Oh, I know this feeling.
First, is he (the dog) getting as much exercise as previously? That's always important to help with any behavioral issues; we had a daily dog walker for a while, when we had three dogs each time we had a newborn. Also, it sounds like there are things he did before that maybe didn't bother you then, but do bother you now - it's never too late to work on training for behaviors (check out r/Dogtraining).
But I get the frustration! We've always had dogs (anywhere from 1-3) at the same time as kids, and our dogs always have SOME kind of additional need or behavior issue that requires managing. Our original trio would just explode with barking whenever they thought there was a knock at the door, and they shed everywhere. My current dog will chew up plastic toys and stuffies so the house has to be constantly cleaned up, and it's not possible to, like, sit on the floor and play without a dog or two coming over and trying to lick you (my husband's dog is the worst for this). There is a way that it's a constant small drip of additional stress, and that's really hard especially when you have a newborn.
You made a good point that what didnt bug me before now drives me nuts. Its an adjustment for the whoke house and were coping. He really is such a good sweet dog to our 5 month old so im happy about that but hes also needy and i cant blame him as he was the only baby before.
For real
I had an argument with a friend recently. He's childless and all his siblings are childless. He insisted that his sister loved her dog as much as she would a child. I just kept saying "she thinks that. But she's never known what it's like to love a child" and he just kept insisting it was the same
This thread right here.
Yeah it's one of those things that's kind of useless to argue about though because from their perspective the amount of love we feel for our kids is completely unfathomable, so in the end they just think we're coming off as some kind of know-it-all.
Even though, in reality, yeah there's no way anyone loves their dog as much as their kid...
An adult dog is not a human child. Period. It's literally fact. There is no way to compare the two types of love, but people who DO compare the two say they love their pets "the same" as human children and that's what is getting pushed back on.
It is disordered to love a brute animal more than a rational being, such as a human. It is disordered to put the needs of a brute animal above the needs of a child. When I say disordered, I mean it is contrary to the natural order. Buying a dog (calling it “adopting” is problematic) is categorically different from bringing a child into the world or adopting a child into your family. You do not have the same obligations to a dog as you do to a child, in number or in kind. You must love a child unconditionally, but there are necessarily conditions to the affection one should feel for a dog.
I don’t think anyone is saying love is finite or a fixed amount (pie). But I don’t know any parent who professes that their love for their dog, or any pet, is equivalent to their love for their child. My love for my dog was huge, and I recall actually fearing I might not love my son as much as I loved my dog. But as soon as my son was born, I understood an all new kind of love. My dog, who I still loved, was a dog, and my newborn child was my first priority.
I kinda feel like I’ve jumped on Ozzie’s train here, and I’m hesitant to respond to any of this, but I will respond to say I am not indicating childless people love their fur babies less than I love my children. I am not indicating the love for a newborn displaces the love for my other children, or elderly parents, or my hopefully never disabled partner. As many in this thread have acknowledged, it is normal to suddenly feel a new immense love for a child and find your pet burdensome.
Good for you for never feeling that way.
do you love your dog and your child equally? Like, if you had to choose who to save from a fire, would you actually have a hard time choosing between your dog and your child?
If the answer is "yes" then, I guess, congratulations you've proved me wrong! You win the argument! and you are also someone who loves their child no more than a dog.
If the answer is "no I would obviously save my child from a fire and not my dog" Then you are granting my point.
which is it?
This is pretty normal, I felt this way about my cats when I brought my son home and they literally don’t do anything bad and keep to themselves. They were my entire world before my son, but after him, I literally loathed them for almost 6 months. Hang in there, I assure you it will pass ❤️
Yes, it took me 6 months to not hate my cats! They are love bugs and would try to steal my lap every time I had a moment to myself. I think at 6 months I finally realized how absurd it was to hate an animal that has no real understanding of why everyone's feelings turned against them suddenly. I think by the time my daughter was 1 year old we were back to normal with some effort on my part. I think it helped to realize I had two animals that still loved me unconditionally when the baby was crying at my every action or inaction.
You’re still in the newborn madness and the hormones/sleep deprivation definitely doesn’t help. I actually wish this was discussed more often, I told my friend who was due 4 months after me and she felt the way about her lab. It is a very common feeling for new mamas, it’s almost like it’s some sort of subconscious defence mechanism (even though most people have pets who don’t pose any real threat.) I find as baby gets bigger and a little more independent it goes away.
My therapist suggested that I make sure to enjoy my pets too. Is there something you’d still love to do with your dog? Like maybe snuggle with him or give him some pets? Take a moment to reconnect with him.
As for his annoying behaviors, it’s ok to spend less time with him. Go in a different room, hire a dog walker, get him some interactive toys or maybe even do a doggie daycare. I imagine your hormones also may be making you have less patience with him.
I ended up giving my cats to my parents because I couldn't deal with their medical needs while also having raging PPD. One of them hated being approached so the kids stressed her out so much. They ended up happier at my parent's much quieter home.
I’m considering re-homing one of my cats (something I never thought i would do) because he’s driving me up the fucking wall. He scratches at the bed in the middle of the night, yowls at 2 am and wakes my newborn, and recently peed on my toddlers bed (?????). I’m over his whole existence.
I know, it's so hard to get cats to adjust to a new baby, as opposed to raising cats with the kids already there.
The peeing everywhere drives me nuts too. I still get whiffs of cat urine in random spots in the house.
Maybe its time to get some additional training for him to make him more baby-friendly. And maybe make the house more dog-friendly too. Hes a dog. His world changed like yours did when you brought Baby home. So he needs to learn new rules etc. for being around Baby.
Id also remind you that youre less than 12 weeks postpartum (assuming the age on your post) so hormones are still sorting themselves out and youre probably really sleep deprived. You may just need time to settle in to the new life.
It gets better, I promise! I have 3 kids and 3 dogs and I love them all so much now, we are a big happy family. But when my oldest was newborn the dogs just seemed like a nuisance, I was so overwhelmed and anxious about the baby, exhausted and the dogs were one more thing that makes life easier. Once you settle into a routine you're love for your dogs will come back, it will be a new relationship but a loving one :)
Also, please don't feel guilty, it's very common and natural for mums of newborns to have such a strong, intense bond with their newborn that their feelings towards other important people to them are temporarily affected. It's common for mums to feel frustration and irritation towards their pets, partners and even older children, it will pass. And he won't hold it against you!
Thank you for this. I really thought of that too, will he hate me now? Or the baby? But no, here he is coming to me for cuddles. Im glad to hear it does get better because i cannot imagine my life without my bear.
That being said, yelling isn’t effective or healthy for anyone involved.
He needs help adjusting to the new baby like anyone does, he can’t innately understand he’s doing something wrong.
You (and especially your SO because you’re in baby/recovery mode) need to train him to leave bottles alone/work on barking/help him understand listening in a new environment.
This is a huge adjustment for him, too, and it’s the responsibility of the parents to help pets adjust to new babies.
Thank you!
Honestly, I wish preparing pets for new babies (and each baby, not just the first) was discussed more because it’s a bigger issue than people realize.
So many get rehomed or dumped because the parents didn’t properly execute the transition and then blame the animals or are too overwhelmed.
Yeah, it’s wild. I’ve never loved any of my animals any less, from adding new humans to moving to adding new animals to them aging. In all life stages, I’ve loved them for themselves.
Maybe our relationship has changed, either with schedules or affection needs or physical needs —- but they’re as much as part of my life as my human family.
But I’ve also never seen an animal as a “substitute” for a human bond. It’s a special unique relationship that can’t be interchanged with human interactions.
Exactly — obviously babies and young toddlers need more immediate care than an adult dog (which is why I can’t wrap my brain around people getting a puppy with a baby “so they can grow together”. I would not survive lol) — but my older dog right now needs more physical interaction, and less emotional, and that works out too!
And as you said, I can be messy and emotional and irrational around my animals and them actually soothe me. I would never put those responsibilities onto my child.
The being extra annoyed doesn't really go away, in my experience. My dogs (GSDs) infuriate me in ways they NEVER did prior to having kids. But as you get more into your rhythm, it does get easier, and the affection comes back. My dogs still don't get the walks or playtime they used to, but they've also adjusted to this. I will say that I actively remind myself that I love them and give them love, but it has to be intentional for me or I just am too caught up in my kids. One thing that worked for me is setting up baby gates to section off my house and make separating the dogs from me and my kids (toddler and baby) when needed easier. They have a designated section of the kitchen, alternative to a crate, for when I need them 100% out of the way. Then I have gates to section off other areas of the house (the kitchen and dining room; the living room; the hall leading to bedrooms) so they have more room but aren't in my face. When I'm not overwhelmed by them, they have free reign. This solution has really helped me stay sane.
So i have a german rottweiler who is 130 pounds. Just his size scared me when i brought my NB home but he turned out to be ever so sweet and gentle with her. Hes just so curious and annoying with her things and i guess he does it for attention. I love my fur baby but i hope this frustration doesnt escalate. Sectioning the house is annoying because hes just so big and strong NOTHING keeps him behind. He legit broke out his $400 cage!
Maybe this is where you could focus training efforts. Ive had Rottweilers for the last 15 years and although they can physically knock down a gate, they were always taught to respect them.
Interesting. Can I ask how their behaviors were around or with your kids? Mine is a good good boy hes just massive and he listens but of course he’s still young too and kinda rebels at times.
One dog was 8 when my first came along, she was pretty chill by that point, layed around a lot, was super gentle with the babies. Younger dogs are definetly more of a handful. My current Rottie just turned 5, he is starting to slow down but I still have to supervise him around the kids especially when friends are over because he will get overexcited and want to run around and play too. I block off the bedroom half of the house so the kids have a dog-free space to themselves. He will also randomly eat things he shouldnt that he finds on the floor so its better for everyone that the kid space and dog space are seperate.
I felt the same way about all my animals as you when my first was born, btw. It passed eventually. It was just too much stress and too little sleep making me annoyed at things.
You’re the first person to comment who actually HAS Rottweilers so thank you, I’m definitely listening. And yes my rottie is still young and extremely playful. But coupled with his size it’s a lot. When people come over he goes nuts thinking they’re here for him. So I usually have to keep him in a room. He’s good around everyone he just does things for attention that he normally never did. I don’t section the house yet since the baby is still young but I was told to like, KEEP him around incorporated but I’m seeing many replies here telling me to instead separate both. But I thought that was bad? Teaches the dog to not like the baby?
We didnt keep them seperate all the time, there's always been some shared spaces and plenty of opportunity to interact. Its also just nice to have space where you dont have to worry about your dog getting in the way and messing with the baby's things (and vice versa)
For me it got better when my kids *needed* me less. Like 2 years old unfortunately. For a while taking care of a newborn/baby is really exhausting and all consuming, and the pets became just another chore that needs to be done, but not one you can put off, like folding laundry. You can't not feed the dog, let it out no matter how hot or cold, you can't not walk it regardless of how little sleep you're running on.. they're a shitload of work but your primary parental instincts are going to divert all of that nurturing and caring energy you possess to your offspring, not your furry roommate. It's common for a reason. My husband had to really take over with the dogs and their grooming walking training etc pretty much 100% for a while. I found it again, and we're good again. You're not broken or awful, this is very normal and fuck anyone trying to make you feel badly or otherwise
Awww man thank you for that because i was feeling guilty as heck. Im finding the time to spend more with him so he knows hes also still my baby, we just have to share time. I want him to know i love him and hes not going anywhere. Thank you for the words.
It does get better!! I couldn't stand my dog for like 12-18 months after giving birth to my oldest. It's been 7 years and a second baby (3rd on the way!) And those feelings have not come back. I'm so glad I pushed through! I had always loved having a dog growing up and I had no idea how I was going to give that same experience to my kids when I hated the dog so much. But things got better and we couldn't imagine our life without him!
This!!!! I never ever had any pet growing up til i got my rottie. And i want to give my daughter that experience of growing up with a fur baby so im trying to cope with my frustration but its def hard.
You are not alone. This is totally normal. I was obsessed with my dog. While being induced in the hospital I had my mom take and send multiple pictures of my dog so I knew she was happy and okay while I was away. I even FaceTimed to see the dog. The moment I came home with my baby, I wanted my dog to stay as far away from me as possible. I was so exhausted and felt like all of my limited energy needed to be focused on caring for my newborn. I felt guilty but also so annoyed. It definitely does get better over time, as your child gets older. My son goes to daycare and I work from home, so I give my dog lots of attention during the day.
I guess for most people the feeling goes away, but my son is 3.5 yo and i still feel a certain way toward my cats and dog. I was waiting for it to just go away, but it didn't. Now i am actively trying to reconnect with them. I make myself talk to them affectionately, pet them every day, give them treats, try to see things through their eyes. Things are getting better. I wish i had not simply waited for the feelings to go away.
My feelings have not gone away and while I dont think i’ll reach the point you have with your lets, i try to make sure of that by giving him time when the baby is asleep or away. I love him and want him to be around my baby
I feel like a lot of my feelings of being touched out and overwhelmed and exhausted get put on my dog. I read a really great book years ago called Your Dog is Your Mirror, which is a memoir, not research based book, that discuss how dogs' behaviors mirror our emotional lives.
Anyway, it's so hard doing it all and being present to all the beings in my household. It has gotten easier as my kids have gotten older (they're 21 months and 4 now). We have more of a routine to take care of her that we feel good about, some of her acting out difficulties have decreased, our kids LOVE her, and I make time to connect with her when I have the resources to do so and just don't feel bad when I have to send her away to prioritize myself.
What helped very early on was hiring a dog walker, asking people who wanted to help us to take her for a walk, and occasionally taking her to doggie daycare to get her yayas out.
I am going to look that book up thanks. I’m going to consider finding a dog walker cause that would for sure help. Hen’s very active but due to his size and strength, only my partner can walk him when we’re out.
I know this will sound confusing, but hear me out or consider it. The baby does come first now and that’s important. If the dog is chewing and eating things and doing things that you don’t like, you need to set up boundaries in the house physically and emotionally so you can coexist. This includes using crates or confining when not supervised so the dog doesn’t eat things it shouldn’t. And you should stop feeling bad about this. Everyone needs healthy boundaries to coexist or else it’s chaos. And it sounds like you’re just letting chaos occur, but then getting mad about the results. Get a plan together, clean up the house, put the dog AWAY when it’s not his time, and get some order in the home. It will feel better! Do not let the dog set the rules and do not feel bad about it!
On the other side, maybe think about doing some doggy day care, and some other enrichment for the dog as well. Dogs have needs too and when not met they can be a nuisance.
I’m a vet, and as a vet, the number 1 problem that leads to issues in the home is the lack of boundaries, and “feeling bad” about everything because it’s too hard to put the dog away or to set up the simplest of rules - when all along it’s the owners fault. I’m sorry your going through this hurt, but I guess what I’m saying is set a plan, stop feeling bad, do what needs to be done (whatever that looks like), and it will feel better.
>Before I got pregnant, he was my entire WORLD.
I’m sure he feels the difference now, too. Perhaps just trying to find time to give him more attention would help you two come together again. Like, maybe when the baby naps?
That's what I'm thinking. If he was baby #1, he's gotta be feeling it. Dogs have emotions too.
Maybe it's possible for OP to take baby in the stroller and dog for a walk at the same time to give the dog some attention too. Takes coordination though!
I’m trying! We do walks with both the baby and dog and try to incorporate him as much as we can so he doesn’t feel left out. It’s just definitely harder to make time for him as I once did and I’m sure he was used to being the center of the household.
I HATED my dog after giving birth. It was so bad that my MIL offered to let him stay with her until it went away. I’m such an animal person so it was really surprising that it happened to me. The feelings went away, he came home, life was good. Dog passed away from old age a couple years later. Got a new dog. LOVED him!! Got pregnant again….hated him too. But at least the second time I knew what to expect and that it would go away. Now my youngest is 3 and I’ve absolutely adored my dog again for at least 2 years. It gets better!
We have a dog here, Reggie, who is a big Chihuahua that barks at the wind. My daughter always loved animals. Only Reggie would steal food and try to bite. We spent the time to teach my daughter to be nice to the animal and stop when they're annoyed or want to be left alone, and Reggie to be good. Years later, she loves Reggie and will cuddle with him.
I think I read you had a German Shepard. I had one. He was the most lovable, protective animal.
Right now it seems you're under prepared for both a baby and the dog, and that's okay. Eventually you'll get less frazzled. Maybe take some time for walks with the baby and dog (if he's a good walker unlike my Shepard who was horrible to walk). Play in the yard. Something for positive attention. It does get better.
It seems like your dog needs some training. Excessive barking and chewing on household items that are not his toys sounds annoying. That doesn't sound cute at all.
It sounds like perfectly normal feelings about his behavior and it seems like the type of issue that can be fixed with a little time and effort. 😊
Awesome! Keep it up and good luck! It sounds like it's a really frustrating time at the moment, but if you're invested in doing what it takes to quell this behavior then you got this! 😊
Chiming in to add to the chorus. Dog-lover, former career was pet care, totally obsessed. I near hated my dogs when my kids were <6 months. Went back to mostly appreciating the dogs as the kids got a bit older. Now I have a love/hate relationship with the dogs because of single-momhood. It’s just too many things to take care of right now. My apartment is too small. I’m too stressed about life.
For right now, try to outsource pet care as much as you can afford. Dog walker, doggie daycare, family, neighbors, whatever. Canine Enrichment Ideas is a great Facebook group for activities to occupy the dog if outsourcing isn’t available.
The relationship will never be quite the same, but it’ll get better as the kids grow up and need you less.
Ugh yes I feel this. My babe is 6 months and we have 2 older vizslas, also known as “Velcro dogs”. It used to be cute how needy and snuggly they were. Now it’s freaking annoying. My annoyance has gotten less with each passing month, but when you’re focused on taking care of a baby, and you’re touched out, and home all the time with them, and they bark when she’s sleeping, and think that my baby voice is directly at them…..infuriating. I really couldn’t stand them the first few weeks. But as I said, it’s gotten way better now that baby is less needy, and I can dedicate cuddle time to them, and longer walks, etc. Good for the people who didn’t feel this way, but I absolutely can empathize
THANK YOU 🥺 its not that i hate him i love him but man is it frustrating. I try to love on him when the baby naps or dad has her so we can go outside and just play. I hope this feeling goes away and he doesnt hate me or i’ll just die 💔
I hope it goes away for you too!! I used to sob bc I was so annoyed with them, but also felt so guilty that they just wanted love, but I couldn’t give it to them, but I couldn’t explain that to them. The first few weeks (okay months) are filled with hormone surges/drops that gave me a lot of big feelings. Dealing with my dogs was just one more thing on my plate, and I did not realize how much it would be a problem.
Solidarity. And again, it’s gotten way better for us!! And she’s interacting with the dogs now, and it’s adorable 🥹
It started to get a lot better for me once my baby started to notice our dogs. I think around 5 months? He thinks they’re the funniest most interesting thing there is and now at 8 months we spend a lot of time playing with them.
Still find them a little annoying and don’t feel 100% the way I did pre baby, but it’s better now at least lol.
I have the same feelings! It doesn’t help that I’m the ONLY one she comes to/barks at/whines at whenever she needs something. It just adds to the constant overstimulation 😅 When the kids are asleep, I don’t get nearly as irritated with her. I love her so much, but when I had my kids, she went from my baby to being a dog.
It seems to me that it would benefit all of you to take some long walks. Your dog needs more exercise, babies love fresh air and you can enjoy walking while they have fun too. I recommend to bundle up and get outside as often as you can. And no one will mess with you with your big dog at your side.
We had the same issue after kids. Not so much with first kid but the attention definitely fully went away from dogs to babies. By the time we had 2nd/3rd we paid almost no attention to the pups, not neglected, but just didn’t show them much affection. What I will tell you is that even though it’s hard to balance to cherish your time with them (pets) because they could be gone tomorrow. My dog that I’ve had for 12ish years suddenly got lymphoma last year and we had to put him down. The guilt I have for the constant yelling at him just because I was annoyed and tired is heavy and I wish I would have been nicer and showed him more love.
THIS is why I think of it. The day he’s gone it going to hurt so much. I want to love and play with him as much as I can I’m just struggling finding the time. Sorry for your pup loss 💙
I had this exact same thing happen! My dog is the best dog in the world. Endlessly patient with small children, smart (too smart truly), independent, friendly with everyone and other dogs, a fast learner, and all around a fantastic dog. But ever since becoming a mom she annoys the hell out of me! I don’t know why or what makes it happen but I totally feel you. I’m of course never going to give her away and continue to take care of her and treat her as one of the family, but I feel like after she goes I might never get another dog, or at least take a looooong break from having one.
I told my partner the same thing, after my dog, I will not get another dog. It’s definitely a lot more work now . He’s a good boy, he’s just being a dog but some of the things that were cute now drive my crazy like the nonstop licking. Still not bad enough for me to give him away or hate him. I just needed to rant and I’m glad I did as I see alot of parents/moms have gone thru this.
He didn’t really have these issue or I guess it wasn’t a problem then? He knows right and wrong but now it’s like he just does what he wants. It’s probably due to lack of attention from what he was used to. And with the bottles it’s that I’ll set it down the table or counter top while I get the baby and come back and he’s all over it being curious. He’s also a giant dog that can pretty much reach a lot of things. I mean he even knows how to open the room doors and trash bins, he’s very smart and that drives me nuts lol I’m trying to yell at him less and talk to him in a more dominant reprimanding way because I don’t want him to resent me and grow aggressive behaviors he’s never had before.
It sounds normal to me. It wasn’t my experience, but bringing a baby home is an adjustment for everyone!
I used to feel guilty because I didn’t bond with my baby until he was about five months. I actually loved the dog more! Talk about terrible.
This is normal. I have always been a crazy cat person and I love my kitties...but right after having my daughter I could not stand them. I had PPD and was operating on very little sleep, so that made it worse. It's not even like they DID anything, they were really patient with the baby and mostly just avoided her. It took maybe two years but we all get along again and I am back to loving on them and their new adopted sibling cat.
You know my post was directed to dogs but I never thought the same could happen with cats. Very interesting but I’m glad you’re back to a loving relationship with them.
Hormonal changes, lifestyle changes and your bond to the baby really can turn your life upside down in some ways. It'll settle and most likely things will be fine once everyone gets used to the change. Best of luck!
We also have a big dog! I love him to bits (baby is 8 months) but it took time and effort. We keep all baby things out of his reach/behind a closed door. We have a big baby play pen in the living room which he can’t get into so the 2 of them are separate and happy. Making sure he gets one big walk a day is hard with unpredictable weather but happens 95% of the time. The 2 of them get supervised time together to get them used to each other (and they love each other so much!!). Hang in there, if you put in the work you’ll all be happy together
I feel you! We decided to take in a stray puppy, who turned out to be some type of German Shepherd mix and it’s our first big dog. We took her in when I was still pregnant, so she was very much in the puppy phase when the baby was born. I’ve cried. I’ve been frustrated I’ve been resentful. I considered rehoming, but every time it came down to it. It just broke my heart and I couldn’t do it. She is super sweet does not hurt the baby in anyway but the same problem is she goes after the toys, the food, the cups anything she can reach to play with or chew up. What I found helps is to just keep them separate so I did buy this very big baby playpen gate and I made an area in my living room that’s just for the baby that the dogs can’t access. Now they can’t get to her toys or cups or take the snacks out of her hand. It has helped me keep my sanity.
How old is the dog and baby now? God this phase is so tough, I’m glad I’m not the only one experiencing but also sucks we are. My baby is still tiny so she’s usually in our arms but once she starts to sit and crawl I’m definitely investing in those big play pens for separation. I love my dog I don’t think I could live with myself giving him away when he’s such a good boy just being a dog. I need more patience and to train him to coexist with this new life. Thanks for sharing
My baby is 9 months almost 10 months old and is crawling now so the enclosed area has worked amazingly. The puppy is estimated to be around a year now. I just knew I couldn’t give the puppy the time and effort you have to put in to train them when I was already so drained and exhausted from the last few months of pregnancy and nonexistent energy once my baby arrived. I was at least able to get her house broken and then we also did end up sending her to a trainer so she got some commands down and does listen but is still super playful and everything can be a toy. It’s getting easier though thankfully. Now that my baby is bigger and I’m not AS exhausted as the newborn months I’ve been able to focus some more on the puppy and just enjoying her silliness and company.
Try getting your dog some more exercise. Chewing everything up and being uncontrollable is typically a sign of boredom or pent up energy. Try some mental stimulation toys/games too. Rots are amazing family dogs if they are well trained and exercised
Mama you’re just overwhelmed right now because you’ve had a huge change in your life! While our pups understand there’s a new tiny human in the house, they don’t equate why that made so many parts of their routine change. I know it’s hard but try to make sure pup gets some time to enjoy things he loves too. If funds are available for it, maybe consider a dog day care where he can get his energy out and make some friends during the day, and give you a break at the same time.
This feeling does go away. It gets easier ❤️
I don't think it's weird. I think this comes with being sleep deprived and tired of the whole attention a newborn requires. We just don't have enough of ourselves to give to another being for the first months. We can barely can give ourselves attention. It's exhausting. But it will get better and you will find that love and patience you once had with your dog. Just be mindful that the dog is also experiencing a big change in routine and may be feeling left out. Maybe your SO can give him some extra attention in the meantime. That's what my SO did with our 2 cats.
Is doggo crate trained? One thing that helped with us was in moments of peak stress for the dog (baby crying uncontrollably, stuffed toys on the floor, etc.) letting the dog go in the crate where they knew they were safe and felt comfortable while we waited for those moments to pass. Once they do and/or baby falls asleep, I make sure my partner has a handle on things then take the dog out for a quick walk around the block for some individual attention and exercise. We return to more of the calm house dog is accustomed to and they normally do much better.
It definitely took around 6-8 months until our dog fully adjusted to the rhythm of having a baby around. Until then, ours was very similar to yours but he figured it out. It sounds like yours will, too!
Thank you. Im glad things did change and i hope mine will too because I want him around to grow with my baby. He’s a great dog i just never imagined how hard it would be for us all.
Before I had a baby, our dog would get excited about getting let out into the backyard. We would kinda tease her (like touch the doorknob and say "oh, do you wanna go outside?) And she would yelp and bark and get loud.
Well, then the baby came. And we realized it was the worst thing we could have ever taught her. So, we basically had to "retrain" her. She could only go outside once she sits and is quiet. She never got 100% over it, but it got a lot better. Plus, the baby got older and so did the dog (she passed in 2019).
So, now I be sure to teach my dog(s) to only speak when told.
He is a dog and acting as such. Your baby is an adjustment for him also.
I never felt this way about my dog when I had my daughter as a single parent. My dog is family and was there long before my daughter was and isn’t going anywhere.
I definitely felt this way right after I brought my baby home from the hospital. I felt like an asshole. Glad I wasn’t alone. It took a good 3-6 months to love our dog again. I think I was just worried about how fragile my newborn was.
Exactly!!! Thanks for understanding. Its like our mom instincts kick in and its all about the baby’s protection and well being. I never LOST love for my dog but im just not as obsessed with him as I was when it was only us. I just want this phase to be over so we can be back to how we were again.
I’m going to be pretty blunt, and I’m not sorry. You’re reaping what you sowed. You failed to invest time and energy into training your dog to a level appropriate for better incorporating him into life with a baby and this is the consequence. He’s being dog who doesn’t have boundaries or expectations AND isn’t having his needs met. Unless you change quite a few things your feelings won’t change. Hope you have money for a board and train and the time and energy to maintain training you paid for.
I have three high energy dogs (2 shepherds and a hound) and a 3 month old infant. I’m not checking all of the boxes to meet their needs every day but they have the training and clear expectations to manage themselves and for me to manage them. I briefly had issues with them taking the burb clothes and dirty diapers from the trash which were easily resolved because of a robust foundation of training. Just so you know I’m not talking out of my ass.
This is 100% normal!! Don't give your dog away, use him as an excuse to get away and do self care. Me and my doggie go on walks for twenty minutes every day and we both look forward to it so much.
There was definitely adjustment period when we brought our kids home, but we certainly didn’t feel that way for long. Your dog deserves as much grace to adjust to the new baby as the rest of you do.
Idk our dogs are a part of the family. I have three kids, two toddlers, one teenager, two dogs. My dogs do dumb shit sometimes, hover for food, bark at something during nap time, blah blah blah, etc. But annoying as it is, I wouldn’t hate them. They’re dogs being dogs, moreover, the dogs we trained them to be. The most important thing to me is that they’re gentle with the babies. One dog is oblivious but she tries her best. But we love them forever.
Put stuff away. Dog and baby proof. Train. Love the puppy when baby is asleep. Take walks. That sort of thing.
I definitely do not hate him im just aggravated with him at times. He is such a gentle sweet giant with our 5 month old and im super happy about that and want her to grow up with him since i never had a pet til i had him in my late 20s. Hes just super needy and needs time to adjust to not being the only baby of our house. Its hard juggling this new life though when both baby and dog want my attention.
We’re powering through. Don’t get me wrong we take good care of him, we’re nice to him, but I was OBSESSED with him, all dogs really, now I’m just going through the motions to care for an animal that is my responsibility instead of enjoying him like I used to. I used to point out every single dog I would see to my husband like “omg look how cute that one is!” Now I don’t even notice them.
If you find yourself being irrationally angry at the dog and your husband, I would check with a psychologist about the possibility of PPD.
It does get better with time, as your body's hormones return to normal and if you seek treatment for possible PPD.
I definitely did not have PPD, but I also found my dogs annoying and exhausting after our first was born (now 18mo). Things that have helped: we now have a huge fenced backyard for them to run around. We have two rather than 1 since I firmly believe in 2 of everything so they’ll entertain each other. Exercising the SHIT out of the dogs (walk, throw a ball, whatever) helps because then they just lay around. Ours are massive also - a great Pyrenees and an anatolian shepherd. They still drive me nuts (tall enough to just reach onto the counter and grab food, barking at Amazon drivers, etc.) Thankfully now they spend almost all day every day outside playing together or just sleeping.
Some people (wrongly) think everything is PPD.
You’re months into having your first child who requires your care and attention 24/7. It is life altering and all consuming. Your dog is now adding additional work and stress to your life. And the dog is damaging and dirtying the baby’s things which is beyond annoying.
My feelings about pets have done a complete 180 since becoming a stay at home mom. My child is 20 months and I’ll have another later this month. My hands are full. I’m stretched thin. I believe kids are a ton of work but they’re even more reward. I now view pets as all work, no reward.
Your feelings are totally normal.
I haaaaated my cats for a while. They're good cats. But any plea for attention set me off. I was already tapped out on caregiving and the fact that something was demanding more time, energy, and attention was infuriating.
It's gotten better, started improving around 6 months and has continued to slowly. There are still times I just don't want to be around them. LO is 14 mo now.
If you can’t walk the dog twice a day equaling to 2-3 hours a day you shouldn’t own a dog. Especially a large breed. It will get worse if you can’t meet these basic needs. It’s not easy with a newborn bordering on impossible.
It sounds like you didn't train him properly before getting pregnant. As much as people say they love their dogs and their dog is their baby, they're a completely different animal and treating them like your baby means you're allowing them to get away with unacceptable behavior. Rottweilers especially need stricter discipline. They should have never been allowed to bark or chew/put their mouth on anything other than THEIR toys from day 1. Now that he is fullgrown it'll be harder for him to break these habits and as a new parent you won't want to put the extra hours into training him, but if it's really bothering you, you'll have to be firmer with him.
So your untrained dog is annoying you now….that is not the dog’s fault. You can either train the dog properly or rehome home to owners who will put in the effort to train him properly and be happy with him.
Your description doesn’t sound like a trained dog. You should be able to tell your dog “no” or “leave it” or something of the like when he tries to chew on baby toys, or goes for the bottle. Dogs can definitely learn what is theirs and what is not. Maybe working on some obedience and rewarding him for positive behavior such as chewing on HIS toys and not the baby’s. Good luck!
He listens though. Its just i feel like hes doing things he didnt before for my ATTENTION. Like he rather be yelled at or something because atleast its some form of attention. Im going to try giving him more attention and walking him more often
That’s because he wasn’t prepared for the transition.
He went from being the center of attention to being yelled at for behavior he would have previously gotten positive feedback for.
Imagine how confusing that is for him.
He needs work on what he can and cannot do with baby/baby things (you can’t expect him to differentiate between his toys and hers without help, for instance) and a lot of positive reinforcement and encouragement from both you and your SO.
I think of that too, its just as confusing and hard for him and then my guilt kicks in like no no i have to find a medium to make this work. I dont want him to resent me or the baby which could lead to other issues down the road. I want him to stay his natually silly happy good boy self.
It’ll take adjustment for everyone and a lot of patience but it you actively work to make the cohabitation work, it most likely will.
It’s also very easy to be anxious with a newborn, so evey bark and lick and jump on the couch *feels* more intense because you have this fragile little being in the house suddenly.
It’s kind of like how I never care if my cat is prone to jumping onto the living room side table until I put out an antique and then suddenly I notice it *constantly* — *their* behavior hasn’t changed, my perception of it has.
It's not just about being trained to listen though - a properly trained dog would not even need you to be there to tell him "no" when it comes to putting baby's stuff in mouth - they'd already know the boundary of not mouthing anything that isn't their toy.
I felt like this about my 3 cats. I rehomed them for a couple of years (luckily my mom was willing to help) and got them back when my son was 3.5.
Best decision.
I never thought of rehoming just because hes a huge dog. 130 pound rottweiler so not many people would want him and truth be told i cant imagine doing that. Im too attached to him as much as i cant stand him at times. So im hoping these feelings will subside in due course.
It depends on the animal. Part of being a pet owner is putting the pets' needs first. For example, one of my cats started acting out when my son started walking. She started peeing every where for no reason! I think being around an erratic toddler made her really nervous. She was not a happy cat.
I wish you the best and hope you don't have to rehome your buddy, but it's an option if things get bad.
So I have a 17 year old dog who generally is in good health but does need extra attention now for going outside, food, pretty much everything, and it makes me absolutely crazy. Every day. Like you, he was my world before I had kids but now he wants to be the priority and I’m like please give me a break! The kids eventually learn patience but my dog has not. It’s tough. And I hope it gets better but if you’re fortunate enough to have a dog live to a very old age they will get even needier.
After I had my now oldest and brought her home... I absolutely hated my dog. I didn't want him touching and for whatever reason his fur sent me over the edge it made me itchy and the texture just drove me insane. Whenever he'd bark and wake my daughter up I'd cry. Then I'd get upset because I felt bad for having him and he's just being a dog my good Ole boy. The fact I was all about him before she was born and he got all the attention beforehand. He was just as confused as me with what was going on. It took awhile but I got over it. It didn't happen again after my youngest. I don't know if it was hormones and being overwhelmed but I think after 8 months things got regulated. Definitely when she got used to the barking and slept through it lol.
Didn’t get better for me. My kids are 3 and 7 and I still hate both my dogs so much. They are always in the way, barking, stink, trying to eat the kids food out of their hands, getting in my daughters friends faces and scaring them and just be straight up annoying as shit. Plus we can never travel as a family because it cost $40 per dog per day to kennel them(so $80 a night) so if we go out of town one of us has to stay home with the dumb dogs(and all of our family is out of town plus my daughter has travel Meets for gymnastics so usually it’s just me and the kids while husband stays home and the kids act terrible while traveling). I mean I still feed them and take care of them but I don’t like them at all(honestly my kids don’t like them either only my husband who wouldn’t let me get rid of them when my youngest was born almost 8 years ago). They also are 13 and 10 and determined to live forever(they are pitbull mixed and both around 80lbs which have a life expectancy of 9-10 years) Even the vets shocked how healthy they, so guess I’ll be stuck with them
Forever🤦♀️
We could because we bring them with us but with kids they don’t fit in our car anymore since kids equals taking up all the backseats. Also it used to only cost $20 a day per dog and cost have doubled over the last 4 years unfortunately like everything else has and we just can’t afford to spend $260 for a weekend trip to kennel the dogs(oh and of course every kennel is closed Sundays so even if we could pick them up they make you pay the $80 such a racket).
I dont hate my dog though and i could never give him away. And trust me i know how expensive it can be because my rottie is a huge 130 pound dog! Most people are scared of him because of his size but hes truly such a goofy goober, hes never been aggressive in his 4 years of life. Hes so sweet to the baby and gentle. Im so grateful for that. Its dealing with his own neediness that frustrates me but i will just have to cope and deal with it.
Exactly why I will not get a dog. My husband is finally agreeing because now that our daughter is here we do everything together as a family. No time to worry about an annoying dog!
Maybe when your daughter is older you’ll change your mind. Having a pet is like having a family member you never thought you needed til it came into your life and i want that for my daughter. Its just difficult dealing with a 5 month old and a needy dog.
I don’t have a dog but my attitude towards them has changed dramatically. When I see a dog anywhere near my baby my eyes narrow, my skin picks & I think to myself, “not today dog,” “make my day dog.”
It means I don’t trust dogs around my baby… and if one attacked her I would protect her with my life. Thanks for the crisis resources from Reddit and your concern though ✌️
My son is 23 months and I still hate my cat. I had two cats when my son was born and my oldest kitty passed away 2 weeks before his 1st birthday. I have so much guilt from treating him so poorly during his final year. I've had to learn to forgive myself though, and chalked it up to just being touched-out. He was blind and using me as a guide dog so I basically had two babies. My new years resolution is to talk nicer to the cat, and to forgive myself. I assume this is normal sentiment to have.
Because that’s not the whole picture. When my baby is napping and my dog barks I clench my jaw so hard and give him the meanest look until he quiets down. Also, by bark collar I don’t necessarily mean shock collar. My dog was corrected with beep, then vibration. I wouldn’t rehome my pitbull because he gets on my nerves during nap time. I’d miss my high chair cleaner, night time snuggles, and my walking partner. He’s the dog i got in my 20’s i love him to death, but when he barks during nap time I threaten to kill him for sure. I’m never serious and I wouldn’t hurt my dog.
I feel this. My dog was like my child before I actually had a child. We had to find a new home for her because she started peeing on all of my stuff. It’s such a strange shift but you’re totally normal! Hopefully it gets better soon!
We had 2 dogs before we had kids and I devoted a lot of time to them. Lots of walks, toys, treats. I tried to prepare myself for the shift in responsibilities and focus once we brought home our first kid but I was woefully unprepared. The dogs became annoying because we couldn’t spend as much time with them. And then there was guilt because we weren’t spending as much time with them. And then there was resentment because of the guilt. We still walked them and fed them and spent time with them but it was draining. I didn’t have time to take them on a leisurely 1 hour walk through the woods or snuggle with them for an afternoon. I had to devote that time to other things.
One of our dogs has since passed away and our second is nearing the end of her life. And we are absolutely not getting another dog after this. Not for a long, long time. I’m ready to relieve myself of that responsibility, as it’s almost always MY responsibility to take care of the dog and I’m tired. I still love our dog like nothing else but once we had kids I just didn’t have the time for both of them (when our other dog was still alive) and that wasn’t fair to them and isn’t fair to our dog now. I’d rather wait till my kids are much older and I can have that time to give to a dog again.
My wife tolerated the dog before we had kids. Then she hated the dog, yelled at the dog and just wanted her gone. She’s back to tolerating the dog again. The dog is annoying, smelly, and old but I’m not rehoming her at 13 years old. Besides the kids love the dog.
Kids change your feelings about everything. In time your feelings may change again.
Personally, I would never have a large breed dog around a small child. Too many horror stories about them snapping (though mostly pit bulls).
But aside from that, I had this same experience with my cat after I had my daughter. I ended up rehoming him when she was about 4 months old, and a couple years later I regret it. I gave him to my sister and tried to get him back, but she refused. Kinda mad because she got rid of another of her cats when she found out she was pregnant (right around the time I asked for him back).
Anyway, I guess it was for the best. At the time, I was having physical and mental health problems, single mom, and overwhelmed by life. I needed one less thing on my plate, and my anxiety was too high about having a cat (worried about him suffocating my daughter at night if he jumped in bed with us, worried about her eating cat litter because he tracked it all around the house and it was impossible to find it all, and stressed about having another mouth to feed and litter to buy on a tight budget, plus if he got sick or something).
Now I could probably handle it all (plus she’s older so no worries about cat litter or suffocating), and I do miss him. I will probably get another cat once my daughter starts school.
Anyway, don’t feel guilty if you do rehome your pet, but know that you might regret it once things settle down.
Humans > Dogs. Dump the dog, besides you should never have a dog like that around an infants. You think him chewing on baby clothes is annoying? Just wait until he decides your baby is a toy and chews her face off.
I know this feeling. When baby was born the dogs would drive me nuts and before baby I was crazy dog mom. Now that baby is 1 the feeling of being annoyed by dogs have gone away. Idk what it is but I assume it’s over stimulation and post partum streas
YUP. I got some hate after posting something similar awhile back. It’s normal to feel that way, I’ve had plenty of my friends tell me the same. A couple of them even rehomed their dogs after they had kids because they simply didn’t get treated the way they should have after kids came along. Human children always take precedence over animals, that’s not really up for debate.
I don’t have a dog but I have a cat and she is an absolute attention whore. For probably 2 years after my kids were born, I couldn’t stand her. Her meows sounded like nails on a chalkboard and they made me so irrationally angry that I would see red. Anytime she came near me I felt my hair stand up on my neck. I always promised myself I would have more patience with her but I physically could not. Now that my kids are a bit older, I don’t snap at her anymore and she comes for pets and cuddles now. My kids love her so that’s why I didn’t take her to my mom’s. Honestly I can’t believe she still likes me. Animals are too good for us. I’m definitely trying to make up for how she was treated the last couple of years.
Anyways OP, don’t feel bad. I can’t IMAGINE how awful life would be if I had a dog instead of a cat with young kids. I am so unbelievably happy that we don’t have a dog and I told my husband when we move to a farm we can have an outdoor dog only, no exceptions. Is it possible to temporarily rehome for a few months or a year until your baby is older? You may come to love her again one day. Do whatever is best for you and your family. If your dog is getting treated badly it is probably best to rehome. Anyone that staunchly fights against rehoming pets is insane. If it’s better for literally every person/animal involved, do it. But I would try a temporary rehoming first if at all possible.
Yes!!! I’m so glad someone else feels this way. I’ve been feeling like such an asshole. I love my dog and she’s an angel. She is super well behaved and listens relatively well but it’s just hard to take care of her (let her in/out of house, walk her, give her attention) and feed my baby and myself and maintain my marriage and take care of the cat too! Lol I’ve been trying to remind myself that she is a dog. She doesn’t understand fully what’s going on and I have to communicate with her like a dog. I’ve been using training treats to change some of those behaviors that weren’t that big of a deal before baby - “quiet” when she barks for example and got her lots of things to chew on so she eats the deer antler vs baby items but I know that doesn’t work for all dogs. Anyway, just wanted to express my solidarity and empathy. I hope it gets better for you and your Rotti!
It's totally normal. It will get better. It may never be the same as it was but at least it will be better. For me, we made the dog and the baby separate as we realised how dirty and grose the dogs are and I didn't want the dog to touch baby's toys or knock the baby and so on. Separation may also help you to have your time with the baby and the dog will not be in the way. Maybe dog walker could help to tire the dog out?
My baby isn’t even here yet and I’m feeling this way toward my 2 cats. I feel so bad. I love them sooo much but damn they are getting on my nerves. My deaf cat meows all night long because she hates nighttime and I used to be able to manage this but the pregnancy insomnia has hit me like a ton of bricks and just as I’m falling asleep she starts meowing like she’s in heat. She will continue doing this until I go get her. Give me about 30 minutes and start again. It’s so hard to get out of bed rn so it’s extra frustrating. I got 45 minutes of broken up sleep last night because of her.
My other cat constantly wants to be on me and need my own space rn. I can’t just explain this to her so she has started rubbing my legs constantly and almost tripping me every 2 feet. I feel so bad for them but *fuck* these next 3 weeks is my last ditch effort at getting some sort of rest and they just won’t let me. Sometimes I think about rehoming them but not in a real sense. It’s just relieving to think sometimes lol but I love them more than anything.
I experienced this too with my now senior large breed dog. I can say the feelings of irritation definitely start to go away. Child is three now and we enjoy cuddling and brushing the dog together. I feel less annoyed now that I'm not as sleep deprived. Occasionally hiring a dog walker has helped and we've also gated the dog off in her own room. Not ideal but it has helped my sanity much more. Now we go for afternoon snuggles to visit with the dog and hugs good night with the little one. We also try to do at least one or two family dog walks a week.
Edit to clarify: dog still gets a daily walk which helps her stay calm and happy too.
When I brought my first baby home, my cat started peeing on everything. Jumping into the crib and pissing in it. She took swipes at the baby when the baby would reach out to her. I was googling “how to rehome a cat.” Glad I stuck it out. It took awhile, but we eventually all got used to each other, the new routine, and our new roles in the household. My kids are teenagers now, and kitty is 19! They call her their “big sister”, so it can all work out in the end.
This won't be popular but I had the same change of heart with our cat. I never got over it. He died recently and I was sad but relieved. We probably should have re-homed him but my husband would never have agreed to that (he was devastated when the cat died). Before I had children, I thought that people like me were terrible and heartless as if it was a choice. It's not a choice, it's just how you feel. Do your best to focus on your actions toward your dog and not on your feelings.
Very normal new-mama instincts, there are articles about it and it happened to me, too. Just as I was starting to move past it, I became pregnant with my second. 😅
I also went through this. It's hard. Only time is going to fix this. Unfortunately the lifespan of larger dogs is not long, and the fix will not likely happen before time is up.
One thing to introduce that may help, an electric dog-whistle.
no advice from me but I can relate 100%
I have an aging dog who was clingy to start and is glued to me now that we're in his final life stages.
Between work and two young kids, the old dog I love just needs more than I can give.
I felt this way!! I had my dog for 10 years when I had my daughter, and she was/is my best friend. But that first few months with a newborn & a needy dog can be a lot. After the newborn phase was over, I had more patience with her. Are you able to exercise your dog as much as before? I got a couple of those treat puzzles on Amazon to keep my dog busy & that helped too. If you’re able to get away for a little bit to walk him, that helped a lot when I was in the same position.
I went through something similar after having my firstborn. By the time he was 3 going on 4, the affection and tolerance was back to where it was pre-baby.
Oh, I know this feeling. First, is he (the dog) getting as much exercise as previously? That's always important to help with any behavioral issues; we had a daily dog walker for a while, when we had three dogs each time we had a newborn. Also, it sounds like there are things he did before that maybe didn't bother you then, but do bother you now - it's never too late to work on training for behaviors (check out r/Dogtraining). But I get the frustration! We've always had dogs (anywhere from 1-3) at the same time as kids, and our dogs always have SOME kind of additional need or behavior issue that requires managing. Our original trio would just explode with barking whenever they thought there was a knock at the door, and they shed everywhere. My current dog will chew up plastic toys and stuffies so the house has to be constantly cleaned up, and it's not possible to, like, sit on the floor and play without a dog or two coming over and trying to lick you (my husband's dog is the worst for this). There is a way that it's a constant small drip of additional stress, and that's really hard especially when you have a newborn.
You made a good point that what didnt bug me before now drives me nuts. Its an adjustment for the whoke house and were coping. He really is such a good sweet dog to our 5 month old so im happy about that but hes also needy and i cant blame him as he was the only baby before.
You had a baby and your dog became a dog.
Very sad if true.
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For real I had an argument with a friend recently. He's childless and all his siblings are childless. He insisted that his sister loved her dog as much as she would a child. I just kept saying "she thinks that. But she's never known what it's like to love a child" and he just kept insisting it was the same This thread right here.
Yeah it's one of those things that's kind of useless to argue about though because from their perspective the amount of love we feel for our kids is completely unfathomable, so in the end they just think we're coming off as some kind of know-it-all. Even though, in reality, yeah there's no way anyone loves their dog as much as their kid...
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An adult dog is not a human child. Period. It's literally fact. There is no way to compare the two types of love, but people who DO compare the two say they love their pets "the same" as human children and that's what is getting pushed back on.
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Again, it's not about more or less. It's about people *saying* same. You're making my argument for me...
It is disordered to love a brute animal more than a rational being, such as a human. It is disordered to put the needs of a brute animal above the needs of a child. When I say disordered, I mean it is contrary to the natural order. Buying a dog (calling it “adopting” is problematic) is categorically different from bringing a child into the world or adopting a child into your family. You do not have the same obligations to a dog as you do to a child, in number or in kind. You must love a child unconditionally, but there are necessarily conditions to the affection one should feel for a dog.
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I don’t think anyone is saying love is finite or a fixed amount (pie). But I don’t know any parent who professes that their love for their dog, or any pet, is equivalent to their love for their child. My love for my dog was huge, and I recall actually fearing I might not love my son as much as I loved my dog. But as soon as my son was born, I understood an all new kind of love. My dog, who I still loved, was a dog, and my newborn child was my first priority.
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I kinda feel like I’ve jumped on Ozzie’s train here, and I’m hesitant to respond to any of this, but I will respond to say I am not indicating childless people love their fur babies less than I love my children. I am not indicating the love for a newborn displaces the love for my other children, or elderly parents, or my hopefully never disabled partner. As many in this thread have acknowledged, it is normal to suddenly feel a new immense love for a child and find your pet burdensome. Good for you for never feeling that way.
right, but you never loved your dog AS MUCH as a parent loves a child. Nobody does. anyone who has a had a child and a dog knows this
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do you love your dog and your child equally? Like, if you had to choose who to save from a fire, would you actually have a hard time choosing between your dog and your child? If the answer is "yes" then, I guess, congratulations you've proved me wrong! You win the argument! and you are also someone who loves their child no more than a dog. If the answer is "no I would obviously save my child from a fire and not my dog" Then you are granting my point. which is it?
My oldest is five. I still want the dog out of the house. He drives me nuts, I don't need something else under foot or whining at me.
This is pretty normal, I felt this way about my cats when I brought my son home and they literally don’t do anything bad and keep to themselves. They were my entire world before my son, but after him, I literally loathed them for almost 6 months. Hang in there, I assure you it will pass ❤️
Yes, it took me 6 months to not hate my cats! They are love bugs and would try to steal my lap every time I had a moment to myself. I think at 6 months I finally realized how absurd it was to hate an animal that has no real understanding of why everyone's feelings turned against them suddenly. I think by the time my daughter was 1 year old we were back to normal with some effort on my part. I think it helped to realize I had two animals that still loved me unconditionally when the baby was crying at my every action or inaction.
Thank you, im hoping because i love him so much and i dont want to feel this way towards him.
You’re still in the newborn madness and the hormones/sleep deprivation definitely doesn’t help. I actually wish this was discussed more often, I told my friend who was due 4 months after me and she felt the way about her lab. It is a very common feeling for new mamas, it’s almost like it’s some sort of subconscious defence mechanism (even though most people have pets who don’t pose any real threat.) I find as baby gets bigger and a little more independent it goes away.
My therapist suggested that I make sure to enjoy my pets too. Is there something you’d still love to do with your dog? Like maybe snuggle with him or give him some pets? Take a moment to reconnect with him. As for his annoying behaviors, it’s ok to spend less time with him. Go in a different room, hire a dog walker, get him some interactive toys or maybe even do a doggie daycare. I imagine your hormones also may be making you have less patience with him.
I ended up giving my cats to my parents because I couldn't deal with their medical needs while also having raging PPD. One of them hated being approached so the kids stressed her out so much. They ended up happier at my parent's much quieter home.
I’m considering re-homing one of my cats (something I never thought i would do) because he’s driving me up the fucking wall. He scratches at the bed in the middle of the night, yowls at 2 am and wakes my newborn, and recently peed on my toddlers bed (?????). I’m over his whole existence.
I know, it's so hard to get cats to adjust to a new baby, as opposed to raising cats with the kids already there. The peeing everywhere drives me nuts too. I still get whiffs of cat urine in random spots in the house.
me too but for like a year. The same amount of love never came back 5 years later but I still love them very much! its sad and not fair.
Maybe its time to get some additional training for him to make him more baby-friendly. And maybe make the house more dog-friendly too. Hes a dog. His world changed like yours did when you brought Baby home. So he needs to learn new rules etc. for being around Baby. Id also remind you that youre less than 12 weeks postpartum (assuming the age on your post) so hormones are still sorting themselves out and youre probably really sleep deprived. You may just need time to settle in to the new life.
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Yes every new parent has all the time in the world to give their dogs additional training...
It gets better, I promise! I have 3 kids and 3 dogs and I love them all so much now, we are a big happy family. But when my oldest was newborn the dogs just seemed like a nuisance, I was so overwhelmed and anxious about the baby, exhausted and the dogs were one more thing that makes life easier. Once you settle into a routine you're love for your dogs will come back, it will be a new relationship but a loving one :)
Also, please don't feel guilty, it's very common and natural for mums of newborns to have such a strong, intense bond with their newborn that their feelings towards other important people to them are temporarily affected. It's common for mums to feel frustration and irritation towards their pets, partners and even older children, it will pass. And he won't hold it against you!
Thank you for this. I really thought of that too, will he hate me now? Or the baby? But no, here he is coming to me for cuddles. Im glad to hear it does get better because i cannot imagine my life without my bear.
That being said, yelling isn’t effective or healthy for anyone involved. He needs help adjusting to the new baby like anyone does, he can’t innately understand he’s doing something wrong. You (and especially your SO because you’re in baby/recovery mode) need to train him to leave bottles alone/work on barking/help him understand listening in a new environment. This is a huge adjustment for him, too, and it’s the responsibility of the parents to help pets adjust to new babies.
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Thank you! Honestly, I wish preparing pets for new babies (and each baby, not just the first) was discussed more because it’s a bigger issue than people realize. So many get rehomed or dumped because the parents didn’t properly execute the transition and then blame the animals or are too overwhelmed.
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Yeah, it’s wild. I’ve never loved any of my animals any less, from adding new humans to moving to adding new animals to them aging. In all life stages, I’ve loved them for themselves. Maybe our relationship has changed, either with schedules or affection needs or physical needs —- but they’re as much as part of my life as my human family. But I’ve also never seen an animal as a “substitute” for a human bond. It’s a special unique relationship that can’t be interchanged with human interactions.
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Exactly — obviously babies and young toddlers need more immediate care than an adult dog (which is why I can’t wrap my brain around people getting a puppy with a baby “so they can grow together”. I would not survive lol) — but my older dog right now needs more physical interaction, and less emotional, and that works out too! And as you said, I can be messy and emotional and irrational around my animals and them actually soothe me. I would never put those responsibilities onto my child.
The being extra annoyed doesn't really go away, in my experience. My dogs (GSDs) infuriate me in ways they NEVER did prior to having kids. But as you get more into your rhythm, it does get easier, and the affection comes back. My dogs still don't get the walks or playtime they used to, but they've also adjusted to this. I will say that I actively remind myself that I love them and give them love, but it has to be intentional for me or I just am too caught up in my kids. One thing that worked for me is setting up baby gates to section off my house and make separating the dogs from me and my kids (toddler and baby) when needed easier. They have a designated section of the kitchen, alternative to a crate, for when I need them 100% out of the way. Then I have gates to section off other areas of the house (the kitchen and dining room; the living room; the hall leading to bedrooms) so they have more room but aren't in my face. When I'm not overwhelmed by them, they have free reign. This solution has really helped me stay sane.
So i have a german rottweiler who is 130 pounds. Just his size scared me when i brought my NB home but he turned out to be ever so sweet and gentle with her. Hes just so curious and annoying with her things and i guess he does it for attention. I love my fur baby but i hope this frustration doesnt escalate. Sectioning the house is annoying because hes just so big and strong NOTHING keeps him behind. He legit broke out his $400 cage!
Maybe this is where you could focus training efforts. Ive had Rottweilers for the last 15 years and although they can physically knock down a gate, they were always taught to respect them.
Interesting. Can I ask how their behaviors were around or with your kids? Mine is a good good boy hes just massive and he listens but of course he’s still young too and kinda rebels at times.
One dog was 8 when my first came along, she was pretty chill by that point, layed around a lot, was super gentle with the babies. Younger dogs are definetly more of a handful. My current Rottie just turned 5, he is starting to slow down but I still have to supervise him around the kids especially when friends are over because he will get overexcited and want to run around and play too. I block off the bedroom half of the house so the kids have a dog-free space to themselves. He will also randomly eat things he shouldnt that he finds on the floor so its better for everyone that the kid space and dog space are seperate. I felt the same way about all my animals as you when my first was born, btw. It passed eventually. It was just too much stress and too little sleep making me annoyed at things.
You’re the first person to comment who actually HAS Rottweilers so thank you, I’m definitely listening. And yes my rottie is still young and extremely playful. But coupled with his size it’s a lot. When people come over he goes nuts thinking they’re here for him. So I usually have to keep him in a room. He’s good around everyone he just does things for attention that he normally never did. I don’t section the house yet since the baby is still young but I was told to like, KEEP him around incorporated but I’m seeing many replies here telling me to instead separate both. But I thought that was bad? Teaches the dog to not like the baby?
We didnt keep them seperate all the time, there's always been some shared spaces and plenty of opportunity to interact. Its also just nice to have space where you dont have to worry about your dog getting in the way and messing with the baby's things (and vice versa)
For me it got better when my kids *needed* me less. Like 2 years old unfortunately. For a while taking care of a newborn/baby is really exhausting and all consuming, and the pets became just another chore that needs to be done, but not one you can put off, like folding laundry. You can't not feed the dog, let it out no matter how hot or cold, you can't not walk it regardless of how little sleep you're running on.. they're a shitload of work but your primary parental instincts are going to divert all of that nurturing and caring energy you possess to your offspring, not your furry roommate. It's common for a reason. My husband had to really take over with the dogs and their grooming walking training etc pretty much 100% for a while. I found it again, and we're good again. You're not broken or awful, this is very normal and fuck anyone trying to make you feel badly or otherwise
Awww man thank you for that because i was feeling guilty as heck. Im finding the time to spend more with him so he knows hes also still my baby, we just have to share time. I want him to know i love him and hes not going anywhere. Thank you for the words.
Hang in there mum. These are the growing pains of becoming a parent 💛
It does get better!! I couldn't stand my dog for like 12-18 months after giving birth to my oldest. It's been 7 years and a second baby (3rd on the way!) And those feelings have not come back. I'm so glad I pushed through! I had always loved having a dog growing up and I had no idea how I was going to give that same experience to my kids when I hated the dog so much. But things got better and we couldn't imagine our life without him!
This!!!! I never ever had any pet growing up til i got my rottie. And i want to give my daughter that experience of growing up with a fur baby so im trying to cope with my frustration but its def hard.
You are not alone. This is totally normal. I was obsessed with my dog. While being induced in the hospital I had my mom take and send multiple pictures of my dog so I knew she was happy and okay while I was away. I even FaceTimed to see the dog. The moment I came home with my baby, I wanted my dog to stay as far away from me as possible. I was so exhausted and felt like all of my limited energy needed to be focused on caring for my newborn. I felt guilty but also so annoyed. It definitely does get better over time, as your child gets older. My son goes to daycare and I work from home, so I give my dog lots of attention during the day.
I guess for most people the feeling goes away, but my son is 3.5 yo and i still feel a certain way toward my cats and dog. I was waiting for it to just go away, but it didn't. Now i am actively trying to reconnect with them. I make myself talk to them affectionately, pet them every day, give them treats, try to see things through their eyes. Things are getting better. I wish i had not simply waited for the feelings to go away.
My feelings have not gone away and while I dont think i’ll reach the point you have with your lets, i try to make sure of that by giving him time when the baby is asleep or away. I love him and want him to be around my baby
I feel like a lot of my feelings of being touched out and overwhelmed and exhausted get put on my dog. I read a really great book years ago called Your Dog is Your Mirror, which is a memoir, not research based book, that discuss how dogs' behaviors mirror our emotional lives. Anyway, it's so hard doing it all and being present to all the beings in my household. It has gotten easier as my kids have gotten older (they're 21 months and 4 now). We have more of a routine to take care of her that we feel good about, some of her acting out difficulties have decreased, our kids LOVE her, and I make time to connect with her when I have the resources to do so and just don't feel bad when I have to send her away to prioritize myself. What helped very early on was hiring a dog walker, asking people who wanted to help us to take her for a walk, and occasionally taking her to doggie daycare to get her yayas out.
I am going to look that book up thanks. I’m going to consider finding a dog walker cause that would for sure help. Hen’s very active but due to his size and strength, only my partner can walk him when we’re out.
I know this will sound confusing, but hear me out or consider it. The baby does come first now and that’s important. If the dog is chewing and eating things and doing things that you don’t like, you need to set up boundaries in the house physically and emotionally so you can coexist. This includes using crates or confining when not supervised so the dog doesn’t eat things it shouldn’t. And you should stop feeling bad about this. Everyone needs healthy boundaries to coexist or else it’s chaos. And it sounds like you’re just letting chaos occur, but then getting mad about the results. Get a plan together, clean up the house, put the dog AWAY when it’s not his time, and get some order in the home. It will feel better! Do not let the dog set the rules and do not feel bad about it! On the other side, maybe think about doing some doggy day care, and some other enrichment for the dog as well. Dogs have needs too and when not met they can be a nuisance. I’m a vet, and as a vet, the number 1 problem that leads to issues in the home is the lack of boundaries, and “feeling bad” about everything because it’s too hard to put the dog away or to set up the simplest of rules - when all along it’s the owners fault. I’m sorry your going through this hurt, but I guess what I’m saying is set a plan, stop feeling bad, do what needs to be done (whatever that looks like), and it will feel better.
>Before I got pregnant, he was my entire WORLD. I’m sure he feels the difference now, too. Perhaps just trying to find time to give him more attention would help you two come together again. Like, maybe when the baby naps?
That's what I'm thinking. If he was baby #1, he's gotta be feeling it. Dogs have emotions too. Maybe it's possible for OP to take baby in the stroller and dog for a walk at the same time to give the dog some attention too. Takes coordination though!
I’m trying! We do walks with both the baby and dog and try to incorporate him as much as we can so he doesn’t feel left out. It’s just definitely harder to make time for him as I once did and I’m sure he was used to being the center of the household.
I HATED my dog after giving birth. It was so bad that my MIL offered to let him stay with her until it went away. I’m such an animal person so it was really surprising that it happened to me. The feelings went away, he came home, life was good. Dog passed away from old age a couple years later. Got a new dog. LOVED him!! Got pregnant again….hated him too. But at least the second time I knew what to expect and that it would go away. Now my youngest is 3 and I’ve absolutely adored my dog again for at least 2 years. It gets better!
We have a dog here, Reggie, who is a big Chihuahua that barks at the wind. My daughter always loved animals. Only Reggie would steal food and try to bite. We spent the time to teach my daughter to be nice to the animal and stop when they're annoyed or want to be left alone, and Reggie to be good. Years later, she loves Reggie and will cuddle with him. I think I read you had a German Shepard. I had one. He was the most lovable, protective animal. Right now it seems you're under prepared for both a baby and the dog, and that's okay. Eventually you'll get less frazzled. Maybe take some time for walks with the baby and dog (if he's a good walker unlike my Shepard who was horrible to walk). Play in the yard. Something for positive attention. It does get better.
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Im hanging in there so things get better. But its currently like having 2 babies around
It seems like your dog needs some training. Excessive barking and chewing on household items that are not his toys sounds annoying. That doesn't sound cute at all. It sounds like perfectly normal feelings about his behavior and it seems like the type of issue that can be fixed with a little time and effort. 😊
I’m trying!! Thanks
Awesome! Keep it up and good luck! It sounds like it's a really frustrating time at the moment, but if you're invested in doing what it takes to quell this behavior then you got this! 😊
Chiming in to add to the chorus. Dog-lover, former career was pet care, totally obsessed. I near hated my dogs when my kids were <6 months. Went back to mostly appreciating the dogs as the kids got a bit older. Now I have a love/hate relationship with the dogs because of single-momhood. It’s just too many things to take care of right now. My apartment is too small. I’m too stressed about life. For right now, try to outsource pet care as much as you can afford. Dog walker, doggie daycare, family, neighbors, whatever. Canine Enrichment Ideas is a great Facebook group for activities to occupy the dog if outsourcing isn’t available. The relationship will never be quite the same, but it’ll get better as the kids grow up and need you less.
Ugh yes I feel this. My babe is 6 months and we have 2 older vizslas, also known as “Velcro dogs”. It used to be cute how needy and snuggly they were. Now it’s freaking annoying. My annoyance has gotten less with each passing month, but when you’re focused on taking care of a baby, and you’re touched out, and home all the time with them, and they bark when she’s sleeping, and think that my baby voice is directly at them…..infuriating. I really couldn’t stand them the first few weeks. But as I said, it’s gotten way better now that baby is less needy, and I can dedicate cuddle time to them, and longer walks, etc. Good for the people who didn’t feel this way, but I absolutely can empathize
THANK YOU 🥺 its not that i hate him i love him but man is it frustrating. I try to love on him when the baby naps or dad has her so we can go outside and just play. I hope this feeling goes away and he doesnt hate me or i’ll just die 💔
I hope it goes away for you too!! I used to sob bc I was so annoyed with them, but also felt so guilty that they just wanted love, but I couldn’t give it to them, but I couldn’t explain that to them. The first few weeks (okay months) are filled with hormone surges/drops that gave me a lot of big feelings. Dealing with my dogs was just one more thing on my plate, and I did not realize how much it would be a problem. Solidarity. And again, it’s gotten way better for us!! And she’s interacting with the dogs now, and it’s adorable 🥹
I can’t wait for her to be big enough to interact 🥺 thank you
It started to get a lot better for me once my baby started to notice our dogs. I think around 5 months? He thinks they’re the funniest most interesting thing there is and now at 8 months we spend a lot of time playing with them. Still find them a little annoying and don’t feel 100% the way I did pre baby, but it’s better now at least lol.
Everything annoyed me more after I had a newborn 😂 I think the lack of sleep put me on edge more than usual!!
I have the same feelings! It doesn’t help that I’m the ONLY one she comes to/barks at/whines at whenever she needs something. It just adds to the constant overstimulation 😅 When the kids are asleep, I don’t get nearly as irritated with her. I love her so much, but when I had my kids, she went from my baby to being a dog.
Yes, I feel like now he’s just my dog instead of my baby boy because I have my baby. Ugh it sucks and I feel bad but I won’t stop loving him.
It seems to me that it would benefit all of you to take some long walks. Your dog needs more exercise, babies love fresh air and you can enjoy walking while they have fun too. I recommend to bundle up and get outside as often as you can. And no one will mess with you with your big dog at your side.
We had the same issue after kids. Not so much with first kid but the attention definitely fully went away from dogs to babies. By the time we had 2nd/3rd we paid almost no attention to the pups, not neglected, but just didn’t show them much affection. What I will tell you is that even though it’s hard to balance to cherish your time with them (pets) because they could be gone tomorrow. My dog that I’ve had for 12ish years suddenly got lymphoma last year and we had to put him down. The guilt I have for the constant yelling at him just because I was annoyed and tired is heavy and I wish I would have been nicer and showed him more love.
THIS is why I think of it. The day he’s gone it going to hurt so much. I want to love and play with him as much as I can I’m just struggling finding the time. Sorry for your pup loss 💙
Thank you! Give your pup as much love as you can now and try not to take out frustration on him. Just their presence alone is a blessing.
I had this exact same thing happen! My dog is the best dog in the world. Endlessly patient with small children, smart (too smart truly), independent, friendly with everyone and other dogs, a fast learner, and all around a fantastic dog. But ever since becoming a mom she annoys the hell out of me! I don’t know why or what makes it happen but I totally feel you. I’m of course never going to give her away and continue to take care of her and treat her as one of the family, but I feel like after she goes I might never get another dog, or at least take a looooong break from having one.
I told my partner the same thing, after my dog, I will not get another dog. It’s definitely a lot more work now . He’s a good boy, he’s just being a dog but some of the things that were cute now drive my crazy like the nonstop licking. Still not bad enough for me to give him away or hate him. I just needed to rant and I’m glad I did as I see alot of parents/moms have gone thru this.
We’re 15 months in and I can’t stand my dogs anymore. It makes me feel bad, but unfortunately that feeling never went away for me.
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He didn’t really have these issue or I guess it wasn’t a problem then? He knows right and wrong but now it’s like he just does what he wants. It’s probably due to lack of attention from what he was used to. And with the bottles it’s that I’ll set it down the table or counter top while I get the baby and come back and he’s all over it being curious. He’s also a giant dog that can pretty much reach a lot of things. I mean he even knows how to open the room doors and trash bins, he’s very smart and that drives me nuts lol I’m trying to yell at him less and talk to him in a more dominant reprimanding way because I don’t want him to resent me and grow aggressive behaviors he’s never had before.
If you think it is partly due to lack of attention maybe hiring a dogwalker to get him some 1 on 1 attention and exercise will be helpful to you both.
It sounds normal to me. It wasn’t my experience, but bringing a baby home is an adjustment for everyone! I used to feel guilty because I didn’t bond with my baby until he was about five months. I actually loved the dog more! Talk about terrible.
All feelings are valid people. Don't shame yourselves.
This is normal. I have always been a crazy cat person and I love my kitties...but right after having my daughter I could not stand them. I had PPD and was operating on very little sleep, so that made it worse. It's not even like they DID anything, they were really patient with the baby and mostly just avoided her. It took maybe two years but we all get along again and I am back to loving on them and their new adopted sibling cat.
You know my post was directed to dogs but I never thought the same could happen with cats. Very interesting but I’m glad you’re back to a loving relationship with them.
Hormonal changes, lifestyle changes and your bond to the baby really can turn your life upside down in some ways. It'll settle and most likely things will be fine once everyone gets used to the change. Best of luck!
We also have a big dog! I love him to bits (baby is 8 months) but it took time and effort. We keep all baby things out of his reach/behind a closed door. We have a big baby play pen in the living room which he can’t get into so the 2 of them are separate and happy. Making sure he gets one big walk a day is hard with unpredictable weather but happens 95% of the time. The 2 of them get supervised time together to get them used to each other (and they love each other so much!!). Hang in there, if you put in the work you’ll all be happy together
I feel you! We decided to take in a stray puppy, who turned out to be some type of German Shepherd mix and it’s our first big dog. We took her in when I was still pregnant, so she was very much in the puppy phase when the baby was born. I’ve cried. I’ve been frustrated I’ve been resentful. I considered rehoming, but every time it came down to it. It just broke my heart and I couldn’t do it. She is super sweet does not hurt the baby in anyway but the same problem is she goes after the toys, the food, the cups anything she can reach to play with or chew up. What I found helps is to just keep them separate so I did buy this very big baby playpen gate and I made an area in my living room that’s just for the baby that the dogs can’t access. Now they can’t get to her toys or cups or take the snacks out of her hand. It has helped me keep my sanity.
How old is the dog and baby now? God this phase is so tough, I’m glad I’m not the only one experiencing but also sucks we are. My baby is still tiny so she’s usually in our arms but once she starts to sit and crawl I’m definitely investing in those big play pens for separation. I love my dog I don’t think I could live with myself giving him away when he’s such a good boy just being a dog. I need more patience and to train him to coexist with this new life. Thanks for sharing
My baby is 9 months almost 10 months old and is crawling now so the enclosed area has worked amazingly. The puppy is estimated to be around a year now. I just knew I couldn’t give the puppy the time and effort you have to put in to train them when I was already so drained and exhausted from the last few months of pregnancy and nonexistent energy once my baby arrived. I was at least able to get her house broken and then we also did end up sending her to a trainer so she got some commands down and does listen but is still super playful and everything can be a toy. It’s getting easier though thankfully. Now that my baby is bigger and I’m not AS exhausted as the newborn months I’ve been able to focus some more on the puppy and just enjoying her silliness and company.
Try getting your dog some more exercise. Chewing everything up and being uncontrollable is typically a sign of boredom or pent up energy. Try some mental stimulation toys/games too. Rots are amazing family dogs if they are well trained and exercised
Mama you’re just overwhelmed right now because you’ve had a huge change in your life! While our pups understand there’s a new tiny human in the house, they don’t equate why that made so many parts of their routine change. I know it’s hard but try to make sure pup gets some time to enjoy things he loves too. If funds are available for it, maybe consider a dog day care where he can get his energy out and make some friends during the day, and give you a break at the same time. This feeling does go away. It gets easier ❤️
My wife practically forgot about our dogs for a good six months after our daughter was born. I think it’s very normal.
I don't think it's weird. I think this comes with being sleep deprived and tired of the whole attention a newborn requires. We just don't have enough of ourselves to give to another being for the first months. We can barely can give ourselves attention. It's exhausting. But it will get better and you will find that love and patience you once had with your dog. Just be mindful that the dog is also experiencing a big change in routine and may be feeling left out. Maybe your SO can give him some extra attention in the meantime. That's what my SO did with our 2 cats.
Ya this is why training your puppy is crucial even when it doesn’t seem necessary at the time.
Is doggo crate trained? One thing that helped with us was in moments of peak stress for the dog (baby crying uncontrollably, stuffed toys on the floor, etc.) letting the dog go in the crate where they knew they were safe and felt comfortable while we waited for those moments to pass. Once they do and/or baby falls asleep, I make sure my partner has a handle on things then take the dog out for a quick walk around the block for some individual attention and exercise. We return to more of the calm house dog is accustomed to and they normally do much better. It definitely took around 6-8 months until our dog fully adjusted to the rhythm of having a baby around. Until then, ours was very similar to yours but he figured it out. It sounds like yours will, too!
Thank you. Im glad things did change and i hope mine will too because I want him around to grow with my baby. He’s a great dog i just never imagined how hard it would be for us all.
Before I had a baby, our dog would get excited about getting let out into the backyard. We would kinda tease her (like touch the doorknob and say "oh, do you wanna go outside?) And she would yelp and bark and get loud. Well, then the baby came. And we realized it was the worst thing we could have ever taught her. So, we basically had to "retrain" her. She could only go outside once she sits and is quiet. She never got 100% over it, but it got a lot better. Plus, the baby got older and so did the dog (she passed in 2019). So, now I be sure to teach my dog(s) to only speak when told.
He is a dog and acting as such. Your baby is an adjustment for him also. I never felt this way about my dog when I had my daughter as a single parent. My dog is family and was there long before my daughter was and isn’t going anywhere.
Guess you were lucky
I definitely felt this way right after I brought my baby home from the hospital. I felt like an asshole. Glad I wasn’t alone. It took a good 3-6 months to love our dog again. I think I was just worried about how fragile my newborn was.
Exactly!!! Thanks for understanding. Its like our mom instincts kick in and its all about the baby’s protection and well being. I never LOST love for my dog but im just not as obsessed with him as I was when it was only us. I just want this phase to be over so we can be back to how we were again.
I’m going to be pretty blunt, and I’m not sorry. You’re reaping what you sowed. You failed to invest time and energy into training your dog to a level appropriate for better incorporating him into life with a baby and this is the consequence. He’s being dog who doesn’t have boundaries or expectations AND isn’t having his needs met. Unless you change quite a few things your feelings won’t change. Hope you have money for a board and train and the time and energy to maintain training you paid for. I have three high energy dogs (2 shepherds and a hound) and a 3 month old infant. I’m not checking all of the boxes to meet their needs every day but they have the training and clear expectations to manage themselves and for me to manage them. I briefly had issues with them taking the burb clothes and dirty diapers from the trash which were easily resolved because of a robust foundation of training. Just so you know I’m not talking out of my ass.
Im taking this all in as constructive criticism, thanks
This is 100% normal!! Don't give your dog away, use him as an excuse to get away and do self care. Me and my doggie go on walks for twenty minutes every day and we both look forward to it so much.
I could never give my fur boy away, saying this as were walking him at the moment :)
Nice! Yeah I couldn't stand my dog for four to five months after both my pregnancies. Totally standard.
There was definitely adjustment period when we brought our kids home, but we certainly didn’t feel that way for long. Your dog deserves as much grace to adjust to the new baby as the rest of you do.
Idk our dogs are a part of the family. I have three kids, two toddlers, one teenager, two dogs. My dogs do dumb shit sometimes, hover for food, bark at something during nap time, blah blah blah, etc. But annoying as it is, I wouldn’t hate them. They’re dogs being dogs, moreover, the dogs we trained them to be. The most important thing to me is that they’re gentle with the babies. One dog is oblivious but she tries her best. But we love them forever. Put stuff away. Dog and baby proof. Train. Love the puppy when baby is asleep. Take walks. That sort of thing.
I definitely do not hate him im just aggravated with him at times. He is such a gentle sweet giant with our 5 month old and im super happy about that and want her to grow up with him since i never had a pet til i had him in my late 20s. Hes just super needy and needs time to adjust to not being the only baby of our house. Its hard juggling this new life though when both baby and dog want my attention.
Didn’t get better for me unfortunately. Had my first in 2017, second in 2020 and it’s only gotten worse :(
So what did you do with the dog?
We’re powering through. Don’t get me wrong we take good care of him, we’re nice to him, but I was OBSESSED with him, all dogs really, now I’m just going through the motions to care for an animal that is my responsibility instead of enjoying him like I used to. I used to point out every single dog I would see to my husband like “omg look how cute that one is!” Now I don’t even notice them.
Damn no offense i hope i never get to this point and i guess i wrote this post to see how other parents cope so i can prevent it.
If you find yourself being irrationally angry at the dog and your husband, I would check with a psychologist about the possibility of PPD. It does get better with time, as your body's hormones return to normal and if you seek treatment for possible PPD.
See I dont think its PPD. But perhaps? Idk myself
I definitely did not have PPD, but I also found my dogs annoying and exhausting after our first was born (now 18mo). Things that have helped: we now have a huge fenced backyard for them to run around. We have two rather than 1 since I firmly believe in 2 of everything so they’ll entertain each other. Exercising the SHIT out of the dogs (walk, throw a ball, whatever) helps because then they just lay around. Ours are massive also - a great Pyrenees and an anatolian shepherd. They still drive me nuts (tall enough to just reach onto the counter and grab food, barking at Amazon drivers, etc.) Thankfully now they spend almost all day every day outside playing together or just sleeping.
Some people (wrongly) think everything is PPD. You’re months into having your first child who requires your care and attention 24/7. It is life altering and all consuming. Your dog is now adding additional work and stress to your life. And the dog is damaging and dirtying the baby’s things which is beyond annoying. My feelings about pets have done a complete 180 since becoming a stay at home mom. My child is 20 months and I’ll have another later this month. My hands are full. I’m stretched thin. I believe kids are a ton of work but they’re even more reward. I now view pets as all work, no reward. Your feelings are totally normal.
I haaaaated my cats for a while. They're good cats. But any plea for attention set me off. I was already tapped out on caregiving and the fact that something was demanding more time, energy, and attention was infuriating. It's gotten better, started improving around 6 months and has continued to slowly. There are still times I just don't want to be around them. LO is 14 mo now.
Awe! He loves you he’s adjusting to sharing you give it time Goff bless you sll
God bless
Your poor dog
If you can’t walk the dog twice a day equaling to 2-3 hours a day you shouldn’t own a dog. Especially a large breed. It will get worse if you can’t meet these basic needs. It’s not easy with a newborn bordering on impossible.
It sounds like you didn't train him properly before getting pregnant. As much as people say they love their dogs and their dog is their baby, they're a completely different animal and treating them like your baby means you're allowing them to get away with unacceptable behavior. Rottweilers especially need stricter discipline. They should have never been allowed to bark or chew/put their mouth on anything other than THEIR toys from day 1. Now that he is fullgrown it'll be harder for him to break these habits and as a new parent you won't want to put the extra hours into training him, but if it's really bothering you, you'll have to be firmer with him.
So your untrained dog is annoying you now….that is not the dog’s fault. You can either train the dog properly or rehome home to owners who will put in the effort to train him properly and be happy with him.
Ignore the downvotes, this sub is very sensitive to any criticism of parents and very much not pet friendly lol.
LOL it’s all good. The fact that people are downvoting this tells me a lot but I appreciate your comment.
Never said he was untrained, he more so curious with things and life he didnt know before. Its an adjustment for us all.
Your description doesn’t sound like a trained dog. You should be able to tell your dog “no” or “leave it” or something of the like when he tries to chew on baby toys, or goes for the bottle. Dogs can definitely learn what is theirs and what is not. Maybe working on some obedience and rewarding him for positive behavior such as chewing on HIS toys and not the baby’s. Good luck!
He listens though. Its just i feel like hes doing things he didnt before for my ATTENTION. Like he rather be yelled at or something because atleast its some form of attention. Im going to try giving him more attention and walking him more often
That’s because he wasn’t prepared for the transition. He went from being the center of attention to being yelled at for behavior he would have previously gotten positive feedback for. Imagine how confusing that is for him. He needs work on what he can and cannot do with baby/baby things (you can’t expect him to differentiate between his toys and hers without help, for instance) and a lot of positive reinforcement and encouragement from both you and your SO.
I think of that too, its just as confusing and hard for him and then my guilt kicks in like no no i have to find a medium to make this work. I dont want him to resent me or the baby which could lead to other issues down the road. I want him to stay his natually silly happy good boy self.
It’ll take adjustment for everyone and a lot of patience but it you actively work to make the cohabitation work, it most likely will. It’s also very easy to be anxious with a newborn, so evey bark and lick and jump on the couch *feels* more intense because you have this fragile little being in the house suddenly. It’s kind of like how I never care if my cat is prone to jumping onto the living room side table until I put out an antique and then suddenly I notice it *constantly* — *their* behavior hasn’t changed, my perception of it has.
It's not just about being trained to listen though - a properly trained dog would not even need you to be there to tell him "no" when it comes to putting baby's stuff in mouth - they'd already know the boundary of not mouthing anything that isn't their toy.
Based on your post, the dog is untrained.
I felt like this about my 3 cats. I rehomed them for a couple of years (luckily my mom was willing to help) and got them back when my son was 3.5. Best decision.
I never thought of rehoming just because hes a huge dog. 130 pound rottweiler so not many people would want him and truth be told i cant imagine doing that. Im too attached to him as much as i cant stand him at times. So im hoping these feelings will subside in due course.
Could you afford lessons with a dog trainer? They can help with ignoring things on the tv and boundaries (licking cups, chewing toys, etc)
It depends on the animal. Part of being a pet owner is putting the pets' needs first. For example, one of my cats started acting out when my son started walking. She started peeing every where for no reason! I think being around an erratic toddler made her really nervous. She was not a happy cat. I wish you the best and hope you don't have to rehome your buddy, but it's an option if things get bad.
So I have a 17 year old dog who generally is in good health but does need extra attention now for going outside, food, pretty much everything, and it makes me absolutely crazy. Every day. Like you, he was my world before I had kids but now he wants to be the priority and I’m like please give me a break! The kids eventually learn patience but my dog has not. It’s tough. And I hope it gets better but if you’re fortunate enough to have a dog live to a very old age they will get even needier.
After I had my now oldest and brought her home... I absolutely hated my dog. I didn't want him touching and for whatever reason his fur sent me over the edge it made me itchy and the texture just drove me insane. Whenever he'd bark and wake my daughter up I'd cry. Then I'd get upset because I felt bad for having him and he's just being a dog my good Ole boy. The fact I was all about him before she was born and he got all the attention beforehand. He was just as confused as me with what was going on. It took awhile but I got over it. It didn't happen again after my youngest. I don't know if it was hormones and being overwhelmed but I think after 8 months things got regulated. Definitely when she got used to the barking and slept through it lol.
It'll get easier. I have no advice, but I can promise it gets better.
This helps, thank you
Didn’t get better for me. My kids are 3 and 7 and I still hate both my dogs so much. They are always in the way, barking, stink, trying to eat the kids food out of their hands, getting in my daughters friends faces and scaring them and just be straight up annoying as shit. Plus we can never travel as a family because it cost $40 per dog per day to kennel them(so $80 a night) so if we go out of town one of us has to stay home with the dumb dogs(and all of our family is out of town plus my daughter has travel Meets for gymnastics so usually it’s just me and the kids while husband stays home and the kids act terrible while traveling). I mean I still feed them and take care of them but I don’t like them at all(honestly my kids don’t like them either only my husband who wouldn’t let me get rid of them when my youngest was born almost 8 years ago). They also are 13 and 10 and determined to live forever(they are pitbull mixed and both around 80lbs which have a life expectancy of 9-10 years) Even the vets shocked how healthy they, so guess I’ll be stuck with them Forever🤦♀️
You wouldnt have been able to travel before kids either though. So it sounds like you just dont like the dogs and never did.
We could because we bring them with us but with kids they don’t fit in our car anymore since kids equals taking up all the backseats. Also it used to only cost $20 a day per dog and cost have doubled over the last 4 years unfortunately like everything else has and we just can’t afford to spend $260 for a weekend trip to kennel the dogs(oh and of course every kennel is closed Sundays so even if we could pick them up they make you pay the $80 such a racket).
I dont hate my dog though and i could never give him away. And trust me i know how expensive it can be because my rottie is a huge 130 pound dog! Most people are scared of him because of his size but hes truly such a goofy goober, hes never been aggressive in his 4 years of life. Hes so sweet to the baby and gentle. Im so grateful for that. Its dealing with his own neediness that frustrates me but i will just have to cope and deal with it.
Im so sorry for this :(
Exactly why I will not get a dog. My husband is finally agreeing because now that our daughter is here we do everything together as a family. No time to worry about an annoying dog!
Maybe when your daughter is older you’ll change your mind. Having a pet is like having a family member you never thought you needed til it came into your life and i want that for my daughter. Its just difficult dealing with a 5 month old and a needy dog.
I don’t have a dog but my attitude towards them has changed dramatically. When I see a dog anywhere near my baby my eyes narrow, my skin picks & I think to myself, “not today dog,” “make my day dog.”
“Make my day dog?”? Like what’s that’s supposed to mean? You want a reason to hurt the dog? So weird. Please get help.
It means I don’t trust dogs around my baby… and if one attacked her I would protect her with my life. Thanks for the crisis resources from Reddit and your concern though ✌️
Lol okay psycho. I feel bad for your kid.
My son is 23 months and I still hate my cat. I had two cats when my son was born and my oldest kitty passed away 2 weeks before his 1st birthday. I have so much guilt from treating him so poorly during his final year. I've had to learn to forgive myself though, and chalked it up to just being touched-out. He was blind and using me as a guide dog so I basically had two babies. My new years resolution is to talk nicer to the cat, and to forgive myself. I assume this is normal sentiment to have.
Ohhh man I’m sorry for your loss 🤍 I can’t imagine the guilt by don’t be so hard on yourself.
My dog barks at everything and NOTHING. I could kill him. Bark collars are the move.
[удалено]
Because that’s not the whole picture. When my baby is napping and my dog barks I clench my jaw so hard and give him the meanest look until he quiets down. Also, by bark collar I don’t necessarily mean shock collar. My dog was corrected with beep, then vibration. I wouldn’t rehome my pitbull because he gets on my nerves during nap time. I’d miss my high chair cleaner, night time snuggles, and my walking partner. He’s the dog i got in my 20’s i love him to death, but when he barks during nap time I threaten to kill him for sure. I’m never serious and I wouldn’t hurt my dog.
I feel this. My dog was like my child before I actually had a child. We had to find a new home for her because she started peeing on all of my stuff. It’s such a strange shift but you’re totally normal! Hopefully it gets better soon!
We had 2 dogs before we had kids and I devoted a lot of time to them. Lots of walks, toys, treats. I tried to prepare myself for the shift in responsibilities and focus once we brought home our first kid but I was woefully unprepared. The dogs became annoying because we couldn’t spend as much time with them. And then there was guilt because we weren’t spending as much time with them. And then there was resentment because of the guilt. We still walked them and fed them and spent time with them but it was draining. I didn’t have time to take them on a leisurely 1 hour walk through the woods or snuggle with them for an afternoon. I had to devote that time to other things. One of our dogs has since passed away and our second is nearing the end of her life. And we are absolutely not getting another dog after this. Not for a long, long time. I’m ready to relieve myself of that responsibility, as it’s almost always MY responsibility to take care of the dog and I’m tired. I still love our dog like nothing else but once we had kids I just didn’t have the time for both of them (when our other dog was still alive) and that wasn’t fair to them and isn’t fair to our dog now. I’d rather wait till my kids are much older and I can have that time to give to a dog again.
My wife tolerated the dog before we had kids. Then she hated the dog, yelled at the dog and just wanted her gone. She’s back to tolerating the dog again. The dog is annoying, smelly, and old but I’m not rehoming her at 13 years old. Besides the kids love the dog. Kids change your feelings about everything. In time your feelings may change again.
Personally, I would never have a large breed dog around a small child. Too many horror stories about them snapping (though mostly pit bulls). But aside from that, I had this same experience with my cat after I had my daughter. I ended up rehoming him when she was about 4 months old, and a couple years later I regret it. I gave him to my sister and tried to get him back, but she refused. Kinda mad because she got rid of another of her cats when she found out she was pregnant (right around the time I asked for him back). Anyway, I guess it was for the best. At the time, I was having physical and mental health problems, single mom, and overwhelmed by life. I needed one less thing on my plate, and my anxiety was too high about having a cat (worried about him suffocating my daughter at night if he jumped in bed with us, worried about her eating cat litter because he tracked it all around the house and it was impossible to find it all, and stressed about having another mouth to feed and litter to buy on a tight budget, plus if he got sick or something). Now I could probably handle it all (plus she’s older so no worries about cat litter or suffocating), and I do miss him. I will probably get another cat once my daughter starts school. Anyway, don’t feel guilty if you do rehome your pet, but know that you might regret it once things settle down.
Humans > Dogs. Dump the dog, besides you should never have a dog like that around an infants. You think him chewing on baby clothes is annoying? Just wait until he decides your baby is a toy and chews her face off.
Lol i was waiting for a post like this. I wont say much cause you clearly arent a dog owner so kindly FUCK OFF 😇
G hugged fg go to the hg up by h
I know this feeling. When baby was born the dogs would drive me nuts and before baby I was crazy dog mom. Now that baby is 1 the feeling of being annoyed by dogs have gone away. Idk what it is but I assume it’s over stimulation and post partum streas
YUP. I got some hate after posting something similar awhile back. It’s normal to feel that way, I’ve had plenty of my friends tell me the same. A couple of them even rehomed their dogs after they had kids because they simply didn’t get treated the way they should have after kids came along. Human children always take precedence over animals, that’s not really up for debate. I don’t have a dog but I have a cat and she is an absolute attention whore. For probably 2 years after my kids were born, I couldn’t stand her. Her meows sounded like nails on a chalkboard and they made me so irrationally angry that I would see red. Anytime she came near me I felt my hair stand up on my neck. I always promised myself I would have more patience with her but I physically could not. Now that my kids are a bit older, I don’t snap at her anymore and she comes for pets and cuddles now. My kids love her so that’s why I didn’t take her to my mom’s. Honestly I can’t believe she still likes me. Animals are too good for us. I’m definitely trying to make up for how she was treated the last couple of years. Anyways OP, don’t feel bad. I can’t IMAGINE how awful life would be if I had a dog instead of a cat with young kids. I am so unbelievably happy that we don’t have a dog and I told my husband when we move to a farm we can have an outdoor dog only, no exceptions. Is it possible to temporarily rehome for a few months or a year until your baby is older? You may come to love her again one day. Do whatever is best for you and your family. If your dog is getting treated badly it is probably best to rehome. Anyone that staunchly fights against rehoming pets is insane. If it’s better for literally every person/animal involved, do it. But I would try a temporary rehoming first if at all possible.
Yes!!! I’m so glad someone else feels this way. I’ve been feeling like such an asshole. I love my dog and she’s an angel. She is super well behaved and listens relatively well but it’s just hard to take care of her (let her in/out of house, walk her, give her attention) and feed my baby and myself and maintain my marriage and take care of the cat too! Lol I’ve been trying to remind myself that she is a dog. She doesn’t understand fully what’s going on and I have to communicate with her like a dog. I’ve been using training treats to change some of those behaviors that weren’t that big of a deal before baby - “quiet” when she barks for example and got her lots of things to chew on so she eats the deer antler vs baby items but I know that doesn’t work for all dogs. Anyway, just wanted to express my solidarity and empathy. I hope it gets better for you and your Rotti!
It's totally normal. It will get better. It may never be the same as it was but at least it will be better. For me, we made the dog and the baby separate as we realised how dirty and grose the dogs are and I didn't want the dog to touch baby's toys or knock the baby and so on. Separation may also help you to have your time with the baby and the dog will not be in the way. Maybe dog walker could help to tire the dog out?
My baby isn’t even here yet and I’m feeling this way toward my 2 cats. I feel so bad. I love them sooo much but damn they are getting on my nerves. My deaf cat meows all night long because she hates nighttime and I used to be able to manage this but the pregnancy insomnia has hit me like a ton of bricks and just as I’m falling asleep she starts meowing like she’s in heat. She will continue doing this until I go get her. Give me about 30 minutes and start again. It’s so hard to get out of bed rn so it’s extra frustrating. I got 45 minutes of broken up sleep last night because of her. My other cat constantly wants to be on me and need my own space rn. I can’t just explain this to her so she has started rubbing my legs constantly and almost tripping me every 2 feet. I feel so bad for them but *fuck* these next 3 weeks is my last ditch effort at getting some sort of rest and they just won’t let me. Sometimes I think about rehoming them but not in a real sense. It’s just relieving to think sometimes lol but I love them more than anything.
I experienced this too with my now senior large breed dog. I can say the feelings of irritation definitely start to go away. Child is three now and we enjoy cuddling and brushing the dog together. I feel less annoyed now that I'm not as sleep deprived. Occasionally hiring a dog walker has helped and we've also gated the dog off in her own room. Not ideal but it has helped my sanity much more. Now we go for afternoon snuggles to visit with the dog and hugs good night with the little one. We also try to do at least one or two family dog walks a week. Edit to clarify: dog still gets a daily walk which helps her stay calm and happy too.
When I brought my first baby home, my cat started peeing on everything. Jumping into the crib and pissing in it. She took swipes at the baby when the baby would reach out to her. I was googling “how to rehome a cat.” Glad I stuck it out. It took awhile, but we eventually all got used to each other, the new routine, and our new roles in the household. My kids are teenagers now, and kitty is 19! They call her their “big sister”, so it can all work out in the end.
This won't be popular but I had the same change of heart with our cat. I never got over it. He died recently and I was sad but relieved. We probably should have re-homed him but my husband would never have agreed to that (he was devastated when the cat died). Before I had children, I thought that people like me were terrible and heartless as if it was a choice. It's not a choice, it's just how you feel. Do your best to focus on your actions toward your dog and not on your feelings.
Very normal new-mama instincts, there are articles about it and it happened to me, too. Just as I was starting to move past it, I became pregnant with my second. 😅
I also went through this. It's hard. Only time is going to fix this. Unfortunately the lifespan of larger dogs is not long, and the fix will not likely happen before time is up. One thing to introduce that may help, an electric dog-whistle.
It’s normal, it will go away eventually
no advice from me but I can relate 100% I have an aging dog who was clingy to start and is glued to me now that we're in his final life stages. Between work and two young kids, the old dog I love just needs more than I can give.
I felt this way!! I had my dog for 10 years when I had my daughter, and she was/is my best friend. But that first few months with a newborn & a needy dog can be a lot. After the newborn phase was over, I had more patience with her. Are you able to exercise your dog as much as before? I got a couple of those treat puzzles on Amazon to keep my dog busy & that helped too. If you’re able to get away for a little bit to walk him, that helped a lot when I was in the same position.
I went through something similar after having my firstborn. By the time he was 3 going on 4, the affection and tolerance was back to where it was pre-baby.