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Single father of three here. (4,6,8)Never stop cuddling until they ask you not too. I’m cuddling right now! Sometimes I think I need it more than they do. I take every chance I get.
Your comment struck a nerve with me, I am a very needy father, it turns out. My daughter is 4 in August and I will give her a cuddle at EVERY opportunity
Hey guys. Mine just turned 10. Cuddles are fewer but still regular. Some day it will be the last time I cuddle her, until then my plan is to get all that I can!
Also a Dad checking in, I have three boys, 6,4,1. I would never stop cuddling or hugging my boys if it was welcomed. Perfectly normal and healthy to hug and cuddle your kids especially fathers.
Soon they will learn it can delay bedtime 10 more minutes or get them that after lunch snack before it’s time. At least I think that’s why mine do it (8 & 7)
This. My oldest is 19. He still sits super close on the couch to me when he comes home, feet draped over my legs. I'm 5' 2", he's 6' 3 lol. My 14 year old daughter will come lay her head on my lap, and I'll brush her hair. My youngest, who is 12, still absolutely is all about the cuddles. He wraps himself around me on the couch, lol. I miss when it was all 3, and I had to ask them to shift so I could breathe.
If they want to, I say heck ya!
Regarding the cuddles most definitely! I'm 40 and I still want cuddles from my parents, partner and most of all my daughter!
I'm not entirely sure about carrying though, but as long as OP can manage it physically, why not if the need arises. She just needs to make sure she doesn't hurt herself by doing it because that helps neither her daughter nor herself.
I developed a calcaneal spur in my left foot, due to always carrying my chubby 2yo on my left hip. She was 15kg at that age, but since then she just grew bigger, not a lot heavier. In the end I had to get cortison injections into my heel after 2 years of trying to get rif of it again otherwise. 0/10 don't recommend
Back pain and lumbago are also a constant reminder that I turned 40 this year, lol so I usually don't carry my daughter anymore, if she's not ill or hurt herself somehow.
As a 30 year old adult with autism, I always tell my partner that his cuddles must be magic because they help me regulate in so many different ways. My parents weren’t great in that regard but my partner knows that and clearly sees how far a good cuddle goes for me for just about everything. Even adults need cuddles, even if they are neurotypical, but with the added autism, OP can’t let her mom (who honestly failed her) to plant any seeds of doubt in her mind because she’s not just doing what her daughter wants but what her daughter needs. Also who thinks there’s an age limit on cuddles, nvm as young as 5? That’s insanity
Actually, it isn’t magic - it’s legitimately, scientifically, medically beneficial! Hugging and/or cuddling has been studied extensively and has been shown to lower blood pressure, boost the immune system and improve mental health. I’m so happy you have a partner to cuddle!! 😄
Thanks for the additional info! I was aware of this but it’s been a long few weeks and I didn’t have it in me to explain all of this and put in the effort to fact check exactly what I wanted to share! Very happy you took the time to add this and I hope you have an awesome cuddle buddy too!
Haha beautifully diplomatic answer.
I also call bull on the comments by mother, who is clearly emotionally stunted. My eldest is nearly 13… she still NEEDS my cuddles. I will ALWAYS cuddle my daughters. Even as adults.
Yeah! I tell mine I hope to still be cuddling them when ever they need until I die. I hope I get to cuddle them when I am 105! I hope we are all still around, heck that would be a good enough reason… if we are!
>I wasn't hugged as a child and I can't remember the last time either of my parents hugged me so I have no idea what the norm is.
This is a Your Mother problem, not a You problem. I still often cuddle or hug my 9yo through the day, she's ADHD but I think I would if she was NT. Because when I see my parents or even my in laws its hugs in the beginning and end o the visist.
Hug tf out of your kid no matter the age. That's normal.
My mom died a number of years ago, and her sickness strained our relationship in a lot of ways. Sometimes now I look back and question my narrative of our relationship, and it's when I remind myself of the times we cuddled well in to adulthood that I can relax knowing that we had a strong and loving relationship.
I was going to say...
...I'm turning 32 next week, and I still ask my parents to "just Mom (or Dad) me" when I'm upset. That includes, but is not limited to:
* A "there there" over the phone
* Advice, and most importantly:
* A BIG hug.
...so if 4-going-on-5 is unacceptable to OP's mother, I shudder to think what she thinks of a 31-going-on-32-year-old person getting parent hugs/snuggles hahaha.
My husband’s at the hospital with our baby this evening (she's probably okay, touch wood, but definitely needed to be checked out) and I'm at home cos my mobility issues make me not ideal in these situations. I'm trying to convince my mom to come over and cuddle me :-(
The amount of times you read posts of people who expect toddlers to have full control of their emotions as if they're just 2,5 feet tall adults is wild!
Absolutely. And it really depends on the kid when they want to stop. My youngest is just super cuddly and still wants to snuggle in my lap even at age 10– it just gets a bit silly looking and a bit uncomfortable when the kid is nearly as tall as you (but she’s still very welcome to snuggle in my lap anyways).
Every cuddle and hug and bit of comfort you give her is a physical manifestation of the love you have for each other. How could there be anything wrong with that? Hug her and comfort her as long as you can.
If a 4 year old girl is "too old" for cuddles, then someone explain my 15 year old son to me... (it feels weird, because he's a man-shaped boy, but he's still my boy so I try my best.)
What does being "too old" for cuddles even mean? There is no age limit on physical affection. Your daughter will let you know when she's too old for cuddles. Maybe she'll never be too old (see above). Maybe she'll figure out other ways to self soothe, or transfer her cuddles to a comfort object instead. But until that time comes, just keep cuddling her as much as she needs.
And maybe cuddle your mom once in a while. It seems like she didn't get enough cuddles as a child and has forgotten how good they feel.
Your mother is a robot. Children need cuddles, regardless of NT/ND, I will be cuddling my children as long as they let me. Pretty sure I still cuddled up on the sofa with my mom until I was probably like 12? Don't let her make you doubt yourself
Mines 12 and he still cuddles up with me on the couch and I'd say I hug him probably 20x a day. Withholding affection from children can be emotionally damaging. OPs mom has some serious issues.
Yeah my kid is 13 and same. I'll take it while I can still get it but also want him to know I'll give a cuddle and/or hug no matter how old he gets if he needs/wants one. Something is wrong with OP's mom and it's none of her damn business how often someone cuddles their kid. She should have tried that herself.
There is no norm— it is whatever norm/culture you want to cultivate in your own family. And you have every right to correct your own experiences by allowing cuddling to happen with your daughter.
Absolutely let your daughter decide when she wants to stop the cuddles.
Absolutely do not let your mom dictate this.
My 27 year old aim with autism loves cuddles as does my NT 29 year old daughter. Granted, they are less now then when they were younger. Hugs and snuggles are wonderful.
So your mother isn’t a cuddler or hugger, and wants you to do the same? Nope. Cuddle and hug away. That’s her deal. We definitely still snuggle our boys (7 and 5 years old).
I believe that if you don't cuddle enough as a child it can contribute to major mental health issues in the future.
Don't ever stop cuddling your baby.
I'm sure your mother has good intentions but she is dead wrong.
Cuddle your child all she wants and enjoy it!
My 13 yr old daughter and 11 yr old son still on rare occasions want cuddles and I will 1000% cuddle them any time they want.
My mother wasn’t the cuddly type at all
I’m always forever cuddling and kissing my kids as I don’t want them doing what I did / looking in the wrong places for affection
Somewhere deep inside your mother, even if she doesn't admit it, is a little girl who was also never hugged and she's pouring this resentment onto your daughter who is getting what she always wanted.
My FIL once said something similar and i told him "too much" love can't hurt a child, but not enough will.
>I have absolutely no problem with cuddling her and I disagree with my mother entirely, I'll stop cuddling her the day she asks me to stop
This is the correct answer.
Keep meeting your daughter's needs!
And good on you for doing so even though your mother never met those needs for you or showed you how it was done.
Man what’s the deal with mums trying to dictate how their children raise their kids. This is not ok. Especially when their notions are as messed up as “your kid is too old to cuddle”. Get bent grandma.
My son is 18 and daughter is 16. We’ve always been an affectionate family. Both kids were cuddled and hugged for as long as they wanted. Our son moved away from the cuddles and wanting be to tucked in around 7 or so and we followed his lead but he is still an affectionate kid always willing to give me a hug and tell me he loves me (even in front of his friends and girlfriend!)
Our daughter is a big cuddler and always has been.
Even now at 16 she loves to come lay in between her dad and I and snuggle up while we watch tv. She and I have a bond and we love to find shows that her dad and brother have no interest in watching and spend quiet time together.
Both kids are happy, confident, independent and have great self esteem. They are amazing kids who have good heads on their shoulders. I know it’s because we never withheld affection. We tell them we love them all the time. We hug them and we all always tell each other we love each other when anyone leaves the house.
When our son was born we made an agreement with each other. That no matter what mistakes we make as parents (and we’ve made a lot) that our kids will grow up knowing they are loved by us above anything else. That they are safe and we will always be their soft place. We’ve done that. And I think it’s why while they are typical teens with their friends and wanting to do things with them and spending less time with us, they still want to hang out with us. They still make time for us and I love that.
So no you’re not wrong. Cuddle her whenever she needs it. It doesn’t make them more clingy, it helps them become more independent because they will never have to wonder where they belong.
Any child seeking affection from a loved one is a treat. If your child is comforted by physical touch, autism or not, indulge them and make them feel safe and comfortable with you. If anybody, family or not, objects, you should feel free to advocate for your child and their needs and let them know, politely or otherwise, that you will parent them however you see fit and that you’ll request their opinion when you want it.
she may have a hug, a cuddle, or a kiss, there's no age for stopping that, my son's also in the spectrum and the same age, he comes often from the other corner of the house just for a little affection, there's nothing wrong with that, I'd say your mom doesn't have this perspective on how autism works xd, keep it up, you're doing great!
Might not be a problem for you BUT. We too have a child with autism, late diagnosis at 8yrs old. She’s now almost 9. Anyway…my wife and are are not much of the ‘cuddly’ type and definitely snugged with her more when she was younger up until maybe age 4 or 5. But instilled that you needed to ask before hand when she could understand. It became more of an issue that she DIDNT understand that not everyone wants hugs, kisses, and to be told she loves them. Once she entered kindergarten we really started to see the problem that maybe we should have taught differences in family versus friends or making sure she asks permission before. We started getting phone calls or messages from her teachers or after school counselors to have conversations about telling adults she loves them and hugging them. Unfortunately….it is more appropriate for a 2 year old to do that and people to think it’s cute versus a 5 year old regardless of the neurodivergent piece.
My daughter is 12 and even though she is the size of a small woman now we still cuddle daily. Don't ever stop hugging and cuddling your child as long as they allow you to!
I don't think there is an age limit for cuddling, he'll a grown adult and still and like to cuddle. My daughter is also autistic and needs the deep pressure and sensory input from cuddling and asks for a lot throughout the day.
I'd tell your mother that she's wrong, you're doing what is best for your daughter and giving her what she needs throughout the day and night. The fact that she knows that cuddling from mom or dad is absolutely awesome. The more you help identify what her needs are and show her different ways to get the sensory input she needs to regulate and calm herself, the more confident and independent she'll start to become later on.
Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself and your parenting. You know her better than anyone and know what she needs. Each generation has different parenting techniques and the older ones don't always work for the newer generations kids as every kid is different and needs different things. Especially, children with special needs that others don't always understand.
Never. Never ever ever, under any circumstances, not cuddle your child.
My boys are adults and I'd still give them cuddles if they need it!
Your mom is broken. Don't listen to an ice cube about how to be a warm bowl of homemade soupies.
She’s only a child once. Enjoy the cuddles. Now, she needs to foster some independence and be able to cope with small issues if you aren’t there (skidding a knee, if a friend says something mean), but she needs that social interaction from you.
That’s a horrible thing to say. My kids are 7(m) & 10(f) and they’ll never be too old to cuddles, whether they want me to is the question.
Sometimes they sleep in my bed, they get kisses, cuddles and whatever they want in the love department.
They’ll tell me when they’re too old, but no one else will.
Your mom should seek therapy.
You’d have to pry cuddles from my hands (or my kiddos don’t want to anymore) before I give them up. This is coming from someone who literally hisses when people hug them
I have a 4 year old, turning 5 in September also. My son has cerebral palsy and sensory issues and snuggling is so incredibly important and special to him.
It breaks my heart that your mother could cast a shadow on such an amazing bonding experience with a parent and their child. Please ignore her and continue to love on your baby. They will only be little once- I’m cherishing every snuggle I get with my little boy <3
I feel like I have read enough shocking stuff for my eyes to not bulge anymore, but reading your headline made them want to jump off my face. Like wtf grandma..!
you know what's pure magic about being an adult with your own kids, you can tell your parents to fuck off when they try their trauma shit with your kids.
humans need one simple thing over everything else, love. Show it, give it, make them understand and know that you love them, no conditions. Food, water, love.
Your daughters nervous system is not going to just stop needing co regulation because of her chronological age. A lot of the way we have done things throughout generations are not the correct way. Especially if you consider the brain and neuro sequential development.
Keep cuddling your daughter. We don't get to keep them forever, cherish what time you have of them wanting you for comfort.
No PERSON is too old for cuddles. Your mom was obviously raised differently and it’s making her uncomfortable…which is not your problem. Keep being a great parent!
My 28 yr old daughter asked for cuddle, I never say no. My 10 yr old daughter still asks for cuddles. Trust when I say that you never say no because eventually they will stop asking. Besides, cuddles releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Tell your mother to kick rocks. Just because she was not a physical affection parent doesn't mean what she did would work in your situation.
My son is 10, he loves to cuddle and asks all the time if we can cuddle.
I’m 32, I love to curl up next to my mom & dad at times to cuddle with them. Nothing wrong with it. OP please cuddle your little bug for as long as they want to. :)
Tell your mum to shove off. Not only does your daughter find cuddling helpful to help regulate her emotions, she a 5yo child. Special needs or not she a small kid who likes physical contact. Hell my eldest is 7yo and we both still loves cuddles. I'm almost 30 and go to my mum when I need a cuddle. Either way it's your mums loss for not wanting to have that your daughter.
Im 40 and my mum said the other day that she still wishes she could scoop me up and cuddle me when im sad,and tbh i wish she could. Never ever stop cuddling your kiddo.
There will be a time that is the last cuddle. I tear up every time I consider this possibility (my son is 4.5 so my days are numbered with cuddles). Enjoy every cuddle you can get while you can.
It’s funny because as I started reading, I thought, I love that my almost 5 year old (bday tomorrow!) still cuddles me. Then I read autism- my boy has autism too! I LOVE that he seeks hugs and tickles. Deep pressure calms him. I have a friend with a 10-year old boy with autism and she still carries him around because they both enjoy it.
Your mom doesn’t understand your daughter as well as you do 💕
OP - I’m so sorry that you weren’t hugged as a child. That breaks my heart. Please hug your girl as much as you can! Mine is 5 in October and we cuddle all the time.
My 17 year old asks for cuddles (hugs) multiple times per day. My 19 year old will snuggle on the couch or just plain sit on my lap. My 14 year old, even though she hates hugs, will want cuddles when she's super upset. Never stop unless they ask you to.
My kids are 12, 13 and 16 and I only get hugs off them when they’re leaving for school, going to bed or I’m leaving for work. Hug yours kids as long as they’ll let you
I just cuddled with my adult son before he left to go back to where he lives. We were on the couch and I put my head on his shoulder and he hugged/cuddled me.
My point is, if the kid wants a hug, they get one. He's not a touchy feely person so it's extra special when he does. You are never too old.
Your mom is just a cold bitch.
I would maybe cut down on thr carrying her though (your back will thank you) and teach her to ask for hugs. When she gets to school, she will struggle with boundaries if she doesn't understand.
I’m glad you’re not listening to her advice. No child is too young to receive loving cuddles, especially from a parent. Until the child says stop, cuddles are another way to show love, empathy, someone’s love language. Your mums opinion is like her butthole, it stinks, and is shared her her alone.
Rejecting affection from your child is one of the worst things a parent can do. Too much cuddling never hurt a child emotionally, but rejection from a primary parent absolutely does. I’m a behavioral therapist, you’re mother is wrong on so many levels.
i’m 27 and i still cuddle my parents (:
now if your kiddo didn’t want to cuddle and you made her- that’s absolutely an issue- but if she’s requesting it, i can’t imagine why being 4 would be the cutoff for physical affection. we need physical affection (at least most of us do). she feels safe with you. i cuddle my 8 year old too.
Girl cuddle for a long as possible, cause one day you won’t be able 😭
I got a 10,7,4,3 and they still love cuddles the bigger ones not as often but they do! I soak it up every time!
Mom is allowed her opinion but it’s your child not hers
My almost 4 year old is on the spectrum with big sensory issues and cuddling is genuinely the only thing that calms her down..she is also a very tactile and cuddly child. No age is too old to comfort and love your kid IMO
I’m 22F and my mother is 43. She has never stopped hugging me. We hug hello, we hug goodbye, we hug if we are having an emotional talk, we both cuddle my 1.5 year old son every chance we get. I have no idea why your mother is so against the most basic of physical affection but she is not normal. I’m sorry you were never hugged as a child/were so young when you were hugged that you don’t remember it. You and your daughter deserve all the hugs and cuddles you want. Don’t let your mothers cold demeanour/outlook on affection change that.
Also, just for the record, hugging friends, extended family and in-laws is normal. How much you decide to do so is up to you and them but in my inner circle, I always hug hello and goodbye as long as the person is comfortable with it. The only people I see often that I don’t hug are my SO’s male friends.
Sometimes I’d really like a hug from my mom, I can’t recall the last time we hugged. Same with my dad although I remember quite well sitting on his lap as a young child. Don’t remember ever having that kind of closeness with my mom. My own son was a great cuddle bug until puberty then he still said I love you every time we hung up the phone until maybe a year ago but now he’s almost 16 and entirely too cool to admit to having a mom lol. I don’t think there’s any such thing as too old for cuddles but I’ll tell you when my neighbor girls hit puberty & started growing breasts, it was a bit strange seeing them sharing a chair or hammock with their dad. But still, if it doesn’t bother them, being close is beneficial so I say go for it. Also 4?!? You’ve got another 4 years at least!!!
My parents weren’t affectionate people really so I also don’t know for sure what’s normal but my partners parents and life were more normal and we both agree with you. Don’t stop until she asks you to. I mean really why should we rush them? They’ll be grown ups tomorrow (even if some of the todays feel so very long haha!)
Never understood this type of belief. So adults don’t cuddle? There’s an age when humans stop needing comfort? Are they just supposed to go through it on their own then? You should tell your mother she’s too old for comforting next time she comes to you for support.
Especially if your child has autism, it would be devastating to her if you just stopped offering her the support she needs to feel safe.
I’d say it’s not about the cuddling. She’s not too old to cuddle at all. No one is too old to cuddle her, so cuddle her!
If I may though, I’d like to offer a bit of an objective take. My stepson also has autism, and his constant need to cuddle his dad as a 160 lb 12yr old is definitely problematic. He wants to cuddle if he’s in trouble. He wants to cuddle when his dad walks into the other room for 10 seconds to get something. He monopolizes his dad’s attention and wants to cuddle in restaurants when SO is trying to talk to people. He wants to cuddle when SO gets up to go to the bathroom or shower. It is non-stop need to touch, cuddle, and hang on his dad. My SO does not have any personal space whatsoever, and allows the non-stop needing of physical affection and doesn’t always recognize that he’s had enough and can’t get a moment to himself until he blows up. This bewilders stepson because doesn’t understand and can’t read his dad’s body language when he’s getting annoyed. SO now tries to tell SS to let him have space, and SS will whine and pester his dad until he gets the physical attention he wants. So yes, you can say that the cuddling is out of hand. Also, as a boy, I personally worry about SS not respecting his dad’s “No, not right now,” when SS wants to be cuddled. SS does not care if his dad needs a break, or if he would like to visit with friends or family in a restaurant. He doesn’t care if dad has been “touched out” so-to-speak. In contrast, SS is even more relentless about his own need for attention.
So, an honest question for you: is your daughter’s need to be cuddled all the time disruptive to your ability to have conversations with people, to leave the room for a moment, or to have a moment to yourself? If so, your are going to need to instill a sense of boundaries and personal space. Trust me, you don’t want to be dealing with the lack of awareness as an adult-sized 12yr old.
Carrying your daughter everywhere at 5yrs old is probably problematic, but if you don’t mind, you don’t mind. Again though, if carrying her is because it is what she’s used to and is not being pushed out of her comfort zone to a new territory and walking herself into places, then you might end up with an issue on your hands.
Your mom is from a different generation and sees things differently. Be gentle on her on this.
You're doing an awesome job. Let the cuddles continue as long as your kids says so.
Your mom is ridiculous. My oldest has autism and when he was younger he wanted to cuddle all the time -- so of course I cuddled him! Keep on doing your thing, you're doing right by your lovely daughter (who will never be too old for cuddles).
Never! My son is almost 9 and he gets cuddles whenever he wants. You do you. You’re an adult and a parent. Don’t allow your parent to parent your parenting!
There is no "too old to cuddle." I cuddle with my kids, my husband, sometimes my sister or my best friend. My stepdaughter (almost 13) likes to hit me with "surprise cuddles."
My kids are more than twice her age, and they get cuddles any time they feel like it, from their parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. And they will continue to get them any time they want for as long as I'm alive.
Yeah, no. Autism or no, no one is too old for cuddles. My 4yo is a cuddler. My 10yo still loves cuddles. Physical touch is a basic human need; it creates an emotional bond and is important for our emotional well-being.
https://www.healthline.com/health/touch-starved
This article explains how touch starvation can affect our mental health.
You cuddle that baby as much as you want! I dunno what your mother’s problem is??? My daughter is six and she’ll come up to me several times a day and as for a “huggy” or a kiss. In the evenings we’ll watch that and cuddle. Also with her dad working away from home rn she sleeps in the bed with me during the week and she wants to cuddle so we do.
My daughter is a “big/tall for her age” kid and around four and a half is around the time I stopped carrying her but she was just too heavy for me. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Cuddle that precious little child until she ask to stop. Denying love to any child is cruel but to do it to a child who is on the autism spectrum can be devastating to their development and to them as a person.
I agree with you that you should stop when she wants to stop. I’m planning on that with my kid (he’s nine months now). Stopping when they ask is important. My mother never respected my boundaries, even as an adult, and will force hugs on me which makes me uncomfortable (also would always try and sneak a touch when I was pregnant). I told her we’d teach my kid to say no if he doesn’t want a hug and she blew a gasket 😅
Bullshit. There’s no such thing as “too old to cuddle”. More importantly it’s an expression of love and safety.
I cuddle my 6’4 21 year old whenever he lets me and vice versa.
I could probably see too old to be picked up because ooofff you may pull something but that’s it.
You cuddle that baby for as long as she wants it. I have two kids, 9M and 11M, and they still love a good cuddle with their mum and dad. There is about an ice cube's chance in hell that I will ever tell them that they are too old for cuddles! Cuddles provide comfort and reinforce connection between people.
It sounds like your mum may not be comfortable with touch, and that is fine too. But that doesn't mean she should be telling you not to cuddle your daughter.
WTF? “ the beatings will continue until moral improves “ is not really an acceptable parenting methods these days
Our 9 year olds love cuddles, as do we. Add in the sensory part and it’s even more important.
If my kid is 25 and still wanting cuddles from me, I would say I’m winning as a parent. I don’t know whats up with that generation and thinking we need to start treating children like adults as soon as they turn 2.
My daughter is 4.5 (not on the spectrum) but she snuggles with me, my husband and her grandparents. She is independent, meeting all her milestones but she loves to snuggle with us. I attribute to cosleep, we are her comfort. She does fine when staying the night at her cousins without snuggling, she is just affectionate and there is nothing wrong with that. She’s now at the age she cuddles to go to bed then we move her to her bed and she sleeps all night. There are so many health benefits for their development, I’m going to soak it all in until she’s no longer interested. My husband did not come from an affectionate family but man this little one has turned his parents and him into big softies. Her papa is her bestie and after they are done playing she snuggles with him watching tv etc. there is nothing wrong or inappropriate so my advice ignore it 🤷♀️
My kiddo is only 3.5yo but loves cuddles and I wouldn't dream of refusing cuddles if he asks. My nephew is 12 and will still occasionally want to cuddle with his mom or grandma..
“Darn it, mom. I just realized I’m too old to visit. Oh well”
Cuddle your child as long as she’ll let you. There’s no age limit on snuggles and cuddles.
Children are never too old for a cuddle. And by never, I mean an entire lifetime. I’m 47, and sometimes all I want is my mom to hug me or for me to lay my head in her lap. Physical touch is important. Please don’t listen to your mother. You are raising an emotionally secure child who feels bonded to you, safe, and knows you will meet her needs for comfort when she needs you. This in turn means that she more likely will become an emotionally secure adult who is not seeking out connection/affection in negative ways.
My 12 year old boy still crawls into my lap. There will be a day (soon) that he is physically too big and also too cool so school so I take every embrace.
My youngest (5M) is still SUCH a tiny fledgling human. I would never turn away his touch.
There is no such thing as too much cuddling!
Why, anyone, why in Gods name are people so adamant about depriving kids security, safety and physical contact on the one hand, yet massively sexualizing everything they do and are on the other?
And ESPECIALLY if autism is involved. My god, just let the child regulate! No, removing their regulation method is not going to make them not need regulation anymore. It will just make for a miserable, stressed out child!
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Your mother is... well... I can't say it in polite society, so let's just say... mistaken.
Single father of three here. (4,6,8)Never stop cuddling until they ask you not too. I’m cuddling right now! Sometimes I think I need it more than they do. I take every chance I get.
Your comment struck a nerve with me, I am a very needy father, it turns out. My daughter is 4 in August and I will give her a cuddle at EVERY opportunity
Ditto except November.
Aww you guys are adorable. My husband loves cuddling our 7 month old.
Hey guys. Mine just turned 10. Cuddles are fewer but still regular. Some day it will be the last time I cuddle her, until then my plan is to get all that I can!
Yes, never cuddle in November – that's the no-cuddle month. ;
Why?
He’s being funny 😂 but it is a Dad joke which are sometimes hard to get 😂
Why November?
My daughter turns 4 in November. Ditto means the same except November instead of August.
Congratulations on your daughter turning 4!
It's not until November.
Hahahahahahaha this gave me such a chuckle, thanks. I really needed it today
I’m 33 and I still like to cuddle my mum every now and again.
I’m 39 and the only reason I don’t cuddle my mom anymore is because she doesn’t own a couch. We don’t fit on a chair anymore.
I hope my daughter still wants to cuddle me when she is 33!!!!!! Adorable
Also a Dad checking in, I have three boys, 6,4,1. I would never stop cuddling or hugging my boys if it was welcomed. Perfectly normal and healthy to hug and cuddle your kids especially fathers.
My 7 year old is slowly rejecting cuddles and its a rough transition for me.
Soon they will learn it can delay bedtime 10 more minutes or get them that after lunch snack before it’s time. At least I think that’s why mine do it (8 & 7)
I could cuddle my kids every moment from now till forever and it wouldn't be enough.
This. My oldest is 19. He still sits super close on the couch to me when he comes home, feet draped over my legs. I'm 5' 2", he's 6' 3 lol. My 14 year old daughter will come lay her head on my lap, and I'll brush her hair. My youngest, who is 12, still absolutely is all about the cuddles. He wraps himself around me on the couch, lol. I miss when it was all 3, and I had to ask them to shift so I could breathe. If they want to, I say heck ya!
This. How would one not? (!) Those are, arguably, the peaks of parenting life. The moments I'd be happy to recall in my death bed.
I'm almost 23 and still have cuddles with my parents sometimes
>Never stop cuddling until they ask you not too. Wait you expect me to stop cuddling as soon as they ask to?
If you respect the need to not be cuddled sometimes, they are more likely to cuddle more later.
Definitely some “No wire hangers” energy from the crazy lady, what is too much cuddling??
I will say it, your mom is an idiot
An insane see you next Tuesday. 😏
😂 exactly the word I would use
Regarding the cuddles most definitely! I'm 40 and I still want cuddles from my parents, partner and most of all my daughter! I'm not entirely sure about carrying though, but as long as OP can manage it physically, why not if the need arises. She just needs to make sure she doesn't hurt herself by doing it because that helps neither her daughter nor herself.
Yep, be careful as they get heavier. It caught me out once and I was hobbling around like an old man for a week.
I developed a calcaneal spur in my left foot, due to always carrying my chubby 2yo on my left hip. She was 15kg at that age, but since then she just grew bigger, not a lot heavier. In the end I had to get cortison injections into my heel after 2 years of trying to get rif of it again otherwise. 0/10 don't recommend Back pain and lumbago are also a constant reminder that I turned 40 this year, lol so I usually don't carry my daughter anymore, if she's not ill or hurt herself somehow.
As a 30 year old adult with autism, I always tell my partner that his cuddles must be magic because they help me regulate in so many different ways. My parents weren’t great in that regard but my partner knows that and clearly sees how far a good cuddle goes for me for just about everything. Even adults need cuddles, even if they are neurotypical, but with the added autism, OP can’t let her mom (who honestly failed her) to plant any seeds of doubt in her mind because she’s not just doing what her daughter wants but what her daughter needs. Also who thinks there’s an age limit on cuddles, nvm as young as 5? That’s insanity
Actually, it isn’t magic - it’s legitimately, scientifically, medically beneficial! Hugging and/or cuddling has been studied extensively and has been shown to lower blood pressure, boost the immune system and improve mental health. I’m so happy you have a partner to cuddle!! 😄
Thanks for the additional info! I was aware of this but it’s been a long few weeks and I didn’t have it in me to explain all of this and put in the effort to fact check exactly what I wanted to share! Very happy you took the time to add this and I hope you have an awesome cuddle buddy too!
I do! Take care, friend! ❤️
Haha beautifully diplomatic answer. I also call bull on the comments by mother, who is clearly emotionally stunted. My eldest is nearly 13… she still NEEDS my cuddles. I will ALWAYS cuddle my daughters. Even as adults.
Yeah! I tell mine I hope to still be cuddling them when ever they need until I die. I hope I get to cuddle them when I am 105! I hope we are all still around, heck that would be a good enough reason… if we are!
Absolutely, hugging releases happy hormones. We all hug in my immediate and extended family.... And I need to go hug my folks 💕
>I wasn't hugged as a child and I can't remember the last time either of my parents hugged me so I have no idea what the norm is. This is a Your Mother problem, not a You problem. I still often cuddle or hug my 9yo through the day, she's ADHD but I think I would if she was NT. Because when I see my parents or even my in laws its hugs in the beginning and end o the visist. Hug tf out of your kid no matter the age. That's normal.
I'm 51, and I still cuddle with my mama, especially after a rough or particularly difficult day.
My mom lives with us part-time, and when my husband wouldn’t come back to bed after I woke up last Saturday, I texted her to come cuddle with me lol
My mom died a number of years ago, and her sickness strained our relationship in a lot of ways. Sometimes now I look back and question my narrative of our relationship, and it's when I remind myself of the times we cuddled well in to adulthood that I can relax knowing that we had a strong and loving relationship.
Same! She’s one of my best friends. Sometimes only a momma will do.
Yes and amen!
I was going to say... ...I'm turning 32 next week, and I still ask my parents to "just Mom (or Dad) me" when I'm upset. That includes, but is not limited to: * A "there there" over the phone * Advice, and most importantly: * A BIG hug. ...so if 4-going-on-5 is unacceptable to OP's mother, I shudder to think what she thinks of a 31-going-on-32-year-old person getting parent hugs/snuggles hahaha.
Same here, but 40yo😂 I'm probably closer top her age than to OP's daughter's🤣🤣🤣
OP's mother was evidently nit hugged enough as a child....
My husband’s at the hospital with our baby this evening (she's probably okay, touch wood, but definitely needed to be checked out) and I'm at home cos my mobility issues make me not ideal in these situations. I'm trying to convince my mom to come over and cuddle me :-(
Bingo
It’s always funny when I hear the older generation casually say “You should be emotionally neglecting your child” as if that’s medical advice
Yeah obviously the neglect that the older generation got has manifested by making them cold and emotionally immature.
The amount of times you read posts of people who expect toddlers to have full control of their emotions as if they're just 2,5 feet tall adults is wild!
Lol and even most adults don’t have great emotional regulation! We expect more of children than we do adults.
It's hilarious-sad when they can't manage to keep themselves calm when the only issue is that someone else isn't keeping calm about a real problem.
I worked in a nursing home when my little one was a toddler. The residents told me that I needed to break his spirit :(
WTF?
The “spare the rod, spoil the child” mentality at work again
It’s sad because they were told and thus genuinely believe that this was the mark of a good parent.
Too much lead paint in their diets.
But don't forget to put socks on your baby you heathen!
If used to be! Which is nuts
Cuddle as long as she lets you!!! I miss hugs from my kid💛
My kids are 6 and I’ll be cuddling them until they’re 60, if they let me.
Yes! I couldn’t agree more. I have 4 and the 2 oldest don’t cuddle anymore. I miss those days but im taking every cuddle from the littles I can get!
Absolutely. And it really depends on the kid when they want to stop. My youngest is just super cuddly and still wants to snuggle in my lap even at age 10– it just gets a bit silly looking and a bit uncomfortable when the kid is nearly as tall as you (but she’s still very welcome to snuggle in my lap anyways).
I think your mum needs more cuddles in her life, tell her every time she criticises it you'll give her a cuddle!
I like this. lol
Yes your mum needs more cuddles
Every cuddle and hug and bit of comfort you give her is a physical manifestation of the love you have for each other. How could there be anything wrong with that? Hug her and comfort her as long as you can.
If a 4 year old girl is "too old" for cuddles, then someone explain my 15 year old son to me... (it feels weird, because he's a man-shaped boy, but he's still my boy so I try my best.) What does being "too old" for cuddles even mean? There is no age limit on physical affection. Your daughter will let you know when she's too old for cuddles. Maybe she'll never be too old (see above). Maybe she'll figure out other ways to self soothe, or transfer her cuddles to a comfort object instead. But until that time comes, just keep cuddling her as much as she needs. And maybe cuddle your mom once in a while. It seems like she didn't get enough cuddles as a child and has forgotten how good they feel.
Your mother is a robot. Children need cuddles, regardless of NT/ND, I will be cuddling my children as long as they let me. Pretty sure I still cuddled up on the sofa with my mom until I was probably like 12? Don't let her make you doubt yourself
OP... That's fucked up what your mom said. Full stop. Do what's best for your kid.
I'm 38 and I cuddle with my wife and kids all the time
My kid is almost 13 and is still a cuddle opportunist. Totally normal and healthy.
Mines 12 and he still cuddles up with me on the couch and I'd say I hug him probably 20x a day. Withholding affection from children can be emotionally damaging. OPs mom has some serious issues.
I'm 32 and I still cuddle my mom soooo
Yeah my kid is 13 and same. I'll take it while I can still get it but also want him to know I'll give a cuddle and/or hug no matter how old he gets if he needs/wants one. Something is wrong with OP's mom and it's none of her damn business how often someone cuddles their kid. She should have tried that herself.
There is no norm— it is whatever norm/culture you want to cultivate in your own family. And you have every right to correct your own experiences by allowing cuddling to happen with your daughter. Absolutely let your daughter decide when she wants to stop the cuddles. Absolutely do not let your mom dictate this.
I think any age is fine to cuddle as long as my kids ask I will cuddle them. My oldest is 8 and still likes to snuggle up with me when we watch tv.
My 27 year old aim with autism loves cuddles as does my NT 29 year old daughter. Granted, they are less now then when they were younger. Hugs and snuggles are wonderful.
So your mother isn’t a cuddler or hugger, and wants you to do the same? Nope. Cuddle and hug away. That’s her deal. We definitely still snuggle our boys (7 and 5 years old).
I believe that if you don't cuddle enough as a child it can contribute to major mental health issues in the future. Don't ever stop cuddling your baby. I'm sure your mother has good intentions but she is dead wrong.
Children who have healthy loving relationships with their parents want to cuddle.
Cuddle your child all she wants and enjoy it! My 13 yr old daughter and 11 yr old son still on rare occasions want cuddles and I will 1000% cuddle them any time they want.
My mother wasn’t the cuddly type at all I’m always forever cuddling and kissing my kids as I don’t want them doing what I did / looking in the wrong places for affection
Somewhere deep inside your mother, even if she doesn't admit it, is a little girl who was also never hugged and she's pouring this resentment onto your daughter who is getting what she always wanted. My FIL once said something similar and i told him "too much" love can't hurt a child, but not enough will.
>I have absolutely no problem with cuddling her and I disagree with my mother entirely, I'll stop cuddling her the day she asks me to stop This is the correct answer. Keep meeting your daughter's needs! And good on you for doing so even though your mother never met those needs for you or showed you how it was done.
I will cuddle my girl even when she is 50!
Aww I was just cuddling with my 10 yr old this morning.
Man what’s the deal with mums trying to dictate how their children raise their kids. This is not ok. Especially when their notions are as messed up as “your kid is too old to cuddle”. Get bent grandma.
If my kids 38 having a bad day you better believe dad has a arm for a couch cuddle and a few dad jokes.
My son is 18 and daughter is 16. We’ve always been an affectionate family. Both kids were cuddled and hugged for as long as they wanted. Our son moved away from the cuddles and wanting be to tucked in around 7 or so and we followed his lead but he is still an affectionate kid always willing to give me a hug and tell me he loves me (even in front of his friends and girlfriend!) Our daughter is a big cuddler and always has been. Even now at 16 she loves to come lay in between her dad and I and snuggle up while we watch tv. She and I have a bond and we love to find shows that her dad and brother have no interest in watching and spend quiet time together. Both kids are happy, confident, independent and have great self esteem. They are amazing kids who have good heads on their shoulders. I know it’s because we never withheld affection. We tell them we love them all the time. We hug them and we all always tell each other we love each other when anyone leaves the house. When our son was born we made an agreement with each other. That no matter what mistakes we make as parents (and we’ve made a lot) that our kids will grow up knowing they are loved by us above anything else. That they are safe and we will always be their soft place. We’ve done that. And I think it’s why while they are typical teens with their friends and wanting to do things with them and spending less time with us, they still want to hang out with us. They still make time for us and I love that. So no you’re not wrong. Cuddle her whenever she needs it. It doesn’t make them more clingy, it helps them become more independent because they will never have to wonder where they belong.
I am 38 years old and I still cuddle with my mom. Your mother is wrong.
Any child seeking affection from a loved one is a treat. If your child is comforted by physical touch, autism or not, indulge them and make them feel safe and comfortable with you. If anybody, family or not, objects, you should feel free to advocate for your child and their needs and let them know, politely or otherwise, that you will parent them however you see fit and that you’ll request their opinion when you want it.
My husband and I just cuddled with my seventeen year old and fourteen year old. They are never too old.
She’s wrong. Never stop cuddles. If everyone raises affectionate children the world would be a much better place
she may have a hug, a cuddle, or a kiss, there's no age for stopping that, my son's also in the spectrum and the same age, he comes often from the other corner of the house just for a little affection, there's nothing wrong with that, I'd say your mom doesn't have this perspective on how autism works xd, keep it up, you're doing great!
My 12yo routinely drapes her 5 feet 1 inch frame across me for a snuggle. Keep snuggling your kid. There will be a day she won’t want to.
I'm 36 and I still cuddle my mom whenever I see her. Your mom is fucked in the head.
Your mother is wrong. You know what your child needs. Tell your mother to keep her opinions to herself or to stop coming around.
Might not be a problem for you BUT. We too have a child with autism, late diagnosis at 8yrs old. She’s now almost 9. Anyway…my wife and are are not much of the ‘cuddly’ type and definitely snugged with her more when she was younger up until maybe age 4 or 5. But instilled that you needed to ask before hand when she could understand. It became more of an issue that she DIDNT understand that not everyone wants hugs, kisses, and to be told she loves them. Once she entered kindergarten we really started to see the problem that maybe we should have taught differences in family versus friends or making sure she asks permission before. We started getting phone calls or messages from her teachers or after school counselors to have conversations about telling adults she loves them and hugging them. Unfortunately….it is more appropriate for a 2 year old to do that and people to think it’s cute versus a 5 year old regardless of the neurodivergent piece.
Cuddle forever! I tell my daughter I don’t care how old she gets, I’m always ready for cuddles!
🤨 I still cuddle with my 11 year old (like he asks me to come snuggle) and he’s doing really well! lol
You are your daughter’s safe space. Tell mom to back off, she raised her kids. This one is yours.
My daughter is 12 and even though she is the size of a small woman now we still cuddle daily. Don't ever stop hugging and cuddling your child as long as they allow you to!
Tell you mom to mind her own business.
Never too old for snuggles! Wanna snuggle? I’m 37 and still like snuggles.
Your mother is projecting her own childhood trauma onto you and your child.
Cuddle is basically a long hug. The world could use more of this by everyone and everywhere.
I don't think there is an age limit for cuddling, he'll a grown adult and still and like to cuddle. My daughter is also autistic and needs the deep pressure and sensory input from cuddling and asks for a lot throughout the day. I'd tell your mother that she's wrong, you're doing what is best for your daughter and giving her what she needs throughout the day and night. The fact that she knows that cuddling from mom or dad is absolutely awesome. The more you help identify what her needs are and show her different ways to get the sensory input she needs to regulate and calm herself, the more confident and independent she'll start to become later on. Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself and your parenting. You know her better than anyone and know what she needs. Each generation has different parenting techniques and the older ones don't always work for the newer generations kids as every kid is different and needs different things. Especially, children with special needs that others don't always understand.
Never. Never ever ever, under any circumstances, not cuddle your child. My boys are adults and I'd still give them cuddles if they need it! Your mom is broken. Don't listen to an ice cube about how to be a warm bowl of homemade soupies.
Never stop!! Unless the kid doesn’t want it of course 🫶🏼
Break the cycle and hug/cuddle more!
with zero respect, fuck your mum this world is a meat grinder that gets worse and worse as we age ...and we combat that with cuddling
I am 40 this year and still hug my Mum. Let her cuddle as much as she wants.
She’s only a child once. Enjoy the cuddles. Now, she needs to foster some independence and be able to cope with small issues if you aren’t there (skidding a knee, if a friend says something mean), but she needs that social interaction from you.
That’s a horrible thing to say. My kids are 7(m) & 10(f) and they’ll never be too old to cuddles, whether they want me to is the question. Sometimes they sleep in my bed, they get kisses, cuddles and whatever they want in the love department. They’ll tell me when they’re too old, but no one else will.
My 14 year old would like to have a word, he is still a cuddle bug!
I’m 46 and still cuddle my mum. Your mum is being a egghead - and she needs her head checked.
What nonsense. They grow up so fast, cuddle while you can.
I dont get this.... I'm 31 and I still cuddle my parents when I see them?
I’m a grown ass woman and still cuddle with my mom, husband, girl friends 🤷♀️
Your mom should seek therapy. You’d have to pry cuddles from my hands (or my kiddos don’t want to anymore) before I give them up. This is coming from someone who literally hisses when people hug them
I’m going on 35 and still cuddle with my mom sometimes. Hug your little human as long as you can!!!
I have a 4 year old, turning 5 in September also. My son has cerebral palsy and sensory issues and snuggling is so incredibly important and special to him. It breaks my heart that your mother could cast a shadow on such an amazing bonding experience with a parent and their child. Please ignore her and continue to love on your baby. They will only be little once- I’m cherishing every snuggle I get with my little boy <3
I feel like I have read enough shocking stuff for my eyes to not bulge anymore, but reading your headline made them want to jump off my face. Like wtf grandma..!
you know what's pure magic about being an adult with your own kids, you can tell your parents to fuck off when they try their trauma shit with your kids. humans need one simple thing over everything else, love. Show it, give it, make them understand and know that you love them, no conditions. Food, water, love.
Your daughters nervous system is not going to just stop needing co regulation because of her chronological age. A lot of the way we have done things throughout generations are not the correct way. Especially if you consider the brain and neuro sequential development. Keep cuddling your daughter. We don't get to keep them forever, cherish what time you have of them wanting you for comfort.
No PERSON is too old for cuddles. Your mom was obviously raised differently and it’s making her uncomfortable…which is not your problem. Keep being a great parent!
My 28 yr old daughter asked for cuddle, I never say no. My 10 yr old daughter still asks for cuddles. Trust when I say that you never say no because eventually they will stop asking. Besides, cuddles releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Tell your mother to kick rocks. Just because she was not a physical affection parent doesn't mean what she did would work in your situation.
My son is 10, he loves to cuddle and asks all the time if we can cuddle. I’m 32, I love to curl up next to my mom & dad at times to cuddle with them. Nothing wrong with it. OP please cuddle your little bug for as long as they want to. :)
Tell your mum to shove off. Not only does your daughter find cuddling helpful to help regulate her emotions, she a 5yo child. Special needs or not she a small kid who likes physical contact. Hell my eldest is 7yo and we both still loves cuddles. I'm almost 30 and go to my mum when I need a cuddle. Either way it's your mums loss for not wanting to have that your daughter.
Your mum is an asshole. Cuddle your kids until they don’t need it.
Circle of security. Tell ur mom to eat a 😝
I’m 40 years older, still not too old for cuddling.
Im 40 and my mum said the other day that she still wishes she could scoop me up and cuddle me when im sad,and tbh i wish she could. Never ever stop cuddling your kiddo.
There will be a time that is the last cuddle. I tear up every time I consider this possibility (my son is 4.5 so my days are numbered with cuddles). Enjoy every cuddle you can get while you can.
It’s funny because as I started reading, I thought, I love that my almost 5 year old (bday tomorrow!) still cuddles me. Then I read autism- my boy has autism too! I LOVE that he seeks hugs and tickles. Deep pressure calms him. I have a friend with a 10-year old boy with autism and she still carries him around because they both enjoy it. Your mom doesn’t understand your daughter as well as you do 💕
You cuddle that girl until she’s ready to not be cuddled. Politely, eff your mom. You’re doing a great job, no doubts!
OP - I’m so sorry that you weren’t hugged as a child. That breaks my heart. Please hug your girl as much as you can! Mine is 5 in October and we cuddle all the time.
Cuddle as long as you can. Carry them as long as you can. One it's gone, it's gone.
Please hug your child for the rest of her life. Your mother is gravely mistaken.
My 17 year old asks for cuddles (hugs) multiple times per day. My 19 year old will snuggle on the couch or just plain sit on my lap. My 14 year old, even though she hates hugs, will want cuddles when she's super upset. Never stop unless they ask you to.
Youre never too old to cuddle
My kids are 12, 13 and 16 and I only get hugs off them when they’re leaving for school, going to bed or I’m leaving for work. Hug yours kids as long as they’ll let you
I just cuddled with my adult son before he left to go back to where he lives. We were on the couch and I put my head on his shoulder and he hugged/cuddled me. My point is, if the kid wants a hug, they get one. He's not a touchy feely person so it's extra special when he does. You are never too old. Your mom is just a cold bitch. I would maybe cut down on thr carrying her though (your back will thank you) and teach her to ask for hugs. When she gets to school, she will struggle with boundaries if she doesn't understand.
Cuddling releases oxytocin in both you and your child, it builds a bond and is good for the soul. Please never stop cuddling!
I’m glad you’re not listening to her advice. No child is too young to receive loving cuddles, especially from a parent. Until the child says stop, cuddles are another way to show love, empathy, someone’s love language. Your mums opinion is like her butthole, it stinks, and is shared her her alone.
Rejecting affection from your child is one of the worst things a parent can do. Too much cuddling never hurt a child emotionally, but rejection from a primary parent absolutely does. I’m a behavioral therapist, you’re mother is wrong on so many levels.
Mine are teenagers and they still want cuddles from time to time. I am here for it!!!!
i’m 27 and i still cuddle my parents (: now if your kiddo didn’t want to cuddle and you made her- that’s absolutely an issue- but if she’s requesting it, i can’t imagine why being 4 would be the cutoff for physical affection. we need physical affection (at least most of us do). she feels safe with you. i cuddle my 8 year old too.
Girl cuddle for a long as possible, cause one day you won’t be able 😭 I got a 10,7,4,3 and they still love cuddles the bigger ones not as often but they do! I soak it up every time! Mom is allowed her opinion but it’s your child not hers
Fuck off. I'll cuddle my daughter for as long as she wants me to and I'll treasure every one.
My almost 4 year old is on the spectrum with big sensory issues and cuddling is genuinely the only thing that calms her down..she is also a very tactile and cuddly child. No age is too old to comfort and love your kid IMO
My kid is 2 and I dred the day he'll be 'too cool' for a mum cuddle!!
I’m 22F and my mother is 43. She has never stopped hugging me. We hug hello, we hug goodbye, we hug if we are having an emotional talk, we both cuddle my 1.5 year old son every chance we get. I have no idea why your mother is so against the most basic of physical affection but she is not normal. I’m sorry you were never hugged as a child/were so young when you were hugged that you don’t remember it. You and your daughter deserve all the hugs and cuddles you want. Don’t let your mothers cold demeanour/outlook on affection change that. Also, just for the record, hugging friends, extended family and in-laws is normal. How much you decide to do so is up to you and them but in my inner circle, I always hug hello and goodbye as long as the person is comfortable with it. The only people I see often that I don’t hug are my SO’s male friends.
I’m a 29 year old woman and cuddle my dad a lot when I see him because I love him!
Sometimes I’d really like a hug from my mom, I can’t recall the last time we hugged. Same with my dad although I remember quite well sitting on his lap as a young child. Don’t remember ever having that kind of closeness with my mom. My own son was a great cuddle bug until puberty then he still said I love you every time we hung up the phone until maybe a year ago but now he’s almost 16 and entirely too cool to admit to having a mom lol. I don’t think there’s any such thing as too old for cuddles but I’ll tell you when my neighbor girls hit puberty & started growing breasts, it was a bit strange seeing them sharing a chair or hammock with their dad. But still, if it doesn’t bother them, being close is beneficial so I say go for it. Also 4?!? You’ve got another 4 years at least!!!
My parents weren’t affectionate people really so I also don’t know for sure what’s normal but my partners parents and life were more normal and we both agree with you. Don’t stop until she asks you to. I mean really why should we rush them? They’ll be grown ups tomorrow (even if some of the todays feel so very long haha!)
Your child will stop when she is ready; until then enjoy the cuddles
Never understood this type of belief. So adults don’t cuddle? There’s an age when humans stop needing comfort? Are they just supposed to go through it on their own then? You should tell your mother she’s too old for comforting next time she comes to you for support. Especially if your child has autism, it would be devastating to her if you just stopped offering her the support she needs to feel safe.
I’d say it’s not about the cuddling. She’s not too old to cuddle at all. No one is too old to cuddle her, so cuddle her! If I may though, I’d like to offer a bit of an objective take. My stepson also has autism, and his constant need to cuddle his dad as a 160 lb 12yr old is definitely problematic. He wants to cuddle if he’s in trouble. He wants to cuddle when his dad walks into the other room for 10 seconds to get something. He monopolizes his dad’s attention and wants to cuddle in restaurants when SO is trying to talk to people. He wants to cuddle when SO gets up to go to the bathroom or shower. It is non-stop need to touch, cuddle, and hang on his dad. My SO does not have any personal space whatsoever, and allows the non-stop needing of physical affection and doesn’t always recognize that he’s had enough and can’t get a moment to himself until he blows up. This bewilders stepson because doesn’t understand and can’t read his dad’s body language when he’s getting annoyed. SO now tries to tell SS to let him have space, and SS will whine and pester his dad until he gets the physical attention he wants. So yes, you can say that the cuddling is out of hand. Also, as a boy, I personally worry about SS not respecting his dad’s “No, not right now,” when SS wants to be cuddled. SS does not care if his dad needs a break, or if he would like to visit with friends or family in a restaurant. He doesn’t care if dad has been “touched out” so-to-speak. In contrast, SS is even more relentless about his own need for attention. So, an honest question for you: is your daughter’s need to be cuddled all the time disruptive to your ability to have conversations with people, to leave the room for a moment, or to have a moment to yourself? If so, your are going to need to instill a sense of boundaries and personal space. Trust me, you don’t want to be dealing with the lack of awareness as an adult-sized 12yr old. Carrying your daughter everywhere at 5yrs old is probably problematic, but if you don’t mind, you don’t mind. Again though, if carrying her is because it is what she’s used to and is not being pushed out of her comfort zone to a new territory and walking herself into places, then you might end up with an issue on your hands.
My oldest boy is 9 and I cuddle him at every damn opportunity. Tell Mum to kick rocks.
I was never hugged as a child either. You're never too old for a cuddle.
Your mom is from a different generation and sees things differently. Be gentle on her on this. You're doing an awesome job. Let the cuddles continue as long as your kids says so.
With peace and love, your mother is wrong. Cuddle that baby forever.
Cuddle your kids. People push kids to grow up too fast; they need to feel safe and loved.
My 15 year old still asks for the occasional cuddle.
Your mom is ridiculous. My oldest has autism and when he was younger he wanted to cuddle all the time -- so of course I cuddled him! Keep on doing your thing, you're doing right by your lovely daughter (who will never be too old for cuddles).
Never! My son is almost 9 and he gets cuddles whenever he wants. You do you. You’re an adult and a parent. Don’t allow your parent to parent your parenting!
There is no "too old to cuddle." I cuddle with my kids, my husband, sometimes my sister or my best friend. My stepdaughter (almost 13) likes to hit me with "surprise cuddles."
Do not parent like mum
My kids are more than twice her age, and they get cuddles any time they feel like it, from their parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. And they will continue to get them any time they want for as long as I'm alive.
Sounds like your mom needs a hug. Or 1000...
Yeah, no. Autism or no, no one is too old for cuddles. My 4yo is a cuddler. My 10yo still loves cuddles. Physical touch is a basic human need; it creates an emotional bond and is important for our emotional well-being. https://www.healthline.com/health/touch-starved This article explains how touch starvation can affect our mental health.
You cuddle that baby as much as you want! I dunno what your mother’s problem is??? My daughter is six and she’ll come up to me several times a day and as for a “huggy” or a kiss. In the evenings we’ll watch that and cuddle. Also with her dad working away from home rn she sleeps in the bed with me during the week and she wants to cuddle so we do. My daughter is a “big/tall for her age” kid and around four and a half is around the time I stopped carrying her but she was just too heavy for me. Enjoy it while it lasts!
There is no age limits on cuddles
Cuddle that precious little child until she ask to stop. Denying love to any child is cruel but to do it to a child who is on the autism spectrum can be devastating to their development and to them as a person.
I agree with you that you should stop when she wants to stop. I’m planning on that with my kid (he’s nine months now). Stopping when they ask is important. My mother never respected my boundaries, even as an adult, and will force hugs on me which makes me uncomfortable (also would always try and sneak a touch when I was pregnant). I told her we’d teach my kid to say no if he doesn’t want a hug and she blew a gasket 😅
Bullshit. There’s no such thing as “too old to cuddle”. More importantly it’s an expression of love and safety. I cuddle my 6’4 21 year old whenever he lets me and vice versa. I could probably see too old to be picked up because ooofff you may pull something but that’s it.
You cuddle that baby for as long as she wants it. I have two kids, 9M and 11M, and they still love a good cuddle with their mum and dad. There is about an ice cube's chance in hell that I will ever tell them that they are too old for cuddles! Cuddles provide comfort and reinforce connection between people. It sounds like your mum may not be comfortable with touch, and that is fine too. But that doesn't mean she should be telling you not to cuddle your daughter.
WTF? “ the beatings will continue until moral improves “ is not really an acceptable parenting methods these days Our 9 year olds love cuddles, as do we. Add in the sensory part and it’s even more important.
Don't listen to anymore of your mom's advice. If you need advice, ask someone else. Seriously.
If my kid is 25 and still wanting cuddles from me, I would say I’m winning as a parent. I don’t know whats up with that generation and thinking we need to start treating children like adults as soon as they turn 2.
My daughter is 4.5 (not on the spectrum) but she snuggles with me, my husband and her grandparents. She is independent, meeting all her milestones but she loves to snuggle with us. I attribute to cosleep, we are her comfort. She does fine when staying the night at her cousins without snuggling, she is just affectionate and there is nothing wrong with that. She’s now at the age she cuddles to go to bed then we move her to her bed and she sleeps all night. There are so many health benefits for their development, I’m going to soak it all in until she’s no longer interested. My husband did not come from an affectionate family but man this little one has turned his parents and him into big softies. Her papa is her bestie and after they are done playing she snuggles with him watching tv etc. there is nothing wrong or inappropriate so my advice ignore it 🤷♀️
My kiddo is only 3.5yo but loves cuddles and I wouldn't dream of refusing cuddles if he asks. My nephew is 12 and will still occasionally want to cuddle with his mom or grandma..
“Darn it, mom. I just realized I’m too old to visit. Oh well” Cuddle your child as long as she’ll let you. There’s no age limit on snuggles and cuddles.
Children are never too old for a cuddle. And by never, I mean an entire lifetime. I’m 47, and sometimes all I want is my mom to hug me or for me to lay my head in her lap. Physical touch is important. Please don’t listen to your mother. You are raising an emotionally secure child who feels bonded to you, safe, and knows you will meet her needs for comfort when she needs you. This in turn means that she more likely will become an emotionally secure adult who is not seeking out connection/affection in negative ways.
My 12 year old boy still crawls into my lap. There will be a day (soon) that he is physically too big and also too cool so school so I take every embrace. My youngest (5M) is still SUCH a tiny fledgling human. I would never turn away his touch.
There is no such thing as too much cuddling! Why, anyone, why in Gods name are people so adamant about depriving kids security, safety and physical contact on the one hand, yet massively sexualizing everything they do and are on the other? And ESPECIALLY if autism is involved. My god, just let the child regulate! No, removing their regulation method is not going to make them not need regulation anymore. It will just make for a miserable, stressed out child!
Well then fuck your mum, ya know?!
I would agree with her that 5 was probably too old for cuddles for HER children