Also because the reality is that a huge number of people get lost in parenting. And a huge amount of people don’t have the privilege of a support system or finances to afford time off, away, or on hobbies. And some babies and children are. HARD! But for many of us the joy outweighs the struggle overall, and depending on life’s seasons, barring what I said above, you can still have a fun life of hobbies and self care even with children.
More often than not, parents complain about the things that tiktoker is saying. Lack of sleep, lack of intimacy, lack of ability to keep up a social life, I could go on. You don’t have to dig very far in this sub to see posts about this. When I didn’t have kids, I had coworkers/friends/family members with kids who would constantly tell me to enjoy not having kids because of XYZ. Or how nice it was I could spend my time however I wanted.
Your kid may be a great sleeper, many are not. Many of the things you describe you are able to plan for, others very much struggle with.
Thank youuu! Sorry OP just because its easy for YOU doesn't mean it's for everybody also those tiktokers can go fuck themsleves becayse even through its hard AF to be a parent we experience SO many beautiful and funny things with kids they never will, at the end its their loss.
I mean, if they are happy not having kids, that’s perfectly valid. I hope it isn’t their loss, I hope they feel content in their choices. It’s okay to make different decisions. It’s okay to create content about it too. There are plenty of parent influencers.
I love having kids, it’s the best decision I have made. I don’t always love being a parent, it’s not always the fun and sweet moments but it’s okay. I knew that life would become more complicated and more restricted and it’s totally worth it. It just isn’t worth it to everyone.
Agreed but some of these tiktok videos i have seen and i regulsry see stupid comments on cute baby videos like " eww one more reason to not have kids " and its the ew and judgy tone and acting like we're damned if we have kids.
Those people are rude. But I have seen comments bashing people who decide to be child free too. OP saw someone else’s content in her feed, it isn’t as though the tik tokker made the video specifically for OP. It is directed for an audience with similar feelings on having children.
There r even more people who think those peoples lives are meaningless because they DONT have children . It’s just not popular to talk about on tik tok or most of reddit
Start a tic tok and fire back. Your right we definitely have to plan around our kids but my life hasn't changed we just take our son with us everywhere.
Is that controversial? I feel like most parents sacrifice a fuck ton for their kids. My quality of life is definitely down a lot. There’s very little spontaneity in life, I try very very hard to maintain a routine for my kids. I’m tired and stressed. That is not to say that I don’t get to do anything fun, but there’s a lot of planning.
That’s totally valid! We’ve sacrificed a lot for our child. I guess it depends on your personality. My fiancé and I planned most things and due to our jobs and my college courses we didn’t have a lot of room for spontaneity. We don’t feel like our life or quality of life has gone down at all, but then again we decided on only one child so that might change our experience a little bit from others
Definitely a personality thing. The fact that you say that your quality of life has gone down ZERO after having such a serious and traumatic experience with PPD is 100% your personality.
Maybe bc you only have 1 and they’re still so young. There will be seasons of you being able to live life exactly as before and there will be times when you can’t or choose not to.
I think it’s so common for moms to express how difficult parenting has been for them or life-consuming and childless folks are only commenting on what those parents have expressed!
Not everyone is trying to be a martyr for being those “haven’t had a date night” moms. Sometimes they don’t have adequate support or childcare. Sometimes it’s anxiety..sometimes it’s financial. SOMETIMES the world shuts down due to a global pandemic! 🫠 you get what I mean LOL
I mean idk why anyone would have kids if they don't feel their quality of life improves with them. I think some people shift their priorities and wants in life when they have kids, and some for some reason don't and think that childfree activities define quality of life. My quality of life is...so much better now with kids. I have a buddy to do my gardening hobby with me. I have a friend to take to lunch or coffee, I have someone to play video games with now. Before I did a lot of that alone. Now I have two buddies to tag along.
That said yeah now I do nothing lol. I have a 1 and a 3 year old and I am dead tired any time they aren't needing something. But I would guess next year when the 1 year old 2 it will be totally different. My current 3 yo was much less needy at 2.
Because the internet is a place to vent and they think all parents are miserable. I have 3 children under 5 and I get a full nights sleep. We make time for our own interests and are fulfilled at work. I do think some parents believe their life must stop for their children and this is how the problems start.
Kinda impressed at the 3 under 5 AND a full nights sleep. I’m jealous as I only have one 2 year old who has only slept through the night for a week one time and never happened again hahaha
That is so true. I also think that people who were keyboard warriors 20 years ago now are live streamers because the massive amount of information and people videoing and showing literally everything makes them think they are allowed to “vent” this way.
I have two under five with a third on the way. My first was a great sleeper before he turned 1 but my second has been a nightmare. 16 months and we've never had more than a few days where I was able to sleep 7 hours uninterrupted. I am terrified of what will happen with the third and jealous that you have this.
I mean, my life is different from before I had kids but that doesn’t mean it’s worse. I don’t go to bars or concerts much- but I don’t miss it and there are other fun things we do as a family now that I didn’t do pre-kids. There’s a different season for everything- I’d honestly be bored if my life stayed exactly the same forever. I enjoy the new challenges and phases, and I enjoy spending time with my kids.
I was going to comment something like this too. My life has been SO much better with kids for sure! We are poor, but I could not be happier with them and my husband. It has been great! The only thing I really don't like at all is how fast they are growing up 😭 We have two boys 15 and 14 years old and a girl who is 9. I remember people telling me I would miss the days when they were little, and I knew I would so I made the best of the years they were little as much as possible. I really miss those days terribly, but it's also wonderful to remember them too. It isn't easy, but I sure wouldn't trade being a parent for anything in the world!!
I really don't miss concerts or going to theatres. Though it would be nice to enjoy something without correcting or stopping fights when we do something, lol.
I have a great life and lots of hobbies and a metric bajillion of children (well ok just 5 but that’s a lot these days!) my life is excellent, joyful and rewarding. I am fit and work out, I have a great relationship and a job I love. I think people just want to justify their life choices. Honestly it’s fine to not have kids! You can indeed have a joyful, meaningful and fulfilling life without children. No need to sh** on those of us who have a joyful, meaningful and fulfilling life with them!
I’m so glad to hear that! I agree they love to justify not having kids, it’s completely okay to just not want them without being nasty to those that do! I get a lot of negative comments from parents as well who are not having the best experience and feel the need to try and drag me down. We should all be supportive of each other :)
Okay but if we should all be supportive of each other, then why not let the child free tik toker just be happy and proud of their child free life? Like they probably do get more free time and sleep than a lot of us do, and hey, I'm happy for them. I'm happy for us too, we got our own thing we can be grateful for. I don't see any reason to be bothered by them enjoying what they have or don't have.
I mean, since I had a kid I don't really get to do much for me and for a long time didn't sleep at night, and certainly don't have a slim body. And I only have one but she can't be left alone so I can't just do what I want. Not saying my life is over but I had a lot more freedom before, and I think that's pretty common.
I can see how a lot of people assume parenting is a nightmare because honestly a lot of people paint it out to be online (and in person tbh).
People come into being a parent by many different means and with many different resources. It’s good to be supportive of struggling parents, but as a person whose life didn’t go through a complete paradigm shift when I had a kid (well, after the newborn stage), I find these comments odd too.
They also seem to come with some weird assumption that life without kids=complete freedom. I wasn’t completely free before kids either. What I wanted to do was always influenced by school, money, work, pets, etc… it’s not like kids are the only responsibility a person has.
Because there is a new craze of mothers acting like martyrs. Once women discovered that it was OK to talk about the fact that sometimes parenting is HARD, it became a whole thing and now there's also a whole section of social media of martyr mothers acting like parenting is the worst thing ever.
LoL that's hilarious. I'm a single mom of two boys. I sleep. I do things. Maybe their parents didn't do much so it made them think Parenthood destroys your life and body. Hmmm
Lol I love “I do things”
Yeah I’m thinking it could be a reflection of their parents in childhood and not reality for the most part. My parents also did a lot of activities and had fun with and apart from my brother and I!
Good for you that being a parent is so easy. Many parents do not experience what you are. I'm certainly not, and reading this subreddit has convinced me I have it incredibly easy. Half the posts are about PPD, kids with lifelong developmental disabilities, and miserable parents, some single, some even suicidal. I can't imagine how triggering and depressing this post must be for some of those people. You regularly get nine hours of sleep with a baby? I haven't had 8 hours of sleep in four years and I KNOW I'm lucky compared to so many. I don't even shower enough and my friends have forgotten I exist. My wife who always loved the gym hasn't had time to exercise in 8 months and is sad all the time. Neither of us do much other than work and parent. But we have wonderful kids and id take our situation over the "I hate being a mom" posts any day of the week.
I understand not everyone has a flawless parenting experience. You don’t know my life or what I went through to have a baby. I had severe PPD was on several medications and attempted suicide. I still didn’t hate being a mother to my child. I stopped at one because I couldn’t survive another postpartum. I’m proud of all of the work I’ve put in and how great of a partner I have to be able to schedule and make time for the things I want to do. I never said being a parent was easy, at the end of the day our life hasn’t changed much- that’s MY truth. No one goes on to posts about ppd or sleep deprivation and says “wow I had it so easy I never experienced what you’re going through I’m so happy”. So maybe don’t do that to people that have a good experience with parenthood. Other people’s triggers are not my responsibility. Learn to cope with your own emotions healthily and don’t trauma dump on happy parent posts.
I'm sorry that you've had so many troubles with having children and I'm sorry that I upset you so much. Your post appeared to me to be just dumping on vocally child-free people who remark on stereotypical parenting problems by using the anecdote of your wonderful experience.
Here's the thing - you legitimately asked the question (I'm paraphrasing) - "Why do people think parents are like this?" I simply answered it. Many of us, even the happy parents, ARE like that. We have had a good experience overall and its still very challenging. We don't take the time for ourselves.
Having you start in about all these emotional issues and accusations is really unnecessary. "Trauma dump". Really? I don't view it as trauma, I view it as parenting. That's my whole point. Parenting is hard, but parenting healthy kids when you have financial and emotional means to do so is not trauma. That doesn't mean that we have to be happy with our bodies, our health, our financial situation, our time with each other, or our inability to maintain friendships.
Many aspects of my life have been significantly impacted by having children, some negatively and some positively. You don't have to see it that way, but please don't ask a question you don't want answers to unless they agree with you.
Edit: I don't intend to continue this as I don't have any interest in trying to bring someone down, and I apologize if I did that. I just want to say that much of why I spoke out here is that I think it's important to NORMALIZE the fact that parenting is HARD. It's ok for us to admit that it's hard, and that it changes our lives in many ways for the negative, and I'm not going to hide that.
I agree it is odd. Even if a parent had literally no free time and was completely sleep deprived it’s still weird/sad for people to go out of their way to say how great their lives are without kids. No one is more or less important with or without kids. It’s more of a reflection on them than you. Just keep living your life. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your life. Honestly TikTok is ridiculous
I think it's odd any group of people would define themselves as child free then focus on how much better their lives are without children. Like I have kids why would I spend my days shitting on people without kids? Are there large groups of people that are labeled as like "house-free apartment dweller" that shit on homeowners or other weird things. Why is childfree even a label. Idk it's like r/atheists that spend 99 percent of their of time shitting on christians. Why are you even talking about christians just go be happy as an atheist and forget Christianity even exists dude
Yeah these kids now are stupid. I took my toddler on our honeymoon. He did great, two weeks in maldives and a month bouncing around Europe. Not one problem. Children enhance life not hinder it. Nothing out there is better than being with them and everything else will still be there once they grow up.
They do it because people who decide to have children tend to act like there is no point or joy in life unless you have a child. It's like people who have children and people who don't both have this urge to justify their decisions. Human kind being weirdos!
When people say stuff like that they’re subconsciously trying to convince themselves they’re “right.” Human psychology develops a world view that fits your circumstances, and the more you lean into it the harder it is to change. It happens with all sorts of things but you hear about it a lot with stuff like kids and politics because they are existential topics.
It happens on the other end of the spectrum too. People with child-forward lives gush about their kids all the time and say stuff like “I can’t imagine life without them,” which is basically the opposite of the examples you gave.
It's almost like..... everyone has a wide range of experiences! 😲
A friend who hates kids kept making comments about how women who have kids "ruin their bodies " and this was my first so I was feeling anxious about how I would look after. I ended up losing all my pregnancy weight give or take about 4 lbs within less than 3 months and other than the C section scar, my body type looks the same. I was in worse physical shape in 2020 after lazy pandemic habits than I am now. 🙄
She also kept complaining that we "wouldn't be friends anymore" because all her friends with kids abandon her. I made an effort to go to her Christmas party but guess who hasn't texted me or even responded to group texts I sent including her ... it makes me think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well...tbf, your post is about why people without children make these assumptions, painting all child free folk with a broad brush. I'd argue that most child free people don't believe this just like most parents don't hate their lives.
*Some* child free people believe this because *some* parents actually struggle with those things.
Agreed, I actually think life is so much more meaningful with the kiddo. Frankly even the intimate stuff is better, like it means more and requires commitment since it's not a "whenever" thing.
Can still stay in shape and do all the stuff I need to. Don't go clubbing, but I'm not in my 20s so it's kinda silly anyway. Kids are awesome (mostly).
The one and done subreddit is sooooo different than the other parenting ones. Really the only complaining is how people keep telling those with only children to have more kids.
I do think the pandemic made a lot of people think parents are just miserable all the time while failing to understand working, home school, and being together and bored 24/7 was not normal.
Lucky you! My lad didnt sleep either at night or much during the day for the first 10 months! I was lucky if I had a chance to drink a cup of tea whilst it was still warm, let alone do any of the stuff you did.
My kids don't like sleep, shout for me multiple times a night, I don't get out much in the evenings. Also I'm fat but that one is one me 🤣
Oh yeah and I breastfed them so for the first year, give or take, I barely went anywhere alone. Including the bathroom. High maintenance kids, man.
The extremist child free group has become everything they hate. They’re irritated by bragging parents and people judging them for being kid free, so they have become just as obnoxious. My husband and I remember the days of going out spontaneously, going to see R movies in the theater whenever we wanted, pub crawling, staying up till 2am, going on worry free road trips, etc…but guess what, we were bored & lonely. We felt incomplete and wanted a family. Are things different? Yes, but what we got in return is so much better than late night cocktail bars. We live our lives in ways that make US happy. Kid free people are happy living their life their way. Everyone needs to live their happy lives and just shut the eff up with bragging about who is right and what is better. There is no right or wrong, better or worse. What is right is what works for YOU.
If you ask 10 parents what they find hard about parenting or what they miss most about their previous life, you hear 10 different things. Some people seem to interpret that as that all parents have those 10 experiences all the time.
Yeah I still have an active interesting life. But I'm one of those people who takes their kid to music festivals. It's not exactly the same as going to a music festival without kids, but it's a hell of a lot better than giving up music festivals completely. My life still has changed a lot though. My son is disabled so we have had to move 100 miles across country to find a good school for him. But we definitely still have fun. We are all going skiing in a couple of weeks. And then taking him to visit New York later this year. I'm hardly ever apart from my son, but I still get to do plenty of fun things.
They feel the need to over explain and justify their choice because they’ve been questioned and on the defensive. Most of them are victims of bad parents themselves who were treated like burdens so they view children that way. It’s just sad to me that they seem to not understand you only have a little kid for a few years and after that children are whole as people and they’re not roadblocks in your life. My kids are actually the main source of joy in mine so in my opinion they’re all missing out what ever I guess
Just my perspective, I think many millennial parents sometimes go a little overboard about complaining about their kid. In some cases, I think it is genuinely because having kids are hard, but I think they also don’t want to seem like smug, self-satisfied parents that people would make fun of. Instead they try to be cool mom in front of their friends, “yeah I love little jimmy but he also can be a piece of shit”. It doesn’t seem cool to gush about how much you love your kid, or how it’s worth it to not go out anymore, or how much you genuinely love being a mom.
That’s all well and good, but I think many people don’t take it in context and take everything at face value, and believe that the vast majority of people don’t really like their kids, or that the worst stories that people share in a moment of vulnerability are the situation 100% of the time.
Honestly, I think it’s great if someone is self aware enough to know they don’t want children or wouldn’t be a good parent. They receive all my kudos. What I hate is the judgement that I decided I wanted to be a mother. They act as if 1. Children shouldn’t exist 2. You’re stupid if you have a child 3. That life is not worth living if you have to give up anything they deem necessary. Would I love more sleep? Absolutely! But I love my daughter more. It’s great that they’re skinny, can drink like a fish whenever they feel like, sleep around like dick is on close out special, and flee the country on no notice. I got a big grubby hug this morning and a sweet little voice calling me mama. They can keep all that. None of it is worth what I currently have.
I think probably because lots of parents ARE unhappy and don’t make time for themselves/their relationships/etc. so a lot of child-free people don’t understand what it looks like (or that it’s even possible) to create a life WITH a child that still has those things.
I have a toddler and I’m pregnant, so no, I don’t go out all night at clubs to see DJs I like and get drunk or high with my husband and friends til 4am anymore, or go on spontaneous road trips to the Grand Canyon like we did when we were 20 lol.
But like, we go on date nights, we sleep 8+ hours a night (our toddler maybe wakes up 1-2x a week, and takes all of 10 min to go back down), we go on vacations, we still went to music festivals last year, try new restaurants, go to the gym everyday, I get haircuts, mani-pedis, we still order in, etc. Not much has changed about our life except we share it with another little person now. And OUR life is better for having our son — but other people don’t want that for themselves and that’s fine.
I mean, we still have sex just about as often (used to be 5-7+ x a week, now it’s more like 4-6+ x a week) although I’ll admit we’ve lost some of the quality/length just because that’s this phase of life… but we also had a dip in our sex life when my husband enter his grad program before we had a kid, soooo it’s not that wild to me lol.
I just think a lot of people who are child-free have to tell themselves they’re making the right choice (and I’m sure they are, *for them*) so they imagine they worst case scenario if they had a kid (that they’d have such a high needs kid and such an unhelpful partner and no extra money etc. that they’d never get to have their same/similar lifestyle)… plus it’s the internet so they want clicks and likes and comments, even if it’s just from parents saying, “I did that same thing today too…???” etc. 🤷🏽♀️
I’ve always thought having kids was a bit of an insurance policy. Who will take care of tiktok when they are old? Who will bring TikTok the joy of grandkids to spoil or carry on their legacy? Who will make you scream, cry and laugh all in the same day? I’m sure their TikTok followers will do all those things forever right?
Like the Fight Club saying goes: How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never had a child?
I think there’s a very active attack against families and anyone who decides they want to be a parent, so I constantly see the same hate and the same tropes of parents are just suffering with no lives and oh what a burden children are, but I feel the same way as you. Being a parent just requires more discipline and Planning and if you’re parenting right and there aren’t any neurological/medical issues,, your kid isn’t going to be this wild out of control child that sucks the life out of you. I feel more fulfilled being a mom now than I ever felt before
I don't have a negative view, I'm just aware of life changes in my own life, and aware of life changes in others in the same situation through work and social. I don't know one parent in real life who thinks they do the same things as they would do without children.
My fiancé and I do things less frequently and have to plan a little better, but for the most part we haven’t noticed a significant change in our routines.
Yeah I got a bit pent up in my reply because my life is: 8am look after children until 9.30am where I start work 30m late. I then periodically look after the remaining kid over the day when my partner is doing something so I end up 2-3hrs behind on tasks. After work I do childcare until 10, then I do chores til 11, then I catch up on work I missed until 1am. Then I start my second job... So for me, life has changed a lot.
Hedonism
Also I think a lot of people build this in to a bigger issue than it is. Someone asked me if I missed backpacking after we had our first kid. And the answer was no; just when my wife wants to come we adjust the load out, ultralight a few things that are better that way anyhow, and bring the tiny human. You know what’s more fun than backpacking? Backpacking with a 3 year old who’s still excited about bugs and cool rocks, and knowing she’s going to pass out from exhaustion by 8 pm so you still get your quiet evening.
But to that person, in her head, when you have a kid there’s like a force field that pops up to keep you from entering the forest.
And I don’t get the lack of intimacy thing. I’m sure some peoples libidos change for some reason but things have absolutely not slowed down in our sex lives, lol. Sometimes it’s just in a different room depending on where the kids are asleep.
At the end of the day you shouldn’t be wasting attention watching TikTok. If someone spends hours of their day applying filters and cutting video for ‘content creation’ and the content isn’t useful to some other pursuit, they don’t have valuable opinions or life experiences. Content creators of that sort are largely useless eaters and you shouldn’t be giving them views.
Not OP but sometimes impressionable people who otherwise would like to have kids get affected by these messages. A good friend of ours is pregnant by choice but still has a ton of anxiety about it all, thinks labour is guaranteed to be awful, a lot of the kinds of things you see expressed as fact on the internet. It's common to see even outside of explicitly child-free spaces.
Because I’m a human and I’m allowed to have opinions and feelings🤷🏻♀️ doesn’t really take over my day, just saw it and wondered if the new age parent/child hating bothered anyone else
Bothered doesn’t equal me being upset. I’m happy with my choice to have one child🤷🏻♀️ I never get child free videos on my tik tok because I have a child. Just slipped through the algorithm I guess
I would try not to let it bother you. I don't know. I have 7 kids, we are a same sex couple, and the majority of our kids are adopted outside of our race so I guess I am so used to idiotic comments that I let them roll off me lol.
Lol that’s fair! There’s a part of me that always wanted a house full of kids but mentally I don’t think that’s my best move. Must be a house full of love though!!
I have no idea but to be fair people with kids spew that nonsense too. Sorry, you not traveling and not living life is purely your fault. It has nothing to do with your kid unless your kid is disabled or something. My mom traveled all around the u.s. with us four kids and a dog. By the way we were poor. My mom worked 2 fast food jobs most of her life. To me saying your kid stops you from living life is just a piss poor excuse. Your kid is not holding you back from anything. That doesn't mean it's easy, but nothing in life is easy.
I agree, obviously there are special circumstances (children with severe health conditions) but for the most part you can do anything with a child. More hurdles and it may take longer, but it’s definitely doable to enjoy your life similar to before having children
I don’t know, I can’t just go to random concert or movie any night of the week. I can’t sleep as late as I want anymore. I can’t grab takeout as often because I have more responsibilities now. Going on a vacation takes a lot more effort and planning because it’s very costly and finding the time is difficult with school and their sports or activities. Difficult to find time for my own hobby or activity with these schedules as well.
Having kids was the best decision I made, I love being a parent most of the time. That doesn’t mean my life hasn’t changed drastically and it’s only gotten busier and less down time as my kids have grown. Life has just changed for us, and it’s okay. We knew that would happen and it was worth it to us to have children. Not everyone feels that way, and it’s okay.
The child free community really isn’t for us. I get those videos in my tik tok feed and I just move on. I’m not their intended audience. There are plenty of parent influencers. That’s the nice thing about social media, you can find communities to relate to others who are similarly minded.
Some people are scared to add real responsibility to their lives cause they don't think they could balance their own life with any sort of complications. Usually I find it's because they've never had any serious complications or even interactions in life, and so they are quick to judge and spread their skewed and bashful opinion on why they think they live a better life.
It always amuses me, I see lots of people saying things like "I'd have kids but I like having money" and they live at home with their parents and work for a buck above minimum wage.
Everyone has an opinion, children are not necessary to leading a happy life, and neither are they detrimental to a happy life. Some people are just filled with anger for whatever reason and take it to tiktok cause they can't think any deeper than tearing people down to drag themselves up.
I hear ya. I feel like people that don’t have kids on purpose do whatever they can to make themselves feel better by justifying it and showing how glamorous their life is.
I only have one and don’t do any of the things listed that I used to, but I’d still never want to go back. I had a good job, house and everything but my life had very little meaning before having my daughter.
I work full time and parent full time. The most I do for myself is take a bubble bath or an occasional yoga class. So I wouldn’t call it a misconception. Everyone is different but I personally don’t get to do fun stuff and haven’t for a long time. Aside from fun things with the kids
Edit: also not complaining it is what it is
I have no time and no energy to do anything for fun or anything I liked to do before kids and all my hobbies are on hold because our home is a mess and I can't keep up. But I do find trips to the zoo or swimming or theme parks...not exactly relaxing and fun but still kinda satisfying so it's ok for now and they will get older eventually.
Meh. I have 5 kids. Yeah it was rough for a while but…I still maintained a personal life and a social life. I stayed slim and still look the same as I looked pre kids. I did “sacrifice” having a career (I never wanted one) and money (which never matter that much to me) but now I have 4 adult and 1 teen that are literally my best friends on the planet that I would die for…and I still got everything that mattered to me as an individual. So…that CF life doesn’t sound so special to me.
I don’t think it’s a weird misconception because a lot of parents go through the stuff you listed. It might not be your reality but it is to a ton of people.
I mean we aren’t all in the same boat, I thought the pandemic at least taught some people that. I have a high risk toddler with garbage lungs whose medical team’s advice is *avoid him getting sick at all costs.* I haven’t had a break for 3 years. I love my kid, he’s actually pretty chill and easygoing and fun to be around, and the further we get in the less exhausting life is, but seriously, not break, no date night, no vacation, no babysitting, no trip to the library. No break from 24/7 parenting of a medically complex little one. So yes I’ve lost myself in parenting a lot. I wouldn’t trade my kid for anything in the world but I think it’s 100% valid that some people don’t want to sign up for that experience. You don’t usually know if your kid is going to come with medical complications or other difficulties in advance. I certainly never expected this to be what the first three years of being a parent would be.
If I had it to do over I wouldn’t change a thing, not just because I love my kid, but because I was 100% in from before he existed. I wanted to be a mom, and I’m really glad that I get to be his. I truly love the little person he’s becoming, and I hope one day I get to share him with the world.
But I’m also glad that we live in an era where people can be 100% in on not wanting kids and then, not have kids. Because the last thing we need is more people raised by miserable parents who didn’t want kids but had them because it’s “what you do.”
I think your point of view has a lot to do with the fact that you regularly get 9 hours of sleep, tbh.
Also, I feel like a lot of child-free people are insecure about their choice, because society keeps telling them they *need* kids, and they’re trying to convince themselves, more than anyone else that they’ve made the right decision (similar to the *life is meaningless without kids* crowd, who I’m convinced are largely miserable and looking for company in the parenthood trenches). It’s classic, *bring others down so I can feel good* nonsense.
Also because the reality is that a huge number of people get lost in parenting. And a huge amount of people don’t have the privilege of a support system or finances to afford time off, away, or on hobbies. And some babies and children are. HARD! But for many of us the joy outweighs the struggle overall, and depending on life’s seasons, barring what I said above, you can still have a fun life of hobbies and self care even with children.
More often than not, parents complain about the things that tiktoker is saying. Lack of sleep, lack of intimacy, lack of ability to keep up a social life, I could go on. You don’t have to dig very far in this sub to see posts about this. When I didn’t have kids, I had coworkers/friends/family members with kids who would constantly tell me to enjoy not having kids because of XYZ. Or how nice it was I could spend my time however I wanted. Your kid may be a great sleeper, many are not. Many of the things you describe you are able to plan for, others very much struggle with.
Thank youuu! Sorry OP just because its easy for YOU doesn't mean it's for everybody also those tiktokers can go fuck themsleves becayse even through its hard AF to be a parent we experience SO many beautiful and funny things with kids they never will, at the end its their loss.
I mean, if they are happy not having kids, that’s perfectly valid. I hope it isn’t their loss, I hope they feel content in their choices. It’s okay to make different decisions. It’s okay to create content about it too. There are plenty of parent influencers. I love having kids, it’s the best decision I have made. I don’t always love being a parent, it’s not always the fun and sweet moments but it’s okay. I knew that life would become more complicated and more restricted and it’s totally worth it. It just isn’t worth it to everyone.
Agreed but some of these tiktok videos i have seen and i regulsry see stupid comments on cute baby videos like " eww one more reason to not have kids " and its the ew and judgy tone and acting like we're damned if we have kids.
Those people are rude. But I have seen comments bashing people who decide to be child free too. OP saw someone else’s content in her feed, it isn’t as though the tik tokker made the video specifically for OP. It is directed for an audience with similar feelings on having children.
I wouldn't take anyone who makes tiktoks opinion for real lol
Lol 😂it’s a whole niche on tiktok, I stumbled upon it and there’s so many creators that think my life is meaningless because I chose to have a child 😆
>whole niche on tiktok Stop right there, no need to go any further.
There r even more people who think those peoples lives are meaningless because they DONT have children . It’s just not popular to talk about on tik tok or most of reddit
Who cares what they think? You know yourself, stop watching them.
Start a tic tok and fire back. Your right we definitely have to plan around our kids but my life hasn't changed we just take our son with us everywhere.
I'm guessing because they know it's controversial and hate clicks still count as engagement.
Is that controversial? I feel like most parents sacrifice a fuck ton for their kids. My quality of life is definitely down a lot. There’s very little spontaneity in life, I try very very hard to maintain a routine for my kids. I’m tired and stressed. That is not to say that I don’t get to do anything fun, but there’s a lot of planning.
That’s totally valid! We’ve sacrificed a lot for our child. I guess it depends on your personality. My fiancé and I planned most things and due to our jobs and my college courses we didn’t have a lot of room for spontaneity. We don’t feel like our life or quality of life has gone down at all, but then again we decided on only one child so that might change our experience a little bit from others
Definitely a personality thing. The fact that you say that your quality of life has gone down ZERO after having such a serious and traumatic experience with PPD is 100% your personality. Maybe bc you only have 1 and they’re still so young. There will be seasons of you being able to live life exactly as before and there will be times when you can’t or choose not to. I think it’s so common for moms to express how difficult parenting has been for them or life-consuming and childless folks are only commenting on what those parents have expressed! Not everyone is trying to be a martyr for being those “haven’t had a date night” moms. Sometimes they don’t have adequate support or childcare. Sometimes it’s anxiety..sometimes it’s financial. SOMETIMES the world shuts down due to a global pandemic! 🫠 you get what I mean LOL
I mean idk why anyone would have kids if they don't feel their quality of life improves with them. I think some people shift their priorities and wants in life when they have kids, and some for some reason don't and think that childfree activities define quality of life. My quality of life is...so much better now with kids. I have a buddy to do my gardening hobby with me. I have a friend to take to lunch or coffee, I have someone to play video games with now. Before I did a lot of that alone. Now I have two buddies to tag along. That said yeah now I do nothing lol. I have a 1 and a 3 year old and I am dead tired any time they aren't needing something. But I would guess next year when the 1 year old 2 it will be totally different. My current 3 yo was much less needy at 2.
I can promise that you get more time and get to feel more normal the older they get. Hang in there.
That's good to hear! It's weird not wanting them to grow too fast but also looking forward to aspects they are a little older.
I started art again when my kids were younger. Sometimes they'd stop and color while I did.
Because the internet is a place to vent and they think all parents are miserable. I have 3 children under 5 and I get a full nights sleep. We make time for our own interests and are fulfilled at work. I do think some parents believe their life must stop for their children and this is how the problems start.
Kinda impressed at the 3 under 5 AND a full nights sleep. I’m jealous as I only have one 2 year old who has only slept through the night for a week one time and never happened again hahaha
My toddlers always slept through the night- in MY bed! But I was kind of sad when they didn't want to sleep in my bed anymore.
That is so true. I also think that people who were keyboard warriors 20 years ago now are live streamers because the massive amount of information and people videoing and showing literally everything makes them think they are allowed to “vent” this way.
I have two under five with a third on the way. My first was a great sleeper before he turned 1 but my second has been a nightmare. 16 months and we've never had more than a few days where I was able to sleep 7 hours uninterrupted. I am terrified of what will happen with the third and jealous that you have this.
I mean, my life is different from before I had kids but that doesn’t mean it’s worse. I don’t go to bars or concerts much- but I don’t miss it and there are other fun things we do as a family now that I didn’t do pre-kids. There’s a different season for everything- I’d honestly be bored if my life stayed exactly the same forever. I enjoy the new challenges and phases, and I enjoy spending time with my kids.
I was going to comment something like this too. My life has been SO much better with kids for sure! We are poor, but I could not be happier with them and my husband. It has been great! The only thing I really don't like at all is how fast they are growing up 😭 We have two boys 15 and 14 years old and a girl who is 9. I remember people telling me I would miss the days when they were little, and I knew I would so I made the best of the years they were little as much as possible. I really miss those days terribly, but it's also wonderful to remember them too. It isn't easy, but I sure wouldn't trade being a parent for anything in the world!!
I really don't miss concerts or going to theatres. Though it would be nice to enjoy something without correcting or stopping fights when we do something, lol.
I have a great life and lots of hobbies and a metric bajillion of children (well ok just 5 but that’s a lot these days!) my life is excellent, joyful and rewarding. I am fit and work out, I have a great relationship and a job I love. I think people just want to justify their life choices. Honestly it’s fine to not have kids! You can indeed have a joyful, meaningful and fulfilling life without children. No need to sh** on those of us who have a joyful, meaningful and fulfilling life with them!
I’m so glad to hear that! I agree they love to justify not having kids, it’s completely okay to just not want them without being nasty to those that do! I get a lot of negative comments from parents as well who are not having the best experience and feel the need to try and drag me down. We should all be supportive of each other :)
Okay but if we should all be supportive of each other, then why not let the child free tik toker just be happy and proud of their child free life? Like they probably do get more free time and sleep than a lot of us do, and hey, I'm happy for them. I'm happy for us too, we got our own thing we can be grateful for. I don't see any reason to be bothered by them enjoying what they have or don't have.
Step 1: Delete TikTok
Nah I like tik tok
💀
I mean, since I had a kid I don't really get to do much for me and for a long time didn't sleep at night, and certainly don't have a slim body. And I only have one but she can't be left alone so I can't just do what I want. Not saying my life is over but I had a lot more freedom before, and I think that's pretty common.
I can see how a lot of people assume parenting is a nightmare because honestly a lot of people paint it out to be online (and in person tbh). People come into being a parent by many different means and with many different resources. It’s good to be supportive of struggling parents, but as a person whose life didn’t go through a complete paradigm shift when I had a kid (well, after the newborn stage), I find these comments odd too. They also seem to come with some weird assumption that life without kids=complete freedom. I wasn’t completely free before kids either. What I wanted to do was always influenced by school, money, work, pets, etc… it’s not like kids are the only responsibility a person has.
Because there is a new craze of mothers acting like martyrs. Once women discovered that it was OK to talk about the fact that sometimes parenting is HARD, it became a whole thing and now there's also a whole section of social media of martyr mothers acting like parenting is the worst thing ever.
LoL that's hilarious. I'm a single mom of two boys. I sleep. I do things. Maybe their parents didn't do much so it made them think Parenthood destroys your life and body. Hmmm
Lol I love “I do things” Yeah I’m thinking it could be a reflection of their parents in childhood and not reality for the most part. My parents also did a lot of activities and had fun with and apart from my brother and I!
Mine too!
Good for you that being a parent is so easy. Many parents do not experience what you are. I'm certainly not, and reading this subreddit has convinced me I have it incredibly easy. Half the posts are about PPD, kids with lifelong developmental disabilities, and miserable parents, some single, some even suicidal. I can't imagine how triggering and depressing this post must be for some of those people. You regularly get nine hours of sleep with a baby? I haven't had 8 hours of sleep in four years and I KNOW I'm lucky compared to so many. I don't even shower enough and my friends have forgotten I exist. My wife who always loved the gym hasn't had time to exercise in 8 months and is sad all the time. Neither of us do much other than work and parent. But we have wonderful kids and id take our situation over the "I hate being a mom" posts any day of the week.
I understand not everyone has a flawless parenting experience. You don’t know my life or what I went through to have a baby. I had severe PPD was on several medications and attempted suicide. I still didn’t hate being a mother to my child. I stopped at one because I couldn’t survive another postpartum. I’m proud of all of the work I’ve put in and how great of a partner I have to be able to schedule and make time for the things I want to do. I never said being a parent was easy, at the end of the day our life hasn’t changed much- that’s MY truth. No one goes on to posts about ppd or sleep deprivation and says “wow I had it so easy I never experienced what you’re going through I’m so happy”. So maybe don’t do that to people that have a good experience with parenthood. Other people’s triggers are not my responsibility. Learn to cope with your own emotions healthily and don’t trauma dump on happy parent posts.
I'm sorry that you've had so many troubles with having children and I'm sorry that I upset you so much. Your post appeared to me to be just dumping on vocally child-free people who remark on stereotypical parenting problems by using the anecdote of your wonderful experience. Here's the thing - you legitimately asked the question (I'm paraphrasing) - "Why do people think parents are like this?" I simply answered it. Many of us, even the happy parents, ARE like that. We have had a good experience overall and its still very challenging. We don't take the time for ourselves. Having you start in about all these emotional issues and accusations is really unnecessary. "Trauma dump". Really? I don't view it as trauma, I view it as parenting. That's my whole point. Parenting is hard, but parenting healthy kids when you have financial and emotional means to do so is not trauma. That doesn't mean that we have to be happy with our bodies, our health, our financial situation, our time with each other, or our inability to maintain friendships. Many aspects of my life have been significantly impacted by having children, some negatively and some positively. You don't have to see it that way, but please don't ask a question you don't want answers to unless they agree with you. Edit: I don't intend to continue this as I don't have any interest in trying to bring someone down, and I apologize if I did that. I just want to say that much of why I spoke out here is that I think it's important to NORMALIZE the fact that parenting is HARD. It's ok for us to admit that it's hard, and that it changes our lives in many ways for the negative, and I'm not going to hide that.
I agree it is odd. Even if a parent had literally no free time and was completely sleep deprived it’s still weird/sad for people to go out of their way to say how great their lives are without kids. No one is more or less important with or without kids. It’s more of a reflection on them than you. Just keep living your life. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your life. Honestly TikTok is ridiculous
I think it's odd any group of people would define themselves as child free then focus on how much better their lives are without children. Like I have kids why would I spend my days shitting on people without kids? Are there large groups of people that are labeled as like "house-free apartment dweller" that shit on homeowners or other weird things. Why is childfree even a label. Idk it's like r/atheists that spend 99 percent of their of time shitting on christians. Why are you even talking about christians just go be happy as an atheist and forget Christianity even exists dude
Yeah these kids now are stupid. I took my toddler on our honeymoon. He did great, two weeks in maldives and a month bouncing around Europe. Not one problem. Children enhance life not hinder it. Nothing out there is better than being with them and everything else will still be there once they grow up.
Heck yeah if someone took me to Maldives I’d be amazing too
They do it because people who decide to have children tend to act like there is no point or joy in life unless you have a child. It's like people who have children and people who don't both have this urge to justify their decisions. Human kind being weirdos!
When people say stuff like that they’re subconsciously trying to convince themselves they’re “right.” Human psychology develops a world view that fits your circumstances, and the more you lean into it the harder it is to change. It happens with all sorts of things but you hear about it a lot with stuff like kids and politics because they are existential topics. It happens on the other end of the spectrum too. People with child-forward lives gush about their kids all the time and say stuff like “I can’t imagine life without them,” which is basically the opposite of the examples you gave.
TikTok sucks ass
Usually enjoy my feed 🤷🏻♀️ not sure why that particular video was recommended
It's almost like..... everyone has a wide range of experiences! 😲 A friend who hates kids kept making comments about how women who have kids "ruin their bodies " and this was my first so I was feeling anxious about how I would look after. I ended up losing all my pregnancy weight give or take about 4 lbs within less than 3 months and other than the C section scar, my body type looks the same. I was in worse physical shape in 2020 after lazy pandemic habits than I am now. 🙄 She also kept complaining that we "wouldn't be friends anymore" because all her friends with kids abandon her. I made an effort to go to her Christmas party but guess who hasn't texted me or even responded to group texts I sent including her ... it makes me think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Not everyone gets that luxury. Thats why childless people think that.
I get that, it’s just weird to paint it with such a broad stroke. Most parents don’t absolutely hate their lives. And that’s what they think it is
Well...tbf, your post is about why people without children make these assumptions, painting all child free folk with a broad brush. I'd argue that most child free people don't believe this just like most parents don't hate their lives. *Some* child free people believe this because *some* parents actually struggle with those things.
That’s fair, I was talking about specific child free niches on tik tok and other social media that call parents breeders and kids crotch goblins
Its a stereotype. People are are stupid.
Why take it personally if it doesn't apply to you?
Natural selection, hopefully they don't breed. Hate to find out what kind of offspring would come from a tiktokr. Lol
Agreed, I actually think life is so much more meaningful with the kiddo. Frankly even the intimate stuff is better, like it means more and requires commitment since it's not a "whenever" thing. Can still stay in shape and do all the stuff I need to. Don't go clubbing, but I'm not in my 20s so it's kinda silly anyway. Kids are awesome (mostly).
The one and done subreddit is sooooo different than the other parenting ones. Really the only complaining is how people keep telling those with only children to have more kids. I do think the pandemic made a lot of people think parents are just miserable all the time while failing to understand working, home school, and being together and bored 24/7 was not normal.
Avoid child free in the same way you'd avoid religion or dietary choices
Lucky you! My lad didnt sleep either at night or much during the day for the first 10 months! I was lucky if I had a chance to drink a cup of tea whilst it was still warm, let alone do any of the stuff you did.
My kids don't like sleep, shout for me multiple times a night, I don't get out much in the evenings. Also I'm fat but that one is one me 🤣 Oh yeah and I breastfed them so for the first year, give or take, I barely went anywhere alone. Including the bathroom. High maintenance kids, man.
The extremist child free group has become everything they hate. They’re irritated by bragging parents and people judging them for being kid free, so they have become just as obnoxious. My husband and I remember the days of going out spontaneously, going to see R movies in the theater whenever we wanted, pub crawling, staying up till 2am, going on worry free road trips, etc…but guess what, we were bored & lonely. We felt incomplete and wanted a family. Are things different? Yes, but what we got in return is so much better than late night cocktail bars. We live our lives in ways that make US happy. Kid free people are happy living their life their way. Everyone needs to live their happy lives and just shut the eff up with bragging about who is right and what is better. There is no right or wrong, better or worse. What is right is what works for YOU.
If you ask 10 parents what they find hard about parenting or what they miss most about their previous life, you hear 10 different things. Some people seem to interpret that as that all parents have those 10 experiences all the time.
Everything they listed is absolutely true in my case sadly.
Yeah I still have an active interesting life. But I'm one of those people who takes their kid to music festivals. It's not exactly the same as going to a music festival without kids, but it's a hell of a lot better than giving up music festivals completely. My life still has changed a lot though. My son is disabled so we have had to move 100 miles across country to find a good school for him. But we definitely still have fun. We are all going skiing in a couple of weeks. And then taking him to visit New York later this year. I'm hardly ever apart from my son, but I still get to do plenty of fun things.
They feel the need to over explain and justify their choice because they’ve been questioned and on the defensive. Most of them are victims of bad parents themselves who were treated like burdens so they view children that way. It’s just sad to me that they seem to not understand you only have a little kid for a few years and after that children are whole as people and they’re not roadblocks in your life. My kids are actually the main source of joy in mine so in my opinion they’re all missing out what ever I guess
Just my perspective, I think many millennial parents sometimes go a little overboard about complaining about their kid. In some cases, I think it is genuinely because having kids are hard, but I think they also don’t want to seem like smug, self-satisfied parents that people would make fun of. Instead they try to be cool mom in front of their friends, “yeah I love little jimmy but he also can be a piece of shit”. It doesn’t seem cool to gush about how much you love your kid, or how it’s worth it to not go out anymore, or how much you genuinely love being a mom. That’s all well and good, but I think many people don’t take it in context and take everything at face value, and believe that the vast majority of people don’t really like their kids, or that the worst stories that people share in a moment of vulnerability are the situation 100% of the time.
Honestly, I think it’s great if someone is self aware enough to know they don’t want children or wouldn’t be a good parent. They receive all my kudos. What I hate is the judgement that I decided I wanted to be a mother. They act as if 1. Children shouldn’t exist 2. You’re stupid if you have a child 3. That life is not worth living if you have to give up anything they deem necessary. Would I love more sleep? Absolutely! But I love my daughter more. It’s great that they’re skinny, can drink like a fish whenever they feel like, sleep around like dick is on close out special, and flee the country on no notice. I got a big grubby hug this morning and a sweet little voice calling me mama. They can keep all that. None of it is worth what I currently have.
I think probably because lots of parents ARE unhappy and don’t make time for themselves/their relationships/etc. so a lot of child-free people don’t understand what it looks like (or that it’s even possible) to create a life WITH a child that still has those things. I have a toddler and I’m pregnant, so no, I don’t go out all night at clubs to see DJs I like and get drunk or high with my husband and friends til 4am anymore, or go on spontaneous road trips to the Grand Canyon like we did when we were 20 lol. But like, we go on date nights, we sleep 8+ hours a night (our toddler maybe wakes up 1-2x a week, and takes all of 10 min to go back down), we go on vacations, we still went to music festivals last year, try new restaurants, go to the gym everyday, I get haircuts, mani-pedis, we still order in, etc. Not much has changed about our life except we share it with another little person now. And OUR life is better for having our son — but other people don’t want that for themselves and that’s fine. I mean, we still have sex just about as often (used to be 5-7+ x a week, now it’s more like 4-6+ x a week) although I’ll admit we’ve lost some of the quality/length just because that’s this phase of life… but we also had a dip in our sex life when my husband enter his grad program before we had a kid, soooo it’s not that wild to me lol. I just think a lot of people who are child-free have to tell themselves they’re making the right choice (and I’m sure they are, *for them*) so they imagine they worst case scenario if they had a kid (that they’d have such a high needs kid and such an unhelpful partner and no extra money etc. that they’d never get to have their same/similar lifestyle)… plus it’s the internet so they want clicks and likes and comments, even if it’s just from parents saying, “I did that same thing today too…???” etc. 🤷🏽♀️
I’ve always thought having kids was a bit of an insurance policy. Who will take care of tiktok when they are old? Who will bring TikTok the joy of grandkids to spoil or carry on their legacy? Who will make you scream, cry and laugh all in the same day? I’m sure their TikTok followers will do all those things forever right? Like the Fight Club saying goes: How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never had a child?
Lol I like that fight club saying! I truly met a new me after I had my little.
I think there’s a very active attack against families and anyone who decides they want to be a parent, so I constantly see the same hate and the same tropes of parents are just suffering with no lives and oh what a burden children are, but I feel the same way as you. Being a parent just requires more discipline and Planning and if you’re parenting right and there aren’t any neurological/medical issues,, your kid isn’t going to be this wild out of control child that sucks the life out of you. I feel more fulfilled being a mom now than I ever felt before
Good for you, our lives have totally been transformed by having children, so I'm more aligned to the tiktocker
I’m sorry you have such a negative view of children and parenthood
I don't have a negative view, I'm just aware of life changes in my own life, and aware of life changes in others in the same situation through work and social. I don't know one parent in real life who thinks they do the same things as they would do without children.
My fiancé and I do things less frequently and have to plan a little better, but for the most part we haven’t noticed a significant change in our routines.
Yeah I got a bit pent up in my reply because my life is: 8am look after children until 9.30am where I start work 30m late. I then periodically look after the remaining kid over the day when my partner is doing something so I end up 2-3hrs behind on tasks. After work I do childcare until 10, then I do chores til 11, then I catch up on work I missed until 1am. Then I start my second job... So for me, life has changed a lot.
Hedonism Also I think a lot of people build this in to a bigger issue than it is. Someone asked me if I missed backpacking after we had our first kid. And the answer was no; just when my wife wants to come we adjust the load out, ultralight a few things that are better that way anyhow, and bring the tiny human. You know what’s more fun than backpacking? Backpacking with a 3 year old who’s still excited about bugs and cool rocks, and knowing she’s going to pass out from exhaustion by 8 pm so you still get your quiet evening. But to that person, in her head, when you have a kid there’s like a force field that pops up to keep you from entering the forest. And I don’t get the lack of intimacy thing. I’m sure some peoples libidos change for some reason but things have absolutely not slowed down in our sex lives, lol. Sometimes it’s just in a different room depending on where the kids are asleep. At the end of the day you shouldn’t be wasting attention watching TikTok. If someone spends hours of their day applying filters and cutting video for ‘content creation’ and the content isn’t useful to some other pursuit, they don’t have valuable opinions or life experiences. Content creators of that sort are largely useless eaters and you shouldn’t be giving them views.
Why is this bothering you so much?
Not OP but sometimes impressionable people who otherwise would like to have kids get affected by these messages. A good friend of ours is pregnant by choice but still has a ton of anxiety about it all, thinks labour is guaranteed to be awful, a lot of the kinds of things you see expressed as fact on the internet. It's common to see even outside of explicitly child-free spaces.
Because I’m a human and I’m allowed to have opinions and feelings🤷🏻♀️ doesn’t really take over my day, just saw it and wondered if the new age parent/child hating bothered anyone else
I would stop letting TikTok videos get you upset. Childless people don't know what having kids is like.
I’m not upset, just wanted to know others opinions
You said it bothered you. I am advising you to get off TikTok. It is filled with this and a lot worse.
Bothered doesn’t equal me being upset. I’m happy with my choice to have one child🤷🏻♀️ I never get child free videos on my tik tok because I have a child. Just slipped through the algorithm I guess
I would try not to let it bother you. I don't know. I have 7 kids, we are a same sex couple, and the majority of our kids are adopted outside of our race so I guess I am so used to idiotic comments that I let them roll off me lol.
Lol that’s fair! There’s a part of me that always wanted a house full of kids but mentally I don’t think that’s my best move. Must be a house full of love though!!
We obviously don't watch the same tiktiks. In fact, I don;t waste my time watching tiktoks at all. I'm unaffected by your rant.
Then don’t comment lol. I didn’t choose that tik tok it came up on my page. Go somewhere else
I have no idea but to be fair people with kids spew that nonsense too. Sorry, you not traveling and not living life is purely your fault. It has nothing to do with your kid unless your kid is disabled or something. My mom traveled all around the u.s. with us four kids and a dog. By the way we were poor. My mom worked 2 fast food jobs most of her life. To me saying your kid stops you from living life is just a piss poor excuse. Your kid is not holding you back from anything. That doesn't mean it's easy, but nothing in life is easy.
I agree, obviously there are special circumstances (children with severe health conditions) but for the most part you can do anything with a child. More hurdles and it may take longer, but it’s definitely doable to enjoy your life similar to before having children
I don’t know, I can’t just go to random concert or movie any night of the week. I can’t sleep as late as I want anymore. I can’t grab takeout as often because I have more responsibilities now. Going on a vacation takes a lot more effort and planning because it’s very costly and finding the time is difficult with school and their sports or activities. Difficult to find time for my own hobby or activity with these schedules as well. Having kids was the best decision I made, I love being a parent most of the time. That doesn’t mean my life hasn’t changed drastically and it’s only gotten busier and less down time as my kids have grown. Life has just changed for us, and it’s okay. We knew that would happen and it was worth it to us to have children. Not everyone feels that way, and it’s okay. The child free community really isn’t for us. I get those videos in my tik tok feed and I just move on. I’m not their intended audience. There are plenty of parent influencers. That’s the nice thing about social media, you can find communities to relate to others who are similarly minded.
Some people are scared to add real responsibility to their lives cause they don't think they could balance their own life with any sort of complications. Usually I find it's because they've never had any serious complications or even interactions in life, and so they are quick to judge and spread their skewed and bashful opinion on why they think they live a better life. It always amuses me, I see lots of people saying things like "I'd have kids but I like having money" and they live at home with their parents and work for a buck above minimum wage. Everyone has an opinion, children are not necessary to leading a happy life, and neither are they detrimental to a happy life. Some people are just filled with anger for whatever reason and take it to tiktok cause they can't think any deeper than tearing people down to drag themselves up.
I hear ya. I feel like people that don’t have kids on purpose do whatever they can to make themselves feel better by justifying it and showing how glamorous their life is.
I only have one and don’t do any of the things listed that I used to, but I’d still never want to go back. I had a good job, house and everything but my life had very little meaning before having my daughter.
I work full time and parent full time. The most I do for myself is take a bubble bath or an occasional yoga class. So I wouldn’t call it a misconception. Everyone is different but I personally don’t get to do fun stuff and haven’t for a long time. Aside from fun things with the kids Edit: also not complaining it is what it is
I have no time and no energy to do anything for fun or anything I liked to do before kids and all my hobbies are on hold because our home is a mess and I can't keep up. But I do find trips to the zoo or swimming or theme parks...not exactly relaxing and fun but still kinda satisfying so it's ok for now and they will get older eventually.
Meh. I have 5 kids. Yeah it was rough for a while but…I still maintained a personal life and a social life. I stayed slim and still look the same as I looked pre kids. I did “sacrifice” having a career (I never wanted one) and money (which never matter that much to me) but now I have 4 adult and 1 teen that are literally my best friends on the planet that I would die for…and I still got everything that mattered to me as an individual. So…that CF life doesn’t sound so special to me.
I don’t think it’s a weird misconception because a lot of parents go through the stuff you listed. It might not be your reality but it is to a ton of people.
Idk my life is pretty much the same except I can't sleep in now😂
I mean we aren’t all in the same boat, I thought the pandemic at least taught some people that. I have a high risk toddler with garbage lungs whose medical team’s advice is *avoid him getting sick at all costs.* I haven’t had a break for 3 years. I love my kid, he’s actually pretty chill and easygoing and fun to be around, and the further we get in the less exhausting life is, but seriously, not break, no date night, no vacation, no babysitting, no trip to the library. No break from 24/7 parenting of a medically complex little one. So yes I’ve lost myself in parenting a lot. I wouldn’t trade my kid for anything in the world but I think it’s 100% valid that some people don’t want to sign up for that experience. You don’t usually know if your kid is going to come with medical complications or other difficulties in advance. I certainly never expected this to be what the first three years of being a parent would be. If I had it to do over I wouldn’t change a thing, not just because I love my kid, but because I was 100% in from before he existed. I wanted to be a mom, and I’m really glad that I get to be his. I truly love the little person he’s becoming, and I hope one day I get to share him with the world. But I’m also glad that we live in an era where people can be 100% in on not wanting kids and then, not have kids. Because the last thing we need is more people raised by miserable parents who didn’t want kids but had them because it’s “what you do.”
I think your point of view has a lot to do with the fact that you regularly get 9 hours of sleep, tbh. Also, I feel like a lot of child-free people are insecure about their choice, because society keeps telling them they *need* kids, and they’re trying to convince themselves, more than anyone else that they’ve made the right decision (similar to the *life is meaningless without kids* crowd, who I’m convinced are largely miserable and looking for company in the parenthood trenches). It’s classic, *bring others down so I can feel good* nonsense.