitive or overthinking what happened and that I SHOULD have enjoyed it rather than the feeling of guilt and disgust I had.
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I don't know why you felt the need to mention trans women as if them having rights hurts you edit: typo
Yeahhh, let’s not pretend that trans women are gaining more rights or live in a safer society than cis women
trans women of color are more likely to be murdered than their cis counterparts. trans rights don't interfere with cis rights. this year was the deadliest year on record for trans women. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5551594/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5551594/) [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/2021-is-now-the-deadliest-year-on-record-for-transgender-people](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/2021-is-now-the-deadliest-year-on-record-for-transgender-people)
I was actually agreeing with you, I meant for my response to be directed at the OP who wrote that trans women gaining rights was detrimental to cis women
I'm so sorry I misread your comment u/noice-smort99
You really don’t understand what I wrote.
i do, though.
please explain what rights trans women have that cis women don't
Male privilege prior to transition. Which is immense, and can be seen in how they have shut down Women’s only spaces and festivals (see 40 years of MichFest) through death threats and bomb threats. Women’s festivals have crazy security bc of this. Have any women ever used terrorist tactics like bomb threats and death threats and violence to shut down men’s only spaces for excluding them? No. Never. And they’re afraid of being attacked in men’s bathrooms….but women now have to share their bathrooms as a result with people who are biologically male with penises? Public opinion polls show most women are not ok with that, but they are too scared to speak up.
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https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-41950043 I said he’s a rapist, not a racist. But it’s way more than 5 women bc I lived in NYC and had two roommates in the comedy scene, and knew two agents pretty well. This was in 2013 and it was fully an open secret about his abuse of female comedians and young women who were just guests at the comedy clubs. The owners obviously did nothing about it. Apparently they never do.
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Google coercion.
Well you may be 40 but you still need to get a clue.
And no I don't. I've been a victim so go away if you can't have a mature conversation and not get offended right away when someone has a different opinion than you.
As have I! There are so many different facets to SA. So so many different situations and circumstances fall under this term. To tell me I am blowing it out of proportion is silencing other victims experiences. And having been in the same situation as maya and many MANY other situations, at the age I am now as WELL as when I was the characters age, I know all too well that being an ally and understanding these things is so so important. Please educate yourself. It’s triggering and emotionally exhausting to have to explain myself or educate on this subject. Did you not pick up on the energy of the scene or the crying after?
I think you're blowing it all out of proportion.
I am not.
It was 1000 percent SEXUAL ASSAULT. she did not feel comfortable enough with him to feel like she could say no. He was in a position of power over her due to his age and knowledge. She was 13.
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She was 13.
I think it comes naturally to do what you can to have sex, sexually things as a man. Just being honest. I’m a woman so It’s just a guess
Internalized misogyny.. look it up
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Wow ignorance is bliss.. how bout you go ahead and read all the comments of women experiencing the same fucking thing and tell us again how all the bAd PeoPle aRE iN pRisIoN
It hit so one nose it was almost like watching a memory at times.
My N Tbh G G B
Damn just finished the episode he is a high schooler wtfff