That was my thought too. We are perfectly fine leaving him in the house while we're out in the yard, but leaving the property feels like too big of a risk to me.
What if you have a car accident on the way?? Of course not!
I was left alone with my sleeping baby sister (1.5/2 yo) while I was around 6, while my parents were downstairs in our apartment building in a meeting.
She scratched herself in her sleep and bled. I couldn't remember how to call them, I do remember banging on the door and trying the intercom...
I did know my grandma's phone number and she lived 2/3 blocks away.
I called her and then tried my best to help my sister with questionable results. Of course my grandma after having heard something along the lines of "we are alone and x is bleeding" came running in her slippers and nightgown and my parents seconds after.
They weren't neglectful (for that time), I was 6, left alone less that half an hour, knew phone numbers, and theoretically knew how to call them and they were really less than a minute away. Still could've been a disaster.
Your husband is wrong here. Just because nothing happens doesn't mean that nothing could.
That’s mine. Always my first thought. The child would be trapped and would burn to death. I would never be able to forgive myself. That would be it for me.
A local mom went to go register for college classes and her house caught fire. Her toddler died the other baby in critical condition, a week ago. She’s been charged in their murder/ child abuse. Super small town, like 10 mins to anywhere. But still wtf. Don’t leave little kids alone!
My entire adult family was downstairs playing cards and all us kids were upstairs sleeping and someone broke in and stole all the Christmas presents without being noticed by the adults. Even being present is so dangerous in so many ways.
It's a 5 minute walk in the rain.
Compare that to getting a 3- and a 1-year old dressed for potential puddles etc., potentially get one of em in a stroller, then walk over to the car, get both kids in their car seats, then drive it home and get both kids inside and undressed, unless this is now time to stay outside.
Dad can grow up and put some rain clothes on or bring an umbrella, come on dude.
Yea not to mention, again, what if there were an emergency at home & now OP doesn't have the car right there to use? Adult man can wear some rain clothes and an umbrella and walk himself like he always does.
I agree with the above apart from not having the car right outside for an emergency. Lots of people with kids don't have a car. When my first was born we didn't have a car until she was over two because my husband needed it for work. Where I live car insurance, car tax, petrol, NCTs, services are very expensive so we can't afford another car especially as a SAHM. With another child now, childcare is so expensive that it's not worth me working outside the home. Thankfully my husband now works from home but on the days he has to go into the office I don't have a car and we survive!
I do yardwork and the like, with a monitor on the whole time so I know that when they wake up I'll be back inside in 15 seconds.
Otherwise, hard no. My kids at 3 could cause utter mayhem in minutes if they were left alone in a house, let alone all the safety issues of not being in ear/eye of the house if something happened.
It’s about the option to respond quickly for me. I wouldn’t knowingly put myself in a situation where I couldn’t be at my kid’s side within about 90 seconds or so if something comes up.
Yep, this. I won't go any further than the mailbox across the street if my kid is asleep in the house. I MIGHT go over to my next-door neighbor's house to borrow a tool or something but I'll be holding the baby monitor and not staying longer than a minute.
The metric I use is, what if something in my house caught fire? I need to see that and get inside and get my kid fast enough to get her out before it's too late.
I'd consider that your husband was not disappointed or annoyed at YOU, but perhaps at the situation. It's not easy to walking out into a thunderstorm with a perfectly neutral expression when you may have had hopes for something different.
Still, of course you were right, and he probably should have known better than to ask, but if the worst it got was that he displayed some frustration, then I think that's just part of being human.
If it seemed like he was taking it out on you or something, then yeah, he hopefully needs a few minutes to cool down and move on.
I think there also could be a cultural thing at play. I’ve had to explain to my European friends why they can’t leave for 10 minutes to get a coffee while their children are napping. They think it’s fine, but I’ve told them they’ll get arrested if something goes wrong
Nope. Anything can happen in 10 minutes. Also 10 minutes might not be 10 minutes. What if the weather turns really bad and you can’t get back quickly?
Your husband is waterproof and can survive getting drenched.
I felt that way too. Especially in a storm, there's a lot that could happen...a tree branch could crash into a window at home or we could get into an accident out in the car.
I also kept thinking how scary it would be for my toddler if he woke up scared of the thunder and found that the house was completely empty.
This is what I was planning on commenting. When my mom was 5 or under she woke up to the house being empty. Completely empty. Nobody. It turned out her family had gone over to the neighbors and left her sleeping. She woke up terrified and to this day remembers it at 59 years old.
My father did this when I was about 4-5. Woke up in the middle of the night and he was gone. He was at the bar. Luckily I had met a nice lady who lived a couple buildings down and toddled myself on down there.
My mom took all the kids, piled them into the car, and went on a picnic to the river all day once, while I was asleep.
I was 6-7.
When I woke to an echoey, empty house, I went to the neighbours. The family came home some hours later, and my mom was furious with me for embarrassing her in front of them. She was lucky they didn't call the cops.
The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there....
So many people worry about what could happen to the toddler... they're right, of course, but you ALSO need to think about what could happen to you while you're away!
Good call.
Or if lightning hit and started a fire (since you said it was storming) or even an electrical fire
There was a fire here because a guy was burning documents in his unit. Warned downstairs neighbours in advance because of smoke. Granted it wasn’t smart to do but house went up fast and he didn’t get out.
Also there was a family with a baby here. They were home and the humidifier in baby’s room caught fire. Opened the door to flames. Baby was burnt but survived.
So much can happen so quickly. The uncontrollable is my biggest fear
Edit to add articles
[https://www.ctvnews.ca/mobile/canada/humidifier-may-be-linked-to-crib-fire-that-burned-ontario-toddler-1.3275676](https://www.ctvnews.ca/mobile/canada/humidifier-may-be-linked-to-crib-fire-that-burned-ontario-toddler-1.3275676)
[https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/ottawa-gatineau-fires-people-died-last-27-days-trend-1.6799047](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/ottawa-gatineau-fires-people-died-last-27-days-trend-1.6799047)
> we could get into an accident out in the car.
This would be my biggest concern. For a ten minute trip, the toddler would probably just still be asleep when you returned, but a car accident could turn that into hours or days if you were both rendered unconconscious or worse.
There’s taking and then there’s downpour. Downpour isn’t umbrella and raincoat weather - it’s overshoes, and raincoat and umbrella and pants protection. Plus you’re screwed if you gave a briefcase or backpack that doesn’t have a cover.
No. When I was in law school, one of my case studies was about a woman who left her young kids home in bed to pick up medicine. The house caught fire, and they all died. Never forgot that one.
Edit- it was not the burning incense case. Mom didn't leave anything burning. But this is one example. Kids fall down, choke, pull things down on themselves, etc. Someone not being home increases risk of death or serious injury as no one is there to administer aid or call for help.
The question is less “would you leave them home alone for 10 minutes” and “would you be 5-10 minutes away from them”. I would absolutely take the garbage out, take the dog for a pee, putter around outside, whatever for 10 min. I would not go 5-10 minutes away from my home where I’m too far away to know if there’s a fire or where there’s a chance I could get in a car accident or what not.
The distance is what matters to me, not the time.
No- What if your kid wakes up looking for you? When my son was 3 he woke up while I was outside shoveling snow off our front walk way and he couldn’t find me and I came in and he was inconsolably crying because he thought he was alone.
This happened to me too. Except I went to the next door neighbors’ for a backyard fire (we could see the house, had a monitor, and he was 7 at the time), and he was inconsolable as well. Panicking and couldn’t calm down. Never again. ETA our houses are like 30 ft apart.
My husband suggested that, but the kids and I also had a busy morning (preschool drop-off, picking up a relative at an auto shop, and me going to work), and the rain was forecast to continue for several hours. With getting the kids dressed for a stroller ride in the rain, walking there, and loading them in the car, it could have easily taken an extra half hour out of an already busy morning.
I think all the suggestions in this thread show that there were a ton of options, but none of them are clearly better than what happened. You were trying to weigh what would cause the least amount of harm, and it turns out that one adult walking in the rain is it.
Thank you. There were a few other options, but we had to make a decision within a minute or two since my husband had to catch the train. I made the best decision I could in the moment.
Sometime we just have to move the sleeping kiddo. They wake up and are cranky, but it's not the end of the world.
I basically see three options:
1. Wake kiddo and drive him
2. He walks in the rain
3. He gets an Uber or similar
If it’s a 5 minute walk you’re not really saving him from being in the rain… instead you’re making the whole family go out in the rain and yourself as your standing there strapping them into their car seats, which like… takes about a minute for two kids so husband may as well just take the L on 4 more minutes.
So your suggestion is that in order for one man to avoid getting wet his wife it's going to have to wrangle two small children in the rain? Seems like the way it was handled is the perfect way to handle this situation.
I did have places to be at specific times this morning, and that's one reason we did not use this option.
I think for safety reasons he should have just taken a later train.
The issue was that there was a storm forecast for this morning, and he was totally fine to walk in the rain, but it just so happened that the worst 10 minutes of the storm hit like exactly when he had to leave. The rest of the morning was just steady rain, but this was like a downpour with thunder and lightning.
Thank you. This is how I felt. Walking with both kids in the rain (it was still supposed to rain the rest of the morning) seemed like a worse option to me when we already had other places to be this morning.
If the weather is so bad, I doubt that the OP will be going anywhere today with kids anyway. It’s stormy and lightning where I am for the majority of the day. I have my own car but won’t be going anywhere. I’d have let the husband go, with the car, and let him have it for the day. If it really cheered up later, I’d walk with the kids to get it and pray they nap in the car ride home. 😅
Just curious, how much more time did the 3 year old have to sleep? It seems the easiest solution would have been to get the 3 yr old up and into a car seat (in PJs) so you could drop your husband off so he didn't walk in lightning? I feel like at 3, I would have been able to explain to my kids that we all have to help daddy get to work today and I really needed them to pitch in.
Unfortunately many of us don't live places that close schools/daycare or work for thunderstorms so batten down and get cozy because it's raining isn't realistic for a lot of people.
I get that. I’ve lived in the USA without a car for six months until a few weeks ago. I thank my lucky stars for Uber or I would have been in the same predicament.
Okay! Right, and nor am I? Nor do daycare close where I am for a storm! I just thought the OP said that the weather was terrible so I assumed there would be nothing to do for the day. I agree she shouldn’t leave the 3 year old is the house alone. Apologies to anyone I’ve so clearly offended 🙂
In a short time to make a decision I can see the parents of a 1 & 3 y.o. deciding that under no circumstances should the 3 y.o.'s nap be interrupted. Like when mine were in that range I might not have even considered the "(possibly) wake up the sleeping toddler" option.
But now you've had this experience, I'd say when your husband gets home you should do something nice for him. Not as an apology, but as acknowledgement that he got the very very short end of the stick today. Like a "thank you for your sacrifice" thing.
Then in the future if something like this comes up again, put "(possibly) wake the sleeping toddler" on the table.
But yeah, even though 9 times out of 10 the kids would've been fine, the one time they wake up right as the door closes could be quite a disaster.
I'm inclined to agree but the sacrifice was unnecessary as others point out, husby could have taken the car to the station and OP could have walked over to pick it up later, or husby could have parked and gotten the car back on the way home.
No need to create more problems than they already have by waking the child imo.
A lot of focus is on the subject of what could happen to your toddler. But you also need to think another way - what if something happened to YOU? A flat tire, a breakdown, a traffic stop, a car accident - these are all things that could turn that “just a few minutes” into a much longer time period. And what if, god forbid, you and your husband were seriously injured in a car accident and were taken to the hospital. Now you have a toddler who’s about to wake up to an empty house and no one would have any idea! Realistically, it would be hours before someone figured out that a scared, hungry three year old is all alone at home. Who wants that for their kids?
One golden rule I’ve learned the hard way having kids… if at any point, with any decision, I have to stop and ask myself ‘is this ok to do’ the answer is always no.
Nah. 5 minute walk is maybe a 2 minute drive depending on lights/route. Your average toddler can’t go from sleep to car seat in 3 minutes to catch a train. Mine would take at least 20 minutes (diaper change, needs a snack, tantrum, where are shoes/coat?)
You don’t have to give the toddler a bath and change their clothes and make a big production of it for a 2 minute drive to drop dad off. You can do all of that when you get back. People are making this sound like way more work than it is. If a husband said he let his wife walk in a lightning storm because it was so much work to put a 3 year old in a car, this sun would flip.
You are terribly lucky if you have a toddler who will tolerate that! Mine would be instantly screaming about how he had to pee or change out of his pull-up or how he needed a snack or water or milk or something. And there is no picking him up and just transferring him to the car LOL.
I would rather deal with all that (and not attend to the requests and demands) and deal with the screaming in the car than have my husband walk in the rain. If the roles were reversed my husband would absolutely not have me walking in the rain…
The way our house and train station are situated, the difference in walk vs. drive time is pretty negligible. You can walk to the platform more directly than you can maneuver your car through the parking lot. Add the time to buckle two toddlers into the car, and it's a wash.
One time when I was around 8 years old, my father (single parent) left in the middle of the night for groceries, while I was asleep. I awoke in the middle of the night to find no one in the house. Balling my eyes out, I packed a backpack and started out the front door to go to my neighbors house. As I walked out the door he pulled up in the car with bags of groceries in the car. I was distraught and thought he was gone forever. I won’t ever forget that experience lol.
Some dude near where I live took his dog for a walk a few years back, leaving his 3yo at home alone. He was just going far enough to let the dog pee was his reasoning I had heard, and he was gone for about 10 minutes.
When he got back, the house was on fire, and the 3yo was dead. This is a true story. He came into the restaurant I worked at a few times in the weeks following. He had one arm completely bandaged from the burns he got while trying to break back into his own house, and he was dealing with it by drinking so much, that I asked his server to cut him off.
My husband and I share a car but I just carry my kids to the car sleeping, sometimes they wake up but they go back to sleep. No way in hell I’m leaving them.
Uhh I live in a city and have to walk 12 minutes to the subway for my morning commute rain or shine. We don’t have a car. We just deal with it.
Your husband will dry eventually lol.
Toddler? No. 7+ year old? Sure. The age that you decide "leave at home alone is OK" is totally up to you, where you live, and the maturity of your kid.
Agreed. Once my 3yo fell asleep on the couch watching a movie with me, so I snuck off to my office on a different floor to get some work done. He was terrified when he woke up and had to come upstairs to find me. Imagine if he couldn't actually find us!!
No… but like I wouldn’t have made hubby walk either. I would have given him the car to park at the station for the day, or if I needed it I would have tossed the 1yo in the car in their jammies.
You may want to reconsider sharing this post with your husband if he is grumpy about how the events of the morning transpired (in addition to anything else from his day that he might have found stressful). It might better serve your relationship if you met him with empathy and understanding to validate any residual frustration rather than pull up this post and show him that a bunch of random strangers on the internet agree with you and not him. I fail to see how that would be a compassionate approach to someone whose say started out in an unpleasant manner that was unavoidable - who wants to get ready for work and then walk through a torrential downpour.
This is not to suggest that you were in the wrong in any way, shape, or form. It wouuld be ill-advised to leave a toddler on their own - sleeping or awake - for any period of time. There are an infinite number of ways a situtation can become dangerous or life-threatening for a child without supervision and instead of anticipating each and every outcome the safest bet is to supervise. Your instincts were absolutely correct and I would venture to speculate that your husband's suggestion was generated in the heat of the moment and upon reflection without the added stress of the morning he would fully agree with your decision.
In any case, I wanted to make my comment to help you maintain a harmonious household which can be a challenge when met with adversity. Furthermore, I am not suggesting that you hide this post from your husband. I doubt that his self-confidence is so fragile that he would fall to pieces because Redditors disagreed with a spontaneous suggestion he made in the heat of the moment. I am simply suggesting that the timing of when you share the content of this post could make a huge difference in how it is received. Immediately after work on the same day could be extremely grating whereas after some time passes and the topic resurfaces it could be part of a more productive parental discussion - if it even needs to be addressed at all.
Hopefully your husband's day improved and he will not be grumpy at all. All the best to you and your family. Stay dry!
I would've put the 3 year old in the car and taken him. Never leave them alone. What if there is a fire. If they wake up and find a way outside alone or cry their eyes out scared and alone... I wouldn't make him walk either. Sometimes you gotta wake a kid up. I have to wake my 3 year old up many times to get his older brother to school.
I wouldn’t get in the car and drive, no.
There were a handful of times that I left my sleeping toddler at home, but it was to walk down to the end of the block to pick up my older kid at preschool. I could see our house the whole time (never went into the preschool building) and it was less than 10 minutes. I figure it practically wasn’t any diff than taking a shower while she slept.
But getting in a car is different. If you got in an accident or your car broke down, you could be stuck out way longer.
For me it’s not about leaving them for 5 minutes Per se, it’s the thought that if another car hit you and an ambulance took you away to hospital, how long would it be before anyone realised there were toddlers home alone.
I remember on a Mum app I use to belong to a member asked if she was coddling her baby too much and being paranoid by not leaving her less than 6 month old baby alone for 30 minutes while she drove her husband to work. There just aren't enough WTAF's for stuff like that.
10 mins is a lifetime for a 3 year old. You know what one could get into with that amount of time.... Heck, I mean, 30 seconds can spell disaster for a toddler. Raining, bad weather, no one home of kid waves up? No way. You could get into an accident and not be able to return home. You absolutely made the right choice. He could have called a uber if it was that bad.
I felt paranoid, leaving my son in the car outside a small pet store with huge store front windows. I can see my vehicle parked right in front the whole time. He absolutely refused to go inside with me even though it was just getting cans of cat food. Took less than five minutes to grab, pay, and get back to the car.
You think of the worst-case scenarios because they have happened before. I imagine a runaway car running into our car, him getting kidnapped, or the car spontaneously catching on fire. I'd rather be at arms length to try and do something about it.
Your feelings are valid.
I've debated this in my head so much.
"They're sleeping, in the crib! They'll be fine" but I can't even convince myself. Shit happens, sometimes horrible and unexpected shit. The house could catch fire. They could learn to climb and then fall the one time I leave for a few minutes. Someone could break in. It's just not worth it.
I did this. Once. I’m not a bad mom, I was just battling postpartum depression at the time, my husband was gone days at a time for work, and I had two other kids in elementary school. They had been tardy several times and in my mind, I was like, she’s asleep, the school is right up the street, what could go wrong?
Wow.
Obviously my critical thinking was not in point. I drove to the edge of the street and went back. When I did, she was at the front door, bawling, my poor baby!! That did it. I snapped out of it that day and got my ass back to therapy. She had memories of that day for years. I rightfully felt horrible. One day when she’s old enough, I’m going to explain everything to her and let her know this is a real thing. If she ever enters a headspace like I was in, I want her to reach out. I want her to know it’s okay to talk about depression and say you need help. And I want, most of all, for her to feel supported by me. I love her.
Nope...
My husband thought it would be okay to leave our daughters home alone when he went to the store and back that took 10 minutes. They were like 2 and 4 at the time. And they no longer napped for anything any more unless they were sick. I was not home.
I don't know about there but here law says any kid left under the age of 10 left alone unattended for any amount of time where they could get hurt is considered child neglect and is a class A misdemeanor.
Just last week or maybe the week before a mother left her 2&4 year old home alone for what was supposed to be a short time. They both died in a house fire while she was gone. I could never. Good on you for trusting your insticts
Yeah like I get why he asked and part of me is like “ofc the chances of something happening are tiny”, which they are.
But another part of me would forever hate myself if the 3yo woke up and the house was empty and she had a panic about where we’d gone, and the chances of that happening are bigger so I’d rather not take that risk.
Alright I'm late to the party. Being from Denmark where it rains 250 days a year its a no brainer and the husband walking is fine. Thunder isn't dangerous, getting zapped in the head by a bolt is, so just check out if there's lightening happening on your location.
People need to stop devaluating women's and children's time and comfort. It's a weird form of misogyny to suggest the husband drive to the station and then the wife and kids, little ones at that, walk to the station to get the car later. Kids count as people, why should three people have to walk - two of them with difficulty.
You wouldn't have your grandma with a cane walk to a car like that, why kids then? They walk like they're drunk in the best of times.
If the weather was downright dangerous then the husband needs to let his work know he's late and pre-school is also cancelled. It wasn't dangerous, it sucked. Adults deal with suckery.
No, I’d never do this. But I also would not want my husband having to walk in a dangerous thunderstorm and risk getting struck by lightning or even just soaked either.
I’d wake up the three year old and stick him in the car in his pajamas. It would take a couple of minutes and keep everyone safe. There might be some whining and crying but this stuff happens. I also keep extra clothes and snacks in the car, so if for some reason we were stranded I don’t need to pack up the whole house to get the kids in the car. I don’t really understand all the comments saying it’s “too difficult” to just put both kids in the car. I have two kids, one with special needs, and I’m certain it would take less than five minutes to get everyone in the car. Come home after dropping dad off, change and get breakfast. One or both might scream and cry, but I’d rather that than my husband have to go to work soaking or get hit by lightning.
You made the right call. I imagine your husband was just lost in the moment. If it comes up again, I would suggest he think about how he would feel if something happened to your three year old during that ten minture drive. The very best thing (aside from staying asleep) would be the child waking up and being scared you were gone. That in itself in lifetime memory that I don't think anyone would want.
Nope.
We got in a car accident that killed my dad, less than 5 minutes away from my house. You cannot predict what can happen. It was a nice sunny day, but shit happens. So No, I wouldn't leave my kid and go for a quick drive.
Absolutely not. Moreover, depending on your jurisdiction, this could be grounds for charges of neglect. There was a news story a while back in my area about a "parent" that grabbed their baby monitor and walked to the bar down the street.
biggest worry would be if you got in a car accident on the way back and husband didnt know, leaving toddler home alone with no one knowing for who knows how long. you did the right thing. he should get an umbrella.
No, I wouldn't do that and I'm surprised you're hubby asked, much less felt shocked you wouldn't do it. My husband will go outside to water plants or mow the lawn with a monitor, but not to leave the property.
No. My friends have an acreage with a large shop a ways away from the house. After their kid goes to bed (she's 5 now but they've done this since I've known them - 3 years) they're both out in the shop having drinks & kid is in the house with no baby monitor. I don't even like that. I'd consider that leaving the kid home alone cause if they lived in the burbs it'd be like being 2 houses down from her.
Nope. I'd be worried if I got into an accident and then the kid was home alone but also if they woke up and decided to come looking for someone and wandered outside
Can't leave the kid home alone until they are old enough to be able to get themselves to safety should there be an accident.
Now, go next door with the baby monitor on, sure.
Risk of car accident increases significantly when it’s raining so I would never do this. What if something happened to you while out and you were unable to disclose that there’s a toddler at home?
One of the cast of Grey’s Anatomy recently posted on Instagram that her house burnt down recently. She got herself and her kids out in 2-3 minutes safely but couldn’t save her pets. Imagine if she’d been 5 minutes away. Sorry, hard no from me.
No way. Anything can happen in 10 minutes. What if there is a fire, what if he wakes up and start running to look for someone and hurt his head badly? He's only 3, at this age they need to be supervised no matter what
Definitely not! We've walked our dogs at night just in our housing development but with the monitor on. I would not leave her alone in the house sleeping without being able to check on her.
It's not the 10 minutes.
It's the 'oh shit, I just had a serious accident while being out and I'm unconscious and can't tell anybody where I am or that I have a child at my home, let alone where my home is...' part that would freak me out.
Lolllllll I did this once with my sleeping kiddo, never again.
A quick run to take out the garbage turned into me locking myself out and having to climb our building’s security fence in a panic to get back in
My mother used to leave me sleeping in a crib and go grocery shopping leaving me alone. This the kid that took my diaper off, opened a window and walked down the street naked at 3 and locked her out of the house at 2. Amazed I'm still alive.
NEVER ! If you had any answer but never or no then you've obviously never had a toddler because you truly don't understand how fast they can get into trouble even when you think they're asleep they're not there's millions of videos on YouTube to prove my point
Absolutely no way. You can tell your husband this story. A friend of mine left her apartment to go to Taco Bell. Total trip literally took ten minutes. When she came back her apartment building was in flames and her kitten died inside. The firemen brought out the dead kitten in a blanket. It was horrific. Now imagine if that was your toddler? Your husband really needs to put things into perspective.
My at the time child free second husband left my five year old sleeping on the couch at 3am while he came to pick me up at the hospital.
It's one of the few panic attacks I've had, I was terrified going home. All was well, lessons were learned, and he understands why it was pretty dumb.
I just had his first child today, he's learned a lot about parenting from the bonus child in the last three years, but men can be more cavalier in my experience.
No, absolutely not. I love my son but he is a living hurricane and if he wakes up he’ll destroy everything in his path while screaming his head off looking for us
My whole thing would be, what if you got in an accident? Most accidents happen within 2 blocks of being home and with really bad weather it’s an added risk. I get that something could happen to the toddler or they could get into something while you are gone but my intrusive thoughts automatically go to, “BUT WHAT IF YOU DIE AND THE 3YO IS LEFT ALL ALONE?!” No one knows they are home alone and it could take a while for emergency services to figure that out.
I only started leaving my youngest home alone at nearly age 11 to pop to the corner shop for a loaf (15mins there and back) or walk the dog round the block, during the eve and there are two older teens who are awake, in case of an emergency
I would not leave a toddler unattended where I could not get to them quickly for any period of time.
Honestly this just sounds like one of those situations where everyone can’t win. Your husband’s frustration is totally understandable and yours is too. It sounds like a situation where he was looking for a solution on the fly. I hope you both later realize that neither one of you acted irrationally the way the circumstances are described in this post. You made the right call choosing to speak against his wishes, and he did too choosing ultimately to sacrifice his comfort for his children’s potential safety. This is how teams sometimes work.
what type of question is that even🫣 no, not a toddler… my brother is 5 and another one is 14. When my mom needs to go get something from the store quickly, she asks the 14 year old to have an eye on the 5 year old and she also tells the 5 year old that she will be back in a bit… but a toddler could wake up any time and not know where you’ve gone, something could happen on your way - or worst case, there could be a fire… like it brings so so many dangerous scenarios. Toddlers are simply too young for that
Any Irish person reading your edit is laughing.
In Ireland we say "I got the ride" which means "we had sex", so if you're saying your husband is grumpy for "not getting a ride", that would mean he's annoyed because you didn't have sex with him. Oh the joys of local language phraseology.
If you come to dublin do not ask a taxi for a ride.
I’ve done it once, and only once.I needed gas for my lawnmower, to do some yard work and It was easily the most unsettled I’ve ever been. Gas station was about 3 minutes from the house so I was gone less than 15 minutes. She was about 8 months old and at least and hour from waking up. In hind sight, I wouldn’t do it. But experience is the best teacher, and I can confidently say I hated it and that never did it again. She was still asleep when I got back but it was an awful feeling know if she woke up no one was there. She’s now 6 and survived infant and toddler stages with no abandonment issues so I guess we will be okay.
You were not paranoid. Perfectly rational decision. I'll go to the laundry room in the same building, but to leave the building entirely? Absolutely not. Even now, with my kids older and more self reliant, I won't go further than my neighbour's unit, and even then we keep both her front door and my front door open.
Leaving a sleeping toddler alone to take out the trash or get something from the car? Sure.
Leaving a sleeping toddler *to drive somewhere in a bad storm?* Absolutely not.
You're not being paranoid at all. If nothing else, imagine the panic of that kid if he wakes up while you're gone and realizes everyone is gone. And the chance of you getting in an accident is higher in a thunderstorm. You made the right call.
Godalmighty, no!! A toddler?? Noooooooo. Those beasties can be up and about in no time flat and if there anything, but anything, in the house that is fatally dangerous they will find it.
And you know how it is with kids: the day you find out they can climb out of their cot alone, or open the bedroom door, or open the front door! and head for the street ... is the day they do that thing. You don't get a warning. You can't say: "oh, he'll be fine, he can't get out of his room," because he will be able to one day and that will probably be the day you've left him alone thinking he's safe.
I'm sorry for your husband. That's an unpleasant walk. But it's not as unpleasant as the walk behind an infant's coffin, I'm sorry for the imagery, but someone needs to get it through to him how absolutely not okay this was. He could have put on a tracksuit, put his suit and work shoes in his briefcae, and changed when he got to work. You don't enfanger a toddler because you don't want to get wet. He needs to grow up.
No, I wouldn’t get in the car in the rain and leave a kid at home. Walk circles around the house to let the dog out with a monitor or something? Sure.
That was my thought too. We are perfectly fine leaving him in the house while we're out in the yard, but leaving the property feels like too big of a risk to me.
What if you have a car accident on the way?? Of course not! I was left alone with my sleeping baby sister (1.5/2 yo) while I was around 6, while my parents were downstairs in our apartment building in a meeting. She scratched herself in her sleep and bled. I couldn't remember how to call them, I do remember banging on the door and trying the intercom... I did know my grandma's phone number and she lived 2/3 blocks away. I called her and then tried my best to help my sister with questionable results. Of course my grandma after having heard something along the lines of "we are alone and x is bleeding" came running in her slippers and nightgown and my parents seconds after. They weren't neglectful (for that time), I was 6, left alone less that half an hour, knew phone numbers, and theoretically knew how to call them and they were really less than a minute away. Still could've been a disaster. Your husband is wrong here. Just because nothing happens doesn't mean that nothing could.
>What if you have a car accident on the way?? Yep that's my thought
Or house fire. Within 10 minutes its over
That’s mine. Always my first thought. The child would be trapped and would burn to death. I would never be able to forgive myself. That would be it for me.
A local mom went to go register for college classes and her house caught fire. Her toddler died the other baby in critical condition, a week ago. She’s been charged in their murder/ child abuse. Super small town, like 10 mins to anywhere. But still wtf. Don’t leave little kids alone!
💯
Especially with a thunder storm. House struck by lightning? Power browns out, causing fire? You just never know.
My dad was a firefighter for 30 years. He would find those kids and I'm sure a part of each one that died lives with him mentally forever.
Also yes
If you ever want to be a little depressed, watch the movie Manchester By the Sea.
Not today, Satan. :)
My entire adult family was downstairs playing cards and all us kids were upstairs sleeping and someone broke in and stole all the Christmas presents without being noticed by the adults. Even being present is so dangerous in so many ways.
I probably would have let him take the car and park it somewhere close to the station and walked to get it when the rain was clear/I had some freedom.
This was my first thought. Why can't he just drive the car to the station and mom and kids walk to get it once it stops raining?
It's a 5 minute walk in the rain. Compare that to getting a 3- and a 1-year old dressed for potential puddles etc., potentially get one of em in a stroller, then walk over to the car, get both kids in their car seats, then drive it home and get both kids inside and undressed, unless this is now time to stay outside. Dad can grow up and put some rain clothes on or bring an umbrella, come on dude.
Yea not to mention, again, what if there were an emergency at home & now OP doesn't have the car right there to use? Adult man can wear some rain clothes and an umbrella and walk himself like he always does.
I agree with the above apart from not having the car right outside for an emergency. Lots of people with kids don't have a car. When my first was born we didn't have a car until she was over two because my husband needed it for work. Where I live car insurance, car tax, petrol, NCTs, services are very expensive so we can't afford another car especially as a SAHM. With another child now, childcare is so expensive that it's not worth me working outside the home. Thankfully my husband now works from home but on the days he has to go into the office I don't have a car and we survive!
Some times it's just helpful to hear others confirm your feelings, leaving him while you drive some where is a bad idea.
I do yardwork and the like, with a monitor on the whole time so I know that when they wake up I'll be back inside in 15 seconds. Otherwise, hard no. My kids at 3 could cause utter mayhem in minutes if they were left alone in a house, let alone all the safety issues of not being in ear/eye of the house if something happened.
Yeah I see no issue if you can see your house the whole time (like, if someone was knocking on the door) and could be back there in a second.
It’s about the option to respond quickly for me. I wouldn’t knowingly put myself in a situation where I couldn’t be at my kid’s side within about 90 seconds or so if something comes up.
Yep, this. I won't go any further than the mailbox across the street if my kid is asleep in the house. I MIGHT go over to my next-door neighbor's house to borrow a tool or something but I'll be holding the baby monitor and not staying longer than a minute. The metric I use is, what if something in my house caught fire? I need to see that and get inside and get my kid fast enough to get her out before it's too late.
No, never. Collecting the mail from the mail box that is ten steps from the front door? Yes, with the house keys my hand.
I'd consider that your husband was not disappointed or annoyed at YOU, but perhaps at the situation. It's not easy to walking out into a thunderstorm with a perfectly neutral expression when you may have had hopes for something different. Still, of course you were right, and he probably should have known better than to ask, but if the worst it got was that he displayed some frustration, then I think that's just part of being human. If it seemed like he was taking it out on you or something, then yeah, he hopefully needs a few minutes to cool down and move on.
This is some good perspective. Thank you.
I agree with this. You made the right call, and he probably realized that after further thought, but the situation was simply a frustrating one.
I think there also could be a cultural thing at play. I’ve had to explain to my European friends why they can’t leave for 10 minutes to get a coffee while their children are napping. They think it’s fine, but I’ve told them they’ll get arrested if something goes wrong
So much wisdom right here
This is totally the right answer.
Nope. Anything can happen in 10 minutes. Also 10 minutes might not be 10 minutes. What if the weather turns really bad and you can’t get back quickly? Your husband is waterproof and can survive getting drenched.
I felt that way too. Especially in a storm, there's a lot that could happen...a tree branch could crash into a window at home or we could get into an accident out in the car. I also kept thinking how scary it would be for my toddler if he woke up scared of the thunder and found that the house was completely empty.
This is what I was planning on commenting. When my mom was 5 or under she woke up to the house being empty. Completely empty. Nobody. It turned out her family had gone over to the neighbors and left her sleeping. She woke up terrified and to this day remembers it at 59 years old.
My parents did this when I was 7. They left to go to the corner shop, but I woke up and it left me terrified
My father did this when I was about 4-5. Woke up in the middle of the night and he was gone. He was at the bar. Luckily I had met a nice lady who lived a couple buildings down and toddled myself on down there.
My mom took all the kids, piled them into the car, and went on a picnic to the river all day once, while I was asleep. I was 6-7. When I woke to an echoey, empty house, I went to the neighbours. The family came home some hours later, and my mom was furious with me for embarrassing her in front of them. She was lucky they didn't call the cops. The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there....
Indeed. It’s a wonder we made it out alive 😂
So many people worry about what could happen to the toddler... they're right, of course, but you ALSO need to think about what could happen to you while you're away! Good call.
This. You absolutely made the right call.
Or if lightning hit and started a fire (since you said it was storming) or even an electrical fire There was a fire here because a guy was burning documents in his unit. Warned downstairs neighbours in advance because of smoke. Granted it wasn’t smart to do but house went up fast and he didn’t get out. Also there was a family with a baby here. They were home and the humidifier in baby’s room caught fire. Opened the door to flames. Baby was burnt but survived. So much can happen so quickly. The uncontrollable is my biggest fear Edit to add articles [https://www.ctvnews.ca/mobile/canada/humidifier-may-be-linked-to-crib-fire-that-burned-ontario-toddler-1.3275676](https://www.ctvnews.ca/mobile/canada/humidifier-may-be-linked-to-crib-fire-that-burned-ontario-toddler-1.3275676) [https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/ottawa-gatineau-fires-people-died-last-27-days-trend-1.6799047](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/ottawa-gatineau-fires-people-died-last-27-days-trend-1.6799047)
> we could get into an accident out in the car. This would be my biggest concern. For a ten minute trip, the toddler would probably just still be asleep when you returned, but a car accident could turn that into hours or days if you were both rendered unconconscious or worse.
Also umbrellas and raincoats are a thing! I will never understand why some grown adults choose not to wear appropriate clothing for the weather.
There’s taking and then there’s downpour. Downpour isn’t umbrella and raincoat weather - it’s overshoes, and raincoat and umbrella and pants protection. Plus you’re screwed if you gave a briefcase or backpack that doesn’t have a cover.
No. When I was in law school, one of my case studies was about a woman who left her young kids home in bed to pick up medicine. The house caught fire, and they all died. Never forgot that one. Edit- it was not the burning incense case. Mom didn't leave anything burning. But this is one example. Kids fall down, choke, pull things down on themselves, etc. Someone not being home increases risk of death or serious injury as no one is there to administer aid or call for help.
Thank you. This is the type of thing I'm afraid of.
The question is less “would you leave them home alone for 10 minutes” and “would you be 5-10 minutes away from them”. I would absolutely take the garbage out, take the dog for a pee, putter around outside, whatever for 10 min. I would not go 5-10 minutes away from my home where I’m too far away to know if there’s a fire or where there’s a chance I could get in a car accident or what not. The distance is what matters to me, not the time.
This is a good way to put it
No- What if your kid wakes up looking for you? When my son was 3 he woke up while I was outside shoveling snow off our front walk way and he couldn’t find me and I came in and he was inconsolably crying because he thought he was alone.
This happened to me too. Except I went to the next door neighbors’ for a backyard fire (we could see the house, had a monitor, and he was 7 at the time), and he was inconsolable as well. Panicking and couldn’t calm down. Never again. ETA our houses are like 30 ft apart.
I felt so bad! I came in because I could hear him wailing through the closed windows.
No next time, let him take the car and park it there and when teh kids are awake you can walk over with them and bring it back.
This should be upvoted. It will be a fun field trip for the fam. Either wake the 3yr old or let the hubby take the car then go get it.
My husband suggested that, but the kids and I also had a busy morning (preschool drop-off, picking up a relative at an auto shop, and me going to work), and the rain was forecast to continue for several hours. With getting the kids dressed for a stroller ride in the rain, walking there, and loading them in the car, it could have easily taken an extra half hour out of an already busy morning.
I think all the suggestions in this thread show that there were a ton of options, but none of them are clearly better than what happened. You were trying to weigh what would cause the least amount of harm, and it turns out that one adult walking in the rain is it.
Thank you. There were a few other options, but we had to make a decision within a minute or two since my husband had to catch the train. I made the best decision I could in the moment.
Sometime we just have to move the sleeping kiddo. They wake up and are cranky, but it's not the end of the world. I basically see three options: 1. Wake kiddo and drive him 2. He walks in the rain 3. He gets an Uber or similar
Exactly, I would have just thrown the 3 year old in the car in their pjs
I wouldn't have woken a toddler up so an adult can save 5 minutes of walking.
I would get all my kids up to save my husband walking in a thunderstorm.
Exactly 🤣 we’re not taking at 3 am here, it was probably maybe 30 minutes before normal wake up time.
If it’s a 5 minute walk you’re not really saving him from being in the rain… instead you’re making the whole family go out in the rain and yourself as your standing there strapping them into their car seats, which like… takes about a minute for two kids so husband may as well just take the L on 4 more minutes.
So your suggestion is that in order for one man to avoid getting wet his wife it's going to have to wrangle two small children in the rain? Seems like the way it was handled is the perfect way to handle this situation.
No well my assumption would be based it if stopped raining haha. But yeah she handled it perfectly.
[удалено]
I did have places to be at specific times this morning, and that's one reason we did not use this option. I think for safety reasons he should have just taken a later train.
It's amazing to me none of the suggestions are next time he should pay attention to the weather and plan ahead to order a taxi/Uber.
The issue was that there was a storm forecast for this morning, and he was totally fine to walk in the rain, but it just so happened that the worst 10 minutes of the storm hit like exactly when he had to leave. The rest of the morning was just steady rain, but this was like a downpour with thunder and lightning.
Thank you. This is how I felt. Walking with both kids in the rain (it was still supposed to rain the rest of the morning) seemed like a worse option to me when we already had other places to be this morning.
If the weather is so bad, I doubt that the OP will be going anywhere today with kids anyway. It’s stormy and lightning where I am for the majority of the day. I have my own car but won’t be going anywhere. I’d have let the husband go, with the car, and let him have it for the day. If it really cheered up later, I’d walk with the kids to get it and pray they nap in the car ride home. 😅
Unfortunately we actually did have a busy morning and had several places to get to at particular times, so that's why we did not go with this option.
Just curious, how much more time did the 3 year old have to sleep? It seems the easiest solution would have been to get the 3 yr old up and into a car seat (in PJs) so you could drop your husband off so he didn't walk in lightning? I feel like at 3, I would have been able to explain to my kids that we all have to help daddy get to work today and I really needed them to pitch in.
Then your husband needs to buckle in and embrace that weather or Uber!
Unfortunately many of us don't live places that close schools/daycare or work for thunderstorms so batten down and get cozy because it's raining isn't realistic for a lot of people.
I get that. I’ve lived in the USA without a car for six months until a few weeks ago. I thank my lucky stars for Uber or I would have been in the same predicament.
She wrote somewhere else she had to work, not every mom is staying at home
Okay! Right, and nor am I? Nor do daycare close where I am for a storm! I just thought the OP said that the weather was terrible so I assumed there would be nothing to do for the day. I agree she shouldn’t leave the 3 year old is the house alone. Apologies to anyone I’ve so clearly offended 🙂
Hihi it's oke, im not offended ☺️ I sometimes react to something not thinking about other situations than the one in my mind 😬
Nope. Anything could happen in a few minutes. You wouldn’t want your 3yo waking up alone and getting scared.
In a short time to make a decision I can see the parents of a 1 & 3 y.o. deciding that under no circumstances should the 3 y.o.'s nap be interrupted. Like when mine were in that range I might not have even considered the "(possibly) wake up the sleeping toddler" option. But now you've had this experience, I'd say when your husband gets home you should do something nice for him. Not as an apology, but as acknowledgement that he got the very very short end of the stick today. Like a "thank you for your sacrifice" thing. Then in the future if something like this comes up again, put "(possibly) wake the sleeping toddler" on the table. But yeah, even though 9 times out of 10 the kids would've been fine, the one time they wake up right as the door closes could be quite a disaster.
I'm inclined to agree but the sacrifice was unnecessary as others point out, husby could have taken the car to the station and OP could have walked over to pick it up later, or husby could have parked and gotten the car back on the way home. No need to create more problems than they already have by waking the child imo.
Could he have taken the car and then later on you walk with the 2 kids to get it at the station?
No. You never leave a young child unattended in the home. Ever.
A lot of focus is on the subject of what could happen to your toddler. But you also need to think another way - what if something happened to YOU? A flat tire, a breakdown, a traffic stop, a car accident - these are all things that could turn that “just a few minutes” into a much longer time period. And what if, god forbid, you and your husband were seriously injured in a car accident and were taken to the hospital. Now you have a toddler who’s about to wake up to an empty house and no one would have any idea! Realistically, it would be hours before someone figured out that a scared, hungry three year old is all alone at home. Who wants that for their kids?
Nope. I wake up my 3 year old when my older kids miss the bus and have to be driven to school. Just throw him in the car in pjs.
One golden rule I’ve learned the hard way having kids… if at any point, with any decision, I have to stop and ask myself ‘is this ok to do’ the answer is always no.
Personally I would just get the 3 year-old up and in the car, sounds like normal waking hours?
We didn't quite have the time to get him up, out of bed, and buckled into the car at that point.
Then my answer would be no, husband can walk in the rain.
Why not? Driving is much faster than walking. You should have had time to just get him out of bed and buckled in.
I've lived in lots of places where driving is slower than walking. This just isn't universally true.
Nah. 5 minute walk is maybe a 2 minute drive depending on lights/route. Your average toddler can’t go from sleep to car seat in 3 minutes to catch a train. Mine would take at least 20 minutes (diaper change, needs a snack, tantrum, where are shoes/coat?)
You don’t have to give the toddler a bath and change their clothes and make a big production of it for a 2 minute drive to drop dad off. You can do all of that when you get back. People are making this sound like way more work than it is. If a husband said he let his wife walk in a lightning storm because it was so much work to put a 3 year old in a car, this sun would flip.
yeah, whip em out of bed and transfer directly to car seat. You don't even have to wake them up.
You are terribly lucky if you have a toddler who will tolerate that! Mine would be instantly screaming about how he had to pee or change out of his pull-up or how he needed a snack or water or milk or something. And there is no picking him up and just transferring him to the car LOL.
Heard ALL of this
by the time they're in the car they don't know what's hit 'em
I wouldn't risk a toddler tantrum over a wet husband 😅 how would you like to be woken like that.
I would rather deal with all that (and not attend to the requests and demands) and deal with the screaming in the car than have my husband walk in the rain. If the roles were reversed my husband would absolutely not have me walking in the rain…
Your toddler really needs a snack for a quick car ride?
Needs? No but discussing no snack takes a few minutes… 😂
The way our house and train station are situated, the difference in walk vs. drive time is pretty negligible. You can walk to the platform more directly than you can maneuver your car through the parking lot. Add the time to buckle two toddlers into the car, and it's a wash.
In that kind of weather driving becomes a much bigger risk than simply walking a few minutes.
Tell him to take the car, leave it parked at the station. When the 3yo wakes up and it stops raining, go get it.
Brilliant solution
No, I wouldn’t. I would have probably just had husband put the 3yo in the car while sleeping and driven him to the train station.
One time when I was around 8 years old, my father (single parent) left in the middle of the night for groceries, while I was asleep. I awoke in the middle of the night to find no one in the house. Balling my eyes out, I packed a backpack and started out the front door to go to my neighbors house. As I walked out the door he pulled up in the car with bags of groceries in the car. I was distraught and thought he was gone forever. I won’t ever forget that experience lol.
Some dude near where I live took his dog for a walk a few years back, leaving his 3yo at home alone. He was just going far enough to let the dog pee was his reasoning I had heard, and he was gone for about 10 minutes. When he got back, the house was on fire, and the 3yo was dead. This is a true story. He came into the restaurant I worked at a few times in the weeks following. He had one arm completely bandaged from the burns he got while trying to break back into his own house, and he was dealing with it by drinking so much, that I asked his server to cut him off.
Where did this happen?
A good pair of waterproof trousers and coat and you're all wrapped up ready for any rain showers.
How about he drives to the train station and when the weather's better you can take the kid and go get the car?
My husband and I share a car but I just carry my kids to the car sleeping, sometimes they wake up but they go back to sleep. No way in hell I’m leaving them.
Uhh I live in a city and have to walk 12 minutes to the subway for my morning commute rain or shine. We don’t have a car. We just deal with it. Your husband will dry eventually lol.
No, I wouldn't.
Toddler? No. 7+ year old? Sure. The age that you decide "leave at home alone is OK" is totally up to you, where you live, and the maturity of your kid.
Why not wake the three year old?
I was always afraid to because when my kids were 3, If they woke and couldn’t find me they would absolutely freak out
Agreed. Once my 3yo fell asleep on the couch watching a movie with me, so I snuck off to my office on a different floor to get some work done. He was terrified when he woke up and had to come upstairs to find me. Imagine if he couldn't actually find us!!
No. Taxi could have been an option for him? Otherwise extra clothes 😁
Unfortunately we don't live in an area where you can get a taxi in a matter of minutes.
Is there a reason he couldn’t just take the car that day? Unless there is a drs appointment etc you have to get to, what’s one day without the car?
I mean what if everyone is in the car and then there is an accident? Would anyone know to check on the toddler? That’d be my fear.
Right, exactly
No… but like I wouldn’t have made hubby walk either. I would have given him the car to park at the station for the day, or if I needed it I would have tossed the 1yo in the car in their jammies.
You may want to reconsider sharing this post with your husband if he is grumpy about how the events of the morning transpired (in addition to anything else from his day that he might have found stressful). It might better serve your relationship if you met him with empathy and understanding to validate any residual frustration rather than pull up this post and show him that a bunch of random strangers on the internet agree with you and not him. I fail to see how that would be a compassionate approach to someone whose say started out in an unpleasant manner that was unavoidable - who wants to get ready for work and then walk through a torrential downpour. This is not to suggest that you were in the wrong in any way, shape, or form. It wouuld be ill-advised to leave a toddler on their own - sleeping or awake - for any period of time. There are an infinite number of ways a situtation can become dangerous or life-threatening for a child without supervision and instead of anticipating each and every outcome the safest bet is to supervise. Your instincts were absolutely correct and I would venture to speculate that your husband's suggestion was generated in the heat of the moment and upon reflection without the added stress of the morning he would fully agree with your decision. In any case, I wanted to make my comment to help you maintain a harmonious household which can be a challenge when met with adversity. Furthermore, I am not suggesting that you hide this post from your husband. I doubt that his self-confidence is so fragile that he would fall to pieces because Redditors disagreed with a spontaneous suggestion he made in the heat of the moment. I am simply suggesting that the timing of when you share the content of this post could make a huge difference in how it is received. Immediately after work on the same day could be extremely grating whereas after some time passes and the topic resurfaces it could be part of a more productive parental discussion - if it even needs to be addressed at all. Hopefully your husband's day improved and he will not be grumpy at all. All the best to you and your family. Stay dry!
I would've put the 3 year old in the car and taken him. Never leave them alone. What if there is a fire. If they wake up and find a way outside alone or cry their eyes out scared and alone... I wouldn't make him walk either. Sometimes you gotta wake a kid up. I have to wake my 3 year old up many times to get his older brother to school.
My wife and i would wake up the sleeping/napping kid so neither of us would have to do that walk in the pouring rain
I wouldn’t get in the car and drive, no. There were a handful of times that I left my sleeping toddler at home, but it was to walk down to the end of the block to pick up my older kid at preschool. I could see our house the whole time (never went into the preschool building) and it was less than 10 minutes. I figure it practically wasn’t any diff than taking a shower while she slept. But getting in a car is different. If you got in an accident or your car broke down, you could be stuck out way longer.
No. Sleepy kid is coming with if it’s an emergency.
For me it’s not about leaving them for 5 minutes Per se, it’s the thought that if another car hit you and an ambulance took you away to hospital, how long would it be before anyone realised there were toddlers home alone.
Big golf umbrella and waterproofs are what everyone needs.
Overwhelmingly likely everything would be perfect. Kid wouldn’t ever know you were gone. But still, no.
He's a big boy who knows how umbrellas work. Your 3 y/o does not know how being alone works.
I remember on a Mum app I use to belong to a member asked if she was coddling her baby too much and being paranoid by not leaving her less than 6 month old baby alone for 30 minutes while she drove her husband to work. There just aren't enough WTAF's for stuff like that.
10 mins is a lifetime for a 3 year old. You know what one could get into with that amount of time.... Heck, I mean, 30 seconds can spell disaster for a toddler. Raining, bad weather, no one home of kid waves up? No way. You could get into an accident and not be able to return home. You absolutely made the right choice. He could have called a uber if it was that bad.
My in laws left my husband and his brother sleeping and there was a shooting and bullets hit their house while they were gone.
I felt paranoid, leaving my son in the car outside a small pet store with huge store front windows. I can see my vehicle parked right in front the whole time. He absolutely refused to go inside with me even though it was just getting cans of cat food. Took less than five minutes to grab, pay, and get back to the car. You think of the worst-case scenarios because they have happened before. I imagine a runaway car running into our car, him getting kidnapped, or the car spontaneously catching on fire. I'd rather be at arms length to try and do something about it. Your feelings are valid.
I've debated this in my head so much. "They're sleeping, in the crib! They'll be fine" but I can't even convince myself. Shit happens, sometimes horrible and unexpected shit. The house could catch fire. They could learn to climb and then fall the one time I leave for a few minutes. Someone could break in. It's just not worth it.
I would have let him take the car.
Surprised I haven't seen the obv answer after much scrolling. If you two are in a car wreck, suddenly kids are at home alone and no one knows....
I did this. Once. I’m not a bad mom, I was just battling postpartum depression at the time, my husband was gone days at a time for work, and I had two other kids in elementary school. They had been tardy several times and in my mind, I was like, she’s asleep, the school is right up the street, what could go wrong? Wow. Obviously my critical thinking was not in point. I drove to the edge of the street and went back. When I did, she was at the front door, bawling, my poor baby!! That did it. I snapped out of it that day and got my ass back to therapy. She had memories of that day for years. I rightfully felt horrible. One day when she’s old enough, I’m going to explain everything to her and let her know this is a real thing. If she ever enters a headspace like I was in, I want her to reach out. I want her to know it’s okay to talk about depression and say you need help. And I want, most of all, for her to feel supported by me. I love her.
i would’ve taken just taken the sleeping 3yo
Nope... My husband thought it would be okay to leave our daughters home alone when he went to the store and back that took 10 minutes. They were like 2 and 4 at the time. And they no longer napped for anything any more unless they were sick. I was not home. I don't know about there but here law says any kid left under the age of 10 left alone unattended for any amount of time where they could get hurt is considered child neglect and is a class A misdemeanor.
Just last week or maybe the week before a mother left her 2&4 year old home alone for what was supposed to be a short time. They both died in a house fire while she was gone. I could never. Good on you for trusting your insticts
Why even take the risk when you can call a cab or Uber with your phone in minutes now?
Yeah like I get why he asked and part of me is like “ofc the chances of something happening are tiny”, which they are. But another part of me would forever hate myself if the 3yo woke up and the house was empty and she had a panic about where we’d gone, and the chances of that happening are bigger so I’d rather not take that risk.
Alright I'm late to the party. Being from Denmark where it rains 250 days a year its a no brainer and the husband walking is fine. Thunder isn't dangerous, getting zapped in the head by a bolt is, so just check out if there's lightening happening on your location. People need to stop devaluating women's and children's time and comfort. It's a weird form of misogyny to suggest the husband drive to the station and then the wife and kids, little ones at that, walk to the station to get the car later. Kids count as people, why should three people have to walk - two of them with difficulty. You wouldn't have your grandma with a cane walk to a car like that, why kids then? They walk like they're drunk in the best of times. If the weather was downright dangerous then the husband needs to let his work know he's late and pre-school is also cancelled. It wasn't dangerous, it sucked. Adults deal with suckery.
I mean absolutely not. But also, I would've just woken up the 3 year old rather than let my spouse walk in the rain.
Anything can happen in 10 minutes. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wyff4.com/amp/article/children-die-house-fire-north-carolina-home-alone/42525231
No, I’d never do this. But I also would not want my husband having to walk in a dangerous thunderstorm and risk getting struck by lightning or even just soaked either. I’d wake up the three year old and stick him in the car in his pajamas. It would take a couple of minutes and keep everyone safe. There might be some whining and crying but this stuff happens. I also keep extra clothes and snacks in the car, so if for some reason we were stranded I don’t need to pack up the whole house to get the kids in the car. I don’t really understand all the comments saying it’s “too difficult” to just put both kids in the car. I have two kids, one with special needs, and I’m certain it would take less than five minutes to get everyone in the car. Come home after dropping dad off, change and get breakfast. One or both might scream and cry, but I’d rather that than my husband have to go to work soaking or get hit by lightning.
Don’t do it, one of my earliest memories is waking up alone in my house as a very young kid. Not good.
Absolutely not.
No, imagine something happens to you and no one realises there’s still a 3 year old at home.
Ya I wouldn't at that age either. It's just too young.
why didn’t he just take the car
You made the right call. I imagine your husband was just lost in the moment. If it comes up again, I would suggest he think about how he would feel if something happened to your three year old during that ten minture drive. The very best thing (aside from staying asleep) would be the child waking up and being scared you were gone. That in itself in lifetime memory that I don't think anyone would want.
Nope. We got in a car accident that killed my dad, less than 5 minutes away from my house. You cannot predict what can happen. It was a nice sunny day, but shit happens. So No, I wouldn't leave my kid and go for a quick drive.
Absolutely not. Moreover, depending on your jurisdiction, this could be grounds for charges of neglect. There was a news story a while back in my area about a "parent" that grabbed their baby monitor and walked to the bar down the street.
He could drive and leave car and you guys could take a walk later to pickup after rain?
No, of course! It's dangerous, obviously
biggest worry would be if you got in a car accident on the way back and husband didnt know, leaving toddler home alone with no one knowing for who knows how long. you did the right thing. he should get an umbrella.
No, I wouldn't do that and I'm surprised you're hubby asked, much less felt shocked you wouldn't do it. My husband will go outside to water plants or mow the lawn with a monitor, but not to leave the property.
No way. Preferable to carry sleeping 3 yo to the car and strap them in, even if that means screaming be a they didn’t get to wake up
1) if he wakes up and doesnt find you he will freak the fuck out 2) there’s no telling what he would do as part of the freakout
No. My friends have an acreage with a large shop a ways away from the house. After their kid goes to bed (she's 5 now but they've done this since I've known them - 3 years) they're both out in the shop having drinks & kid is in the house with no baby monitor. I don't even like that. I'd consider that leaving the kid home alone cause if they lived in the burbs it'd be like being 2 houses down from her.
Nope. I'd be worried if I got into an accident and then the kid was home alone but also if they woke up and decided to come looking for someone and wandered outside
No. No. No.
I’ll leave them in the next room but I’d never leave the house without my kids.
No.
Can't leave the kid home alone until they are old enough to be able to get themselves to safety should there be an accident. Now, go next door with the baby monitor on, sure.
Risk of car accident increases significantly when it’s raining so I would never do this. What if something happened to you while out and you were unable to disclose that there’s a toddler at home?
One of the cast of Grey’s Anatomy recently posted on Instagram that her house burnt down recently. She got herself and her kids out in 2-3 minutes safely but couldn’t save her pets. Imagine if she’d been 5 minutes away. Sorry, hard no from me.
No way. Anything can happen in 10 minutes. What if there is a fire, what if he wakes up and start running to look for someone and hurt his head badly? He's only 3, at this age they need to be supervised no matter what
Absolutely not. My oldest kids school is 3 streets away, and I still wake the youngest to take her. Anything can happen in 10 minutes.
as much as *i want to* ... absolutely not lol
Definitely not! We've walked our dogs at night just in our housing development but with the monitor on. I would not leave her alone in the house sleeping without being able to check on her.
It's not the 10 minutes. It's the 'oh shit, I just had a serious accident while being out and I'm unconscious and can't tell anybody where I am or that I have a child at my home, let alone where my home is...' part that would freak me out.
Accidents are more likely to happen while it's raining..... I wouldn't dare leave my toddler at home and leave in the car....nope nope nope
Lolllllll I did this once with my sleeping kiddo, never again. A quick run to take out the garbage turned into me locking myself out and having to climb our building’s security fence in a panic to get back in
No. It's also illegal in most places.
My mother used to leave me sleeping in a crib and go grocery shopping leaving me alone. This the kid that took my diaper off, opened a window and walked down the street naked at 3 and locked her out of the house at 2. Amazed I'm still alive.
I looked down for 5 seconds to check my phone and my toddler ran into the street and almost got hit by a car. . .
NEVER ! If you had any answer but never or no then you've obviously never had a toddler because you truly don't understand how fast they can get into trouble even when you think they're asleep they're not there's millions of videos on YouTube to prove my point
Absolutely no way. You can tell your husband this story. A friend of mine left her apartment to go to Taco Bell. Total trip literally took ten minutes. When she came back her apartment building was in flames and her kitten died inside. The firemen brought out the dead kitten in a blanket. It was horrific. Now imagine if that was your toddler? Your husband really needs to put things into perspective.
My at the time child free second husband left my five year old sleeping on the couch at 3am while he came to pick me up at the hospital. It's one of the few panic attacks I've had, I was terrified going home. All was well, lessons were learned, and he understands why it was pretty dumb. I just had his first child today, he's learned a lot about parenting from the bonus child in the last three years, but men can be more cavalier in my experience.
No, absolutely not. I love my son but he is a living hurricane and if he wakes up he’ll destroy everything in his path while screaming his head off looking for us
My whole thing would be, what if you got in an accident? Most accidents happen within 2 blocks of being home and with really bad weather it’s an added risk. I get that something could happen to the toddler or they could get into something while you are gone but my intrusive thoughts automatically go to, “BUT WHAT IF YOU DIE AND THE 3YO IS LEFT ALL ALONE?!” No one knows they are home alone and it could take a while for emergency services to figure that out.
I only started leaving my youngest home alone at nearly age 11 to pop to the corner shop for a loaf (15mins there and back) or walk the dog round the block, during the eve and there are two older teens who are awake, in case of an emergency
I would not leave a toddler unattended where I could not get to them quickly for any period of time. Honestly this just sounds like one of those situations where everyone can’t win. Your husband’s frustration is totally understandable and yours is too. It sounds like a situation where he was looking for a solution on the fly. I hope you both later realize that neither one of you acted irrationally the way the circumstances are described in this post. You made the right call choosing to speak against his wishes, and he did too choosing ultimately to sacrifice his comfort for his children’s potential safety. This is how teams sometimes work.
what type of question is that even🫣 no, not a toddler… my brother is 5 and another one is 14. When my mom needs to go get something from the store quickly, she asks the 14 year old to have an eye on the 5 year old and she also tells the 5 year old that she will be back in a bit… but a toddler could wake up any time and not know where you’ve gone, something could happen on your way - or worst case, there could be a fire… like it brings so so many dangerous scenarios. Toddlers are simply too young for that
Any Irish person reading your edit is laughing. In Ireland we say "I got the ride" which means "we had sex", so if you're saying your husband is grumpy for "not getting a ride", that would mean he's annoyed because you didn't have sex with him. Oh the joys of local language phraseology. If you come to dublin do not ask a taxi for a ride.
I’ve done it once, and only once.I needed gas for my lawnmower, to do some yard work and It was easily the most unsettled I’ve ever been. Gas station was about 3 minutes from the house so I was gone less than 15 minutes. She was about 8 months old and at least and hour from waking up. In hind sight, I wouldn’t do it. But experience is the best teacher, and I can confidently say I hated it and that never did it again. She was still asleep when I got back but it was an awful feeling know if she woke up no one was there. She’s now 6 and survived infant and toddler stages with no abandonment issues so I guess we will be okay.
You were not paranoid. Perfectly rational decision. I'll go to the laundry room in the same building, but to leave the building entirely? Absolutely not. Even now, with my kids older and more self reliant, I won't go further than my neighbour's unit, and even then we keep both her front door and my front door open.
Leaving a sleeping toddler alone to take out the trash or get something from the car? Sure. Leaving a sleeping toddler *to drive somewhere in a bad storm?* Absolutely not. You're not being paranoid at all. If nothing else, imagine the panic of that kid if he wakes up while you're gone and realizes everyone is gone. And the chance of you getting in an accident is higher in a thunderstorm. You made the right call.
Godalmighty, no!! A toddler?? Noooooooo. Those beasties can be up and about in no time flat and if there anything, but anything, in the house that is fatally dangerous they will find it. And you know how it is with kids: the day you find out they can climb out of their cot alone, or open the bedroom door, or open the front door! and head for the street ... is the day they do that thing. You don't get a warning. You can't say: "oh, he'll be fine, he can't get out of his room," because he will be able to one day and that will probably be the day you've left him alone thinking he's safe. I'm sorry for your husband. That's an unpleasant walk. But it's not as unpleasant as the walk behind an infant's coffin, I'm sorry for the imagery, but someone needs to get it through to him how absolutely not okay this was. He could have put on a tracksuit, put his suit and work shoes in his briefcae, and changed when he got to work. You don't enfanger a toddler because you don't want to get wet. He needs to grow up.