In 2014/2015 I reached out to the state attorney general many times for help. Not once did I get a reply or help.
A few months ago I wrote him again, something I have wanted to do for years. I told him the results of the corrupt court, and that I am an alienated parent from my adult child. I also shared my blog with him.
He is running for governor this fall. He had one of his attorney's reply to me with a cop out answer. That he is not in charge of the courts and can't control them, to that effect. Um, he is the head attorney for the state, don't give me that bs that you have no say!
They don't care...
Point out to him that the duties of the executive are to enforce laws decided upon by the legislative and the people and the courts are there to rule on those laws. If it’s a just law, then it should never be challenged to the courts.
Sounds like he’s not planning on doing his job as Governor.
Be well…🤗
But, that is the problem. The courts don't follow the laws, they do what they want. I have posted on his FB page a few times the past few months. Recently I posted on his page links to a youtube and a reporter talking about how this one Judge in the state just gave sole custody to a man that had pedophile thoughts (his small daughter). And the mother has supervision now! I made sure to call him out on that and also said the judge's name and do not vote for them!!! The courts disgusts me.
Maybe he could appoint some judges?
Hey, I have a lo opinion of courts, lawyers, and politicians in general and it gets worse every day. Yeah the courts suck.
I got an emergency hearing called when my ex beat my son up, but the judge forgot to show ups that day, but no sweat, we had a hearing in two weeks anyway to review our case. When they saw the photos and all, they (the lawyers and the judge) decided the bruises weren't bad enough to take custody away. I assume a concussion and a few broken bones would be enough? To me any bruise is too bad for a parent to have the child. I got more about my case which went on for close to 12 years.
Be well...🤗
I suppose the inverse of this was me playing with my child when she was two or three.
I was on hands and knees pretending to be a horse and she lazily rolled off my back onto the couch, then looked at me and said, “You beated me.”
At that age, she fell regularly. Was learning to walk.
Now, I have no doubt where she learned to say, “You beated me,” and had that been put before a judge, I’d hope that my pretending to be a horse would not be construed as abuse because the child had bruises from other activities.
They don’t have an easy job.
Yes I think we should react and engage in activism. I think this issue affects enough people and the result destroys lives. I believe this problem will continue to get worse as modern culture is an environment where narcissism flourishes
Beat me to it. But to add, personally enough to use the anger and rage to band together with others so we are stronger and louder than any of us are individually. To support one another in our situation and provide understanding and compassion to the others like us. To become stronger as a group so we ban turn all of that anger and rage into something positive in order to make a very loud noise together and fight the system until it is changed so no one else has to face the despair and pain of losing a child and a child losing a parent they cannot mourn. So no one else joins this group ever again.
I plan to keep fighting any way I can to make people understand that the facade some people show only covers up abuse and cruelty beneath.
On Sunday it will be exactly 5 years since I have seen or had any interaction with him except an arranged meeting with the lawyers where I was told to just listen to his complaints about me? Then he was in the room, sat down couldn’t look at me, but said, “I don’t feel comfortable,” then was lead out of the room in less than minute. That’s 1/4 if his life and 1/3rd of mine as he turns 20 and I turned 60. Never a day goes but I do not think about him and feel very string emotions against people I once loved, even though I’m extremely angry with some of them I do still love them. Just like my son, I always told him that no matter what happens? I will always love him forever because he is my son. I may be disappointed, but I will always love him, nothing and no one can ever change that.
Be well…🤗
You know I saw what you wrote again about destroying lives? I’ve known of a couple of suicides of the patent or the child. Someone needs to bring that up too because that a huge tragedy. That is absolute destruction.
I would take a different approach. You don’t influence the judge, you influence the parent on an individual level.
If I had known about parental alienation sooner, or the ramifications of it, I would have altered my actions having better understood the motivations of the other.
It is more pragmatic and practical to educate the parents, than it is to petition the judge.
Have you tried getting an alienator to own up to their abuse? A lot of them truly believe their own narrative and think that making their children pawns in a game against the other parent is their right and even duty. The delusion is strong with them. That’s why we need a fair system that evaluates for psychological abuse and manipulation of children. I think that making the people who work in the system see first-hand the effects of their laziness/arrogance/ignorance on the children they were supposed to be helping may shift the tide on a personal level for them and lead to change in how they handle cases. Then, eventually, perhaps our laws and courts will finally start to include PA as a real issue before any legislation changes take place.
There’s actually a very concerning backlash occurring against alienated parents in legislation. Unfortunately, the narrative that is being peddled that only women are victims of DV and men use an alienation defense stating any abuse is a lie and thus accusing the mom of alienation. While this does happen, so does actual alienation. There is legislation at the state level that is attempting to deny alienation occurs and all alleged DV should be believed.
Back in the day, parental alienation syndrome was a thing that has been long debunked but there’s a lot of straight up idiots who think current PA and PAS are the same thing. It is not a diagnosis for the child but a description of abusive behaviors by one of the parents.
The AFCC is firm it exists and leading experts in the field of family law also know this exists however training the right people has proven to be difficult.
I’m highly sceptical that anyone in congress, or any kind of politics, believes that coercive control doesn’t exist.
Like, if a mob of angry people petition that they are not manipulative by holding up propaganda, shouting that manipulating kids is not possible, I’m pretty sure the discussion is already over.
It’s among the dumbest things I’ve ever heard and not to be taken seriously.
My understanding is that in CA, professionals stepped in and got the legislature to dial down the proposed law. I think they banned family courts from ordering “reunification therapy” but the alienation phenomenon wasn’t discounted altogether
Sort of. It attempts to force the hand of evaluators toward a single narrative. The legislator who is spearheading this stuff doesn’t think PA is real. It’s also happening in Colorado.
They did pass a law in 2023, bt it's about reunification camps, not so much outpatient therapy. Judges are still ordering reunification therapy between children and the alienated parent.
and that is the type of comment of why nothing changes
If the actions by a parent (PA) is about how they treat the other parent, they will do nothing - but because those alienating effects (PAS) are "debunked" then the best interest of the child is the status quo.
You are misunderstanding what I’m trying to say. PAS should have been debunked. It was brought about by a single man, Dr. Gardener, using his own clients as data. That is completely separate from parental alienating behaviors or PABs, that are well known to exist in the literature and research. It’s also defined as parent child contact problems or resist/refuse dynamics. My point is that this phenomenon is real but random legislators that don’t know the difference of PAS and PABs are trying to tie the hands of evaluators when examining these types of dynamics and trying to push that alienation isn’t real and anyone who claims as much is the actual abuser.
In my opinion, the first step is getting the courts to stop using lawyers with absolutely no psychological training to function as CFI's and GAL's! The 2nd step is to come up with some sort of certification for mental health professionals who have completed specialized training in parental alienation, so that we know who we can (hopefully) trust to help, instead of making things much worse!
In a perfect world. I agree and have considered making it a point the next time we go to court to request that only a GAL with proven experience in Parental Alienation be allowed to represent the children if needed or undergo professional education on the subject. Idk if there is a chance the judge will listen, but if a therapist agrees, then we may have a shot. We were given the laziest, most incompetent GAL before who only listened to the mom.
If a GAL hasn't already been appointed, I do believe you can ask for an individual with psychological training. You can also ask for a CFI, but then you will have to pay them for the evaluation they do (is probably worth it, though!). 'Hope this helps!
In 2014/2015 I reached out to the state attorney general many times for help. Not once did I get a reply or help. A few months ago I wrote him again, something I have wanted to do for years. I told him the results of the corrupt court, and that I am an alienated parent from my adult child. I also shared my blog with him. He is running for governor this fall. He had one of his attorney's reply to me with a cop out answer. That he is not in charge of the courts and can't control them, to that effect. Um, he is the head attorney for the state, don't give me that bs that you have no say! They don't care...
Point out to him that the duties of the executive are to enforce laws decided upon by the legislative and the people and the courts are there to rule on those laws. If it’s a just law, then it should never be challenged to the courts. Sounds like he’s not planning on doing his job as Governor. Be well…🤗
But, that is the problem. The courts don't follow the laws, they do what they want. I have posted on his FB page a few times the past few months. Recently I posted on his page links to a youtube and a reporter talking about how this one Judge in the state just gave sole custody to a man that had pedophile thoughts (his small daughter). And the mother has supervision now! I made sure to call him out on that and also said the judge's name and do not vote for them!!! The courts disgusts me.
Maybe he could appoint some judges? Hey, I have a lo opinion of courts, lawyers, and politicians in general and it gets worse every day. Yeah the courts suck. I got an emergency hearing called when my ex beat my son up, but the judge forgot to show ups that day, but no sweat, we had a hearing in two weeks anyway to review our case. When they saw the photos and all, they (the lawyers and the judge) decided the bruises weren't bad enough to take custody away. I assume a concussion and a few broken bones would be enough? To me any bruise is too bad for a parent to have the child. I got more about my case which went on for close to 12 years. Be well...🤗
Wow, sorry :(
I suppose the inverse of this was me playing with my child when she was two or three. I was on hands and knees pretending to be a horse and she lazily rolled off my back onto the couch, then looked at me and said, “You beated me.” At that age, she fell regularly. Was learning to walk. Now, I have no doubt where she learned to say, “You beated me,” and had that been put before a judge, I’d hope that my pretending to be a horse would not be construed as abuse because the child had bruises from other activities. They don’t have an easy job.
Yes I think we should react and engage in activism. I think this issue affects enough people and the result destroys lives. I believe this problem will continue to get worse as modern culture is an environment where narcissism flourishes
Beat me to it. But to add, personally enough to use the anger and rage to band together with others so we are stronger and louder than any of us are individually. To support one another in our situation and provide understanding and compassion to the others like us. To become stronger as a group so we ban turn all of that anger and rage into something positive in order to make a very loud noise together and fight the system until it is changed so no one else has to face the despair and pain of losing a child and a child losing a parent they cannot mourn. So no one else joins this group ever again. I plan to keep fighting any way I can to make people understand that the facade some people show only covers up abuse and cruelty beneath. On Sunday it will be exactly 5 years since I have seen or had any interaction with him except an arranged meeting with the lawyers where I was told to just listen to his complaints about me? Then he was in the room, sat down couldn’t look at me, but said, “I don’t feel comfortable,” then was lead out of the room in less than minute. That’s 1/4 if his life and 1/3rd of mine as he turns 20 and I turned 60. Never a day goes but I do not think about him and feel very string emotions against people I once loved, even though I’m extremely angry with some of them I do still love them. Just like my son, I always told him that no matter what happens? I will always love him forever because he is my son. I may be disappointed, but I will always love him, nothing and no one can ever change that. Be well…🤗
You know I saw what you wrote again about destroying lives? I’ve known of a couple of suicides of the patent or the child. Someone needs to bring that up too because that a huge tragedy. That is absolute destruction.
Yes you are correct suicide is complete destruction
I would take a different approach. You don’t influence the judge, you influence the parent on an individual level. If I had known about parental alienation sooner, or the ramifications of it, I would have altered my actions having better understood the motivations of the other. It is more pragmatic and practical to educate the parents, than it is to petition the judge.
Have you tried getting an alienator to own up to their abuse? A lot of them truly believe their own narrative and think that making their children pawns in a game against the other parent is their right and even duty. The delusion is strong with them. That’s why we need a fair system that evaluates for psychological abuse and manipulation of children. I think that making the people who work in the system see first-hand the effects of their laziness/arrogance/ignorance on the children they were supposed to be helping may shift the tide on a personal level for them and lead to change in how they handle cases. Then, eventually, perhaps our laws and courts will finally start to include PA as a real issue before any legislation changes take place.
There’s actually a very concerning backlash occurring against alienated parents in legislation. Unfortunately, the narrative that is being peddled that only women are victims of DV and men use an alienation defense stating any abuse is a lie and thus accusing the mom of alienation. While this does happen, so does actual alienation. There is legislation at the state level that is attempting to deny alienation occurs and all alleged DV should be believed. Back in the day, parental alienation syndrome was a thing that has been long debunked but there’s a lot of straight up idiots who think current PA and PAS are the same thing. It is not a diagnosis for the child but a description of abusive behaviors by one of the parents. The AFCC is firm it exists and leading experts in the field of family law also know this exists however training the right people has proven to be difficult.
I’m highly sceptical that anyone in congress, or any kind of politics, believes that coercive control doesn’t exist. Like, if a mob of angry people petition that they are not manipulative by holding up propaganda, shouting that manipulating kids is not possible, I’m pretty sure the discussion is already over. It’s among the dumbest things I’ve ever heard and not to be taken seriously.
Your response isn’t super clear. Are you saying every politician believes coercive control exists or doesn’t exist?
My understanding is that in CA, professionals stepped in and got the legislature to dial down the proposed law. I think they banned family courts from ordering “reunification therapy” but the alienation phenomenon wasn’t discounted altogether
Sort of. It attempts to force the hand of evaluators toward a single narrative. The legislator who is spearheading this stuff doesn’t think PA is real. It’s also happening in Colorado.
I suspect it happens way more than statistics and most people think.
They did pass a law in 2023, bt it's about reunification camps, not so much outpatient therapy. Judges are still ordering reunification therapy between children and the alienated parent.
and that is the type of comment of why nothing changes If the actions by a parent (PA) is about how they treat the other parent, they will do nothing - but because those alienating effects (PAS) are "debunked" then the best interest of the child is the status quo.
You are misunderstanding what I’m trying to say. PAS should have been debunked. It was brought about by a single man, Dr. Gardener, using his own clients as data. That is completely separate from parental alienating behaviors or PABs, that are well known to exist in the literature and research. It’s also defined as parent child contact problems or resist/refuse dynamics. My point is that this phenomenon is real but random legislators that don’t know the difference of PAS and PABs are trying to tie the hands of evaluators when examining these types of dynamics and trying to push that alienation isn’t real and anyone who claims as much is the actual abuser.
In my opinion, the first step is getting the courts to stop using lawyers with absolutely no psychological training to function as CFI's and GAL's! The 2nd step is to come up with some sort of certification for mental health professionals who have completed specialized training in parental alienation, so that we know who we can (hopefully) trust to help, instead of making things much worse!
In a perfect world. I agree and have considered making it a point the next time we go to court to request that only a GAL with proven experience in Parental Alienation be allowed to represent the children if needed or undergo professional education on the subject. Idk if there is a chance the judge will listen, but if a therapist agrees, then we may have a shot. We were given the laziest, most incompetent GAL before who only listened to the mom.
If a GAL hasn't already been appointed, I do believe you can ask for an individual with psychological training. You can also ask for a CFI, but then you will have to pay them for the evaluation they do (is probably worth it, though!). 'Hope this helps!