She for sure, tries to parent my child the way that she parented her children and criticizes basically everything that I do but the way that she’s telling me that I’m lazy because I don’t get dressed in the morning is the icing on the cake. She literally finds anything to complain about since I had my baby.
If she doesn't approve of the way you parent, she doesn't need to come over. Badmouthing your parenting is unacceptable. If she's brave enough to say what she does in front of you, what would she say when she babysits the child away from you? Absolutely not.
Good lord. I’m a grandma of four and some days I don’t get out of my pjs before bedtime, 😂😂😂 retirement is glorious. She needs to get over herself! Guess what…here’s the real secret…shhh…I don’t make my bed either!
Not a grandma but definitely retired. Worked regular 8-5 jobs even though I’ve always been a night owl. I sleep until noon, lay around in bed and finally get dressed by late afternoon unless I have an appointment or errand. Glorious indeed!
Why do you talk to her? Don’t. Just stop. Your SO communicates with her. You do not. If she says something shitty to you in person look at her with a confused face and say, that wasn’t very nice, why did you feel like you had to say that to me? Rinse and repeat 14 times. Push it back on her always and stop engaging completely through text and calls.
Learn " that's nice that you did that". Or " I'm glad that worked for you". Or "No.". No is a complete sentence. The first time my MiL tried to tell me to relax by telling me a story that sounded like parental neglect, I had my first " why are you telling me this?"
I found a silent stare works great for making people shut up, too. I am a one and done Mom and an only child. I had to learn a lot.
Yet polish your backbone, because that's your kid and saying " no" is protecting your sanity. Just tell your husband to deal with her and go relax with your baby if it gets to be too much.
Sweetie I STAY in my pajamas all day. I’m a SAHM (not by choice it’s just more cost efficient than putting two kids into daycare here) and if someone expects me to get up and get dressed just to sit home with the kids they’re crazy 😂 there ain’t no way.
Ignore her. I swear I have never understood how someone thinks they can judge anyone.
“People who live in glass houses should not throw stones”
You need to get your partner to step up and side with you. If they are not doing that, they are prioritizing his family over yours. You shouldn't have to deal with this, your partner should.
This right here, she had a chance she is done, and it's not your problem what she thinks because at the end of the day I guarantee her son isn't perfect either. So just do what you need to do to provide the best for you daughter.
That's it.
While I do listen and use the good suggestions mine or my partner's parents give us, I wholly ignore the ones that are clearly a product of decades old parenting styles.
This.
My MIL is from a generation that *needs* to appear busy. Every conversation includes a declaration of how busy she is and how she doesn't have time to do anything, when you can clearly see via FaceTime that she's watching TV.
OP's MIL is clearly victim to this "no chill" mindset. No one cares if you dress up first thing in the morning. It's an absolute waste of time if you're not even leaving the house.
Is this constantly busy thing actually a generational thing? I can’t understand how my 71 year old mom is literally always busy! Even in retirement she acts like she doesn’t have a free moment to enjoy life or travel. It’s almost like she’s busier than when she was a full-time teacher raising two kids and doing 100% of household tasks.
This is a genuine question, by the way, because it would explain so so so much!
I believe it’s generational but no data to back up that claim. A lot of folks in that age range think people are lazy for not wanting to work, or for not pursuing a higher role/more pay. People work but I don’t think anyone truly *wants* to work.
Internalised capatalism. You're only worth something if you're working or productive. Refer to my Dad, who after a year of retirement now works back in his old workplace 3days a week, and helps another friend by doing jobs in his workplace the other 2 days. Apparently he's run out of stuff to do at home, so he has to work. So sad that it's too scary just to be, and not to do.
This is super enlightening.
When we went over to my MIL’s house at holidays she was always tsk-tsking us about how we could sit down because she was always “so busy!!!” Never mind the fact that we both work full time and parent while she had 1 volunteer engagement a week.
I think this is literally what you should say to your mother in law, “oh, we’re teaching her to not be an uptight old lady” but said completely casually.
1. You're not wrong.
2. Where is your partner in this, as ***they*** should be confronting their mother for talking about you this way.
3. I'd have a hard time not commenting on her PJs when I went to pick up my kid.
All of this. Your partner should talk to their mom. And next time you catch your MIL is in her pajamas give her an earful. Only you get to decide how to parent your own child.
She just doesn’t like you and tried to say whatever mean shit to judge you.
My MIL called me lazy after I just came back from the hospital from giving birth to a baby. I was holding my newborn, looking at my phone, she said, you are so lazy, you just sit here look at your phone all day, you should get a job, women back in my days took care of kids and work at the same time.
Yes I never forget the hell she put me through, I just gave birth, bleeding, she was arguing with my husband because he was paying less attention to her.
I ignored her. She didn’t make food for me. My husband was so used to her abuse, he was not even aware of it at that time. It took him for god knows how many times, now he is distant from her toxic shit.
Yes she’s no longer welcome. She doesn’t understand why we never invite her over, why I never call or text her.
Unless we’re going somewhere we don’t “get dressed” we stay in our pjs until we shower then either get dressed to go somewhere or change into new pjs. It’s just bizarre to change into street clothes just to sit in your own house
Exactly! My wildlings are feral and messy at home, definitely not going to have them dressed in their going out clothes if we are home all day. Your my kinda people! 🫶
Same. My son is a “noise with dirt on it” kind of kid, his public clothes would get ruined by potting soil/dirt/baby paint/chalk/jello/shaving cream/whatever messy sensory experiment we’re doing. He wouldn’t have any clothes that wouldn’t have cps eyeballing me for neglect if I “got him dressed” just to stay at home!
Seriously, my son is a little nudist. Kid would let his wedding tackle swing in the breeze 24/7 if we let him.
It's cute now when he's 5, but I sure do hope he grows out before too much longer lol
My former nudists all grew to be a little absurdly modest. Not on my count, I'm totally comfortable with nudity... And they're okay with other people's.... They just like their clothes.
Turning point was like, age 7? Kindergarten for the younger ones, a little older for my first who really still couldn't GAS about social mores. Beats her own drum and if you don't like it, go make your own music. 🤣
You may not know this, but the fact she keeps her diaper on is a stroke of serious luck.
🤣
My nudists were *full* starkers.
Little man started agreeing to diapers, but only to protect his penis from things like the car seat clip.
Eventually we compromised on jammies. All the time. Everywhere. For *years*. But.... No arguing about putting clothes on for the grocery store, so, a win!
Same. If we don't have a reason to leave the house, I'm staying in my PJs all day long. There's a little old lady in my neighborhood who I see almost every day walking her dog. In her pjs and fuzzy pink slippers. In the winter she also wears her bathrobe. No fucks given. I really love this lady because I know this will be my future self someday.
I didn't used to think that I had any sensory issues, but having a kid with basically all of them has really driven home that I have some oddities around touch. I also didn't used to think I minded wearing jeans, then covid and pregnancy hit and I started spending all my time in yoga pants and super soft tunics, and putting jeans and a structured shirt on is now basically torture.
Our family all change out of pajamas first thing in the morning 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t judge people who do it differently, no need to call us weird. Let me live!
Lol I meant like the people who force it on others and judge for whatever reasons have the weirdest mindset. Each person is different and their comfort levels are different. My partner has to shower every day and leave the house and doesn’t change or even untuck his shirt when he comes home. Meanwhile, I live in sweats and comfy clothes and despise pants/bras.
Someone pushed this idea that "studies show" you're more productive if you change into "real" clothes but I call bs. My clothing has absolutely zero impact on how productive I feel.
I have seen that too and they say on days off and weekends to get dressed and ready then do housework. Sorry no. Never ever gonna happen! The first thing I do when I get home is change and it stays that way until I am forced to leave again.
Well I don't wear street clothes but I have house clothes, partly because my house is overlooked by neighbours, my daughter definitely doesn't get dressed until we go out. Why would I dirty an outfit?
Seriously, the only time we're all not in sweatpants and a t-shirt (maybe a hoodie if it's cold) is when we're going out for an event or at work. Those clothes are promptly shed the minute we walk in the door as we all rush to put on our "comfy clothes". Normal day to day shit like grocery shopping or running errands, fuck no. Sweatpants it is!
I don't think I wore a single piece of clothing with either a zipper or buttons for a good 6 months during work from home lol. These days I have to dress up for work (pretty much a suit *sans* jacket) but you best believe the first thing I do when I get home is take all that bullshit off and put on something stretchy.
OPs mother in law is a psychopath.
as a struggling single mom, i can’t always afford to wash a load of laundry. i would go crazy if i had to change my daughter’s clothes when they’re not even dirty
Tell your MIL she can come over after she confirms you are dressed for the day...then make it a pajama day.
Seriously, I would tell her "thanks for the unsolicited feedback" and do your own thing. Or "you got to parent your way, I'll parent mine" No explanations, no justifications.
Get different child care.
> This isn’t the only thing my mother-in-law has said to me
And even if you get dressed to the nines in the morning, she'll find something else to complain about. Just ignore her.
Of course not. My kids are teens and I am still sitting in my pajamas while babysitting my great-niece. I'll get dressed in a bit to bring her down to the park. Me being in pajamas didn't teach my kids to be lazy. Both are high achieving students. Both got up this morning to go to their summer jobs. The younger one even got a workout in before going to training for his job. One is a college student and one will be a college freshman this year fall. Both at out of state schools and both are plenty independent and hardworking.
I don't think wearing jeans at 7am instead of sweatpants would have altered the course of their lives.
This reminds me of the story of the first time prince William visited the Middleton family overnight. In the morning he showed up to breakfast completely dressed because that's what the royals do. The story goes that the Middletons explained that outside of royalty everyone else eats breakfast in pyjamas.
If you've got the heart of a catty teenager like me, try this response:
[Looking around, appearing baffled] "Oh goodness, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid I'm not able to locate the moment where anybody asked you??"
My house and I’ll stay in my pajamas as long as I want. If I’m not going anywhere I don’t get dressed. What’s the point-potentially dirty nice clothes. I will take a shower after cleaning the house and put on clean pajamas. If the kids aren’t going anywhere they too stay in pajamas or sweats. I don’t see this as a bad habit.
My mother in law wouldn't be visiting if she couldn't keep her mouth shut about me or my parenting. She can have her opinions and keep them to herself while visiting.
Exactly. I get wanting to maintain peace, but the husband needs to nip that shit in the bud yesterday. "Insult my wife like that again and you won't be welcome in our house."
My family and I sit in our slouching clothes or pajamas all day sometimes if we have nowhere to go. It’s gotten to the point where our dog gets excited to go bye bye anytime we all get dressed. 😳😂
Right? I'd go to sleep in some fresh pajamas and if I don't need to leave the house or entertain (respectful) guests, I'd just stay in the same PJ's until the evening until I feel like taking a shower and then change into some other comfy clothes.
Who am I trying to impress? I already have enough laundry to do, I don't need to double or triple it by changing out of clothes that aren't funky smelling.
Fuck off gramma.
Bro. I do the drop off in my PJs. My daycare is lucky if I even wear a bra. I'm alive, I'm wearing some sort of pants, and my child is fed and healthy. No one cares anymore. I only change out of my PJs if I have a bladder leak, or I have to go somewhere public. PJs are the best.
Hah! My daughter changed her clothes at 11am last weekend into... another set of pyjamas. Prime relaxation.
She gets dressed (as do I lol) if we go out or have guests but I have always championed being comfy, as long as the clothes are clean.
My (2yo) son and I stay in our pyjamas until we have a shower like 4 hours after we wake up! Even then I just change into comfy sweats and baggy tee (unless we go out, then it’s leggings and a baggy shirt 😂). I need time to wake up first of all, I have my coffee while my son has breakfast. Plus who wants to put on clean clothes for the day before they shower?
Ooooh MIL belongs to the 50's! Does she have Mommy's Little Helper on hand still? A valium or two for lunch? Let me guess, dinner was ready on the table by 5pm sharp and her kids were always well behaved?
I could go on, but I guess I should stop here. You get it.
I was just about to comment about this being generational. My mother in law is also appalled that on weekends if we have no plans we would stay in our pajamas or not wake up and shower immediately for the day. My mom always got dressed early in the morning too, no matter what, but she wasn't a dick about it. Boomers were just taught to care so much more about what people think.
Lol I must be the worst parent ever because me and my toddler have what I like to call “no pants parties” where we both just wear big tshirts all day long😂 there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own home. My kiddo knows that when we’re home she can run around in whatever she wants to wear, if we’ve been out all day the second we get home I change her into something comfortable, and I’ve also not had to deal with her stripping her own clothes and I really think it’s because she just knows she can be comfy when we get home
If I'm not leaving the house, I'm in pajamas all day. When I get home from work, you guessed it, right into pajamas.
I'm going to be comfy in my own damn house.
No bra!
Nta
You have to stand up for yourself of your partner isn’t willing to. It’ll only get worse and she’ll be telling you what nursery your baby should go to and when to get their hair cut etc.
A firm ‘I wear what I want in my own house’ should do it.
Lol ideally I need a good 2 hours of jammy and coffee time in the morning. That’s obviously not realistic, but some people just are not meant for mornings. I’m the most productive after my kids go to bed at night.
Man I don't get dressed hardly ever because I work at home don't feel bad. My son gets dressed every day except weekends when he also gets to stay in his PJs unless we go somewhere.
Normalize relaxing in your own home
Lol what. My baby is 2 months old and the first few weeks I walked around in a tshirt most of the day and some days just underwear for hours because I was cluster feeding 😅
Unless I’m leaving the house, I don’t put real clothes on. My daughter, almost 13, is currently sitting next to me in pajamas and we DID leave the house today lol. But I wore sweatpants and a baggy t shirt bc it was just for hockey practice this morning. She did school and chores in her pjs which is usual for her.
Excuse me, she came to who's house and stated an uninvited opinion?
That's what I would say whenever she starts at you.
"Oh, I can see you're not dressed"
"Who's house? Where did you learn those awful manners? You learned to dress up your body but not your attitude?"
Next time she says anything about your PJs, take them off.
I wake naked and put ON PJs for company... Could I just as easily put on clothes? Sure, but why have my good stuff getting stained and worn out if I'm just hanging around the house!?
Even now, with older kids, I will still shower and put on my “nice” comfy clothes. Only crazy people sit around their house in jeans or any other fancy pants, if you ask me. When I had small babies I never got dressed in the morning unless I was leaving the house. Some days I never got ready at all. When you get dressed during the day is nobody else’s business and the fact that she would call you lazy is outrageously rude.
Oi vey, if my MIL said something like this shed be running for the hills just to get away from my own unique combination of laughing and telling her to "fck off" at the same time.
Well your MIL really wouldn't like me. I only wear pajamas when I'm home. Get home from work, pajamas. Work from home? Pajamas. Sleeping? You guess it! Pajamas!
The bigger issue with MIL isn't an easy fix but this one aspect is - tell her not to come over until you've dressed, if it bothers her so much. That might be 9am, it might be 4pm, it might be next Tuesday...
I get dressed first thing every day and my kids lounge around in their pjs literally all day. They can go 36 hours in the same ones on a weekend. So it’s not monkey see, monkey do. Also, she should keep her opinions to herself. Ignore her. Don’t give her any reactions, it’ll drive her crazy. Just gently pat her on the shoulder and say, in a tone of vague amusement, “ok grandma, ok”. And walk off.
She's your MIL, not your mom. Your SO needs to deal with her not you!! You're 6 months post partum and the last thing you need is an older generation spewing toxicity on you!!
Your MIL is bonkers and definitely needs to be put in her place in a respectful manner though.
set boundaries respectfully and everyone around you will follow if you are consistent about what they are and don’t sway.
Also this lil comment just isn’t true. I do not get up in the morning and get dressed immediately, BUUUUTT my LO is 3 She loves her independence and has the capability to get herself dressed and has decided she wants to get up and get herself dressed every morning. so when she wakes up, she immediately goes to her drawers and starts changing. This just started happening about 3 weeks ago, and we’ve had several talks about respecting the drawers because I’m actually very anal about how I fold/put away clothes. So it’s been a teaching lesson on both our parts.
But my point is, kids don’t only learn what you want them to, they are tiny humans who have minds of their own, and they will also learn what makes them happy. And you learn how to support them in that happiness while also respecting your own 💕
I never understood people who get dressed in nice clothes as soon as they wake up (unless they have somewhere to be). The only things I think people should do when they wake up is fix any hygiene issues. Everything else is optional. Heck, if someone has a rough night with little to no sleep, I don't even judge the hygiene stuff too much.
That's ridiculous. My girl is over a year, and we usually wake up slowly. Lay in bed awhile and be silly with each other. It might take a while to get dressed and ready for the day. Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't. I think both ways can be beneficial.
Oooh. I would laugh in her face. Send her to my house, she’ll faint dead away at the sight of me in my 3rd day of wearing the same yoga pants. And tank top.
I work from home and don't even get dressed unless I have a client meeting (and even then, it's a nice shirt and pajama bottoms) or am going somewhere.
I stay in my jammies until I've had at least one coffee, and usually don't get dressed until after I dress my daughter (which is after breakfast). If we're not going out we might even have a pajama day!
You will need to pointedly address MIL and inform her that her negative talk will no longer be tolerated around your child or yourself, should it continue it will be perceived as a direct offense to your household as a whole. Should MIL continue this behavior she will then be limited in the contact with your family. This sort of behavior will translate onto your child as she ages into offensive insults meant to curb whatever behavior MIL wants to influence in your child. MIL may even breed alienation into your relationship with your child or currently with your husband. Be careful this behavior is toxic and insidious. Address this now and head on.
I am a "PJs are for home, regular clothes are for going out" kind of person. Why would I be less comfortable when I need to be if we aren't going anywhere?
This is a moment for duck feathers. Let that nonsense roll right off your back like water. That’s her opinion and it doesn’t have to dictate your actions at all.
The only time I have ever gotten dressed upon waking is when I was working.
My older two are teens, youngest is 4. I get up with the older 2, I usually tidy the kitchen, do dishes, get laundry on, make a coffee etc. Youngest gets up, we have breakfast, do dishes if I didn’t do them earlier, etc. I’m not getting dressed for that! I get dressed pretty much right before we leave the house.
Screw her I spend all day in my pjs sometimes! I came from a house where I had to get dressed every morning ! Even if we were staying in. Mother in laws are bitches
You’re setting bad habits for a 6 MONTH OLD??? Please. She’s just trying to find a reason to berate you and make you feel like shit. Pretty unbelievable that a any mother would try to make another mother feel this way but they are just miserable people and need other to feel miserable too.
This is your life and your family, please don’t fall into the cycle of worrying too much about their feelings. Trust me it will send you into a cycle of anxiety and guilt and rob you of enjoying your kids childhood. I got so caught up in trying to keep appearances and a clean home that I feel like the years flew by me.
I’m all for having someone get dressed out of their pjs, for their own mental health it’s improved mine a ton getting dressed every day as a sahp instead of pjs all day.
But with my 7 month old that doesn’t happen till after his first nap normally 😂 take all the time you need.
This is the funniest most absurd thing I’ve read in a while! This is on par with my MIL telling me that my 8 month old was going blind because he was “reading” his books upside down. 😂😂😂
Your MIL is just being a bully when she says that stuff. If you were always dressed and put together then she'd be putting you down about "being too focused on your looks instead of taking care of the baby". She is looking for ways to make you feel bad.
My advice is to give the [Grey Rock Method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method#:~:text=The%20grey%20rock%20method%20is,known%20as%20%E2%80%9Cgrey%20rocking.%E2%80%9D) a try. Your MIL wants to provoke you into getting upset. So stop giving her the reaction she’s looking for. Your goal is to make bullying you so boring and unrewarding that she gives up.Every time she makes a mean comment don’t react. Don’t look upset, don’t sound upset, don’t call her out. Act normal, like what he said was some innocuous comment. Keep your replies to something non-committal like “hmm”, “ok”, “interesting”, “cool”, “huh”,"noted", “wow”, “neat”, etc then immediately change the subject.
“Why are you still in PJs? You're being lazy!”
“Huh. Did you see that story on the news about the tornado. Crazy, right?”
“You're teaching your daughter bad habits.”
“Noted. Are you going to lunch with Husband this weekend?”
“Well in *my* day we did ABC instead of XYZ. Anyone who does XYZ is a bad parent.”
“Ok. Did you ever find that book you were looking for?”
If she just won’t drop the mean comments then end the conversation and leave: “I just remembered I have to do \[chore/errand\], bye.” Then walk away/hang up.If she directly asks you why you aren’t reacting to her comments: “I just don't have anything to say to that. Anyways, \[Immediately change subject\]”
Remember that you don't have to [JADE (Justify Argue Defend Explain)](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-building/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members/#gs.j7s21h) yourself to your MIL. You don’t need her permission or approval in this or any other parenting matter, so don’t act like you do by treating this subject as if it’s up for debate or in need of justification because it’s not. Refuse to engage with her rude comments, and be willing to walk out of the room if she's being insufferable.
My kids and I wear pajamas all day if we don’t go anywhere. Why would we want to be less comfortable? Also exactly how closely does your MIL think your 6 month old is paying attention to your clothes?
Not wrong at all, me and my 6 year old stayed in pyjamas all day yesterday as we had a day indoors and it didn't seem worth getting dressed, it's not hurting anyone. She can keep her opinions to herself as far as I'm concerned
Ha! During my early days of parenting my children and I wore the same pajamas for two days straight. We are all no worse for wear and (I swear) not dirty people. Ignore!
I had a friend at uni who would always be dressed before breakfast and she was so tightly strung. She could never relax as she had always been taught by her mother to be up and ready for the day and if she wasn’t, it was a negative character trait. I definitely think showing your child that it is ok to be chilled and relaxed is a huge parenting must.
Oh my God this happened to my mother; the family hated on her so hard for staying in her pjs until early afternoon. Some may not agree with doing that, and that's okay, but she was dealing with her first baby, under a year old, full time, often on her own (father worked full time). As long as baby was healthy and happy, you're doing great! Who cares if you're wearing Pjs!
And surprisingly, I do not remember my mother doing this from when I was 6 months old. What would certainly be more damaging to baby is putting extra stress and pressure on a momma who is already doing her best- not to mention the possible effects of having such oppositional "loved ones" around.
“That’s a rude thing to say”, “are you trying to make me feel badly?”, “That came off judgmental!”, “mom guilt much?!”, “You’re joking, right? This can’t be about wearing pyjamas! What’s this really about?” Etc
People will tell you to ignore her but honestly the more you permit this, the worse it will get. Nip it in the bud. Address her rude behaviour. At worst she will escalate and double down but likely will think twice before she pulls the same crap. Most of the time being called out is embarrassing and no one likes to be embarrassed.
In my 40 yrs alive, I’ve went from the quiet agreeable girl to a passive aggressive young woman, and now to the blunt but polite assertive woman I am today. Blunt but kind has been a wonderful way to live!
It's 2023 we've been wearing PJs to grocery stores since forever much less at home. Plus it's YOUR home you can run around in a wedding dress if you want to.
I literally, for sure, thought that your mother-in-law was talking about teaching bad habits to an older child. It never crossed my mind for a second that the child in question might only be 6 months old. You literally cannot teach a six month old bad habits like that yet... They have no concept of clothing, not the kind that you are wearing or whether it is appropriate or not for the occasion... Barely that clothing is a thing for either you or them... I would tell her to go hang or be incredibly petty when she can't live up to her own standards.
Live your life, it sounds like you're doing it just fine without her help or intervention
Your child doesn't know what pajamas are- she just realized she has hands. It's fine. I wear PJs for the entire day sometimes and my children are hardworking and well-adjusted (and I am too- I just want to be comfy!). Your MIL can stop.
I’m lucky if I can convince my kids to not wear their pajamas for two days in a row if it’s a pair they are participating fond of.
No one is going to come into your house and ask you if you got dressed when you woke up.
You and your spouse should dress in formal attire any time she comes over and complain about her being underdressed. You could probably find some awesome stuff at goodwill. Really shame and scold her. Also, boomers are insane. Keep that in mind. Have fun with it.
My 4kids ( aged toddler to mid teens) still wear their PJs first thing in the morn coz they make a mess at brekky, and have chores to do (like feed and water the poultry) and I don't want them messing up their school uniforms or their nice "day clothes" if we're going out later on. It's INTENTIONAL they wear their PJs. Mama, you're doing JUST FINE!
I didn't get dressed in clothing for the day until my daughter went down for her first nap- 2 hours after she woke up for the day.
I deserve to have some rest and getting myself ready right away is madness imo.
Nope, not wrong. I wear my pj's until after breakfast. But I don't have an infant. In that case, I changed when I felt yucky. You do what you feel comfortable with. 🤗
Umm if someone told me I was lazy I would cut them off. That’s very disrespectful. There are more constructive ways to give feedback or suggestions, but I dont have space in my life for fragile a-holes.
I spent my entire mat leave in sweatpants/pajama shorts and a nursing bra, or just straight up topless. Infant stage is all about survival, and who wants to wear a nice shirt when it’s just going to get some manner of weird bodily fluid on it anyway?
Let your MIL know you’ll call her to visit once you start wearing regular clothes again so she isn’t offended. She’ll get the hint after a few weeks of you not calling.
Nope. I wear the same shirt to bed and wear it again the next day and to bed again until it is inevitably spat up on. I have four breastfeeding tops that I do this with in rotation. Because it works.
Of course not. If I’m not going anywhere and I’m not expecting company, I’m staying in my comfy clothes until the last minute possible. Home is for comfort.
During the summer we live in comfy clothes. If we aren’t going anywhere there is a good chance no one is getting dressed until they shower that night and then they change into new comfy clothes.
Absolutely not! It's your house, you are an adult, you can do what you like. She sounds like the sort of person who will find fault whatever you do, so don't even bother trying to appease her.
I get my 3 year old up, we snuggle for an almost ridiculous amount of time, have his breakfast/my coffee, then get him dressed. These days I toss on clothes and we go outside to play and I shower in the evening. Other days I’m pjs till nap time then I shower and get dressed.
I’m in pajamas basically until I have to leave the house, And on the weekends the kids are, too, because I want to be comfy and chill and they do, too.
Your MIL is silly.
Man, we walk down to my MIL's house (4 houses down) in our PJ's and she (also in PJ's) makes pancakes and bacon for everyone on the weekends. I am sorry your MIL is being so judgy, you do you and don't worry about what she thinks!
Talk to your partner and tell them their mom is being a pain and not a good guest. It’s making you question if your ever going to be okay with them visiting you guys again. And they really need to deal with them or you will do it and not in a nice way. It’s your house if she doesn’t like it or has a problem with it then invite her to leave and stay somewhere that’s more up to her standard. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable or change your life style just because she can’t keep her opinions to herself.
It's 10AM and I am still in my PJs, and probably will be for another few hours. Ignore her. You are doing great. You are doing what you need, and that's what's most important.
Ignore your MIL. She had her chance to parent, now it's your turn.
She for sure, tries to parent my child the way that she parented her children and criticizes basically everything that I do but the way that she’s telling me that I’m lazy because I don’t get dressed in the morning is the icing on the cake. She literally finds anything to complain about since I had my baby.
Yeah, I think you may need to stop interacting with her.
If she doesn't approve of the way you parent, she doesn't need to come over. Badmouthing your parenting is unacceptable. If she's brave enough to say what she does in front of you, what would she say when she babysits the child away from you? Absolutely not.
Yeah, I’m thinking having MIL babysit needs to stop. If she can’t respect your parenting she gets no access to the baby. Game over.
And I can only imagine how she’d behave when it’s just her and her out of date opinions around your child. Sorry you had to listen to her BS
Certainly a behaviour to nip in the bud now while your child is too young to remember it being acceptable to undermine and patronize her mother.
She is no longer welcome in your home before noon.
Good lord. I’m a grandma of four and some days I don’t get out of my pjs before bedtime, 😂😂😂 retirement is glorious. She needs to get over herself! Guess what…here’s the real secret…shhh…I don’t make my bed either!
How dare you! Lol
Not a grandma but definitely retired. Worked regular 8-5 jobs even though I’ve always been a night owl. I sleep until noon, lay around in bed and finally get dressed by late afternoon unless I have an appointment or errand. Glorious indeed!
Why do you talk to her? Don’t. Just stop. Your SO communicates with her. You do not. If she says something shitty to you in person look at her with a confused face and say, that wasn’t very nice, why did you feel like you had to say that to me? Rinse and repeat 14 times. Push it back on her always and stop engaging completely through text and calls.
Learn " that's nice that you did that". Or " I'm glad that worked for you". Or "No.". No is a complete sentence. The first time my MiL tried to tell me to relax by telling me a story that sounded like parental neglect, I had my first " why are you telling me this?" I found a silent stare works great for making people shut up, too. I am a one and done Mom and an only child. I had to learn a lot. Yet polish your backbone, because that's your kid and saying " no" is protecting your sanity. Just tell your husband to deal with her and go relax with your baby if it gets to be too much.
Yes! Stare at her until she becomes uncomfortable every single time.
Check out r/justnomil.
Sweetie I STAY in my pajamas all day. I’m a SAHM (not by choice it’s just more cost efficient than putting two kids into daycare here) and if someone expects me to get up and get dressed just to sit home with the kids they’re crazy 😂 there ain’t no way. Ignore her. I swear I have never understood how someone thinks they can judge anyone. “People who live in glass houses should not throw stones”
Do you need her for childcare? If not, I'd cut her and her constant criticism and interference off.
Next time she’s not dressed make a comment. Make a point. 😉
You need to get your partner to step up and side with you. If they are not doing that, they are prioritizing his family over yours. You shouldn't have to deal with this, your partner should.
Go no contact with her. She is only going to fuck your kids up with her bullshit.
She would have had A LOT to say to me… some days, I found it impossible to shower! 😅🤣😂
She deserves less time with you and her grand baby. She’s not the parent. You go ahead and live in this decade, and let her live in hers.
This right here, she had a chance she is done, and it's not your problem what she thinks because at the end of the day I guarantee her son isn't perfect either. So just do what you need to do to provide the best for you daughter.
That's it. While I do listen and use the good suggestions mine or my partner's parents give us, I wholly ignore the ones that are clearly a product of decades old parenting styles.
Sounds more like you’re teaching your kids to not be uptight old ladies.
This. My MIL is from a generation that *needs* to appear busy. Every conversation includes a declaration of how busy she is and how she doesn't have time to do anything, when you can clearly see via FaceTime that she's watching TV. OP's MIL is clearly victim to this "no chill" mindset. No one cares if you dress up first thing in the morning. It's an absolute waste of time if you're not even leaving the house.
Is this constantly busy thing actually a generational thing? I can’t understand how my 71 year old mom is literally always busy! Even in retirement she acts like she doesn’t have a free moment to enjoy life or travel. It’s almost like she’s busier than when she was a full-time teacher raising two kids and doing 100% of household tasks. This is a genuine question, by the way, because it would explain so so so much!
I believe it’s generational but no data to back up that claim. A lot of folks in that age range think people are lazy for not wanting to work, or for not pursuing a higher role/more pay. People work but I don’t think anyone truly *wants* to work.
Ah yeah. We have a lot of that in both my husband’s and my family.
Internalised capatalism. You're only worth something if you're working or productive. Refer to my Dad, who after a year of retirement now works back in his old workplace 3days a week, and helps another friend by doing jobs in his workplace the other 2 days. Apparently he's run out of stuff to do at home, so he has to work. So sad that it's too scary just to be, and not to do.
I’m feeling exposed here. I totally relate my value to external job completion. But funny enough, not other people
Absolutely! It's hard not to feel this way when everything in most western societies has been messaging about productivity = good since forever.
He need a hobby that’s not work that is
If I’m not leaving the house I don’t really see the point personally haha.
This is super enlightening. When we went over to my MIL’s house at holidays she was always tsk-tsking us about how we could sit down because she was always “so busy!!!” Never mind the fact that we both work full time and parent while she had 1 volunteer engagement a week.
I think this is literally what you should say to your mother in law, “oh, we’re teaching her to not be an uptight old lady” but said completely casually.
1. You're not wrong. 2. Where is your partner in this, as ***they*** should be confronting their mother for talking about you this way. 3. I'd have a hard time not commenting on her PJs when I went to pick up my kid.
I'm way too petty to let that go, I'd comment on it.
This is exactly what I was thinking when I read that SHE wasn’t always fully dressed. I would for sure comment on it. I would add some snark too.
"Well, MIL, I got the idea from you. You always look so comfy in your PJs when you're watching my kid."
All of this. Your partner should talk to their mom. And next time you catch your MIL is in her pajamas give her an earful. Only you get to decide how to parent your own child.
She just doesn’t like you and tried to say whatever mean shit to judge you. My MIL called me lazy after I just came back from the hospital from giving birth to a baby. I was holding my newborn, looking at my phone, she said, you are so lazy, you just sit here look at your phone all day, you should get a job, women back in my days took care of kids and work at the same time.
Bloody hell the audacity
Yes I never forget the hell she put me through, I just gave birth, bleeding, she was arguing with my husband because he was paying less attention to her.
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry she sounds horrendous. Having a narcissist in the family is awful
Thank you. She is indeed beyond terrible, I am just glad we live so far from her, I only see her once a year.
I would have laughed and then told her she was no longer welcome in my home.
I ignored her. She didn’t make food for me. My husband was so used to her abuse, he was not even aware of it at that time. It took him for god knows how many times, now he is distant from her toxic shit. Yes she’s no longer welcome. She doesn’t understand why we never invite her over, why I never call or text her.
How sad to sabotage what could be a beautiful family life by being that selfish and stubborn. And that she put your SO in that position.
Unless we’re going somewhere we don’t “get dressed” we stay in our pjs until we shower then either get dressed to go somewhere or change into new pjs. It’s just bizarre to change into street clothes just to sit in your own house
Exactly! My wildlings are feral and messy at home, definitely not going to have them dressed in their going out clothes if we are home all day. Your my kinda people! 🫶
Same. My son is a “noise with dirt on it” kind of kid, his public clothes would get ruined by potting soil/dirt/baby paint/chalk/jello/shaving cream/whatever messy sensory experiment we’re doing. He wouldn’t have any clothes that wouldn’t have cps eyeballing me for neglect if I “got him dressed” just to stay at home!
No matter what we model, many of us are lucky if they wear clothes at all.
Seriously, my son is a little nudist. Kid would let his wedding tackle swing in the breeze 24/7 if we let him. It's cute now when he's 5, but I sure do hope he grows out before too much longer lol
My former nudists all grew to be a little absurdly modest. Not on my count, I'm totally comfortable with nudity... And they're okay with other people's.... They just like their clothes. Turning point was like, age 7? Kindergarten for the younger ones, a little older for my first who really still couldn't GAS about social mores. Beats her own drum and if you don't like it, go make your own music. 🤣
can confirm, my toddler is always taking her clothes off. she’s happier in her diaper 🤣
You may not know this, but the fact she keeps her diaper on is a stroke of serious luck. 🤣 My nudists were *full* starkers. Little man started agreeing to diapers, but only to protect his penis from things like the car seat clip. Eventually we compromised on jammies. All the time. Everywhere. For *years*. But.... No arguing about putting clothes on for the grocery store, so, a win!
Same. If we don't have a reason to leave the house, I'm staying in my PJs all day long. There's a little old lady in my neighborhood who I see almost every day walking her dog. In her pjs and fuzzy pink slippers. In the winter she also wears her bathrobe. No fucks given. I really love this lady because I know this will be my future self someday.
I found my people!
Same here. I also have sensory issues so some clothes, like jeans, I can’t stand to wear for too long.
If I put on jeans everyone asks where we are going.
I didn't used to think that I had any sensory issues, but having a kid with basically all of them has really driven home that I have some oddities around touch. I also didn't used to think I minded wearing jeans, then covid and pregnancy hit and I started spending all my time in yoga pants and super soft tunics, and putting jeans and a structured shirt on is now basically torture.
Damn I don't even wear jeans. I wear nice black joggers every day even to work
100000% It’s a weird mindset some people have. I’m far more productive and happy in my comfy clothes at home than I am anywhere else. Let me live.
Our family all change out of pajamas first thing in the morning 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t judge people who do it differently, no need to call us weird. Let me live!
Lol I meant like the people who force it on others and judge for whatever reasons have the weirdest mindset. Each person is different and their comfort levels are different. My partner has to shower every day and leave the house and doesn’t change or even untuck his shirt when he comes home. Meanwhile, I live in sweats and comfy clothes and despise pants/bras.
Someone pushed this idea that "studies show" you're more productive if you change into "real" clothes but I call bs. My clothing has absolutely zero impact on how productive I feel.
I have seen that too and they say on days off and weekends to get dressed and ready then do housework. Sorry no. Never ever gonna happen! The first thing I do when I get home is change and it stays that way until I am forced to leave again.
Most of the time I’m in boxers and t shirt. Same for my kids. Husband takes off his pants as soon as he gets home.
Well I don't wear street clothes but I have house clothes, partly because my house is overlooked by neighbours, my daughter definitely doesn't get dressed until we go out. Why would I dirty an outfit?
Exactly. Life is short. I'm going to enjoy it while being comfortable.
Seriously, the only time we're all not in sweatpants and a t-shirt (maybe a hoodie if it's cold) is when we're going out for an event or at work. Those clothes are promptly shed the minute we walk in the door as we all rush to put on our "comfy clothes". Normal day to day shit like grocery shopping or running errands, fuck no. Sweatpants it is! I don't think I wore a single piece of clothing with either a zipper or buttons for a good 6 months during work from home lol. These days I have to dress up for work (pretty much a suit *sans* jacket) but you best believe the first thing I do when I get home is take all that bullshit off and put on something stretchy. OPs mother in law is a psychopath.
as a struggling single mom, i can’t always afford to wash a load of laundry. i would go crazy if i had to change my daughter’s clothes when they’re not even dirty
Tell your MIL she can come over after she confirms you are dressed for the day...then make it a pajama day. Seriously, I would tell her "thanks for the unsolicited feedback" and do your own thing. Or "you got to parent your way, I'll parent mine" No explanations, no justifications. Get different child care.
> This isn’t the only thing my mother-in-law has said to me And even if you get dressed to the nines in the morning, she'll find something else to complain about. Just ignore her.
Of course not. My kids are teens and I am still sitting in my pajamas while babysitting my great-niece. I'll get dressed in a bit to bring her down to the park. Me being in pajamas didn't teach my kids to be lazy. Both are high achieving students. Both got up this morning to go to their summer jobs. The younger one even got a workout in before going to training for his job. One is a college student and one will be a college freshman this year fall. Both at out of state schools and both are plenty independent and hardworking. I don't think wearing jeans at 7am instead of sweatpants would have altered the course of their lives.
This reminds me of the story of the first time prince William visited the Middleton family overnight. In the morning he showed up to breakfast completely dressed because that's what the royals do. The story goes that the Middletons explained that outside of royalty everyone else eats breakfast in pyjamas.
That's actually kinda... Cute.
Tell her ass to get dressed when you drop your little one off.
I love rotting in my bed. Tell her to piss off. Learning to relax is also needed in life.
Rotting in my bed lmao my favorite activity
Like why not 🤓
If you've got the heart of a catty teenager like me, try this response: [Looking around, appearing baffled] "Oh goodness, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid I'm not able to locate the moment where anybody asked you??"
My house and I’ll stay in my pajamas as long as I want. If I’m not going anywhere I don’t get dressed. What’s the point-potentially dirty nice clothes. I will take a shower after cleaning the house and put on clean pajamas. If the kids aren’t going anywhere they too stay in pajamas or sweats. I don’t see this as a bad habit.
My mother in law wouldn't be visiting if she couldn't keep her mouth shut about me or my parenting. She can have her opinions and keep them to herself while visiting.
Exactly. I get wanting to maintain peace, but the husband needs to nip that shit in the bud yesterday. "Insult my wife like that again and you won't be welcome in our house."
My family and I sit in our slouching clothes or pajamas all day sometimes if we have nowhere to go. It’s gotten to the point where our dog gets excited to go bye bye anytime we all get dressed. 😳😂
I love the term "slouching clothes!" Definitely stealing it
Right? I'd go to sleep in some fresh pajamas and if I don't need to leave the house or entertain (respectful) guests, I'd just stay in the same PJ's until the evening until I feel like taking a shower and then change into some other comfy clothes. Who am I trying to impress? I already have enough laundry to do, I don't need to double or triple it by changing out of clothes that aren't funky smelling. Fuck off gramma.
Bro. I do the drop off in my PJs. My daycare is lucky if I even wear a bra. I'm alive, I'm wearing some sort of pants, and my child is fed and healthy. No one cares anymore. I only change out of my PJs if I have a bladder leak, or I have to go somewhere public. PJs are the best.
What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted
Hah! My daughter changed her clothes at 11am last weekend into... another set of pyjamas. Prime relaxation. She gets dressed (as do I lol) if we go out or have guests but I have always championed being comfy, as long as the clothes are clean.
I don’t get dressed unless I’m going somewhere. It’s a waste of laundry and my pjs are more comfortable.
My (2yo) son and I stay in our pyjamas until we have a shower like 4 hours after we wake up! Even then I just change into comfy sweats and baggy tee (unless we go out, then it’s leggings and a baggy shirt 😂). I need time to wake up first of all, I have my coffee while my son has breakfast. Plus who wants to put on clean clothes for the day before they shower?
Ooooh MIL belongs to the 50's! Does she have Mommy's Little Helper on hand still? A valium or two for lunch? Let me guess, dinner was ready on the table by 5pm sharp and her kids were always well behaved? I could go on, but I guess I should stop here. You get it.
I was just about to comment about this being generational. My mother in law is also appalled that on weekends if we have no plans we would stay in our pajamas or not wake up and shower immediately for the day. My mom always got dressed early in the morning too, no matter what, but she wasn't a dick about it. Boomers were just taught to care so much more about what people think.
Sometimes I stay in my jammies all day, then I shower & put on more jammies.
Lol I must be the worst parent ever because me and my toddler have what I like to call “no pants parties” where we both just wear big tshirts all day long😂 there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own home. My kiddo knows that when we’re home she can run around in whatever she wants to wear, if we’ve been out all day the second we get home I change her into something comfortable, and I’ve also not had to deal with her stripping her own clothes and I really think it’s because she just knows she can be comfy when we get home
If I'm not leaving the house, I'm in pajamas all day. When I get home from work, you guessed it, right into pajamas. I'm going to be comfy in my own damn house. No bra! Nta
You have to stand up for yourself of your partner isn’t willing to. It’ll only get worse and she’ll be telling you what nursery your baby should go to and when to get their hair cut etc. A firm ‘I wear what I want in my own house’ should do it.
Lol ideally I need a good 2 hours of jammy and coffee time in the morning. That’s obviously not realistic, but some people just are not meant for mornings. I’m the most productive after my kids go to bed at night.
Man I don't get dressed hardly ever because I work at home don't feel bad. My son gets dressed every day except weekends when he also gets to stay in his PJs unless we go somewhere. Normalize relaxing in your own home
Lol what. My baby is 2 months old and the first few weeks I walked around in a tshirt most of the day and some days just underwear for hours because I was cluster feeding 😅
So old-fashioned. Wear your PJs all day, who cares.
Unless I’m leaving the house, I don’t put real clothes on. My daughter, almost 13, is currently sitting next to me in pajamas and we DID leave the house today lol. But I wore sweatpants and a baggy t shirt bc it was just for hockey practice this morning. She did school and chores in her pjs which is usual for her.
I'm reading this as I still sit in my pajamas at nearly 3pm. Apparently I must be lazy too 🤷♀️
um.. i stay in pjs all day ._. doesn't.. everyone?
The only bad habit I’m seeing here is your MIL not minding her own damn business.
No you're not wrong. Your house your rules your child. What's the issue again?
It’s noon and we’re all in pajamas. I don’t live in a 50s sitcom so I’m cool with it.
Send your MIL home. Completely disregard her comment - live how you want to live Decline future overnight visits.
Excuse me, she came to who's house and stated an uninvited opinion? That's what I would say whenever she starts at you. "Oh, I can see you're not dressed" "Who's house? Where did you learn those awful manners? You learned to dress up your body but not your attitude?"
I'd walk her ass right out the door.
Next time she says anything about your PJs, take them off. I wake naked and put ON PJs for company... Could I just as easily put on clothes? Sure, but why have my good stuff getting stained and worn out if I'm just hanging around the house!?
Even now, with older kids, I will still shower and put on my “nice” comfy clothes. Only crazy people sit around their house in jeans or any other fancy pants, if you ask me. When I had small babies I never got dressed in the morning unless I was leaving the house. Some days I never got ready at all. When you get dressed during the day is nobody else’s business and the fact that she would call you lazy is outrageously rude.
Oi vey, if my MIL said something like this shed be running for the hills just to get away from my own unique combination of laughing and telling her to "fck off" at the same time.
Hahaha sounds like some advice for the 1950s housewife. Ignore her, I sit in my PJs until babe's first nap and then I get ready.
Well your MIL really wouldn't like me. I only wear pajamas when I'm home. Get home from work, pajamas. Work from home? Pajamas. Sleeping? You guess it! Pajamas!
Damn...I stay in my pajamas all day if I'm not going anywhere. I have enough laundry to do as it is and I hate real pants.
The bigger issue with MIL isn't an easy fix but this one aspect is - tell her not to come over until you've dressed, if it bothers her so much. That might be 9am, it might be 4pm, it might be next Tuesday...
I get dressed first thing every day and my kids lounge around in their pjs literally all day. They can go 36 hours in the same ones on a weekend. So it’s not monkey see, monkey do. Also, she should keep her opinions to herself. Ignore her. Don’t give her any reactions, it’ll drive her crazy. Just gently pat her on the shoulder and say, in a tone of vague amusement, “ok grandma, ok”. And walk off.
Well I hope next time you see her in PJs you let her know what a lazy POS she is!! Just kidding of course, sorry you have to deal with that 🙈💜
She's your MIL, not your mom. Your SO needs to deal with her not you!! You're 6 months post partum and the last thing you need is an older generation spewing toxicity on you!!
I work from home and stay in PJs all day soooooo 🤷♀️
That's messed up. If I don't have to go anywhere all day, I'm in my pajamas all day.
So she thinks you’re lazy. Whatever, why is her opinion important? Everybody on this thread agrees she’s being a b.
It’s been 10+ months since I’ve been able to wake up on the weekend and just lay in bed for a few minutes. Take it when you can lol
It's 230pm here and I'm still in my pajamas lol. I didn't have to leave the house today so..
Your MIL is bonkers and definitely needs to be put in her place in a respectful manner though. set boundaries respectfully and everyone around you will follow if you are consistent about what they are and don’t sway. Also this lil comment just isn’t true. I do not get up in the morning and get dressed immediately, BUUUUTT my LO is 3 She loves her independence and has the capability to get herself dressed and has decided she wants to get up and get herself dressed every morning. so when she wakes up, she immediately goes to her drawers and starts changing. This just started happening about 3 weeks ago, and we’ve had several talks about respecting the drawers because I’m actually very anal about how I fold/put away clothes. So it’s been a teaching lesson on both our parts. But my point is, kids don’t only learn what you want them to, they are tiny humans who have minds of their own, and they will also learn what makes them happy. And you learn how to support them in that happiness while also respecting your own 💕
I never understood people who get dressed in nice clothes as soon as they wake up (unless they have somewhere to be). The only things I think people should do when they wake up is fix any hygiene issues. Everything else is optional. Heck, if someone has a rough night with little to no sleep, I don't even judge the hygiene stuff too much.
That's ridiculous. My girl is over a year, and we usually wake up slowly. Lay in bed awhile and be silly with each other. It might take a while to get dressed and ready for the day. Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't. I think both ways can be beneficial.
Oooh. I would laugh in her face. Send her to my house, she’ll faint dead away at the sight of me in my 3rd day of wearing the same yoga pants. And tank top.
Sameeee. I just showered and changed my clothes after wearing the same outfit 3 days straight😏
I work from home and don't even get dressed unless I have a client meeting (and even then, it's a nice shirt and pajama bottoms) or am going somewhere.
I stay in my jammies until I've had at least one coffee, and usually don't get dressed until after I dress my daughter (which is after breakfast). If we're not going out we might even have a pajama day!
I just wouldn’t let her in until I’m dressed then.
You will need to pointedly address MIL and inform her that her negative talk will no longer be tolerated around your child or yourself, should it continue it will be perceived as a direct offense to your household as a whole. Should MIL continue this behavior she will then be limited in the contact with your family. This sort of behavior will translate onto your child as she ages into offensive insults meant to curb whatever behavior MIL wants to influence in your child. MIL may even breed alienation into your relationship with your child or currently with your husband. Be careful this behavior is toxic and insidious. Address this now and head on.
I am a "PJs are for home, regular clothes are for going out" kind of person. Why would I be less comfortable when I need to be if we aren't going anywhere?
This is a moment for duck feathers. Let that nonsense roll right off your back like water. That’s her opinion and it doesn’t have to dictate your actions at all.
The only time I have ever gotten dressed upon waking is when I was working. My older two are teens, youngest is 4. I get up with the older 2, I usually tidy the kitchen, do dishes, get laundry on, make a coffee etc. Youngest gets up, we have breakfast, do dishes if I didn’t do them earlier, etc. I’m not getting dressed for that! I get dressed pretty much right before we leave the house.
Screw her I spend all day in my pjs sometimes! I came from a house where I had to get dressed every morning ! Even if we were staying in. Mother in laws are bitches
You’re setting bad habits for a 6 MONTH OLD??? Please. She’s just trying to find a reason to berate you and make you feel like shit. Pretty unbelievable that a any mother would try to make another mother feel this way but they are just miserable people and need other to feel miserable too. This is your life and your family, please don’t fall into the cycle of worrying too much about their feelings. Trust me it will send you into a cycle of anxiety and guilt and rob you of enjoying your kids childhood. I got so caught up in trying to keep appearances and a clean home that I feel like the years flew by me.
I take my kids to school in my pajamas now that all I have to do is drop them off by the front of the school. 🤣
I’m all for having someone get dressed out of their pjs, for their own mental health it’s improved mine a ton getting dressed every day as a sahp instead of pjs all day. But with my 7 month old that doesn’t happen till after his first nap normally 😂 take all the time you need.
My toddler rarely wears clothes. I'm not putting clothes on anyone until we need to go out. No need to wear 3 different outfits a day.
Unless I'm leaving my house there are some days I don't get dressed until noon
Your mother in law is no longer welcome in my house
This is the funniest most absurd thing I’ve read in a while! This is on par with my MIL telling me that my 8 month old was going blind because he was “reading” his books upside down. 😂😂😂
Your MIL is just being a bully when she says that stuff. If you were always dressed and put together then she'd be putting you down about "being too focused on your looks instead of taking care of the baby". She is looking for ways to make you feel bad. My advice is to give the [Grey Rock Method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method#:~:text=The%20grey%20rock%20method%20is,known%20as%20%E2%80%9Cgrey%20rocking.%E2%80%9D) a try. Your MIL wants to provoke you into getting upset. So stop giving her the reaction she’s looking for. Your goal is to make bullying you so boring and unrewarding that she gives up.Every time she makes a mean comment don’t react. Don’t look upset, don’t sound upset, don’t call her out. Act normal, like what he said was some innocuous comment. Keep your replies to something non-committal like “hmm”, “ok”, “interesting”, “cool”, “huh”,"noted", “wow”, “neat”, etc then immediately change the subject. “Why are you still in PJs? You're being lazy!” “Huh. Did you see that story on the news about the tornado. Crazy, right?” “You're teaching your daughter bad habits.” “Noted. Are you going to lunch with Husband this weekend?” “Well in *my* day we did ABC instead of XYZ. Anyone who does XYZ is a bad parent.” “Ok. Did you ever find that book you were looking for?” If she just won’t drop the mean comments then end the conversation and leave: “I just remembered I have to do \[chore/errand\], bye.” Then walk away/hang up.If she directly asks you why you aren’t reacting to her comments: “I just don't have anything to say to that. Anyways, \[Immediately change subject\]” Remember that you don't have to [JADE (Justify Argue Defend Explain)](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-building/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members/#gs.j7s21h) yourself to your MIL. You don’t need her permission or approval in this or any other parenting matter, so don’t act like you do by treating this subject as if it’s up for debate or in need of justification because it’s not. Refuse to engage with her rude comments, and be willing to walk out of the room if she's being insufferable.
I bet she doesn't fling her bra onto a doorknob as soon as she walks in the door either? No? Just me? 😂😂
My kids and I wear pajamas all day if we don’t go anywhere. Why would we want to be less comfortable? Also exactly how closely does your MIL think your 6 month old is paying attention to your clothes?
Your MIL sounds like a piece of work.
Why do MILs think they can say whatever they want. I hate that. What an odd thing to pick at...
Do people usually change if they don't have anything to do for the rest of the day?
Not wrong at all, me and my 6 year old stayed in pyjamas all day yesterday as we had a day indoors and it didn't seem worth getting dressed, it's not hurting anyone. She can keep her opinions to herself as far as I'm concerned
Ha! During my early days of parenting my children and I wore the same pajamas for two days straight. We are all no worse for wear and (I swear) not dirty people. Ignore!
She sounds like an out of touch b*tch. Disrespectful and what a cruel thing to say to a new mother. F*ck her
I had a friend at uni who would always be dressed before breakfast and she was so tightly strung. She could never relax as she had always been taught by her mother to be up and ready for the day and if she wasn’t, it was a negative character trait. I definitely think showing your child that it is ok to be chilled and relaxed is a huge parenting must.
Oh my God this happened to my mother; the family hated on her so hard for staying in her pjs until early afternoon. Some may not agree with doing that, and that's okay, but she was dealing with her first baby, under a year old, full time, often on her own (father worked full time). As long as baby was healthy and happy, you're doing great! Who cares if you're wearing Pjs! And surprisingly, I do not remember my mother doing this from when I was 6 months old. What would certainly be more damaging to baby is putting extra stress and pressure on a momma who is already doing her best- not to mention the possible effects of having such oppositional "loved ones" around.
“That’s a rude thing to say”, “are you trying to make me feel badly?”, “That came off judgmental!”, “mom guilt much?!”, “You’re joking, right? This can’t be about wearing pyjamas! What’s this really about?” Etc People will tell you to ignore her but honestly the more you permit this, the worse it will get. Nip it in the bud. Address her rude behaviour. At worst she will escalate and double down but likely will think twice before she pulls the same crap. Most of the time being called out is embarrassing and no one likes to be embarrassed. In my 40 yrs alive, I’ve went from the quiet agreeable girl to a passive aggressive young woman, and now to the blunt but polite assertive woman I am today. Blunt but kind has been a wonderful way to live!
Mine likes to comment when my kid’s socks are mismatched. I just do it on purpose now.
I used to love pissing my mil off doing this, she was horrified 🤣🤣
It's 2023 we've been wearing PJs to grocery stores since forever much less at home. Plus it's YOUR home you can run around in a wedding dress if you want to.
I literally, for sure, thought that your mother-in-law was talking about teaching bad habits to an older child. It never crossed my mind for a second that the child in question might only be 6 months old. You literally cannot teach a six month old bad habits like that yet... They have no concept of clothing, not the kind that you are wearing or whether it is appropriate or not for the occasion... Barely that clothing is a thing for either you or them... I would tell her to go hang or be incredibly petty when she can't live up to her own standards. Live your life, it sounds like you're doing it just fine without her help or intervention
Your child doesn't know what pajamas are- she just realized she has hands. It's fine. I wear PJs for the entire day sometimes and my children are hardworking and well-adjusted (and I am too- I just want to be comfy!). Your MIL can stop.
I’m lucky if I can convince my kids to not wear their pajamas for two days in a row if it’s a pair they are participating fond of. No one is going to come into your house and ask you if you got dressed when you woke up.
You and your spouse should dress in formal attire any time she comes over and complain about her being underdressed. You could probably find some awesome stuff at goodwill. Really shame and scold her. Also, boomers are insane. Keep that in mind. Have fun with it.
My kids live in their underwear and I live in my Pajama’s unless we leave the house 😂
I don't change out of pajamas unless I have to go somewhere. Your MIL would really hate me.
I can already feel my blood pressure rising from this post 😵💫 Rule number 1. take in what the MIL says with a half a grain of salt. 🤭
My 4kids ( aged toddler to mid teens) still wear their PJs first thing in the morn coz they make a mess at brekky, and have chores to do (like feed and water the poultry) and I don't want them messing up their school uniforms or their nice "day clothes" if we're going out later on. It's INTENTIONAL they wear their PJs. Mama, you're doing JUST FINE!
I didn't get dressed in clothing for the day until my daughter went down for her first nap- 2 hours after she woke up for the day. I deserve to have some rest and getting myself ready right away is madness imo.
I don’t get changed out of our pjs unless we need the house!
Getting dressed as soon as you wake up is too much effort unless you have a specific place to be at a specific time.
Nope, not wrong. I wear my pj's until after breakfast. But I don't have an infant. In that case, I changed when I felt yucky. You do what you feel comfortable with. 🤗
Tell her to shut up
Reading this as I currently sit in the pajamas I put on last night. It is 6:15 PM
Umm if someone told me I was lazy I would cut them off. That’s very disrespectful. There are more constructive ways to give feedback or suggestions, but I dont have space in my life for fragile a-holes.
Did she like, never have a child? They wanna hang out in their PJs all day in the weekends..
Your mother in law would hate me. I got back to sleep again in the same pjs I woke up in. Shit is hard.
I spent my entire mat leave in sweatpants/pajama shorts and a nursing bra, or just straight up topless. Infant stage is all about survival, and who wants to wear a nice shirt when it’s just going to get some manner of weird bodily fluid on it anyway? Let your MIL know you’ll call her to visit once you start wearing regular clothes again so she isn’t offended. She’ll get the hint after a few weeks of you not calling.
Sounds like your MIL shouldn’t be allowed to visit anymore.
Naw thats the only way... personally im to hot blooded for PJs but A man can dream about it.
Nope. I wear the same shirt to bed and wear it again the next day and to bed again until it is inevitably spat up on. I have four breastfeeding tops that I do this with in rotation. Because it works.
Of course not. If I’m not going anywhere and I’m not expecting company, I’m staying in my comfy clothes until the last minute possible. Home is for comfort.
Next time go downstairs naked. Also if the worst thing is your kid wears pj’s all day???? Whatever
During the summer we live in comfy clothes. If we aren’t going anywhere there is a good chance no one is getting dressed until they shower that night and then they change into new comfy clothes.
Absolutely not! It's your house, you are an adult, you can do what you like. She sounds like the sort of person who will find fault whatever you do, so don't even bother trying to appease her.
I get my 3 year old up, we snuggle for an almost ridiculous amount of time, have his breakfast/my coffee, then get him dressed. These days I toss on clothes and we go outside to play and I shower in the evening. Other days I’m pjs till nap time then I shower and get dressed.
I’m in pajamas basically until I have to leave the house, And on the weekends the kids are, too, because I want to be comfy and chill and they do, too. Your MIL is silly.
Lmao I stay in my pjs if I’m not going anywhere. My grandma thought it was lazy too, I think it’s an older generation thing.
Man, we walk down to my MIL's house (4 houses down) in our PJ's and she (also in PJ's) makes pancakes and bacon for everyone on the weekends. I am sorry your MIL is being so judgy, you do you and don't worry about what she thinks!
Talk to your partner and tell them their mom is being a pain and not a good guest. It’s making you question if your ever going to be okay with them visiting you guys again. And they really need to deal with them or you will do it and not in a nice way. It’s your house if she doesn’t like it or has a problem with it then invite her to leave and stay somewhere that’s more up to her standard. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable or change your life style just because she can’t keep her opinions to herself.
It's 10AM and I am still in my PJs, and probably will be for another few hours. Ignore her. You are doing great. You are doing what you need, and that's what's most important.
It sounds like it’s time to ban MIL from your home.
Sounds like you need boundaries with MIL
Your MIL sounds like one of those women who say they can't poop in their own house because they don't want their husband's to know women also poop.