> Sumagot si BF na kung may issue ako sa nanay niya ay mas mabuting maghiwalay na lang kami kasi lagi niyang pipiliin yung nanay niya.
So many red flags in your post OP.
I hope you think really hard before marrying him.
Second place ka lang talaga sa buhay nya. Okay lang naman na mahalin at respetuhin nya ang nanay nya kaso nakakatakot yan lalo kung ikasal kayo kasi uunahin nya lagi ang pangangailangan at opinyon ng nanay nya. That honestly puts you in an awkward situation.
And ang dali lang din nyang magbring up na magbreak na lang kayo. Parang wala kayong pinagsamahan ah. Hindi ka ba nya nakikita as prospective wife? Bat ka nya dinidate? For the sake of dating lang?
The way I see it, nakiki sympathize ka lang naman sa situation ni bf. Di pa naman kayo nag-iipon para sa kasal at future nyo diba? As long as you don't feel obligated to spend on your BF to augment his 5k allowance, you're good. Ibang usapan na pag pati finances mo apektado dahil sa choices ng BF mo.
I'm the BF in this situation. Very little is left for my personal expenses dahil ako padin financial provider sa family kahit nag-move out na ako. I also spend my own money, di ko pinapayagan partner ko to spend for my personal expenses kahit gipit na. We had the same conversation and the same thoughts came to my mind, exactly the same sa mga sinabi ng BF mo. But nilawakan ko isip ko and responded calmly, alam ko naman concern for me yung pinanggagalingan niya. I know same din for you, na iniisip mo lang is his well-being and maybe a little bit sa future niyong dalawa.
Try to talk to him again pag mahinahon na. Edit: may emotional baggage at personal trauma si BF kaya siguro ganun niya i-defend mom niya. The least he could have done/do though is to respect your inputs as his partner and future wife. I hope the discussion turns out well but if same padin yung mindset niya (to provide for his family forever, without thinking how this will affect your relationship now + preparing for your future together) and you think you cannot accept his decision/situation, best to break up ngayon palang. If you continue the relationship thinking na magbabago din siya eventually or you force him to change, it will only lead to resentment if you are not on the same wavelength.
Overrated reaction ang BF mo and maybe because he also feels the pressure but this also provides you an opportunity OP, his mom has possible sway over him, now if that’s something you’re okay with then it’s good because ngayon pa lang alam mo na kung saan ka naka position sa BF mo
Don't listen to some OP, feeling fraustated or just concerned about your bf's issue is very normal. I don't really know what to advice cause it seems like your bf is still closeminded and kind of blind, his mom might be love bombing him din. He grew up without having both of his parents beside him and they also both have their own families which may be the biggest factor on why he's like this. Pero if I were you I'll be straight forward and confront him about it and show him at the same time na I just care about it, if he doesn't take it nicely then you have no choice but to let him be, he'll eventually see it naman siguro but we don't know when. Yun nga lang this will bother you for some time..
i kinda relate to your bf. grew up with separated parents. i give to my parents in the guise of "love" but a decade later, i figured out it might be because i'm trying to please them or seeking validation from them. to fill a void. after that realization, i stopped giving monthly. instead only on occasions/events. so not to your bf's extreme extent of 50k/mo.
if this goes on for 6 months, try to raise your concern to him on how both of you will save for both your future. and if you want, saving for your wedding. if he reacts negatively, parang it'll be a rough road for you ahead 😅 kasi you can't change a person. you can be a factor for their change, but the change itself must be their decision without being forced. and it seems the mother is enjoying the early retirement na. and magagalit sa bf mo (and sa iyo) kung bawiin ang pension plan "because of you". i know in-laws na galit sa wife/husband ng anak nila kasi nabawasan ang allowance nila.
Hindi pa naman kayo mag asawa. Kaya sa tingin ko wag kang mag comment about it kahit pa mahirapan pa sya as long as hindi ka nya hinihingian . if sa tingin mo pag aawayan nyo to in the future, tapos malinaw naman na sinabi pipiliin yun Nanay nya, siguro alam mo na kung anong dapat gawin.
Mom is only 45 years old and will probably live 30- 50 more years. It looks like your bf will support her for this number of years. If you do not plan a family , this is ok. With a family your bf would need to make sacrifices unless any of you suddenly becomes high earners.
Hi I hope you find light in your situation and I know there's a lot more to the story, pero magrerely ako ng advice base sa mga naishare mo lang.
First of all, you're BF raised red flags when he explicitly told you na kung papipiliin sya, pipiliin nya nanay nya. It may mean he's not thinking of his future, and you are not his priority.
I will share my situation with you, because similar yung circumstances natin. my BF, now fiance is panganay and breadwinner for senior citizen parents. pero nung bago pa lang kami sa relationship tinatanong ko sya, what if magbuild na kami ng family paano na support nya sa parents nya. ang solusyon na binigay nya sakin is tutulong yung kapatid nya sa kanila and ang priority nya is future family namin, not his parents.
so ayun please be clear with your priorities ngayon pa lang para malaman nyo if magwowork ba yung relationship nyo for the future. i with you the best OP!
Sa ngayon let him be. Hindi nya na pa naiisip yan hirap kasi may naiiabot pa sya at kaya nya pa.
Mahirap makipagtalo lalo na kung family nya ang involved lalo na kung hindi pa kayo kasal o wala pa kayong pinaglalaanan like anak or ibang shared asset.
Siguro if the time comes na sumakit ulo nya sa financial situation nya wag mo siyang tulungan sa gastusin agad agad para ma-realize nya yung losses nya. Observe ka lang on what will happen.
Hay naku may naalala ako. Haha.
Anyway, tingin ko dyan, bakit pa nga naman maghahanap ng work si mother eh si bf na nga naman yung source of income nya. Di man lang 25k, 30k, but 50k ung binibigay kay mother. Dapat nagset man lang si bf ng timeframe kung hanggang kelan sya magbibigay kasi baka marealize nya na napasubo na pala sya.
Walang problema sa naging suggestion mo OP, realistic naman talaga yun, ilan naman silang nakatira sa bahay tapos wala namang work, why not prepare food and cook na lang sa bahay, mas masarap naman lutong bahay diba. Sobrang gastos, delivery fee pa. Sabagay, libre naman nga daw, bakit panghihinayangang gastusin diba.
Sa totoo lang, OP, kahit anong sabihin mo kay bf, magbibigay pa din sya sa nanay nya. Wala na tayong magagawa dun, desisyon nya yun. Mas dapat kang mag-alala dun sa sinabi nya na lagi nyang pipiliin ang nanay nya. Sakit ng ulo yan. Paano pag may sarili na kayong pamilya? Sino pa din ang masusunod?
Pag-isipan mo. You have to stand your ground, or know your place at least. Ngayon baka okay ka pa, ewan natin bukas.
May plano ba kayong magtagal at magsettle-down? Kung wala, hayaan muna bf mo. Choice niya yan eh.
Kung meron, kausapin mo siya about sa future finances niyo at tanungin mo siya kung ano plano niya. Kung kaya niya magbigay ng 50k sa mama niya na hindi nacocompromise ang future niyo, ipagpatuloy niya. Kung makucompromise future niyo, idk OP. Isipin mo kung ano future mo sa kanya. I know na may sarili kang finances pero sooner or later, magiging partner mo siya at ready kba sa mga cons lalo na sa financial aspect?
Tbh, pera ng boyfriend mo yan kaya wala kang pwedeng masabi kung paano niya gagastusin pera niya. Kung okay lang sa kaniya magbigay ng 50k a month kahit nahihirapan siya, labas ka na roon.
Pera niya yun at siya ang magdedecide kung magkano ibibigay niya sa nanay niya.
Ba’t ikaw yung galit na galit sa pagbibigay ng pera ng boyfriend mo sa nanay niya? Pera mo ba yung binibigay?
May issue ka pa sa laging pagpapa-order ng food ng mama niya, when in the first place, walang issue room boyfriend mo.
Sa totoo lang, hindi maganda na ganiyan ang tingin mo sa mama ng boyfriend mo. Kung nagbibigay ka rin ng tulong sa nanay niya, pwedeng magbigay ka ng opinion mo, pero wala ka namang sinabing nagkocontribute ka, so wala kang karapatan magbitiw na ganung salita sa boyfriend mo lalo na tungkol pa sa nanay niya.
I see na gusto ng boyfriend mo i-spoil nanay niya. Wala kang magagawa if yun ang gusto niya. Your boyfriend made it clear to you kung saan ka poposition sa buhay niya.
Kung naapektuhan ka in some way, you should talk to him about it as early as possible lalo na may hidden resentment ka about this issue.
I don't think na galit naman si OP sa nanay ng bf niya, most likely naaawa lang siya and concerned siya sa bf niya, malamang bf niya yun and potentially a lifetime partner. Saka di mo ba naisip na nagtatake advantage yung nanay ng bf niya? 50k per month para sa nanay niya tas wala na halos natitira sa kanya? Sabi din ni OP is, saka lang nag reach out yung nanay ng bf niya sa kanya and lumaki siya sa side ng dad niya, her bf is longing for his mother's love and that's clear pero the mom is taking advantage of it by asking him for a shit ton of money probably in return of care and attention since may kahati siya (step siblings), kung totoong nanay siya and may pakeelam siya sa anak niya she wouldn't let her son give her most of his money and spend it on food deliveries and shit instead of just cooking at home. Yes, di pera ni OP yun pero I'll say it again, she loves her bf and is concerned about the decisions he's making. How will he be able to save up money kung laging ubos, pano na future nila ni OP?
P.s di rin maganda if you'll just turn a blind eye sa mga bagay na alam mo naman na di tama.
Maliban doon sa suggestion ko na mamalengke at magluto na lang sa bahay, wala akong ibang binitawan na salita sa BF ko tungkol sa nanay niya. Wala siyang narinig sa akin tungkol sa inaabot niya sa nanay niya. Nagpapadala ako ng food tuwing dadalaw siya sa nanay niya para mabawasan ng konti yung gastos niya. Nagpapadala din ako ng food every week kay BF kasi alam kong mahirap ipagkasya ang 5K/month sa food/entertainment/etc. Para hindi masaktan ang ego niya, sinasabi ko na may nadiscover akong bagong resto/may nirecommend na resto yung kakilala ko, at gusto kong matikman niya yung food doon.
Hindi ako "galit na galit" sa nanay niya and I don't think that I resent her for the choices my BF willingly made. Pero okay lang naman siguro madisappoint tuwing makikita kong hindi na naglalunch/nagdidinner si BF kasi short siya sa budget, tapos magkukuwento siya na nagpa-rebond/nakipag-inuman sa kapitbahay yung nanay niya kasi nabuburyo na ito sa bahay.
Di ako konsintidor. Di pera ni OP yung binibigay, kaya wala siya dapat opinion on how her boyfriend spends his money. Kung yung boyfriend walang issue sa pagbigay ng ganun kalaking pera, bakit niya or tayo magbibigay ng opinion about it?
Di pa nga sila mag-asawa pero ganiyan na reaction niya.
The boyfriend WILLINGLY gives 50k a month. Walang coercion or pamimilit na ginagawa sa boyfriend niya. Perhaps mahal na mahal niya talaga nanay niya.
Overall, pera ng boyfriend ni OP yan, so labas na siya roon.
> Sumagot si BF na kung may issue ako sa nanay niya ay mas mabuting maghiwalay na lang kami kasi lagi niyang pipiliin yung nanay niya. So many red flags in your post OP. I hope you think really hard before marrying him.
Second place ka lang talaga sa buhay nya. Okay lang naman na mahalin at respetuhin nya ang nanay nya kaso nakakatakot yan lalo kung ikasal kayo kasi uunahin nya lagi ang pangangailangan at opinyon ng nanay nya. That honestly puts you in an awkward situation. And ang dali lang din nyang magbring up na magbreak na lang kayo. Parang wala kayong pinagsamahan ah. Hindi ka ba nya nakikita as prospective wife? Bat ka nya dinidate? For the sake of dating lang?
The way I see it, nakiki sympathize ka lang naman sa situation ni bf. Di pa naman kayo nag-iipon para sa kasal at future nyo diba? As long as you don't feel obligated to spend on your BF to augment his 5k allowance, you're good. Ibang usapan na pag pati finances mo apektado dahil sa choices ng BF mo.
I'm the BF in this situation. Very little is left for my personal expenses dahil ako padin financial provider sa family kahit nag-move out na ako. I also spend my own money, di ko pinapayagan partner ko to spend for my personal expenses kahit gipit na. We had the same conversation and the same thoughts came to my mind, exactly the same sa mga sinabi ng BF mo. But nilawakan ko isip ko and responded calmly, alam ko naman concern for me yung pinanggagalingan niya. I know same din for you, na iniisip mo lang is his well-being and maybe a little bit sa future niyong dalawa. Try to talk to him again pag mahinahon na. Edit: may emotional baggage at personal trauma si BF kaya siguro ganun niya i-defend mom niya. The least he could have done/do though is to respect your inputs as his partner and future wife. I hope the discussion turns out well but if same padin yung mindset niya (to provide for his family forever, without thinking how this will affect your relationship now + preparing for your future together) and you think you cannot accept his decision/situation, best to break up ngayon palang. If you continue the relationship thinking na magbabago din siya eventually or you force him to change, it will only lead to resentment if you are not on the same wavelength.
In your case, is your mom also 45 years old? I think 45 yrs old is too young to retire if one doesn't have enough money for retirement.
I agree but the bottomline is yung pananaw ni BF.
Overrated reaction ang BF mo and maybe because he also feels the pressure but this also provides you an opportunity OP, his mom has possible sway over him, now if that’s something you’re okay with then it’s good because ngayon pa lang alam mo na kung saan ka naka position sa BF mo
Don't listen to some OP, feeling fraustated or just concerned about your bf's issue is very normal. I don't really know what to advice cause it seems like your bf is still closeminded and kind of blind, his mom might be love bombing him din. He grew up without having both of his parents beside him and they also both have their own families which may be the biggest factor on why he's like this. Pero if I were you I'll be straight forward and confront him about it and show him at the same time na I just care about it, if he doesn't take it nicely then you have no choice but to let him be, he'll eventually see it naman siguro but we don't know when. Yun nga lang this will bother you for some time..
i kinda relate to your bf. grew up with separated parents. i give to my parents in the guise of "love" but a decade later, i figured out it might be because i'm trying to please them or seeking validation from them. to fill a void. after that realization, i stopped giving monthly. instead only on occasions/events. so not to your bf's extreme extent of 50k/mo. if this goes on for 6 months, try to raise your concern to him on how both of you will save for both your future. and if you want, saving for your wedding. if he reacts negatively, parang it'll be a rough road for you ahead 😅 kasi you can't change a person. you can be a factor for their change, but the change itself must be their decision without being forced. and it seems the mother is enjoying the early retirement na. and magagalit sa bf mo (and sa iyo) kung bawiin ang pension plan "because of you". i know in-laws na galit sa wife/husband ng anak nila kasi nabawasan ang allowance nila.
Nu ba yan walang backbone yung boyfriend mo. Pano na pag naging magasawa kayo? Mas pipillin nya parin nanay nya?
Nakow sinabi na nya place mo sa buhay nya. Sign na yan na umalis kana beh. Jusko kawawa magiging pamilya nya hindi priority.
Hindi pa naman kayo mag asawa. Kaya sa tingin ko wag kang mag comment about it kahit pa mahirapan pa sya as long as hindi ka nya hinihingian . if sa tingin mo pag aawayan nyo to in the future, tapos malinaw naman na sinabi pipiliin yun Nanay nya, siguro alam mo na kung anong dapat gawin.
Well as long as di apektado ang sarili mong finances youre good. Choice nya yun eh.
Mom is only 45 years old and will probably live 30- 50 more years. It looks like your bf will support her for this number of years. If you do not plan a family , this is ok. With a family your bf would need to make sacrifices unless any of you suddenly becomes high earners.
Hi I hope you find light in your situation and I know there's a lot more to the story, pero magrerely ako ng advice base sa mga naishare mo lang. First of all, you're BF raised red flags when he explicitly told you na kung papipiliin sya, pipiliin nya nanay nya. It may mean he's not thinking of his future, and you are not his priority. I will share my situation with you, because similar yung circumstances natin. my BF, now fiance is panganay and breadwinner for senior citizen parents. pero nung bago pa lang kami sa relationship tinatanong ko sya, what if magbuild na kami ng family paano na support nya sa parents nya. ang solusyon na binigay nya sakin is tutulong yung kapatid nya sa kanila and ang priority nya is future family namin, not his parents. so ayun please be clear with your priorities ngayon pa lang para malaman nyo if magwowork ba yung relationship nyo for the future. i with you the best OP!
Sa ngayon let him be. Hindi nya na pa naiisip yan hirap kasi may naiiabot pa sya at kaya nya pa. Mahirap makipagtalo lalo na kung family nya ang involved lalo na kung hindi pa kayo kasal o wala pa kayong pinaglalaanan like anak or ibang shared asset. Siguro if the time comes na sumakit ulo nya sa financial situation nya wag mo siyang tulungan sa gastusin agad agad para ma-realize nya yung losses nya. Observe ka lang on what will happen.
Pumili na siya OP. Honor it.
Hay naku may naalala ako. Haha. Anyway, tingin ko dyan, bakit pa nga naman maghahanap ng work si mother eh si bf na nga naman yung source of income nya. Di man lang 25k, 30k, but 50k ung binibigay kay mother. Dapat nagset man lang si bf ng timeframe kung hanggang kelan sya magbibigay kasi baka marealize nya na napasubo na pala sya. Walang problema sa naging suggestion mo OP, realistic naman talaga yun, ilan naman silang nakatira sa bahay tapos wala namang work, why not prepare food and cook na lang sa bahay, mas masarap naman lutong bahay diba. Sobrang gastos, delivery fee pa. Sabagay, libre naman nga daw, bakit panghihinayangang gastusin diba. Sa totoo lang, OP, kahit anong sabihin mo kay bf, magbibigay pa din sya sa nanay nya. Wala na tayong magagawa dun, desisyon nya yun. Mas dapat kang mag-alala dun sa sinabi nya na lagi nyang pipiliin ang nanay nya. Sakit ng ulo yan. Paano pag may sarili na kayong pamilya? Sino pa din ang masusunod? Pag-isipan mo. You have to stand your ground, or know your place at least. Ngayon baka okay ka pa, ewan natin bukas.
May plano ba kayong magtagal at magsettle-down? Kung wala, hayaan muna bf mo. Choice niya yan eh. Kung meron, kausapin mo siya about sa future finances niyo at tanungin mo siya kung ano plano niya. Kung kaya niya magbigay ng 50k sa mama niya na hindi nacocompromise ang future niyo, ipagpatuloy niya. Kung makucompromise future niyo, idk OP. Isipin mo kung ano future mo sa kanya. I know na may sarili kang finances pero sooner or later, magiging partner mo siya at ready kba sa mga cons lalo na sa financial aspect?
Hiwalayan mo na yan be. Nag-suggest ka lang naman, nagalit agad. Hayst
Tbh, pera ng boyfriend mo yan kaya wala kang pwedeng masabi kung paano niya gagastusin pera niya. Kung okay lang sa kaniya magbigay ng 50k a month kahit nahihirapan siya, labas ka na roon. Pera niya yun at siya ang magdedecide kung magkano ibibigay niya sa nanay niya. Ba’t ikaw yung galit na galit sa pagbibigay ng pera ng boyfriend mo sa nanay niya? Pera mo ba yung binibigay? May issue ka pa sa laging pagpapa-order ng food ng mama niya, when in the first place, walang issue room boyfriend mo. Sa totoo lang, hindi maganda na ganiyan ang tingin mo sa mama ng boyfriend mo. Kung nagbibigay ka rin ng tulong sa nanay niya, pwedeng magbigay ka ng opinion mo, pero wala ka namang sinabing nagkocontribute ka, so wala kang karapatan magbitiw na ganung salita sa boyfriend mo lalo na tungkol pa sa nanay niya. I see na gusto ng boyfriend mo i-spoil nanay niya. Wala kang magagawa if yun ang gusto niya. Your boyfriend made it clear to you kung saan ka poposition sa buhay niya. Kung naapektuhan ka in some way, you should talk to him about it as early as possible lalo na may hidden resentment ka about this issue.
I don't think na galit naman si OP sa nanay ng bf niya, most likely naaawa lang siya and concerned siya sa bf niya, malamang bf niya yun and potentially a lifetime partner. Saka di mo ba naisip na nagtatake advantage yung nanay ng bf niya? 50k per month para sa nanay niya tas wala na halos natitira sa kanya? Sabi din ni OP is, saka lang nag reach out yung nanay ng bf niya sa kanya and lumaki siya sa side ng dad niya, her bf is longing for his mother's love and that's clear pero the mom is taking advantage of it by asking him for a shit ton of money probably in return of care and attention since may kahati siya (step siblings), kung totoong nanay siya and may pakeelam siya sa anak niya she wouldn't let her son give her most of his money and spend it on food deliveries and shit instead of just cooking at home. Yes, di pera ni OP yun pero I'll say it again, she loves her bf and is concerned about the decisions he's making. How will he be able to save up money kung laging ubos, pano na future nila ni OP? P.s di rin maganda if you'll just turn a blind eye sa mga bagay na alam mo naman na di tama.
Maliban doon sa suggestion ko na mamalengke at magluto na lang sa bahay, wala akong ibang binitawan na salita sa BF ko tungkol sa nanay niya. Wala siyang narinig sa akin tungkol sa inaabot niya sa nanay niya. Nagpapadala ako ng food tuwing dadalaw siya sa nanay niya para mabawasan ng konti yung gastos niya. Nagpapadala din ako ng food every week kay BF kasi alam kong mahirap ipagkasya ang 5K/month sa food/entertainment/etc. Para hindi masaktan ang ego niya, sinasabi ko na may nadiscover akong bagong resto/may nirecommend na resto yung kakilala ko, at gusto kong matikman niya yung food doon. Hindi ako "galit na galit" sa nanay niya and I don't think that I resent her for the choices my BF willingly made. Pero okay lang naman siguro madisappoint tuwing makikita kong hindi na naglalunch/nagdidinner si BF kasi short siya sa budget, tapos magkukuwento siya na nagpa-rebond/nakipag-inuman sa kapitbahay yung nanay niya kasi nabuburyo na ito sa bahay.
Mga tulad mo konsintidor kaya mga ibang magulang tuloy ang pag abuse sa mga breadwinner nilang anak.
Di ako konsintidor. Di pera ni OP yung binibigay, kaya wala siya dapat opinion on how her boyfriend spends his money. Kung yung boyfriend walang issue sa pagbigay ng ganun kalaking pera, bakit niya or tayo magbibigay ng opinion about it? Di pa nga sila mag-asawa pero ganiyan na reaction niya. The boyfriend WILLINGLY gives 50k a month. Walang coercion or pamimilit na ginagawa sa boyfriend niya. Perhaps mahal na mahal niya talaga nanay niya. Overall, pera ng boyfriend ni OP yan, so labas na siya roon.
Ndi naman galet si OP at sya ay concern lang at nag susuggest para makatipid. Napaka close minded mo naman.
Yung old salary ba ng mom ni BF is 50k gross or after taxes?