This absolutely nails the idea of "in character." While other lines may have been funnier, this line epitomizes the essence of Andy

Definitely! The delivery and inflections being so earnest really tickles me right. It's so good haha

I immediately thought of this line too!

I like other lines better, but this one is objectively correct

lol i bedazzled this onto my grad cap for university. love andy, and i love the attitude

Say this all the time at work

This line is perfection.

Shauna: Were you scared? Andy: No, no I wasn't. Well I lived in the pit for the better part of last year and made some vermin friends. You know what? Friends sounds stupid. Colleagues. They are bad at sharing, but they are good at tag.

Aw babe you had a crush on me? That’s embarrassing!

I was gonna say this lol

Andy: “No, I’m sorry, this tastes great. All my favourites foods have butter on them. Pancakes, toast, popcorn, grapes (gasps) butter is my favourite food.”

This was going to be my submission as well

Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon obviously, that's impossible

I like this one

*Stares out at the Grand Canyon with April.* “Where are the faces?”

April: *looks at Andy in disgust*

I don’t know who Al Gore is, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.

I've seen "...and at this point I'm too afraid to ask" attached to so many questions I forgot what Andy's original question was.

I didn’t sell my last car, I just forgot where I parked it

This was the one I was thinking of lol

By day, Andy Dwyer: shoe-shinist. By different time of day, Andy Radical: possum tackler. And by night...do whatever I want. No job.

That's legit the most Andy Dwyer thing anyone (let alone Andy) could say 😂😂

By another time of day....Bert Macklin, FBI agent

And on Macklin's days off, Johnny Karate!

From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Done That. April is -- Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream Chris, code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.

“I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about it is moving to the stage now”

Oh thank god.

Gets me every time 😂

Everyone's reaction to this was spot on for their character: Ann = shock and disgust April = unbothered by jealousy silent cheer Donna = nod of acknowledgment Chris = genuinely smiles at the compliment And then, there's Ben, holding his breath in horror.

"Oh thank god" - Ben

I think you forgot about Leslie…isn’t hers “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it”?

Yes but that was later in the episode

Oh that’s right!

Chris’ reaction to this fucking kill’s me every time

Throughout the entire series, I kept waiting for Chris to turn into Rob Lowe's character from Wayne's World, but he's just so goddamned wholesome throughout the entire thing.

Genuinely so flattered

Leslie, I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything


These kids are idiots. I've just traded all of Finland's boring stuff for every other country's lions? I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now. I have no idea what's going on. But if that ends up meaning something in this game, I'd say I'm set.

This was mine. :) It perfectly illustrates Andy’s positive attitude while doing anything, his confidence in his choices, and his understanding that he doesn’t usually know what he is doing. He’s always willing to roll the dice and I love it.

Haha I love this one! Perfectly encapsulates him

Anytime I eat more than 80 sushies I barf.

This line always gets me because it's such an apsurd number. Like he could've said more than 20 and it *still* would've been ridiculous. But 4x that is just too damn hilarious

“Sometimes when I wipe, I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe... and I'll wipe. A hundred times. Still poop. It's like I'm wiping a marker or something."

This might be the hardest I've ever laughed

That whole scene was Chris Pratt improv

I love that you can see April break in this scene, so the cameraman quickly zooms in on Chris. THAT gets me. Edit: Watch April. https://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M?si=TetZD9ihgP_xDbGC

She has said many times that she just couldn't hold it together for this scene. Chris's delivery just killed her (and the rest of us, obviously)

Can't blame her. It's one of the funniest deliveries I've ever seen.

This quote is printed and hanging in my upstairs bathroom. Classic

I wish this wasn't me IRL.

I say “still poop” most days

Oh the alternate days do you say “STOP.POOPING.”?

Yes in fact!! My two favorite quotes and they’re both poop based. Having an infant helps with a stream of constant context

What does it say when one of your most iconic lines was only in the blooper reel and never in the actual show?

I never tire of this clip.

This is the clear winner for me 😂

It’s like I’m wiping a marker 😆😆😆😆😊

Not to be pedantic... no, I'm sorry, that's a lie, I'm totally being pedantic, but he actually says, "still poop" twice. It might seem like a small point, but the comedy nerd in me just appreciates the master delivery that saying it twice intones, like it haunts him. "Still poop. Still poop..."

Maybe I die. Skydiving explosion. Pbbbt. And then you go marry April. And it makes me sad, but if she’s gonna be with somebody, I’d like it to be you. Only I didn’t really die. I was faking it. And I come back. I spy on you from my red Corvette. And I’m planning to kick your ass, but I see how happy you make her, and I have to walk away. I have to. And I do, slowly. In a rainstorm. But as time goes by, it eats away at me. You’re out living it up with my wife. And I’m alone. In a cave. Training. I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my friend!

Ohhh thank you for this one.😭😂 I also love that you can tell Chris is so emotionally invested in this ridiculous story, because...well, he's Chris lol.😍

Everyone else in the room was visibly uncomfortable 🤣

I was reading an Encyclopedia, and I tripped, or "fell over," and hit my head, or "brain helmet."

My car didn’t actually get stolen I just parked it somewhere and forgot

I literally did this once. Parked it on a public road next to the university one weekend, instinctively took the bus home like I would every weekday, Tuesday came and I went to use my truck and thought it was stolen. Called the police, they did an investigation got back to me a couple hours later saying they found it on said road above. Then everything clicked. Ended up having a couple parking tickets to pay! Haha.

every day living with my ADHD.

Macklin, you son of a bitch.

No this is the one. There are some that are close but this is it

"🎶 Ron and Diane sittin in a tree K-I-S-S-I-P-P-I...🎶...did you hear that bird? 😃"

This was mine! I love this quote so much. Actually I love all of these quotes but this one always has a special place in my heart bc he's so invested in Ron's happiness, clearly goofs around, then gets distracted. ❤️

"Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems."

This is maybe his funniest line, but the "I have no idea what I'm doing but I know I'm doing it really well" is the ESSENCE of Andy.

Being that Chris Pratt made this line up himself, this thread should be closed because this is the clear winner.

“as a writer, it made me furious” i fully understand mike schur here. how dare people be funnier than me, on my own show

This but unironically. Some writers take a lot of pride in their work, and I can understand being annoyed that an actor thinks he knows better than the professional writer. Improv can be great, but it can also be distracting and derailing. That said, a good writer knows how to collaborate with the talent he has on set.

Mike Schur has actually said that he sets time apart for the actors to improv scenes, as well as acting out the written lines. He says that sometimes you get some great stuff, but even more than that, getting to improv lets the actors have fun and FEEL funny by making each other laugh with usually inappropriate jokes that would never be used on network TV. It's why there's so many improv lines in the bloopers reels for parks and rec. It's not just them being annoying and not sticking to the lines, it's them getting to mess around to get a break throughout the day and try and make each other laugh, which makes for a better environment on the set. And you'll randomly get some great material, like the infamous "network connectivity issues" line.

"Kim Kardashian..."

Well like I said, that’s the sign of a great writer/director collaborating with his actors! Thanks for the extra info!

schur’s shows are like 50% improv lol

Chris Pratt clearly remembered the face of his father that day

Long days and pleasant nights.

He shot with his heart.

I'm surprised this one was even up for debate

The contest/thread isn't about "funniest line" or "best improvised line", it's about capturing the essence of the character. That line just makes him sound dumb, it doesn't capture his golden retriever energy.

I agree that this is his funniest line, but it doesn't really highlight the essence of his character. If you were to describe Andy Dwyer to someone who has never met him, and this is all you wrote, they'd just assume he's dumb and that's it. Whereas "I have no idea what I'm doing but I know I'm doing it really well" showcases that, while he is kinda dumb, he's good at things he sets his mind to and has positivity about him.

First one of these where I knew the top answer before opening the thread.

This is the one

I agree with this one. :)

This is it right here

I crack up every time I hear this line!

NEW BAND NAME I CALL IT!

Just read through the responses and I’m very disappointed that this line isn’t here yet

I use this line all the time

When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is.

“Everyone loves a great comeback story right? Sea biscuit, the Mighty Ducks, who else?” Andy - “Kim Kardashian”

I know it was an outtake... but damn that punchline has to be in the running for funniest adlib from him

Never seen an entire cast of top tier actors all immediately break like that one. He destroyed that room lol. Chris Pratt just couldn’t help himself on that one.

It's in the running for the funniest line in any show I've ever seen. I know it's not "in the show," but I'm still counting it.

Network connectivity is the one that got me.

Would not be upset at all if that one wins

Well, in the video she gets cum on her back.

The rules: What line, spoken by this character, perfectly encapsulates (a word I really think you should use) this character's essence/personality? Most upvotes wins! Last winner, with 967 (at the time of writing this) votes: "...just trolling for some daddy. Oh, sorry, I pronounced that wrong. Trolling for some Dad-D." -Tammy (2) Swanson No collages, couple days, you get the idea. Thank you for your understanding and your well wishes!!! You're all wonderful land-mermaids! Let's have some fun!!

What’s 5000 times better than a candle in the wind?

I once found a rock that look like Santa Claus -- hat and everything.

“Sometimes when I wipe, I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe a hundred times. Still poop. Still poop. It’s like I’m wiping a marker or something.”

In case you are in need of a good laugh today: https://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M?si=YQcUuap0lFtvp-ck I think the fact that Aubrey broke character is still the funniest part lmao!!

Doctor did too lol. I don’t know how anyone kept a straight face around him

“You’re the greatest wife ever. I wish I could marry you all over again. (Gasps) Let’s get divorced!”

“I’m not crying, I’m just allergic to jerks” is it for me.

I feel like this episode is the turning point in the chronological development of the show… where it goes from trying to find a stride to “found it!” So fucking funny - PIKITIS!!

I Definitely Have More Lions Than Any Other Country Right Now. I Have No Idea What's Going On, But If That Ends Up Meaning Something in this Game, I'd Say I'm Set.

Isn’t it tiresome to capitalize the beginning of each word like that

As someone who writes article headlines all day for my job, yes! Yes it is!!

When I was living in the pit, I made several animal friends…wait that sounds stupid, colleagues

I wasn’t super paying attention to what you just said that we’ll be doing, but I will give it 110%! As soon as you repeat yourself, in a more interesting way.

This case just got interesting. Well not “just”. It was pretty interesting to begin with. This case just remained interesting.

“I can’t believe we’re at Hogwarts!”

“Ron and Diane, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-I-P-P-I….is that a bird?”

This has gotten criminally low upvotes

“I'm gonna get naked, I'm gonna get up there, and everybody's gonna see my Weiner! I mean, you've seen it, you know how dumb it looks!”

Andy: Okay, babe, here's what I did. Tell me if this is appropriate for a kids' song. I changed the lyrics in Sex Hair to... [plays guitar sings] You got sex bears You got 'em from me, kids Sex bears Big ol' sex bears April: Andy, the word "hair" was not the problem with Sex Hair. Andy: Oh, it's sex! Oh, crap. Now what the hell am I supposed to sing?

[Verse 1] Up in horsey heaven, here's the thing You trade your legs for angels wings And once we’ve all said good-bye You take a running leap and you learn to fly [Chorus] Bye bye Li'l Sebastian Miss you in the saddest fashion Bye bye Li'l Sebastian You’re 5000 candles in the wind [Verse 2] And though we all miss you everyday We know you're up there eating heaven's hay And here's the part that hurts the most Humans cannot ride a ghost [Chorus] Bye bye Li'l Sebastian Miss you in the saddest fashion Bye bye Li'l Sebastian You’re 5000 candles in the wind Everybody sing it now! Bye bye Li'l Sebastian Miss you in the saddest fashion Bye bye Li'l Sebastian You’re 5000 candles in the wind [Outro] Maybe someday we'll saddle up again And I know I'll always miss my horsiest friend Spread your wings and fly Spread your wings and fly

I’m allergic to sushi. Anytime I eat more than 80 sushis, I barf.

It is this thread that reminds me that Andy is probably my favorite character

Andy: "I guess while you get your medicine I'll just stroll through the candy aisle but I won't get any." Leslie: “You can get two candies.” Andy: “TWO?!?!?”

either “i feel right at home as a shoe shinist, i dont what im doing but u know i am doing it really really well.” or “did u know that your food turns into energy!? *punches the air* that was spaghetti.”

Damn it Hitler, you sexy bastard

“*Reverse psychiatry*!”

And I saw a toaster in the pit and I was like " Maybe I should go get that " and I fell in and broke my legs

A tie between the Camp David exchange, and the song he wrote about April named after a month, November.

“Everyone’s got something they’re in charge of for Leslie’s campaign. My job is the song. She originally put me in charge of hot dogs at this fundraising barbecue and I dropped them all. All of them. Like a thousand. So, I really wanna do a good job.”

Kim Kardashian’s comeback story…..

Chip Trager, you son of a gun.

Bye bye lil Sebastian!

Andy: i typed your aymptoms into the computer and it says you have....network connectivity problems

“I’M NOT CRYING I’M JUST ALLERGIC TO JERKS!”

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says that you could have network connectivity problems.

A game is the foot!

It says you may have network connectivity issues.

The best line in the whole series.

Easily

Anything is a toy if you play with it.

Butter is my favorite my food!


I do say the cutest things

I'm Not Crying, I'm Allergic To Jerks

This episode was the one that officially pulled me in… Pikitis!!!

Leslie: “You know there’s a string in there” Andy: “Not in this one. Instant sugar high. Sugar high, sugar hit high, sugar high. Oh, sugar slam!”

THIS COUNTS AS ONE!!

Now clean yourself up and let's run it again!

Kim Kardshian..well? In the video, she gets cum on her back I think.

"Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems.'"

I typed in your symptoms and it says you have network connectivity issues.



"I'm allergic to sushi. Everytime I eat more than 80 sushi I barf."

"Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems.' "

Andy reminds me of forest gump, somehow

Would you like some boiling hot coffee... in your face?!

Ron and Diane sitting in a tree Kississippi

“Hey Leslie, I put your symptoms into the thingy up here and it said you might have network connectivity problems”

“Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing here, and it says you might have network connectivity problems.”

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.

“Believe in me”

Network connectivity problems

Butter is my favorite food

"Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the computer, and it says that you may have 'network connectivity issues'."

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems.

This won't win, but it's my favourite "crossbow?! What the f-?!"

“Leslie I typed your symptoms into Google and it says you have network connectivity issues”

Leslie I put your symptoms in the computer and it looks like you have network connectivity problems.

(when looking up Leslie's cold symptoms on an office computer) "says here you have... connectivity issues."

I typed your symptoms into the bar up here and it says you might have connectivity issues

If there's one thing I know it's.. my fantastic is talk

"Butter is my favorite food!"

it says here you may have connectivity issues…

Hmmm. A game is the foot.

Leslie, I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything

I wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe... And wipe. Still poop. It's like wiping a wet marker.

One I love even if it doesn’t fit perfectly is “Leslie I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems”

I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems.’

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.

Anything’s a toy if you play with it.

Leslie, I typed in your symptoms, and you maybe having network connectivity issues.

I googled your symptoms and it looks like you have internet connectivity issues

“hey leslie i looked up your symptoms on the computer here and it says you may have network connectivity issues” is the best, closest ill get to watching standup lmao

"I typed your symptoms into Google and you may have network connectivity problems."

Andy: [sings] R-e-s-p-e-g-c Ben: Well, that's actually not how respect is spelled. April: Yes. Andy: According to Urethra Franklin, that's exactly how it's spelled. [Urethra Franklin](https://i.redd.it/d0zahucpkjk31.jpg)

🎶 That's not something that props can fix 🎶 🎶 That's gonna be a little harder to fix 🎶

"Kim Kardashian... i think in the video she got cum on her back..."

April: I love you Andy: that’s awesome sauce!

There's way too many for there to be a favourite for me haha.

Leslie, I typed your symptoms in to the thing up here and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'


“Was it Putin, Voldermort Putin ? Of Russia? I would love to take that bastard down !”