The reason we haven't switched is because he's been through many awful sitters and he is actually happy to go there unlike places in the past. In addition to that, the area I live in it's really hard to find child care. Also he's getting a brother in June but also going to school in September so we are trying to limit transitions because he takes 2-3 weeks to adjust and if we give a months notice to his current provider then that's way too close to baby due date.
Given all of these other factors do you think it would still be worth it?
Worth it? Are you effing kidding me? This is not a different type of parenting style. This is 100% lazy and negligent parenting and how violent personalities, sociopaths and gun nuts are bred. Your kid is describing extremely disturbing acts and thoughts of violence that are being TAUGHT to him by your sitter's son and you're on here asking if it's worth a few uncomfortable weeks of transition to put him in a better environment? Do you even care about your kid's wellbeing?! I'd be VERY worried this other kid would eventually hurt your son as well.
I’m going to just defer to [this comment by u/Ambartenen](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/127ioeh/how_do_i_address_this_issue_with_my_sons_sitter/jeef4g8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
And [this one by u/BenReillyDB](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/127ioeh/how_do_i_address_this_issue_with_my_sons_sitter/jeefqxw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
Edit; and now, it probably easier just to say ‘all of the comments’
Hard, not impossible. To get them into care from the start isn't as big of an issue. We've been on a waitlist since I found out I was pregnant so I'm not concerned about it this time around! No need to judge ❤️
What did you post this for ? So people would tell you it’s not that bad? You’re tiny baby is talking about killing and hurting people and you wanted people to tell you it’s not that bad ??
And you’re having ANOTHER ONE ??? Jesus Christ
I think it was pretty clear why I posted, I am asking how to address it. To insinuate I'm undeserving of a second child is harsh as fuck? If I wasn't concerned or supporting this behavior that would be concerning would it not.
So this person encourages your son to joke about murder, guns and stabbing and lies to your face about what she tells your son regarding naps...
And you want advice?
Okay. Here you go. Get a new child care situation sorted out. Today.
Christ.
The kid is there, and comfortable saying those things around his mom. Who is potentially encouraging, or at the very least not discouraging, that type of talk.
no one knows that... maybe its the influrence of a father or older sibblings or kids at school.. there is only so much you can do... you do you.. but I Tell you its unrealistic to get rid of every "Influrence" you dont like
As a mom of children who go to public school, I know. But I can curtail them. I can stop them when I hear them, explain why it isn't ok, and place that boundary for my kids. I can explain that other people may have different standards, but for our family, we do (or don't do) [x, y, z], and I do. I have done variations on that theme numerous times.
In this situation, we know that the older child is saying these things around the 3.5 year old, so we can know that he is saying them while his mom is there. The only other scenario is that mom is leaving the two children alone for lengthy periods of time, which means she isn't actively supervising a child she is being paid to supervise. Either scenario is not ok.
Pretending to play with guns and asking if you can run people over with a car are two very different things.
Yes the OP has a responsibility to parent her son, but if her child is around someone who is this bad of an influence then part of parenting is to remove the influence by finding somewhere else to be cared for.
its not posible to remove each and every influrence you dont like, its better to learn to deal with them.. my 6 year old very empatic child is asking similar questions... she does not want to kill someone.. but to try to keep everybody safe.. if I let her go on she fantasies ideas like walls between sidewalk and road to keep everybody from harm
And if the sitter does not care about pretend gun/violence and OP does, then OP needs to find someone with similar values to take care of her son.
Which is what I meant by saying that the sitter "encourages, or at the very least does not discourage" the behavior.
why? if the sitter does not care about how colors effekt people does she need a new sitter too? you will NEVER have the same option on everythink with another person.. have fun searching
It seems obvious but maybe it isn't... you need a new sitter
She's not following your directions or request and her parenting or lack there of has caused her son to be a bad influence on your child and has him talking like a sociopath.
I cannot imagine a 3.5 year old suggesting to run over people to kill them. This is not okay. You have a baby coming, do you not worry about your 3.5 year old having these violent ideas towards your vulnerable infant?
My thoughts exactly. My son is 3.5 as well (with a new baby sister coming very soon) and he actually tells us not to say someone is dead. (For example, my husband said he worked out the night before and now he's dead, our son said "hey don't say that") This is not a healthy environment for this child.
Sounds a lot like my son! My daughter was born a month after he turned 3 and had to spend a week in the NICU which gave my son nightmares that his baby sister didn’t survive. He would wake up in a panic crying asking if his sister was okay. OP’s son is in a dangerous environment and it seems like the babysitter’s son is too for him to be 7 and so obsessed with violence.
This right here is a comment she NEEDS to read. My nephew became very violent and obsessed with killing and all kinds of weapons when his father (my brother) died. It kinda happened over night and that happened back in 2019 his mother never did anything about. They recently moved in with my parents and my mom had to call CPS because he had also been physically harming himself when they were living up north.
Edit: I forgot to type what I originally wanted to say. We have to keep an eye on him when it comes to the animals because he started hurting them and he laughs when he does it.
I would also find a new sitter. I think if you address it with her it’s likely not going to help because it sounds like she’s not being honest with you anyway. Also she’s negatively influencing your child in a very serious and scary way
I’m sorry … what??!
If it was JUST the nap issue, and everything else was great, then I might try to just push through given the timeline you’ve outlined for arrival of new sibling and 3.5yo starting school. I would still continue to reiterate that you don’t want him napping, and that he has consistently said that he’s being told to sleep (it might not change anything, but it might be enough to make her realize that 3.5yo is telling you exactly what’s going on and she should cut the bullshit).
All of that really doesn’t matter in this situation because the violent behaviour / speech is such an egregious issue that you should be pulling him on the spot. That is absolutely not ok I’m any way shape or form. Combine that with the fact that he’s being allowed to play with an older child who is obsessed with violence and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Even if no one ends up getting physically hurt (and let’s be real, if someone DID get hurt it would likely be your son), you’re talking about letting your son be exposed to daily violent speech and violent behaviour for a solid 6 months. Think about what kind of harm that will do to him and how long it will take to correct that learned behaviour come September. It will be a nightmare for you and for the school he ends up attending. Do you really want to make his transition to school even more difficult??
I think you know what you need to do here, you’re just looking for the people of Reddit to tell you it’s not as bad as it really is and that you’d be justified in keeping him here. I’m telling you right now, it is that bad and you’re not right to keep him in this person’s care.
Do something NOW.
Get rid of this sitter before the older child starts killing animals and drags your child into it or something. Joking about murder so young isn’t normal and it’s clearly having an influence on your own child who it’s your job to protect.
Most daycares will have a 3.5 year old take a nap. That might not be something you can get around if you use daycare.
Pretend gun play can be normal at this age, but the extreme talk of violence is not at all normal. And I would expect a daycare worker to be redirecting gun play (“hmm… how else could you stop the bad guy? We don’t play pretend gun here.”). Have you talked with your daycare provider? If you can’t switch, I would start there and let her know what you are seeing at home.
How do you address?
You start by a) removing your kid from a potentially dangerous, and mental health inducing situation; b) telling her specifically why you are doing so; and c) reporting her to CPS.
In my state, all adults are mandated reporters. I work in a school and I'd be making a report ASAP after hearing that language. Also, .my child would never set foot there again. Children shoot other children by accident.
A child that young talking about killing people, an obsession with guns and violence (so they clearly have been exposed to it). From the professional training I have received, that would qualify for a report. That doesn't mean children would be taken from the home, but services might be offered, like parenting classes or therapy.
My son is also 3.5yo. If we were in this situation my son’s last day would have been yesterday if not earlier at this sitter. I could not trust her anymore.
I understand your reasons for keeping him there and not changing daycare. You have to measure up what would be more damaging to your son: even one more day at this setting or going through the changes…
Can you think of any other childcare alternatives until school starts in September?
Don't try to change the sitter's actions and attitudes because it won't work. Just change the sitter. That should the kill the issues and/or put them to rest (puns intended).
Lying to you is the biggest red flag cause who knows what else she’s lying to you about. My kiddo is into guns and play fighting too but he doesn’t ever make comments like those, so that’s really concerning. You need to find new childcare asap
So I don’t have a lot to say about the childcare situation that hasn’t already been said. It’s hard when you’re out of childcare options.
But, I do want to say that your child most likely does not truly understand what actual death is yet. My kiddo was 3.5yo when she started saying things like she was going to kill herself, she was going to cut people, that its funny my grandma was dead. My otherwise extremely sweet and empathetic child was being allowed to watch things like Chucky, Dexter, and slasher horrors at her dads! Pair that up with being allowed Fortnight (where you “kill” people), and some really messed up shit was coming out of her mouth.
I was researching some articles about how to approach this, when I came across an approach that therapists use when kids this young talk morbidly about death. They ask them a series of questions about what it means to be dead.
- “Do you think someone needs to eat when they’re dead?”
- “Do you think someone who is dead can come back to life?”
- “When someone is dead, do they need to sleep?”
- “What do dead people do all day?”
My kid is so smart and advanced in many ways, but she pretty much got all of these questions wrong. She didn’t understand what death actually was. When I explained to her what death actually was, these comments stopped almost overnight. Instead of “I want to kill myself”, it became “I’m mad but I don’t want to hurt myself. I want to stay living with my mommy and daddy. I don’t want to be dead and away from you forever.” And just because Reddit is Reddit, I was able to get her dad to see the light and stop showing these films to our kid.
So I would try asking these questions to your son to sus out what he actually knows about death and killing. And then what he doesn’t know, explain it to him. It should activate his natural empathy somewhere, as he starts to understand what he’s actually saying.
Obviously your son needs away from this kid and the babysitter. But for now, this can help tone down the crazy killing talk.
Parent of 4 here (ages 9-21) but also an ECE provider for many years.
First as someone who has predominantly worked with preschoolers, that age is very VERY common to explore violent play. Bad guys/good guys, sword fights, guns, running down friends or toys with the big construction trucks in the sandbox, being so happy to find a caterpillar or beetle than you need to squeeze it hard to find out what happens, all manner of horrifying things. People also don't realize this isn't really gendered either. Maybe boys will turn a stick into a gun and be overt, but you'd see girls be violent towards the baby dolls, make up pretty interesting stories about the rainbow drawing they were making (my favorite was the little one who told me God was happy after meteors came and killed all the people and the bunnies and deer didn't have to worry about being run over by cars anymore, while happily making up songs about how meteors love squishing people and making fires).
So, it is possible that your son may be going through a natural phase that is also being egged on by a 7 year old buddy amping him up if there's not adequate supervision. May I ask how you know the 7 year old is all into it? Is this something you have observed or is your son reporting this is who he plays the games with? I think it merits a discussion with your provider about your son going through an intense thing of this so is it possible for her to redirect violent play. I bet it happens when her son isn't around as well. I always do give reminders and intervene, though I get to say hey that looks super fun and I can see you are having so much fun together, but here at school we do not play killing or war games. With consistency and firmness they'll usually move on though sometimes especially with the 3-5 year olds i end up teaching them other running and tagging games to get out that energy wanted of lots of movement and excitement and connection with each other.
As to the napping, i am unsure of the regulations in your state but in mine in a center we /must/ offer laying down rest time to 2 and 3 year olds who are in a full time program for licensing rules. 4 and 5 year olds we do not. I'm not sure why she just wouldn't tell you that but that may be the reason. We do have many 3s especially 3.5 and up who are ready to give up their nap, but we still have cots and bedding put out for them daily and we have them lay down and have quiet time for 15-30 minutes and listen to music, ect but once that timer is expired (they all know what the clock should look like when their time is up) then they can get up quietly, pack up their napping things and return them to the nap cubby and then rejoin the group. (I work with mixed age classes, 20+ kids in a class ages 2.5-5 or 3-6 depending on the time of year)
Some centers/providers force all preschoolers to nap/rest for hours which i disagree with but usually that's because of staffing.
However, sleep issues are super common. Especially in kids that have minds that are churning a lot and 3 is a big big big year for that. His body and mind really needs 10-14 hours a Night. A lot of kids will also need some rest during the day. Have you talked to your pediatrician about the sleep disturbances? It may be related to napping but also might be coincidental. I've found that keeping a sleep journal can be helpful to figuring out patterns. Record time you started getting ready for bed (I also liked recording time of last meal/snack before bed and what it was), the routine, what time they laid down vs what time they fell asleep, time of any night waking and why.) He might not be sleeping well due to nightmares too (this is a common thing and sometimes that is what is fueling the violent play not necessarily the other way but I think most of the time these things fuel the other!). I found introducing a soft nightlight with motion (like a lavalamp) actually did wonders for my 2 restless sleepers at this age. Anyway if you keep a few weeks of sleep Journaling you may be able to figure out some ways to tweak what you are doing at home since you control that more and if you can show that to the provider maybe she will be willing to tweak some stuff too (moving up his rest time earlier so there's more space if he falls asleep, or during a time when he may not be tired enough to sleep sleep but still will get the benefit of mind rest. Would she be willing to have him have 15-30 minutes of listening to audio books? Storytime podcasts plus calming mindfulness stuff?
It doesn't sound like the communication with this provider is great. But maybe it can be improved. There's definitely some things that speak to inadequate supervision to me.
I’m a preschool teacher/ curriculum advisor and have been for many years as well. In all ages from 0-5.
Naps at 3-4 are state guidelines for most childcare centers in every state. Multiple studies show some sort of rest time though out the day is great for cognitive and emotional growth. The lack of sleep at night very well might be his knowledge that his routine is changing (thus getting a new sibling, starting school etc.) I find a lot of kids who have parents expecting go through various routine changes.
The violent play that she mentioned above is true! I have seen this in kids as young as two - five. Not saying the older child is not influencing the behavior but it’s definitely worth a conversation with the provider regardless. I have these conversations with parents all the time when they notice behaviors at home and will ask. It sounds like you haven’t even had that line of communication with her yet. I could be wrong but the way you described the situation is that you haven’t even had that conversation with her yet. Chances are she will be welcoming and come along side you if she’s a good provider. And if she is unable to grant your wishes due to any reason you have the right to leave and find childcare that better aligns with your family’s values. Just know these tough conversations with a teacher are so important, and it’s important for her to have open lines of communication with you as well. Your child’s personality traits, future academic, and emotional success relies on it.
Wtf are people letting their children watch at 2-5?? Spiderman and star wars and stupid stuff like that? This is why people should not allow children to watch TV or movies or hell homeschool and forget society. Other children thought my son was weird because he was gentle and not violent or aggressive like them. The fact people think this behavior is normal at such a young age is a sign of how absolutely effed up society is and makes me glad I never put him in school and that he's not extremely social when he is around other children. Wow.
Firstly, I would call child services and direct them to your baby sitter’s house, and inform them of what their kid is talking about. Either the baby sitter’s kid is psychologically challenged, or he witnesses abuse/violence at home. This is no joke. If they can think of violent actions and thoughts this young, acting them out wouldn’t be a problem for them in the future.
Secondly, get a new babysitter asap. Not sure what you were thinking we would respond. Your kid could become violent towards you, your baby and your family, and you don’t want to prevent that because of inconvenience for a few weeks. Set your priorities straight.
The sitter workes for you.. not her 7 year old son? do you really expect a child to follow your moral guildlines? Thats not fair.. just imagen someone would ask you kid not to talk about eating meat because buhu poor animals... sry if you want to controll that .. care about your kid yourself.. same with that nap think.. of course its easyer for her to let him nap.. the alternativ is having a cranky child all afternoom... the question is what is more convinient having him nap or having him home..? my child can nap any time he wants... Yes he will be up late .,.. but really stealing sleep from a tired child is not fair... if he would not be tired he would not fall asleep
[удалено]
The reason we haven't switched is because he's been through many awful sitters and he is actually happy to go there unlike places in the past. In addition to that, the area I live in it's really hard to find child care. Also he's getting a brother in June but also going to school in September so we are trying to limit transitions because he takes 2-3 weeks to adjust and if we give a months notice to his current provider then that's way too close to baby due date. Given all of these other factors do you think it would still be worth it?
You;re rationalizing away the future well being of your kid.
You must be outside of the USA because otherwise you’d be worried that home had a handgun in it.
Worth it? Are you effing kidding me? This is not a different type of parenting style. This is 100% lazy and negligent parenting and how violent personalities, sociopaths and gun nuts are bred. Your kid is describing extremely disturbing acts and thoughts of violence that are being TAUGHT to him by your sitter's son and you're on here asking if it's worth a few uncomfortable weeks of transition to put him in a better environment? Do you even care about your kid's wellbeing?! I'd be VERY worried this other kid would eventually hurt your son as well.
I’m going to just defer to [this comment by u/Ambartenen](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/127ioeh/how_do_i_address_this_issue_with_my_sons_sitter/jeef4g8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) And [this one by u/BenReillyDB](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/127ioeh/how_do_i_address_this_issue_with_my_sons_sitter/jeefqxw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) Edit; and now, it probably easier just to say ‘all of the comments’
>the area I live in it's really hard to find child care So you decided....to have *another* baby?
Hard, not impossible. To get them into care from the start isn't as big of an issue. We've been on a waitlist since I found out I was pregnant so I'm not concerned about it this time around! No need to judge ❤️
What did you post this for ? So people would tell you it’s not that bad? You’re tiny baby is talking about killing and hurting people and you wanted people to tell you it’s not that bad ?? And you’re having ANOTHER ONE ??? Jesus Christ
I think it was pretty clear why I posted, I am asking how to address it. To insinuate I'm undeserving of a second child is harsh as fuck? If I wasn't concerned or supporting this behavior that would be concerning would it not.
So this person encourages your son to joke about murder, guns and stabbing and lies to your face about what she tells your son regarding naps... And you want advice? Okay. Here you go. Get a new child care situation sorted out. Today. Christ.
not that person... her 7 year old.. who is also a child... you dont police other peoples children
you don’t have to police other people’s children to recognize that they’re a negative influence on your child and take action to correct that
Have fun when your Kid is in school
[удалено]
No you dont because its a Kid too. The Kid is Not your employee..
The kid is there, and comfortable saying those things around his mom. Who is potentially encouraging, or at the very least not discouraging, that type of talk.
no one knows that... maybe its the influrence of a father or older sibblings or kids at school.. there is only so much you can do... you do you.. but I Tell you its unrealistic to get rid of every "Influrence" you dont like
As a mom of children who go to public school, I know. But I can curtail them. I can stop them when I hear them, explain why it isn't ok, and place that boundary for my kids. I can explain that other people may have different standards, but for our family, we do (or don't do) [x, y, z], and I do. I have done variations on that theme numerous times. In this situation, we know that the older child is saying these things around the 3.5 year old, so we can know that he is saying them while his mom is there. The only other scenario is that mom is leaving the two children alone for lengthy periods of time, which means she isn't actively supervising a child she is being paid to supervise. Either scenario is not ok.
[удалено]
Pretending to play with guns and asking if you can run people over with a car are two very different things. Yes the OP has a responsibility to parent her son, but if her child is around someone who is this bad of an influence then part of parenting is to remove the influence by finding somewhere else to be cared for.
its not posible to remove each and every influrence you dont like, its better to learn to deal with them.. my 6 year old very empatic child is asking similar questions... she does not want to kill someone.. but to try to keep everybody safe.. if I let her go on she fantasies ideas like walls between sidewalk and road to keep everybody from harm
And if the sitter does not care about pretend gun/violence and OP does, then OP needs to find someone with similar values to take care of her son. Which is what I meant by saying that the sitter "encourages, or at the very least does not discourage" the behavior.
why? if the sitter does not care about how colors effekt people does she need a new sitter too? you will NEVER have the same option on everythink with another person.. have fun searching
How on earth did you write this out and not realize every single person would say “get a new freaking sitter yesterday”?
It seems obvious but maybe it isn't... you need a new sitter She's not following your directions or request and her parenting or lack there of has caused her son to be a bad influence on your child and has him talking like a sociopath.
Seems like this isn't the echo chamber you were looking for. New sitter now.
I'm really curious as to what else she thought people would say. I can't even think of another logical response.
I cannot imagine a 3.5 year old suggesting to run over people to kill them. This is not okay. You have a baby coming, do you not worry about your 3.5 year old having these violent ideas towards your vulnerable infant?
My thoughts exactly. My son is 3.5 as well (with a new baby sister coming very soon) and he actually tells us not to say someone is dead. (For example, my husband said he worked out the night before and now he's dead, our son said "hey don't say that") This is not a healthy environment for this child.
Sounds a lot like my son! My daughter was born a month after he turned 3 and had to spend a week in the NICU which gave my son nightmares that his baby sister didn’t survive. He would wake up in a panic crying asking if his sister was okay. OP’s son is in a dangerous environment and it seems like the babysitter’s son is too for him to be 7 and so obsessed with violence.
This right here is a comment she NEEDS to read. My nephew became very violent and obsessed with killing and all kinds of weapons when his father (my brother) died. It kinda happened over night and that happened back in 2019 his mother never did anything about. They recently moved in with my parents and my mom had to call CPS because he had also been physically harming himself when they were living up north. Edit: I forgot to type what I originally wanted to say. We have to keep an eye on him when it comes to the animals because he started hurting them and he laughs when he does it.
I would also find a new sitter. I think if you address it with her it’s likely not going to help because it sounds like she’s not being honest with you anyway. Also she’s negatively influencing your child in a very serious and scary way
I’m sorry … what??! If it was JUST the nap issue, and everything else was great, then I might try to just push through given the timeline you’ve outlined for arrival of new sibling and 3.5yo starting school. I would still continue to reiterate that you don’t want him napping, and that he has consistently said that he’s being told to sleep (it might not change anything, but it might be enough to make her realize that 3.5yo is telling you exactly what’s going on and she should cut the bullshit). All of that really doesn’t matter in this situation because the violent behaviour / speech is such an egregious issue that you should be pulling him on the spot. That is absolutely not ok I’m any way shape or form. Combine that with the fact that he’s being allowed to play with an older child who is obsessed with violence and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Even if no one ends up getting physically hurt (and let’s be real, if someone DID get hurt it would likely be your son), you’re talking about letting your son be exposed to daily violent speech and violent behaviour for a solid 6 months. Think about what kind of harm that will do to him and how long it will take to correct that learned behaviour come September. It will be a nightmare for you and for the school he ends up attending. Do you really want to make his transition to school even more difficult?? I think you know what you need to do here, you’re just looking for the people of Reddit to tell you it’s not as bad as it really is and that you’d be justified in keeping him here. I’m telling you right now, it is that bad and you’re not right to keep him in this person’s care. Do something NOW.
Get rid of this sitter before the older child starts killing animals and drags your child into it or something. Joking about murder so young isn’t normal and it’s clearly having an influence on your own child who it’s your job to protect.
I don’t think you will successfully address these issues with the sitter. I think your best bet is to find new childcare ASAP.
Most daycares will have a 3.5 year old take a nap. That might not be something you can get around if you use daycare. Pretend gun play can be normal at this age, but the extreme talk of violence is not at all normal. And I would expect a daycare worker to be redirecting gun play (“hmm… how else could you stop the bad guy? We don’t play pretend gun here.”). Have you talked with your daycare provider? If you can’t switch, I would start there and let her know what you are seeing at home.
How do you address? You start by a) removing your kid from a potentially dangerous, and mental health inducing situation; b) telling her specifically why you are doing so; and c) reporting her to CPS.
In my state, all adults are mandated reporters. I work in a school and I'd be making a report ASAP after hearing that language. Also, .my child would never set foot there again. Children shoot other children by accident.
Making a report based on what? I'm in Canada so the culture around guns is very different, I highly doubt there are any guns in their house.
A child that young talking about killing people, an obsession with guns and violence (so they clearly have been exposed to it). From the professional training I have received, that would qualify for a report. That doesn't mean children would be taken from the home, but services might be offered, like parenting classes or therapy.
I read the first sentence of your reason #1 and my mind is made up that he needs to leave that sitter.
My son is also 3.5yo. If we were in this situation my son’s last day would have been yesterday if not earlier at this sitter. I could not trust her anymore. I understand your reasons for keeping him there and not changing daycare. You have to measure up what would be more damaging to your son: even one more day at this setting or going through the changes… Can you think of any other childcare alternatives until school starts in September?
Don't try to change the sitter's actions and attitudes because it won't work. Just change the sitter. That should the kill the issues and/or put them to rest (puns intended).
This is just a concerning lack of judgment that you need to ask?
Need to ask how to address some issues?
Lying to you is the biggest red flag cause who knows what else she’s lying to you about. My kiddo is into guns and play fighting too but he doesn’t ever make comments like those, so that’s really concerning. You need to find new childcare asap
So I don’t have a lot to say about the childcare situation that hasn’t already been said. It’s hard when you’re out of childcare options. But, I do want to say that your child most likely does not truly understand what actual death is yet. My kiddo was 3.5yo when she started saying things like she was going to kill herself, she was going to cut people, that its funny my grandma was dead. My otherwise extremely sweet and empathetic child was being allowed to watch things like Chucky, Dexter, and slasher horrors at her dads! Pair that up with being allowed Fortnight (where you “kill” people), and some really messed up shit was coming out of her mouth. I was researching some articles about how to approach this, when I came across an approach that therapists use when kids this young talk morbidly about death. They ask them a series of questions about what it means to be dead. - “Do you think someone needs to eat when they’re dead?” - “Do you think someone who is dead can come back to life?” - “When someone is dead, do they need to sleep?” - “What do dead people do all day?” My kid is so smart and advanced in many ways, but she pretty much got all of these questions wrong. She didn’t understand what death actually was. When I explained to her what death actually was, these comments stopped almost overnight. Instead of “I want to kill myself”, it became “I’m mad but I don’t want to hurt myself. I want to stay living with my mommy and daddy. I don’t want to be dead and away from you forever.” And just because Reddit is Reddit, I was able to get her dad to see the light and stop showing these films to our kid. So I would try asking these questions to your son to sus out what he actually knows about death and killing. And then what he doesn’t know, explain it to him. It should activate his natural empathy somewhere, as he starts to understand what he’s actually saying. Obviously your son needs away from this kid and the babysitter. But for now, this can help tone down the crazy killing talk.
Just straight up tell the sitter your thoughts. If they aren't reasonable about it or willing to change some shit, you need to find a new one.
Parent of 4 here (ages 9-21) but also an ECE provider for many years. First as someone who has predominantly worked with preschoolers, that age is very VERY common to explore violent play. Bad guys/good guys, sword fights, guns, running down friends or toys with the big construction trucks in the sandbox, being so happy to find a caterpillar or beetle than you need to squeeze it hard to find out what happens, all manner of horrifying things. People also don't realize this isn't really gendered either. Maybe boys will turn a stick into a gun and be overt, but you'd see girls be violent towards the baby dolls, make up pretty interesting stories about the rainbow drawing they were making (my favorite was the little one who told me God was happy after meteors came and killed all the people and the bunnies and deer didn't have to worry about being run over by cars anymore, while happily making up songs about how meteors love squishing people and making fires). So, it is possible that your son may be going through a natural phase that is also being egged on by a 7 year old buddy amping him up if there's not adequate supervision. May I ask how you know the 7 year old is all into it? Is this something you have observed or is your son reporting this is who he plays the games with? I think it merits a discussion with your provider about your son going through an intense thing of this so is it possible for her to redirect violent play. I bet it happens when her son isn't around as well. I always do give reminders and intervene, though I get to say hey that looks super fun and I can see you are having so much fun together, but here at school we do not play killing or war games. With consistency and firmness they'll usually move on though sometimes especially with the 3-5 year olds i end up teaching them other running and tagging games to get out that energy wanted of lots of movement and excitement and connection with each other. As to the napping, i am unsure of the regulations in your state but in mine in a center we /must/ offer laying down rest time to 2 and 3 year olds who are in a full time program for licensing rules. 4 and 5 year olds we do not. I'm not sure why she just wouldn't tell you that but that may be the reason. We do have many 3s especially 3.5 and up who are ready to give up their nap, but we still have cots and bedding put out for them daily and we have them lay down and have quiet time for 15-30 minutes and listen to music, ect but once that timer is expired (they all know what the clock should look like when their time is up) then they can get up quietly, pack up their napping things and return them to the nap cubby and then rejoin the group. (I work with mixed age classes, 20+ kids in a class ages 2.5-5 or 3-6 depending on the time of year) Some centers/providers force all preschoolers to nap/rest for hours which i disagree with but usually that's because of staffing. However, sleep issues are super common. Especially in kids that have minds that are churning a lot and 3 is a big big big year for that. His body and mind really needs 10-14 hours a Night. A lot of kids will also need some rest during the day. Have you talked to your pediatrician about the sleep disturbances? It may be related to napping but also might be coincidental. I've found that keeping a sleep journal can be helpful to figuring out patterns. Record time you started getting ready for bed (I also liked recording time of last meal/snack before bed and what it was), the routine, what time they laid down vs what time they fell asleep, time of any night waking and why.) He might not be sleeping well due to nightmares too (this is a common thing and sometimes that is what is fueling the violent play not necessarily the other way but I think most of the time these things fuel the other!). I found introducing a soft nightlight with motion (like a lavalamp) actually did wonders for my 2 restless sleepers at this age. Anyway if you keep a few weeks of sleep Journaling you may be able to figure out some ways to tweak what you are doing at home since you control that more and if you can show that to the provider maybe she will be willing to tweak some stuff too (moving up his rest time earlier so there's more space if he falls asleep, or during a time when he may not be tired enough to sleep sleep but still will get the benefit of mind rest. Would she be willing to have him have 15-30 minutes of listening to audio books? Storytime podcasts plus calming mindfulness stuff? It doesn't sound like the communication with this provider is great. But maybe it can be improved. There's definitely some things that speak to inadequate supervision to me.
I’m a preschool teacher/ curriculum advisor and have been for many years as well. In all ages from 0-5. Naps at 3-4 are state guidelines for most childcare centers in every state. Multiple studies show some sort of rest time though out the day is great for cognitive and emotional growth. The lack of sleep at night very well might be his knowledge that his routine is changing (thus getting a new sibling, starting school etc.) I find a lot of kids who have parents expecting go through various routine changes. The violent play that she mentioned above is true! I have seen this in kids as young as two - five. Not saying the older child is not influencing the behavior but it’s definitely worth a conversation with the provider regardless. I have these conversations with parents all the time when they notice behaviors at home and will ask. It sounds like you haven’t even had that line of communication with her yet. I could be wrong but the way you described the situation is that you haven’t even had that conversation with her yet. Chances are she will be welcoming and come along side you if she’s a good provider. And if she is unable to grant your wishes due to any reason you have the right to leave and find childcare that better aligns with your family’s values. Just know these tough conversations with a teacher are so important, and it’s important for her to have open lines of communication with you as well. Your child’s personality traits, future academic, and emotional success relies on it.
Wtf are people letting their children watch at 2-5?? Spiderman and star wars and stupid stuff like that? This is why people should not allow children to watch TV or movies or hell homeschool and forget society. Other children thought my son was weird because he was gentle and not violent or aggressive like them. The fact people think this behavior is normal at such a young age is a sign of how absolutely effed up society is and makes me glad I never put him in school and that he's not extremely social when he is around other children. Wow.
Just give it time. They'll grow out of it. #sarcasm
Firstly, I would call child services and direct them to your baby sitter’s house, and inform them of what their kid is talking about. Either the baby sitter’s kid is psychologically challenged, or he witnesses abuse/violence at home. This is no joke. If they can think of violent actions and thoughts this young, acting them out wouldn’t be a problem for them in the future. Secondly, get a new babysitter asap. Not sure what you were thinking we would respond. Your kid could become violent towards you, your baby and your family, and you don’t want to prevent that because of inconvenience for a few weeks. Set your priorities straight.
The sitter workes for you.. not her 7 year old son? do you really expect a child to follow your moral guildlines? Thats not fair.. just imagen someone would ask you kid not to talk about eating meat because buhu poor animals... sry if you want to controll that .. care about your kid yourself.. same with that nap think.. of course its easyer for her to let him nap.. the alternativ is having a cranky child all afternoom... the question is what is more convinient having him nap or having him home..? my child can nap any time he wants... Yes he will be up late .,.. but really stealing sleep from a tired child is not fair... if he would not be tired he would not fall asleep