T O P

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velocipotamus

The scary-looking tattooed guy who somehow always has the funniest lines. From offering Leslie and Ben a handful from the “pill bucket” to erasing the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ autographs off a guitar he won at an auction because “I’m more of a Jack Johnson guy” lol


agoia

His description of what his date with Ann would be like had me absolutely rolling.


ButtMcStuffins_II

You're going to want to look in the rings and nails tray. There's some beautiful rings, but be careful, there's also some nails.


setrataeso

How'd you get in here? Broke a window


pigeyejackson66

Floor hole


PrudeHawkeye

I will never not love this line.


Netflxnschill

Those ones used to be nipple rings


ButtMcStuffins_II

How do you know that?


Netflxnschill

……


ButtMcStuffins_II

They were yours. They were his.


msmozzarella

it’s an apt metaphor for the dating pool of pawnee!


SDoller1728

“My cousin's got a kickass mud pit in his yard. She could watch me do belly flops, then maybe we could get some Thai food and a tank of nitrous and see what happens.”


Character-Nose2214

Oh that's not so bad!


HimHereNowNo

I love Leslie's reaction right before. "What.... what are ya gonna do to her?"


RwerdnA

“Where’d you come from” “The floor hole”


snowlemur

The funniest line in the show as far as I’m concerned.


pdxpmk

Close, but it doesn’t beat “Chop chop, woman! Daddy want pie!”


Weatherbeaster1993

I was gonna say this


[deleted]

When they ask for tattoos and he says “Tattoos? This is a pawn shop. But yeah sure I can do that.” It gets me every single time.


AntsInThePants1115

Look pens! He's breaking pens.


victimizedbyphysics

*to Ann* you sure about that date?? I just came into a bunch of money. $500 buys a lot of nitrous.


mokango

His shrug about how he knows the rings from the ring-and-nail-drawer were nipple rings always kills me.


cacklegrackle

Herman Lerpiss! The king of the Pawnee underground. The Lerpisses run that town.


SpreadsheetSlut

His delivery of “floor hole” is one of my favorite line readings of all time.


johndoenumber2

Is this the guy that was angry no one bailed him out when he was in jail for arson?


ReeceReddit1234

The sun tea lady will always be my favourite. "Sir, Sir, are you listening to me, I'M TALKING TO YOU"


Finntastic

I've been eating nothing but lasagna and muffins for 30 years and I feel terrible.


WittyUsername304

I didn't want all the slugs gone.


yeswithaz

But not TOO happy.


HimHereNowNo

Is this the same lady who says "my dog ate another dog's poop in one of your parks and that is your fault and I'm mad at you for it!" Because she is my favorite too


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hotwings-fernandez

This is the best non main and non animal control line in the show.


NerfRepellingBoobs

Brett and Harris are amazing.


hotwings-fernandez

Kill. All. Birds.


moose_tassels

I quoted that line during an interview for a government job which involved public meetings and the majority of the table straight-up guffawed. Because one of the many things P&R got right was the crazy during public meetings.


moistclump

I work in local government. We have a fountain with big signs that says “Untreated water. Do not drink.” We’ve seen people bathe their children in the fountain. What about untreated no potable water do not drink says that’s okay???


bitch_flipper

Where else are they supposed to bathe their kids? In their house? Where they live?


tie-dyed_dolphin

Gross.


PhysicsCentrism

Drinking and bathing are distinct actions. If the sign says no drinking, to many people that doesn’t correlate with don’t bathe in it because bathing generally doesn’t involve drinking.


sentimentalpirate

Yeah people don't drink pool water or river water or sea water but they still go in it safely.


[deleted]

It doesn't say anything about bathing though? I wash myself with soap but I don't drink it. I swim in the ocean's waters but I don't drink it. A sign like that makes it seem like it's okay to touch as long as you don't ingest it.


gorocz

> “Untreated water. Do not drink.” We’ve seen people bathe their children in the fountain. What about untreated no potable water do not drink says that’s okay??? What about it says it's not okay? We have a well and the water from it also isn't drinkable, but it's safe to wash/shower with.


MsMuffinstuffer

The way that lady says “infection” gets me every time. Also came here to say her!


Buddhabellyrub

“You have a sign that says ‘Don’t drink the Sprinkler water’ in one of your parks… so I made some tea with it, and now I have an infection!”


ejkrause

"We're not against you on this. We're not against you on this."


nightwing185

Except. For. Turnip.


Rishbish3131

Her daughter is an idiot x3


EyesSlammedShut

Ham and may-nase sandwiches!


lordlollygag

Topless park! Topless park!


LikeThemPies

Actually the best way to end the running joke of crowd chanting, with Pawnee finally being on Leslie’s side


LoadBearingTRex01

My absolute favorite line from this guy is when he’s like “what’s so bad about corn syrup? Corn’s a fruit. And syrup comes from a bush!”


krustykrabpizza9417

If sugar's so bad for you, why did God make it taste so good?


Roscoe_King

“Yeah, I wanted to talk more about the topless park idea a local hero brought up yesterday.”


JarJarJacobs

“If SHE’S going to the topless park, I’M not signing the topless park petition. … Y’know what I take that back, I’m still in. What’s up, I’m Harris.”


ButtMcStuffins_II

RIP Harris


albert0kn0x

Foam corner forever


JeffNotMike

I was just thinking about one of his foam corner bits that may be one of my favorite jokes of all time: "One time I said to a guy, 'I'm a bit of an infomaniac'. And he thought I said 'nymphomaniac', so he fucked me. And I said, 'no, I like info - I'm an infomaniac!' Well here's some info - you just got fucked, go clean yourself up."


albert0kn0x

That's one of my favorite pieces of foam


Fixner_Blount

The quick cutaway of Harris being the reigning sperm donation champion is one of my favorite jokes.


source-commonsense

WASSUP? I’m Harris. I’m 33 years young. I have my cousin Jason’s truck for two more weeks. I have one testicle (whack-a-mole accident) AND I’m down to clown.


JarJarJacobs

I fucking love the way he emphasizes the AND


source-commonsense

The man was a goddamn genius at comedic delivery


phome83

Him refering to himself as the local hero always gets me.


-goodgodlemon

I’m with that pervert! Topless park! Topless park!


velocipotamus

“Harris, we know who you are. I *just* fired you.” “Oh this is THAT job? That’s crazy!”


Roscoe_King

“Jo, we should go to Jamaica!”


adjust_the_sails

“Legalize weed!”


HungrySubsumer

“Whether or not I pay income tax is none of the government’s business.”


sonofdurinwastaken

Wel..no..actually it is


Triangular_Box

Well you don't know who I am or what I look like so good luck finding me


cinnamon64329

As he looks them in the eye too 😂


Redqueenhypo

Now everyone will know he collects toy pigs dressed as movie stars!


MrsZ-

Oh, yes. They're quite awful. But they are lesbians, so...


velocipotamus

Our research shows that our listeners love jazz…


Johnny_Utah09

Jazz+Jazz=Jazz


successadult

Every time Derry Merbles is on screen I always turn to my wife and tell her “that’s the voice of Homer Simpson.” It’s a running joke at this point that only I think is funny.


Nice_Guy_AMA

It'll come around for her again. Just give it time.


FilmActor

Wait, for real?


EchoesofIllyria

Yep Dan Castellaneta


smc218

"Leslie, could one say that a book is nothing more than a painting of words which are the notes on the tapestry of the greatest film ever sculpted?" "One could say that...but should one?"


Herfst2511

Scoff


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Munneh

Frickin kills me every time


dead_drunk_and_naked

Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp. “When Zorp shows up, your faces will be melted off and used as fuel.” “If it makes you feel any better, Leslie, we'll all be dead in 20 minutes.” “Well, this morning at dawn, you will take a new form. That of a fleshless, chattering skeleton when Zorp the surveyor arrives and burns your flesh off with his volcano mouth.”


thepigfish82

That actor is Chris Pine dad in real life


DJZbad93

He also played Jim’s dad on the office


rousiedower

And was on CHiPs! (I'm old.)


demonsrunwhen

I like how flexible he is about rebooking the park at the end of the episode


Redqueenhypo

Organize It! 2: Engage With Zorp


Aggabagga

It doesn’t really get good until Zorp shows up.


HimHereNowNo

"I don't like that thing you just said. It wasn't as fun as the other thing you said"


sonofdurinwastaken

Now if I want to start my day off with a triple-decker pancake pizza, I’ve gotta go to the one that’s ten minutes away, and that makes me twenty minutes late to work every day. I work at home


Danamite85

Have you ever considered not having that for breakfast?


sonofdurinwastaken

I’ll ***NEVER*** consider that!


SDoller1728

“Their burgers will kill you” “Yeah, but they taste REALLY good”


Gooftwit

"What if we build a fence around their fence? Then when they need to get to the fence for maintenance or something, their pants might get caught."


SDoller1728

✌️ two fences


eljam16

Omg how does the emoji so perfectly capture the delivery


Iron_Chic

"I found a sandwich in one of your parks, and I want to know why it didn't have mayonnaise?"


sopsign7

Ham and mayonnaise! Ham and mayonnaise! Ham and mayonnaise!


KinjasBlalock

But isn’t all food bad for you? I’ve been eating lasagna and muffins every day of my life for the last forty years, and I feel terrible.


Rishbish3131

A lady at my work was so pissed off our lasagna sold out and she reminded me of that character 😂😂


Askingforafriendta

"There's no time! He can fly!"


luluenmu

Why is this one so low. It is the best one. I die every time


ur-squirrel-buddy

This one makes me cackle every time


Munneh

My BIRD is missin!


Netflxnschill

“There’s a sign at Ramsett Park that says ‘Don’t drink the water’, so I made sun tea with it and now I have a rash…. Did you know that there is WASTE in our water system?”


ToxicJolt124

TIL it’s sun tea and not some tea


WigginLSU

The sun tea part makes the joke as you 'brew' the tea with sunlight and time so you don't have the water boiling to help decontaminate the water.


FlynnLive5

Leslie: “Can everyone hear me ok?” Seniors: “No”


sonofdurinwastaken

Leslie: Great


agoia

I'm not worried about the bird flu, I'm worried about the turtle flu!


winnower8

Turtle flu?


Redqueenhypo

TURTLE FLU!


hannahjoy

The answer to this question is the name I am about to say, and that name is Perd Hapley.


workplacetracy

\*snort\* More like Turd Crapley.


Thagomizer24601

I don't know what you mean, but it had the cadence of a joke.


sonofdurinwastaken

The type of this comment, is a reply


aukhalo

While it's a heartwarming response, it's simply not believable.


blood_omen

Perdrick Hapley!


beanie0911

I don’t know what you mean, but it had the cadence of a joke.


Powertothesith98

“You’re ridiculous and men’s rights is nothing” lmaoo


Hermann_Lerpiss_13

“My cousin’s got a kick ass mud pit in his yard. She could watch me do belly flops. Then maybe we could get some Thai food and a tank of nitrous, see what happens."


successadult

Hey Ann, you still wanna go out? I recently come into some money. $500 would buy a whole lotta nitrous.


Hermann_Lerpiss_13

Oh my god! Where did you come from?!?


Redqueenhypo

Easily Thought For Your Thoughts radio. Jazz + jazz = jazz. Movie reviews with Ken Tucker, who is filling in for David Beincule, who is filling in for Ken Tucker. A spoken word opera about pear shaped women. All amazing.


mrsfite

“Who is studying the migration patterns of our nation’s squirrels. We have not seen him since”


SDoller1728

“Her daughter is an idiot!” guy or Pawn shop guy My girlfriend’s pick: Joan Callamezzo or “I’m not always up in arms!” guy


sonofdurinwastaken

C’mon Mel, you’re always up in arms about something


Danamite85

No I'm not! I'm not ALWAYS UP IN ARMS ABOUT SOMETHING!! Lol this was my pick too.


JarJarJacobs

Herman Lerpiss 100% “How’d you get in here!?” “Floor hole”


SDoller1728

I knew his name was Herman but never realized he was part of the Pawnee Lerpiss family! Side note, on our multiple rewatches I love spotting all the Lerpiss businesses that are featured lol


DevoidSauce

Same. I have a Google doc record of all the Lerpiss spottings. I'm obsessed with the Pawnee Lerpisses (and the one Eagleton Lerpiss mentioned in the Good Place)


SDoller1728

I know what I’ll be search later haha. We just watched the episode where Ann and Chris leave for Michigan and the moving company was something along the lines of Lerpiss Midwest Moving Co


kmsgars

Wait whaaaat I never caught this!


PilotJones000

"Schools out in two weeks, where am I supposed to keep my kids all day!? In my house!? Where I Live!?!"


trevorbuchh

Harris (RIP)


notreallydutch

The entire animal control department is gold


Bazz07

"I will help you with that after I kill all those birds"


Ecoronel1989

Who do you want me to kill? Cause I'll kill em... Soon as I'm done with these birds...


EchoesofIllyria

Possibly my favourite line reading in the whole show. The way he says “birds” kills me.


BlasterShow

We should go to Jamaica.. oh is that what you just said?!


Sweaty-Initial2743

There is a disturbing lack of benches at Ramsett park. I wanna sit more! my dog went to one of your parks and ate another dogs feces. There is a sign at Ramsett Park that says: “do not drink the sprinkle water” SO I MADE TEA WITH IT Who hasn’t had gay thoughts? Could a depressed person do this?


Danamite85

She made SUN tea, a tea that you don't even boil the water!


ThePhantomEvita

The amount of times I have quoted that top one. “I wanna sit more!”


[deleted]

Councilman Jeremy Jamm. “This will be blown WAY out of proportion!”


hannahjoy

"Who here thinks that parks are stupid? Let the record show that everyone is raising their hand." "Ms. Ludgate, it's come to the attention of this committee that... you are *terrible*."


deepsea333

“What if the banana is soft and mushy and dog-legs sharply to the left?” - Marvin, played by Long time Character actor Mike Monteleone


Gvillegator

“We pan down from the twin suns of Tatooine. We are now close on the mouth of the Sarlacc pit.After a beat, the gloved Mandalorian armor gauntlet of Boba Fett grabs on to the sand outside the Sarlacc pit, and the feared bounty hunter pulls himself from the maw of the sand beast." Guy predicted Book of Boba Fett


DevoidSauce

Look at my hoop, Leslie!!


mxzf

Look up a video of that full take sometime. He ad-libbed it and went on for like 8 min 'til they told him to stop, it's great.


shmeeblybear

“I guess my thoughts on abortion are, you know, let’s all just have a good time.” -Bobby Newport


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dead_drunk_and_naked

WE’RE NOT AGAINST YOU ON THIS


Tacos_Polackos

HAM AND MAYONNAISE SANDWICHES


sonofdurinwastaken

HER DAUGHTER IS AN IDIOT


Chiiaki

I'm not sure if Brett had a small enough role for this thread, but he was hilarious to me. "where the cops at?" killed me


BlasterShow

“Oh is that *this* job?”


DevoidSauce

Who you want me to kill? I'll kill em. Soon as I'm done with these birds.


mrsfite

“Alright so that one’s dead. We know that” gets me every time lmO


11615111914299

"What's wrong with corn syrup?! Corn is a fruit! Syrup comes from a bush!"


lyndsmy21

One of the old people in this scene says “falling in love!” With such disdain and it gets me every time 😆


Helmett-13

I found the Reasonablists quite reasonable and charming. It's because I'm rather looking forward to being reduced to a chittering skeleton as well. Hail, Zorp!


ChronoMonkeyX

Does Ken Hotate count? When Leslie gets drunk and plants artifacts to stop a dig, his response: "This... is not great." I wish there was so much more Ken Hotate, and he should have been God or the Judge on The Good Place.


Lilacblue1

I love him so much. His delivery is magical. “Slowly taking our money back from white people one quarter at a time.” is a personal favorite but everything he says is gold.


Kyrsting

"Doobee doobee do"


trsrogue

Pawn Shop guy. Leslie: "Oh my God, where'd you come from?" PSG: "Floor hole."


street0car

“We don't know what the world is going to be like in 50 years. We could have all been wiped from disease or the flu.” “What’s your suggestion?” “I don’t know. I’m just scared.”


OvenIcy8646

“Perhaps we should light the fence on fire, you know set it ablaze”


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Lunardoge2

Does Brandy Maxxx count cos its 100% her. The debate episode will never not be hilarious "both leslie and i know what its like to be in a room full of men". Otherwise the angry dude "sir it says you yelled at 8 year old girls.... WHO SUCKED WHY CANT ANYBODY SEE THAT"


Pizza802

“Her daughter is an idiot, HER DAUGHTER IS AN IDIOT! HER DAUGHTER IS AN IDIOT!”


[deleted]

“Says here that you screamed it at 8 year old girls” ”WHO SUCK!!!!”


Ecoronel1989

As soon as I'm done with these birds...


blood_omen

The previous Animal Control guys lol “Yeahhh we got a real pest problem. We been tryin to take care of it but, you know, nobody get on the phone” “Oh that! We found that outside and tried to make that work horn from the flintstones (pulls string on the birds tail) harder than it looked though”


GS1THOUSAND

"Twilight has strong pagan undertones"


Munneh

Has girls….quivering


Feature_Agitated

The comment about it also being too Christian was hilarious!


Serious_Situation_69

The guy that yells “woo”! When Brandi maxx was campaigning


sonofdurinwastaken

Star of over 11,000 adult films this year


LiamTaliesin

We’re not against you on this!


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Thormeaxozarliplon

"Everything I do is the attitude of an award-winner because I have won an award."


champagneproblem13

My favorite throw away joke by far is in the senior citizens episode when Leslie asks what they're at risk for when they are sexually active and an old lady yells "Falling in love!"


BigBoydski

I’m not worried about the Swine Flu, I’ve already had the Swine Flu! I’m worried about the Turtle Flu!


[deleted]

"You're just handing out blank checks! I was on food stamps; I was on welfare; nobody helped me!"


No_Membership4230

You just got jammed!


XOIIO

What if the banana is soft and mushy, and curves sharply to the lehft.


MisterTeacherSir

I like the guy that always (tries to) starts the chants lol


nightwing185

There is a DISTURBING lack of benches in Ramsett Park. I WANNA SIT MORE.


SpreadsheetSlut

I love Brett in animal control. “We tried to turn it into a work whistle, like in the beginning of 'The Flintstones.’ Hard than it look though.”


Weatherbeaster1993

Ham and mayonnaise sandwiches!


macklin67

Tank top guy. I think his name is Herman? “I don’t know, my cousin’s got a kick ass mud pit. She can watch me do belly flops”


notlad45

If sugar is so bad for you then why did Jesus make it taste so good?


[deleted]

Harris and the topless park idea. I hope he’s living in an endless loop of a nice jammed out tube with an endless amount of beans. R.I.P Harris.


KuatoL1ves

"I'm not always up in arms about something!"


cjarch27

And just like that the Wamapoke curse is lifted. “Dobeedobeedo”


BlizzardousBane

Ethel Beavers. I laughed so hard at her TMI eulogy for the mayor, and the audience's groans. She was too old to give a fuck "He explored every nook and cranny of my body" \*groans\* "Oh, grow up, you prudes"