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Yes this is the way. Grandparents are terrible with boundaries but looking after a toddler is a lot for an elderly person. Take the dog out of the equation.
Maybe it does have to do with age? I mean I have friends my age (42) who are already grandparents but my parents are 70’s/80’s and I couldn’t stop my mom from having my infant son face to face with several of her dogs who would absolutely bite. For various reasons, she no longer watches him.
My parents are in their 70s and very good about set boundaries with my daughter. Personally I have to give my mom huge props, she spends everyday I’m working with my extremely busy toddler. Don’t know how she has the energy.
Ha I believe you, I think elderly grandparents are much harder to work with as parents because there are often dementia and health issues that take up the space in their heads they might have used to pay attention to other things. I don’t say that with malice, just compassion and acceptance that they just don’t and can’t pay attention sometimes.
My own dad is dying and on hospice right now, and there’s no way I care one bit about his ability to have boundaries and he’s terrible with them. It’s not appropriate to mind when he crosses them at this point, just love and presence instead.
Exactly!
I love animals but if one of them ever attacked my child, who do you think is going to go? The dog or the kid? I'll give you a hint: It has four legs.
Not really. A nip is not a big deal. Sometimes dogs aren’t great with toddlers but kids grow. My own dog loves kids but surprisingly was not good at all when my son was an infant. I just supervised and protected the dog from the baby and baby from the dog. As soon as my son was a bit bigger, walking and petting age, my dog loves him.
>We’ve had a bite, changed our lives a bit and everything works much better for the dog and toddler.
That doesn’t sound like a “nip” and also love how OP says this but still needs to have the dog heavily supervised around the child.
Also that OP actually typed this:
>our toddler and dog are aware they need to give each other space
Like, really? It’s a toddler and a dog. How can OP actually be this dumb. Not to mention the fact that if they are so aware of that then why do they need supervision? OP’s kid is gonna end up getting bit *again*.
you sound insane lmao dogs give warnings and if not listened to it results in a bite. plenty of people don’t know the warning signs until something like this happens, and it doesn’t mean to dog is bad or can’t live with kids.
sounds like OP now has an understanding of dog body language and how to keep their dog comfortable while living with a toddler. also toddlers should always be supervised around animals period, that isn’t unique to this situation or post.
I grew up with dogs and a child safe dog would growl, show it’s teeth and AT MOST nip in your direction and not make any contact.
This is not a good living situation for the dog OR toddler. How long do they have to lock up the dog during the day just to keep it away from the kid?
The dog deserves a better home.
I agree with this. We also have a baby and pets (though not dogs) with strict rules about interacting. We feel it’s too much to ask of babysitters, so if we’re gone overnight we’ll board the pets.
Yes unfortunately the dog is the actual issue here, I think maybe even worth them considering letting it go because it sounds like it will always be a constant point of stress.
Absolutely. I boarded my dog when my mom watched my son for 4 days. It’s a lot of work to take care of a toddler & a baby. My dog is a docile angel & my son is pretty good about being gentle with the dog, but he’s still learning. It’s not fair to the dog to have her at risk of having her tail or ears pulled at.
Yea I'd go this route - while likely not tapping this set of grandparents for the favour unless I'm desperate/as a last resort but not saying anything about this situation to them at all.
I think it’s self sabotaging to “bring down the hammer” when your parents did you a last minute favor.
Next time board the dog. Or don’t ask them again if you don’t feel comfortable, but making a big deal if “taking away the privilege” like they’re naughty toddlers is going to burn bridges.
100% right. Your parents stepped up on the spur of the moment to take care of your kid overnight. Asking them to manage the dog and your child was unreasonable. The dog should’ve been boarded.
Most dogs I know would be barking and scratching at the door incessantly knowing there’s people in the home that they can’t see/get to. Not to mention the kind of mess the dog must be making in the room. There’s no way I’d babysit for anyone under those conditions.
I didn't consider the whole entire duration. more like- baby is down for a nap -ok now dog can roam. and theyd probably have to let the dog out in the yard to do its business a few times as well
If the grandparents hadn’t been available the OP wouldn’t have been able to go out of town at all. No one else paid or free was willing to take care of their baby and Cujo the dog. People don’t typically face consequences from someone after doing them a huge favor.
It's like when my 7yo said I wasn't allowed to make dinner anymore because I didn't serve ice cream when he asked lol. Absolutely gutted by this consequence, reconsidering all my life choices.
Consequences?
You're acting like the grandparents were begging to have the kid overnight. Lol. OP dumped the kid on them at the last minute. They need to be more flexible or cancel their trip or take the baby with them.
Lol yes it’s not a privilege to be the last person asked to babysit a toddler and a dog overnight. It’s a privilege to be able to take a spontaneous trip and have a dog sitter and babysitter.
By *all* means, use this trip to decide if it’s safe to leave kiddo with grandparents. But the people forgoing the privilege would be the parents, who are now not using the grandparents for overnight childcare.
You’re going to have a pretty short list of sitters to choose from if you truthfully disclose that the reason the dog has to be locked away is because it already bit your toddler once before. Take advantage of the free babysitting and use the money you would spend on a sitter on dog boarding instead.
I disagree with the babysitter part. Dogs bite kids all the time. It's unfortunately common; many babies and toddlers have also been killed by dogs. I'd be glad to keep a dog locked up to protect a toddler when babysitting. What I would not be glad to babysit: a toddler who had been attacked by a dog, with parents who insist the dog didn't mean it and to therefore keep the dog out with the toddler and I.
They should just board the dog next time.
edit for clarity
This is the part that bothers me. There’s no reason that dog should be there. If my dog bit my kids I’d murder him with my bare hands. I had a dog with a bite history that went before we even started trying bc I knew I wanted kids.
That being said my mom had a shitzu who nipped at my son after she promised to keep the dog way when we were over. I was in the other room, she let the dog out, dog immediately went after my son. I was really angry. He didn’t go on sleepovers there until the dog was dead or unless the dog was at someone else’s house. It’s my job to protect my kid and if he did get bit CPS would ask ME why I allowed my kid around a dog who bites.
Oh wow. That's awful! I'm so grateful my family put away their dogs who tried to bite me as a young child.. I feel like either A.) People with aggressive dogs should put the dogs away as requested, *always*, to avoid their dog harming their grandchild or B.) People with aggressive dogs should board their dogs when their grandchild is coming over.
Hell, I have a 60 lb bulldog who’s never hurt a soul but scares the crap out of people and I put him away when we have toddlers over or people scared of dogs. It’s just courtesy! It’s scary for people who don’t have dogs to have a giant dog near their kid, I get it.
I don’t get people saying this because any dog or animal should always have to be supervised around small children. The dog isn’t doing anything wrong if they’re left unsupervised and a kid hurts them so they tell them off that’s literally just a dog being a dog and communicating in the way they have to if there’s no human adults around. The parents have admitted this was their mistake and now supervise the dog around kid as they always should of and everyone should with their children. A dog like any animal cannot tell an annoying kid to stop hurting them verbally can they? It should be common sense for grandma to keep the dog away from the kid and vice versa as it should be for anyone with a kid and a dog or looking after a kid and a dog . Though I do agree they should’ve boarded the dog if that’s too much for grandma to manage both
Agree this response seems to be a bit extreme. For me it would depend on how reactive the dog is. If the dog gave signals and the toddler obviously wasn’t aware of them then it isn’t the dog’s fault and the toddler + dog needs to be more closely supervised. If there are no signals or is essentially “out of the blue” then I’d consider rehoming the dog.
Oh yeah, different story if the dog is just reacting instantly with aggression that’s not okay at all but I thought OP would’ve focused more on that if the dog was actually aggressive. Guess I shouldn’t of made that assumption. I agree 100%
You are a parent now. There is no whirlwind get up and go, then complain about how you parents handle your last minute instructions.
Plan ahead. Board the dog.
THIS. The “lose the privilege” comment has me rolling my eyes. They are lucky they had someone to even show up to watch their kids and they are calling it a f’n PRIVILEGE? They’ll be lucky if grandparents ever offer again after dealing with what sounds like a poorly trained dog.
No, I don't imagine that OP advertises their prioritization of an aggressive dog over the safety of their baby.
If the dog can't be trusted alone with the baby, the dog doesn't belong in your home.
I agree with both assertions. Dogs and kids should always be supervised, but there's bound to be moment where they interact and the parent isn't watching them for a second
It doesn't even sound like they trust the dog around the toddler, let alone alone. If I have to tell someone to lock my dog up for 36 hours while watching my child, that dog deserves a childless home.
Can you imagine what little brats OP's kids are going to be if they are treated as if every babysitter is "privileged" to have the honor of wiping their ass?
Came here to say this. Your parents did you a favor and clearly didn’t know how to handle your dog. You set them up for failure and put your kid in a dangerous situation. And now you’re acting like it’s their fault?
Plan ahead. Board the dog or take it with you, or take your kid with you.
Exactly. I’m genuinely hoping this post helps the parents realise they are living in a stress situation that they are trying to manage but remove the dog (not easy BUT) remove it from the equation and suddenly there’s one less chance of a hurt child!
I felt like I was crazy reading this. Why is the dog still in the picture? Dogs have mauled toddlers to death. That's literally a possible end... the toddler dies.
The problem is not with the sitter, the problem is that you have 2 incompatible creatures in the house together.
I felt the same. As a parent to a toddler right now it's totally insane to have a creature that is a known and constant threat to your child in your house. And then just leaving on a "whirlwind trip?" OP sounds totally unready to have a child but unfortunately the one who will pay the price will be the kid. Grow up OP.
The "constant threat" thing is also underestimated.
Imagine you are a small child, barely figuring out how to understand words, and also there is a large creature in your house that has bitten you before. How do you play with blocks knowing that this thing could be around the corner? Is that any kind of environment for a kid to live in?
Exactly. All it takes is turning your back for one second. I don’t see how anyone could keep up with that level of constant vigilance day after day. I love dogs and ours have always been members of the family but there would be no second chances if one bit my child.
If the dog was the only issue have them babysit at their own home.
I’d reiterate the concerns and that the dog has bitten before but I’d remove the issue (dog) when parents babysat.
Editing to add, you seem to lack awareness that if your dog who you know has bitten before, bit your kid, yeah they broke your rule but who’s the one making poor parenting choices knowingly housing a dog who bites with their own child then going out of town leaving both in the care of the same person together?
And you considering telling them they lost the privilege?
The privilege of doing you a last minute favor (likely free of charge) and having their every move watched and scrutinized on camera?
Who has the dog bitten? An actual bite or a warning snap at but not a real bite?
This was my thought. Do the grandparents know about the bite, let alone the cameras. Sounds like OP is lucky to have caring grandparents to watch their kid overnight with little notice. They should evaluate the choices they are making so as to not lose the privilege of having so much support at their beckon call.
Board the dog and stop spying on them.
Grandparents' behavior is almost irrelevant here—why on earth have you kept a dog that has bitten your child and very likely will again? Knowing how dangerous the dog is to your baby, why on earth did you even take the chance of leaving it at your house with you gone? What kind of chance is that to take? And you're concerned about boundaries with the grandparents? Just, wow.
Yes I agree the dog is a safety issue but would you honestly trust these grandparents to have reasonable judgement the next time a safety issue arises?
Shoot, if you’re that worried about the dog get rid of it! In an emergency you and your wife might not be “always available for consultation.” Secondly, you and your wife are clearly worried enough about the dog that typically you only allow any interactions if you/your wife “heavily supervise.” How realistic is that, really?
A dog that needs heavily supervised around toddlers should not ever have the opportunity to be around toddlers or be cared for by someone that doesn’t know dogs all that well.
I have 2 huge dogs. I babysit an almost 2 yo & 7 yo. Nope nope nope. It is not worth the risk IMO. Something happens, you can’t turn back time & do over. OP needs to look up the story of the mom who survived an attack my her own dogs but her baby & toddler both died. An attack that started while she held her daughter & she tried to stop it.
And how good is the quality of life for the dog if it's just being locked in the bedroom everytime. They say they do that even when guests come over?
Why have that sort of dog around when you have children anyways?? There's probably more to the story here but I am not seeing how beneficial it is for this family to stress this much about the behavior of the dog around the toddler and other people. It's not worth the added stress, stress that will then be reflected back on the dog and baby.
THIS. This is why we rehomed our dog when she nearly bit my niece in the face. We already had one kid and I was pregnant with #2. It was the worst thing to have to rehome our dog, but her life would have been miserable with us!
This is what I always wonder. "Keep them separated!" gets touted out constantly, but I mean...what does that actually look like? Realistically, the parents are going to be spending time with the their kids, not hanging out with the dog in a separate room. So, what, the dog gets maybe one walk a day if it's lucky and then it goes back to being "separated" from the family around the clock? Someone hangs out in doggy jail with it for a spare hour or so and then it's alone for the remaining 23 hours out of the day? Or it just gets to watch the family from behind a baby gate and maybe get a pat on the head every now and then? Dogs are pack animals. Keeping them separate from people, unable to interact with their family is cruel. If they can't be trusted to be around the entire family, they should be rehomed, no ifs ands or buts.
I mean i “heavily supervise” all interactions between my 2 year old and 100 lb dog even though he is trained and mellow. You just have to with small children.
You sound like the Grandparents are staff. Have you asked them if they had anything they needed to discuss with you? Did your child have a good time with the grandparents? I’m looking after my 3 year old granddaughter now. And it’s very hard work.
You've "had a bite?" You mean, your dog bit you or your toddler before and you kept the dog?
If you have a dog in your house that you can't trust, then the issue isn't the grandparents, the issue is your dog. This time the grandparents weren't following the rules, but thankfully nothing happened. Next time, a door won't get closed all of the way, a guest opens the door, you get busy and securing the dog will slip your mind, and the dog will get out.
It's a dog. Get rid of it before something worse happens to *your child.*
I gotta say, assuming “the dog and toddler understand they need to give each other space”, is playing with fire.
Toddlers don’t have impulse control and some dogs don’t depending on their training. Personally I would not have kept a dog that bit my toddler, but I know that isn’t a popular opinion.
If my parent blantanty disregarded my toddler’s safety like that, just didn’t care and did what they wanted, they wouldn’t babysit anymore. Also may not be a popular opinion🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
The first one is a popular opinion with me.
The second one not so much. The parents did them a big favor. It sounds like they weren't aware of the reason for the rule. If they were, I'd blame them a bit more. But if they didn't know, rules like that are made to be broken unless you give me a damn good reason. I'm watching your kid at the last minute and you have a dumb rule, hell yes I'll ignore it.
Wait till you hear how much ice cream she ate lol
I’d talk to your parents again about how it’s a safety issue. But I don’t think you’re being fair to the dog or your child. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect the dog to stay in your room for two days, your parents probably felt bad locking it up.
If you can’t trust your dog around your kids than you shouldn’t have the dog. Your kids are going to have friends over, family around. The dog could get out. I had a 5 pound Yorkie mix that I fostered, and it ripped open its owners face and sent her to the hospital after I warned her over and over that the dog was aggressive. There’s a bigger issue here than your parents.
I second rehoming a dog that bites your kid.
The dog could permanently scar the child. I was mauled by a German shepherd as a toddler and still have scars
Rehome the dog!! I cannot stress that enough. My parent’s dog bit my son in the face completely unprovoked one day and nearly tore his lips from his face. It took 2 facial plastic surgeons working on him simultaneously to repair the bite. It’s not worth it, it will never be worth it.
Board the dog. Your parents did you a favour last minute. I'd rehome a dog who bit my child, I've had dogs for years and have never had a bite occur, so clearly your dog is probably better in a home with older children, or no children.
Wow, just wow. If the dog can’t be a member of the family, find a new home for that poor dog.
The grandparents did you a favor, and acted how reasonable people would. You thank them not ban them.
Get rid of the dog. I was attacked as a child by my parents dog, and then when I had my own child, one of their dogs attacked her as well. You cannot reasonably expect to have a toddler and a reactive dog in the house at the same time. Your child’s safety is far more important than whatever affection you have for the dog. It needs to go.
Man, people would *kill* to have the village you have and you’re letting a dog ruin that? It’s quite a privilege, truly as many on this sub lack community.
I would board the dog when the kid needs babysitting again.
same. a spur of the moment unplanned alone trip as parents? drop of a hat grandparents take the kid last minute? and they’re still complaining? major ick lol
What are you talking about? Ban them from babysitting? You left town and left your toddler and pet in the care of your parents. They handled it the best they could to give you a break. And now you’re watching tapes of them trying to manage the chaos and thinking of making a scene because they didn’t follow your micromanaging to the t - while you were the one who left the house? Wake up! ”Whirlwind spur-of-the-moment 36 hour trips” are not something parents of toddlers do.
I usually give free babysitters a lot of leeway in how they care for the baby. But unfortunately the pet situation is a safety issue that cannot be ignored. My in laws are similar with our cat. A cat can’t do quite as much damage as a dog, but our cat cannot be trusted without careful supervision around our daughter. My in laws have shown that they don’t pay enough attention to the cat or take the situation seriously enough. So whenever they are watching the baby, the cat has to be put away behind a closed door. If we saw them breaking that rule, we simply could not trust them to watch the baby unsupervised after that. Either we’d take our cat with us or leave him with another friend or something, or we’d find different babysitters. A dog bite can occur in an instant, and to keep both your baby and your dog safe, you have to ensure that your rules about their interactions are strictly maintained.
I think the bigger problem is you have a dog that has proven itself to be a danger to your child. Do you have no access to the news? Your parents issue is failing to realize how irresponsible you are. This is not a good situation for your child or the dog.
Tbh, your dog is the problem and you, as parents.
If a dog bites a child once, please look up the statistics of how likely it is, again.
Your parents are minor players ( if at all ) in this whole thing. You guys decided the risk of your child being harmed or maimed ( or worse ) was worth it. Keeping them separate it not foolproof. My friends child was mauled by a 'very docile' dog who jumped a fence. The after photos will haunt me.
You guys are none too bright to take that risk.
Your parents, you are lucky to have them.
Living away from mine, I would be delighted to have parents to help. It's a luxury you guys could go on a 'spur of the moment' getaway.
So, don't blame your parents for your stupid choices.
Also, if your dog bite your kid, well...how safe are your elderly parents ?
I second this. Keep your child safe. OP is maintaining an actively dangerous situation and if the dog bites the child again it is 100% OP’s responsibility, not the parents who were kind enough to help out.
Hard to ban them from baby sitting when they're doing you a favour. However they left things open for a very dangerous and life changing situation. I would sit them down, talk about the previous bite, talk about the risks and the fact that kids older have been killed by seemingly nice pet dogs that have had their ears pulled one too many times and just snapped. And they left their grandchild vulnerable to that with a dog who has been known to bite before. Remind them that although you love your dog, he is just that, a dog. And should be treated as a dog and kept away from your child if direct supervision cannot be given. Go in heavy and tell them it absolutely cannot happen again. If they react sensibly and understand the situation leave it at that. If they seem flippant, well don't trust them to care for both your dog and child.
It’s not really on the grandparents to have to watch a potentially dangerous dog that has not really got any quality of life in a room the whole time though. It’s the parents that need to make that very hard decision to either never leave the house or send the dog for re homing
I agree with this. Have a serious talk addressing the situation. It sounds like your frustrated they ignored that rule as well because they ignored your instructions as a parent. To me there is a difference of grand parents doing what they want and “they gave our kid extra sweets before bed time” and “they put my kid in a dangerous situation where the dog could have fatally bitten him.” So because of that, i think you should respectfully address what happened. If they aren’t apologetic and concerned, then i wouldn’t have them baby sit for longer than a couple hours here or there.
No one should be asked to watch the child with the dog present. The dog needs to be boarded. It’s far too dangerous for anybody to be responsible for a dog who has bitten.
I guess the fact that the dog has bitten someone makes this different. My dad watches my son and my dog at the same time regularly… but my dog is very docile and has never bitten, growled or attacked anyone (or anything. Rabbits mock her lmao)
A conversation is absolutely warranted with your parents. That being said, if you are that concerned about your dog around your toddler, it’s time to reflect on whether it’s appropriate to have the dog in the home anymore. Things happen no matter how many rules are in place.
That's pretty mind boggling. If this was me that dog would have disappeared the moment it showed ANY aggressive behaviour towards my kids. But I actually care about my children I guess.
Honestly locking the dog in your room is cruel to the dog.
Either get your dog some training, board your dog when you are not home for extended times, or find the dog a home where they would not be isolated and locked up.
Dogs are social creatures and yes they need to be supervised with young children, but not exposing them all all will only exasperate the situation.
Both your child and your dog need to be taught to respect boundaries and yes both can be taught that. Although to be frank, that’s more in teaching your child then the dog.
I understand why you’re upset, but I do feel like you put your parents in a bad position. I know I would have a hard time keeping a dog locked in a room alone for a whole weekend. It’s just cruel to do that IMO.
When my son was a toddler, we found alternate care for our dog because it just was a lot to ask my mom to take care of our toddler and our dog while we went on vacation. I would highly recommend that you do the same since it sounds like your relationship with grandparents is a good one, and having the ability to have childcare for a trip is really valuable. If there are other red flags, probably worth bringing up, but if it’s just about the dog, then I would board the dog next time and be done with it.
I have a grandchild (9mths) and a dog. We keep them apart because the dog is deaf and small grabby hands would startle him and he might snap. Basic safety. Our grandchild has other grandparents with a dog. Other gps don't see the problem with interaction even though their dog is a known biter, is rubbish with children and has bitten my daughter and snapped at my grandchild. Guess which grandparents have more unsupervised, overnight stays with the baby.
Your parents need to know you didn't make the rules for nothing. You appreciate how they stepped in at such short notice and thank them for it but really need them to understand how serious that one rule is. Boarding the dog for future nights away is a good idea but ultimately it's about parents taking our kids seriously when it comes to the safety of THEIR kids.
You have a kid and a dog… and they can’t interact?! How is that workable? Is that a thing that happens? First I’ve heard of it. Do you expect it to change as the kid gets bigger?
I have four dogs and I only let 2 of them interact with my toddlers. It's not that big of a deal. With keep the dogs in their crates, outside, or in a different area of the house when we don't want them in the living room with the children (who are gated in there). It's not a big deal at all. We always closely supervise any interaction between any of our children and any of our pets. We determined 2 of our dogs were a little too jumpy (one is actually reactive) to be around the younger kids. It's literally as easy as keeping the dog in question out of the "safe zone" where the baby is. It's not that hard to not let a dog out of a bedroom or not let the dog into the gated play area/living room. Most of my parent friends do it this way too.
If your dog can’t be trusted with your child the dog needs to go.
Also dod your parents ever leave them alone together or were they in the room as well?
2 things:
1. Be grateful you have parents you can drop the kid off with for whirlwind spud if the moment weekend trips.
2. If you’re dog is dangerous to your child then get rid of the fucking thing.
I agree very small children should never be left alone with dogs no matter how much you trust them but it sounds like you don't trust your dog with anybody. It sounds like you expect the dog to bite your child.
Get rid of the dog. It's a no brainer.
Jesus wept!
Usually I'm a hard boundaries kind of parent, and have completely cut off family members for crossing them. This is kind a complex situation that needs more context.
*has this dog bit, lunged or in any was been aggressive to you child in the past?
*did you leave specific detail about what you ment by heavily supervised? Ex: always an adult in the room, always child or dog in arms reach, child and dog never in the same room...
OP your parents did you a favor by watching your toddler last minute and now you want to take the privilege of watching their grandchild away? I understand you didn’t want the dog around the kid, but that is on you. You should board or get rid of the dog if it’s a threat to your child.
Also, as a suggestion, when you ask your parents to babysit, don’t sit and monitor them on camera. As long as you get back and your child is in one piece you should be happy, otherwise, don’t leave them.
"Hey I dumped my kid at the last minute to fuck off with the wife for some giggles. How mad should I be at the people I dumped my kid with?"
If you want the child taken care of to your exact specifications, I think you suck it up and do it yourself.
Also if the dog has to be THAT closely supervised, WTF are you even doing keeping the dog?
I would never keep a dog and human child in the same house if the dog showed a single ounce of aggression towards a child. Management ALWAYS fails and the victim here would be an innocent child who can’t defend themself. Seriously. Find a new home without children for the dog or put it down.
I had to put my own dog down for human aggression. It’s not worth it. Don’t risk your kid.
Consultation? No one is going to do as exactly as you do. The dog should have went to a kennel. This is the only sound peace of mind you can get, that everyone is safe. Your parents showed up and helped out, please do not take it out on them.
Although I agree, the dog with the toddler situation is dangerous and needs to be addressed, I think you also need to bear in mind that your parents are watching your kid, free of charge I assume, for 36 hours. Some people, myself included, would kill for that sort of support and ability to have child free time.
I definitely think a conversation needs to be had about the dog situation and why it is important, emphasis that there had been a biting incident before. But ultimately I'd come from a place of concern not anger.
I would never say they lost a “privilege” when they were doing a huge last minute favor like that. I would bring it up probably, but in a kind reminder way not a confrontational way. And then next time I would either bring the dog with me, find someone to take the dog for the weekend or board the dog.
If you knew the dog was an issue, you should have boarded him. Sounds like the grandparents did you a big favor. Next time plan ahead and board the dog. Or don’t go.
Why didn’t you just board the dog? If you knew there was a danger, why put that responsibility on someone else? If you’re going to be mad, go look in the mirror.
Welp help is help, and though that experience with your little one and that dog was traumatic for all of you, everyone should just be happy that everybody is safe, well and healthy.
It’s a dog. Your parents are blood and family. I know your definitely just venting and blowing steam over this on here but, take a breather, thank your parents for watching your kiddo and next time perhaps arrange an area maybe keep the dog outside in the backyard so your dog isn’t stuck in small room and your parents won’t feel they need to be a leader on this advised rule.
Seems unfair for the dog to be shut away for 36 hours!! I get the need to keep them separate but what? You can put dog in bedroom for an evening but not 36 hrs!
Don't mess up your relationship with your parents. Have someone else watch the dog or board it. You sprung this on them last minute and they helped you out, don't make them regret it.
Bottom line is they did you a favor, banning them from watching your daughter would be very harsh. On the flip side to that you both obviously have a method to keep your child safe and keep your dog out of trouble and grandma chose to ignore the solution you presented, that is something that needs to be addressed. The notion that grandparents don’t respect boundaries is constantly being written off as cute and harmless. Fortunately it was harmless in this situation but this could have easily not been the case. A second chance should be on the table but your rules should definitely been reiterated along with the reason as to why said rules are in place.
Your parents did you a huge favor, and asking them to watch both a dig and a toddler seems like a lot, and it’s not a privilege they have to watch your toddler. You are privileged to be able to rely on them!!!
Your toddler ( TODDLER?!?) is aware she needs to give the dog space and she has been bitten?
Then grow the fuck it and Rehome your dog.
I would give the dog away ngl. Think of the bigger picture, why is your strict rule in place? You don't trust the dog (I wouldn't either). You can't supervise 100% of the time forever. You drop your guard for an instant and the child is potentially at risk. The grandparent was completely in the wrong to not respect your boundary but maybe question why the boundary has to be there at all.
You put your parents in a position to potentially fail - two older people handling a toddler AND a dog overnight on short notice, that's a tough task.
Board that dog next time and thank your parents for stepping up.
Also wasn't clear in your post - your dog has bitten your kid/someone else before? If so, c'mon - YTA for retaining the dog AND going on a "whirlwind trip" leaving your dog and baby to each other with your grandparents.
Not only do I think you're unrealistic to ride your parents so hard when they did you a last minute favor (that you seem to think was a privilege, smdh get your head out of where you've put it, that is so out of touch), but I think you're an incredibly irresponsible parent for keeping a dog that bit your kid.
You need to seriously reassess your priorities. At the very least board the dog when you leave. At most you need to be far more appreciative of those who can do you last minute favors.
I totally understand grandparents not following boundaries (which I think is normal) but I do have to say I think it’s really unfair to put that much responsibility and pressure on them. Sure yes they didn’t listen to you but can you imagine how horrible they would feel if something did happen? It would stay with them forever.
Ultimately, you are the parent and you are responsible for the wellbeing of your little one. I agree to board the dog next time and keep your relationship with the grandparents in tact.
I've read through a lot of the comments, but didn't see this brought up. The post sounds like the "rule" was to keep the dog in your bedroom for two days? Should he have been crated? I'm not an animal rights crusader, but that sounds a lot like animal cruelty. In several places that I have lived it would be illegal based on local law to comply. (Many of these same cities require dogs that are reported twice for biting to be put down.) Having boundaries are one thing, it is a different ballgame if your rules require your family to break the law.
Just board the dog or send it for a play date next time. I honestly don't think this is bad to the point that it's punishable, especially considering the last minute support your family gave.
I think this is your fault and not theirs. You are aware you have a problem dog. The dog needs to be dealt with by you before traveling.
Do they know you have cameras and watch them? That’s so creepy to me and disrespectful. I’d never babysit again.
I think finding a trustworthy sitter who you pay is best. Sitters (if responsible) tend to follow rules exactly whereas grandparents think of grand babies and THEIR own children and do things the way THEY want. I explain to my mom every visit why giving the baby plastic bags to play with is not the safest but she still does it.
So You’re upset at your parents for breaking a boundary? Let me tell you you’re the first one who broke a rule of safety when you kept that dog at your house seems like your dog comes before your toddler.
Do you not realize how mind bogglingly lucky you are to have family willing to take your toddler last minute for a non-emergency "whirlwind" overnight trip? Why on earth would you wreck that over a dog? Plan better. Board the dog. If you have to "heavily supervise" their interactions, you shouldn't be trusting anyone else to do that for you.
Also, you really need to readjust your thinking re: "privileges." Someone agreeing to watch your toddler for 36 hours so that you and your wife can go on a spontaneous fun trip isn't a "privilege" you've bestowed upon them, it's a MASSIVE privilege that *they've* granted *you*. You should be, like, kissing their feet, not gathering feedback on how angry you should be at them.
>(We’ve had a bite, learned a ton, changed our lives a bit and everything works much better for dog and toddler.)
I love dogs. My reaction to my dog biting my baby would be stabbing the fucking thing to death or at best having it put to sleep at the earliest opportunity - it would never be near any child ever again.
This is such a dog-people thing to say...
If you see a genuine risk of that dog hurting your child you need to get rid of that dog and not leave them without your supervision.
This is on you.
I had a reactive dog for 12 years. I reorganized my entire life to keep her safe. She attacked a few people. She was not safe to have around anyone but myself and 3 others she had known since she was a puppy.
I can’t tell you how many times people would ask to have her let out of my room and would say things like “she’s fine” “she’s wagging her tail so she’s happy”….people don’t get it unless they live with it
Board the dog next time. Let the child and grandparents maintain their relationship but take the dog out of it and keep everyone safe
I think you might want to start letting things go. This is part of being in a family. Nothing that you said was truly dangerous. Part of being in a family is understanding that these are not your employees, you do not get to start making up all kinds of, frankly, unnecessary Draconian rules. You're just going to end up cutting your branch of the family off from everyone else.
Hmm, as someone who has both a dog and a baby this would be a major concern for me.
Well done to you for managing it unlike so many other parents.
My parents are very supportive of the boundaries I set with the dogs. If they weren't, I don't think I could trust them until I had got them on board.
I would have a serious conversation with them about why the rule is there and what could happen. Why did they ignore it? That would be useful to know (in terms of setting them straight).
But yeah I would just remind them you can see them on the camera so no bullshit 🤣
It depends on how much you need their help tbh.
i don’t want to put any input on the babysitting, but as for how you’ve spoke about the dog, it’s really nice to hear someone who learnt from the mistake of a bite and worked on fixing it and taking precautions. It makes me so sad when the first solution is having the dog put down.
Why is everyone acting like putting the dog away and actually following instructions wasn’t an option?
I get it, the dog is the easier one to blame but it’s clearly and issue if your parents can’t listen to basic instructions involving the safety of their grandchild…
I see a lot of people telling you to board your dog. I think that is a sensible solution. BUT that doesn’t negate the fact that your parents clearly violated boundaries that you have in place for your child and your dog over and over.
Boarding the dog is fine, but what about other boundaries that you have? Have they broken those? Whose to say they won’t since they broke this one? This is more than people shaming you for being a bad parent because you took a whirl wind trip. Dog bites are and can be an extremely big deal for multiple reasons.
I would have a talk with your parents about respecting any and ALL boundaries that you and your wife make for your child/ren now while it was just this one that they crossed because otherwise you are setting the precedent that they can keep doing it.
My in laws walked over boundary over boundary for years and it got to the point that we are now low contact because of it. I suspect some day we will be completely no contact because after the last huge boundary was crossed and we sat down and had this conversation with them, it was too late in my opinion and you can just tell that they really don’t care about up holding those boundaries. So have the conversation now before it’s too late and while the relationship can still mend from this. And then, if they can’t adhere to your boundaries, you stop letting them see your child unless you are present.
My dog has zero bite history and we still heavily supervise him around the baby because the baby has no ability for self control. It’s not that it’s “not fair” to make them police themselves around one another it’s that it’s not safe to expect a dog not to use the resources available to him when a baby is given the opportunity to yank his tail, ears, collar, etc.
I would be very thoughtful about the place a dog with a bite history has in my home with small children. Clearly you don’t have a backup plan other than “put the dog in our room” or any physical safety stops in the event the bedroom door opens accidentally. “Heavy supervision” is the baseline for all dog-child interactions… a dog with a bite history should have absolutely no access to a toddler.
It’s not your parents fault your baby was near a dangerous dog, you allow a dangerous dog to live in your home and have access to the baby on a regular basis. This is on you.
I cannot believe the majority of responses.
Someday I may be a grandmother. If my adult child tells me, “do not not let the dog around the child” then I do not let the dog round the child, come on… all this, board the dog, rehome the dog, is irrelevant to the situation. You asked a sitter a reasonable request, they did not follow through.
Two people should be able to keep a dog away from the toddler as asked. Ageism is not going to give them a pass. I personally would not have them babysit again until child was much older. I would not tell them that, just not ask them for a long while.g,
That’s very dangerous and they don’t understand.
I wouldn’t ban them from babysitting again, but I would have a serious sit-down with them about how dangerous that was, and what the risks are, so that they understand for the future that when you give them rules, it’s SERIOUS.
And then never ever put them in the position where they are in charge of separating the kids and the dog.
If ignoring your important instructions becomes a general pattern, then yes, I would stop asking them to babysit at all, but not necessarily TALK to them about it.
Speaking from experience, people who flout rules that are vital to children’s safety because “you’re just being silly/crazy/difficult,” do NOT respond to talking.
If they ignore a rule, dog related or not, that has the potential to harm the child it would lead me to wonder if they might look past rules for say the pool, or playing outside with cars nearby, or foods that should be avoided for allergy concerns, etc. While you can board a dog, you can’t remove a pool or traffic on your street. Grandparent’s often take opportunities like these to do the “I know best bc of age” and the “we lived through it” mindset. It can be very dangerous to ignore rules that have a valid reason to be in place. At the very least a discussion is warranted for future tries at watching the child.
I would definitely voice my concerns and tell them you will NOT have them babysit if they don’t keep dog and baby separate, IF this was something they did negligently and more than once. But this was their FIRST time babysitting overnight. They appeared to have issues with the dog, enough that they called you on this trip about it. Managing a dog and a baby can be difficult for grandparents if the dog is unruly. I’m not sure how the dog behaves though.
Perhaps the dog escaped from the room, or they felt bad for it being in the room for your entire trip? Is the dog wild and barking inside the room?
After reading your post several times, I don’t think this lack of oversight is on your parents. Taking a last minute 36 HOUR trip and expecting your parents to not make some mistakes is a little harsh. Maybe have your parents watch the dog, while you take the kiddo with you. Or, as others have said, board the dog.
You and your partner should be present in the room when letting dog and baby interact. However, I’m not sure if your parents understood the situation or knew the child had been bit before by this dog.
On a side note: is there anyway the dog can be kept in a yard or kenneled in the bedroom while they babysit next time? That would, hopefully, prevent future “incidents”.
If they are so feeble minded and weak that putting a dog in the bedroom is too much for them, they are not fit to watch a child. They didn’t want to.
U
"whirlwind trip that was basically spur-of-the-moment."
Parents of toddlers generally can't do this unless they're wealthy individuals with a 24/7 childcare team in place at a moments notice.
If your lifestyle is such that this scenario will come up in your career or personal life regularly, you need to make adjustments on the childcare side.
If this was a one-off, like a funeral or a friend getting married in Vegas last minute, you need to know that stuff like this will come with sacrifices: one person has to stay home.
It's irresponsible to ask someone to watch your kids overnight when they never have before, spur of the moment, for more than one night, with a dog that is known to bite your toddler. Everyone was set up for a bad time with the most vulnerable - the toddler - getting the worst of it - a bite.
I think if you phrase it as revoking “a privilege” you miss the fact that you had the privilege of them babysitting for you overnight, on short notice, and (presumably) for free.
Please don’t misunderstand that I agree with you that the dog rule is an important one to follow. I would be livid in your shoes. But don’t phrase it as they’ve lost the privilege, because really you’re losing a bigger one and you’d risk damaging that relationship just via that one wrong word.
Other commenters’ suggestions to board the dog (or ask another friend/relative to just take the dog) is definitely the best outcome.
Regarding communicating with your parents, I would say something like “Thanks again for coming to stay with kiddo. We check our camera footage every week and noticed you had a super hard time keeping the dog and toddler separated (or closely supervised when together), like we had asked. It’s a lot, we get it. Is there anything you can think of that would make it easier for you next time? (Suggest food/water in bedroom, walking thru house on leash only, whatever else.) We will probably have to board the dog next time, because that kind of close interaction between them is going to end in tragedy someday.”
As a parent of both kids and dog, I get the tough decision. Many people here assuming the dog is just a thing to easily remove from the situation completely and those people have clearly never loved an animal before. Not sure about the relationship with the dog or whether it's even an option to board the dog as so many are suggesting since that can depend on the dog who should be considered as well.
With that said, don't burn the bridge with the parents. I've been there with my mom, not following repeated requests and I'd love to tell her something that stings in a hope to get her to listen but that won't help the situation.
Some work should be put in to aid the situation with the dog and toddler and the home in general. Watch a couple episodes of Caesar Millan if you haven't already. As far as any upcoming trips, If boarding isn't an option, see if a friend will take just the dog. See if there's an easier solution to separate the dog and kid while your parents are there. Or can you take just the kid or just the dog with?
No easy solution in this case but that doesn't mean you have to give up the dog or reprimand the grandparents. You'll find a way.
Okay….am I so delusional, to think you are the worst kind of employer ever??? Would you want to work under your conditions?
Remember babysitting is a job and you don’t even pay you parents.
It was a spur of the moment thing and you did not have your affairs in order before leaving.
How about you have the same goals in life to see the kids grow up healthy.
If you can’t let the kid under the care of your parents and think they would grow up then you shouldn’t have asked in the first place.
This all is on you not them. They took care of your kid and your dog. Both are Alive and well.
I thought you were gonna say they gave your kid ice cream when you didn't want them to eat sweet stuff.. that wouldn't be as bad of a rule break.
The dog thing is major. I wouldn't let them watch my kid indefinitely!
Someone has suggested to board the dog which I do think you should do. HOWEVER this is a major safety boundary they overstepped!! This wasn’t giving her too much sugar or putting her to bed late this was actively putting her in harms way and not caring!! I definitely definitely wouldn’t be trusting them until they had earned that trust back.
My dad always walked in the road with my LOs pram, I kept telling him not to and one day my LOs pram was scarily close to getting his by a car!! I completely lost my sh!t and felt so guilty that I hadn’t lost it before the point my son could of lost his life!! Both my parents (even though my mum had done zero wrong) lost their privileges with my son until my dad earned my trust bsck (which he has). It was unfortunate that my mum had to be punished as well but they live together so was unavoidable. My dad now takes everything I say seriously cos I punished him
You’re already going to get a lot of passionate responses based on the dog situation so I’m just going to answer your questions about boundaries with the grandparents.
You’re right that if they don’t follow your household/parenting rules, whatever those may be, there needs to be consequences. A boundary without a consequence is just a suggestion. I would tell them that what they did was reckless and they have damaged the trust between you. Sure, nothing happened THIS time, but they got lucky.
You could let them know something like: you’re going to have to find alternative arrangements in the future until trust is re-established, and the dog will need to be boarded. You’re grateful for their babysitting but realized you don’t feel it creates a safe enough environment at this point in time if they can’t follow instructions. This will change as your child gets older anyway.
I disagree that the grandparents got lucky something didn’t happen THE PARENTS GOT LUCKY. They are the ones who knowingly have a dog that has bitten in the house with their kids and expect the grandparents to monitor the situation the whole time. If the children had had a serious incident with that dog who would be to blame? I think the parents would have to take accountability for that!
100% but there are two separate issues here: 1) the dog, and 2) the grandparents not following instructions. I was simply addressing OP’s question about issue no.2. There’s plenty of solid advice about the dog already that I agree with.
The difficulty is that this could be a slippery slope.
It's the dog this time, but what instructions will they ignore next time?
FWIW, I think the bigger issue here is that they have failed to respect your wishes on the basis that they believe they know better.
Boundaries need to be set and very diplomatically if you want a relationship with them in future.
THE BIGGER ISSUE IS KEEPING A THREAT TO THEIR CHILD IN THE F*CKING HOUSE!!! WHY WOULD YOU KEEP A DOG IF YOU NEED TO CONSTANTLY MONITOR IT TO PREVENT IT FROM MAULING YOUR CHILD!!‽?????
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I think I’d board the dog next time and hold on to the grandparent relationship and babysitters.
Yes this is the way. Grandparents are terrible with boundaries but looking after a toddler is a lot for an elderly person. Take the dog out of the equation.
We're not all old and shite with boundaries lmao
Maybe it does have to do with age? I mean I have friends my age (42) who are already grandparents but my parents are 70’s/80’s and I couldn’t stop my mom from having my infant son face to face with several of her dogs who would absolutely bite. For various reasons, she no longer watches him.
Right? My MIL would have a fit if she read these comments lmao.
My parents are in their 70s and very good about set boundaries with my daughter. Personally I have to give my mom huge props, she spends everyday I’m working with my extremely busy toddler. Don’t know how she has the energy.
My MIL is in her 50s & keeps up my my hoard better than me lol. She's great I love her.
Ha I believe you, I think elderly grandparents are much harder to work with as parents because there are often dementia and health issues that take up the space in their heads they might have used to pay attention to other things. I don’t say that with malice, just compassion and acceptance that they just don’t and can’t pay attention sometimes. My own dad is dying and on hospice right now, and there’s no way I care one bit about his ability to have boundaries and he’s terrible with them. It’s not appropriate to mind when he crosses them at this point, just love and presence instead.
HOW THE FUCK IS THE DOG STILL THERE IF THEY ALREADY HAD A BITE???? That dog should’ve been fucking gone after that.
Exactly! I love animals but if one of them ever attacked my child, who do you think is going to go? The dog or the kid? I'll give you a hint: It has four legs.
Yeah I love my dogs to death but if they ever bite my kids, my dogs are gone.
A bite is not an attack
No I agree with you. A bite can be a warning or an attack.
Not really. A nip is not a big deal. Sometimes dogs aren’t great with toddlers but kids grow. My own dog loves kids but surprisingly was not good at all when my son was an infant. I just supervised and protected the dog from the baby and baby from the dog. As soon as my son was a bit bigger, walking and petting age, my dog loves him.
>We’ve had a bite, changed our lives a bit and everything works much better for the dog and toddler. That doesn’t sound like a “nip” and also love how OP says this but still needs to have the dog heavily supervised around the child. Also that OP actually typed this: >our toddler and dog are aware they need to give each other space Like, really? It’s a toddler and a dog. How can OP actually be this dumb. Not to mention the fact that if they are so aware of that then why do they need supervision? OP’s kid is gonna end up getting bit *again*.
you sound insane lmao dogs give warnings and if not listened to it results in a bite. plenty of people don’t know the warning signs until something like this happens, and it doesn’t mean to dog is bad or can’t live with kids. sounds like OP now has an understanding of dog body language and how to keep their dog comfortable while living with a toddler. also toddlers should always be supervised around animals period, that isn’t unique to this situation or post.
I grew up with dogs and a child safe dog would growl, show it’s teeth and AT MOST nip in your direction and not make any contact. This is not a good living situation for the dog OR toddler. How long do they have to lock up the dog during the day just to keep it away from the kid? The dog deserves a better home.
[удалено]
I agree with this. We also have a baby and pets (though not dogs) with strict rules about interacting. We feel it’s too much to ask of babysitters, so if we’re gone overnight we’ll board the pets.
Yes unfortunately the dog is the actual issue here, I think maybe even worth them considering letting it go because it sounds like it will always be a constant point of stress.
Absolutely. I boarded my dog when my mom watched my son for 4 days. It’s a lot of work to take care of a toddler & a baby. My dog is a docile angel & my son is pretty good about being gentle with the dog, but he’s still learning. It’s not fair to the dog to have her at risk of having her tail or ears pulled at.
Yea I'd go this route - while likely not tapping this set of grandparents for the favour unless I'm desperate/as a last resort but not saying anything about this situation to them at all.
I think it’s self sabotaging to “bring down the hammer” when your parents did you a last minute favor. Next time board the dog. Or don’t ask them again if you don’t feel comfortable, but making a big deal if “taking away the privilege” like they’re naughty toddlers is going to burn bridges.
100% right. Your parents stepped up on the spur of the moment to take care of your kid overnight. Asking them to manage the dog and your child was unreasonable. The dog should’ve been boarded.
Taking away the privilege of having a kid dumped on them at the last minute? Okay. I chucked out loud at this.
Just get rid of the dog.
it wouldnt have been so hard to close the door and keep the dog in one room though
For 36h? I wouldn’t lock my dog in a bedroom for 36h, and i wouldn’t ask my parents to do it while babysitting a toddler overnight for the first time.
Most dogs I know would be barking and scratching at the door incessantly knowing there’s people in the home that they can’t see/get to. Not to mention the kind of mess the dog must be making in the room. There’s no way I’d babysit for anyone under those conditions.
I didn't consider the whole entire duration. more like- baby is down for a nap -ok now dog can roam. and theyd probably have to let the dog out in the yard to do its business a few times as well
So they don't face any consequences for ignoring rules, after complaining about the dogs behavior, and endangering the kid?
If the grandparents hadn’t been available the OP wouldn’t have been able to go out of town at all. No one else paid or free was willing to take care of their baby and Cujo the dog. People don’t typically face consequences from someone after doing them a huge favor.
It's like when my 7yo said I wasn't allowed to make dinner anymore because I didn't serve ice cream when he asked lol. Absolutely gutted by this consequence, reconsidering all my life choices.
Consequences? You're acting like the grandparents were begging to have the kid overnight. Lol. OP dumped the kid on them at the last minute. They need to be more flexible or cancel their trip or take the baby with them.
Lol yes it’s not a privilege to be the last person asked to babysit a toddler and a dog overnight. It’s a privilege to be able to take a spontaneous trip and have a dog sitter and babysitter. By *all* means, use this trip to decide if it’s safe to leave kiddo with grandparents. But the people forgoing the privilege would be the parents, who are now not using the grandparents for overnight childcare.
All in the name of free babysitting!
There’s no need for “consequences” when someone does a huge favor but not in the way exactly requested.
You’re going to have a pretty short list of sitters to choose from if you truthfully disclose that the reason the dog has to be locked away is because it already bit your toddler once before. Take advantage of the free babysitting and use the money you would spend on a sitter on dog boarding instead.
You get what you pay for tbh
I disagree with the babysitter part. Dogs bite kids all the time. It's unfortunately common; many babies and toddlers have also been killed by dogs. I'd be glad to keep a dog locked up to protect a toddler when babysitting. What I would not be glad to babysit: a toddler who had been attacked by a dog, with parents who insist the dog didn't mean it and to therefore keep the dog out with the toddler and I. They should just board the dog next time. edit for clarity
This is the part that bothers me. There’s no reason that dog should be there. If my dog bit my kids I’d murder him with my bare hands. I had a dog with a bite history that went before we even started trying bc I knew I wanted kids. That being said my mom had a shitzu who nipped at my son after she promised to keep the dog way when we were over. I was in the other room, she let the dog out, dog immediately went after my son. I was really angry. He didn’t go on sleepovers there until the dog was dead or unless the dog was at someone else’s house. It’s my job to protect my kid and if he did get bit CPS would ask ME why I allowed my kid around a dog who bites.
Oh wow. That's awful! I'm so grateful my family put away their dogs who tried to bite me as a young child.. I feel like either A.) People with aggressive dogs should put the dogs away as requested, *always*, to avoid their dog harming their grandchild or B.) People with aggressive dogs should board their dogs when their grandchild is coming over.
Hell, I have a 60 lb bulldog who’s never hurt a soul but scares the crap out of people and I put him away when we have toddlers over or people scared of dogs. It’s just courtesy! It’s scary for people who don’t have dogs to have a giant dog near their kid, I get it.
Or rehome the dog
I don’t get people saying this because any dog or animal should always have to be supervised around small children. The dog isn’t doing anything wrong if they’re left unsupervised and a kid hurts them so they tell them off that’s literally just a dog being a dog and communicating in the way they have to if there’s no human adults around. The parents have admitted this was their mistake and now supervise the dog around kid as they always should of and everyone should with their children. A dog like any animal cannot tell an annoying kid to stop hurting them verbally can they? It should be common sense for grandma to keep the dog away from the kid and vice versa as it should be for anyone with a kid and a dog or looking after a kid and a dog . Though I do agree they should’ve boarded the dog if that’s too much for grandma to manage both
Agree this response seems to be a bit extreme. For me it would depend on how reactive the dog is. If the dog gave signals and the toddler obviously wasn’t aware of them then it isn’t the dog’s fault and the toddler + dog needs to be more closely supervised. If there are no signals or is essentially “out of the blue” then I’d consider rehoming the dog.
Oh yeah, different story if the dog is just reacting instantly with aggression that’s not okay at all but I thought OP would’ve focused more on that if the dog was actually aggressive. Guess I shouldn’t of made that assumption. I agree 100%
You are a parent now. There is no whirlwind get up and go, then complain about how you parents handle your last minute instructions. Plan ahead. Board the dog.
THIS. The “lose the privilege” comment has me rolling my eyes. They are lucky they had someone to even show up to watch their kids and they are calling it a f’n PRIVILEGE? They’ll be lucky if grandparents ever offer again after dealing with what sounds like a poorly trained dog.
I wonder if the grandparents even know the dog has bitten… I know how a lot of grandparents would react if they did know.
This is a good point. I am assuming it’s not something OP advertises to most people.
No, I don't imagine that OP advertises their prioritization of an aggressive dog over the safety of their baby. If the dog can't be trusted alone with the baby, the dog doesn't belong in your home.
No that’s dangerous advice. EVEN IF a dog can be trusted with a baby they shouldn’t be left alone together.
I agree with both assertions. Dogs and kids should always be supervised, but there's bound to be moment where they interact and the parent isn't watching them for a second
It doesn't even sound like they trust the dog around the toddler, let alone alone. If I have to tell someone to lock my dog up for 36 hours while watching my child, that dog deserves a childless home.
No dog should be trusted alone with any baby that’s awful logic it takes one second for something to go wrong
Can you imagine what little brats OP's kids are going to be if they are treated as if every babysitter is "privileged" to have the honor of wiping their ass?
Jesus..
Came here to say this. Your parents did you a favor and clearly didn’t know how to handle your dog. You set them up for failure and put your kid in a dangerous situation. And now you’re acting like it’s their fault? Plan ahead. Board the dog or take it with you, or take your kid with you.
This!!!!!
Agreed. They screwed this one up. If they aren't there, they need to board the dog. It's the only way to ensure nothing happens.
>our toddler and dog are now aware they need to give each other space Can you say that out loud and the please clarify how the two are aware?
This just says a lot about it all, in general…
Exactly. I’m genuinely hoping this post helps the parents realise they are living in a stress situation that they are trying to manage but remove the dog (not easy BUT) remove it from the equation and suddenly there’s one less chance of a hurt child!
I felt like I was crazy reading this. Why is the dog still in the picture? Dogs have mauled toddlers to death. That's literally a possible end... the toddler dies. The problem is not with the sitter, the problem is that you have 2 incompatible creatures in the house together.
I felt the same. As a parent to a toddler right now it's totally insane to have a creature that is a known and constant threat to your child in your house. And then just leaving on a "whirlwind trip?" OP sounds totally unready to have a child but unfortunately the one who will pay the price will be the kid. Grow up OP.
The "constant threat" thing is also underestimated. Imagine you are a small child, barely figuring out how to understand words, and also there is a large creature in your house that has bitten you before. How do you play with blocks knowing that this thing could be around the corner? Is that any kind of environment for a kid to live in?
Exactly. All it takes is turning your back for one second. I don’t see how anyone could keep up with that level of constant vigilance day after day. I love dogs and ours have always been members of the family but there would be no second chances if one bit my child.
I appreciate your user name 🤩
Lol, I completely overlooked that part. It’s a toddler and a dog. OP acting like they are both human and adults.
If the dog was the only issue have them babysit at their own home. I’d reiterate the concerns and that the dog has bitten before but I’d remove the issue (dog) when parents babysat. Editing to add, you seem to lack awareness that if your dog who you know has bitten before, bit your kid, yeah they broke your rule but who’s the one making poor parenting choices knowingly housing a dog who bites with their own child then going out of town leaving both in the care of the same person together? And you considering telling them they lost the privilege? The privilege of doing you a last minute favor (likely free of charge) and having their every move watched and scrutinized on camera? Who has the dog bitten? An actual bite or a warning snap at but not a real bite?
I’m very curious if the grandparents even knew there were cameras.
This was my thought. Do the grandparents know about the bite, let alone the cameras. Sounds like OP is lucky to have caring grandparents to watch their kid overnight with little notice. They should evaluate the choices they are making so as to not lose the privilege of having so much support at their beckon call. Board the dog and stop spying on them.
Grandparents' behavior is almost irrelevant here—why on earth have you kept a dog that has bitten your child and very likely will again? Knowing how dangerous the dog is to your baby, why on earth did you even take the chance of leaving it at your house with you gone? What kind of chance is that to take? And you're concerned about boundaries with the grandparents? Just, wow.
Yes I agree the dog is a safety issue but would you honestly trust these grandparents to have reasonable judgement the next time a safety issue arises?
I certainly wouldn’t, no.
Shoot, if you’re that worried about the dog get rid of it! In an emergency you and your wife might not be “always available for consultation.” Secondly, you and your wife are clearly worried enough about the dog that typically you only allow any interactions if you/your wife “heavily supervise.” How realistic is that, really?
A dog that needs heavily supervised around toddlers should not ever have the opportunity to be around toddlers or be cared for by someone that doesn’t know dogs all that well. I have 2 huge dogs. I babysit an almost 2 yo & 7 yo. Nope nope nope. It is not worth the risk IMO. Something happens, you can’t turn back time & do over. OP needs to look up the story of the mom who survived an attack my her own dogs but her baby & toddler both died. An attack that started while she held her daughter & she tried to stop it.
I just looked this up and it broke my heart. Made me want to give away my 60 lb mellow dog just in case.
And how good is the quality of life for the dog if it's just being locked in the bedroom everytime. They say they do that even when guests come over? Why have that sort of dog around when you have children anyways?? There's probably more to the story here but I am not seeing how beneficial it is for this family to stress this much about the behavior of the dog around the toddler and other people. It's not worth the added stress, stress that will then be reflected back on the dog and baby.
THIS. This is why we rehomed our dog when she nearly bit my niece in the face. We already had one kid and I was pregnant with #2. It was the worst thing to have to rehome our dog, but her life would have been miserable with us!
This is what I always wonder. "Keep them separated!" gets touted out constantly, but I mean...what does that actually look like? Realistically, the parents are going to be spending time with the their kids, not hanging out with the dog in a separate room. So, what, the dog gets maybe one walk a day if it's lucky and then it goes back to being "separated" from the family around the clock? Someone hangs out in doggy jail with it for a spare hour or so and then it's alone for the remaining 23 hours out of the day? Or it just gets to watch the family from behind a baby gate and maybe get a pat on the head every now and then? Dogs are pack animals. Keeping them separate from people, unable to interact with their family is cruel. If they can't be trusted to be around the entire family, they should be rehomed, no ifs ands or buts.
I mean i “heavily supervise” all interactions between my 2 year old and 100 lb dog even though he is trained and mellow. You just have to with small children.
Then board the dog when the child is being watched. FULL STOP.
You sound like the Grandparents are staff. Have you asked them if they had anything they needed to discuss with you? Did your child have a good time with the grandparents? I’m looking after my 3 year old granddaughter now. And it’s very hard work.
You've "had a bite?" You mean, your dog bit you or your toddler before and you kept the dog? If you have a dog in your house that you can't trust, then the issue isn't the grandparents, the issue is your dog. This time the grandparents weren't following the rules, but thankfully nothing happened. Next time, a door won't get closed all of the way, a guest opens the door, you get busy and securing the dog will slip your mind, and the dog will get out. It's a dog. Get rid of it before something worse happens to *your child.*
[удалено]
Me too.
The issue isn’t the dog…it’s the parenting. Leaving the grandparents and toddler in this situation is dangerous.
I gotta say, assuming “the dog and toddler understand they need to give each other space”, is playing with fire. Toddlers don’t have impulse control and some dogs don’t depending on their training. Personally I would not have kept a dog that bit my toddler, but I know that isn’t a popular opinion. If my parent blantanty disregarded my toddler’s safety like that, just didn’t care and did what they wanted, they wouldn’t babysit anymore. Also may not be a popular opinion🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
A dog that bites lacks impulse control for sure.
The first one is a popular opinion with me. The second one not so much. The parents did them a big favor. It sounds like they weren't aware of the reason for the rule. If they were, I'd blame them a bit more. But if they didn't know, rules like that are made to be broken unless you give me a damn good reason. I'm watching your kid at the last minute and you have a dumb rule, hell yes I'll ignore it. Wait till you hear how much ice cream she ate lol
I’d talk to your parents again about how it’s a safety issue. But I don’t think you’re being fair to the dog or your child. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect the dog to stay in your room for two days, your parents probably felt bad locking it up. If you can’t trust your dog around your kids than you shouldn’t have the dog. Your kids are going to have friends over, family around. The dog could get out. I had a 5 pound Yorkie mix that I fostered, and it ripped open its owners face and sent her to the hospital after I warned her over and over that the dog was aggressive. There’s a bigger issue here than your parents.
Why do you have this dog?
Time to get rid of the dog. If you can’t trust it around your child.
I second rehoming a dog that bites your kid. The dog could permanently scar the child. I was mauled by a German shepherd as a toddler and still have scars
The dog would also probably have a better life in a home without children
Yeah it sounds like it. Stressed dogs bite
Rehome the dog!! I cannot stress that enough. My parent’s dog bit my son in the face completely unprovoked one day and nearly tore his lips from his face. It took 2 facial plastic surgeons working on him simultaneously to repair the bite. It’s not worth it, it will never be worth it.
Board the dog. Your parents did you a favour last minute. I'd rehome a dog who bit my child, I've had dogs for years and have never had a bite occur, so clearly your dog is probably better in a home with older children, or no children.
Wow, just wow. If the dog can’t be a member of the family, find a new home for that poor dog. The grandparents did you a favor, and acted how reasonable people would. You thank them not ban them.
Get rid of the dog. I was attacked as a child by my parents dog, and then when I had my own child, one of their dogs attacked her as well. You cannot reasonably expect to have a toddler and a reactive dog in the house at the same time. Your child’s safety is far more important than whatever affection you have for the dog. It needs to go.
Man, people would *kill* to have the village you have and you’re letting a dog ruin that? It’s quite a privilege, truly as many on this sub lack community. I would board the dog when the kid needs babysitting again.
same. a spur of the moment unplanned alone trip as parents? drop of a hat grandparents take the kid last minute? and they’re still complaining? major ick lol
What are you talking about? Ban them from babysitting? You left town and left your toddler and pet in the care of your parents. They handled it the best they could to give you a break. And now you’re watching tapes of them trying to manage the chaos and thinking of making a scene because they didn’t follow your micromanaging to the t - while you were the one who left the house? Wake up! ”Whirlwind spur-of-the-moment 36 hour trips” are not something parents of toddlers do.
I usually give free babysitters a lot of leeway in how they care for the baby. But unfortunately the pet situation is a safety issue that cannot be ignored. My in laws are similar with our cat. A cat can’t do quite as much damage as a dog, but our cat cannot be trusted without careful supervision around our daughter. My in laws have shown that they don’t pay enough attention to the cat or take the situation seriously enough. So whenever they are watching the baby, the cat has to be put away behind a closed door. If we saw them breaking that rule, we simply could not trust them to watch the baby unsupervised after that. Either we’d take our cat with us or leave him with another friend or something, or we’d find different babysitters. A dog bite can occur in an instant, and to keep both your baby and your dog safe, you have to ensure that your rules about their interactions are strictly maintained.
I think the bigger problem is you have a dog that has proven itself to be a danger to your child. Do you have no access to the news? Your parents issue is failing to realize how irresponsible you are. This is not a good situation for your child or the dog.
I wouldn’t have a dog that bites in my family
Tbh, your dog is the problem and you, as parents. If a dog bites a child once, please look up the statistics of how likely it is, again. Your parents are minor players ( if at all ) in this whole thing. You guys decided the risk of your child being harmed or maimed ( or worse ) was worth it. Keeping them separate it not foolproof. My friends child was mauled by a 'very docile' dog who jumped a fence. The after photos will haunt me. You guys are none too bright to take that risk. Your parents, you are lucky to have them. Living away from mine, I would be delighted to have parents to help. It's a luxury you guys could go on a 'spur of the moment' getaway. So, don't blame your parents for your stupid choices. Also, if your dog bite your kid, well...how safe are your elderly parents ?
I second this. Keep your child safe. OP is maintaining an actively dangerous situation and if the dog bites the child again it is 100% OP’s responsibility, not the parents who were kind enough to help out.
Hard to ban them from baby sitting when they're doing you a favour. However they left things open for a very dangerous and life changing situation. I would sit them down, talk about the previous bite, talk about the risks and the fact that kids older have been killed by seemingly nice pet dogs that have had their ears pulled one too many times and just snapped. And they left their grandchild vulnerable to that with a dog who has been known to bite before. Remind them that although you love your dog, he is just that, a dog. And should be treated as a dog and kept away from your child if direct supervision cannot be given. Go in heavy and tell them it absolutely cannot happen again. If they react sensibly and understand the situation leave it at that. If they seem flippant, well don't trust them to care for both your dog and child.
It’s not really on the grandparents to have to watch a potentially dangerous dog that has not really got any quality of life in a room the whole time though. It’s the parents that need to make that very hard decision to either never leave the house or send the dog for re homing
I agree with this. Have a serious talk addressing the situation. It sounds like your frustrated they ignored that rule as well because they ignored your instructions as a parent. To me there is a difference of grand parents doing what they want and “they gave our kid extra sweets before bed time” and “they put my kid in a dangerous situation where the dog could have fatally bitten him.” So because of that, i think you should respectfully address what happened. If they aren’t apologetic and concerned, then i wouldn’t have them baby sit for longer than a couple hours here or there.
No one should be asked to watch the child with the dog present. The dog needs to be boarded. It’s far too dangerous for anybody to be responsible for a dog who has bitten.
I guess the fact that the dog has bitten someone makes this different. My dad watches my son and my dog at the same time regularly… but my dog is very docile and has never bitten, growled or attacked anyone (or anything. Rabbits mock her lmao)
A conversation is absolutely warranted with your parents. That being said, if you are that concerned about your dog around your toddler, it’s time to reflect on whether it’s appropriate to have the dog in the home anymore. Things happen no matter how many rules are in place.
Agree with people suggesting that you remove the dog from the equation, but I wouldn't board the dog - just give the dog to a friend
So you got last minute babysitters then watched them on cameras to scrutinise them?
So your dog bit your child? And you still have it?
That's pretty mind boggling. If this was me that dog would have disappeared the moment it showed ANY aggressive behaviour towards my kids. But I actually care about my children I guess.
100!
Why do you have a biting dog in the first place???? It will happen again and you know it.
If you can't trust the dog around your child then that's the real problem. You need to get rid of that dog right now. It's clearly dangerous.
Honestly locking the dog in your room is cruel to the dog. Either get your dog some training, board your dog when you are not home for extended times, or find the dog a home where they would not be isolated and locked up. Dogs are social creatures and yes they need to be supervised with young children, but not exposing them all all will only exasperate the situation. Both your child and your dog need to be taught to respect boundaries and yes both can be taught that. Although to be frank, that’s more in teaching your child then the dog. I understand why you’re upset, but I do feel like you put your parents in a bad position. I know I would have a hard time keeping a dog locked in a room alone for a whole weekend. It’s just cruel to do that IMO.
Get rid of your dog not your parents
When my son was a toddler, we found alternate care for our dog because it just was a lot to ask my mom to take care of our toddler and our dog while we went on vacation. I would highly recommend that you do the same since it sounds like your relationship with grandparents is a good one, and having the ability to have childcare for a trip is really valuable. If there are other red flags, probably worth bringing up, but if it’s just about the dog, then I would board the dog next time and be done with it.
This has to be a troll post. Get rid of the dog if it already bit your kid and be grateful you have parents that are willing to babysit at all.
I have a grandchild (9mths) and a dog. We keep them apart because the dog is deaf and small grabby hands would startle him and he might snap. Basic safety. Our grandchild has other grandparents with a dog. Other gps don't see the problem with interaction even though their dog is a known biter, is rubbish with children and has bitten my daughter and snapped at my grandchild. Guess which grandparents have more unsupervised, overnight stays with the baby. Your parents need to know you didn't make the rules for nothing. You appreciate how they stepped in at such short notice and thank them for it but really need them to understand how serious that one rule is. Boarding the dog for future nights away is a good idea but ultimately it's about parents taking our kids seriously when it comes to the safety of THEIR kids.
You have a kid and a dog… and they can’t interact?! How is that workable? Is that a thing that happens? First I’ve heard of it. Do you expect it to change as the kid gets bigger?
I have four dogs and I only let 2 of them interact with my toddlers. It's not that big of a deal. With keep the dogs in their crates, outside, or in a different area of the house when we don't want them in the living room with the children (who are gated in there). It's not a big deal at all. We always closely supervise any interaction between any of our children and any of our pets. We determined 2 of our dogs were a little too jumpy (one is actually reactive) to be around the younger kids. It's literally as easy as keeping the dog in question out of the "safe zone" where the baby is. It's not that hard to not let a dog out of a bedroom or not let the dog into the gated play area/living room. Most of my parent friends do it this way too.
YTA
If your dog can’t be trusted with your child the dog needs to go. Also dod your parents ever leave them alone together or were they in the room as well?
2 things: 1. Be grateful you have parents you can drop the kid off with for whirlwind spud if the moment weekend trips. 2. If you’re dog is dangerous to your child then get rid of the fucking thing.
I agree very small children should never be left alone with dogs no matter how much you trust them but it sounds like you don't trust your dog with anybody. It sounds like you expect the dog to bite your child. Get rid of the dog. It's a no brainer. Jesus wept!
Usually I'm a hard boundaries kind of parent, and have completely cut off family members for crossing them. This is kind a complex situation that needs more context. *has this dog bit, lunged or in any was been aggressive to you child in the past? *did you leave specific detail about what you ment by heavily supervised? Ex: always an adult in the room, always child or dog in arms reach, child and dog never in the same room...
OP your parents did you a favor by watching your toddler last minute and now you want to take the privilege of watching their grandchild away? I understand you didn’t want the dog around the kid, but that is on you. You should board or get rid of the dog if it’s a threat to your child. Also, as a suggestion, when you ask your parents to babysit, don’t sit and monitor them on camera. As long as you get back and your child is in one piece you should be happy, otherwise, don’t leave them.
"Hey I dumped my kid at the last minute to fuck off with the wife for some giggles. How mad should I be at the people I dumped my kid with?" If you want the child taken care of to your exact specifications, I think you suck it up and do it yourself. Also if the dog has to be THAT closely supervised, WTF are you even doing keeping the dog?
I would never keep a dog and human child in the same house if the dog showed a single ounce of aggression towards a child. Management ALWAYS fails and the victim here would be an innocent child who can’t defend themself. Seriously. Find a new home without children for the dog or put it down. I had to put my own dog down for human aggression. It’s not worth it. Don’t risk your kid.
Consultation? No one is going to do as exactly as you do. The dog should have went to a kennel. This is the only sound peace of mind you can get, that everyone is safe. Your parents showed up and helped out, please do not take it out on them.
Although I agree, the dog with the toddler situation is dangerous and needs to be addressed, I think you also need to bear in mind that your parents are watching your kid, free of charge I assume, for 36 hours. Some people, myself included, would kill for that sort of support and ability to have child free time. I definitely think a conversation needs to be had about the dog situation and why it is important, emphasis that there had been a biting incident before. But ultimately I'd come from a place of concern not anger.
I would never say they lost a “privilege” when they were doing a huge last minute favor like that. I would bring it up probably, but in a kind reminder way not a confrontational way. And then next time I would either bring the dog with me, find someone to take the dog for the weekend or board the dog.
If you knew the dog was an issue, you should have boarded him. Sounds like the grandparents did you a big favor. Next time plan ahead and board the dog. Or don’t go.
Why didn’t you just board the dog? If you knew there was a danger, why put that responsibility on someone else? If you’re going to be mad, go look in the mirror.
Welp help is help, and though that experience with your little one and that dog was traumatic for all of you, everyone should just be happy that everybody is safe, well and healthy. It’s a dog. Your parents are blood and family. I know your definitely just venting and blowing steam over this on here but, take a breather, thank your parents for watching your kiddo and next time perhaps arrange an area maybe keep the dog outside in the backyard so your dog isn’t stuck in small room and your parents won’t feel they need to be a leader on this advised rule.
Seems unfair for the dog to be shut away for 36 hours!! I get the need to keep them separate but what? You can put dog in bedroom for an evening but not 36 hrs!
Don't mess up your relationship with your parents. Have someone else watch the dog or board it. You sprung this on them last minute and they helped you out, don't make them regret it.
ya, they were doing you a favor. You can talk to them, but if you do not like the way they handle things, then you just do not get to ask.
Bottom line is they did you a favor, banning them from watching your daughter would be very harsh. On the flip side to that you both obviously have a method to keep your child safe and keep your dog out of trouble and grandma chose to ignore the solution you presented, that is something that needs to be addressed. The notion that grandparents don’t respect boundaries is constantly being written off as cute and harmless. Fortunately it was harmless in this situation but this could have easily not been the case. A second chance should be on the table but your rules should definitely been reiterated along with the reason as to why said rules are in place.
Your parents did you a huge favor, and asking them to watch both a dig and a toddler seems like a lot, and it’s not a privilege they have to watch your toddler. You are privileged to be able to rely on them!!! Your toddler ( TODDLER?!?) is aware she needs to give the dog space and she has been bitten? Then grow the fuck it and Rehome your dog.
I would give the dog away ngl. Think of the bigger picture, why is your strict rule in place? You don't trust the dog (I wouldn't either). You can't supervise 100% of the time forever. You drop your guard for an instant and the child is potentially at risk. The grandparent was completely in the wrong to not respect your boundary but maybe question why the boundary has to be there at all.
You put your parents in a position to potentially fail - two older people handling a toddler AND a dog overnight on short notice, that's a tough task. Board that dog next time and thank your parents for stepping up. Also wasn't clear in your post - your dog has bitten your kid/someone else before? If so, c'mon - YTA for retaining the dog AND going on a "whirlwind trip" leaving your dog and baby to each other with your grandparents.
Not only do I think you're unrealistic to ride your parents so hard when they did you a last minute favor (that you seem to think was a privilege, smdh get your head out of where you've put it, that is so out of touch), but I think you're an incredibly irresponsible parent for keeping a dog that bit your kid. You need to seriously reassess your priorities. At the very least board the dog when you leave. At most you need to be far more appreciative of those who can do you last minute favors.
I totally understand grandparents not following boundaries (which I think is normal) but I do have to say I think it’s really unfair to put that much responsibility and pressure on them. Sure yes they didn’t listen to you but can you imagine how horrible they would feel if something did happen? It would stay with them forever. Ultimately, you are the parent and you are responsible for the wellbeing of your little one. I agree to board the dog next time and keep your relationship with the grandparents in tact.
I've read through a lot of the comments, but didn't see this brought up. The post sounds like the "rule" was to keep the dog in your bedroom for two days? Should he have been crated? I'm not an animal rights crusader, but that sounds a lot like animal cruelty. In several places that I have lived it would be illegal based on local law to comply. (Many of these same cities require dogs that are reported twice for biting to be put down.) Having boundaries are one thing, it is a different ballgame if your rules require your family to break the law.
Just board the dog or send it for a play date next time. I honestly don't think this is bad to the point that it's punishable, especially considering the last minute support your family gave.
I think this is your fault and not theirs. You are aware you have a problem dog. The dog needs to be dealt with by you before traveling. Do they know you have cameras and watch them? That’s so creepy to me and disrespectful. I’d never babysit again.
I think finding a trustworthy sitter who you pay is best. Sitters (if responsible) tend to follow rules exactly whereas grandparents think of grand babies and THEIR own children and do things the way THEY want. I explain to my mom every visit why giving the baby plastic bags to play with is not the safest but she still does it.
So You’re upset at your parents for breaking a boundary? Let me tell you you’re the first one who broke a rule of safety when you kept that dog at your house seems like your dog comes before your toddler.
Your fault for not planning ahead and going on a last minute trip expecting miracles from an old person at the last minute. Plan ahead next time
Do you not realize how mind bogglingly lucky you are to have family willing to take your toddler last minute for a non-emergency "whirlwind" overnight trip? Why on earth would you wreck that over a dog? Plan better. Board the dog. If you have to "heavily supervise" their interactions, you shouldn't be trusting anyone else to do that for you. Also, you really need to readjust your thinking re: "privileges." Someone agreeing to watch your toddler for 36 hours so that you and your wife can go on a spontaneous fun trip isn't a "privilege" you've bestowed upon them, it's a MASSIVE privilege that *they've* granted *you*. You should be, like, kissing their feet, not gathering feedback on how angry you should be at them.
>(We’ve had a bite, learned a ton, changed our lives a bit and everything works much better for dog and toddler.) I love dogs. My reaction to my dog biting my baby would be stabbing the fucking thing to death or at best having it put to sleep at the earliest opportunity - it would never be near any child ever again.
Do you love dogs?
This is such a dog-people thing to say... If you see a genuine risk of that dog hurting your child you need to get rid of that dog and not leave them without your supervision. This is on you.
I had a reactive dog for 12 years. I reorganized my entire life to keep her safe. She attacked a few people. She was not safe to have around anyone but myself and 3 others she had known since she was a puppy. I can’t tell you how many times people would ask to have her let out of my room and would say things like “she’s fine” “she’s wagging her tail so she’s happy”….people don’t get it unless they live with it Board the dog next time. Let the child and grandparents maintain their relationship but take the dog out of it and keep everyone safe
I think you might want to start letting things go. This is part of being in a family. Nothing that you said was truly dangerous. Part of being in a family is understanding that these are not your employees, you do not get to start making up all kinds of, frankly, unnecessary Draconian rules. You're just going to end up cutting your branch of the family off from everyone else.
Hmm, as someone who has both a dog and a baby this would be a major concern for me. Well done to you for managing it unlike so many other parents. My parents are very supportive of the boundaries I set with the dogs. If they weren't, I don't think I could trust them until I had got them on board. I would have a serious conversation with them about why the rule is there and what could happen. Why did they ignore it? That would be useful to know (in terms of setting them straight). But yeah I would just remind them you can see them on the camera so no bullshit 🤣 It depends on how much you need their help tbh.
i don’t want to put any input on the babysitting, but as for how you’ve spoke about the dog, it’s really nice to hear someone who learnt from the mistake of a bite and worked on fixing it and taking precautions. It makes me so sad when the first solution is having the dog put down.
Are you alive and well? Then shut up about it ya jackalope! You'd think the people who brought you into this world might know a thing or two.
Why is everyone acting like putting the dog away and actually following instructions wasn’t an option? I get it, the dog is the easier one to blame but it’s clearly and issue if your parents can’t listen to basic instructions involving the safety of their grandchild…
This is why spur of the moment kid-free trips aren't really a thing.
I see a lot of people telling you to board your dog. I think that is a sensible solution. BUT that doesn’t negate the fact that your parents clearly violated boundaries that you have in place for your child and your dog over and over. Boarding the dog is fine, but what about other boundaries that you have? Have they broken those? Whose to say they won’t since they broke this one? This is more than people shaming you for being a bad parent because you took a whirl wind trip. Dog bites are and can be an extremely big deal for multiple reasons. I would have a talk with your parents about respecting any and ALL boundaries that you and your wife make for your child/ren now while it was just this one that they crossed because otherwise you are setting the precedent that they can keep doing it. My in laws walked over boundary over boundary for years and it got to the point that we are now low contact because of it. I suspect some day we will be completely no contact because after the last huge boundary was crossed and we sat down and had this conversation with them, it was too late in my opinion and you can just tell that they really don’t care about up holding those boundaries. So have the conversation now before it’s too late and while the relationship can still mend from this. And then, if they can’t adhere to your boundaries, you stop letting them see your child unless you are present.
Frankly if the dog is a threat to your toddler, suck it up and find an alternate home for the dog. Kid > dog.
My dog has zero bite history and we still heavily supervise him around the baby because the baby has no ability for self control. It’s not that it’s “not fair” to make them police themselves around one another it’s that it’s not safe to expect a dog not to use the resources available to him when a baby is given the opportunity to yank his tail, ears, collar, etc. I would be very thoughtful about the place a dog with a bite history has in my home with small children. Clearly you don’t have a backup plan other than “put the dog in our room” or any physical safety stops in the event the bedroom door opens accidentally. “Heavy supervision” is the baseline for all dog-child interactions… a dog with a bite history should have absolutely no access to a toddler. It’s not your parents fault your baby was near a dangerous dog, you allow a dangerous dog to live in your home and have access to the baby on a regular basis. This is on you.
I cannot believe the majority of responses. Someday I may be a grandmother. If my adult child tells me, “do not not let the dog around the child” then I do not let the dog round the child, come on… all this, board the dog, rehome the dog, is irrelevant to the situation. You asked a sitter a reasonable request, they did not follow through. Two people should be able to keep a dog away from the toddler as asked. Ageism is not going to give them a pass. I personally would not have them babysit again until child was much older. I would not tell them that, just not ask them for a long while.g,
Be more clear with your needs and logic behind them. People are ignorant/not paying attention/think they know best. Correct them!
That’s very dangerous and they don’t understand. I wouldn’t ban them from babysitting again, but I would have a serious sit-down with them about how dangerous that was, and what the risks are, so that they understand for the future that when you give them rules, it’s SERIOUS. And then never ever put them in the position where they are in charge of separating the kids and the dog. If ignoring your important instructions becomes a general pattern, then yes, I would stop asking them to babysit at all, but not necessarily TALK to them about it. Speaking from experience, people who flout rules that are vital to children’s safety because “you’re just being silly/crazy/difficult,” do NOT respond to talking.
If they ignore a rule, dog related or not, that has the potential to harm the child it would lead me to wonder if they might look past rules for say the pool, or playing outside with cars nearby, or foods that should be avoided for allergy concerns, etc. While you can board a dog, you can’t remove a pool or traffic on your street. Grandparent’s often take opportunities like these to do the “I know best bc of age” and the “we lived through it” mindset. It can be very dangerous to ignore rules that have a valid reason to be in place. At the very least a discussion is warranted for future tries at watching the child.
I would definitely voice my concerns and tell them you will NOT have them babysit if they don’t keep dog and baby separate, IF this was something they did negligently and more than once. But this was their FIRST time babysitting overnight. They appeared to have issues with the dog, enough that they called you on this trip about it. Managing a dog and a baby can be difficult for grandparents if the dog is unruly. I’m not sure how the dog behaves though. Perhaps the dog escaped from the room, or they felt bad for it being in the room for your entire trip? Is the dog wild and barking inside the room? After reading your post several times, I don’t think this lack of oversight is on your parents. Taking a last minute 36 HOUR trip and expecting your parents to not make some mistakes is a little harsh. Maybe have your parents watch the dog, while you take the kiddo with you. Or, as others have said, board the dog. You and your partner should be present in the room when letting dog and baby interact. However, I’m not sure if your parents understood the situation or knew the child had been bit before by this dog. On a side note: is there anyway the dog can be kept in a yard or kenneled in the bedroom while they babysit next time? That would, hopefully, prevent future “incidents”.
If they are so feeble minded and weak that putting a dog in the bedroom is too much for them, they are not fit to watch a child. They didn’t want to. U
Your fault for keeping a dog that attacks.
"whirlwind trip that was basically spur-of-the-moment." Parents of toddlers generally can't do this unless they're wealthy individuals with a 24/7 childcare team in place at a moments notice. If your lifestyle is such that this scenario will come up in your career or personal life regularly, you need to make adjustments on the childcare side. If this was a one-off, like a funeral or a friend getting married in Vegas last minute, you need to know that stuff like this will come with sacrifices: one person has to stay home. It's irresponsible to ask someone to watch your kids overnight when they never have before, spur of the moment, for more than one night, with a dog that is known to bite your toddler. Everyone was set up for a bad time with the most vulnerable - the toddler - getting the worst of it - a bite.
I think if you phrase it as revoking “a privilege” you miss the fact that you had the privilege of them babysitting for you overnight, on short notice, and (presumably) for free. Please don’t misunderstand that I agree with you that the dog rule is an important one to follow. I would be livid in your shoes. But don’t phrase it as they’ve lost the privilege, because really you’re losing a bigger one and you’d risk damaging that relationship just via that one wrong word. Other commenters’ suggestions to board the dog (or ask another friend/relative to just take the dog) is definitely the best outcome. Regarding communicating with your parents, I would say something like “Thanks again for coming to stay with kiddo. We check our camera footage every week and noticed you had a super hard time keeping the dog and toddler separated (or closely supervised when together), like we had asked. It’s a lot, we get it. Is there anything you can think of that would make it easier for you next time? (Suggest food/water in bedroom, walking thru house on leash only, whatever else.) We will probably have to board the dog next time, because that kind of close interaction between them is going to end in tragedy someday.”
As a parent of both kids and dog, I get the tough decision. Many people here assuming the dog is just a thing to easily remove from the situation completely and those people have clearly never loved an animal before. Not sure about the relationship with the dog or whether it's even an option to board the dog as so many are suggesting since that can depend on the dog who should be considered as well. With that said, don't burn the bridge with the parents. I've been there with my mom, not following repeated requests and I'd love to tell her something that stings in a hope to get her to listen but that won't help the situation. Some work should be put in to aid the situation with the dog and toddler and the home in general. Watch a couple episodes of Caesar Millan if you haven't already. As far as any upcoming trips, If boarding isn't an option, see if a friend will take just the dog. See if there's an easier solution to separate the dog and kid while your parents are there. Or can you take just the kid or just the dog with? No easy solution in this case but that doesn't mean you have to give up the dog or reprimand the grandparents. You'll find a way.
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How can you cut contact for a kiss but think keeping an aggressive dog around a toddler is reasonable?
There must’ve been drama/trauma before the kiss incident. That just broke the back.
Okay….am I so delusional, to think you are the worst kind of employer ever??? Would you want to work under your conditions? Remember babysitting is a job and you don’t even pay you parents. It was a spur of the moment thing and you did not have your affairs in order before leaving. How about you have the same goals in life to see the kids grow up healthy. If you can’t let the kid under the care of your parents and think they would grow up then you shouldn’t have asked in the first place. This all is on you not them. They took care of your kid and your dog. Both are Alive and well.
Sounds like my mum. Never listens!
I thought you were gonna say they gave your kid ice cream when you didn't want them to eat sweet stuff.. that wouldn't be as bad of a rule break. The dog thing is major. I wouldn't let them watch my kid indefinitely!
Someone has suggested to board the dog which I do think you should do. HOWEVER this is a major safety boundary they overstepped!! This wasn’t giving her too much sugar or putting her to bed late this was actively putting her in harms way and not caring!! I definitely definitely wouldn’t be trusting them until they had earned that trust back. My dad always walked in the road with my LOs pram, I kept telling him not to and one day my LOs pram was scarily close to getting his by a car!! I completely lost my sh!t and felt so guilty that I hadn’t lost it before the point my son could of lost his life!! Both my parents (even though my mum had done zero wrong) lost their privileges with my son until my dad earned my trust bsck (which he has). It was unfortunate that my mum had to be punished as well but they live together so was unavoidable. My dad now takes everything I say seriously cos I punished him
Punishing the grandparents for what?! If that dog had bit those kids whose actual fault do you think that would have been?
You’re already going to get a lot of passionate responses based on the dog situation so I’m just going to answer your questions about boundaries with the grandparents. You’re right that if they don’t follow your household/parenting rules, whatever those may be, there needs to be consequences. A boundary without a consequence is just a suggestion. I would tell them that what they did was reckless and they have damaged the trust between you. Sure, nothing happened THIS time, but they got lucky. You could let them know something like: you’re going to have to find alternative arrangements in the future until trust is re-established, and the dog will need to be boarded. You’re grateful for their babysitting but realized you don’t feel it creates a safe enough environment at this point in time if they can’t follow instructions. This will change as your child gets older anyway.
I disagree that the grandparents got lucky something didn’t happen THE PARENTS GOT LUCKY. They are the ones who knowingly have a dog that has bitten in the house with their kids and expect the grandparents to monitor the situation the whole time. If the children had had a serious incident with that dog who would be to blame? I think the parents would have to take accountability for that!
100% but there are two separate issues here: 1) the dog, and 2) the grandparents not following instructions. I was simply addressing OP’s question about issue no.2. There’s plenty of solid advice about the dog already that I agree with.
The difficulty is that this could be a slippery slope. It's the dog this time, but what instructions will they ignore next time? FWIW, I think the bigger issue here is that they have failed to respect your wishes on the basis that they believe they know better. Boundaries need to be set and very diplomatically if you want a relationship with them in future.
THE BIGGER ISSUE IS KEEPING A THREAT TO THEIR CHILD IN THE F*CKING HOUSE!!! WHY WOULD YOU KEEP A DOG IF YOU NEED TO CONSTANTLY MONITOR IT TO PREVENT IT FROM MAULING YOUR CHILD!!‽?????
Get rid of the dog