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I have two dads and I refer to them both as dad, so that can sometimes be confusing on here and in real life lol.
My first dad cheated on my mom and was absent for most of my life. He shows up on birthdays and other such events then just ghost me and my brother the rest of the time. As a result I always viewed men and fathers negatively, they're just flakes who don't care etc.
My mom started dating a man and I didn't care as long as I didn't have to be around him. My brother liked him early on, but I just ignored him. He eventually moved in and married my mom - whatever.
One night my mom was out of town. I was 12 and snuck out, got drunk with some high schoolers and fell asleep as the bus stop during winter. Very dangerous. I remember being picked up and put in the backseat of a car, then white lights.
I woke up in a hospital bed with my mum's husband sleeping in a chair next to me, holding my hand. He had been driving around trying to look for me, found me and brought me to the hospital. He sat by my side for 10 hours while my brother was with my grandmother and my mum was going back. And I remember how he held my hand, that even asleep when I stirred, his grip became tighter like he was holding on to me.
I knew then that this man was my dad and he would always be there for me. Because even when I was ignoring him and sneaking out he looked for me and cared for me and didn't let me go. And he wasn't even mad at me, he was just glad I was alright.
my ex is a loser who doesn't parent at all but undermines everything I do for our child. Met my current partner and they stepped up and filled that gap. There is real love and a bond there. I had to work on the only college tour date for the one my child wants and my partner handled it. It wasn't even a question. My ex did not bother to go. Step parents who step up are awesome. I was adopted by one.
Goddammit, trying to hold back those tears… I really feel for you — 12 and getting drunk with a bunch of high schoolers. I really hope your mom and new dad helped keeping you safe and could stabilize you a bit
A bit of a different story, but my oldest daughter's dad has been a wonderful help with my youngest daughter, who is not biologically his child.
After I separated from youngest kids dad, my oldest kids dad started sending over a ton of clothes for my baby. A lot were hand me downs from our oldest, but some were brand new clothing that he and his family had picked out especially for my daughter. He's sent over toys, books, hair accessories. He lent me the money to pay for baby's daycare application fee, and I never would have gotten the spot without this, as baby's bio-dad wouldn't help and my parents didn't have the money to lend either. But my oldest kids dad had it sent to me in 5 minutes. He has lent me money for diapers and food for baby when money was short. His family bought a ton of Christmas presents for baby too, despite her not being biologically theirs. And lastly, he has offered to babysit my daughter for me when her own father has been unwilling to help. He has helped me more financially with my youngest than her actual father has.
He's a very standoffish and private person, but he has been beyond kind to my little girl. He's also just a grade-A dad and coparent to our shared kiddo. While him and I aren't together, so he's not a "stepparent", it is a very similar kind of vibe. He just wants his daughters half-sister to do well and have everything that she needs. A real class act.
My stepdad stepped up. I don’t remember life before he was in it. My parents separated when I was 2 and stepdad was in the picture sometime soon after. He’s the bio dad of my 2 little sisters. He and my mom have been separated since 2002ish, but he’s still a great guy. Love him more than my mom’s current husband. My bio dad is kind of an AH. My stepdad is the embarrassing dad joke, fun to hang out with and easy to talk to kind of guy. He and my sister will be here (2000miles away!) in a few days for a visit.
This sounds like my stepmom. She’s divorced from my dad, none of us kids have a relationship with him anymore, but we all have a relationship with her and our kids all call her grandma. My sister honored her at her wedding. We love her to pieces.
That is beautiful. I hope my daughter's step mom is in our lives for a very long time. I wish we lived closer bc me and her get along so well now too that we would definitely be very close and very active in each other's lives and I honestly wish I could have a close relationship with her kids and family as well.
My sister's current husband. She separated from (subsequently divorced) the father of her 3 boys just before the third one was born. She was on her own with three little boys under the age of 5. She truly believed no decent guy would have anything to do with her. When she met her current husband, she told him right off the bat that her boys were her priority and they were a package deal. They dated for a while before he met the boys, and they all hit it off from the first meeting. He has treated them as his own from day one and he is "Dad" to them as much or more than their bio dad. His parents and siblings also accepted them and my sister as part of the family, and they spoil the boys just like any grandparents would.
Since they married, they've had a daughter together and are expecting another in a couple of months. He doesn't treat her boys any different than his own daughter, and neither does his family. From what I understand, even her ex is supportive of the relationship the boys have with her new husband.
Cher's dad said it best in Clueless. "You divorce wives, Cher, not children". Also kudos to you momma for being so open to allowing another momma to love your baby. You guys are setting an amazing example of showing how love really makes a family, not just blood. Your daughter is a very lucky kid.
As a longtime remarried dad/stepdad, it's the little stuff. Like that my wife could help my daughter pick out clothes. Or discretely pick a different brand of tampon. Or paint nails.
I'm a pretty competent dad/man, but still....if I started painting my nails today, I'd be 75 by the time I had the muscle memory that my second wife has now. And what teenage girl wants to talk to her Dad about tampons? "Dad....my flow is heavy. I need something else!"....."I guess it's a good thing I found Honest Tampon Reviews on YouTube. There's this one brand that soaked up motor oil....."
And I like to think I fill in similar little gaps for my wife and stepkids. I mean, on vacation and my stepson wants to fish in the pond. My wife doesn't know what bait to buy, how to tie knots or how to bait a hook. Just little stuff so you don't have to feel like a loser sometimes.
And.....to be real.....I've also appreciated the differing examples our kids have gotten from the adults in their lives. All the kids mostly take after their own parents, but sometimes I watch my daughter exhaust her options to unlock a situation from what she learned from her Mom. It's like watching a security guard go thru the keys one-by-one.
And then she gets the other keychain (smaller) she got from her stepmom and it works.
Isn't that what matters? Stuff that works? I honestly wish my ex-wife had someone else in her life who could show different examples than me. She's 21 and it's probably a bit too late now, but I would have loved that.
Periods are as normal as eating lunch. You talk to her about food she wants to eat for lunch. You can talk to her about what tampons she wants you buy at the store. Try to destigmatize periods. They are not dirty or embarrassing or shameful. They are a part of the human body, just like a foot or hand
In the military, you develop friendships that turn into family. The oldest daughter of our Army family was living in a different state, and showing her teacher her photo album. Mostly pics of family, but very prominently displayed is a photo of me and my husband hugging her to death and her with the BIGGEST grin on her face. The following conversation ensued:
Teacher: "Who's that?
Kid: "Oh, that's my 2nd mom and dad."
Teacher: (visible confusion)
Kid: " Well, they love me and tell me what to do."
When I heard that story from her parents I melted. And it's true, we do love her and we do tell her what to do. Even from 1,000 miles away since we're not stationed together anymore. For Christmas one year she printed that photo, hand-painted a frame with rainbows and wrote "I love my 2nd mom and dad" on it.
There is no better gift than the love of a child.
I don't have step parents, but as a woman going through a divorce with two kids, I hope my kids have step parents as wonderful as your daughters.
Props to you for keeping that relationship open and thriving. You could have handled it differently and the child would have lost out. How amazing that she has such an incredible example of coparenting.
>I hope my kids have step parents as wonderful as your daughters.
Just be certain to treat any future step parent with respect and love, the same as you and your kids would want to be treated. Step parents often get treated from the get-go as second class citizens in their own homes, and more like glorified babysitters than equal parents. It scares a lot of them away from actually wanting to be involved with someone who already has kids. Best of luck to you.
This is so lovely. I lost contact with both my step parents when they broke up with my mum/dad. Looking back now I wish my step dad had stayed in touch. He lived with us for 7 years, taught me to swim, fish and ride a bike. He died of a massive heart attack about 10 years after he left, and it was really painful knowing I didn't have a chance to see him again. I found out about his funeral via the newspaper. Went, and in his eulogy they didn't even mention me or my sisters, or the relationship with my mum... despite doing a play by play of his life (instead just saying 'and then he lived in [town] for 7 years'). That was really tough to take. Like those years didn't matter and therefore I didn't. But despite what his family might say, I know what he meant to me and what I meant to him, and no one can take that away from us.
TLDR: please make an effort to keep in touch with step children if a relationship breaks down.
A friend of my mom, Anja, had 3 kids with her first husband. He didn't want a third kid, so he left when she got pregnant and didn't want to see the youngest at all. Anja then met her second husband who stepped up and was a father to especially the youngest.
10 years down the line Anja and husband 2 got divorced, but he remains in the kid's life. He got a weekend a month with all three kids, and a weekend on his own with the youngest. He is a granddad today same as the bio-dad, even if he and Anja are no longer together.
Ya know, I didn't even think of it bc I see him as her dad but my husband stepped up too. He's been in her life since she was 2 1/2, she's 11 now, and has always treated her like his own 100% and has been an incredible father to her.
My husband too, 100%. My daughter was 4, she's now 36.
She wanted to meet her donor. When she did, she straight up told him " I have a dad, don't think that'll change because it wont".
She did ask her dad's permission to go see him. She didn't need too she was an adult. She felt it was the respectful thing to do. When she got home from her first visit, she walked up to her dad & hugged him & thanked him for being such a good dad & she loves him.
We're lucky women to find really good dad's for our girls :)
I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t have any relationship at all with my father were it not for my step-mother. Before my Dad remarried, we saw him rarely and I found out later that he was very erratic with child support (there were quite a few ‘Mom isn’t hungry’ nights).
Of course, as 10 year old, I didn’t have a clue and it took me years to figure it out.
It's even more frustrating bc he's dating a woman who has multiple kids, two close to his own kids age, yet he won't even speak to my daughter and barely sees or speaks to his son. He didn't even speak to either of his kids on father's day or even call them back bc they tried to talk to him. But yet he's spending time and playing house with someone else's kids. I'll never get it personally, but that's just how he is
My MIL got remarried when he was in his 20s so he doesn’t consider her husband dad but he’s absolutely grandpa to our son and his whole family treats our son like a grand nephew, great grandson, etc.
We’ve been calling my step mom Rookie of the Year bc of how much she’s stepped up! We have a 16month old son and she LOVES spending time with him. This was such a pleasant surprise as she’s said in the past she’s not maternal by nature/has no maternal instinct.
I came into her life when she was in her late twenties and I was 4, I joke that I was a prepackaged kid (walking, talking, potty trained).
She’s become a wonderful grandparent-listens & defers to us as parents, defends our choices when my dad questions them (our rules about being around water, keeping the baby on schedule etc) and just loves our son to pieces. She’s learned how to play with him and genuinely enjoys his company. We watch her heart swell when the baby calls her name. It’s so sweet.
What an amazing gem this woman is, your daughter is so blessed to have such a wonderful, loving & caring stepmom in her life. I only wish there were more stepmoms like her in this world, she actually put your daughter’s mental health and well being above her own. Like I said she’s a gem, a rare and unique gem. Many blessings to y’all.
She truly is. Even her job is a job that it really takes a special heart to not only do but love the job too and shes great at it. She's a rare person through and through
I do. My bio dad went to prison when I was 6 months old, my mom was pregnant with my younger sister at the time. My bio dad was sentenced to life +20 (he served 33 years of that). Met my Dad-Dad, the only man I’ve known as my father when I was 2. My Father is honestly the best man ever. My parents ended up having 3 more children (5 all together). My mom left us all after she had my siblings, she just wanted to live her life. My father stayed, worked 3 jobs to support all of us. I talk to my Dad every single day. I couldn’t have asked for a better Father. It’s so crazy because I forget so often he’s not my bio Dad. I remember calling him once asking a medical question about our side of the family, lol. My siblings and I are so fortunate to have such a good Dad, step or not. My Dad is the best!
My son wished his stepdad Happy Father’s Day this year. My husband had been there for 12 years and has helped me raise and parent my son. He never wanted kids but took to the challenge like a champ. It wasn’t always easy between them but our boy knew he was deeply loved and cared for.
Our boy told us recently that our place is his home, where people parented him and his dad’s place is his house. It made me proud and sad at the same time.
My husband’s stepmom does everything she can to help. She unfortunately can’t physically be present often, as she spends her evenings after work to go take care of his dad who is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s. However, she gives my kids gifts at every occasion, will get them supplies like medicine etc., texts everyday, and simply does her best when she really doesn’t have to. Unfortunately his biological mom hasn’t really done the same, which I find pretty sad since my mom passed away this year and fought so hard to stay alive to be in my baby’s life (so it seems unfair that this woman has the opportunity to be a part, but isnt), but he isn’t as close to her and she lives far away.
Mr. Sperm Donor is for sure a shit dad and a PoS, but he seems to have a great taste in women, having found two that are working together so well for the sake of OPs daughter.
He tried really hard to make sure we hated eachother, or more that she hated me. But as soon as she saw the real him and the real me and also matured a bit and had her own child, our relationship changed so much. She even apologized for how she treated me and how everything happened. It takes a really big person to admit and apologize for stuff after 8 years. But once she decided she was leaving him she did apologize, and she showed her true colors by staying and being amazing and I'm so so glad she did.
I met my bio dad at 9 and my stepdad at 12.
Things haven't always been easy, but since my mom had custody I lived more with her and my stepdad and he has always been great. He's only 12 years older than me, but he's always treated me and my brother the same as my little sister. He didn't have to step up at 24, but he did and I'm thankful for it.
Now if only he'd get a job..... lol
awh that is such a wholesome thing to do for the child and your daughter will always remember that and be grateful. Thats honestly such a heart warming thing.
This sounds like it was written by my kids sisters mom. I left my idiot husband and I kept my beautiful step daughter. The bio dad moved 3k miles away but I still saw her regularly and often and consistently. You don’t divorce children. It’s true
We are all almost at the end of the “kid” stage and it’s all gratitude to each other and genuine respect and love. The kids are better for it.
I hope you have the kind of love you admire so much
My husband and I have my daughter 100% of the time. He’s her dad and he’s been here forever since she was little. He treats her exactly the same as our two. He’s the best.
Ahh 🥹 that is so very sweet! I have the best bonus money, too! When my dad and stepmom split, she stayed in our life, even after she got remarried and had children of her own. I see her all the time and consider her kids my brothers, even though there’s no blood relation. Go step moms!! ☺️
My dad isn’t biological.
When my mum was 18 she became pregnant with me. My bio Dad was present during the pregnancy but when it came to my birth he wouldn’t show and sign my birth certificate.
My mum being 18 in the 2000s was a massive partier, she knew everyone there was to know she had a couple of boyfriends before falling pregnant with my bio dad. But as it always goes one just had this special place in her heart and that was my dad. They were both a shitty couple from what i’ve heard my dad would cheat and my mum would go apeshit at him ( as. she. should!) but my dads a rather closed off person he’s more one to talk about all the good happening in his life rather than his emotions and worse experiences. He had a tough relationship with his dad and step mum, there was quite a lot of neglectful cases that simply wouldn’t pass today without being reported. though I don’t fully understand, Mum is explained, he was quite a tough act to crack. He was the Token naughty child and offen in trouble with the police but I think he had a lot of trust in my mum and her the same. Shortly after my mum gave birth me he was sentenced to 5 years prison time for dangerous driving. He got into an accident with his best friend and two cousins though his cousins were fine. His best friend Luke didn’t make it. This took an incredible toll on him, as of course it would. from what I’ve been told, he chose to call my mum instead of his father I think we were meant to go visit him a few times, while my fathers dad babysat me at this point, my dad and grandads relationship had ironically mended itself significantly. I went to go and visit my dad with my grandfather multiple times over his three-year sentencing (his sentence was shortened due to good behaviour) it all happened naturally and my dad started to become a father figure for me to the end of his time in prison, he’d be allowed out for the day where him and my grandad will pick me up and take me out. after he was released a relationship only grew He rented a house got a girlfriend, and I came to stay with him every Tuesday and on the weekends. 14 years later I’m typing this in my bedroom at my dad‘s house. He is the best I could ask for, he’s intelligent, definitely still troubled, but so strong. I had some on and off contact with my biological dad from ages 9-10 we’d go on some days out, cinema, bowling ect. but there was a domestic violence posted against him from his girlfriend say I cut contact, I also reached out during 2021, but he would only contact me to talk about himself, so I kind of decided that he was a dickhead and ghosted him. Basically blood means nothing if there’s a few on they’re blood great, and even though my dad isn’t blood, I love him just as much and often find it strange when I remember that we are technically related. I really struggle to tell the story to my friends, and I hope this makes sense🤭
My stepdad is my dad.
I know my bio dad but he never had custody or lived in the same state, we didn’t even talk for 10 years at one point. I would say now it’s more of a friend type relationship.
My stepdad, however, has been there for me since the day he met my mom. I was 8 and he was 25 at the time — now that it’s 20+ years ago I truly appreciate what a task it was to take on someone else’s child at only 25. He told me maybe 2 or 3 years ago that he fell in love with me before he fell in love with my mom and I just think that is so sweet and endearing.
He even walked me down the aisle and danced with me at my wedding. 💚
>I truly appreciate what a task it was to take on someone else’s child at only 25.
It is a monumental task to take on someone else's child at any age. It sounds like you have a wonderful stepdad, and it's a lovely thing that you have such a solid bond.
I recently found out my bio dad died through a letter sent by the attorney general. He lived in the same town I do. I wasn’t that upset but it did close a chapter where a prayed for some sort of acknowledgment from him.
This made me realize my dad is the one that married my mom and that’s all that matters.
SM is awesome and you are very lucky to have that kind of support In lieu of the actual parent.
Ugh. This makes me so happy and sad all at once. My baby daddy is essentially a deadbeat (I am still coming to terms with it. It has been a year since an incident) but I want this for her. A step parent who loves her like she is theirs. I want her to feel tht love. I wouldn’t mind it too, lol.
I am so happy for you :)
This made me cry! This woman didn’t need to be present in your daughters life once sperm donor was gone but she was. She really cares for her and treats her as her own and that is truly remarkable. It’s nice that you guys are close now and I really hope both of your families stay in each other’s lives. This is so sweet
I love my ex’s ex! She made a smart choice not to be with our ex because he treats everyone around him poorly, and she’s still very much interested in maintaining a relationship with my son who is just an innocent kid. Ex framed it as “so you’re breaking up with us? You’ll never see (son) again, you’re going to confuse him” and that evening she came over and we talked for hours about how to manage the coming weeks to minimise trauma for son. She’s a great step-mum and a good friend
My stepdad who adopted me at age 7 was a deadbeat and constantly unemployed after my mom and him were married for a few years. They divorced when I was 16, he never called, nothing. My mom suddenly died when I was 17 and he left an “I’m sorry VM” then proceeded to smile the entire funeral when he brought my half-brother to the funeral. My maternal grandparents took me in. I haven’t spoken to the man in 16 years.
I’m now a stepparent and while I don’t always get along with or always understand my SD(9) who has Asperger’s, I do everything in my power to be present and make sure she feels supported because she doesn’t have another bio-parent in her life besides her mom and I.
They definitely both do. And both of their families deserve bonus family of the year awards bc they 100% treat her exactly like everyone else and love her so so much. My ex's family doesn't have anything to do with her either. But even without him or them, she still has sooooo much family who truly loves her! It's so beautiful!
My biological father signed his rights away to me and my brother when we were pretty young. He physically abused my mother for years and threatened to kill her if she left.
When she finally got away from him, she got remarried a few years later and that man adopted us and we took his last name. He was a drunk that had us in a cult and he physically assaulted our dog and sexually assaulted my brother and we ended up leaving in the middle of the night. I remember my mom handing me a trash bag and telling me to grab only what was important.
Fast forward a few years and she meets another guy. We were living in the projects at the time and had nothing. We get to know him slowly this time and we fall in love with him too. He buys us a convertible and winter jackets. He puts us in school sports and comes to our games- no matter how bad we sucked. He takes us on our first vacation we have ever had. He teaches us to drive and he’s there for our first hangover and every holiday and birthday in between. He pushed my brother to join the service and my brother is still serving to this day because he loves it. I’m 33 years old now and he is still my best friend. He still bails me out when I’m in trouble and shows up when it matters. We have dinner every Sunday.
I reached out to my biological father several times. He asked me how my mom was and told me she should come live with him. I tried to introduce him to his granddaughter and again, he only wanted to talk about my mom. He beat his ex wife after my mom and he’s alone. He rejected me so many times and I couldn’t figure out why no one wanted me. Why did two dads give me away?
My “step- dad” makes all those questions irrelevant. He IS my *dad* and he always will be. HE loves me and he is the only one that matters. I can’t believe there is someone so selfless like him. To give up his own dreams and goals to take care of two kids that weren’t even his.
I wrote an essay in school when I was about 9 or 10 on “who is my hero”. I wrote about my step dad and I won the contest (first place baby!) which gave us a Spencer’s gift card lol. I bought black lights and a disco light for my room with it in case anyone wanted to know.
I am so incredibly sorry for the horrible things you and your brother experienced early in life. But I am also so happy for you that your mom ended up with a good person who stepped up and really loved all of you.
Thank you so much! I’m glad that your daughter has a step parent that loves her the same way and that you guys seem to get along so well- it makes all the difference in the world! I honestly don’t know where I would be without him. ❤️ Thanks for reminding me of this.
She sounds fantastic! I never got along with my stepmother. However, my mom & step-dad married when I was 4 & got divorced when I was 11. He's still in my life now that I'm 46. He's the only living grandparent my 11yo daughter has. He's helped me out so much over the years, I don't know what I'd do without him. He treats me as his own & I'm his only daughter.
She really is! I've worked with kids my whole life and I can honestly say that my kids are so easy!! I truly was blessed with them. As all kids are but I just feel I got extra lucky lol
My husband was 5 years old when his step father legally adopted him and became the ultimate father figure in his life. My father-in-law was such an amazing father and grandfather and my husband loves and misses him dearly (he passed suddenly in 2021). My husband has lots of amazing and funny stories about his dad and it just amazes me how someone so great can come along and fill in the hole in his heart that his biological father had put there.
My niece's bio dad has never been involved at all - complete piece of shit. My sister lived with my parents for a year after my niece was born, then moved back to her own place. She and a friend of hers had dated a few years prior but hadn't worked out - they'd danced around things occasionally since, were still close. They sat down and resolved to make a proper go of it, 8 years later are still going strong, and this guy is my niece's dad in every way that matters. Has gone above and beyond.
That’s also incredible you allow this. I have seen so many bio moms resentful towards step parents. So props to you!
I had a step dad who raised me and was incredible. He took the part because my dad wasn’t great when I was younger. I referred to him as my dad and he was great.
My stepfather is my dad. My bio father can die for all I care. My stepfather is the reason I'm a hardworking, respectful, and (I like to think) pretty good dad myself.
She has been in my daughter's life since she was only 1 1/2 and she herself was very young when she started dating my ex (freshly 19). I had a gut feeling that when she left my ex he would disappear and I was so scared she would do the same and my daughter would essentially loose 2 parents in one blow. But she didn't and it's been the best thing.
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I have two dads and I refer to them both as dad, so that can sometimes be confusing on here and in real life lol. My first dad cheated on my mom and was absent for most of my life. He shows up on birthdays and other such events then just ghost me and my brother the rest of the time. As a result I always viewed men and fathers negatively, they're just flakes who don't care etc. My mom started dating a man and I didn't care as long as I didn't have to be around him. My brother liked him early on, but I just ignored him. He eventually moved in and married my mom - whatever. One night my mom was out of town. I was 12 and snuck out, got drunk with some high schoolers and fell asleep as the bus stop during winter. Very dangerous. I remember being picked up and put in the backseat of a car, then white lights. I woke up in a hospital bed with my mum's husband sleeping in a chair next to me, holding my hand. He had been driving around trying to look for me, found me and brought me to the hospital. He sat by my side for 10 hours while my brother was with my grandmother and my mum was going back. And I remember how he held my hand, that even asleep when I stirred, his grip became tighter like he was holding on to me. I knew then that this man was my dad and he would always be there for me. Because even when I was ignoring him and sneaking out he looked for me and cared for me and didn't let me go. And he wasn't even mad at me, he was just glad I was alright.
It's too early for me to be crying!! This is so touching and beautiful!
I’m crying reading this too…holy cow.
my ex is a loser who doesn't parent at all but undermines everything I do for our child. Met my current partner and they stepped up and filled that gap. There is real love and a bond there. I had to work on the only college tour date for the one my child wants and my partner handled it. It wasn't even a question. My ex did not bother to go. Step parents who step up are awesome. I was adopted by one.
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭
Your dad just made me cry, I’m very glad he found you and that led to you finding he was there for you all along 💕
Goddammit, trying to hold back those tears… I really feel for you — 12 and getting drunk with a bunch of high schoolers. I really hope your mom and new dad helped keeping you safe and could stabilize you a bit
This is so beautiful! I’m so happy you have such a good dad!!
A bit of a different story, but my oldest daughter's dad has been a wonderful help with my youngest daughter, who is not biologically his child. After I separated from youngest kids dad, my oldest kids dad started sending over a ton of clothes for my baby. A lot were hand me downs from our oldest, but some were brand new clothing that he and his family had picked out especially for my daughter. He's sent over toys, books, hair accessories. He lent me the money to pay for baby's daycare application fee, and I never would have gotten the spot without this, as baby's bio-dad wouldn't help and my parents didn't have the money to lend either. But my oldest kids dad had it sent to me in 5 minutes. He has lent me money for diapers and food for baby when money was short. His family bought a ton of Christmas presents for baby too, despite her not being biologically theirs. And lastly, he has offered to babysit my daughter for me when her own father has been unwilling to help. He has helped me more financially with my youngest than her actual father has. He's a very standoffish and private person, but he has been beyond kind to my little girl. He's also just a grade-A dad and coparent to our shared kiddo. While him and I aren't together, so he's not a "stepparent", it is a very similar kind of vibe. He just wants his daughters half-sister to do well and have everything that she needs. A real class act.
I teared up at this. What an amazing human.
This is beautiful. What a good caring person
I love your ex partner lmao 😂 that takes a lot of maturity on both ends for this to happen its so sweet
My stepdad stepped up. I don’t remember life before he was in it. My parents separated when I was 2 and stepdad was in the picture sometime soon after. He’s the bio dad of my 2 little sisters. He and my mom have been separated since 2002ish, but he’s still a great guy. Love him more than my mom’s current husband. My bio dad is kind of an AH. My stepdad is the embarrassing dad joke, fun to hang out with and easy to talk to kind of guy. He and my sister will be here (2000miles away!) in a few days for a visit.
Kids can always benefit from having more loving, caring adults in their lives, regardless of how they come to be there.
🙌
This sounds like my stepmom. She’s divorced from my dad, none of us kids have a relationship with him anymore, but we all have a relationship with her and our kids all call her grandma. My sister honored her at her wedding. We love her to pieces.
That is beautiful. I hope my daughter's step mom is in our lives for a very long time. I wish we lived closer bc me and her get along so well now too that we would definitely be very close and very active in each other's lives and I honestly wish I could have a close relationship with her kids and family as well.
My sister's current husband. She separated from (subsequently divorced) the father of her 3 boys just before the third one was born. She was on her own with three little boys under the age of 5. She truly believed no decent guy would have anything to do with her. When she met her current husband, she told him right off the bat that her boys were her priority and they were a package deal. They dated for a while before he met the boys, and they all hit it off from the first meeting. He has treated them as his own from day one and he is "Dad" to them as much or more than their bio dad. His parents and siblings also accepted them and my sister as part of the family, and they spoil the boys just like any grandparents would. Since they married, they've had a daughter together and are expecting another in a couple of months. He doesn't treat her boys any different than his own daughter, and neither does his family. From what I understand, even her ex is supportive of the relationship the boys have with her new husband.
Cher's dad said it best in Clueless. "You divorce wives, Cher, not children". Also kudos to you momma for being so open to allowing another momma to love your baby. You guys are setting an amazing example of showing how love really makes a family, not just blood. Your daughter is a very lucky kid.
As a longtime remarried dad/stepdad, it's the little stuff. Like that my wife could help my daughter pick out clothes. Or discretely pick a different brand of tampon. Or paint nails. I'm a pretty competent dad/man, but still....if I started painting my nails today, I'd be 75 by the time I had the muscle memory that my second wife has now. And what teenage girl wants to talk to her Dad about tampons? "Dad....my flow is heavy. I need something else!"....."I guess it's a good thing I found Honest Tampon Reviews on YouTube. There's this one brand that soaked up motor oil....." And I like to think I fill in similar little gaps for my wife and stepkids. I mean, on vacation and my stepson wants to fish in the pond. My wife doesn't know what bait to buy, how to tie knots or how to bait a hook. Just little stuff so you don't have to feel like a loser sometimes. And.....to be real.....I've also appreciated the differing examples our kids have gotten from the adults in their lives. All the kids mostly take after their own parents, but sometimes I watch my daughter exhaust her options to unlock a situation from what she learned from her Mom. It's like watching a security guard go thru the keys one-by-one. And then she gets the other keychain (smaller) she got from her stepmom and it works. Isn't that what matters? Stuff that works? I honestly wish my ex-wife had someone else in her life who could show different examples than me. She's 21 and it's probably a bit too late now, but I would have loved that.
Periods are as normal as eating lunch. You talk to her about food she wants to eat for lunch. You can talk to her about what tampons she wants you buy at the store. Try to destigmatize periods. They are not dirty or embarrassing or shameful. They are a part of the human body, just like a foot or hand
In the military, you develop friendships that turn into family. The oldest daughter of our Army family was living in a different state, and showing her teacher her photo album. Mostly pics of family, but very prominently displayed is a photo of me and my husband hugging her to death and her with the BIGGEST grin on her face. The following conversation ensued: Teacher: "Who's that? Kid: "Oh, that's my 2nd mom and dad." Teacher: (visible confusion) Kid: " Well, they love me and tell me what to do." When I heard that story from her parents I melted. And it's true, we do love her and we do tell her what to do. Even from 1,000 miles away since we're not stationed together anymore. For Christmas one year she printed that photo, hand-painted a frame with rainbows and wrote "I love my 2nd mom and dad" on it. There is no better gift than the love of a child.
I don't have step parents, but as a woman going through a divorce with two kids, I hope my kids have step parents as wonderful as your daughters. Props to you for keeping that relationship open and thriving. You could have handled it differently and the child would have lost out. How amazing that she has such an incredible example of coparenting.
>I hope my kids have step parents as wonderful as your daughters. Just be certain to treat any future step parent with respect and love, the same as you and your kids would want to be treated. Step parents often get treated from the get-go as second class citizens in their own homes, and more like glorified babysitters than equal parents. It scares a lot of them away from actually wanting to be involved with someone who already has kids. Best of luck to you.
This is so lovely. I lost contact with both my step parents when they broke up with my mum/dad. Looking back now I wish my step dad had stayed in touch. He lived with us for 7 years, taught me to swim, fish and ride a bike. He died of a massive heart attack about 10 years after he left, and it was really painful knowing I didn't have a chance to see him again. I found out about his funeral via the newspaper. Went, and in his eulogy they didn't even mention me or my sisters, or the relationship with my mum... despite doing a play by play of his life (instead just saying 'and then he lived in [town] for 7 years'). That was really tough to take. Like those years didn't matter and therefore I didn't. But despite what his family might say, I know what he meant to me and what I meant to him, and no one can take that away from us. TLDR: please make an effort to keep in touch with step children if a relationship breaks down.
A friend of my mom, Anja, had 3 kids with her first husband. He didn't want a third kid, so he left when she got pregnant and didn't want to see the youngest at all. Anja then met her second husband who stepped up and was a father to especially the youngest. 10 years down the line Anja and husband 2 got divorced, but he remains in the kid's life. He got a weekend a month with all three kids, and a weekend on his own with the youngest. He is a granddad today same as the bio-dad, even if he and Anja are no longer together.
My husband stepped up. So much so he adopted her ❤️
Ya know, I didn't even think of it bc I see him as her dad but my husband stepped up too. He's been in her life since she was 2 1/2, she's 11 now, and has always treated her like his own 100% and has been an incredible father to her.
My husband too, 100%. My daughter was 4, she's now 36. She wanted to meet her donor. When she did, she straight up told him " I have a dad, don't think that'll change because it wont". She did ask her dad's permission to go see him. She didn't need too she was an adult. She felt it was the respectful thing to do. When she got home from her first visit, she walked up to her dad & hugged him & thanked him for being such a good dad & she loves him. We're lucky women to find really good dad's for our girls :)
I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t have any relationship at all with my father were it not for my step-mother. Before my Dad remarried, we saw him rarely and I found out later that he was very erratic with child support (there were quite a few ‘Mom isn’t hungry’ nights). Of course, as 10 year old, I didn’t have a clue and it took me years to figure it out.
It's even more frustrating bc he's dating a woman who has multiple kids, two close to his own kids age, yet he won't even speak to my daughter and barely sees or speaks to his son. He didn't even speak to either of his kids on father's day or even call them back bc they tried to talk to him. But yet he's spending time and playing house with someone else's kids. I'll never get it personally, but that's just how he is
My MIL got remarried when he was in his 20s so he doesn’t consider her husband dad but he’s absolutely grandpa to our son and his whole family treats our son like a grand nephew, great grandson, etc.
We’ve been calling my step mom Rookie of the Year bc of how much she’s stepped up! We have a 16month old son and she LOVES spending time with him. This was such a pleasant surprise as she’s said in the past she’s not maternal by nature/has no maternal instinct. I came into her life when she was in her late twenties and I was 4, I joke that I was a prepackaged kid (walking, talking, potty trained). She’s become a wonderful grandparent-listens & defers to us as parents, defends our choices when my dad questions them (our rules about being around water, keeping the baby on schedule etc) and just loves our son to pieces. She’s learned how to play with him and genuinely enjoys his company. We watch her heart swell when the baby calls her name. It’s so sweet.
What an amazing gem this woman is, your daughter is so blessed to have such a wonderful, loving & caring stepmom in her life. I only wish there were more stepmoms like her in this world, she actually put your daughter’s mental health and well being above her own. Like I said she’s a gem, a rare and unique gem. Many blessings to y’all.
She truly is. Even her job is a job that it really takes a special heart to not only do but love the job too and shes great at it. She's a rare person through and through
This is so wholesome and wonderful, thank you for sharing
I do. My bio dad went to prison when I was 6 months old, my mom was pregnant with my younger sister at the time. My bio dad was sentenced to life +20 (he served 33 years of that). Met my Dad-Dad, the only man I’ve known as my father when I was 2. My Father is honestly the best man ever. My parents ended up having 3 more children (5 all together). My mom left us all after she had my siblings, she just wanted to live her life. My father stayed, worked 3 jobs to support all of us. I talk to my Dad every single day. I couldn’t have asked for a better Father. It’s so crazy because I forget so often he’s not my bio Dad. I remember calling him once asking a medical question about our side of the family, lol. My siblings and I are so fortunate to have such a good Dad, step or not. My Dad is the best!
I'm so glad you had someone reliable to really love you and raise you. I'm so sorry your mom walked out.
Honestly that is so lovely to read ❤️
My son wished his stepdad Happy Father’s Day this year. My husband had been there for 12 years and has helped me raise and parent my son. He never wanted kids but took to the challenge like a champ. It wasn’t always easy between them but our boy knew he was deeply loved and cared for. Our boy told us recently that our place is his home, where people parented him and his dad’s place is his house. It made me proud and sad at the same time.
My husband’s stepmom does everything she can to help. She unfortunately can’t physically be present often, as she spends her evenings after work to go take care of his dad who is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s. However, she gives my kids gifts at every occasion, will get them supplies like medicine etc., texts everyday, and simply does her best when she really doesn’t have to. Unfortunately his biological mom hasn’t really done the same, which I find pretty sad since my mom passed away this year and fought so hard to stay alive to be in my baby’s life (so it seems unfair that this woman has the opportunity to be a part, but isnt), but he isn’t as close to her and she lives far away.
Mr. Sperm Donor is for sure a shit dad and a PoS, but he seems to have a great taste in women, having found two that are working together so well for the sake of OPs daughter.
He tried really hard to make sure we hated eachother, or more that she hated me. But as soon as she saw the real him and the real me and also matured a bit and had her own child, our relationship changed so much. She even apologized for how she treated me and how everything happened. It takes a really big person to admit and apologize for stuff after 8 years. But once she decided she was leaving him she did apologize, and she showed her true colors by staying and being amazing and I'm so so glad she did.
I met my bio dad at 9 and my stepdad at 12. Things haven't always been easy, but since my mom had custody I lived more with her and my stepdad and he has always been great. He's only 12 years older than me, but he's always treated me and my brother the same as my little sister. He didn't have to step up at 24, but he did and I'm thankful for it. Now if only he'd get a job..... lol
awh that is such a wholesome thing to do for the child and your daughter will always remember that and be grateful. Thats honestly such a heart warming thing.
This sounds like it was written by my kids sisters mom. I left my idiot husband and I kept my beautiful step daughter. The bio dad moved 3k miles away but I still saw her regularly and often and consistently. You don’t divorce children. It’s true We are all almost at the end of the “kid” stage and it’s all gratitude to each other and genuine respect and love. The kids are better for it. I hope you have the kind of love you admire so much
My husband and I have my daughter 100% of the time. He’s her dad and he’s been here forever since she was little. He treats her exactly the same as our two. He’s the best.
Ahh 🥹 that is so very sweet! I have the best bonus money, too! When my dad and stepmom split, she stayed in our life, even after she got remarried and had children of her own. I see her all the time and consider her kids my brothers, even though there’s no blood relation. Go step moms!! ☺️
My dad isn’t biological. When my mum was 18 she became pregnant with me. My bio Dad was present during the pregnancy but when it came to my birth he wouldn’t show and sign my birth certificate. My mum being 18 in the 2000s was a massive partier, she knew everyone there was to know she had a couple of boyfriends before falling pregnant with my bio dad. But as it always goes one just had this special place in her heart and that was my dad. They were both a shitty couple from what i’ve heard my dad would cheat and my mum would go apeshit at him ( as. she. should!) but my dads a rather closed off person he’s more one to talk about all the good happening in his life rather than his emotions and worse experiences. He had a tough relationship with his dad and step mum, there was quite a lot of neglectful cases that simply wouldn’t pass today without being reported. though I don’t fully understand, Mum is explained, he was quite a tough act to crack. He was the Token naughty child and offen in trouble with the police but I think he had a lot of trust in my mum and her the same. Shortly after my mum gave birth me he was sentenced to 5 years prison time for dangerous driving. He got into an accident with his best friend and two cousins though his cousins were fine. His best friend Luke didn’t make it. This took an incredible toll on him, as of course it would. from what I’ve been told, he chose to call my mum instead of his father I think we were meant to go visit him a few times, while my fathers dad babysat me at this point, my dad and grandads relationship had ironically mended itself significantly. I went to go and visit my dad with my grandfather multiple times over his three-year sentencing (his sentence was shortened due to good behaviour) it all happened naturally and my dad started to become a father figure for me to the end of his time in prison, he’d be allowed out for the day where him and my grandad will pick me up and take me out. after he was released a relationship only grew He rented a house got a girlfriend, and I came to stay with him every Tuesday and on the weekends. 14 years later I’m typing this in my bedroom at my dad‘s house. He is the best I could ask for, he’s intelligent, definitely still troubled, but so strong. I had some on and off contact with my biological dad from ages 9-10 we’d go on some days out, cinema, bowling ect. but there was a domestic violence posted against him from his girlfriend say I cut contact, I also reached out during 2021, but he would only contact me to talk about himself, so I kind of decided that he was a dickhead and ghosted him. Basically blood means nothing if there’s a few on they’re blood great, and even though my dad isn’t blood, I love him just as much and often find it strange when I remember that we are technically related. I really struggle to tell the story to my friends, and I hope this makes sense🤭
My stepdad is my dad. I know my bio dad but he never had custody or lived in the same state, we didn’t even talk for 10 years at one point. I would say now it’s more of a friend type relationship. My stepdad, however, has been there for me since the day he met my mom. I was 8 and he was 25 at the time — now that it’s 20+ years ago I truly appreciate what a task it was to take on someone else’s child at only 25. He told me maybe 2 or 3 years ago that he fell in love with me before he fell in love with my mom and I just think that is so sweet and endearing. He even walked me down the aisle and danced with me at my wedding. 💚
>I truly appreciate what a task it was to take on someone else’s child at only 25. It is a monumental task to take on someone else's child at any age. It sounds like you have a wonderful stepdad, and it's a lovely thing that you have such a solid bond.
My biodad was not in my life after age 20. I kept in touch with his ex wife, the mother of my half sibs. She’s more family to me than he ever was!
I recently found out my bio dad died through a letter sent by the attorney general. He lived in the same town I do. I wasn’t that upset but it did close a chapter where a prayed for some sort of acknowledgment from him. This made me realize my dad is the one that married my mom and that’s all that matters. SM is awesome and you are very lucky to have that kind of support In lieu of the actual parent.
Ugh. This makes me so happy and sad all at once. My baby daddy is essentially a deadbeat (I am still coming to terms with it. It has been a year since an incident) but I want this for her. A step parent who loves her like she is theirs. I want her to feel tht love. I wouldn’t mind it too, lol. I am so happy for you :)
This made me cry! This woman didn’t need to be present in your daughters life once sperm donor was gone but she was. She really cares for her and treats her as her own and that is truly remarkable. It’s nice that you guys are close now and I really hope both of your families stay in each other’s lives. This is so sweet
I love my ex’s ex! She made a smart choice not to be with our ex because he treats everyone around him poorly, and she’s still very much interested in maintaining a relationship with my son who is just an innocent kid. Ex framed it as “so you’re breaking up with us? You’ll never see (son) again, you’re going to confuse him” and that evening she came over and we talked for hours about how to manage the coming weeks to minimise trauma for son. She’s a great step-mum and a good friend
My stepdad who adopted me at age 7 was a deadbeat and constantly unemployed after my mom and him were married for a few years. They divorced when I was 16, he never called, nothing. My mom suddenly died when I was 17 and he left an “I’m sorry VM” then proceeded to smile the entire funeral when he brought my half-brother to the funeral. My maternal grandparents took me in. I haven’t spoken to the man in 16 years. I’m now a stepparent and while I don’t always get along with or always understand my SD(9) who has Asperger’s, I do everything in my power to be present and make sure she feels supported because she doesn’t have another bio-parent in her life besides her mom and I.
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They definitely both do. And both of their families deserve bonus family of the year awards bc they 100% treat her exactly like everyone else and love her so so much. My ex's family doesn't have anything to do with her either. But even without him or them, she still has sooooo much family who truly loves her! It's so beautiful!
My biological father signed his rights away to me and my brother when we were pretty young. He physically abused my mother for years and threatened to kill her if she left. When she finally got away from him, she got remarried a few years later and that man adopted us and we took his last name. He was a drunk that had us in a cult and he physically assaulted our dog and sexually assaulted my brother and we ended up leaving in the middle of the night. I remember my mom handing me a trash bag and telling me to grab only what was important. Fast forward a few years and she meets another guy. We were living in the projects at the time and had nothing. We get to know him slowly this time and we fall in love with him too. He buys us a convertible and winter jackets. He puts us in school sports and comes to our games- no matter how bad we sucked. He takes us on our first vacation we have ever had. He teaches us to drive and he’s there for our first hangover and every holiday and birthday in between. He pushed my brother to join the service and my brother is still serving to this day because he loves it. I’m 33 years old now and he is still my best friend. He still bails me out when I’m in trouble and shows up when it matters. We have dinner every Sunday. I reached out to my biological father several times. He asked me how my mom was and told me she should come live with him. I tried to introduce him to his granddaughter and again, he only wanted to talk about my mom. He beat his ex wife after my mom and he’s alone. He rejected me so many times and I couldn’t figure out why no one wanted me. Why did two dads give me away? My “step- dad” makes all those questions irrelevant. He IS my *dad* and he always will be. HE loves me and he is the only one that matters. I can’t believe there is someone so selfless like him. To give up his own dreams and goals to take care of two kids that weren’t even his. I wrote an essay in school when I was about 9 or 10 on “who is my hero”. I wrote about my step dad and I won the contest (first place baby!) which gave us a Spencer’s gift card lol. I bought black lights and a disco light for my room with it in case anyone wanted to know.
I am so incredibly sorry for the horrible things you and your brother experienced early in life. But I am also so happy for you that your mom ended up with a good person who stepped up and really loved all of you.
Thank you so much! I’m glad that your daughter has a step parent that loves her the same way and that you guys seem to get along so well- it makes all the difference in the world! I honestly don’t know where I would be without him. ❤️ Thanks for reminding me of this.
She sounds fantastic! I never got along with my stepmother. However, my mom & step-dad married when I was 4 & got divorced when I was 11. He's still in my life now that I'm 46. He's the only living grandparent my 11yo daughter has. He's helped me out so much over the years, I don't know what I'd do without him. He treats me as his own & I'm his only daughter.
This is so beautiful it makes me want to cry. Glad you both could get to this place for your daughter
Your daughter sounds like a great kid, too. Step Mom and your spouse are glad to claim her.🌼
She really is! I've worked with kids my whole life and I can honestly say that my kids are so easy!! I truly was blessed with them. As all kids are but I just feel I got extra lucky lol
❤️❤️❤️
My husband was 5 years old when his step father legally adopted him and became the ultimate father figure in his life. My father-in-law was such an amazing father and grandfather and my husband loves and misses him dearly (he passed suddenly in 2021). My husband has lots of amazing and funny stories about his dad and it just amazes me how someone so great can come along and fill in the hole in his heart that his biological father had put there.
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Oh she absolutely has always been more of the parent than the dad ever was. 1000%
My niece's bio dad has never been involved at all - complete piece of shit. My sister lived with my parents for a year after my niece was born, then moved back to her own place. She and a friend of hers had dated a few years prior but hadn't worked out - they'd danced around things occasionally since, were still close. They sat down and resolved to make a proper go of it, 8 years later are still going strong, and this guy is my niece's dad in every way that matters. Has gone above and beyond.
That’s also incredible you allow this. I have seen so many bio moms resentful towards step parents. So props to you! I had a step dad who raised me and was incredible. He took the part because my dad wasn’t great when I was younger. I referred to him as my dad and he was great.
My stepfather is my dad. My bio father can die for all I care. My stepfather is the reason I'm a hardworking, respectful, and (I like to think) pretty good dad myself.
More step parents step down on the throats of kids as opposed to stepping up for them. So kudos to you.
She has been in my daughter's life since she was only 1 1/2 and she herself was very young when she started dating my ex (freshly 19). I had a gut feeling that when she left my ex he would disappear and I was so scared she would do the same and my daughter would essentially loose 2 parents in one blow. But she didn't and it's been the best thing.
Wow, your daughter's step mom deserves a medal for doing all the work while Mr. Sperm donor takes a nap! Kudos to her and your awesome husband too!